0:04

First , I want to welcome you and

0:06

let everybody know who you are . So , tanesa Shears

0:09

. In fact , before we even do that , let's just

0:11

get this out of the way , right . Your name Tanesa

0:13

, my name Manessa . Let's talk . How

0:16

did you get your ?

0:17

name . You know what's funny

0:19

? My aunt named me and that's

0:21

about . Yeah , I was unnamed for three

0:23

weeks and

0:25

the default was going to be Sarah

0:28

after , after , if they didn't come up with

0:30

anything . But my , my aunt was like what about Tanesa

0:32

? And it stuck . Because , let's be real , my mom's

0:34

name is Karen . My dad's name is Lynn . They were

0:36

trying for Carolyn .

0:39

Oh my gosh , I think you won out

0:41

on that one that you'd like . It's . Good night , cara

0:43

, lynn and Carolyn . I mean , you

0:46

know , at a certain age it would be great , but , like the

0:48

childhood years , would not have been fun

0:50

at all .

0:51

Yeah , no , I'm thrilled that they went with

0:53

Tanesa .

0:54

Yeah , no , it's great , I love it . And there's so many . And you know what's

0:56

funny ? I

0:59

know one other Tanesa and she spells a T-Y-N-E-S-S-A . Her name

1:01

is Tanesa Franks and she's also going

1:03

to be on the podcast . So when she comes on the podcast

1:05

, I feel like we might need to do one with like

1:07

all of us together . You know , just like

1:09

at all of the strange variations

1:11

of I don't even Vanessa . I was like

1:13

what's the actual name of it ? We need a Genessa

1:15

too .

1:17

Do you know a Genessa ? I don't , but we should

1:19

know one .

1:19

We'll find one . I'll go online and start Googling

1:22

it . Just find all the people who have , like

1:24

the , the , the , the Anessa . So

1:27

I , I would love to know , you know , aside from

1:29

the , aside from the , the

1:31

Anessa to Tanesa part you are

1:33

, you biohack your body . That's what you talk

1:35

about and that is like my , all , my , like my

1:37

. Everything I train on , everything I teach , is

1:39

all about how do you hack the systems

1:42

within you to make your life easier

1:44

rather than fighting them . I don't

1:46

talk anything about health or any of that

1:49

, because , let's face it , that's not really my

1:51

number , that's not my number one space that I live

1:53

in , but I'm fascinated by

1:55

it , absolutely fascinated . So tell me a little bit about what

1:57

it is that you do ?

1:59

Yeah , so I work as a health consultant for entrepreneurs

2:01

specifically , but what I do is I use

2:03

wearable technology so like

2:05

if you ever have , like your Fitbits or your

2:08

Oro rings or stuff like that and I use

2:10

them to help optimize how our brains

2:12

and our bodies work , because , if we think about it , our brain

2:15

is our best asset . So if I

2:17

can get the capacities , if I can get this working

2:19

a little clearer , little focused , more focused

2:21

, if I can make decisions faster , if I can boost my energy

2:23

, I'm going to be a better business

2:26

owner , a better mom , a better wife

2:28

. There are so many things , ways

2:30

that this infiltrates my life , and the way I love to do this

2:32

is I love talking about how can we optimize

2:34

our sleep , how can we eat better food , how can we

2:36

move a bit more , how can we be more resilient to

2:38

the stressors that naturally come with

2:41

a full life ? Right , and so that's

2:43

my thing is I just love getting in there and figuring

2:45

out how we can be just 1% better

2:48

at a time .

2:50

Oh , I love that you said 1% better at a time , Because

2:52

I think that , like you know , we

2:54

find so often that people are like oh you

2:56

know what , I'm feeling shitty about something right

2:58

? So I'm waking up , feeling shitty and I'm going to now revamp

3:00

my whole life . I'm going to this is my new schedule

3:02

, that I'm going to do , but

3:05

that never works , Tell talk a little bit about

3:07

that , Like why do you ? why 1% at a time

3:09

, instead of saying hey , oh , my God , your life is a mess . This

3:12

is your new schedule , and telling people how to do that .

3:14

Because I find that , like 98% of the people I work

3:16

with , struggle with perfectionism , which

3:18

is just like , if it's not

3:20

perfect , what's the point ? Of course , I've always

3:23

been like this and we have these conversations , but

3:25

once we can recognize that we're in this

3:27

cycle , so what you said , you know , that perfect

3:29

plan , that schedule , that every so we

3:31

make this beautiful plan and we get this little high

3:33

off at the dopamine , high of like , yeah , this

3:35

is the time everything's going to change . And

3:38

then we go out into the field and we do

3:40

the things , but we realize we never planned for the

3:42

fact that , like , oh , you know , our kids have

3:44

all the stuff to do after school , or we

3:46

actually can't do this at this time , or we didn't account

3:48

for all these other things and the plan falls

3:50

apart and we either just quit and tell ourselves

3:53

there's something wrong with us or we beat ourselves

3:55

up . That feels terrible . And

3:57

what do we do to get out of feeling terrible ? We create

3:59

a really good new plan and we

4:01

get that good feeling .

4:02

I love that dopamine hit . Look , the plan

4:04

is all . Once I've done the plan , it's almost too

4:06

much work to actually do the thing Right .

4:09

Yeah , so one of the things I love introducing

4:12

is like this idea of like where's your minimum baseline

4:14

? Here , yeah , meaning like what

4:16

are the things that you know that you can do no

4:19

matter what ? And like coming back to your 1%

4:21

point like one of the things I'm working on with a client right now

4:23

is like no , I just want you to get three 10

4:25

minute walks a week . And he says that's not enough . How

4:28

is that possibly going to make a difference ? I was like

4:30

because if this is something that you can feel

4:32

comfortable sticking to for six months to a year

4:34

, you're going to have built integrity with yourself , that

4:36

you do what you say you're going to do and

4:38

that you build on that

4:41

when incorporating new habits , knowing that you're the

4:43

type of person that like , oh , when I say

4:45

I do this , when I say these things

4:47

, I do them , and

4:49

even if it starts out small but I think it's really

4:51

breaking that it has to be this huge , elaborate

4:54

plan for it to be worth it .

4:56

It almost has to be because , like you know a lot

4:58

of people this is a new thing that I'm

5:00

on right now is you know , people love to say they

5:02

like change and my answer is always

5:04

no , you don't . Nobody likes change . So

5:06

we are human beings by default . When change

5:09

happens , we think , oh my God , I'm about to die

5:11

, so you have , it's what happens

5:13

after that , right . So

5:15

, like you get through that , oh my God , I'm about to die . And

5:17

then it's like no , I'm not , it's okay . Let's

5:19

talk about how we can make change more palatable and

5:21

sort of migrate whatever this thing is into my system

5:24

. But like if you

5:26

bring in 30 new things at once , your brain

5:28

literally feels like you're stabbing yourself through the eyes

5:30

, so like it's not pleasant

5:32

and so like I feel like we almost break

5:34

down under the pressure of this plan

5:36

, like the plan itself .

5:38

Oh , totally . And then you pair that with the fact that sometimes

5:41

our expectations are off , like I did a consultation

5:43

a couple of weeks ago and she said

5:45

Teneza , you know it would be great . Like

5:47

you know , when you're like elbows deep

5:49

in a bag of chips , are you eating the cookies ? And it just

5:51

you really , it's so enjoyable . I

5:54

want to transfer that to a salad

5:56

and I was like I get that

5:58

, but a salad is never going to give you

6:00

that dopamine rush that you're expecting

6:02

. On a salad , you've already set yourself up

6:04

because you're never going to get that from a salad

6:07

. You're going to get subtle well-being from

6:09

a salad , but you're never going to get the intensity

6:11

. And so I think it's like pairing that , like

6:13

reason , like that plan that you know

6:15

that you can do with expectations

6:19

that are based in science and also

6:21

reality , right .

6:23

You know , as you were talking and maybe think about

6:25

sorry , there's a giant

6:27

boat outside right now . I'm like , oh

6:29

, giant boat . It

6:32

made me think about my ideas

6:34

on relationships when I was growing

6:36

up . So , like for many years I'm

6:38

going to tell you . I was probably in my 30s , early

6:40

30s . Oh yeah , that's how

6:42

I met my wife . I had this idea that like

6:44

love was that intensity

6:46

, you know that , like passion that you see in the notebook

6:49

right no-transcript . John

6:51

Hughes is an asshole for doing this

6:53

to us all . That whole series

6:55

of these patterns you think to yourself

6:57

, that's what love actually is . And

6:59

so when that portion of it sort of dissipated

7:01

, for me I was like

7:03

it's not staying , which means it's obviously isn't

7:05

like real love , right , and so I

7:08

went through many , many , many , many , many many relationships

7:10

, many , many to

7:12

sort of get to . And then when I

7:14

met my wife , it actually took us a few years

7:17

. But now we talk all the time about

7:19

how the subtle piece

7:21

that comes from just trusting your partner and

7:23

having a deep relationship , that they know you

7:25

so well and your

7:27

routines are together that is really

7:30

where wellbeing comes from . It doesn't come

7:32

from that . Yeah , that passion is fun

7:34

, it's delicious and it's great , but

7:37

it doesn't fulfill you the

7:39

same way that the

7:41

relationship would that's actually based on

7:43

meaningful connection .

7:45

Oh , I love that . Did you do Alex Formosius

7:48

? Have you heard of him ? No , he's an entrepreneur

7:50

. He has some opinions on relationships and stuff , but

7:52

one of the things that he said that has always stuck

7:54

with me is , he said , relationships

7:57

that have a shared life mission , that

8:00

are supported by similar values , and

8:02

then , with the last important thing being , overlapping

8:04

interests , are the ones that last . Because when

8:06

that initial passion , that fire that you were talking about

8:08

, fades , then you still have that

8:10

. You are on the same mission with the same

8:13

values . Because if you're only in

8:15

there for common interests or that fire

8:17

, that spark , when that goes away , if

8:19

you don't have a shared life mission or you're not

8:21

on the same path together , then you're

8:23

like , what are we doing ?

8:25

And so that was right , that is good , that's

8:27

some good stuff right there . I like because

8:30

you know what , because that's actually one of the things that we talk about

8:32

. We often were like what is ? And it's

8:34

the shared mission , that really , because

8:36

, like , their interests diverge , things

8:38

happen . You have times when you're closer , times when you're not

8:40

, but you know , and I

8:42

think that that kind of does lead back

8:45

. Let's go back to the health thing that we're talking

8:47

about , because when you have , you

8:49

said that your client asked about so

8:51

what if I only do it 10 minutes three times a week ? Right

8:53

, my sister lost 50 pounds doing that

8:55

exact thing because she was

8:57

just consistent and consistent . And my wife

8:59

and I joke a lot about oh , my gosh , like

9:02

, what's the answer to this problem ? And it's like , oh , it's consistent

9:04

efforts . Fuck , like , why is

9:06

the solution to everything always fucking

9:08

consistent efforts .

9:09

It's never the . What right the ? What

9:12

do I do ? Is it broccoli or the quinoa

9:14

? It's never that . It's never

9:16

that it's like . Why can't we continue

9:18

eating the thing Exactly ?

9:21

You can exercise right , so

9:23

I'm careful . We have jumped in like I have so many , like

9:25

actually I have all these questions and I realize I haven't even gotten

9:27

to one , because I'm so excited about the things that we're talking about , so

9:31

I've actually all right . Let's talk a little bit about something

9:33

. Actually , because in your email

9:35

the first email , so guys sign up for her

9:37

freebie , which you can get on her website , which

9:39

will be in the show notes . You

9:42

send out the email with the list of things and do

9:44

you follow the Huberman Lab ? Are you familiar

9:47

with them ? I do . Yes , I

9:49

saw him years ago and I can't remember

9:51

what he said , but I was like oh man , you're a genius

9:53

and I really like their social

9:55

media game .

9:56

So anyway , he starts talking about he's a little extra

9:58

for me a little extra , but I still love him .

10:01

But he talks about cold plunges and I'm like

10:03

fuck off . And then my

10:05

business coach , rebecca Tracy

10:07

, goes to fricking like Iceland or something

10:09

and does these plunges . I'm like fuck off . And

10:12

then I see you in there

10:14

being like cold plunges . I'm literally like fuck off

10:16

. But I want you to know I

10:19

don't . My bathroom is like the size of a porta

10:21

potty , so we don't like have a tub , so

10:23

I will take my shower and

10:25

I put it on really cold at the very

10:28

end , like I've been working my way that way it's for 10 days

10:30

. I've been doing this and

10:32

the other shirt . You're gonna find the hysterica . I'm sitting

10:34

at the counter and I'm like it's

10:37

right after my shower I'm eating and I'm like where am I feeling

10:39

right now ? It's like I'm feeling so strange . I was like

10:41

oh , it's alertness

10:43

. This is what alertness feels like

10:45

. I thought that was so funny that I was like I

10:47

had forgotten . I was like what a strange

10:49

feeling I'm having right now . What is this

10:52

? That's amazing .

10:54

Then I was like how much alertness .

10:55

That's what that feels like . Tell

10:58

me about the cold plunges .

10:59

How does that and is ?

11:00

the shower . Enough , does that work ?

11:02

Absolutely it does . I always

11:04

think of it as like deliberate cold exposure , because

11:07

there's being cold and then they're doing it to yourself

11:09

With deliberate

11:11

cold exposure and , honestly

11:13

, it can be as simple as starting with

11:15

15 seconds on the end of your shower , working

11:18

up to 30 or inching what you're doing , inching

11:20

your way colder . But when that hits

11:22

your body , your internal

11:25

core is like a thermostat . It feels

11:27

cold on the outside and it's like ooh , this

11:29

is cold , let's turn up the temperature . That increase

11:31

in core temperature signals to your brain

11:33

it's time to get up alert . That's usually what

11:36

our body temperature does in the morning . It boosts

11:38

alertness . On top of that , it gives you a

11:40

big hit of dopamine and a big hit of

11:42

adrenaline . You feel clear , you

11:44

feel more alert and you feel more focused

11:46

. Then , if you pair that at all with caffeine

11:49

, you're just like let's go . It's

11:51

a hack that I use and it's not something I do

11:53

every day , but it's like if I have a day where , like

11:55

today is a day where I have three interviews scheduled

11:58

, I need my brain super sharp , I need to be

12:00

clear and I need to be focused . I hit

12:02

the cold shower in the morning because I want to give myself

12:04

that little edge .

12:06

That helps a lot , because when it hits you

12:09

, you're like there's that feeling which

12:11

. I'm trying to get to the space where and it's

12:13

actually now that we're at 10 days I'm now at the coldest

12:15

and I can do it for like 30 seconds

12:17

to a minute . It's

12:21

nice , but there's that first moment of get

12:23

me away from it . That's the I'm

12:25

trying to , the killing your body thinks you're trying to kill

12:27

yourself .

12:28

It's called the mammalian dive reflex . It's

12:30

a reflex . Thank you , it's a reflex .

12:33

It's a mammalian dive reflex . What

12:38

is it effectively trying to do ? Does it think that I'm

12:40

suffocating ? What

12:42

is that breath ? What is triggering

12:44

that ?

12:45

Yeah , it's the shock , right Another way of calming

12:47

your body down is like , okay , let's get some oxygen in

12:49

here . But one of the things you're probably noticing

12:51

is cold adaptation . So for me , I

12:54

used to be the person that was like I wear two pairs

12:56

of socks in the winter . Keep in mind I'm up in Vancouver

12:58

, Canada . It doesn't get that cold , but it's colder than

13:00

a lot of places in the world . But , like

13:02

I , would be so

13:04

cold all year long and when I

13:06

started doing these cold end of showers , I

13:09

actually stopped feeling cold all the time . If anything

13:11

, I run warm . Now it is so interesting

13:13

and you begin to tolerate longer and longer cold

13:16

showers and then you can start to build up to the point where

13:18

I think I think actually , Andrew Huberman

13:20

coined that it was like 11 minutes

13:22

of cumulative cold exposure per week is optimal

13:24

for brain function .

13:26

So that's a good thing to know . So like I don't

13:28

like just 11 minutes a week is enough per

13:31

week and it can be divided up .

13:32

It can be all at once , and that's kind of the nice thing

13:34

. And I got to the point where it's like , ok , I

13:37

can do about a five minute shower , so then I really only need

13:39

to do it twice a week if I need it there's honestly

13:41

, weeks . I don't even hit that and I kind of use it as

13:43

like a buffet . It's like oh , I

13:45

think I will take some alertness . Today I will go

13:48

cold shower .

13:49

Oh , my God , I love that . So I'm actually

13:51

curious . You mentioned earlier that you focus on entrepreneurs

13:54

mostly , but so I left entrepreneurship

13:56

land a long time ago . I was like less

13:58

than a year , so not that long but

14:01

and I found since going back into the workforce

14:04

that I mean like

14:06

these are helpful for anybody . So I'm curious

14:08

to know , because it is , and

14:11

I know you're an entrepreneur , so that's probably why you selected

14:13

that but I am curious to know why you

14:15

mesh down into entrepreneurship , especially

14:18

because what you're offering is so

14:20

ubiquitous with the audience

14:23

that it like burned out , exhausted

14:25

women , you know .

14:27

Yeah , you know , what's interesting is I

14:29

have had clients over the last year . I have

14:32

one that was a teacher , I have one

14:34

that was just doing a side hustle as

14:36

a coach and there are all these different

14:38

kind of layers . So your hands down and what you said

14:40

, all of these things , I mean science is science

14:42

here , and that cold shower

14:44

will work for anybody . It doesn't matter what you do for work . So

14:47

, but the thing I found is like , for me it's like

14:49

I'm an entrepreneur , I know entrepreneurs and

14:51

I had a lot of entrepreneurial clients , so I

14:53

found that like , at least in the online space , if

14:55

I was able to shift a little bit of my messaging , because

14:58

I know that the reason I serve

15:00

like usually six or seven figure entrepreneurs is

15:02

because these are the people that are like I've

15:05

finally broken this milestone . I finally

15:07

hired the team , I've finally outsourced

15:09

some stuff . I find and I haven't

15:11

worked out in two years I haven't eaten

15:14

a dinner at my , you know , kitchen table

15:16

yeah , like , and so that just was a

15:18

message that was really resonating and I found that at

15:20

least that audience , when they came across my content , was

15:22

able to be like , that is exactly

15:25

me .

15:25

But , having said , that I know , Of course , what you want

15:27

. That's what you want , so I

15:30

wanted to actually tell you . By the way , your marketing

15:32

is like the whole , your

15:34

whole package , the process that you've

15:37

put together , the workflow , everything . It's

15:39

some of the best I've ever seen , Like I actually

15:41

. It is really really good . Everything

15:44

leads to something else . I was never lost

15:46

. It's always clear . I never feel like there's too

15:48

much . It's so rare

15:51

to see like a perfect example

15:53

, but you are like a perfect

15:55

example of . So did you do it yourself ? Did you

15:57

hire people ?

15:58

Did you know ? That's all me . It's

16:00

just a lot of passion in there and a love of Canva

16:02

, but thank you .

16:03

It's really so . It's and it's also like

16:06

there's you . Naturally , I guess you

16:08

must either like you've developed

16:10

, or you also came with the

16:12

innate skill as well of and

16:14

it makes sense because of the way that you think about biohacking

16:17

. So you're really good at looking at systems , right

16:19

, and so you figured out the system and

16:21

you're just , you're running with it . It's like , it's

16:23

very , it's very impressive to watch , like if I

16:25

was like holy shit , this is really good .

16:27

So I want to make sure they told you that . Thank

16:29

you , I think it was also . The behind the scenes is like I

16:31

open my business in 2014, . Started diddling

16:34

around online in 2015 is when

16:36

it kind of started . So I mean there's been a lot

16:38

of like marketing , messaging , changes , refining

16:40

, figuring out what connected , and so I

16:42

mean we're in 2023 now , so we're in like what

16:44

, eight , nine years of fiddling with it and

16:47

perfecting it over by now , absolutely

16:49

, and I'm so glad that you said that , so

16:51

glad so it took you about .

16:52

When , would you say you probably hit the spot where you

16:54

were like okay because , like I'm

16:56

seeing you at your 10 year mark right , like when would

16:59

you say you hit like this kind

17:01

of spot for yourself ?

17:02

Late 2020 , I had my first baby in

17:05

February of 2020 . And

17:07

it was like right after that where I that

17:09

was when I kind of discovered like how much optimization

17:12

you need when you're sleep deprived

17:14

, having a new baby . Yes , I was like

17:16

, oh , okay , no , this is the shift . And I was

17:18

right . There is when my messaging just went

17:20

like super narrow . I got really specific

17:22

. My content got very specific . So 2020

17:25

, I mean that's what ? Six years down the road of a lot

17:27

of you know , money spent on ads that

17:29

went nowhere , programs that

17:31

launched to zero , years where I only

17:34

made $500 in that part of the

17:36

business , like the online part . So I mean it's , it's

17:39

been a labor of love , but it's because I love it that

17:41

I'm still here .

17:42

I'm so glad . I'm so glad we got an opportunity

17:44

to talk about that part of it , just because you

17:46

know , having taught marketing for so many years

17:49

, like the biggest challenge , I think is that everybody

17:51

looks at you , the overnight success . Right

17:53

, T'Nessa , you're such an overnight success

17:55

, You're like no that's . I've

17:57

literally been doing this for 10 years . I've only overnight

17:59

to you because you found me yesterday .

18:02

My mom would say to me all the time she's like in

18:04

the early days , like you know , when the first made

18:06

the first 500 , the first year , and then 10,000

18:08

the next year , she would say to me like what

18:10

keeps you going at this ? I mean , I'm not just saying

18:12

I'm not proud of you but , like it's Kindly

18:15

said , it's not working . How are you still

18:17

working at ? And I was like

18:19

, oh my gosh , I just had such

18:21

a belief that it was going to work . I

18:23

mean , you can't possibly be at it

18:25

10 years and not have figured something out . Well

18:28

, you clearly figured out quite a bit . So you know

18:30

there is that .

18:31

Take that mom . So OK

18:33

, so here's the thing I'm telling you . This is the one email

18:35

that probably blew you out of the stratosphere . This is the one

18:37

I know that made you that overnight success we were talking

18:40

about . So you sent an email the other day

18:42

and I was like holy shit , this is for literally everybody

18:44

that I know and it said is this you

18:46

by the way , it is not me , just want you to know that

18:49

that do you have thousands of

18:51

tabs open on your , on your

18:53

screen ? And the reason it's not me is not because it's not

18:55

what my habit that was my habit

18:57

for years but in the way

19:00

that you and I both share this idea of hacking

19:02

your brain , and I know the kind of impact

19:04

that that has , and so over the years , I've stopped doing it

19:06

. However , I

19:09

would love the one of the most chronic

19:11

, aside from the idea that we can multitask

19:13

one of the most chronic fallacies I

19:15

think that existed that I need to have all these tabs open

19:17

because it makes me more productive . I

19:20

would love to hear a little bit about tabs

19:22

and then you're like you know , you talked about your mind

19:24

tabs and then , like your , your computer

19:26

tabs Take it away .

19:28

Yeah , so I like to think of it like this . Like

19:30

, let's imagine you're on your computer right now and you've got your

19:33

15 tabs open . There's an Amazon , a Facebook

19:35

, an Instagram whatever

19:37

it is that's in your tabs . So your brain

19:39

is constantly needing to process all

19:41

of those tabs and think about it . Then let's not

19:43

even get started about how many icons and screenshots

19:45

are on your desktop . Every

19:47

time we look at that , you need to be like should

19:50

I clean this up ? It's really messy . Then

19:52

you look at your desk . I shouldn't

19:55

even talk right now . I've got three lip glosses and two

19:57

cups on my desk right now . But , having

19:59

said that , your brain needs to process

20:01

each one of those things . See it , think about it

20:03

, see it , think about it . Then , when you have all

20:05

these things , it's switching back and forth because my phone

20:07

just went off . Oh , is that a notification on

20:10

Instagram ? I should probably check that . Oh

20:12

, I didn't check that message . Oh , my gosh , look , an email

20:14

just came in . When you have all these things open

20:16

, your brain is constantly having

20:18

to processes . Every single

20:20

item you need to process increases

20:23

the load your brain is under

20:25

. I want you to think about it Literally

20:27

. If you were to put your hand out and everything weighed

20:29

a pound that you had open . The load

20:31

gets so heavy that it ends up being really hard

20:34

to carry . I always think we

20:36

need to take some time to literally detox

20:38

or do a cognitive load detox . Look

20:40

at your desktop . Can we clear , honestly

20:42

, even if you highlight all put

20:45

in a folder and say sort later I've

20:47

done that sometimes just to clear it visually

20:49

. Take two minutes , clear off your desk

20:51

. Think about the load that

20:53

is placed by you needing to visually identify

20:56

everything over and over all day . How can

20:58

you clear up some of that space so

21:00

that your brain can stay focused , because

21:02

it takes so much time to switch between these tasks

21:04

too .

21:09

Absolutely . I think that for many years I was like I'm a

21:11

multitasker , this is how I work , and so on and so forth . I

21:13

do have ADHD , so I do tend to bounce

21:15

a lot , but

21:17

the way that I was thinking about it was that that was the

21:19

only way that I could bounce between things . What I didn't

21:22

recognize was that there's a way that you

21:24

can actually create a flow that is actually

21:26

productive , that leans into my ADHD

21:28

brain , that is not doing

21:30

what you're talking about . That doesn't have all those tabs

21:32

open . So I'll tell you , actually I don't have the

21:34

tabs open , but I wanted to confess because

21:37

I can't lie . After I

21:39

got your email about that , I looked

21:41

at my desktop and I did exactly what you just said

21:43

. I've been looking at the same fucking desktop for

21:45

the last I don't even know how many months and I

21:47

keep saying it's like screenshots and save as and

21:49

blah , blah , blah . I'm like should I

21:51

? When you said that , I was like , oh my God , she's literally

21:54

living in my brain right now . I was like should I ? Then

21:56

yesterday I was like you know what , or yeah

21:58

, it was yesterday . I was like you know what . I was like actually

22:00

this is not good . So I did put it all on a folder

22:02

and I just said I literally called it deal with later

22:05

. Now everything is off . So thank

22:08

you for bringing that up , because when

22:10

I used to train on that , I would call it like I

22:12

would just liken it to having the app on your

22:14

phone , which is where you'd be like you have your app

22:16

and you charge your phone , then

22:19

it's fully charged , you take it off and then suddenly

22:21

, 20 minutes later , it's like 25 percent and you're

22:23

like how did that happen ? You look and

22:25

you have all these apps that are there that are draining

22:27

the battery , the tabs and the

22:29

things on your desktop . Those are

22:31

the same things . Those are just acting as

22:35

battery drainers and then we're tired

22:37

by two o'clock ?

22:39

Yes , Because you've processed so much and

22:41

then you probably got off off a funny sleep and all the things

22:43

and the perfect plan didn't go well and so it just

22:45

goes downhill from there . But yeah

22:47

, I totally agree with you on that .

22:50

Hold on , let me get to this . Actually

22:53

, this is so great we're actually literally

22:55

leading into my next question , which is bad . You

22:58

mentioned something about notifications

23:00

. I

23:03

have strong feelings about notifications . I'm

23:05

really curious to know what your feelings are about notificating , buzzing

23:07

notifications , outlook notifications

23:10

on the side . Tell me how you feel about those things

23:12

.

23:13

My parents , my whole family strongly

23:15

detests my experience with

23:17

notifications . My phone is on , silent

23:19

, it's impossible to get a hold of me . People complain about

23:21

it all the time and I'm like but I

23:23

want to decide when to interrupt

23:25

my thinking . I want to decide

23:27

when to interrupt my day , so naturally

23:30

I have everything closed . Nothing is allowed

23:32

to get notifications through , and actually

23:34

you know what I do . I have two phones

23:36

, one phone here , so

23:38

this is my personal phone . It has on there

23:41

text message , whatsapp and

23:43

I can call . I

23:45

think that maybe podcasts that's all it has on it . It is

23:47

the most boring phone and this is what I have . This

23:50

phone originally started . You know , when you upgrade

23:52

to a new phone but there was nothing wrong with your old phone and

23:54

it's kind of sitting around , you feel bad , throwing it in the garbage

23:56

. You don't know what to do with it . I turned it into

23:58

what I called my work phone Instagram

24:01

, facebook , google Drive , gmail , boxer

24:03

all of the work stuff is on this

24:05

phone and it doesn't have that on . I can't call

24:07

anybody on it , but this phone is

24:10

where I do all my social media , anything like

24:12

that and so at the end of the day , I

24:14

power this down and it stays in my office

24:16

and I don't have access to any

24:18

of that stuff because I don't want to be interrupted

24:20

by it , unless I choose to , at which point I can walk

24:22

back up to my office , fire up this phone , but the inconvenience

24:25

is usually so large that I don't end up

24:27

doing it , and I find that's really how I'm able to disconnect

24:29

from what I think of as just like constant input

24:32

from other people's brains constant I

24:34

love that so much .

24:36

I love everything you just said because , like , I

24:38

feel like notificate , I did a

24:40

training once . I don't know if you've done a training like this , where

24:42

you talk about turning off notifications or something

24:45

like that and people grab their phones and they like hold

24:47

on to it almost as if you're taking it away

24:49

from them . I mean like I'm not taking your phone

24:51

, but like people feel

24:53

some curious . How do you deal with it when ? Because

24:56

, like everybody says , I have to

24:58

have my notifications on right ? And like in some

25:00

, cases like you're a doctor , you

25:02

need to have your notifications on , or like you have

25:04

small children or what have you . So how do

25:06

you recommend ? How do you recommend , like that

25:08

middle ground where , like you have that phone

25:10

but like not everybody can have a second phone . So

25:12

if let's say somebody's like look , I

25:15

really have to be able to hear from these three people whenever

25:17

I want them to be able to interrupt me , or something

25:19

like well , what are your recommendations for those who are not

25:21

quite ready to let go of notifications just yet ?

25:24

Yeah , I'm pretty sure that you can actually have breakthrough

25:26

notifications . Like you can actually set

25:28

in like this person is allowed to break

25:30

through , silent , or if you put on do not disturb

25:32

, which blocks all notifications , you

25:35

can select certain people that are able to break

25:37

through or certain apps

25:39

. So , for example , let's just say you only

25:41

have maybe you have kids that are out and

25:43

you want them to be able to contact you for emergency or

25:45

your doctor this app

25:47

is allowed notifications and everything

25:49

else is silent . You only put people that you want to break

25:51

through on there , right , and so that's a

25:53

really good way . That has helped

25:55

me kind of bridge the gap , because I , if

25:57

my husband is out with my kids , I

25:59

would want him to be able to reach me if you have a flat

26:01

tire or if something's gone wrong . So that's

26:03

kind of where they'll be able to get through , but nobody else

26:06

love that .

26:07

Thank you , are you giving me , like , what's great about this

26:09

podcast ? I'm like , oh my God , I'm getting amazing sound

26:11

bites that I could send to people , because there's

26:13

, these are chronic issues . Like , what we're talking

26:15

about is like I feel like what

26:17

you do is you work on the real shit that is underneath

26:20

all the stuff that like , because you know , yes

26:22

, you need to be more effective at work , but

26:24

doing something like this will make you more effective

26:26

at work and also at home and also with yourself , and you'll

26:28

be happy . Like it's like a , it's a two . It

26:30

helps in so many different ways . So

26:33

I'm curious , you know you mentioned that your

26:35

family . It drives your and mine

26:37

too , because you can't get a hold of me . It's impossible . If

26:39

you want to get a hold of me , you have to call my wife , so

26:42

that's what I call my husband .

26:44

They don't call me anymore Actually , they

26:46

only call him and I feel like I don't like this workaround

26:48

anymore . I don't either .

26:50

Well , the other day I sent something . I was in a chat and I sent

26:52

something in the wrong chat and my sister couldn't

26:54

find me , and so she actually called , she texted

26:56

, she called she . Finally she called my wife . And

26:59

when I see , when she said

27:01

your sister's on the phone , I

27:04

was like oh my God , someone's dead , but

27:06

it is .

27:10

It's really hard , so I'm actually curious

27:12

, right ?

27:12

Because I think that you going back

27:15

to what you said , where you you

27:17

put your phone in your room

27:19

and now , with people working from home , so much

27:21

whether you are an entrepreneur or you're working

27:24

for a company , you're working from home , and then

27:26

at some point you talk about

27:28

you talked about doing that when you clock out and so

27:30

one of the things that my passion is helping

27:32

to people people to actually clock out , because so

27:35

many people don't believe that they can or should

27:37

, or there's too many conversations to be had

27:39

about that but do

27:42

you have boundaries set around the time

27:44

that you work and the time that you do ?

27:45

not work Very tight boundaries

27:47

and it's like I can even tell you to

27:50

the hour on which I start and I stop

27:52

when I have breakfast with my kids and I , because

27:54

of that , I work two full days , two half days per week and

27:57

I'm very intentional about that . And so even in designing

27:59

my programs I was like , ok , I

28:02

, if I don't want to be on calls all day , every

28:04

day , how am I going to fit this in ? And so it's very

28:06

much starting from like when do I want to be

28:08

doing this ? And then reverse engineering everything

28:11

else to fit that .

28:13

Yeah , that's so interesting because of so many of us

28:15

we actually say , if I was going to schedule

28:17

my day , so many

28:19

people will start with what do I need to do for work , Fill

28:21

that in and then fit everything around

28:24

that . You mentioned that even when you were talking about

28:26

people's plans that

28:28

they make and then suddenly they realize there's no

28:30

basis in reality . Where

28:33

does that come from ? We're

28:35

obviously programmed to it , but how do you work with your clients

28:37

to decondition and socialize

28:40

in this other idea where you're actually prioritizing

28:43

yourself , your health and your own longevity

28:45

first , and using in that in

28:48

and of itself is like you doing

28:50

great things for people in your family .

28:52

Yeah , it's two part . First thing is

28:54

we really have to decondition productivity

28:56

with self-worth . That's a huge

28:58

conversation I have to have with

29:00

them is like no , answering that email

29:02

at 11 PM does not make you a more valuable

29:05

coach , entrepreneur , employee , whatever

29:07

that is no , responding

29:09

within 10 minutes does not make you

29:11

more valuable . That is your

29:13

conversation in your head about

29:16

what you're telling yourself they are thinking

29:18

if you don't respond . Really

29:20

having to break that association , I think

29:23

, is number one , because otherwise we

29:25

can't ever just let go , we can't ever relax , we

29:27

can't allow ourselves to have guilt-free

29:30

leisure time , because the whole time and that's

29:32

actually one of the podcast episodes I listened to of

29:34

yours was like you feel guilty

29:36

about not enjoying it enough . That really hit me

29:38

and I was like , yeah

29:40

, that's what . It's a double-edged sword . I

29:42

think it's really just learning

29:44

to tell

29:47

yourself that there is time that does

29:49

not have to be productive . When I

29:51

read fluffy fiction books , I'm not

29:53

getting better , my business is not growing

29:55

, I'm not a better parent , I'm never going to do anything

29:57

with this book once I close it and that's

29:59

okay . I think that's part one . Then

30:02

, the thing that really shifted this do you know

30:04

who Cal Newport is have you ever read any of his books ? He

30:07

has Deep Work and Digital

30:09

Minimalism . He has in one of his books

30:11

yeah , it's a great book .

30:12

I've heard of that book , Digital Minimalism , and now

30:14

I'm going to go back and get it because the universe has

30:16

put in my path again .

30:20

Right . I think it might be Deep Work he talks about this in , but

30:22

he talks about a day within a day . Exactly

30:24

what you said people scheduled their work and

30:26

then it's almost like an afterthought

30:29

of what happens with the rest of their day . But he said if

30:31

you want a leisure life that

30:33

isn't like papered over with tech

30:35

use and just this escapism

30:37

, and you want that intentional feeling of joy

30:40

and stuff in your life , then what we want to look

30:42

at is actually thinking like I have my day

30:44

and then a day within a day , the day

30:46

being the time outside of work , and being as intentional

30:48

with that time as you are with

30:50

your work time , and actually schedule

30:53

them as if they're two separate days , and not that everything

30:55

has to be scheduled , but you can

30:57

literally just schedule that time , not for

30:59

work , and that's as productive as it ever has

31:01

to be , just being like during this

31:03

block of time I can do whatever

31:05

I want with no outcome and it's great

31:07

. And that like whether I walk

31:10

, whether I exercise , spend time with my kids or

31:12

I do a load of laundry . It doesn't

31:14

have to be with a podcast in my ear , I don't have to grow

31:16

because of it , it can just be pointless and

31:18

that's okay . That leisure time

31:20

where you're not connected to growth , to being better

31:23

, to responding , it's just . It's

31:25

a really just sense of like restoration

31:27

that you give yourself .

31:29

There's so much judgment , though , don't you think when

31:31

, like , when you cause , like , I

31:33

subscribed to what you're saying 100% , but

31:36

when I think about it , I think to

31:38

like , but even as I hear the words are saying , I

31:41

feel judgment within myself , right

31:43

Cause those are old , old

31:45

stories that we brought with us , and

31:48

so I think that like that is , like you said , the hardest

31:50

thing to overcome . Have you read Laziness

31:53

Does Not Exist by Devon Price ? That

31:55

is a really good book . They are like

31:58

my , they're incredible

32:00

, and the whole book is about this divorcing

32:02

productivity from

32:05

your value . And especially

32:08

if you're socialized as a woman , there's so

32:11

much you're supposed to always

32:13

be looking outward , to everybody else

32:15

. It really doesn't ever occur to you to

32:17

look inward and say am I happy , am I okay

32:19

? So you hit 40 , and then , at 40s , for some

32:21

reason , I've noticed all my 40 year old friends are all about

32:24

. This is the moment where , suddenly

32:26

, I think we I guess we . That's why people had

32:28

quote unquote midlife crisis in the 80s . It

32:31

wasn't a midlife crisis . It's a realization and

32:33

an understanding of how

32:35

you have been living your life to date and

32:37

like how do I want to live my life

32:39

, intentionally moving forward .

32:42

Yeah , and I think one of the things that it was a shift for

32:44

me is going from thinking that being

32:47

selfish sometimes was bad to

32:49

being necessary , and we always

32:51

, I think , paint that word as something that's very

32:53

negative . But when we paint

32:55

self like and it's selfish

32:57

in the terms of like taking that time

33:00

for you , if we

33:02

stop painting it negatively and think of like

33:04

, well , what if I can be selfish with half

33:06

an hour , you know what would I want to do with

33:08

that time If I , you know , wasn't trying to

33:10

make other people happy , if I wasn't trying to be

33:12

productive , like what would I want to do ? And

33:14

I found that , like , when I took the stigma off

33:16

of that word with the time that

33:19

I have allocated not to

33:21

be productive , I was like , okay , this

33:23

is okay , this doesn't have to be a trait that labels

33:26

me as negative . And for me , that was something I always

33:28

struggled with was that term , because

33:30

when you take that time for you and you don't give

33:32

it to your kids , you don't give it to your partner , you

33:34

don't give it to your partner .

33:35

Oh my God , that's so selfish right .

33:37

I right , and ? But then why would you ever

33:39

take time for you if you're going to be labeled

33:41

as selfish ? Like it's a cognitive dissonance

33:44

? You can't hold those two simultaneously

33:46

, so you have to almost make peace and acceptance

33:49

with the fact of like , well , what

33:51

if I've just given it the wrong label ? Like

33:54

what if it's not a problem

33:56

? Why does this have to be a problem ? That I want to take some time

33:58

for me Like , why is my brain making it a problem

34:00

? What are the sentences that I'm saying

34:02

that are making this a problem ? Why

34:05

do I want to choose to continue thinking them

34:07

once I can hear those ?

34:11

You just hit a nail on the head , super

34:13

like . So you said what

34:15

are the sentences that I am saying ? Right

34:17

, Can you tell me about the value

34:19

of the language that we use in terms of

34:21

making these decisions , because I love that

34:24

and clearly there's something there . So

34:26

tell me about the words that we use .

34:28

Yeah , this module in my program is called the Limitless

34:30

Mind , because I think

34:32

that the greatest power that as humans

34:35

, we can have is the ability to direct our focus

34:37

and direct our thinking . Because

34:39

if you think anytime you've been spun out in an

34:41

anxiety spiral or you've been overwhelmed

34:44

or stressed out or you've been worried

34:46

about something or any feeling

34:48

that you're not enjoying , check what's

34:50

going on in your sentences in your head , like I think

34:52

we are never taught to

34:55

actually hear what's going on in there , and it's

34:57

kind of like one of those things that once you it's a Pandora's

34:59

box . Once you hear what's going on in there

35:01

, it's ugly . And

35:03

I find that working through that with a lot of clients

35:05

is like I'm having to walk them through

35:08

, like this is going to get worse before it

35:10

gets better . Because if we go unconscious our

35:12

whole life and we don't understand why

35:14

we feel so bad about everything , and then

35:16

we hear it all and you're like why am

35:18

I so awful to myself ? And then the immediate

35:20

thing you want to do is the perfectionist plan change it all , right

35:23

, but instead it's like what

35:25

if I just first heard it and then start

35:27

questioning like , okay , do

35:29

I want to continue thinking this and recognizing

35:32

that default thought might not

35:34

be optional , but everything that follows after

35:36

is and asking yourself why are we going down the rabbit

35:39

hole every time ? If I can choose

35:41

not to , not that it's easy , but

35:43

that has been so freeing , knowing that

35:45

, if I can like , if I

35:47

can dictate where my brain goes , despite

35:51

the thoughts that it offers me the

35:53

negativity , the doubt , if I can

35:55

dictate like , okay , I hear you

35:57

, this is not something I want to

35:59

run with . What else is also true ? Yeah

36:02

, going there .

36:03

You know , Saira and I were talking about this yesterday

36:05

, because the other thing is like we're

36:08

so convinced that what's in our brain , that is the truth

36:10

, Right . And I said to Saira I can't

36:12

remember what she was you know , we go through , you

36:14

know our whole lives where we use each

36:16

other as our you know , hey , I'm having this problem or whatever . But

36:19

sometimes it's not a real problem , Sometimes it's

36:21

a trigger moment , that's a beginning

36:23

of a spiral , Right , and we know

36:25

each other well enough to say , dude

36:27

, yeah , do you stop with that ? Right , and like , and

36:29

so she I can't remember what it was that

36:31

it was that she brought up , but I said , I said , Saira

36:33

, you've picked this one scenario , this one thing , out

36:35

of five million options . You've picked this one

36:37

and this is the one you're

36:39

running with and you've decided that this is the truth . You're

36:42

not even looking that there's four million other options out

36:44

there . But I'm

36:46

but if , but you know that there are , and that in

36:48

and of itself is power , Because if you

36:51

know , once you've figured , once you have an awareness

36:53

that this isn't the only direction . But

36:55

I think the hardest part that

36:57

I have , even with this knowledge , is

36:59

that it takes me a while sometimes to remember that I have

37:01

my tools . You know , so like , sometimes I'll be like it

37:03

gets easier with practice , but sometimes I'll be

37:05

, you know , a little bit in . My wife , fortunately

37:08

, has learned how to like pick up on

37:10

those things and she'll , she will tell me about

37:12

my tools . But do you ever find yourself

37:14

in a situation where you'll start going down

37:16

and then you'll , you'll , you won't remember your tools immediately

37:19

and so you'll actually get into a space and then

37:21

remember them later , or someone has to remind you .

37:23

Absolutely , and it's always the same boring

37:25

things that my brain goes to it's always the same

37:27

, like there's no variety . No

37:30

, I know , but that's the beautiful thing and , I think

37:32

, one of the things that's wonderful about having someone

37:34

like your sister or like my husband or

37:36

someone that in a coaching relationship , something

37:38

like that is like you have someone

37:40

that can see your brain from

37:42

the outside , because everything you think

37:44

it's presented as fact in

37:46

your brain , right ? So having

37:49

someone else see your thoughts from the outside

37:51

and question them , when you've always just

37:53

decided they were facts , right , you're

37:55

like my life is too busy and

37:58

then you have someone go . Is it ? Or is that literally

38:00

just how you're thinking about your day , or

38:03

is that how you've decided to schedule your day ? Like you

38:05

know what I mean , like having someone outside

38:07

you to question that , but 100% like it's . It's

38:10

hard to see your brain's own drama

38:12

. So , honestly , if you

38:14

have no one in your life , that's like that . Grab a pen , grab

38:16

a paper , write those

38:18

thoughts down and then ask yourself

38:20

why do I want to think this ? What is the purpose ? Is this serving me

38:22

and do I want to keep thinking this ? I

38:26

love these questions . Yeah , I love the doubt one

38:28

. Whenever I have doubt

38:30

, that comes up . Or like , for example , if I'm launching a program , my

38:32

brain loves to go . No one is going to sign up for this

38:34

. It's the end of the world . The business is going to shut down

38:37

Right and you're going to be homeless , don't forget that , and I got to

38:39

the point one time where I'm like I'm going to have

38:41

to sell the cat . There's no way I'm going to buy the cat Like

38:43

hold on hysteria . I

38:45

was like it was when I was like 25 . Sell the

38:47

cat , well , like you're homeless , like

38:49

I want the cat to go to a good home . Well , I'm just

38:52

curious who's going to buy the cat Right Like that's really

38:54

Nobody would want my cat . Let's be honest , like

38:56

I don't even want her half the time . She only

38:58

likes me half the time . But but

39:01

I mean , having said that , like

39:03

you know it's it's . It's tough sometimes

39:05

and I think you have to really watch your

39:07

brain . I'm being

39:09

so true .

39:09

Watch your brain , watch and also watch your language

39:12

. I

39:14

could talk to you forever , but we both have other meetings

39:16

and interviews after this . So

39:19

, as we wrap up , can you

39:21

tell the listeners that you're going to be homeless the listeners

39:23

who are obviously in love with you now how

39:26

they can find you , what you , what you could , what kind

39:28

of help you can offer them and

39:31

anything else you'd like to share ?

39:32

Yeah , well , I think the you mentioned the 12

39:35

ways to biohack your energy playbook that

39:37

I think you said you were going to link , but the best thing for

39:39

that , specifically , is it's full of 12 different

39:41

hacks that you can literally take one , implement

39:44

it , so that we're not being perfectionists , we're just like working

39:46

on one thing at a time . They link to podcast

39:48

episodes . If you want to dive deeper on there , or

39:51

you know , come hang out with me on Instagram . I

39:53

love talking to people in my messages

39:55

, answering questions , like digging into some stuff

39:57

, nerding out about this . So , honestly , my podcast

39:59

becoming limitless or the 12 ways

40:01

to biohack your energy are

40:03

going to be great ways into my world .

40:05

And they already work . So I'm telling

40:08

you all I've done from the list . The

40:10

only thing I've done okay , there might be a couple that were already

40:12

on there , but like the one that I picked up that was new was

40:14

shower . There's actually like at least five

40:16

that I need to do , two that I said , yeah , no

40:19

, I'm not doing those , but I will . I just yeah

40:21

, no , but the cold shower was the one I wanted

40:23

to do the least , so I did that and I'll tell you , it's

40:25

all 10 days changed my life . So

40:27

just do one thing . And I know

40:29

that some people are like , if I do the one thing , what kind

40:32

of difference will that make if I can't do all 12 ? But

40:34

really like that's the secret

40:36

. The secret is you just need to do it

40:38

. Consistent efforts .

40:41

And adjust your horizon for

40:43

results .

40:44

That is smart and

40:47

adjust like your expectations , really like

40:49

for yourself . It's like the high

40:51

off the salad it's not going to help . Oh my

40:54

gosh , I'm never getting high

40:56

off the salad . I'm just telling you that right now Unless it

40:58

made a weed then maybe . So

41:01

thank you so much , so much for

41:03

joining . I mean today . I'm actually thinking we might want

41:05

to have you on for like other things too , one episode

41:07

point . You're a great guest . Clearly you've done a

41:09

lot of these guys Go find Tanesa

41:12

, not just because she has a great name , but

41:14

also because she literally will change your life . I

41:16

, for 30 seconds in the morning , I'm like I hate you , I hate

41:18

you , I love you , I love you , I love you , I love you . So

41:21

you know , thank you so much for your time

41:23

today . Thanks ,