E274: High Dopamine, Low Effort Behaviors and Making Sobriety Feel Less Hard

E274: High Dopamine, Low Effort Behaviors and Making Sobriety Feel Less Hard

Released Friday, 4th April 2025
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E274: High Dopamine, Low Effort Behaviors and Making Sobriety Feel Less Hard

E274: High Dopamine, Low Effort Behaviors and Making Sobriety Feel Less Hard

E274: High Dopamine, Low Effort Behaviors and Making Sobriety Feel Less Hard

E274: High Dopamine, Low Effort Behaviors and Making Sobriety Feel Less Hard

Friday, 4th April 2025
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0:00

Your brain is wired for

0:02

quick hits of dopamine or

0:04

high reward, low effort habits

0:06

that feel good in the

0:08

moment, but sabotage your long-term

0:11

goals and vision for your

0:13

life. Over time, this conditions

0:15

your brain to expect rewards

0:17

without effort, and that makes

0:20

real change feel harder than

0:22

it actually is. In this

0:24

episode, I'll explain how these

0:26

patterns destroy motivation, fuel inconsistent

0:28

effort, and keep you stuck

0:31

in cycles of short bursts of

0:33

change, followed by slinking back to

0:35

your old ways. You'll learn how

0:37

high dopamine low effort behaviors impact

0:39

the brain, how this makes us

0:41

resistant to putting an effort in

0:43

three ways you may be making

0:46

being sober, feel more difficult for

0:48

yourself than it needs to be,

0:50

and how you can shift that.

0:52

And before we dig in, I'd

0:54

like to thank my sponsors who

0:56

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0:58

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3:30

Welcome back to the sober-powered

3:32

podcast. I'm your host Jill

3:34

and today we are talking

3:36

about dopamine and effort. Have

3:38

you ever felt so bleh

3:40

and sad that you're just

3:42

stuck on the couch and

3:44

there's nothing that you can

3:46

do about it? I know

3:48

that can't just be me.

3:50

And then before you know

3:52

it, six months can fly

3:54

by and you're still spending

3:56

too much time on the

3:58

couch, scrolling your phone, eating

4:00

food you regret, and bare...

4:02

really enjoying what you're watching

4:04

on TV. It makes the

4:06

brain weird when all of

4:08

our dopamine comes from high

4:10

dopamine low effort behaviors. Real

4:12

life gets boring, dull, and

4:14

why bother? Dopamine isn't really

4:16

about pleasure. It's about motivation.

4:18

It tells your brain what

4:20

is worth pursuing. When dopamine

4:22

is high you feel energized

4:24

focused and driven to act

4:26

and when it's low everything

4:28

feels harder. Even basic tasks

4:30

can feel overwhelming or pointless.

4:32

Alcohol spikes dopamine faster and

4:34

more intensely than any natural

4:36

reward. It's a high dopamine

4:38

low effort choice. You don't

4:40

have to earn it, work

4:42

for it, or even wait

4:45

for it. You just think

4:47

about having a drink, and

4:49

your brain floods with dopamine

4:51

and rewarding feelings. And because

4:53

the brain loves efficiency, it

4:55

learns quickly, this is easier.

4:57

than trying to feel better

4:59

the hard way. Because the

5:01

hard way, using coping skills,

5:03

taking responsibility, and making changes

5:05

in our lives, it doesn't

5:07

feel like a sure thing

5:09

either. So we're going to

5:11

work harder to then maybe

5:13

not even get what we

5:15

want. Over time, this makes

5:17

us resistant to putting an

5:19

effort. Scrolling on your phone

5:21

for an hour feels easy.

5:23

Instant dopamine no effort. Going

5:25

on a 15-minute walk feels

5:27

hard. Effort comes first. Drinking

5:29

alcohol is the best thing

5:31

ever. Instant relief, no work

5:33

involved. Doing something to get

5:35

sober, like joining a sober

5:37

community and attending one to

5:39

two hours of meetings a

5:41

week, feels so hard. Or

5:43

going to therapy or coaching

5:45

for one hour a week,

5:47

so hard. Because that is

5:49

a lot of up front

5:51

work. and discomfort. This can

5:53

happen with other things too,

5:55

like depression. When my depression

5:57

is bad, leaving the house

5:59

to go on a walk

6:01

feels so difficult for me.

6:04

It feels so difficult that

6:06

sometimes it's impossible and I

6:08

know that a walk is

6:10

the better choice. And this

6:12

isn't a push. for medication

6:14

or anything because that's a

6:16

personal decision, but that's why

6:18

medication and getting support can

6:20

be helpful because medication can

6:22

sometimes make the good things

6:24

that we have to do

6:26

for ourselves, feel less difficult

6:28

so that we're more willing

6:30

to try. And same with

6:32

support, knowing that you have

6:34

people that care about you,

6:36

who you feel accountable to,

6:38

is a game changer. Dopamine

6:40

influences whether or not we

6:42

are willing to exert effort

6:44

for rewards. When dopamine levels

6:46

are low or when the

6:48

brain gets used to easy

6:50

dopamine, we are less willing

6:52

to pursue tasks that require

6:54

us to put effort in,

6:56

even if the reward is

6:58

meaningful and important. So this

7:00

means, after long-term drinking, your

7:02

brain might want to feel

7:04

better, connect with people, or

7:06

accomplish things, but your motivational

7:08

circuitry is all weird. The

7:10

reward feels too far away

7:12

and the effort just feels

7:14

too high. So it's like

7:16

why bother? Or maybe you

7:18

put in short bursts of

7:20

effort and then it goes

7:22

back to normal. And that's

7:25

why in sobriety you might

7:27

struggle to do the things

7:29

that you know will help

7:31

you. Go for a walk,

7:33

cooking a real meal. making

7:35

a post, getting a bet

7:37

on time. It's not laziness,

7:39

even though you may label

7:41

it that way. It's a

7:43

brain that's been trained to

7:45

associate low effort with high

7:47

reward, and now that shortcut

7:49

is gone. This happens whether

7:51

you're in the back and

7:53

forth, in early sobriety, or

7:55

in long. It happens at

7:57

any point because we have

7:59

conditioned our brain to expect

8:01

instant gratification. When you take

8:03

alcohol off the table, it's

8:05

common to unconsciously reach for

8:07

other sources of quick dopamine.

8:09

You're not drinking, but you

8:11

might notice yourself zoning out

8:13

with social media, binging on

8:15

sugar, obsessively checking your email,

8:17

online shopping, using cannabis. or

8:19

even just chasing drama to

8:21

feel some excitement, even if

8:23

it's negative. Those are all

8:25

high dopamine low effort behaviors.

8:27

They give your brain a

8:29

hit of stimulation without requiring

8:31

much engagement, presence, or challenge.

8:33

And just like alcohol, they

8:35

feel really good in the

8:37

short term, but then they

8:39

leave you feeling drained, unfocused,

8:41

or ashamed afterwards. But the

8:44

good news is that dopamine

8:46

system can rewire. Over time,

8:48

your brain relearns how to

8:50

pursue rewards that require effort,

8:52

especially when you repeat those

8:54

actions consistently. You might not

8:56

feel motivated at first. I

8:58

mean, you definitely will not,

9:00

but showing up is what

9:02

restores your ability to enjoy

9:04

the things that actually matter.

9:06

So while drinking gave you

9:08

dopamine, it also made your

9:10

brain. less willing to work

9:12

for better dopamine. The kind

9:14

that comes from movement, connection,

9:16

creativity, fulfillment, presence. In sobriety,

9:18

you're not just getting your

9:20

life back, you're building a

9:22

system that helps you care

9:24

about it again. And that's

9:26

what this is all about.

9:28

Willingness. And like I described

9:30

in episode 265, exposure to

9:32

artificially hide dopamine spikes, whether

9:34

that's through substances or behaviors,

9:36

desensitizes dopamine receptors over time,

9:38

and reduces the... sensitivity to

9:40

natural, slower rewards. So that

9:42

would be going on a

9:44

walk, eating healthy, or having

9:46

a real conversation can feel

9:48

meh by comparison to a

9:50

quick fix. Our nervous system

9:52

isn't learning how to tolerate

9:54

boredom, delay gratification, or experience

9:56

fulfillment, or find deeper. sources

9:58

of joy. We are still

10:00

outsourcing mood regulation and happiness

10:03

to something external. And that's

10:05

how getting your dopamine from

10:07

another mindless activity can become

10:09

a trap. You're not drinking,

10:11

but you're still avoiding numbing

10:13

and escaping through distraction. It

10:15

may feel like self-care or

10:17

being proactive about work in

10:19

the case of obsessively checking

10:21

emails, but it's not. There's

10:23

a different motive behind it.

10:25

And it's important to say

10:27

too that when you're in

10:29

early sobriety, eating sugar is

10:31

normal and fine. And I

10:33

covered sugar cravings in episode

10:35

263. This is not an

10:37

argument for cutting things out

10:39

and making your life extra

10:41

hard just because. This is

10:43

an argument for when you

10:45

know deep down what you're

10:47

currently doing isn't working, then

10:49

you should probably find a

10:51

way to be willing to

10:53

put some effort in. It's

10:55

not about all-or-nothing thinking. It's

10:57

about caring enough about future

10:59

you to make some changes.

11:01

The whole process of sobriety

11:03

isn't just about not drinking.

11:05

It's about retraining your brain

11:07

to pursue what is actually

11:09

meaningful for you, even when

11:11

it's harder. Sustainable joy, confidence,

11:13

and energy don't come from

11:15

the easy way out. They

11:17

come from things that we

11:19

earn. So if you find

11:22

yourself chasing dopamine hits all

11:24

day, but then you're still

11:26

feeling flat or unmotivated, you're

11:28

running on a system that

11:30

hasn't healed yet, and you

11:32

may not be doing it

11:34

in favors in the healing

11:36

process. When you're comfortable with

11:38

not drinking, the work becomes

11:40

to stop feeding the shortcuts

11:42

and to start building the

11:44

kind of life that you

11:46

actually like to live. Our

11:48

baseline dopamine levels come from

11:50

genetics, lifestyle factors, how much

11:52

distance you have from alcohol.

11:54

but also from the amount

11:56

of dopamine that was in

11:58

your brain in recent days.

12:00

If you condition your brain

12:02

with high dopamine low effort

12:04

behaviors, then your baseline levels

12:06

of dopamine are impacted, which

12:08

means that you need more

12:10

dopamine to register in your

12:12

brain as rewarding and worth

12:14

it and motivating. And in

12:16

episode 265, I explained how

12:18

after repeatedly drinking alcohol, the

12:20

reward system becomes desensitized and

12:22

only big hits of dopamine

12:24

register as anything worthwhile. If

12:26

we continue to get big

12:28

spikes of dopamine from scrolling,

12:30

spending money, eating unhealthy food,

12:32

or whatever else, then the

12:34

reward system struggles to heal.

12:36

That doesn't mean give up

12:38

every guilty pleasure or you're

12:40

dooming yourself, but if you're

12:43

finding yourself feeling tired with

12:45

a lack of motivation often,

12:47

then this may be something

12:49

to consider. Motivation doesn't come

12:51

to people who wait. We

12:53

were talking about this in

12:55

one of my community meetings

12:57

recently and one of our

12:59

members said, But where will

13:01

I get my dopamine from?

13:03

And it was hilarious, but

13:05

also very true. When we're

13:07

drinking, we have to go

13:09

through life until we can

13:11

get to the reward checkout

13:13

part at the end of

13:15

the night or on the

13:17

weekend. And in sobriety, life

13:19

becomes a reward. And I

13:21

know that might make you

13:23

want to roll your eyes,

13:25

but it's true and you

13:27

can get there too. It

13:29

just takes time and effort.

13:31

willingness to put the effort

13:33

in. When I was drinking,

13:35

I hated my life and

13:37

I rushed through my day

13:39

with stress and a bad

13:41

attitude to get to the

13:43

good part, drinking. It was

13:45

the only thing that I

13:47

looked forward to after a

13:49

while. And when I got

13:51

sober, it took time and

13:53

work, but eventually, my life

13:55

is now the reward. And

13:57

I know that's so cheesy,

13:59

but today I love my

14:02

life. It's difficult to get

14:04

there though and high dopamine

14:06

low effort behaviors make your

14:08

life easier now and much

14:10

harder later. And I fell

14:12

into many of them and

14:14

I still love my life

14:16

so please don't stress about

14:18

that. But it's difficult for

14:20

us to care about future

14:22

us when we're stuck in

14:24

the cycle. And relying on

14:26

high dopamine low effort behaviors

14:28

can create... a lot of

14:30

stuckness in our lives. And

14:32

this isn't because you're a

14:34

loser or a moron, it's

14:36

because you've trained your brain

14:38

to prioritize quick fixes and

14:40

you've driven up the cost

14:42

and effort of delayed gratification

14:44

behaviors that actually work. We

14:46

aren't used to having to

14:48

put effort into our lives.

14:50

So when you get sober

14:52

or you're trying to get

14:54

sober, it can feel hopeless.

14:56

So let's talk about what's

14:58

going on in the brain

15:00

to make us resistant to

15:02

putting an effort. A 2012

15:04

study looked at the differences

15:06

in the brains of people

15:08

who work hard for rewards

15:10

versus those who do not.

15:12

They found that the go-getters

15:14

had higher levels of dopamine

15:16

in the reward and motivation

15:18

portions of the brain, and

15:21

then the slackers had a

15:23

higher level of dopamine in

15:25

the area of the brain

15:27

associated with emotion and risk.

15:29

And those labels do not

15:31

come from me, by the

15:33

way. They assessed their willingness

15:35

to work through a... button

15:37

pushing tasks where putting in

15:39

more work earns you more

15:41

money. So remember, dopamine is

15:43

all about motivation and it

15:45

makes us pay more attention

15:47

to the experience that we're

15:49

having. So if more dopamine

15:51

is released in areas of

15:53

the brain associated with emotion

15:55

and risk, then you may

15:57

pay more attention to the

15:59

perceived costs and discomfort of

16:01

the behavior. A 2020 study

16:03

published in Science looked at

16:05

50 people between the ages

16:07

of 18 and 43 and

16:09

measured their natural levels of

16:11

dopamine to get a baseline.

16:13

They gave them memory tasks

16:15

with varying difficulties, but the

16:17

more challenging the task, the

16:19

more money they would get

16:21

for completing it. People that

16:23

had naturally higher levels of

16:25

dopamine were able to focus

16:27

on the benefits of the

16:29

task, like the money. People

16:31

with naturally lower levels of

16:33

dopamine focus more on the

16:35

perceived cost of the task,

16:37

meaning how difficult it would

16:40

be for them. And these

16:42

two studies are examples of

16:44

just what you start out

16:46

with. This is just the

16:48

way that your brain operates.

16:50

So next, the researchers gave

16:52

the participants either a placebo

16:54

or an antipsychotic that increases

16:56

dopamine levels. They found no

16:58

change in choosing more difficult

17:00

tasks in people with naturally

17:02

higher levels of dopamine, but

17:04

this medication boosted the likelihood

17:06

for the low dopamine people

17:08

to choose a more difficult

17:10

task. The additional dopamine in

17:12

their brains adjusted their cost-benefit

17:14

analysis, and they were able

17:16

to feel that the reward

17:18

of doing the harder task

17:20

was worth it for them

17:22

to try. So the researchers

17:24

concluded that dopamine increased how

17:26

much weight people gave to

17:28

the benefits when considering whether

17:30

or not to even attempt

17:32

a task. And there's an

17:34

application here too for people

17:36

with ADHD. So in ADHD,

17:38

dopamine signaling in the brain

17:40

is lower or dysregulated, especially

17:42

in areas that are responsible

17:44

for attention, motivation, and executive

17:46

function. That makes it harder

17:48

to focus, stay on task,

17:50

and feel motivated to start

17:52

or complete things. I talked

17:54

about ADHD in episode 145

17:56

by the way, but medications

17:58

like Ritalin or Adderall work

18:01

by increasing dopamine and neuropinephrine

18:03

levels in the brain which

18:05

can then boost motivation and

18:07

make it easier to engage

18:09

with a task. And then

18:11

as a result, focus improves.

18:13

So the thing here is

18:15

that dopamine has a big

18:17

impact on whether or not

18:19

we are even willing to

18:21

try. And this is all

18:23

about instant gratification versus delayed

18:25

gratification. Alcohol will cause a

18:27

ton of dopamine to be

18:29

released in the brain, but

18:31

over time when you continue

18:33

to repeat the behavior, your

18:35

baseline levels drop, making you

18:37

feel miserable without alcohol. I

18:39

see people complain about not

18:41

being able to stay motivated

18:43

to quit drinking, but your

18:45

frequent drinking has depleted your

18:47

dopamine. Alcohol is the reason

18:49

that you aren't motivated to

18:51

do anything, and more alcohol

18:53

is going to make you

18:55

less motivated. Quitting drinking isn't

18:57

really about being motivated to

18:59

do it. unless you hit

19:01

a rock bottom, but most

19:03

people are not motivated to

19:05

do something that sucks and

19:07

is really hard. Getting sober

19:09

may be the most difficult

19:11

thing you do in your

19:13

entire life. You need something

19:15

other than motivation to get

19:17

you to stick with it.

19:20

And again, motivation does not

19:22

come to those who wait

19:24

for it or those who

19:26

passively engage with resources and

19:28

look for inspiration. Real motivation

19:30

comes from taking action and

19:32

continuing to take action. And

19:34

that's difficult because a lot

19:36

of people will take action

19:38

in bursts. They'll be super

19:40

motivated, take a little bit

19:42

of action, then it feels

19:44

too hard and they stop

19:46

and they slink back to

19:48

their old behavior, suffer, then

19:50

they get a burst of

19:52

motivation and the cycle continues.

19:54

So if you're a living

19:56

a sober-powered life member or

19:58

a private client, then you

20:00

should see a deep dive

20:02

on how to work with

20:04

your dopamine system to sustain

20:06

motivation for behavior change so

20:08

that you can follow through.

20:10

So hearing those studies may

20:12

have felt not very motivating

20:14

to you because... You just

20:16

get what you get with

20:18

your dopamine system in the

20:20

beginning and then you can

20:22

ruin it even more by

20:24

drinking. But there are actually

20:26

three things that most of

20:28

us do that make sobriety

20:30

feel harder than it needs

20:32

to be. The first is

20:34

looking at it as deprivation.

20:36

If all you're thinking about

20:39

is how you're going to

20:41

be missing out, then it's

20:43

going to be difficult to

20:45

stick with sobriety. It's very

20:47

normal to feel sad or

20:49

angry that other people can

20:51

drink and you can't. But

20:53

eventually you will get over

20:55

that, because you are not

20:57

as deprived as you think

20:59

you are. Drinking the way

21:01

that you do is deprivation.

21:03

You are depriving yourself of

21:05

a full life. When I

21:07

was struggling with quitting drinking,

21:09

I was so focused on

21:11

my silly wine connoisseur identity.

21:13

I focused on how sad

21:15

it was that I could

21:17

never go to a wine

21:19

tasting ever again or that

21:21

I could never drink in

21:23

Vegas or wine country. There

21:25

is more to life than

21:27

drinking in different locations. The

21:29

second thing that makes sobriety

21:31

feel harder than it needs

21:33

to be is looking at

21:35

it as a punishment. And

21:37

again... And it is normal

21:39

to think that being sober

21:41

is a punishment for being

21:43

a weak-wled loser who has

21:45

no self-control. But that is

21:47

one of the main points

21:49

of this podcast, to convince

21:51

you it's not true. So

21:53

if you still feel that

21:55

way, listen to more of

21:58

my episodes. You are not

22:00

being punished. And believing that

22:02

being sober is a punishment

22:04

makes it so hard. The

22:06

real punishment. is getting to

22:08

the end of your life

22:10

and realizing you spent the

22:12

whole thing, thinking about whether

22:14

or not it's been long

22:16

enough and you can drink

22:18

again, or how you'll stick

22:20

to your moderation plan, or

22:22

how you're such a loser

22:24

for drinking, that is the

22:26

punishment. The third thing is

22:28

being othered. I was really

22:30

worried that everyone would call

22:32

me an alcoholic. that I

22:34

would never fit in in

22:36

a social setting again because

22:38

the drinkers would all be

22:40

vibing and I wouldn't and

22:42

that I would lose my

22:44

friends and probably my relationship

22:46

too. This stigma makes us

22:48

feel like we're going to

22:50

become other by getting sober

22:52

but this isn't true either.

22:54

No one cares as much

22:56

as you do about what

22:58

is in your cup. Other

23:00

problem drinkers care. but we

23:02

are the minority in most

23:04

social settings. Even if you

23:06

think everyone drinks like you,

23:08

I promise they do not.

23:10

Sobriety becomes more difficult when

23:12

you focus on the wrong

23:14

things. Is it really about

23:16

how sad it's going to

23:19

be that you can never

23:21

drink ever again? Or is

23:23

it actually about how you

23:25

don't have to hate yourself

23:27

anymore? It's a shift from

23:29

deprivation to hope. What's really

23:31

sad is the amount of

23:33

time that we dedicate to

23:35

thinking about our drinking when

23:37

instead we could be living

23:39

our lives. I'm not saying

23:41

you have to be grateful

23:43

because I thought gratitude was

23:45

stupid and I was never

23:47

even able to start to

23:49

access gratitude until I was

23:51

past six months sober, but

23:53

you have to have some

23:55

hope that your life can

23:57

improve. If all you're focusing

23:59

on is how hard, sad,

24:01

lonely, and boring it's going

24:03

to be, then of course

24:05

sobriety feels like it's way

24:07

too hard. A lot of

24:09

people will focus too on

24:11

how they have to think

24:13

about it all the time

24:15

or they have to go

24:17

to meetings once or twice

24:19

a week or listen to

24:21

me once a week for

24:23

half an hour, but how

24:25

much time have you spent

24:27

per day thinking about your

24:29

drinking? Way more time than

24:31

the time you're going to

24:33

spend thinking about being sober.

24:35

Two of the biggest fears

24:38

that I had about getting

24:40

sober was that everyone would

24:42

call me an alcoholic and

24:44

that I couldn't control my

24:46

drinking because I was a

24:48

equal loser. I focused so

24:50

intensely on those two things

24:52

that I kept talking myself

24:54

into pursuing moderation longer when

24:56

it clearly wasn't working out

24:58

because I thought if I

25:00

could moderate, then these two

25:02

things would not be true.

25:04

When I hit my limit

25:06

and I made the decision

25:08

to get sober, I didn't

25:10

care anymore if people would

25:12

call me an alcoholic and

25:14

if this meant I was

25:16

weak. Yes, both of those

25:18

things were still unpleasant and

25:20

I didn't want to be

25:22

labeled or think I was

25:24

weak, but they were less

25:26

important to me than ending

25:28

my suffering. Finally, my focus

25:30

had shifted to the right

25:32

thing, the thing that was

25:34

actually going to move me

25:36

forward. So yes, things feel

25:38

much harder than they are

25:40

when you're trying to quit

25:42

drinking in early sobriety or

25:44

if you are still using

25:46

high dopamine low effort things

25:48

and behaviors in longer term

25:50

sobriety. This is something that

25:52

we have to learn. to

25:54

work with, but also the

25:57

way that you think about

25:59

things and the way that

26:01

you set up your life

26:03

can make things easier or

26:05

harder too. Are you hanging

26:07

out with drinkers and watching

26:09

them drink? Do you keep

26:11

alcohol in the house? Has

26:13

your routine for the past

26:15

several months been sitting and

26:17

watching mindless TV and scrolling

26:19

on your phone? Those probably

26:21

aren't making you feel very

26:23

good, right? If this episode

26:25

resonated with you, then you

26:27

should probably be getting emails

26:29

from me. I send them

26:31

out every Friday, sometimes they

26:33

have jokes, sometimes they have

26:35

personal experience, sometimes they have

26:37

science and pictures and diagrams,

26:39

but they always have direct

26:41

to the point info to

26:43

help you shift your thinking

26:45

so that quitting drinking feels

26:47

a little bit more manageable

26:49

for you. So if you

26:51

don't get emails from me.

26:53

You can use the link

26:55

in the show notes, and

26:57

otherwise I invite you to

26:59

spend some time thinking about

27:01

how you set up your

27:03

life and how you think

27:05

about your life and see

27:07

if there are any changes

27:09

you can make. And I

27:11

will talk to you next

27:13

week.

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