0:01

This is LVC from

0:04

Global, leading Britain's conversation

0:07

with Steve Allen. Following a pretty nice

0:09

welcome to Thursday. Welcome to expansion

0:12

Punch for the first day of the month. There are no returns,

0:14

white rabbits. Don't walk

0:16

under ladders and all other useless superstitions

0:19

that we come up with at this time of year.

0:22

So twenty five days now or twenty four

0:24

days, I suppose, really. till the big man comes

0:26

down your chimney and leaves presents

0:28

and things like that. They're called burglars in

0:30

reverse. That's what happens. And

0:32

you do I remember kids after the years ago said, what

0:34

happens if we don't have a chimney? So we're not getting any

0:37

presents, are you? I don't know why these kids

0:39

don't understand these things. The meet and

0:41

greet I know you've been hearing it for

0:43

hours and hours and hours because it originated on

0:45

LBC, but sparked the royal disaster

0:47

sixty years of service ended in five hours,

0:50

and the transcript makes painful

0:53

reading, very, very paint, whichever way you look

0:55

at it. But then I've always said, the royal

0:57

family, some of them, which is eighty,

0:59

They're stuck back in the past. They don't

1:01

they're in their own cocoon world. They don't

1:03

know the real world, which is

1:05

out here. Mulberry

1:08

could shut their flagships store in a

1:10

VAT shopping row. The

1:12

polled postmen, they say, holding Christmas to

1:14

ransom, don't holders to ransom. I'm

1:16

waiting for three parcels at the moment.

1:18

You know, come on, play fair. Bird

1:21

flu sends the price of Turkey's

1:23

up. They say twenty six percent HSBC

1:26

see is gonna shut a hundred and fourteen

1:29

more of its branches. The reason

1:31

being that they say people don't go into

1:33

branches, and I have to be honest, I've not been into

1:35

a branch for AAGES. AAGES.

1:38

I mean, I have been in two branches of

1:40

banks if I want more than the obligatory

1:42

four hundred quid at the cash point. You know, if I want

1:44

a thousand pounds or two thousand pounds,

1:47

child

1:47

to be advising. Then I go into

1:49

the bank and can get it out, but I can go into

1:51

any bank and go to NatWest

1:53

and RBS if you can find one,

1:55

continue to be closing those left right and center.

1:58

So I go to NatWest and take out

1:59

the thousand pounds whatever it is. and

2:02

and that's fine. But they they close it because nobody's

2:04

going to branches. And yet every time I go into

2:06

a branch, I will see people in there. So

2:08

why are they saying that? So they're gonna shut hundred and

2:10

fourteen more. This is a HSBC. I

2:12

mean, very shortly, there won't be anything on the high

2:14

street at all. In fact, I've got a a high

2:16

street in the papers today, where it's

2:18

all gone barring the Halifax well, our Halifax.

2:21

When ages ago, it's now veterinary surgery.

2:23

The Barclays Bank is gonna be going shortly. It's

2:25

a lovely old building in in

2:27

Twickenham. The NatWest has gone.

2:30

In fact, we've just lost loads and loads

2:32

of places. I've never never seen the place have been

2:34

so decimated. You know? And even in Richmond,

2:37

they shut the RBS. They've still got

2:40

a couple of other branches. I think they've got a

2:42

I think they've got a Barclays. I think they've got a Lloyds,

2:44

and I think they've got a NatWest. But how long? I've

2:46

got no idea. because people do it all online.

2:48

I do it or will I say, I do it. I don't do My

2:50

brother does it. So he has access to all

2:52

my accounts, very trusting family.

2:54

We are very trusting. and

2:57

and he can transfer transfer money out to

2:59

one account into another and do things,

3:01

oh, is there any limit? I thought about this the other

3:03

day actually. on how much money you

3:05

can keep in your account. So for example,

3:07

if I won a hundred and

3:09

twelve million pounds on the lottery, on

3:12

Friday night into

3:14

Saturday morning. Could I put that into

3:16

my bank account? Or would I have to open

3:18

up separate bank account that can deal with

3:20

big amounts of money. It's an interesting fact,

3:22

isn't it? What what what is the legal

3:24

limit on how much money you can have in your

3:26

bank account? Because in theory, it would suit me fine

3:28

to keep the hundred and twelve, hundred and seventeen

3:30

million pounds in my bank account, so

3:32

we can keep an eye on But would you

3:34

have to give it to another bank And the answer

3:36

is, I don't know, because it's only on paper, isn't it? It

3:38

doesn't physically exist in the real world.

3:41

You'll be sitting in a vault somewhere. If you want your money

3:43

out, you go there and you you transfer, you wouldn't

3:45

want it all in cash. although some

3:47

people probably would actually. Anger

3:50

as the Faroes still

3:52

allow the Russians to fish in British waters

3:55

Well, I mean, that's just ridiculous. Isn't

3:57

it the Faroe Islands? Wait a minute.

4:02

You

4:02

call it Faroe, do you?

4:03

in in the Faroe Islands, they

4:06

Are they the ones who kill all the whales?

4:09

Don't they drive them into the shore

4:11

and thenmoschetti them to death?

4:13

I seem to remember that

4:15

they do that kids and everybody. The

4:18

the c runs it is. They're missing it.

4:20

The c runs red. and

4:22

then they, you know, they

4:24

record numbers. Since I think there are

4:26

seven hundred and seventy eight thousand whales in

4:28

the Eastern Northern Atlantic region, a

4:30

hundred thousand swim close to the Faroe

4:33

Faroe Islands and the Faroees, hunt

4:36

on average eight hundred pilot whales

4:38

annually, and they hack them to

4:40

death. It is the most disgusting thing

4:42

you've ever seen in your entire life. Their

4:44

claim is that they need to

4:46

have the meat to survive over the winter

4:48

period. so they drag it and so

4:50

they literally drive these whales into shore

4:52

and then the kids and everybody else with

4:54

these huge machetes just hacked them to death.

4:57

Seriously, I'm gonna sick people. I

4:59

understand

4:59

you have to live. Couldn't

5:01

need

5:01

something else? You know, we

5:03

don't exactly have so many

5:05

whales out there that it's it's never ending.

5:08

Birthday treat says Yony, New York

5:10

hero comes on his way to Heathrow. Sounds

5:12

nice, isn't it? That's a birthday treat. You

5:14

can go to the Rockefeller Center, a bit

5:16

of ice skating. Go

5:17

to Macy's. You can

5:19

go and follow in the footsteps of home alone

5:21

two and one and enjoy

5:23

yourself in in New York. That's a nice

5:25

thing to do. Years ago, of course, it was worth it.

5:28

If you go to New York, save a small fortune, you

5:30

can't now, you know,

5:31

because of the price of the pound against the dollar,

5:33

you're not saving anything at all. But at least you is

5:35

at least it's somewhere to go and the high God does it get

5:37

cold over

5:38

there. Every

5:40

time somebody tells me to go to New York,

5:42

I always go home

5:48

alone music. I

5:49

thought my singing was quite excellent there again,

5:51

actually. I thought I was singing New York,

5:53

New York, but sadly not. I wasn't.

5:56

Also, Albert Squares in mourning this

5:58

evening, dot cotton

6:01

dies. Dot cotton dies. That

6:03

producer said to me, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know

6:05

what planet he's on. He said, but she died a

6:07

while ago. He said, this is this is a

6:09

soap opera. Okay. It's

6:11

a soap opera. Didn't they do that

6:13

line in ET where they said, couldn't

6:15

this space man, you know, ET get

6:17

himself back? and the little kid goes,

6:19

this is reality. I

6:21

thought it was lovely. Victoria Beckham holds a Christmas

6:24

party at her shop. I don't know why. I've

6:26

really got no idea why did there's no customers going

6:28

in there. You might as well it's just a pointless waste

6:30

of time. Fifty four million pounds in

6:32

debt, I mean, is is what's coming

6:34

known as you need to get it sorted out. Go online.

6:37

You can save the cost of a shop. Mind you

6:39

admit, you have to you'll have to try and

6:41

save face because the papers will be full

6:43

then. of all the oh, the shops

6:45

going under and stuff like that.

6:47

Dave, of course, can help me with some of that

6:49

ten and a half million quid that he's trousered.

6:51

from the Qatari government in the

6:53

same way that Gary Linica has

6:55

trousered one point six million

6:57

because he's out there in those stadiums. you

7:00

know, where people died building

7:02

those stadiums. And the latest one to

7:04

trouser money, Robbie Williams. Robbie

7:06

Williams is performing over there. I mean,

7:08

seriously. Obviously, all of

7:10

these people

7:11

are not remotely bothered about gay rights

7:14

issues, trans, lesbian gay they couldn't get

7:16

less. They're not they're only interested in

7:18

themselves. Victoria says,

7:21

she's in Madrid. I the first thing I thought

7:23

of when I woke up at one AM this morning was I wondered if

7:25

Steve managed to get his tax hit the right time today.

7:28

well. Well,

7:30

because the producer, let

7:31

any have him rewarded. Rest assured, we

7:33

always we always pay, you know, to so

7:35

he got a big box of rare rocher. in

7:38

three different flavors,

7:40

white chocolate, dark chocolate, and

7:43

milk chocolate, which is very nice. And

7:46

and so the I was saying to I said, oh, I'm

7:48

still waiting nothing through yet and then it came

7:50

through. The car's on its way to

7:52

you And so

7:54

you you click on and

7:56

once you've sort of found it, which is

7:59

very easy because it's

7:59

sent to my my telephone, shows you where the

8:02

car is. and says your driver

8:04

blah blah blah is fourteen minutes

8:06

away. So I thought that's okay.

8:08

This was quarter two. quarter

8:10

two, I got this through. And

8:13

and

8:13

so I looked five minutes later, and it was

8:15

still fourteen minutes away. And I'm thinking,

8:17

well, he's not going to make it in time. Is he?

8:20

and and then it got to

8:22

ten two and he

8:24

was still fourteen minutes away. Now if somebody

8:26

is in the same place in the car because it's tracked

8:29

by satellite, That means they've

8:31

parked up. You could see the road there

8:33

on. I could have driven out there. I think he went to

8:35

sleep. because he got to five

8:37

two, and I phoned

8:39

him. And I said,

8:41

you're supposed to be with me at one. I said,

8:43

it says you're fourteen minutes away. I don't

8:45

know

8:45

whether or not they know that we see the map. They send

8:47

you the map. So I can see if he's parked up. why

8:49

they wouldn't wanna park, you know, near

8:51

where you're picking somebody up would make perfect

8:53

sense to me. And so anyway, so I

8:55

I when I when I called it rang,

8:57

and rang and rang and

8:59

rang and it must have been about eight

9:01

times. It rang in the hall. You're asleep.

9:03

You're asleep. And so I said you're supposed to it's

9:05

a one o'clock pickup. knowing that the producer

9:07

had changed it and he's got an email to say it's

9:09

I'm assuming he's got an email to say it's confirmed

9:12

and everything else. So we got things like that.

9:14

But and he was late. only

9:15

about three or four minutes late, but it's not

9:17

the point. The point is that

9:20

if you book a car for one AM, I booked it. If I

9:22

wanted it for five pass, I've got to book it for

9:24

five pass. is like when I when I start this show,

9:26

this show starts at four, not

9:28

five past four, not ten past

9:30

four, or not five to four.

9:32

starts at four o'clock. That's the time. That's

9:34

when it all kicks in, which is

9:36

which is lovely. But anyway,

9:38

at least we got here, at least

9:40

we got here. So for that, I was grateful.

9:42

We don't wait wait and see if it happens

9:44

tonight. We've just got this

9:46

horrible feeling. denied my maybe

9:48

not to be as good as we think it is.

9:51

Steve, in five years, the high streets are going to be

9:53

hairdressers, coffee shops, bookies, and charity shops says

9:55

Roger. Well, that's what it is now. I've

9:58

lost track of the amount of we've now got

9:59

another bakery opening up in Twickenham where the old

10:02

NatWest used to be. It's gonna be like a cake

10:04

shop or something like that. I thought, god, just what we

10:06

don't need. just what we don't

10:08

need. But you're right. It is, you

10:10

know, hairdressers everywhere because they're the

10:12

cheapest things to set up. In fact, you don't

10:14

even the producer could set one up. You don't have to

10:16

be a hairdresser. What you do is you equip

10:18

the shop, put the chairs in, and charge them

10:20

two hundred and fifty quid a week to

10:22

use your chair. And

10:24

so they pay you two hundred If they don't make two hundred and

10:26

fifty quid a week, they're screwed. Yeah. There's quite we've got a

10:28

lot of hairdressers like that. The actual person who it's

10:30

like dentists. I know a dentist

10:32

who works for a practice.

10:34

It's owned

10:35

by a non dentist, owned by a business,

10:37

and they employ dentists because dentists can't

10:39

afford to set up. They've just qualified their

10:41

own business, and this is all set up. and

10:43

they make their money on selling products, you know,

10:45

change all your fillings from amalgam to this

10:47

or whatever happens to be. By this

10:49

toothbrush, it's marvelous. and

10:51

and that's how it works. So a lot of people

10:53

about two hundred and fifty quid a week was the

10:55

going charge for a hairdressing chair

10:57

in a salon. So somebody owns the

10:59

salon and they pay all the bills and all the rest of you you

11:01

just cut hair, the more you cut, the quicker you cut them,

11:03

the more money you make. because once you made your

11:05

two hundred and fifty quids, then the rest of it is

11:08

pure profit. That's how it works. So the

11:10

producer could even do that. Why do you even got any

11:12

money? And so it's not gonna be

11:14

happening, is it? Baby

11:18

baptized in a LEGO font,

11:20

which the producer likes.

11:22

He gets here. I'm not bothered about I don't get LEGO.

11:24

We used to have it when we were years ago.

11:26

But just, you know, little bag of

11:28

LEGO, you'd sort of try and make the best of

11:30

it, which was which was quite nice.

11:32

Quite nice. We found a fake

11:34

doctor and shop

11:36

tokens are a favorite fail safe for Christmas,

11:39

gifts. No. absolutely

11:41

not. Do not ever in a

11:43

million years give somebody a

11:45

voucher or a token or something

11:47

like that. It shows lack of imagination. It

11:49

means you're cheap and horrible,

11:51

and you're not a pleasant person to be with

11:53

and Christmas is Baham Bagh. I mean,

11:56

how lazy do you have to be? You go into a shot

11:58

and they go, oh, would you like a gift token? And they

12:00

go, yeah, how much are they? And they go, well, the

12:02

card is free. and you can

12:04

have ten, fifteen, twenty, or twenty five

12:06

pounds and you go ten.

12:08

And and then you sort of write, you

12:10

know, two to

12:11

tall

12:12

boy and, you know,

12:14

happy happy Christmas. Well, you know, and people

12:16

go, oh, it's so they can go and buy something they really

12:18

want. Well, just give them the cash

12:20

I waste your time on some pixie card from

12:22

a shop. And also, what happens if the

12:24

shop goes bust? What happens

12:27

if the shop goes bust? Where are you

12:29

there? Out of pocket to the tune of ten quid.

12:31

Excuse me. Thank you very much indeed, Matron.

12:34

Oh, no. I see no reason why you can't find there

12:36

must be something you could buy somebody, but if you can't,

12:38

I give cash. but always

12:40

cash. Never ever a gift token.

12:42

Years ago, you did get them. You go, oh, I've got a gift

12:44

token because I've got that money back from the

12:46

DVLA. Still can't find it. I don't know it's

12:48

gone to. hundred and fifty pound

12:50

check, but I'll find it. Don't worry. It

12:52

will reappear in my hot spot little hand and then

12:54

I should show the producing game. I

12:57

don't think he's actually got a tax disc

13:00

on his car. It's it does not.

13:02

But no point in bothering is that there's no police

13:04

force out where you live. I mean, is down a

13:06

little that is called wood lane in

13:08

Maidenhead. You go down there to the bottom, do it do

13:10

it left. And then just before we

13:12

hit the weir, It's there and into straight

13:14

into the dump over there. Yeah. He

13:16

lives there. They used to call him Stig.

13:18

Steve, hello, on it, we see.

13:21

Text 84850

13:23

Morning. Steve Steve Steve, such a

13:25

shame over the fleetwood Mac Singer made some

13:27

great music, says Matt? Yes. She wants seventy

13:29

nine. To be honest with you, as far as

13:31

I've concerned, all these people are in

13:33

their sort of middle fifties. I don't imagine

13:35

them ever getting to an age like that. Shane

13:38

says I live in Riverwood in the western

13:40

suburbs of Sydney, the Commonwealth Bank. That's

13:42

closed, so I can't go to an ATM to get

13:44

cash out where I live. every bank is

13:46

closed. I have to

13:47

go two suburbs away,

13:49

dreadful, isn't

13:50

it really? It really is

13:52

bad. Brian says, though, I'm retired. Now,

13:54

I worked in hospitals as an

13:56

operating room technician for nearly forty years

13:58

and was on duty a few

13:59

Christmas days over the decades. However, amidst

14:02

this grim current ambulance

14:04

news, I have to say, don't

14:06

get sick over the festive season for goodness

14:08

sake. I know. It seems that the unions

14:10

intend on bringing this country to its knees, and they're

14:12

doing a very good job. In between them

14:14

and the Prats walking up and down the street very

14:16

slowly, protesting that

14:18

oil and stuff like that, because

14:20

Spanish is not against the law. Well,

14:22

change the law then.

14:23

Change the law. because people are gonna lose their

14:26

tempers very quickly. I'm not interested in

14:28

these idiots. I'm really not

14:30

interested. They go, oh, of course, you'll thank us in

14:32

years to come. Well, let's worry about that then.

14:34

Shall we?

14:34

Don't start preaching to us because most of them look

14:36

like they need a good bath. bit

14:39

bit grubby, I think. Steve,

14:41

how is hacking a whale tweet

14:43

or discussing and fishing, dangling from

14:45

hook and suffocating to death or chickens

14:47

heads chopped off to eat, pigs

14:49

and cows. Well, that's different.

14:51

That's completely

14:52

different because the majority of

14:54

animals In the case of chickens, pigs

14:56

and cows are bred specifically for the

14:58

meat market. You don't

15:00

you

15:00

don't sort of keep sheep. just

15:02

have them because they're pretty, you know, and they've got

15:05

fluffy fur and stuff like that and chickens

15:07

because they look lovely wandering around the farm yard. Now

15:09

they're there for a purpose. They they, you

15:11

know, we use our battery hands. Thank God, we don't

15:13

have that now, so they now have free

15:15

range chickens and they go out there and they lay

15:17

their eggs and somebody collects them.

15:19

and

15:19

then them, but they are bread specifically for

15:22

food. Nobody breeds cows

15:24

just because they look pretty in a field,

15:26

but whales you know,

15:28

that's disgusting. You've ever eaten whale?

15:30

No.

15:31

Me neither. Don't want to. Thank you very much

15:33

indeed. Aren't you anything like that? Things that

15:35

weren't intentionally you know,

15:37

grown or harvested for

15:39

us to eat. Then no. Chickenhead's

15:41

chopped off to eat. Well, of course, you have to do that. Don't

15:43

you? In fact, I mean, anybody could tell you if

15:45

you've seen

15:47

a chicken factory where they

15:50

process something like two million chickens a

15:52

week are

15:52

processed. And they come in in cages,

15:55

They come from the farms, millions and millions of them.

15:57

They hang them upside down on

15:59

a

15:59

conveyor belt and off

16:02

they go on their merry little

16:04

way. They don't know. And because

16:06

they're beheaded, it it finishes fairly quickly, but

16:08

even before they're beheaded, they've been

16:10

stunned. They go through a water bath

16:12

which has got electricity in it. and they're

16:14

stunned. And then when they come out again on this

16:16

huge, you can see on YouTube a huge conveyor

16:18

belt processing the chickens and there's a blade

16:20

that takes the head off. that's it.

16:22

And then they go through hot water

16:24

and they pull all their feathers out. I

16:26

mean, it's it's but they are

16:28

they are you know, born you know,

16:30

from the moment they're born, have you ever seen

16:32

baby chicks where they throw

16:34

a lot of them away? they get

16:36

minced up into feed for other

16:38

chickens. That's how it

16:40

works. They don't they don't want, you know,

16:42

cockroles. They want the

16:44

the egglayers till they sort them out. Very

16:46

you'll see millions of them. Millions. We

16:48

don't see millions of whales do. You just see

16:50

people hacking them to death. mean, first of all, if they

16:52

had open open

16:55

abattoirs in this country, nobody didn't meet ever

16:57

again. If ever

16:58

you've seen the inside of an abattoir,

17:01

It's basically a killing machine.

17:03

That's what it's there for. The cow walks

17:05

down and then

17:05

its head goes through a thing. It thinks it's

17:07

going and it clamps around its head. And then

17:10

the bloke puts a, like, a

17:12

stun gun or something onto it. It

17:14

falls down. It's got changed around its legs. It's

17:16

helped upside down. and then it's it starts

17:18

being dissected, but they're bread for

17:20

that. They don't know their bread for that, so they

17:22

try and give them as good a life as possible.

17:24

But if you're a whale, and you're

17:25

around the Faroe Islands, you know,

17:28

that's

17:28

the last place you'd wanna be. Definitely

17:30

because they just get herded in and many

17:32

of them you see a lot of whales who

17:34

throw themselves onto beaches before. In this case, they don't

17:36

need to throw themselves on a beach. They're heard it

17:38

in, which is terrible, but it is

17:40

very different, Vidal, very different.

17:43

Patricia says, I'm going to New York next week.

17:45

It's got a cost of fortune. Yeah. But it's

17:47

it's nice. It is nice,

17:49

isn't it? You know, when you get if

17:52

you've never been to New York, you should go. It's

17:54

exactly as you see it on the movies. Steam

17:56

coming out of

17:57

the vents in the middle of the

17:59

road, you know, cafes in

17:59

every corner, people, you know, people of

18:02

every faith denomination, color,

18:04

creed, everything. It's a it's a core new copier

18:07

of people. and pick every hoots.

18:09

Bitty. Bitty. That's all you hear in New

18:11

York. It's like it's like going back to the

18:13

cops. See, a lot

18:15

of banks there's no limit. But of course, if they went bankrupt,

18:17

you don't even be covered for eighty five thousand

18:19

per person. I wonder if

18:21

HSBC now stands at high street

18:23

bank closing. David.

18:25

Probably could be actually. They

18:27

just but you said the trouble is it's

18:29

down to us. We don't go to

18:31

back my bank. You be an enfield, but

18:33

because it's a bank, I can go to

18:35

any branch. I don't physically need to

18:37

go into my branch and enter the only reason I

18:39

went in there. because my friend used to be the

18:41

branch manager, but then it changed. And he was looking after,

18:43

I think, three branches. You don't

18:46

just have the one bank manager. You're looking

18:48

after quite a number of them. I'm

18:50

surprised in twickenham, but Lloyds Bank is

18:52

still there. I hardly

18:53

ever see anybody in it. You know, and

18:55

then

18:55

people go up to it on a Saturday morning. China, and of

18:57

course, it's closed on a Saturday morning. So

19:00

people might have to learn in the future

19:02

how to do it,

19:04

you

19:04

know, online. All my stuff's

19:06

done online. We pay bills online. We

19:08

pay everything. My VAT paid online,

19:11

my brother works it out, transfers the money

19:13

into the right account, and that's and that's, you know,

19:15

because he's clever than I am.

19:17

you know, the producer. Well, anyway.

19:19

And also, the price of turkeys

19:21

is going up twenty six percent.

19:24

Well, by the ones that aren't going up twenty

19:26

six percent He used to he used to

19:28

deliver Copa Turkeys. That's

19:30

his claim to fade. He told me three

19:32

times now. I have to fade interest

19:34

Every time he tells me something, he

19:37

goes, I used to drive Copa

19:39

Turkeys in in boxes. So he told me that

19:41

this morning, but he told me twice yesterday.

19:43

And they think

19:43

I'm going mad. It really is

19:45

quite ridiculous. I know you had your

19:47

own nice shiny vehicle, didn't choose to

19:49

drive all over the country with turkeys and

19:52

boxes. Lovely. Very thrilling.

19:54

Well, my my

19:57

fishmonger, Stuart, from Sand is,

19:59

he has he

19:59

must do over a thousand turkeys

20:02

easy easy. I mean, it really

20:04

is the only even though he's right next door to a

20:06

very good butcher, you know,

20:08

Stuart just seems to get it off. They sell sorts

20:10

of nice stuff in their

20:12

in their shop.

20:14

All sorts of nice things at all.

20:16

And My

20:19

friend, Chris, says morning Stephen.

20:21

He said he used to be

20:23

captain. He's changed already. He's

20:25

changed. And he says going to New

20:27

York City week will be fifteen percent cheaper than

20:29

it would have been four weeks ago, thanks to the

20:31

pound bouncing back a

20:33

bit.

20:33

I can remember people.

20:34

You'll probably remember as well

20:37

actually. when we had cabbage

20:39

patch kids, the Christmas

20:41

tour, you had to have it, but they ran out in this

20:43

country. So people were flying to

20:45

America to buy a cabbage patch

20:47

kid because you can't disappoint the little ones at Christmas.

20:49

If they say that's what they want by God, you've

20:51

got to get it for them. You know,

20:53

it's no good fading them off with father

20:55

Christmas is very busy as you. Won't won't.

20:58

You can't have it. You'll

21:00

have it just after Christmas. It's being delivered, it's

21:02

scent express. to make up all sorts

21:04

of feeble excuses, don't

21:06

you? But no, I remember

21:08

people flying over there. When it was

21:10

really good, You know, you can fly over

21:12

there. Clothes were cheaper. Everything was cheaper. And

21:14

even after you'd taken out the cost of the

21:16

flight, it was still still

21:18

very good value. to go to New

21:20

York City, but it is everything you've ever dreamt of. It

21:22

it, you know, all

21:22

the places you see. Go around

21:25

Hollywood. That's what you did.

21:27

And it's lovely during the daytime.

21:29

It's real tourism trash night times for the hookers. For

21:31

the boat, you can't move for hookers. Hey,

21:33

looking for a good time. That was the person

21:35

I went with. As if

21:38

as if we went on one of those buses, went

21:40

on a tour bus, which was lovely.

21:42

Our one broke down. We

21:43

left home at, I think, nine o'clock in

21:46

the morning, got on the tour bus at

21:48

ten, and at one o'clock. The following

21:50

morning, we were staggering back to the hotel

21:52

because the bus had broken down. and it was

21:54

right by McDonald's, and they said, listen, be

21:56

careful. Don't give money. There's a name for

21:58

them. I come on the call them. But people who are

21:59

begging outside McDonald's, they said, do not give them

22:02

money. It just encourages to come back again.

22:04

But our bus started making funny noises.

22:06

Really funny noises went all the way

22:08

right. It was very interesting, but

22:11

my God never again. But

22:13

I always it always makes me laugh when you get tourists to London,

22:15

and they get on the tour buses, and

22:17

it's a prerecorded

22:19

message. you

22:21

know, of where you're going and what what what you're looking

22:23

at and things like that, which I like.

22:25

People are flying over here says my friend, Chris, to

22:27

get a tea towel. Yeah. But they

22:29

could better be quick. going

22:32

fast. Going fast. We're sort of,

22:34

you know, down into, well,

22:36

I wouldn't like to sort of say

22:39

how many. but it ain't that many. Ain't

22:41

that many. Rob

22:43

says, well, I have a prostate infection.

22:45

I've had blood

22:46

taken scans, antibiotics on a drip

22:48

and horrible examination, but apart from feeling very

22:50

unwell, I managed to purchase a tea

22:53

towel. Well, I think that that takes pride

22:55

of place. private

22:58

place. Yes. He said I got all

23:00

upset. The staff are very nice. Listen,

23:02

they deal with prostate problems every

23:04

day of the week. every day

23:06

of the week. You know, I had exactly the

23:08

same. And, you know, when you get to sixty

23:11

eight, sixty nine, seventy, sometimes

23:13

younger, you get prostate problems. and

23:15

it can be very painful. And

23:18

but once they actually sort of put you on the

23:20

drip,

23:21

it's fine. It's fine. I

23:23

didn't have any pain at all.

23:26

the don't

23:27

remember. No. The only pain I had was when I

23:29

wasn't on the trip. because

23:30

all of a sudden, you've got a

23:33

little channel and

23:34

blood clots. And

23:35

the two do not go well together. You

23:38

know, if if you've got blood clots, It's

23:40

a case of, ain't nothing moving. It's

23:42

like, you know, on the beach, you'd make a sandcastle and

23:44

you'd fill it with water and you'd put

23:46

this little ducks in. If there was a blockage

23:48

there, nothing happened. nothing happened at all,

23:51

so it's fine. It will be absolutely

23:53

fine. I'll tell you after it's been

23:55

done,

23:55

the procedure you better

23:57

strip concrete from walls. I promise

23:59

you the force is can

24:01

you feel the force? It's very good. Very

24:04

good. Every every line of

24:06

song, I think. Steve,

24:08

after what you've been through with that taxi firm, is it

24:10

time to sack them and get a more

24:12

reliable firm? must be wish there

24:14

were. I wish there

24:16

were. But

24:17

it's just that as my friend, mister

24:20

Neil said, service is going out the window

24:22

at the moment. There is no such thing as service

24:24

anymore. You know, if if you say

24:26

something to somebody get, well, if you don't want

24:28

the job, And

24:28

you What happened to the customer is

24:30

always right? Whatever happened to? Wait a minute.

24:32

I'm paying

24:33

your wages. you're

24:35

taking this job and you're

24:38

taking part of my fee for it. But when

24:40

you spend like in excess of

24:42

twenty thousand a year on something,

24:44

I'm expecting service. I'm

24:46

not expecting subservience. I just

24:48

want service. I don't want some

24:51

ignorant little kid telling me I'm lying about

24:53

something when I knew damn well, I

24:55

wasn't. I don't

24:55

know. Should I sue? Oh, I think

24:58

about it. That's like if I win the lottery, I'm

25:00

definitely suing. I'm sure I saw a

25:02

documentary about the

25:03

whales and the ships that bang on

25:05

metal poles in the sea that dress them to

25:07

share their massacre them. I don't remember

25:09

that Jasmine. I do know that that

25:12

what

25:12

they do with with dolphins, the

25:15

Japanese whaling ships haul them

25:17

on board cut their fins off, throw them back in the

25:19

sea. And of course, they

25:21

drown because they can't

25:22

swim without their fins. That's how

25:24

sick they are.

25:26

Steve

25:26

Malone on LVC, text

25:29

84850 So

25:32

yesterday yesterday,

25:33

I have a routine.

25:35

finished the program. I said goodbye to everybody, go around hugging, kissing,

25:37

we do the usual sort of yeah. Yeah. See see in

25:39

the morning. Another another great show to do.

25:41

They will go, yeah. See then, Steve, you

25:43

know, and beyond your back. They shooting

25:45

arrows and knives and all the rest of it. I'm like a human

25:47

bin cushion. So I get on the bus, I get to

25:49

Waterloo, and we're running a bit late.

25:52

I only

25:52

had seven minutes to get

25:55

to the train. When I get on at

25:57

platform one or get off at

25:59

platform one,

25:59

then I'd bit up the stairs, and I've got to go all the

26:02

way to platform twenty one. So you have

26:04

to pick up the pacer up with the

26:06

skirts, like Nanny McPhee and off you go and

26:08

you head for it, and I I got on the

26:10

train. But I thought no point walk you all the way to

26:12

the front of the train. I'll get on the train and walk

26:14

through. Imagine people with their feet on the

26:16

seats. Peasants. Peasants. dirty

26:18

dirty people. Honestly, they need to be told,

26:20

but nobody ever says anything. You know, some dirty old workman

26:22

puts his filthy dirty shoes on the seat. Whereas

26:24

I'd be there going, you're gonna move your

26:27

shoes mate?

26:27

Movie shoes. Alright. Oh, you're off the train. You

26:30

know,

26:30

take on a bunch of dogs and things like that. Anyway,

26:32

so I'm I get my seat and I sit down and

26:34

I go, oh, this is your guard banking.

26:37

And this is the seven twenty

26:39

eight Winterdale Inn Riverside train.

26:41

And there's a little bit of a

26:43

delay at the moment. I'll come back to you in

26:45

a moment. So she kept coming back to us

26:47

telling us there was a delay, which was

26:49

a bit old. And then she said, it's

26:51

a problem with the signaling. at

26:53

Waterloo. So in the end, she said you'd be advised

26:55

to get off the train and go and

26:57

get on another train somewhere else. What do

26:59

you mean somewhere else? Like where?

27:02

apart from a station. So I got

27:04

off the train with everybody else except a few

27:07

people who didn't speak English and didn't understand what she

27:09

was saying. So they're still sitting

27:11

there. And I thought go on, Steve, get on the train and tell him, the train's

27:13

going nowhere, nothing. I saw it. So I

27:15

didn't. I'll just let them sit there and they're a

27:17

couple of schoolboys, and they obviously didn't

27:19

and she was saying. I thought it was quite clear, go and get

27:22

another train. So I literally went from

27:24

platform twenty one to

27:26

twenty and to nineteen.

27:28

and there was a train, and I think it

27:30

was too redding. And I said to the

27:33

bloke, is it

27:33

going to twickenham? because he was just about to leave. And

27:35

he said, yeah. and that was at seven

27:38

fifty. So you

27:38

can imagine how long we've been faffing around on the

27:40

train going, oh, we're trying to get it stopped as soon as

27:42

possible completely screwed up the rail network. people milling about

27:44

and over the Anyway, I don't get a seat, but luckily, on

27:47

the train, I got onto Reading, which didn't

27:49

leave till about eight o'clock. It

27:51

was going to Trapham

27:53

Junction, Richmond,

27:54

twickenham. So I thought, you

27:57

know, I've waited

27:57

such a long time on this train. I'll treat myself. I'll

27:59

get

27:59

off the train at Richmond. And

28:03

because I was like getting off there because of the

28:05

entertainment with all the people pushing through the

28:07

barriers who haven't bought a ticket.

28:09

Otherwise known as crimbs, Sorry, I don't want too

28:11

excited about the whole thing. But you get a lot of that. A

28:13

lot of people pushing through the barriers, especially through

28:15

the disabled one for the people with wheelchairs.

28:17

I think people should be barred from

28:19

using it. because it people pushing straight

28:21

through. The the girl's not gonna do

28:23

anything about it. Why would they wanna risk their own

28:25

life? Gadsley, So

28:27

eventually got there and I thought, I'll I'll go to

28:29

Greg's. I'll go to Greg's

28:31

because it's very annoying. Greg's

28:33

enrichment is a

28:35

disaster. one

28:36

person serving on the counter.

28:38

There's about eight people in the queue, and there's

28:40

other people at the back, chat chat chat chat chat

28:42

chat chat chat chat And then the woman who's trying

28:44

to you know, because if somebody says I love

28:46

a coffee and a bacon roll and

28:49

sausage roll and everything else, you're waiting for

28:51

everyone a day in she starts running out of bacon and

28:53

sausage. So she calls to the back.

28:55

More bacon and sausage. Nothing.

28:57

Nobody appears. Nobody at all. So,

28:59

you know, if you could get some more staff

29:01

regs in your Richmond branch, can't be that

29:03

bloody complicated. You know,

29:05

people are in there at eight o'clock in the morning. They're

29:07

wanting their thing and they want quickly. They want to faff

29:09

around. God's sake,

29:10

honestly, Ray the showman says no driver

29:12

should be late for any job unless there are problems

29:14

which are out of their control.

29:16

It bugs me beyond belief when

29:18

people are

29:19

late. The old saying is if you're a

29:21

minute early, you're on time. If you're

29:23

on time, you're late. Well,

29:26

fifteen minutes he sat there. What's he

29:28

doing? Reading a book? No. He

29:30

was asleep. That's why it took so

29:32

long. to answer the answer the telephone. Alison

29:35

says my adult

29:37

daughters live in Scotland, so they've

29:39

asked for sketches and fossil vouchers

29:42

for Christmas. Steven

29:45

Bangkok says, I know you want to be cremated. Have you

29:47

thought of a water cremation called alkaline

29:50

hydrolysis? I don't like fire. This is

29:52

eco friendly, an

29:53

alternative to cremation. No. I didn't think so.

29:55

I'm not sure. No. No. I just want to

29:57

be cremated. You know,

29:59

nothing nothing particularly. strenuous.

30:01

I mean, you

30:02

could probably have something. I

30:03

think I'm inviting a load of people, but it's it's sort

30:06

of clean and it's done with and it's

30:08

it's, you know, That's

30:09

the it goes. Steve, I've got the Macrispy

30:11

from McDonald's yesterday, more like

30:14

disappointment. Any positive is that the chips are

30:16

cooked fresh because they're prepping for

30:18

breakfast. think it'll be fish pie and peas

30:20

today. Night shift nearly finished. Oh,

30:22

fish pie and peas. Well, fish pie.

30:25

I don't think

30:25

you really want peas with it. That's a bit

30:27

in it. No. You try picking up peas with a You need

30:29

a spoon. That's

30:31

how it works. Matthew

30:33

says in stitches over these stick

30:35

comment, Thank you. Isn't there a law

30:37

jaywalking in force for loitering on the road says

30:39

Roger? Yeah. There is. But

30:41

But that's we don't have

30:44

Jaywalking here, Dewey. We just have we

30:46

just have stupid old fashioned laws that were out

30:48

when Oliver Cromwell was, you

30:50

know, out and about on the town. So they're

30:52

allowed to walk up and down very slowly.

30:54

You know? And you you think to yourself,

30:56

so the police just stand there like

30:58

ninnies. Oh, jackie cup of tea,

31:00

Iberi cup of tea. Ya'll be alright.

31:02

We'll look after you. And

31:05

another one here.

31:06

Apparently, Keith says, earlier in the

31:09

week, you said you could be bothered with working out

31:11

split train tickets. There is an app

31:13

that can do it for you called train line. mean,

31:15

so I never bothered about that because I never gone

31:17

big boys trains. I'm only going

31:19

a few a few sort of stops

31:22

up the line. I'm never doing anything lengthy like, you know,

31:24

Newcastle or Manchester or Scotland or

31:26

anything like that. Granny Kate says

31:28

I asked my youngest grandchild to

31:30

give me an indication for his Christmas gift. The answer was

31:32

a bank transfer. I like

31:35

that.

31:35

Go for a bank transfer,

31:37

please. Save the

31:39

Faroe Islands whale hunting is disgusting. Men

31:41

think they're feeling alive and manly by

31:43

brutally hunting and butchering pilot whales. It's

31:47

just pathetic. or the whale can't go anywhere. They're

31:49

completely at the mercy.

31:51

It's like basically being in China and,

31:53

you know, having a bit of a demonstration.

31:56

the Chinese police weighed in. They don't care.

31:58

They don't

31:58

care. Back from

31:59

New York yesterday, Steve, says,

32:02

Kristen Jersey,

32:04

five day trip, but the weather was the same as here. Prices were still

32:06

good, but the big problem in the big apple is

32:08

cannabis. Now it's legal. Everywhere smells of

32:10

it. I know I don't

32:13

don't do stuff like that. Had you on play back

32:15

at four every morning, dealt with the jet lag,

32:17

and the tea towels have been bought

32:19

well done. You're among one of the the last to get

32:21

the tea towels. Kim says me and

32:23

the me and the boys just

32:25

on Christmas day, Steve. I've got a do on Christmas

32:27

even a wee buffet do on boxing

32:29

day. Boys coming to

32:31

but their dad is on duty over Christmas, but

32:33

I'm doing my Christmas dindins. I'll do an

32:35

extra one for him. Drop it off in the in

32:37

his fridge, Turkey trimmings this year.

32:39

So just me and the boys and your wonderful company between

32:42

seven and ten, it will be

32:44

wonderful company. Josie says, Steve,

32:46

could we have a beach towel Next.

32:48

Oh, I don't know. Never thought about a beach

32:50

towel actually. I think the jiffy bag could

32:52

be bigger. Frank says did you

32:54

know Virelli and you to go to the Faroe Islands and eat

32:56

out at a restaurant. She wants to get so fed up with the menu choice and

32:58

started singing, whale meat,

33:00

again, you're barred. You

33:02

all never write anybody ever again, matey and

33:05

Binkley. I know where Binkley's. I know where you

33:07

are. Angie says,

33:10

I'm due to have a routine gas

33:13

drop camera

33:14

in the stomach. Yeah. I'm what I

33:17

have. I've colonoscopy and

33:19

gastroenterology Oh, I can't remember which

33:21

one it is now. Colonoscopy. Endoscopy.

33:24

Endoscopy. I've never heard of the the other one. It's the same

33:26

thing actually. It's

33:28

it's just a camera. You won't feel

33:30

anything. You

33:30

really won't feel you think that you're gonna

33:33

gag.

33:34

You won't.

33:36

gastoscopy. What's

33:39

that? Well, I

33:40

had endoscopy. I had

33:43

colonoscopy and endoscopy. an endoscopy is

33:45

down your throat. That's what the

33:47

endoscopy,

33:47

the colonoscopy is obviously not,

33:49

but the endoscopy is down your throat.

33:52

little tiny camera. You don't feel anything. They spray

33:54

some antiseptic on the back of your throat.

33:56

They put a little tube in your nose with a

33:58

little bit of sponge, which gives you the

34:01

air because what do when going down your throat, you hold your

34:03

breath. You go, and that that makes

34:05

you sick. So this thing doesn't because

34:07

it's blowing air into your nose.

34:10

It's perfect. and they feed this little plastic

34:12

plate with the tubing in, they put it over your

34:14

mouth, feed it down down your

34:16

throat

34:16

with the camera, and

34:18

you don't feel any there. I mean,

34:20

I've been having a conversation, but I

34:22

mean, who does anyway? But nothing to matter

34:25

with it. I promise you it's It's

34:28

easy. Steve, my tea towels already been shipped. How

34:32

positive are you? How

34:34

cool? And

34:36

Steve Steve's Steve, I'll happily take on your taxi duties as

34:38

David. He says that you won't need to pay anything

34:40

just one one tea towel a day.

34:42

Yeah. I've heard of

34:44

that before. And while she says, logged into

34:46

the site, been ill a couple of days with a cold and flu. Oh, not good.

34:48

Not doing anything like that at this time

34:50

of year because it's so cold out there.

34:53

that it just exacerbates the situation. You just feel a little

34:55

bit worse about it. So I try

34:58

not to catch anything like

35:00

that. Did you have a kill

35:02

time yesterday? force at Andrew's Day

35:04

says, Kim, I didn't, but I did

35:06

watch. Donald Weixitrose says,

35:08

let the win blow, high, let the win blow

35:12

low. And you don't

35:14

know who that is. And he

35:16

stood. And he showed very French there was a

35:18

soldier, a Scottish soldier

35:20

who wondered far do we and soldier,

35:22

far do we? An Anna Hillside, a Scottish

35:24

hillside. Oh, until the

35:27

very patriotic in Scotland. which

35:29

we were a bit more patriotic. Kev

35:32

the x pad says, growing up in London, I remember

35:34

London as queuing at bus stops to catch the

35:36

bus. Each person respecting the person

35:38

in front in a neat line. Now

35:40

when I return to the UK, all I say

35:41

is a pile of disrespectful hooligans climbing over

35:43

each other to try and secure a spot

35:45

in the bus. such

35:47

a shame. Andrew Stewart,

35:50

we every call him Andy

35:52

Stewart. Oh, Campbellton Locke. Can we see you

35:54

with ski Campbellton Locke

35:56

and high? He was he was part of the white Heather Club the

35:58

sixties, and his song, Donald Weiser, Cruisers,

36:00

was a hit. It was nineteen

36:02

sixty, nineteen eighty nine, into

36:04

incidentally, so

36:06

internationally. The song most closely associated is

36:09

the Scottish soldier. It's

36:11

it's a it's a really lovely song.

36:13

I remember playing it loads and times

36:15

and and I I watched it

36:17

today, including Andy Williams on the

36:19

Royal Variety performance from

36:22

about nineteen seventy. And he does all his hits, come with

36:24

us, run with us, we're gonna

36:26

change the world, and then he does all

36:28

of his

36:30

his greatest hits with an orchestra and chorus. It was really, really

36:32

moving. Really nice. Nice songs. Nice.

36:34

You know, proper song. You can understand what

36:37

he was singing about. Most of the people

36:39

today, I don't know idea what they're singing about. They could be talking chewing gum and

36:41

lettuce leaves with banana slices. I really

36:43

have no idea Leading

36:46

Britain's conversation, LBC,

36:48

with Steve Hallum. Pulling

36:50

up pretty twelve minutes to five.

36:53

It is it's Thursday, December the

36:55

first. So creepy old David Beckham, man

36:57

who trouser the ten and a half million quid,

36:59

didn't even watch The three lines play

37:01

in Qatar. He seriously didn't either. They paid him ten and

37:03

a half million quid and the one who

37:06

thinks he's really clever and bright but

37:08

really isn't. decided

37:10

that he would miss England's win on

37:13

Tuesday to fly to a

37:15

bash for the wife's fashion

37:18

firm. That's what the that's what you get for ten

37:19

and a half million with Bexam. You know, he goes,

37:21

oh, yeah. But

37:22

I'm flying home to my wife's

37:24

birthday, so a Christmas party.

37:28

I don't know why for a shop that's not doing very well to a team that was

37:30

doing very well. And he wasn't even there for it.

37:32

He's under pressure to give

37:34

back this ten million pound money

37:37

a mid human. He doesn't care. He's not gonna change

37:39

it. He thinks he's clever than everybody else. He's

37:41

not remotely interested in gay people. He's not

37:43

a gay icon. Never was. never will

37:45

be. He's just a creepy old man who takes ten a half million pounds from a country

37:47

that really needs looking at carefully. And

37:50

Robbie Williams as well exactly the

37:52

same, exactly

37:54

the same. How much you trouser for that, Robbie? Oh, dear.

37:56

How disappointing that all your gay fans would

37:58

be there? Yeah. We really love Robbie. Not anymore.

38:00

We

38:02

don't. not anymore, I'm afraid. Plus,

38:04

it is the season to save

38:06

lolly. Millions of Brits will

38:08

be

38:09

having a thrifty Christmas. hunting

38:12

for cheaper deals apparently.

38:15

Many people will be going

38:17

to the Budget Supermarkets poundland have

38:19

launched a five pound ahead dinner for the big day to help

38:22

cash go further, and a six pound

38:24

eighty five offer for a four course

38:26

blowout for a family

38:28

of five. and you get all sorts of things. All sorts of

38:30

things. I mean, they've got sort of

38:32

costs here. This includes frozen

38:34

turkey crown, stuffing veggies in

38:36

a pudding, thirty

38:38

pound seventy two, which is from Asda. Audi, twenty

38:41

two pound thirty. Oh,

38:43

it's absolutely

38:43

unbelievably ridiculous.

38:46

Isn't it? But what what, you know, where do these things come from? Where

38:48

where where'd you get turkeys from

38:50

nowadays? You know, you'd have to get them from abroad

38:51

for this to for them to be

38:54

this cheap. You couldn't have anything

38:56

that was British and make it, you

38:58

know, as I say, Aldi, twenty two

39:00

pound thirty for for Christmas

39:02

lunch for four to five people. Diversity

39:04

dance groups, Perry Kelly,

39:06

used to be the one who had all the hair.

39:08

All the hair, huge, huge, afro.

39:10

He's making a move on a track suit inspired by train seat patterns. In

39:13

fact, it is the train seat pattern. It's most

39:15

ridiculous thing you've ever seen. I feel

39:17

sorry for him actually. Buses

39:19

at the ticket site teamed up with

39:21

the sustainable fashion designer

39:24

Christopher Rayburn for the launch. Perry says

39:26

wherever I can, I am to make a small change that will have

39:28

a positive impact. So a bloody track

39:30

suit might get over yourself. It's a

39:32

seventy quid track suit

39:34

inspired by the train suit pants. So when he sits down on

39:36

the train suit, he

39:38

disappears completely. Completely vanished. I

39:38

mean, it is the most awful track suit I've

39:40

ever seen in my entire life. But he's

39:43

sort of grown up now,

39:46

but he's he's now flogging a track suit for seventy

39:48

quid. It really looked awful. Mind

39:50

you, actually, his sense of fashion

39:52

is real. isn't really

39:54

something to be applauded whereas

39:56

me, a bit of

39:56

a fashionista, you know, don't want to sort of

39:58

tell people that I am

39:59

people look at me and they go, that's a

40:02

fashionista, you know. I mean, don't a Victoria Beckham and

40:04

go, oh, look at her.

40:06

That's a fashionista. You don't say that at all, dude. You

40:08

might say other things about her, but you certainly don't say

40:10

she's a fast fashionista. The

40:12

Rolling Stones are to release a live

40:14

hits album featuring Lady Gaga and Bruce

40:16

Springsteen. Gosh. That's like

40:18

a meeting of the minds.

40:20

Mustn't it? And the Fleetwood Max singer songwriter Christine McVie died

40:22

following a short illness. Seventy nine,

40:24

she was the one who came up with, don't,

40:26

start thinking about your baby.

40:29

little lies. Tell me sweet little lies.

40:32

Tell me lihai's. And

40:34

they say one of a kind. One of

40:36

a kind. Last time she was back on stage, I think

40:38

it was in twenty fourteen. She

40:40

had an affair, actually, with the

40:43

with the band's married sound engineer,

40:45

Martin, in nineteen seventy eight, people

40:47

always do that though. normal, you're in a

40:49

group. You know, there's lots of these sort of

40:49

interrelations that go on

40:52

personally. I've never been in a group, so I

40:54

can't actually a comment too much

40:56

on it, but I know it goes on. These are the

40:58

toastmasters of the Isle of Whites as I'm glad

41:00

Christian Jersey is safely back from the big

41:02

apple. I'm putting my own

41:04

towel order in. I think so too.

41:06

While they're still available,

41:08

while they're

41:08

still available. First time sending it to it's

41:11

a procedure that goes down your throat as

41:13

Jack is called, dressed

41:16

no. No. It's it's I'm

41:18

sorry. It isn't. If you're having

41:20

having the camera down your throat, endoscopy. Okay?

41:23

Type in endoscopy. Have

41:24

a look. See what

41:25

it says and probably say it's and

41:27

colonoscopy is the other end.

41:30

I know because I've had it done. I know what

41:32

it's called. I've got it on a piece of paper. I

41:34

mean, there might be other

41:36

names for

41:37

different other procedures. you

41:40

know, but but what I had, you know, an endoscopy

41:42

is to look inside your body, a

41:44

long thin tube with a camera,

41:47

Inside called an endoscope is passed into the

41:49

body through a natural opening such as a

41:51

mouth, your GP may refer you

41:53

for an end if you're having certain symptoms, usually down

41:55

at an endoscopy unit in a hospital. That's what I had, Kingston

41:58

Hospital.

41:59

An endoscopy. with a

42:01

little camera going down the throat. There might be other things

42:03

as well you can have done, but this is

42:06

the test to look inside your body. There might

42:08

be other cameras that go to

42:10

different places. you know, a gas stove appears to test inside your

42:12

throat, your esophagus and

42:14

stomach known as the upper part of

42:16

your digestive system.

42:19

So that's a gastroscopy. Gast yeah.

42:21

Anyway, endoscopy is any procedure where

42:23

the camera goes

42:26

inside you

42:28

down

42:28

your throat. So but

42:31

the but the guessed us

42:34

copies, a test inside the throat, the food part, the esophagus.

42:36

And gas is so complicated. I mean,

42:38

I hope you're following this because we're gonna ask questions

42:42

later. a gasoscopy specifically looking at the

42:44

stomach. Okay? I mean, just

42:46

basically invite the film crew in and they'll have a look around

42:48

wherever they want

42:50

to go. you know, they come in and go, oh, do you fancy, you know, an endoscopy?

42:52

I don't care. I really didn't care.

42:54

About four of us in a little tiny year. They just

42:56

shoved the tube down. I didn't even know

42:58

the tube had

43:00

gone in. It was that good. And then to show you the pictures afterwards, it

43:02

was fabulous. Me on the beach at

43:04

Fredericton. Me on the beach in South End. You

43:06

know, Me on the beach

43:08

in Florida. and then the inside

43:10

of my stomach, which looked like the inside of Mount

43:12

Vesuvius before it

43:14

before I don't know after it erupted, that would

43:16

be terrible. And that's why you have to go and

43:18

take all these liquid. You have any liquid for about twenty four hours, but you

43:20

can just sip little bits of water because they don't

43:23

want your stomach full of water. Otherwise, the camera, you

43:25

know, is gonna drown. Isn't it?

43:28

And then go in there then go. Here we go. Underwater

43:30

swimming through there. A lot

43:32

of things like that. I'm up for all these

43:34

different procedures. I don't say that make me

43:37

sick. I'm okay, that was my worst nightmare about

43:39

the endoscopy. I thought I would be sick, but the little

43:41

tube up the nose is the trick.

43:44

They've worked it out,

43:44

but that's what it is. Little sponge. tube

43:47

into it, up the nose, it stays there by itself.

43:49

You're on your side, and they just

43:51

feed the tube in. And you

43:53

think you think you'd feel

43:55

it? You don't. Yeah. Feel nothing. Kim says

43:58

I love Andy Williams.

43:59

Loved him since I was a little a little. And in

44:02

fact, I watched him on

44:04

Sky Arts channel to the day. It was

44:06

a documentary about the Christmas shows he did. Yes, it was with the Oldsman's

44:08

and loads of other people and Andy Williams

44:10

at Christmas was like, well, I'm tall.

44:13

He was quite short actually, quite a short person, but

44:15

it warmed the cockles of the

44:18

heart. Steve, I'm debating when to get my

44:20

veg and potato to Christmas.

44:22

Christmas Eve. would think, why would you want

44:24

them in any any time before

44:26

that? He says, but

44:27

usually the stores have the veg reduced down to

44:29

like seven peak the days before

44:31

Christmas, but order risk not being able to get

44:33

some spuds, frozen roast

44:36

potatoes just won't do. We can get it

44:38

all frozen. all the vegetable. Just go to Iceland, bite, shove it in your

44:40

freezer. And then you've you've got it now. It

44:42

makes so much more sense. I mean, if you're lucky to

44:44

have a

44:46

fresh fruit. you know, and and

44:48

vegetable shop will then go and buy fresh, but

44:50

they'll have loads of nuts in and stuff like that.

44:52

I told her I bought the other day in the

44:54

Marks and

44:56

Spencer's chestnuts. cooked and ready to eat. Perfect with sprouts

44:58

stuffing risottos and desserts

45:00

desserts. But and I I gave one to

45:02

the producer. as usual, turned

45:04

his nose up. He didn't want that. I don't know what that it

45:06

was do. Okay. It's a

45:08

it's a chestnut. And he had no idea

45:10

what I was talking about till I sang the song,

45:12

you know. chestnuts roasting on an open fire

45:14

jack frost, picking up your

45:16

nose, or your time

45:18

Carol's being sung by

45:20

a choir, and folks dressed

45:22

up as Eskemetz. Everybody

45:24

knows that Turkey and I can do the

45:26

whole song. I promise you. I'm very good and and

45:28

he had one. He went, oh, it's not how I thought it was. Things, he had no

45:30

idea what they were. I don't know what he thought it was gonna

45:32

be anyway, but they're really nice. I got these earmarked

45:35

dispensers fully cooked. chestnut ready to

45:37

eat and the ingredients or they made over packed in

45:40

France, strangely using chestnuts

45:42

from Italy.

45:46

Amazing. But they say, yeah, once

45:48

opened, eat within three days.

45:50

Yeah. Actually, eat another training. because they melt in

45:52

your mouth, not in your hand. and which

45:54

is very nice. And and they and it

45:56

doesn't tell you what the ingredients

45:58

are. It just Yeah.

45:59

But there must be something

46:00

else with chestnuts, because they can't just be chestnuts.

46:03

Oh, that song. Don't song.

46:05

You don't know. You don't know. You've got no

46:07

idea. Living Maidenhead. You know, you you don't even

46:10

sing around your Christmas tree.

46:12

Heath them. You know, it should be singing all the key. It should be rehearsing at the

46:14

moment. Rehercing all your camera,

46:16

but if ever just singing, god knows it's enough

46:18

to send cats around

46:20

the bend really is. But no, Phil in

46:22

high wicker and says I'm totally

46:24

blind and I've got two

46:26

electronic organs in my flat and

46:27

that's all I

46:30

play. the old single old music like Andy Williams, Dean Martin, Engelbert,

46:32

Humperdink, all the golden oldies, none of this

46:34

modern rubbish. It's tuneless a

46:36

lot of it, and I'm only forty nine.

46:39

where I used to work as piano tuner, well, of

46:42

course. Of course,

46:42

because piano tuners are nearly always

46:45

blind. Is

46:46

that interesting? because your senses are

46:49

heightened and very interesting, but he says, well,

46:51

I used to work as a piano tuner. The bloke

46:53

owns a shop, used to play the same old

46:55

music as me with good vamping down

46:57

on the piano. It was great. I think we'll be

46:59

the only ones playing it. You

47:02

know, bring it all back in this modern time. My

47:04

guide dog seems to like. It lays on the sofa

47:06

quite happily. I must be doing you. bit

47:08

got to retire next year. She's gonna be

47:10

eleven in June, which makes her

47:12

about eighty

47:14

four. That's

47:15

why she likes the old fashioned music. That's what it is. But

47:17

no blind piano tuners, so

47:19

many are. So it's such

47:21

a clever skill tune

47:24

it, which I could play a piano, which

47:26

I could, but you have two electronic organs. Very

47:30

nice indeed.

47:30

friend of mine used to have an organ, but it

47:32

had all the different keyboards. It had about three different

47:34

keyboards. And I like watching people playing

47:36

them because I always think it's so clever and

47:38

they have to do the foot pedals and on

47:41

the rest of it. It's really lovely actually. And Mike

47:43

says, can you get the boozie mince pies with

47:45

cream? If you know you can't.

47:48

No.

47:48

They do the the mince

47:50

pies. with

47:51

cream, but not boozie. Not

47:53

boozie. You've got to go to walk us for those

47:55

ones, Mike. Sorry about

47:58

that. And other the two details, one from

47:59

my friend who's a former regional radio presenter. So Fantz himself is a bit of

48:02

a Steve Allen. Can you

48:04

remind Rory's

48:06

now geography teacher and not Steve Allen. He can never copy anybody.

48:08

I mean, why don't you want to copy somebody else?

48:10

You know, it's amazing.

48:14

Steve, did you hear about the school kid that followed a two pound coin?

48:17

Still no change.

48:19

You're barred. Okay?

48:22

You'll never write to anybody again, you know, just sit back and if

48:24

I was you, I change the locks on your door because we're coming

48:26

to get you. Simple as that. It's

48:29

Steve Allen's early breakfast. It's Thursday,

48:31

December the first with you till seven o'clock

48:33

this morning still to come. The beam bosses set

48:35

to sign Phoebe Waller Bridge to help

48:37

reboot doctor who just like you did with

48:39

James Bond's. I never talked to doctor who. I liked the early ones but

48:42

not the later versions more after

48:44

the news

48:46

of which

48:47

is next.

48:49

This

48:50

is LVC

48:53

from global, leading Britain's

48:56

conversation with Steve Allen.

49:04

Morning,

49:04

Happy Place is in the United Kingdom.

49:06

I don't know how they work it out. I

49:08

can't

49:09

work out what makes a happy place.

49:11

I suppose a place where everybody's got

49:13

a job, everybody's got tree. Everybody's got enough

49:15

money for present. I don't know. We shall find out with the list

49:17

and the oldest jeweler shutting after two

49:19

hundred and thirty years. Not because they

49:21

haven't got any work. loads

49:23

of work. It's just that the family don't wanna go into it. The bloke

49:25

who's got it at the moment. He's

49:28

eighty. And he said, I want to retire and

49:30

spend time with

49:32

my grandchildren. a nobody in his family wants to take it on. So

49:34

they're not. So they're

49:36

not.

49:36

Steve, if you're a grandma, you need your

49:39

Christmas bench. Now those sprouts should have gone on last

49:41

week. Oh, I'm having I've having sprouts about the last

49:44

month. Really? Yeah.

49:46

And Debbie from Rutherford says

49:49

what

49:49

a day. Work

49:50

for HS speci bank and was told

49:53

that our branch is closing in June of next

49:55

year, sad for the customers and the staff

49:57

that an hour ago was

49:59

woken

49:59

up to a big bang, a drunk driver crashed

50:02

into a neighbor's car, and I've

50:04

been out and made them all a cup and back to bed.

50:06

On a positive note, I've ordered two

50:08

tea towels. Thank you, Debbie. That's awful to be I mean, I've told you

50:10

when I went to Royal Bank of

50:12

Scotland up at Victoria, I had to go there and get

50:14

to them

50:16

to doing a bit of paper for for a legal

50:18

thing that we needed to do. And they

50:20

had the sun on the window. They they were closing

50:24

as well. And it's a case of, you

50:26

know, they some of them work there for years and

50:28

years, twenty years.

50:30

Twenty years.

50:30

the to you And I think that's

50:33

absolutely shameful. And another

50:36

one, another one, which

50:36

says, I was at Kingston Hospital,

50:39

says Matt. and the doctors and nurses were amazing. Well,

50:41

I've had nothing but good experiences there. I've been

50:43

there for my eyes to the eye

50:45

unit and then for the

50:47

endoscopy and colonoscopy, very good right next

50:50

to the private bit of the hospital.

50:52

They've got a private section. They say you can, you know, call

50:54

this number and we can give you a

50:56

price quote So you get exactly the same operation if you go private. It's just get

50:58

it quicker. That's why a lot of

51:00

elderly people, they say, oh, you need

51:04

this doing. and it's a case of, well, it's gonna be about two years

51:06

waiting list. So people say how much if I

51:08

pay and they go, well, it's six thousand

51:10

pounds and we could do it

51:12

next week. So you get that's

51:14

why people go go private. You're not getting

51:16

anything different. They're doing exactly the same

51:18

operation. If I went and got my colonoscopy

51:22

and endoscopy, and had it done It exactly same

51:24

Wouldn't be any different. So here

51:26

we go. This is

51:28

the the the

51:28

happiest places to live.

51:32

happiest places to live according to a company. I'm

51:34

not gonna mention them because they that's how they

51:36

get their publicity, you know. And it's it's a bit of

51:38

a I mean, I could have Steve Allen, you

51:42

know, And what they've done is they've they've asked them the average asking

51:44

price for a home and the average asking

51:46

monthly rental price. Okay? I don't know

51:48

how many is on the list. Is it ten or twenty?

51:51

How many? twenty. Do you want to way down the bottom then? So we

51:53

start at twenty. Number twenty.

51:56

So this is

51:58

the place then I will tell

52:00

you the average price of a house, and then I will tell

52:02

you the average monthly

52:04

rental. Number twenty, land

52:06

done now. two hundred and sixty thousand, two hundred and forty five

52:08

quid is the average price of a

52:09

house, seven hundred and

52:12

sixty pounds. is

52:13

the price of the average rental.

52:16

Newbury, in Berkshire. Yay.

52:18

Yo for Newbury.

52:20

Three

52:20

hundred and eighty thousand eight hundred and forty two pounds is

52:23

the house price. One thousand three hundred

52:25

and sixty four pounds

52:28

is the rental per month.

52:30

Then you go Macclesfield, Altringham,

52:32

offering him Northwhich, Worcester,

52:34

which this Leamington

52:36

Spa, Monmouth, in Wales, Falmouth,

52:40

Richmond upon Thames, where he he jumps up

52:43

a bit here. one million one hundred and fifty three

52:45

thousand three hundred and forty seven pounds with the

52:48

average price of the house and the monthly

52:50

rental average enrichment

52:52

upon temps three thousand

52:54

nine hundred and thirty one pounds.

52:56

Well, knock me down with a feather and call me

52:58

Susan. Can't believe it's

53:00

Cyren's sister, is

53:00

number ten, nine is sterling in Scotland,

53:03

eight is Barisan Edmunds, seven

53:05

is Anglo Sea, six

53:08

is harrogate. in Yorkshire

53:09

in the Humber. Perth is

53:12

at number five. Hexham

53:14

is at number four. Woodbridge.

53:16

East of

53:17

England is number three. Galla Shields in Scotland,

53:19

average price of a house there, a hundred and

53:21

fifty three thousand five hundred and

53:23

forty six pounds. and

53:26

the average monthly rental, five hundred and thirty, could you

53:28

imagine average of five hundred and thirty pound people in

53:30

London would kill for something like that. really

53:34

is. Really is. And number one

53:36

survives. Five hundred and

53:38

twenty three thousand seven hundred and thirty one

53:40

pounds. It's very pretty. very beautiful. I

53:42

could live there. If I was gonna live in a place like

53:44

that, I'd like to live right on the

53:46

seafront right so

53:47

that people would walk past and be looking at your

53:50

house going. that's quite nice. Wonder who lives there and somebody said

53:52

that's Steve Allen's, he lives there. You can tell

53:54

he's got a Christmas tree in every every

53:56

room. It looks lovely,

53:58

doesn't it? Hey, nice. I

53:59

mean, you know, that's of course you got to Shin

54:01

Army in which case you don't wanna live there. But I mean, as

54:03

far as I know, they've never had anything like that. I could

54:06

live there. I could live

54:08

there. Top ten things to do in some

54:10

dives. Sit there drinking, waving at the window at the

54:12

poor people. Hello. Hello.

54:14

Save up. YouTube can have a house down. It is getting

54:16

pretty though. Look at

54:18

that. I'd like an ice cream

54:20

shop. I'd I'd have

54:21

an ice cream shop. I was gonna say fish and chips,

54:23

but you'd never get rid of the smell of

54:25

fish and chips. you fish and chips, it oozes out

54:27

of your body. As you put, they say once

54:29

you worked in a fish and ship

54:31

shop, people know as

54:33

you walk down the street, they'll be going, they work in the

54:35

fish and ship shop. You know, you you can just

54:37

tell, yeah, you like the fish and ship, but you don't wanna go

54:39

to bed smelling efficient ships. That means

54:41

you might as well just go to the supermarket, buy a

54:44

bottle of Missola, pour it over your head and climb

54:46

into bed. It's about as good as that. But it

54:48

does look quite nice. You can you can stop

54:50

for lunch, you know, and you can get a burger and things like that

54:52

down a little bit. See, that's pretty. See, I

54:54

like that. I love tourists because you

54:56

know they're

54:56

not gonna be there for long.

54:59

That's always

54:59

a good fit. Torres are great.

55:01

Hello. Hello. Love you. Love you. You won't be

55:03

here next week. Hello. Love you. That's

55:05

great, isn't it? And you can drink

55:07

like a local and you can go to the sloop in, you know,

55:09

and all the all the old sailors me singing. So,

55:12

hey, hold and up she wrote you says, hey,

55:14

hold and up she There was that song about the

55:16

fisherman, wasn't it?

55:18

There was all these fishermen who sang and got into the charts. Do you

55:20

remember?

55:20

Yeah. No.

55:22

There was also no. No. No. No. No. No. No.

55:24

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

55:28

So no. No. No.

55:30

No. Ant deducted it very well.

55:32

We

55:32

came very, very well. They all joined in with

55:34

it and and and and and and

55:36

I like stuff like that. I like community singing. But, you

55:38

know, the sloop in, I go, hello, you're

55:40

welcome to our little pub here.

55:44

We've been sitting here for ages, sea shantoes, and all the rest of it,

55:46

just for the tourists. I love

55:48

it. I love it. So that that would be

55:51

quite a nice idea. Steve, over your

55:53

career says Daryl, what do you mean

55:55

over my career?

55:56

Over my Oh, it's a career.

55:59

Lord, did you ever take a

56:01

mad tickly cough on air?

56:03

I'd have had tickly coughs. Yes? Was

56:05

it the worst experience?

56:08

No. No. No. The worst the worst experience was prostate problems.

56:10

That was that was the worst experience.

56:12

Literally, ten minutes. Need to go to the

56:14

toilet. Need to go to the toilet like

56:18

desperately. like desperately. So no, it wasn't the worst thing. So I have had tickly

56:20

coughs, but actually luckily, and

56:22

I've got a doctor's appointment

56:23

tomorrow. I don't know why. They've just said you've

56:25

got to present yourself at this perhaps

56:27

I'm donating my body to science, I don't know, not that science really wants

56:29

it. And and so I've got to go to the

56:31

doctors and have something done, but I've had all my

56:33

medications. I've had the the

56:36

Covids and the other bits and pieces. I don't think I'm doing

56:38

another one. As far as I know, I'm not. But

56:40

I'm willing to go for it anyway,

56:42

just for just for the laugh. should

56:45

go there and go. I don't know what I'm here for. Nobody's told

56:47

me to be here for anything. So they'll probably say,

56:49

oh, you're here because you've just denoted

56:51

your body to science. I go, oh, lovely. Thank you

56:53

very much indeed. But no, ever since I've had that, I haven't had

56:55

any coals or coughs. Occasionally get

56:58

a little tickly cough, but I never

57:00

really get particularly to I

57:02

mean, I have got throat sprays and everything

57:04

else. I'm a little bit I'm a little hypercontract,

57:06

but I just sort of go to that

57:08

stage where You just wanna look

57:10

after yourself. So I've have taken

57:12

turmeric and manuka honey and hot

57:14

water and stuff like you have to

57:16

because I use my voice for my living.

57:18

No voice. No

57:19

living. It's a subcutt. You can't mine this. God knows

57:21

we've tried. Producer mines his job really

57:23

well actually. It's very good.

57:26

He said, sort of points into the distance, like, we're supposed to know what he's doing. It's a bit

57:28

like Sema four. You know, I was supposed to

57:30

get, oh,

57:32

can't believe it. Yeah. Lovely,

57:35

isn't it really? Is it funny that he's only an

57:37

inch taller than I am?

57:40

Yeah? He's six foot apparently, and I'm

57:42

five, ten, and a bit. If I stand

57:44

on tipy tip, what? You're 664

57:46

You're not six four. Honestly, why do people

57:48

make these things? Does it make you feel

57:50

better? to come up with an extra

57:52

four inches. Nobody's impressed around here. Seriously, we've got Dominic Ellis.

57:54

We're not impressed by things like that.

57:57

ridiculous. So, Daryl, in answer to your question,

58:00

I have had tickly coughs, but they've

58:02

never affected my I did have a I did have

58:04

a cough on one

58:06

particular program. so much so that my boss at the time, lovely

58:08

James, said I think I need to take some time off. And

58:10

of course, I hate taking time off. It's

58:12

not to not me at all.

58:14

But we're gonna take all your text and emails

58:16

on the program, record number with that

58:18

record number at the moment of text

58:20

and emails. It's it it gets better and

58:22

better and better and better. So thank you very

58:24

much indeed. So this

58:26

jewelry shop believed to be Britain's

58:28

oldest. Martin Wilkinson Jewelers has been

58:30

run by one family for

58:32

more than ninety years, but the current owner,

58:34

Andrew, says my three children all have

58:36

their own careers, and they don't

58:38

wanna do it. So it's

58:40

gonna close. which is a shooting.

58:42

They could sell it onto somebody who could keep it

58:44

going, but it's so difficult now. There's a couple

58:46

of restaurants top restaurants

58:48

in London have gone under

58:50

shortly because they owe

58:52

money to the landlord. And the

58:53

landlord says you pay us this money and they go, well,

58:55

listen, can't you give us a bit extra no.

58:58

They can't. You know why? Because they end up going to these coffee

59:00

shops. Coffee shops need to open up all

59:02

over the place. I mean, you

59:04

wouldn't think that much money and a

59:06

bit of frothy milk and a tiddly bit of coffee,

59:08

but there is there is

59:10

surprisingly. I was shocked

59:12

to hear you say David Beckham. pocketed

59:14

all those millions and didn't even watch

59:16

England play. No. He flew back

59:18

so he could go to his wife's

59:20

Christmas

59:21

party at the shop she runs while

59:22

she hardly ever there. And so he

59:24

pocketed ten and a half million and he didn't even

59:26

see England play. He was out

59:29

of the country. And you think perhaps the

59:31

Qatari's ripped more stupid than we thought

59:32

they were. So you pay them all this money and he's not

59:34

even there to watch the England game. Mind you, when he

59:36

does sit there, he's a bit billy nomads.

59:40

I'm afraid. Steve,

59:42

Dell says the happiest place

59:44

to live his economic village near

59:46

Oxbridge I have three en

59:48

suite pubs across the road. Three

59:51

three

59:51

pubs. I bet you got a

59:53

favorite them out of avenue. You never

59:55

you never used them all together. I used to have been stains. And

59:57

in my road, there was a little pub in the corner. I only

59:59

ever went in it once.

1:00:02

And

1:00:02

because you just don't, for some reason, you don't

1:00:04

don't use a local pub. All the people who who used it came from

1:00:06

outside, I think. Certainly weren't in my road.

1:00:08

Steve, you're very fabb in the morning,

1:00:10

says Melanie and Shropshire. I

1:00:13

think so too. I think we're definitely

1:00:15

fab, such an old fashioned word. How do I get

1:00:17

a tea towel? I'm glad you asked.

1:00:19

We're on the

1:00:22

final sprint. If you

1:00:22

want to get to the Steve Allen Limited Edition Radio Royalty

1:00:24

t t tau, they're on the global

1:00:27

make some noise website. Just type

1:00:29

in global's make some

1:00:32

and go to the website, click on the shop,

1:00:34

and you'll find about the third one

1:00:35

in, the second or third one in, and then

1:00:37

you scroll down and there is a picture of

1:00:39

me modeling the

1:00:42

t and you can order it. And in fact, because it's not

1:00:44

the nineteenth last orders for

1:00:46

Christmas delivery, depending on the

1:00:48

postal strikes, is nineteenth

1:00:50

of this month. So if you order today, you'll

1:00:52

get it before Christmas, which I think

1:00:54

is like an early Christmas present.

1:00:57

means

1:00:57

you're part of the part of

1:00:59

the gang.

1:01:01

Steve isn't the shame on you for using

1:01:03

online banking and using your card.

1:01:05

The bank closures are on you. Yeah. Whatever.

1:01:08

Yeah. Whatever. Sado.

1:01:10

I bet you I bet you can't

1:01:12

even use an ATM machine. Can you? Yeah.

1:01:15

So I've always used online banking.

1:01:17

Why why do

1:01:18

you need to go to a bank? Explain

1:01:20

to me little WMI

1:01:22

noticed you hide behind two initials.

1:01:25

I think we know what w stands for, don't we?

1:01:27

But anyway, why don't why don't you tell me what you need

1:01:29

to go into a bank for? If you wanna pay bills, you

1:01:31

do it online. You know? I mean, do

1:01:33

you borrow money? very

1:01:36

unwise. You know, what

1:01:38

about people with that? You can do it on your phone. I I

1:01:40

don't I don't do oh, yeah. People with

1:01:42

that phone. Yeah. Everybody's got

1:01:44

a phone. They haven't. Everybody's got a phone. Everybody's got a

1:01:46

phone. You do not need to go into a bank. You

1:01:48

can do everything on I've got all

1:01:50

ten of my bank accounts. Oh, did I really

1:01:52

say ten? and too

1:01:54

offshore. You know, it's it's a case. It's all on

1:01:56

my telephone. My amounts. I can see what

1:01:58

goes in. I can see what goes out. I

1:01:59

can say, oh, you don't need to go into

1:02:02

a branch. the

1:02:02

only time you're going to a branch if I want to take out a lot of money. You know, for

1:02:05

Christmas, I might take out

1:02:06

a thousand pounds and that's how

1:02:08

it works. But perfect. You don't need a bank

1:02:12

branch. You know?

1:02:12

And the banks are doing it. They they they they would close in them long before I decided

1:02:14

to not use them. Anyway, I don't need to go into

1:02:17

a branch. What's the point? I've been into

1:02:20

branches before. They look like, you know,

1:02:22

furniture, carpet. A couple of people were saying they're going, can I help you? That's it.

1:02:24

Steve, hello, on

1:02:25

LDC. Morning's gonna

1:02:28

blow your

1:02:30

minds his ailing in Scarborough, my

1:02:32

rent on a nice

1:02:33

one bedroom flat, ten minutes walk

1:02:35

to the beach, three hundred and

1:02:37

seventy five pounds a

1:02:39

month. How lovely?

1:02:40

And Eileen, we

1:02:43

dream of three seventy

1:02:44

five pounds a month.

1:02:47

Ash says, whereabouts in stains

1:02:49

was a little pub all over the place. In

1:02:51

my road, there was a little little

1:02:53

pub. Still there actually, but over the road

1:02:55

for me, they used to be building builders merchants, you

1:02:57

know, butch men turning up in

1:02:58

lorries in the early other morning. What?

1:03:02

What? like, oh, got some sand,

1:03:04

got some cement and all that kind of stuff. Now

1:03:06

it's a housing estate. Didn't take them

1:03:08

long. They're knocked down. It was only a small place and they put

1:03:10

up, I don't know, ten houses or something. I

1:03:12

live in showroom in Kent, says Mark, in showroom in Kent. We

1:03:14

have three great pubs of Vineyard, a general

1:03:16

store in the Honeypot coffee shop, great place

1:03:19

to live with lovely neighbors. god,

1:03:21

it must be a nightmare, neighbors.

1:03:24

Hi, Mark. How are you? Do you want to come out for

1:03:26

a drink? Hi, Mark. Want

1:03:28

to pop around for lunch on Sunday?

1:03:31

Hi,

1:03:31

Mark. Could you take in some parcels from oh,

1:03:33

my god, father. I'll tell you you'd have to move

1:03:35

immediately, wouldn't you be ghastly placed? See,

1:03:37

you've sad to the passing of

1:03:39

Christina Fleetwood Mac. gifted singer. And writer says

1:03:41

Glyn, yes. She was seventy nine. She

1:03:44

was seventy nine. I mean, it's it's not

1:03:46

like big surprise. She had

1:03:48

been ill. for

1:03:50

a little while. What else we got to

1:03:52

a bird flu sending out the price of that?

1:03:54

Ofcom telling the BBC to

1:03:56

give the poor something they want to watch.

1:04:00

Like

1:04:00

like what? I mean,

1:04:02

I don't know actually.

1:04:03

What what program to the poor watch different programs

1:04:05

to the rest of us? I'm the poor.

1:04:07

and I watch, you know, all the programs that they put

1:04:09

out. Most of them are rubbish, of course, especially the

1:04:11

ones that are called Celebrity. If it's

1:04:13

got the word Celebrity in front of it, you can bet

1:04:15

your bottom dollar, it's not. You'll never ever heard

1:04:17

of these people. What it is, the BBC putting people

1:04:20

up there so they can say, oh, this

1:04:22

person's a celebrity. And so they

1:04:24

they mythically

1:04:26

create a

1:04:26

celebrity. And of course, these stupid people believe they are celebrities, which

1:04:28

is even more embarrassing. Also,

1:04:31

the BBC criticized for the

1:04:33

lack of new programs Yeah.

1:04:35

It's basically the same old rubbish this this

1:04:37

Christmas hardly anything new at all. They they

1:04:39

they won't spend the money. You know why they've wasted

1:04:41

it all on strictly. you know, but

1:04:43

there you go. What can you do about it?

1:04:46

Bill Bailey, praises British

1:04:48

dog lovers who sacrificed food to keep

1:04:50

their dogs fed. You have to, don't you?

1:04:52

You have to Emiriam Margalese. Can I use that this program?

1:04:55

The

1:04:56

I forgot

1:04:57

it.

1:04:58

Give me Oh, okay.

1:05:00

okay but she's

1:05:02

reduced this morning team to laughter. It went out on

1:05:04

this morning yesterday. She was being interviewed. And

1:05:06

of course, as you know, Miriam is always

1:05:09

a funny person to have on child that tells funny stories which

1:05:12

are incredibly rude. But

1:05:14

you just laugh because she's a

1:05:16

little short fat Jewish woman

1:05:18

who tells She's not intentionally funny. She doesn't set

1:05:20

out to be offensive or anything

1:05:22

like that. It's just that she's

1:05:24

got these

1:05:26

stories. that

1:05:28

she tells, and this wasn't even a story she was

1:05:30

telling. She was just talking about somebody

1:05:33

who worked behind the

1:05:35

scenes on this morning.

1:05:37

And I can't

1:05:38

remember these second word walls. What was

1:05:40

the second word? Was it pellet?

1:05:43

Yeah. It was pellet. because most

1:05:45

people listening will not have the faint idea what a is. You don't know, you

1:05:47

have you have curtains. If you have

1:05:49

curtains on your window and then

1:05:51

sometimes there is more material

1:05:53

which overhangs and goes everything, that's a

1:05:56

pellet. Okay? And sometimes

1:05:58

it's made of wood and it's it's carved

1:06:00

and things like that and you put

1:06:02

your broosh curtains along the top, that's

1:06:04

a pellet. Everybody used to have the music. You don't

1:06:06

have them soften now. And the reason you had them put up is

1:06:08

because it hit the curtain rail which was generally

1:06:10

made of brass and didn't look very nice. Now

1:06:12

they do, you know, white plastic

1:06:14

or dark plastic or you paint them or everything

1:06:16

else like that. So you have

1:06:18

a pellet over your curtains,

1:06:20

but she didn't talk about it like that, and

1:06:22

she did it. And of course, it came out of the

1:06:24

blue. And

1:06:25

the And

1:06:26

so Pip and Holly just collapsed in laughter. They

1:06:29

thought it was amazingly funny because she

1:06:31

is funny and she tells these stories and she does

1:06:33

them with it with a straight face. She

1:06:36

doesn't she doesn't go, oh, here we go, I'm going to

1:06:38

say something very rude because it wasn't very

1:06:40

rude. It was just it was just funny when it

1:06:42

came from her. Did you not think it's not on there,

1:06:44

is it? Oh,

1:06:46

can't set?

1:06:48

Is it

1:06:48

really? Oh, how funny? They didn't

1:06:51

even apologize on this morning. They

1:06:52

didn't even they they didn't think it

1:06:55

was that necessary to apologize. They

1:06:56

just sort of laughed quite a long

1:06:58

time, really. I thought so. But anyway, if

1:07:00

you saw it, you saw it, and it

1:07:02

was apparently seen as vulgar

1:07:05

and distasteful. But I've

1:07:07

been, you

1:07:08

know, They're

1:07:09

very unfunny, aren't they at Ofcom. They don't sort

1:07:11

of understand that little fat Jewish

1:07:14

woman sits on the television, says this thing. Their

1:07:16

their host spoke to Konrad. Nobody Nobody said,

1:07:18

Terry, so we should apologize. They didn't say it. In

1:07:20

fact, they even panned the

1:07:22

camera to the girl

1:07:24

in question. That's

1:07:25

how much they thought of

1:07:28

Ofcom. I love it. I bet

1:07:30

today they start the program and we should

1:07:32

apologize yesterday. for anything that Miriam Margolis said, but they they plan to the

1:07:34

woman who has also doubled up in

1:07:36

laughter. Honestly, no sense of humor

1:07:38

people nowadays. Roger

1:07:40

says Aileen's three hundred and seventy five pound a month rent is what

1:07:42

most people are in London pay a week. Yeah.

1:07:45

It really is. My job I

1:07:47

remember my parents always saying to me years and years ago, they

1:07:50

said don't ever rent. I mean, I did rent for

1:07:52

some years. They said because you're throwing your

1:07:54

money away. You're never going

1:07:55

to get it back again. So

1:07:57

the sooner you buy a place, the sooner, you know,

1:07:59

the money that you

1:07:59

were spending on the

1:08:02

rent,

1:08:02

hello, ceased the better.

1:08:04

the

1:08:04

better. Could you discuss the idea of letting non British citizens

1:08:06

vote in general elections? As an example,

1:08:08

I've lived in England for twelve years, paying

1:08:11

taxes and can't vote? I

1:08:13

don't know. I'm not I'm not

1:08:15

really interested in discussing the idea of

1:08:17

letting non British citizens vote in

1:08:19

a general election. you know, if

1:08:21

you can't vote, you can't vote, they're not gonna change the law.

1:08:23

So it's as simple as that. For the first Steve

1:08:24

says, Joe,

1:08:26

I paid to check-in to

1:08:28

my bank on my phone, you just scan the

1:08:31

check, and then it goes, once it's cleared, you destroy the original check. Mom still insists on using checks. Well,

1:08:33

I've got this check from

1:08:35

the DBLA, but And

1:08:37

I don't want to learn how to do it. I just I don't

1:08:39

want to. Don't stop pushing me. I'll tell

1:08:41

your producers being his ill usual

1:08:44

bullshit self. you

1:08:47

know, maybe we can't say that word. It's vulgaris on this morning.

1:08:49

As as I say, the day

1:08:51

that Martin Brazil goes, oh, I'm so sorry. We

1:08:53

said something rude on there, is the day, you know,

1:08:55

he gives up and he's not

1:08:57

likely to anyway. Here in New Zealand, Steve, I'm listening to you on a cruise ship in the middle of the Cook

1:08:59

Street's. Showtime tonight to

1:09:02

an inspiration says Steve, Oh,

1:09:05

Showtime. Showtime every night on a cruise. Every night, they always have a

1:09:07

big show in the theater and the dancers

1:09:08

get

1:09:12

out there. Sometimes they recreate

1:09:14

western musicals, which is very good. You've been on a cruise? No. You surprised me. You

1:09:16

surprised me. I thought you'd have been on

1:09:18

low to cruises. I don't know why. Just

1:09:20

did just

1:09:23

looked at you and thought, you know, you got the word cruise stamped all over you,

1:09:25

I think, which should be very good.

1:09:27

They're quite good fun.

1:09:28

The food is excellent. The food

1:09:30

is excellent. The booze is good. just don't

1:09:33

hit rough seas. Otherwise, the food that you had, you

1:09:35

know, might be making a reappearance. But

1:09:37

no, we thought

1:09:39

it was great. only thing I don't like

1:09:41

about cruises is it was one thing I didn't like. It was having to dress for dinner every

1:09:43

third night, you know, dinner jacket.

1:09:46

Who the hell wants to dress

1:09:48

up? I mean,

1:09:50

you can eat at the front of the ship, just in

1:09:52

your shorts or whatever else. But if you eat in the dining room, they expect you to

1:09:54

dress up. Well, sub that for soldiers. I don't like it at all.

1:09:59

It's the well, there isn't a sense of an occasion. Just having a meal. You know,

1:10:01

it's like you don't dress up for getting

1:10:03

your local kebab shop to turn up

1:10:05

something in a polostarind area where

1:10:07

you probably do. But I

1:10:09

just thought it was what you have got to keep it and you've got to put your bow tie on and I

1:10:11

mean, I use the ready made But see,

1:10:16

cruising. Let's

1:10:17

try. Look. Go go down. Now the

1:10:19

other way, slowly. They've got the best exotic Marigold hotel. This is on Cunard, and they've

1:10:23

got Christmas voyages. and

1:10:25

they've got See, look at that. The Queen's Grill Suites sold out or was

1:10:27

the most expensive Suites on a Q

1:10:30

and A chip or any

1:10:32

Wells where else we'll sell

1:10:34

out, first of all, they've got see, the Britannia inside, I wouldn't want to be on inside

1:10:36

cabin. Would you?

1:10:39

In other words, if

1:10:41

the ship sinks, you're on a an inside cabin. You've got

1:10:43

no windows. I would want to

1:10:44

be on an outside. We were in

1:10:46

the back of

1:10:47

the ship last time. and

1:10:50

there's an outdoor space and they

1:10:52

call them balcony staterooms basically because they've

1:10:55

shoved everything in there. They're in their

1:10:57

bloody room. seriously, there is no room I

1:10:59

mean, if if there was more than two of you

1:11:01

in this place, it would be crowded. But Princess Grill

1:11:03

Suites from two thousand six

1:11:05

hundred and nineteen. You see, that that

1:11:07

would me the The Grille Suite that you

1:11:09

can book now to 619

1:11:12

from from

1:11:14

because I would want to go for the best one, but always,

1:11:17

people who get the best sweets book really

1:11:19

quickly, and they probably cruise with

1:11:21

Cunard loads and loads of times before. I quite

1:11:23

like the idea. They're nice, aren't they? Show

1:11:25

us the so this is the

1:11:27

westbound transatlantic crossing. Seven

1:11:29

nights are the QM2

1:11:32

Fifteenth

1:11:32

of December to the twenty second.

1:11:34

You arrive in New York days before Christmas,

1:11:36

and you can go

1:11:38

and see all the

1:11:40

iconic decorations and everything else.

1:11:42

You know, I think that's quite nice. If

1:11:44

you've ever been cruising before, it's it's, again, it's a

1:11:46

luxury. The food is what? It's

1:11:47

not with you.

1:11:50

that would Put yourself together for

1:11:51

goodness sake, honestly. Just because the last time you went on

1:11:54

a ship, it was a boat on the serpentine. That makes

1:11:57

such a big deal about other people. was pushing other

1:11:59

people down, aren't you? You don't

1:11:59

really care? That's a trouble with you. Pretty

1:12:02

uncaring. And they also give you a guide

1:12:05

to Southampton. It's basically a dump with bit, you

1:12:06

know, ships in it and stuff like that. But they say it's a vibrant waterfront

1:12:09

city. You don't

1:12:11

wanna sit there. you

1:12:14

don't want to go there seriously. It's not

1:12:16

vibrant. It's just that's all it is. It's cruise ships. Cruise ships all

1:12:18

over the place. And when we we were moored up there, we were

1:12:20

on royal

1:12:23

Caribbean. It almost looked like a tugboat

1:12:25

compared to

1:12:26

the QM2 The QM2

1:12:28

was right next to us as we

1:12:30

were going, it was a vast It

1:12:33

was just in it was like a

1:12:36

skyscraper put on on end. It was

1:12:38

absolutely enormous. And my god son at the

1:12:40

time was not very

1:12:41

old, and it it it did boop boop. It

1:12:43

was so loud. I can't begin how they never

1:12:45

heard the Titanic. I'll never know,

1:12:47

but anyway, they didn't. but

1:12:49

it's it's huge, absolutely huge, and Phil Vicery has just written to me in his best handwriting.

1:12:52

He said,

1:12:53

I've just got

1:12:55

back from cooking on

1:12:57

a cruise from Southampton to then

1:13:00

Tenerife. That

1:13:04

sounds

1:13:04

nice. cooking on a cruise. I mean,

1:13:06

it couldn't it couldn't be nice or couldn't it? We didn't get him on our one, which we had. What about you?

1:13:08

So I could

1:13:10

say I know that,

1:13:12

man. It did so much easier. It could have cooked

1:13:14

for us. But once you cook people on cruise because I think the

1:13:16

food is really good on cruises

1:13:18

and they always have a chocolate night.

1:13:21

where they cook chocolate and cakes and everything else like that, which I to be honest with you,

1:13:23

I'm not particularly into. But I thought the food was really good,

1:13:27

really, really good.

1:13:28

and you

1:13:30

could look out the window

1:13:32

and see nothing at nighttime because it's pitch

1:13:34

black. Steve Hallum on LVC, text 84850

1:13:36

Morning,

1:13:39

nice day company. Twenty six minutes too, so I

1:13:41

can't believe it's twenty six minutes to six. Can

1:13:44

you? You

1:13:46

should. Mark and Windsor. says television is an all time

1:13:47

low now. Total rubbish. Nothing real about reality

1:13:50

TV. It's all set up and edited. By

1:13:52

the way, I'm gonna order two tea

1:13:54

towels this morning. I hope you get them.

1:13:57

I checked numbers a short while ago

1:13:59

and it's it's sort getting as say.

1:13:59

Shoremen Kent

1:14:04

Has the

1:14:04

aircraft museum, which does tees and snacks, says Jean

1:14:06

in an old fashioned friendly little cafe, very interesting

1:14:08

museum and garden, I used to believe

1:14:11

used to write to me. from

1:14:13

showroom. And for ages and ages and ages and she used to send me books and

1:14:15

bits and pieces,

1:14:19

which was lovely. Paul says, have

1:14:21

you seen Nils and Bianca dancing to Bruce Chanel's Hey Baby on YouTube, the

1:14:24

greatest partnership since

1:14:26

predecessor and Ginger Rogers, they

1:14:29

put the strictly dancers in the shade. Oh, yeah. I mean, the strictly dancers. They're just on there for the fee. They're on there

1:14:31

for they're there for anything else.

1:14:33

I mean, half of them

1:14:36

can't dance. It's

1:14:38

a wonderful life who's on the third of December

1:14:40

on film four, says Grace

1:14:42

and Kate. He says I haven't

1:14:44

been on the cruise, but it sounds very much

1:14:46

like my couple of holidays at Bucklands. without the cramped

1:14:48

bedrooms and seasickness. Tony says I own a

1:14:51

large two bedroom

1:14:51

flat, fifty yards from the beach.

1:14:53

I've just taken out a new

1:14:56

ten year Fixed rate mortgage for

1:14:58

three fifty quid a month, three point seven percent. Yeah.

1:15:02

I I only remortgage once on my mortgage years and years ago, where

1:15:04

I went through a sort of what they call a fallow

1:15:06

period. You know, where you sort of think,

1:15:10

oh, I could release some income. And luckily, the flat had gone up quite substantially.

1:15:12

And they do what my brother called a drive past

1:15:14

just to see the they don't need to check

1:15:16

it out. They just drive past and

1:15:18

go, is it worth that money? And

1:15:20

I think I borrowed, and I can't remember what it

1:15:22

was actually. It was such a long time ago, fifty thousand or something. And they added on to your mortgage. You know,

1:15:24

at the time, you think, what a good

1:15:26

idea? Years

1:15:27

later, you think, I wish never

1:15:30

done that before. But you says, jaws

1:15:35

in Clither Row, says my

1:15:37

good lady and I went on a two week

1:15:39

cruise land to Berrigan. My father, the best holiday we've had

1:15:42

was saving up for a world cruise when

1:15:44

we retire. oh,

1:15:47

they do horrendously long cruises. Some of them, I think

1:15:49

there is one. It's like a hundred and

1:15:51

something days. You can go on a

1:15:53

cruise floor. I'm not sure I could cope with

1:15:55

a hundred and something. don't think I'd have enough clothes

1:15:57

for something like that, but they offer a, you know, laundry service and and everything

1:15:59

else. And it's

1:15:59

all catered for. It's just that you want

1:16:02

the room to be bigger when they call

1:16:04

it a stateroom. See,

1:16:06

my idea of a stateroom is something you find in Buckingham Palace, which you could basically hold a ballroom. You

1:16:08

know, that a ballroom will fit

1:16:10

inside a stateroom. On cruise ships,

1:16:14

They've crammed in a little shower, a

1:16:16

little toilet, the bedroom, which is

1:16:18

also part of the same sitting

1:16:21

area, and you've got a television and that's it. But I

1:16:24

mean, two of you sitting on the city,

1:16:26

it's crowded. That's how

1:16:26

small they are. They call

1:16:29

them staterooms, but they're really not very big

1:16:31

at all. Small small size

1:16:32

of this this

1:16:33

studio would be the size of a

1:16:35

stateroom. Yeah. No. Not

1:16:37

big enough. You go literally in.

1:16:39

on the right hand side there'll be the wardrobe where you're supposed to keep all your clothes and you've got

1:16:41

your life jacket in there and all the other things.

1:16:43

Directly opposite is a

1:16:46

tiny tiny little shower

1:16:48

room. with

1:16:49

a toilet and a small

1:16:51

basin in it. It's for a couple, for

1:16:53

two people. And you've got a

1:16:55

double bed in there. And

1:16:58

then right next to the next to the double

1:17:00

bed, there'll be a two seater settee and

1:17:02

a little coffee table and a balcony. There

1:17:04

you go. You can see it

1:17:06

there. That's how small they are. They're very

1:17:08

very tiny. Very tiny. They've got

1:17:10

this concierge class, and and you

1:17:13

I mean, you're

1:17:13

just about managed to get round

1:17:16

the bed. There's

1:17:17

there's not not a huge amount

1:17:19

of room, you know, edge series state rooms. Again, you got sort of balcony

1:17:20

and everything, but

1:17:22

it's it's small, very compact.

1:17:26

very, very compact. They've got a veranda state. We had a veranda

1:17:28

as well, but they're bearing in mind you've got a

1:17:30

veranda either side of you. So there's there's not

1:17:33

huge amounts of room, but it's

1:17:35

when they call them staterooms And you think,

1:17:37

oh, that'll be big. Won't it? And it turns out not to

1:17:39

be. I was quite disappointed. Inside a stateroom with no

1:17:41

windows, so you're inside

1:17:44

the ship. So,

1:17:46

you

1:17:46

know, you can see how how little room there is. Still nice

1:17:47

though, still nice. Mister

1:17:52

Neil, says, Steve,

1:17:54

a one hundred and one day cruise, you'd have enough Tommy Bahama's yeah. You're right, actually, mister Neal. would have

1:17:56

enough Tommy Bahama shirts. Actually, my

1:17:58

friend, Ian, sent me

1:17:59

a picture. he

1:18:03

said guess where I am and he was outside Tommy Bahama's in in

1:18:05

Dallas just to rub it

1:18:07

in, you know. And Souda

1:18:10

says I've just watched the Miriam Margley's clip.

1:18:12

It's not that funny. Phil is just

1:18:14

overactive, and they didn't apologize. They

1:18:16

didn't apologize for it, and yet it's

1:18:19

a banned word. on list banned words, which there are many,

1:18:21

and they even cut to the woman of

1:18:23

whom Miriam was talking about. So

1:18:27

it was never it was never seen as being anything particularly I think it's

1:18:29

in the eye of the or the ear

1:18:31

of the beholder, isn't it

1:18:33

really? Perhaps they go, oh, might be young people watching

1:18:35

or something because some of the words on the list,

1:18:37

you'd be horrified. They're so simple and basic. You

1:18:39

can't really believe that anybody would

1:18:41

even worry about something like that. You hear worse, standing by a

1:18:43

bus stop. Seriously, you really do. Start

1:18:46

shining at the MOBO bash, OTY

1:18:48

Mabusi, yet again, like she's

1:18:50

sort of sent from heaven or

1:18:52

something. Who else was there?

1:18:54

All sorts of people to Mo Farah. Again, he seems to turn up the opening of a fridge. Doesn't mean Mo Farah.

1:18:56

And he hasn't

1:18:59

done anything for ages. but

1:19:01

they had all sorts of people, Anthony Joshua was there, Sheik's Nile, Rogers,

1:19:03

and Craig David. But it's all pictures of OTIMA booth. I don't

1:19:05

know if she got that outfit from, but it's

1:19:08

quite ghastly. quite

1:19:11

ghastly. And the campaigner who was allegedly asked a

1:19:13

racist question by William's godmother at a packed

1:19:16

palace, even told how

1:19:18

she felt shocked and hurt.

1:19:20

I mean, to be honest with you,

1:19:22

if you actually and you might have heard of this, you might not have heard this, this

1:19:25

was the exchange

1:19:28

of dialogue. and

1:19:30

I'll read it to you

1:19:32

fairly quickly. Lady Susan says, where are

1:19:34

you from? And miss Fulani says, missile

1:19:37

on a whole sister

1:19:38

space. And so the

1:19:40

lady says, no,

1:19:41

where'd you come from? Miss Filani

1:19:44

says,

1:19:44

we're based

1:19:47

in

1:19:47

Hackney. Okay. Lady

1:19:49

SH says, no. What part of Africa are you

1:19:51

from? Miss Furlani says, I don't know. They

1:19:53

didn't leave

1:19:56

any records. And so lady h

1:19:58

says, well, you must know where you're from. I spent time in France. Where are you

1:19:59

from? time in france

1:20:03

I mean, of the direction. I don't know whether or not

1:20:05

she'd had a drink or something because it just seems

1:20:07

rather bizarre. And then Ms.

1:20:10

Flanagan says here, UK, And

1:20:13

then Lady h says, no. But what nationality

1:20:15

are you? I mean, it was getting more bizarre. And miss Furlani says, I

1:20:17

was born here,

1:20:19

and I'm British. The lady doesn't, you know,

1:20:21

back off, she says no, but where do you really come from? Where do your people come

1:20:23

from? Have you ever heard that expression? I mean,

1:20:26

I've heard it before. Where do your people

1:20:28

come from? like

1:20:30

where the family come from. Miss O'Reilly says, my people,

1:20:33

lady, what is this? And lady h says,

1:20:35

oh, I can see I'm going to

1:20:37

have a challenge getting you to say where

1:20:39

you're from. When did you first come here, she says? Miss Furlani says,

1:20:41

lady, I'm

1:20:42

British National. My parents came

1:20:46

here in the fifties when Lady H says, oh, a newly get there into

1:20:48

your Caribbean. And so

1:20:50

Miss Volalli says no lady.

1:20:53

I'm African heritage Caribbean

1:20:55

descent and British nationality. NODH

1:20:57

says, oh, you're from I'm sorry. I mean, it was almost like she must have had a drink. I can't see why

1:21:00

you'll

1:21:00

be

1:21:03

pursuing this, like, It was almost bullying

1:21:05

to find out where she came from. It was the pursuing of it. No. But where where did your family come

1:21:08

from? I'm sorry, what is this

1:21:10

questioning? Why are you asking something

1:21:12

to stupid.

1:21:14

Is that? Anyway, it's interesting.

1:21:17

Makes all the front page of

1:21:19

the papers. Gary and Brock's

1:21:21

Born. says I haven't

1:21:22

bought a Christmas card for over twenty years. What I've done over that time is send all the Christmas cards back to the person

1:21:24

that sent them to

1:21:27

in the previous year. I

1:21:29

had a few of my friends. Looks like there's a several cards that have been going backwards and forth for years. They contain special

1:21:32

little messages.

1:21:36

and spark memories as I read and write them and the

1:21:38

friends that don't like them, well, I don't get a card from them. I shall see the matinee of the magic circle,

1:21:42

back row looking good. says

1:21:44

Gary. He says, I'm the one that

1:21:46

gave you the birthday edition of that of that newspaper. I remember it very

1:21:49

well indeed, very

1:21:52

well indeed. got a good lineup of the

1:21:54

Magic Circle this year, very good lineup of magicians stage and close-up.

1:21:56

And it's always well worth

1:21:58

it. All the money going do

1:22:01

charity, which is good

1:22:02

news, is a line up public, not for you because you're not

1:22:03

going. You're not invited. Okay. I have a show

1:22:05

in February at the LESSA Square Theatre,

1:22:08

but that's sold

1:22:11

out as well. So I let my

1:22:13

last producer come, but, you know,

1:22:15

because he was my

1:22:19

friend. Lovely. Lawrence says, am I the only

1:22:21

one? Not at all drawn to the idea of a cruise?

1:22:23

No. No. You're not. There's loads of people

1:22:25

who don't like cruising. Until

1:22:27

you do one, And then you suddenly realize

1:22:29

that all the food is really really excellent. It's it's like having people at your

1:22:31

Oh, dear. So if

1:22:34

you missed your mouth again, trying

1:22:36

to put food in it. That's a trouble when

1:22:38

you gobble your food, isn't it? As I say, we're not having a turkey this year. We're just flattening

1:22:40

up the produce to

1:22:42

make it a lot easier.

1:22:44

What are

1:22:45

you eating? Is it something

1:22:47

that you say? You're eating peanuts? You know bad you're eating peanuts

1:22:49

peanuts are

1:22:52

for you? really

1:22:52

bad for you. No. They're not. No. No.

1:22:54

cashews, I think, are okay. No. Not good energy at all.

1:22:56

No peanuts. No. Very bad. We've

1:22:58

seen the oil that's on them.

1:23:01

wrap them in a piece of, you know, kitchen paper, you'll see the oil that comes off them.

1:23:03

There's only one sort of peanut which got nothing

1:23:08

as cashews. I don't think the

1:23:10

stuff that you're reading is cashews. You don't because they're gonna form them. Other stories, which are in the the papers

1:23:16

today, A man lost all his possessions,

1:23:18

including his father's ashes. When housing association contractors emptied the wrong

1:23:20

flat, Warren Dodds returned from holiday

1:23:22

to discover his home in Newcastle,

1:23:26

have been stripped bare and his stuff dumped in a

1:23:28

skimp. In a skimp,

1:23:30

Venetia Homes had instructed a

1:23:32

contractor to clear a vacant flat

1:23:34

on another floor of the building They apologized,

1:23:36

saying that had agreed to compensate mister Dodd,

1:23:38

how'd you compensate somebody's for their father's

1:23:41

ashes? How does that work

1:23:43

out? The barber whose

1:23:45

dad died nine years ago said all the pictures and memories of my dad had gone. His mom, Jackie, says

1:23:47

our loved one, now lying at

1:23:50

the bottom of a

1:23:52

skip. I shouldn't think it's funny,

1:23:54

but I mean, it it really is quite funny, isn't it? Well, they sort of they get in the wrong flat and they get. We're going

1:23:57

to agree to

1:23:59

compensate him. How'd you compensate

1:24:01

for that? You know, can you recreate him? That'd be quite

1:24:03

nice. You know? I'm I'm

1:24:05

all in favor

1:24:08

of that. Steve, I have you blasting around

1:24:10

the safari lodge breakfast area here in Malawi,

1:24:13

waiting for the queen of the

1:24:15

to arrive late today. I'll be taking her to Nairobi then on to leash. So

1:24:17

there you go. That's JJ747

1:24:20

You know what I should do? We got a

1:24:22

lot of a lot of people who fly aircraft

1:24:24

listening to this program. It's a comfort. I

1:24:26

think as it's sort of heading downwards to to listen to something a

1:24:31

little bit cheery. Steve, I was in Twickenham last week,

1:24:33

the litter around there is shocking. The car park line M and S is like a tip. Would you like

1:24:36

to come out litter picking? I

1:24:38

don't do that. No. I pay council

1:24:40

tax. And

1:24:42

also, I don't go to the car park

1:24:44

behind him. Now you must have gone

1:24:46

there after a after a market, I'm

1:24:49

thinking, because that's the only reason that you would ever have. And also that's not the

1:24:51

the car part behind M and S, the the picture that

1:24:53

you seems to have

1:24:56

up there. is is

1:24:58

definitely not anything in in twickenham, but it must have been out for a market and then the council turn up a few hours later

1:25:00

and they clear it all up. Generally, very

1:25:02

clean car park. Very, very clean car park.

1:25:07

Steve Allo, Fun LVC. Text 84850

1:25:10

Probably a really nice debit company.

1:25:12

Always lovely. It says,

1:25:15

Scott in Little Hampton. It's always a

1:25:17

joke there, isn't it? Lovely to hear your dented tones. I'm

1:25:19

up early to get my good lady, Kirsty's uniform ready for work. Saturday, I

1:25:22

will be attending the

1:25:24

and signed us running

1:25:26

date, LakeSign, I should be driving RLH sixty 1261

1:25:30

between Upminster and Brentwood. I do

1:25:32

like to get about when it comes to driving

1:25:34

these old buses. They do one in in

1:25:37

Epping.

1:25:38

They do an old thing

1:25:40

there. I quite like the old buses. A bit of

1:25:42

a fan. I work with one. So, you know, can't complain about too many things.

1:25:44

I have a Jacky Lawson account, says

1:25:46

Lawrence for all my cards, lovely science

1:25:50

great value and no trees failed in

1:25:52

the process. No. I've always recommended Jacky Lawson. They're lovely.animated cards.

1:25:54

I'm the first one I got, and I remember thinking,

1:25:58

oh, wow, this is great. And it's a website. She

1:25:59

does all these pictures, which then

1:26:02

are animated, and they say, you

1:26:04

know, click on the star and

1:26:06

all of a sudden it starts snowing on the picture. And then the the the pub lights come on and can

1:26:08

go inside the pub and there's a fire

1:26:10

in the grate and all the rest of

1:26:12

it. And

1:26:15

what you do is you pay and it's something cheap. Is it I can't

1:26:17

remember exactly what it is, but I'll give it a rough idea.

1:26:19

It's like twenty quid a year.

1:26:21

You can send as many as you want,

1:26:24

but it you can register somebody. So if I if I knew

1:26:26

Tallboy's birthday, I put his birthday in there, and then his name, which is

1:26:28

Tallboy. And

1:26:31

and then every time it comes around to his birthday, you do

1:26:33

a carton, it sends them automatically to him.

1:26:35

And they're really,

1:26:38

really lovely. Jackie

1:26:39

lawson cards. You should check them out. I mean, and they do

1:26:41

them. She does them for birthdays, anniversaries,

1:26:43

you know, weddings, all sorts of things, all

1:26:45

drawn, beautiful. Look at those lovely old buses.

1:26:47

Look at them. I tell you,

1:26:49

you know, when you could smoke on them, that was even more exciting. Even more exciting, I used to

1:26:51

love buses. I it when

1:26:53

you could cling

1:26:55

on the back. and go, wait, when you

1:26:57

go around the corner, you know, you'd swing out and it was fantastic. They used to make such a

1:26:59

lovely noise, such a lovely noise.

1:27:01

You mentioned peanuts are like

1:27:04

dry roasted, not good for

1:27:06

you, said Matt, no, they're not. They're very bad for you, very bad for it. I think the only ones, I'm sure cashews.

1:27:08

I quite like cashews.

1:27:11

They're they're quite nice.

1:27:12

quite

1:27:15

nice. But as I say, I'm I'm happily working my way

1:27:17

through chestnuts. I don't know chestnuts are

1:27:19

good for you. I mean,

1:27:21

the

1:27:21

producer had one, but,

1:27:24

you know, that was taken grudgingly, honestly, you thought I'd offer

1:27:26

him arsenic and old lace and all the rest of it. So here it is,

1:27:28

every year you get the same story in

1:27:30

the paper when it comes to Christmas repeats.

1:27:33

There is one

1:27:35

for Ross Far Simmons equally anticipated. It's turning on Britain's oldest Christmas

1:27:39

tree fairy lights. Oh,

1:27:41

chestnuts remained a good source of antioxidants, even after cooking rich in gallic acid

1:27:44

and ellagic

1:27:47

acid to anti accidents

1:27:49

that increase in concentration when could you must eat more. You must definitely eat

1:27:51

more. And they also help reduce your

1:27:54

risk of cardiovascular issues. such

1:27:58

as heart disease or

1:27:59

stroke. I should go buy some more today.

1:28:02

I should keep them in the car

1:28:04

and eat them all the time. So

1:28:06

anyway, so here they are. for fifty four years.

1:28:08

These lights have or

1:28:10

sort of adorned their

1:28:14

their Christmas tree. For fifty four it three pounds.

1:28:16

Must've been a small fortune, I should imagine.

1:28:18

I don't think I've I've got anything as

1:28:20

old as that. Nowadays, if bulbs go on

1:28:22

Christmas tree lights, I throw them out.

1:28:25

There's no point in keeping if you've got some of the sequence out. They're so cheap now lights, you know,

1:28:27

for what they are, you know,

1:28:30

you can put them

1:28:32

up

1:28:32

and you can use

1:28:34

them all year round if you really thought

1:28:36

about it. It's not complicated. The Spice Girls platform trainers

1:28:38

were an iconic part of nineties fashion. But

1:28:42

Victoria, now a fashion designer, hilarious, isn't

1:28:44

it? It's so it. Every time you read it, you

1:28:46

just wanna double up in laughter and go, who's buying

1:28:48

this stuff? The answer is nobody. That's the

1:28:50

trouble she wants to disassociate herself from

1:28:52

them, and she says, I'm not taking

1:28:55

responsibility for those big spy girl shoes.

1:28:57