0:25

alright, that girl's alright,

0:29

with me,

0:31

yeah. Ayo. I don't actually know the

0:33

rest of the lyrics. Next part

0:36

goes, I can lick it, I

0:38

can run it, while you're slippin and slidin

0:41

The way, also, sidebar, Cardi B

0:43

could say whatever, and it's the most absurd

0:45

shit, but we're like, yeah. You know? Yeah. Like,

0:47

she's in the studio. Saying

0:49

these words and we're like it's just it's

0:51

absurdness. Yeah, she gets it up. He's poppin

0:54

if it's up But it's stuck like what the fuck does that

0:56

mean? Yeah, it doesn't have to

0:58

make sense. But here we are saying Preach

1:03

That yes Yeah,

1:05

like what does that even mean? I don't know. I think

1:07

if you know, you know, yeah,

1:12

how you doing gorilla group I'm good. I'm

1:14

well, that's nice. Would you like to cheers?

1:16

Yeah, I would love to one second, please. We just

1:18

forget Chess? Chess!

1:22

Oh, pfft, Colleen. Heh

1:24

heh. Just

1:27

like mommy used to make. What

1:33

the fuck was that? Only

1:35

God knows. Your mother never made wine?

1:38

No, fuck no. She doesn't even buy wine. No,

1:40

they were, they were making potates.

1:42

They weren't in the back stomping on those grapes. Potatoes,

1:45

potatoes. I will say I didn't have a sliver

1:47

of any Irish forms of foods this weekend.

1:50

That's sacrilegious. No, I agree. All I wanted

1:52

was shepherd's pie, but like I had some. It was

1:54

so fucking good not to rub it in your face. It's okay.

1:56

I don't really like corn, so. Mine

1:58

didn't have corn in it. I don't know, sometimes I feel like there's corn.

2:01

Yeah, sometimes they do that. I don't fuck with corn. It

2:03

was lamb though, instead of beef. Which

2:06

in Ireland is, you wouldn't have noticed

2:08

the difference. Oh, okay. No, lamb

2:10

has a different taste, you can tell. I'm telling you,

2:12

you would not have been able to tell the difference. All right,

2:14

whatever. Okay, fine. Fight

2:17

me. Did you ask me a question? No. And

2:19

I got sidetracked? No. Okay.

2:22

Hi, everyone. Hi.

2:25

Welcome to this week's episode of Sippin with the

2:27

Shannons. We're cousins and every other week

2:29

we sit down, we sip on some wine, we talk

2:31

some shit, and we have a good giggle. I'm Bridget Shannon.

2:33

And I'm Colleen Shannon. So

2:36

this comes out in late April, but we

2:38

are recording two days after St. Patrick's Day.

2:40

So this was our high holy weekend.

2:42

How was, how was your weekend? Not

2:44

high holy. Like honestly. No.

2:47

I didn't hit the high holy vibe. What are you talking

2:49

about? You pussy popped all fucking weekend. I

2:51

think for my, well it wasn't like our, in the way

2:53

that I wanted to. Like our ancestors

2:55

would have wanted me to. What does that mean,

2:57

do you think? When you say that out

2:59

loud. I'm just curious. I didn't

3:02

have any Irish meals. I didn't really listen

3:04

to that much Irish music I did not see you guys.

3:06

I did not Well, I saw Aaron on sunday for

3:08

like a hot minute, but like I was not in a state that I was okay

3:11

We'll get into it, but It

3:13

just wasn't it. It didn't hit. I just didn't, I, I

3:15

might have verbally assaulted the

3:17

man that was singing on Saturday

3:20

night that was not an Irish man. And I did

3:22

make him sing Rattlin Bog three times. And I'm not

3:24

ashamed of that. But that was as close as I got. Not

3:28

the Rattlin Bog shame! And I'm

3:30

not joking, like, two hours later I was like, I circled

3:32

back and said, there's new people in here. He's,

3:36

by the end he's just crying and being like, There

3:38

was a flea, a rare flea around

3:41

me. He fucked it up at one point and I was like, It's

3:43

okay! It's alright! It's okay! What part

3:45

did he fuck up? I don't remember. I

3:47

honestly don't. I think I was just popping pussy and then I heard

3:49

him go, I fucked up and I was like, it's okay King. Actually

3:52

Aaron Venmo'd him. I was laughing on Sunday.

3:54

I was scrolling through Venmo as one does because

3:56

I love to scroll through Venmo. Like it's my job. If

3:58

you're private on Venmo, like you're so annoying. Like I

4:01

am private on Venmo. Just be public. It's just

4:03

none of your fucking business. I just want to know. Yeah,

4:05

I just wanna know. And she paid him, obviously.

4:08

I don't know how much she paid him, but I didn't even know she did. And I

4:10

went, and I commented on it, and it was

4:12

literally like, great job or something. Something so

4:14

cringe. You're so embarrassing. And I commented

4:16

on it, and I said, I'm crying, and the guy responding goes, why are you crying?

4:20

I played fucking Rattlinbog for you 14 times,

4:22

how are you still crying about this? I

4:25

mean, I was crying about Erin doing it, so that's why

4:27

it was so funny. Well, when you laugh really

4:29

hard, you don't write LOLOL. You wrote,

4:31

I'm crying, or I'm screaming,

4:34

but it's all lowercase. Oh,

4:36

I hate uppercase words. That's not true. You

4:38

only text me in caps or in all lowercase.

4:41

You actually text me more in all caps

4:43

than you do in lowercase. That's fair.

4:45

But I don't like when it's just like the first letters

4:47

capitalized. Oh, so like every

4:49

podcast episode we have? Yeah.

4:52

Like I have to go out of my way to uppercase

4:54

them because my keyboard's all lower. You

5:00

are so mentally ill. It's

5:03

crazy. I just don't

5:05

like it, you know? Sure, Colleen. What

5:07

were we talking about? Sure. This weekend.

5:09

Oh, right. Just focus.

5:11

I will say. I will say, in this

5:13

moment, like, I'm so glad it's on my

5:16

episode. I would not be able to listen to you right now. Not

5:18

because it's you, I just simply don't have a will, a

5:20

wherewithal today. Like, I,

5:23

brain has gone out the window, in a good way though, feeling silly,

5:25

but could not have listened to you today, I'm just gonna be completely honest.

5:28

Great. So it's always nice to hear.

5:32

I wouldn't have listened to anybody. I wouldn't be listening

5:34

to God if he

5:36

was here. You know, like, I actually, I was,

5:38

I have press on nails on right now. I'm feeling very cunty

5:40

about it. And they actually look great. I'm

5:42

very pleased with that. I was watching you talk, like,

5:44

talk with your hands earlier. I, I didn't, I don't

5:47

even mean to do it, but I just like them. You do. They

5:49

make me feel very sassy. And

5:51

so I pressed them on the other day, and I

5:53

Got fingers on my tips of my fingers

5:57

and, or I got fingers on my tips, did I

5:59

just say my fingers? Glue? Got glue

6:01

on my tips of my fingers because I was pressing down

6:04

and I accidentally had a,

6:07

an itch on my lip and just

6:09

went to scratch it and just fully put

6:11

glue on my mouth. And I was like, I

6:14

just know that this is some divine

6:16

intervention to, to tell me to shut the fuck

6:18

up. Like I nearly glued my mouth shut.

6:20

Someone, someone upstairs was saying. I don't care. I

6:23

won't. I won't and I can't and I shan't.

6:25

I was gonna say, I can't and I shan't. And I won't. And

6:28

that's on you. Stop sending me signs

6:30

then. I'm not following them. Anyway.

6:34

So what did you do if you

6:37

weren't? You know, me holding

6:39

bands hostage to sing Rattlin Bog.

6:41

I fixed my gray hairs, that's what I did. I,

6:44

on Friday night I worked. That wasn't cool,

6:46

you know? Ew. Saturday I went to

6:48

a baby shower. Very

6:50

nice. Yeah, it was cute. It looks very cute.

6:52

It was fine, two things happened to me. Obviously

6:54

the baby shower was a slay. It was, like, at

6:57

a really nice The balloon setup and everything was gorgeous. No,

6:59

it was, it was fucking insane. And I, like,

7:01

don't fuck with a Fucking flower wall

7:03

or a balloon arch sometimes. I'm like, what are we doing

7:06

here? Like I can't with the tackiness of it just

7:08

can't but also the same time like what else you're supposed

7:10

to have like I get It but also hate them.

7:12

Sorry loved it because there was more to

7:14

it. You know, I mean it was it was like bubbles

7:16

But balloons. Yes, like a cart

7:18

and like not tacky, but it was so cute. It

7:21

was very cute. Yeah, she looked great

7:23

It was It was a sleigh all around. Gorgeous, always.

7:25

Yeah, I was sitting front row and center by accident,

7:27

so, like, for the opening of the gifts and all the things,

7:30

mind you, she pulls out one card and completely rips it in half. I'm

7:32

like, this is, we just don't belong here. She's like, I'm

7:34

having, this is, it feels like a teen pregnancy. I'm like,

7:36

correct. Like, this is not, we don't, this should

7:38

not happen to us. Your friend group is not prepared.

7:40

No! God no. For what's about to happen. To the point where Wrote

7:43

a card, obviously. And obviously it was not appropriate

7:45

in the card, because like, sorry, me saying like,

7:47

congrats on your baby, can't wait to like, meet him,

7:49

is just not words that come out of my mouth. It's just not.

7:52

Like, yes, do I feel that way? Sure. But mine is instead

7:54

like, can't believe you're pushing a thing out of your pussy.

7:56

Like, that's what I put on the card. Like, something along those lines.

7:59

Her eight year old sister picked it up and I didn't

8:01

know that she had it. And her eight year old sister

8:03

was like helping open the gifts and she opened it and

8:06

then said, this is from Colleen,

8:08

like talking about the gift. And I go, Tessa, do not read that card

8:10

out loud. And obviously all of her

8:12

aunts and like her mom were dying laughing

8:15

and they were like, give me the card, give me the card. What does it say?

8:17

And they were passing it around. It was so funny. And

8:19

yeah, it said something really inappropriate in it. So of course that

8:21

would happen to me. In the middle of the shower,

8:24

while I'm in the front. In front of all of her friends

8:26

and family. But that's, you know. I'm rolling

8:28

my eyes. I just didn't think anyone, I didn't think someone

8:30

would read it aloud, let alone her 8 year old sister.

8:32

Anyways. Just be appropriate, I guess.

8:34

Yeah, just maybe write. But it

8:37

wouldn't be you if you wrote something

8:39

formal. Like, so happy for you guys. Your

8:42

next friend, you should write something super

8:44

serious in it. Okay. Just

8:46

for the opposite effect. I might have to ask ChatGPT

8:49

to write it for me. Listen, that's what it's there

8:51

for. I got a couple. She was, Let me tell you, ChatGPT

8:53

put in some work for this episode. Let

8:55

me tell you. Oh, her, everything. Because it's a her.

8:58

Obviously. Obviously. A man wouldn't have this much

9:00

information on hand. No. They would

9:02

interrupt ChatGPT to say it loudly

9:04

and less accurately in a meeting. You

9:07

know what I mean? No, no, you're right. You're right. Be like, no,

9:09

no, no, but you know what my idea is, and

9:11

then just repeat what chatgbt said. Yeah,

9:14

but anyway, please continue. Can't give credit where credit is due, obviously.

9:16

No, definitely not. Because, duh. The second

9:18

thing that happened to me is I had one too many of your Aperol spritzes,

9:21

so I had to pee, and I arose confidently

9:23

from the front of the crowd. And was like, excuse

9:25

me, excuse me. And I get to the bathroom,

9:28

and I look down, and I had on a two piece

9:30

sweater set, but your girl was sweating.

9:32

It was a place where it was really warm out on Saturday.

9:34

I mean, you'll always be sweating. And it

9:36

was windows, it was people, I was drinking,

9:39

I was sweating, okay? Social situation, not for

9:41

me. I get into the bathroom, and I look into the mirror,

9:43

and My boob tape

9:45

has come hung and it is blood

9:47

and no, no one stopped me or told

9:49

me I had a stray ace bandage looking

9:51

ass Little tail in the front, just,

9:54

just hanging. You had a front tail? I had

9:56

a front tail of a bandage, a boob tape underneath

9:59

my boob. Yeah. And I just, you know what? I ripped him off and

10:01

you know what else I looked to the left. It's one of those bougie bathrooms

10:03

where they have like a living room in there, so it has like a

10:05

coffee table. And the 8-year-old sister had just

10:07

been in there with like her little cousins like running around, like think about

10:09

how we used to do it, like the ESCO drill back in the day. Oh,

10:11

for sure. They around schedule. Yeah. And there

10:13

was, they sat on the coffee table

10:15

at chicken tender and I said, who is

10:17

that? Someone goes, that's from me now. And someone goes, that was Tessa.

10:20

And I said. Mine now. I just sat

10:22

in there. You stole the eight year old's chicken tender. I

10:24

ripped my titty tape off in the bathroom at this

10:26

event and ate a chicken. I ate a chicken finger

10:28

sitting on the toilet in the bathroom, and I have no

10:30

regrets about this. At a I'm happy

10:32

for you. Bed by shower. Thank you for your support! Yeah,

10:35

it was a little sarcastic. I won't lie. But

10:37

was this because at this

10:40

same person, Brianna Yeah. Her

10:42

Wedding shower. Yes. You

10:45

expelled demons in the bathroom and there was

10:47

only one bathroom or something

10:49

like that? It was a long line, yeah. Was it the

10:51

same venue? No, different venue. Okay,

10:53

because I was like, if we are having repeats. Different venue. This

10:55

one had like a whole, not that,

10:57

the first venue was wicked nice too, but this one was just

10:59

a lot bigger. It's like a wedding venue. Like people have weddings

11:01

there. Oh. Lovely. And so it was like living room

11:03

bathroom. First baby situation. First

11:06

grand baby for sure gets all the.

11:08

No for sure. All the things. I

11:10

was like, I will never have an event here, not even my funeral. Sorry.

11:13

Can't, can't afford it. No one loves

11:15

me enough for that. Could never. Could never, would never,

11:17

I don't even belong in this function. It's giving when Megan walks

11:19

in on Bridesmaids when they're wedding dress shopping and she's

11:22

like, the sturdy, like that is me. When

11:24

Megan from Bridesmaids hops

11:27

over the back of the couch

11:29

in roles, It's one of the

11:31

funniest scenes in any movie that's ever existed.

11:33

And I know everyone talks about, like, the, Look

11:36

away! Look away! It's coming

11:38

out of me! Like, I love when she rolls on

11:40

the top of that couch. It's too, it's too,

11:42

it flows too well. She goes, I'm sorry, I do

11:44

not know what, and that came out of. That's

11:48

how I felt. Okay, great. Sitting on the toilet with

11:50

my titty tape and my, yeah.

11:54

And then someone's like, hey, we're going to the bar

11:56

next. And I said, okay, cool. Was

11:58

put in the driver's seat of the

12:01

What? You should never be put in any driver's seat.

12:03

Facts. Real or fictional.

12:05

I, there I was, ten and two, with

12:08

the pregnant lady and her eight year old sister in

12:10

a car filled with diapers. And there I

12:12

was, with, Record scratch.

12:15

You're probably wondering how I got here. And

12:18

someone said, pull it up. We gotta, we gotta fill it up with

12:20

like fucking diapers and shit. I'm like, okay. So

12:22

pull it up ten and two. I'm like peeling my boob tape off

12:24

underneath. Tessa, look away.

12:26

I'm getting ready to go to the bar. Yeah, yeah,

12:29

it was just like not a thing. And then I obviously

12:31

drank from there on drank. Once you were

12:33

not operating a motor vehicle. Oh my god, yeah, obviously

12:35

I parked it. Yeah, I just wanted to make sure

12:37

we parked that chair, went to the bar, went to the next

12:40

bar. There was that, that live man that was, he

12:42

was poppin his pussy, and I requested

12:44

Rattlin Bog. I also made them play No Name Ever, but

12:46

no one clapped but me. Rude.

12:48

Let's just not talk about it. That's also why I'm like, okay,

12:51

you people let me down. It was also a fucking Irish bar.

12:53

The fuck? Well, not legit an Irish bar, but like It's

12:56

called Kilroy's. It's an Irish bar, but it's not

12:58

themed Irish, you know? Yeah, I

13:00

mean, if there's a band that

13:02

is there who can play Irish music, it's

13:04

an Irish bar. Fair. Like, it's not like going

13:06

to the Dubliner, but also like, it's an Irish bar, you know? Anywho,

13:09

someone started playing She was a fast

13:12

machine! Great song. Yeah, I forget the name ACDC.

13:15

I don't know how this man spotted her but was just

13:17

like made this random woman She must have just been singing

13:19

well and was like come here and she

13:21

took over Incredible my

13:23

jaw was on the floor.

13:26

Oh, I love when people get their five seconds

13:28

of fame at a bar She was

13:30

just like like with the guttural manly

13:32

voice, but it was so good Like

13:34

we all were like this, but i'm also

13:36

shit face. So i'm like, you know, yes girlfriend.

13:39

It was Iconic. I wonder

13:41

where she is right now. Like I hope she's doing well.

13:43

Me too. So then I should have gone to bed But

13:45

I didn't and I wandered to a man's home.

13:47

And he said chicken fingers and I said on

13:49

the way. To which I made a

13:52

mistake Not a mistake, but I

13:55

Made a little mishap and I knocked over

13:58

A full, a full wine glass

14:01

across a room to

14:03

which it shattered and spilled wine

14:06

everywhere and this poor, poor

14:08

man, mind you, we're, I'm still trying to make a good first

14:10

impression, it's like the third impression at this point, actually no, it's

14:12

like the sixth or seventh impression. I was gonna say, we're a

14:14

little further along than third. Yeah, and

14:16

also it's backwards because on the episode

14:18

that you're gonna hear next week would be the

14:20

first one. that we talked about it,

14:23

technically. So it's all the ass backwards.

14:25

So just know, no spooking you listeners get the intro.

14:27

But yeah, I spilt an entire

14:30

glass of wine, shattered everywhere.

14:32

He texted me today and said, I just pulled this out

14:34

of my foot and it was a giant piece of glass. It's just

14:36

a whole thing. And like, why do these things only happen

14:38

to me? Like, I'm really not that

14:40

clumsy. Colleen. No, I'm

14:42

not. I hate when you use the

14:44

phrase, why do these things happen to

14:46

me? Like these are uncontrollable, like every

14:49

day you get hit by It was an

14:51

accident. Right. If

14:53

you just like looked at where you were going

14:55

and what you were doing, that wouldn't have happened. You

14:58

have control over your limbs and your body. I

15:00

couldn't see and I did not have control over my limbs in this

15:02

moment. Then maybe we don't bring

15:04

a glass of wine that close to us when we don't

15:06

have control of our body. I didn't do it.

15:08

He did. Okay, well you

15:11

hit it, you punched it and yeeted

15:13

it across a room, so

15:15

maybe he had more faith that your limbs

15:17

would stay where they were. We should figure it out.

15:20

Not like the car wash guy

15:22

outside, you know what I mean? And it was way

15:24

too aggressive, like it hit and it flew. It

15:27

wasn't like a knock over, it flew across the room.

15:29

Shatter, cringe crunch, whine,

15:31

errorware. Not cute. Not

15:34

cute. Not cute at all. Man, hands and knees

15:36

picking up. Sweet angel though. No, sweet angel. Didn't

15:39

make a fuss. Not mad at all.

15:41

Doesn't care at all. Was just like Manic

15:43

frantic. Him.

15:45

Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.

15:47

Hush child. Hush. Hush.

15:50

Hush my child. Me holding him throughout

15:52

the next morning. I'm like, Don't

15:54

look at me! I let it release the minute he drove

15:56

away. But anyway, it's not the point. And then on Sunday, I

15:58

went to Brianna's grandpa's house. I saw sweet

16:00

sister Erin with her bebes.

16:03

She texted me and said hello. And by sister

16:05

Erin, you mean mother. Our mother. Oh

16:07

yes, mother Erin. Your sister Erin, but our

16:09

mother Erin. Yes, yes. So she texted me and

16:11

was like hello. And her location was literally across the street from me.

16:14

So I was like, well hello there! Oh, how are my

16:16

babies? They were so cute and Irish and vibing

16:18

and I was so unwell that I really couldn't

16:21

give them the credit that they deserved. Hmm.

16:23

I fear. Yeah, that's fair. But just now, I

16:25

just kept saying like, pop off, live your

16:27

life, that's as much as they could get out of me, but they were

16:29

so fucking cute. Yeah,

16:31

they were the best. They were the cutest children on the planet.

16:33

Aaron and scrunchies, they were so cute. Kill

16:36

me. Yeah. I love that. It was precious.

16:39

And that's all I have. You are going

16:41

to Jackson Hole. Tell the people. Yeah, I leave

16:43

in the morning. I haven't packed yet. So let's just.

16:45

Great. Well, we'll save that story for another time.

16:47

But you're going for about four or five days

16:50

with your big group of friends and everyone's gonna

16:52

be skiing and snowboarding, which you don't do, but

16:54

you're still gonna enjoy yourself and have a great time. Yeah,

16:56

I'm gonna drink. And it's stunningly

16:59

gorgeous. I've never been, but every single person

17:01

who goes is like, it's not

17:03

real life. It looks AI. Yeah.

17:06

It's gonna be great. I've never been. Go

17:08

to a lodge, hang, chat with people.

17:10

You'll love it. I can't wait to people watch. It's

17:12

the exact vibe you're gonna want.

17:15

Love that. But you're just gonna look cuter than

17:17

everyone because you didn't. Snowboarding, skiing

17:20

down mountains all day. That's so positive and true. Yeah,

17:22

I know. Nice. Okay,

17:24

tell me about you now. I'm bored of myself. Watch Hot Tub Time

17:26

Machine. Okay, so,

17:29

I don't really have too much to tell you. On Friday, I went to Erin's.

17:32

They do family swim nights. So the kids

17:34

are in swim lessons and then one night a week

17:36

they just open it up for everybody

17:38

and like for an hour and a half you get to go and just swim

17:40

and so I got to go in the pool with the kids, which

17:42

was great and we swam

17:45

our little butts off. It was so fucking cute

17:47

and they have all these toys that they'll get floating

17:50

devices that and so we just Toted them around

17:52

the pool for an hour. And then

17:54

on Saturday I

17:56

went to Portsmouth, New Hampshire

17:59

Because one of our besties lives in Portland, Maine, and

18:01

it's right in the middle and Portsmouth,

18:03

New Hampshire is so fucking cute I

18:05

know I feel like it doesn't get enough credit It does and

18:07

I know Portland is cute because I've

18:09

been in Portland, Maine a thousand times I don't go to

18:11

Portsmouth, New Hampshire a lot. I

18:14

could not get over the vibes I

18:16

feel like they have like a cute little area you can like shop

18:19

in. Yes, top tier

18:21

It was so fucking cute. And

18:23

then, on Sunday, I went

18:25

with my bestie, Sarah, and

18:28

Karen to the Dubliner. Home

18:31

away from home. And I, I gotta

18:33

tell ya, I had the complete opposite

18:36

experience as you. What'd you drink? I got Irish

18:38

music all day. I was drinking

18:41

Vodka Soda Crayons. Okay. But Karen

18:43

had her Magners. We had

18:45

baby Guinness shots. We had shepherd's

18:47

pie. We listened to

18:49

excellent Irish music all day, and I was home

18:52

at bed in my PJs Slugging

18:54

water and eating food by 7

18:56

p. m. And woke up feeling like 1 million

18:58

dollars And I

19:01

have no notes. It scratched the itch like

19:03

I feel like the last couple of years we've done

19:05

St. Patrick's Day and haven't really felt like

19:07

it lived up to our expectations

19:10

or You know, we want the very

19:12

traditional version. Yeah. And

19:14

a lot of times you just get like the drunken Boston

19:16

version. Yeah. The Dubliner, I

19:18

will say, so I got there at 12. 08.

19:21

Okay. Okay. No line. Literally

19:23

walked in and said to the guy, is something

19:25

wrong? I was like, we're going to wait in

19:27

line for an hour, like eat before you go

19:29

because we'll probably sit, like go pee because we'll

19:31

probably sit in line. Not a single person

19:33

in line. That's when you know it was, you were off to a good

19:36

start. Oh my God. That was the thing. It was

19:38

warm. Like I didn't have to bring my big bulky

19:40

jacket. We got a spot right at the bar

19:42

and had space. But it had

19:44

people in it, so it didn't feel empty. I

19:46

was like, what's happening right now? Unheard

19:49

of. Also, we didn't stay at the front

19:51

of the Dubliner. We went to the back bar.

19:53

Oh, okay. And it was like a quarter of the people

19:55

and everyone was slammed in the front. And we

19:57

had a spot at the bar the entire time. What

20:00

dreams are made of, truly. What dreams are motherfucking made of.

20:03

And so we're sitting there and me and Sarah get right

20:05

in. She showed up a couple minutes after me. Karen

20:08

showed up 22 minutes after

20:10

us and waited in line for an hour. Yeah.

20:14

No. Yes. 22

20:16

minutes. That's, that doesn't

20:19

make sense. I was like, hey, so, I

20:21

know I said there's no line and like praise be to Jesus

20:23

and I like wrote this big long thing and I was like,

20:25

so, I gotta tell

20:27

ya, there, there's a line now. And

20:29

by the time she parked and

20:31

walked up, there was a

20:34

line. Now, they also, which I

20:36

hate when they do this, they want it to look busier than

20:38

it is so they actually make you. Like stagger it. Yeah, so

20:40

she was moving. But they

20:42

always wanted it to look like there was a line

20:44

and I was just like this is so fucking dumb But I

20:46

got she was fine. I got her Magners and

20:48

a shot So when she came into the bar, we were ready to rumble.

20:51

we genuinely had the best time They played

20:53

all my favorite songs. I

20:55

got to see my friend Amelia who I used to work with in

20:57

the bathroom I turn around she was shut the fuck

21:00

up. I love when that happens. Oh,

21:02

yeah, that always happens to you, too I feel like yes

21:04

Yeah, it does. It does. But no, it was so

21:06

fun. And then, of course, the

21:09

very next evening, which was St. Patrick's Day,

21:11

Ed Sheeran was at the Dubliner in

21:14

the room I stood in for friggin six

21:16

hours. How does that even happen? Like, does he call up

21:18

before? He's like, Hey, I'm in town. Would love to stop by an Irish pub.

21:20

Yeah, he like, surprised. He must

21:23

call in advance and just be like, Hey, this is happening.

21:25

Yeah. And he also, his security team must

21:27

have to like, check shit. You can't just like walk

21:30

in. No. Yeah. But of course it was all over tickle

21:32

talk like Ed Sheeran at the fucking Dubliner.

21:34

And I was like, of course not because,

21:37

but I was so happy that people got to see

21:39

him cause he, he seems a sweet angel,

21:41

very legit. I started watching

21:43

Severance again and I'm also starting the newest

21:45

season of White Lotus which I'm very excited

21:48

about. And the one thing I have

21:50

to tell you is I

21:52

was sitting one night and I get asked all

21:54

the time like, What's your favorite movie? Because you know how I consume

21:56

movies and TV shows like crazy.

22:00

And I've never actually sat down and wrote

22:02

a list of perfect

22:04

movies. I feel like it's a long list now. There's

22:06

a criteria, okay, to this list. It

22:08

has to be rewatchable. For

22:10

example, I love the show Les

22:12

Mis. I love the movie. I think it's beautiful.

22:15

I cannot pop on Les Mis on a Tuesday.

22:18

It's too much of a mental in.

22:21

It's too sad. Do you know what I mean? So, it,

22:23

the vibes have to be Yes,

22:25

the vibes have to be 10. And it has

22:28

to be rewatchable. Are you ready for this list?

22:30

It is long. I'm not prepared, but I am. I'm

22:32

gonna just rapid fire through it. now,

22:35

the list is also not done. I keep adding to it

22:37

as I remember things. Yeah, it's hard to just remember

22:39

that. No, so every once in a while,

22:42

like, Joe said something to Erin and he goes, Enough.

22:45

And I was like, oh my god, that Jalen movie is so good.

22:47

And she was like, You can't add

22:49

that, it's too sad. There's too much.

22:52

Okay. Also, Erin calls it the low of a movie.

22:54

We've talked about this. It's like in Bridesmaids

22:56

where she crashes her car and

22:58

she moves home and she's crying and was like, well,

23:01

how's the heading? Right, like sometimes

23:03

the low is too low. Yeah. So

23:05

that was another thing. Okay, you ready? Rogers

23:08

and Hammerstein's Cinderella. This is the one with Brandy,

23:10

Whitney, Whoopi. Bernadette

23:13

Peters forever. Okay. The

23:15

Da Vinci Code. Pirates

23:18

of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black Pearl,

23:20

numero uno. Singing

23:23

in the Rain, Miss Congeniality, Miracle,

23:26

Mighty Ducks, The Dark Knight, Sister

23:28

Act 2, Remember the Titans, Bridesmaids,

23:31

Wedding Crashers, Hangover, Crazy

23:33

Rich Asians, Little Woman, the newer one.

23:36

Not the old one? The wedding date. I

23:38

do love the old one, but I like the new one the best. The

23:42

wedding date, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Sweet

23:44

Home Alabama, Sound of Music, Mamma Mia,

23:47

It's a Wonderful Life, Shrek, Avengers

23:49

Infinity War, Titanic, which

23:52

is kind of goes against everything I said at the

23:54

front, but we stop it after they fall

23:56

in love and they're dancing with the Irish people in the basement. Okay,

23:58

yeah, there's no sinking. No. How

24:01

the Grinch Stole Christmas with Jim Carrey. Obviously.

24:03

Elf, Lion

24:06

King, Toy Story 3,

24:08

Coco, Hercules, Zootopia,

24:13

Holes. You've got

24:15

to go and dig those holes, dig

24:17

it up, dig it.

24:19

Okay, Wicked, obviously.

24:23

Duh. Speed. Have

24:25

you ever seen Speed? I haven't seen any of these movies. Oh

24:27

my god. Seven, The

24:29

Departed, Meet Me in St. Louis, White

24:32

Christmas. Get out. Controversial.

24:35

Harry Potter. In the Prisoner of

24:37

Azkaban. What?

24:41

Oh wait, no. Sorry. I'm thinking of What

24:43

the fuck? I'm thinking of Do you want to

24:45

retract that last statement? Maybe. I'm

24:47

thinking of Half Blood Prince, I think. Okay. What's the one where

24:49

they're in the room with all this stuff?

24:51

That breaks all the glass. Order of the Phoenix.

24:53

Hate that one. No. Oh, the orbs.

24:56

Yes. Yes. That's Order of the Phoenix. And then the Ministry

24:58

of Magic. God, what's wrong with me? Yeah,

25:00

I don't know. That was weird. I'd never do that about Harry Potter.

25:02

Sorry. Yeah, well. Well, that's the one I don't like.

25:04

Get it together. Anyways, I agree with you on that. Sorry. Big

25:07

Daddy. Erin Brockovich.

25:11

You've never seen Erin Brockovich? Oh

25:13

my good lord. Pretty Woman. Another

25:15

controversial one. Selina. It's

25:18

gotta be on there, but it's so fucking sad. Okay. But

25:20

it must be on there. Off the rip. Ocean's

25:23

Eleven. Is

25:26

there an Oceans 12? Yes. Okay, what are

25:28

they about? The ocean? Danny Ocean,

25:31

the man that is George Clooney. And

25:34

I like the one with all the women in it. Sounds

25:38

good. Knives Out, the

25:41

one with Chris Evans, the first one. That's a good one. Jurassic

25:43

Park, The Sweetest Thing, The

25:45

Greatest Showman, Practical Magic,

25:49

Just Go With It, Mrs. Doubtfire,

25:52

Now and Then, Parent Trap, Princess

25:54

Diaries, Hocus Pocus, Sam

25:57

Lott. No

25:59

notes. And that is my list of perfect movies.

26:02

You're definitely gonna think of more, for sure. Yeah, and

26:04

I know that as I go through, but do you know what I mean?

26:06

I've never, like, actually sat down and wrote my

26:09

favorite movies. Now, I think

26:11

The Godfather is incredible,

26:13

and I think Shawshank Redemption is, like, one

26:15

of the best movies ever made. I wasn't going for critically

26:18

acclaimed. I was going for the rewatchability

26:20

and the vibes. Yeah.

26:22

No, no. It's there. Great. You to me. No,

26:25

I know. I'm just prefacing, you know, what

26:27

the list is all about. Come for her, people. Yeah.

26:31

Come for me. What did I miss? What's a perfect movie?

26:33

We'll do a little poll. But yeah, that's really all

26:36

I got. I think I'm gonna re watch Derry Girls

26:38

because I just miss it and I love it so much and

26:40

This would be a good time of year. This is a good time of year

26:42

to do it. But I leave for

26:44

St. Lucia on Saturday, a couple days

26:46

from now. I'm very excited.

26:49

You're leaving me for so long. I'm gonna be gone for

26:51

a month. Are you excited? I'm

26:53

so excited. I'm really happy for you. I just wanna be

26:55

warm and I wanna be on a beach. And

26:58

I want to read my book, and I want to swim.

27:00

What do you have queued up for books? Anything good? I

27:03

actually don't, but I have some Audible credits, so

27:05

I need to do some research before I go.

27:07

Okay. Download some. Some

27:10

new, I don't know. Okay. Some new things.

27:13

Okay. I'm very excited to hear. Yeah,

27:15

I'm so pumped. As you lay your

27:17

arse, your big back arse,

27:19

in the sand. More, more back

27:22

than butt. Over here. I

27:24

am like really on big back, big back TikTok these days. I

27:27

know, I love when people call each

27:29

other big back. I don't know what about it. No

27:31

me too. And I will say today

27:33

I was on TikTok and I got to this TikTok

27:35

and it had hundreds of thousands

27:37

of likes. And I'm like, I wonder what this

27:39

is about. And the girl had those laminated

27:41

eyebrows. So, you know how they're brushing

27:43

them up and they look like Yeah,

27:46

I like them. Cat of hate. Do you? When

27:48

all of the hairs stick up You

27:50

need to It's a certain type of face that can pull them off.

27:53

No, there isn't a face that can pull them off.

27:55

No, disagree completely. You think

27:57

laminated brows, like when they're sticking

27:59

all the way up straight, is cute. Yeah, on some

28:02

people. I think they look good. I think they completely change your facial structure.

28:04

I actually need you to show me an example

28:06

of what you mean because I don't believe you.

28:08

Okay, I'll find one after this. Okay, great. So

28:10

this girl had these brows. And everyone,

28:12

I just opened the comments and it was like, What in

28:14

the Eugene Levy? And someone

28:17

was like, I'm gonna hold your hand when

28:19

I tell you this. And people

28:21

were just like, Sorry, couldn't eat, didn't listen

28:23

to a word you say. All I heard was eyebrows, like

28:25

people were coming for her. That person probably either

28:28

did it wrong or didn't, doesn't need them. And one

28:30

girl wrote, I just hope for you.

28:32

You've realized it's eyebrow blindness.

28:35

It happens to the best of us. And if you actually

28:37

listen to the comments, like it may help you. And

28:39

she was like, got it. And

28:42

I, I love light bullying. Cause

28:45

some people do need direction.

28:47

It's like humbling a little bit. You need to be humble. I

28:49

don't want someone to get online and be like, go kill

28:52

yourself. Like that's it. I don't like harmful

28:54

bullying. But someone who's just like, hey

28:57

girl, why has no one told you in your life

28:59

you gotta just put those brows down a little. Just

29:02

a little. Those aren't where your eyebrows go. I

29:04

hate to tell you. They're far too

29:06

high. They're touching your, your forehead

29:09

line. Yeah, no, I need to see that

29:11

cause that must be insane cause that's not what I'm thinking of at all.

29:13

Okay. All right. I'll show you later. But yeah, light

29:15

bullying on the internet is okay with me. That's my hot

29:17

take of the day. Okay. I'm really

29:19

happy to hear that. That's like semi hateful and you never say

29:21

those things. I'm just like, wow. Can I tell you,

29:24

I had a really hateful thought the other day.

29:26

What was it? So I was driving down a

29:28

street and it was a street where

29:30

Cars are parked on the side and when

29:33

cars are parked on the side It is not big enough for

29:35

two cars to go past each other So

29:37

there's a lot of like driving up and then pulling over

29:39

where you can letting people go and doing that

29:42

horrible It was also during

29:44

rush hour traffic so cars and

29:46

it's by a four way stop. So everyone's

29:49

just It's mayhem, okay?

29:52

And a guy came out of

29:54

his house to pull something out

29:56

of his backseat, okay? And

29:58

he went on the side of

30:01

the road, not from the curb.

30:03

He probably had to sit there forever. And then opened his

30:05

door and just did his business.

30:07

And I was like, I'm sorry. If

30:09

you look, if you just looked at your

30:12

surroundings right now, you would see that this

30:14

is a really poor time to take

30:16

up, like full car door, didn't

30:18

get in and shut the door, like left it open

30:21

and was halfway bent through his car for

30:23

like five minutes. Hmm. And

30:25

I was like, I just hope the next

30:27

time you are in a rush, you show yourself. I

30:30

just really

30:32

want you to stub your fucking toe

30:34

or step on the sharpest Lego anyone's ever

30:36

seen. I was hoping you were gonna say like I really wanted to clip

30:38

him in that moment, but I think that would suck. Oh no, I

30:40

feel like that's an intrusive thought. Okay.

30:43

Okay. Like if you're driving down the street and you're like,

30:45

I wonder if I just like, whoop. Yeah, that's true.

30:47

That's more intrusive. I was just like,

30:49

oh, fuck that guy. And

30:51

then I was like, that was Did it feel good though? Say

30:55

yes. I Shh. It felt amazing.

30:58

What? I don't know. I was just like, oh,

31:00

fuck you. And then I went about

31:02

my business and didn't think about it until right now. Okay.

31:06

Whatever. Do you appreciate? A little

31:08

bit. A little. It's not hateful enough?

31:10

No. Cool.

31:12

Like, I want deep depths of your

31:14

soul. Oh, I don't have that for anything. Whatever.

31:19

What a waste of fucking time and energy that would

31:21

be. Never. Yes, Colleen.

31:24

Oh, please. Pesh posh hate flowers.

31:26

A great hour of the day. I'll tell you. No, I'm not saying

31:29

I love to talk shit about someone who deserves

31:31

to be talked shit about. I

31:34

don't like hateful for no reason.

31:37

There's a difference. I believe. I agree. Like

31:40

if, if someone we know did something

31:42

fucked up, we would talk about it. And I,

31:44

I wouldn't be like, I, 'cause another

31:46

thing I hate is when people, when you're trying to talk

31:48

shit and someone's like, I don't think that,

31:51

shut up. Yeah, no, shut up. Shut up. If

31:53

there's cause, it's fine. That's what I mean. There's

31:55

always cause. There's cause for everyone on my hate list.

31:57

There are people you don't know on that list, Colleen. Yeah,

32:00

but like JoJo Siwa deserves to be on it. Right,

32:02

but I would disagree. It's

32:04

not everybody you know, or who deserves it, who's done

32:07

something personally offensive towards you.

32:10

But they suck. Okay.

32:13

And cheers to that. And cheers to that.

32:15

She won't cheers me to that. No, I will. Hold on.

32:17

Yay! Why don't

32:19

you say something positive and nice about yourself? If

32:24

we're doing a little Freaky Friday

32:27

role change here. Um. Colleen.

32:32

I'm trying to think of what would It, it just shouldn't

32:34

be that hard. One nice thing

32:36

about yourself. One. My

32:39

hair looks better because I did my greys. I'll

32:42

take it. Yeah. It's weirdly

32:44

you shitting on yourself, but I'll take it.

32:47

Yeah, that'll do.

32:50

That'll do, donkey. Shave my toes, they're better

32:52

today. Oh. Okay,

32:56

just a light graze over the

32:58

pups. Some light graze, hairy toes, whole thing. She

33:01

comes into my house today. No pussy out, which

33:03

I was really thankful for. But she takes her

33:05

socks off and she just starts waving

33:08

them around. She's like, sorry, these smell. in

33:12

the living room. Yeah, I had to air them

33:14

out. My feet definitely smell. Something happened to me

33:16

today where I was like, can we just not, like, can we just

33:18

control the bodily functions for nine seconds? I

33:20

sneezed so because, like, I'm ill randomly for no

33:22

reason. I sneezed so aggressively while I

33:24

was walking that I legitimately peed my pants, like, to

33:26

the point where there was a droplet going down my leg. Like, I fully

33:28

peed. I didn't have to pee though, that's the thing.

33:31

So like, I can never have children. I

33:33

can't, I, how do I fix this? You gotta do your kegels.

33:36

I do! I have to do my, I've been doing my pelvic floor

33:38

exercises. I, that

33:40

sometimes happens to me when I vomit. Yeah,

33:42

of course it happens to me when I vomit, you already know that.

33:45

But like, to sneeze while I'm walking at work in

33:47

a dress? Sneezing's tough, and there's

33:49

really no cute way to like, cross your legs

33:51

mid walk without it being obvious. My mom does it.

33:54

My mother does it. And I don't want to be that.

33:57

Alright, maybe we should work on our Kegels. I do my

33:59

Kegels. Ready? 1, 2,

34:01

3, pull! Clench!

34:04

Clench thou pussy. Adding

34:08

it to our list of commandments, do

34:10

thy Kegel. Speaking of, Kegels?

34:13

No, no, no. Pussies? No, no, no, it's relatable.

34:16

Kind of. What? No, no, no, no pussies,

34:18

but language, yes.

34:20

Oh. I have no idea what this is about.

34:22

This is a complete Colleen episode, so,

34:25

yeah, I have the wine and I'm ready to go. Because

34:28

my own notes, like, you know how my own notes

34:30

are. Oh, okay. Like

34:32

what? Oh my god, it doesn't have

34:34

a period, it's not even capitalized, it's nothing.

34:36

And it's in between two paragraphs.

34:39

Like you spaced it extra. Oh, okay.

34:42

Alright, pop off. Because you know what I do during like

34:44

my work day, which like I should be doing my work day, if I'm like

34:46

writing out my thoughts, like for the pod, I'll just

34:48

be like, that's what my brain is doing. It goes, okay.

34:51

And then I'll put it. And then I'll be like, next sentence.

34:53

My sentence fragments. Got it.

34:56

You know? Sidebar, I had a thought. Yesterday.

34:59

And I was sitting there, you know, on the toilet, minding my business,

35:02

and I Really questioning your life. Yeah, and I

35:04

made eye contact with Q tips on the counter,

35:06

and I thought to myself, whoever invented

35:08

the Q tips, fucking genius, they must

35:10

be loaded. Who and why

35:13

did we invent the Q tip? To clean

35:16

the ear? I know, but like, how did someone

35:18

just come about the Q tip? How did we name it?

35:21

Have we ever thought about that? I don't know.

35:24

Colleen? The people at home, you're all wondering it. I've

35:26

just thought it. Okay. I know

35:28

this is a question you've had about yourself your whole

35:30

life. So I have you've looked at

35:32

them. Did you ask about chibi tea? I

35:34

did. I feel

35:37

like I need to share the tea. Like I feel like I'm giving the

35:39

world the good tea. The good, the good Lord. Wow, I'm so

35:41

excited. I asked Miss girl,

35:43

okay, and she said the q tip was invented

35:45

in 1923 by Leo Gerkensang

35:47

Gerkensang, some bullshit like that, a

35:49

Polish American inventor. The idea came to him

35:51

after he saw his wife Wrapping cotton

35:54

around a toothpick to clean their baby's ears. So

35:56

technically she invented it Not you. As all good ideas

35:59

come from the wife. Realizing the potential

36:01

for a safer and more effective tool He developed a cotton Schwab

36:03

with cotton securely at the end

36:05

of a small wooden stick. They were originally

36:08

called baby gays Baby

36:10

gays! I love that name.

36:13

Like not a big gay but a baby gay. A baby gay. I

36:15

want to take a baby gay and put them in my pocket and bring

36:17

them everywhere I go. Sorry.

36:19

Fuck you. I

36:23

don't know. The product

36:25

was later rebranded as Q tips with the Q standing

36:28

for quality. And they were originally marketed

36:30

for baby care and then they became popular for usage

36:32

including, including personal hygiene, makeup application,

36:34

and household cleaning. Okay. That's where the

36:37

okay was afterwards. So then That's

36:39

so wild. Yeah. So that was my random

36:41

plot of the day. And then all of a sudden I spiraled into chat GPT

36:44

and I was asking it so many random things. And it's,

36:47

that's a story for a different day. So anyways,

36:49

brought me to the topic of the day. Okay. Okay.

36:51

I'm ready. Today we're going to talk about, wait, do you

36:53

want to guess? Can you give me a category?

36:56

No. Cool. Can

36:58

you narrow it down for me in any way? It's not

37:00

murder. That

37:02

is not narrowing weirdly enough. Is

37:04

it history? No, it's not history. It's a certain

37:07

type of person, a group of people. A

37:09

cult? No, but it, you're

37:11

getting there, kind of. Oh

37:13

God, is this a church thing? No, but

37:16

that's, oh God, I could never delve into that. Oh,

37:18

your sister and I had a conversation, you, we, you,

37:20

you specifically, respectfully, must cover

37:23

the hunger strike and the whole, whatever's

37:27

going, whatever went down over there in Ireland. You've asked

37:29

me, you've asked me that before. I just think you do so good

37:31

at it. Okay, when I get home. Okay.

37:34

I'm not even just saying that to placate you. I mean it.

37:36

I'll do it. You're welcome. Because I just know I

37:38

want to address this and you'll do so good. So today we're

37:40

talking about serial squatters, people

37:44

who don't leave homes. Are you

37:46

fucking kidding me? Oh

37:48

my God. Like that man who was in that wall.

37:52

Yes, but no, not him. Do you know what I'm talking

37:54

about? The woman who had like the side piece in the

37:56

wall for years and years

37:58

and years. Sorry. No,

38:01

like people do that. Like, this is a thing. Have you ever seen the movie Frogger

38:04

frogging? No. So frogging is

38:06

like Legit just like, living

38:08

in people's walls, like, all the time.

38:12

And there's a movie called, like, Frogs. Frogging?

38:14

It's good. It's a good movie. Okay. People

38:16

Froggers? Froggers, maybe, yeah. So, do they steal

38:19

from the kitchen when people are out?

38:21

What if they don't leave? No, they just literally need a

38:23

home. That's all.

38:25

How do they get their food? How do they get Stealing?

38:28

I don't know. Depends. Maybe they go out

38:30

during the day and get food and come home. Because that's their home.

38:32

I don't know. They live in the walls. Not any Not nowadays

38:34

where everything has, like, the ring camera.

38:38

There's a, there's a will, there's a way. Wow.

38:40

Sometimes, well no, so those are people living in the walls.

38:42

This is a little different. Of all the

38:44

things. But you just said they would sneak out and

38:46

go get groceries. Yeah, that's like one way to do it. Or there's people that do

38:48

what, what we're gonna talk about. Which is different.

38:51

It's like a legal thing. Oh my god,

38:53

I'm losing my mind. So I

38:55

asked our girl ChachiBT to explain

38:57

what a serial squatter really is. Okay? This is for the normal

39:00

people. Cool? A serial

39:02

squatter is basically the Houdini of unpaid living.

39:04

Someone who magically appears in a home, refuses

39:06

to leave, and vanishes just in time to avoid

39:08

eviction. They treat eviction Notices

39:11

like a party invitation and landlords like annoying

39:13

exes. They just ignore them if couch surfing

39:16

were an Olympic sport They'd have gold medals and then

39:18

ghosting the landlord. Okay, so this is a little different

39:20

from people living in the walls If

39:22

you look away with it and also for giggle, I

39:24

also asked our girl two things one being

39:27

How would Rue describe a serial squatter? And

39:31

I, instead of putting, describe a serial squatter,

39:33

I meant to say like, explain what a, what

39:35

a squatter is. But instead it was like, how would you describe

39:37

a serial squatter to somebody else? And,

39:41

chat, chat girly told us. If you

39:43

stay rent free longer than a bad wig at a drag

39:45

brunch, it's time to sashay away, preferably

39:48

to a lease in your own name. And I was

39:50

like, wait a minute, girl. This one had

39:52

me wheezing. I don't know where this one came from. I said,

39:54

I asked, how would you describe a cereal squatter

39:56

to a pilgrim coming over on the Mayflower? And

40:00

so I'm thinking they would like dumb it down. Yeah. This

40:02

is what I got. Oh, was it like ye olde

40:04

English? Imagine the half

40:07

Tilled thy land, built thy

40:09

home, and laid thy table with

40:11

the fruits of thy labor. Yet

40:13

lo and behold, a stranger doth

40:15

arrive, unbidden, and taketh

40:17

up residence within thy dwelling.

40:19

They refuse to depart, nor do they toil,

40:22

nor pay tribute. Nay, they merely linger,

40:24

moving from homestead to homestead, living

40:26

off the sweat of others whilst claiming

40:29

each hearth as their own. I

40:32

am screaming! Isn't that

40:34

crazy? I just thought that it would be like, these bitches

40:36

won't leave, and I got like, the hearth

40:38

to hearth. When you said to

40:41

the pilgrims, I'm like, I wonder if they'll do it old

40:43

English. That is

40:45

fucking incredible. Petition

40:47

to start talking like this. I think we should. Petition

40:50

to bring this back? It's kind of a

40:52

slay. It's kind of a slay. Like, it's just a way to be more

40:54

dramatic. Which? You

40:56

do not need an invitation to do. Says

40:59

her. I

41:01

consider that a challenge. And I'll take it,

41:03

boy. Alright, now that my vagina's sweating.

41:05

Specifically today, we are going to talk about a

41:07

lad. And his name is Jameson

41:10

Bachman. Okay? Jameson,

41:12

our pal, he was born on December

41:15

24th in 1956. Oh, a little

41:17

Christmas Eve, baby. Yeah! In

41:19

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Great

41:21

USA. As

41:24

a kid, Bachman had been groomed

41:26

for greatness. Oh, also,

41:29

sidebar, just to make you happy, there is a documentary

41:31

called Worst Roommates. Ever.

41:33

On. Netflix. That's where this is from. That's it. That

41:36

and ChatGPT. Great! Cool. Thank

41:38

you for saying your sources. Yeah, of course. Of

41:40

course, any time. Jameson was

41:42

raised by his parents in

41:45

an area called Elkins Park. It was super old,

41:47

elegant, posh, think like a lot

41:49

of houses close together, Victorian vibes. Great

41:51

neighborhood to live in in Philly, okay? His father

41:53

owned a construction company, his mom stayed at home, classic

41:55

old school fam things. Sure. Had a brother

41:58

named Harry. Such a cute name. Harry.

42:00

Harry was four years older than Jameson. Harry!

42:03

Harry Harry was

42:05

handsome and talented. He was

42:07

a baddie. He was doing soccer.

42:10

He was in the school productions of Camelot

42:12

and all these other fucking things. Like he was Oh,

42:14

pop off King. Yeah. He was giving like your mom and

42:16

that like, you know, you're always like your mom did it all back in the day. Like

42:18

she was doing all the shit she was in. She dipped her

42:21

toes everywhere. Like Harry was in it. He was

42:23

balls deep. Harry was balls deep

42:25

in. She will love that comparison.

42:27

you'll love balls deep in activities. Harry

42:31

was outgoing, he was humble, and he

42:33

was successful, okay? But Jameson, however,

42:37

he was extremely self

42:39

confident and just honestly low key a dick. Like,

42:41

yeah, he was successful, yeah, he was smart. Egotistical.

42:43

Yeah, but he was, like, Harry was humble.

42:46

Jameson was a jackass. Cool? Got

42:48

it. Thank you. One of the childhood

42:51

friends who was actually seen in the episode

42:53

on Netflix is named Bob. Bob is in it throughout but

42:55

I think Bob was in it for clout. Bob was like Do we like

42:57

Bob? I liked Bob but I can tell like

42:59

Bob was just like Maybe Netflix came a calling

43:01

and Bob was into it more than Bob was Dialed.

43:04

Yeah. Bob was dialed in. You

43:07

would do it too for a chick! I

43:10

would. Bob says he was the

43:12

cockiest kid you've probably ever met. He

43:15

had no doubts about his own abilities. His cockiness obviously

43:17

spoke for himself. Itself. He

43:20

had high grades. He was really good at tennis. Which,

43:22

like, ick. I hate when men are good at tennis. It's

43:24

giving Menendez. Why? It's giving Menendez. It's

43:26

giving, you're rich and you're an asshole. And

43:28

you're pretentious. And hello. Here we are. It is

43:30

a rich person sport. But I'm like not,

43:32

I don't get to think about like pickleball, but like tennis for some reason,

43:34

I'm like, ugh. But when girls do pickleball,

43:37

no problem. I mean, when girls do tennis, no issue. I mean,

43:39

Coco. It's men. I don't know what it is.

43:41

Serena and Venus. Maybe it's just when men do anything.

43:43

I don't know. Maybe.

43:46

I don't know. Don't you hate when men

43:49

Period. Oh, that's a period. Period.

43:55

He also spent a lot of time reading books

43:57

on the history of western civilization. The

44:00

cocky one did. Like, if somebody So he thinks

44:02

he's smarter than everybody. He would absolutely start a podcast.

44:04

100%. No,

44:06

I know. Okay. I know, I know what I just said. On

44:09

the podcast. Okay. No, I know. He,

44:11

like, loved learning. Like, cool. Great. We get it.

44:14

I think he just wants to be smarter than everybody else.

44:16

Correct. It speaks for itself. His

44:19

high school yearbook blurb. Oh God.

44:22

Yeah. Instead of like, live while

44:24

we're young, like YOLO, like things like that people

44:26

wrote, you know? Yeah. His said, fools

44:28

say that they learn by experience. I prefer

44:30

to profit by others experiences. Oh.

44:33

It's like, okay, mine was literally like, and the

44:35

rest is still unwritten or something stupid

44:37

like that. Like, probably if I had to guess. I don't even remember what

44:39

it was. Yeah. What was yours? I don't, I don't think

44:41

I remember. I have, I think it was just

44:44

our pictures. I don't think we got

44:46

a saying. Oh, we got like a whole blurb. We could write

44:48

whatever we wanted. Oh, I'm sure mine would have been

44:50

so fucking cringey and annoying. Yeah.

44:52

I don't, I don't ever want to see mine. I'm sure I made like reference to

44:54

like drinking Reuben off in the basement or something. Like, it's

44:56

probably like inside joke, LOL, insider.

44:59

You know, that is something I would do. Yeah.

45:01

Yeah. So I never wanna see that again. I'd be

45:03

like cheering forever. there

45:05

was a guy, I'm, I'm sure I probably

45:08

talked about this before, but there was a guy in my high

45:10

school that literally didn't speak a word. I'm not joking for four

45:12

years. Like that was like the thing, like he did not, he

45:14

was a mute. Like he literally did not speak and

45:16

there was nothing in his bo his blurb like

45:18

normal people are like, thanks, mom and dad. Like that's what people

45:20

put. It was literally like a weird quote about

45:22

silence. And it was

45:25

like, it like gives me the chills to read. I have to

45:27

find it. It's crazy. Where is he now?

45:29

I don't know. I hope he's well.

45:31

Yeah. I don't know. And without weapons. And

45:35

let us pray. Let us pray. After

45:39

high school, he attended Georgetown University

45:41

and the University of Miami. I think he went to Tulane

45:43

for like a hot minute too, because like, we'll get into that. And

45:45

his teacher said he had remarkable talents. He was one

45:47

of a kind. People were obsessed with him. He was really smart.

45:50

No shock there. Obviously, he's an overachiever and a

45:52

fucking loser. He was fascinated by

45:54

law and thought that he was going to be his knack in his whole

45:56

life. That's what he went to school for. He did

45:58

like a deep dive into studying law. That

46:00

was his plan. However,

46:03

he failed his bar exam, which like, okay,

46:05

happens. Yeah, people take that multiple times.

46:07

Didn't attempt to take it again. Oh.

46:10

Which is kind of weird because you put your whole pussy into it. Why not

46:12

just take it again? Yeah, it must have been too much of a blow to

46:14

his ego to not pass it. Not sure.

46:17

So basically, all of his legal learning, all

46:19

of his legal talents that he now has were Useless.

46:21

To no one but himself. Yep. Bookmark

46:23

that, okay? Okay. Bye Jameson. So he knows a

46:25

lot about Yes. Law. Jameson.

46:28

Bye! Bye Jameson. Bye Jameson. Now

46:30

let's talk about our robe. Oh my god, I'm wearing the Jameson

46:32

shirt. It's like I That's

46:34

so weird. I'm literally wearing a t

46:37

shirt that says Jameson on it. I don't think I like that.

46:40

It's freaking me out. It's freaking me out a little bit.

46:43

I haven't worn this shirt in like a year. It

46:46

is this time of year. It's like a no. It's

46:48

like a no. Okay. Sorry, please continue. I know

46:50

you're fine. Let's meet our girl Alex, okay?

46:52

Okay. Alex Miller, she's an average Philadelphia

46:54

girly pop. Just your average,

46:57

average gal. Okay. I wanna say she's like mid thirties,

46:59

maybe like early forties. Okay. Like she

47:01

should probably, like you, she probably Could use a husband

47:03

like that's her like that's her part of her life where she's

47:05

at like she's like I needed A husband. I'm a single girl. I thought

47:07

you were saying that for her. No, I just see

47:09

my face I know that's like where she's at in life I mean

47:11

like oh she wants to give you some insight about like what's

47:14

her current status of like what's gonna happen to her Like

47:16

this is just like also shitty like that's just annoying So

47:18

she's living by herself like she's just like trying to

47:21

figure it out. She's a broke bitch. She

47:23

needs some assistance Okay,

47:25

cool. So she it's 2016

47:28

She needs some help with rent. She posts on a Craigslist

47:31

ad and says, I need a roomie. Holla at your girl.

47:33

Are you normal? Call me. Okay?

47:35

Yeah. Can I just say, like, enough with

47:38

Craigslist. Who's using fucking Craigslist?

47:40

I don't know. I know a lot of people use Facebook

47:42

marketplace, Poshmarker, all that stuff. But like,

47:44

Craigslist is For ads?

47:46

Like, hit Facebook. It must be cheapest.

47:50

I mean, I guess. It's free. But like, so is it Facebook?

47:52

Yeah, I don't know, actually. Can we get on Facebook? Make a post? There's so

47:54

many Facebook groups. Join one. God damn it.

47:57

Jesus Christ. Yeah,

48:00

I genuinely have not been on Craigslist

48:02

in 15 years. You know why the last time I was on Craigslist? When

48:05

that man was mean to me at the bar and I posted

48:07

Oh, his, yeah. Yeah.

48:09

That was the last time I was on all those websites

48:11

who he'd get. That's how I know he's free. It's free. Yeah.

48:14

Gotcha. Because he didn't deserve a dime. No.

48:18

So, Alex here is from this man named Jed Creek.

48:20

They speak on the phone. He's interested. He

48:22

passes all of her tests. He seems super normal. So,

48:25

they take the next step and they go to meet and have coffee and

48:27

just like Vibe. She's

48:30

impressed by him. He's clean. He's handsome.

48:32

He's charming. He buys her a latte. Okay,

48:35

pop off. Men don't do that ever. The

48:39

bar is so low it's in hell. No red flags at

48:41

all. She's like, I was very sus at the beginning

48:43

because obviously she said that when I talked on the phone He was

48:45

like, so where is this apartment? And she's like, I don't feel comfortable telling

48:47

you that. Why the fuck would I tell you? I don't know you. So he's

48:49

like, oh my god, no worries. Like, let's meet for coffee.

48:51

So That's what they did. Okay. So in our flags

48:53

he tells her he's like a tutor and like a lawyer

48:56

on the side or some shit. He shows her

48:58

his like website to show that he's legit

49:00

and he passes all of her tests. So she's like, okay,

49:02

fine. He has a dog.

49:04

She has a dog. The dog's made. They're

49:06

happy. They like each other. That was like the

49:08

last part of the test. She's so excited

49:11

She's like he's the perfect fit like bring that ass

49:13

here done He's a gentleman

49:15

even better He signed a check that day and moved in

49:18

that very night, which I'd be like, this is fucking

49:20

weird Where were you just residing three hours ago? Yeah,

49:22

that's a little too fast. You

49:24

want someone to go desperate? Yeah,

49:26

she needs it. You'll see that as it seems normal,

49:28

which you'll see that as a trend Desperate

49:30

people. He knows who to target. Yep.

49:33

Gotcha. But you know what I mean?

49:35

Sociopaths are known for

49:37

being able to, I mean, Anne

49:39

Rule fucking sat next to

49:41

Ted Bundy. They knew the guy's name was Ted.

49:43

They knew what he drove. And there was a drawing

49:46

of him that came out and she was still like, that

49:48

can't be Ted Bundy. Because he's so

49:50

normal. He's so nice. He has a Genesee Queef.

49:53

He has a Genesee Queef about him. this

49:56

is what they're good at, unfortunately. We want all

49:58

people like this to just be really, really obvious

50:01

in their best camouflage is that they're,

50:03

they're not. So now it's like, who

50:05

do we trust these days? Right. No one. Not

50:08

a damn person. God damn it.

50:10

God damn. God damn 2025.

50:12

God damn. The pilgrims did not

50:14

have to deal with this. They did. No,

50:17

they definitely didn't. No, they

50:19

just had like dysentery and

50:21

polio and The

50:23

plague. The whole ass plague. I'd

50:26

take that. Smallpox. I'd take that over

50:28

these fucking people. The smallpox,

50:30

Colleen. The smallpox blankets. What

50:32

the fuck's that? Sorry, I'm

50:35

not into smallpox. I don't know. Alright,

50:37

sorry, move on. We'll go down a rabbit hole. Also,

50:40

he moves in with a cat. She's like,

50:42

sir, you never mentioned a cat? Oh, I own a

50:44

pet now as well? Yeah, I'm allergic.

50:46

That's shitty. She's allergic. That's shitty. So

50:49

he's like, what the fuck? You gotta tell them

50:51

about the pets. So remember the cat. The cat

50:53

comes back too? Oh, yeah, the cat's Yeah.

50:56

Main character. The cat's the main

50:58

character, Abigail. I think it's named

51:00

as Abigail, I'm pretty sure. So

51:02

she's like, I'm allergic. Also, if you are going to watch

51:04

this documentary, you've got to

51:06

be mean for five seconds. Alex, insufferable. She

51:09

has the most annoying, she kind of like has a lisp a little

51:11

bit, which is fine, but it's just there's something about her.

51:13

She has like this haircut that doesn't go along.

51:16

It's one of those people that you watch while they talk,

51:18

like you need to watch their mouth and you're like, there's

51:21

just something wrong with you. I don't know.

51:23

I don't know how to explain it. If you watch it, you'll completely understand I'm

51:25

not being a bitch. Like, it's weird. Okay, noted.

51:27

So that's just, it's tough. Okay. I mean,

51:29

she went through some shit. It's fine. Just remember

51:31

that. Brings the cat, she's like,

51:33

I'm allergic, and he says, don't worry girl they

51:36

never leave the room, you'll never see them. As someone who was

51:38

forced to live with two cats, separately,

51:40

I mean, cats on, one cat

51:42

on two separate occasions, sorry, forcefully.

51:45

Like I had a cat growing up that I did not want, and then I moved

51:47

in, and I had a cat that I did not like. I

51:49

know for a fact that Maybe they're not seen. You know

51:51

that they're there. They are there. Their

51:53

hair is everywhere, their fucking

51:55

litter is everywhere. They are there. You

51:58

may not see them, but you know. So he's lying,

52:00

okay? It's just not possible.

52:03

He also didn't have a mattress or a bed. He simply just

52:05

slept on a big pile of comforters on the floor.

52:08

And she was like, what the fuck? And he was like, no, no, it's fine.

52:10

It's fine. It's cool. Cool.

52:13

The property manager. Requires

52:15

him, obviously, to fill out a background check,

52:17

to rent on the property, to be on the lease alongside

52:19

Alex, because Hello.

52:21

Safety. Right? So Alex

52:23

leaves one on the kitchen table and he's like, she's like,

52:26

Mr. Manz, you gotta fill this out for

52:28

the property owner, like not me, for him. And

52:30

he's like, girl, no problem. I'm on it. Never

52:32

does it. She reminds him multiple

52:34

times. Doesn't do it. She gives up. Ever

52:37

heard of a red flag? Just wondering. There

52:40

are so many so far. Just wondering. She saw that

52:42

check, that first front check waving at her face and went through

52:45

and she said, okay, King, you're in my home. Which

52:47

I get, but also, ugh. This

52:49

is like the start of. I

52:51

was going to say every Netflix documentary, but almost

52:53

every horror movie too. Correct. Yeah.

52:56

That's like, wasn't there She's desperate!

52:58

Wasn't that the Barbarian where the bitch was on the wall

53:00

with the boobs? Yes,

53:02

but I don't think that was the context. I don't think

53:04

someone was like, I need to live somewhere. I think it was just

53:06

like, But she was living in the wall, and she just

53:09

like naked ran through. Yeah, she was like living in the basement

53:11

of the bulkhead. Yeah. It was weird. And she's like running

53:13

through with her yitties, going, going crazy.

53:16

Going crazy. And he was like, and she, he

53:18

was like licking her teat. And like milking.

53:20

Yeah. I don't know. It was weird. Oh, God. I'm sorry

53:23

I brought it up. Yeah, it was a tough time. Justin Long, I

53:25

can't look at him after that. They

53:29

get into a routine of living together. Things are totally

53:31

fine. But when he moves in, they're

53:33

under agreement that they're gonna split all the bills. Because,

53:35

duh, you're splitting an apartment, you split the bills, common

53:37

sense. Alex asked him to pay 140

53:40

for his half of the utility bills for the first month, and he's

53:42

like, no, this money, this bill, is

53:44

for the month before I moved in. Like, are

53:47

you fucking stupid, basically? And

53:49

she's like, okay, I'm not gonna press him on it, but he's

53:51

kinda wrong, but like, whatever. Shut

53:54

my trap. Mm hmm. I'd probably honestly do the

53:56

same thing to be honest if he was like rude to me and like press

53:58

back I'd be like, okay, I'm not gonna argue with

54:00

you And so she pressed him to pay again and he text her

54:02

we can handle this in court if you prefer Oh

54:05

Jesus zero to a hundred. Also,

54:08

you're a pussy. You can't say that to her in person. You have to text

54:10

her Yeah, whoa, whoa,

54:12

whoa. So now she's like, oh, here you

54:14

fucking go. Yep. And so it begins.

54:16

Yep. She presses him in person about the bills.

54:18

Good for her. And he, he laughs at her. And

54:21

when she says that, when he laughs at her, it's just,

54:23

it's not right, it's sinister. Ugh. That's

54:25

like when the chill goes down your spine and you go, oh,

54:28

fuck, I made a mistake. Like you're fucked. Yes. I've

54:30

made a grave mistake. So

54:32

Alex is shitting him in her drawers.

54:35

In her drawers. In her drawersies. One

54:37

day when she comes home, he has taken

54:39

out all of the lightbulbs out of everything

54:41

in the house and put them in his room and his lamps. So

54:44

she's like walking around trying to turn on the lights and there's no fucking

54:46

bulbs anywhere. I

54:48

would And he's like, what do you do? Because So

54:51

she he's like in his room, so she's like, Jed? Like,

54:53

where are the where'd the light be?

54:55

Like, where are the bulbs? I would lose my fucking

54:57

mind. That would that would drive me

54:59

crazy. Oh no, I would lose it. And he's

55:02

like, oh, they're in here. And she's like Oh,

55:04

okay. Can I have them back? I don't,

55:07

I don't, I don't even think she asked for them back. I think she's just like, okay, that's

55:09

kind of weird. Maybe she's like, put them back

55:11

when you're done? Like, I don't know. Then she realizes

55:13

her dining table chairs are missing and

55:15

she's like, Jed, where the fuck are my chairs?

55:17

And he's like, well, I took them to make a desk

55:19

in my room. And she's like, what the fuck? Why do you need four

55:21

chairs for that? You don't need all those chairs. Cause there

55:23

were six originally. Yeah. And he says, well, there's two

55:25

of us. Like, why the fuck do you need six chairs? And they're

55:28

yelling from behind a closed door. And

55:30

she's like, okay, thanks.

55:32

It's like she's. I mean he's not wrong like I guess

55:34

it's just weird. So then comes rent.

55:36

He obviously does not pay rent because

55:39

we're all shocked by that. Doesn't pay it. Refuses.

55:43

To get out of paying his rent, he would use excuses like

55:45

a dirty plate was left out or like a cigarette butt was

55:47

in the toilet and he would say it,

55:49

it breached the warranty of, I can't

55:51

say this word, I've just, I've tried it so many times,

55:55

habit, habit, habitability?

55:58

Like ha, like, your habitat? Habitat

56:01

ability? Habit,

56:04

habitat. For

56:08

humanity. Habitaptability.

56:14

Habitually? No. Habit.

56:16

Habit. Habit apt

56:19

actually is the song. Habit

56:22

apt ability. I'm

56:25

not crazy, come on. I

56:28

want the fuckin third grade spelling bee. I'm not stupid.

56:31

I used to get it on purpose. Habit ability. No,

56:33

it's because it says habitat. Habit

56:36

ability. I'm not It's

56:38

not that.

56:43

Hold on. This is crazy.

56:47

actually have to look this up.

56:49

You know what it's reminding me of? He's like, Nemi,

56:51

Nemi, Nemi. Inemity.

56:54

Inemity. Habitat. Habitat.

57:00

No, it's habitability. Habitability. Habitability!

57:03

I said habitability. Oh, maybe

57:05

I, habitability.

57:08

Okay, cool. Habitability,

57:11

damn it. So it breaches the quote unquote

57:13

warrant of habitability. So Mance

57:15

was using legal terms on Miss

57:17

Girl now. Now he's throwing them out like ditz. He's

57:20

coming in hot. K, Judge Judy? K, pal.

57:22

K, Judge Judy? Mm hmm.

57:25

Mm hmm. So it's clear,

57:27

Jed has now made it clear, Mr. Jed has,

57:30

is, has no intentions of paying Alex

57:32

any money at any point. The

57:34

way I would have someone break his legs. I

57:37

would have his legs broken by the end of that

57:39

day. Oh my god, 100%. So Alex does

57:41

what she thinks is her best bet at the moment

57:43

and she calls mommy. She calls her mother Susan

57:46

and Susan. Susan, get, get the bat.

57:48

No, Susan is on the case. Susan

57:50

springs into action. She's like, I'm on it. Does

57:53

a deep dive on this man. To her surprise.

57:55

To no one's surprise, actually. Rapsheet?

57:57

She cannot find this man anywhere. Oh, even

57:59

better. He simply doesn't

58:02

exist. So she does trace

58:04

his phone number and does like some back ass Behind

58:07

the scenes shit. Yeah. And finds that it belongs

58:10

to none other than a man named Jameson

58:12

Bachman. Oh, Jameson.

58:15

And she unlocks a

58:17

rabbit hole of articles on him. He

58:20

was a serial squatter for years.

58:22

It's 2016, okay? Mm hmm. Who

58:25

has terrorized multiple people. These

58:27

are just people that have come forward about it. Up and down

58:29

the East Coast for over a decade. Over

58:32

a decade? And he was currently living

58:35

in Alex's house. Oh, that's terrifying.

58:37

Literally, what would you do if you were sitting on the computer and found this information

58:40

while he was living in your home? I mean, I'd immediately

58:42

go to the police. Immediately. Yeah.

58:45

And bring all the receipts. So

58:47

Were you not expecting me to say that? No. That's fair.

58:49

That's what most people will do. I'd call that, you know, the uncle.

58:51

Yeah. However He'd be gone. That's

58:54

what you'd have to do because in these cases There

58:57

is nothing you can do, I

59:00

fear. We don't have laws

59:02

against that? We'll get into it. So

59:04

it turned out that he had enough of a

59:06

legal law background, because he

59:08

didn't pass the bucket bar, to use tenant law

59:11

to his full advantage. And he was able

59:13

to get away with not paying rent for So

59:16

like multiple different apartments over for

59:18

years. He was

59:20

weaseling his way into homes. He used like various different

59:22

sob stories I think once was like an ailing mother,

59:25

a girlfriend who kicked him out, a brother with financial problems,

59:27

blah blah blah. Yeah, he was the brother with financial problems

59:29

to be clear. Yeah for several months He appeared

59:31

to be like a perfect person, really

59:33

nice, very Ted Bundy Like you said before

59:36

he showed his true colors and then he got aggressive and crazy.

59:38

So there are many cracks in

59:40

the legal system that make it very possible

59:43

for this to happen and for people to essentially just like not

59:45

be able to evict him. So I learned that it turns

59:47

out that squatters can claim adverse

59:50

possession and tenant rights and they can do it

59:52

legally because they can claim

59:54

a proof of residency like bills or mail.

59:56

So if you receive mail, But

59:59

you haven't paid yet and you can, you can use that

1:00:01

to say like, I live here and you cannot be

1:00:03

taken out. You can have essentially fake bills

1:00:05

sent or just mail in general. Yes, yes.

1:00:07

You receive a fucking wedding invitation, you're

1:00:09

good. So if they've been out of location

1:00:11

for a while and the owner itself hasn't taken action,

1:00:14

that's also important. So Alex hasn't done anything and neither

1:00:16

has the property manager because they're like, she's

1:00:18

just not doing anything about it hasn't taken any

1:00:20

action and they can use the mail addressed

1:00:22

to them for a certain amount of time and they can

1:00:24

prove that they're a tenant and not a trespasser. Okay. Without

1:00:28

having paid a dime. You can do that

1:00:30

legally, which is crazy. Fuckin hell.

1:00:33

So, before Alex, like I said,

1:00:35

he's been doing it for a decade. First one

1:00:37

on record that he did it to was Miss Girl

1:00:39

Arlene. K? Arlene

1:00:41

is a 43 year old professional dog walker.

1:00:44

Aw, love that for her. Professional dog walker.

1:00:46

Sweet angel. Top off Arlene. Arlene.

1:00:49

Arlene. She has blonde hair. No,

1:00:51

she's brunette. She's a brunette? Yeah,

1:00:53

she's a little sweet little short haired brunette. Okay,

1:00:55

adorable. We love her. Tell me more.

1:00:57

She's living in Queens. Okay. And

1:01:00

she lets Javison stay with her in June

1:01:02

of 2006. So this is

1:01:04

ten years prior. Oh my god. I

1:01:06

don't know if she's the first one. Is he hot? He

1:01:09

has to be hot to get away with this. No, he's handsome,

1:01:11

and he's clean looking, but I wouldn't say

1:01:14

he's like, hot. Ted Bundy. Legit.

1:01:17

Yeah, look him up. So I get it, but no,

1:01:19

for me. I don't know, I think there's

1:01:21

a, a little something about

1:01:23

him. I think he's more, maybe he's like a personality

1:01:25

in person. Must've been. That is like a cell. Must've been

1:01:27

super charming. Like a cell, you know? It's June

1:01:30

of 2006, and by the time she

1:01:32

took him in, they actually like, Start casually

1:01:34

dating. Oh boy. Yeah,

1:01:36

so he guarantees

1:01:39

I won't stay longer than two months I promise but

1:01:41

then the two months become six six months

1:01:43

becomes a year one year becomes four.

1:01:46

Oh My god dating

1:01:48

at this point. I don't remember when like they broke up, but

1:01:50

it like didn't last that long And it was totally fine when they broke

1:01:52

up. Wanking

1:01:54

or whatever. He only ever paid

1:01:57

one month's rent Why

1:02:00

that one month and no other time? Do

1:02:02

you know what I mean? So she, one

1:02:05

thing about Arlene, she's trapped by her own conscience

1:02:08

situation. She's an empath, okay?

1:02:11

So she knew that if she

1:02:13

moved out and left him in the dust, because he's not aggressive

1:02:15

with her at this point, like he's just annoying and like won't

1:02:17

pay and like he's kind of a dick, she

1:02:19

would, and he's annoying, like he's just Persistently

1:02:22

aggravating. That's more, a better word. I'm annoying.

1:02:24

Aggressive. I mean, yeah, he's hiding

1:02:26

the fucking light bulbs in his room. Correct.

1:02:29

And stealing the fucking chairs. So

1:02:32

she feels so bad about leaving and

1:02:34

doing something about it that she doesn't

1:02:37

want to put him on her

1:02:39

landlord. She feels bad for her landlord.

1:02:42

Arlene, honey. Being an empath, man. I'll

1:02:44

tell ya. So she stays. The

1:02:47

tensions rising. And then in October

1:02:49

of 2010, more than four years

1:02:52

after you moved in and she let him, let him in, she

1:02:54

opens up the bills and just loses her fucking mind.

1:02:57

She literally goes, I lost it. I

1:02:59

just lost it. She goes, I'm not a violent

1:03:01

person, but I lost it. That's what she says

1:03:03

in the documentary. She turns over to him,

1:03:06

demands he pays for cable, and he's like,

1:03:08

fuck no. Like, obviously you've let him not pay for cable

1:03:10

for four fucking years, he's not gonna start now. She

1:03:13

just fucking slaps him. Just slaps

1:03:15

him across the face. And in response,

1:03:17

he is shooketh. He grabs her

1:03:19

by the throat. Pulls, she

1:03:21

pulls herself free. He doesn't go further than that and she

1:03:24

runs out the street. She's screaming for help. She's like,

1:03:26

WTF. Although they lived

1:03:28

in the same home, they end up getting protection orders

1:03:30

against each other, which is crazy because you, I

1:03:32

think, legally have to be like a hundred yards apart.

1:03:34

Right. Which, how can you do that inside your own home?

1:03:36

In the same home? Question mark? Awkward!

1:03:40

So, Arlene finally is like,

1:03:42

I'm gonna evict his ass, so she goes, and like,

1:03:44

it's November at this point. So on one morning, she goes

1:03:46

to the Queens County Civil Court, she puts

1:03:48

in the paperwork to evict him. But Jameson

1:03:51

learns what she is up to,

1:03:53

yeah, before she does it. And he retaliates,

1:03:55

and he files his own police report, and claims

1:03:58

that she came at him with a knife. And

1:04:01

he got the police to arrest her, and they

1:04:03

believed him. Jesus

1:04:05

fucking Christ. They fully

1:04:07

arrest her, and she was forbidden to go near

1:04:10

her own fucking apartment. And

1:04:12

he's just sitting in there. Mm hmm. So now he has

1:04:14

a full possession of her home and her cats.

1:04:17

No, not the cats Remember the cats?

1:04:20

I remember the cats. Mind you, we went backwards.

1:04:23

Oh, no. No, I don't like where this is

1:04:25

going So he has her cats. That's

1:04:27

the cat that's in Alex's apartment. That's the cat he brought to Alex's?

1:04:30

So she had two cats though. Yeah,

1:04:32

where'd the other one go? He brought them to a

1:04:34

kill shelter Shut the fuck

1:04:36

up. So she saves one And

1:04:40

the other one, she got there too late. And

1:04:42

so that cat, that one that she saved,

1:04:45

was the one that Oh my god, I hate him.

1:04:48

I hate him. Oh

1:04:50

my god, I feel deep hatred. You

1:04:54

got what you wanted, you manifested it in the same episode.

1:04:57

Hatred. You'll feel so much worse

1:04:59

for this next girl. I actually,

1:05:01

this is my fault, I completely forget how this ended, I

1:05:03

think he just kind of left. On his own accord,

1:05:06

because there's no way she like, in any of

1:05:08

these instances did he. Like get pushed

1:05:10

out like he you know, I mean, yeah, he only

1:05:12

vacates no one can get him to go Yes,

1:05:15

so she is mind you

1:05:17

in this documentary. She's okay now. She's

1:05:19

fine. She's freed of him It's all all

1:05:21

as well, but it's just the fact that it happened this

1:05:23

poor girl She's now catalyst and it's just sure

1:05:26

and I'm sure hearing about what happens next

1:05:28

does not help. Yeah, so that's Arlene

1:05:30

That's Arlene story now. Let's

1:05:33

get into my girl Sonia Sonya,

1:05:35

okay. Sonya. So mind you, that was 2010

1:05:37

was when this happened, right? 2006 to 2010. Now

1:05:40

it's 2012. I don't know what happened between 2010 and 2012.

1:05:42

I have no idea what he did. If he was with somebody, that

1:05:44

person has not come forward. I'm sure of it.

1:05:46

There's millions of stories. These are just the three that are in the

1:05:48

documentary. There's actually a lot more out there that aren't in

1:05:50

it. Right. So, no idea

1:05:53

what happened in these two years. Not a clue. So,

1:05:55

my sweet Sonya, she was hit on tough times.

1:05:57

She had a home in Queens with a mortgage, but

1:05:59

she also had an apartment in Rockaway Beach, right on the water,

1:06:01

that she loved and adored. So in

1:06:03

order to get some relief on her mortgage,

1:06:05

she needs someone to rent out her

1:06:07

apartment. No. So she

1:06:09

took to Craigslist, as one does.

1:06:12

She takes pity on Jed. And she lets

1:06:14

him move in. She does talk

1:06:17

about how perfect the first three months of

1:06:19

living with him are. Like they are kicking

1:06:22

it up. Like they are the best of friends. They

1:06:24

would eat breakfast and sunrise every morning. Like

1:06:26

they were. He's a sociopath. Yes.

1:06:28

They were best of friends. And she is like

1:06:30

this sweet little Hispanic lady.

1:06:33

So wholesome. Just lives life. She

1:06:35

just lives on her own. Just like loves her mom.

1:06:37

Hangs out with her mom. Are they sleeping

1:06:39

together? Or no? No. I think she's a lesbian.

1:06:41

Oh, cool. I could be wrong though. I think she does insinuate it though in

1:06:43

the, in the, so sorry if I'm wrong, but

1:06:45

that's what she insinuates. Yeah. So, whatever. But she's, she's living

1:06:48

life. She's just a sweet girl. Look her up. You'll

1:06:50

want to die. Like, you'll see her

1:06:52

face and you're just like, oh, come on now. Sonja

1:06:54

herself actually says in the documentary that she's

1:06:57

like, we're, we were friends. I was so comfortable with him. She

1:06:59

invited him. to join her

1:07:01

at this park that she goes to where she would sunbathe topless.

1:07:04

It was like, you want to come? Like, she just is. Oh, wow.

1:07:07

Besties. Her name's Sonia, and then Acevedo,

1:07:10

oh, I love her. Oh, she's so cute.

1:07:12

She's so cute. Her sweet little face. What a little cutie patootie.

1:07:15

Yeah. So she invites him even when he comes on

1:07:17

Bathing Topless. Like, obviously she's comfortable with him, right? She

1:07:19

says he was literally so respectful. So kind

1:07:21

and so respectful. He even

1:07:23

comforted her one time when one of her fucking cats died.

1:07:26

Again, with the goddamn cats. Oh my god, get these cats, get

1:07:28

cats away from him. I know. He

1:07:31

even hugged her and said, I'm so, so sorry. And he had tears

1:07:33

in his eyes. So

1:07:35

same old story. So CO path. Obviously

1:07:38

he, a few months go by, same old

1:07:40

story. He starts to show his true colors.

1:07:42

He starts having violent outbursts. He has aggressive,

1:07:45

he gets aggressive, does weird shit to the point

1:07:47

where she started putting a chair behind her door

1:07:49

to get him out, like in fear at night. Scary.

1:07:51

Oh, that's so scary. Because she was staying at the apartment a lot too. She

1:07:54

once. Just to test the waters, placed

1:07:57

a wine bottle right behind her bedroom door

1:07:59

so that if anyone came in it would knock it over and she would know

1:08:01

when she got home if someone was in her room and

1:08:03

she returned one day and she opened the door without thinking

1:08:05

and like braced herself for the bottle to like knock over

1:08:08

and when it didn't it had been moved completely a foot away. Creepy.

1:08:11

Yep. Creepy. Creepy. She starts taking self

1:08:13

defense classes. That's how much you creep her out. Oh my god,

1:08:16

this is like JLo and enough. Yeah.

1:08:18

She was not, she was like something, right?

1:08:20

So she just doesn't want to take his shit. One

1:08:22

thing about her though, she's not like Arlene.

1:08:24

She's like, no. No, I'm gonna fight you.

1:08:26

Yeah. I'm not fucking around. The fuck do you think you're doing? No, no, no.

1:08:28

You don't disrespect me in my home. Good

1:08:31

for her. There is a part of the documentary where I, it's

1:08:33

honestly kind of weird if you ask me, but it's a two bedroom

1:08:35

but she brings in like a third and she like lives in a tent

1:08:37

in the living room. It's the whole thing. Oh. But

1:08:39

the woman like reached, called Sonia one day and was

1:08:41

like, he was in my tent, the window's down and she's like,

1:08:43

I totally get it if you need to leave or like call the police, like totally

1:08:45

get it. I don't want you to be uncomfortable in my apartment, like. I

1:08:49

don't know. How did you bring a third person into

1:08:51

that scenario? I don't know. I

1:08:54

think she was down bad. Yeah, she

1:08:56

needed the, yeah. Lots of debt, lots of things happening.

1:08:58

People do what they gotta do, you know? Yeah, no, fair

1:09:00

enough. If the woman was open to it, whatever. Pitch a fucking

1:09:02

tent in the living room. Yeah, pop off. Yeah. So

1:09:05

she is fully done with him at this point.

1:09:07

She's like, okay, I'm done with your bullshit. Especially after that

1:09:09

third came in. He made her uncomfortable,

1:09:12

like she was pissed. She's like, you're gonna make someone uncomfortable in my house.

1:09:14

Fuck you And she's ready to go after him, but

1:09:16

Hurricane Sandy hits. Oh,

1:09:18

Jesus Christ So she evacuates

1:09:20

and goes to like wherever her mom lives and

1:09:23

because they live on the water on Rockaway, right? So

1:09:25

she's like gotta go When she comes back a few weeks

1:09:27

later, he's completely gone like

1:09:29

gone. Nothing's there. She's left with absolutely

1:09:31

nothing He takes all of her shit and he

1:09:33

obviously hasn't paid this entire time. He

1:09:35

she is in so much goddamn debt and

1:09:38

a fan Left her as much as me

1:09:40

and started to go fund me for her. Oh my god.

1:09:42

No, I cry She's perfect. And it

1:09:44

was like a goal of like 10, 000. It wasn't anything crazy It's

1:09:47

hit almost 80k and this came out last

1:09:49

year like the last time I know

1:09:51

the last time someone posted on it wasn't like posted

1:09:53

an update was in 2024 and

1:09:55

Like so it's people are still donating like he was

1:09:58

like five hours ago. So I'm gonna donate and I was like, what the fuck? She

1:10:00

posted an update comment like Sonya

1:10:02

herself. Yeah And it was okay.

1:10:05

She posted thank you for

1:10:07

all the blessings you have bestowed upon me Never

1:10:09

would I have imagined after 10 years that I would receive

1:10:11

such support and love from total strangers and

1:10:13

stabilizing what was once a very rocky

1:10:16

foundation. The possibility of retirement

1:10:18

and acquiring my home seemed far fetched

1:10:21

while living with my pension loan debts. She

1:10:23

put a period, she wasn't supposed to. This new year

1:10:25

learn to give yourself, to give yourself

1:10:27

self love and empowerment by taking a women's self defense

1:10:29

class. May God and or your higher

1:10:32

power fill your life with the blessings given

1:10:34

to me. It is my goal to retire in two

1:10:36

to three years and will keep you updated on my progress.

1:10:38

May spring 2024 be filled with new beginnings.

1:10:40

That was spring 2024. I need to know where she's at. Oh

1:10:43

my god, Sonia! The sweet woman

1:10:45

opens up her goddamn door to this fucker.

1:10:48

So I die for Sonia, we ride a don for

1:10:50

Sonia. Done. Yeah,

1:10:53

done and done. We'll post her GoFundMe, just

1:10:55

in case anyone wants to give what they can. Pop off,

1:10:57

give her what she deserves. After that,

1:10:59

another notable one was this girl, Melissa Frost,

1:11:01

and this was All women. Interesting.

1:11:04

Obviously. A man would be like, what the fuck? Actually, no,

1:11:06

I think there was a man. There was a man, I didn't

1:11:08

right about him because he wasn't in the documentary and that

1:11:10

was my source but I did see something about him

1:11:12

so maybe we'll cover that on a later date but she,

1:11:15

he does move in with this girl Melissa in

1:11:17

2012 right after and

1:11:19

he claims I lost my house to Hurricane Sandy.

1:11:22

That was his, his schtick. Isn't that crazy?

1:11:25

That was his sob story? Yes. Over

1:11:27

the first few months, Jameson took over the space

1:11:30

like, you know, one does and

1:11:32

Melissa said that the effort

1:11:34

he put into it was life consuming. Oh,

1:11:40

miserable. Yeah, and she goes

1:11:43

on to explain. It's the same thing as the other two, so

1:11:45

I won't get into it. Yeah, yeah. It's literally he just does the same shit over

1:11:47

and over again. She said when things got bad between us,

1:11:49

he stopped leaving the house. Because he literally thought I

1:11:51

was going to change the locks. That's how bad it was. Like, he was self aware.

1:11:53

I was actually thinking that earlier, the next time

1:11:55

he would have left. Yeah, so he like, caught

1:11:57

on for a while. Like, he's not that dumb. Like, he knows it there. Yeah,

1:11:59

it sounds like he picks up When

1:12:02

he must bug their room or something,

1:12:04

because he picks up a lot before it happens.

1:12:06

Yes, yeah, he's smart. Smart man. Ugh,

1:12:09

it's so gross. There was

1:12:12

one specific incident. Melissa

1:12:14

returns his microwave to his room

1:12:16

because he wasn't supposed to keep his things in the common areas

1:12:19

of the apartment. That was their rule. And he shouted

1:12:21

that she had no right to touch his things, which

1:12:23

is crazy because he touches everybody else's shit. And

1:12:26

he uses the microwave to push her back until

1:12:28

she's standing at the edge top of the stairs and like kind

1:12:30

of almost goes to push her down the stairs. So

1:12:32

she obviously calls the police. Nothing

1:12:34

comes of it, obviously. Because they do nothing.

1:12:36

And when one of the Jameson's cats

1:12:39

disappears because obviously

1:12:41

Oh my god! The cats are fucking Enough

1:12:43

with the cats! I'm done with the cats.

1:12:45

Leave the women and the cats alone!

1:12:49

I can't breathe. What the fuck? He

1:12:52

writes her a note. You

1:12:55

are the proximate cause of my cat's disappearance

1:12:57

and presumed death. Do not communicate

1:12:59

with me again unless it is through your attorney.

1:13:02

They live together. Sir?

1:13:05

It's not funny. He's lost the plot.

1:13:07

He's very clearly unwell.

1:13:10

FYI, these people are all fine. I know, but this

1:13:12

is fucking crazy.

1:13:14

I know, I know. Imagine living

1:13:17

with a man who just switches.

1:13:21

I would shoot him. Flip that switch. I

1:13:23

would shoot him. Shoot him dead. I

1:13:25

don't even have a gun. I'd find one. Anyways.

1:13:28

Does a big back bitch

1:13:30

come to get ya? I have a water gun. I'm like Let

1:13:34

her rip. So Despite

1:13:37

Jameson being crazy, obviously, Melissa, sweet

1:13:40

baby Angel, still attempts to negotiate a

1:13:42

peaceful exit. She's like, come on. Too

1:13:44

many women are giving this man so much grace

1:13:46

that he does not deserve. I'm saying! No, he doesn't

1:13:48

deserve an ounce of it. She even goes as

1:13:50

far to return the money he'd paid in November

1:13:53

and help him, so that way he, she's like, take it back,

1:13:55

you can find a new apartment to rent, and adios, sayonara,

1:13:57

motherfucker. Yeah, hello everyone, my

1:13:59

brother in Christ. G T F M,

1:14:02

my brother in Christ. He just laughs at her. Just

1:14:04

laughs. He does that a lot. I don't like it.

1:14:07

I feel like it's maniacal too. It

1:14:09

is, for sure. Like, it's not

1:14:11

cute or endearing. It's the, you

1:14:13

know, the hairs on your arms are getting raised. I don't

1:14:15

like it. So he's

1:14:17

laughing her face and she just bursts into tears. Oh

1:14:21

my god. And he flips the switch and he comforts

1:14:23

her. Dude. And says,

1:14:26

you've got your whole life in front of you, you're pretty,

1:14:28

and you're talented, and you've got this house. But

1:14:30

he adds, well, You don't have this house anymore.

1:14:33

This is my house. Cool.

1:14:37

She said it was literally like something out of a movie. Like

1:14:39

I've never Yeah, it sounded like a fucking

1:14:41

Horror movie! Horror. The

1:14:45

horror. You

1:14:47

just took whore and when we say murder and put it together.

1:14:50

Well, it's like when my mother says whore. Yeah. Hower.

1:14:52

Hower. Claire

1:14:59

Fowler. You remind me of Karen right now, I don't know why. Really?

1:15:02

Yeah. That's a compliment. Yeah, no, it really

1:15:04

is. You know she'll fucking listen, ever. And

1:15:07

she doesn't deserve to know then. Sarah actually

1:15:09

gave her a hard time. She's like, how do you not listen

1:15:11

to them? She's like, it's my favorite

1:15:13

podcast, how do you think Karen does listen to? So

1:15:16

that was the point I was making. I stuck

1:15:18

up for Karen and she was like, no, no, I don't listen

1:15:20

to any podcast. I go, you don't understand. She's

1:15:22

not listening to the radio. She has

1:15:24

not listened to a book. She's

1:15:27

not out here. Like she's not consuming

1:15:29

the news. Karen has. a

1:15:32

playlist and that phone goes in.

1:15:34

She's not consuming the news. And it

1:15:36

shuffles. Do you know what I mean?

1:15:38

Like Karen's not up for. Karen

1:15:40

is Karen. Karen is Karen ing. Karen's

1:15:43

in her lane. And so I was like, do

1:15:46

you notice those? I have friends that very

1:15:48

much support me in this podcast they're just

1:15:50

not podcast people. And

1:15:53

that's fine. I have no hate. Yeah. Everyone's like,

1:15:55

what episode are you talking about? And we're like, shut

1:15:57

up. Well, funny you should mention it because

1:15:59

she knows your whole life story. And I pointed to Sarah.

1:16:01

I'm like, Sarah knows everything about you now. So

1:16:04

she's like, that's cool. I can picture her reaction.

1:16:07

We regularly ask what you would do if we were

1:16:09

in prison or on a stranded island and

1:16:11

answer in, in, for you. Whereas

1:16:13

we get a text, well not we, you, you get a text

1:16:16

being like from another cousin that's like, enough with the

1:16:18

slander. And then we have, yeah, you'll be speaking

1:16:20

to my lawyer. A cease and desist letter,

1:16:22

here we come. Tommy,

1:16:25

I'm expecting it any day now. If you know, you know.

1:16:27

Sorry, we're sidetracking so hard.

1:16:30

That's fine. That's what this podcast is for. That's

1:16:32

true. I don't remember how this particular part

1:16:34

ended. I think he ended up leaving because like we said,

1:16:36

no one like leaves, he doesn't leave on his own.

1:16:38

Like what I mean, so it just like ends again. Yeah.

1:16:41

So no, we, we do hold.

1:16:43

So that's Melissa, I'm just giving you examples

1:16:45

of like some of the No, I know what you mean. I'm just surprised.

1:16:48

It just like ends though. They're

1:16:50

just like, okay, he's out of my hair, changing locks,

1:16:52

moving on. I mean, there's really nothing you can do. At this point,

1:16:55

they're like, thank fucking God, like, thank our lucky stars.

1:16:57

You can't sue, really, I don't think? No, oh my

1:16:59

God, in the fear, like, the first three days, you're like,

1:17:01

when is he coming back? And then when you finally realize,

1:17:04

that must feel amazing. Because he's smart, like, he knows,

1:17:06

he, technically what he did, like, really, not bad,

1:17:08

like. It's not, it's bad,

1:17:10

it's just legal, unfortunately. Yeah. He

1:17:13

cracked the system. So, let's

1:17:15

go back to Alex. We left off with Ms.

1:17:17

Alex when Susan found the identity.

1:17:20

That's right. Cool. Her mom. After

1:17:23

her mom finds the identity, the true identity,

1:17:25

of our, our dear dad, who is actually Jameson,

1:17:28

Jameson Bachman The worst brother. Yes.

1:17:30

The other brother. She,

1:17:33

Susan walks her little ass into

1:17:35

Alex's apartment, Alex isn't even home, and,

1:17:38

completely unannounced, and jameson comes

1:17:40

right for her and goes, what are you doing in my

1:17:42

home? Susan

1:17:45

says, This is my daughter's home. Jameson.

1:17:47

And that's the first time that she had used the real name.

1:17:50

He completely pales. And

1:17:52

is like, What I wouldn't

1:17:54

give to be a fly on the fucking wall. J

1:17:56

Mo, you've been caught, motherfucker. But

1:17:58

yeah. Such a good spot to put it,

1:18:01

too. Pop off, Susan. Yes,

1:18:03

Susan. So,

1:18:05

after that, Alex writes, Jed,

1:18:08

a. k. a. J Mo. J

1:18:10

Mo, a. k. a. Jed, a. k. a. Fuckface.

1:18:13

A letter says that, you know, I've informed the

1:18:15

authorities and they've been made aware,

1:18:17

you need to get the fuck out. He does

1:18:19

not. Because he's smart and he knows. He knows

1:18:21

it's legal. I didn't do anything wrong so you're, you're bluffing.

1:18:24

Miss Alex, God bless her, stays

1:18:26

in her apartment this whole time. She

1:18:28

never leaves. No. She stands her ground. Not because

1:18:30

she's like, I have nowhere else to live. with her mom.

1:18:33

She's like, no. I'm not backing down. This

1:18:35

is my fucking home. And on May 1st of

1:18:37

2017, Alex has a plan. She

1:18:40

decides, she just has a different energy today. Oh,

1:18:43

I'm so excited. And she says, okay, I'm

1:18:45

going to stand my ground. I'm going to do something.

1:18:47

I'm going to do everything that I know.

1:18:50

I've gathered my information and I'm

1:18:52

going to do everything that I know Jameson hates on this particular

1:18:54

day. So that night. Back to

1:18:56

back. This is like the Home Alone,

1:18:59

you know, Macaulay Culkin is planting all

1:19:01

of the traps for the people. Yep. For

1:19:04

the two guys. One stop shop. She

1:19:06

has dozens of friends. And

1:19:09

her mother and a few neighbors all over

1:19:11

for a party that she describes on

1:19:13

Facebook. She makes a Facebook invite for this. Good

1:19:15

for her. It's a send off for the

1:19:17

serial squatter, Jameson Bachman. Oh,

1:19:20

so she's like, I'm out here and I'm just going to

1:19:22

tell everybody. Yeah, I think she got in

1:19:24

contact with Melissa, one of the,

1:19:27

Oh my God. Yeah. So she's

1:19:29

like, Yeah. Yeah. on it now. Oh, I love this girl. Susan has deep

1:19:31

dived, we have, we have touched base with people,

1:19:33

things are happening. She's pissed. Facebook,

1:19:35

if it becomes a Facebook group, it's legit. So

1:19:38

they make an event and she's like, I'm

1:19:40

reclaiming the space. You are not welcome. GTFO.

1:19:43

Everyone gather around. So she

1:19:45

knew he started his online tutoring sessions because he

1:19:47

had to make some form of money and that's actually what he did. Like,

1:19:50

That is legitimate. He did do that. I almost asked you that earlier,

1:19:52

but didn't want to. That part is legitimate. So she knows he

1:19:54

starts them at like a certain time of the evening. So she

1:19:56

told everyone to arrive exactly at that, that prime

1:19:58

time. Mm hmm. Everyone gets there. She hands out

1:20:00

mixed drinks made with Jama, Jama, Jesus

1:20:03

Christ. Jama whiskey. Yeah. She hands

1:20:05

out a bunch of drinks in his honor, of course.

1:20:08

And she blasted rap music. She said she loved

1:20:10

Wu Tang. She was like, I'm a Wu Tang girl, get the fuck out of my

1:20:12

house. Which is hilarious, because if you saw what this girl

1:20:14

looked like and sounded like, you'd be like, sorry? I

1:20:16

love her. Yeah. She knew that he

1:20:18

hated it, because he had made multiple references to like, hating

1:20:21

loud music, hating parties, hating drinking,

1:20:23

all that shit. So she's blasting

1:20:25

Wu Tang from her fucking stereo. Full blast.

1:20:28

She goes online, and she finds photos

1:20:30

of Melissa. And also prints

1:20:32

out pictures of his random ass, wack ass website

1:20:34

and puts them all around the apartment, shoves them under

1:20:36

his door, puts them in the bathroom, puts

1:20:38

them fucking everywhere. She said she wanted

1:20:40

to psychologically fuck with him and

1:20:43

printed them out and put them everywhere. This

1:20:45

feminine rage is unmatched. Yeah.

1:20:48

Yeah, she said, I want him to know that

1:20:50

I knew everything about his past, and to

1:20:52

have to face the people he had harmed, right in front of him.

1:20:54

Fuck. Yes. Yep. Around

1:20:56

11pm, Jameson comes

1:20:58

out of his, his room. I, I

1:21:01

also think that the friends were like listening in at

1:21:03

the ear, they're also like yelling things at the door, like,

1:21:05

Jameson, like they're, they're taunting him. And

1:21:08

they heard him like screaming at his computer so like they

1:21:10

knew that they were like starting to stir him. He

1:21:13

finally leaves the room and they're all just like completely ignoring

1:21:15

him. He, he dumps a whole box of cat litter

1:21:17

in the toilet. Like just like, just something

1:21:19

little. Okay bro. Like clogs

1:21:21

it, whatever. And then he huffs out of the apartment with

1:21:23

a backpack and that's that. Good. Bye!

1:21:26

And the minute he leaves, Alex's best

1:21:28

guy friend, like okay pop off undoes

1:21:30

all of the Screws on the door. On the door

1:21:32

and removes the knob. Yep. So he doesn't

1:21:34

have a door. The party winds down. All

1:21:36

of, like, her friends are like, I don't think you

1:21:38

should stay here tonight. Like, are you, hello?

1:21:41

Even her mom fucking leaves, which is weird. Like, I thought that

1:21:43

was weird. My mom would, I would, I was gonna say,

1:21:45

maybe stay? Yeah, so she's left

1:21:47

alone with him. She's like, no, no, no, guys, like,

1:21:49

I'm good. Fuck him. Everyone, you're good.

1:21:51

We're, we're fine. She goes to bed. And

1:21:54

she sleeps poorly, obviously, because she's just

1:21:56

a stir Yeah. Stir the beast.

1:21:58

He obviously probably came home at some point and saw that he did

1:22:00

not have a door. Like, he's probably pissed. Yeah.

1:22:02

Yep. So she's just Vibing. She's

1:22:04

chillin So, before dawn,

1:22:07

she hears him. She,

1:22:09

he rises unusually early, which he doesn't normally do,

1:22:12

and he leaves the house. So she's like, okay, I'm gonna

1:22:14

take advantage of this time while he has left the house.

1:22:16

I'm gonna, like, brush my teeth and, like, get my shit together. Like, I don't want to see

1:22:18

him. She crosses, crosses, she

1:22:20

crosses the hall into the bathroom and she starts brushing

1:22:22

her teeth with the door closed. And she thinks, okay,

1:22:25

I'll be able to slip out and go to work while he's gone. We won't have

1:22:27

to see each other. The front door opens

1:22:30

and he comes. Barreling,

1:22:32

running down the hallway at her. With

1:22:34

a fist, slams the bathroom door open,

1:22:37

pushes her against the wall, has his hand

1:22:39

at her throat, and she, yeah,

1:22:41

like, fully fucking attacks her. And she screams

1:22:43

bloody murder, and when she screams he retreats.

1:22:46

So she, he obviously like, has this burst of anger,

1:22:48

does all this shit, and then he just goes to his room. And

1:22:51

she is shooketh, as

1:22:53

one is when they get literally

1:22:56

attacked. Oh my god. So she's

1:22:58

shook for a minute and all of a sudden she's like, No,

1:23:01

I'm fucking pissed. She's like, no, I, you

1:23:03

just, the fact that you Get the bat. Get the bat.

1:23:05

She doesn't even have, like, a weapon. Which is crazy. Everyone, get

1:23:08

a Louisville Slugger and put it below your fucking

1:23:10

bed. I was at Brandon's grandpa's, he has three. By

1:23:12

the door. Good. As he should. So

1:23:15

she's, which I love this about her, she's not like, she's like

1:23:17

pissed that he made her feel scared.

1:23:19

In her own house. In her own home. Yeah. So she

1:23:21

immediately goes from scared to anger. And she follows

1:23:24

him to his fucking bedroom. She gets like a burst of anger.

1:23:26

She runs after him. She stands in the doorway

1:23:28

and she shouts, who the fuck do you think you are?

1:23:31

And he comes at her with, which

1:23:33

she didn't realize, I think he was feeding the cat, she had, he had

1:23:35

a knife in his hand, she didn't realize that, so

1:23:38

he turns, he has the knife in his hand,

1:23:40

comes towards her and she's still in the doorway, he

1:23:42

leans against the door to shut it, and as she pulled

1:23:45

back, her leg got stuck in the door, and

1:23:47

he slams on it ten

1:23:49

times over, her leg in the door, and

1:23:53

Eventually stops, she gets, she gets

1:23:55

out of the way and he says, You have made a grave

1:23:57

mistake. And he jabs

1:24:00

the knife at her leg to get it out of

1:24:02

the door. So she's fully fucking bleeding. Like,

1:24:04

he, like, fully attacked her with a

1:24:06

knife. Okay, well, that's fucking assault and the cops can finally fucking

1:24:08

do something about it. Correct. Psycho. So he,

1:24:10

he slices her leg open. She runs

1:24:12

to her room to hide. And Oh, the adrenaline.

1:24:15

Oh my god. The anger.

1:24:18

I don't know how I would react in this situation. I fear

1:24:20

I would just be like, you

1:24:23

know, yeah, you're a fighter. It's fight or flight.

1:24:26

It's the, whatever your, I don't

1:24:28

know what I have. I have fight.

1:24:30

Unfortunately, I want more flight.

1:24:33

I don't know. You have flight,

1:24:35

honey. Actually,

1:24:38

I don't know if it was happening to me. I think I would have flight,

1:24:40

but I think it was happening to somebody else in front of me. I would have

1:24:42

fight. Does that make sense? I agree. I agree with that. Yeah.

1:24:44

And guess what? I think I would just be like, I

1:24:47

think we could all say, and in the moment

1:24:49

you just do whatever your

1:24:51

instincts tell you to. I don't think I have

1:24:53

instincts. I don't think you do either. Just

1:24:57

being honest here. She calls the police.

1:25:00

Jameson. The cops come immediately. He doesn't even try

1:25:02

to run, which is crazy. They arrest him. They charge

1:25:04

him with aggravated assault. And when he

1:25:06

leaves, she's like, fuck it, I'm going in his room and looking through

1:25:08

his shit. Because, fuck you. And she finds

1:25:11

a box with bullets and a gun

1:25:13

cleaning kit for like a caliber pistol.

1:25:15

But the gun doesn't work. was never found. No

1:25:17

idea where the gun is, which is scary,

1:25:19

terrifying, terrifying. So

1:25:23

Jamo boy is in jail and he

1:25:25

calls big brother Harry, of course.

1:25:27

And it says, homie humble, humble King

1:25:30

homie. Can you bail me out? He's married

1:25:32

with kids at this point, by the way. He

1:25:34

does. Cause you know, brother. Yeah.

1:25:37

And he asked to stay with him. And

1:25:39

cause he's like, I can't go back to this girl's plate to my

1:25:41

house. Cause hello. I attacked her. I don't know. I

1:25:43

don't know how much Harry knows. I have no idea. Harry has a wife.

1:25:45

Her name's Caroline. Caroline's like, no, I

1:25:48

don't care if he's your brother. He's not staying in our fucking house. Like,

1:25:50

so they must have at least an inkling of something

1:25:52

has gone on. And also the children. Exactly.

1:25:54

No. So she's like GTFO now. Instead

1:25:57

Caroline's not in the house at this point. I don't know where they were,

1:25:59

but neither were the kids. But So

1:26:02

Jameson kills Harry. What?

1:26:07

He murders him in their home.

1:26:09

What the, Colleen, what the

1:26:11

fuck? No, he's completely lost a plot. He

1:26:13

is. How? I

1:26:16

forget. I think he beats him to death. Oh,

1:26:19

that is rage. Yeah. I'm pretty sure he beats him. That

1:26:21

is, I think he beats him. I forget.

1:26:23

I think it was like he was supposed to be somewhere. And Caroline

1:26:25

figures out, he's like my. Oh,

1:26:27

you know what it was? Sorry. Sorry, guys. I have

1:26:29

legit Alzheimer's. He's supposed to be

1:26:31

somewhere, where Caroline is, his wife. And

1:26:34

he does not show up. And so he, after

1:26:36

a while, Caroline just knows, and she calls

1:26:38

the police and says, Hey, can you do a check

1:26:40

on my husband? Because, super

1:26:43

weird, he had just texted me and said, Guess who just

1:26:45

showed up here? Because I think

1:26:47

he had bailed him out and was like, Get the fuck out, because you can't

1:26:49

stay here. My wife won't let you stay here. And he leaves, and he came back

1:26:51

and killed him. where no one was there but Harry.

1:26:54

He beat him to death, I'm pretty sure. And then,

1:26:56

Caroline obviously calls the police because she just knows,

1:26:58

because a woman always knows. Oh. My.

1:27:01

God. Mhm. And

1:27:03

then so the cops come, they find his

1:27:05

body, and turns out,

1:27:07

Harry stole Caroline's car.

1:27:10

Oh, Harry, sorry. Apologies. James steals

1:27:12

Harry's wife Caroline's car and also

1:27:15

Harry's American Express car American Express credit card

1:27:17

And he drives like a couple miles down the road to rent

1:27:19

a room at a hotel They figure out where he is

1:27:21

because it pings on the fucking card. Yeah, are

1:27:23

you fucking paying cash right now? Yes,

1:27:26

he's clearly Are you fucking new? Sorry, he's never killed

1:27:28

before, you know? But he's, he was almost

1:27:30

a lawyer, Colleen. Yeah, that's true. So. You

1:27:33

should know better. Like, no, he's, he's, he knows

1:27:35

too much about tenant law. He doesn't know enough about homicide. No, I

1:27:37

was being sarcastic. He's a fucking

1:27:39

ass. So the police

1:27:41

find him immediately, he surrenders, and they charge

1:27:43

him with first and third degree murder. Now,

1:27:47

why, you might ask. Why has he done such

1:27:49

a thing? Why is he like this? Who

1:27:51

hurt him, you know? Now

1:27:54

they do a bunch of interviews in

1:27:56

the documentary with his family being like, and

1:27:58

his friends being like, WTF, that's why Bob's in it a

1:28:00

lot, our guy Bob. Yeah. Two reasons,

1:28:03

two things that come up. One being he has an allegedly,

1:28:05

a brutal father, right? And he also,

1:28:08

the second being, he actually was a part of a

1:28:10

super violent one

1:28:12

off murder situation in college that

1:28:14

completely altered himself. His brain chemistry?

1:28:16

Yes, yeah, yeah. What the fuck? So, Jameson

1:28:19

did enroll at Tulane in

1:28:21

1975. Oh, you mentioned

1:28:23

that. He went there for a hot minute before he went to wherever

1:28:25

else. Georgetown and then Miami

1:28:27

University. He was there for a short

1:28:29

minute because of this situation. So,

1:28:32

super rocky, super brief. He was

1:28:34

in a really bad incident in January

1:28:37

at a frat house. It was like Sigma

1:28:39

Chi, whatever, something like that. He

1:28:41

was not a member of the frat, shocker. He's

1:28:44

giving crap away, but he was not a member of the frat. He

1:28:46

was hanging out with a friend

1:28:48

from back in Elkins Park from his hometown.

1:28:51

Okay. They're eating dinner it was a guy

1:28:53

named Ken. Trigger warning before she goes

1:28:55

into this. So, him and Ken are eating

1:28:57

dinner at the frat house and suddenly a man appears

1:28:59

out of nowhere, with a knife, in

1:29:02

their kitchen, and just completely slashes

1:29:04

Ken's throat. Like,

1:29:07

so violently. Jameson actually

1:29:09

used the word he legitimately, like, beheaded him in front

1:29:11

of me. Like, grabs him by the head and Oh my

1:29:13

god. Sitting right across from him. And

1:29:15

according to any news reports about

1:29:17

it, cause that, you would think that if someone's

1:29:19

telling you that, especially if it's him, he's lying, but it was actually a

1:29:21

completely true story. There was a news report on

1:29:23

it. He was. Horrific. Yeah. So this man,

1:29:25

Ken, he was killed by a 25 year old student. Librarian

1:29:28

named Randall, and the two were fighting,

1:29:31

I think, about something so absurd.

1:29:33

The two of them had been fighting since the previous fall,

1:29:36

and this is January, and the

1:29:40

guy that, I literally

1:29:42

can't, it's horrible, Randall, this guy Randall, he

1:29:45

calls campus police on Ken because

1:29:47

he ate a cheese sandwich that he wasn't

1:29:49

supposed to, that was his. So

1:29:51

he is completely This is all about lunch? This is about a

1:29:53

cheese sandwich. This is about lunch. So There's

1:29:56

no fax that says, I killed this person. He never

1:29:58

says it, but it's the only time I've ever argued and ever

1:30:00

were in each other's lives were about this cheese sandwich argument. This

1:30:02

is just an unhinged man. Oh

1:30:04

my god, the mental illness. Yes. Yeah

1:30:07

Like to the point where the cops are like, this is the only explanation

1:30:10

we can come up with that. Imagine being that kid's

1:30:12

family No, Ken's family and being

1:30:14

like so Jameson is normal. Like

1:30:16

he's an asshole. He's a jackass He's cocky, but

1:30:18

he's not fucked until

1:30:21

Until this incident, this point, allegedly. And he's in

1:30:23

the kitchen when that happens. He's sitting at the, the kitchen table. So he's sitting Yeah,

1:30:26

they're literally sitting across from each other. Ugh. Yeah.

1:30:29

So that happens. And he doesn't

1:30:31

d die like right away. I'm pretty sure he like,

1:30:33

gets up and like runs out the front door, like bleeding out. And so

1:30:35

like Ken, like he's just running after Ken being like,

1:30:37

oh, what's going on? Yeah. So that happens.

1:30:39

And Jameson goes home that summer. So it's the

1:30:41

summer of 1976 and.

1:30:44

He's completely different. His friends and his family are

1:30:46

like WTF what happened to you? He's

1:30:49

paranoid. He's just being a freak, as one

1:30:51

does. Hello, just get a therapist. Trauma.

1:30:53

So this is what everyone is like. He was altered

1:30:55

from that point on, as one is. Not

1:30:58

a, not an excuse to, you know, become a serial

1:31:00

squatter and kill your brother, but not the point. Another

1:31:03

reason other than that situation was having

1:31:05

a really tough dad and also being really jealous

1:31:07

of the more successful brother, right? Harry

1:31:10

was, we talked about it before, the better brother. At

1:31:12

this point Harry had earned a degree in architecture

1:31:14

from Cornell, married a psychologist

1:31:17

from Paris And he had two daughters and

1:31:19

had a most, the most stunning little

1:31:21

quaint colonial home in Elkins Park

1:31:23

where they lived. Yeah, so like, perfect life.

1:31:26

He's successful, has the whole family, close

1:31:28

to home, all that shit. Does all

1:31:30

the right things. Yes, yes. And

1:31:32

even Bob, our dear old Bob, says that his parents

1:31:35

were ashamed of Jameson. Like

1:31:37

straight up. It was obvious. Couldn't hide it. Yeah.

1:31:40

So both of these things are, could attribute

1:31:42

to like why he is the way he is. But yeah, a

1:31:44

lot of people have that. But not an excuse. Yeah, not

1:31:46

a fucking excuse. Not an excuse for marriage or

1:31:48

serial squatting. That's correct. Doesn't

1:31:51

matter because shortly after all these incidents,

1:31:54

he hangs himself in 2017

1:31:56

at the correctional facility. Are you

1:31:59

fucking kidding me? Yeah.

1:32:02

Oh, I hate this guy. Me too. Alex

1:32:05

says, how dare he? First,

1:32:07

he ended up destroying himself, then he killed his

1:32:09

brother, the only person in the world left to help

1:32:12

him. I,

1:32:14

I do, the brother has really

1:32:16

sent me. Mm hmm. I, I just didn't

1:32:18

know He didn't know wrong, ever! And

1:32:20

that's the thing, they, they did bail

1:32:22

him out, like they went and helped him as much

1:32:24

as they could. I

1:32:28

guess, you know, the Alex thing,

1:32:30

not blaming Alex at all, I'm so,

1:32:32

that part of the story made me so happy. Like, fuck

1:32:35

you and the horse you fucking rode in on. Maybe

1:32:38

that catapulted his She feels so horrible

1:32:41

in A Fur Harry, like, in

1:32:43

tears about it. Oh my god. And

1:32:46

on a positive note, all of his victims, other than his brother,

1:32:48

of course, have since found relief

1:32:50

and peace with the situation, so like,

1:32:52

that's always good, but Yeah, that is

1:32:54

that poor wife. I know

1:32:57

and that's how the documentary ends Yeah,

1:33:00

it's just like he hung himself and now the victims

1:33:02

are okay, except for Harry. Mm hmm

1:33:05

And that is the story

1:33:07

of Javis and Bachman aka Jed Creek

1:33:09

the serial squatter Colleen

1:33:12

that was so good. Was it? I

1:33:15

like my was obsessed with the rain has exploded.

1:33:17

Yeah No, there's there's other stories too.

1:33:19

There's like he's had he's done it to like five other people. Those

1:33:21

are the good ones Oh. My.

1:33:24

God. Oh, I just wish he

1:33:26

saw his fucking day in court. Yeah, I know. I

1:33:29

think he, I think it was Oh,

1:33:31

you know what it was? He had a court date set

1:33:34

with, cause Alex was taking, she took him to court

1:33:36

for something. I don't fucking know. But she had a court date

1:33:38

with him, and he didn't show up. And she was like, crazy.

1:33:40

He, this is where he would be. This is, he would

1:33:42

be all about this. He's a fucking, this is his

1:33:44

shit. And he didn't show up. And it's cause he

1:33:46

was, he hung himself. Before, so

1:33:48

he didn't have to go to court. I think it was like within the same days. And

1:33:50

like no one notified her, obviously. But yeah. Son

1:33:53

of a bitch. I'll say. And that's

1:33:55

all I got. Sorry. To leave you on a semi

1:33:57

not positive note. No, that was such a good

1:33:59

story. That was crazy. Poor Harry.

1:34:01

Justice for Harry. Justice for Harry. Justice for

1:34:03

all of them. Yeah. Look

1:34:06

at Jonia. That's Jonia's. Oh my god, I can't talk anymore.

1:34:08

Sonia's. Go fund me. Pop off, queen. Love

1:34:10

her. Yeah, that was so

1:34:12

good. What are you doing in the next month? What are you excited

1:34:15

about? Nothing. You don't have

1:34:17

anything planned for the entire month? No, so deadass

1:34:19

not one. I'm gonna see you at the end of April. I'll

1:34:21

take notes for you. Will you please? Yeah, of course

1:34:23

I will. And we'll have a checkup episode when

1:34:26

I come back. Wellness check in

1:34:28

the middle, maybe? I'll send you voice memos. Okay,

1:34:30

cool. That makes you happy. That does make me happy.

1:34:32

I do like a good voice memo. I mean,

1:34:34

you send me good ones. Yeah, you

1:34:36

send me ones that start and you go

1:34:38

Oh my god, sorry, that car almost just hit me. Wait,

1:34:41

so I was at work, and this girl came

1:34:43

up to me, Oh my god, what the fuck, why is that

1:34:45

guy trying to cut me off? And then, and

1:34:47

it's like, by the time you

1:34:49

act, You know that girl I told you about, like, just a

1:34:51

little backstory in case I don't, And then you say

1:34:53

it so fast, and you're like, whatever, it's fine. And you

1:34:56

keep, it takes like, three

1:34:59

30 second voice memos to get,

1:35:02

to get what's happening. And

1:35:06

that's showbiz. That's

1:35:08

showbiz, baby. So you send

1:35:10

me lots of voice memos? Yeah. You don't have one

1:35:12

thing to look forward to? There's not a country concert

1:35:14

you're going to? No. Or

1:35:18

pussy that you're gonna pop? Literally

1:35:20

no. Like I would Wow. Okay. Things

1:35:22

just find me, you know? T.

1:35:27

V. D. I can't wait to hear about the boy when I

1:35:29

get home. Who knows? I mean, come on.

1:35:32

There might be nothing when you get home. We're manifesting this episode.

1:35:34

No, I know. I'm just saying. And that's that. Yeah,

1:35:36

and that's that on that. Make 100 greatest

1:35:39

movies list. Make, make

1:35:41

the best movie list you've ever made in your life, and also

1:35:43

tell me what I missed. Make

1:35:45

sure you pee after you have sex.

1:35:48

Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

1:35:51

Might be a lesson some have

1:35:53

learned recently. It's important. And

1:35:55

pay your fucking rent! I don't know. Don't

1:35:58

be a squatter. Bare minimum. And

1:36:00

use some fucking moisturizer, cause your dry

1:36:02

ass skin needs it. In

1:36:06

this type of year. Hundred percent.

1:36:08

We have to hop off, my vagina's sweating. I

1:36:11

beg. I beg thou. I beg thee. Love

1:36:13

you, mean it. Love you, mean it. Thou

1:36:15

loves you. Mean it. Bye.

1:36:22

The ye olde English. Nearly

1:36:24

fucking got me. I won't lie.

1:36:27

podcast was produced by me,

1:36:29

Bridget Shannon. Music is

1:36:31

written and performed by Matt Derosiers. You can

1:36:33

find his band, Super Stoker, anywhere you listen to

1:36:35

music.