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Day. Better Help

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But for now, just

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relax. I'm

1:45

Johnny Smith. I'm its reporter. And

1:47

this is Smith & Sniff, a podcast on

1:50

which two friends talk about cars and many other

1:52

things. Listen,

1:57

I could start this podcast by talking

1:59

about the huge raccoon decal, which I

2:01

saw on the bonnet of a

2:04

RAV4 yesterday. But

2:06

I... Sorry. Well, which

2:09

bit of a raccoon? It's face.

2:12

It was a circular decal on the

2:14

bonnet of a first gen RAV4,

2:16

which I've seen a lot of lately,

2:18

oddly. I don't know why. Maybe

2:20

it's the season. They're all coming out of hibernation.

2:23

But this huge raccoon

2:25

decal, which was probably

2:27

two feet in diameter. And

2:31

there's so many questions there, but I

2:33

was on the move and I couldn't take

2:35

a photo. I just remembered it

2:37

and thought, I must talk about this. So

2:40

that's brought up a couple of questions. But

2:43

yesterday I was driving

2:45

back from France and I

2:47

saw two lorries which made me

2:49

really giggle. They

2:51

sound like they sound like

2:54

either two shit superheroes

2:56

or I don't know

2:58

band members. I'm going

3:00

to bring to the

3:02

party Max Log and

3:05

Laurel. Max

3:10

log. There is a I think it's

3:12

a logistics company and it just has in

3:14

huge letters up the side and the

3:16

back of the lorry Max log. L. O.

3:18

G. Max log. Log.

3:23

Max log. Is it

3:25

do you think that is just short

3:27

for maximum logistics? I

3:29

that was the only because I was

3:31

behind it for about 10 miles. That's the

3:33

only conclusion I can come to. But

3:35

of course, me with my silly

3:38

Smith and sniff head

3:40

kept thinking about dirtiness

3:42

and giggling a lot.

3:45

But yeah, it was definitely a

3:47

foreign lorry. It was not a

3:49

British company, but Max log. I'd

3:51

like to know whether it does

3:53

mean maximum logistics, but I probably

3:56

wouldn't have shortened it. No,

3:59

no. And

4:01

then we

4:04

had... Sorry, what

4:07

was the other one?

4:09

The other one was Le

4:11

Raul. The person's name,

4:13

Raul. So, the Raul?

4:15

The Raul, okay. And it's

4:17

a beer company. It turns out

4:19

it's a French blonde beer

4:21

company from the north. And

4:24

the logo of it

4:26

was a guy, basically, you

4:28

know, drink... drinking some beer.

4:31

But I have to say,

4:33

it made me think to myself, the

4:36

rowl. I

4:39

don't know why, I don't

4:41

know why, but the name

4:43

Rowl just makes me laugh.

4:48

I just, I can't hear

4:50

the name Rowl and just giggle

4:52

a bit like a kid. And I'm

4:54

like, what is it about Rowl? You're

5:02

saying it like a cat.

5:05

Oh, yeah, I am. I'm sort of

5:07

Austin powersing it, aren't I? Oh,

5:09

yeah. The cat from the

5:11

Charlie Sears ad campaigns of the

5:13

70s. Oh, yeah. That cat had a

5:15

mad mouth, didn't it? Yes.

5:18

Mouth was all over the place. Yeah.

5:21

Silly cat. Maximum

5:27

log. Max log

5:29

and morale. I'd

5:31

totally watch that detective show, wouldn't

5:33

you? Just

5:35

log and morale would do the

5:37

job. I love the fact that

5:39

the guy's name's Raoul, but you

5:42

just want to call him the

5:44

as well. It's not

5:46

just Raoul. He's

5:48

the Raoul. It feels like that's

5:50

in the same spectrum as referring

5:52

to yourself in the third person. Yes.

5:55

Call yourself the Raoul. It's

5:57

just the association for that. Do you want to

5:59

go and some food. No, the not

6:01

hungry Is

6:04

it like Gemma Collins? She

6:06

refers to herself in the third

6:08

person. Yeah, she says the GC. The

6:10

JC won't do that. The JC

6:13

refuses to do that. That's madness, isn't

6:15

it? I think it is madness.

6:17

That's what I'm going to say. Yeah.

6:20

So in a space

6:22

of two hours, Raccoon

6:24

Decal, MaxLog,

6:26

Laurel, I was giggling. That

6:28

was good because I was coming towards

6:30

the end of some quite heavy motorway work.

6:32

So it really lifted the mood for me,

6:34

which I'm very glad about.

6:38

Good. Before

6:40

we go any further and I

6:42

forget, I have to say a

6:44

big thank you to our mate

6:46

Dave Moll from Birmingham Car Keys,

6:48

who has once again stepped in

6:50

in the best possible way. Dave has sorted

6:53

me out with a new key for

6:55

my Panda and while he was at it,

6:57

you went, oh, I've got some different

6:59

keys for my Range Rover because that era

7:01

of Range Rover has a really massive

7:03

key that's annoying in your Trazer pocket. It's

7:05

the size of a camera.

7:07

Isn't it? Yeah. Ridiculous. A 90s

7:09

camera carrying or 80s or

7:12

carry a 110 camera around with

7:14

you. So yeah, he just

7:16

said, oh, I've got some proper, but

7:18

modern Land Rover remote fobs in my

7:20

van. I can just code up a

7:22

couple of those for you. And then

7:24

you get the newer style Land Rover

7:26

key. Brilliant. He sorted your box strap,

7:28

didn't he as well? Like proper job

7:30

on that with flooded ECU. Dave Kharkis

7:32

as he is in my in my

7:34

phone. Dave Carkeys of

7:36

Birmingham, he's done the Boxster

7:39

with all of that ECU

7:41

unit, but he also did

7:43

the Honda Element, which

7:46

had a strange

7:48

aftermarket immobiliser issue and started to

7:50

ignore its own key and was

7:52

getting very angry with me. And

7:55

I actually missed the school run once

7:57

as a result of it. And Dave

7:59

being Dave and Fantastic went, I know

8:01

how to solve that. And while he

8:03

was there, did me a pair of

8:05

period, correct, um, Honda spare keys. So

8:07

I'm like, Dave, Dave is brilliant. Birmingham

8:10

car, big up here. Yes.

8:12

He's not paying us to say this, but

8:14

he is a bang up chap. And whenever

8:16

we've asked him for help or advice, he's

8:18

been there like a shot. So yeah, I,

8:20

I just messaged him because my beat came

8:22

with one key, not obviously not original. And

8:24

even just looking at it, it sort of

8:26

looked a bit soft, you

8:29

know, a bit worn away and Sometimes

8:31

in both the door lock and the

8:33

ignition, you had to sort of do a

8:35

bit of jiggling and fussing about. Yeah.

8:37

So I just messaged Dave and I said,

8:39

is this likely to be the key

8:41

or is it just the 90s spec barrels

8:43

are all worn? And

8:45

I sent him some photos of the key and he was like, I think

8:47

I can sort this. I mean, I'm going

8:50

heading down to Bristol next week. I can pop

8:52

in and see you. So sure enough, he

8:54

worked his magic and

8:57

he did me two

8:59

proper Honda keys. period

9:01

sort of looking nice little stubby old -school

9:03

keys, but cut them because I was like,

9:05

if you put them in your machine,

9:07

won't the machine just replicate the softness of

9:09

the existing kidney? Nope, doesn't work like

9:11

that. It's, you know, it's much cleverer as

9:13

it turns out. So I've got these

9:15

really crisp, sharp. I mean, you could cut

9:17

bread with them, these keys. They're so

9:19

sharp compared to the one it came with,

9:22

and they work beautifully. And now it feels

9:24

like all the locks just instantly. It's

9:26

brilliant. So it was just the key getting

9:28

a bit worn. So Dave, thank you

9:30

ever much for making my beat a pleasure

9:32

to use. But awesome. So if

9:34

you are in the sort of Midlands

9:36

or down towards my way ish,

9:38

then Birmingham Carkeys. He goes all over

9:41

it. He goes all

9:43

over, mate. In fact I tested

9:45

him, only funny you should mention this

9:47

because I tested him last week

9:49

because I found a very cheap 2007

9:51

Mercedes Avant -Garde convertible for sale in

9:53

London. And it was going for

9:55

so cheap but right at the bottom it

9:57

says this car has no keys and must

9:59

be removed within a week. And

10:02

so I messaged the owner and went, I just

10:04

want to check that you actually own the car

10:06

first. He went, yes, I can prove I own

10:08

the car. I just don't have any keys. So

10:10

I forwarded the ad to Dave Carkeys and went,

10:12

Dave, is this a mission that you could take

10:14

on? He went, it just replied to me and

10:16

he just went, seen the ad, that'll be no

10:18

problem for me. And I thought

10:20

the confidence in that man, I could have

10:22

immediately summoned him and gone, right, I'll

10:24

see you in Middlesex tomorrow. We're

10:26

buying a Mercedes Avant -Garde

10:29

Cabrio for 450 quid. But

10:31

I didn't. I didn't, I refrained.

10:34

But Dave could have. And that's

10:36

what I like about Dave. He's a can -do. Yeah,

10:39

he is a can -do, exactly. He's

10:41

a can -do guy. So thank you, Dave. It's

10:43

really helped. Also, sorry, I won't do

10:45

this every week, but so just a little

10:47

update on my beat, because the weather

10:49

has been very good. And so I've been

10:51

zooming about the place with the roof

10:53

down. I was driving through the small town

10:55

of Radstock, not far from me. Yeah,

10:57

and it's summer set. Yes. And

11:00

I stopped at some lights at a

11:02

pedestrian crossing, some people crossed over, and

11:04

as they did, I heard this very,

11:06

very West Country woman go, look at

11:08

that car, it's so tiny! You

11:14

need to get a little external

11:16

microphone or a camera to capture that

11:18

kind thing. I don't need to,

11:20

I could just go. Yes, I know

11:22

it is, because I've got the

11:24

roof down. I've forgotten. You

11:26

know, particularly in a very, very small

11:28

convertible. You do feel quite exposed

11:30

sometimes, don't you? Like, you're basically just

11:32

standing there, almost. Oh. You're sitting

11:34

there. You're just sitting there. You're sitting

11:36

in the road and people can

11:38

see your trousers and all sorts. Do

11:40

you remember when taking photos, you

11:43

had to be done with a film camera, so it

11:45

was more of an event. You'd have to

11:47

pick your moment and frame a photo

11:49

with a bit more thought than we do

11:51

now, just firing off 4K video here

11:53

and there. Don't you

11:55

think that it's almost a rite of passage,

11:57

but when kids were young or when we

11:59

were young back in the olden days,

12:01

there would be a photograph somewhere of

12:03

you sitting in an adult's boot

12:05

or a shoe as like a toddler

12:07

or a baby. Right. Well,

12:10

that's the image I get of you driving

12:12

around in the Honda beat. You're driving around in

12:14

an adult's red shoe. I

12:21

mean, it does worry me that what

12:23

I do, I look like I've taken

12:25

one of those kids ride on your

12:27

little electric cars. You know, the ones

12:29

that rich kids have. Yes. There might be the

12:31

shape of a Veyron or or an evoke or something

12:33

with no roof on it. I

12:36

just think I look like. But yours

12:38

is an actual MOT tax car. Yes.

12:40

And it's got. So

12:42

what though? I took it because when I

12:44

bought it, it's because the guy bought

12:46

it off, bought it in Japan when he

12:48

lived there in England. brought it back

12:50

to the UK with him. And I couldn't

12:52

see a date marker on the tires.

12:54

And he was like, they're quite old, these

12:56

tires. And they weren't

12:58

even matching brands and stuff like

13:00

that. Oh, gosh. I had new tires

13:02

put on it last week, which

13:05

the joy of having a car with really

13:07

skinny tires on it. It's great. It's quite

13:09

delightful that it wasn't a fortune to have

13:11

new tires put on it. But at the

13:13

tire place, they were going nuts for it.

13:16

I do love a narrow

13:18

tyre. My insight has silly

13:21

tyres. I think they're 155s.

13:23

So you go, right, well,

13:25

I'm going to buy some

13:27

really high quality, continental, low

13:29

rolling resistance tyres. And even

13:31

when you do that, they're like, right,

13:33

that's going to be £55 each. OK,

13:35

let's do that. Whereas,

13:38

yes, a torquey of tyres, I

13:40

think... shouldn't say this to

13:42

you on air really, but I think the Eagle

13:44

Quest needs a pair of fronts. Yeah.

13:49

What size are they? They're

13:51

actually not narrow. They've

13:54

got very chubby sidewalls. They're

13:56

quite quilty looking tires. They

14:00

look like a retunned man with

14:02

a very tight barber jacket on.

14:05

They are, I think

14:07

they're 195. 65

14:11

14s or something like that. They're

14:13

probably 14s. I think they're 14s or

14:15

15s, but they're they're going to

14:17

be really expensive because I know those

14:19

sizes of tire tires are not

14:22

common anymore. So yeah, we're probably gonna

14:24

pay more than if they were

14:26

19s or 20s. This the

14:28

problem I had with the beat

14:30

is that it has different size

14:32

wheels front and back. Staggered,

14:35

staggered, mate. Yeah, they're on

14:38

the front, 165s on the back, but they're

14:40

also 13s on the front and 14s on the

14:42

rear, weirdly. And if

14:45

you want the same type of

14:47

tyre, that just makes it

14:50

harder. I found some Dunlops, but

14:52

they only had them in the size of the front,

14:54

not the back. So it's like, okay, where are those

14:56

then? Because my

14:58

nerdy, pedantic brain goes, I try like

15:00

just matching brand all around. Even though

15:02

I know it's probably fine if they're

15:04

the same across the axle, but

15:06

it's just, you know, same across the

15:08

axle. Listen to you. Are

15:11

they 15s on the Eagle?

15:13

Are they 14s? Because

15:15

I think maybe they are

15:17

15s. I love to

15:19

dig up photo 14s. You

15:22

could go through with your threat

15:24

of buying those Ronal teddy bears or

15:26

Facebook marketplace. Do

15:28

you know what? I

15:31

just think it would look

15:33

so gone awful. I kind

15:35

of want to limousine on

15:37

Ronal teddy wheels, which is

15:40

make people gag when it

15:42

rolls up. But

15:44

also I'd like to paint each bear,

15:46

you know, so I could

15:48

give each each wheel one. each of

15:50

the four wheels to local artists

15:52

or actually just a children's playgroup and

15:55

just saying could you paint these

15:57

and then I'll get them I'll get

15:59

them lacquered and then put them on

16:01

and just see what happens it just

16:03

looks so appalling won't it maybe we

16:05

should do that for festival of the

16:07

unexceptional just for like a special occasion

16:09

wheel bloody hell what I'm just looking

16:11

at the first website that's come up

16:13

claiming to know wheel and tire sizes for

16:15

the senator b Yeah. And it's got, and it's

16:18

listing the PCD and all sorts of it, but

16:20

it does seem to suggest they're 14s. Or

16:22

are they? Hmm. Yes. And I think they are.

16:24

Well, all I know is that ours is

16:27

a stretch. And when you take a

16:29

photo of its profile, it does just look

16:31

like a skateboard or one of those

16:33

big one of those tray trolleys you get

16:35

in being cute for putting planks of

16:37

wood on. It's a very long wheelbase and

16:39

then two tiny wheels that are almost

16:41

hidden. You know, like

16:44

prawn eyes. They're like prawns eyes. You

16:49

could say I've got prawn -eye rims,

16:51

which just means they're so small and

16:53

insignificant compared to the body of the car.

16:56

I'm rolling on toys. Hang on, I've found,

16:58

on eBay, someone is selling some of

17:00

those cross spokes. Oh, are they? For

17:02

a senator. Oh. They're 15s.

17:05

Oh, gas, okay, so... Yeah, so

17:07

we probably... Maybe we are on

17:09

15s. The 14 -inch Ronal teddy bear

17:11

may not clear the brake discs.

17:13

Who knows? We'll see. We'll

17:15

see about only one way to find

17:18

out. Do you know what? If we do

17:20

go down to 14s and they clear

17:22

the disc, we will be prawnising our way

17:24

into the Ronal Teddy World. That'll be

17:26

amazing. But the

17:28

thing is, you could

17:30

then try and, if

17:32

possible, go up even

17:35

higher on the sidewall. Oh,

17:37

completely. And

17:39

then the ride would be even more

17:41

sumptuous. The ride on that car is so

17:43

good. It's so exciting. Yeah,

17:45

it's a quick search suggests

17:47

that you can get Ronald Teddy

17:49

Bears or you could in

17:51

15 inch what and they sold

17:53

in excessive 36 sets

17:55

worldwide. There's a

17:57

company here called Euro alloy.

18:00

Jesus Christmas. Okay,

18:03

so they sell some terrible

18:05

wheels today. There's some there's a

18:07

set of four. Ronald

18:10

Teddy Bears in 15 inch. They

18:13

are sort of gunmetal grey as

18:16

well. No, well I

18:18

remember the original teddy bears having these

18:20

faux split rim details around the edge,

18:22

but... I don't think they do. These

18:24

are new school teddy bears.

18:27

Sport teddy bears, clearly they're

18:29

bloody awful. Are they

18:31

expensive? are £849 for the cents.

18:34

God. Oh, they're

18:36

out of stock as well. Oh.

18:38

Oh, that's a shame. Do you know

18:40

what? Hold that thought. I'm

18:43

going to I might do a lender of

18:45

the the eagle quest with Ronel Teddy's

18:47

on Okay, just for do

18:49

it. Yeah, I think it could be fun. Is

18:51

this one of your renders that you're going to

18:53

do? On a post -it

18:56

note with a buyer. Yes, I'm

18:58

good at those renders aren't I? And

19:00

then I take a photo of

19:02

the post it and send it to

19:04

you. Well, what's that? I'm such

19:06

a backwards idiot proper crossmanship days. Yeah

19:10

we're doing sort of little bits

19:13

of heist keeping. I

19:15

just also, because I keep meaning to

19:17

mention this and then keep forgetting, which

19:20

is terrible. But we

19:22

had lots of people recently

19:24

asking about the fate

19:26

of all the old Top

19:28

Gear cars from the

19:30

Beauty Museum, which has closed

19:32

its Top Gear exhibit

19:34

after many, many years. And

19:37

I just kept mentioning to...

19:39

to mention on the show

19:41

that a lot of the

19:43

cars have been rescued by

19:45

the Grampian Transport Museum up towards

19:47

the top of Scotland. So

19:50

I think it's a chap called Jonathan

19:52

from the Museum got in touch with us

19:54

and invited us up to see them. It's a

19:56

very long way away and I said to say

19:58

we probably won't make it for the

20:01

opening, which I think was

20:03

last month on the 28th of March.

20:05

So the Museum the Grampian Transport

20:07

Museum should now be open

20:09

with its Top Gear exhibit

20:11

and they've got loads of the

20:13

old stuff, including I think

20:15

the indestructible Hilux on display. So

20:17

yeah, to

20:20

answer the question we've been asked quite a

20:22

few times, yes, a lot of the

20:24

collection is safe. You can go and see it.

20:26

It's in a different museum. It's being looked

20:28

after. So tip of the hat

20:30

to the Grampian Transport Museum and everyone there

20:32

for stepping in to save a load of

20:34

the old Top Gear cars. Well,

20:36

and Jonathan, thanks for getting in

20:39

touch. If you ever get

20:41

bored of, I don't know,

20:43

cutting yourself on the Hilux every

20:45

time you walk past it.

20:47

I want first refusal on

20:49

that car because that's my favourite

20:52

top gear stupid crap car that

20:54

you guys ever did. I absolutely

20:56

love that series. That

20:58

would be mine. So please, I'm serious.

21:01

There's cash here. possibly an eagle

21:03

quest as Partax, I don't

21:05

know, with or without Ronel

21:07

Teddy Bear Wheels. Or

21:09

maybe I'll put the highlights on Ronel Teddy's just

21:11

to look even more shit. Yes,

21:16

it's indestructible, but you've managed

21:18

to effortlessly destroy its

21:20

credibility with one wheel change.

21:22

That's right. Location

21:28

the lab. Quinton only has

21:30

24 hours to sell his

21:33

car. Is that even possible?

21:35

He goes to carvana.com. What

21:37

is this? A movie trailer? He

21:39

ignores the doubters, enters his

21:41

license plate. Wow, that's a

21:43

great offer. The car is

21:45

sold, but will Carvana pick

21:47

it up in time for? They'll

21:50

literally pick it up

21:52

tomorrow morning. Done with the

21:55

dramatics. Car selling in record

21:57

time. into

22:00

the void? Well,

22:03

with LinkedIn ads, you can know

22:05

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22:07

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22:09

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22:12

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22:23

next campaign. Get started at linkedin.com slash

22:25

results. Terms and conditions apply. Now,

22:30

while I'm in the folder of people's

22:32

emails, there's something else that caught

22:34

my eye the other week. And it's

22:36

from a listener called Adam who

22:38

had heard us talking about Joss Stone.

22:41

I think we had

22:43

some half -assed plan

22:45

to make Joss

22:47

Stonehenge, and I can't

22:49

even remember the

22:51

details, but anyway, Adam

22:53

says, she lived

22:55

within the area when

22:57

I was a

22:59

kid. I must say

23:01

she didn't attend the school when I was

23:03

there due to an age gap. However, guys,

23:05

guys, guys. Joss was

23:07

a helmswoman of sweet sweet

23:10

Nissan heritage vehicles. Oh

23:12

true micro K 10 11

23:14

sweetheart Was she just

23:16

drove a Nissan Figaro in

23:18

that brave pink? Okay She

23:21

had it down at a garage

23:23

in the sleepy ghostly village of Hem

23:25

-Yok. I remember Hem -Yok. I don't

23:27

remember it being ghostly. Hem -Yok, yeah.

23:29

I remember that place. It's still there, you

23:31

know. So Joss

23:33

used to putt along in her little

23:36

figure -o her two -thousands curled hair

23:38

flowing in the winds. The

23:41

garage also had a

23:43

minty green figure -o which

23:45

was apparently also hers. and

23:48

looked like it was getting some

23:50

restoration work. Oh, maybe she

23:52

bought a backup Figaro. Yeah,

23:54

which, you know, as you know, figs rust,

23:56

don't they? So it's a very sensible,

23:58

if you've got the means from a platinum

24:01

selling album or two, get

24:03

a spare Figaro. Adam

24:05

goes on to say, this garage

24:07

also had a voxel combo

24:09

with a Corsa B face in

24:11

TVRS purple flip paint with

24:13

wool fray salaries and max power

24:15

front bumper. It was

24:18

all very 2000s. Rumour had

24:20

it the mechanic was her

24:22

boyfriend. Oh, he says

24:24

he finishes by saying he thinks

24:26

that people seeing Joss's Figaro inspired them

24:28

because a few more seemed to

24:30

pop up in the village. Really?

24:34

Hemioc's full of figure -os. Yes.

24:37

You concludes by saying, Joss

24:40

Stone, the trendsetter, the icon

24:42

of Nissan heritage. Well,

24:44

there we go. That's

24:46

interesting information. Thanks, Adam.

24:49

Yeah, that's from the West Country. I

24:51

wonder if Joss would revisit the

24:53

K11 Micro thing. I

24:56

bet she's still got her Figaro.

24:58

I wonder if anybody knows if she's

25:00

still got one or both of

25:03

the Figaro's. Cause that'll be really good.

25:06

Wouldn't it? It's funny, but also there's something,

25:08

and now you say it, yeah, of course

25:10

Jostone's got a Figaro. I mean, it

25:12

just seems to suit her somehow. I

25:16

wanted to read

25:18

out a letter from

25:20

2024. from

25:22

a lovely guy in Ontario,

25:24

Canada, called Larry. What

25:27

the fuck? Oh,

25:29

you know, we get a lot

25:32

of letters and some slip through, some

25:34

don't, most do, sorry. But

25:37

this is not an author, this

25:39

is not a question, because obviously that's

25:41

our other show, Ottersot, where we

25:43

will be attempting to answer questions. This

25:46

is from Larry, Johnny Richard. This

25:48

morning, I listened to your episode number

25:50

274, in which you described a

25:52

lady you witnessed unknowingly sweeping the road

25:54

with her clothing extended from beneath

25:56

the car door. Years ago

25:58

there was a segment on the CBC

26:00

here in Canada which solicited

26:03

from its audience words that didn't

26:05

exist for which there was

26:07

a need in the vein of

26:09

the comedian Rich Hall's books

26:11

Sniglets. One time they asked

26:13

what the word would be for exactly

26:16

that scenario, and for my money,

26:18

the best submission was undercarment. Every

26:20

time I see or, in this case here,

26:22

this happening, where usually a lady

26:24

is trapped a coat or a skirt

26:26

in the car, my mind immediately

26:28

goes to that word, the

26:30

undercarment, which speaks street sweeping

26:32

it in in a stray

26:34

skirt. I always think, I

26:36

think, thanks Larry, it's only taken us a

26:38

year. A year, maybe. Oh,

26:40

no, not quite a year, to

26:43

reply to your fantastic letter.

26:45

And that is true. And weirdly, this

26:47

was total accident that I found this

26:49

old letter. Total accident that

26:51

I saw this happening, day before yesterday. It

26:54

was a really high -patterned spring

26:56

dress or something. And it

26:58

was peeping out of the driver's door. But

27:00

I nearly put my hand up to say

27:02

something to the lady, because I was a

27:04

pedestrian. And I thought,

27:07

no, I sort of did that thing

27:09

of, I won't, because if she does an

27:11

emergency stop and then someone hits her from

27:13

behind or something, I'll be responsible and she'll go,

27:15

I don't care about the fact my skirt's trapped

27:17

in the door, you idiot. Now I've got, I

27:20

don't know, someone in a Nissan

27:22

pickup truck's just stove the back

27:24

end in. Oh well, never mind.

27:27

So I just didn't. I'm

27:30

sorry about that. Does that make me

27:32

an absolute pussy? I don't know. But

27:34

no, I think it's really good that

27:36

you, rather than just

27:38

act on impulse, you

27:40

thought through the potential

27:42

catastrophic consequences of your attempt

27:45

to be thoughtful. You

27:48

did a quick risk assessment and

27:50

decided against it. It's fine. Because,

27:52

you know, what if that woman was a

27:54

nurse or a doctor or

27:56

a vet on her way

27:58

to do important work and

28:00

then couldn't? You know, a

28:02

slightly grubby dress. She

28:05

could still do heart surgery, but if her

28:07

car's been written off, she can't make it

28:09

to the hospital in time. So would you

28:11

know what I did? did the right thing.

28:13

I was about to open my mouth and

28:15

left my hand and then I went, do

28:17

you know what? This sounds like this could

28:19

be a job for MaxLog and Laurel. So

28:22

I didn't. So

28:24

I just left it for that. Does

28:26

MaxLog runs after cars? But in that

28:28

style of running where your hands, you

28:31

make your hands like blades, do you

28:33

know what I mean? Oh, yes, yes.

28:35

Like a T1000 in Terminator

28:37

2. Yes, exactly. Yes. Very

28:39

dramatic running. Yeah. Oh, that's

28:41

faker. Tom Cruise is a good runner like

28:43

that, isn't he? was about to say Tom Cruise

28:45

does a bit of that blade hand running,

28:48

doesn't he? Blade hand, yes. He very

28:50

much is. I've tried to

28:52

do it before. I think I'm mostly pissed

28:54

when I try it, so I can get

28:56

up to VMAX and stay there for about

28:58

20 seconds. And then I think I'm

29:00

going to have a heart problem. I sometimes do it

29:02

when I'm going upstairs. Oh, yeah, I do

29:04

that. in the house. Yeah. But

29:06

then sometimes I do loose arm running

29:08

upstairs. I just

29:10

let my arms go really

29:12

floppy for no reason at

29:14

all. I

29:17

don't know why. And I tell you what, don't

29:19

tell you what. Me and my

29:21

brother having a competition at home to

29:23

see how few steps we could

29:25

touch going down the staircase. And

29:28

our staircase went... turned in three

29:30

different ways, so it went down

29:32

a bit left, down a bit

29:34

left, and down. And mine

29:36

up. It

29:38

had a banister as well.

29:41

My brother once managed to get down

29:43

the stairs. I think he touched

29:45

one stair and nearly broke his ankle.

29:47

He jumped. He

29:50

jumped so high and then used

29:52

both his hands to like in

29:54

the air, just... himself around on

29:56

the bannister so he went around

29:58

a corner in the air like

30:00

um shit uh parkour really in

30:02

the 80s parkour and and

30:04

he landed so hard and aggressively

30:06

i thought he was going

30:08

to go through the actual wooden

30:10

stair because it landed so

30:12

hard on it and i thought

30:14

if dad was here he'd

30:16

go mad um and i could

30:18

never beat it I remember

30:20

several years afterwards I just couldn't

30:22

pluck up the courage to

30:24

try and better it. It's so

30:26

stupid thinking about it. Is

30:28

there not a danger? I

30:31

mean I'm only doing this I'm

30:33

basing it on the house where

30:35

I grew up where again sort

30:37

of short staircase hard left short

30:39

staircase hard left then main staircase

30:41

1950s house so a lot like

30:43

that but yeah um but the

30:45

then The main staircase passed under

30:47

the floor below if you see

30:50

what I mean there

30:52

was a bit of

30:54

ceiling you could smack

30:56

your head Yeah, no in

30:58

this case that didn't happen

31:00

however, however, yes it um

31:02

ours was a very The house

31:05

has got a very tall

31:07

kind of I guess gallery ceiling. It's

31:09

a bit a waste of space actually

31:12

So you could jump really high, which

31:14

is what my brother did. My brother

31:16

almost cut the apex off the corner

31:18

of the staircase. He picked the

31:20

racing line, but in the air. And

31:22

it was, it was a thing to see.

31:24

It was really a thing to see. And I

31:26

don't know why you don't even just think, why

31:28

do I remember that? That isn't even important

31:30

to remember. But I remember

31:33

it vividly. Absolutely

31:35

vividly. So

31:38

there we go. We're digging through old, old

31:40

emails. Well, actually, this isn't old. It's only

31:42

from a couple of weeks ago. I'm

31:44

not sure if I'm supposed to say the name of the

31:47

listener. They've signed off T. So I would just go with

31:49

that. T

31:51

says he was at the

31:53

Manchester Live Show and he started

31:55

telling you this story in person. Oh,

31:57

but... But it got lost in

31:59

the excitement, so he's emailing it in

32:01

as you requested. Of course. He says

32:03

a few months ago he had

32:05

coffee with Tony Michelides, also known as

32:07

Tony the Greek, the famous Mancunian

32:09

music promoter. He used to look after

32:11

Bowie U2 and the police, among

32:13

many others. Tony

32:15

told me many funny stories, but

32:17

the one that really stuck in my

32:19

head is this one, because it

32:21

involved a trainsit. Trainsit. Back

32:24

when the police were arguably the

32:26

biggest band in the world Tony got

32:28

them booked on Cheggers play's pop

32:30

This would have been around 1982 or

32:32

83 because Sting was filming June

32:34

the David Lynch version in which he

32:36

wears a rather unusual winged codpiece

32:38

looks like a hood ornament In order

32:41

to play on the TV show

32:43

Sting had to fly in from Mexico

32:45

where they were shooting the film

32:47

I suspect they were doing a few

32:49

gigs while he was over, but

32:51

this was the first one because of

32:53

the filming schedule's time was a

32:55

bit tight. Tony brought the rest

32:57

of the band to the set, somewhere in

32:59

Greater Manchester, and transported some of their gear

33:01

in a transit. He was due

33:03

to go and collect sting from Manchester Airport,

33:05

and had planned to change cars first, but

33:07

he was running really late, so he ended

33:09

up just jumping in the van and herring

33:11

off to the airport at the last minute.

33:14

He drifted into the multi -story car

33:16

park at maximum speed, shoved the van

33:18

in the first space he saw,

33:20

and legged it to the arrivals area,

33:22

arriving just fractionally before Sting came

33:24

through the gates, probably not wearing the

33:26

codpiece. As they were

33:28

walking, with hundreds of people gawping

33:30

at them, Sting naturally asked where the

33:32

car was, and at this

33:34

point, totally realised that in his rush,

33:36

he'd paid absolutely no attention to what

33:39

floor he'd parked. So,

33:41

for the next 15 minutes,

33:43

Tony and the International Rockstar Sting

33:46

go through alternate floors of

33:48

the multi -story, yelling to each

33:50

other to say they've still not

33:52

found this slightly battered transit. Sting

33:55

in his trademark northeastern

33:57

accent going, Tony, it's

33:59

not here, man! I

34:01

love the idea of somebody spotting

34:04

Sting at the height of his

34:06

fame and saying, Debbie, I just

34:08

saw Sting where he was looking

34:10

for a Ford Transit on the

34:12

third floor of the multi -story

34:14

car park at Manchester Airports. That's

34:19

fantastic. I mean, in

34:21

that era, the police

34:23

were huge, like globally huge. They

34:25

played Shea Stadium in all

34:27

sorts. Yeah. That's fantastic. I mean,

34:29

that would be like seeing

34:31

Taylor Swift in Manchester Airport, multi

34:33

-story, going, oh, shit, I've left

34:35

a foxhole combo somewhere around

34:38

here. Have you seen it? That's

34:40

brilliant. Thank you, listener

34:42

T. An old letter from

34:44

a chap called Charlie Klein. What

34:47

year is this? This one. It's

34:49

only the back end of 2024, this

34:51

one. Oh, right. God, this is

34:53

fresh. It's still fairly recent, actually. Sweet,

34:56

sweet, Smith and sniff guys. Rummaging

34:59

through my collection of 90s Japanese car

35:01

tuning mags, I came across two

35:03

issues of a mag called Wagonist. I'm

35:05

not entirely sure what makes a

35:08

person a wagonist, but the magazine

35:10

features a plethora of Japanese estates,

35:12

MPVs and K cars modified in

35:14

a way to make them look

35:16

like European models of car. My

35:19

question for you two wagonists would

35:21

be, what's your car of choice to

35:23

create one of these wagonist style

35:25

vehicles? He's provided some pictures

35:27

which I'll show to, I mean, to

35:29

show to patrons because there's a Honda

35:31

or Thea. Which I've never heard of.

35:34

You ever heard of a Honda or

35:36

Thea? No, what's that? No, well,

35:38

I don't know. That's the point. Oh,

35:40

I see. But I thought it was a picture of it. Yeah, there

35:43

is a picture, but the picture shows

35:45

this Honda or Thea has been made

35:47

to look like a voxel omega elite.

35:50

Someone in Japan has

35:52

spent ages. Why

35:54

would you do this? To look

35:56

like a European car of the time.

35:58

And it's even got custom number

36:00

plates on it, which says The Wagonist.

36:02

So obviously... This is real, then.

36:04

This isn't just some kind of crazy...

36:07

I don't think this is AI. I

36:09

think this is real fiction. I

36:12

don't understand any of it.

36:14

No, I don't understand any of it. No. Wouldn't

36:17

it be cheaper and easier just

36:19

to buy a car? Omega and

36:21

import it. Yeah. Is that

36:23

what I'm missing the point? Well,

36:25

maybe people just like the arts and

36:27

crafts of it. There's one here

36:29

that says, a Ford Telstar estate has

36:31

been made to look like an

36:34

Alfa Romeo 155. And it

36:36

looks like someone's overlaid two photos

36:38

of two different cars. And

36:40

it doesn't quite look right. But

36:42

I think it's a real car. It's

36:45

really, really odd. Thanks

36:47

for this, Charlie. I'm so confused.

36:51

He's put, Johnny, you need

36:53

to build yourself a

36:56

Toyota Origin in brackets retro

36:58

-styled IS 200 Lexus with

37:00

suicide doors to fit

37:02

your Panasonic CQTX 5500 head

37:04

unit, which I still

37:06

haven't fitted to anything. Oh,

37:09

yeah. I was actually thinking of

37:11

offering it to you for your

37:14

beat. Even though it's not a

37:16

Honda OEM head unit, it is

37:18

an unbelievable piece of... audio

37:20

audio perversion but the the

37:22

beat doesn't have a standard

37:25

stereo slot it has a

37:27

bespoke hole that a bespoke

37:29

stereo goes in so oh

37:31

which i need to so

37:33

a very common problem with

37:35

beat stereos the it's it's

37:37

branded gathers which i think

37:40

is clarion but it's honda's

37:42

sort of of the time

37:44

gathers Gathers, yeah, but

37:46

it's bespoke to the beat and

37:48

it has a little sort of

37:50

line drawing of a beat on

37:52

the cassette flap But the buttons

37:54

fall off and so two of

37:56

my buttons are missing and So

37:58

I could do with either working

38:01

out how to reattach them or

38:03

just getting a new stereo. They

38:05

did make To celebrate 20 years

38:07

the beat they made an up

38:09

-to -date Version of the beat stereo

38:12

which I think a listener sent it to

38:14

us actually. So

38:16

it was compatible with MP3 players

38:18

and stuff like that. Still

38:20

looked pretty much the same but

38:22

just had some more modern

38:24

features in it. But annoyingly,

38:26

it's only compatible with

38:28

the upgraded stereo with the

38:30

extra speakers and mine

38:33

doesn't have that. And also,

38:35

they only made it for a bit and

38:37

now they go for like four figures. So

38:39

it's a bit excessive. That's a

38:41

lot. If you ever wanted

38:43

to offer up the Panasonic and actually

38:45

I have got two of them and

38:47

I will be selling one of them

38:50

because I don't need two of them

38:52

because I didn't even fit the first

38:54

one because I'm a complete goon. I

38:57

probably will be if anyone

38:59

seriously wants a audio files choice

39:01

of double din head unit

39:03

and the valve. Panasonic,

39:08

CQTX5500. Just get

39:10

in touch and I will be selling

39:12

one. But I was

39:14

going to read out. I'm pretty

39:16

sure we never read this letter

39:18

out from a chap called Dale

39:20

Monk. This one's from

39:22

2021. Incidentally,

39:30

if you've got anything you want

39:32

to tell us, do email hello at

39:34

smithandsniff.com and you too could have

39:37

your email read out in 2029. Yes,

39:39

that's right. I've just

39:42

finished listening to your podcast, guys, on

39:44

the episode where you brought up

39:46

the idea of tootin' carmooning. I

39:48

actually can't remember that one because I can't

39:50

remember most of what absolutely That was four

39:52

years ago. And I think I've got an

39:54

idea of what the activity entails. essentially

39:56

involves a group of lads in

39:58

a reasonably sized car. I'm not sure

40:00

why, but a diesel Vauxhall Zephyra

40:02

comes to mind. Maybe one of those

40:04

VXR ones with a straight through

40:06

exhaust and induction kit sounded like a

40:08

horny pigeon when it comes off

40:10

the throttle. Anyway, these lads

40:12

drive around until they spot their

40:15

target innocently walking along the side

40:17

of the road, where they then

40:19

proceed to do the following. They

40:21

toot their horn and then

40:23

they moon the victim. Hence the

40:25

term toot and car mooning. It

40:28

kind of writes itself, don't you think? Anyway,

40:31

thank you for the audio

40:33

delight of your podcast, blah,

40:36

blah, blah, keep up the good work

40:38

on that side of things still. I think

40:40

maybe toot and car mooning, it's not

40:42

really acceptable anymore, but I think if you

40:44

could do it 25 years ago, I

40:46

think it might be funny. I don't know

40:48

if people would find that funny anymore.

40:50

What do you think? I'm

40:53

not sure, actually. Now, I would,

40:55

funny, because this is a sort of

40:57

tangentially, sorry, I thought I'd keep

40:59

wanging on about my Honda beat, but

41:01

we had a message from a

41:03

listener called Mark Williams, who

41:05

said, and this is actually

41:07

from like last week, he

41:10

said, it would seem I was

41:12

once following Richard's car choices. It

41:15

seems Mark had a Ford car and he

41:17

had a Rover 75, and...

41:19

He had a Honda beat. He

41:21

says having a Honda beat is

41:23

amazing. Why you might wonder?

41:25

Well, it's the only car I've

41:27

driven or owned which was overtaken

41:30

just outside Birmingham by a Ford

41:32

Transit with a woman proudly showing

41:34

her boobs off. What? Yes.

41:36

Actual skin exposure because you're driving

41:38

a car that looks like a

41:40

shoe. It's so it's

41:42

so hard to unpick whether all

41:44

of this is connected and it's just

41:46

also just outside of Birmingham feels

41:48

like it may not be relevant, but

41:50

could be. I don't know. That's

41:53

ridiculous. If I ever find myself

41:55

in my new car outside of

41:57

Birmingham, I'll report back on any of

41:59

that sort of thing. But again,

42:01

yes, people showing off bits of

42:03

them. That happened to me only. That's

42:05

personally only happened to me once

42:07

and in America. What?

42:09

Yeah. And I was actually in the

42:12

car with Tiffany Dell. Of

42:14

course you were.

42:17

We were on our

42:19

way to Daytona

42:21

to film the 50th

42:24

anniversary of the

42:26

Daytona 500. And

42:28

because we were press and we were filming

42:30

there, we had to get there really early to

42:32

set up and avoid all the traffic. So

42:34

we got up at something like five in the

42:36

morning. and left.

42:39

It was dark. It was pre -dawn, I'm

42:41

pretty sure. And

42:43

just as the sun was coming

42:45

up, we were in the car with

42:47

maybe director, camera, sound man,

42:49

me and Tiff. We were in a rubbish,

42:51

huge Ford. Was it an expedition? The

42:53

absolutely gigantic Lego brick of a thing. Yeah,

42:55

yeah. We rolled up. We had the

42:57

windows down because I just wanted to get

42:59

some fresh air because I was just

43:01

feeling a bit tired. Tiff

43:03

was talking non -stop and we rolled up

43:06

at the lights. We rolled up at

43:08

the lights with the windows down and another

43:10

car rolled up next to us and

43:12

there were loads of like the loud music

43:14

playing and loads of like partying, two

43:16

women, two guys, and they

43:18

looked over at us and they went,

43:20

hey, where are you going? And we

43:22

went, oh, we're going to the NASCAR,

43:24

we're going to the 500. And they

43:27

were going, yeah! And then we pulled

43:29

away at the lights and then they

43:31

fell back and they came... us at

43:33

speed, and one of them had lifted

43:35

her t -shirt up and was showing us

43:37

her breasts. And

43:39

we were all so tired and

43:42

shocked that nobody said anything

43:44

for about half a minute. And

43:48

then Tiff said something like, well,

43:50

you wouldn't get that in Britain, would

43:52

you? Something like that. On

43:55

the way to the Formula One

43:57

in Silverstone. And

43:59

I just thought, well, let me go. It

44:02

was just very amusing. And I always remember

44:04

it being like, did that actually happen? I think

44:06

at the end of the day, we all

44:08

just compared notes and went, that happened, didn't it?

44:10

I didn't think that it happened. That really

44:12

happened. And it was like, yes, that happened. So

44:15

there we go. So it's never

44:17

happened to me, but maybe that's about

44:20

to change. Hi,

44:25

I'm Kristen Bell. Carvana makes car

44:27

buying easy. Isn't that right, Hun?

44:29

Dax? Dax? Dax? Sorry, did

44:31

you know about this seven-day

44:33

money back guarantee? A week

44:36

to evaluate seat comfiness, you

44:38

say? A week of terrain tests?

44:40

Yeah, I can test the break

44:42

pad resistance at variable speeds. Make

44:44

sure all the kids' stuff fits nicely.

44:46

Oh, the... Right. Still need to buy

44:48

the car. Getting ahead of ourselves

44:51

here. Buy your car with Carvana

44:53

today. Help Online

44:55

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month of therapy. No

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pressure, just help. But

45:32

for now, just relax.

45:50

of dandering around, and the

45:52

wife had to go to a shop where she

45:54

needed to take care of some issue that was

45:56

going to take a while, and I went, you

45:58

know what? Rather than standing in this

46:00

small shop waiting for them to go and

46:02

sort out this thing you've got that's broken,

46:05

I'm just gonna, it's like it was late afternoon,

46:07

I was like, you know, we were planning to go

46:09

and get a drink somewhere, so was like, I'll tell you

46:11

what, I'll go find somewhere to sit, and I'll see

46:13

you there. And there,

46:16

outside a pub, There were just some tables and there

46:18

was almost no one there and it was just catching

46:20

the sunshine beautifully and it just called me like a

46:23

siren. I was like, I can just have a pint

46:25

and sit outside. So I did.

46:28

And the joy of this, apart from

46:30

the joy of having a pint

46:32

in the sunshine on a weekday, was

46:34

there's some really good car spotting

46:36

on, what was it, it was a

46:38

Monday afternoon in downtown Bath Bath. But

46:41

I saw a

46:43

Fiat Tipo which

46:46

completely threw me up. I was so thrown off,

46:48

I forgot to take a picture of it.

46:50

Did you drop me a pint? Three door. If

46:52

I hadn't been resting on the table, I

46:54

would have dropped it because it's bit like... I

46:56

haven't seen a tea paper. There's also a

46:58

three door. And we almost never saw three doors.

47:00

But it wasn't... It didn't look... You know,

47:02

sometimes you see cars like that now, and they're

47:04

often driven by quite a young person because

47:06

it's kind of their festival with the unexceptional kind

47:08

of attendees. And they think it's

47:10

cool. It's irony. It's irony -cooled. Yeah. This

47:13

just looked like a sort of... middle

47:16

-agedy sort of lady just

47:18

driving it like this is

47:20

my car or so what

47:22

to saw that saw an

47:24

e -type v12 went past which

47:26

um that's cool you know

47:28

on a nice day nice

47:30

to see an e -type

47:32

even a v12 one yeah

47:34

saw an Audi sq2 but

47:36

it was a mini cab

47:38

which I'm still confused about

47:40

what yeah really weird sq2

47:42

mini cab I know, still

47:44

can't figure that one out. But yeah,

47:46

Quad exhaust a lot, and you went,

47:48

why is that a mini cab? I've

47:50

said this before, the Q2 is the

47:52

only Q Audi I like. I

47:55

think it's been discontinued now anyway. I

47:57

think it has, yeah. Something else,

47:59

and this brought me, this

48:01

is a bigger topic really, but

48:03

I saw a Discovery 4, and

48:06

it had clear glass all round, and

48:08

immediately I'm like, that's good.

48:10

Nice dark colour, clear glass.

48:13

tasteful. But then as it went by,

48:17

the badges on the tailgate were

48:19

in the wrong place. Do

48:21

you ever see cars like that? You go,

48:23

all right, that's been an accident then, hasn't

48:26

it? Yes, that's right. And

48:28

it always sets my nerves jangling for

48:30

some reason. It's

48:32

not entirely the same, but I

48:34

was only talking to someone driving

48:36

back from France yesterday, the videographer.

48:39

about the fact that when Audi

48:41

started putting those terrible fontid badges

48:43

on the front wings of their

48:45

faster cars where it says v6t

48:47

and not only was the spacing

48:50

janky but the font was appalling

48:52

it was like so many bad

48:54

decisions it cheapened the car in

48:56

one fell swoop And I just

48:58

wanted to get some, you know,

49:00

like cheese, cheese wire and just

49:02

shave it completely off. So I've

49:04

never had to see it again.

49:06

It's just so bad dental floss.

49:08

Yeah, floss the bastard. Floss that

49:11

bastard off. And the other thing

49:13

I saw, which I was completely

49:15

thrown by initially is the Mitsubishi

49:17

Colts. You know, the one that

49:19

was from the 2000s. Yes. There

49:21

was also the Smart 4 .4 at

49:23

the time. Yes. Not

49:25

a particularly good car, but They

49:28

originally look quite neat and then they did a facelift

49:30

that made it worse. So it's

49:32

one of those. And it had

49:34

Viper Stripes. So it's a black

49:36

car with like white Viper Stripes.

49:38

So they're like, okay, that's some

49:40

Viper. That's an interesting decision. But

49:42

then on the back, it

49:45

had a badge that

49:47

said Black Hawk. And

49:49

I was like, Oh, God. Oh, what?

49:51

The owner has put Viper Stripes on

49:53

their cult and then they've made up

49:55

their own badge that says Blackhawk out

49:57

of those little silver letters you can

49:59

get from Halfords. That's totally how they

50:01

used to do their engine badging on

50:03

the front wings. And I

50:05

was looking at it, but I was sort of staring at it

50:07

for a minute. I was like, that terrible

50:09

Blackhawk badge actually sort of looks

50:11

factory like it kind of matches

50:13

the other badges on the back

50:16

of the car. So I looked

50:18

this up. And it was

50:20

a legit factory special edition, Viper Stripes

50:22

and all. I don't know what to say

50:24

about that. The Viper Stripes

50:26

are bad, obviously, because it's a tidy

50:28

hatchback. Well, it's not even a sporty version

50:30

of the car. No, well, that's the

50:32

problem. It's not. It's just stickers. Yeah.

50:36

But then, yeah, it's

50:38

calling it Blackhawk. This was a

50:40

genuine special edition, and they only made

50:42

400 of them, apparently. Do

50:45

you know what? about 2007, I

50:47

think. So two things relating

50:49

to viper striping. Mm.

50:52

Yesterday, you know, those sons'

50:54

permits, hilariously, shuddery, non -car,

50:56

quadri -cycle things that they have

50:58

in France everywhere. yeah. I

51:00

saw one of those with Shelby

51:02

Stripes yesterday, and I

51:04

giggled a lot about it.

51:07

But the sort of godfather

51:09

of the Dodge Viper passed

51:11

away. Oh. Yeah,

51:13

yeah. The executive engineer of

51:15

the original Dodge Viper, his

51:17

name was Roy Sojoburg, S

51:19

-J -O -B -E -R -J. It might

51:21

be Soberg, it might be

51:23

a Silent J. He

51:25

was widely regarded as the father of the

51:27

Viper. Yeah, he passed away. Oh.

51:31

Yeah. He was responsible for assembling

51:33

the original Team Viper, a group

51:35

of 85 Chrysler employees that would

51:37

undertake the monumental task of turning

51:39

the concept car, which stunned the

51:41

world in 89, into a production

51:43

ready car in 36 months. And

51:45

I was watching a couple of,

51:48

weirdly, it got served to me

51:50

on Instagram, I think. I

51:52

was watching some interviews with

51:54

some of the original teams

51:56

saying how the

51:58

odds were so against them of trying

52:00

to get this car over the line

52:02

with the budgets that they had. Yeah.

52:06

But actually, it's one of

52:08

those cars which, I mean, I know

52:10

I have, you know, I've got a

52:12

little bit of sort of like a

52:14

fear over the Viper because of various

52:16

past things that happened. But

52:18

yeah, I really enjoyed the

52:21

backstory of it and I

52:23

thought to myself, I

52:25

need to drive a Viper again. I

52:27

need to just swallow my fear and

52:29

bloody do this and get gripped and

52:31

do this. Because the original Viper looks

52:33

so good with the three spokes. I

52:35

know you don't like the three spokes,

52:37

but I don't know what's happening to

52:39

me, but there's a couple of three

52:41

-spoked cars recently, which I'm really drawn

52:44

to. I'm becoming

52:46

three -spoked. Yeah,

52:49

I'm becoming three -spoked. Maybe I'll get a tattoo. We

52:51

talked about car tattoos the other week. We

52:54

did. Because, fully enough, in

52:57

my folder of things we really

52:59

must read out, although this is a

53:01

bit visual, was that Will Navesy

53:03

has emailed in with... a

53:05

picture of his car -related tattoo, which

53:07

is simply a really lovely illustration of

53:09

a house brick with Volvo written

53:12

on the side of it. Oh, that's

53:14

brilliant. I actually quite like that.

53:16

Which is good. Yeah, yeah. No, it's

53:18

clever. I like that. So hats

53:20

off to Will for that one. You

53:22

know, the other thing we didn't

53:24

talk about, which is actually so Smith

53:26

and Sniff and just painfully disorganized,

53:29

is the other week, we recorded our

53:31

300th podcast. And

53:33

both you and I forgot

53:35

about it because we're complete sleeves.

53:38

We're useless. We're nightbound sleeves.

53:41

This is episode 305. So

53:43

we've sailed right past

53:45

it before we remembered to

53:47

mention. And also, stupidly,

53:50

I think our first episode

53:52

was numbered 00. This

53:55

is both 305 and

53:57

306. We are a

53:59

cluster of aren't we? Uselessness,

54:01

yeah, we have now done. I

54:03

started trying to work out how many hours

54:05

of toss that is. As your brother said

54:07

when you did the episode last week with

54:09

him, that's a lot of hot air. When

54:11

you told him we'd done more than 300

54:13

apps, but... Yeah, it is. It really is.

54:16

I mean, broadly, because we've done

54:18

so, we've done like 47 on

54:20

the other side of things on

54:22

Fridays and they're half an hour.

54:24

Yeah. So that's 23 and a

54:26

half hours of that. Oh,

54:28

my gosh, I can't do the maths. Anyway,

54:30

it's a lot. It's a lot. It's hundreds of

54:33

hours of nonsense. And and

54:35

also to that end, I think it's

54:37

I think it's May. So it's

54:39

not far off exactly a decade ago.

54:42

We recorded our first actual

54:44

Smith and sniff, which

54:46

was in video form, which

54:48

is May 2015. When

54:51

when we yeah, I know. when

54:53

we drove a, was it a Honda

54:55

CR -V? No, what was that car that

54:57

we drove? Oh, it was a Kia

54:59

Sorento. We drove a Kia Sorento

55:01

to go and pick up a Rover

55:04

V6 from a man who had lots

55:06

of Rover 800s. And that was the

55:08

first proper video we ever did and

55:10

put out because the original video that

55:12

we sort of did as a prototype

55:14

on Pebble Beach, actually on a beach

55:16

in a golf cart, has been lost

55:19

and never seen. Maybe

55:21

it'll turn up one day.

55:23

I sort of hope it does.

55:25

So we've done we've done

55:27

Smith and sniff for a decade

55:29

Or be it five years

55:31

in in in audio form Yes,

55:33

so if we repeat ourselves

55:36

Occasionally it's because a you shouldn't

55:38

be listening to this anyway

55:40

because it's a waste of your

55:42

time But genuinely I genuinely

55:44

can't remember what I say most

55:46

of the time it all

55:48

just comes out like It's

55:50

like you're having therapy and you're just dribbling

55:52

it all out and then you run away and

55:54

forget what you've just said. Because people go,

55:57

oh yeah, do you remember when you said, remember

55:59

when you were talking about that thing? Like just

56:02

a minute ago, we were talking about tooting and

56:04

carmooning. I can't really remember what that was about.

56:06

No. Which is embarrassing. I

56:08

mean, yes, that was, alright, there's

56:10

a long time ago, I guess. But

56:12

we also if it was last

56:15

week, there's a good chance we wouldn't

56:17

remember. So, yeah, it swings around

56:19

about. But I want to say thanks

56:21

to... every single person that listens

56:23

to either watch the original, the OG,

56:25

the video thing of Smith &

56:28

Sniff and now listens to the audio

56:30

podcast. Thanks for making it what

56:32

it is and it's still every week

56:34

that goes by it's a bit

56:36

of a shock to me that people

56:38

actually care and listen and we

56:41

have built what has become a very

56:43

odd community but largely friendly. And

56:45

no, I'm not gonna say largely, absolutely

56:47

a friendly safe space for people. Stop

56:51

now, just stop. Stop guessing

56:53

any better. And it's

56:55

where we can celebrate the

56:57

strangers to things like,

56:59

for example, tomorrow, I'm getting

57:02

my Honda Insight serviced

57:04

at actual Honda. And

57:06

I'm getting excited about that

57:08

because I'm a tragedy. I'm a

57:10

walking, breathing, flesh covered

57:12

tragedy. And I

57:14

can't wait, even though I bought

57:16

OEM, these were on back

57:18

order for three and a half months.

57:21

And I've been waiting the

57:23

original spark plugs, special iridium

57:25

spark plugs for this car.

57:28

Oh, are these the ones

57:30

that cost like 30 quid each?

57:32

33 pounds plus the dreaded each. And

57:34

I said this to, I messaged

57:36

Andrew Frankel from the intercooler. um and

57:38

said cannot believe how much I've

57:40

spent on three spark plugs for a

57:43

non -performance car and he's gone could

57:45

have been worse could have been

57:47

a v12 and I'm like absolutely imagine

57:49

if it was a lean burn

57:51

vtech v12 and then I sat there

57:53

and went oh my gosh can

57:55

you imagine a lean burn vtech v12

57:58

honda would the honda would do

58:00

that but it would have been in

58:02

the 90s that honda would have

58:04

done it and we haven't found out

58:06

too bad or picture this a

58:08

lean burn vtech Twinspark V12.

58:11

Oh my gosh. You're just buying

58:13

spark plugs every day of your

58:15

life. But

58:17

Who did we... Again, talking about our failing

58:19

memories. Who did we say that was constantly

58:21

servicing their own car? Brian May. celebrity that

58:23

we... Brian May. Brian May with his XJS

58:25

V12. We said he just every day. Oh,

58:27

that's right, yes. Every 24 hours he drops

58:29

the oil. Overservice

58:32

Brian May. Yeah. I'd

58:34

love to do that as a feature.

58:36

Every 24 hours you just service the car.

58:40

Hang on, why did it take so long to

58:42

get the bits for your car because it had

58:44

to come from Japan? Yeah,

58:46

well, it's not just about that. It's

58:48

just about the note within the

58:50

Honda network. There just seemed to be

58:52

none available. So they were waiting

58:54

to produce them. And I think they're

58:56

made. The OEM plugs are

58:58

made by NGK. And

59:00

the plugs are so specific, it

59:02

seems, in that car that I just

59:05

thought, well, it's about to turn

59:07

300. 35 ,000 miles

59:09

and Honda, bless them, Honda UK,

59:11

were like, hey, we'll service

59:13

it for you. You get the

59:15

parts and bring it along and we'll do a

59:17

thorough check and a good deep service on it.

59:19

So said, oh, that'd be great. So I'm going

59:21

to film it and do a little update on

59:23

that and some of the jobs I've done on

59:25

it in the last 12 months. But

59:27

the plugs were like, yeah, these are on back

59:29

order. It's saying this was

59:31

back before Christmas. They go, yeah, same

59:34

fair. Damn, OK, I'll wait till fair

59:36

by servicing fair. Feb comes along,

59:38

yeah, they're the same four more weeks, March.

59:40

Yeah. It gets to March, and then it's like,

59:43

yeah, it's looking like April now. I'm

59:45

like, what the hell? I could

59:47

make plugs from scratch. But now

59:49

I've got them, and you don't have to

59:51

change these plugs very often. I'm gonna bloody do

59:53

it. And you know, there's that satisfaction of

59:55

going, I'm going to fit proper OEM equipment to

59:57

it. and

59:59

I'm going to change that I'm going

1:00:01

to get them to flush the coolant

1:00:04

I'm going to change all the belts

1:00:06

because honestly that car continues to thrill

1:00:08

me just as a beautifully engineered machine

1:00:10

a little joy bringer it's great and

1:00:12

it's so narrow but not as narrow

1:00:14

as your beat which is very narrow

1:00:16

you know but speaking of which I've

1:00:19

got some I've got a cam belt

1:00:21

and water pump kit on its way

1:00:23

from Japan Oh, sweet. To have the

1:00:25

beat done. But I feel just having

1:00:27

new tires on the car is somehow

1:00:29

satisfying. Completely. And I took the

1:00:31

E up for its first MOT last week.

1:00:34

Did you? They rang me, yeah,

1:00:36

because was three years old. And they

1:00:38

rang me and left me a message and

1:00:40

went, Hi, Mr. Porty. Yes, just to

1:00:42

let you know, your car's all done. Good

1:00:44

clean pass on the MOT. Good

1:00:47

clean pass, lice. That's a good clean kill

1:00:49

or something like that. But I liked it.

1:00:51

I appreciate it. Just good and clean. It's

1:00:53

good and clean on this one. Yeah. Do

1:00:55

you know the other thing we never talked

1:00:57

about was the bloody reveal of the Nissan

1:00:59

Micra, the new Nissan Micra. We

1:01:02

were going to talk that. a

1:01:04

half -assed reveal, isn't it? They've

1:01:06

done one picture that's basically just

1:01:08

a rendering and that's it. And

1:01:10

it's clearly a Renault 5 but

1:01:12

with a new nose on it. Do

1:01:15

you think it's going to be

1:01:17

interesting because the Renault 5 is a

1:01:19

great car but it's It's absolutely

1:01:21

Renault, isn't it? It's so Renault. This

1:01:23

is what confuses me. Looking at

1:01:25

that rendering, it looks like they've put

1:01:27

a groove into the top of

1:01:29

the doors, which means they've sprung for

1:01:31

altered pressings, at least. Right.

1:01:33

Which is odd because then the shape

1:01:36

of the door on the trim that

1:01:38

runs around the door looks exactly the

1:01:40

same as the five. So I'm wondering

1:01:42

how much money have they spent. I've

1:01:44

seen some spy pictures of one on

1:01:46

test and under the sort of zebra

1:01:48

wrap, you can see it looks like

1:01:51

it's got big round back lights. So

1:01:53

it's clearly not just a nose job,

1:01:55

but a slightly different door pressing. So

1:01:57

I wonder if the interior will be

1:01:59

totally different. But yeah, you're right. The Rally

1:02:01

5, the whole point of it is

1:02:04

it's sort of infused with renowness. So I'll

1:02:06

be interested to see how they... And

1:02:08

I want it to be cool because we've

1:02:10

always talked about the old micro, you

1:02:12

know, the golden era of the K11 and

1:02:14

K12. Caleb

1:02:17

a micro feels like one of those cars.

1:02:19

It's like a sort of spirit animal of

1:02:21

this podcast We're forever bringing them up, but

1:02:23

I don't quite know why but maybe we

1:02:25

maybe one day we'll curate a display in

1:02:27

a car museum And it will be obviously

1:02:29

the Eagle Quest will be at the very

1:02:32

epicenter of that, but we will have to

1:02:34

surround it with chod that we constantly refer

1:02:36

to, one of which would be a jag,

1:02:38

or maybe we'll have an entire room of

1:02:40

jags, or room of jags, yeah. I'd say

1:02:42

no. Anyway, hang on, so

1:02:44

where are we, this would have to be

1:02:46

the K, the next

1:02:48

micro would be K15, right? It would be up

1:02:50

to that by then, so. Must be.

1:02:52

I've tried to forget the last two

1:02:55

micros because they were a bit average. No,

1:02:57

even suboptimal. Suboptimal.

1:03:00

Well, you had the one that

1:03:02

looked like one of those inbred goldfish.

1:03:04

You know, the the one it

1:03:07

looked constantly surprised and yes, it was

1:03:09

rubbish. I think it was

1:03:11

shared with the Suzuki, but it was just

1:03:13

worse. It's a bit like when the when

1:03:15

Ford, the K8, the second generation of K8

1:03:17

was just a fifth 500. But the fifth

1:03:19

500 was a cooler car because it looked

1:03:21

right. Whereas the K8 looked like it was

1:03:23

phoned in. Yeah, with

1:03:25

a squeeze design on

1:03:27

two. Yes. It looked

1:03:29

like they'd used shoe horns and goose

1:03:31

fat to kind of get it to

1:03:33

fit. And it wasn't quite right. Anyway,

1:03:35

before we get dangerously close to some

1:03:37

actual car chat, we should bring this

1:03:39

to a close. But before

1:03:41

we go, three things to tell

1:03:43

you. Firstly, Johnny's engaged in a new

1:03:46

project where he's going to force

1:03:48

the former lead singer of Merillion. to

1:03:50

take part in a remake of

1:03:52

a California motorbike police person show under

1:03:54

the working title, Fish and Chips.

1:03:56

If that's not to your taste, then

1:03:58

there is, of course, the late break

1:04:00

show. Lots of excellent videos on here. We're

1:04:02

recording this a bit ahead, so I

1:04:05

won't put you on the spot. But just

1:04:07

go and watch things on the late

1:04:09

break show. There's some great stuff. There's a

1:04:11

couple of, like, really blue -chip barn finds

1:04:13

which I've done recently. And one of

1:04:15

them will be out by now. And...

1:04:17

Good. I'm trying to catch up on

1:04:19

my projects and all that. You know

1:04:21

what I mean, mate? And second thing

1:04:23

I've got to tell you is I

1:04:25

have various books out. One of them

1:04:27

is called And On That Bombshell. It's

1:04:29

about my years working on Top Gear

1:04:31

between 2002 when the show was reinvented

1:04:33

and 2015. It's

1:04:35

available probably in some bookshop still or

1:04:37

off the internet or in your

1:04:39

local charity shop, I imagine. And

1:04:42

the third thing I've got to say, since

1:04:44

we're talking about it earlier on, Joss Stone's

1:04:46

real name is Jocelyn Stoker. Oh,

1:04:48

really? Joss

1:04:52

Stoker sounds like

1:04:54

a fantastic pre -war

1:04:56

race driver. Oh, yes.

1:04:59

And here we have Jocelyn Stroker. She's coming

1:05:01

in hot. Stroker has taken the lead.

1:05:03

I've lost count of the amount of requests

1:05:05

we've had for Stroker -based merchandise. I'm

1:05:07

still not convinced anyone would wear any, but

1:05:09

we'll see. Well, in the car

1:05:11

context, Stroker means something else as well, doesn't

1:05:13

it? Yes, it does. We are working on

1:05:15

it. Some new merch will hopefully be coming

1:05:17

soon. In the meantime, go to smithansliff.com. You

1:05:20

can see our existing merchandise and

1:05:22

also details of upcoming live dates

1:05:24

and all that. And we will

1:05:26

be back doing this all again

1:05:28

next week. Until then, goodbye. Bye

1:05:31

everyone. Join

1:05:48

our Patreon, what

1:05:50

wonders that it brings?

1:05:53

Bury shows and extra

1:05:55

notes on that side

1:05:57

of things You buy

1:05:59

our merchandise We've mugs

1:06:01

and hats but still

1:06:03

no ties One day

1:06:06

we will make those

1:06:08

pies But in the

1:06:10

meantime guys, hey guys

1:06:12

Like and subscribe And

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maybe leave a nice

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We don't want

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and subscribe

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Like and

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subscribe It's

1:07:21

going to say something funny and it just

1:07:23

couldn't think of a fucking thing. Oh,

1:07:27

it's because we've done 305 of these

1:07:29

bastards. Well, that's it. We're

1:07:31

only at momentum now. Yeah, put the clutch

1:07:33

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