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1:29

And welcome back to they don't

1:31

tell you. And today we're continuing

1:33

our conversation about, frankly,

1:36

one of the wildest times in

1:38

our lives, but also hopefully more to

1:40

help you guys. Like, so now that

1:43

we got through, you know, the arrows

1:45

method and how that impacted our

1:47

relationship, we still get in

1:50

arguments. So like, what happens

1:52

after that? Like, for example,

1:54

well, it's not even just that.

1:56

It's like not just like arguments, but

1:58

how do we navigate? heightened moments

2:00

of like, okay, my partner's going

2:03

through something or whatever it is.

2:05

Right. Like, how do you like have

2:07

each other's backs? Exactly. How do you

2:09

support one another? How do you like

2:11

do that regularly in a

2:14

way that builds a foundation? Yes. Yeah.

2:16

And I think that for, so one

2:18

that I remember very particularly is

2:20

we were going to, we talked

2:22

about this very recently, but like

2:24

more in depth, we were going

2:27

to a bunch of friend parties.

2:29

like at night and like it's

2:31

all just couple stuff it's very

2:33

casual stuff it's like party parties

2:35

but like house parties yeah and

2:37

like Nikki gets tired and yeah

2:40

well okay and this was pre me

2:42

finding out I had a gut health

2:44

issue where like I got yeah but

2:46

I would get so it affects fatigue

2:48

and I literally could not make

2:51

it past midnight anywhere without

2:53

falling asleep Like no matter where I

2:55

was. But I go to bed like two in

2:57

the morning usually. It was like a pumpkin.

2:59

Like if I was at a restaurant, I

3:02

fall asleep. If I was at a concert,

3:04

I fall asleep. If I was at someone's

3:07

house, I want to fall asleep. I don't

3:09

know if I know this person or whatever.

3:11

But I could not trust my body to

3:13

stay awake, no matter what

3:15

the circumstances. So I wanted to

3:18

get home before my body decided

3:20

to betray me. But point being is

3:22

that we would go to these. these

3:24

hangouts and then like, Nikki would fall

3:26

asleep at people's houses. Yeah. And

3:28

it would embarrass her and I

3:30

didn't really understand. I don't fall

3:32

asleep now at midnight. Like, you

3:34

really don't. I've ever since I cured

3:36

the gut health thing. I've been fine. Yeah.

3:38

Like I can kind of, I kind of

3:40

get tired. I get tired. But I get

3:42

fine. Yeah. Like I can kind of, I kind

3:44

of get tired. I get tired. We used

3:47

to go out. She turns into a pumpkin

3:49

at midnight. Yeah. Right, because she would literally

3:51

just turn into bumpkins like it's over to

3:53

yeah, so have to like, you know, help

3:55

her out to the car and stuff. So, um, it was

3:58

like kind of frustrating for me.

4:00

personally because I like to hang with

4:02

people and like sometimes parties they're like

4:04

it starts at nine so I'm like

4:06

damn I'm only gonna be there for

4:08

like three hours or whatever you know

4:10

I mean like because these were like

4:12

it's just again hangouts like people are

4:14

doing fun stuff but I was like

4:16

right only three hours it sucks But

4:18

I really didn't understand how much it

4:21

affected Nikki to go to a party

4:23

and then have her shut down and

4:25

fall asleep. Because it was just kind

4:27

of cute. When Nikki's asleep, it's not

4:29

a big deal. When I'm asleep, it's

4:31

a big deal. I'm a fucking bear

4:33

and like I'm snoring and everyone can

4:35

hear it. Like when Nikki's asleep, it's

4:37

kind of cute. So I was never

4:39

like, oh, it's a big deal. So

4:41

like. I just kept, you know, you

4:43

kept them be like, I really want

4:45

to leave before I pump again. Yeah.

4:48

And I would just kind of like

4:50

think that's, I didn't take it serious.

4:52

Yeah. And this is again, post arrows

4:54

methods. So like, you know, just because

4:56

you did, you know, you got a

4:58

bunch of resentment me now, doesn't mean

5:00

you're not going to have situations come

5:02

up. That's what I really want people

5:04

to know. So. Yeah, it really came

5:06

to a head one night when like,

5:08

I think we left at like 2

5:10

o'clock in the morning at one friend's

5:12

place and it had happened like a

5:15

couple times, like probably six times over

5:17

the last couple months. Yeah. And Nikki

5:19

was just like, she starts crying in

5:21

the car on the way home and

5:23

she's like, you can't do this to

5:25

me anymore. Like you have to like.

5:27

Well, it was a combination of things

5:29

too. It was one that I'm super

5:31

embarrassed of falling. or like that I'm

5:33

not interested in them or whatever. It

5:35

kind of gives that impression. And that's

5:37

not true. I just like could not

5:39

help falling asleep physically. And then like

5:42

it doesn't matter if you're the most

5:44

interesting person in the world. It could

5:46

be freaking M&M in the room. And

5:48

I fall asleep. Like my body just

5:50

doesn't, was just like by. It could

5:52

be the most interesting man in the

5:54

world. And it didn't matter. And so

5:56

but to. their from their perspective especially

5:58

like it was the first time we

6:00

hung with people like the first time

6:02

we hung with chat and v thank

6:04

God they were understanding yeah like they're

6:06

our best friends yeah but like I

6:09

fell asleep at their house like the

6:11

first time meeting them and how many

6:13

times yeah exactly but like it's embarrassing

6:15

to me so there was one there

6:17

was that going on and there was

6:19

two that Steve was in my opinion

6:21

making promises and then breaking them yeah

6:23

because he would tell me that this

6:25

time we're really gonna leave I'm gonna

6:27

say I'm saying bye right now and

6:29

then he wouldn't and it felt like

6:31

a betrayal yeah because I didn't know

6:33

it was like that was having my

6:36

back and then he didn't have my

6:38

back yeah Yeah, and that was big

6:40

for me because I really wasn't listening

6:42

to her at all like I was

6:44

just sort of reveling in the fact

6:46

that I got a little more extra

6:48

hangout time because I'm a social person

6:50

and an extrovert Nikki's an introvert so

6:52

like I would relish the nights that

6:54

I got to hang with other people

6:56

and for Nikki it's like look I

6:58

got an expiration date let's freaking go

7:00

dude and you had my back you

7:03

said so yeah, it wasn't about like

7:05

hey you know that I'm a You

7:07

know I'm an extrovert and I need

7:09

this time. Yes. There was no communication.

7:11

Exactly. Yeah. Like I was just not

7:13

saying any of that. I was kind

7:15

of like trying to get away or

7:17

like, get away with it exactly. I

7:19

didn't know. I didn't know he was

7:21

being a sneaky boy. I just knew

7:23

that like, you know, like, I was

7:25

like, he's gonna support me and then

7:27

he didn't. And it was like, yeah,

7:30

I feel in love. Yeah, and I,

7:32

and I didn't, like, like, like, I

7:34

hand up, that was completely wrong and

7:36

dumb of me, because I wasn't listening

7:38

to her. And I pride myself on

7:40

listening to her, but you make, we

7:42

all make mistakes, but that's, but my

7:44

intention is to listen to her. And

7:46

so to prove that that's my intention,

7:48

when she had to kind of. really

7:50

have a breakdown one night on the

7:52

way back from a friend's house. She

7:54

had a real deal breakdown in the

7:57

car and I was like, okay, this

7:59

is one of those things that like,

8:01

I get it now. I didn't really

8:03

understand how big a deal it was

8:05

before, but now I get that it's

8:07

a big freaking deal. Yeah. You know,

8:09

but it took that, she kind of

8:11

had to shake me a little bit.

8:13

Yeah. Well, and then, and then now,

8:15

like, I don't know, like things changed

8:17

where things changed where after like things

8:19

changed where, like things changed where, like

8:21

things changed where, like things changed where,

8:24

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

8:26

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

8:28

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

8:30

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

8:32

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

8:34

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

8:36

like, was in 2019 is when I

8:38

really like dug my heels in because

8:40

I'm like this well the physical effect

8:42

of it was that I was like

8:44

looking six months pregnant every day but

8:46

I didn't know the like side effects

8:48

were actually all the fatigue that I

8:51

had been experiencing and like for years

8:53

and didn't know that it was directly

8:55

correlated to gut health. And so once

8:57

I cleared that out I was just

8:59

able I was energy all day like

9:01

woke up at 8am and was able

9:03

to like Go to sleep at like

9:05

one two in the morning sometimes like

9:07

it was crazy like a real eye-opener

9:09

because I really like thought that was

9:11

just part of my identity that like

9:13

no to the day she goes to

9:15

casinos now till like 3 a.m. I'm

9:18

like It's normal. And I will say

9:20

that it does have to do with

9:22

like how interested I am. Oh yeah,

9:24

you're playing again. You're playing again. So

9:26

everything that people were thinking like, oh,

9:28

she's just not interested. Yeah. It would

9:30

have been right now. Like, it was

9:32

the correct assumption now because like, unless

9:34

I say I'm getting tired and I

9:36

think I'm going to pass out or

9:38

whatever. But like, most of the time,

9:40

like, if I'm interested and engaged, like

9:42

I could stay awake. So anyway, yeah,

9:45

so how did so then you took

9:47

that in and you were like yeah

9:49

I just realized the gravity I think

9:51

that's that's the thing too I told

9:53

them I You know I have a

9:55

couple brothers in law. So you can't

9:57

decipher who but but I remember one

9:59

time he was he was saying something

10:01

about like you know how how He

10:03

wanted to be able to listen more

10:05

to like what was going on with

10:07

his partner, but he didn't understand how

10:09

important it was to them. And I

10:12

was like, okay, well that is the

10:14

problem. And if I could really break

10:16

it down for anybody, it's just understanding

10:18

how something that seems so dumb to

10:20

you, falling asleep at friends' houses, is

10:22

a big deal to your person. And

10:24

that's what you can use to fix

10:26

it. Yeah. And that was, again, I

10:28

learned never let a good, that I

10:30

go to waste. So like, that was

10:32

really important for me. But another time,

10:34

too, and this isn't even like necessarily

10:36

like us fighting, it's not at all,

10:38

but it's, but how do you deal

10:41

with your partner, right? Like, sometimes your

10:43

partner are gonna be going through stuff.

10:45

How can you be the best supporter

10:47

of your partner that you can be?

10:49

So. I don't think I've ever told

10:51

the story before. I'm excited about to

10:53

finally tell. So, I come home, or

10:55

no, I come home one time and

10:57

I hear Nikki just absolutely losing it.

10:59

Like, absolute rage or rage monster going

11:01

on. And I didn't understand. I was

11:03

home already for like 20 minutes and

11:05

it was quiet. And then all of

11:08

a sudden, just. Screaming upstairs Screaming her

11:10

head off. She's mashing She's like I

11:12

think we told us once before I

11:14

think maybe but yeah, she's like Taking

11:16

picture frames down from the wall. She's

11:18

like I'm not getting she's throwing pictures

11:20

frames down from the walls You did

11:22

you do smacking them off the walls.

11:24

I had to put them back up

11:26

I know you don't you were in

11:28

a you were on one So like

11:30

she's losing it And what I found

11:32

out was, I was like, I came

11:35

upstairs and I wasn't like, you crazy

11:37

bitch, what the fuck is going on,

11:39

right? Like what I think a lot

11:41

of people would do. Yeah. I think

11:43

I had, again, enough experience at this

11:45

point to be like, hey, baby, what's

11:47

going on? What's going on? What's going

11:49

on? What's going on? And then you're,

11:51

you'll explain to me, like, like, basically

11:53

while having a panic attack, like, like,

11:55

because you were like, like, like, like,

11:57

like, breathing, like, like, like, like, like,

11:59

like, like, like, like, like, like, breathing,

12:02

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

12:04

like, like, like, like, So I played

12:06

all day the day before like a

12:08

12 hour day. And you're excited about

12:10

the next day because you worked on

12:12

it so hard. Yeah. And you like

12:14

even did your morning ritual that you

12:16

have a ritual about how you do

12:18

it and so you're ready to not

12:20

ready to go. And I was going

12:22

to stream. Thank God I hadn't started

12:24

streaming. Thank God. Yeah. And then she

12:26

clicks or she like, she's like, she's

12:29

like getting set and she has like

12:31

her water baba and stuff like that.

12:33

It was a water glass. Exactly. Exactly.

12:35

And you, you're like in your first

12:37

hand, I think, right? Yeah. And the

12:39

water, a cat jumps on your lap.

12:41

Yes. And then, and then you. Just

12:43

like now. Yeah. And like, like always

12:45

happens in this house. Like so not

12:47

this cat, but it was a different

12:49

cat. And you spilled. on your keyboard

12:51

and then you the mouse yeah and

12:53

the mouse and then you accidentally when

12:56

you're grabbing it clicked yeah all in

12:58

and it just happened to be on

13:00

the all-in button and by the way

13:02

she just she's a dual monitor so

13:04

of all the places where her cursor

13:06

could have been yeah her cursor was

13:08

on all in yeah and so like

13:10

because the the water had spilled on

13:12

the mouse pad and now so I

13:14

was picking those two up yeah and

13:16

I didn't to drive on. And then

13:18

like, yeah, as I was picking the

13:20

mouse up, I guess it was my

13:23

turn and that was on the all-in

13:25

button. I have no idea how that

13:27

happened to happen that way. But all

13:29

of a sudden on this particular site,

13:31

it plays a certain music when you're

13:33

all in. It's like a death music.

13:35

It's like, don't, da, da, like, or

13:37

whatever the music is. And I'm like,

13:39

I'm like, that's weird, like. Like that's

13:41

the all-in music and then I look

13:43

up and I'm all in and I

13:45

had no idea and it's with like

13:47

a terrible hand like someone had opened

13:50

or gone all in I can't remember

13:52

if they hit it first but it

13:54

was with like Queen 5 off-suit she

13:56

would remember this by the way I

13:58

do remember I don't remember the suits

14:00

but it was Queen 5 off-suit and

14:02

they snap call and they have like

14:04

jacks or aces or whatever they have

14:06

like a good hand like a and

14:08

then I'm just like It just started

14:10

beginning we had just started I was

14:12

just getting settled in and like I

14:14

couldn't I couldn't fucking believe like all

14:17

of that all of those hours just

14:19

like down the drain so guys what's

14:21

the point of the story okay so

14:23

Nikki so it's it's how do you

14:25

deal with your check right so like

14:27

Nikki, I'm not even kidding. It was

14:29

something I'll never forget. She just starts

14:31

taking her clothes off. Like, because they,

14:33

well, it was, okay, this is what

14:35

made it funnier and why you're a

14:37

saint because it was Halloween. It was

14:39

like the day before Halloween when this

14:41

tournament was happening. That's right. And I

14:44

was going to stream, right? So I

14:46

was in a Halloween costume. Yes, right.

14:48

When this happened. You're just like a

14:50

genie or something. It was a flapper.

14:52

Flapper. Yeah. But it was a beady

14:54

cop. Yeah, headdress. Yeah. And. I'm screaming

14:56

bloody murder and he's coming on the

14:58

stairs and I just I can't even

15:00

handle the outfit I can't handle anything

15:02

I was just so mad. She's taking

15:04

off all the things that hurt her

15:06

so she took off her clothes and

15:08

she's just like and she got naked

15:11

and I'm not kidding and then she's

15:13

just started taking things from the walls

15:15

and everything and and to my credit

15:17

again Instead of being like, you're crazy

15:19

bitch or whatever, like this is nuts

15:21

or whatever, I was like, what happened,

15:23

baby, what happened? And then, and then,

15:25

the thing that you told me that

15:27

I did, that you're like, that was

15:29

the boss's move. You were like, you

15:31

just kept on saying like, oh, I'm

15:33

so sorry, baby, oh, that sucks so

15:35

bad. Instead of trying to fix it,

15:38

yeah. I was just like with her

15:40

on the plane of emotions. Yeah. Oh,

15:42

that sucks so bad. Oh, that sucks.

15:44

I hate that. I hate that. Like

15:46

he was on my team. Exactly. He

15:48

was like, like riding with me, like,

15:50

that fucking sucks. You shouldn't have had

15:52

to go through that. Like, you know,

15:54

all the things of all the places

15:56

the stupid mouse could be. Yeah, I'll

15:58

destroy that mouse. It's like he understood

16:00

why. I was still like, the extent

16:02

to me feeling the emotions I've always

16:05

been that. child that has just a

16:07

very like deep fucking emotion. thing and

16:09

I don't and that's always been like

16:11

that's always been handled with like meanness

16:13

you know where like I'm already going

16:15

through it but like I cannot I

16:17

just I I've lost control of my

16:19

like senses yeah and most people because

16:21

they don't process emotions that way are

16:23

like you're fucking crazy and then it

16:25

makes it worse because I'm like I

16:27

just want you understand like why like

16:29

Like, why? And just be like, that

16:32

fucking sucks with me. Because then, I

16:34

can just process it, and I can

16:36

be fine in like 20 minutes. I

16:38

can be fine, like, from that level

16:40

of a thing, I can be fine

16:42

in 20 minutes. Sometimes it can be

16:44

fine in like five minutes. But like,

16:46

if you don't let me go through

16:48

it, and then on top, you're piling

16:50

on like that I'm crazy, you're shaming

16:52

me, you're shaming me, you're shaming me,

16:54

like, like, like, for feeling... Bad Like

16:56

then it just goes on forever because

16:59

then I just spiral and I'm like

17:01

now I'm a piece of shit person

17:03

They can't handle emotion. They can't handle

17:05

myself that I'm like a wreck or

17:07

whatever like it just starts spiraling instead

17:09

of just being like I'm emotional because

17:11

of this one event that happened and

17:13

then yeah, it really sucks that that

17:15

happened actually and I feel validated like

17:17

that. Yeah, that does really suck and

17:19

like that is super frustrating and like

17:21

that is super frustrating and like that

17:23

is super frustrating and like that is

17:26

super frustrating Thanks, you know, it just

17:28

really feels good to be validated. Yeah,

17:30

to be like it was a normal

17:32

like a it's not like a normal

17:34

level of response. You had a public

17:36

freak out in like a shopping mall

17:38

and like yeah, that added to it

17:40

or a baby. I didn't I didn't

17:42

affect anyone else's life. Exactly right, exactly.

17:44

Just in like processing emotions the way

17:46

I heard a couple of kitties in

17:48

a husband, right? You scared a husband

17:50

and a couple of kitties. And a

17:53

couple of kitties. When I start calling

17:55

all about that, they come out and

17:57

they're like, oh, does something happen or

17:59

something wrong? That's so true. Yeah, but

18:01

that was a good one, I think,

18:03

because that, yeah. you the next two

18:05

days you were like oh my god

18:07

that thank you thank you thank you

18:09

and I really didn't know that I

18:11

handled that that well I was just

18:13

like reacting in the moment and then

18:15

but but you you telling me that

18:17

I did so well at that it

18:20

sort of re reinforced like okay so

18:22

that's how to handle that yeah because

18:24

I feel like in the past because

18:26

I've messed up with that a bunch

18:28

of I've had freakouts where like like

18:30

it just yeah it's just a I

18:32

can't, it's just whatever, I hate it,

18:34

like it's embarrassing. I know that it's

18:36

crazy, but I also cannot stop it

18:38

and I've just, I've lost control and

18:40

I just have to like, I usually

18:42

go in the closet because I don't

18:44

want to do it in front of

18:47

anybody. I would prefer Steve not even

18:49

be home. I'm never going to do

18:51

it in public, I'm going to run

18:53

to the car immediately and start bashing

18:55

things, but like I'm never going to

18:57

do it in public because it's the

18:59

most embarrassing thing. Understand it really it's

19:01

actually a meltdown like a spectrum meltdown,

19:03

but it's fine I understand it now

19:05

after Knowing how my brain works, but

19:07

Yeah, there's been times where you caught

19:09

me in a freak out and the

19:11

worst thing is Like them telling you

19:14

to calm down or like you know

19:16

stop or whatever and then guilty. I've

19:18

done that and then being like well

19:20

you just got to do this like

19:22

well guess what there's gonna be another

19:24

tournament like it's fine like solutions, hey,

19:26

this will make you feel better to

19:28

know that you're being irrational and that

19:30

you, like there's other things out there

19:32

that you could be doing. Like, I

19:34

don't know, I don't care. No, and

19:36

I've been, it's so funny because I've,

19:38

so many times, I will yell at

19:41

you in my head instead of like,

19:43

just like, actually yelling at you. Like

19:45

all the things that I think I

19:47

would have done in a past relationship,

19:49

I just do my head now. Like

19:51

this is crazy shit all that

19:53

stuff. I just do that in

19:56

my head now You know I

19:58

mean like if I'm really there

20:00

where I'm like I need to

20:02

like I'm leaping out of my

20:04

skin to just like, I just

20:06

want to shake the baby kind

20:08

of thing. I just do it

20:10

in my head and then it

20:12

gets out of my system and

20:14

then I'm like, okay, yeah, now

20:16

I'm back to being rational. Because

20:18

that's really all it is. You're

20:20

responding to irrational with irrationality. So

20:22

if you know that you're doing

20:24

that, you know that you can

20:26

have a coping mechanism to deal

20:28

with it. It just stays stormy

20:30

for a long time. But if

20:32

I just like, if I go

20:34

into the the storm basement and

20:36

just like let it go, like

20:38

let just like observe it almost

20:40

like I'm going through it. I'm

20:42

like yelling, but I'm screaming into

20:45

a pillow or something. But I'm

20:47

like letting it happen. Yes. Right.

20:49

Then it then it can go

20:51

away and I'm back to thinking

20:53

rational again. But if I stay

20:55

in that phase, this is not

20:57

good. So we're going to go

20:59

on a little break and when

21:01

we come back we're going to

21:03

talk about the time that me

21:05

and you could be playing a

21:07

board game at a friend's house

21:09

and It turned to one of

21:11

our worst fights ever and this

21:13

is post arrows method. Yeah So,

21:15

sit tight kids. Also, if you

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IKKI will do like giveaways or

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want to sign up, it's all

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legal. It's all an in America,

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which is like kind of a

21:46

big deal, because it hasn't been

21:48

allowed in America in a long

21:50

time. So. All right, Ryan

22:22

Reynolds here for Mint Mobile.

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knew this, but anyone can

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