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This is LVC from

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Global, leading Britain's conversation

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with Steve Allen, quoting a nice day

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company. Welcome to Friday. Welcome to

0:59

Good Greaf is at the weekend. The answer is,

1:02

it is. Will it be a cold weekend

1:04

if Plumbing well will be? isn't gonna

1:06

be very cold today? It is now

1:08

already. It's very, very cold.

1:11

But anyway, so papers today you don't need

1:13

me to tell you. It's Harry and Meghan.

1:15

Pages and pages and

1:17

pages. I think in one of the

1:19

papers, 23457

1:21

and nine pages.

1:23

This is on the most dreary program on

1:25

the television. I'm just

1:27

trying to find actually one of the other

1:30

papers. How many pictures have they got of

1:32

her? Oh, basically, they've got all the

1:34

all the writers talking about it inside

1:36

the mail today. You can understand you yesterday,

1:39

they were talking about why the shoes wear

1:41

white. You know? But

1:43

as I said, Piers Morgan always wears a white shirt

1:45

with a dark suit It it it saves having to

1:47

worry about what he's gonna be wearing. You know?

1:49

Terra Vines says Harry's very damaged.

1:52

Richard Case says, how will William

1:54

react? Because

1:56

let's face it, you know, Diana would be turning.

1:58

I should imagine if she knew this

1:59

was going on and Robert Hardman

2:02

says, thank goodness the late queen didn't have

2:04

to endure this. I mean, they

2:06

were accused last night of wanting to bring down

2:08

the monarchy. It'll never happen. The

2:10

monarchy is endured far worse than, you

2:12

know, the gruesome twosome. It's not gonna

2:14

affect them in the slightest. The monarchy will

2:16

sort of carry on. Harry and

2:18

Meghan, eventually, He's

2:21

he's going to realize that he's basically

2:23

screwed his life up, you know, and that's

2:25

the trouble. He should have left it alone. Gontra

2:27

America stayed there you know, the idea

2:29

of doing all these things, he's quite clearly motivated

2:31

by give me the money. Give me the

2:33

money. Hundred million pounds from Netflix,

2:35

good. Hope it doesn't good. Don't stop his

2:38

hair falling out. You know, won't stop her

2:40

leaving him when the time comes. It

2:42

might get new hair, but I think it's highly unlikely because

2:44

people have just been taken a Mickey out of The trouble

2:46

is he is a petulant child. He

2:48

doesn't like being told off. He admitted

2:50

after he dressed up as a Nazi on

2:52

this program that was the worst thing ever done.

2:54

But there again, he spent most of his life making these

2:56

mistakes, drunk coming out of night clubs,

2:58

kicking out of photographers, and

3:01

just didn't know how to behave. And yet, he had the

3:03

most privilege background you could ever

3:05

experience, you know, you grow up in palaces,

3:07

your grandmother is the queen,

3:10

you've got acres and acres to Rome, you can

3:12

go hunt and shooting and fishing because that's what the family

3:14

do. You know, and you've got your pick of any

3:16

bird you wanna go out with, you know, behalf of them

3:18

don't wanna go out with him. because they'd

3:20

had a look inside the royal family and decided

3:22

it was a Chelsea Davie. It was a classic example.

3:25

She sort of went, yeah, very nice, but not for

3:27

me. Thank you very much indeed. You look where is Kate?

3:29

has adapted very well to it. She knows

3:32

how to behave. Whereas Meghan, they

3:34

say, was sort of breath of fresh air. No. I just

3:36

called it rude. didn't

3:37

know how to behave with with other members

3:39

of the royal family. I think she thought it was like sort of

3:41

one of those little films that she makes, not that

3:43

she made many little films. At

3:45

Thomas says, how's your front car tied with the bizarre

3:48

air leak coping in the big freeze? Oh,

3:50

that was years ago. I've changed the car since

3:52

then. I mean, you're a bit backwards,

3:54

aren't you mad you are in Bristol, so I suppose it kind

3:56

of figures. That says, I've

3:58

got a massage in my home. It's a British

4:00

I could rest and sleep afterwards. hate

4:02

massages. Hate massages. Never

4:04

liked massages. They're just just

4:07

not my sort of thing. And

4:09

another one Shane

4:11

says earlier on the Sunrise

4:13

program, Meghan Marken's sister, Samantha

4:17

speaking from the from the US, she called the

4:19

Netflix series a flop puma entry,

4:21

a flop documentary. Well, in fact poor old

4:24

poor old Meghan doesn't actually have any family. They don't

4:26

talk to her. They don't want to talk to her as a mother.

4:28

should she was in when it turned up for the wedding,

4:31

gives you a rough indication where they're coming from.

4:33

You know, the family were all selling their side

4:35

of the story, And

4:37

Harry, as I say, this is the only bit of publicity.

4:39

Once all this has died down, which it will do,

4:42

which it will do, the book will sort of sell minimal.

4:44

It'll be remained in very shortly, you better buy in

4:46

poundland, I should imagine. because if they

4:48

pulp, you

4:49

know, then it costs them money. So they

4:51

just offload them. It's as simple as that. You'll

4:53

find it discounted all over the place, I should imagine.

4:55

But who cares? When

4:56

have you ever been less interested in the royal

4:58

family? I'm not interested. I would

5:00

rather Charles wrote a book on Cooking and

5:02

Camilla or something like that. But,

5:04

you know, apparently Harry is very damaged.

5:07

Why William is not very damaged? I don't

5:09

know. And why Charles is not very damaged?

5:11

But there again, I didn't think after the interviews

5:13

that Charles was particularly interested in

5:15

Diana, she was there to produce air

5:17

and a spare. And

5:18

that's exactly why he's called the book spare

5:21

because he was, but he's obviously very bitter about

5:23

it. And but don't it

5:25

doesn't matter.

5:25

Normally, at Christmas, they'd be going to Sandringham,

5:28

and it would be family all there. I mean, thank god

5:30

he's not going this year. He's very lucky he's

5:32

escaped. They've invited Fergie. You

5:34

can imagine how dreary that's gonna be.

5:36

Gart in heaven. What does she do for a living?

5:39

Nothing. Another embarrassment to the royal

5:41

family and her ex husband, even bigger embarrassment.

5:43

I mean,

5:44

they are the family that keeps on giving.

5:46

And I'm a royalist, which you'd

5:48

never guess. I'm a huge fan of the royal

5:50

family. I don't like all of them. I

5:52

couldn't I couldn't be doing with Andrew's ex

5:54

wife and two daughters. Couldn't care less

5:56

about them. You know,

5:57

I'm just not remotely interested in things

5:59

like that. What else

6:02

we got for you this morning? Minus

6:04

nine degrees, I reckon. I mean yesterday was

6:06

minus ten. Now it's going to be minus

6:09

nine. Even so, you will walk outside

6:11

today unless you've got you know

6:13

a lorry which is pumping out loads of heat.

6:15

It's it's not gonna be much much good to

6:17

you because you need a bit

6:19

of heat. So I put on a jumper

6:21

today. I bought it more than a year ago.

6:24

In M and S, it still had the tags on it. So had

6:26

to take those off and cut them off. And I

6:28

thought I put a jumper on because I didn't ring. I'm not a

6:30

jumper person. But the producer went, yes, it

6:32

only wearing short sleeve shirts, you know.

6:34

I

6:34

said, yeah, because I'm an airline pilot. That's

6:37

why, you know, nothing worse than being sort of

6:39

told off by your junior Are

6:41

you junior? Can you imagine, oh, you should

6:43

be wearing that stick? That color doesn't suit you. Have you

6:45

got any better to wear? Oh, I don't. I wouldn't wear

6:47

that. Not if I were you, I really

6:49

wouldn't. I put on an overcoat. you

6:51

know, and wear that, that'll be nice.

6:53

Steve, I listen to Moelsey on ketchup

6:55

as I work nights. They play an advert that makes

6:57

me chuckle it's a firm. selling electric

6:59

cars. And they say the

7:01

last words, you wouldn't buy

7:03

Turkey from a fishmonger. Well, we know better.

7:07

Yes.

7:07

That's true. Well, it's true actually. Yes. The

7:09

fishmonger sells turkeys. Yes.

7:12

Sandy's tur in fact, they sell more turkeys

7:14

than anybody else, and yet they're right next door to a

7:16

butchers. in twickenham.

7:18

I got

7:19

the tree up though yesterday. It was very good. Very pleased

7:21

with the lights. Very pleased with the lights

7:23

are very, very good. I've just got

7:25

another box of three thousand lights. So

7:27

effectively, I could put another five thousand on the

7:29

tree, but there's no point because you could

7:31

untangle the blumming things afterwards. but

7:33

they they change color. All the bulbs are color

7:35

changing. Technology has moved on.

7:37

One minute, the tree is all white. And then

7:39

with a swoosh and a swoop,

7:42

They

7:42

all changed the multicolor twinkling away.

7:45

Very beautiful. Very, very beautiful

7:47

indeed. I'll try to explain to my friend Anne

7:49

Payne. he said, have you got any pictures of

7:51

the tree? And I know you took one this morning.

7:53

And then I thought, no, I've just gotta straighten the

7:55

tree up a little bit. because when you've got something

7:57

over seven foot, you try and make a direct It's

7:59

not easy. It's

7:59

not easy, but, you know, I shall manage

8:02

it. I shall manage it eventually. A

8:04

museum The British Museum

8:07

don't get any better to you. They've lost a

8:09

Roman treasure. Somebody dug up some coins

8:11

some years ago, and they've gone

8:13

missing underwhere they've gone

8:15

to. And also, eight in

8:17

ten pet owners plan to

8:19

give their cat or dog a Christmas present

8:21

It's the stupidest story I've ever heard, of course, they

8:23

do. Everybody, we used to

8:25

give our cat every year, a

8:28

box. or

8:29

a paper bag and

8:31

it won't. What's

8:34

that? Paper bag, absolutely. You

8:36

open up the paper bag, you put it on the floor,

8:38

and you tap your finger against the bottom of the bag

8:41

and the cat puts

8:43

its paw in and tries

8:45

to stop whatever it is, and then it

8:47

appears around the side to see where he's gone

8:49

to. You ever do that with a cat? You don't

8:51

have a cat there, do you? Do you have a

8:53

cat? Two, Oh, how

8:55

lovely? What do you call them? Maybe go and wait for this one.

8:57

What do you call them, Elliot?

9:00

Hobie and Minky. So

9:02

middle class, isn't it? You know, ours

9:04

was just, oh, cat. That

9:06

was

9:06

about as far as we went actually. Good old

9:09

cat. Now we had a dog and

9:11

and a cat, dog and a

9:13

cat. The the the

9:15

cat was called candy. and

9:17

and the dog was called Jasper. It

9:20

was very good. But he could middle class

9:22

name actually because he was a golden cock

9:25

as manual. and we got him as a

9:27

puppy. And I've got Sydney

9:29

footage. Sydney footage I asked him, of me

9:31

holding him, and we picked him up from the kennels down

9:33

in near Chelmsford. And

9:35

I was about nine

9:38

or ten.

9:41

And it was lovely having a puppet because

9:43

every every kid wants a puppy. But

9:45

of course, what do you not wanna do?

9:47

You don't wanna take the thing out for a walk when it's

9:49

raining. But of course, the dog needs to go

9:51

out because it's gonna go into a

9:53

toilet. And so that was the problem.

9:56

So,

9:56

invariably, my mother would have to put her back

9:58

on and her rain hat and to

10:00

take the dog for a drag around

10:02

the field you know, sort of saying to it all

10:04

the time, go to the toilet, go to the

10:06

blem in toilet. You get all the way back home

10:08

again, the dog comes in, then it wants to go to

10:10

the toilet. Very

10:12

clever. But no, I I quite liked it, but unfortunately,

10:14

cokers got a bit round around the bend. r one

10:16

was no different to anybody else's.

10:19

No different. Retailers must do

10:21

more to help the disabled because we we

10:23

don't have many disabled

10:25

friendly shops do we and

10:27

a preacher. claiming that

10:29

he could create miracles basically

10:31

a fraudster. You know,

10:33

he's nicking off his congregation.

10:36

you

10:36

it's that sort of thing.

10:38

Also, Jamie Oliver says the only way he gets the

10:40

remote is if he gives his wife a foot

10:42

massage. And

10:44

do you know what that leads to? How many childrens he

10:47

got? Loads of children. See, I hate my feet

10:49

being massaged. It's not that kind of thing at all. I

10:51

know some people like it. It's

10:53

like head massages. I don't I don't like

10:55

that. No don't. It's not very

10:57

nice. I just I don't like massage

10:59

full full stop. Oh,

11:01

Love Island's Gemma Owen. There's a

11:03

there there's a talent. Has

11:04

broken her silence on why she split up from

11:06

her fishmonger boyfriend. because

11:08

we had sex a few times and then and I

11:10

I thought I won't be star, you know, because

11:13

I'm like horse riding person. And so

11:15

apparently, she's given given her own program

11:17

on the television. As what? I've got no

11:19

idea. She's about a zero personality.

11:21

But anyway, she's all right now because

11:23

she's like finished with him. and all the

11:25

girlfriends on the island that she made, you

11:27

know, right, fair weather

11:29

friends, have rallied round and said if you need

11:31

any help, I mean, I thought, how old

11:33

is she six or seven? It's difficult to tell isn't

11:35

it really? Her father's Michael Oey,

11:37

the ex footballer. So she's broken

11:39

her silence, couldn't shut her up. couldn't

11:41

shatter up, you know, just wanna tell you about these

11:43

sort of things. Thomas Bosch, pictured in

11:46

Dino's in the Daily Star today, Thomas

11:48

U. R. You're in denos. I mean,

11:50

fancy wearing a flat cap indoors.

11:52

I mean, honestly, letting the

11:54

side down. Goodness, sake.

11:57

Big drinker should blame

11:58

genetics. I've

11:59

never tried genetics, but it sounds lovely.

12:02

It was a bit like vodka. And the last

12:04

surviving dam busters ACE has

12:06

died aged a hundred and one.

12:08

Only because Carol Vorderman pushed for

12:10

them to get some awards because after the war, they

12:12

were shunned. They were shunned and yet

12:14

they did. If you've ever seen the

12:16

dam busters and the bouncing bomb,

12:18

that's what they had to do. This was the

12:20

bomb which flooded the Rue of Ali. and

12:22

they tried it. They had one thing, but of course,

12:24

the whole dam was equipped with

12:26

German submachine guns trying to bring the

12:28

planes down and all the rest of it. They had to get

12:30

the bomb to bounce but dumb but

12:33

dumb and then hitting the dam and

12:36

then breaking it and then flooding the

12:38

valley below. and that's what they eventually end

12:40

up doing it. But when they came back, they were

12:42

shunned. They didn't get any recognition at all.

12:44

Absolute bloody disgrace. Absolute

12:46

disgrace. Also, The

12:49

suspended sentence for the killer of Harry

12:51

Dunn isn't that the most disgraceful thing you've ever

12:53

heard? Some quasi

12:55

crackpot american knocks him

12:57

off his bike, scoops off

12:59

to America because she's a murderer,

13:01

and then blows me down. She

13:04

she's got eight months suspended in

13:06

America. It's I don't quite

13:08

understand why she didn't come back here. Apparently, the

13:10

government advised her not to come

13:12

back here. And I'm

13:14

thinking, But wait a minute, you were responsible for the

13:16

death of a lad, the Paris must be absolutely

13:19

ringing their hands and going,

13:21

why Why

13:22

isn't she coming back here to serve a

13:24

sentence? And they go, oh, well, we'll

13:26

do it over Zoom or so. They did it over

13:29

Zoom, I think. So I'm not surprised

13:31

she's sort of fairly happy. This isn't the first

13:33

time this has happened where we've come up

13:35

against American systems

13:37

and they go, no, we're not actually going to be

13:39

letting that person come back to your country

13:41

even though they committed an atrocity.

13:43

I mean, it is Imagine how

13:45

heartbroken you would feel if that was

13:47

your son or daughter, and the first

13:49

thing the woman who perpetrated the crime did

13:51

was skip the country. She knew what

13:53

she'd done. She knew exactly what

13:55

she'd done. She knew she knocked him

13:57

off. She knew about it. Terabas,

13:59

no early.

14:00

Steve Hallo, on LBC, taxed

14:02

848 IVO. Morning.

14:04

Apparently, the thing things that drive you mad

14:07

at Christmas are

14:08

undercooked Turkey. I

14:10

don't know how you can have undercooker Turkey. I mean,

14:12

just leave it in the oven longer. I don't understand what's the matter

14:14

with people. Mushy sprouts.

14:16

If they've been sitting in hot water too long,

14:18

they're mushy. and baked beans.

14:21

Who in god's name

14:23

has baked beans and please don't write in

14:25

telling me a baked beans to Christmas

14:27

lunch? A can't be of only worse. Bake

14:30

beans from Christmas lunch that

14:32

undercooked I love Turkey. But you can

14:34

have it all year round. It's very it's

14:36

very appealing. very

14:37

appealing. We like it. Thomas Bosch

14:40

loves it all the time in his little cafes

14:42

off there, Bish Bosch Bosch, off

14:44

delivering beds today. They did very well at the

14:46

the other day. Do you remember he was off to the market? We didn't know

14:48

what he was selling. He wouldn't actually tell us,

14:50

but it sounded ghastly, whatever

14:53

it was. Cathy

14:55

says my two little black cats, Jade, and

14:57

Kirby get more presence than me at

14:59

Christmas. No joke. If only

15:00

I like, cat nibbles

15:03

too. Yeah. I mean, people buy them

15:05

little balls, you know, with bells

15:07

in them and things like that. I've got a

15:09

ball which you sort of you put batteries

15:11

in and it rolls backwards and forwards and cats

15:13

quite like that. Kitchens will play with

15:15

just about anything, especially if you get

15:17

sort of

15:18

some tin foil screwed up into a ball.

15:20

They'll happily roll that about all over the place.

15:22

They love it. Steve says

15:24

Dean, you should watch the show. This is

15:26

the Meghan and Arie show. It answers

15:28

questions. Like, why she doesn't currently

15:30

wear color on royal engagements when they don't do

15:32

any royal engagements anymore. They're not members of the

15:34

royal family. And also, I would watch a

15:36

program just to find out why she doesn't wear

15:38

color. I'm not remotely interested. I'm

15:40

seriously not interested. You know,

15:42

there's nothing anti Reuters yet.

15:44

other than Meghan's sister, they were loving and respectful

15:47

towards their whole family. Yeah. Found

15:49

each other. They never got invited to

15:51

the to the wedding. I heard he said the funeral,

15:53

eventually. but her her father sort of

15:55

made some lame excuse that he had diabetes

15:57

or something, so couldn't quite make

15:59

it. So

15:59

that

16:00

So I mean, I use that all the time. I'm

16:03

diabetic. I can't afford to do this. So buy

16:05

a ticket. What to be on the railway? Do you know I got

16:07

on my train yesterday? And it was heaving.

16:09

And I could only assume they must have cancelled

16:11

another one because there's all sorts of near due

16:13

wells on my train, you

16:15

know, sort of people carrying builders

16:17

drills and, you know, soars and

16:19

all the rest. I don't know what they were.

16:21

Builders, I suppose. But I mean, that my train was

16:23

absolutely heaving. Normally, I get my favorite

16:25

seats, so I just glared at them for the whole

16:27

journey. you know, you're sitting in my

16:29

seat. Okay? I don't wanna make a big thing about

16:31

it because I'm a nice person, but

16:34

basically I hope you enjoy it. because

16:36

it's, you know, you can look out the left hand side of

16:38

the train. It was very nice. But it I mean,

16:40

I literally I mean, I sort of made it, and I thought I

16:42

was early on the train. Took about

16:44

three minutes when I actually got on it before it actually

16:46

set off. So I think it might have been the

16:48

Apple Stone train that they canceled, and we

16:50

ended up with all these people. Dickie, I've

16:52

never seen so many people on March, and every platform

16:54

we pulled into. Clapham Junction

16:56

was like, oh, bring out your dead.

16:58

Luckily, nobody sat next to me because I sat there with

17:00

a handkerchief, clutch to my face, again. Nobody

17:03

else likes to sit.

17:05

It's always tricky. I'll tell you how I can clear a

17:07

lift in a minute. seriously,

17:09

you're getting a lift anywhere and you go,

17:12

I'll tell you,

17:15

you you find yourself, you're the only person,

17:17

be on floor too. Very

17:19

nice. Steve, Hope you're well

17:21

says Jasper the lion,

17:24

and we have a cat in his name is

17:26

Jasper. Jasper. No. Probably a cat called Jasper. See,

17:28

III could understand. I'd never

17:30

heard of I'd heard of the name. I'd never heard of

17:32

it. Put to a put to a little puppy.

17:34

And he was so cute. He was the last one of the

17:37

litter. And he thought, oh, nobody liked

17:39

him. He got to take pity on him. We bought about what

17:41

he cost. I've got no idea. But he came from a

17:43

from a in

17:45

between where my boarding school was

17:47

and Brentwood. And and

17:49

it was it was, look, we just we we went,

17:51

oh, we got a dog. But of course, you can't just

17:53

buy the got about the bowls, the lead. Gotta

17:56

get his little thing engraved on his

17:58

collar. If I'm lost, you got it. We didn't do

17:59

insurance in those days. They didn't do

18:02

cat and pet insurance that just

18:04

didn't didn't happen. But the food you had to

18:06

buy, much as they would try

18:07

to teach it hold frying pan. It

18:09

wasn't gonna be working anytime soon. But

18:12

no, I just like the idea of having a and

18:14

they were great to cuddle because when their puppies,

18:17

literally they sort of bounce around the room for

18:19

about two minutes, then they go to sleep. So

18:21

all they do is go to sleep dogs, which is

18:23

very nice. So Richard and Julian or

18:25

Bingham. Lovely. Kim says

18:27

genetics. Must try with tonic in a

18:29

wheat twist. Told

18:31

you.

18:31

A very popular

18:32

gin this year isn't so popular, but I don't

18:35

drink gin. makes me very bad

18:37

tempered. You know what I'm saying? A

18:39

lot of things like that. Don't like it at

18:41

all. Did you watch the three episodes?

18:43

If I don't know, I didn't know, I should tell

18:45

people once And if anybody writes in again, I'm going to borrow you.

18:47

Okay? I did not watch it. I have no

18:49

intention of watching it. I couldn't care. Less

18:51

about it. Anything I need to know is in

18:53

the newspapers. It's as simple as

18:55

that. And

18:57

apparently, whether or not you agree, I think both are seen

19:00

in a different light. really?

19:02

No. I didn't I didn't see that bit, not judging

19:04

by the papers. I just thought they came

19:06

over as two petrol and children. You

19:08

know, they're stamping their feet to get what they want. They're gonna have

19:10

it. you that's it. We don't care anymore. Do what you

19:12

want. Stay in America. Go move to Guatemala

19:15

and do anything. I couldn't care less. Didn't

19:17

make any difference. I didn't vote for

19:19

them. Steve, I thought you might like to see the crystal slights

19:21

of Newbury, which I filmed.

19:23

In twenty eighteen, it says Peter. Oh, North Brook

19:25

Street always used to have nice We've

19:27

got photographs of the of the lights. Come on, pull

19:29

your finger

19:30

out. Show me the lights. Show me what Northbrook

19:33

street looks like. I like

19:35

them when they we've got them in trees

19:37

and around lamp posts. So here we

19:39

go. Oh, that's lovely. We've got an advert

19:41

for a house. I like it when they assemble

19:43

houses on the on the internet. They look they look

19:45

quite nice. I wouldn't wanna live there. Yeah.

19:47

Too modern for me. I'd I'd like something with a bit

19:49

of character. something's a bit old that you

19:51

can sort of do things with. That's why I like the

19:53

producer. You know, that's the way it

19:55

goes. Oh, right. Okay. Oh, They're

19:59

so

19:59

so. They're

20:00

so so. This is North Brook Street, by

20:03

the look of it. Yes.

20:06

We're sort of going backwards, aren't we? You're heading up

20:08

to the clock tower. Can you go

20:10

further? Oh, wait a minute. Now we've moved

20:12

it. Yeah. Does the clock tower in the middle

20:14

of the road, I think, up here somewhere. I like

20:16

doing these things, especially when it refreshes

20:18

my memory, especially when it refreshes my

20:20

memory. But they've got on the lampposts

20:22

and all sorts of things. It's a very long road, actually.

20:24

And then you turn you used to turn there

20:26

you go. There's the there is that

20:28

the clock tower? I don't

20:30

know where we are now. Now I'm confused. How

20:33

lovely though? Funny, you know, if somebody shows

20:35

you places where you used to live,

20:37

go to school. Let's go to school to wash

20:39

common. Wash common. I don't know why it was called wash common.

20:41

We never knew. Never knew. Never

20:44

really cared actually. But we used to

20:46

cycle there. until we discover there was a

20:48

school bus. And

20:49

then we should take the school bus. And

20:51

then

20:51

because when a cycling, going up the hill was a

20:54

nightmare, you'd end up pushing it halfway up there.

20:56

Going down was fine. My brother went to

20:58

the to the

20:59

grammar school. I wasn't

21:01

intelligent enough to go to the grammar school. I

21:03

was secondary molten, which,

21:06

yeah, was a big surprise there for the

21:08

producer. Maising isn't it? And I'm

21:10

still earning more money than he is. I don't know how

21:12

he works out, honestly, life could be so cruel, can't it?

21:14

And then you get your revenge on

21:16

somebody. It's because

21:18

I went to university. Yeah. One of you

21:20

done. wanna be done with your life. good

21:22

morning. I've given

21:23

my Oliver poster, the Normal Light

21:26

Treatment, and

21:28

Pete says, This was a big one to frame.

21:30

I loved the show. That's lovely,

21:32

isn't it? Rowan Atkinson and Oliver. It's such a

21:34

good such a good poster. I

21:36

love theatre posters. I've got I've got quite a

21:38

number, actually. Quite a number. But Rowan

21:40

Atkinson was great. He was

21:42

very, very good actually. Yeah. Did you go and

21:44

see him? Oh, you spent money on at how lovely. We're

21:46

sitting in the cheaper seats or you're with the orchestra as usual.

21:48

The binoculars right at the back.

21:52

How lovely? Harry Dunn's story,

21:54

very sad apparently. She might not

21:56

have even had diplomatic immunity

21:58

at the time. Well, I mean, America

22:00

is only interested in

22:02

she I mean, she couldn't get out of the country fast enough.

22:05

She

22:05

really couldn't. And

22:08

strange enough, its own citizens,

22:10

it's not an ally. It says

22:12

here, yet they request Julian Assange to be

22:14

extradited, and we lick their boots.

22:16

Yeah. I was amazed that somebody had committed a crime

22:18

like that, you know, beat an

22:20

accident

22:20

or whatever happened to be, a young man lost his

22:22

life. You think you wanna come back and apologize

22:24

to the family. and do

22:26

some I to take somebody's life, you know, I

22:29

think is just heartbreaking.

22:31

They did a program on the television,

22:33

on a a young man who disappeared some years ago. He had disappeared

22:35

from Sutton, I think it was. And his name

22:37

was Lee, I think it was Lee Boxall. And

22:41

he was only about fourteen fifteen,

22:43

just vanished off the face of the

22:45

earth. The family were being

22:47

interviewed. They had no

22:50

idea idea where he was.

22:52

They didn't know if he was alive or dead.

22:54

They didn't know if he'd been murdered. They didn't

22:56

know if he'd been kidnapped. They knew nothing about him

22:58

at all. And it was always that one photograph

23:01

of him that I remember sort of sends

23:03

this haunting picture of

23:05

of a young man who appeared

23:07

to have everything and yet for some

23:09

reason just vanished, never

23:11

been seen since, never been seen since, you

23:13

look at him, fresh Facebook, his

23:16

his sort of parents. I mean, there was a huge

23:19

campaign, you know, to

23:20

sort of try and find out where

23:22

he was was he picked up by a pedophile ring.

23:24

Nobody knows. And he's disappeared.

23:26

There were quite a number of people. They

23:28

also did the this digital

23:32

digitization where they can change somebody's face to show you

23:34

what they would look like now. And

23:36

again, that had no response

23:38

either. So the family have gotta live with

23:40

that. Live with it. I think for for a long

23:42

time, I don't think it's changed. They kept his

23:44

his bedroom exactly the same as it

23:46

was on the day that he disappeared.

23:48

which is very very sad. So

23:51

says that you've saved my Christmas

23:53

present dilemma. I have two

23:55

friends. who have

23:57

everything, and I never know what to buy them, but

23:59

they're both fans of yours, so I bought them

24:02

details. And I love

24:02

this helping charity. Absolutely. One

24:05

hundred percent of the money. So it's very good.

24:07

I bumped into a couple of people in twickenham the

24:09

other day. One lady said you look so much better

24:11

on your tea towel than you do real life.

24:14

I

24:14

wasn't sure whether that was a compliment or not.

24:16

Twenty years ago,

24:19

whilst my grandparents were

24:21

still alive, I visited and one night

24:23

was quite cold and man brought up an old

24:25

stone hot water bottle, which had

24:27

my feet in bed. This was in two thousand

24:29

and two. It was brilliant and so were

24:31

my feet. yeah, we were talking

24:33

about water

24:34

bottles. If they're older than two years, two and a

24:36

half years, you should get rid of them because

24:38

the rubber perishes Don't

24:41

put boiling water in them because if it collapses,

24:43

you're gonna be in serious difficulty.

24:46

Serious difficulty. And that

24:48

boat says minus seven,

24:50

Steve, in Central Scotland. Do you

24:52

remember the CaliGas super

24:54

fires we had in the seventies, early eighties? I

24:56

wonder if they make a comeback this year.

24:58

people doing everything. What was the one they were doing on the

25:00

television the other day and they had to be warned about it,

25:02

putting night lights in in

25:06

dishes in in com not concrete dishes.

25:08

China, not China dishes, there was something else.

25:10

And they were putting loads of night lights in.

25:12

They're heating them up. And I think, oh, god. That

25:14

sounds very dangerous. very, I do

25:16

have candles lit.

25:19

And that Jim

25:21

Collins is so hard up for money at

25:24

the moment. She's falling on hard times. She can't afford to put the

25:26

electric on, so she has candles

25:28

everywhere to expect the burning

25:30

down of the house anytime soon. If you've got

25:32

loads of candles, You got to Dale come the

25:34

house, get in the car, we go to

25:36

drive off and you go, oh, I'll probably have left

25:38

the candles there. Back inside the house, blow out

25:40

the candles, you know.

25:43

always buy them so they've got a lid on, so you don't need to blow them. Otherwise, you

25:45

get wax everywhere. Just put the lid on and

25:48

it stops the air, which is

25:50

wonderful. And Christian Nantwich

25:52

said, had my booster, COVID jab ten

25:54

days ago, had a great weekend in London at Winter

25:56

Wonderland. And shopping got home Tuesday. I'm now

25:58

feeling very sorry for myself as I tested positive

26:01

yesterday. You picked it up at Winter Wonderland.

26:03

Where else could you pick it up from? So many

26:05

people, so many people really

26:07

round really ram. So busy, but I

26:09

mean, but nice to see all the big rides. I

26:11

love a big ride. I really do. I'm one

26:13

of those sort of people. I say, like, oh, should I go on

26:15

that? Then I think maybe not.

26:19

Steve alone on LVC. Morning

26:22

so from a a toasty warm narrow

26:24

boat says Mike, Cocospaniels

26:26

are bonkers. The

26:27

boyfriend and I dog sat for

26:30

the for the eldest niece

26:32

In August, in a four day period, their cocker

26:35

destroyed my esper drills, grabbed

26:37

my mobile and dropped it in his water

26:39

bowl, and got

26:41

one of my hearing aids, which fell out onto the sofa, started

26:43

chewing it, result new hearing aid. Is

26:45

this what having young children is like?

26:48

Worse. Worse. I can can't

26:50

even begin to tell you. Mickey says had

26:52

my first slip time cup I tried to

26:54

keep up with you in the course of your

26:56

great show. Of course, you do. Everybody imitates me

26:58

la life imitates art

27:00

or is it art imitates life.

27:02

Steve, is that why people always sit next to me on the

27:04

train and cough and sneeze? who

27:06

can't put hands mouth and not wearing a mask. If you're wearing

27:08

a mask, I don't want your germs. You know,

27:11

so you've got to wear a mask, Olar

27:13

from Malaga Steve, but

27:15

he wet here

27:16

says Doreen and Bobby

27:18

in Edinburgh. Me and my

27:20

old

27:20

army, Buddy Bryant, had a great way

27:22

of ensuring we've got exclusive use of

27:24

a compartment in the sleeper train from London

27:26

to Inverness back in the late

27:28

seventies when you had the carriages with corridors

27:30

and separate compartments, a few empty beer cans

27:33

on the floor, a me singing Maggie

27:35

May, guaranteed maximum

27:37

exclusivity of the carriage. Now his soul

27:40

came near You might have been next door coughing and spluttering.

27:42

Yeah. That's the way it goes, Bobby. That's

27:44

the way it goes. The coughing and spluttering

27:46

works a treat. The woman coughed opposite me, didn't

27:48

put a hand over her mouth. I

27:50

felt like saying, sorry. Do you know what I think you should put your hand

27:52

over your mouth, your root bag? And

27:54

then the the

27:54

woman sitting beside me started doing

27:57

a makeup I

27:59

mean, I look so I

27:59

thought you're wasting your time there.

28:02

What's the point of doing that? You've done your nails

28:04

on the trail. You haven't done your nails for ages now have

28:06

you? Yeah. It's been a

28:08

long time. I remember these things. He paints

28:10

his nails black. He thinks he's

28:12

some hobgoblin or something from some

28:14

sort of Harry Potter thing. I don't know what

28:16

it is. but apparently it means something

28:18

if you paint your nails black. Rox

28:20

Stuart paints his his toe nails.

28:22

Paint his toe nails, but

28:24

that I don't know why. Well, they do see

28:26

them because he wear sandals. That's an

28:28

old man thing, isn't it? Old man

28:30

in sandals, not so good. We don't we

28:33

don't like sandals at all. What was the other one? What

28:35

was the other one that I can't like

28:37

actually? Oh, one Christmas strike you might

28:39

actually enjoy. Newsy's

28:42

musical, old musical, been on in

28:44

America before. Very, very good. Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan,

28:46

Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Seize

28:48

today is when the newspaper boys in America

28:50

went on strike based on a true

28:52

story. I was actually the Winslow

28:54

Boy the other day, also based on a

28:56

true story cadet goes

28:59

to to college

29:01

to be a a seafarer

29:04

and somebody's postal order

29:06

for fifteen shillings or five shillings

29:08

goes missing and they blame

29:10

him and it gets as

29:11

far as the court. high

29:14

court in London. Anyway, it's cut a long

29:16

story short. It's based on a

29:18

on a true story, but he's

29:21

found innocent at the end of it. So really

29:23

good. Get get the original. There there

29:25

is another one. Another version

29:28

out with Guy Edwards who's playing

29:30

Ronnie Winslow, Nigel Hall form

29:32

is in it who can tell it was but it was based on

29:34

the Father's Fight to clear his

29:36

son's name. It was a five

29:38

shelling postal order, and so

29:40

Robert Morton, the

29:41

the barometer very good.

29:43

Very good. That's played by

29:45

Robert Donut. He was also

29:47

in good by mister Chip. very, very

29:49

good actors. Really lovely. Really lovely.

29:52

But it was out, first of all, I forget

29:54

when it was actually, in

29:56

nineteen forty eight. and they did

29:58

a remake in nineteen ninety nine. That's what they do

30:01

nowadays, isn't it? They do they do remake. If you get a

30:03

chance to watch it. Last

30:05

night, Ian Dale says he'd have Clifford it

30:07

on his shows. Says Howard, I think he's

30:09

been in. I think

30:10

he's been recorded. I'm pretty certain. I'm sure I

30:12

saw something the other day. And

30:15

Wendy says I've made your

30:17

brother a Holly wreath too. It's

30:19

Christmas afterwards. He should get it next week from

30:21

Holly wreath girls. Are you

30:23

gonna is it coming to here and then I'll take it

30:25

down there? me Blimey.

30:27

He's he's

30:27

a bit privileged, doesn't he?

30:30

We have the producer saying, oh, no. No. Not

30:32

for you. Not for you. You're not even there at Christmas,

30:34

are you? You're not you're not in this country.

30:37

He's still serving his time. He's tagged.

30:40

And so I'm back to the Isle of

30:42

White for Parkhurst. You know, I'm initially to

30:44

get a Christmas dinner. least you

30:45

get a Christmas dinner, which is okay, isn't it? There's so

30:47

many programs on the television at the moment. Some of

30:49

them are just absolute drizzle, especially

30:52

the ones where they go, oh, it's It's

30:54

a celebrity version of something. It turns out

30:56

not to be. If they

30:58

are celebrities, they've they bypass me

31:01

completely.

31:04

which is which is very nice.

31:06

Very nice. Also, the results of the

31:08

strictly Christmas special has been filmed, have

31:10

been leaked. Now I'm

31:12

debating whether I tell you who actually

31:14

won it. And I'm

31:16

thinking, that would be so cruel, wouldn't

31:18

it? That would be really so cruel.

31:20

That'd be somebody who go, don't you dare?

31:22

Don't you dare tell us who it is, Steve?

31:25

I I

31:25

mean, I wouldn't. I wouldn't do anything

31:28

like that. I might, though. I'll see how I feel a little

31:30

bit later this morning. I mean, it's seventeen

31:32

days early and

31:34

this bliss

31:34

bloke's got it. But then he knows people who

31:36

work on the program. And

31:38

so if somebody tells you he's gonna put it up on

31:41

online, so you shouldn't have too much difficulty

31:43

finding it. But if you don't want to know about it, don't

31:45

look for it. That would make

31:47

it a lot easier. Robbie Williams

31:49

plays in Doha and takes that

31:51

filthy money from the Qatari government

31:55

Honestly, perhaps he's desperate for it.

31:57

And oh, for a sign at

31:59

night away from the

31:59

Carol singers, I've not seen

32:02

any Carol singers around tall. I

32:04

mean, I used to say, perhaps you get them. You

32:06

don't sing though. No. No. No.

32:07

You don't sing. I promise you. Use

32:10

your know that you're flat as a pancake.

32:12

Flat as a pancake. You can't do things like

32:15

that. If you can't sing, there is

32:16

no point in actually sort

32:19

of sort of going in for the Carol singing.

32:21

You need about twenty people to go

32:23

for it all holding lanterns and dressed

32:25

up with their long coats on and their mufflers on.

32:27

Or finding that yeah. Yeah. Yeah. or

32:29

or filling that choruses. Go to the

32:32

local church, ask if they've got a few few

32:34

spare choruses going, take them out, give

32:36

them a quid each, and see how much money

32:38

you generate, through them singing, you

32:40

know, while share,

32:42

but watch the floor behind me.

32:44

All seated on the ground.

32:46

the angel of the Lord came down

32:48

and glory Sean no round.

32:51

Fear not said he with

32:53

mighty dread a sees their trumbull

32:55

mind. I love all of them. Seriously,

32:57

I could be a one man coral

32:59

society out there.

33:01

Doesn't always work, actually, but

33:03

doesn't matter. I don't I

33:05

want more Carol singers singing around Christmas trees.

33:07

They do it around the truffle square one,

33:09

which is quite nice.

33:11

every so often. It just it's bit of a bit of

33:13

a bit of a trick for me to sort of come all the

33:15

way up to town, to

33:18

listen to Carol singing. In fact, I can

33:20

just go and buy a CD or a DVD of

33:22

people singing. There must be loads of Carol

33:25

singers or DVDs, which you can

33:27

which you can watch.

33:29

which is very nice and very festive.

33:31

Twenty minutes to five is the

33:33

time. So the Paris anger,

33:36

the show betrays the monicky, say

33:38

the son, Prince and Meghan

33:40

trashed the queen's legacy. How he couldn't give

33:42

a staff? They don't

33:43

they don't care. Listen, they're not remotely interested

33:46

in lining their own pockets. That's

33:48

all it is. You know, they've launched this

33:50

wave of astonishing attacks in this

33:52

Netflix series. The Queen was mocked

33:54

and Britain and Royals branded racist.

33:57

then Harry's just being led.

33:59

He's

33:59

being

33:59

led. You know, happy

34:00

to take all the things that go with it. You

34:02

know, if he really hates the royal family that much,

34:04

give that money back to Netflix. give

34:06

it back. They won't give it back. Also, they won't.

34:09

But royal commentator Michael Cold

34:11

blasted the couple series. He said, where's

34:13

the substance? It's all sizzle and no

34:15

steak. Where's the beef? or they they

34:17

have to make themselves relevant. That's what they have to do. So they they

34:19

sort

34:19

of do charity. You know, charity is always

34:21

a good one to do. He's got his little thing,

34:23

but most of the

34:26

time, he just sits here, look at bearing in mind, you know, she wasn't

34:28

exactly an established actress. Didn't take

34:30

her long to get out the

34:31

business because they discover they could make far

34:34

more money. by

34:36

sort

34:36

of, you know, doing this Netflix thing. I mean,

34:38

to be honest with you, her her podcast or

34:40

rubbish. She doesn't even if she has

34:42

guests on there, they hardly get a look

34:44

in. I have

34:45

listened yes. I think they're rubbish,

34:47

minor, far more entertaining,

34:50

and that is very true. And

34:52

Tory MP, Bob Sealy, says, why should we allow him to keep his titles if

34:54

you want to hate the monarchy? Your mister Windsor,

34:57

jog on. Oh, she loves it. She's milked

34:59

it for all its worth. She

35:02

thinks she's

35:02

a duchess. She's not. She's

35:04

not. She's just a very ordinary little

35:06

person. Very ordinary little person.

35:08

And so she loves keeping the duchess. They should take them away from them, sue them.

35:10

If they use the titles, they're not in the royal

35:12

family. They have nothing to do with it. They don't

35:15

go out and do anything. Dam

35:18

Judy Dench celebrates her birthday

35:20

today as does Donnie

35:22

Osmond. He's sixty five Joanne Joannama

35:24

Trading is seventy two. and

35:27

the author Joanna Trollope is seventy nine.

35:29

John Markovich is

35:30

sixty nine and wrapper h

35:34

It's twenty three, but we don't really count people at twenty three.

35:36

Twenty three. What's the matter with that? Is

35:38

that too young? Yeah. He is

35:40

a

35:40

bit young as I'm too. very

35:43

successful, twenty three. It's the same as you. I've got to

35:45

make sure you look because I haven't even

35:47

left the starting block. is

35:50

twenty three. This is what you just do. Just have sit here and

35:52

achieve nothing with with the hilariously funny

35:55

Steve Allen program, you

35:58

know. he says to people, they go, what do you do for a living? He goes, well, I was not

36:00

really a living, but I do it because, you know,

36:02

it's it's it's a bit of fun to

36:04

do. We're sort of on

36:06

the radio right. You're on the radio. No. I'm not. No. My my presenter on the

36:08

radio. Yeah. I'm just sort of

36:10

there to boost his

36:12

his ego. That's what they

36:14

say. Steve, I thought the Carol

36:16

went when shepherds washed their socks by

36:18

night. Yes. All seated around

36:20

the tub. the angel of the

36:22

lord came down and they began to

36:24

scrub. Yes.

36:26

They're always very good. My in

36:28

Dubai says I had the festive afternoon tea the other day at the Gorying. Thank you

36:30

for the recommendation. It was an amazing

36:33

evening. Well, good afternoon tea in

36:35

the evening. How bizarre. That's

36:37

a strange one. Very strange one. Their boys

36:40

are back with me later, says Kim, back

36:42

with their old Moor, all the way

36:44

after Christmas. Anthony was the

36:46

youngest in the literature. He's a

36:48

bruiser. He's a

36:49

bruiser. 0II had something to say to you

36:51

all and I've now forgotten what it is.

36:53

I shall find it. Don't don't worry. Let me just

36:55

find this. This will endear me to everybody. Did

36:57

you know that it's

37:00

it's a cold moon this morning.

37:02

Cold moon. Did you know

37:04

that? So it's a full moon

37:06

moon, which explains why

37:07

last night and tonight, my

37:10

neighbor, Lin, was

37:10

still wide awake. This one's called the cold moon, which is very appropriate

37:12

for this time of year. I'm just telling you what

37:14

it is. Let's start. It's cold. It's

37:17

a cold moon. It's a

37:20

bro brook, brook, you know, come on.

37:22

Goodness, sake. But apparently, if I

37:24

want to impress people, just say,

37:26

mine,

37:27

o ears, lorn. You

37:29

know what that means? I don't know either. But

37:31

I think it's it means

37:33

very cold. I think I think

37:35

that's

37:35

what it means. It's it's welsh by

37:38

the way. So mine, oh, yeah,

37:40

lawn.

37:40

My my neighbor

37:42

Lynn wrote that

37:42

down for me. She writes it down phonetically,

37:45

so it makes me sound cultured.

37:48

There you go. December's full moon is traditionally known as a cold moon.

37:50

So called because of the cold weather and winter

37:52

typically takes a firm hold this month.

37:55

with Christmas a few weeks where it's also referred

37:57

to as moon before Yule

37:59

or nights moon long

38:02

nights moon. So doesn't that sound

38:03

nice? We used to have a Yule log on our table. My father

38:05

would go out into

38:06

the woods, which was right next to our house

38:08

when I was in the middle of it, a bit like Hansel

38:12

and Gretel. and he would find a piece of wood. He would bring it back,

38:14

shave off the bottom of it, cut it,

38:16

drill holes in it, and my

38:18

mother would get

38:20

some holly We didn't

38:22

worry about the fire proofing. We should have done, but we

38:24

didn't worry about things like that in those

38:26

days. If the Holly

38:28

on the Christmas

38:28

pudding caught on fire. It just caught on fire. You never thought that you

38:30

just go, blew it out. But then

38:33

they do that. They'd spray

38:35

the log with snow They

38:37

put candles in and that would go as a centerpiece

38:39

in our Christmas table. All

38:42

handmade. We didn't we

38:42

didn't have the luxury of people being able to make

38:44

these things. We used to go to the craft fairs

38:47

obviously. but it was nice to have them,

38:49

you know,

38:49

very festive. And I still got it. My mother used

38:51

to go to this church. There was a lady

38:53

that made loads of things. I've got one at home

38:55

still. It's an down flowerpot with a robin,

38:58

perched on the top of it and it was sprayed with

39:00

snow.

39:01

Very festive. So I like things

39:03

like that. Something where where somebody's been a bit

39:06

creative. This is

39:08

LVC with

39:09

Steve Hallum. Molding Nice

39:11

to have your company. Nice.

39:14

Twelve minutes to five. So

39:16

Celine Dion, not very well at all.

39:18

She's got this stiff person

39:20

syndrome, which apparently means

39:22

that her muscles tense uncontrollably. So

39:25

she's had to cancel her fullcoming

39:27

tour. I mean, she plays Vegas and then they

39:29

go off touring and and do all the rest of it.

39:31

So that's been put on hold for the moment.

39:33

She not the first time she's done it.

39:35

In twenty fourteen, she put her career on hold as

39:38

her husband, Rene, had

39:40

cancer. He died aged seventy three, two

39:42

years later. But as

39:44

a dog, Zipped inside a passenger's hand luggage was

39:46

spotted. On an airport security

39:48

scanner, the pet showed up in a

39:50

backpack. With the only claiming they simply forgot

39:52

it was

39:54

there. Airport security in Wisconsin

39:56

says most likely they were trying to get

39:58

passed having to pay for the carry on

40:00

pet

40:02

fee. So

40:03

they have to do that. You can take animals planes if you're doing these

40:05

domestic flights. And so

40:07

they they decided that

40:09

they didn't they didn't want to pay for her. So they just tuck

40:12

the dog in. There was one moment she was on

40:14

the the

40:16

airline program. from

40:17

Luton or wherever it was. And she'd smuggled a cat in

40:19

in a bag. And then she was getting she was

40:21

getting a very thick French accent. It's quite

40:23

funny to watch because Why

40:25

do these people pick on me? Is it my cat bringing my

40:27

cat over here and all of it? I'm like, you can't

40:29

just stop bringing animals in love. You're either

40:32

particularly thick and

40:34

stupid anyway. They followed her to the car park. She was still moaning about the whole

40:36

thing. Thomas says, Steve, I have

40:38

an idea to make some noise. Since

40:40

the producer

40:41

is never busy, You can

40:43

have your listeners pay that sponsor him to do things

40:45

such as JungleStyle trials. He says he's

40:47

up for that. He says he's very

40:49

interested in that one.

40:52

make him eat things that he wouldn't normally eat. But

40:54

yeah. I mean, the trouble is it's not a case

40:56

of he isn't busy. It's

40:58

a

40:59

case of his we did well,

41:01

we don't arrived here one one day, and

41:03

it was raining. I can't remember.

41:06

It was raining

41:08

outside and there was a knock at the studio

41:10

door. And I thought, no. Who who can that be in the

41:12

middle of the Steve Allen program? And when

41:14

you sort of open

41:16

the door, And a little a

41:18

little person

41:18

was saying, ain't

41:21

Chikat no gingerbread ink.

41:23

You got no candy. And he had a

41:26

little little puppy by his side

41:28

called Andi. And he said,

41:30

could we come in and have some warmth? And I said,

41:32

yes. You must come in and have warmth.

41:34

And you know, he just dropped dead on the doorstep

41:36

right in front of us. So that's

41:38

saved it, didn't it? k. Otherwise, we'd have run out of

41:40

gingerbread and all the rest of it. other

41:42

countries for Christmas. They make gingerbread. I like the

41:44

little things that you hang on the tree, like the little

41:46

what do they call them? candy

41:48

sticks. You hang those on the

41:51

tree there. Caddy canes never enough. You can get those in

41:53

pound land. Pound. Unbelievably good value of

41:55

about twelve of them. But if you put them on the

41:57

trip, people pinch them. I'm just

41:59

trying to find. Now here we go. This is where you might come into

42:02

it, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, La

42:04

Mehta. This is the strand

42:06

de stopper I'm struggling

42:07

to ask people. They'll know. People will know.

42:09

And it comes in gold and red and green

42:11

and blue and I've tried Amazon,

42:14

and they do have it. But it's all coming

42:16

from China. They've said guaranteed before

42:18

Christmas. Well, you know, I want it, like,

42:20

today. I want it today, and I was gonna

42:22

try and get it. So I looked in pound

42:24

brand yesterday. they didn't have it. All of the ones on Amazon

42:26

were you'll get it before Christmas. But, I

42:28

mean, look at us now. We're up to the

42:30

ninth already. Christmas

42:32

to be over and done with before the Bloomington stuff arrives. If you know any

42:34

shops that sell La Meeta, do

42:37

please let me know. I

42:39

can probably probably put some business their way, which

42:41

I think is is quite a nice idea, but they're

42:43

very difficult to get, and I'm gonna do it on the

42:45

on the tree later on today. M

42:48

and S

42:48

have got a collection of

42:51

eight reindeer steamed bayo

42:53

buns. What a

42:56

bayo buns? Oh, bowel but unbound buns. Sorry. Obviously,

42:58

mispronunciation there. It'll be it'll be drummed out. The

43:00

brown is next. You know, you you couldn't even

43:02

spell bowel

43:04

They've also got many steak sandwiches.

43:06

Look lovely.

43:07

And collection of twelve

43:09

crispy bacon, mac,

43:12

and cheesy

43:13

bites. They sound quite nice, don't

43:15

they? Oh, look at their bowbuns. Oh,

43:17

they're those Chinese bands, are they? Oh,

43:19

how lovely? They're is there

43:21

anything

43:22

in them? Chewy. Alright. So do you have to

43:24

cook them? She can't eat it cold, can you?

43:26

Alright. That doesn't the

43:28

the rest

43:28

of the face melt on it?

43:32

Doesn't? Oh, okay. They look very

43:34

nice. That's the

43:35

the little people, though, isn't it? It's not for

43:37

I'm I'm an adult. you

43:40

know, I should be having sort of things. Oh, the panda ones are nice

43:42

as well. So what's inside them? Do we know?

43:44

Do you know what's inside

43:46

them? Marcus has

43:47

spent his adorable, panda steamed

43:50

buns. Sir, let's have a

43:52

look there. Natural ole vegan,

43:53

super tasty, They've

43:55

got they're

43:58

filled with sticky hoisin

44:00

mushrooms. Oh, wow. Nice. I like the

44:02

little past that they do. And so, well, look, go back. Go

44:05

back down. That what does that pizza

44:07

look like? Look at that. Cheeseburger pizza

44:09

look delicious with American cheese

44:11

sauce sauteed white onions. size gherkins

44:13

and Marks and Spencer's special burger sauce. Looks delicious. It

44:15

does look delicious. It really looks nice

44:17

actually. And little what are

44:19

they? Little little

44:22

panda buns. I think panda buns or something they're not like. Little?

44:25

They're what? Oh, they're prawn

44:27

one turt? Are they really? They're prawn

44:29

one turt? Oh, right. thought

44:31

you'd have those with some of that, not hoist in sauce,

44:33

but that nice sweet chili

44:36

sauce. That's our favorite. We

44:38

like that. Sweet chili sauce. I could eat it

44:40

now actually. Kim says a

44:42

cold moon. I've never in my life heard the

44:44

expression. Very apt. Very, very

44:46

apt. You're quite right.

44:48

And Steve, Since you talk of puppies, remind me when I was

44:50

younger, my parents adopted my first puppy from

44:52

our local blacksmith. As soon as we got

44:54

him home, we made a bolt for the

44:56

back door. Right?

44:58

You're banned. You're definitely not gonna feature

45:01

the program again. Angela says,

45:03

I watch pin Pinnell

45:06

Smith yesterday with Leslie Howard. I

45:08

haven't seen it. I don't know anything

45:10

about it. It's Pinnell Smith. I've heard

45:12

about, you know, the the Pinnell.

45:16

A scarlet pimpernel. Is that the same thing?

45:18

pimpernel smith with Leslie

45:20

Howard? No. Sounds quite old because Leslie

45:22

Howard must be getting he's not even with us, is

45:24

he? Anymore. you go. Pimp Anel

45:26

Smith released in nineteen forty one, and he definitely can't

45:28

be there. Can't be there English

45:30

archaeologist, Horacio Smith, played by Leslie,

45:32

takes his students to Germany before the start

45:34

of World War two, to study the

45:36

existence of early Orions.

45:38

He's actually there to free concentration

45:40

camp inmate, General von

45:42

Grom, a Gestapo head.

45:44

Oh, right. What if

45:45

you can still buy it? Pin

45:47

Pinel Smith. Looks like

45:48

good. You can watch it on

45:50

all four free of charge. Oh, Amazon

45:52

Prime video. Oh, that's video. Me. I've still got

45:55

a video player. How ridiculous is that?

45:57

Madness, isn't it? Steve, Staffordshire

45:59

bull terrier, pop

46:02

are a handful when teething as they chew everything

46:04

and destroyed our flat as they don't know their

46:06

own strength. And Peter says, I moved

46:08

to Wash Common, also known as Posh Common,

46:11

Nineteen sixty eight was one of the first intake of

46:13

the new infant school there. I used to

46:15

go to clubs in the hart

46:17

two digital discos, in a battery end.

46:19

Battery end. Yes. The family who lived their

46:22

garden backed on to the Hudson

46:24

battery end he

46:26

was a caretaker for it. So we go and collect the key

46:28

from him and then open it up and it

46:30

was good fun days. Apparently,

46:32

you can get La Mehta from

46:35

Wilkinson's in silver. Oh, home bargains do La

46:37

Mehta. Do they? I think we got a home bargain

46:39

down the road from me.

46:42

Oh, I

46:43

said today, it could be my day. I just want to get three packs and just drench

46:45

the tree in it. Just drench

46:47

the tree produces very because

46:49

he's not having a treat this year. His mother's refused to purchase

46:52

one, mainly because they're very, very

46:54

expensive. And and also they're not gonna be there for

46:56

Christmas. So she thought it was a waste of time, which

46:58

actually she's probably right. You know,

47:00

but of

47:00

course, he's traditional. You know, he

47:02

wants to dress up, send carrols around the

47:04

tree, stand there with a little lighted

47:06

candle in his hand. is at B and M

47:08

says that Jody, thank you. I've got one of those

47:11

down the road. Home bargains as well as we'll be

47:13

as we're checking out later. Oh,

47:16

lovely. solve my problems if they've got it. They don't order it

47:18

from China because it just might not be here in

47:20

time. And if it's not here in time,

47:22

it's going to ruin Christmas. Did

47:26

you know that three of Eastenders'ar, June

47:28

Brown's children, appear at the TV

47:30

funeral of her character, dot cotton,

47:33

Three of her

47:33

real children in real life, they featured

47:36

there. Show boss Chris Kirshaw revealed

47:38

it's sofy, NIM and

47:40

Billy asked to be in the touching scene.

47:42

Oh, lovely. Oh, lovely. I

47:44

think that's really cool. We love

47:46

dot com. We loved it.

47:48

We thought she was she was great.

47:50

She was just

47:52

absolutely wonderbar. Definitely.

47:54

Jemma Collins in the papers. There's nothing really

47:56

more you can say about Jemma Collins. She said

47:58

tired and sad.

47:59

She's sort of churned out the same stories time

48:02

and time. again, and she says she's revealed the heartache, it failing to get

48:04

pregnant. She's desperate to have children with

48:06

her businessman fiance, Rami.

48:08

She says, I haven't

48:10

been forced enough to fall pregnant. I've been trying for years and it just doesn't to

48:12

happen. And then I look at Naomi Campbell and she

48:14

had a baby at fifty. It was always talk about

48:16

Naomi Campbell's baby at fifty, wasn't

48:20

there? But she says, for some reason, it doesn't happen. And I start looking

48:22

into why, what you should do because we've been trying

48:24

for years, and you've not succeeded, you should have

48:27

started years ago. She said, I do want

48:29

a mini GC running around the house.

48:32

Oh, god. She's also

48:34

told you, cut back on lights, you know, because of like

48:36

the cost of it. she's gonna use candles this

48:38

year because normally, she said it's got like so

48:40

many lights on the outside. I think she's ran

48:42

out of money because she hasn't done anything for

48:44

it. She's got this show coming up on the

48:46

on the television. And it's sort

48:48

of a it's they have to build snowmen or

48:50

something, whatever it is. It's about the best that they

48:52

they could get for her.

48:54

Saver you all alone at Telby Sea during these wee small hours. I

48:56

imagine you're sitting there in the cold with a

48:58

a flask of black coffee to keep yourself

49:02

awake. No. No. There's other

49:03

people here. Not not in

49:05

my immediate eyesight. There's nobody

49:08

here. There's

49:10

nobody here. apart from the

49:12

producer. You know, very shortly, in

49:14

about half an hour, there'll be an

49:16

AP, the

49:18

assistant producer. And then there's people out there on the news desk and there's

49:20

people at all our other radio

49:22

stations. So on this floor, there's

49:24

people in capital

49:24

and pain is on there.

49:28

at the moment. And then Roman and the team will pop along a little bit later.

49:30

Just outside my door here,

49:33

there's capital extra. with

49:36

is it Coco? Coco on there, I

49:38

think, pretty soon. And then next door,

49:41

there's, my friend, James. is

49:43

on radio x. And then just

49:45

underneath me, there's who's

49:48

underneath me? I'm trying to think now. We've

49:50

got classic. Then we got smooth

49:52

gold and the big LBC studio.

49:54

It's quite a busy.

49:56

Plus, there's

49:57

all the dance studios

49:59

as well. We've got all the dance

50:01

radio stations, all the new studios, which are

50:03

public. So you're certainly not

50:06

alone here. Yeah. Heart is upstairs, forgot about heart. Very remiss of me,

50:08

honestly. How do I forget heart? And they're

50:10

they're literally just above us on the

50:12

floor above. And then there's two

50:14

hundred and fifty salespeople on one of the

50:16

floors, fifth floor, not here at the

50:18

moment, obviously. But during the daytime, a

50:20

thousand people in

50:21

this building. And we got another building, which has

50:23

got

50:23

four hundred people in and around the country. I'm

50:26

not telling you where it is. It's not

50:28

for you, So people who work. People who work. But

50:30

yeah. So but it's like you're never alone at

50:32

global. I'm telling you, I mean, there's no

50:34

way I'd be sitting here in the cold with the

50:36

Flasker black

50:38

coffee. That just would not be happening at all, not be

50:40

happening. I mean, even I mean, the worst we've

50:42

ever had is when we've run out of

50:46

milk because we have two kitchens on every floor and we've

50:48

got eight floors in this buildings. We've got

50:50

sixteen kitchens and they're all fully

50:52

equipped with the

50:54

tea bags and the tea and the coffees and all the specialist stuff for the green

50:56

teas and the milk, you won't believe the milk

50:58

bill, absolutely astronomical, but sometimes

51:00

we've run out

51:02

of milk. and that's where some of my tame milk men come

51:04

in like Kevin and they help us out

51:06

and he will be passing this when he will

51:08

drop off two or three

51:10

bottles of milk for us,

51:12

which we've had done before actually because people

51:14

are very nice. People are

51:16

nice. MENA says we made Santa Rudolph and Nativity scenes for

51:18

Christmas. Well done you,

51:20

well done you, and how beautiful all

51:22

that looks lovely. That looked

51:24

really, really

51:26

nice. You know me in Christmas. Can't get enough of it, seriously. It'll

51:28

be over so quickly and I shall ruin the

51:30

day, but not today.

51:35

This

51:36

is LVC

51:39

from Global, leading

51:41

Britain's conversation with

51:44

Steve Allen. Morning, I

51:47

bring three minutes

51:50

past five.

51:50

Do you know what I got

51:53

back in literally a minute ago. He's had to

51:55

go wandering looking for milk. You know, because

51:57

I can walk. And they all

51:58

they all think I'm doing I could visit. next

52:00

door. You sort of nippin and you walk all the way out the floor. We have to chat everybody on the way

52:02

up there, which I quite like. I'm big into

52:05

things like that. But to MENA, we love

52:07

your stuff. We love it. Completely.

52:10

So maltex and emails eight to 4850

52:13

steve at LBC dot co dot co dot

52:15

u k. Do you know every day? we

52:17

get record numbers of text messages

52:19

to this program. And that's just the ones that

52:21

get through. If we if we put every

52:24

single thing through, there'll be no

52:26

room for anything else Yeah.

52:28

I mean, there's hundreds that we that that never

52:30

see the light of day. Never.

52:32

Martin says, would be funny if

52:34

you wandered into the wrong studio and broadcast your

52:36

show to capital dance. I don't think they

52:39

talk to they on capital dance. They've just

52:41

had new studios built for capital

52:43

dance with a desk that goes

52:45

up and down. And that's

52:47

I mean, that to me, I

52:49

I mean, I love technology. I

52:51

can't operate it. That's why they

52:52

have to give somebody to me who could who

52:55

can drive the desk because I can't do it. I

52:57

don't have the capacity or

52:59

the capability or basically the memory to

53:01

try and remember how you're supposed to do things. It's like, you

53:03

know, when I had to do something the other

53:06

day because my brother's got to access

53:08

my wage slips.

53:10

And but he needs the pass word. So

53:12

I had to do it with help with the producer of it. If if he hadn't done it for me,

53:14

I couldn't have done it. And so and

53:16

they said, what we'll do

53:18

is today, my brother's gonna access. He'll put in

53:21

on the on the right website, my password

53:23

and my usernames all very come out seriously.

53:25

It's because it's so confusing even for

53:27

me. And so Elliott,

53:29

did it all. And and he said, yes, tell your brothers to do that. I

53:31

said, no, you you you type it.

53:33

So Elliott had to type it and

53:35

send it to my brother. So

53:37

my brother was busy yesterday, so he's gonna do it

53:39

today. So halfway through my sort of drinking session,

53:42

my phone is gonna go, and

53:44

then I'm gonna have to sort of just click on it. And

53:46

then once I've done the number,

53:47

then my brother would have access to the thing. Well, I

53:50

think that's how it works, isn't it? We

53:52

think it will be text do something just to make

53:54

sure you are who you say you are, which I get

53:56

quite a lot on my phone. If I order stuff

53:58

from

53:59

various

53:59

magic shops, which I am prone to doing, seeing as it's my number one

54:02

hobby. They'd say that we we just

54:04

want to identify and see if it's you.

54:06

Well, I don't know

54:08

how people older than me,

54:10

remember all their different

54:12

passwords. It really it's really quite difficult. Sometimes

54:14

it goes, here is the number that we've sent to your phone. You

54:16

then got to input it into

54:18

your phone. But unless you've got a pen and a piece of paper, you've got to remember it. So I have to

54:20

repeat it out loud. 342079342

54:23

And you put that in and then click on it

54:25

and then it goes we've recognized as

54:27

you. But I mean, there's so many things. Isn't there so

54:28

many things? And I've got a thing actually.

54:30

I bought into the postcode lottery.

54:34

But for some reason, for the last few weeks, it hasn't taken the money.

54:36

They said there was some glitch on it, so whatever

54:39

it is. I mean, the money is

54:41

still sitting there. Just that I haven't

54:43

haven't bought any tickets, which is quite nice. But I like the idea

54:45

of wandering into Capitol

54:48

Downs Martin. I

54:50

think capital dance to be remotely interested in Steve

54:52

Allen popping up. And Steve,

54:57

Remember the the Iain car

54:59

Michael film, Lucky Jim, in

55:01

nineteen fifty seven's, they filmed him Fry's

55:03

Street Reading near the infamous

55:06

smelly alley. don't remember. I remember I remember I and Lucky

55:08

Jim. I I vaguely remember the

55:10

film, but I can't tell you anything about

55:12

it. I watched a few in

55:16

Carmichael films. And

55:18

this was a what was

55:20

it? Nineteen fifty seven. I think I just

55:22

had it also and it was Terry Thomas.

55:25

and

55:25

Hugh Griffith who played

55:27

a professor. And it's an

55:30

adaptation of a nineteen fifty

55:32

four screenplay. And the screenplay was by

55:34

Patrick Campbell, But I

55:36

I didn't know that. So what it is, it's a

55:38

junior lecturer at a provincial

55:41

university decides to shake up the old

55:43

guard with a campaign of deliberate ruption,

55:45

the junior history tutor is appalled and disillusioned by the

55:47

pomposity that surrounds him and begins to

55:49

challenge his situation with

55:52

unruly antics. during a

55:54

colleague's party and at a solemn school

55:56

ceremony. It sounds a little bit

55:58

like

55:58

carry

55:59

on teacher. which

56:01

is the one of the nearly one of

56:03

the first carry ons. It was carry

56:06

on comfortable and carry

56:08

on spying, which I think came before that. But

56:10

if reached Ted Ray as a teacher. I think it was the third

56:12

in the series. Third in these

56:14

series. And Ted Ray played

56:16

the headmaster of a school and

56:19

he was looking for another job. He was looking to

56:21

elevate himself and the school didn't want him to

56:24

go. But he

56:24

didn't know that, so they would play

56:26

various pranks on all the teachers there, basically, to

56:28

discredit the school so that nobody

56:30

would ever employ the headmaster again, and

56:33

it comes to the fore. And

56:35

at the end, Hatteri Jakes says these

56:38

girls here have told me that they don't

56:40

want you ever to leave

56:42

headmaster. And so that's why they came up with

56:44

all these things. They disrupted their flower bombs and

56:46

spiders that dropped out of the ceiling and stuff

56:48

like that. And she said, I would

56:50

consider it.

56:52

and honor if they wanted to hang on to me

56:54

as much as they wanted to hang on to you.

56:56

And so we thought about it.

56:59

and it's got a great scene with Ted Ray at the

57:01

end. He's in his office and

57:03

he takes his gown off because

57:05

in those days, teaches

57:08

more gowns. It was all very posh and water boards and stuff like that.

57:10

Yeah. And and he looks out of the

57:12

window and the whole school

57:14

is in the playground

57:16

looking up. and

57:17

they see him and they point out and they go, there

57:19

he is. There he is. And he he sort of

57:21

closes the curtains and he comes downstairs and

57:23

there's all the tea

57:26

has lined out. They're all in tears and everything else. And

57:28

then he walks through the door, and everybody

57:30

goes very silent outside. And

57:32

he looks at them and he goes,

57:35

See you next

57:36

term. Have a good

57:38

holiday. So that

57:39

means he's coming back, which he

57:41

suddenly realized that he's much loved.

57:43

See, nearly maybe cry then.

57:46

But it's really good film. I'm sorry

57:48

if I ruin the end here for you. Somebody

57:50

wrote through the other day, they said, why don't you keep telling people the end of these

57:52

films? They said it came out in the fifties for goodness

57:54

sake. What do you want? Danko driver

57:57

film says Lemeter is at home bargains pound land in the range.

57:59

Couldn't find it in pound landfill. I've

58:02

searched high and low. He

58:04

says you can order it for Amazon for delivery

58:05

on the twelfth, which by

58:07

the way, is the day my sixty third birthday where you

58:10

can order lots of things for six to

58:12

more tea. You see? I'm gonna

58:14

spend most of the second half of this program in

58:16

the toilets ridiculous. Honestly,

58:18

there

58:18

is a limit to how many

58:20

times you can go for a week on

58:23

this program. But, yeah, what's every

58:25

fifteen minutes it used to be? It

58:27

used to be worse with the prostate problems. That

58:29

was an absolute nightmare. That really

58:32

was a nightmare. I would get on

58:34

the train and I'd be thinking, oh, no. There's no toilets on this

58:36

train. And I would I had to get off on

58:38

more than one occasion and find a

58:40

little dark

58:42

corner because I you just couldn't

58:44

control it. It was just absolutely awful. Tanker driver feels sixty

58:47

third birthday. Amata. sixty

58:51

three. Actually, the funny thing is, you know, when you talk to people about sixty three and

58:53

you go I mean, to me,

58:55

sixty three seems seems

58:58

almost young. And yeah, I know

59:00

that some people will sort of think, no,

59:02

sixty three is old. When I was when I was

59:04

sort of twenty twenty

59:06

two, I used to think thirty

59:08

was ancient I really thought I didn't know anybody who was thirty.

59:10

Now, all my friends are younger than I am. I don't

59:12

think I've got any threat. Well, it might be a couple of friends who

59:14

were sort of near

59:16

my age. but it's true

59:18

what they say actually. Life life gets

59:20

better after sixty.

59:22

As you as you head towards the graveyard, you

59:24

know. It sort of moves a little bit faster.

59:27

But it it just depends if you look after yourself.

59:29

It depends if you, you know, if you're

59:31

happy with what you do for a living,

59:33

if you're happy with everything. That

59:35

that's what makes a

59:36

perfect life. You know, I can be just as happy

59:38

walking around poundland, looking

59:40

for La Mehta as I can eating

59:44

steak. at home watching a a good Christmas film, you

59:46

know, in peppercorn sauce by the way,

59:48

of which I've had disasters within the

59:50

past, which doesn't

59:52

really help. But no, you sort of it's

59:54

it's different things that sort of that keep you going, you know, looking forward to Christmas, looking

59:56

forward to seeing the god children, you know,

59:58

looking forward to putting money in envelopes

1:00:02

for them and stuff like that. That's nice. Won't be as much

1:00:04

as they've had in previous years because they've got to the

1:00:06

age now. I don't know what age I asked somebody the

1:00:09

other day. You know when you're sort of armed to your uncle, give you

1:00:11

money for Christmas. At what age

1:00:13

are you supposed to cease giving the

1:00:15

money for Christmas? And

1:00:17

the answer is I don't know because

1:00:20

minor in their twenties now and I don't

1:00:22

know whether aren't we still

1:00:24

give money. at twenty.

1:00:26

I'm not

1:00:26

sure if it stops at eighteen. It was

1:00:28

a difficult one. I suppose if you're buying

1:00:30

presents, you don't buy them presents, not

1:00:33

socks and pants and things like that. But I just wonder whether

1:00:35

you still give money to them in a

1:00:38

card. I don't see.

1:00:40

I don't Does it

1:00:41

oh, depends how close you are. Or do you have to

1:00:43

keep going till they're in their nineties or something? You

1:00:46

still go there and get Oh, happy Christmas,

1:00:48

Arty Hilda. Here's your card, you know, with some money in it, a ten

1:00:50

bob note or something like that. I don't I don't really

1:00:52

know actually. I've puzzled over it

1:00:54

for years. I

1:00:56

mean, I think what it will be, it will be money this year. I can't remember if

1:00:58

they got money last year. And then

1:01:02

the parents I I give money

1:01:04

to go and buy something that they want,

1:01:06

and they don't buy me anything,

1:01:08

but they make a donation to charity.

1:01:11

and then the charity sends me a card with thank you

1:01:13

for your donation, which I think is easier because

1:01:15

then the charity benefits, you know, and it's

1:01:17

much nicer. But with the kids, I think this year,

1:01:19

the kids honestly. practically married most of them. I think it's

1:01:21

gonna be fifty quid each. Which, you know, you could

1:01:23

you can put because most of it, one of it, they're

1:01:26

all driving. fifty

1:01:28

pounds where the petrol goes nowhere. Absolutely

1:01:30

nowhere. You might as well just we in

1:01:32

the tank. If only you could make

1:01:34

it so much easier, wouldn't But no, I

1:01:36

I think fifty quid in an envelope. I think that's enough. They can go and

1:01:38

buy something nice. They can buy a shirt or a jumper

1:01:41

or a skirt or something. I

1:01:43

don't know. what the boys wanna wear is entirely

1:01:45

up to them. Plus Tommy

1:01:47

in Belfast says, work up this morning

1:01:49

to a fresh blanket of

1:01:51

snow. Oh, lovely. All lovely, lucky person. He said, so

1:01:53

it's looking very much like a Christmas card.

1:01:56

Can't wait to finish up work today off to the

1:01:58

Panther in the ground opera house in

1:02:00

Belfast tomorrow. and

1:02:02

then a way to see Santa with the kids in armor, planetarium

1:02:04

on Sunday. The last time we went

1:02:06

to the Panther, we were sat beside your

1:02:09

old mate, Eamon Holmes. It

1:02:11

was a great crack and very friendly. He's not well, isn't he?

1:02:13

He's he's really not well. I was watching Ruth the

1:02:15

other day she was selling

1:02:18

on QVC. I think she's

1:02:20

their second most successful

1:02:22

celebrity seller of stuff

1:02:24

on there. She shifts clothes like

1:02:26

there's no tomorrow, mainly because she's thin

1:02:28

she fits everything. You know? I mean, I've got a jumper on today, but I mean

1:02:30

whether or not it suits me. I don't know. Look, somebody actually

1:02:32

commented when I walked out. Somebody went,

1:02:35

oh, nice nice jumper. But

1:02:37

I think it was the producer of the breakfast show guy

1:02:39

who was wearing a special pair of trousers

1:02:42

today because I explained to him the

1:02:44

boring story of I

1:02:46

bought this jumper over a year ago, and I had a

1:02:48

bag at the

1:02:48

bottom of the bed. And I remember looking at thinking,

1:02:50

oh, I remember buying that vaguely.

1:02:53

it was a year ago, so I had to cut the labels off it and

1:02:55

it's got sticky because I went out one time. I'd

1:02:58

still left a sticky bit on the front which showed

1:03:00

you what size it was. Well, surprise

1:03:02

people. I

1:03:02

thought they were looking at me because I was like, you know,

1:03:04

that's Steve Allen or something like that, you

1:03:06

know. because I get people at Waterloo Station because

1:03:08

I know a few of the the guys who

1:03:10

worked down there, you know, I know Lenny. And he'd always say, you're alright, Steve?

1:03:13

You're alright? I go. Yeah. I'm good. Good show this

1:03:15

morning, he'll say. Good show. That

1:03:17

was good. Thank you. But is it but I I had the blum in

1:03:20

sticker on showing the site, oh, it's just ridiculous.

1:03:22

Doesn't that you forget these things, don't you? I

1:03:24

put pants on once back

1:03:26

to front. To be ages to have a wii, I

1:03:27

had to try and turn everything round. It was

1:03:29

a nightmare. It was very

1:03:32

difficult. I But we

1:03:34

like it. So you were sitting next to Raymond Holmes. Oh,

1:03:36

how nice. How nice. Actually, the one thing

1:03:38

very interesting enough,

1:03:40

Jemma Collins and I thought it was the

1:03:42

biggest letter of baloney, I'd have a wrench. She was talking about how, you know, people are cutting back in all

1:03:44

the rest of it. So she

1:03:44

can't afford to get married this year.

1:03:48

I thought, well, you won't be paying for any way. It'll be a contra deal. You

1:03:50

know, here is Jemma Collins in that

1:03:52

enormous dress. And she'll marry this

1:03:54

bloat she's been out with before. But

1:03:57

now

1:03:57

they're not. But I don't think she's the

1:03:59

marrying kind. I don't think so.

1:04:01

It's like sort of keeping up with her love life

1:04:03

is about as exciting as keeping up with

1:04:05

Jordan's love life. Is she back with the bloke? Is she not back

1:04:07

with him? Who cares? Does make any difference? She did cheat.

1:04:10

She admits that that she cheated, which is a

1:04:12

little bit embarrassing, isn't it? Now you

1:04:14

can imagine would finish with somebody

1:04:16

immediately if they ever cheated. I

1:04:18

wouldn't there'd be no

1:04:20

hesitation. No. There's no toleration.

1:04:22

No. I'm I'm really no. If somebody, you

1:04:24

know, you cheat. Out that door, don't

1:04:25

turn around now because you're not welcome anymore. Steve

1:04:28

Hello on LVC. Text 84850

1:04:32

Morning. That

1:04:34

Stepi Company. I haven't listened to you recently. Says

1:04:36

this one here from

1:04:38

from Tony and says

1:04:40

as I've been sleeping well,

1:04:43

Well, it's nice, isn't it? We do get people, Tony,

1:04:45

who do wake up specifically to

1:04:47

hear the program. I downloaded

1:04:49

the free app onto my Amazon Fire Stick last night

1:04:51

and found the old mission impossible series on it along with the

1:04:53

Adams family. Black and white, I will be

1:04:55

delving into more

1:04:58

tonight. to locate more oldies. It beats watching the mister and missus

1:05:00

hypocrisy on Netflix. Well, you don't you

1:05:02

can't miss it today. It's in every

1:05:06

single newspaper. Every single pages and

1:05:08

pages and pages of it. The you

1:05:10

know, they've analyzed it. They sort of

1:05:14

dissected it Some said it was bad for the royal family. Some people said it wasn't bad

1:05:16

for the royal family. They can't they can't make

1:05:18

up their minds overage. And I think

1:05:20

there's another There's another

1:05:21

splash of it, isn't there, I think,

1:05:24

coming up, and then there's the book and everything

1:05:26

else. Personally, once that's all finished, we can

1:05:28

we can put them to bed and sort of leave

1:05:30

them because there's nothing more to say

1:05:32

about it because they're not they're not

1:05:34

in all this stuff remember that they're they're talking

1:05:36

about happened years ago. didn't happen recently.

1:05:38

It happened years ago. But I'm still

1:05:40

waiting for the money that we paid for their

1:05:42

wedding. Perhaps we could have that back.

1:05:43

Thank you very much indeed. That

1:05:45

was millions Al, you spend millions on a wedding. I've

1:05:47

got no idea. No idea, but they seem

1:05:49

to manage it. And I got it

1:05:51

completely wrong flow. become the first

1:05:53

group to win the British Rising Star Award, Stella,

1:05:56

Georgia, and Renee.

1:05:58

The honor

1:05:59

means

1:05:59

that their to be the most promising new act to break through.

1:06:02

Whereas, oh, I didn't think they were that good. What

1:06:04

do I know? Obviously, it's like I watched

1:06:06

this program the other day

1:06:08

on art. and

1:06:10

they they have a portrait program and the television they

1:06:12

pick a famous person and it happened to be Lenny

1:06:14

Henry. And they had somebody

1:06:16

painting his picture. And I'm thinking, that's quite a

1:06:18

gift, but God knows

1:06:20

it. Boring to watch. You know, watching

1:06:22

somebody paint and then they bring along a lot of

1:06:24

other people. You are literally

1:06:26

watching paint dry. admittedly, you know, when

1:06:28

when the pictures were finished, I thought they were

1:06:30

really really good. No, I can't draw for

1:06:32

toffee. I can't even

1:06:33

draw a Christmas tree. seriously.

1:06:35

And yet, we used to have art classes and do all sorts

1:06:37

of bits and pieces. But

1:06:40

it just I'm fascinated watching out a

1:06:42

bit because some of these people were very good. It was

1:06:44

just almost boring. And

1:06:46

then Henry wasn't

1:06:46

boring. He was sort of very entertaining. And I

1:06:48

thought you can get to keep pictures

1:06:51

afterwards. I thought that'll be quite a nice thing. Barbara used to have Barbara

1:06:53

Windsor in her sitting room, which is

1:06:55

probably still there. A picture of herself done

1:06:57

by this artist. He

1:07:00

did he did quite a number of very famous people, and only

1:07:02

thing that you would know

1:07:04

that that house was

1:07:08

owned by Scott and Barbara. There is nothing. She didn't have any

1:07:10

pictures up or carry on

1:07:12

posters or anything like that at all. It

1:07:14

was just a very ordinary news cottage

1:07:16

in Marla

1:07:18

Bone. and and this one picture over the

1:07:20

over the fireplace. That was it. So I remember

1:07:22

thinking, you know, you'd have all sorts of met

1:07:24

module. I haven't got much memorabilia of

1:07:28

me. Strange enough. I've got

1:07:28

a few of the early tea towels. I'm working with the other

1:07:31

ones. And and I've got a big picture which they

1:07:33

use as a publicity shot of me sitting in

1:07:35

a studio looking so

1:07:38

seriously look, he said, it was so embarrassing. I looked at who is that

1:07:40

devilishly good looking

1:07:41

young man. And I went,

1:07:43

it's me. It me.

1:07:44

that may and I'm sitting

1:07:45

in studio and I'm wearing this sort of Hawaiian type

1:07:48

shirt before Hawaiian shirts became

1:07:50

popular back in the nineteen

1:07:52

thirties. And I've got the headphones on

1:07:54

and all the rest of it. And they were doing publicity

1:07:56

shops. So in the reception, they could have

1:07:58

pictures of all the presenters. And of course, I

1:08:00

was the strangely, I was

1:08:02

the youngest. I don't

1:08:03

know how does that happen. No air brushing, you know,

1:08:05

own Naturale, and we had

1:08:07

we had

1:08:09

cards from Walkerprints and they

1:08:11

would take a picture of you, a professional photographer. I had

1:08:13

one taken on Waterloo Bridge. No, Black Fry's

1:08:16

Bridge leaning against a

1:08:17

lamppost, and that was

1:08:20

then get printed up with Steve Allen,

1:08:22

and then people used to write in for photographs, but we haven't done them for years and years. And and

1:08:24

it was

1:08:25

I

1:08:28

had loads absolutely loads of pictures. All day

1:08:30

every year, they'd bring out a dip. Then it went color. I've had color pictures of my hairstyle varied.

1:08:32

It really varied. I mean, sometimes

1:08:34

a lot like little old fontainebleau. Otherwise,

1:08:38

look like a comb over. It was all very old

1:08:40

and you get casual clothes and you pose. And

1:08:42

you as people are going past, you

1:08:45

know, you're secretly thinking, bet they're wondering if I'm famous.

1:08:47

That's what they are. They're wondering. And then

1:08:49

they just kept on walking. They're quite

1:08:51

clearly not. what was on the train the

1:08:53

other day and heard somebody moaning about your show.

1:08:55

I just looked at them and they looked to me and I just

1:08:57

simply said, don't mess with the Allan. Yeah.

1:08:59

No. Nobody moans about well, how could

1:09:01

you ever moan about the show, which is

1:09:03

the most pop in the history of the English

1:09:05

speaking world. How is this possible? Goodness sake, there are people in foreign countries who listen to

1:09:07

this to improve their

1:09:11

English. You can't ever moan about this program. Unless, of course, you're

1:09:13

really desperately sad. In which case,

1:09:15

you know, you need

1:09:17

to find something else like beads, you could play with

1:09:19

beads or ABC blocks or something like that. David

1:09:22

Plymouth says you could enhance your

1:09:24

credibility at Capitol Dance by

1:09:26

going in a studio and doing

1:09:29

spin on your head. I don't think there's enough room actually. I don't

1:09:31

think you would pay me to do that. How much how much would you

1:09:34

pay to do that?

1:09:37

two pound fifty. That's what that's what I'm worth. Is it two pound fifty? Two

1:09:39

sixty. Oh, now you're talking. You never mentioned two pound sixty. If

1:09:41

I know it's gonna go up ten p in a

1:09:44

matter of seconds.

1:09:47

I reckon by the end of this program, we can sort out a really good

1:09:49

deal. Leslie Howard was killed shortly after making Pimp

1:09:52

Anil Smith

1:09:55

when the KL airliner. He was on flying from to Bristol was shot

1:09:57

down by the Germans, flying over the

1:09:59

Bay of Biscay. That's a bit dramatic,

1:10:01

doesn't it? Steve, I've just opened

1:10:03

a big box of Is

1:10:05

it goulian, Belgian chocolate? I always find any more than three prelions are

1:10:07

too sickly. I think I've

1:10:10

seen it. I've never bought

1:10:13

what do they call it again, gilean? I've never bought that. I've

1:10:15

never bought it. I mean, I've seen the chocolates. i've never

1:10:17

bought it They

1:10:20

do sea shells and they do a pre

1:10:22

line assortment and everything else. They look like do they yeah. I just don't like the name Julien. It

1:10:24

just doesn't sound anything to me. It

1:10:26

doesn't say it's not British, is it?

1:10:30

Oh, it's French, is it? Yeah. Alright. I

1:10:32

can I can pronounce. I I

1:10:35

do for all say. Yeah. I

1:10:38

speak the language, I'll tell you, I can

1:10:41

get a omelette, Steve Allen. Morrison's

1:10:43

mince pies with cream hit or

1:10:45

miss with you. Haven't got them yet,

1:10:47

Andy? You said adding cream to a six pack of Waitrose or butter mince pies seems

1:10:49

tastier to us. Have you seen these Morrison's

1:10:51

mince pies with cream?

1:10:54

Have you seen them? they've pumped cream in like they've

1:10:56

got a tanker full of

1:10:58

this stuff. Look delicious. To

1:11:01

in a box, I believe. So

1:11:03

I haven't managed to get them yet, Debbie. And it

1:11:05

says, hope you're having a good week.

1:11:07

Work is okay. It's

1:11:09

okay. I mean, I'll jump to So when I

1:11:11

was watching Ruth, Langsford the other day on

1:11:14

QVC, she was moaning, a that

1:11:16

her earpiece

1:11:18

kept falling out. And look at the

1:11:20

fresh cream mince pies. I

1:11:22

mean, seriously, there should be

1:11:25

a law against it, shouldn't

1:11:27

there? the shoe You can imagine how they're gonna go. Can't you? You're

1:11:29

gonna take one bite and that whole thing

1:11:31

is gonna collapse in

1:11:35

your hands. And My friend, Chris,

1:11:37

always the wag, says how about a limited

1:11:39

edition of a hundred sign double

1:11:40

perm Steve

1:11:44

Allen Photos? Double perm. Double perm.

1:11:46

You said top one hundred bins. Bids win one each.

1:11:49

That would raise

1:11:52

a fortune. That photo will never

1:11:54

see the light of day. I promise you. Never. Definitely not. I shall be dead and

1:11:56

buried before that thing sees it. And even then

1:11:58

if I find it at home, I'm destroying it.

1:12:02

Don't be incriminated. And

1:12:04

having a good week so far,

1:12:06

you've got some so far,

1:12:08

you're brilliant on the shower

1:12:11

keep going. Yeah. Ruth was complaining. Freshwater kept falling, and then she

1:12:13

had the boilers playing up at home. So

1:12:15

they need to get somebody

1:12:16

out to sort it

1:12:18

out typical in it winter. just

1:12:20

the time you need the central heating.

1:12:23

No central heating. Not very good. Joe's boilers gone. Joe who? Joe? Joe by old

1:12:25

producer, well, no, you could've been

1:12:27

talking about Joseph Joseph

1:12:30

of Nazareth. I don't know. Could have anybody else like

1:12:32

that? Joseph and Mary might have had the boiler break

1:12:34

down, waiting for the call out. You

1:12:37

know, that bloke popping around from the Bethlehem

1:12:39

Hilton. just to say, I could sort your boiler quickly, we're having a baby

1:12:41

Jesus. You know, those those wise

1:12:43

men bringing all this gold and stuff

1:12:45

like that. Go don't go down the

1:12:48

boiler shop. go down

1:12:50

the garden to get semony, go to the boiler

1:12:52

shop, buy one, bringing it back. Can't stand it. But does

1:12:54

she would say Paul Joe's has gone, isn't it?

1:12:57

goodness. I honestly have to start layering up, putting clothes up. That's what my my lens done

1:12:59

exactly the same. She's had to be a this morning of her

1:13:02

putting on loads of clothes

1:13:04

and It's

1:13:07

a little sort of drawing thing which is quite nice. Happy

1:13:09

to place an opening bid for make some

1:13:11

noise. Five hundred

1:13:14

pounds is my friend, Chris. No end to the excitement.

1:13:16

Yeah. Get them out there. Get them out

1:13:18

there. Steve, I watched anatomy of a murder

1:13:20

last night on all four excellent

1:13:22

courtroom drama. Have you seen it?

1:13:25

says Alexander, in summary, I have

1:13:27

not. SCOR for Scoundrels with Alastair Simm, with the Michael

1:13:30

very good. Green

1:13:32

for

1:13:32

danger. Very good. Two of the funniest films of that black

1:13:34

and white era. And have you seen the thirty nine steps with Robert Donut? says,

1:13:39

Kathy, I refused to watch the remake. There is only one mister

1:13:41

doughnut for thirty nine steps. He was

1:13:43

a great actor. I

1:13:46

loved him in mister

1:13:48

chips. but then I like all

1:13:50

the presenters on mister Chips. The thirty nine steps was a film that came out in nineteen

1:13:53

what was it? Nineteenth.

1:13:55

Nineteen thirty five. I

1:13:59

think nineteen thirty five,

1:13:59

mentioning carry on teacher reminds me

1:14:02

that Sid James character in cruising,

1:14:04

playing the caption who likes Ted

1:14:06

Rae's teacher, was also contemplating his

1:14:08

future, ending the film in a similar way,

1:14:10

he says, Peter, yes, it did. It did. It had Esmy Cannon though, and we loved

1:14:12

Esmy. She didn't pop

1:14:14

up and carry on teacher.

1:14:17

SME

1:14:17

Cannon was a little a little actress. Little

1:14:19

twitcheery old ladies. She was very good. Do you do you

1:14:21

get a picture of

1:14:23

SME Cannon up? ESME have to

1:14:25

do spelling lessons at the same time, but we don't mind. We'd like to help out the poorly educated,

1:14:27

you know, Mastercard University, which didn't mean

1:14:30

that there she is. And she

1:14:32

was She

1:14:35

used to play it and get all excited. She was a little twitry carriage. She

1:14:37

popped up in all sorts of things. All

1:14:39

sorts of things. She was

1:14:41

she was lovely. She was only tiny. Yeah. She

1:14:43

was

1:14:43

little. She was absolutely

1:14:45

wonderful. She they they gave

1:14:47

her these parts,

1:14:48

and she just

1:14:50

fitted right in. She was, yeah, she was four feet seven. She's

1:14:52

she's quite tiny when you think

1:14:54

about it. Yeah. Yeah. But,

1:14:58

you know, Nice nice person. Tracy says in our family, we

1:15:00

stopped with the presence and the money when the kids had

1:15:02

kids and then we started buying for that

1:15:05

generation. Oh, god. You

1:15:07

mean, it continues. And from Shane, he said,

1:15:09

I'd love to see snow at Christmas. It's not gonna happen. All I know is hot

1:15:12

Christmas is

1:15:15

because it's summertime And see if

1:15:17

somebody told me recently, at our age, we're basically on the Saturday of

1:15:20

our life. when

1:15:23

we look at as a week. But if we're lucky, we get a bank holiday

1:15:25

Monday to extend our life spans as Rob. Oh,

1:15:28

dear. Simon,

1:15:30

the fish longer said it's very cold out, huddled around the heated steering

1:15:32

wheel, whether it's the only heater that doesn't

1:15:34

drain the battery on my electric van.

1:15:38

God. Jane says getting really excited as

1:15:40

my new kitchen's being installed on

1:15:42

choosing the other mess. My friends just

1:15:44

have one done. His neighbor did it

1:15:47

because he's a carpenter, the mess, who said drove him to

1:15:49

distraction, drove him to distraction, but husband is busy painting and tiling

1:15:51

and adding some new electricals. Hounds

1:15:55

lovely. And, Steven, I'm wondering what was going on yesterday

1:15:58

at London Bridge station, a bunch of police officers

1:16:00

and dogs, and people being

1:16:02

taken for questioning drugs. Drugs Yeah.

1:16:05

They're looking for Steve Allen, because I'm in Leicester Square. So, you know, once again, wrong place. No. It'll

1:16:07

be drugs. They they do it together. We

1:16:10

have we have them in in

1:16:12

Twickenham. You'll see

1:16:14

you you've got the staircase in there. They all

1:16:16

are the police lined up and the drug dogs, and they will literally go up to

1:16:18

people. And if it sits down in front of you,

1:16:21

the it sits down in front of you That

1:16:23

means you guys smoked the

1:16:23

night before or something. They've got they're very sensitive, very

1:16:26

very sensitive noses. And then the police officers taken

1:16:28

to one side, and

1:16:30

that's where I hang around in the station. to see if the black comes and

1:16:32

they're carted off in chains screaming,

1:16:34

you know, their innocence. And, otherwise,

1:16:36

I love it. And they

1:16:38

they work the dogs in rotation so

1:16:40

they they do it and

1:16:43

have a break. It's a pampered existence. Steve Allo, on LDC. Apparently,

1:16:48

You should have bought your Christmas tree

1:16:50

by now. I don't know how late most people leave it. I got mine yesterday and and

1:16:53

a fun direction. You

1:16:55

will not see anywhere. It's

1:16:58

very nice. But it it's true that people

1:17:00

are buying smaller trees. See, my one

1:17:02

I think is about is about six

1:17:04

or seven feet. which I think

1:17:07

is probably just right actually. And so they say that people

1:17:09

are buying small

1:17:12

trees now. So

1:17:14

the eight to nine foot trees

1:17:16

are a hundred pounds. I don't know whether it's

1:17:18

not round our way, they're not. They're more than

1:17:20

a hundred. People are buying six foot

1:17:22

trees for sixty quid at at a tree farm. Clive who a disabled

1:17:24

entrepreneur award said smaller trees

1:17:27

also need less ten slin

1:17:31

baubles. But Rod Strouseam

1:17:33

sells twenty five thousand

1:17:35

trees from his farm in

1:17:37

Lincolnshire, He said there was a stampede last weekend when

1:17:40

the public have tightened their belts.

1:17:42

So I paid seventy for the

1:17:44

tree the other day, which I thought

1:17:46

was about right It's about, you know, tenor a foot, I

1:17:48

think, something like that, but it's

1:17:50

not too bad actually. My brother

1:17:52

cannot get the couple of hours off

1:17:55

today to do this thing. He

1:17:57

said so he he's going to

1:17:59

have to ring me about five thirty. God knows what state I'll be in by five thirty. But we

1:18:01

shall do it at

1:18:04

five thirty. I

1:18:06

don't know if you can yeah. Of course, you can still do. He's only taking stuff off the

1:18:08

Internet, isn't he? So it doesn't make any difference.

1:18:10

We're just printing off, which is very

1:18:12

good. Does the season to

1:18:15

be jolly, Tyson Fury, and

1:18:16

he posed in front of a tree thickly decorated with

1:18:19

bows and toy bears. Looks like a company did it for him. I

1:18:22

can't

1:18:23

believe that Tyson hurry actually sort

1:18:25

of pins Teddy bears to a Christmas tree for some peculiar

1:18:27

reason. I don't know why. And one day to the big

1:18:29

one, how do England and France

1:18:31

partners line up And

1:18:34

so they've got a heavily tattooed Zoe Christopher Foley. I don't

1:18:36

know who she is actually, but most of

1:18:38

her body is covered in tattoos. Looks

1:18:43

Gossley. That's Gossy. She met left back Hernandez in twenty twenty,

1:18:46

gave birth to their baby boy,

1:18:47

thought to be named Theo Junior

1:18:49

in April of this year, but the

1:18:51

tattoos are Gossy. Absolutely,

1:18:54

ghastly. But they say behind every top footballer is a dedicated cheering

1:18:56

on for the cytokines. Well,

1:18:58

they weren't the other day. They

1:19:03

weren't cheering on because they were sitting there. One

1:19:05

of them was yawning. The other one was just looking

1:19:07

at her phone, but they know

1:19:09

they have to be there

1:19:11

because they're not In in many ways, you're

1:19:13

what? You're my wag.

1:19:15

Yes. You are yawning. You are on the

1:19:17

telephone. Yes. I mean, you are Yes. I suppose

1:19:19

you are, really. your

1:19:22

hair is bleached. It's, you know, one of

1:19:24

those sort of things that we like. I mean, I don't really

1:19:26

go they've got a program on the tell you, I'm

1:19:28

I'm you know, you skirt through the channels. and

1:19:30

this one is about hairdressers in America. And all

1:19:32

they found is the campus load of

1:19:34

hairdressers that you've ever wired is about

1:19:36

and gay hairdressers. And there's one of

1:19:39

them he was known as king of the

1:19:41

blondes. And he looked as

1:19:42

though he'd had cosmetic surgery that had definitely gone wrong.

1:19:44

And and he just did blond highlight. That

1:19:46

was all he did. I just do blondes.

1:19:50

And they're who there was their celebrity get

1:19:52

they had a celebrity guest on there. It was

1:19:54

somebody. I'm it was it was somebody

1:19:57

and I remember thinking, God, you've aged. And

1:19:59

I tell you it was, it was Tory Spelling, whose father was

1:20:02

immensely rich and turned

1:20:04

out loads of

1:20:06

successful TV programs, the

1:20:08

spellings, And I think she lives in the

1:20:10

house. It's got something like seventy bedrooms. I'm pretty certain she bought this house, which was be

1:20:13

for for

1:20:16

somebody else. Yeah. She looks all weird

1:20:18

now, doesn't she? There you go. She's an American actress and author.

1:20:20

And

1:20:21

the Victoria Davies

1:20:24

spelling. She was in Beverly Hills 90210

1:20:26

Her first major role was in as

1:20:30

Donna Martin. now she's she goes in to get her head on, but I'm

1:20:32

sure the house was huge. I think her

1:20:34

parents were gonna live in it. I'm

1:20:39

pretty certain it's No. It's that huge one. There, along no. Yeah. I

1:20:41

think it's that one, isn't it? There you go. Hundred

1:20:43

and twenty three room family

1:20:47

mansion. Tory spelling. I mean, a

1:20:49

hundred and twenty three I mean, that's just

1:20:51

ridiculous. Yeah. Go on. Producers said I'll there because

1:20:55

he's a whag. because he bleaches his hair. And and I mean,

1:20:57

it's it was about the biggest home that they

1:20:59

they were ever constructing. It's got a

1:21:01

garage underneath. I think can hold

1:21:03

something like fifty cars. or

1:21:05

sixty, it could be a hundred. I

1:21:07

mean, you know, I mean, she moves all the time. desperately sort of I suppose

1:21:09

she must have inherited a lot of money from

1:21:11

her from her dad. don't

1:21:15

know how much she's supposed to be worth, but I mean, just to

1:21:17

keep a house like that going with that

1:21:19

many rooms, it

1:21:22

must be It must be absolutely astronomical. It's in

1:21:24

a way you'd get all

1:21:25

the money from. I don't know. Terrible, isn't

1:21:27

it,

1:21:27

really? Steve

1:21:29

loves scrudes the musical? Can you sing thank you very

1:21:32

much to all us listeners? No. No.

1:21:34

Not a performing poodle. We don't do

1:21:36

things like that, Julie. Send in money and

1:21:38

I'll do it. I was at Washington Airport in America

1:21:40

where the drug dog found a cheese

1:21:42

sandwich in a rucksack, degraded applause. Well,

1:21:46

they have different dogs in America. dogs, dogs,

1:21:48

and they have we had when

1:21:50

we

1:21:50

landed at Florida, we had the fruit

1:21:52

dogs around us because you're not allowed

1:21:54

to bring fruit into the country. So

1:21:57

on the airplane, they give you a banana or an apple, and most people

1:21:59

think, oh, I'll save that for later. It says,

1:21:59

not bring fruit

1:22:03

into the country. And so

1:22:05

the dog will sit in front of you and they go, what have you got? And you

1:22:07

go, I've got an apple. They're complicated. can't

1:22:08

bring any fruit

1:22:10

in. You can buy fruit.

1:22:13

over there,

1:22:13

but you can't bring it in. And then they've

1:22:15

got dogs that do money. Dogs that can sniff money. And

1:22:17

so

1:22:18

in other words, if

1:22:20

the limit

1:22:22

to taking money out of

1:22:24

the country is ten thousand pounds. They will know

1:22:26

if you've got more than ten thousand pounds. I

1:22:28

mean, how clever is that? I've got a producer

1:22:30

who can't even work that out and he's got his own

1:22:33

little purse and everything and he still doesn't know

1:22:35

how much is in it. But

1:22:37

yeah, they sniff money. So

1:22:39

the fruit dogs the dog dogs and the money dogs. And

1:22:41

I

1:22:41

think you can you can basically find a dog that can do anything, but

1:22:43

it's just trained to

1:22:46

do that one thing. and their nose

1:22:48

is so highly focal I suppose you just keep shoving

1:22:50

five pound notes into it and go sniff

1:22:54

that for God's sake. You know? and then they they do And they're always very

1:22:56

lucky. They was fine, but they they did one

1:22:58

at loot an

1:22:58

airport. They had the the money dog

1:23:01

there. And it was a couple

1:23:03

who were going to could

1:23:05

have been Bahrain or Dubai or somebody like that. And he had money. He

1:23:07

was taken out of the country with obviously money laundering. And they said, how much money

1:23:09

have you got on you? Oh, just a little packet.

1:23:11

You produce a little packet. and

1:23:15

the dog still sat there in front of him. And it was a

1:23:17

case of he had it already rounded body.

1:23:19

It was strapped to him.

1:23:21

It's like the the drug mules. They come in

1:23:23

and they've swallowed drugs in condoms. I

1:23:25

don't know how easy it is

1:23:27

to swallow a condom. I'm assuming it

1:23:29

must be an absolute nightmare. But this if if they burst,

1:23:31

you're dead instantly. But these people are doing it

1:23:34

for money. So they come into the country

1:23:36

and they look perfectly normal

1:23:38

except they start behaving strangely. you

1:23:40

know, they start sweating profusely. They need to sit down or

1:23:43

because they can't have anything. They've got to wait for

1:23:45

the drugs to

1:23:48

pass through. and

1:23:48

then they bring the dog out. And then

1:23:50

they basically if they if they suspect somebody's swallowed, they take him to hospital, x-ray their

1:23:53

stomach, and they

1:23:56

can count how many they've actually got

1:23:58

in there? Me, it would just say burgers, cornish pasty, kebab, you

1:24:00

know, chocolate

1:24:02

biscuit, things

1:24:03

like that. But

1:24:05

over there, it's it's these these drug mules. Some of them just

1:24:07

look perfectly normal, perfectly normal, which they are, but they're just they're

1:24:10

smuggling drugs, I'm afraid.

1:24:13

and so they get caught, and then

1:24:15

they they send them to prison. What else

1:24:17

we got here? Manchester United left back. Luke Shore

1:24:19

is dating his partner, Anushka, The

1:24:22

trouble is there's an awful lot of

1:24:24

bleach going on. I've discovered with wags. Law awful

1:24:26

lot of bleach, but no matter, seems to be

1:24:28

there. So

1:24:30

what have we got? You can tell it's nearly

1:24:32

Christmas when Shirley Ballast, Craig Neville

1:24:34

Hallwood, Tony Beacon, Motsie Mabusi, put

1:24:36

on their glad rags, and they take

1:24:39

the Glitzy bash. which has got Roberts, Larry Lam, got loads

1:24:41

of different people in it, loads

1:24:43

of different people. And

1:24:47

Craig says I've

1:24:47

I got for Christmas A11 dollar ninety nine

1:24:50

t tail, which cost me twenty quid at

1:24:52

customs. And Shirley

1:24:55

says my biggest present would be my son arriving

1:24:57

at the door. Moxieva Boosie says best and engagement ring, worst, a

1:24:59

fitness package. That's my nightmare as

1:25:02

well. Somebody said

1:25:02

I bought your barbell set.

1:25:05

No. Thank you. And Tony Beek, the best ever Christmas day was my wife

1:25:07

saying she'd married me. You'd be sick. You'd be sick again.

1:25:10

So creepy. So creepy. Also,

1:25:14

Jeremy Clarkson's love affair with farming

1:25:17

rooms, humans, next year. They

1:25:19

have confirmed the start

1:25:21

date of Feb the

1:25:23

tenth, New Animals, and crops and everything else

1:25:25

because the people down there hate him. I love him. I think he's great. I think he's

1:25:27

absolutely brilliant. Why shouldn't you have a farm?

1:25:30

And we don't put all these people down

1:25:32

here. We live

1:25:34

in the country. We are quite folk. You know, and you think, no, you're not your nasty, and desperately and lonely.

1:25:36

And they they sort of said, oh, no,

1:25:38

we don't anything like that. We don't

1:25:43

horts of cars coming down just to see Jeremy Clark. Yeah,

1:25:45

why not? More famous than you'll

1:25:47

ever be? I was going to mention

1:25:49

Meghan and Harry, but I thought I

1:25:51

can't be bothered actually today. The papers have done

1:25:53

it all for me. So if you wanna know anything about them and believe you me, you will

1:25:55

you will be ripping your hair out at the end of

1:25:58

Ipswich. It was what he looks like, actually, on

1:25:59

the program. all

1:26:02

the little clips, but the papers have got pages and

1:26:04

pages and pages. You know?

1:26:07

The TB Chiefs have accused

1:26:09

them of telling yet another whopper The

1:26:11

leading man trashes the entire royal family, and the leading

1:26:13

lady tells of an awkward hug with Kate

1:26:15

because apparently she's very touchy

1:26:18

feely. very touchy feely.

1:26:20

I don't I don't know. I'm not never

1:26:22

noticeably touchy feely bit. But apparently, the moment they

1:26:24

left the royal family, what did they

1:26:26

start doing? which made you think something's going something's going

1:26:28

off here. They started filming

1:26:30

everything they did. From the

1:26:33

moment they left the royal family,

1:26:35

They had film of all of it. They had films of them in their

1:26:37

car being followed by the paparazzi and all

1:26:39

this kind of stuff. So they've

1:26:41

been planning this for a

1:26:43

long, long, long while. Steve,

1:26:45

have you seen the Christmas Car everly sings? Thank you very much when

1:26:47

screws die. Scrooge dies. Of course, I have a hello.

1:26:50

I'm sixty eight. Of course, I

1:26:52

have. like

1:26:55

saying, have I ever met Winnie the poo, you know, or

1:26:57

Paddington or Tiger or Ru or

1:26:59

Eor? I've met

1:27:01

the whole gang. I've met Harry Potter

1:27:03

I met wrong with met everybody. Okay? I've got a wag

1:27:06

for a producer. I know everything.

1:27:10

I am the fountain of all knowledge asked me

1:27:12

anything I know the answer to it. I

1:27:14

can't help it. I just absorbed rubbish and

1:27:16

yet asked me to remember a phone

1:27:18

number from three years ago, not clue?

1:27:21

Not a clue. Cars. How many cars have you had?

1:27:23

I can't remember nine, ten cars. You

1:27:25

know, in your lifetime, you

1:27:27

dummy some people. don't

1:27:30

have ten cars in lifetime. Me, I

1:27:32

get to the stage where the car where I go,

1:27:34

now I think I wanna change it because I

1:27:36

don't do many miles a year. An average

1:27:38

is ten thousand miles a I don't do

1:27:40

ten thousand. So I mean, I might

1:27:42

do over a weekend at Christmas. I'll be doing probably about five hundred

1:27:44

miles

1:27:47

in total. Sorry, but

1:27:47

keeping you going. Are we here

1:27:48

next door? Honestly. Obviously, up

1:27:50

late last night, were we

1:27:52

or something? Burning your little

1:27:55

candle at both ends. told you about

1:27:57

that before when I go out there for drinking pools, you know, finishing off

1:27:59

the night with just one for the road. Unfortunately,

1:28:01

the road is

1:28:04

fairly long. Rasting joint steaks and prime cuts

1:28:06

are being sold in clear boxes fitted with GPS trackers at the co op.

1:28:08

You know why?

1:28:11

People feed them. They had to

1:28:13

stop it in Iceland and Twickenham. There was one woman who used to go round with the trolley,

1:28:15

fill it all up, and

1:28:18

all up

1:28:19

a oldish woman walk

1:28:21

straight out the door, so they then had to put bars on the top of the trolley

1:28:23

like bumper cars and put a bar across the

1:28:25

door so they couldn't get

1:28:28

it out. She was steeping

1:28:30

left right and center. Seriously, it's always it's not always, you know, the people who go there in the kabbalah wine or something

1:28:32

like that. But that there's a

1:28:34

blue king, Marks, and Spencer's, and Twickenham.

1:28:38

I've seen him in there about ten times, and he walks around

1:28:41

the store for ages holding a packet of nuts.

1:28:43

And then he just

1:28:44

stands there staring at the mashed

1:28:46

potato for ten minutes. Quite mad. Quite mad. But as

1:28:48

I say, you

1:28:49

know, people nick things. And so that's why

1:28:51

they've sold these roasting

1:28:55

joints and steaks and prime

1:28:57

cuts. They say a steak

1:28:59

costing five twenty five is protected

1:29:01

by the kit at this shop

1:29:04

in Birmingham. And the co op said

1:29:06

store managers had the discretion to select products, which might be prone to theft.

1:29:08

People nick anything

1:29:11

now and don't don't

1:29:13

blame it on the fact that old

1:29:15

people are suffering with hardship. These people thief all the time. That's what they do. They thief. I

1:29:18

told you there was a

1:29:20

woman. i told you that was a woman Miles'

1:29:23

Spencer's stealing, pushing a trolley around

1:29:25

with her kitty in it, and she

1:29:26

was putting it into the hood. And

1:29:30

then

1:29:30

she got to the checkout. She picks up a baguette, and she puts the baguette through, but she doesn't put all the

1:29:32

other stuff through. And I

1:29:34

told the blood I said, She's

1:29:37

themed. She's got steak and sausages. And he said, you sure. Absolutely. The moments you walked out the

1:29:39

door that labels you

1:29:43

a shoplifter. And he

1:29:46

goes out and he stops and he goes, did you pay for

1:29:48

everything in here? And she went and she then

1:29:50

she blamed her little girl. Why did you put that

1:29:53

stuff in there? And I said to him, she put

1:29:55

it in there. She's the thief. And it turns out all

1:29:57

the staff knew her because her husband was in the forces. She was in there on

1:29:59

a daily basis. They said she's really chatty. And of course,

1:30:01