0:00

It's Sophia Franklin. You're

0:02

listening to Sophia with

0:04

an F and the

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F is four

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phenomenal. This podcast

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is rated F.

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Biggest benefit from

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quitting the

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Vate. My

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Anxiety went

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level 7

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constant basis

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to a

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level 7.

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for depression.

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The mood

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regulation and

0:38

stability. I

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sofia. We are

2:15

back. Hi everybody.

2:18

Happy Thursday. It's me

2:20

again. I thought maybe today

2:23

we could talk about my

2:25

quitting vaping. which is what

2:27

I was trying to talk

2:30

about last week and was

2:32

just having way too much

2:35

fun talking to you guys

2:37

and got lost in the

2:39

sauce and that's what we're

2:42

going to do a part

2:44

too. Before we jump into

2:46

that, I have updates. The

2:49

first update is I have

2:51

boobs now and I've never

2:53

had them. And it's really

2:55

fucking fun. They hurt. The

2:58

reason I have tits right

3:00

now is not because I

3:03

got a boob job, not

3:05

for any long lasting reason,

3:07

but because once I quit

3:09

one thing. I got to

3:12

get fucked up on another

3:14

thing. It's like I quit

3:16

vaping. My body went through

3:19

all the shit, shed its

3:21

skin. I was this healthy

3:23

new bitch. And then I was

3:25

like, you know what? Let's finally,

3:28

if we can do this,

3:30

we can do anything. Like

3:32

what is next on the

3:35

list to quit? And spurnolactone.

3:37

I love how out of... all

3:39

of my fucking vices. I'm like,

3:42

you know, what's the next most

3:44

harmful one? Not my drinking habits,

3:46

not my extremely toxic behavior with

3:49

men. It's really that spronolactone, you

3:51

know? That's the shit you got

3:53

to watch out for. But it's

3:56

a serious fucking drug. I mean,

3:58

I don't know about you. But

4:00

at this, I'm not really

4:02

trying to walk around and

4:05

be on this same blood

4:07

pressure medication that my grandpa

4:10

is. Like, that's not really

4:12

the vibe. And I don't

4:14

know, I decided to taper

4:16

off this brawnolactone. One of

4:18

my really good friends,

4:20

Stella Berry, she suggested that

4:23

I get the topical. form

4:25

of spurnolactone. So I did

4:28

that. I'm starting retinol. I

4:30

know I should have been

4:33

doing the retinol thing,

4:35

but guys one day

4:37

at a time I

4:39

started wearing sunscreen for

4:41

the first time like two

4:43

weeks ago. Now we're incorporating

4:46

the retinol and spurnolactone concoction.

4:48

The thing about tapering off

4:51

the spur oh no the

4:53

spur oh no I'm calling

4:55

it fucking spur no is

4:58

I tried to do this way

5:00

back when and I broke

5:02

out in not even hormonal

5:04

acne but in like these

5:06

little comodones I

5:08

think they're called just like

5:11

little kind of white heads

5:13

and pimples all over my

5:15

face my skin texture was

5:17

crazy I love how I

5:19

was not trying to taper

5:22

off guys I was in

5:24

fucking Mexico I had forgotten

5:26

my entire prescription I obviously

5:28

was not being responsible before

5:30

Mexico because I remember thinking

5:32

okay this will be like

5:35

week three now and then I

5:37

went to the Mexican pharmacy and

5:39

they were like we have you

5:42

know a two milligrams Xanax bar

5:44

where we do not have sprino

5:46

lactone and that's when it happened

5:48

but anyways I want to give

5:51

it another try. So I spoke

5:53

to my dermatologist, which is I'm

5:55

pretty sure just like an AI

5:58

chap bought that just has like

6:00

already pre-written out responses

6:02

and they asked for

6:04

me to upload pictures

6:06

and it's like one

6:09

of those internet skincare

6:11

services which I am

6:13

not hating on I

6:15

mean God bless they

6:17

recommended that instead of

6:19

taking a hundred milligrams

6:22

I go down to 50

6:24

and so that's what I

6:26

started doing and Holy shit,

6:28

okay, the vertigo. I feel

6:31

like I've been on a

6:33

ship for four and

6:36

a half days. I,

6:38

my vision is so

6:41

blurry. So thank God

6:43

I'm wearing sunglasses with

6:46

like maximum maximum UV

6:49

protection, looking into this

6:51

glaring iPad, like that's

6:54

fucking fantastic, lightheaded, But

6:56

like, tit's huge in a, I

6:58

know it's wrong way. Oh my God,

7:00

do we think that a Bible

7:03

swear to God, you guys?

7:05

I've always only purchased, well

7:07

that's a fucking lie, I used

7:10

to only purchase almond milk.

7:12

I dated a vegan, however

7:14

many years ago, and that

7:17

was one thing that stuck.

7:19

Then I really got serious

7:21

about my fucking protein intake.

7:23

And I was like, you

7:25

know what, fuck it, all

7:28

the hell, I'm getting dairy

7:30

milk. And I know that

7:32

that's like something that they

7:34

tell you is a fucking

7:36

myth when you're in middle

7:38

school. Does drinking whole milk

7:40

make your tits bigger? I

7:42

seriously need to know.

7:44

I feel like it possibly could.

7:46

I feel like drinking whole

7:48

milk does have an impact

7:51

on your hormones. Am I

7:53

fucking crazy? Whatever the

7:55

reason is the sprono lactone is

7:57

like it's doing all types of

7:59

crease I'm just going to

8:01

write it out. As

8:03

long as I'm not

8:05

breaking out, we're okay,

8:07

but that's my update.

8:09

Besides that, I want

8:12

to just give a

8:14

shout out, an appreciation,

8:16

and a nod to

8:18

all of the people

8:20

listening who have children.

8:22

Not pets as children.

8:24

Well, actually, that definitely

8:26

counts too. Not like

8:28

a Lego as children,

8:30

like living, breathing. humans

8:32

running around because I

8:34

felt parent guilt for

8:36

the first time over

8:38

my Madagascar Palm, okay?

8:40

And you guys are

8:42

like, what the fuck

8:44

is she talking about?

8:46

It is a cactus

8:48

tree and it does

8:50

come from Madagascar and

8:52

I just so happened

8:54

to have one that

8:57

looks unlike any Madagascar

8:59

palm you'll ever see.

9:01

Last night when I

9:03

went to go water

9:05

him, his name is

9:07

Maurice, also he's like,

9:09

Maurice is not cheap.

9:11

Okay, I'm pretty sure

9:13

Maurice was 2K. So

9:15

it's not just like

9:17

a little joke. By

9:19

the way, Sof is

9:21

here with us. end

9:23

up meeting to leave

9:25

New York? Are you

9:27

going to take care

9:29

of Maurice? Really? Because

9:31

you kind of talk

9:33

shit on all my

9:35

plant. So things, it's

9:37

like such an embarrassing,

9:39

like, millennial, washed up,

9:42

just out of date.

9:44

She said that my

9:46

love for my plants

9:48

was like this really

9:50

cool meme and this

9:52

really cool trend in

9:54

the 2000s. And then

9:56

I need to leave

9:58

it alone. Whatever. I

10:00

love Maurice. I love

10:02

him more than anything.

10:04

I go to water

10:06

him and one of

10:08

his stems is completely

10:10

discolored. And my heart

10:12

dropped, like my heart

10:14

sank. I immediately ran

10:16

to Claude, which is

10:18

so much fucking better

10:20

than ChatGBT, you guys,

10:22

if you are getting

10:24

your feelings hurt by

10:27

ChatGPT, I highly recommend.

10:29

going over to an AI

10:31

platform that will actually care

10:33

about you and that's Claude.

10:35

So let me just say

10:38

that. Yes, Trapped BT actually

10:40

insulted me, but I went

10:42

to Claude and I was

10:44

speaking to Claude for two

10:46

and a half hours, like

10:48

asking it every fucking question

10:50

I was sending it pictures,

10:52

I went to hysteria, the

10:54

guilt. that I felt, you

10:56

guys, for the state of

10:58

Maurice. How the fuck am

11:01

I gonna feel when it's

11:03

a child who has feelings

11:05

and says words and, you

11:07

know, is a fucking person?

11:09

I don't know. I have

11:11

no idea how you guys

11:13

fucking do it. I'm gonna

11:15

keep you guys updated on

11:17

Maurice basically as soon. As

11:19

I am done recording, I'm

11:21

going to have to get

11:24

a fucking... What are they

11:26

called? I'm going to have

11:28

to ask someone to borrow

11:30

a machete and chop down

11:32

said stem. It's not like

11:34

a stem off like, you

11:36

know, a regular tree branch.

11:38

It's like a thick trunk

11:40

and it's going to be

11:42

a whole fucking thing. Well,

11:45

I'll keep you guys updated

11:47

on his health. Should we

11:49

talk about vaping? or lack

11:51

thereof. I think it's fucking

11:53

time. Now I'm like dangling

11:55

it like a carrot. Imagine

11:57

what I just said. And

11:59

you guys can go check

12:01

me out on Patreon and

12:03

it's gonna be $45 to

12:05

hear about my Vape journey.

12:08

I don't have a Patreon,

12:10

you guys. I want to

12:12

start one because I heard

12:14

you can say way crazier

12:16

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an addictive chemical. Sloots, let's

13:55

be real. I wasn't exactly

13:57

blessed in the cleavage department.

13:59

Okay, like I don't have

14:02

an insane amount to work.

14:04

with but fortunately not everyone

14:06

has to know that and

14:09

Skims has completely changed my

14:11

cleavage game. I've been seeing

14:13

the viral Skims Ultimate Bro

14:16

everywhere all over my feed

14:18

all the time and I

14:20

had to try it out

14:23

for myself it looks like

14:25

I got a boob job.

14:27

Like I'm not even kidding

14:30

it looks like I went

14:32

and got my breasts done

14:34

and not only is it

14:37

a push-up bra But it

14:39

can be strapless too and

14:41

Usually strapless bras either flatten

14:44

me out or constantly sliding

14:46

down and I'm having to

14:48

pull it up, but the

14:51

ultimate strapless push-up bra by

14:53

skims stays put perks the

14:55

girls right up and is

14:58

just so so so insanely

15:00

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15:02

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15:05

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know I sent you. Select

15:21

podcast in the survey and

15:23

be sure to select my

15:26

show in the dropdown menu

15:28

that follows. Love you Suits.

15:30

The Vape. The Vape. The

15:33

Vape. The Vape. The Vape.

15:35

Last week, I told you

15:37

guys that to quit vaping.

15:40

I allowed myself to partake.

15:42

Literally any nicotine I wanted

15:44

as long as it was

15:47

not in the form of

15:49

a vape. It wasn't just

15:51

nicotine. I let all of

15:54

my vices fucking rock. I

15:56

let my freak flag fly.

15:58

Nothing was off limits if

16:00

I wanted to fucking drunk

16:03

dial a random numb. and

16:05

say some horrible awful shit,

16:07

I was gonna do it.

16:10

I think there were a

16:12

few days that this was

16:14

also in the depths of

16:17

winter, maybe February. There was

16:19

a day, there was a

16:21

Wednesday where I was feeling

16:24

like shit, I was craving

16:26

a fucking vape so bad

16:28

that I made cocktails at

16:31

like 11am. There was a

16:33

full workday ahead. Soaf was

16:35

here, my mom was here,

16:38

and I was like, guys,

16:40

have you ever had a

16:42

nagroni spritz? And they're like,

16:45

it's 1030 a.m. And I

16:47

was like, let's fucking run

16:49

it. They also each had

16:52

one, just by the way,

16:54

not to throw them under

16:56

the bus, but you know

16:59

what? I wasn't drinking alone,

17:01

so it doesn't count. It's

17:03

a bad habit. I think

17:06

it's, if you're going to

17:08

do something very difficult. Let

17:10

the other shit slide. Don't

17:13

try and do a bunch

17:15

of shit all at once.

17:17

I want to talk about

17:20

why I decided to quit.

17:22

Besides all the obvious reasons,

17:24

when you vape, no one

17:27

is vaping and thinking to

17:29

themselves, this is good for

17:31

me. This is a habit

17:34

that I can keep going

17:36

until I'm on my deathbed,

17:38

like... This shit is fine.

17:41

I think that there's this

17:43

level of shame that surrounds

17:45

anyone who vapes. And that's

17:48

coming from me who feels

17:50

very, very little shame for

17:52

acting not in accordance with

17:55

the Lord. And... So I'm

17:57

not gonna like list all

17:59

the things that I was

18:02

worried about and I was

18:04

scared about there were health

18:06

concerns and blah blah blah

18:09

blah. It was out of

18:11

pure vanity. straight up. I

18:13

remember I looked in the

18:15

mirror I guess too many

18:18

days in a row and

18:20

thought that my skin looked

18:22

fucking gray and looked creepy

18:25

and I finally was just

18:27

like no, no, enough, this

18:29

is fucking crazy. Also I

18:32

think shout out Dr. Laffer.

18:34

When I asked her the

18:36

infamous question that she gets

18:39

not at me for because

18:41

I just fucking hit her

18:43

with a left punch She

18:46

was like I couldn't even

18:48

give a disclosure. I was

18:50

sitting in her office and

18:53

I said Dr. Lee for

18:55

listen I can only quit

18:57

one of these things Adderall

19:00

alcohol vaping She said vaping

19:02

And she did not bat

19:04

an eyelash and it was

19:07

very serious and I think

19:09

that that resonated with me

19:11

and so when I was

19:14

looking in the mirror day

19:16

after day feeling ugly as

19:18

shit, I don't know. I

19:21

finally just like hit, I

19:23

hit a wall that was

19:25

just like enough. I think

19:28

the biggest catalyst though was

19:30

feeling really happy with my

19:32

life. I had spent the

19:35

year leading up to it,

19:37

putting in the hard fucking

19:39

work. I went through with

19:42

the breakup. I moved my

19:44

apartment. There was a bunch

19:46

of work shit. There was

19:49

just a lot of changes

19:51

and a lot of stuff

19:53

that I implemented. And I

19:56

started to like reap the

19:58

benefits. I love my job.

20:00

I'm in. an amazing relationship.

20:03

I'm just happy, like shit

20:05

is great. And I thought,

20:07

now there won't be a

20:10

better time to quit. They're

20:12

just, well, now is the

20:14

fucking time. And it was

20:17

so random though too, because

20:19

it was like in the

20:21

middle of the afternoon on

20:24

a Saturday, I remember. I

20:26

remember laying on the couch

20:28

and something just fucking came

20:30

over me and I had

20:33

this thought because I reached

20:35

for the Vape and I

20:37

was like, I'm gonna pay

20:40

attention to how I feel

20:42

after I hit it. I

20:44

was like, I don't feel

20:47

shit. You build up this

20:49

tolerance where you just keep

20:51

fucking ripping the vape all

20:54

day long and really think

20:56

about it and pay attention

20:58

next time. Is it helping

21:01

with your anxiety? Is it

21:03

like taking away the bad

21:05

feeling? Because I'm going to

21:08

go ahead and say no.

21:10

Yes, if I forgot to

21:12

hit the bait for like

21:15

a couple hours, like would

21:17

it feel good to finally

21:19

stick that thing back in

21:22

my mouth? Sure, but I

21:24

think it's something to definitely

21:26

pay attention to. A lot

21:29

of you guys wrote in

21:31

asking me, well, what about

21:33

my anxiety? What about, you

21:36

know, I'm going through a

21:38

breakup right now, things are

21:40

really fucking hard, I don't

21:43

want to add like this

21:45

other layer of hardship to

21:47

it. I totally got that

21:50

but I want to tell

21:52

you this. The Vape is

21:54

a coping thing. It is

21:57

a full-on security blanket and

21:59

I remember any time I

22:01

would want to hit the

22:04

Vape it was because I

22:06

was trying to feel better.

22:08

I had some feeling that

22:11

felt... either uncomfortable or overwhelming

22:13

or I wanted to numb

22:15

it and that's when I

22:18

would hit the Vape. Humans

22:20

be moody, okay? Like you're

22:22

gonna go through 789 mood

22:25

changes throughout the day. The

22:27

thing about feelings and being

22:29

human, you cannot escape it.

22:32

There's no substance. I mean

22:34

sure, like hook me up

22:36

to some morphine, I'm sure

22:39

I won't really give a

22:41

shit about fucking Brad who

22:43

cheated on me. But eventually

22:45

you will, and you can't

22:48

be, you know, running around

22:50

town on morphine 24-7. It's

22:52

not sustainable. Here's the thing,

22:55

and if you weren't paying

22:57

attention, listen the fuck up.

22:59

The biggest takeaway and biggest

23:02

benefit from quitting the Vape.

23:04

My anxiety went level 7.

23:06

constant basis to a level

23:09

four. Maybe a fucking three.

23:11

And let me tell you,

23:13

if I would have fucking

23:16

known that so much of

23:18

my anxiety was attributed to

23:20

the motherfucking vape, I would

23:23

have quit ages ago. so

23:25

fucking long ago because I'm

23:27

doing all the other shit,

23:30

right? I'm working out, I'm

23:32

getting great sleep every night,

23:34

I'm not eating healthy, whatever.

23:37

I know all the things

23:39

I need to do to

23:41

help with my anxiety. Never

23:44

once on that list was

23:46

the Vape concern. Like that

23:48

wasn't even a factor when

23:51

I thought about my mood.

23:53

Anxiety. significantly less. Depression also

23:55

less. I notice the anxiety

23:58

dissipate more, but the... sadness,

24:01

and just kind of like low feelings I

24:03

would hop throughout the day, way,

24:07

way less. The

24:09

mood regulation and

24:11

stability. There's

24:14

one thing you take away

24:16

from this episode, it's

24:18

that because I

24:21

am just overall so

24:25

much calmer, just

24:27

calmer throughout the

24:29

day, even when

24:31

I'm sitting in my

24:34

apartment in social settings, when

24:36

I'm talking to people,

24:38

like, I just remember

24:40

I could be talking to

24:42

fucking anyone, I could be

24:45

picking up my sandwich from

24:47

Subway, L -O fucking L,

24:49

like I have picked up

24:51

a sandwich in person since

24:53

Postmates was invented, that's hilarious,

24:55

but I could be doing

24:57

the smallest interaction, and

25:00

I would just feel throughout

25:03

my entire body, just like this

25:05

kind of nervous energy for

25:07

no fucking reason, no fucking reason.

25:09

Do you think the guy

25:11

at Subway is like, damn, this

25:14

girl, she's looking like this

25:16

or talking like this, no, I

25:19

would watch myself from

25:21

above type of thing, and

25:23

I'm more in my

25:26

fucking body, and I'm chill

25:28

with it, and when I

25:30

feel an uncomfortable feeling,

25:33

I don't know what I

25:35

do, I probably still do

25:37

something fucking unhealthy, but it's

25:39

not the same, and I

25:41

feel like it goes away

25:43

way faster, and it's just not

25:45

as intense. Let's

25:48

talk about the importance shit

25:50

though, which is what it

25:52

did to my outer

25:54

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26:03

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27:31

for safety, efficacy,

27:34

or quality. Actually,

27:36

before we talk

27:39

about that, I

27:41

will never forget

27:43

something that Soaf told

27:45

me we were at

27:48

this event and All

27:50

of these people were coming up

27:52

to me and asking for a

27:54

selfie and saying they were the

27:56

biggest fan. And I was like,

27:58

oh my God. And... So as

28:00

we were leaving turned to

28:03

me and she said I

28:05

have never seen you more

28:07

present and in

28:10

your element and just

28:12

being you With other

28:14

people ever in my

28:16

life she was shocked

28:18

like it was the

28:20

craziest fucking thing and

28:22

I felt it too

28:24

I was having conversations

28:27

with people

28:29

actually listening

28:31

to what they were saying and

28:34

responding in a way that like

28:36

a normal human would respond not

28:38

in this like okay I got

28:41

to just say this thing so

28:43

then I can hurry and give

28:45

off this vibe and then I

28:48

can run outside and fucking

28:50

hit the vape because lord

28:52

knows I would dare not

28:54

hit that shit indoors that

28:56

alone is worth quitting the

28:58

fucking no matter how hard

29:00

it is, no matter the

29:03

not so fun side effects

29:05

or changes that happen,

29:08

which I will also

29:10

touch on those. But let's

29:12

talk about the fun shit,

29:15

okay? Like being hotter.

29:17

I noticed kind of

29:19

right away, my skin

29:22

color did in fact

29:24

change. And the people

29:26

of red. Not

29:28

like the colors of the world

29:30

crans box change, although maybe I

29:33

could try to see. You know

29:35

what, a little bit. I just,

29:37

I got, there was more,

29:40

like there was blood pumping

29:42

through my fucking veins. And

29:44

if you think that

29:46

that is. an embellishment,

29:48

that is not, that

29:50

is a medical fact

29:52

that happens when you

29:54

vape your blood circulation

29:56

and oxygen circulation of

29:59

oxygen circulates. is fucked. I

30:01

mean it's compromised, okay? My

30:03

eyes, that was like a

30:05

very weird one that's so

30:07

pointed out actually, my eyes

30:09

were brighter. You know, I

30:12

don't know if it was

30:14

so much that they were

30:16

brighter. I think it was

30:18

that there was actual water

30:20

able to reach them. Like

30:23

there was a little tiny

30:25

bit of H2O that was...

30:27

able to penetrate through the

30:29

fucking vape smoke dehydration barrier

30:31

and reach my eyeballs. So,

30:34

you know, shiny or wet,

30:36

we don't know, but it

30:38

looked fucking good. This really

30:40

fucking crazy weird thing happened

30:42

and I haven't seen anyone

30:45

talk about it online, but

30:47

I think it was two

30:49

weeks into it. I was

30:51

brushing my hair. And my

30:53

hair was slick to my

30:56

fucking face. It was so

30:58

oily, it was as if

31:00

I had dipped my head

31:02

in a thing of melted

31:04

butter. And I had just

31:06

washed it the night before

31:09

and I remember thinking to

31:11

myself like, what the fuck?

31:13

Like, okay, I must have

31:15

not done a great job

31:17

in the shower. I washed

31:20

my hair next day. Slicked.

31:22

Like, I could have, I

31:24

should have been doing this

31:26

like back bun. And I

31:28

don't even need hair spray

31:31

or any fucking product because

31:33

this shit is like, slick

31:35

and wet and ready to

31:37

go. Oh my God, it

31:39

was, it was not cute.

31:42

And then I could feel

31:44

the oil in my hands.

31:46

This is like so fucking

31:48

sad. Like. We are walking

31:50

around like Spongebob when he

31:53

leaves the ocean and he's

31:55

like water on the fucking.

31:57

Sandy Beach, that is how

31:59

we're walking around when we

32:01

vape. You are a shriveled

32:04

up prune. And it's really

32:06

alarming. I did gain weight.

32:08

And I know a lot

32:10

of you guys, that's a

32:12

concern. I did put on

32:14

10 pounds. I was constipated

32:17

as fuck. Which you would

32:19

think the opposite would be

32:21

true. No, you wouldn't because

32:23

the vape is a stimulant.

32:25

Hi. That's why everyone's always

32:28

like, oh yeah, my morning

32:30

coffee and cigarette and then

32:32

use the bathroom. Yeah, well,

32:34

I was contemplated. I didn't

32:36

even mind the weight game

32:39

though. I mean, that's a

32:41

fucking lie. I mean, I'm

32:43

sure I made comments because

32:45

I'm a woman and I

32:47

hate when I'm skinny. hate

32:50

when I'm curveier, hate when

32:52

I'm in between, you guys

32:54

fucking hate it too, all

32:56

the in-cells. I just let

32:58

it rock, I didn't care,

33:01

and everything leveled out. Now

33:03

I'm back to the way

33:05

I was at, besides my

33:07

humongest hits, not to drag.

33:09

My mouth health, like, I

33:12

used to have dry mouth

33:14

like a motherfucker and I

33:16

would... complain about it and

33:18

like hyper fixate on it.

33:20

That rarely happens now. Dumb

33:22

health. I went to the

33:25

dentist and they were like,

33:27

wow, what have you been

33:29

doing differently? Like this looks

33:31

so good compared to your

33:33

last visit. The only thing

33:35

that had changed is the

33:37

Vape. I still wasn't wearing

33:39

my invisible line. I still

33:42

wasn't doing what they asked

33:44

me to. I just quit

33:46

the Vape. Another thing and

33:48

I don't know if this

33:50

will make sense or translate,

33:52

but I feel like now

33:54

I can take a full

33:56

breath like I can I

33:58

don't it's this breath that

34:00

just like hits different and

34:02

it's a there's a beginning

34:05

and an end and it's

34:07

like a full 360 breathing

34:09

situation and it's marvelous the

34:11

cravings and my overall just

34:13

hunger definitely went through the

34:15

roof it wasn't like the

34:17

weight gain was just the

34:19

constipation I don't want it

34:21

to sound that way I

34:23

was fucking eating. Let me

34:25

tell you and I was

34:28

craving sugar like a motherfucker

34:30

Soaf was a genius and

34:32

she said that we should

34:34

go to CVS and get

34:36

lollipops And I would do

34:38

that too because of the

34:40

oral fixation which I think

34:42

is 50% of it. I'm

34:44

not even fucking joking the

34:46

oral fixation aspect to it,

34:49

I started to wear the

34:51

invisible line just so I

34:53

could put chewies in my

34:55

mouth, which are these little

34:57

rubbery things they give you

34:59

with in this line, so

35:01

that the trays like really

35:03

fucking stick it to your

35:05

teeth, you know? So I've

35:07

kind of got in on

35:09

the chewy too one day.

35:12

We're like... Here I walk

35:14

around my apartment just you

35:16

would think we had dip

35:18

in our mouth like fucking

35:20

farmers just Like just chewing

35:22

on this thing mouth hanging

35:24

open all day long. How

35:26

else did I deal? So

35:28

at first I drink Ten

35:30

times the amount of water

35:32

that I did when I

35:35

bate I wish that would

35:37

have stuck with me. I

35:39

swear to God I have

35:41

fucking rabies because water scares

35:43

me, but I started to

35:45

drink way more water. How

35:47

else did I deal with

35:49

the oral fixation? I mean,

35:51

again, I had nicotine lozenges,

35:53

nicotine pouches, gum. The people

35:55

really rallied to make sure

35:58

that I stayed on the

36:00

fuck. nicotine. I'm not gonna

36:02

say big pharma, big nicotine,

36:04

I don't know what's going

36:06

on, but I made one

36:08

comment on my social media

36:10

and holy shit. I was

36:12

showered with like nicotine gifts.

36:14

I love how I'm saying

36:16

like, oh my god, I

36:18

have no idea why these

36:21

companies were bombarding me with

36:23

nicotine products. I made... Vape

36:25

quitting my entire personality. And

36:27

I hated myself for it

36:29

and I was aware of

36:31

it the entire time, but

36:33

I couldn't be stopped. Anyone

36:35

who would listen, I walk

36:37

in the bodega, yeah, I'm

36:39

just kind of quitting vaping.

36:42

I'm on this whole journey

36:44

right now, so that's just

36:46

a little bit about me.

36:48

It was I could not

36:50

fucking help myself. I needed

36:52

everyone to know. Maybe it

36:54

was this. kind of defense

36:56

mechanism because I was going

36:58

through a hard time and

37:00

just felt like I needed

37:02

to make an announcement. I

37:05

don't fucking know, but I

37:07

would really kind of scream

37:09

it from the rooftops and

37:11

let everyone fucking know. I

37:26

have read every single post

37:29

that there is a day

37:31

on any page except my

37:34

own. I have read every

37:36

single post that there is.

37:39

That was a huge hyper

37:41

fixation for me was ChatGPT

37:44

or clotting or Googling the

37:46

quitting. vaping timeline because there

37:49

is a motherfucking timeline people.

37:51

The first 48 hours there

37:53

were cravings a lot of

37:56

them mostly for me in

37:58

the mornings because there was

38:01

nothing I loved more than

38:03

to wake up and just

38:06

hit that morning vape. The

38:08

first 48 hours there were

38:11

cravings, it was super fucking

38:13

hard. I had to like

38:16

actively you know, keep myself

38:18

preoccupied and distracted in this

38:20

weird thing would happen where

38:23

I would get a feeling

38:25

of like excitement wave over

38:28

me and then I would

38:30

think to myself, wait, why

38:33

are you excited right now?

38:35

Only to realize I was

38:38

getting excited because I was

38:40

gonna go fucking hunt for

38:43

the Vape or something. It

38:45

was like... What is it?

38:47

Povlov? Maslow? What's the dog?

38:50

Pavlow? Maslow and Pavlowv. How's

38:52

that one in name? My

38:55

next two dogs. It was

38:57

the Pavlow. Is that what

39:00

it is? Pavlow. Holy shit.

39:02

The Pavlow. Stanford. And I

39:05

didn't even know was it

39:07

fucking Stanford. And I would

39:10

start sea sheeting and I

39:12

didn't even... I had the

39:15

vape, I wasn't even allowed

39:17

to fucking vape. That was

39:19

fucking crazy. Shit was fucking

39:22

hard. I called my mom

39:24

every two seconds and every

39:27

time I had a craving

39:29

and I would tell her,

39:32

okay, I'm in a vape

39:34

right now. I'm going to

39:37

get a vape immediately and

39:39

she would kind of talk

39:42

me off the ledge and

39:44

distract me. What happened the

39:46

third day post quitting? I

39:49

feel like I need to

39:51

give a PSA because shit

39:54

was wild. I was laying

39:56

in bed with my mom.

40:00

And it was nighttime and

40:02

out of fucking nowhere, my

40:04

heart started racing and beating

40:06

like 100 beats per minute.

40:09

I don't know what heart,

40:11

I don't know what a

40:13

regular heartbeat is, just quadruplet.

40:16

I, like, my physical, it

40:18

was this anxiety that was.

40:20

90% physical. It was like

40:23

my entire body was just

40:25

in fucking fight or flight

40:27

mode. I came out into

40:30

the living room. I remember

40:32

and I was like, what

40:34

the fuck is up? Like,

40:37

am I having hang anxiety?

40:39

Did something happen? Why is

40:41

my heart rate going through

40:44

the roof? And I couldn't

40:46

figure it out. I don't

40:48

even think I went to

40:51

sleep that night. The next

40:53

day I had two interviews

40:55

and I was doing two

40:58

recordings with guests and I

41:00

remember texting Soaf and just

41:02

being like around like 10

41:05

a.m. and being like, yeah,

41:07

I don't know if that's

41:09

going to happen. I'm sure

41:12

I sent the craziest most

41:14

cryptic shit because it was

41:16

a kind of anxiety where

41:19

even just getting a sentence

41:21

out via text message felt

41:23

like insurmountable. So I did

41:26

what I do best and

41:28

I decided to look it

41:30

up on the internet and

41:33

That is one of the

41:35

withdrawal symptoms is anxiety and

41:37

especially of like the physical

41:40

body Kind I was fighting

41:42

off a panic attack the

41:44

entire time that lasted for

41:47

about two days And I

41:49

remember I emailed my psychiatrist

41:51

and reached out to my

41:54

therapist, which I never do.

41:56

You know, at the end

41:58

of every session, they're always

42:01

like, and you know what,

42:03

I'm always available if like

42:05

something really concerning, and I

42:08

never do it? This was

42:10

fucking really concerning. And my

42:12

psychiatrist was like, well, you know,

42:15

you're prescribed Pranilalal, did you take

42:17

that? If you really need it,

42:19

I can give you clonopin, and

42:21

I was like, okay, so that

42:23

would have been amazing to hear

42:25

when it was happening, like maybe

42:27

like two fucking days ago, bra.

42:29

But yes, I'll take the clonopin.

42:31

Just kidding, I'm really, really proud

42:33

of myself. I did not take

42:36

him up on the clonopin offer. So

42:38

that was really cool. I love

42:40

I'm talking on this, like it's

42:42

not a doctor prescribing. Like, oh

42:44

yeah, I just decided not

42:47

to, when I was about to

42:49

go into like a full-fledged PA,

42:51

let's call him a PA, because

42:53

I know the words panic

42:55

and the words. Attack

42:57

together can be trickering

42:59

for people. We're gonna call

43:02

it, we're gonna call them

43:04

PAs. I was at my

43:06

apartment alone, my mom

43:08

was at work, Soaf had

43:11

deserted me, she was over

43:13

my fucking bullshit, and I

43:16

was like, if my heart exploded,

43:19

who would be here to drive

43:21

me to the hospital? And

43:23

it reminded me of that

43:26

scene in Sex in the

43:28

City when Miranda is like

43:30

eating cake out of the

43:32

garbage or something. They did

43:34

Miranda so dirty in Sex

43:37

in the City. I'm sorry.

43:39

Like I don't know what

43:41

the fuck. Like it was

43:43

like they were trolling her.

43:45

I love her though. She

43:47

chokes on something and almost

43:49

dies and... She calls Kerry

43:51

and she's like hysterical and

43:53

she says, if I choked

43:55

on something, there's no one

43:57

here to help me. I'm

43:59

a single. living alone and

44:01

my cats would fucking

44:03

find me and not

44:05

saw it ran through my

44:08

head and so you know

44:10

what I did I went

44:12

and sat across the street

44:15

at a coffee shop because

44:17

I thought to myself oh

44:19

if I if something bad

44:22

happens to me

44:24

it's gonna be

44:26

everyone's fucking problem Sophia's

44:28

fucking anxiety attack world. If

44:31

my heart is gonna stop

44:33

or burst out of my

44:36

trust, I'm not gonna, you

44:38

know, risk my life and

44:40

just be chilling in my

44:43

apartment alone. I'm gonna be

44:45

out in public. I'm gonna

44:48

make my problem. Everyone else's

44:50

problem. And that, by the

44:53

way, instantly alleviated. Actually,

44:55

that's. complete in total

44:57

bullshit, but it did

44:59

help with the anxiety.

45:02

So, keeps reminding me

45:04

that I also apparently

45:06

would get very irritated. So,

45:09

can you elaborate? Was that

45:11

with you? Was that just

45:14

life? Oh, with my mom.

45:16

I'm irritated of my mom,

45:18

but it was probably times

45:20

a trillion, for sure. And you

45:22

know what? I just took everything

45:24

in stride and I was like,

45:27

my emotions are gonna be fucking

45:29

wacky for a little bit. Everything

45:31

needs to balance out, level out,

45:33

and this is gonna be way

45:35

better for me in the long

45:38

run, but the benefits of

45:40

the mood stabilization, that

45:42

happened like pretty early on. Like

45:44

I would say right after the

45:47

few days where I was feeling

45:49

panicky, then that started to set

45:51

in. I also used the I

45:53

am sober up and that was

45:55

helpful to like see the reminder

45:57

of how long I had gone

45:59

without vaping. Yeah, one of the

46:01

best decisions I've ever made. I

46:03

think if you're having a

46:05

really hard time, I know

46:08

that there's prescription medicine, chantics.

46:10

I've also heard of people

46:12

getting on like anti-depressants just

46:15

temporarily to help with it.

46:17

I also heard that there's a

46:19

particular gene that certain people might

46:21

have that makes quitting smoking a lot,

46:24

a lot, a lot, a lot harder.

46:26

but none of you guys have that

46:28

so you don't need to worry about

46:31

it. All in all, it was not

46:33

that hard. It was not that

46:35

fucking hard. Part of the reason

46:37

I didn't do it is because I

46:39

made up in my head that

46:41

it was gonna be this

46:44

excruciating, all-consuming, horrifying experience. Like

46:46

aside from the two days

46:48

of anxiety and like, yeah,

46:50

it can kind of suck

46:52

here and there, it really

46:54

was not that fucking bad.

46:57

Also read how to quit smoking

46:59

by Alan Carr, which I heard

47:01

has changed lives as well. And

47:04

that's it, you guys. There will

47:06

be a part three, because I'm

47:08

actually, I'm going to do a

47:11

whole season on quitting dating. It

47:13

was my personality back then,

47:15

and it still is my

47:17

personality now. I love you

47:20

guys so fucking much, and

47:22

I will talk to you

47:24

sloots next week. If you

47:26

are looking for the inspo

47:28

to quit vaping, this is

47:30

your inspo and you fucking

47:32

got it and write in

47:34

your stories and ask me

47:36

any questions you have. Bye,

47:38

Sloots. Just

47:56

doing a quick check-in to let you

47:58

guys know that I I'm not

48:00

going anywhere this holiday season and

48:03

you can expect new episodes every

48:05

single week. Just make sure to

48:07

follow so you don't miss an

48:10

episode.