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1:16

And if I was to talk to

1:19

my 26-year-old self, I

1:21

would tell that kid that you

1:23

don't have time. When your excuses

1:26

make you feel a little bit

1:28

better about the fact that

1:30

you didn't execute on what

1:32

you needed to execute on,

1:34

then they can make you

1:36

feel better, but they're not

1:39

helping you. If you want

1:41

freedom in your life, you

1:43

have to have discipline. Standing

1:45

there, lost and not doing

1:47

anything, is just waiting to

1:49

die, waiting to starve to death.

1:52

Don't let that happen. If

1:54

someone was on the extreme

1:56

end of that disease of

1:58

excuse and blame... and all

2:00

of those things. Is there

2:02

anything that you could do

2:04

or you would advise them

2:06

to do to kind of

2:08

walk back from there? When

2:11

the excuses all go away

2:13

and people can actually confront

2:15

the fact that this is

2:17

all because of me, it

2:19

hurts, but is also unbelievably

2:21

empowering because if these problems

2:23

are because of me, then

2:25

I'm capable of fixing these

2:27

problems. If you lack the

2:29

discipline to manage your time

2:31

correctly, you will end up

2:33

with no free time. Your

2:35

excuses will destroy you and

2:37

take everything that you ever

2:39

wanted from you, if you

2:41

let them. Do you actually

2:43

want to do this or

2:45

not? Because if you actually

2:47

want to do it, what's

2:49

going to stop you? What's

2:51

going to stop you? Just

2:53

about anything that comes up.

2:55

Just about any obstacle that

2:58

gets in your way, it

3:00

becomes a reason, it comes

3:02

a rationale for not proceeding

3:04

down that path. You have

3:06

to start moving forward. You

3:08

have to start taking steps

3:10

in order to improve your

3:12

perspective, change your perspective, and

3:14

worst case scenario, you figure

3:16

out that you walk the

3:18

wrong direction. Okay, now you

3:20

can walk in the other

3:22

direction. What you learn to

3:24

do is, okay, I'm going

3:26

to go forward, bring it

3:28

on. And I think if

3:30

there's anything that you learn,

3:32

it's to keep pushing through

3:34

things that suck. Your excuses

3:36

will destroy you and take

3:38

everything that you ever wanted

3:40

from you, if you let

3:42

them. When your excuses make

3:45

you feel a little bit

3:47

better about the fact that

3:49

you didn't execute on what

3:51

you needed to execute on,

3:54

Then they can make you feel better, but

3:56

they're not helping you. They're not helping you

3:58

at all. Why

4:01

is discipline equal freedom? Because the

4:03

more discipline you have in your

4:06

life, the more freedom you will

4:08

end up with. So if you

4:10

lack the discipline to exercise and

4:13

eat healthy, you will end up

4:15

being a slave to disease. If

4:17

you lack the discipline to work

4:19

hard, save your money, you will

4:22

end up. a slave to finances.

4:24

If you lack the discipline to

4:26

manage your time correctly, you will

4:29

end up with no free time.

4:31

If you have self-discipline, if you

4:33

have the discipline to save your

4:35

money and work hard and invest

4:38

your money properly, if you have

4:40

the discipline to manage your time

4:42

correctly and not waste a bunch

4:45

of time, if you have... the

4:47

discipline to exercise and eat healthy

4:49

you will end up with freedom

4:52

if you want freedom in your

4:54

life you have to have discipline

4:56

because if you're a kid right

4:58

now and you're eating dirties off

5:01

your belly I know they taste

5:03

good and there's some immediate gratification

5:05

and I get that but I'm

5:08

gonna tell you it starts right

5:10

now throw that bag of dirties

5:12

away get rid of it go

5:15

do some pushups go spend 12

5:17

dollars at the hardware store and

5:19

hang up a pull-up bar in

5:21

your room and start doing pull-ups

5:24

and if you can't do one

5:26

pull-up hang on that bar and

5:28

you're gonna start to get a

5:31

little bit stronger. You just start

5:33

to get a little bit healthier.

5:35

You start to get more focused.

5:37

You're gonna start to become more

5:40

resilient and you're gonna start to

5:42

understand the world better. And you're

5:44

gonna start to progress in every

5:47

aspect of your life. And you'll

5:49

see that if you have that

5:51

kind of discipline right now, you're

5:54

gonna end up with freedom. Because

5:56

you're sad now you're going to make a

5:58

bunch of bad decisions because you're No, no,

6:01

it doesn't work like that. It

6:03

doesn't work like that. You're

6:05

sad. Okay. You get emotional

6:07

sometimes? Okay. Got it. Now,

6:09

get control of your emotions and

6:12

carry on with your life.

6:14

And sometimes you're going to

6:16

get hit with those waves.

6:18

And that's okay. No, at a

6:20

certain point, you say, okay. My

6:22

emotions are now leading me down

6:25

the wrong path. I'm in control.

6:27

I'm not going to allow my

6:30

emotions to make my decisions.

6:32

They're in the calculus. I'm

6:34

not saying take your emotions

6:36

out of the calculus. But

6:38

they have to be one

6:41

component of your calculus, not the

6:43

whole equation. You can't pull them

6:45

out of there, or they'll bite

6:47

you. But you can't make them

6:50

the overwhelming denominator of everything

6:52

that you do. Or

6:54

it's going to be problematic.

6:56

You have to start taking steps

6:58

in order to improve your vision,

7:01

improve your perspective, change your perspective,

7:03

make some kind of progress. And

7:05

worst case scenario, you figure out

7:07

that you walk the wrong direction.

7:09

Okay, now you can go walk in

7:12

the other direction. And that's going to

7:14

be fine. But standing there, lost, and

7:16

not doing anything is just waiting to

7:18

die, waiting to starve to death. Don't

7:20

let that happen. I had to

7:22

condition people to take action even in the

7:24

seal teams. Even a young seal leader who

7:27

you would think would be by nature aggressive

7:29

and an action taker. You put them in

7:31

a pressure situation where there's not a ton

7:34

of information and they need to make a

7:36

decision. They don't want to act either. So

7:38

one of the things that I would teach

7:40

was that their default mode was to be

7:43

aggressive. Their default mode was to take action.

7:45

I would teach that. Same thing we just

7:47

discussed. I wouldn't say, hey, look, that means

7:49

you have to have to take action. But

7:52

your default setting should be I'm gonna do

7:54

something because I'd have a young seal officer

7:56

and there'd be some training mission and there'd

7:58

be a problem in a building and There'd

8:00

be a bunch of paintball flying

8:02

around there and he wouldn't want

8:05

to go solve that problem. He'd

8:07

back away from that problem. And

8:09

I would have to go like

8:11

push him in the back and

8:13

say, you see that problem over

8:16

there, you got to go solve

8:18

that problem. It's not going to

8:20

go away. You got to be

8:22

aggressive. That's got to be your

8:25

default mode is to take. Most

8:27

human instinct is to. let things

8:29

go longer and stick with the

8:31

status quo and that seems to

8:33

be on the on the front

8:36

the lowest risk in the situation

8:38

is to not do anything. It

8:40

usually appears to be the lowest

8:42

risk. So to train people to,

8:44

oh, I need to take risk,

8:47

some level of risk, take action

8:49

because in the long run, I

8:51

say seven out of ten. Seven

8:53

out of ten times, action is

8:56

better than an action. If someone

8:58

was on the extreme end of

9:00

that disease of excuse and blame

9:02

and all of those things, is

9:04

there anything that you could do

9:07

or you would advise them to

9:09

do to kind of walk back

9:11

from there to get over the

9:13

other side? Because I think we

9:15

can all think of people in

9:18

our lives and maybe even ourselves

9:20

at times who have gotten into

9:22

a chronic pattern of using excuses

9:24

and blame as a form of

9:26

self-defense. Well, unfortunately what happens a

9:29

lot and you you may or

9:31

may not have seen this But

9:33

I would assume you've seen this

9:35

at some point in your life

9:38

People and this is a term.

9:40

There's a term. It's rock bottom,

9:42

right? This is a term that

9:44

we hear for someone that's addicted

9:46

someone that's an alcoholic someone that's

9:49

physically Let themselves go someone that's

9:51

put themselves into a situation with

9:53

their finances or their work or

9:55

whatever where they reach rock bottom,

9:57

but when it when it when

10:00

the excuses all go away and

10:02

people can actually confront the fact

10:04

that This is all because of

10:06

me. And this is, it hurts,

10:09

but is also unbelievably empowering. Because

10:11

if these problems are because of

10:13

me, then I'm capable of fixing

10:15

these problems. So even though extreme

10:17

ownership hurts and is painful, it's

10:20

also liberating because now you have

10:22

control over your fate and over

10:24

your destiny. and that is a

10:26

glorious thing. Our excuse is the

10:28

opposite of extreme ownership. That is

10:31

the opposite of extreme ownership. Extreme

10:33

ownership. Extreme ownership is this went

10:35

wrong, this failed, didn't accomplish this,

10:37

and it's not the fault of

10:40

my boss, it's not the fault

10:42

of my girlfriend, it's not the

10:44

fault of my parents, it's not

10:46

the fault of the weather, it's

10:48

my fault of the weather, it's

10:51

my fault. And I'm going to

10:53

take ownership of it, and I'm

10:55

going to fix it. That's what

10:57

extreme ownership is. And this is

10:59

a very difficult thing to do

11:02

because it hurts. Because when you

11:04

look around at your life and

11:06

you look around at your job

11:08

and your financial situation and your

11:11

relationship and your physical health, and

11:13

when you look at all those

11:15

things and all the problems that

11:17

you may have with those things,

11:19

and you say the reason I

11:22

have all those problems is because

11:24

of me, that can hurt. That

11:26

can sting. And a lot of

11:28

times our ego rejects that and

11:30

makes excuses and lies. And then

11:33

we don't have to change anything.

11:35

And then nothing changes. What you

11:37

learn to do is, okay, I'm

11:39

gonna go forward. There's no, I

11:42

can't get out of this. I'm

11:44

gonna go forward, not gonna quit,

11:46

so I'm gonna go forward, bring

11:48

it on. If I'm in the

11:50

woods, which is where you are

11:53

right now, you're in the woods.

11:55

And you don't know where to

11:57

go. Because the wife's not there

11:59

anymore? The job's not there anymore.

12:01

You don't know where to go

12:04

right now. So if you're in

12:06

the woods and you don't know

12:08

where to go, start walking. What

12:10

you learn to do is, okay,

12:13

I'm gonna go forward. There's no,

12:15

I can't get out of this.

12:17

I'm gonna go forward, I'm not

12:19

gonna quit, so I'm gonna go

12:21

forward, bring it on. And I

12:24

think if there's anything that you

12:26

learn, it's to, to keep pushing

12:28

through things that suck. That, let's

12:30

go. We're going to come

12:32

back in the water, let's

12:35

go. I think that's one

12:37

of the few things that

12:39

you learn in basic seal

12:41

training is to shrug your

12:43

shoulders and go forward. This

12:46

is just something that's going

12:48

to suck and you're going

12:50

to have to push through it.

12:52

You feel like your life is

12:55

going to last a long time.

12:57

And if I was to talk

13:00

to my 26-year-old self,

13:03

I would tell that kid

13:05

that you don't have

13:07

time. And you really,

13:09

you don't know when it's

13:12

going to end. And so

13:14

get out there and do

13:16

the things you want to

13:19

do. Get out there

13:22

and get after

13:24

them now. Don't wait

13:26

another second. Take advantage

13:29

of it. Get

13:31

out there and

13:33

live and strive

13:35

to be better.

13:38

Because the life

13:41

you've got, which

13:43

I just said

13:46

was a gift, it

13:48

is a gift. So

13:51

live it. So live

13:53

it. So live it.

13:55

in pushing yourself to

13:57

the results that you

13:59

get. It's what

14:01

I think hurts kids is they

14:04

don't connect what they're doing now

14:06

with the future. I know I

14:08

didn't you know when I was

14:10

a kid I was You know,

14:12

what's the future? It's tomorrow The

14:15

future is oh the weekend. You

14:17

don't realize. Oh, there's you can

14:19

actually set yourself up what you're

14:21

doing today is connected to the

14:24

future Okay, once you make that

14:26

connection you say oh, okay. Maybe

14:28

I'll study. Maybe I'll train. Be

14:30

able to do pull-ups out of

14:32

the gate, sure. Are there kids,

14:35

some kids that can learn their

14:37

time tables really quickly? Sure, you're

14:39

not gonna be great at everything,

14:41

but you can get better. As

14:44

long as you have the discipline,

14:46

put your mind to it, and

14:48

are willing to work hard. So

14:50

you're always learning and growing, and

14:52

I was always learning until the

14:55

day I retire, because it's not

14:57

a boom, this happened and everything

14:59

changed. It's a constant addition of

15:01

skill set and repetition of situations

15:04

where you become competent. at your

15:06

job. The fear of getting shot

15:08

or killed is not on your

15:10

mind when you're in the moment.

15:13

You know, it'll build up when

15:15

you're waiting to go out. You

15:17

know, there's times you're waiting to

15:19

go out and you're thinking yourself,

15:21

okay. There's a lot of bad

15:24

things going on out there and

15:26

some of them have happened to

15:28

me. But I think at some

15:30

point you realize that there's nothing

15:33

you can do about that. I

15:35

mean, other than just quit. and

15:37

just resign yourself to a life

15:39

of cowardness. But if you opt

15:41

to not do that, and you

15:44

step up and say, okay, I'm

15:46

ready. And if I die, I

15:48

die. And once you overcome that,

15:50

then nothing else to be afraid

15:53

of. When we deployed to Iraq

15:55

in 2006, we'd been fighting since

15:57

2003 and we'd had very few

15:59

casualties in the seal teams. that

16:01

had experienced their teammates killed in

16:04

action was minuscule. And so there

16:06

was no preparation other than what

16:08

I had taken away from reading

16:10

about combat for my whole life.

16:13

What I did was what I

16:15

knew how to do was work.

16:17

And that's literally what I told

16:19

my guys was we've crossed a

16:21

line. And there's no there's no

16:24

possible way to replace or describe

16:26

or overcome the amount of just

16:28

Heart-wrenching sadness that you feel when

16:30

you lose a teammate. I didn't

16:33

know what to do and I

16:35

didn't know what to say. First

16:37

time. First time, second time, third

16:39

time. Relevant good time. What I

16:41

did was and I told my

16:44

guys I don't know what to

16:46

do. I don't know what to

16:48

tell you. The only thing that

16:50

I know to do is to

16:53

go back to work. I do

16:55

know this, if Mark was here,

16:57

he would want us to go

16:59

back to work. And so we're

17:01

going to lock and load our

17:04

weapons, and we're going to go

17:06

do what we do. In World

17:08

War II, in World War I,

17:10

there would be days where thousands

17:13

upon thousands were killed. And so

17:15

that offered me a small bit

17:17

of perspective to think to myself

17:19

that human beings, we can feel

17:21

like we're special, and we can

17:24

feel like no one's ever been

17:26

through what I've been through. and

17:28

the world is hard for me

17:30

and easier for everyone else. Well,

17:33

the reality is that's not true.

17:35

And we're not special. And the

17:37

things that people go through, other

17:39

people have gone through, most likely,

17:41

much, much worse and much more

17:44

significant. So that, to me, was

17:46

a, it gave me at least

17:48

some level of perspective to realize

17:50

that other... Warriors had gone through

17:53

this before. This was my turn

17:55

and this is how I'm going

17:57

to try and handle it. I've

18:01

got that going on. And I

18:03

need to control it. So when

18:06

people start getting emotional, when

18:08

guys get killed, how do

18:10

I get control over that?

18:13

I absolutely have to control

18:15

my own emotions. Because it's

18:17

your guys. And believe me,

18:19

when you lose one of your guys,

18:21

you want to kill everyone. And

18:23

you know you can't. And you

18:25

know you shouldn't. So

18:28

you have to detach from your emotions, you

18:30

have to get control of them, and

18:32

you have to make sure that you

18:34

lead your men in the right direction,

18:36

so they don't do something that is not

18:38

the right thing to do. One of my

18:40

answers for people, when they say, hey,

18:42

how can I get better at

18:44

detaching control my emotions, I tell

18:46

them to start training Jiu-Jitsu, because

18:48

you're going to get tapped in

18:51

Jiu-Jitsu. Your ego is going to get

18:53

smacked around so hard, you're going to

18:55

lose your mind. and the more the

18:57

more the matter you get the more

18:59

aggressive you are the more you're gonna

19:01

get beat down and the worse it's

19:03

gonna be so you have to learn

19:05

to control your emotions no doubt about

19:07

it and then what you have to

19:09

do is you have to start practicing

19:11

it all the time you have to

19:13

start paying attention to the to the

19:15

the red flags that go up when

19:17

I start raising my voice at you

19:19

I go oh that's that's your emotion

19:22

and for me like the minute I

19:24

feel some sort of anger, some sort

19:26

of jealousy, some sort of frustration. Most

19:28

of the time, I go,

19:30

oh, you're getting mad, that's

19:32

your ego. That's your, you're

19:34

getting emotional about this. Take

19:36

a step back and listen

19:38

to what the other person

19:40

is saying. Take a step

19:42

back and try and understand

19:44

what they're trying to say.

19:46

Because sometimes, you know, if

19:48

you're not a very articulate

19:50

person, you're just making me

19:52

mad. It's only because I

19:55

don't understand what you're trying to

19:57

say take a step back. Let's

19:59

talk through it. So Pay attention to, you know,

20:01

I always talk about when you're sending an

20:03

email to someone and you're typing like this,

20:05

don't send that email. That's not a good

20:07

email to send. That's an emotional email. Wait,

20:09

write it out, fine. And then save it

20:11

and read it later and you'll realize, oh

20:13

yeah, I was really mad about something and

20:15

I was really frustrated. So,

20:17

how do you do it? You practice it,

20:19

you pay attention to your emotions and you get

20:21

control of them. Can

20:27

you teach that? That, let's go. We're

20:30

gonna jump back in the water,

20:32

let's go. I think that's one of

20:34

the few things that you learn

20:36

in basic seal training is to shrug

20:39

your shoulders and go forward. What

20:41

you learn to do is, okay, I'm

20:43

gonna go forward. There's no, I

20:45

can't get out of this. I'm gonna

20:47

go forward, I'm not gonna quit,

20:49

so I'm gonna go forward, bring it

20:51

on. If

20:53

you have discipline, you

20:55

will attain freedom. Train,

21:02

study, work,

21:06

practice. Train, study,

21:08

work, practice, train,

21:11

study, work, practice. Standing

21:15

there lost and not doing

21:17

anything is just waiting to die,

21:19

waiting to starve to death.

21:21

Don't let that happen. Your excuses

21:23

will destroy you and take

21:25

everything that you ever wanted from

21:27

you if you let them.

21:29

When your excuses make you feel

21:31

a little bit better about

21:33

the fact that you didn't execute

21:35

on what you needed to

21:37

execute on, then

21:39

they can make you feel better but they're

21:41

not helping you. If you want freedom in your

21:43

life, you have to have discipline. Start

21:47

now, go do something that's hard.

21:49

Go try and accomplish something that's hard.

21:51

You may win, you may lose,

21:53

you may succeed, you may fail. I'll

21:55

tell you what, you'll be better.

21:57

If you don't accept that challenge, Don't

22:00

step up and step into that

22:02

cold water. This is not a

22:04

good move. Don't do that. Don't

22:07

do that. Just get up.

22:09

Move towards that challenge, whatever

22:11

that challenge is. Move towards

22:13

that challenge and go attack

22:15

it. You have to start

22:17

moving forward. You have to

22:19

start taking steps. in order

22:21

to improve your vision, improve

22:23

your perspective, change your perspective,

22:25

make some kind of progress,

22:28

and worst case scenario, you

22:30

figure out that you walk

22:32

the wrong direction. Okay, now

22:34

you can go walk in

22:36

the other direction. What you learn

22:38

to do is, okay, I'm gonna

22:40

go forward, not gonna quit, so

22:42

I'm gonna go forward, bring it on.

22:44

And I think if there's anything

22:46

that you learn, it's to

22:49

keep pushing through things that

22:51

suck. to exercise and eat

22:53

healthy, you will end

22:55

up being a slave to

22:57

disease. If you lack

23:00

the discipline to work

23:02

hard, save your money,

23:04

you will end up a

23:06

slave to finances. If

23:09

you lack the discipline

23:11

to manage your time

23:13

correctly, you will end

23:16

up with no free

23:18

time. If you have

23:21

self-discipline, if you have the discipline

23:23

to save your money and work

23:25

hard and invest your money properly,

23:27

if you have the discipline to

23:29

manage your time correctly and not

23:31

waste a bunch of time, if you

23:34

have the discipline to exercise and eat

23:36

healthy, you will end up with freedom.

23:38

You've got to be aggressive to make

23:40

things happen. I mean, if you don't,

23:43

if you're not aggressive with things, they

23:45

don't happen, they don't move. So you're

23:47

always learning and growing and I was

23:49

always learning until the day I retire.

23:52

And people can actually confront the fact

23:54

that this is all because of me

23:56

and this is, it hurts, but is

23:59

also unbelievably empowered. Because if

24:01

these problems are because of

24:03

me, then I'm capable of

24:05

fixing these problems. So even

24:07

though extreme ownership hurts and

24:09

is painful, it's also liberating

24:11

because now you have control

24:13

over your fate and over

24:15

your destiny, and that is

24:18

a glorious thing. I'm not

24:20

saying take your emotions out

24:22

of the calculus, but they

24:24

have to be one component

24:26

of your calculus, not the

24:28

whole... The equation has to

24:30

include emotions, yes. Logic, yes.

24:32

Future, yes. Goals, yes. Family,

24:34

yes. Work, yes. Finances, yes.

24:37

All those things have to

24:39

be in the calculus. Emotions

24:41

has to be a part

24:43

of that calculus. You can't

24:45

pull them out of there,

24:47

or they'll bite you. But

24:49

you can't make them the

24:51

overwhelming denominator of everything that

24:54

you do. Or it's going

24:56

to be problematic. Extreme

24:58

ownership is this went wrong this failed

25:01

didn't accomplish this and it's not the

25:03

fault of my boss it's not the

25:05

fault of my girlfriend it's not the

25:08

fault of my parents it's not the

25:10

fault of the weather it's my fault

25:12

and I'm gonna take ownership of it

25:14

and I'm gonna fix it that's what

25:17

extreme ownership is and this is a

25:19

very difficult thing to do because it

25:21

hurts because when you look around at

25:23

your life and you look around at

25:26

your job and your financial situation and

25:28

your relationship and your physical health. And

25:30

when you look at all those things

25:33

and all the problems that you may

25:35

have with those things, and you say

25:37

the reason I have all those problems

25:39

is because of me, that can hurt.

25:42

That can sting. And a lot of

25:44

times, our ego rejects that and makes

25:46

excuses and lies. And then we don't

25:48

have to change anything. And then nothing

25:51

changes. I would love to be able

25:53

to give you this profound anchor that

25:55

people need to have. But it's like,

25:57

oh, do you want to do this

26:00

or not? Which is what I think

26:02

a lot of it boils down to.

26:04

Do you actually want to do this

26:07

or not? Do you actually want to

26:09

do this or not? Because if you

26:11

actually want to do it, what's going

26:13

to stop you? Just about anything that

26:16

comes up. Just about any obstacle that

26:18

gets in your way becomes an excuse.

26:20

It becomes a reason, it comes a

26:22

rationale for not proceeding down that path.

26:25

If I want to have influence over

26:27

you, what do I have to do?

26:29

I actually have to allow you to

26:31

influence me. How do I get you

26:34

to trust me? I have to put

26:36

trust in you. One of the worst

26:38

situations you can be in. is when

26:41

you think that the little moves that

26:43

you're making, no one can see them.

26:45

And it's so obvious to everybody else.

26:47

Everybody else is watching can see exactly

26:50

what you're doing. You think, oh, they

26:52

can't, they can't see the maneuvers that

26:54

I'm making to take care of myself.

26:56

No, they see, everybody sees, and it

26:59

ends up destroying you. I have to

27:01

open my mind up and allow you

27:03

to influence me. If I just stick

27:05

with my own ideas, you're, care about

27:08

me. What do I have to do?

27:10

I have to care about you. And

27:12

by the way, in my opinion, these

27:15

are the components of a relationship. Yes,

27:17

yes. If we listen to each other,

27:19

if we don't listen to each other,

27:21

we don't have a relationship. If we

27:24

don't respect each other, we don't have

27:26

a relationship. If we're not influenced by

27:28

each other, we don't have a relationship.

27:30

So... If we don't care about each

27:33

other, obviously we don't have a relationship.

27:35

So when you want to build a

27:37

relationship, what do you have to do?

27:39

You have to listen to the other

27:42

person. By the way, this applies to

27:44

your employees, it applies to your spouse,

27:46

it applies to everyone. If you want

27:49

them to listen to you, you have

27:51

to listen to them. And you can't

27:53

just, you know, I'll stop talking.

27:55

As I prepare my

27:58

counter for what

28:00

you're saying right now

28:02

It's like I'm literally going to listen to what you

28:04

have to say and try and open up

28:06

my mind and open up my perspective So

28:08

that I understand your world as as well

28:10

as I possibly can I'm going to integrate

28:13

that into what my thoughts are and we're

28:15

going to come to an understanding We're going

28:17

to move forward with a better solution So

28:19

the idea of barking orders the military or

28:21

any organization can be run through Authoritarian

28:24

Dictatorship look you can make it work

28:26

for a little while But it's not a

28:28

long -term solution and that's what you got

28:30

to watch out for What

28:38

I do when my boss wants all the credit,

28:40

what do I do? And

28:43

what do I do when I've got a Young

28:45

individual that has a lot of potential, but

28:47

they're not really Taking advantage of it. They're

28:49

not motivated to make things happen. What do

28:51

I do that? So

28:55

many kids these days miss out

28:57

on the fact of the

28:59

correlation between working and studying and

29:01

Pushing yourself to the results

29:04

that you get It's

29:06

what I think hurts kids is they

29:08

don't connect what they're doing now with the

29:10

future I know I didn't you know when

29:12

I was a kid. I was you know,

29:14

what's the future? It's tomorrow The future

29:16

is all of the weekend. You don't realize.

29:18

Oh, there's you can actually set yourself up

29:20

What you're doing today is connected to the

29:22

future Okay,

29:25

once you make that connection you say, okay, maybe

29:27

I'll study maybe I'll train maybe I'll work out

29:29

harder You can start doing those things because you

29:31

can improve and you can have a better life

29:33

Sure, are there some kids that are gonna be

29:35

able to do pull -ups out of the gate? Sure,

29:37

are there kids some kids that can learn their

29:39

time tables really quickly? Sure You're not gonna you're

29:41

not gonna be great at everything, but you can

29:43

get better As long as you have the discipline

29:45

put your mind to it and are willing to work

29:47

hard If

29:51

I'm manipulating you I'm trying to

29:53

get you to do something if I'm leading

29:56

you I'm trying to get you to

29:58

do something and many of the tools are very

30:00

similar. So what's the difference between

30:02

me leading you and me manipulating

30:04

you? It's very easy for me

30:06

to answer that question. If I'm

30:09

manipulating you, I'm trying to get

30:11

you to do something that's going

30:13

to benefit me. If I'm leading,

30:15

I'm trying to get you to

30:17

do something that's going to benefit

30:19

you, it's going to benefit the

30:21

team, and it's going to benefit

30:24

the mission. So for me, those

30:26

are those are too easy. Those

30:28

are too easy. It's real obvious.

30:30

And by the way, if I'm a manipulator,

30:32

I can get away with that for a

30:34

little while, but eventually you're going to look

30:36

at me for what I am. You're going

30:39

to see that the maneuvers I'm making, the

30:41

tools I'm using, I'm utilizing those tools for

30:43

my own benefit. And as soon as you

30:45

see that, you won't fully support me. You

30:47

won't. The same goes for what I'm trying

30:50

to make you do something good for yourself

30:52

and for yourself and for the team. You're

30:54

going to see that too. And you're going

30:56

to say, he actually cares about me. That's

30:59

what he's doing this for. And when you

31:01

know I care about you, you'll do anything

31:03

for me. I mean, that's what it boils

31:05

down to. Oh, I want to give you

31:07

hard criticism. How do I give you heart

31:10

criticism? The first thing I have to do

31:12

is make sure that you understand I care

31:14

about you, which is not easy to do.

31:16

And it's not always obvious. But if you

31:19

know that more than anything else, what I

31:21

want, Hey Tom I'm looking

31:23

at the outcome of the last project

31:25

and you were like three weeks past

31:28

the time I Think there's some things

31:30

that we can do to kind of

31:32

make you a little bit more efficient

31:34

in leading these things If you know

31:36

that my number one thing is that

31:38

I care about you you're gonna be

31:41

all years? To an extent because

31:43

guess what percentage of

31:45

the world is truly

31:47

open for criticism? Oh,

31:49

it's tiny! There's so

31:52

few people that are

31:54

truly open to

31:56

criticism. How do

31:58

you... to gain influence and

32:01

respect. Like, what's that process? If I want

32:03

to gain the ability to influence you, well

32:05

then what I have to do is give

32:07

you the ability to influence me. And when

32:09

I say, hey, here's what we're trying to

32:12

make happen, here's what I want to do,

32:14

and you say, well, I think we should

32:16

do it like this. You know what I

32:18

should say? Okay, well, well, let's take a

32:21

look at that. The more I allow you

32:23

to influence me, the more open your mind

32:25

gets for me to influence you. Respect. Same

32:27

thing. If I treat you like you're a

32:29

plebe, like you don't matter, you're not going

32:32

to respect me at all. But if I

32:34

treat you with respect and respect you, when

32:36

you try and talk to me, I listen

32:38

and I respect what you're saying and I

32:41

try and understand it fully, then your respect

32:43

for me is going to go up as

32:45

well. So when you want to earn respect,

32:47

give respect. When you want to earn influence,

32:49

give influence. We want to earn trust and

32:52

give trust. All those three are related. There's

32:54

a word that people bring up a lot,

32:56

and I think they're pretty interchangeable, and it's

32:58

relationships and trust. Trust is built on relationships,

33:01

relationships are built on trust. If you don't

33:03

trust me, we don't really have a relationship.

33:05

The more deeply you trust me, the better

33:07

relationship we have. When I say that, career

33:09

in the Navy and the SEAL teams. Just

33:12

about every single thing that I ever did

33:14

was through relationships. So the amount of times

33:16

that I looked at one of my subordinates

33:18

and said, no, you will do what I'm

33:21

saying because I'm in charge. I don't think

33:23

I actually honestly ever said that one single

33:25

time. I think it was always, hey, this

33:27

is what we got to get done. How

33:29

do you think we should do it? Do

33:32

you think this is smart? And it was

33:34

all based on relationships and up the chain

33:36

of command too. There was never a time

33:38

that one of my bosses said, hey Jaco,

33:41

shut up. and you do what I told

33:43

you to do. There was never a time

33:45

that one of my bosses said that to

33:47

me. There was, you know, if I had

33:49

a question, if I pushed back, they gave

33:52

me legitimate answers. If they didn't have good

33:54

answers, then they would modulate or change what

33:56

it is that they were telling me to

33:58

do. So how do I build trust with

34:01

you? So if you're above me in the

34:03

chain of command, if you ask me to

34:05

do something as my boss, I do it.

34:07

And if you want me to deliver this

34:09

project by this date, I deliver it earlier

34:12

and I deliver it to the best of

34:14

my ability above and beyond what you expected.

34:16

And you say, oh wow, when I ask

34:18

Jako to do something, he actually does it.

34:21

And that's where it starts. It starts with

34:23

that right there, with me performing, me offering

34:25

advice, me taking what you ask me to

34:27

do and doing it. That's the number one

34:29

thing. If we flip those roles, and now

34:32

I'm in charge of you, how do I

34:34

build trust with you. Well. What I do

34:36

is I give you a project. And instead

34:38

of me giving you a project and then

34:41

saying, hey, here's how I want you to

34:43

do this and here's how I want you

34:45

to do the next part, instead I say,

34:47

hey, here's a project, let me know how

34:49

you want to do it. And then you

34:52

go figure out how you want to get

34:54

done. And I don't micromanage you and I

34:56

don't ask you a million questions about it

34:58

and tell you don't do it like that,

35:01

do it, do it, and what does that

35:03

I tell you that I tell you that

35:05

I trust you that I trust you, that

35:07

I trust you, that I trust you, that

35:09

I trust you, that I trust you, that

35:12

I trust you, that I trust you, that

35:14

I trust you, that I trust you, that

35:16

I trust you, that I trust you, that

35:18

I trust you, that I trust you, that

35:21

I trust you, that I trust you, that

35:23

I trust you, that I trust you, that

35:25

I trust you, that I trust you If

35:27

something goes wrong, instead of me jumping down

35:29

your throat and hanging you out to dry

35:32

and making you an example in front of

35:34

everyone, I say, hey, let's figure out what

35:36

went wrong. Did I not support you well

35:38

enough? Did I not give you what you

35:41

needed? And so you realize, oh, he's not

35:43

going to hang me out to dry. He's

35:45

going to give me the support. He's going

35:47

to try and teach me if something goes

35:50

wrong, instead of trying to drop the hammer

35:52

on me. So when I say, hey Tom,

35:54

here's the project I want you to get

35:56

done, can you take a look at it

35:59

and tell me how you want to get

36:01

it done? and you come back to me,

36:03

you know, three days later, and you say,

36:05

hey boss, I was looking at this thing,

36:08

and it's just not possible. And I don't

36:10

say, well, actually it is possible, so I've

36:12

already thought it through, here's how you need

36:15

to do it. Instead I go, well, what

36:17

do you think our real challenges are? And

36:19

then you say, well, you know, we can't

36:21

get the supplies in time. And then you

36:24

say, well, and also, we don't have enough

36:26

manninging. And I. And I say, and I

36:28

say, and I say, and I say, and

36:30

I say, and I have enough Manning. And

36:33

I say, and I say, and I say,

36:35

and I say, and I say, and I

36:37

say, I say, I, I, I, I, I,

36:40

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

36:42

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

36:44

I, I, I, I, And you say, well,

36:46

you know, they're coming across the country on

36:49

a truck. And so it's going to take

36:51

a week and a half for them to

36:53

get here. And we don't have enough people

36:55

because it's going to take 190 man hours

36:58

in this amount of time. And I only

37:00

have three guys. So it's impossible. And I

37:02

go, is there any other way to ship

37:05

stuff across the country? I guess we could.

37:07

We could fly, but it's going to be

37:09

more expensive. Oh. Okay. Well, how much more

37:11

expensive? Eventually, you're going to come to the

37:14

solution. You're going to come to the solution.

37:16

And I'm going to be happy that you

37:18

come to the solution. Or, there's a chance

37:20

that you actually say, hey, Jocco, it's not

37:23

possible. And here's why. And you tell me

37:25

something that I didn't foresee. Because I'm at

37:27

a higher level, I'm elevating, I'm working on,

37:30

I'm overseeing 14 different projects. I'm legitimately asking

37:32

these questions. I'm not doing this, okay, well

37:34

we're going to get you there, and that's

37:36

what's going to happen. I already know the

37:39

outcome. No, I think I know the outcome,

37:41

but I'm not sure of it. You know

37:43

how many times I'm sure of what the

37:45

outcome's going to be? Not very often. So

37:48

the truth is, I am, I'm being totally

37:50

transparent. I'm asking legitimate questions. I think I

37:52

know the answers. I think they're going to

37:55

lead to the right place. It's okay to

37:57

let that run its course. So most of

37:59

the time people don't want to get that

38:01

direct feedback and in fact sometimes when I

38:04

hear people say I'm just going to get

38:06

direct with this person. I'm just going to

38:08

let them know exactly what they're screwing up.

38:10

Almost always, that's a bad idea. Now, and

38:13

there's some people that sit there and they

38:15

say, well, that's weak or whatever, but it's

38:17

not. Because I'm going to get the message

38:20

to you, I'm just going to deliver it

38:22

in a way that you accept

38:24

it more, that your mind is open

38:26

to it. That's what I'm trying to

38:28

do as a leader. I need to get this information to you. Now,

38:30

this will escalate over time. And if I've tried, you know, if I said,

38:33

hey, Tom, I think we could do this better, and you still fail, and

38:35

I say, hey Tom, maybe you should try this, and you still fail. And

38:37

then I say, hey Tom, I think this is the way you should go,

38:39

and you still fail. And then I say, hey Tom, I think this is

38:41

the way you should go, and you still fail. I think this is the

38:43

way you should go. And I think this is the way you should go.

38:45

And I think. And I think this is the way you should go, and

38:48

I told you should go, and I told you should go, and I told

38:50

you should go, and I told you should go, and I told you should

38:52

go, and I told you should go, and I told you should go, and

38:54

I told you should go, and I told you should go, and I told

38:56

you should go, and I, and I, and Almost

38:59

never you get someone that is

39:01

so thick-headed that they're not

39:03

gonna listen to you. And when they

39:05

are, it's because they have a giant ego.

39:07

It's because their ego, they can't see

39:09

the fact that, oh, I'm making some

39:12

real bad mistakes. And by the

39:14

way, when you've delivered them, that final

39:16

message of like, hey, here's exactly what

39:18

you're screwing up, what they say is,

39:20

you know, you just don't know what

39:23

it's like in my shoes. And that

39:25

you can't help them. So

39:28

you have to detach from your emotions, you

39:30

have to get control of them, and

39:32

you have to make sure that you

39:34

lead your men in the right direction.

39:36

So they don't do something that is

39:38

not the right thing to do. The matter

39:40

you get, the more aggressive you are, the

39:43

more you're going to get beat down. And

39:45

the worse it's going to be. So you

39:47

have to learn to control your emotions. No

39:49

doubt about it. And then what you have

39:52

to do is you have to start practicing

39:54

it all the red flags that go up.

39:56

When I start raising my voice at you

39:58

I go, oh, that's that's And for

40:00

me, like the minute I

40:02

feel some sort of anger,

40:05

some sort of jealousy, some

40:07

sort of frustration, most of

40:09

the time, I go, oh,

40:11

you're getting mad, that's your

40:13

ego. That's your, you're getting

40:15

emotional about this. Take a

40:17

step back and listen to

40:20

what the other person is

40:22

saying. Take a step back

40:24

and try and see what

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they're trying to say. Just

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just help people learn the lessons that I've

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learned so they don't have to learn them

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for themselves There's a lot of mistakes that

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I've made There's a lot of I've been Blessed

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that I've been very lucky to have been through

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what I've been through to been around the people

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that I've been around To learn the things that

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I've been blessed and lucky enough to be

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able to learn and I don't want to

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hoard them I want to give them away

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So that's why I'm doing what I'm doing

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and trying to help people as much as

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much as I can The

41:17

The new Boost Mobile network is offering unlimited talk, text, and data

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and data for just $25 a month for the rest of your

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for just $25 a month for the rest of your life? I

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don't know. Until your ultimate mobile mobile, for just $25 a month,

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just 25 dollars a long as long as long as they remain active, for

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for just, for just, for just 25, for just, for just,

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just, for just, for just, for just, for just, for just,

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for just, for just, for just, for just, for just, for

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just, for boost unlimited plan. on the boost unlimited plan.

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