0:00

Can I ask you to unpack

0:02

your recently stated

0:04

theory that the Dallas

0:06

Cowboys are America's royal family? Sure,

0:09

I think I've talked about this

0:11

on this show before, but that

0:13

would require me to remember what

0:15

I've talked about on this show

0:17

before, a thing I can't do.

0:19

Yeah, I think in the same way

0:21

that the royal family occupies

0:23

a certain amount

0:26

of the collective brain

0:28

space in the

0:30

United Kingdom, where all

0:32

of their goings

0:34

on and squabbles and

0:36

bad behavior

0:39

and all

0:41

of it is like constantly in the

0:43

public press. It's constantly something to be

0:45

discussed and not just discussed but like

0:47

fascinated upon and you have people

0:49

who are like really

0:51

into the royal family. Even

0:53

though it's not, you know, it's

0:55

not the 16th century and it's

0:57

like, oh well the king is

1:00

important because he does these things and

1:02

that's important for what, like they

1:04

have no formal sort of like governing

1:06

role at this point. I think

1:08

the Dallas Cowboys occupy the same space

1:10

in American society. They're not important. We're

1:13

not sitting here being like oh here come

1:15

the Cowboys ready to roll through the playoffs

1:17

again, better look out. They have no

1:19

governing power. They have no governing

1:21

power. As opposed to earlier times,

1:23

yeah. But they are, you

1:26

know, this is why it came up

1:28

before because we talked about how

1:30

ESPN is always talking about the Cowboys

1:32

because ESPN is like people want

1:34

to hear about the Cowboys. We're not

1:36

just sort of peddling that narrative

1:38

because we want to talk about Cowboys. That's

1:41

the thing that I've brought up before.

1:43

That's the problem is that they do

1:45

this. They do the Cowboys segments

1:47

because of ratings. They wouldn't

1:49

like compare this, I compare this, I remember

1:51

this conversation now. I compare this before to when Prince

1:53

died and MTV ran like 24

1:55

hours of Prince music videos and

1:57

it didn't chart at all. Nobody

1:59

won. Yeah, exactly. When ESPN

2:01

talks about the cowboys, number

2:03

goes up. Yes, yes. Like it's, we're

2:06

the problem, us, out here, it's us.

2:08

And I think, I think our version,

2:10

one of our versions of that problem

2:13

is we all want to talk

2:15

about and hear about the cowboys,

2:17

even if they suck, even if

2:19

they're stupid. Which they frequently

2:21

are going to lean into

2:24

being that problem. Spencer, would

2:26

you like to say why?

2:28

Prime time. I'm going

2:31

to tell everyone that

2:33

per Adam Shefter, an

2:35

NFL reporter. You said

2:37

it first though. Mm-hmm. That

2:40

one of the people

2:42

of interest who is in

2:45

turn interested in the

2:48

Cowboys job is Colorado

2:50

head football coach,

2:52

former Jackson State

2:54

head coach and

2:56

NFL and Hot Dog

2:58

Roller salesman Dion Sandman.

3:00

And hip-hop recording artist.

3:03

And um, motivational

3:05

book author, though not one read

3:08

on the sideline by A.J. Brown.

3:10

But wait, I don't understand. As

3:12

of a week ago, the Dallas

3:14

Cowboys who had already far missed

3:16

the playoffs and could have made

3:19

this decision at a much earlier

3:21

time. They still had a coach. Spencer? What

3:23

happened? They not only had a coach,

3:26

they were forbidding other teams from talking

3:28

to him. Yeah, wait a second. To

3:30

be fair, they were shielding him from

3:32

the Bears. The precious, the precious!

3:35

It's the duty of, really,

3:37

it's a humanitarian situation at this

3:39

point to shield whoever you might be

3:41

next to in a professional situation, whether

3:44

you like them or not, from

3:46

the Chicago Bears. Do you think...

3:48

The cowboys got to the end of the season and

3:50

they were like, all right, didn't go the way

3:52

we wanted to, but like we believe in Mike

3:54

McCarthy, we think like with better health and with

3:56

some roster changes next year we can make the

3:58

run we want to make. And then do

4:01

you think the bears reached out

4:03

there like, wait a second, if

4:05

the bears want Mike McCarthy, Mike

4:07

McCarthy probably sucks. Listen, Mike, you

4:09

don't. Got to go home, but

4:11

you can't stay here or go

4:14

to Chicago. Except now you can't

4:16

be. Except now you can't go

4:18

to Chicago. Now you can't. Yes.

4:20

Yes. Yeah, but it'd be weird

4:22

now. Yeah. How, what a toxic

4:25

sign when somebody, when their little

4:27

video game light right over their

4:29

sim head, goes like boom bears.

4:31

Bears. It's not good. It's like,

4:33

mmm, I could stay in this

4:35

feather bed. Latterless pool. Yeah, the

4:38

lateral is pool! It is bad

4:40

when somebody, it's like the royal

4:42

taster, right? When somebody's like, man,

4:44

this tastes good and you're like,

4:46

that's probably poison. King shouldn't eat

4:49

that. Yeah. This is all the

4:51

same week, by the way, when

4:53

Jerry Jones, just in case we

4:55

haven't further validated the entire like,

4:57

talk about the cowboys, even if

4:59

it doesn't make sense. When he

5:02

appeared on the show, Landman, I'm

5:04

not going to say it. Any

5:06

other way? Did he talk about

5:08

fingering or was it just that

5:10

one other one? Yeah, it was

5:12

that one other one. He, um,

5:15

he did not talk about fingering.

5:17

Jerry Jones made an impassioned argument

5:19

for nepotism on the show. One

5:21

that if you just watched it

5:23

independently. was honestly kind of moving

5:26

because Jerry's got some acting chops

5:28

which should make no cowboys fans

5:30

feel better the next time he

5:32

comes out with a clip it's

5:34

like we're going all in we're

5:36

signing everybody we're getting Dion and

5:39

the Dion son and we're getting

5:41

the deal Yeah, and we're getting...

5:43

Oh, dang it! We got the

5:45

wrong one! Oh, I met the

5:47

Odinson! Shit! We're getting Ray Romano.

5:50

So Shiloh. Shiloh. Shiloh is the

5:52

Loki. That much is certain. And

5:54

yeah. And Shiloh Sanders. And we're

5:56

gonna sign... Oh my God, oh

5:58

my God. Oh my god, what

6:00

are the cowboys bitter rivals to

6:03

the north? The frost giants. Of

6:05

Philadelphia. Yeah. Philadelphia frost giants,

6:07

just throwing those frosty batteries

6:09

left and right. Yeah. But

6:11

he appeared on one of Taylor

6:14

Sheridan shows, which should tell you

6:16

a lot about where Jerry Jones

6:18

resides in the cultural comp. Just

6:20

barely switched echelon of crazy person

6:23

he's operating at. Yeah, that Taylor

6:25

Sheridan's like, you know who I

6:27

need for this role. That's right. And

6:29

he has to explain that nepotism

6:31

is really good. Because when you

6:34

die, you want your sons to

6:36

look at you and go. Was

6:38

Lane Kiffen unavailable? Does Jerry have

6:40

a son? Yes, Jerry said like helps

6:43

run the team. I think he has

6:45

two sons possibly. This is a good NFL

6:47

podcast. All right. Yeah. But

6:49

who was I saying would

6:51

be the best possible hire

6:53

and the best possible arrangement?

6:55

That's right. The entire Sanders

6:57

family. Jerry Jones has three

7:00

children. Stephen is the cowboys

7:02

chief operating officer. He's the

7:04

he's the chief the CEO,

7:07

the executive vice president and

7:09

director of player personnel. His

7:12

daughter Charlotte is the executive

7:14

vice president and chief brand

7:16

officer. Jerry Jones Jr. Triple

7:18

J. Is the... You save that

7:21

for number three? I unclear. Uh...

7:23

Trying to get the recipe right

7:25

or... He's too much to put

7:27

on one child. He is the

7:29

chief sales and marketing officer slash

7:31

vice president. Oh, he's the

7:33

dumb one. So there is there

7:36

is a triumvirate of his said,

7:38

like, this is, it's not,

7:40

this is righteous gemstones is

7:42

what it is. Yeah, yeah,

7:44

yeah, that's exactly what I'm

7:46

thinking. Oh, no. Don't be the

7:48

Kelvin chips, don't. Yeah, that's,

7:50

this is happening. And we

7:52

called it, again. saying that the

7:54

only answer to the nepotism of

7:56

the cowboys is to bring in

7:58

what? That's right. More nepotism

8:01

or to walk directly in

8:03

the footsteps of that guy

8:05

who said the NFL could

8:08

be defeated by a football

8:10

team of troops But you

8:13

ever think we really wanted

8:15

to we could just start

8:17

an NFL podcast tomorrow. I

8:20

Think we just did how

8:22

about them cowboys? Welcome to

8:24

the shut down cow cast!

8:28

Man, I'm gonna name this

8:30

one Jerry Jr. He's gonna

8:32

sell t-shirts Just spinning a

8:34

sign outside down You remember

8:36

that's what Al Davis like

8:38

had? Yeah Mark doing right

8:40

Mark was working in the

8:42

gift shop That's basically they

8:44

were like here. You're head

8:46

of merchandising which means you

8:49

sold Raiders t-shirts Mark. We

8:51

found your ceiling buddy or

8:53

you could run the team.

8:55

It's a great system we

8:57

got here Who?

9:36

Welcome to the shutdown

9:38

full cast. You are

9:40

listening to the internet's

9:43

only college football podcast.

9:45

I am Spencer Hall.

9:47

I am joined, as

9:49

always, by Ryan Annie,

9:51

Jason Kirk, Holly Anderson,

9:53

and Michael Serber on

9:55

the One's and Two.

9:58

very sorry server that

10:00

the cowboys job will

10:02

not be taken by one devil's

10:04

winning even though no one's no one's

10:06

better at last one up them souls

10:08

than Jesus but Jerry doesn't want

10:10

to hear all that Jerry doesn't want

10:13

to hear all that Bible months you're

10:15

rooting the horny mood in here devil

10:17

Jerry's like you know what I got

10:19

Jesus at 315 right now it's 1245

10:22

when that appointment comes around I'll

10:24

take that appointment I'll take that

10:26

appointment I'll take that appointment

10:28

Spencer, can I read to you

10:30

a sentence that AI could never

10:32

come up with? Yes. This is

10:35

from esbun.com. Lazio

10:37

have parted ways with

10:39

their falconer, the Siree

10:41

Acla, on Monday after

10:43

local media reported that

10:45

he had shared images

10:47

of his penile implant

10:49

on social media. Wait,

10:51

the falcon, okay, wait, wait,

10:53

wait, wait, wait, the, okay. The

10:56

wording here is giving me pause.

10:58

Okay, where would you like me

11:00

to begin? His. His penal

11:03

implant, yes. Does his belong

11:05

to a falcon? The, no,

11:07

it belongs to the falconer,

11:09

a man named Juan Bernabe.

11:11

Okay, now, okay, backing up,

11:13

the term falconer. Yeah. Yeah. Does

11:16

this mean something different

11:18

over there? What does it mean

11:20

to you and I'll tell you I'll tell

11:22

you if that's person in care

11:25

and keeping of large predatory

11:27

birds? Correct. So so imagine

11:29

you go to an Auburn game

11:31

The war eagle does it swoop

11:33

around and then you look down

11:36

at your phone and you're like, oh

11:38

no Skip who's in charge

11:40

of war eagle has posted

11:42

his penal implant on Instagram

11:44

I guess I am stuck

11:46

all the way back on

11:48

why they have a falconer.

11:51

Okay. Um, they adopted,

11:53

so according to this

11:56

story, they adopted

11:58

this, the eagle. named Olympia

12:00

in 2010 and it's just

12:02

for any other reason. Like

12:04

it's just for like symbolism

12:06

and fun. I was not

12:08

aware that this was their

12:11

mascot or that they had

12:13

a mascot. Okay. Here's where

12:15

I would like to read

12:17

the last sentence of this

12:19

story. Are there other sentences

12:21

in between? Yes, but they're

12:23

not as important as the

12:25

first and last one. Bernabe

12:27

was suspended by Lazio in

12:29

2021 after he was filmed

12:31

at the stadium cheering for

12:33

Italian dictator Benito Mussolini. What

12:35

year? 2021! Let me catch

12:37

you up on a different

12:39

headline. A different headline. A

12:41

different headline. Spencer found somebody

12:43

later than you. All right

12:45

if you're listening to this

12:48

show. Bonino Mussolini is dead.

12:50

Okay, let's just put that

12:52

out. Source? Fact? Sorry, I'm

12:54

gonna. Huge if true. Well,

12:56

yes. Folks, we have news

12:58

from the front. We have

13:00

missed, there are some details

13:02

in this. Bob Stoops has

13:04

retired. Mm-hmm. And Mussolini is

13:06

dead. Are these facts connected?

13:08

We'll, we'll investigate. Too early

13:10

to say. Too early to

13:12

know. This is this is

13:14

my friend the fascist leaning

13:16

falconer. This is my falcon

13:18

Gorellami. This is in the

13:20

RFI article on this he

13:22

is described as the fascist

13:25

sympathizing falconer. Correct. Correct. And

13:27

lots of club owner. But

13:29

to be clear, they've known

13:31

that for four years. That

13:33

part wasn't what got it

13:35

five years. No, no, just

13:37

a little light fascism. Just

13:39

changing. Now, is this an,

13:41

is this a Italian soccer

13:43

program with a history of

13:45

connection to fascism amongst its

13:47

fans? 100% you know it

13:49

is, baby. Who's kidding? You

13:51

said fascist leaning Falconer ever

13:53

heard up since Dan Quinn.

13:56

Remember, Dankwin almost joined the

13:59

military after 9-11. So thank

14:01

you for your service. Just

14:04

to comment about his hairstyle,

14:06

that's all. Yeah. This is,

14:09

67 year old Senator and

14:11

Lazio Club owner,

14:13

Claudio Lottito, said

14:16

that Gabriel Antonini

14:18

had been fired at the

14:20

speed of light. God

14:23

damn, I've been fired,

14:25

but. Never at the

14:27

physical limit of energy

14:30

capacity. Fire you're moving,

14:32

that's fast, that's a

14:34

hot fire. Just, you

14:36

must fire him at

14:39

the speed of light!

14:41

Immediately. Yeah, this

14:43

is, so in addition

14:45

to that, this was, I'm

14:48

going to find the quote

14:50

here. Yeah, he was

14:52

Channing Duchy Duchy. Right?

14:54

And that not only he described

14:57

the fascist salute as behavior that's

14:59

a bit excessive. So I wasn't

15:01

lying about them tolerating light fascism.

15:04

They decided that the fascist salute

15:06

at Duchy Duchy was, according to

15:08

Latito, a professional judgment he made

15:11

that his behavior prior to this

15:13

was a bit excessive but you

15:15

show off one we're not tossing

15:18

you but there will be free

15:20

throws there will yeah this isn't

15:23

like you're not dremont we're just

15:25

gonna give you the technical

15:27

we're not going to throw you out of

15:29

the game yeah this is this is

15:31

astonishing but you know what I He

15:33

got, like, which one was, which

15:36

one was less objectionable? That

15:38

he showed his new robo-dick.

15:40

Ribbo-dick. Right? That he took it

15:42

for a cruise on social media.

15:45

Which, frankly, if you're gonna pay

15:47

all that money and take that

15:49

risk to get the new robo-dick,

15:51

guess what you're getting across

15:53

the timeline, buddy? I'm gonna show

15:55

it off. I'm gonna take it for

15:57

a test drive. Is that driving?

16:00

It's a form of the display

16:02

of it. It's a form of

16:04

usage, right? By the car, show

16:06

it off. Show it off, okay.

16:08

Less usery, that's different. Yeah. Is

16:10

that letting people borrow it? My

16:13

guy just wanted to show the

16:15

world that, you know, it went

16:17

somewhere. Yeah. This Flausen. Yeah, he's

16:19

just, yeah, that's it. Mostly this

16:21

is just really messed with my

16:24

sense of what is it isn't

16:26

cool in Italy. Like I kind

16:28

of assumed if you were Italian

16:30

and you were like it's trying

16:32

to put my dick on social

16:35

media and you weren't like a

16:37

Kindergarten teacher and you were weird

16:39

about it right I think everybody

16:41

like is now is it possible

16:43

that it's a shitty implant and

16:45

it's less about? Does it list

16:48

what the implant is designed to

16:50

do? Is he skewing to the

16:52

right again? Like did it bifurcate

16:54

it? Does it have mods? Like

16:56

any any upgrades? Cone Wi-Fi! Wee-Fi.

16:59

They call it wee-fi. Wee-fi. Does

17:01

it have any boons? Does it

17:03

grant any buffs? Does it make

17:05

noises? It has charms. It has

17:07

charms. It has charm slots. Okay.

17:09

Okay. But empty slots is the

17:12

reason why you get the penal

17:14

implant. Yeah. All right. So, so

17:16

in his own defense, he said.

17:18

Nudity is normal. I grew up

17:20

in an open-knit, naturist family. Hmm.

17:23

All right all that I have

17:25

an exciting update on this story,

17:27

which I really hope is true

17:29

because I don't know I don't

17:31

know I don't know which European

17:34

news sources to trust We're here

17:36

to do the news, buddy. Let's

17:38

do the news. Okay. This is

17:40

this is from France24.com and I

17:42

really hope this is real and

17:44

if I'm getting got by some

17:47

like French onion, I'm gonna be

17:49

fucking pest about it. I want

17:51

to make him into soup leonion

17:53

What's the French word for onion

17:55

for onion Holly? I don't

17:58

work backwards, because

18:00

French onion soup

18:02

is... It's just, is it just onion? Cause it's

18:04

called French onion. It's onion, but it's

18:06

spelled different. It's like O -I -G -N -O -N,

18:08

which I think is pronounced ween -yol. Ween

18:10

-yol, ween -yol. All right,

18:13

new headline. Lazio

18:15

sack doctor who performed

18:17

far right falconers, penis up.

18:20

We got him. The

18:22

club doctor was the one

18:24

who performed this surgery. Wow,

18:26

literally a club doctor.

18:28

Yo. That's, yeah. Sounds like

18:31

a club doctor. That's,

18:33

oh my God. This

18:35

is, this is even better. Hang

18:37

on, I'm looking at how to say please my wets in

18:39

French. Oh,

18:41

boy. Wait, French or Italian? All

18:44

right, this was, this was a penile

18:46

prosthesis designed to improve the 56

18:48

year old's sexual performance. Me

18:51

and music or?

18:53

Unclear. Unclear.

18:57

What an amazing man.

19:00

so ladies and gentlemen, fire starter

19:02

in Italian is signore

19:04

e signore pompieri. How

19:09

old is this guy? 56. So

19:12

26 years younger than Jerry Jones. 56

19:14

year old Spaniard, yep. Ha

19:16

ha ha ha. Are we still

19:18

allowed to say Spaniard? Is that like a Bobby

19:20

Bowden slur? I think, I think okay. I know

19:22

they say it at Wimbledon, but that doesn't mean it's

19:24

not a slur. I don't know. Let

19:27

me tell you what, the Reddit

19:29

says it's not offensive. I

19:31

would also like to say part of what's

19:33

funny about all these European news stories

19:35

about this penile implant man getting fired is

19:38

that they all use the word sack.

19:40

And that's just great, I think it's

19:42

wonderful. All right, so I am looking

19:44

at the post in question, it is

19:46

a video that includes

19:48

the doctor's business

19:51

card afterwards. ha

19:53

ha ha. Which fucking Spon

19:55

Con, it's everywhere. Hustle,

19:57

love it, absolutely love it.

20:00

And let me tell you what first of

20:02

all the falconer is kind of

20:04

a short guy And this short

20:06

man wanted to make up half his

20:08

height in penis. Okay. Whoa in

20:10

which direction They

20:14

gave this man ordered the

20:16

kickstand he decided life was

20:18

short and he was not

20:20

going to be Yeah,

20:29

but the best part is there's

20:31

a picture of the of the

20:33

new Jimmy, right? The the leaning

20:35

tower if you will Yes,

20:41

the new Jimmy His

20:44

new grand bird and Let

20:47

me tell you this Are we

20:49

in France or Italy we're in Italy,

20:51

oh, sorry Giving a thumbs up

20:53

behind it, which is Thumbs

20:57

up behind what so so

20:59

like it's a picture which thumb It's

21:01

a picture taken from

21:03

south to north if you

21:05

will The angle is

21:07

up. Yes. So so it's

21:09

like a hospital bed

21:11

very flattering He's displaying the

21:13

new lumber and he's

21:15

behind it Bitch like it's

21:18

between us and him.

21:20

It's between us and him

21:22

right and he's like

21:24

looking out He's looking out

21:26

from behind it like

21:28

Give me the kickstand in

21:30

Italian is dummy Il Cavalletto.

21:36

So this short bald fascist

21:38

was Was luring women

21:40

online with his eagle, but

21:42

then they were disappointed

21:44

with his broke dick Did

21:48

the bird ever perch on it? Was

21:50

it given the opportunity just

21:52

if only we had

21:54

given him more time

21:56

Like a talent situation

21:58

there. I mean got modifications from

22:01

what I understand. I mean

22:03

the bird, the bird is,

22:05

the bird is the victim

22:07

in all of this, this

22:09

bird who for 15 years

22:11

got to fly around, Rome's

22:13

Olympic Stadium, be it big.

22:16

Oh wait, does the Falcon

22:18

go with him? Yes, the

22:20

Eagle has to get a

22:22

whole new Falcon? They have

22:24

already said like, we're not

22:26

using the eagle at the

22:28

game. Shit. Right? He's gonna

22:30

be like, hit up my,

22:33

hit up my Venmo, hit

22:35

up my PayPal, and I'll

22:37

put the eagle on my

22:39

dick. Hue freeze has to

22:41

reach out to this guy,

22:43

right? 100% Like if, if

22:45

there's somebody who is invested

22:47

in eagle oriented penis redemption,

22:50

it's you freeze. If he's

22:52

interested, Antanini urology. Antonini urology.

22:54

That's not his name. You

22:56

can contact Enrico, Enrico Gravino,

22:58

or Rico Gravini. He's in

23:00

Rome. Sure. So you're going

23:02

to have to go to

23:04

Rome to get yourself a

23:07

new dick. So wait, are

23:09

you telling me that this

23:11

this soccer team's team doctor

23:13

is a urologist? That's a

23:15

very Italian thing. Wouldn't it

23:17

be? What keeps our

23:19

what keeps our team strong Ryan?

23:22

This team is built from the

23:24

dick out You know I'm saying

23:26

this a patent our doozies like

23:29

us true. That's right. The dick

23:31

is the foundation of the body.

23:34

Dick is the foundation It's the

23:36

part that grows first. I don't

23:38

know have to be a five-star

23:41

one Pat looks at that thing

23:43

and he's like what why is

23:45

it progressing? Hold still doesn't need

23:48

we don't go anywhere. Stay put

23:50

Stop advancing. Yes, you can go

23:52

to the Antonini urologies Dick Lounge,

23:55

hang out for a couple of

23:57

hours, and get yourself the kind

23:59

of tool. that powers the success

24:02

of Lazio, a Serie A football

24:04

team. God damn. Sorry. Yeah. But

24:07

for what? I just I knew

24:09

if I didn't bring it up early.

24:11

We couldn't get to it

24:13

at all. What else are we

24:15

supposed to talk about today?

24:17

I have nothing. Speaking of

24:20

fascists in red. No, do dames

24:22

change the colors? We're back. We're

24:25

back. We're back. And we're back.

24:27

That's right. Live here. Oh, oh,

24:29

we also have, we also have three

24:31

of the four hosts who

24:33

are now Conclave-aware. Ryan, we

24:36

got to get you in

24:38

the fold. I'm sorry. Spencer

24:40

has now been adopted into

24:42

the Tedesco hive. Okay, I'll

24:44

work on it. I'm

24:46

Conclave-pilled. All I want to do is

24:49

I'll state that after watching

24:51

an Italian guy do something

24:53

else on an Instagram video.

24:55

Over the past two minutes,

24:57

I will stick with, I

24:59

would prefer to watch them

25:02

vaping. Like what? Okay, you

25:04

watched the video. Do you think

25:06

he should have been fired?

25:08

From what? He was very

25:10

successful at what he did

25:13

and sent out to do. Do

25:15

you think he brought shame

25:17

onto Lazio? It is not

25:19

possible to shame Italian soccer.

25:21

It is not. Remember, this

25:23

is the league where fans,

25:26

when they played Naples, would

25:28

say, hey, cholera guys. Yeah.

25:30

Yeah. Lasio, like, had to

25:33

disband their whole supporters

25:35

section because they were,

25:37

like, too racist. Yeah. This

25:40

is really my sincere

25:42

question. Why was this too

25:44

far for them? I. I have,

25:46

well, I will say this, if you're appalled

25:48

by the side of a dick, this would

25:50

have been too far for you. Okay, okay.

25:53

Because it is far too much all at

25:55

once. All right. So I think that's- I'm

25:57

not, to be clear, I'm not looking. Yeah.

25:59

I did and I will tell

26:02

you I get it because

26:04

thank you for being our

26:06

eyes here. I would let

26:08

me put it this way

26:10

if I'm gonna pick the

26:12

correct okay if fire fireman

26:14

ed okay no that's the

26:16

NFL let's get it closer

26:18

who is a beloved human

26:20

counterpart to the collegiate like

26:22

who's our like physically yeah

26:24

like like somebody who would

26:26

be you're saying this thing

26:28

looks like Craig bowl No,

26:30

Craig's short. Our man went

26:32

from a duche to a

26:34

de Gaul, okay? To put

26:36

it in, we'll wear two

26:38

terms. No, like, I'm trying

26:40

to think of like, okay,

26:42

the mountaineer, okay, the mountaineer,

26:44

who is the human mascot

26:46

for the West Virginia mountaineers,

26:48

right? And if I had

26:50

said that the West Virginia

26:52

mountaineer, all right? Yeah. And

26:54

then... This is supposed to

26:56

be astonishing in this scenario.

26:58

Right. All right. Like really

27:00

bad ones. Yeah. Like all

27:02

three percenters. You know? Like

27:04

the three percenters of three

27:06

percenters. Yeah. So you find

27:08

that out and you're like,

27:10

that's pretty bad. We can't

27:12

get rid of them yet.

27:15

And then... the mountaineer comes

27:17

along and the teen doctor's

27:19

like hey look at what

27:21

I did to the mountaineer's

27:23

crank and he's on social

27:25

media just waving his musket

27:27

around okay I start to

27:29

get it a little more

27:31

right that's a second and

27:33

third strike just like that's

27:35

a lot of dip on

27:37

this particular load-bearing chip and

27:39

I don't know if we

27:41

can handle that as a

27:43

cultural franchise I'm only disappointed

27:45

because there's a big nut

27:47

reference here that you could

27:49

have used Well, it wasn't

27:51

that part, Ryan. Those appears

27:53

to be normal. That's a

27:55

whole other metaphor. Oh, it's

27:57

a girl Falcon. Yeah,

28:00

that part seemed fine. Fine

28:02

is such a creepy used word

28:05

to use there. Thank you.

28:07

Very careful. The least

28:09

of our problems. Is the,

28:11

okay, I've never had to

28:13

go, y'all are old enough

28:16

to admit a dick doctors

28:18

now, is the word cloud

28:20

of acceptable words to hear

28:22

about this area like pretty

28:24

small to begin with? It's

28:26

I think you're not looking

28:29

for vivid adjectives, correct? Yeah,

28:31

I like like just a

28:33

Dismissive grunt is that's good. We're

28:35

done great. All right. All right It's

28:37

like bringing your car in Like I'm

28:40

not really looking for compliments

28:42

Wow, I just want you to tell me

28:45

right right there's not a major

28:47

problem. That's gonna cost a lot

28:49

of time and money like a fair

28:51

to cards like so What all you

28:53

done to this thing? Well, and a

28:56

lot of aftermarket bullshit off

28:58

this. Ooh, you took a, it

29:00

looks like you took a spill

29:03

there. That shouldn't rattle. He voided

29:05

the warranty on that part, Jesus.

29:07

Listen, I'll do what I can,

29:09

but we... This thing's total. We're

29:11

gonna have to order that. Oh,

29:13

took that color off. Listen, drop

29:16

it off, maybe you'll have it back

29:18

in a month by. I also get

29:20

it, this guy is 56, and I'm

29:22

sure he was looking at the mortality

29:24

tables and he was like, how

29:26

much time does the fashion falconer have

29:29

to really do some wild shit with

29:31

his dick? Gotta make a count. Gotta

29:33

make it count. The unreleased

29:35

Harry Potter and V. Yeah,

29:37

enjoy every sandwich and modify

29:40

every penis. This is under

29:42

the Tuscan Sun for dudes.

29:44

This is exactly what happened.

29:46

That is. Only instead of,

29:48

you're still doing refurbishing, but

29:50

you're starting with the man in the

29:53

mirror. Yeah. Eat prey enhance. That's really

29:55

what he did. He was like, yeah,

29:57

I'm just gonna go for it, man.

30:00

That's not what look inward

30:02

means, sir. That's not what

30:04

we were talking about. No,

30:06

nothing about that's in. Is,

30:08

however, an acceptable scenario outcome

30:10

to reach for the stars

30:13

if you miss, you land

30:15

on the moon. I pray

30:17

for whoever lands on this.

30:19

Didn't say what to reach

30:21

with. Probably the bird. Hey,

30:23

Fran, all the talons! All

30:25

the talons! Bird-proof penal implant

30:28

search. Yeah, not actually. Pre-owned

30:30

airboats. That's what it went

30:32

quiet at the same context.

30:34

We were all looking down

30:36

at our keyboards searching variations.

30:38

If this if this were

30:40

in China I would have

30:43

so many more puns because

30:45

bird is slang for dick.

30:47

Huh, sure. So like you

30:49

could be like, oh, he

30:51

has a big bird. Is

30:53

that what Big Bird means?

30:55

So wait, didn't Big Bird

30:58

go to China? Yes, oh

31:00

man. Imagine what a, imagine

31:02

the giggling. The Chinese children's

31:04

puppet Big Dick shows up.

31:06

So much giggling. Imagine what

31:08

a horrifying psychosexual nightmare Big

31:10

Bird was for 500 million

31:13

men. I love carols. Sing

31:15

songs. There's a man inside

31:17

it? There's a horrifying yellow

31:19

bird that speaks a foreign

31:21

language and he's called Big

31:23

Dick. And he's like, let

31:25

me give you a hug.

31:28

And we're like, oh, baby?

31:30

No! These feelings. Like he's

31:32

a soft-spoken mob in force.

31:34

Oh man, Big Bird and

31:36

Brossie kind of have some

31:38

overlap. They do. They do.

31:40

Like, like, like, sympathetically. Give

31:42

me that sweet podcast music.

31:45

Hold on, I have to

31:47

get the vision of my

31:49

head. No, no, no. Podcast

31:51

business? What's a business? Podcast

31:53

business? Podcast business? Podcast business?

31:55

What's a business? What's a

31:57

business? Antony. You're all a

32:00

G and roll middle and

32:02

you can get a new

32:04

budget. Wow. We gotta start

32:06

over because I guess it's

32:08

Geraldo jokes that I didn't

32:10

think of till just now.

32:12

Shit. Hmm. Doing it all

32:15

wrong. Podcast business. The podcast

32:17

business. What we got y'all?

32:19

Can we go out of

32:21

order and can we do

32:23

more or less before we

32:25

do the price? Spencer, in light

32:28

of the NFL, this of our

32:30

podcast now, you are going to

32:32

be playing more or less our

32:34

weekly game brought to you by

32:37

prize picks. The subject is

32:39

the aforementioned Mike McCarthy, who

32:41

has 11 playoff wins in

32:44

his NFL career. I'm going

32:46

to name another NFL coach,

32:48

some of them active, some of

32:51

them not, and you're going to

32:53

tell me if that coach has...

32:55

More playoff wins than

32:58

Mike McCarthy's 11 or

33:00

less playoff wins. Okay.

33:02

Number one. John Madden.

33:04

John Madden has fewer

33:06

playoff wins than that

33:08

is. The word is less.

33:11

Do the job right. Play

33:13

along. He does indeed have

33:15

less. John Madden has nine

33:17

playoff wins. Because he

33:19

didn't coach that long.

33:21

Yeah. Tom Coughlin. Tom

33:24

Coughlin again, I don't think

33:27

the shots the Giants had at

33:29

this were that like when they

33:31

did it they did the thing

33:33

but then when they were mid they

33:35

were kind of mid I'm gonna go

33:38

with less You're forgetting Tom

33:40

Coughlin coached a second

33:42

franchise however and Tom

33:44

Coughlin has more playoff

33:47

wins than Mike McCarthy

33:49

just one more but more all

33:51

the same It's always a common

33:53

problem forgetting how much success

33:56

the jags have had. I know. We've

33:58

all been there. Mike

34:00

Tomlin. Oh, Tomlin's gotta have

34:02

more. Mike Tomlin has eight

34:05

playoff wins. Three less. No.

34:07

I'm legitimately done by that.

34:09

It's been a while. It's

34:11

not ideal. John Harbaugh. I'm

34:14

gonna go that John Harbaugh

34:16

has more. John Harbaugh does

34:18

have more. He has 13

34:21

playoff wins. compared to Mike

34:23

McCarthy's 11. Bill Walsh. Hmm.

34:25

Oh. I'm gonna say that

34:27

Bill Walsh has more. Bill

34:30

Walsh didn't. This is where

34:32

the like didn't wasn't around

34:34

that long. The era thing.

34:37

Yeah. Only 10 playoff wins.

34:39

But only one. One. Only

34:41

coach for 10. Right on

34:43

that line this year too.

34:46

This is where that era

34:48

begins for us. The math

34:50

gets so down. Mike Ditka.

34:52

Less. Didka has less. Mike

34:55

Ditka only has six playoff

34:57

wins. So yes, far less

34:59

than Mike McCarthy. Mike Ditka,

35:02

not a front runner for

35:04

this job. Jeff Fisher. Jeff

35:06

Fisher. I'm going to say

35:08

Jeff Fisher has less. Jeff

35:11

Fisher has far less. Jeff

35:13

Fisher only has five playoff

35:15

wins? We brought this out

35:18

after the Italian sex talk

35:20

portion. I'm sorry. That was

35:22

rude of me. I apologize.

35:24

Let's see. Bill Cower. Oh.

35:27

Bill Cower. We were just

35:29

speaking very fondly of Bill

35:31

Cower yesterday. Yeah, that Bill

35:34

Cower we haven't heard shit

35:36

from. You know why? Because

35:38

I don't know anything about

35:40

Bill Cower's life right now.

35:43

Nope. Had done anything stupid.

35:45

I love that. I'm gonna

35:47

say that Bill Cower. I'm

35:49

gonna say less. Bill Cower

35:52

has one more win. Well

35:54

playoff wins compared to Mike

35:56

McCarthy. And your last entry.

36:00

Sean Payton. Does Sean Payton have

36:02

more than 11 playoff wins or

36:04

less? I'm gonna channel God for

36:06

here. Way less. It's not way

36:08

less, but it is less. He

36:10

has nine. He has nine. Okay.

36:12

This is where I tell you

36:14

where do you think all time

36:16

Mike McCarthy ranks in terms of

36:18

playoff wins. Like what is his,

36:20

what is his, what is his,

36:22

what is his, uh, cardinal rank,

36:24

right? Give more. Some of the

36:26

guys that he just, that we

36:28

just talked about, he's got to

36:30

be up there, like top five.

36:32

He's not top five, because like,

36:35

the top five is Bill Belcheck,

36:37

Andy Reed, Tom Landry, Don Shula,

36:39

and Joe Gibbs. But he is

36:41

top 11. He's, he's, he's, he's,

36:43

Still, yeah. He's tied with Bill

36:45

Parcels. He's tied, he's tied with

36:47

Pete Carroll. He's tied with Marv

36:49

Levy. Which Marv Levy. Marv Levy

36:51

just lives in the playoffs. Marv

36:53

Levy dragged his bills to the

36:55

Super Bowl four times in a

36:57

row. And all he has to

36:59

show for it is a playoff

37:01

is a playoff record that's basically

37:03

the same as Mike McCarthy's. You

37:05

ever just realized all of a

37:07

sudden with a start that you

37:10

don't know where Pete Carroll is

37:12

right now? Could be right behind

37:14

you. Yeah. Could be in this

37:16

house. Could be in Italy. He's

37:18

competing for that bear's job we're

37:20

trying to warn people away from.

37:22

Wait, is he really? Yes. Oh,

37:24

welcome back. Cool. Yes, I want

37:26

this. We have a terrible idea.

37:28

Pete Carroll's like, huh? Hey, listen,

37:30

Pete, it's really difficult. Oh, bring

37:32

him back. Well, listen, I gotta

37:34

finish up the surgery, I got

37:36

scheduled to Italy, but then I'm

37:38

gonna come back. That has been

37:40

more or less presented by Prize

37:42

Picks. Spencer, can you tell us

37:45

a little more about the aforementioned

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you need to do to play

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prize picks and it is just

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this simple as you

38:07

pick more more more that's

38:10

right penis no less whatever

38:12

went to Italy for a

38:14

penis reduction surgery hell yeah

38:17

where do you go for

38:19

that? What's the country for

38:21

that? There is no answer

38:23

I could say that one

38:26

immediately gets fired at the

38:28

speed of light. Fired by

38:30

whom and from what? It's

38:32

true. Utah. Just say Utah.

38:35

That feels safe. That's neighborly.

38:37

Yeah. That is your state.

38:39

If you're listening to this,

38:41

your state's the most humble

38:44

place. Your mom's house. That's

38:46

your mom. Got him. Bang. You

38:48

know what? That's, you know what I

38:51

call that, Jason, that's running your game,

38:53

something you could do all season long

38:55

on prize picks. That's right. And by

38:57

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Picks! Run your game! Jason, I

39:37

notice you're sporting quite a

39:39

fetching, too-lane hoodie. Surely

39:41

this must have come from

39:43

some expensive museum or similar.

39:46

clovier and in Italy. I

39:48

assume this came from Ryan.

39:51

Ryan, this is actually from

39:53

France, direct from the two

39:55

lanes motherland during my journeys

39:58

there. I met with the

40:00

mayor of France and that's correct

40:02

defeated that person David in a

40:05

Leg wrestling match as as you

40:07

know is very very his his

40:09

actual name is Jeff Frankor. That's

40:12

the name as as myself and

40:14

native son Jeff Franker were touring

40:17

his his home region They supplied

40:19

us with a variety of Embelishments

40:21

such as this hoodie that you

40:24

were seeing and then no none

40:26

of that is true There's a

40:29

much easier way to acquire such

40:31

a beautiful garment. You do not

40:33

have to tour Western Europe with

40:36

a jef rancour Instead you can

40:38

simply visit homefield apparel com. They'll

40:40

give they'll give it to anyone

40:43

Anyone you don't have to have

40:45

been the Atlanta Braves most type

40:48

prospect of all time No, no,

40:50

not even close. What have you

40:52

like it's just one of the

40:55

top 20 prospects for all time?

40:57

No, you don't have to be

41:00

Jason Hayward you don't have to

41:02

be David Justice. You don't have

41:04

to be anyone on that list

41:07

All you have to do is

41:09

visit home field apparel.com But I

41:11

bet if you are Jeff Rancore

41:14

you get some sort of sweet

41:16

exclusive offer code that normal people

41:19

like me Can't possibly use. No,

41:21

they would not give that to

41:23

Tom Glavin They would not give

41:26

that to Ronald Acounia like you

41:28

anyone anyone they wouldn't give that

41:31

to Steve Avery? In fact if

41:33

you have ever played for the

41:35

Atlanta Braves you Don't get this

41:38

offer code. Wow! I don't know

41:40

if that's true or not that

41:42

I'm going to say. Strawberry and

41:45

Shambrill. Sorry, crime dog. Nothing for

41:47

you. Offer code full cast for

41:50

everyone else. Every member ever of

41:52

the Philadelphia Phillies? That's right. Unless

41:54

you also played for the Braves

41:57

at one point. Yeah, there is

41:59

that. So now, the percentage of

42:02

listeners who are their brains is

42:04

immediately going to the connections game.

42:06

It's like Philly's players who play

42:09

for the break. I got the

42:11

most obscure when he played three

42:14

innings in 1913. That's the half

42:16

of them who aren't 13 pages

42:18

into the dugout archives looking for

42:21

precisely the right cartoon to respond.

42:23

That's fine nerd. You know what?

42:25

Big old nerd. You get golf.

42:28

The rest of us are buying

42:30

sick-ass shirts. Yeah. I'm buying sick-ass

42:33

shirts. We're not even saying, you

42:35

know what? It's not, we're not

42:37

saying things like, oh, it's not

42:40

real home-field, sparkling home- Now you

42:42

might be thinking, based on the

42:45

country, based on the content of

42:47

this ad, Hopfield probably sells a

42:49

lot of MLB shit, right? Nope,

42:52

not a bit! Not until Indiana

42:54

gets an MLB team. Not until

42:56

the Orioles moved to Indianapolis, as

42:59

was promised. But you know, they

43:01

do have basically every college ever,

43:04

all of them. Which play baseball?

43:06

That's right. A lot of them

43:08

do play baseball. Two Lane plays

43:11

baseball. This all comes full circle.

43:13

Jeffrey. Like a diamond itself. Yes.

43:16

Like a diamond itself. Yes. You

43:18

know how much how much writing

43:20

and rewriting. First we had to

43:23

get Jeff record to sign off

43:25

on this thing, which he did

43:27

not. Because he would want to

43:30

be sued by that guy. I

43:32

had to journey to his castle.

43:35

In the Alps? Welcome to Castle

43:37

Wolfenstein! Why do you call it

43:39

that? Jeffrey Corr? I love the

43:42

game! I love the castle! What

43:44

do you even fucking do with

43:47

a castle? Because it's procedurally generated!

43:49

This hallway, it feels very similar

43:51

to the last hallway we ran

43:54

through. It is! Now fight Spider

43:56

Hitler! We make you feel spicy,

43:58

you're spicy. That's off for going

44:01

full cast for 20% off your

44:03

first order on home field apparel.com

44:06

Kill spider Hitler! Whoo! All right

44:08

Spencer, get us out of podcast

44:10

business. Hang on one more real

44:12

quick. Oh, I'm so sorry. It's

44:14

all good. In advance of our

44:16

Saturday night. Live show with an

44:18

NFL podcast. Are there any more

44:20

ticket things there or is that

44:22

all resolved? No, I think it's mostly

44:24

like there might be some tickets left

44:27

But at this point. I don't know

44:29

just come up come up and punch

44:31

Spencer in the solar plexus If you

44:33

get your way in shows up your

44:35

way in your way in your way

44:37

in? If you could fight your way

44:39

in and you're prepared to fight your

44:41

way out. No, there there won't be

44:43

any fighting you do like a Tony

44:45

Joss situation It'd be great for a

44:47

barrel race. Or like, the end of

44:49

Johnwick 4, but it's a ramp. There's

44:52

an end. No, there's an episode of

44:54

Magnum where TC has to fight like

44:56

10 guys in a row to save

44:58

the orphanage, like or save the youth

45:00

center. And it's a great plot line.

45:02

So they just show like 30 seconds

45:04

of TC, like decked dudes. And he's

45:07

all sweating stuff. And they're like, hey,

45:09

TC, that was great work. But we found

45:11

out there's an additional tax lien.

45:13

And you're gonna need to box another

45:15

20 guys. He's like, fine, this is

45:17

gonna be me at the live show.

45:19

I'll be like, I got them all.

45:22

And you're like, the line was around

45:24

the board. We're on stage, like Spencer

45:26

looks, I'm gonna estimate he's about 30

45:28

minutes worth of fights for making it

45:30

up here. It looks like the Matrix

45:32

2. You're just, you're just pouring stewards

45:34

orange cream soda over my head over

45:36

my head in between rounds. Do we

45:38

clear? Because everyone around you is not

45:40

actually a clone, they just look that

45:42

way because they're all wearing Georgia Tech

45:44

home field hoodies. I'm going to start playing

45:46

the streets of the theme as soon as

45:49

you get to. Now listen, you don't have

45:51

to fight Spencer if you're coming to this

45:53

show. You just can if you want to.

45:55

Free fight with purchase of ticket. So folks,

45:57

the theme for this one is football disasters.

46:00

attached to that. I'm so serious

46:02

about that. So far, so good.

46:04

Only a handful I've deleted for

46:06

just like, I root for Michigan

46:08

State. Please weep for me. I

46:11

don't give a fuck. That was

46:13

your choice, not mine, not my

46:15

problem. The rest, lots of funny

46:17

stories, it's gonna go great. As

46:19

long as you follow the rules,

46:21

the rules are perfect. When I

46:24

say I've put that on the

46:26

socials, I mean I posted it

46:28

on the forecast blue sky. That's,

46:30

when I say socials. Those two

46:32

things are synonyms now. Didn't post

46:35

it anywhere else, I don't think.

46:37

Also, one more spreadsheet. We should

46:39

try it on LinkedIn. Just for

46:41

fucking. Well, yeah, obviously, that's our

46:43

hub for business thoughts. So my

46:46

three co-hosts, I'm gonna need you

46:48

to not listen to this, okay?

46:50

That's it, I can't hear. Thank

46:52

you, Serber, you're in the circle.

46:54

So we are gonna play a

46:56

game at the live show. It's

46:59

gonna be family feud style. a

47:01

Google form in which you can

47:03

weigh in on a few questions

47:05

that will inform the what we'll

47:07

do during our family feud style

47:10

game live on stage in Atlanta

47:12

and if anyone who I have

47:14

reached out to about participating in

47:16

that game don't look at the

47:18

sheet that's a rule and we

47:20

know how seriously we take rules

47:23

around here that's all you can

47:25

all come back in the room

47:27

now oh hey interfere with my

47:29

plan to have first god free

47:31

and Ryan then Richard and Alex

47:34

and then Spencer and Jason play

47:36

the newlywed game. Yes. Is that

47:38

before or after the one-on-one contest

47:40

between Spencer and after? At the

47:42

same time. Oh, fucking way. We

47:45

gotta get Spencer and Godfrey? We

47:47

gotta get Spencer and Godfrey? I

47:49

don't think they think this is

47:51

a bit. No, it's not happening.

47:53

Like it is not a gun.

47:55

But maybe. Fight or basketball. Which

47:58

one do we want to make

48:00

fights or do? Fight. No, I

48:02

would much like to fight. You

48:04

only get one vote. Okay. Basketball.

48:06

Your person. Floyd votes. Floyd votes.

48:09

Floyd votes. Floyd votes basketball. And

48:11

since, I just, I heard. Silver

48:13

lives in North Carolina, so I

48:15

think that's a basketball vote. That's

48:17

three, wow. That's almost funny how

48:20

much I'm not doing. That's a

48:22

fight vote. Okay, I would probably

48:24

say five. So it's two, two.

48:26

Like, he will not joke about

48:28

it. Can I vote for basketball

48:30

fight? Yes. Trampling and beer combat

48:33

basketball. No. Trampoline basketball fight. He

48:35

gets so quiet. Spencer, would you

48:37

play basketball if we never, if

48:39

you never had to touch the

48:41

ball? If you just had to

48:44

like, no guard and... No. Get

48:46

stiff, we just need six stiff

48:48

fowls. You wouldn't, you wouldn't play

48:50

basketball even if you never had

48:52

to touch the basketball in any

48:54

way shape. That's bullshit. No. Nobody

48:57

needs to see this emotion on

48:59

the court. There's a story here.

49:01

I'm becoming suspicious. I now think

49:03

that this is because Spencer is

49:05

too good at basketball. Oh, yes.

49:08

His good friend Stephen Godfrey. That's

49:10

what it is. Spencer, but you

49:12

dress up like Doc Rivers and

49:14

just like stand there with your

49:16

arms crossed. This is the longest

49:19

hustle of all time where we're

49:21

like, we'll bet you $10,000. You

49:23

can't make one free throw and

49:25

then he dunks. Bang. Yeah, this

49:27

is you know, like there's only