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Welcome to the Standard Deviations podcast, brought

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to you by Orion Advisor Solutions, and

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hosted by Dr. Daniel Crosby, Orion's Chief

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Behavioral Officer, a New York Times best-selling

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author. This year, Dr. Crosby embarks on

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a compelling exploration of meaning, what it

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is, why it matters, and how you

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can create more of it in your

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life. Each episode will only be available

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for one week. So don't miss your

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chance to listen. Tune in regularly and

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join the journey. Well

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for the third week in a

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row here, we're going to be

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talking about the finer points of

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relationships in this search for meaning

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and purpose. This week we'll be

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talking about why others may not

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support your purpose. Now one sure

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sign that a behavior is

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truly fundamental to the human

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condition is that it pops up

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in cultures around the world. I first

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encountered this in my financial writing

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when I came across the idea

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of what we in America call

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shirt sleeves to shirt sleeves in

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three generations, and I found this

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in cultures from Asia, Europe, and

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North America. It seems

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as though there is something

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truly universal, something truly human,

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about the truth that one

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generation often builds, the next

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expands, and the third spins

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spins it down. The idea of

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a crab in a bucket

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mentality has been codified in

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cultures all over the globe. The

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phrase is based on the

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anecdotal observation that crabs trapped

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in a bucket will drag

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each other back down into

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captivity if one starts

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to escape, ensuring the

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collective demise of the group.

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In effect, they're saying, if I

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can't have it, neither can you. In

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Australia and New Zealand, this is

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referred to as tall poppy syndrome.

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The idea that people who have amassed

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fortune or fame will be criticized

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to ensure that they know they

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are not above the law, the

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law of human nature. In Asia,

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a common refrain is that

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the nail that sticks up

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gets hammered down. The Dutch

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have a similar notion,

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which translates to

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don't put your head above

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ground level. But perhaps no

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one has perfected the art

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of keeping others in their

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place, like the Scandinavians, who

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have even formalized it into

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a quote-unquote law. The law of

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Janta is not an actual

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law, but ten rules, unspoken

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societal norms and attitudes, that

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shun individual success and achievement.

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Focusing on a collective mindset,

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ideal behaviors center around

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equality, modesty and conformity

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and conformity. The first rule

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squashes what many American elementary

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school children are so often

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told, you are not to

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think you are anything special.

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Rule number two goes on

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to undermine an individual's worth compared

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to that of the collective.

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You are not to think you are as good

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as we are. The humbling list

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continues, and the gist of it all

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is that no. You on your own are

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not good enough, not smart enough, and

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doggone it, people just don't like you.

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Though the intention of these

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draconian social rules was

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initially satirical, some assert that

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the law of Janta has

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seeped its way into how

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Scandinavian communities function, including schools.

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In psychology, we call

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these leveling mechanisms, and my

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favorite of these leveling mechanisms,

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has to be, quote, shaming

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the meat practiced by the kung

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bushman of the calahari. This

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practice was observed in catalogued

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by Richard Borche Lee in

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his essay, Eating Christmas in

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the calahari. In the essay, Lee so

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kindly gifts an ox to the kung

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people, but they took a fifth... to

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the act, insulting Lee and

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his meaty gift. Lee asked a man

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to Mazo why they were offended. The

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kung viewed what we might deem

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generosity as arrogance. Tamazo

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describes how when a young

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man makes a big kill he

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considers himself a chief and thinks

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of the rest of the group

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as servants. The kung people don't

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accept that boastful mentality.

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As a leveling mechanism... the

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meat is deemed worthless so that

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the young man's heart is cooled

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and made gentle again. From the

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frozen fjords of Norway to

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the Calahari Desert, keeping

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each other in check is a

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fundamental aspect of how we relate

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to one another. Those of us

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on a journey discover our life's

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meaning, expect those around us

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to share our excitement once we

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find it. Often, that assumption

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is met with disappointment.

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as others might not only

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lack enthusiasm for our new

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direction, but may actively try to

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thwart it. What gives? To understand

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this impulse, we must first

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grasp the reality that most

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of the world leads lives

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of quiet desperation, training the

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possibility of fulfillment

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for safety and

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respectability in the eyes of others. In

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your case, you might see

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enriching potential, whether it be in a

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new career. engaging in an

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activity based on a deeply held

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sense of mission, or simply associating

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with a new group of

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friends. You view the odds as being

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in your favor, you take the first

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step, and now you are starting to

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break from the pack. But your

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actions to free yourself

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from this foreordained path are

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received by others as a condemnation

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of their own safe choices and

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put them face to face. with

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what may be their own

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life dissatisfaction. This sets in

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motion a kind of cognitive

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dissonance that brings them to a

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crossroads. They can support you

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in your choices and in doing

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so must face up to their

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own self-deception or they can dissuade

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you from following your calling and

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in so doing excuse the tradeoffs

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that they have made in their

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own life. Of course this won't

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be positioned as being about them

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at all. Their critiques will

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almost always be framed in

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terms of your protection, safety

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and doing what is sensible.

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But make no mistake, often

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the person being protected

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and placated is them.

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Very often, people's reactions

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to you are really

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just reactions to themselves.

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In shunning you and your

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purpose, they are really just shunning

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the lack they see in themselves.

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Understand these interactions

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for what they are. Well meaning,

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well intended, but misguided

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attempts. at maintaining the

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status quo that keep the

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person offering the critique ensconced

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in a bubble of protective

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apathy. So what do we do with

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this? If you've listened for the

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past three weeks, you know that

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some of these surest paths to

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meaning are based in relationships. But

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we also know about the

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huge human tendency for social mimicry,

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for following the herd, and having

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that get in the way of

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our creating meaning. And then of

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course today we see how we

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can tear down each other's meaning

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because of our own misguided jealousy

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and desire for safety. So how

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do we make sense of this

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power and peril of we of

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our connectedness? Well, it reminds me

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a bit of the concept of

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Ubuntu, which is a set of

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African value systems that

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speaks to the interconnectedness

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and interdependence

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of humankind and our

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shared responsibility to one

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another. concept that's often translated as

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I am because you are. Bubunto

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reminds us of the invisible thread

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that ties us all together. We've

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now talked about how relationships can

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be the source of our very

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richest sources of meaning, but also

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how they can obscure a focus

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on our true desires. So what

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do we do? What's the right

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approach to take to privileged relationships

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while also learning to listen to

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our inner voice and not letting

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others dictate our path? Well, like

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most things, the answer is somewhere

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in the middle and moderation should

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rule the day. Famed researcher Adam

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Grant suggests that the middle path

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is to be what he calls

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other-ish. A clever way of saying

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that life is best achieved when

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we balance giving and taking, talking

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and listening, taking external feedback, as

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well as following our internal compass.

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Each has a role in constructing

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a meaningful walk and a life

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well-lived, is always going to combine

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both elements of living for and

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serving others and learning to trust

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ourselves. So there you have it.

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The answer is moderation. and that

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middle path. Thank you for listening

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to This Year of Meaningful Living.

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If you're enjoying this, we hope

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you will rate and review it

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on iTunes or wherever you're Spotify

9:14

or wherever you're tuning in. And

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we also hope that you will

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check out my new book, The

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Soul of Wealth, which is 50

9:23

Reflections on Money and Meaning. So

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if you're liking this content on

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the podcast this year, I think

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you will love the Soul of

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Wealth. Please give that book a

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look today and we'll see you

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next week. Thanks for tuning in

9:37

to standard deviations. If

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you can't wait

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till next week

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for more behavioral

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finance insights, visit

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www. W.W.W. ..com. All Orion

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.com. Daniel Crosby and podcast

9:52

opinions expressed by

9:54

Dr. Daniel Crosby

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and do not are

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solely their own

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opinions or do not

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reflect the opinion

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of or endorsement

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by Orion and

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its and subsidiaries

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and employees. for This

10:13

podcast is for

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informational purposes only

10:17

be should not

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be relied upon

10:21

as a basis

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for legal, tax

10:25

and investment decisions. The

10:28

opinions are based upon information

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the participants consider consider reliable.