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This

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is LVC from Global,

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leading Britain's conversation with

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Steve Allen. Morning. nice to

0:59

be company Thursday, December the

1:01

eighth, twenty twenty two as we get ever

1:03

closer. And succumb

1:05

to bought the Chris the tree. I had to get

1:07

the Christmas tree and it's about

1:09

seven feet. And I've

1:11

now got a that's being delivered this morning.

1:14

and then we'll put it in the stand, and it'll be all

1:16

lovely, and we'll put lights on it, and it will feel

1:18

festive. Why don't you? think everybody's feeling festive

1:20

at the moment. But I was told off that

1:22

I was cold in the office. And somebody

1:25

said, you're wearing a short sleeve shirt. And

1:27

I said, yeah, but I like wearing my friends,

1:29

Grey, I used to complain bitterly about

1:32

my short sleeve shirts because he would buy a long

1:34

sleeve shirt and then rolled it up. Just kind

1:36

of defeated the object as far as I was concerned.

1:38

Yeah. It totally looks cool, but didn't think so.

1:40

So I went. So, you know, short

1:43

sleeve shirt, what can I tell you? What

1:45

can I tell you about from the fact that we've got

1:47

a humdinger of a show for you today, we've got

1:49

stories that'll have you going, no,

1:51

not of that story again.

1:54

But so the answer is yes. And

1:57

it is nice to be company. I trust your sort

1:59

of organizing

1:59

Christmas in your own ramshackle

2:02

way. Some people are really organized about Christmas.

2:05

Some people are really really organized. I

2:07

wish I was an organized person. I tend

2:09

to throw it all together at the last minute. I

2:11

mean, I never have to worry about cooking dinner.

2:14

I don't think I've a cooked a a dinner

2:16

in my entire life or on nut roast or anything.

2:18

Why would I? That's what you have family

2:20

for. And

2:21

the older you get, the more you plunk yourself

2:23

on them, and you just sit there and they go, do does

2:25

he want does he want the cup of tea? Do you want

2:27

the cup of tea, Steve? And

2:29

I was going, I love cup of tea. I like

2:31

a cup of tea. Nice cup of chips. I never drink

2:33

alcohol over Christmas. I must be the only person who never

2:35

does because I've got to drive and I'm

2:37

not gonna risk it. I can remember one year

2:39

I drove down to my mother, she's living Henley.

2:42

And and I was praying all the way

2:44

down to be stopped by the police. So I could

2:46

go, you know, when they go, have we had a drink?

2:48

And I go, no.

2:50

You know, just to sort of just sort of lay it on a

2:52

bit thick. Can I go, my mother works for you.

2:55

She works within the police force. What

2:57

have we got? What have we got? We've got

2:59

a jilted opticians assistant jail

3:03

for pestering an ex boyfriend with something

3:05

like a thousand

3:06

emails. I mean, how annoying is that?

3:08

That must be really, really annoying. Also,

3:12

Hancock, He's gonna quit the commons.

3:14

He really believes he's a celebrity. It's so

3:16

misguided, isn't it? But, you

3:18

know, perhaps he'll be doing pantomime or perhaps he'll

3:20

be doing strictly. or something like that.

3:22

It really makes me sick to

3:24

my stomach to sort of see these people.

3:26

We wasted time and money on them. His constituents

3:29

wasted time, and money

3:31

on him. And basically, he just wanted to

3:33

filthy money, didn't he? Chris

3:35

says I'm sure will die at this get paid

3:37

every time he mentions Steve Allen. What's gonna do with you?

3:39

Mind your own business, Beeky. What's gonna do

3:41

with you? Hey. Yeah. So he gets paid every time he

3:43

mentions me. You know, what's what's

3:45

the matter with you? You're one of these moaning

3:48

marries. Oh, I get do you think you

3:50

get paid every time GP? So

3:52

it's gonna be like in it, really? You

3:55

still get ice creams delivered, who's obviously not a

3:57

regular listener, so we're gonna bar you. And

3:59

Jim says you'd love it

3:59

up here today. It's all white and very cold.

4:03

That's nice, isn't it? I like the idea of

4:05

being white and very cold. I don't mind it being cold.

4:07

I'm not bothered about cold. I can cope

4:09

with cold because you can put heating on. and

4:12

I put on the heating this morning when I

4:14

got up. And instantly, you

4:17

know, everything is nice warm and toasty and

4:19

that's fine. then of course you put your feet up on the settee

4:21

and the next thing is you fall asleep again.

4:23

So I have to set two alarm clocks

4:25

to make sure that if

4:27

I do fall asleep, There's one that's

4:29

gonna wake me up at eleven o'clock.

4:31

So it then means that I've got enough time to get

4:33

ready and relaxed and I don't like to rush

4:35

it. I like to, you know, I like

4:37

the cup of tea. Sometimes I might have something

4:39

to eat. Sometimes I just have a pickled onion.

4:42

It's an odd thing to have I realized in the

4:44

morning when you just sort of woken up, but suits me

4:46

fine. And, yeah,

4:48

you you just The funny

4:51

thing is, I've I've got these different toothpastes

4:53

at the moment. And we used to have one when I

4:55

was little called punch and Judy toothpaste.

4:57

And it was pink and

4:59

and it tasted I think it was it was I

5:01

think I seem to remember it was fruity.

5:04

flavo is to get kids to clean their

5:06

teeth when they were little. And and

5:08

I remember punch it. You could still get it.

5:11

Good Lord, punch and Judy toothpaste. It

5:13

was really good so I can get that online.

5:16

We thought it was fabric, but it had a particular

5:19

taste that went with it.

5:21

And if there's one thing you do as you

5:23

get a little bit older, I've discovered,

5:25

is you start doing things, which remind

5:27

you of stuff that you did

5:30

when you were much younger in the food that you had

5:32

to eat, we never had much

5:34

money. I mean, I'm not pleading poverty by any stretch

5:36

of the imagination. You know, my parents

5:38

always put food on the table, We

5:41

didn't have central heating in our house. I can

5:43

remember when they came to put central heating

5:45

in and we had a boiler and all these

5:47

copper pipes were all over the place.

5:49

And it was upstairs and downstairs. I mean,

5:51

when do you think most houses, when if that

5:53

ninety percent of houses never had central

5:55

heating, and so they now put them in and

5:57

they're very good at doing it. They're very efficient. I've

5:59

had a

5:59

washtabash for ages,

6:02

which

6:02

makes it Somebody said to me, which is which is the

6:05

best one as well. I only know Worcester Bausch's. I've

6:07

never had anything else. But it's that

6:09

central heating bit. We're all saying, oh, god,

6:11

it's hot. My mother used to turn it off

6:13

at night. She said because you're asleep

6:15

here in bed, and she dumped in the bedroom window. She'd

6:17

creep in the window like

6:19

that. So that you've got fresh air in.

6:21

That was how it used to work. And I tell you, when

6:23

you woke up in the morning, you're like

6:26

that, all you could see was your breath and used to

6:28

think, oh, it's like being up. Kilimanjaro, and

6:30

you'd you'd kind of sort of get out of bed and you'd

6:32

go, bloody freezing. You'd go to the

6:34

bathroom and the floor would be cold because

6:36

it was always linoleum in the bathroom.

6:39

and it was it was just really cold

6:41

and freezing. And so what they've said now

6:43

is brace yourself for minus ten

6:45

degrees. Now I don't know about

6:47

you. but, you know, minus ten

6:49

degrees is pretty cold.

6:51

So if you've got an elderly

6:54

neighbor, awesome

6:56

people near you, that don't

6:58

look as though they're surviving too well. Why don't you check

7:00

on them? You know, take them some soup,

7:03

something like that, some good soup, I mean,

7:05

producer had spaghetti

7:07

carbonara. It was the worst spaghetti carbonara

7:10

I've ever seen. It looked look yeah.

7:12

It looked cheap. It looked like it costs no more

7:14

than about one pound eighty or something

7:16

like that. And it was from the

7:18

co op. It was microwaveable meal, but

7:20

it really didn't look very good. You

7:22

can get much better than that. I bought the other day from

7:25

Waitrose, sweet and sour chicken, which

7:27

comes which is quite nice with bits of pineapple

7:29

in, and I put it in Waitrose

7:31

takeaways are very nice. And I sort of I put it in

7:33

a in a saucepan and then I

7:35

sort of heat it through. Then I put the rice

7:37

in over the top. I always go and buy.

7:40

egg fried rice from

7:42

Iceland

7:43

because it's two packs of rice,

7:46

beans rice, the two pound fifty.

7:48

and no point wasting money on rice.

7:50

You know? And so and so I thought that was

7:53

quite a nice meal, but I mean soup, delicious

7:55

and a warmer, a winter warmer,

7:58

for elderly people. It's lovely.

8:00

Marks and Spencer's, they do a takeaway.

8:03

Chicken gelfree, Indian

8:05

favorite, the Indian favorite looks lovely. Doesn't

8:07

know. I like samosas and bits

8:09

and pieces like that. You know, any anything,

8:11

if I anything, really, just food. I

8:13

don't really care. I'm not proud about it.

8:15

I'm not proud, you know, people say, you know, do

8:17

you watch what you eat? I do watch what I eat,

8:19

actually. I'm very good. I know

8:21

occasionally I sort of fall off the wagon, but,

8:23

you know, you're allowed to do that. And

8:26

Elaine says, can you tell

8:28

me the name of the restaurant which has a sweet trolley?

8:30

It's called Oslo Court. You'll find them

8:32

online. They have a very good website. and

8:34

you can have a look at the menu and you won't you

8:37

won't ever go into place like it. I

8:39

promise you you will never go into place like this. It's

8:41

in a block of flats. overlooking

8:43

region's park, and it's in a ground floor

8:45

flat. And it attracts what

8:47

I call, as this is gonna sound really awful,

8:49

genteel people. People want

8:51

to go out, have a nice time, old

8:53

fashioned, menu, very

8:56

extensive, everything from, you know, lobster,

8:58

to fish, to steak, and all the rest of it's a

9:00

set price. menu and they have a

9:02

sweet trolley which has got fruit salad,

9:04

profitable rolls, black forest

9:06

gatot, all the usual things. And

9:09

I've been there numerous occasions.

9:11

Numerous occasions. I think they're lovely. I

9:13

think they're nice people. And that's

9:15

what that's what makes a restaurant for me,

9:17

nice people. honest with you, I'm

9:19

not always particularly bothered about the

9:21

food. I think whenever you go out to a

9:23

restaurant, it's who you're

9:25

eating with. you know, and I'm

9:27

lucky because I always go out and eat with people

9:29

who are, well, nearly all of them in the same

9:31

business that I'm in. And so we've

9:33

got lots to talk about and things like and

9:35

it's always it's always quite nice. I

9:37

like that because, you know, even though you can go

9:39

out with other people, you know,

9:41

which I do on occasions, But

9:44

but when you go out with with sort of people you've known

9:46

for a long, long time, it's not the food,

9:48

even though, you know, the food is very good to the places

9:50

that we go to. It's the company.

9:53

and the amount of booze you've consumed.

9:55

The more booze I consume, the

9:57

happier my day becomes, which is lovely.

9:59

When I bought some big Prosecco the other

10:01

day, Waitrose is reduced from twenty one quid

10:03

to sixteen ninety nine. So I bought

10:05

two two big bottles, which

10:07

will see me through it. Afternoon.

10:10

We'll get the tree up today. I'll put

10:12

the lights on it, and I don't put

10:15

decorations on the tree, not there in in in in

10:17

doors. I've got little decorations that this year,

10:19

brussels sprouts. More on

10:21

that later. And, you

10:24

know, the lights go on it and it looks nice. And I

10:26

put that stuff on, you know, which

10:28

drapes over all the branches and

10:30

things, and they call it La Mehta.

10:32

La Mehta. You've said it's not

10:34

tinsel. No. It's not tinsel. Absolutely

10:36

not. It's La Meza. Tinsulin La

10:38

Meza are too completely. Don't start

10:40

arguing at this time. Just because you had a rotten

10:42

meal and you're still hungry. You'd

10:44

have to have one of my satzumas if

10:47

I allow you. There you go, the better.

10:49

All different colors and you just drape it over

10:51

the tree and it looks lovely. The more

10:53

you drape the better the

10:55

tree and the lights reflect on it and

10:57

it's so easy you take it out of the packet, you

10:59

cut the top off and you drape it over all the

11:01

branches and I love it. I love it.

11:03

And it's cheap and cheap. I get it in pound

11:05

land. And it's a pound.

11:07

Unbelievable, isn't it? There's so much in pound

11:09

land now, it's not a pound.

11:11

They do all the all the standard thing. And you can

11:13

get some really some of the Christmas decorations

11:15

are a bit naf. But it doesn't

11:17

matter. You can get some La Mehta. You can get

11:20

some some quite shiny balls,

11:22

you know, which sort of always look like. But you

11:24

need a lot of balls on a tree.

11:26

So if you're just buying a box of twelve and thinking

11:28

that's gonna fill a tree up. you know,

11:30

d eight. And,

11:33

Steve, I'm fifty nine now as a stellar. We

11:35

didn't have central heating. We had a

11:37

paraffin heater. And how do we manage

11:39

without mobile phones? Gold knows. You

11:41

sit on the train, and as I

11:43

will do going back and every

11:45

single person will be on a train. Every single

11:47

school kit getting on the train will

11:49

have a telephone. Every single

11:51

person, but paraffin heaters, I can

11:53

smell them now. smell them now.

11:55

We had we had a paraffin heater

11:57

and the the man would come round, blue blue

11:59

blue blue, s o blue. And he would

12:01

deliver your your paraffin

12:03

you'd pour it into a container or whatever it

12:05

happened to be. And then you could smell it.

12:07

It had had vapor that went with

12:09

it, the vapor you could see but

12:11

it it heated up a room. Not brilliantly.

12:13

Not

12:13

brilliantly. But

12:15

it was good enough actually. Steve,

12:18

night shift nearly over.

12:20

I forgot

12:20

to get the chicken out yesterday morning for dinner,

12:23

so I've got four in one from the Chinese,

12:25

egg fried rice chips, chicken

12:27

balls, and a and a source of your

12:29

choice, I always go for Chinese curry

12:31

or love Chinese curry sauce.

12:33

I also like the sauce that they put

12:35

on their sweet and sour. like

12:37

anything like that. Anything like that.

12:41

Steve used the model is a lovely

12:43

toothpaste. That's pink, isn't it Josh? Isn't not the

12:45

one that's the powder? youth

12:46

them all and you open up the tin and then you put

12:48

your you wet your brush and then you put it in there.

12:51

I like

12:51

that. That's quite I've seen that

12:53

over the over the years. Oh,

12:55

Usimat. No. I know which one it is. Yeah. There you go.

12:57

It's the original toothpaste. No fluoride,

13:00

anti black. But it's pink.

13:02

Pink. I think you see now that looks

13:04

to me old fashioned. The pictures I'm looking at,

13:06

it's in Sainsbury's. You get it on Amazon. You get it

13:08

just about everywhere actually. Every chemist.

13:10

you can think of or do that.

13:12

And I think it's very nice actually

13:14

pink toothpaste. How cool is

13:16

that? And they do toothpaste if you've got

13:18

sensitive teeth and if you've got this that

13:20

and the other. It's all sort of

13:23

everything is there for you. Oh, thank you.

13:24

Thank you. Lovely. There are

13:26

no cups around there. No cups at all.

13:29

ridiculous. I'm gonna say how we're supposed to survive. I've got

13:31

no idea. Not that I'm known. Steve,

13:33

hello, on LVC. Text 84850

13:37

Lord. Dang, it's fifteen six It's

13:39

seventeen minutes. Pass four.

13:41

Welcome to Thursday. Welcome to it's

13:43

Bloomington freezing. A bunch into my

13:45

my dear friend and pain

13:47

earlier on. And

13:48

he's thinking for

13:49

Christmas of buying himself a mattress, and I

13:52

thought to Bosch immediately. And

13:55

and so I said, I've I've got

13:57

a listener. who

13:57

used to be on the apprentice and he does

14:00

mattresses and he said, does he? And I said,

14:02

he does. And I said, what I'll do

14:04

if he's listening to the program, I'll

14:05

get him to drop you an email

14:08

and

14:08

Payne who works for our sister

14:10

station capital. And then

14:12

perhaps you can you can do a Christmas deal

14:15

over a mattress, because an aunt was inquiring about

14:17

my sleeping arrangements, which I'm wild

14:19

about telling people. But I said, I've

14:21

got a topper. which

14:23

years ago oh, here we go. Which

14:25

years ago used to be AA2

14:28

pay, they used to call it a topper. That's the

14:30

that's the name of it. My friend, Ian, He

14:32

said, I've just done three hours co

14:34

hosting on another station. Yes, I read.

14:37

I read. He said, I'm thinking of it as

14:39

training for when you call me on Christmas

14:41

day. He's obsessed with this

14:43

Christmas day thing. He said to do a

14:45

a Dallas segment. He's he's

14:47

absolutely obsessed with it. He said, you talk

14:49

to Chris Lowry, but you don't talk to me.

14:51

know,

14:51

that's what I get with my friends. They sort of they they

14:53

become quite bitter. Right? But

14:56

I I had I I don't know

14:58

why we put Chris Lowrey on because he used to

15:00

be obviously his weather man and and everything else. And I

15:02

think we were talking about the weather situation

15:04

and how it sort of varied and what

15:06

what people do in Spain over Christmas because

15:08

there were loads of Brits who

15:10

listen to this program over in

15:12

Spain, they've moved over there and

15:14

they like it. But I'm but things are different. It's

15:16

not exactly the same over here. You're not gonna get the

15:18

cold weather. that you get here, but then

15:20

I quite like the cold weather. I know we

15:22

moan about it, but that's that's what the

15:24

Brits do, isn't it? We moan.

15:26

We

15:26

moan about it. Harry and Meghan. Mowning.

15:29

Harry and Meghan is that was his hair

15:31

dropping out by the second. I'm surprised they

15:33

haven't taken him to a trickologist or got him to

15:35

wear a tube. That'd be quite a nice thing,

15:37

wouldn't it? Getting herself a little tube.

15:39

Perhaps she can run her fingers through his hair. Talking

15:41

about toothpaste, says Kate, I need

15:43

a new pair of spec I wondered by the new tube

15:45

tasted bland yesterday. And

15:47

then I said, no, as it was my whippets

15:49

toothpaste. Yes. Could you get doggy

15:51

toothpaste? Did you know that? Doggy toothpaste.

15:53

How cool is that? And

15:57

somebody says, like you, I love food,

15:59

says John and cultures. I never eat anything

16:01

else. I bet you do. I bet you do,

16:03

really. And it's pink,

16:05

says Josh Used them all, which we quite like. And

16:07

then Les and Manchester says punch and Judy

16:09

toothpaste, Steve, That's the way

16:11

to do it. As the owner. That's

16:13

the way to do it. That's the way to do

16:15

it. I

16:17

remember, did you oh, here we go

16:19

again. Did you remember? They

16:21

did on high d high. The punch

16:23

and duty man used to drink,

16:26

and he was he was doing a punch

16:28

and duty show for for the children and all the

16:30

rest of it. You ain't picked the way to do it. And

16:33

then all of a sudden, the puppet fell off his hand and the

16:35

hand is just there and the kids were screaming and all the

16:37

rest of it. And then the whole stand just

16:39

fell over. And then as they all

16:41

went to rescue him, he went no no

16:43

autographs, please. You know,

16:45

the management will resume, and it was

16:47

so funny. so funny to

16:49

watch, so funny. One of those and I

16:51

said, you never get away with it now, actually.

16:53

You see, my friend Ian says, I

16:55

can talk about Texas weather and Texas

16:57

mass That's Christmas in Texas. He's

16:59

just put me on, you say? It's an

17:01

obsession. It's an absolute it's it's

17:03

it's almost getting to the point of there'd be a

17:05

contract out of me. Seriously, it's

17:08

batting up with Will Geot, but I mean, at

17:10

least he's family. So that's sort

17:12

of okay, isn't it? If it's sort

17:14

of family, bullying you. You don't you don't mind so

17:16

much. Another

17:19

one. Another one. Poor

17:21

old David Plymouth ply

17:24

mouth. He says yesterday, you read a

17:26

message from me saying that I had the onset of

17:28

man flu, not anymore. I've

17:30

now retested and I've got COVID

17:32

for the third time. fully

17:34

boosted, so symptoms quite marred, but

17:36

very annoying.

17:37

See, I I mean, I get in the car in the

17:40

morning, I put my mask on. if I've

17:42

got my mask on to start with, I don't do the

17:44

program with the mask on because there's only me in

17:46

here, maybe a bit pointless. And

17:48

we've managed to we've managed to escape it although

17:50

my ex producer, Joe, he thinks I've had it. He

17:52

thinks that I

17:53

maybe had COVID because I'd sort of had a few

17:55

sneezing days, but I feel at the moment,

17:57

I feel fine. absolutely

17:59

fine. I think it's

17:59

because there's no central heating on that it

18:02

makes you strong and sturdy and

18:04

everything else. And I just put the heating

18:06

on just for a little while. just to

18:08

sort of keep me keep me going.

18:10

But not to the point, although I'd I'd

18:12

take my clothes off when I'm indoors. Well, you

18:14

have to. Don't you? I mean, that's how it works. Did you know

18:16

that Winston Churchill was a

18:18

nudist? Did you know

18:20

that? He used to have baths,

18:22

obviously, in the nude, and people would come in and have

18:24

meetings with him while he was in the bath. I

18:26

knew it. How do I know

18:28

that? They did it on QI the other day.

18:30

Sandy toxic was telling us. And I

18:32

believe everything Sandy toxic tells me, and

18:34

she comes up with things. They had all these

18:36

famous nudists, people

18:38

who, you know, they're happier without

18:41

clothes on than than

18:43

having, yeah, happy happy

18:44

without their clothes as opposed to having them

18:46

on. I don't think in this weather, I

18:48

could remind you my postman the other day. Here

18:50

we go. Here is a story. It's a story. Come

18:53

closer. Come closer. I'll tell you about it.

18:55

And it with my my postman turned up, not

18:57

my normal one. Darren is is he's

18:59

got to push trolley. He's in shorts. They're all in

19:01

shorts. This boat pulls up in a in

19:03

a brand new van. shiny

19:05

red, lovely. And I said, have they given you

19:07

all new vans? He said, yeah. And

19:10

then he threw the curved

19:12

ball. It's electric.

19:14

And I went, ah,

19:16

I said, wait a minute. I bet

19:18

you

19:18

have a problem with that and he said,

19:20

yeah. You know what it is? You can't put the

19:22

blum in on in it because it drains the

19:25

battery. And that's why

19:27

when I've had cars in the morning, I try

19:29

and specify to them, I don't want an

19:31

elect car. I couldn't get less whether

19:33

it's green or anything else. There's

19:35

no heating in them. They won't put the heating

19:37

on because it drains the battery and they've got to

19:39

pay to charge it up again. And this post office

19:41

van, he said they're all the same. He said they haven't sorted

19:43

out the battery problems. So

19:46

consequently, they they sit there freezing

19:48

to death. That lot of blaming you, Satish,

19:50

isn't it? I don't know.

19:52

What can you do? What can you do?

19:54

A lot of people talk about toothpaste this morning.

19:56

I've got about six different tubes. I

19:59

see a toothpaste. If it's sometimes on special

20:01

offer, I'll go, we'll buy

20:03

that. I like the whitening toothpastes. They're

20:06

they're

20:06

they're good. But they're about ten quids

20:08

for tuba toothpaste and my favorite.

20:11

And I

20:11

never worked it out until about

20:14

forty five years ago. It

20:16

was toothpaste called signal.

20:18

And you would squirt it out and it

20:20

came out white toothpaste, blue and

20:22

red lines down it. And I used to

20:24

think, well, how does that work? That

20:27

means it's all in the tube, all getting squished

20:30

up, and then you all comes out like

20:32

that. No. Have you ever

20:34

taken a tube of signal toothpaste

20:36

apart in the

20:38

lid? There are little flanges,

20:40

little metal flanges with the color in

20:42

that. And so the toothpaste in

20:44

the tube is white, When you

20:47

squirt it out as it goes past the little

20:49

flanges, it puts the color

20:51

onto it. There you go. Something

20:53

else you never knew this one only week after goodness

20:55

sake is back again. Might have to call out the

20:57

Dallas police on this one actually.

20:59

And he said, ice on car

21:01

windscreen's always a sign of

21:03

things to come. because my

21:05

my car's got ice on it today, which

21:07

I that doesn't bother me. I'm not particularly

21:09

worried about things like that because by the time I get

21:11

home, it'll be It could

21:13

be melted off it, but it's always an

21:15

indicator. Is it not that

21:17

overnight, things are getting a bit chilly. So everybody in

21:19

the office is now wearing jumpers

21:21

and, you know, scarfs and

21:23

woolen hats and things like that, which is

21:25

okay, which is okay, I don't I

21:27

don't worry about that. We've got

21:29

a great parking

21:32

debacle going on over two accountants,

21:34

I believe. So far, it's cost them, about

21:36

a hundred thousand pounds in court cost because

21:39

basically they're stupid you know, you start

21:41

an argument, you know, and

21:43

it's over parking and you shouldn't park here

21:45

because I have to do this and I have to do that. And before,

21:47

you know, where you are, you've racked up

21:49

court fees. and people actually

21:51

benefit are the lawyers.

21:53

Only the lawyers. What else

21:55

we got? Tyson Furi's

21:58

pride at being the Gipsy King

21:59

gives travelers hope. I don't know why why

22:02

that would give travelers hope. I can't imagine

22:04

why very odd. And the

22:06

NHS private care snub

22:08

left millions in the queue because

22:10

they were forwarding people on to private

22:12

care because to try and reduce

22:14

the the queues. Darren Brown, you

22:16

know Darren Brown, does magic, on

22:18

growing up and being lonely. We don't see

22:20

how many children grow up being lonely.

22:22

And

22:22

then I all think it's because you can't entertain

22:25

yourself.

22:25

Whereas I think if you've got a vivid imagination,

22:28

that's why kids seem to have the most fun. because

22:30

they they've got vivid imaginations.

22:32

And and,

22:33

you know, we used to go outside. So look

22:35

forward to going outside in the summer, playing, you

22:37

know, playing in the garden. on

22:39

the lawn with your toys. You take out your your special

22:42

toys, all of mine with

22:44

chipperfield circus.

22:46

They used to make them. And

22:49

you can still buy them. They're really

22:51

expensive. And I had

22:53

everything, but I made my

22:55

own circus tent And

22:57

so when you get circuses because

22:59

I've followed circuses for a long, long time. I love

23:01

circuses and fump fares. I like the idea that it all

23:03

packs up and it goes to another town.

23:06

and the the corgis

23:08

from Chipafield circus, they were

23:10

just, I

23:10

mean, unbelievable. Most of it you can't

23:13

get anymore. Most

23:13

of it, you cannot get anymore. They had a circus parade vehicle.

23:15

They had the crane. They had the

23:17

animal cages. They had the giraffes. They

23:20

had everything. and I used to play with them on the lawn,

23:22

but I also got some some

23:24

sticks. And my mother's she had an

23:26

old headscarf and I made a circus

23:28

tent out it. And that was my sort of circus

23:30

tent, and then we'd have all the wagons that

23:32

circle the circus. That's how they do them now. If

23:34

ever you see a circus, you don't have

23:36

the tent. and then all the waggot. They

23:38

circle the whole thing. So

23:40

it's and I can imagine what

23:42

they are now. I think an average chippafield

23:44

circus thing. I mean, you could spend a thousand

23:46

pounds Easily, I would imagine.

23:48

There you go. Oh, that looks good. Isn't it

23:50

pre owned? There's one here. It's

23:52

a gift set. Oh, I like

23:54

the sound of that. I like

23:56

the sound of that. That's

23:57

very nice. No. Unfortunately, as

24:00

we're all of these things, if you've

24:03

played with them, then they

24:05

get damaged, but that's what people did.

24:07

They played, oh, that one looks a little bit

24:09

better. This is gift set number twenty

24:11

three. four hundred and forty nine pounds. Can

24:13

you make it bigger? Does it is

24:15

it damaged? See that

24:18

one, do you know the thing that they do? No. No. No. It

24:20

looks nice. The thing that they do now with these

24:22

things, and I saw it years ago to

24:24

a a toy exhibition. There

24:26

are people who can respray these

24:28

vehicles. They take them apart. They the

24:30

wheels off. They've got little tiny spray gums,

24:32

little tiny things, and they re spray

24:34

them. And so

24:35

they look as

24:36

brand new as they can be. because

24:39

I don't believe that these things from the

24:41

from the year would be in that kind of condition because

24:43

kids would have played with them. You know, I played

24:45

with mine in the garden, but that's how much they

24:47

are now. But they're nice. I've got

24:49

an original lunch, Dale bought me years

24:51

and years ago, and it's I'd

24:53

left it in the box. I don't take anything out of

24:55

box. now. I'm sort of I'm one of those sort of people.

24:57

If it's in the box, it's original, and

24:59

that's the way it goes because you can spot

25:02

people who who do tarp these

25:04

up and they can remake the boxes as

25:06

well to look as it

25:08

did. But, yeah, chipperfield circles. You

25:10

go to any toy and craft fair and somebody's

25:12

got one. they'll be looking for serious

25:14

money for it, especially if it's been

25:16

all resprayed and like, oh, I'd love that. I'd

25:18

love a glass cabinet with

25:20

all chippafield circa stuff in it. I think that'd

25:22

be really fab. Really, really

25:24

nice. We never know, Julia. You

25:26

never know. So the Christmas

25:28

travel misery, twelve hour queues

25:30

they reckon, as predicted. It's not

25:32

gonna be much fun. You've got the postal strike.

25:34

You've got the NHS strike. You've got

25:36

the rail strike. And

25:39

it's designed for nothing. Nothing.

25:41

They're all rejecting

25:41

the offers left right and center. So

25:44

nobody's gonna do it. So basically,

25:46

as we

25:47

found out the other day, nobody gets paid when they're on

25:49

strike. So

25:50

they're gonna be having a right miserable room in

25:52

Christmas, aren't they? But as I say,

25:54

a bit old Michael, Lynch, be out there. There'd be a

25:56

photo opportunity of him standing on a picket line.

25:59

Let's see if anybody's gonna cross a picket line over the

26:01

festive season. They're all gonna

26:03

goodd off. we can have Christmas at home. Nobody's gonna

26:05

go

26:05

out there. You know, full well garage.

26:07

They were all stand. They for some reason, they all get

26:10

braziers out.

26:12

Leading

26:12

Britain's conversation, LBC,

26:14

with Steve Hallum.

26:17

Boeing nice

26:18

day company twenty seven minutes

26:20

to five. I'm trying to stand all bouncy bouncy

26:23

because the tree's arriving today, so I'm very

26:25

excited about that. Went to

26:27

Costco yesterday, spent a little bit of money. I

26:29

was I should have come back with liqueur

26:31

chocolates, and I forgot to. because I

26:33

looked around, I couldn't see them, and they keep

26:35

moving things. the different parts of the

26:37

store. So I might have to go back today, but that's

26:39

after we've done the Luxury,

26:41

which should be very nice.

26:44

Witsi, As told parents outside

26:46

school stop idling, at Richmond Bus

26:48

garage, they have a sign there, you know, they

26:50

don't want any buses idling with the

26:52

engines running. turn

26:54

them on and off, which is good.

26:56

Glory Honeyford goes large at

26:59

Christmas, and Britain's smallest home for

27:01

sale, six and a half thousand quid the bad

27:03

news is. It's a board. It's a

27:05

board. I don't think you'd want to you'd

27:07

want to live on a boat. I've got listeners who do

27:09

live on boats as well, but this

27:11

one's small. small, you six

27:13

and a half thousand pound. You can tell you don't get

27:15

a lot of vote for six and a half thousand

27:17

pounds. But Albania have said stop

27:19

the bigotry against us. Well, stopped

27:21

sending people in Inflatables, there is

27:24

no problem with Albania to live in a

27:26

country. They're not sort of a country at risk or

27:28

anything like that. It's just an

27:30

excuse when people come over and they go, oh, we

27:32

seek asylum. four, you normally see uranium

27:34

if you're going from a war torn

27:36

country or persecution. There's no persecution in

27:38

Albania. It's mainly coming from

27:40

within. Plus,

27:42

indoor pollution, health

27:44

risk in new homes. You get,

27:46

you know, a lot of pollution, don't

27:49

you? And I quite like these headphones that cut

27:51

out noise and pollution. I've got a set of

27:53

headphones on, not always because I'm wearing

27:55

headphones now because I need for

27:57

for whatever reason. I've got no idea why the broadcasters

27:59

wear headphones. Could you not not wear

28:01

them? And the answer is, you could. But

28:03

then the I mean, the producer type

28:05

stuff up on the screen, but they like they like to talk to me. They like to

28:07

feel part of the program. Even I keep telling them, you

28:09

know, they always go, oh, let's go make

28:12

radio. And you think what's all this let's

28:14

go make radio like it's a group

28:16

effort. But all I have to do

28:18

is I can hear the output and I could

28:20

hear the stabs as well and all the other little

28:22

bits and pieces. But for some reason, and some

28:24

people wear their headphones both sides

28:26

on. All the presenters I

28:28

know, the professional presenters,

28:30

only have the headphone on one side.

28:32

in other words, and you know why you do this? I bet you don't know

28:35

why. So that you hear what you sound

28:37

like on your headphones and

28:39

you can hear what you sound like in the real world. And

28:41

the idea is to make it sound as

28:44

normal as possible. You know, so you're not

28:46

putting on a very, very deep sexy

28:48

voice to say listening to

28:50

LBC. You know, you're actually

28:52

talking as if you're having a conversation with

28:54

somebody. And so that's why you can hear what you sound

28:56

like in the room and hear what you sound like on

28:58

the radio. clever trick in

29:00

it. Me, me, me, me again, I'm

29:02

afraid. 8350

29:05

Steve Punch and Duty toothpaste.

29:08

It's amazing, actually, isn't it the amount of people who

29:10

who remember punctured toothpaste?

29:13

Well, I liked it as well. Talking about

29:15

toothpaste, I need a new pair of specs.

29:17

I'll have you done that one every morning, actually.

29:20

Sorry about that. On a cold and frosty

29:22

morning, Steve, can I let everybody know how good

29:24

an electric blanket is? switch it on five minutes

29:26

before you get into bed. It's fantastic. And after,

29:28

say, ten minutes, and say, warm you turn it off,

29:30

says the Juliet. So it's not using too much

29:32

electric or waste to love climbing into a bed that

29:34

had been warmed by an electric trip blanket. Yeah.

29:37

It was lovely. The rest of the bed would be

29:39

cold either side and yet that middle bit would be

29:41

lovely as you curl your legs up. You

29:43

can't move. It was so lovely

29:45

and warm, better than a hot water

29:47

bottle. And somebody says,

29:49

Steve, next should be talking about Life

29:51

Boy Bubble Bath. No. No. No. No.

29:54

And somebody says, is your microphone very

29:56

sensitive? When it's a microphone, it probably costs

29:58

many thousands of pounds, I should imagine.

30:01

because I can hear your producers snoring asleep in your radio

30:03

feed. Very unprofessional. You're

30:05

obviously on medication, aren't you, Chris? What

30:07

a shame there? What a shame. Never

30:10

mind. One day, you'll get

30:12

a job. Who knows? Might

30:14

even be this year, but I suspect

30:16

probably not. I remember signal

30:18

toothpaste. But do you remember SR? Yes.

30:20

Gibbs SR? Yes. I

30:22

remember it very well indeed. I am that

30:24

age. Seven oocericism flying off to

30:26

Oslo today driving across to Stockholm,

30:28

looking forward to keeping me company on the

30:30

way, looking forward to their Christmas

30:32

markets. Have you been? I

30:34

have. I have. I love the European Christmas markets.

30:36

I think they're great. I think they're great. Mind you,

30:38

I quite like the one the other day. My friend Dan

30:40

was off to down at

30:42

the bath houses. And it

30:45

was and it was a a

30:47

whole shot that just sold German sausages.

30:51

delicious. I think they should have those.

30:53

And Mike says, are you aware

30:55

that Sandy Tuxnick is very poor? No. She's

30:57

not now. She's getting better. you're

30:59

a bit late with the news, aren't you? Come on. We

31:02

did that two days ago, that she's in

31:04

hospital. She had pneumonia, but she's

31:06

she's getting better now. honestly, why is it with people? Why are

31:08

they so late? If you listen to well, we see all the

31:10

time, you would be way

31:12

up

31:12

with it. Mark

31:14

and Rompert said I've just paid forty quid for a three kilogram

31:16

turkey from the butcher. Is that a good price?

31:18

Oh, no. No. I don't know

31:21

your butcher. I've no

31:23

idea. Forti quit for a three kilogram

31:25

turkey. I don't know. And if you paid it, you must think

31:27

it's good value. can't think

31:29

of any other reason why you'd be paying it. I

31:31

mean, most of them to

31:33

round that that sort of size

31:36

are about about twenty quid,

31:38

thirty three pound, depends where you get them from.

31:40

If you go to Harrods, yeah,

31:42

between twenty to thirty quid would be about right

31:44

for between the two point four and the two

31:46

point eight Turkey. Get the one

31:48

for twenty twenty one quid. So it could be about

31:50

right if it's a good one. If it's a good

31:52

turkey, I mean, you don't want to get anything that's been buried in

31:54

from overseas, dude. You want a

31:56

British Turkey. or Turkey Crown or

31:58

something like that. It's always what I mean, if you've

32:00

paid it and then you're asking me afterwards, you must

32:02

be mad as a broomstick, you

32:04

know, because it's too late. What you can do, take

32:06

it back. Well, I think it's too much money. It could be

32:08

it could be a it could be a very nice one. It could

32:10

be very nice one. And

32:12

Kim says chestnuts ripping

32:14

ro roasting on an open fire,

32:16

Jack Frost nipping at your nose.

32:18

That's got to be one of the best Christmas songs.

32:20

Heard it yesterday yesterday about the

32:22

wonderful neck king Cole. Yes. Chestnuts

32:25

roasting on an open fire, jack frost

32:27

nipping at your nose

32:29

and folks dressed up like esky moes

32:31

and stuff like that. Mary

32:34

Christmas. It does. The old ones

32:36

are the best. Kim, the old ones are the

32:38

best. The old songs are the best. They've got more to it. Even

32:40

though I still like listening to

32:42

aware she could be Christmas every

32:45

day. Wizzled. Sit

32:48

around. Move to Callah Honda,

32:50

southern Spain three months ago. lot

32:52

warmer than Kent says,

32:54

Tony, spending the night in Malaga

32:56

on the Throne here. See the Christmas light

32:58

and drone show, looks bad. drones are

33:00

very clever. Very very clever. I like

33:02

them when they can control them and they can do light

33:04

shows with the drones. They did it. I think for

33:06

the Olympics, didn't they? Steve, you know that Bentley's

33:08

part of VW and Rolls is with

33:11

BMW. VW wanted it and decided

33:13

to buy the Rolls factory only to find all

33:15

they bought. BMW ended up by

33:17

the franchise. So Bentley has made an old

33:19

rolled factory and rolled and built in a new

33:21

factory. It says Peter. Yes.

33:24

That's been for years. Been for

33:26

years and years and years. Oh, look,

33:28

that's nice. This is surveillance

33:31

us. Victoria, and these

33:33

are the drones, and these are the drones, these

33:35

are the drones in Malaga. They're so clever

33:37

and they do different patterns in the

33:40

sky. I mean, how how how just clever is that?

33:42

They did it as well, I think for the Queen's Jubilee.

33:44

I'm pretty certain I think they look stunning.

33:47

Absolutely amazing. Absolutely

33:50

amazing. My drone has got lights on

33:52

it. I've

33:52

got my

33:54

drone. Yes. Of

33:56

course, I have a drone. I'm

33:58

a radio presenter because

33:59

I've got a

33:59

drone. It's like

34:01

saying no. It's

34:04

a

34:04

drone.

34:05

takes off and lands and I got

34:07

a controller and I paid a hundred and

34:09

fifty pounds for it and it folds

34:11

up and you put it

34:13

in your pocket. Yeah. I mean, I've

34:15

had other drones in the

34:18

studio, which is a ball that you

34:19

charge up, you throw it in

34:21

the own. It hovers. and you

34:22

can hover it over your hand and everything else. What do we Why you looking

34:25

me like this? I'm with all

34:27

the modern technology I'm telling you. It might

34:29

not all be a lecturer, You're

34:31

surprised, really. Oh, there you go. Well, prepared

34:33

to be surprised. Yes, I have a drone.

34:36

In fact, I have two drones. So there you go.

34:38

Stick that in your pipe and

34:40

smoke it. I love it. I

34:42

love it. Anything to annoy the producer this

34:44

morning, it always makes me happy. If he's

34:46

miserable, you know, or he sort of starts questioning

34:48

anything. You know, it's okay. you've got a drone.

34:50

You go, yeah, I've had a drone for

34:52

ages. Age and ages. What do you

34:54

get from father Christmas?

34:56

Probably nothing. You

34:58

get what? SOx.

34:58

SOx. That's what

34:59

Father Christmas buys you at your

35:01

age. SOx. Yeah. I like SOx as well, but I

35:03

just wear them and throw

35:06

them. It

35:07

is

35:08

crazy, but that's what

35:10

you get for Christmas. That's your best Christmas present

35:12

socks. Even as a child, socks.

35:15

What did you

35:15

get as a child?

35:18

Video

35:18

games. Oh, video games. What are

35:20

they? What do they have names? Was that

35:23

sonic the or something or Tetris.

35:25

Star Wars,

35:26

oh, you were very modern what? You're very modern

35:30

Star Wars.

35:30

Yeah.

35:33

All that kind of stuff. Yeah. Oh, lovely. So

35:36

you basically were loner as a

35:38

child because you'd be sitting in a bedroom, playing

35:40

on your computer games without,

35:42

you know, your friends come around to see you Elliott. I'm

35:44

busy. You know? I'm

35:46

ill.

35:46

Don't let them in.

35:49

can just

35:49

imagine, can't you? Mind you, I can't remember half

35:52

the presence that we got as kids. I

35:54

really can't. All the things, you know,

35:56

and we used to have a fist, electricity, we used to have

35:58

a stocking. the

35:59

end of the bed, it was

35:59

one of mom's old tights she'd cut up a pair

36:02

and put in she'd put in some

36:04

nuts, some

36:04

satsumas, a flannel, bar

36:07

of soap, pen, all sorts of,

36:09

you know, different kind of

36:11

rubbers and things like that, you know,

36:13

to erase things. And, you know,

36:15

and and then you'd you'd have to take all the

36:17

fruit out, the of the stocking, put it back in the bowl again.

36:19

I don't know why. And also, there'd be some quality street in

36:22

there. They were very imaginative, my

36:24

folks. Very

36:26

imaginative. and then we would always buy things. I mean, I remember I a lovely

36:28

little box, which I think my brother's got.

36:30

I'm pretty certain it's a little tiny

36:32

Russian pillbox with a hand painted lid.

36:36

Beautiful. And I bought it when I worked in the department store years ago.

36:38

And I think I paid about a

36:40

pound for it, which in those days

36:42

was quite a lot of money.

36:44

I'm

36:44

only earning five pounds a week just to pay a pound for this thing and it's so beautiful. And

36:47

I don't know what it was for keeping buttons

36:49

I suppose or something silly.

36:52

but you'd buy things like that or you'd see a vase putting flowers

36:54

in and stuff like that and you'd

36:56

buy your parents' useful presence. My

36:58

dad would always want pipe tobacco

37:02

which, how in God's name, we bought it because it weren't actually old

37:04

enough to go and buy pipe tobacco.

37:06

But we managed to buy it

37:09

So perhaps they weren't the the restrictions that were

37:11

on now when you go in there and they go,

37:13

I'm sorry, are you eighteen? Will you not be buying

37:15

these cigarettes then will you? Luckily, I don't smoke.

37:17

Although they were talking about this with you and weren't there a couple

37:19

of nights ago, talking about smoking and how

37:21

addictive it is and how difficult it is

37:23

to give up. But

37:25

as as one person said, are they Ian said it? And

37:27

I've said it all the time, you have to want

37:29

to give up smoking. If you don't want to give

37:31

up smoking, well, don't don't waste

37:34

everybody's time, because it's just ludicrous to go, oh, I'm giving up

37:36

smoking. Once I finish this package of

37:38

cigarettes, here we go again, honestly, this

37:40

is just nonstop,

37:42

isn't it? absolutely nonstop.

37:44

And oh, my

37:47

friend James Hall.

37:50

And he's

37:52

he's said, Super Legends. He's put because he saw

37:54

that to that to pitch. He's up in you're

37:56

up in Manchester, aren't you James? I seem

37:58

to

37:59

I don't think he's down here. So he's on air at

38:02

the moment and

38:02

But he's up in Manchester.

38:04

How that works out? I've got

38:07

no idea. It's really clever. you

38:09

know, I mean, I might not be here at

38:11

all. I might be somewhere else. I know

38:13

the producer is mentally speaking. He's

38:15

definitely somewhere else. Now he's wandered off. We

38:17

sort of, did you do a Christmas list for your mommy and daddy to, you know, say, they don't. Alright.

38:20

Well, how do you know what they're gonna buy you

38:22

for Christmas? they get

38:24

They just know you. Well, of course, they do. You're

38:26

their child. Although I'd frankly, I'd have a DNA

38:28

test if I was them just to really

38:30

check. and then you sort of you do a

38:32

list, you know, can you get me the latest Biggles book

38:34

or, you know, we need the pool or

38:36

something like that. That would be nice, wouldn't

38:38

it? If you could have a book a book for Christmas

38:40

and then A book for Christmas is a book

38:42

for ever. And that would be really lovely. You

38:45

won't you won't get that. You probably get a tin

38:47

of quality street or something like that. and

38:49

some socks. That's all they

38:50

get. The trouble is the older you get, I've

38:53

discovered the less presence under the tree you have.

38:55

We went round to a cousins years and years

38:57

ago, two boys, and we were two boys. and

38:59

around the tree was so many I've never seen so

39:01

many presence in my entire life. This was fifty

39:03

years ago, more than fifty years

39:05

ago. And and I remember looking at all

39:07

the presence, all these colored wrappings. And nobody else thinking, wonder which one's

39:09

mine? Of course mine was buried at the bottom. There's a lot of

39:12

piddly thing. A pair of cufflinks. It

39:14

was about

39:16

as citing. I mean, seriously, I gave Abbot and they go, do you want to look

39:18

for your present, Stephen? I'm like, no.

39:20

Thank you very much indeed.

39:23

Steve Allen on LVC.

39:26

Morning. Nice to be company.

39:28

Twelve minutes to five. It's Steve

39:30

Allen's. Early breakfast on LVC. I hate to tell

39:32

you yet again, it Dreary old

39:34

Meghan, and Dreary old him

39:36

again, and Wills will not be

39:38

watching Harry and Meghan show. Why would

39:40

they? All the colonists said exactly

39:42

the same. very interesting to see. I mean, normally, the columnists are sort

39:44

of, you know, a little bit

39:46

diverse depending on which news people you go to. They're

39:48

all saying the

39:50

same thing. they're quite clearly a very

39:52

greedy couple, you know, who have

39:53

no friends to speak of. Even

39:56

Lizzie Bundy, who was a wag

39:58

apparently at some time. She

39:59

introduced Harry and said, I wish I'd never

40:02

introduced her to Harry because Meghan

40:04

was desperate to find somebody who

40:06

could basically take her to the

40:08

next level and the next level is basically

40:10

boring the pants off everybody, you know, with our green issues. I mean, I

40:12

don't know what they see themselves as.

40:15

I really don't, but I I don't see any any

40:18

donations to charity. They have their own

40:20

charity in America. That means all sorts

40:22

of strange things. But it's a

40:24

case of you know, we don't

40:26

want them back here. We're of no interest to

40:28

them. They they they hate the royal family. They

40:30

hate it. I think Meghan would like to see

40:32

itself as the person who brought

40:34

them down. Whereas in fact, you know, doesn't bear looking at some of the things

40:36

her husband has been getting up to,

40:38

you know. That's it.

40:40

That's it. What's the name of

40:42

the song from Bing Crosby and Christmas vacation? I

40:44

think it's Micky Malacca.

40:46

Micky Malacca. Go here's the

40:48

I think it's Hawaiian, isn't it?

40:50

I think it's Hawaiian. I'm pretty certain it's Hawaiian.

40:52

And he sings it. It's a

40:54

fantasy. It's a fantasy song

40:58

he's looking at the window. He sees the girl in the pool and she changes into the

41:00

girl, you know, in a red bikini and all

41:02

the rest of it. And then Bing Crosby is

41:06

singing. Just say

41:09

merry Christmas

41:12

to you.

41:14

It goes like this. Melanie Kalikimaka is

41:17

the thing to say on a

41:19

bright to why on Christmas day.

41:21

That's the island greeting that we

41:23

send to you from

41:25

the land where palm trees spray. And

41:28

they go I mean, there's so many verses, you

41:30

know. Here we know that Christmas will be green

41:32

and bright. the sun to

41:34

shine by day and the stars at

41:36

night. Melaykalikimaka is her

41:38

why and way to say,

41:40

Merry Christmas to you. Yeah.

41:43

You don't dance to you. But it's nice. That's what

41:45

they do. And I I think that's an you

41:47

know, it's good.

41:50

It's good. So it's a bright Hawaiian Christmas day because

41:52

I can't get used to Christmas with sunshine.

41:54

And yet, I've been in

41:56

countries for Christmas where we've had

41:59

shine. And we didn't think anything about it. Now I've now

42:01

I've seen the rotten weather we get

42:03

over here. And, you know, that'd be good.

42:05

Dave says maybe you could use your drone to take

42:07

out any east scooters speeding down, twickenham i Street or

42:09

attacking stray pigeons, other pigeons hate

42:11

them. Hate them. FRights are life out of them.

42:13

They basically have heart attacks.

42:15

which is good. Oh, here they are. The world's

42:18

most

42:18

unbelievably naf couple.

42:20

Netflix

42:21

bot is furious. that

42:23

the Meghan and Harry series trailers were

42:26

packed with fake footage.

42:28

They expect them to flag any problems, but

42:30

they're they're not bright enough to know this.

42:32

She's an average actress and he's an ex member of the royal family who didn't do anything.

42:34

He was in the forces, but now he

42:37

just walks around holding hands at

42:40

his age. very old, isn't it, really? But the father of an

42:42

army officer who prince Harry called

42:44

her the p word, last night

42:46

blasted the decision to give him an anti

42:48

racism prize. oh Harry will turn up

42:50

for the opening of a fridge.

42:52

She just can't wait to sort of keep

42:54

lining their pockets with NAF. Have you

42:56

heard her podcast? Giant in

42:58

heaven.

42:58

It's only about her. It's

43:00

only about

43:00

her. She only knows everything. That's why her

43:02

family don't talk to her. That's why they never went

43:04

to

43:04

the wedding. All the one they got was her

43:07

mother. That was the only people. But one

43:09

of the papers I said today so Harry,

43:11

you had a Pamper childhood, servants at your

43:13

beck and call, and

43:16

expensive A Palace is home and the queen is your man. We have

43:18

one tiny question. You call

43:20

that oppressed? Of course, he

43:22

does because he's an ungrateful

43:24

little nobody. That's the

43:26

trouble. You know, they have to get rid of them.

43:28

Get rid of them. Let them stay in America if they're happy

43:30

over there. Good. Good. The Americans

43:32

buy into any old garbage. Don't they? They bought it to

43:34

Sarah Ferguson and let's space it now. She's over

43:36

here. The woman who made no

43:38

money. Obviously, she's, you know, she's shacked up

43:40

with with Andrew who luckily has done the

43:42

decent things stuck you said in the

43:44

sand. Hopefully, it'll stay there.

43:46

But it certainly won't bring down the royal

43:48

family. You know, anything that Meghan can say,

43:50

and they're gonna have to prove it. The royal family

43:52

have said via different methods that they're

43:54

gonna be watching this very carefully or the

43:56

people who work for them will be. And if there's

43:58

any mistakes they make, they'll

44:00

clamp down on them like a ton of bricks. They

44:02

think they could be really

44:04

clever. They ain't encountered nothing

44:06

yet, really.

44:08

Huge congrats to Morocco for knocking Spain

44:10

at the World Cup. It would

44:12

be nice if their supporters writes

44:16

Rod Little. in

44:16

Belgium and France and Spain would celebrate in a slightly more consensual

44:18

manner though. Riot's all over the

44:20

place. There was a wedding. A wedding

44:22

twenty people from the same family got

44:25

arrested for brawling at a hotel,

44:27

thieving, thieving drinks, and

44:29

taking bottles of booze and everything else. What sort of

44:31

people would do things like that?

44:33

Can't imagine? Can't imagine? I

44:36

mean, really absolutely low

44:38

lives. The police arrested twin I

44:40

think I think it was twenty members of one

44:42

family. They trash the

44:44

hotel, who then have got other weddings coming

44:46

in. I mean, it'd be the last thing you'd want is

44:48

is these people back again. Or another

44:50

picture of Mayor JAMA, Thank god. We seen her presenting skills yet.

44:53

That'll be something to look forward to.

44:55

And she was hobnobbing at

44:57

g q's Christmas lunch. because obviously

44:59

they've said to get out there, do everything so that people know who you are.

45:01

You'll actually see the presentation side of

45:03

it. Hey, Defield. You

45:06

know, Aderfield married to Robbie Williams, and

45:08

she's so worried he'll relapse into drug abuse

45:11

that she locks pain killers up

45:14

at home. It's got to be pretty desperate to lock painkillers. And

45:16

what would be painkillers? Would that be aspirins or

45:18

anadins or something? I

45:20

don't know. I went,

45:21

I did buy some Alladins the other day. You know if you go

45:23

to the supermarket, you can only buy two boxes

45:25

of Alladins. And

45:28

and I thought because it's You could

45:30

overdose. things

45:30

like that. But then, of course, they haven't quite thought of this

45:33

properly because you just walk around the shop,

45:35

you pick up in other bars,

45:38

you just go through again with another tube, but you can keep going and buying boxes.

45:40

You can go to the chemist down the road. The chemist

45:42

on the corner. You can go to the little corner

45:45

shop. all got aspirins and anoden. Is that the price?

45:47

Have you seen the price? But I

45:49

always I have just part of my part

45:51

of my prescription. He's been claimed

45:53

for twenty years. but

45:56

he says something's always lurking around the corner

45:58

and I can't be trusted with pills. It's

46:00

a bit embarrassing, isn't it? Of course,

46:02

you'd be trusted with pills. We can all do that.

46:04

It's like, like an alcoholic, once an alcoholic, always an

46:06

alcoholic. You only need one

46:08

drink to get back onto the booze

46:10

again. You know, that was the problem with

46:12

George

46:12

Best. You

46:14

know,

46:14

they'd given him all sorts of drugs to make him, you know,

46:17

have adverse reactions to booze and he'd go

46:19

into a pub whenever he wanted to

46:21

buy him a drink. And so that's

46:23

what happened. I'm never so lucky. You know, I

46:25

walk into a pub and I sent hello,

46:27

hello, Steve Allen.

46:30

No. No. Maybe not. Yeah. Just a a small small

46:32

chins are no? Any anybody? No.

46:34

Nobody. Terrible, isn't it?

46:38

Yesterday, Steve, I discovered a

46:40

a song from the eighties. I've not

46:42

listened to in ages,

46:44

but feels like heaven. forgot

46:49

the name of the group, but I bet you will know

46:51

what feels like heaven. Are you seriously asking

46:53

me that question? who

46:56

sings, feels like heaven. I can tell you now,

46:59

you know, brace yourself. It's

47:01

fiction factory.

47:02

Okay? I'm just telling

47:04

you, because

47:06

that's my era. That's my era. You can

47:08

find them on on YouTube. I think, actually,

47:10

it's I I think

47:14

twenty thirteen, twenty fourteen, something like

47:16

that. Probably about twenty fifth I don't

47:18

know. But it was released in eighty

47:20

three by then, but there are

47:22

other recordings. other people.

47:24

Can you find out who was singing at the MOBO

47:26

Awards? There was this girl group on there. Who

47:28

to be honest with you? I didn't think they had

47:30

anything going until they might be really famous.

47:33

But I was when I watched them,

47:35

I thought Simon Cowell would be rejecting this group

47:37

out of hand because they were doing all this sort of

47:39

the movement, but they weren't actually

47:42

singing properly. It was there were just three girls. I

47:44

would recognize them if I saw a picture

47:46

where there were so many

47:48

artists appearing. at the mobile

47:50

wars, but I just remember thinking, have they

47:52

had hit singles or are they sort of some group who'd

47:54

just been assembled? Because it was a lot of A0A

47:58

lot of posse stirring. And I didn't kind of

48:00

see that as being an act. Really, at

48:02

least with little mix. They did actually sort

48:04

of, you know,

48:05

get up there and and sing. They

48:07

must miss that. I imagine. they all

48:08

wanted solo careers, didn't know. Most of them wanted solo

48:10

careers. And I've said you before, you get groups

48:12

that are very successful because

48:16

they're as a group, but when they go so low, don't work.

48:18

Don't work at all. The public don't

48:20

buy into it. So they don't sell

48:22

enough records to make it

48:25

the, you know, the record companies,

48:27

you know, best thing to sort of push them

48:29

forward. They're not gonna waste money putting

48:31

somebody into the studio. to record a

48:33

record if they think it stands no chance of of singing.

48:35

Interestingly enough, Cheryl. You

48:38

remember

48:38

the cheryl Cheryl?

48:40

She

48:40

spent years pretending

48:42

she actually liked Nadine coil,

48:44

but apparently, she didn't like

48:47

Nadine coil. That's the group.

48:49

There you go. flow, they're called, I thought they

48:51

were terrible. I I really I I

48:54

don't

48:54

know. I seriously

48:56

don't know enough about them.

48:57

I was listening to the singing

49:00

thinking, Simon Cowell would have had a field

49:02

day on this. I thought they it was like an

49:04

audition. That's why perhaps I've never. Are they

49:06

successful? Are they very successful?

49:08

because I Oh, they're

49:10

up and coming, a bit lightly

49:12

produced, but sort of up

49:14

and Anyway. And

49:16

so anyway So Cheryl,

49:18

In a move unlikely to trouble the Olivia Awards, the

49:20

former girls announcing a turned x

49:23

factor judge turned hair extensions

49:25

model turned basically unemployed, which yesterday

49:28

unveiled as the latest actress to

49:30

play Jenny in a

49:32

ghost story. She follows

49:34

James Buckley and Lily Allen.

49:36

But as

49:37

I say, it's interesting.

49:39

She said, I'm so excited to

49:41

be starring in it. because shorts

49:43

like that. And she's in from January to April.

49:45

She says, I

49:47

loved it, but

49:48

I don't think we'll be getting

49:51

excited about this anytime

49:53

soon. Cheryl, you know, actually

49:55

not having worked for ages. Not

49:57

done anything at all. She can't get records played because she's not on the television.

49:59

And if you remember, America

50:01

died completely for

50:04

her. and and over there. So she's made her a little bit

50:06

of money. But the acting, we've

50:08

seen other people who attempt to go into

50:10

acting. Really embarrassing. Really embarrassing.

50:14

Why they put themselves into it? I've got no idea. because what the producers will

50:16

be thinking is is only the lyrics. She

50:18

won't be making a lot of money. shouldn't

50:21

make a lot of money that producers think put somebody

50:24

famous in that'll pull in the

50:26

punters. Don't work like that. I wish

50:28

it did. wish it did,

50:30

but doesn't always work like that. When I was

50:32

eight or nine, Steve, my

50:34

dad would send me to the offy at the

50:36

back door of the pub at the end of the road. I'd taken

50:38

enamel jug to get kind of mild.

50:40

No regulations then says June. I

50:42

remember that very well. Very well.

50:44

Although not mild, but that's how that's how

50:46

people did it. You would get it, there'd be

50:48

a hatch between the two bars, between the snug and

50:50

the and the working men's

50:52

kind of bar. And the snug

50:54

we've had

50:56

had carpet and a fire, and it was sort of a nice place to sit. The other side, we wooden

50:58

floorboards. And we have a pool table

51:00

or something like that. And it was cheaper

51:02

to drink there. Exactly the same drinks.

51:05

And the bar went all the way around, but in the middle,

51:07

there'd be the place where you could go and go. Can

51:09

I get it? Can I get a bottle of stout to

51:11

go? And they put it in a brown paper bag

51:13

and you'd walk out with it. The forerunner to off

51:16

licenses, which is so many of you are

51:18

familiar with. This music indicates that the

51:20

news of five is imminent.

51:22

So we'll take the news of five then we'll be back with more

51:24

of your texts and record numbers of

51:26

emails already. And in going an hour,

51:28

seriously triple figures already.

51:30

This is cooking

51:31

the gas.

51:34

This is

51:37

LVC from global, leading

51:39

Britain's conversation with

51:42

Steve Allen. Porting a

51:46

very nice

51:48

Tabbie accompanied

51:48

on this recent cold day.

51:52

This is inside. You know, outside, it might even

51:54

be warmer, but it's the electric cars that

51:56

are causing the problem for everybody. The amount of

51:58

people have moaned like heck to me,

52:01

to say, oh, by the way, I'm just telling

52:03

you, the winter strikes. I don't think there

52:05

is a day in December where

52:07

there is not. I think it's about three days

52:09

where there isn't a strike of

52:11

some sort. So it's it's

52:14

basically taken up the whole of December. There'll be, you know,

52:16

either be the male or it'll be,

52:18

you know, the so and so all

52:20

these people, all the RMT, the

52:22

coffin makers, the brewers, all the different yeah.

52:24

The coffin makers, people who make coffin

52:26

I mean, so if you could sort of do it all of favor and try not to die over

52:28

the festive season, you know that otherwise we'll

52:30

have to pop you out with the rubbish. which

52:33

would be a little

52:34

bit of an embarrassment because mind you,

52:36

the the co ops, coffee makers, there must

52:38

be loads of coffee makers throughout the country

52:40

who can sort of seize on the opportunity.

52:43

to

52:43

make them. It's a

52:44

yeah. The co op is right. Yeah. But there's other

52:47

people who make coffins, not just the co op who've

52:49

got this loads of coffin maker. You

52:51

type in coffin makers. And, you know,

52:53

the coop is just one little piddly place. There's loads of people

52:55

who make

52:55

coffins, you know,

52:57

different sizes. you know, you were

53:00

having

53:00

a chopped in half and then we can get a cheaper coffin

53:02

because the coffin itself

53:04

is not very expensive. it

53:07

becomes expensive when it's taken in by the funeral directors. And they

53:09

then line it

53:12

with sawdust, on the floor of the

53:14

coffin and then they put the

53:16

the satin all the way around the edge with a I've seen

53:18

them doing it with a staple

53:20

gun and and then the person

53:22

goes in. and that's how it

53:24

works. But it's it's the it's the it's the

53:26

markup. So a coffin that could cost,

53:28

say, two hundred pounds. But the

53:30

time the funeral director's finish, it can be up to eight

53:32

hundred pounds. And if you I mean, if

53:34

it's a cremation, you're not gonna put metal

53:36

handles on, so it'd be a cheaper

53:38

coffin because it's going

53:40

to burn some people want, if you look at the American coffins, they're sort

53:42

of half hinged. So

53:44

you can lift up one half of

53:46

it and

53:48

you can Of course, you have coffins of cremation. What do think

53:50

exactly the same? But it's it's well,

53:52

it's just a waste of money, but it's it's cheaper wood

53:54

or it might be plywood or something

53:58

like that. because, you know, it's But I mean, if you've seen the heat in

54:00

the crematorium, I mean, I have to tell

54:02

you, they're, you know, very sophisticated. In fact, if

54:04

you go to YouTube, they they

54:06

demonstrate them

54:08

to you. how the whole process is automatic.

54:10

Literally, sort of, you know, the coffin goes

54:12

in and when

54:14

a friend of a friend of mine died,

54:17

they apparently had AAA sort of pile up. And

54:20

they said, we we

54:20

can't do the ashes today, but we'll probably

54:22

get around to it by tomorrow because they had

54:24

a backlog of there were so

54:27

many you cremations

54:28

that you can do on one particular time.

54:30

But no, there are loads of companies that make

54:32

coffins and they sell them. We used

54:35

to have in one of our studios years ago, next door to

54:37

us at the back was a a funeral director,

54:39

a big funeral director. And

54:41

the Laurie would come in on

54:43

Wednesday and Friday, I think, and

54:45

they would take all the coffins off because you've got

54:47

to keep them in stock. So they go, we'll have,

54:49

you know, three, five foot three inches

54:52

coffins, six foot three. The trouble is

54:54

nowadays, people are getting

54:56

bigger, wider, heavier, so the

54:58

coffins have to

55:00

reflect that. In America, there was some blokey. It was so big. They couldn't get a

55:02

coffin. They buried him in a piano

55:04

case. Seriously. And

55:06

in Mexico,

55:08

Sombloke got buried in his car. I mean, it's

55:10

different people around the world do different things,

55:12

but if if you could steer away clear because as we got,

55:14

you know, we might have a problem with the

55:18

ambulances, just sort of keeping yourself go try another cherry. That'll keep you going

55:20

for a little bit longer until the whole thing sort

55:22

of clears up if indeed it can.

55:26

Steve, the Christmas song chestnuts roasting on an open

55:28

fire was written by Mel Tormey.

55:30

If you want to hear a new interpretation

55:32

of a Christmas standard, check out

55:36

Samara Joy. Thank you, Peter. Very

55:38

much indeed. I shall get around to that a

55:40

little bit later on. And Mark and Perley says

55:42

hope you're well. My last day

55:44

this year of getting the 0501 from

55:46

Perley, o four twelve Brighton. I will still

55:48

be listening via the AirPods though. I was

55:50

in Morrisons yesterday and so they had one

55:52

of those massive coin

55:54

star machines. It reminded me of your story when

55:56

you were told off for using it. Yes. This

55:58

was Sainsbury's at Hampton. Where I

56:00

took on

56:00

what I do every day I've

56:03

got change in my pocket and

56:06

today is no different. I've changed my pocket. I

56:08

take it all out at the end of every day and I

56:10

put it into a jug. And when the

56:12

jug is full, I empty it into two carry bags

56:14

and I take it up to

56:16

Sainsbury's or wherever it happens to be and I pour

56:18

it into the coin star and

56:20

on most times. You know, if I've

56:22

done it for quite a few weeks, it can be

56:24

about three hundred pounds. 34I

56:26

think it was about four hundred pounds on this particular occasion.

56:28

And so I take it because it gives you a slipper paper.

56:32

And and the slipper

56:34

paper says, this is how much

56:36

it's worth and

56:38

you have paid commission of thirty six pounds, whatever it is. So they don't

56:40

have to do anything. It's all electronic, but sometimes the

56:42

machines don't get emptied as regularly as

56:45

they should do. So it starts throwing the money back out again, which is

56:47

a bit of a pain as you're trying to get rid of it.

56:49

And and I went to Sainsbury's in

56:52

Hampton and damn

56:54

and I presented the slip and the girl said, it's too much. And

56:57

I said, why would it

56:59

be too much? There's another woman that's behind

57:01

there, an older woman. And

57:04

I said, why would it be too much? And so

57:06

she said, well, you know, we can't change that much.

57:08

We don't have that much money here. It's ability to go

57:10

to the cash office. So the older woman

57:14

said, Don't

57:14

talk to her like that. And I thought, wait

57:16

a minute, you've just made

57:17

thirty odd quid out of me. You know,

57:19

there's no restriction how much money you put

57:21

into these machines. So I

57:24

said, can

57:24

you get me the manager?

57:26

though So

57:27

begrudgingly, this

57:29

old bag got

57:31

the manager. And And I said, is there some issue with sort of it

57:33

says on this thing you have to redeem it

57:36

today, which is fine. I put my money in. You've made

57:38

thirty six pounds out of it. Why would this girl

57:40

tell me

57:42

that I it's too much money. He said, but it

57:44

isn't. So she, of course, immediately went down to

57:46

pint size, and I got my money. And

57:48

ever since then,

57:50

they've been Absolutely brilliant. You go in there, you present the thing, nobody ever

57:52

goes, well, I haven't got that much money in the till. They

57:54

just go, I'll get somebody to bring it down

57:56

for you. if they don't have it.

57:58

She was the rudest person I'd ever met. I thought

58:00

somebody like you doesn't deserve a job.

58:02

Really, customer service, where has it

58:04

gone to? This was years ago, but always sorted out.

58:06

Always sorted out. Thank you.

58:08

Steve, Ginger and Wenger's Netflix

58:10

thing is about to be available. I know somebody

58:12

said to

58:14

Adam, who news reads for its beautifully, not for me.

58:16

He does it for the the

58:18

the other breakfast shows on this station.

58:21

on capital. And he said, you'll be watching

58:23

it, won't you? I said, no, I won't.

58:25

I said, I don't I

58:26

don't really want to watch it. I'm not interested

58:30

in wingers. people who go, oh, we're not happy with our life because if it hadn't

58:32

been for that life that he was

58:34

gifted, nobody would have heard of him. You'd have

58:36

just

58:36

been another

58:38

drunk who turned up embarrassing himself kicking out of photographers.

58:40

So that's that's the difference. You

58:42

know? I mean, I think they're on sort of

58:44

a a bit of a hiding to nothing, but

58:47

they clever. So that's good. You know, in America,

58:50

they'll pander to anybody. You know, oh,

58:52

let's give you an award for for racism.

58:54

Let's give you an award for this. Give you an award for

58:56

that. You think That's all they've got in

58:58

their life. They've got nothing else. So

59:00

Christmas is gonna be really biz you know, who

59:02

who they're gonna invite around

59:04

for Christmas? No. We haven't got any

59:06

friends. There's staff for deserting them. Not so good is it. Mike says,

59:10

he says, I've no intention of

59:12

going anywhere near it in the hope that if we all

59:14

ignore them, they might go away permanently. Well,

59:16

they can stay in America. I don't

59:18

mind that. He's having to be

59:20

dragged around by the nose ring that he's got

59:22

fitted. And and they then

59:24

sort of say she says, we're going, why did they go to

59:26

live in America? What was the purpose

59:28

of that? She doesn't know anybody in America. She doesn't act anymore though,

59:30

actually. I think we've seen a little bit of

59:32

acting. Steve, another Baltic one in

59:34

Scotland, minus

59:36

four. says

59:37

Martin. He says the

59:38

good thing about it. It keeps the aliens away. I

59:41

don't like the cold. There's a bloke in

59:43

the paper today he's talking about He

59:45

thinks that aliens have landed in this country. Are these are

59:47

these people freely wandering amongst us? Or

59:49

are they just all mad

59:51

as fruit cakes? you

59:53

know, and I think that because there is obvious, you know, it

59:56

was sort of sign of life that episode

59:58

stupid. Stupid. Really

1:00:00

is annoying.

1:00:02

So whole large frozen

1:00:05

British Turkey from,

1:00:07

this is five point four

1:00:09

to seven point two kilos. two seventy

1:00:11

eight per kilogram. So really

1:00:14

inexpensive. You can get everything sold by

1:00:16

kilogram, so you can

1:00:18

get your British leg of lamb. I don't know why we started having lamb at

1:00:20

Christmas time. Beef, I could understand,

1:00:22

and they've got a large

1:00:24

beef roasting joint twenty one

1:00:26

day matured. or

1:00:28

prime gamut. Always a love gamut.

1:00:31

Gamut and pineapple. Yeah. Put

1:00:33

pineapple on Gamut. But you just have

1:00:35

it by itself, Gamut.

1:00:37

No. Parsley sauce.

1:00:39

God, you're sure you live

1:00:41

in Maidenhead. Really bizarre. No, Gammon and

1:00:43

Pineapple. That's what used to have if

1:00:45

you went out to you know, sort

1:00:47

of burny ins and stuff like that, pineapple with chips.

1:00:50

A bit of a treat. We

1:00:52

used to love all that that kind

1:00:54

of stuff. Ice

1:00:56

cream, Iain, says I'm in the

1:00:58

West End later, but I'm starting at the

1:01:00

Churchill Theatre in Bromley my first

1:01:02

time there. Churchill

1:01:04

Theatre, Bromley, who's Pantomiming down there,

1:01:06

Elliot, who's who's Pantomiming

1:01:08

at the Churchill Theatre in Bromley.

1:01:10

It's got to be somebody big, isn't it? They always have

1:01:12

big big pantos. I've never

1:01:14

been to it. It was the only place I didn't it

1:01:16

is big, isn't it? It

1:01:18

is bigger than we thought.

1:01:20

Guess

1:01:21

Well, I guess. mean, give me a clue.

1:01:23

Give me a clue. It's a male.

1:01:25

It's a dance. Oh, it's a

1:01:27

male dance. Oh, it's

1:01:29

a Tony Beek. is it? Ugh, dreary old Tony

1:01:31

Beek, my godfathers. He doesn't sit oh, that's right. We had

1:01:33

a review the other day. He

1:01:36

doesn't sing. He's

1:01:38

he's well, he can't sing. He's absolutely tone

1:01:40

deaf. Tone deaf. And so it's

1:01:42

a magical They're doing Jack and the beanstalk. So

1:01:46

doomed to sell trusty

1:01:48

cow, you can join Jack

1:01:50

and climb a beanstalk of gigantic

1:01:52

proportions to Cloudland. So

1:01:54

they've got Bromley

1:01:56

Panto

1:01:56

favorite. Lloyd

1:01:58

Hollett and talented

1:01:59

West End performer, Reanne

1:02:02

Drummond. Again, I'll tell you what

1:02:03

they've done here. They've spent all their

1:02:05

money on Tony Beek. that

1:02:07

you can always tell if you get other

1:02:09

people on there that you don't know,

1:02:11

they spend all the money on the main star.

1:02:13

That's how it works. But to to

1:02:15

say, I should imagine even children must find him

1:02:18

irritating. But if that's where

1:02:20

Iain's going, that's where he's

1:02:22

going. Good for him. You have a nice time.

1:02:24

But I've never been. It's quite a modern theater. Isn't

1:02:26

it? I believe you show me a picture of the

1:02:28

interior of the Churchill Theatre

1:02:30

in Bromley. I love

1:02:32

looking at the interior theaters. I don't know why.

1:02:34

I think the internet is a most brilliant

1:02:36

invention ever. Whoever came up with it

1:02:38

is just terribly clever and that you could

1:02:40

see things We're not gonna like

1:02:42

it, are we? Oh my

1:02:44

god. That's quite nice.

1:02:46

That's quite nice. It's big,

1:02:48

isn't it? It's big. I wonder how many seats it is. There you go. Let's

1:02:50

let's test you on this one. How many

1:02:52

seats at the the and that

1:02:54

that look to me like an eight

1:02:56

hundred seater. Am I

1:02:58

right? Seven eighty five, I was

1:03:00

right, eight hundred. because all the theaters that we

1:03:02

played when I went out with my

1:03:04

angina monologues. They

1:03:06

work because I got angina. So we thought we'd play on

1:03:08

the vagina monologues, and we do angina monologues.

1:03:10

And they were six hundred seaters.

1:03:12

So the becca Hayes is six hundred

1:03:14

a theater and all of the other they're lovely.

1:03:16

Lovely theaters. But I was right

1:03:18

on eight hundred seats. Very nice

1:03:22

indeed. So ice cream y and bless his heart.

1:03:24

We love everybody. Steve, I'll

1:03:26

now take a break then I'll come back

1:03:29

actually. Michael's in Vancouver. We

1:03:31

hear from anybody on this program seriously. If you got

1:03:33

a text or an email, it's 84850

1:03:36

steve at LBC dot co

1:03:38

dot u k. Steve Malone on

1:03:41

LVC. Morning. Nice heavy company.

1:03:43

Heavy company. Nice. Michael

1:03:46

in Vancouver. says I grew up in old original Victorian house

1:03:48

in Newcross, no mod

1:03:50

cons, only an aladdin oil heater in the

1:03:52

hallway. My

1:03:54

dad, tenderly maintained

1:03:56

the coal fireplaces in every

1:03:58

room and dodgy old geyser in the bathroom.

1:04:00

We've all heard about the dodgy old

1:04:03

geyser in the bathroom. that could blow

1:04:05

you into oblivion if the pilot light went out. Luckily, only once for

1:04:07

me and survived. Remember

1:04:09

those days? Absolutely. Yes.

1:04:12

grandmother used to live in in Gantz

1:04:14

Hill

1:04:15

and she used to have a

1:04:17

little geyser over the bath

1:04:19

and it's a little heater which you turned it turned on the

1:04:22

hot water and it would go

1:04:24

and

1:04:24

it would light up and it would dribble

1:04:27

out. I mean, know, people, you know,

1:04:29

have luxury nowadays compared to what

1:04:31

it what it used to

1:04:33

be. Have you thought recording

1:04:35

a Christmas album, you have the voice of an angel

1:04:37

says Ross, which means somebody who's dead, I should

1:04:40

imagine. I think I can hold a mean

1:04:42

tune. You could put me with auto tune,

1:04:44

I suppose. In electric cars, you can have a heat pump when you buy an

1:04:46

optional extra. That saves the main battery

1:04:48

when you see. I mean, everybody

1:04:52

Everybody wants to turn on the heater or the air conditioning, Peter.

1:04:54

That's how he's in grantham.

1:04:56

Now that's how it works.

1:04:59

if you watch the battery going down, so you can buy this thing,

1:05:01

which can give you the for an

1:05:03

optional extra already. Honestly, why don't they just

1:05:05

put it in there in the first place? Steve,

1:05:08

nice little trick to warm up the bed without

1:05:10

an electric blanket is to use a hair

1:05:14

dryer. guess. They we used to have hanging on our wall. We didn't

1:05:16

use it. We bought it in an antique shop.

1:05:18

A bed pan,

1:05:20

which is It was a long it

1:05:22

looked like a long handled frying

1:05:24

pan with a plate at the top of

1:05:26

it and you could pour water into it and then you

1:05:28

slid it into the bed and moved

1:05:30

it about. and the it was copper and it would heat

1:05:32

up the beds. because if you came

1:05:34

back, we would we would come back from being out in

1:05:36

London and go back to the house and it

1:05:38

was cold. and my mother

1:05:40

would nip in, nip upstairs, flick the electric

1:05:42

blankets on. And that was it. They

1:05:44

go a warming pan. There it

1:05:46

is. Yeah.

1:05:48

Ten quid Ten quip limo, starting bid,

1:05:50

antique vintage copper. Oh, I like a

1:05:52

bit of copper. We used to have to clean our copper

1:05:54

and silver. Did you do the same thing

1:05:56

at home? we

1:05:58

used to have on Sunday night, my mother would

1:06:00

put newspaper down in the sitting room, bring out

1:06:03

the duralit, and would take

1:06:05

all these silver items and

1:06:07

the copper items and you would rub them all over the

1:06:10

dural glitz, so everything looked nice and shiny.

1:06:12

We never thought anything about it. We just

1:06:14

assumed that was what

1:06:16

kids did. Next thing is going

1:06:18

up with chimney and all very exciting. When I was a kid,

1:06:20

it says school run Russ

1:06:22

in Istanbul, not Constantinople, It's

1:06:26

stanboard that comes. Stanboard heard it. It's Stanboard. When I was

1:06:28

a kid, one of the biggest treats at Christmas

1:06:31

was a walnut whip. Are they still as popular?

1:06:33

Not as big

1:06:33

as you thought they

1:06:36

were? I know a very rude joke about a

1:06:37

walnut whip, but I can't tell you what it is

1:06:40

because it was it was very

1:06:42

funny actually. very, very funny.

1:06:44

But, yeah, they they were very popular because they

1:06:46

had a walnut on the top, hence being a

1:06:48

walnut whip. And then you bit that off and then you

1:06:50

bit into it had this foamy

1:06:52

stuff inside. they were quite nice, then

1:06:54

but they aren't half as big as you remember them. Seriously, everything

1:06:57

nowadays looks small. I

1:07:00

was

1:07:00

very disappointed. I feel like a Karamak. Please don't

1:07:02

write you with your

1:07:03

favorite sweets. This is not BBC Radio

1:07:05

Shropship. Although, thankfully, they'll be going soon, so we won't

1:07:07

need to worry about it. Do

1:07:09

you remember milk tray chocolate bars, a small bar

1:07:11

of chocolate with four or five individual

1:07:14

chocolates, melted in to form the bar?

1:07:16

Yes. I don't think it was milk tray. Was

1:07:18

it milk tray? I remember there was

1:07:20

one, fries. Did fries

1:07:22

chocolate cream, but all different flavors

1:07:24

in it. And I do remember the bar of

1:07:26

chocolate that you are

1:07:28

talking about. Dave and Benadorm. And

1:07:30

see, fried fries chocolate cream

1:07:32

and there was one bar

1:07:34

which did all the colors. So milk milk

1:07:38

tray. Milk tray. Let's have a look. There you

1:07:40

go. Milk tray chocolate bar, which had all the

1:07:42

different flavors in it.

1:07:43

Nine,

1:07:45

nine different flavors. It was

1:07:47

very strange, isn't it? They were doing anything to get you to eat chocolate.

1:07:49

I suppose. Yeah. I mean,

1:07:50

the trouble is luckily, I

1:07:52

mean, I'm not really bothered about

1:07:55

chocolate. It doesn't affect me in the slide.

1:07:57

I know some people crave it. It's

1:07:59

very, very addictive, but I'm

1:08:01

not I'm

1:08:02

not the sort what.

1:08:04

You've got some chocolate. Yeah. You've got some

1:08:05

chocolate in your bag and who gave it

1:08:07

to you? Well, father Christmas

1:08:10

gave it a chocolate in

1:08:12

your bag. But I do

1:08:14

remember those days. Thank you. I remember when you used to get

1:08:16

mascara in a block. Yes.

1:08:18

Yes.

1:08:18

You did. My

1:08:19

mother had one. It was like

1:08:22

a little So like a little thing, you opened

1:08:24

it up with a little mirror and you

1:08:26

go you spit it into it and then

1:08:28

rub the thing on and then you'd spit it,

1:08:30

well, where Raj were you gonna get the water from? Like that,

1:08:33

and then you'd sort of rub your little

1:08:35

brush in it. Yeah. We

1:08:37

all remember these things. My godfounders. And Sue says,

1:08:39

have you seen the Quality Street blocks of

1:08:41

chocolate? And you've seen the orange cream

1:08:43

and purple block? Sounds

1:08:46

quite nice actually. I brought Quality Street in today for the team because I thought they deserved to be fattened up for Christmas.

1:08:48

So Quality Street they've

1:08:51

got with a few I

1:08:55

bet they've been pinched already. Lent teddy bears and Lent

1:08:57

father christmases and everything else. Oh, very

1:08:59

nice. You know you can get

1:09:01

the quality street with your name

1:09:04

on it. They do it in in John Lewis because

1:09:06

they very kindly sent me one a few years back, which

1:09:08

I loved. Absolutely loved. Steve, you've

1:09:10

loved in the show says Andy.

1:09:14

was thrilled to receive our tea towel yesterday,

1:09:16

the design looks even better than in

1:09:18

the pictures. And what impressive size?

1:09:20

Thank you. Thank you very much

1:09:22

indeed. m five North, just been stopped by police between Cleveland

1:09:25

and Porti said, all

1:09:27

three lanes stopped says

1:09:30

Jason who's trucking in Somerset. That's

1:09:32

the M five North. Oh, go ahead

1:09:34

and tell me it's somebody climbing on

1:09:37

a gantry. Just the last two minute. Let

1:09:39

us know, Let us know. Cramer and AJOVY my tea towel has all ready to stick

1:09:41

up. Woo hoo. Thank you

1:09:43

very much indeed. and

1:09:48

Carol. Oh, actually,

1:09:48

I got there was

1:09:50

Did you could you find one

1:09:52

of my emails? It was from

1:09:55

Noureen. Loreen. And Carol says, I heard you

1:09:56

talk about the sweet trolley Oslo called. I was

1:09:58

there Tuesday night for a family birthday

1:10:02

dinner. Fab as always, but sadly the sweet trolley is no

1:10:04

longer. Happily the desserts that were all

1:10:06

still available. Happy Christmas and happy

1:10:08

Christmas to our lovely. Naureen

1:10:10

Gang says Carol, thank you. Heating

1:10:13

on in bed. So cold, just got

1:10:15

up having breakfast. Says Dean. And

1:10:17

Steve, there was

1:10:20

a big scam years ago where they were

1:10:22

removing the bodies from the coffins before they went into the fire and then reselling the coffin.

1:10:27

Oh, dear. Terrable. Steve, can you

1:10:27

believe says Nadine? It's

1:10:30

forty two years that

1:10:31

John Lennon

1:10:34

was shot. We have forty two years. My godfounders.

1:10:37

Please send love from the gang

1:10:39

to our Janice. She's not at

1:10:41

all well. Thankfully, not COVID.

1:10:43

We met many Many years ago,

1:10:46

many, many years ago, the light switch on at Twickenham became great friends.

1:10:49

Janice was the

1:10:52

birthday girl, at

1:10:52

the lunch the other day. So many happy returns and lots

1:10:55

of love from the from the gang.

1:10:55

I know I did. We do.

1:10:58

We did the birthday thing before,

1:11:00

but wish you better.

1:11:02

Wish you better. And if anybody else is feeling a little bit poorly at the moment, I

1:11:05

wish you

1:11:08

better too. The strike to worry

1:11:10

about is if the truck drivers strike, then no one gets anything says Graham. I know. I mean,

1:11:12

we're basically going for a national lockdown,

1:11:14

aren't we? If you look at all the

1:11:16

days in

1:11:18

December that we've got strikes on from one particular

1:11:20

company to another. Perhaps the unions like the idea

1:11:23

of bringing the country to its knees.

1:11:25

It's a bit embarrassing, isn't it really? but embarrassing

1:11:27

that that's the best thing that they've got to

1:11:29

do. And Pete says I

1:11:31

had my he says

1:11:33

I had my annual checkup

1:11:35

with my six hundred pounds. My god. He says

1:11:37

I got the call yesterday with an all clear.

1:11:40

Thank goodness. Always nervous

1:11:42

beforehand. However, it turns out

1:11:45

I have to go back. I've got

1:11:47

a food intolerance. I bet you're knowing your luck, Pete. It'll be chocolate because he loves

1:11:49

his his his chocolate. So you've

1:11:51

got a food into six

1:11:55

hundred pounds. It's a lot of money, isn't it? I

1:11:57

tend to find, you know, if I wake up in the

1:11:59

morning, I feel reasonably healthy,

1:12:02

I get up. It's as simple as that.

1:12:04

I'll try not I don't like to stay

1:12:06

in bed. I I literally throw the duvet off.

1:12:08

I'm out of

1:12:11

bed in in seconds. getting clothes on. See,

1:12:13

if you have a NatWest or a Metrobank account, there's no charge on

1:12:15

their coin counters. Yeah. I need to find out

1:12:18

what my Metrobank account is because I've got a Metrobank account and all

1:12:21

the rest of the Royal Bank of Scotland

1:12:23

accounts. So we transfer from one to

1:12:25

the other and save in different

1:12:27

accounts. When I say we, My

1:12:29

brother does it. My brother does it. Steve, I don't know the exact temperature

1:12:31

this morning, but my goosebumps are telling me it

1:12:34

must be well below zero in

1:12:36

Margate. this

1:12:38

morning says ash, time to crack out

1:12:40

the thermals one thing's abs

1:12:42

absolominuclei. Absolutely. And Kim says

1:12:45

Gamma Knife, fresh apricots. a very tasty

1:12:47

alternative to the old pineapple and

1:12:49

we dommies mushrooms on

1:12:51

the side. I bought some fresh apricot

1:12:53

about a week ago and I ate

1:12:55

the whole box. They're really good mostly.

1:12:57

The apricot you buy are in tins with syrup and stuff like that. You don't tend to

1:12:59

sort of get them any other way, but

1:13:02

these these were fresh and they were

1:13:04

lovely. went to the

1:13:06

new Wimbledon Theatre and saw Snow White in the seven dwarves, Saturday night opening night. Dick and Don were funny in Matthew Cali

1:13:08

very Matthew Cali

1:13:11

very camp, but good. says

1:13:14

Matt a must see. Oh, Matthew Kelly's

1:13:16

brilliant. Is that Wimbledon Theatre? That's beautiful, isn't

1:13:18

it? I used to go there all

1:13:20

the time. all the time. We used to have

1:13:22

a lovely man who worked there, sadly no longer with us. And all the stars that they used to get Wimbledon Theatre, he

1:13:24

would drive them to LBC for interviews with

1:13:26

Me because I had an afternoon show.

1:13:31

So we got all the Pantos stars, we got everybody,

1:13:33

and it's a it's a lovely

1:13:35

theater. It really is a

1:13:37

great place and it's

1:13:39

got three tiers You've got, you know,

1:13:41

stalls, first tier, second tier, and then you've got the boxes and everything else. Lovely. I

1:13:44

love theaters.

1:13:47

Love them. Great. Steve, no farm visits

1:13:49

today. Says Kevin, just waiting for suppliers to deliver and being given

1:13:52

and just being given by our

1:13:54

wonderful bakery around the back, hot,

1:13:56

fresh, jam

1:13:58

donuts and a cup of

1:13:59

coffee. heaven Heaven

1:14:01

says, Gavin, the

1:14:04

restaurant, her. or hot. I've

1:14:06

oh, they keep showing these blimming things on Morrison's. He's meant I gotta go find a Morrison's today.

1:14:12

It's finding

1:14:12

the time to do everything because they do the mince

1:14:14

pies with cream, and it looks like really thick cream in

1:14:16

there. They look absolutely delicious.

1:14:18

And in fact, all of They've

1:14:21

got all these tractors, which you've got lights

1:14:23

on. And apparently, there is a place in the country where they do decorate the tractors with

1:14:28

lights. because

1:14:28

you can get loads of lights. I've

1:14:30

got loads of lights run on batteries. you don't to sort of them into the mains.

1:14:32

And David

1:14:36

says when my mother-in-law died, the funeral director

1:14:38

asked if we wanted her metal hip joint back. Apparently, they're legally

1:14:41

obliged to ask the family

1:14:42

as inserts have monetary value. The

1:14:47

crematorium sell any unwanted metal and donate the

1:14:49

money to their chosen charities. Yes. There's I

1:14:51

mean, there are certain things

1:14:53

that hips, and teeth, and and all sorts of bits and pieces of knees, and all the rest

1:14:55

of it, if people have had

1:15:00

them replaced. they they tend

1:15:02

not to to sort of disappear, I'm afraid. Peter says your

1:15:04

Christmas album could be

1:15:06

called God bless the child.

1:15:10

and

1:15:10

auto tune -- Yeah. -- cynicism. Dankins

1:15:12

walnut whip had a walnut

1:15:15

on the top and

1:15:17

one inside says Elaine. from the original Spike.

1:15:19

Yes, you're right. There was one right at the very bottom of the

1:15:21

thing. The funny thing is I was never a big fan

1:15:23

of walnuts. I really

1:15:26

wasn't. Martin in Woodford So,

1:15:28

Steve, did you ever go to the cafeteria in

1:15:31

Valentine's Park in ill food? Very retro now. I should think of

1:15:33

it still going, but I did

1:15:35

buy a tea towel. didn't go

1:15:37

to the cafeteria. We didn't have money for stuff like that. I know it sounds

1:15:39

ridiculous. Valentine's Park used to have a little railway that went

1:15:41

around it. One of

1:15:43

those

1:15:43

little tiny narrow

1:15:46

gauge railways, and that was the only thing I remember, but we didn't go to any cafe. We didn't have the money for like

1:15:48

that. I don't think we ever went

1:15:50

on the railway. I think we just

1:15:52

just

1:15:55

looked at it around because we just didn't have

1:15:57

the money. We weren't, you know, weren't even a

1:15:59

moderately rich family. We just didn't have

1:16:01

things like that. But, you know,

1:16:03

we got well fed got

1:16:04

well fed. And another one

1:16:05

that says, mum used to say to me, Kim, I

1:16:07

need you to come

1:16:10

over and do me browses.

1:16:12

Like you said, Steve, with that duraglitz stuff, love the

1:16:14

smell of it. Yeah. You could get two. One that did silver and one that did brass

1:16:16

and copper. And, yeah, the

1:16:18

smell of it was delicious. and

1:16:22

it was just basically cotton wool soaked in

1:16:24

this

1:16:24

stuff and you ripped out a piece of

1:16:27

it and rubbed it all over.

1:16:29

Steve,

1:16:29

hello, on LVC. Text 84850

1:16:31

Morning, twenties. I can't even read the clock now.

1:16:34

Honestly, does it make any difference? Do we

1:16:36

really care What

1:16:39

the time is? Yes, because I see people running for that. I

1:16:41

run for that. Actually, I don't run for trains.

1:16:43

I'm one of these people

1:16:46

that I just I can't be bothered. I always say there's

1:16:48

another one around the corner, and there always

1:16:50

is another trainedaire, but the idea of

1:16:52

having to run is like buses. you know, sometimes

1:16:54

I get to the end and then the bus goes

1:16:56

out and then, oh, my god. Should I sit at the bus stop and wait or

1:16:58

go to the next bus stop? In which case, there's a

1:17:03

bigger choice. Good morning. Says Jeff

1:17:05

Stevenson. From

1:17:05

the cruise ships celebrity

1:17:08

beyond last week, or

1:17:10

so of a five week tour down

1:17:12

here in Florida, Mexico,

1:17:13

and the Caribbean. I heard you mention the lovely

1:17:15

Wimbledon Theatre, my favorite panto. was

1:17:18

in Wimbledon when I took over from Les Dawson when

1:17:20

Les was taken ill after the

1:17:22

opening night. The lovely press man, a guy

1:17:25

called Robin. He was lovely. He was one who used

1:17:27

to bring all our guests in. and he passed

1:17:29

on a while ago. Now they used to do him and Mike, who

1:17:31

was the theater manager. They used to

1:17:33

look after Cannizaro Park

1:17:36

as well. he says,

1:17:38

wishing you a merry Christmas. Thank you, Jeff Stephenson. But, yes, Robin was lovely. He would

1:17:41

he would

1:17:44

turn up and he'd he'd bring all these guests

1:17:46

into us. Some of whom, you know, we're sort of going, oh, where are we going? We're going

1:17:48

to see Steve Allen at

1:17:50

LBC, and he'd bring in So

1:17:53

literally, all of them because it wasn't

1:17:55

just pantomime that all the celebrities went to Wimbledon Theatre. They they're a very active theater. Very, very active.

1:17:57

So nice some nice

1:18:00

memories there. of

1:18:03

of Robin. Very, very nice indeed. And

1:18:05

that was the other one that I

1:18:07

looked at. Oh, yes.

1:18:10

There was

1:18:11

this man he's been harassed

1:18:14

by a spec savers worker.

1:18:15

I mean, I shouldn't laugh

1:18:15

because to be honest with

1:18:17

you, it makes no difference whether

1:18:20

she works specsavers or

1:18:22

where she worked, but that's what they put it down. But she drove her brink of

1:18:24

something really bad after sending

1:18:26

him more than a thousand text

1:18:31

messages. A thousand text messages.

1:18:33

Michelle Felton rang or

1:18:36

messaged Ryan Harley up

1:18:38

to a hundred and fifty

1:18:40

times each day. Each day asking,

1:18:42

why

1:18:42

won't you speak to me?

1:18:44

thing Because

1:18:45

speak to me quite clearly,

1:18:48

you're mad that's a hundred

1:18:50

and fifty times a day, you're not getting the message, are you? They they started dating in May twenty

1:18:52

twenty, but split up

1:18:54

this February after a row

1:18:58

in which she kicked him in the privates, and

1:19:00

mister Harley accidentally broke

1:19:02

Felton's finger. It was in

1:19:04

a constant bombardment with as many as

1:19:06

a hundred, a hundred and fifty miss calls in

1:19:08

a day over one eleven day period. As she

1:19:10

goes on, he says, this has become toxic. Just

1:19:16

leave me. He then had to call the police

1:19:18

when she began leaving gifts on his doorstep. He told them I just want it to go away

1:19:21

and for all

1:19:24

to stop. Felton of Elsmere Port in Cheshire

1:19:26

admitted Harrisman and was bailed for sentencing. She

1:19:28

must not contact

1:19:31

Ryan or his mother. quite clearly.

1:19:33

One of these people, you know, you we've all had it in the

1:19:35

past haven't you. You know, you go out with somebody. And then they

1:19:37

either finish with you or

1:19:39

you finish with them. The

1:19:41

warning signs are there. It just doesn't happen out of the blue. It's generally quite an ongoing thing. And the person says,

1:19:43

why do you not want to out with

1:19:48

me? Why do you want to

1:19:50

go out of it? And you think, well,

1:19:52

you know, this this is the reason,

1:19:54

you know, you're a little bit clingy. and

1:19:56

I'd rather you weren't clingy and But I'm going

1:19:58

up to somebody else. And, you know, and you

1:20:02

and you do it that way. That's the way it goes, isn't it? It's you know,

1:20:04

and especially when you get to a certain age,

1:20:06

to be honest with you, you know, I mean,

1:20:08

the idea of sort of going out with somebody now, the

1:20:10

sort of, you know, the age of, say, fifty

1:20:13

plus or whatever. And then somebody finishes with you, go, thank God for that. It's

1:20:15

almost a blessed relief, isn't it? Want to be pestered with sort

1:20:18

of people? For some people, it works.

1:20:20

They to

1:20:22

do an old version of blind date, a

1:20:24

pensioner's version. And they still do it

1:20:26

sometimes when they do these celebrity celebrities

1:20:30

go dating or not celebrities go dating, which is all very embarrassing. And and then sort

1:20:32

of people go out and you can

1:20:34

see they've got nothing in common these people.

1:20:39

Absolutely nothing at all. So Cheryl

1:20:41

making her West End

1:20:43

Stage debut. I mean, why

1:20:45

I'm I I have to

1:20:48

be There's a television doctor at the moment who's doing

1:20:50

an advert on the television. Aren't you think doctors were allowed

1:20:52

to do adverts? He's endorsing

1:20:54

a particular company. And I'm thinking,

1:20:57

didn't think if you were a doctor, you were allowed

1:20:59

to do that, but he's so desperate to just sort of

1:21:02

be liked or something like that. And I was watching it

1:21:04

thinking, Are they allowed to do things like

1:21:06

that? I haven't seen my doctor on the television. And out of anybody, she'd be the she'd be the best

1:21:10

one to do it. Star Hancock, get me out.

1:21:13

I wanna cash in. Here he is

1:21:15

with his girlfriend, Itel

1:21:16

Giena, and he's

1:21:18

flocking his book. but

1:21:21

he wants to be a celebrity now. But to be

1:21:23

honest with you, how Baldy, who really didn't come up with very much

1:21:25

personality in the

1:21:27

in the jungle. is a

1:21:29

little bit embarrassing. He says he has discovered a whole new world of

1:21:31

possibilities. Yeah. It's embarrassing,

1:21:35

isn't it really? you look at somebody

1:21:37

in a go, you're not really actually in the business at all. Shading in tadcaster says walnut whips used to

1:21:39

have half the nut on top and the other half

1:21:42

on the bottom, sadly not anymore. No. They

1:21:44

do. They

1:21:47

do. I saw them there now. Differently before, it was in a

1:21:49

little thing you could see it. But now it's

1:21:51

in a a paper little

1:21:53

thing. Wallnutworks. You

1:21:56

find wallnutworks. show me a walnut web. I'll show you a

1:21:58

walnut. Whether it's cut

1:21:58

in half or not, I've got no idea, but they they definitely have got the walnut on

1:21:59

the top. Whether

1:22:02

it's inside, I don't

1:22:04

know. which will we've definitely got

1:22:06

it. Yeah. We've got it on the top and not on the bottom. It looks like a whole walnut. And it's

1:22:08

also it's

1:22:11

a whipped vanilla fondant. Look

1:22:14

at that. Whipped vanilla fondant. They look very nice. Don't know. You get a multi three pounds

1:22:16

or yeah.

1:22:19

You get six. oh yeah

1:22:21

yeah six or in Iceland, the same

1:22:23

thing is two pound fifty. Or you can

1:22:26

get a chocolate gift box for thirteen

1:22:28

ninety nine. It's a lot of chocolates

1:22:30

and it's not for me at all. Absolutely not from it. Oh, god.

1:22:32

Don't have a tea, I must say. Small one

1:22:34

dressing. Most of my life in the toilet.

1:22:39

Thank you. But yeah. So you could still get the walnut whips. Amazing.

1:22:41

See, people like things

1:22:43

like that. We

1:22:45

used to have rainbow powder. or lemonade powder, which wasn't really just

1:22:48

colored sugar with lemon, but we used to

1:22:50

think it was it was that. Royal

1:22:54

family, according to the MiR today, ready to come down hard

1:22:56

on any unfounded claims made in Harry

1:22:58

and Meghan's new Netflix series, I

1:23:01

reckon there will be. I think there will be actually.

1:23:04

A Palace source says there's a real feeling that Harry

1:23:06

and Meghan are making a lot of noise and there

1:23:09

isn't really much more to say. the preparations are being

1:23:11

made. Well, of course, he's so

1:23:13

arrogant, and she's so

1:23:15

arrogant. But

1:23:16

they they won't understand it

1:23:18

at all. They really

1:23:19

won't understand it. So the royal source will

1:23:21

be watching them very carefully just before

1:23:23

Harry's hair falls out

1:23:25

completely. I mean, that's the trouble, you know. If you

1:23:28

if you lose your hair, you can

1:23:30

Perhaps you'll have a a weave or something

1:23:32

like that. It must be to do a contra deal. It

1:23:34

must not be with a company that does weave hair treatment or

1:23:36

something like that. Yeah. You yeah. You can you must

1:23:38

be to do something. because at no point being

1:23:40

bold, bold doesn't work, does

1:23:43

it. So if you You're Harry,

1:23:45

you know? Also, David Jason admits he

1:23:47

turns into Del Boy to get

1:23:49

a laugh if anything gets awkward

1:23:52

in a social

1:23:54

situation. And he also has confessed that he hasn't

1:23:56

actually spoke to Nicholas

1:23:58

Linters for quite

1:23:59

a while. and

1:24:02

yet they work together all the time, you know,

1:24:05

for a long, lot many, many

1:24:07

years. For many, many years, they

1:24:09

work together. and and they don't socialize, but that's quite normal.

1:24:11

You get a lot of people who work together as a double act or singers

1:24:13

or in a group

1:24:16

or whatever. don't

1:24:18

socialize. You spend all your time with somebody

1:24:20

anyway. Why would you wanna socialize with them? Got in heaven. Abba, stuck

1:24:22

by the UK after Brexit as the show is set to tour.

1:24:27

This is substituting London for their arena show because they wanted to

1:24:29

stick by the UK after Brexit. But to

1:24:31

the producer, Savannah

1:24:35

Gisela, here was an emotional choice. Tickets

1:24:37

are on sale for up to the

1:24:40

end of

1:24:42

November next year. That's how popular it brother loved it. Absolutely

1:24:44

loved it. He thought it was he

1:24:47

thought it was absolutely brilliant.

1:24:49

Also, the King

1:24:52

Charles, the third fifty p going into

1:24:54

circulation from today. They've already got them. because everybody now be checking. I'm gonna check my money.

1:24:58

I'm gonna check my team out than Obviously, if they say they're

1:25:00

coming in today, what do they do? Do they just sort

1:25:02

of go into a supermarket, drop one in the till

1:25:05

or something like that? And what do they

1:25:07

say they're going into circulation today? How

1:25:10

does that work? I don't know. Give them to banks

1:25:12

for the minutes. Oh, bless me. I dropped. That's that dumb. So drop with this carpet.

1:25:14

You could drop thousands of pounds on this carpet. You'd never find it again.

1:25:18

never find it. Alright. Here

1:25:20

we go. One penny, two penny.

1:25:23

Oh, fifty pence piece. And

1:25:25

who's it got on it?

1:25:27

the queen. They've all got the queen. Everything's

1:25:29

got the fitting queen on it. I like that.

1:25:31

Can we keep them? Can we keep them? We

1:25:33

don't we don't need to have King Charles doing

1:25:35

it? Yes, we do. Yes, we

1:25:37

do. So this is the first time there'll be two monarchs on the coin. You'll have the old

1:25:39

ones with the queen on and you'd have

1:25:41

the new ones with King

1:25:44

Charles on. as

1:25:46

well. Rare Harry Potter book. This is a fifteenth anniversary edition of Harry Potter and the philosopher's

1:25:48

Stone, only one

1:25:51

of fifteen copies published. How

1:25:54

does that happen? This one,

1:25:56

a childcare practitioner, Chloe Ethelmont,

1:25:58

was sixteen, when she won

1:26:00

a copy of this leather

1:26:02

bound book signed by JK Rowling for explaining why she

1:26:05

loved the story in fifty words,

1:26:07

so they only

1:26:08

made. ten

1:26:10

of them. Ten no. Fifteen copies. They

1:26:12

reckon it's worth ten thousand pounds. So

1:26:14

she's gonna sell it. Why would

1:26:16

you wanna sell it? Hanson's book

1:26:18

expert Jim Spencer says, technically, this is the rarest Harry Potter book I

1:26:23

have ever handled. Sounds

1:26:26

lovely. It's going on to the the auctioneers Gabbel on December the sixteenth, says I won the the

1:26:32

book

1:26:32

book in

1:26:33

in a surprise ten years ago, the

1:26:35

money would be useful. I bet. I think it might go more than ten grand. Do you reckon? I mean,

1:26:37

it's very rare, very

1:26:39

very rare indeed. Bookie's

1:26:43

favorite comic, Joe Lisett, could go

1:26:45

into Matt Lucas' shoes. This is not confirmed.

1:26:47

This is just pure speculation. And

1:26:49

cohost Noel fielding says, I'll miss your sense of the absurd and your silliness. Yeah. Because if

1:26:51

Noel fielding left, we

1:26:54

wouldn't miss him at

1:26:56

all. because he just doesn't contribute

1:26:58

anything. He just wears these old clothes and stands there and looks at, say, he didn't know what he's looking at.

1:27:00

They have all sorts

1:27:02

of these sort of programs

1:27:06

out at the moment. It just gets a bit tedious.

1:27:08

Puzzles game Wirtle. I've

1:27:10

never heard of

1:27:11

it, but it sounds great.

1:27:13

The World Cup and The Late Queen

1:27:15

have been revealed the most searched items on Google this year. That's what people on Google.

1:27:18

it's what people search for on google So

1:27:21

it's the queen, wurdle, and the World Cup. They're

1:27:23

the most searched for items. Other

1:27:25

the most search for items other ones

1:27:28

ones, women's euros, rugby league. It's all it's all

1:27:30

sport. It's all sport. Why would that be?

1:27:32

Cover World Games number

1:27:34

ten, Asia cup number nine,

1:27:36

Indian wells eight, women euros seven

1:27:38

Rugby League World Cup six, Winter Olympics twenty twenty two

1:27:41

five, UEFA Nations

1:27:44

League four, Africa

1:27:46

cup of nations, number three, Australian open number two, and World Cup number one. All sport.

1:27:51

holy smoke I mean,

1:27:53

is that about as good as it gets some I mean, I

1:27:55

don't but don't Google any of those things. I believe what I've Google. I Google

1:27:57

all sorts of

1:28:00

strange things. mainly where do we get

1:28:02

the producer from? That's about that's about a pop shit award actually. Back's come. We don't know the answer to that,

1:28:08

Steve. David Tennant has spoken about

1:28:10

starring with his wife, Georgia. In lockdown, hit staged,

1:28:12

revealing they found it such fun. They

1:28:14

now want to do more acting together.

1:28:17

They've been together for ages. For ages, I think two thousand and eight, they met when he was playing

1:28:20

doctor who

1:28:24

and she starred as his

1:28:26

clone in the episode, the doctor's

1:28:29

daughter. So now you know, now

1:28:31

you know, Penman investigates, Always

1:28:33

very entertaining and you should read. And we will rock you.

1:28:35

By Queen and Ben

1:28:39

Elton is back for twelve

1:28:41

weeks only at the London Museum. So next year,

1:28:44

from the

1:28:47

second of June, for twelve week. And what's the

1:28:49

betting they extended? What's the betting they get extended? Because it was it was gonna come out years and

1:28:51

years ago, and then

1:28:54

all of a sudden, because they said it was coming out all of a sudden. People started

1:28:57

going to see it. And it

1:28:59

became phenomenally successful, so

1:29:02

it's coming back again. But

1:29:04

this time, it can't go back

1:29:06

into the dominion because they've got elf, the musical in there. Yeah.

1:29:11

elf. I'm not seeing it, but I hear very, very good things, very good

1:29:13

things. Plus, let me just tell you

1:29:15

very quickly that the

1:29:18

violinist Nigel Kennedy's drug dealer son has admitted conspiracy to supply

1:29:20

cocaine. This is only months

1:29:22

after being freed from jail.

1:29:24

I didn't even know he

1:29:26

had a son. He's called Sark.

1:29:29

called Sark. Sark Kennedy, jail for drug dealing. He

1:29:31

was caught with fifteen grams with

1:29:33

a cocaine and

1:29:36

a car. And now back again, they

1:29:38

don't learn, do they? Steve, hello, on LVC, text

1:29:40

84850

1:29:42

Morning, poor old Dame Judy Dench.

1:29:46

She

1:29:46

was apparently told she would never make

1:29:49

it in movies because you have

1:29:51

everything wrong with your face. I

1:29:53

thought that the one thing that

1:29:55

Dame Judy has is everything right with her face. She's

1:29:57

eighty seven tomorrow, so we wish her a happy birthday

1:29:59

in advance. She

1:30:03

was horrified by the male director's comment at her first

1:30:05

film audition. She said, I think

1:30:07

he meant I didn't have the classic

1:30:09

face for films, and I think he

1:30:11

was quite right, films have moved on a bit,

1:30:13

so it doesn't actually matter what you look like. Yet, there's some some people the

1:30:15

camera loves and some people who are

1:30:17

really good looking and the

1:30:19

camera doesn't like. You would

1:30:21

think, you know, so after are we doing this after the news?

1:30:23

Oh, I don't. I'll tell them later. Families

1:30:28

have been told to hold off

1:30:31

putting gifts under the Christmas tree for the simple reason that burglars

1:30:33

will strike, or

1:30:36

they will. They will

1:30:38

strike. Every year, I can guarantee you back forty years, there is always a story that

1:30:40

there'll be a a family

1:30:42

of children and the mother who's

1:30:46