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Welcome to the Standard Deviations podcast

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brought to you by Orion Advisor

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Solutions and hosted by Dr. Daniel

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Crosby, Orion's chief behavioral officer, a

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New York Times best-selling author. This

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year, Dr. Crosby embarks on a

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compelling exploration of meaning. What it

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is, why it matters, and how

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you can create more of it

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in your life. Each episode will

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only be available for one week.

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So don't miss your chance to

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listen. Tune in regularly and join the

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journey. The subtle destruction of meaning.

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How did you go bankrupt?

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Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly.

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This quote, often attributed

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to Ernest Hemingway himself, is

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actually from his book, The

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Sun also rises. Within, Bill

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Gordon asks Jake Barnes about

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his financial difficulties and

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encapsulates an idea that

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applies to so many

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parts of life. how a series

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of poor decisions compounded over time

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can lead to a seemingly sudden

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collapse that was actually a very

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long time in the making. Most

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of the talk today of the

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meaning crisis focuses on the macro

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loss of meaning and the erosion

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of the institutional forces that once

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shaped so many of our lives.

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But there is a subtle means

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by which meaning gets

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eroded that is insidious. relentless

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and nearly imperceptible. It

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is the host of self-deceptive

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half-trues that we tell ourselves

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every day. Philosopher C. Terry

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Warner has written about the

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corrosive process of self-deception in

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relationships and he begins his

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book One of my favorites

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of All Time, highly recommended

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the name of the book is Bonds

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that Make Us Free. and he begins

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this book with a story that struck

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me in large part due to my

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own guilty conscience. Warner relates

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the story of a husband and

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father who is awoken by his

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baby crying in the night. His

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initial righteous impulse is to

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get up and take care of

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the child. But he is soon

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waylaid by a multitude of competing

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concerns, like his desire to get

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some sleep, his distaste for changing

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diapers, and the cumbersome process of

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making a bottle. Believe me, buddy,

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I have been there. At this

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point, the man is faced with

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a choice. He can follow his

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initial truthful impulse to care for

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his child. or he can take

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the comfortable path of pretending not

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to hear the wailing and wait

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for his wife to respond. If

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he chooses the former, there's no

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need for mental gymnastics. He had

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a kind impulse, he followed it,

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and his reward is having done

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the right thing to say nothing

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of the intrinsic value of time

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with his child or the gratitude

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of his wife. But if he

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ignores the cries of his child,

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a complicated system of self-justification needs

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to kick in to allow him

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to reasonably ignore his responsibilities. The

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husband and each of us are

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wired at a very deep level

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to preserve three conditions in our

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lives and minds. and safety. And

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we are extremely adept at creating

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mental obfuscations that keep these conditions

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present in our lives. We tell

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ourselves things like, I did it

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last time. It's her turn. I've

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already worked a long day. I'm

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off the clock. Or she's probably

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better at this stuff than I

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am. I'd probably only slow her

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down or mess it up. Each

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of these justifications are aimed at

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preserving the cognitive peace, keeping dear

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old dad snugly tucked under the

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covers without the pesky dissonance of

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feeling like he is shirking his

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duty. But that dissident internal chatter

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won't always go away, leading us

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to bring forth a more potent

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weaponized form of self-deception that Warner

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posits is a cancer to our

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relationships. We begin to diminish the

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character. of the people we should

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be loving to further our own

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self-serving ends. The father might tell

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himself something like she's just being

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lazy, typical, or she's a bad

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mom. Remember, we are psychically programmed

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to maintain our own safety, ease,

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and sense of righteous self-worth, and

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we will do anything to maintain

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those conditions, even if it means

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belittling and scapegoating someone we ought

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to love. The danger in this,

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of course, is that we must

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treat them as the villains we

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have painted them as if our

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ruse is to remain viable. As

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the husband views the wife as

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a lazy negligent mother, he must

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now look for evidence of her

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wrongdoing to maintain his mental image

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of her guilt and his virtue.

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It's a bit like the saying,

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if a cop follows you for

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500 miles, you're going to get

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a ticket. If we look long

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and hard enough for missteps in

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the lives of even the best

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people, the people we love, we

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are likely to see what we're

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looking for. Satisfied with more evidence,

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we treat them like the enemies

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that we painted them as, to

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which they respond negatively, deepening our

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case and furthering the damaging cycle.

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What Warner saw in relationships I

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have found to be true of

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the search for meaning in our

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own lives. We all have had

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at some point a moment of

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truth and lucidity about what we

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believe to be true. This is

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the believing that we talked about

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in our first episode. Who we

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ought to lead into our lives,

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the belonging, and in what direction

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we ought to be striving, becoming.

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But the prospect of acting according

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to this truth scares us for

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any number of reasons. It could

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be social disapproval, uncertainty about how

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to make a living. a fear

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of getting hurt in a relationship,

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a belief that we can't live

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up to the demands of an

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aspirational worldview, or just plain fear

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of failure. At this point are

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brought to a crossroads like the

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father who has just heard the

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child's first faint cry. We can

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act on what we know we

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ought to do and shoulder the

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accompanying risks, or we can mount

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a mental offensive against this impulse

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that preserves our comfort and high

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opinion of ourselves. We tell ourselves

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self-deceptive half-truths like, it wouldn't be

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smart to start a business, most

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of them fail after all, or

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I can't go back to school,

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I'm too old. Or, sure, I

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love music, but music is in

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a serious pursuit. Or finally, I

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don't have time for a relationship.

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I'm too busy. As I ignore

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feelings and moments of inspirations I

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have around acting in accordance with

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my own radical purpose, I begin

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to experience the world in a

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manner that justifies my own flight

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to safety and away from meaning.

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But just as with the father

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and the baby, the clatter of

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cognitive dissonance becomes so cacophonous that

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it can't be drowned out by

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simply excusing our behavior, we must

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also tear down the behavior of

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others. In this state, I begin

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to chide others who pursue their

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purpose as this very act threatens

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the tranquility of my own bad

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faith. I'd say something like, well

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I see she's starting a business,

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interesting choice, you know most of

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them fail. Or, I can't believe

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he's going back to school, seems

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a little old if you ask

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me. Music, huh? Good luck putting

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food on the table. Or, I'm

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glad you have time to date,

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I guess I'm just more career-minded

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than that. The sight of others

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pursuing their unique vision of the

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good life becomes a threat to

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our own lack of temerity. But

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admitting that would never do because

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it would require us to face

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up to the reality of our

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own cowardice and do something different,

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which is scary, hard, and threatens

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our legendary status in our own

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minds. After all, people who follow

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their dreams often fail. By tearing

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others down as they rise, we

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have now wielded a meaning-killing weapon

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not only against ourselves, but also

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against those we have claimed a

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love the most. Setting in motion

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a cycle of quiet desperation protected

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by a thin veneer of respectability.

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Inevitably, we will couch our criticism

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in virtue speak. We aren't being

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gutless, we're being responsible. We aren't

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selling out, we're being practical. We

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aren't forgetting our purpose, we're paying

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the bills. And guess what? No

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one will ever call you out.

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Because the masses, wired as they

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are for safety, ease, and virtue,

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will always side with the path

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that requires the least discomfort. But

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in meaning creation, as in diet,

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exercise, education, and most other worthwhile

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pursuits, what is comfortable in the

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short run is almost always lethal

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in the long run. We'll speak

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at other times on this podcast

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about the macro collapse of meaning,

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about the dissolution of the family

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and the traditional institutions that use

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to provide structure to our lives.

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That stuff is impactful. There's no

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doubt. But it hardly tells the

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whole story. Because thinking of our

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collective meaninglessness as primarily owing to

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societal collapse is ultimately just another

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way we abdicate responsibility for what

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is fundamentally an individual process. Meaninglessness

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is less about a civilizational boogie

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man than it is about you

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and I every day. Meaning isn't

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hidden so much as it's buried

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by each of us in almost

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imperceptible ways when life speaks truth

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to us and we ignore it

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in the righteous name of responsibility.

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Gradually, then suddenly. Thanks for tuning

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in to Standard Deviations. If you can't

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wait till next week for more behavioral

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finance insights, visit www. All opinions expressed

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by Dr. Daniel Crosby and opinions

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expressed by Dr. their

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Daniel Crosby and and

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do are solely their

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own opinions of do

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not reflect the

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opinion of in endorsement

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by subsidiaries and subsidiaries and

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employees. This podcast is

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for informational purposes only and should

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not be relied upon as a

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basis for legal, tax, and investment

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decisions. opinions The opinions are based

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upon information the participants consider reliable.