0:06

Hello and welcome . This is my

0:08

podcast , soapbox Junkie with

0:10

Shunty , where we talk about how

0:12

recovery influences and affects

0:14

daily life . And if I think it

0:17

, I'm going to say it and we're going to talk

0:19

about it . Today

0:24

is one of those days where I have

0:26

a freaking speedway circus

0:28

running rampant through my head . It has

0:30

not stopped since I woke up . One

0:33

of those mornings where I have to go whoa

0:35

slow down in there . I'm not keeping

0:38

up this constant barrage

0:40

of thoughts and random rambling

0:43

conversations all over the place in my

0:45

head . This used to happen in my

0:47

drinking days all the time , but it manifested

0:49

itself in ugly ways back then Doom

0:52

and gloom , overthinking situations

0:54

, trying to keep myself so busy

0:56

. So I felt important these days

0:59

, like this morning , while I was on what was

1:01

meant to be one of my peaceful morning

1:03

, calming walks , taking in the fresh

1:05

air while looking at the flat ocean and

1:07

all its beauty . It started all

1:09

fine . I had nothing too much on

1:11

my mind , but have been feeling a little

1:14

sluggish and unfocused lately

1:16

. A random thought of what

1:18

can I do after I finish studying

1:20

, bearing in my mind I've only just started

1:22

studying and it only finishes your end

1:24

, then onto okay , how

1:26

are we going to accomplish that . Then

1:29

, wow , it's halfway through the year already . How

1:31

peaceful is this beach and how beautiful is

1:33

that view ? Oh , look , a flying swan . I've

1:36

never seen a flying swan before . What

1:38

time is my Pilates class today ? Do

1:40

I need to fill my car with gas ? Should I change

1:42

my podcast name ? I'm not sure I like what

1:44

it is . Do I need to change more about myself

1:46

? Did I get back to my sister ? Am I good enough

1:48

? Why do I feel like such an awful person ? Breathe

1:52

, breathe , breathe . Did

1:56

that make you anxious ? Because it sure does

1:58

make me anxious until I go slow

2:00

down . Let's think about things

2:02

rationally and put a plan in place

2:05

so we can get this shit done

2:07

. Brain and heart , let's

2:10

do this together . Then

2:12

you have to remind yourself you

2:14

are human and there's only so much

2:16

you can do . You don't want

2:18

to swap one chaotic life for another

2:20

. Remember to enjoy the moment

2:22

and remember one day at a time

2:25

and focus on progress , not perfection

2:28

, and she'll be alright . If

2:30

all that doesn't work , there's always the

2:32

serenity prayer , and that does work wonders

2:34

for me and calms me enough after many

2:36

repetitions and really feeling the

2:38

words as I'm saying them , all

2:40

these steps that I have in place for

2:43

when my mind starts going crazy like

2:45

this , then I start

2:47

looking a little deeper . The truth is

2:49

there has been a lot on my plate , from

2:51

work to my podcast , to trying

2:53

to make amends with bad past choices

2:55

, to keeping up with all my

2:57

kids' sports coaching one of them

2:59

studying , just to name a

3:02

few and feeling there are just not enough

3:04

hours in a day anymore to achieve all of

3:06

this . Then it's household chores

3:08

and cooking and the never-ending

3:10

washing piles with three guys in the house . I'm

3:12

sure so many of you can relate to all

3:14

of this . I also have a mammogram coming

3:17

up which I have been waiting over a month

3:19

for , because that COVID backlog excuse

3:21

seems to still be in play and

3:23

for some reason I'm banking on bad news

3:25

because I had to request it , because

3:27

something feels wrong and we only get

3:29

them here for free from 45 years old

3:31

. Thank goodness I have private insurance

3:34

, but the weight has been agonising , especially

3:36

with the constant tug in my boob telling

3:38

me something is wrong , and especially after

3:40

I went to a pink ribbon breakfast and the

3:42

speaker relayed some serious stats

3:45

on how early detection really is a

3:47

lifesaver , and then thinking

3:49

well , how can it be detected earlier if

3:51

I can't even get an appointment within a month

3:53

. My last mammogram was three

3:55

years ago and I've been putting it off because , as

3:58

a mom , I guess everything else always comes

4:00

first . I can't solely blame

4:02

that , though . When I was drinking , I never

4:04

much had time for anything else , let

4:07

alone the most important stuff like this , always

4:09

falling by the wayside . Anyway

4:11

, that will be a story for another time , but it

4:13

was definitely adding to the angst I

4:15

was feeling . We get so caught

4:18

up in the culmination of these little things

4:20

that we start losing our way again , and that's

4:22

not good for us , especially when

4:24

we're still trying to heal from a lot . Our

4:27

thoughts control so much of our lives , and

4:29

the brain is such a powerful tool

4:31

it can really make or break you . If

4:33

it's one thing I've learned from last year is

4:35

that we need to learn to slow down

4:38

. I know a lot of people say well

4:40

, that's easier said than done , but the

4:42

truth of the matter is we are only one

4:44

person and there is only so

4:46

much we can do . Stressing

4:48

about whatever it is isn't going

4:51

to change the outcome of that . I

4:53

was just chatting to a friend this morning

4:55

and saying this week really has been a

4:58

little overwhelming and I hardly

5:00

have those weeks anymore and I know

5:02

what it is and how it started . It's because

5:04

there's too much on my plate and I need

5:06

to slow down . The other fact

5:08

is into this for me is a messed up

5:10

routine . I've touched on this briefly

5:13

before that I start to get really restless

5:15

when days go by and I've missed days of

5:17

a row in routine . For me , as

5:19

someone who constantly hated this sort

5:21

of boring routine , this has undoubtedly

5:24

been the ultimate stepping stone on

5:26

the way to a better me , both physically

5:28

and mentally . If I start missing

5:31

out on one of these few things for a few days

5:33

in a row , I start to get very restless

5:35

and my mind goes into overdrive

5:38

. I've made my routine simple

5:40

things a beach walk . This really

5:42

does clear my mind . But this is not always

5:44

possible because and some days

5:46

that can be a week or more in a row when

5:49

that's bad . We've had the most horrific

5:51

weather patterns here . It has not

5:53

stopped raining and I'm sure this adds to

5:55

mental strain as well . Writing

5:58

is another , but I'm not always in the mood Because

6:00

yesterday I sat for five hours and nothing

6:03

good that I could use came from . That Frustrating

6:06

, but it is what it is . Pilates

6:08

is another part of my routine , but that is

6:10

an expensive workout choice so I can

6:12

only do that twice a week , so I

6:14

have to choose the days that I go . My

6:17

brain then starts going into overdrive

6:19

and I start focusing on the negatives

6:21

instead of all the right stuff that's

6:23

actually working and I'm actually

6:25

winning at , which far outweighs the latter

6:28

. It's my nature at its best

6:30

. Right there . We tend to always

6:32

dwell more on the negative stuff , which

6:34

I've also spoken about before , like

6:37

why would my mind go straight to

6:39

worst case death scenario about

6:41

my mammogram ? Is it that hyperchondriac

6:44

built into me ? Or is it just my bad

6:46

frame of mind this week ? Or do I really

6:49

subconsciously know something is not right

6:51

? I guess we will find out next week

6:53

. How is it that we get so

6:55

wrapped up in our thoughts ? Public

6:57

overthinking is an absolute no-no

6:59

for me , and that is something I've managed

7:01

to stave off until now . So

7:04

I know routine for me has been a lifesaver

7:06

. My anxiety is almost nonexistent

7:09

since I stopped drinking and I hardly

7:11

get overwhelmed , and when I do

7:13

, it comes in very small amounts that

7:15

I can handle and they don't last

7:17

long once I speak to myself kindly and

7:20

remind myself that I will be okay

7:22

. I will be okay , but I can't

7:24

shake this today . My whole Pilates

7:27

class today my mind wasn't there . Usually

7:29

I'm so in the zone , I love

7:31

it , but even the instructor had to say where

7:33

are you ? After seeing me zone out a few times

7:36

, I can't shake what I'm feeling

7:38

this week and it seems to be snow-balling

7:40

and I'm battling to stop the thoughts

7:43

and I can feel that's getting me into

7:45

a bad place . This hasn't happened

7:47

to me since the beginning days of recovery and

7:49

I'm really digging deeper to try

7:51

to get back on track . I'm not feeling

7:53

emotionally and mentally stable at

7:56

the moment . Why does it feel

7:58

like absolutely everything is falling

8:00

apart ? Why am I starting to obsess

8:02

over things , knowing that it doesn't work ? Why

8:05

are my recovery behaviors not

8:07

working for me ? I have that overwhelming

8:10

desire to isolate again

8:12

from everything , to lock myself in a room , switch

8:15

off the light , climb under the covers and

8:17

to just hide from everything and

8:19

everyone , like the beginning days of

8:21

depression . I want to switch off

8:23

. I don't want to think , I don't

8:26

want to apply anything . My

8:28

mind is telling me you

8:30

know , the isolation and obsessing didn't

8:32

work . My therapy is telling

8:35

me you need to face it all , but I don't

8:37

want to . I don't have any fight

8:39

left in me . This is how I'm feeling . Can't

8:42

I just shut down for a while and block

8:44

it all out and ignore it all ? I'm

8:46

starting to feel like a prisoner in my mind again

8:48

, and I'm not even drinking anymore . So

8:51

what's the point of that ? What

8:53

is happening ? And why All

8:55

these destructive emotions that I'm feeling ? I'm

8:58

angry and sad at the same time

9:00

. I'm feeling resentful . I'm

9:02

all over the place . It's like a spiral

9:05

that doesn't want to stop . And then I get

9:07

to me and start questioning who I

9:09

am . Maybe I'm just really

9:11

not a good person and all this is too hard

9:14

. Maybe I'm just broken and unfixable

9:16

and not deserving of anything good . Maybe

9:19

I am rotten to the core . Maybe

9:21

it would be better if I wasn't here . Possibly

9:24

time to up the medication . That's

9:27

heavy shitter . See how easy

9:29

it is to slip into that mindset . So

9:32

I had to take a little break there because it

9:34

felt really dark and I felt a

9:36

little teary , because it took me back to somewhere

9:38

I thought so hard to get out of . And

9:41

this is not what I wanted for this season

9:43

, to be honest . I wanted it to be lighter

9:45

and focusing on all the positives

9:47

and how to keep ourselves grounded , but

9:49

also keeping it real and balanced . But

9:52

this is the reality for me . I'm

9:54

all or nothing and it's up or down , but

9:57

I'm still learning how to keep these emotions

9:59

in check . I went back and then

10:01

listened to an earlier podcast , one about my

10:03

darkest moments , and I suddenly

10:05

remembered how far I had come and

10:08

the dark hole I had pulled myself

10:10

out of in these last eight months , how

10:13

my mind digs me out of these places that

10:15

I couldn't get out before all of this , and

10:18

how , no , you will not go and isolate

10:20

and you will not hide who you are from the

10:22

world , because you are strong and you have a

10:24

lot to offer . You are not your

10:26

past . You are a wonderful , grateful

10:29

, loving , happy , funny

10:31

person . You have nothing to be ashamed

10:34

of . Recovery is a process . You

10:36

don't have to be unreasonably expecting

10:39

lots from yourself or expect yourself to

10:41

live life perfectly . Remember

10:43

one day at a time and

10:45

breathe . You will get back to you

10:47

. It's just a slump . You're in Practice

10:50

those recovery behaviors that work for you slowly

10:53

, if you must , and you will find your way

10:55

out onto the other side . It's

10:57

okay to have these moments and these big

11:00

feelings . It's all part of it . Nobody

11:03

said this was going to be easy , but

11:05

it has been worth it . The quickest

11:08

way to get back up is to accept and

11:10

forgive yourself for not being perfect . Who

11:12

is ? I'd like to meet one person

11:14

who thinks they have it all figured out . You

11:17

won't always make the right choices and

11:19

you won't always trust the right people

11:22

. That's a fact of reality

11:24

. You cannot prepare for everything

11:26

. Keep in mind that's natural

11:28

and you're human . Keep in mind

11:30

that , had you known better , you would have

11:32

done better . So accept yourself and

11:35

forgive yourself . Life is rough

11:37

and your heart is fragile . It's

11:40

crucial to respect the process

11:42

of recovery . Recovery is

11:44

not a linear journey , but rather a unique

11:46

and individualized path that

11:49

requires patience , understanding

11:51

and compassion . It is important

11:53

to acknowledge that everyone's recovery

11:56

journey is different and there is no

11:58

one-size-fits-all approach . By

12:00

respecting the process , we create the supportive

12:03

environment that encourages individuals

12:05

to heal at their own pace and

12:07

in their own way . We need

12:09

to remember we need to be non-judgmental

12:12

, offer empathy and provide the necessary

12:14

resources and support to those on

12:16

their journey to recovery , especially

12:19

when looking on ourselves . Together

12:21

, we can foster a culture of respect and understanding

12:24

, helping individuals reclaim their lives

12:26

and find lasting wellness . When

12:29

you find those days where you're hard on

12:31

yourself , you need to remember that recovery

12:34

is a transformative process

12:36

where we embark to heal

12:38

from various challenges such as addiction

12:41

, mental health issues , trauma

12:43

or any other form of adversity . It's

12:45

a journey that requires immense

12:47

courage , resilience and commitment

12:50

. We need to not forget that

12:52

there are different aspects of

12:54

the recovery process and highlight

12:56

the significance and the stages and

12:58

the essential elements that contribute

13:00

to a successful recovery . One

13:02

acknowledging the need for recovery

13:05

. The first step in recovery process

13:07

is acknowledging the need to change

13:09

. It requires individuals to confront

13:11

their struggles , recognize the impact

13:13

it has on their lives and develop the genuine

13:16

desire to seek help and make positive

13:18

changes . This self-awareness

13:20

and acceptance lays the foundation

13:23

for the subsequent stages of recovery

13:25

. Two seeking support

13:27

and building a support system . Recovery

13:30

is not a solitary journey . It

13:32

thrives in the support and guidance of others

13:34

. Seeking support from professionals

13:36

, therapists , support groups or

13:38

loved ones is crucial . These

13:41

individuals provide a safe space . They

13:43

offer guidance and help individuals navigate

13:45

the challenges they may encounter along the

13:47

way . Building a strong support system

13:50

is essential for sustained recovery

13:52

. Three develop

13:54

coping mechanisms and healthy habits

13:57

. Recovery involves learning

13:59

and implementing healthy coping mechanisms

14:01

to replace destructive behaviors

14:04

. This may include therapy , mindful

14:06

practices , exercise

14:09

creative outlets or engaging

14:11

in hobbies . Developing healthy

14:13

habits helps individuals manage stress

14:15

, regulate emotions and maintain

14:18

overall well-being . Four

14:20

addressing underlying issues

14:23

. Recovery is not just about treating

14:25

the symptoms . It also involves addressing

14:28

the underlying issues that contribute

14:30

to the challenges being faced . This

14:32

may involve therapy , counseling

14:34

or other forms of professional help to

14:36

explore and heal from past traumas

14:39

, unresolved emotions or

14:41

negative thought patterns . By

14:43

addressing these root causes , individuals

14:45

can experience true healing and

14:47

growth . Five embracing

14:50

self-care and self-compassion

14:52

. Self-care and self-compassion

14:54

play a vital role in the recovery process

14:57

. It involves prioritizing one's

14:59

physical , emotional and mental

15:01

well-being , engaging in activities

15:04

that bring joy , practicing self-compassion

15:07

, setting boundaries and nurturing

15:09

one's self-essential components

15:11

of recovery . By taking care

15:13

of yourself , individuals can

15:15

rebuild their sense of self-worth

15:17

and cultivate a positive mindset

15:19

. Six embracing

15:22

relapse is part of the process . Relapse

15:25

is a common occurrence in the recovery journey

15:27

. It is crucial to understand that

15:29

relapse does not equate to failure

15:31

, but rather serves as an opportunity

15:34

for learning and growth . Embracing

15:36

relapse as part of the process allows

15:39

individuals to identify triggers

15:41

, reassess their strategies and

15:43

strengthen their commitment to recovery

15:46

. The recovery process is

15:48

a transformative journey that requires

15:51

dedication , perseverance and

15:53

support . It is a path towards healing

15:56

, growth and reclaiming one's life

15:58

. By acknowledging the need for change

16:00

, seeking support , developing

16:02

healthy coping mechanisms , addressing

16:05

underlying issues , embracing

16:07

self-care and understanding the role

16:09

of relapse , individuals can embark

16:12

on a successful recovery journey

16:14

. Let us foster a culture of

16:16

empathy , understanding and

16:18

support , ensuring that those

16:20

on the path of recovery are met with

16:22

compassion and encouragement . Together

16:25

, we can create a world where recovery

16:27

is celebrated and individuals

16:29

are empowered to live fulfilling

16:31

and meaningful lives . So

16:34

when we have those bad days and we're

16:36

overwhelmed , which we are going to come

16:38

across , we need to realize

16:40

and remind ourselves the journey of

16:42

recovery is like a roller coaster ride

16:45

, with its ups and downs and twists

16:47

and turns , but amidst the challenges

16:49

there's also room for laughter , joy

16:51

and lighthearted moments . Recovery

16:54

is not just about healing . It's about rediscovering

16:57

the beauty of life , finding humour

16:59

in the little things and embracing the moments

17:02

of pure happiness . So let's

17:04

remember to sprinkle some laughter and lightheartedness

17:07

into our recovery journeys , because

17:09

sometimes a good laugh can be the best

17:11

medicine . So here's to a life

17:13

filled with smiles , giggles and

17:15

a heart that's lighter than ever before

17:17

. So thank you for listening to

17:20

me chat about life again and , yes , I

17:22

will be here again next week , same time

17:24

, same place and as always . Feel

17:26

free to share your stories or send your

17:28

questions and thoughts through via email

17:31

, where I'll be happy to chat about them or answer

17:33

any questions and , of course , happy

17:35

to do interviews . Connect

17:37

with me at Soapbox Junkie and

17:39

you can use my link tree to subscribe

17:42

. You can connect or email me or

17:44

email directly on soapboxjunkie

17:46

at yahoocom . Views

17:57

expressed in this podcast do not constitute

17:59

advice or services . The thoughts

18:01

and opinions are mined solely and should not

18:04

be substituted as professional or

18:06

medical advice .