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Hello there friends,

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both old and new. Welcome to the

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strive seek find podcast, I'm

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your host chance went home to

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bite sized lifestyle advice from

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a fellow traveler on the road to

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a better life. Brought to you by

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someone who is a longtime

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educator, writer, parent, and an

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outdoor enthusiast, who may just

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may like a good DRAM because our

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future is set not just through

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our choices, but by our

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willingness to explore and find

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a better way. In the immortal

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words of the fool of famous

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philosophers, Chumbawamba I get

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knocked down, I get up again,

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there ain't nothing gonna keep

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me down. A catchy tune in ear

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worm of sorts. And honestly, I

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don't remember a bit about the

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song. But that refrain, and

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something about whiskey drinks.

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take that for what it's worth.

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But what it brought to mind is

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the world we're living in now, a

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world where resiliency is often

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replaced by a, I'm taking my

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ball and going home mentality.

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Has anyone else noticed this?

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adults, kids, everyone showing

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the signs, or maybe I'm wrong.

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Now let's get started. Now,

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let's start with the disclaimer.

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World's not okay. It's getting

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better all the time. But it

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seems to be more filled with

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harried stress harassed people

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who don't know how to deal with

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things anymore. So in turn, many

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people turn to two basic

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responses, behaving badly, or

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quitting. Both of which I see as

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the opposite of being resilient.

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And just like being resilient,

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these responses tend to be

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learned behaviors that have been

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reinforced over time to create

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what you see as an end result.

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So that guy that you know, that

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constantly screams that people

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in restaurants, trying to get

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better service has had that

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behavior reinforced and honestly

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believes that's the way to go

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about his business. Let's start

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with kids. Kids are always

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learning a lot of

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neuroplasticity, they have room

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to grow. It's amazing what they

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can learn in a year. And as you

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get older and feel a little more

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foggy, you get a little envious

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of it. But as you go through and

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see how they handle sports in

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life, how many times has a kid

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told you, they couldn't do

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something because they either

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weren't good at it, or hit their

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fear of not being good at it by

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giving up quitting, never

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starting throwing a fit one of

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the variety or another. I know

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at times, I've seen it with my

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own kids. And I've seen it with

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other people's kids. And it's

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because they haven't necessarily

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been placed in a situation where

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they have had to learn any thing

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different than what they're

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doing. I can remember being told

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growing up. The only thing that

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quitting teaches you is how to

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quit making it that much easier

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for you to continue down that

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path. And so much harder to

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stick with things in life. You

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put a task in front of someone,

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it gets hard the first time,

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people get frustrated, kids get

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frustrated. And they want to

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fold. And the secret people

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don't often share with you is

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kids who often struggle to be

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resilient. Our kids something

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comes easy to so they've never

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been tested in that arena. And

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you can see this as kids move

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between levels of sport, whether

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it's from the peewee level into

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middle school, middle school, to

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high school, high school, to

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college, the really big jump,

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they may be talented enough to

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compete. They've just never been

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tested. And the frustration gets

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to them sometimes. Not all the

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time. But there are kids who

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walk away, despite all that

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talent, because they don't know

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how to be resilient and to

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compete at that moment. And on

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the other side of the related

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coin in academics. You've been

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good at math your entire life

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and run into a concept that

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doesn't click and suddenly self

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doubt and the urge to run back

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to your comfort zone rather than

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moves forward. On some basic

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level, it makes sense. Once

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you've tasted six says, you want

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to continue to taste it. And if

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you do not feel like you can be

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successful, it's easier to be

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bad than to feel dumb. And over

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the last few years, kids are

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coming in more stressed, less

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resilient, blame what you will.

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Working towards what we call

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productive struggle is critical

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to growing this characteristic

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of resiliency in our young

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people. For example, a long time

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ago, when dinosaurs roamed the

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earth, and I was still coaching

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wrestling, we would put kids in

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situations such as being on

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bottom and behind by three with

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30 seconds left and have to try

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to wrestle their way out of it.

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The idea is to teach them the

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situation. So it wasn't

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overwhelming when the stress was

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on. They knew how to react, they

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knew what moves to make where

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they learned. Because you learn

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through those moments of

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struggle. Or in football, it was

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the same thing. Simulated

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penalties during the two minute

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drill to make the team work

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through obstacles together,

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before the game was truly on the

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line. In the classroom, it's

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exactly the same. put kids in

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situations where they aren't

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completely comfortable with the

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turtle tools, excuse me, to

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learn what they need to do. And

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an understanding that failure is

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not an end. It's the beginning

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of learning. Because in any part

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of life, you have more of an

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opportunity to learn from

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failing to reach a goal than

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Easily Overcoming something that

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you should have been able to do

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with your eyes closed. So no

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easy answers. The only way to

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get through this is to learn it.

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And now a word from this week's

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sponsor.

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I asked my dad how I could help

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his podcast and he said I could

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make a commercial. Let's help

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get the word out. share this

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podcast with your friends. This

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is super important. We all get

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busy. Just a simple share helps

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keep people in the loop. One way

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you can do this is tagging on

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the show or using the keep

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seeking hashtag when you're

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talking about the show. You can

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also leave a review on Apple

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podcasts or pod chaser reviews

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help people find the pod.

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Finally, he's got to buy me a

7:05

coffee setup. Keep him in

7:05

research materials and new

7:09

microphone so you can keep

7:09

improving strive seek find the

7:13

link is in the show notes.

7:13

Thanks for listening to strive

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seek find. Thanks again, Erica. Coming next

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week, her sister. And let's get

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back to it. What about adults?

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Are we in the same boat?

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Absolutely. Difference is we

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tend not to deal with it nearly

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as well. We expect to know what

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we're doing to be experts in our

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fields. And when that's not the

7:37

case, things tend to get a

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little messy. Adults, when

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challenged tend to fall in the

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same patterns. Only it feels

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more normalized as you get

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older. in a tough situation, it

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takes a lot of time and effort

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to battle through it. As adults,

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we look for the same shortcuts

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kids do. And sadly, if you look

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around you, the shortcuts seem

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to be on the rise. Frustrated

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with the decision, we should

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have been taught to think

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through it, try to understand

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and find a way for it less

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resiliently hide how you're

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feeling until you've resigned

8:16

and blow everyone up going out

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the door. And with stress

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seemingly at everyone's frontal

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lobes, screaming your way into

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getting something seems to be

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all too prevalent. Making not

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about who's or what's right. But

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about who's loudest whether it's

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in the grocery store or the city

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council meeting or online.

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There's always been some of

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this, there's always people

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wired this way. But it's on the

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rise, or seems to be say this

8:47

specifically. Sadly, because it

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seems to be more normalized. The

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only way we can help people grow

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is not allowing this create

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situations where the discussions

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happen, rather than where the

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loudest wins. And I realize I'm

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grossly oversimplifying this end

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of things. But my examples tend

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to be a way too specific in this

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case. Ultimately, like it or

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not, to build resiliency. We

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need to put ourselves in

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situations where we're not

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comfortable in order to teach

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ourselves to work through it.

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Comfort is the enemy of growth.

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And if we want to be the best we

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can be, for our culture to be

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the strongest it can be. We owe

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it to ourselves to seek out a

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bit of discomfort and to learn.

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And something that struck me as

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I'm finishing this. How much can

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we blame social media for this?

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After all, everyone's 10 feet

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tall on the internet, with a

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life filled with wonder, has

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this illusion of an easy way

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helped create a mind sense of

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entitlement meant over

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resilience? I'm not sure, but

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I'm curious what you think. Has

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our resilience been reduced? Is

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there a way to fix the problem?

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Let me know. Join the

10:11

conversation over on the

10:14

Facebook group. Hit me up on

10:14

email, or on Twitter. The links

10:19

are in the show notes. Well,

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friends, that's it for this

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week's edition of strife seek

10:25

find. Thank you again for

10:29

listening. If you'd like to join

10:29

the discussion, or have ideas

10:33

for future episodes, hop on over

10:33

to the strife seek find podcast

10:37

group on Facebook.

10:37

Alternatively, if Facebook's not

10:43

your thing, you can find me on

10:43

Instagram at strife seek find

10:47

podcast on Twitter. As at chance

10:47

Whitmore five. We're even on

10:53

email. Links for all those are

10:53

in the show notes below. Until

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next time, my friends, keep

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seeking your own brilliant

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future