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1:56

It's Sunday paper's time to read

1:59

the news. We cry and like,

2:01

serve hard for you to

2:03

bring a smile to your face

2:06

so you don't. Three, two, one,

2:08

two. Read all about it. Read

2:11

all about it. Read all

2:13

about it. Hear you. Your weekly

2:15

news I mean That's the thing

2:17

people let let's just go through

2:20

what this show is we go

2:22

through the news of the

2:24

week We picked the biggest most

2:27

important stories Yeah, and and then

2:29

we taped them three days before

2:31

the show airs just so

2:33

they're super fresh You know ADD

2:36

kids? I didn't, there was no

2:38

segue there speaking of ADD, you

2:41

know, they have Fidget toys and

2:43

stuff like that. I got

2:45

one right here. Yeah, or they

2:47

have to do it all which

2:50

does help like, you know, doing

2:52

something else. Well, anyway, here's my

2:55

new Fidget toy, you ready?

2:57

Because of my badly, you know,

2:59

those, the physical therapy, plastic essays.

3:02

Yeah. Is this distracting when I'm

3:04

talking to someone? This is

3:06

my Fidget. Good. I, you know,

3:08

am I getting jokes in the

3:11

script? That's all they've ever had.

3:13

They have made allowances for my

3:16

ADHD. I pace. I do

3:18

sedokos. Cross-word puzzles. While writing. While

3:20

in a writer's room, I do

3:22

sedokos. Good lord. Hey, you know,

3:25

am I getting jokes in

3:27

the script? That's all they give

3:29

a shit about. Are you getting

3:32

more job offers? Hell, the writing's

3:34

not on the page. No, I

3:36

mean, not like obsessively, but

3:38

you know, I, I, I. I

3:41

do a few a day and

3:43

I definitely pace in the back

3:46

of the room. Pacing's fine.

3:48

You know, one thing in the

3:50

practical advice category of what I

3:53

give my USC students, because you

3:55

know, in theory, it's like one

3:57

of the Harvard's of entertainment,

3:59

you know, although other universities are

4:02

definitely catching up. But anyway, the

4:04

practical advice I can give them

4:07

is I go, okay, listen, if

4:09

you get on a sitcom,

4:11

we're really like. Yeah, especially a

4:13

sitcom or any, any written show

4:16

where there's gonna be story. Don't

4:18

reveal that you have good

4:20

handwriting because you will be at

4:23

the board all the time. Oh,

4:25

right. And it's true, this girl,

4:28

this woman, I should say, of

4:30

course, my sitcom, had, I

4:32

mean, the best handwriting, and it's

4:34

kind of like having a neat

4:37

room or whatever it is, like,

4:39

it just, we thought the

4:41

outline was better in her handwriting.

4:44

But like, my handwriting, you'd be

4:46

like, oh, this needs a lot

4:48

of work. Like, this is thrown

4:51

again. Hers immediately made it

4:53

look like, I think we're ready

4:55

for air. Well people should understand

4:58

the board means there's a corkboard

5:00

with a bunch of index

5:02

cards dry erase board or a

5:04

dry erase board whatever but yeah

5:07

my office I had an office

5:09

at the Santa Monica airport for

5:12

like I think 12 years

5:14

and and then I got kicked

5:16

out because they're making pickleball courts

5:19

have they torn it down yet

5:21

by the way no that's the

5:23

funny thing we got kicked

5:25

out a year and a year

5:28

and a half ago but I

5:30

still had the key and my

5:33

office just sits there empty

5:35

so I was I was doing

5:37

a script for Bill Burr last

5:39

year with another guy and we

5:42

would just we would just go

5:44

there you know once every

5:46

couple weeks we'd go in and

5:49

the entire wall just had index

5:51

cards we had the whole outline

5:53

of the script on the

5:55

wall. We had two chairs of

5:58

table and a coffee maker and

6:00

I worked rent free for a

6:03

year and a half in this

6:05

office. So weird are they

6:07

just throw away money like there's

6:10

a year rent times how many

6:12

offices you know right I know

6:14

free money for them but

6:16

anyway yeah so when there's story

6:19

and all that you put up

6:21

whether it's index cards with your

6:24

handwriting or you put up the

6:26

story act one act two

6:28

act three here all the scenes

6:30

anyway. Don't show him you got

6:33

good handwriting, because you will be

6:35

up there. Don't do it. Also,

6:38

good handwriting, bad handwriting shows

6:40

creativity and genius. Good handwriting just

6:42

means you worked really hard at

6:44

Harvard. So you missed it. ACDC

6:47

last weekend. Chris Cheney, our

6:49

golf buddy, was playing base. for

6:51

the band ACDC. Unbelievable. In front

6:54

of 60,000 people at the Rose

6:56

Bowl. And the joke I kept

6:59

making after the show is,

7:01

wow, they kind of mailed it

7:03

in because it was the complete

7:05

opposite of mailing it in. Angus

7:08

was doing that duck walk,

7:10

that one-legged, the other leg straight

7:12

all the way up the runway.

7:15

There was a set of stairs

7:17

behind the stage with a raised

7:19

stage that he would go

7:21

up and down while wailing on

7:24

a solo. And I mean, the

7:26

whole band just sounded amazing. I

7:29

mean, literally, they sounded as

7:31

good as they ever have. And,

7:33

you know, Angus is 70 years

7:36

old. I was just looking up

7:38

his age. I know we said

7:40

it last week. 70? Yeah.

7:42

Incredible. And the other guys are

7:45

older. and then you got Chris

7:47

Cheney who, you know, you don't

7:50

normally pay a lot of attention

7:52

to the guy playing bass

7:54

in a band until it's your

7:56

friend. It's insane what he's doing

7:59

because when Angus does a solo,

8:01

Chris's job is to just...

8:03

hit one or two or three

8:06

notes as fast as your fingers

8:08

can possibly be hitting them for

8:10

for about 10 minutes straight. It's

8:13

so intense. And he just

8:15

he didn't miss it. He didn't

8:17

miss a note. Nobody did. It

8:20

was amazing. And then we went

8:22

backstage. He got us to

8:24

VIP green room tickets. And Axel

8:27

Rose was there slash was there.

8:29

We got to meet everybody, a

8:31

bunch of old rockers. Just everybody's

8:34

in black jeans, black boots,

8:36

tons of tattoos, very good hair

8:38

plugs. And we hung out there.

8:41

Except Mikey. Except Mikey. Except Mikey.

8:43

Except Mikey. Who's in shorts?

8:45

And I think he was stretching

8:47

on the floor. Did you hear

8:50

this? Yeah, yeah. He was doing

8:52

yoga stretches in front of all

8:55

these guys. I

8:57

got a picture of, oh damn

8:59

it, it's in one of our

9:01

text chains. But what is up

9:03

with that? It was hilarious. Well,

9:06

it was a very, it was

9:08

very chill. It was a chill

9:10

green room. You know, we all

9:12

got blow jobs. We did some

9:14

cocaine. It was everything that you

9:16

hoped that an ACDC backstage would

9:18

be. So chill, so chill. Yeah.

9:20

That's amazing, man. And you know,

9:23

I'm gonna miss them. And I

9:25

think I'm even missed. They're in

9:27

Vegas tomorrow tonight tomorrow night. Yeah.

9:29

Friday night for everybody listening. So

9:31

it already happened. And then they're

9:33

in May, they're in Nashville, but

9:35

I don't think I'm there. So

9:38

I've really managed to avoid them,

9:40

man. I was shocked that I

9:42

knew. They played for two hours

9:44

and 15 minutes. And I think

9:46

there were two songs that I

9:48

didn't know. And Dickie, who I

9:50

was standing next to, was singing

9:52

the words to every song. He

9:55

must be a fanatic. Or has

9:57

a really good memory, but like...

9:59

Oh, wait, I know all the

10:01

words. To two and a... half

10:03

hours worth the songs? I mean

10:05

over yeah probably close to 20

10:07

of their songs. All right what

10:09

are the words to Hell's Bells?

10:12

No I mean I can sing

10:14

along but I mean if I

10:16

had a focus rolling thunder power

10:18

and rain you're coming on like

10:20

a hurricane you're only young but

10:22

you're gonna die I know I

10:24

missed a little but I can

10:26

sit and what I'm thinking about

10:29

singing along I totally would. Yeah.

10:31

Oh, Dirty Deeds, TNT. For those

10:33

about to rock, it's a long

10:35

way to the top. All of

10:37

Back in Black is imprinted on

10:39

my brain. Yep. So, off Back

10:41

in Black, they're playing no less

10:43

than six songs, probably. Oh, I

10:46

think they played every song on

10:48

Back in Black. No, I can

10:50

guarantee that didn't happen. But, uh,

10:52

anyway. It's a major and it's

10:54

just fun. That's the thing about

10:56

it. You know, you're just going

10:58

to have a perfect kickoff to

11:01

summer. You're at the Rose Bowl

11:03

Stadium show. Yeah, nothing but good

11:05

vibes. Yeah, it was great. And

11:07

then and then we had Easter

11:09

on Sunday. You were in Nashville

11:11

with your fiance. Yep. How was

11:13

that? It was good. They host

11:15

a big Easter egg hunt and

11:18

her dad is kind of famous.

11:20

There's like a gold egg, there's

11:22

a silver egg and a bronze

11:24

egg. Each of those come with

11:26

money and then he, you know,

11:28

and the kids know that and

11:30

they remember it from the year

11:32

before. And then for this is

11:35

my third year, I think. He's

11:37

like, oh, Bronze Egg, that's $10,

11:39

Mike, give me $10. And then

11:41

the gold egg, I think, is

11:43

20, is like, Mike, where's... And

11:45

so I just knew, like, I

11:47

just showed... up with cash in

11:49

my pocket, which is getting pretty

11:52

rare these days. And he just,

11:54

yeah, no money. And then- Wait,

11:56

wait, so he's, he's the guy

11:58

who everybody goes, oh look, you

12:00

know, he's, the rich famous guy

12:02

is put money in the eggs

12:04

and it's you? Well, no, you

12:07

get it handed to you when

12:09

you turn in your egg and

12:11

yeah, yeah, it's me. And he

12:13

gives, you know, the clues, which

12:15

you used to give in haiku,

12:17

Kids don't know it's high coup,

12:19

but it is and so he

12:21

makes them rhyme now anyway and

12:24

gives clues because the gold silver

12:26

and bronze are harder to fun.

12:28

All right, another thing is last

12:30

year he's like, I think this

12:32

is a pretty good hiding spot

12:34

for the gold egg. I'm like,

12:36

where? and he's looking at his

12:38

eyes and he's looking down and

12:41

I'm like what and he's in

12:43

his front pocket now there are

12:45

tiny kids running all around so

12:47

I start laughing and he just

12:49

looks right at me I'm like

12:51

man and he's expressionless I'm like

12:53

he's funnier than I gave him

12:55

credit for and he's he's he's

12:58

not dead panning it he's looking

13:00

at me like what you don't

13:02

think so I'm like in your

13:04

in your front pocket is this

13:06

a joke like Oh my god.

13:08

I have to have to feel

13:10

all the front of your pants

13:13

to get the egg. Wow. I

13:15

know. Strong. Strong. Yeah, we did,

13:17

uh, what did we, oh, the

13:19

Malloy's had some people over, just

13:21

some neighbors. It was kind of

13:23

a last minute thing. Me and

13:25

Aaron and another couple were gonna

13:27

take mushrooms and go to a

13:30

park. But then the Malloy's invited

13:32

us over so we just went

13:34

over there and every it was

13:36

420 so everybody at the party

13:38

and I think there was 13

13:40

people all took edibles and Hung

13:42

out pretty hung out pretty late

13:44

and it was a very great.

13:47

You know, he's one of those.

13:49

special nights where you just go

13:51

like wow that was really special

13:53

you know like these are our

13:55

friends that you know all of

13:57

them very well yourself they were

13:59

they were all there Ken and

14:01

Beth and Alex and Liz and

14:04

Josh and Rachel and that's great

14:06

yeah it was really fun and

14:08

good food. All right before you

14:10

get to your home depot I

14:12

made a little errand this morning.

14:14

So I go in the airport,

14:16

they're like, get out of line.

14:19

I'm like, what are you talking

14:21

about? I'm like, you're not TSA.

14:23

I'm like, the hell I'm not.

14:25

Anyway, my birthday just passed, as

14:27

we know. Happy birthday. And global

14:29

entry and TSA, whatever, all that

14:31

stuff, your known traveler number, all

14:33

just, no warning, they're gone. I

14:36

didn't get an email saying it's

14:38

coming, whatever. So I'm like, okay.

14:40

And then I went in. What

14:42

do you mean, like on your

14:44

ticket, like on your ticket, it

14:46

just didn't show up? Right, it's

14:48

gone. As soon as it expires,

14:50

the system has it, uh, you

14:53

know, it just removes it. Oh,

14:55

okay, got it. So anyway, I

14:57

asked then someone, they're like, oh,

14:59

well, it was your, just your

15:01

birthday. I'm like, it was, like.

15:03

two days ago and they're like

15:05

oh it probably expired then and

15:07

I'm like but if it's only

15:10

two days ago that's not a

15:12

big problem so I go online

15:14

blah blah and then they're like

15:16

okay you have to fill in

15:18

the information double check it they're

15:20

like okay you're conditionally approved I'm

15:22

like all right what's the condition

15:24

and they're like interview oh no

15:27

So I go, they fingerprint you

15:29

again in case you've been arrested

15:31

since. So anyway, I'm there, I

15:33

have a little attitude, but then

15:35

I'm like, all right, I shouldn't

15:37

have attitude. It's this nice woman

15:39

who seems a little inexperienced and

15:42

shocked she hasn't been fired by

15:44

the government yet. So anyway, I'm

15:46

like, okay, try to lighten it

15:48

up because you just were like

15:50

asking and you probably didn't realize

15:52

what your face looks like. like

15:54

when you asked why the fuck

15:56

am I down here for another

15:59

interview so she goes any travel

16:01

within the last two years and

16:03

I'm like yeah you know I

16:05

visited my daughter in Amsterdam and

16:07

then went to Spain but and

16:09

then she kind of looks at

16:11

me she's like anything else and

16:13

I'm like no I don't think

16:16

so and she's like Canada And

16:18

she said in such a way,

16:20

and I forgot, I forgot out

16:22

of Boston, I did a little,

16:24

you know, we went up to

16:26

Nova Scotia to my, find my

16:28

dad's mom's house. And I was

16:30

like, oh, Canada. And I go,

16:33

I thought you guys didn't consider

16:35

that a country anymore. Nothing. Nothing.

16:37

No. Zero. That's a bummer. And

16:39

I was like, oh no, like,

16:41

am I with the bad attitude

16:43

that preceded this? And now I

16:45

just. Basically, I guess you took

16:48

it as an insult. I'm like,

16:50

I'm not getting approved. You will.

16:52

Well, yeah, especially when I walk

16:54

up and the security guy goes,

16:56

Fitzdog. That's what happened last time.

16:58

Hey, if I were you, if

17:00

I were you, I would go

17:02

on global entry. Well, you've flown

17:05

TSA, I guess, since your birthday,

17:07

but make sure. Well, you know,

17:09

and make sure also your credit

17:11

card pays for it, because that's

17:13

part of your, I know you

17:15

got that Amex thing. Oh, they

17:17

pay. Oh, yeah, it's totally free.

17:19

I have spent the last two

17:22

days, no, three days working around

17:24

the house. And I gotta say

17:26

something. You know, our house was

17:28

in disrepair for many years. We

17:30

just like, we just let our

17:32

lawn go. It was decomposed granite

17:34

and it was just tired. And

17:36

we did a bunch of planting

17:39

and we put down like a

17:41

whole new back patio. And I

17:43

gotta say I'm loving my... house

17:45

in my yard. We just bought

17:47

a couple new sheds. We had

17:49

these old broken down sheds and

17:51

I assembled them and I felt

17:54

like a fucking man and I

17:56

spent a lot of time going

17:58

to Home Depot. Get off the

18:00

shed. Remember that wolf? thorough character.

18:02

You don't have a conversation with

18:04

wine around the barbecue, but he

18:06

keeps getting distracted by his kids.

18:08

And he said, get off the

18:11

shed. He just keeps screaming. And

18:13

so I spent a lot of

18:15

time at Home Depot and I

18:17

kind of had an epiphany, which

18:19

is if you're in Home Depot

18:21

and you're alone, as a guy,

18:23

especially if you're wearing timberlands and,

18:25

you know, worn out t-shirt, you

18:28

feel like such a man. And

18:30

then if you go with your

18:32

wife. you feel like a total

18:34

cuck. Because you're always four steps

18:36

behind her. She's rejecting shit. You're

18:38

trying to put into the basket.

18:40

You're doing the closet aisle. The

18:42

closet aisle. Well, no, every aisle.

18:45

If you're a guy, you go

18:47

in and you find it and

18:49

you leave. Women do it like

18:51

it's a grocery store and they

18:53

go up and down every aisle

18:55

and ask other men where shit

18:57

is. No. Excuse me, do

19:00

you know where the bathroom aisle

19:02

is? And could you do me

19:04

better than my husband in front

19:06

of him? And do you have

19:08

a chair I could buy him

19:10

so he could just sit there

19:12

and watch? And then there's a

19:14

third guy that's gonna videotape it

19:16

while he cries. Yeah. No, so

19:18

it was good. I liked building

19:20

some stuff, I bought some new

19:22

plants, I put down a... a

19:24

rug, I did a bunch of

19:26

shit, it was great. I think

19:29

we all want to know, what's

19:31

it like? Because listen, I'm pretty,

19:33

I'm average handy for handy people,

19:35

I'd say I'm average handy. There

19:37

are jobs I immediately know there's

19:39

a ceiling, whether it's, like I

19:41

even tiled a whole table, and

19:43

I realize, you know, the tiling,

19:45

you have to do, this isn't

19:47

just once out of the gate

19:49

watching YouTube, you know, like. I

19:51

don't have that skill, but I

19:53

can replace all the faucets, even

19:55

pipes under the sink. I, I,

19:57

whatever. And I make a lot

19:59

of mistakes. And the old measure

20:02

twice cut once, it's, it's remarkable

20:04

how often I think I have

20:06

it so button down. And I've,

20:08

I've, yep, that, that, because that

20:10

piece is gonna go on the

20:12

inside of that two by four.

20:14

You got to subtract an inch

20:16

and a half from the length,

20:18

blah blah, blah, you know, like

20:20

all that stuff. What is the

20:22

fits dog like when he's assembling

20:24

and trying to be buttoned up?

20:26

Well, you know that I was

20:28

late for the podcast because I

20:30

have ADHD and if you give

20:32

me a project and I think

20:35

you described your brother-in-law in this

20:37

way if you give me a

20:39

single project Yeah, with some instructions

20:41

I will lock in for hours,

20:43

lose track of time, not answer

20:45

my phone, and generally get it

20:47

done. Like I built, it started

20:49

off as a small tree fort

20:51

in the yard, and I don't

20:53

know if you remember, it took

20:55

up half the property by the

20:57

time I was done. I just

20:59

kept going to Home Depot, buy

21:01

more wood, definitely measuring twice, like

21:03

I really, I bought power tools,

21:05

and painted the shit out of

21:08

it, and... No, I'm good. I'm

21:10

good. I think you got addicted

21:12

to feeling the rare times of

21:14

feeling like a man. Well, and

21:16

it was also, I had scripts

21:18

do. Every time I had a

21:20

script do, I would find a

21:22

project to do and I would

21:24

get, and I would be like,

21:26

where is this energy coming from?

21:28

Yeah, you're not gonna build on

21:30

act two, fuck that. Yeah, we're

21:32

not gonna polish that, I'm gonna

21:34

polish the fucking two by four

21:36

that's holding the roof on. Yeah.

21:38

But I don't have expertise. I

21:41

can't do plumbing at all. I

21:43

don't even try because I feel

21:45

like, all right, maybe I save

21:47

200 bucks and then the pipe

21:49

leaks and I have to rip

21:51

my walls out because there's black

21:53

mold, you know, but I do

21:55

anything. carpentry related I'll give it

21:57

a shot I did tile a

21:59

table also that's fun yeah and

22:01

I'm not asked for a lot

22:03

of credit thank thank God it

22:05

wasn't a vertical plane like you

22:07

know time yeah shower walls or

22:09

something yeah yeah the spacers and

22:11

everything I'm like I don't think

22:13

I would handle that well speaking

22:16

of scripts we do this thing

22:18

we're like you know Aaron Aaron

22:20

spent some time in the film

22:22

world and she when we watch

22:24

movies or TV shows which we

22:26

do a lot of. It's amazing

22:28

how much time we spend on

22:30

the couch watching, watching, binge watching

22:32

series at this point. Well, I

22:34

thought you're gonna say searching for

22:36

what to watch. That's another big

22:38

one. No, I need some new

22:40

series. If anybody has some new

22:42

series and don't, don't send me

22:44

shit. Okay, did you try Friends

22:46

and Neighbors? John Ham's new one?

22:49

No. There's a lot of chatter.

22:51

Someone's gonna recommend it to you.

22:53

Listen. It's a lot of that

22:55

rich porn, you know, with crazy

22:57

house and cars. It's, I don't

22:59

know, people can tell me differently

23:01

to stay with it. They already

23:03

showed me what's going to happen.

23:05

It's literally the first frame. So

23:07

that's their device. Then they, now

23:09

it's a season building to that,

23:11

kind of like White Lotus. They

23:13

show you how it ends first.

23:15

Oh, great. No with some mystery

23:17

exactly way Lotus you don't know

23:19

you don't know everything so you're

23:22

interested so But no I watch

23:24

too and it's the characters seem

23:26

very simply written and two-dimensional. Yeah,

23:28

maybe even one We're watching what

23:30

are we into right now? There's

23:32

a new season of We're watching

23:34

this shitty one. It's got, um,

23:36

it's got Nicole Kidman in it.

23:38

And it's so bad that we

23:40

can't stop watching. It's made by

23:42

that guy Sheridan. Uh, Randall Sheridan

23:44

or whatever. He did Yellowstone and

23:46

1823. He's got like four series

23:48

on the air right now. I

23:50

love land. I love. No, I

23:52

take that back. I do not

23:55

love landman. I love Billy Bob

23:57

Thorne that I say I could

23:59

watch him read a phone book.

24:01

Here's the catch. Sheridan cannot have

24:03

written that phone book. That's the

24:05

only catch. He's so bad. He's

24:07

so bad. And I feel the

24:09

same way. We watched Landmen until

24:11

we couldn't watch it. We were

24:13

only watching to see Billy Bob.

24:15

The casting was awful. The direction

24:17

was all. Everything was a disaster.

24:19

You know what he gets? Cinematography.

24:21

He shoots beautiful shows. Yeah, and

24:23

the music is really well used,

24:25

obviously, like he puts artists on

24:28

the charts, but it's just like

24:30

the, especially the women. And I

24:32

don't know if it's like... a

24:34

southern thing, but especially the Texas

24:36

thing in the landman is like,

24:38

hey, darling, but they, well, no,

24:40

not if you never do it

24:42

to be, and they're loaded with

24:44

a joke, and it's just macho

24:46

bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's way

24:48

too macho. And then, yeah, so

24:50

we're watching the show that's so

24:52

bad, it's called, um, Nicole Kidman,

24:54

Lioness. and it's like you know

24:56

there's CIA operatives doing impossible things

24:58

and it's just it's just great

25:00

escapist TV which you need once

25:03

in a while all right well

25:05

friends and neighbors I bet I

25:07

think Aaron because I think Aaron

25:09

likes John Hamm do I have

25:11

that right she is quite in

25:13

love with John Hamm okay yeah

25:15

yeah you've told me that so

25:17

maybe and listen it's not bad

25:19

and all that but here you're

25:21

ready let's make this very specific

25:23

and we'll move on I'm thinking

25:25

about watching a well-known established that

25:27

it's a great series. Something like,

25:29

oh man, oh, a couple on

25:31

HBO. What was the one? Slow

25:33

horses? Oh, I should just go

25:36

back to Piki. No, I watched,

25:38

I watched, I watched, I'm talking

25:40

about a little older, like, so

25:42

I'm doing Piki blinders, I should

25:44

just get back to that. But

25:46

then what's the one in Atlantic

25:48

City? With Boardwalk Empire, definitely worth

25:50

re-watching. Re, never saw it the

25:52

first time. Oh, oh my God,

25:54

I love it. It's great cat.

25:56

A lot of people started on

25:58

that show and kind of got

26:00

famous from, I don't know from

26:02

it, but since then, but since

26:04

then, but since. Oh shit, all

26:06

right, so there I'm set, but

26:09

then if anyone has ones like

26:11

that, like, wait, like, first you'll

26:13

be in disbelief that I haven't

26:15

seen it the first time, but

26:17

I've seen, of the top five,

26:19

like I've seen Breaking Bad, I've

26:21

seen Sopranos, I've seen The Wire

26:23

now, Game of Thrones, I've seen

26:25

Game of Thrones, but I'm missing,

26:27

like, what was that other, I'll

26:29

remember, there's that other western... Well,

26:31

well, there's also the one about

26:33

the one about the one about

26:35

the one about the funeral home

26:37

about the funeral home about the

26:39

funeral home, the funeral home, the

26:42

funeral home, was it, was, was,

26:44

was, was, was, was, was, was,

26:46

was, was, was, was, was, was,

26:48

was, was, was, was, was, was,

26:50

was, was, was, 600 are not

26:52

holding up that much. Hannah just

26:54

started watching it again. She had

26:56

it on the background. I'm like,

26:58

it did get better. It's slow.

27:00

It's very slow. It got much

27:02

better as it went on, for

27:04

sure. Dexter is also really good.

27:06

Yeah, and I've never seen Dexter.

27:08

Yeah. We want to remind you

27:10

guys, if you're enjoying the show

27:12

up until now, it's the product

27:15

of five years of work. And

27:17

with that comes the fifth anniversary

27:19

hats, notebooks, tote bags, t-shirts, go

27:21

to fitzdog.com. Check it out. We've

27:23

got all different colors and sizes

27:25

and reasonably priced less than $30.

27:27

Support the show. We don't do

27:29

ads because we don't believe in

27:31

them. So we only make our

27:33

money through our merchandise. So there

27:35

you go. Justified was what I

27:37

was trying to think of, I

27:39

think. Anyway. If anyone has any

27:41

tidbits. Yes, all right. By the

27:43

way, we talked about it this

27:45

week. I didn't get a hat

27:48

either, I gotta get a hat.

27:50

Yeah, we're gonna get hats. Maybe

27:52

we'll get them and we'll wear

27:54

them on the show next week

27:56

so people can see what we're

27:58

talking, what all the excitement is

28:00

about. Hook, sometimes I do this

28:02

podcast with you. Hook a guy

28:04

up with the get out pay

28:06

cost. How does that sound? Okay.

28:08

Well, they're made to order that's

28:10

the thing it's not like we

28:12

it's not like the coosies where

28:14

you buy a thousand put them

28:16

in a garbage bag What color

28:18

are you gonna get we should

28:20

decide right after this podcast go

28:23

on the website maroon they have

28:25

maroon. Oh, good lord Logo this

28:27

week. I gotta apologize because it's

28:29

a really great one. That is

28:31

a great one. Me and Mike

28:33

riding bikes, blondeies on the front

28:35

of my bike. And it says

28:37

Sunday papers in the back, it's

28:39

a nice spring day. And I

28:41

don't know who the artist was.

28:43

I cut and pasted it and

28:45

I forgot to write the art.

28:47

So let us know and we'll

28:49

give you a shout out next

28:51

week. Shout out to Jeff Snyder

28:53

who did this week's amazing song.

28:56

It's just a man in the

28:58

guitar Jeff I apologize, but Maybe

29:00

but a song I put in

29:02

my head was closing time That

29:04

one. Oh, I could see that

29:06

in a good way. Yep. My

29:08

daughter just went to Coachella and

29:10

saw Green Day, by the way.

29:12

Come on Yeah, she said it

29:14

was one of the greatest days

29:16

of her life. She got, well,

29:18

she's dating a guy who is,

29:20

he is a stylist for one

29:22

of the major acts that was

29:24

at Coachella. And so she had

29:26

VIP backstage Green Room passes, so

29:29

she was at Coachella, but not

29:31

dealing with the lines and his

29:33

car camping and all that bullshit.

29:35

It was a nightmare this year,

29:37

apparently. Yeah, I don't know why.

29:39

It's not like a Beyonce a

29:41

year, but I heard things like

29:43

11 hours in your car or

29:45

something. I heard they changed staffs

29:47

at the festival. There was like

29:49

some kind of house cleaning and

29:51

they ended up with all new

29:53

people that don't know what they're

29:55

doing. She hung out with Ed

29:57

Shearin, who she thinks is one

29:59

of the best artists she's ever

30:02

seen in her life. He's super

30:04

talented. Yeah, biggest selling artist in

30:06

the year of the year live

30:08

last year. Really? Yep. Wow. Huh.

30:10

All right. I don't know if

30:12

his last year in the last

30:14

two years. It sounds like a

30:16

strong fits. No, no, no. Might

30:18

not have been last year, but

30:20

it was definitely in the last

30:22

two years. He was the top

30:24

touring artist of the year. How

30:26

about this? I'm

30:28

gonna give you three. I'm gonna

30:31

give you three artists and you're

30:33

gonna tell me which one was

30:35

the highest touring act of that

30:38

year. Okay. Wait, what we're talking

30:40

about 91? 91. Madonna, Madonna, Michael

30:42

Jackson, or Backstreet Boys? Backstreet Boys.

30:44

You're just saying that because it's

30:47

the obvious one that you wouldn't

30:49

choose. Right. Right. Well, that's right.

30:51

That's correct. I just had a.

30:53

The singer. Michael Jackson also toured

30:56

with boys. So maybe it's a

30:58

tie. I just had a Joey

31:00

McIntire on the podcast from Back

31:03

Street Boys. Great dude. Corrections. Also

31:05

called his boys Back Street Boys.

31:07

There you go. Yeah. Corrections. We

31:09

got a big correction this week

31:12

from a man who needs so

31:14

much correcting himself that it seems

31:16

a little bit. disingenuous that he

31:19

be sending one in disingenuous that

31:21

doesn't feel like the right word

31:23

just ironic okay okay can't believe

31:25

I have to do this but

31:28

I guess I have to correct

31:30

a correction because it wasn't Carl

31:32

Estrampske who hit the home run

31:34

and waived it fair it was

31:37

Carlton Fisk also no yeah We

31:39

got that correction from a lot

31:41

of people. Yes, it was a

31:44

lefty. Yeah, it's and it's also

31:46

of course famously growing fest, but

31:48

anyway, we were talking about the

31:50

75 Red Sox, of course, and

31:53

I also said that they won

31:55

the World Series when it was

31:57

actually I think the A. championship

32:00

or something. ACLS championship. And then

32:02

he goes on to say, also

32:04

no mention of the IUD versus

32:06

IED debacle, nor Gibbons, who I

32:09

talked to about this at golf,

32:11

care to mention how you missed

32:13

your son, score a goal at

32:15

a soccer game, his last high

32:18

school soccer game, because you were

32:20

looking at a woman jogging around

32:22

the track. Keep on keeping on,

32:25

lads, happy for 20 bras. Wait,

32:27

what does that have to do

32:29

with anything? And he, I guess

32:31

I just listened to a podcast,

32:34

said, I can't believe. He threw

32:36

shade at you. When you admitted

32:38

that at Olivia's Game, she didn't

32:41

see you that time. Has he,

32:43

you know the Owen story? And

32:45

I'm like, what? He's like, you

32:47

don't know it? And then he

32:50

won't bring it up? And I'm

32:52

like, calm down, what is happening?

32:54

It's and it's like you watched

32:56

me get assaulted and you're very

32:59

very ramped up about it. He

33:01

and then he talked about you

33:03

have shared a low moment of

33:06

your spectatorship with your son. Yeah.

33:08

I think of my life in

33:10

general. Which is exactly you know

33:12

what that moment in adolescence at

33:15

a soccer game where the dad

33:17

really lets the sun down is

33:19

out there on the field. Yes,

33:22

there was a woman jogging. I'm

33:24

not gonna say she was brawless.

33:26

I was just saying there was

33:28

not a bra that could handle

33:31

what she was racing around the

33:33

track with in front of her.

33:35

And so me and another dad

33:37

were checking her out discreetly. and

33:40

then not discreetly. Like we turned

33:42

around and were far and then

33:44

he scored a goal and yeah

33:47

that did not feel good. Well

33:49

I'm sure when you explain to

33:51

yo young oh in these these

33:53

absolutely insane cans that were all

33:56

over the place he understood. I

33:58

could now we just he's 24

34:00

and we just had our first

34:03

moments of acknowledging a hot woman

34:05

walking by and looking at each

34:07

other. some eye contact and given

34:09

a little nod. And I'd never

34:12

done that before. I told you,

34:14

we were walking with the family

34:16

that we both stayed with and

34:18

they've been in my life since

34:21

high school on Martha's Vineyard. And

34:23

it's this unbelievably cool couple. They've

34:25

spent their whole lives married together

34:28

and all this. So we're walking

34:30

down their property. I think you

34:32

might have you, no, you weren't

34:34

with this time, but we have

34:37

a picture down on that peach

34:39

that you're in. So. We're walking

34:41

over to like a neighbor's and

34:44

there is this specimen laying out

34:46

with the biggest naturals like you're

34:48

describing where this bikini top like

34:50

could hardly like contain them. All

34:53

of us like women, it doesn't

34:55

even matter like it was so

34:57

insane and so we walked high

34:59

and then Mr. is quite taken

35:02

a and then is busted by

35:04

how taking it back he was

35:06

and without missing a beat he

35:09

just goes someone's gonna be down

35:11

and out in a few years

35:13

huh like those those ain't staying

35:15

high those ain't staying high for

35:18

long like just immediately found a

35:20

way to criticize you got it

35:22

that's what you do like sometimes

35:24

I'll go I can't believe somebody

35:27

would walk around wearing that yeah

35:29

and now you're both looking at

35:31

her And I told you my

35:34

thing was when we'd be caught,

35:36

because you're in L.A., and there's

35:38

a lot of impossible bodies walking

35:40

around, and when I'd be, and

35:43

this is in my marriage, like

35:45

one would walk by, and then

35:47

I would be like, look, and

35:50

I'd look a little too long,

35:52

and then look back, and eyes

35:54

are like, look staring right through

35:56

me, and I would just without

35:59

missing a bee, I'd be like,

36:01

God, eat something, what a freak!

36:03

My wife is so generous in

36:05

this area, I don't think that

36:08

in 25 years of marriage, she

36:10

has ever said, stop staring or

36:12

don't look at that. I mean,

36:15

I'm pretty discreet, but there's no

36:17

way she never noticed me looking

36:19

at a woman walking down the

36:21

street, but she's never said anything.

36:24

Just Blondie alone. I know. Speaking

36:26

of walking down the street, I'm

36:28

walking down to Huntington California to

36:31

play the mamba on May 4th.

36:33

What is the mamba? I don't

36:35

know. That's the name of the

36:37

club. I think the name of

36:40

the comedy show is something different.

36:42

But if you're in Huntington, just

36:44

search my name May 4th. Escondito

36:46

at the brand new grand comedy

36:49

club May 9th and 10th. Then

36:51

I'll be in Cincinnati at the

36:53

Commonwealth Something Club in Dayton, Kentucky,

36:56

May 16th and 17th and 17th

36:58

and 17th. Florence, California, Austin, Point

37:00

Pleasant, La Jolla, Vegas. This just

37:02

announced Den Theater in Chicago in

37:05

the fall, New Orleans, at Scankfest,

37:07

all tickets go to fitzdog.com and

37:09

pick them up, discount. There you

37:12

go. I gotta put down my

37:14

Fidget toy. Boy, you're really into

37:16

that thing. Oh, it's so good,

37:18

but I need it. I told

37:21

you, right? I have this pinched,

37:23

god damn nerve on my right

37:25

side of my neck. Here we

37:27

go. Front page. Oh, a royal

37:30

wedding has happened, Gorgarius. The Tiger

37:32

Kingdom is expanding. Tiger King star

37:34

Joe Exotic, whose real name is

37:37

Joseph Maldonado, announced on April 21st

37:39

that he wed fellow prison inmate

37:41

Jorge Marquez. Now that. is so

37:43

much smarter than the Menendez brothers

37:46

who are both married to women

37:48

who are free women and have

37:50

been on the outside and I

37:53

don't know if they've ever touched

37:55

they don't get conjugal visits wait

37:57

they met women after they were

37:59

incarcerated oh they had to fight

38:02

them off apparently yeah and they

38:04

married two women so they've never

38:06

made love to these women I

38:08

think we have to believe that

38:11

we have to women True, because

38:13

they've never been allowed a conjugal

38:15

visit, I don't believe. Wow. Yeah,

38:18

I did look that up, that

38:20

they don't have conjugal visit, so

38:22

I don't know what it is.

38:24

This guy's marrying some tail right

38:27

in the next cell. That's what

38:29

we can do. Or in his

38:31

cell. All right, the nuptials are

38:34

not a surprise following an announcement

38:36

from Aldenado. In October, that he

38:38

planned to wed Marquez, Marquez. And

38:40

the quote is, he is so

38:43

amazing and is from Mexico. That's

38:45

the, he really rushed that detail

38:47

in there. Now the quest of

38:49

getting married in prison, wait, now

38:52

the quest of getting married in

38:54

prison and getting him asylum? Or

38:56

we've, or we be leaving America

38:59

when we both get out. Okay.

39:01

Maldonado, he wrote that on Twitter.

39:03

So I don't know, they quoted

39:05

him exactly, that's the problem there.

39:08

And he goes, either way, I

39:10

wish I would have met him

39:12

long ago. So I think he

39:15

continues to be a genius. He's

39:17

marrying a Mexican criminal who might

39:19

be deported. That might get him

39:21

out of jail if they're married.

39:24

Maybe he'll get deported and Mexico,

39:26

they probably don't know how to

39:28

handle charges against him for hiring

39:30

someone to kill Carol fucking basket.

39:33

Mexico probably wants nothing to do

39:35

with that. And I think endangered

39:37

species, that's pretty low on Mexico's

39:40

to do list to protect them.

39:42

Right. They're dealing with us, mostly.

39:44

right now. But it's like, you

39:46

know, it's amazing. Just like a

39:49

tiger, you put a guy in

39:51

a cage and he'll start fucking

39:53

a Mexican guy. That's a half

39:56

a joke. That's called sketching out

39:58

a joke and then failing to

40:00

come up with the complete metaphor.

40:02

So then you go, all right,

40:05

I'll just make it absurdist. Yeah.

40:07

Well, he should. I mean, listen,

40:09

Mexico should take him, because then

40:11

with what we're doing to Mexico,

40:14

they can famously deport Tiger came

40:16

back to us in a dramatic

40:18

fashion. Yeah, but the difference is

40:21

we really want him back. Mexico

40:23

doesn't want their, uh, their deportees

40:25

coming back. Also, Joe, uh, Joe

40:27

exotic, uh, keeps asking Trump to

40:30

pardon him. That continues. Is that

40:32

true? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. How

40:34

could he not? Fellow fellow Floridian.

40:36

Well, I remember, I think Joe

40:39

went in right before Trump won

40:41

the first time. Could that be?

40:43

Well, the show was a big

40:46

hit during the pandemic, which was

40:48

2020. So I don't know if

40:50

he was already in jail when

40:52

the series started. I think I

40:55

know what it was after the

40:57

series started. I know what it

40:59

was. It was on Trump's way

41:02

out of his first term when

41:04

he was pardoning so many people.

41:06

And I know Biden did too.

41:08

Don't know. I'm not being political.

41:11

But he was in line. He

41:13

thought he was in line. He

41:15

was begging Trump. By the way,

41:17

can we can we minimize the

41:20

pardon the pardon? But you know,

41:22

somebody, somebody gets arrested, they get

41:24

indicted, they go to pre-trial, they

41:27

go to trial, a bunch of

41:29

people sit on a fucking jury,

41:31

you know, millions are spent, and

41:33

then somebody can just randomly go,

41:36

no, I mean, maybe you get

41:38

three. You get three pardons, that's

41:40

it. Well on paper, why do

41:43

you even get one, you know

41:45

what I mean? Right. And

41:47

also these executive orders. And again,

41:50

both sides are guilty of it.

41:52

But what is the logic of

41:55

we've got three branches of the

41:57

government, the check each other, Congress

41:59

has to enact all laws? Except

42:02

when the president just decides something.

42:04

It's crazy. It's not supposed to

42:06

be a monarch. It's supposed to

42:09

be this process that is democracy.

42:11

And you can't even keep up.

42:14

There's so many executive orders. You

42:16

can't fight one because nine others

42:18

just happened today. There's no limit

42:21

on them. Is it the most

42:23

executive orders ever? I just read

42:25

that. Just gonna agree. No, no,

42:28

no, I just read that. Oh,

42:30

really? Yep. It seems like it.

42:33

I mean, but who knows? Uh,

42:35

all right, yeah. 220 during his

42:37

first term. Uh, all right, anyway.

42:40

So, uh, Justin Beaver. It's a

42:42

longtime friend, reportable believes and went

42:44

public this week that the beeps

42:47

is in a cult. as his

42:49

inner circle shrinks. Ryan Good is

42:51

the co-founder and creative director of

42:54

Bieber's fashion brand, Drew House, has

42:56

not spoken to the pop star

42:59

in more than a year over

43:01

concerns about his pastor, Judah, or

43:03

Judta Smith. The pair reportedly stopped

43:06

talking after Good left the Grammy

43:08

winners place of worship called church

43:10

home in Beverly Hills, where Smith

43:13

is on the leadership team. More

43:15

recently, former, more, oh, so more

43:18

recently, former close friends and associates

43:20

express concern for Beber's mental health.

43:22

Quote, seeing him disintegrate like this,

43:25

it's watching the embodiment of someone

43:27

not living their purpose, an ex-team

43:29

member claimed. And then another one

43:32

is he's lost. There's no one

43:34

protecting him because there's no one

43:37

willing to say no to him.

43:39

You say no, you get blown

43:41

out. Now do you think when

43:44

Justin's in a cult that and

43:46

he's taking his oath that he's

43:48

a follower and do you think

43:51

he slips in the wordy that

43:53

he's also a believer. Of course.

43:56

Yeah, every time he says believe,

43:58

he's like, yeah, I believe it.

44:00

Yeah, I believe you. You know,

44:03

Anne Frank, he said, Anne Frank

44:05

was a believer. And she also

44:07

paid a steep price for her

44:10

religious beliefs. So they have a

44:12

lot in common. Anne Frank would

44:15

have been the best type of

44:17

people fan, because by definition she

44:19

couldn't play his music that loudly.

44:22

So she wouldn't torture other people

44:24

with it. She definitely couldn't dance

44:26

to it. No. Not not although

44:29

she was probably going to jog

44:31

into it. She was so thin

44:34

it probably would not have made

44:36

a lot of noise up there.

44:38

I doubt she brought the albums

44:41

to camp. All right an 84

44:43

year old man this was sent

44:45

to us by Dickie. An 84-year-old

44:48

man was critically injured after falling

44:50

from a cross during a reenactment

44:53

of the crucifixion of Jesus that

44:55

took place Friday in West Virginia.

44:57

The man fell about 10 feet

45:00

from a replica cross during an

45:02

event from Vandelier Community Christian Church

45:04

to Mark Easter. The man was

45:07

flown to a hospital with critical

45:09

injuries. So basically he came down

45:12

to earth from the heavens and

45:14

then rose above the earth, just

45:16

like Jesus. He really is. He

45:19

is currently in the ICU with

45:21

broken ribs, but is recovering and

45:23

is expected to survive, unlike Jesus.

45:26

The man who is not a

45:28

member of the church, but was

45:31

assisting with the event, according to

45:33

the outlet. Nice. Broken ribs. Broken

45:35

ribs is the least of his

45:38

worries. What about the spike holes

45:40

in his hands and feet and

45:42

the thorn punctures in his scalp?

45:45

I mean you're getting crucified and

45:47

you fall, Jesus wished he fell

45:50

off the cross. Are you kidding

45:52

me? Right. That's all he wanted.

45:54

If he fell off the cross...

45:57

that. If he fell off the

45:59

cross that means that Jesus was

46:01

the second worst carpenter in Jerusalem.

46:04

You know when Dickie sent us

46:06

this story I'm like oh I

46:09

think that's getting regurgitated I've seen

46:11

that story and so I looked

46:13

it up and it is this

46:16

year it happened but I remember

46:18

us another year doing a story

46:20

I guess there are so many

46:23

injuries on Easter with these reenactments

46:25

of the crucifix of the crucifixion.

46:28

Yeah, and we're on Good Friday,

46:30

I should say. End of old

46:32

men putting Easter eggs in their

46:35

pockets. There's a lot that happens

46:37

on Easter. Those are the wounds

46:39

that stay. Yeah. Those are the

46:42

deepest wounds for those children. And

46:44

$50 and $20, my $20 bill?

46:46

I'm part of it, I guess.

46:49

Did I just pay a kid

46:51

$20 to touch an old man's

46:54

crotch? You're funding it. You're funding

46:56

it. And, you're funding it. And,

46:58

you know, picture that kid in

47:01

20 years. I'm good, thank you.

47:03

Yeah. Crying, crying into a napkin.

47:05

How much are the eggs a

47:08

lifetime of pain? Is that, that's

47:10

what I'm used to paying? A

47:13

former TV weatherman has been arrested

47:15

for allegedly making a secret sex

47:17

tape and then threatening to release

47:20

it. As cops warned, he, I

47:22

gotta tell you, if I was

47:24

a woman. I would have a

47:27

fucking scanner in my purse. And

47:29

if I'm having a one-night stand

47:32

with a guy, I'm going through

47:34

the room looking for cameras. Because

47:36

it seems like... All right, I'm

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your first order. They're recording

50:05

everything. Well, AirB&Bs, yeah, there's

50:07

all those videos teaching you

50:09

how to identify cameras in

50:11

the room. So this guy

50:13

who worked in Charlottesville, Virginia

50:16

as a newscaster is accused

50:18

of secretly filming. His accuser

50:20

during a consensual sexual encounter,

50:22

the victim reported the incident

50:24

telling cops a 42-year-old meteorologist

50:27

had then threatened and extorted

50:29

them with the release of

50:31

the clip. Investigator said Fitzpatrick

50:33

relocated to Ohio shortly after

50:36

the probe nabed there and

50:38

police warned the former weatherman

50:40

who was in custody pending

50:42

his extradition that there may

50:44

be more victims and urged

50:47

them to come forward. Hmm.

50:49

So, you want me to? Yeah,

50:52

you do your, you do your

50:54

little run here. Well, it seems

50:56

obvious how he's going to show

50:58

this footage of sex with the

51:01

woman. He's going to be standing

51:03

in front of a full screen

51:05

with the cameras on. He's going

51:07

to be like, you see this

51:10

high pressure building in this lower

51:12

region. That warm front's pressing up

51:14

from the south. Oh. It's going

51:16

to get hot and heavy. When

51:19

these two fronts collide, there's going

51:21

to be some serious atmospheric friction,

51:23

Greg. And just look at this

51:25

buildup of the significant moisture. That

51:28

humidity is going to take a

51:30

pounding when this throbbing mass of

51:32

high pressure slams right into it.

51:34

Jesus, I've got an erection right

51:36

now, that was good. And black

51:39

clouds are forming though, and you

51:41

will need to seek shelter in

51:43

concrete, steel bars reinforcing it will

51:45

help. So this guy I guess

51:48

he said the sex was consensual,

51:50

but he also said it would

51:52

be sunny with a light breeze

51:54

last week And that was far

51:57

from the truth. So I'm not

51:59

buying anything this guy's saying that

52:01

would be a very funny sketch.

52:03

It's like so you to your

52:06

sworn this is your sworn testimony

52:08

and you're telling the truth yes

52:10

well let's look at your record

52:12

with the truth and you pull

52:15

up all the newscast or he's

52:17

been so wrong yeah and the

52:19

next day it hailed you said

52:21

it was sunny she's okay it

52:23

is time new for our new

52:26

segment it's the ethical question and

52:28

I haven't read beyond the headline

52:30

but I loved this one please

52:32

still have it here yes Yeah.

52:35

From the New York Times. Can

52:37

we ask a disabled woman to

52:39

leave our pickleball group? I have

52:41

not read a word of his

52:44

answer. I can read you I

52:46

could read you a little more

52:48

of the question. Okay. Part of

52:50

a dedicated pickleball group that meets

52:53

twice a week at 6 a

52:55

week at 6 a.m. for two

52:57

hours. Wow. Players range from 35

52:59

to over 60 like me, and

53:02

we rotate through doubles matches on

53:04

three courts. The gym advertises this

53:06

time is open play. Our group's

53:08

challenge is the present, our group's

53:10

challenge is the presence of one

53:13

woman who is kind and well-meaning,

53:15

but whose skill level is far

53:17

below the rest of us. It's

53:19

not about her age or gender.

53:22

She appears to have a neurological

53:24

defect affecting her reaction time. No

53:26

one wants to exclude her, but

53:28

we struggle to enjoy competitive play

53:31

when she's on the court, probably

53:33

because you keep heading to her.

53:35

We make an effort to include

53:37

her, but privately we wonder why

53:40

she hasn't realized that she's out

53:42

of... Would it be kinder to

53:44

gently suggest she join a less

53:46

competitive pickleball session rather than are

53:49

continuing to accommodate her with quiet

53:51

frustration? Okay, what do you think?

53:53

I think you have to take

53:55

in a measure of humanity when

53:57

you look at this and you

54:00

have to understand. Put her out

54:02

of her misery. Get her the

54:04

fuck out of that game. I

54:06

mean these people are trying to

54:09

get some exercise. It's pickleball. for

54:11

God's sakes, this is a serious

54:13

sport. This is something that you

54:15

wake up at 6 AM to

54:18

get out there. So two hours

54:20

later, you can feel mildly tired

54:22

after playing. Get her out. You

54:24

kind of sidestups it. I'm scanning

54:27

ahead. And his last paragraph is

54:29

still, I hope that you'll decide

54:31

that this isn't necessary. Playing this

54:33

sort of game with people of

54:36

different levels of ability is itself

54:38

a kind of challenge. And amateur

54:40

sports are about mastering challenges while

54:42

having a good time. Can we

54:44

picture Dennis Gubbins playing against this

54:47

woman right now? How fucking for...

54:49

No, with her. Imagine the screaming

54:51

that would go on? Oh my

54:53

God. That would be perfect. We

54:56

played doubles with him yesterday. It

54:58

was me and Owen against him

55:00

and not you because you bailed.

55:02

Against him and Alex Wright and

55:05

Gubbins, who's so much better than

55:07

everybody else. He plays three hours

55:09

a day, probably five days a

55:11

week. And if somebody hit a

55:14

weak lob, he would fucking hammer

55:16

you in the legs, in the

55:18

chest. He hit Alex in the

55:20

face at one point. He was

55:23

completely out of control. Like hard

55:25

smashes. Jesus. Yeah. I don't know

55:27

about this, the woman. Well. Just

55:29

let her keep playing pickleball. Odds

55:31

are she's gonna wind up in

55:34

the emergency room no matter what.

55:36

All of them are hurting themselves

55:38

out there. Yes. Maybe they should.

55:40

It is a huge boon to

55:43

the industry. I think that they

55:45

should switch sports and do

55:47

like a tug-of-war, but use

55:49

the woman as the rope.

55:52

Yeah. We're moving on to

55:54

entertainment. Your story. Pete

55:56

Davidson's been getting a lot of

55:59

his tattoos from moved, it's costing

56:01

him a lot of money. He

56:03

revealed he spent $200,000 on the

56:06

process, he's only 30% finished. Quote,

56:08

it's a pretty uncomfortable amount of

56:11

money to disclose, and I think

56:13

one of the tabloids already leaked

56:15

it. I've already spent 200 grand.

56:18

It's like, it's gonna suck. but

56:20

it's going to be nicer. In

56:22

addition to the expense, the process

56:25

also requires a lot of downtime

56:27

for recovery and Davidson has to

56:29

be purpose. something that Davidson has

56:32

to purposefully pencil into his professional

56:34

life. Quote, well, I have to

56:36

plan it in between work because

56:39

it's a six week healing process

56:41

each time you get one removed.

56:43

So each tattoo is 10 to

56:46

12 sessions. That's 60 weeks of

56:48

your life right there on just

56:51

one tattoo to remove. Oh my

56:53

God. It sounds easier and less

56:55

painful to get in a bad

56:58

fire and just burn your skin.

57:00

Right. And also, 60 hours, 60

57:02

weeks of his life versus the

57:05

four to five minutes spent making

57:07

each of those tattoos in his

57:09

drunken teenage years. Therapy would have

57:12

been so much less challenging, I

57:14

think, in all those tattoos. Luckily,

57:16

his calendar is freeing up, so...

57:19

Oh, that's fortunate. Yeah, he's not

57:21

going to have to work too

57:24

hard penciling stuff between the gigs.

57:26

He just did a sitcom that

57:28

I actually heard with, not action,

57:31

say actually, I think he's very

57:33

funny, but I heard it was

57:35

very good in the sense that

57:38

nobody saw it. Did you hear

57:40

about it? He has a sitcom?

57:42

Yeah, he had a sitcom. It

57:45

was on last year. I don't

57:47

think I heard about it. Yeah.

57:49

Like not in front of a

57:52

live audience. No, single camera. Yeah.

57:54

If only he could erase, forget

57:56

the tattoos, if he could erase

57:59

that joke he made about Ariana

58:01

Grande. the suicide bomber killed 22

58:04

people at her concert. Oh yeah,

58:06

what do you say? He said

58:08

like, she reached big, the song

58:11

about like, it would have been

58:13

good if it had happened to

58:15

Brittany Spears, because she could have

58:18

drawn a bigger audience or something.

58:20

Oh, I can't remember. Oh, okay.

58:22

Caitlin Jenner is raising money to

58:25

support her, she wants her supporters

58:27

to donate money to support her

58:29

legal defense. responding to a lawsuit

58:32

of alleged financial malfeasance. I have

58:34

to be named a defendant in

58:37

a lawsuit regarding the Jenner meme

58:39

coins alleging securities violations she posted

58:41

on X she's got a crowdfunding

58:44

campaign let's all be freedom maximalist

58:46

other trans women keep saying oh

58:48

I'm a I'm a real woman

58:51

I'm a real woman and I'm

58:53

going no you're not. I don't

58:55

even know what that means but

58:58

what is that? Well, she had

59:00

this she had this Bitcoin type

59:02

of thing and a couple people

59:05

sued her saying that's talking about

59:07

the I'm a real woman. I

59:09

don't know. I think it's like

59:12

she's not a, what are they,

59:14

an ally? Is that what they

59:17

call it? She's not an ally.

59:19

No, she has to be the

59:21

only trans person that's not an

59:24

ally. It's kind of like, remember

59:26

when, you know, putting Ellen aside,

59:28

but it was on Ellen, and

59:31

to Ellen's credit, was like, so

59:33

win. You are trans and you

59:35

are against gay marriage? Yeah. And

59:38

that was the wake-up call to,

59:40

uh, yeah, trans people can be

59:42

dicks too. Yep. So anyway, uh,

59:45

her, her crypto coin shit the

59:47

bed, and apparently she pumped and

59:50

dumped and dumped it. So, there

59:52

you go. With pump and dump

59:54

I think you should build in

59:57

the cost of the upcoming lawsuit

59:59

the inevitable lawsuit that should be

1:00:01

built into your pump and dump

1:00:04

plans Harktua. Harktua didn't do that.

1:00:06

Also, this, this, I know it's

1:00:08

homophobic, but it's really not. It's

1:00:11

against very specifically Caitlin. I didn't

1:00:13

like thinking of the term Harktua,

1:00:15

which I was made to think

1:00:18

of with a pump and dump

1:00:20

Bitcoin scam and a crypto scam.

1:00:22

So I don't like thinking of

1:00:25

Harktua when I'm thinking and envisioning

1:00:27

Caitlin Jenner. Yes. Yes. I've been

1:00:30

in the room, same room as

1:00:32

her many times. I know of

1:00:34

what I speak. Yeah. You know

1:00:37

the sad thing about like, say

1:00:39

you owned some hak-tua meme or

1:00:41

a Caitlin Jenner meme, at least

1:00:44

like. You know if you had

1:00:46

a Confederate coin obviously you can't

1:00:48

go in a store and spend

1:00:51

it But you've got a fucking

1:00:53

Confederate coin and maybe out of

1:00:55

nostalgia or whatever down the road

1:00:58

it actually gets some value back,

1:01:00

you know But like with with

1:01:03

like a Caitlin Genre coin you

1:01:05

there's no physical coin. There's no

1:01:07

actual material thing that you can

1:01:10

keep that might be worth something

1:01:12

like and it's also just you

1:01:14

probably paid for it online from

1:01:17

from your checking account into that

1:01:19

it was just you know digitally

1:01:21

you bought it digitally you lost

1:01:24

it you got nothing to show

1:01:26

for it and it just it

1:01:28

all seems so fucking transient and

1:01:31

ethereal you know well first she

1:01:33

asked for money for nothing as

1:01:35

you're pointing out now she's asking

1:01:38

for money to defend herself against

1:01:40

asking you for money for nothing.

1:01:43

Right. Is there a third wave

1:01:45

coming? Right. I can only imagine.

1:01:47

Let's go to Florida where things

1:01:50

get really weird. Let's go to

1:01:52

Florida. Okay, an Orange County man.

1:01:54

Boy, Orange County. no matter where

1:01:57

it is, is trouble. An Orange

1:01:59

County man in Orange County, Florida,

1:02:01

was arrested Monday and accused of

1:02:04

impersonating a police officer and trying

1:02:06

to pull another vehicle over, and

1:02:08

court records show he was sentenced

1:02:11

to prison for doing the same

1:02:13

thing already. Deputy, I love this,

1:02:16

this guy. And this is what

1:02:18

Florida needs. They need more volunteer

1:02:20

policemen. Deputy St. Albert Dolan, who's

1:02:23

60, followed a vehicle along Stonybrook

1:02:25

Parkway, about a mile with the

1:02:27

amber lights flashing. The driver thought

1:02:30

the black car was an unmarked

1:02:32

police vehicle, so he pulled over.

1:02:34

Dolan approached the victim on the

1:02:37

driver's side of the vehicle and

1:02:39

asked for his license. Dolan refused

1:02:41

to show his ID and badge

1:02:44

when the driver asked for it.

1:02:46

and then let the driver go.

1:02:49

The driver then called 9-1-1-1. At

1:02:51

11. Yeah, 9-11. Called 9-1-1 and

1:02:53

provided Dolan's license plate number. The

1:02:56

sheriff's office said, Dolan as a

1:02:58

history of buying former police vehicles

1:03:00

with lights and sirens still attached.

1:03:03

And they had been accused of

1:03:05

impersonating a police officer before. Wow.

1:03:07

I wonder what, I wonder in

1:03:10

what other ways he impersonated a

1:03:12

police officer. Do you

1:03:14

think? I don't know, did he

1:03:16

go home and beat his wife?

1:03:19

Did he? No, that's a bad

1:03:21

joke. I don't like the shit

1:03:23

on the cops. I think they

1:03:25

do a great fucking. Most of

1:03:28

them do an amazing job. Most

1:03:30

do an amazing job, of course.

1:03:32

But this does sound like a

1:03:34

doge job. This sounds like Elon

1:03:36

Musk heard about this and was

1:03:39

like, yep, that's it. Let him

1:03:41

just do it. Let him just

1:03:43

do any federally sanctioned job with

1:03:45

no training whatsoever. I thought, did

1:03:47

you cut this story down? Maybe

1:03:50

I thought I put another deal.

1:03:52

Yes, so there were other deals.

1:03:54

He's done it twice before. Yes.

1:03:56

But thanks for cutting that out.

1:03:59

Well, sometimes the script is a

1:04:01

little long and I go in

1:04:03

and I take a little pack.

1:04:05

You know, what do you want

1:04:07

me to do with it? They

1:04:10

were funny details. Anyway, this guy,

1:04:12

yeah, it twice before. He was

1:04:14

on probation. Did it say that

1:04:16

in this one? Yes. He was

1:04:18

on probation for doing this when

1:04:21

he got busted for doing it

1:04:23

again. All right. We're gonna make

1:04:25

America Oklahoma again. An Oklahoma man

1:04:27

fled from officers after using an

1:04:30

AR-15 to shoot a deer. out

1:04:32

of a black Mustang while driving

1:04:34

117 miles per hour on Saturday

1:04:36

night. This reminded me this is

1:04:38

everything that's inside of you that

1:04:41

made you get a Mustang. Like

1:04:43

you have this inside. That's exactly

1:04:45

right. When I'm driving

1:04:47

my Mustang, 100 and I have

1:04:50

driven it 110, I've gotten up

1:04:52

to 110 on the 10 West

1:04:54

late at night. Oh no. And

1:04:57

you don't even feel it. It

1:04:59

feels like you're driving 70 in

1:05:02

a normal car. But when I

1:05:04

read that sentence, he fled officers

1:05:06

using an AR-15 to shoot a

1:05:09

deer while driving 117 miles an

1:05:11

hour on Saturday night. I just

1:05:13

think. I am not living my

1:05:16

life to the fullest. I am

1:05:18

not pushing myself at all. So

1:05:21

when the call came in deputies

1:05:23

were responding to an unrelated disturbance,

1:05:25

but when the black Mustang passed

1:05:28

them at a hundred and seventy

1:05:30

miles an hour traveling in the

1:05:33

opposite direction, passing vehicles in no

1:05:35

passing zones and driving recklessly. So

1:05:37

they took off after them during

1:05:40

their search, they received additional calls

1:05:42

that the black Mustang had been

1:05:45

involved in a hit and run

1:05:47

where it's swiped a Mercedes and

1:05:49

continued to leave the area. Officials

1:05:52

say that the three men, so

1:05:54

get this, this guy while driving

1:05:57

170 and shooting with an automatic

1:05:59

rifle or semi whatever. It's automatic,

1:06:01

AR 15, out his window a

1:06:04

deer. His son was in the

1:06:06

car. I don't know how old,

1:06:09

and another guy. So the three

1:06:11

people flee the vehicle, and after

1:06:13

the owner of the Mercedes located

1:06:16

him, Franklin's son surrendered without incident,

1:06:18

but Franklin and the other passenger

1:06:20

were located in a nearby field,

1:06:23

and they refused to cooperate. And

1:06:25

I love this line. A police

1:06:28

canine was deployed to gain. compliance

1:06:30

from Justin, from Franklin, I guess,

1:06:32

who was taken into custody after

1:06:35

being hit bit by the canine.

1:06:37

Game compliance. Yeah, that's like a

1:06:40

peacekeeping missile kind of a phrase.

1:06:42

This is what I'm telling you,

1:06:44

the mechanical hound, you don't even

1:06:47

need, the mechanical hound doesn't need

1:06:49

to bite. I know. It'll just

1:06:52

corner them. I know. And you

1:06:54

know, and you know, and the

1:06:56

thing is like... The new police

1:06:59

cars will be driverless and they

1:07:01

will be positioned along the sides

1:07:04

of the highway. They'll be reading

1:07:06

the speeds from two miles away.

1:07:08

They'll use electricity now to neutralize

1:07:11

cars. Have you seen that where

1:07:13

they blast your car with electricity

1:07:16

and it shuts it down? They'll

1:07:18

do that. The police dog will

1:07:20

get out. Subdue, or what do

1:07:23

they call it? They'll, uh, mechanical

1:07:25

hound. He's gonna gain compliance. Oh,

1:07:27

right. Sorry, yes. Yeah. And then

1:07:30

maybe a human will come in

1:07:32

and clean up at the end

1:07:35

of it all. You know already,

1:07:37

and we've seen it in footage

1:07:39

in real world situations. I think

1:07:42

it was in New York. The

1:07:44

drones are attached to the roof

1:07:47

of the police car. So it

1:07:49

pursues you, but it's not gonna

1:07:51

now the drone gets launched. And

1:07:54

does the chasing really I like

1:07:56

that like that they don't The

1:07:59

only reason you watch local news

1:08:01

is when there's a car chase,

1:08:03

you know, and then all of

1:08:06

a sudden, you know, Channel 4,

1:08:08

and, meanwhile, they can't run commercials.

1:08:11

It's the only time anyone's watching

1:08:13

and they can't cut away for

1:08:15

a commercial. It's been used in

1:08:18

shows, but it began with a

1:08:20

very real clip on YouTube, like

1:08:23

guys watching a police chase, watching

1:08:25

a police chase, watching a police

1:08:27

chase, I've

1:08:29

never seen one. I don't think

1:08:31

I've ever seen a police chase.

1:08:34

Seeing the cop cars, I've never

1:08:36

seen the car. There used to

1:08:38

be so much more common. I

1:08:40

think now drones and obviously it

1:08:42

started with helicopters, but in LA

1:08:44

we'd get a we'd get a

1:08:46

we'd get a chase a week

1:08:48

when we were like first here.

1:08:50

Well, it's just so funny because

1:08:52

you have right now a 0%

1:08:54

chance of escaping. I shouldn't say

1:08:56

zero. You have a 0.01% of

1:08:59

maybe driving in an underground mall,

1:09:01

changing sweatshirts, and going into Lord

1:09:03

and Taylor's and waiting it out.

1:09:05

But that's, I wouldn't give it

1:09:07

much more of a 0.01% chance.

1:09:09

So I don't think they would

1:09:11

think anyone's in Lord and Taylor,

1:09:13

so you'd be safe in there,

1:09:15

I think. So it's a good

1:09:17

plan. Let's get to

1:09:19

international. All right, here let me

1:09:22

crank on. I'll tell you, you

1:09:24

gotta go around the world to

1:09:26

find a story like this one.

1:09:28

A young Ozzy woman has been

1:09:30

left absolutely fuming after a waxer

1:09:33

revealed why she'd have to charge

1:09:35

her more in the future. Sarah

1:09:37

Button, 27, took to social media

1:09:39

after her Brazilian waxing appointment to

1:09:41

say she received an unexpected message

1:09:44

from the waxer. The message drops

1:09:46

the bombshell that she'll be charging

1:09:48

her more in the future. Quote,

1:09:50

just in future, I'll have to

1:09:52

charge you a little more for

1:09:55

the size of the area. I

1:09:57

hope it makes sense. Nothing crazy.

1:09:59

five or ten extra the waxer

1:10:01

wrote yeah the waxer was the

1:10:03

wax was he she was pissed

1:10:06

because she was fine by the

1:10:08

Parks Commission for deforestation I'm not

1:10:10

saying this woman's pussy was big

1:10:12

you're not saying that no but

1:10:14

her boyfriend broke up with her

1:10:17

he said her clit was so

1:10:19

big that having sex with her

1:10:21

felt like a cockfight so I

1:10:23

mean it's also she was so

1:10:25

mad she screamed and then there

1:10:28

was another scream but that was

1:10:30

just an echo I'm not saying

1:10:32

the pussies big. So she's deep

1:10:34

too. Deep, wide, hairy. So can

1:10:36

you believe this woman has outed

1:10:39

herself? She does what she's done.

1:10:41

Right, right. Is there, I'm reading

1:10:43

the story, there's not even a

1:10:45

lawsuit. Yeah. Not even a complaint,

1:10:47

other than just whining. No, this

1:10:49

was just a redid thread that

1:10:52

I found that I thought was

1:10:54

funny. Oh, I like it. Yeah.

1:10:56

Well, listen, I mean, they had

1:10:58

the worst fires down there that

1:11:00

really cleared a lot of bush.

1:11:03

That's right. In the bush. That's

1:11:05

what they call it, going into

1:11:07

the bush. Yeah, it's the bush

1:11:09

down there. Yeah. So they're very

1:11:11

sensitive about it now. Maybe she's

1:11:14

like kind of rubbing it in

1:11:16

the landscape's face. Like, look how

1:11:18

much bush I still walk around

1:11:20

with. I went into the bush

1:11:22

down on the wax, you know

1:11:25

what I mean? Or an anal

1:11:27

bleaching. That's

1:11:29

a fair question even though

1:11:31

it sounds very unfair Right

1:11:34

Well I remember asking my

1:11:36

dad who worked fresh day

1:11:38

water and I'm like and

1:11:41

I didn't He didn't take

1:11:43

it as inappropriate, but I

1:11:45

was just like Isn't it

1:11:48

much simpler like the shipping

1:11:50

of like all your like

1:11:53

you go into Bloomingdale's right

1:11:55

and you see a giant

1:11:57

cosmetic company the amount of

1:12:00

shades they have because they

1:12:02

have everybody in there Black

1:12:04

women redheads, Asians. every ethnicity,

1:12:07

every tone within every ethnicity.

1:12:09

We're back. I got cut

1:12:11

off in the exact right

1:12:14

place with my racist. Shouldn't

1:12:16

it be a monotry, but

1:12:19

not a diatribe, but anyway.

1:12:21

Well, whatever it was, we

1:12:23

might Wi-Fi just collapsed for

1:12:26

some reason, and now we

1:12:28

had to restart, so excuse,

1:12:30

excuse, excuse, the glitch, or

1:12:33

exclude the gitch. Let's get

1:12:35

down to this day in

1:12:37

history. Here you go. Okay.

1:12:40

Some slim pickings I gotta

1:12:42

tell you in this day

1:12:45

in history. Where would it

1:12:47

be? Now that you've, there

1:12:49

are so many links open.

1:12:52

Here we go. All right,

1:12:54

sir. This is an inch.

1:12:56

Well, we'll get to that.

1:12:59

I'll build to that one.

1:13:01

All right, here we go.

1:13:03

The Hubble telescope. Was sent

1:13:06

into orbit You know at

1:13:08

first by the way, it's

1:13:11

not in here, but I

1:13:13

know at first there was

1:13:15

a tiny little Thing on

1:13:18

the lens Like smaller than

1:13:20

a human hair and they

1:13:22

had to send a mission

1:13:25

up because all the images

1:13:27

were coming back blurry. Oh

1:13:29

my god But anyway, the

1:13:32

Hubble telescope first got launched

1:13:34

into space on this day

1:13:37

in what year, give or

1:13:39

take 10 years? 1979. Oh,

1:13:41

miss by one, Pali, 1990.

1:13:44

I thought you're going to

1:13:46

say like 2005. I was

1:13:48

only thinking further back because

1:13:51

if they had to redo

1:13:53

it, I had to allot

1:13:55

for time for that. All

1:13:58

right. Oh for one, but

1:14:00

by one year, not bad.

1:14:03

It's still a for one.

1:14:05

All right, now here's all

1:14:07

the slim pickins. I mean,

1:14:10

Suez Canal. All right, yeah,

1:14:12

fine. Construction of. the Suez

1:14:14

Canal officially began on this

1:14:17

day in one year and

1:14:19

it was completed 10 years

1:14:21

later. So I'm gonna give

1:14:24

you, you know, because the

1:14:26

completion date might be blurring

1:14:29

your memory and it connected

1:14:31

the Mediterranean and the Red

1:14:33

Seas? Give or take 25

1:14:36

years. When do you think

1:14:38

construction of the Suez Canal

1:14:40

began? 1859. And you gave

1:14:43

me weight? 25 years. Yep,

1:14:45

too bad. Okay. Would you

1:14:47

have any guess? The first

1:14:50

guillotine was erected in Paris

1:14:52

to execute a highwayman. That's

1:14:55

the weird detail. We're not

1:14:57

gonna count this one. You

1:14:59

know what? We're gonna count

1:15:02

it. The first guillotine was

1:15:04

erected on the place de

1:15:06

Greve. I slaughter that, no

1:15:09

doubt. I'm in Paris to

1:15:11

execute a highwayman. Give or

1:15:13

take 50 years. That's a

1:15:16

101 year window. All right,

1:15:18

well, the main clue I

1:15:21

have is it was after

1:15:23

highways were developed. So that

1:15:25

wasn't until 1920. I'm just

1:15:28

kidding. So with a guillotine

1:15:30

in France, I gotta go

1:15:32

back. 1410. Yeah, 1792. Okay.

1:15:35

All right. You're telling me

1:15:37

that nobody had their head

1:15:39

chopped off by a machine

1:15:42

until the late 18th century?

1:15:44

I don't buy that. That

1:15:47

wasn't the question. That wasn't

1:15:49

the question. All right. Well,

1:15:51

you want to talk about

1:15:54

specific guillotines? Yeah, let me

1:15:56

check my book on my

1:15:58

shelf of dates of famous

1:16:01

guillotines. No, the first guillotine

1:16:03

was erected. The Chernobyl nuclear

1:16:05

accident, a devastating environmental... It

1:16:08

occurred early in the morning

1:16:10

on this day of what

1:16:13

year and it was an

1:16:15

explosion and a fire at

1:16:17

the Chernobyl nuclear power plant

1:16:20

in Ukraine. Give or take,

1:16:22

you're doing badly today, so

1:16:24

I'm going to try to

1:16:27

help you. I'm going to

1:16:29

give you, give or take

1:16:31

10 years, when do you

1:16:34

think Chernobyl happened? It was

1:16:36

1986. I saw a movie

1:16:39

about it. They had a

1:16:41

mini series on it that

1:16:43

I just watched. Of course,

1:16:46

Chernobyl. Yeah, Chernobyl was very

1:16:48

good. All right, let's see

1:16:50

now. Oh, what was the

1:16:53

interesting one I wanted to

1:16:55

do? Here it is. You're

1:16:57

gonna know the year or

1:17:00

within, you'll be within one

1:17:02

year of it. But this

1:17:05

is the new way of

1:17:07

asking this question. John Wilkes

1:17:09

Booth, assassinated. So in 1865,

1:17:12

John Wilkes-Buth assassinated Abraham Lincoln?

1:17:14

In 1865. In 1865, he

1:17:16

was arrested how many days

1:17:19

later at a farm and

1:17:21

give or take two days.

1:17:23

How many days after killing

1:17:26

Lincoln was John Wilkes, was

1:17:28

John Wilkes Booth arrested. 20

1:17:31

days 12 When are we

1:17:33

going I don't know what

1:17:35

about years? I need years

1:17:38

to work with not days.

1:17:40

I mean I really you

1:17:42

think it took them that

1:17:45

long Well, they didn't exactly

1:17:47

have fax machines back then

1:17:49

All right, let me find

1:17:52

we got to find one

1:17:54

for you to go out

1:17:57

on that's kind of I

1:17:59

mean, it's actually pretty amazing.

1:18:01

They caught him considering like

1:18:04

how slow news travels and

1:18:06

you know there's no video

1:18:08

cameras showing license plates like

1:18:11

that's pretty good. Okay you're

1:18:13

ready let me try to

1:18:15

give you a pretty wide

1:18:18

birth here. The London Zoo

1:18:20

opened in Regents Park on

1:18:23

this day in what year

1:18:25

give or take 100 years.

1:18:27

1725. 1828

1:18:32

You missed by 28. You missed

1:18:34

by three years. But you know

1:18:37

what? I literally, my first thought

1:18:39

was 1825 and then went no,

1:18:41

because I think they were exploring

1:18:43

Africa before that. And so I

1:18:45

went to 1725. All right. You

1:18:47

were thinking of, huh? Yeah. All

1:18:49

right, we're going out on that

1:18:51

one. I love a hundred years.

1:18:53

Tough day for the Fitzdaw. I'd

1:18:56

say this day in history is

1:18:58

not good for you. No. Let's

1:19:00

get to letters to the editor.

1:19:03

Yes. Kelly Holmes says, hi

1:19:06

friends, I also loved adolescence

1:19:08

and learned that the actor

1:19:11

who played the dad was

1:19:13

in a movie that was

1:19:16

also filmed in one long

1:19:18

shot called Boiling Point. It

1:19:21

was pretty good. Wow. All

1:19:23

right. That's worth watching. He's

1:19:26

used to high pressure situations.

1:19:28

Kyle Anderson said, by the

1:19:31

way, he was in picky

1:19:33

blinders. He was in the

1:19:36

Irishman. He's also funny. I

1:19:38

think he also was great

1:19:41

in snatch, I think. Right.

1:19:43

But I just rewatch the

1:19:46

Irishman this past week, and

1:19:48

when I say this past

1:19:51

week, the entire week, and

1:19:53

he was a mobster that...

1:19:56

De Niro goes to jail

1:19:58

or that Joe Pesce goes

1:20:01

to jail with who who's

1:20:03

ultimately calls for his death.

1:20:06

All right. It's not a

1:20:08

good movie. This is from

1:20:11

Kyle Anderson. Hey Greg, big

1:20:13

fan. I'm listening to Sunday

1:20:16

papers from the beginning again.

1:20:18

What question though? Where can

1:20:21

I find the podcast with

1:20:23

you? Mike Zach and I

1:20:25

think one other person. I

1:20:28

don't. No, who,

1:20:30

what did we do one with

1:20:32

Zach and one other person? Were

1:20:35

you there for the Natalie Maines

1:20:37

one in my garage? I don't

1:20:39

think so. Oh, maybe. I'm not

1:20:41

sure. I think you remember that.

1:20:43

Zach, I was interviewing Natalie Maines

1:20:46

and Zach who lived in the

1:20:48

neighborhood came by to use my

1:20:50

fax machine and just let himself

1:20:52

in the back door. So we

1:20:54

had him sit down and do

1:20:56

the rest of the podcast with

1:20:59

us. Got it. Anyway, all right.

1:21:01

Let's get to the obituaries, big

1:21:03

one this week. Here we go.

1:21:05

Take it away, Catholic boy. No,

1:21:07

you do it. Well, this is

1:21:10

your writing, Dup Hope. That's what

1:21:12

Greg put. Dup Hope. Dup Hope.

1:21:14

Mourners. Do you know the reference?

1:21:16

No. It was Father Guido Sarducci

1:21:18

on Saturday Night Live. He used

1:21:21

to talk about Dup Hope. Oh,

1:21:23

wow, wow. Yeah. Dupope. All right,

1:21:25

mourners paying their final respects to

1:21:27

Pope Francis have been disturbed by

1:21:29

other snap. Oh, so this is

1:21:32

a news story I put down

1:21:34

here. But the mourners, we lost

1:21:36

the Pope. And mourners have been

1:21:38

disturbed by other snapping selfies beside

1:21:40

his body in the open casket

1:21:43

with some even posting smiling photos

1:21:45

online. Tens of thousands have flocked

1:21:47

to St. Peter's Basilica in Vatican

1:21:49

City to see the late Pope.

1:21:51

with many using it as a

1:21:53

grim photo op right on the

1:21:56

moment. I don't think he's the

1:21:58

late Pope. I don't. he's coming

1:22:00

at all. Oh well some looked sad

1:22:02

in their selfies at least one

1:22:05

Instagram reposted a photo of herself

1:22:07

smiling as the Pope lies lifelessly

1:22:09

in a coffin just feet away.

1:22:11

I don't know what's worse by

1:22:14

the way because if you're also

1:22:16

like just virtue signaling and you're

1:22:18

just going public and using a

1:22:21

shitty social media account to show

1:22:23

your sad face also that you

1:22:25

got access to the Pope. Yeah.

1:22:27

I don't think it's that much worse.

1:22:30

I don't think it's that much

1:22:32

worse to be smiling doing it. I

1:22:34

think just the opposite. I think that

1:22:36

the Pope was filled with joy. He

1:22:38

was a modern Pope. I think that

1:22:41

he would have seen this as a

1:22:43

celebration of life. I mean, the guy

1:22:45

was 96 years old. So I think he

1:22:47

knew it was time to go. And I

1:22:50

think that he would look down

1:22:52

and smile at young people enjoying

1:22:54

his glory. I heard he

1:22:56

wanted to be buried in the

1:22:58

ground, which is a special

1:23:01

request if you're a Pope,

1:23:03

and like just with his

1:23:05

name, not the word Pope, and

1:23:07

like, you know, man of the

1:23:09

people type thing, man of the

1:23:12

dead people. I want the same

1:23:14

thing. I want to be buried

1:23:16

without the word Pope in

1:23:18

front of my name. On the exact

1:23:20

opposite. Are you going to

1:23:23

get cremated or buried? I

1:23:25

want my kids to have

1:23:27

Pope my ashes. And we'll have

1:23:29

two burns for the girls. Yeah,

1:23:32

yeah. Maybe you could burn different

1:23:34

parts of your body on

1:23:36

different days. I could start

1:23:39

while I'm alive. By the way, they

1:23:41

also, I know when they elect a

1:23:43

new Pope, they always have the

1:23:45

smoke come out of the chimney

1:23:48

of the Vatican. They should do

1:23:50

it with the Pope's body.

1:23:52

That's what should burn.

1:23:54

Interesting. Yeah, I don't know. All right,

1:23:56

let's cheer up. You think that's

1:23:59

black smoke? With any

1:24:01

human body? Yes. Because of the

1:24:03

carbon. With Twinkies? Funnies. Okay, as

1:24:06

you know, week in and week

1:24:08

out, we provide you with one

1:24:10

caption of one comic. You then

1:24:13

provide us with your punch lines.

1:24:15

We choose the best one. And

1:24:17

that best one gets a koozy.

1:24:20

The Sunday Paper's Koozy. We mail

1:24:22

it right to your house. We

1:24:24

ask that you send them in

1:24:27

and you put your name directly

1:24:29

underneath your joke submission. That makes

1:24:31

it easier for us. I know

1:24:34

it's not a big deal, but

1:24:36

thank you. And last week's submission

1:24:38

was, the last week's caption was,

1:24:41

a man who is standing on

1:24:43

the ledge of a building. He's

1:24:45

bald with glasses and... There is

1:24:48

a reporter with a microphone and

1:24:50

a camera man with a video

1:24:52

camera aimed at him that are

1:24:55

leaning out of the window as

1:24:57

the man looks down. Sean's caption

1:24:59

was, okay Grandpa, camera's rolling, TikTok

1:25:02

challenges, take one. Remember to aim

1:25:04

for the pool and action. Sean

1:25:06

asked a lot of me performance-wise

1:25:09

on that one. He did. Which

1:25:11

I resent. Showing the problem I

1:25:13

have with it, if I'm being

1:25:16

honest, is it's, you know, it's

1:25:18

not social, it's not, that would

1:25:20

be an iPhone, that would be

1:25:23

a tick-talk challenge as they're usually

1:25:25

made, not a news crew. Okay,

1:25:27

that rubbed Mike a little bit.

1:25:30

Margaret said, if we give you

1:25:32

a selfie stick, would you give

1:25:34

you a selfie stick? Tim says,

1:25:37

excuse me sir, before you go,

1:25:39

could you spell your last name

1:25:41

again for me? That's my favorite

1:25:44

so far. Okay, he had a

1:25:46

second one that I'm not going

1:25:48

to read because the first one

1:25:51

was strong. It's not as good.

1:25:53

Kenny Engel says, if you won't

1:25:55

come in, would you consider break...

1:25:58

your Ellen non-disclosure agreement? He got

1:26:00

that in there. It seems a

1:26:02

little forced, but he got that

1:26:05

in there. Nathan Schlife does a

1:26:07

slightly more elegant version of that.

1:26:09

How long did you say you've

1:26:12

been working for Ellen DeGeneres? Pretty

1:26:14

good, yeah, it is suicidal. Lane

1:26:16

says, and you're doing all this

1:26:19

because of a late coozy? Is

1:26:21

that right? That's, it seems that

1:26:23

way. The letters I get. You

1:26:26

sent me one that a guy

1:26:28

keeping my I mailed it to

1:26:30

that dude who emailed in that

1:26:33

during the pandemic or whatever it

1:26:35

was Yeah, that's the guy Not

1:26:37

during the pandemic He's got a

1:26:40

famous last guy's name John Fabero

1:26:42

from me. No, no, no, no.

1:26:44

He got his No, no, anyway,

1:26:47

whatever, but that's the thing it

1:26:49

I think really regarding everybody they

1:26:51

went out And then of course

1:26:54

I found a lot that were

1:26:56

returned, but I'm trying to make

1:26:58

good on all of them. Let

1:27:01

me know if you didn't get

1:27:03

it. This next one's so bad

1:27:05

that I put it in because

1:27:08

it just might be good. Hi,

1:27:10

we're from Fly Witness News. Any

1:27:12

last words? Wow, word play. Nice.

1:27:15

That's a reach. James Brophy says,

1:27:17

Mr. Giuliani, I know you lost

1:27:19

everything in the defamation case. It's

1:27:22

too long. It's already too long.

1:27:24

Yeah. Ron Dvorak says, W-FAL-FAL News,

1:27:26

giving you the stories as they

1:27:29

drop. All right, okay. Jim Gouliamo

1:27:31

says, could you aim a little

1:27:33

to the left? We just watched

1:27:36

the news van. Kind of funny.

1:27:38

Not bad. Steve says, wait, please

1:27:40

take me with you. All right.

1:27:43

That's it. All right. Uh, there's

1:27:45

something subtle about could you spell

1:27:47

your last name? Yep. But I

1:27:50

also like, you know, the news

1:27:52

van's pretty good. I

1:27:56

like the I like the

1:27:58

Ellen non-disclosure agreement. That's not

1:28:00

bad Or how long you've

1:28:03

been working for Ellen DeGeneres

1:28:05

was the better version? That

1:28:07

one's better, I think. Sorry,

1:28:09

Kenny. All right, your choice.

1:28:11

All right, let's go Nathan

1:28:14

Schleaf. I like the Ellen

1:28:16

DeGeneres joke. How long did

1:28:18

you say you've been working

1:28:20

for Ellen DeGeneres? Next week's

1:28:22

caption is this. There's

1:28:25

a dog sitting on a chair

1:28:27

at a desk. There's a computer

1:28:29

in front of him. He's got

1:28:31

one paw on the keyboard He's

1:28:34

looking down at another dog. That's

1:28:36

looking up at him. The dog

1:28:38

in the chair is speaking Go

1:28:41

Can you look my balls while

1:28:43

I go online? Alright,

1:28:46

so let's do a little note

1:28:48

from somebody who said it's a

1:28:50

tough listen when Gibbons attempts to

1:28:52

read the classic Dunesbury cartoon. Yeah.

1:28:55

Dunesbury is not laugh out loud

1:28:57

funny, but Trudeau does some solid

1:28:59

satire. Dunesbury strips comment on the

1:29:02

political moment in which they are

1:29:04

written. It's not really fair to

1:29:06

read them years after the fact

1:29:08

and expect the same resonance. I'm

1:29:11

with... Ryan in Chicago. I think

1:29:13

it's time to put Dunesbury to

1:29:15

bed. I think you're looking for

1:29:17

something from a comic that never

1:29:20

meant to be that. Okay, well

1:29:22

while you read the Lockhorns, because

1:29:24

the one in here, it's a

1:29:27

list of 50-year-old, he's right, so

1:29:29

let me look for one. Okay.

1:29:31

In the meantime, let me give

1:29:33

you... All right, we're at the

1:29:36

lockhorns now. Lee Roy is sitting

1:29:38

down, Loretta serves a dish in

1:29:40

front of him. He holds his

1:29:43

nose and he goes, I was

1:29:45

hoping for cheese that was imported,

1:29:47

not deported. Did you even hear

1:29:49

that? You didn't even hear that.

1:29:52

No, I'm looking for a guy.

1:29:54

But you got the list, that

1:29:56

was a good one. I'll come

1:29:58

back, I'll read it. All right,

1:30:01

now we got, now we got,

1:30:03

we got Hager the horrible. Hager

1:30:05

walks in the door, Helga's waiting

1:30:08

with a broom in her hand

1:30:10

and he tosses her a gift-rapped

1:30:12

box. I got you a present

1:30:14

Helga, she opens it, now she's

1:30:17

got a necklace in her hand,

1:30:19

she's smiling, oh Hagger, it's a

1:30:21

real diamond necklace. And then Hagger

1:30:23

goes, the Duke lied to the

1:30:26

Duke lied to the Duchess. Lide

1:30:28

to the Duchess. All

1:30:31

right. Yeah stolen goods,

1:30:33

and he's claiming it's

1:30:35

new. I heard it.

1:30:37

Yeah New Dunesbury. Are

1:30:39

you up to me

1:30:41

already? Go ahead. What?

1:30:43

I don't I don't

1:30:45

think I have one.

1:30:47

Seattle Times. Please let

1:30:49

me read a comic.

1:30:51

Here we go. It

1:30:53

won't let me read

1:30:55

a comic. Oh. No,

1:30:57

this is challenging. See

1:31:01

all the time is not letting

1:31:03

me read it for you. Try

1:31:05

to find one. You read what?

1:31:07

Yeah, I love it. You read

1:31:09

one. All right. Here is the

1:31:12

most recent Dunesbury. There is two

1:31:14

guys and and it's wartime and

1:31:16

they're both in battle fatigues, but

1:31:18

one of them has a as

1:31:21

in microphones to CNN. He says

1:31:23

wolf. I'm talking to Lieutenant B.D.

1:31:25

Wait, is wolf blitz are still

1:31:27

on the air? I'm looking at

1:31:29

this one. I'm not of course

1:31:32

he is. I'm not gonna read

1:31:34

it. No. You want me to

1:31:36

read it? I just don't, I

1:31:38

think it's, it's, it's, it's, it's

1:31:40

never going to pay off. Well,

1:31:43

you're giving up on a new

1:31:45

one? I don't know. Here it

1:31:47

is. All right. Four frames. Wolf.

1:31:49

I'm talking to Lieutenant B.D. Public

1:31:51

Affairs Officer, I can't blow back.

1:31:54

I already don't like it. So

1:31:56

how are the embeds working out,

1:31:58

Lieutenant? The guy goes, well, it's

1:32:00

a mixed bag on the one

1:32:02

hand. The TV pictures show us.

1:32:05

at our best, but they also

1:32:07

show the horror of war. Then

1:32:09

it goes, which our enemies can

1:32:11

repurpose as propaganda. I'm not talking

1:32:14

about your recent feed, of course.

1:32:16

CNN guy goes, which one? The

1:32:18

soldier giving out skittles? The guy

1:32:20

goes, classic stuff. I smell Emmy.

1:32:22

It's just jaded and it, I

1:32:25

don't know. It kind of has

1:32:27

a 70s. Disestablishment tone that's gone

1:32:29

like like alright. I guess if

1:32:31

you're 78 you might want to

1:32:33

read this and it might resonate

1:32:36

with you. I don't know. Yeah.

1:32:38

All right well I guess I

1:32:40

have to find a new one

1:32:42

to read. Yeah get a new

1:32:44

one for next week. Let's maybe

1:32:47

you guys send in your your

1:32:49

suggestions this week. Fitzdog radio@gmail.com. What

1:32:51

strips are we missing? Okay, here's

1:32:53

when we're not missing. Is Blondie

1:32:55

at the bottom of the stairs

1:32:58

with a, I mean, do I

1:33:00

even need to say it? Look

1:33:02

at the right bosom in this

1:33:04

white sweater that she is wearing

1:33:07

and she's looking up. So her

1:33:09

shoulder is back, which is presenting

1:33:11

the bust even more so. Dagwood's

1:33:13

running down the stairs in his

1:33:15

suit and he goes yum do

1:33:18

I smell pancakes she goes nope

1:33:20

it's my new perfume it's called

1:33:22

pancake paradise and then he walks

1:33:24

down and she holds out a

1:33:26

bottle of perfume and she goes

1:33:29

I also bought waffle cone and

1:33:31

cinnamon buns and he goes I

1:33:33

love it final frame is Dagwood

1:33:35

at work his boss mr. Smithers

1:33:37

says do I smell cinnamon buns

1:33:40

and Dagwood has that those those

1:33:42

wavy lines that show like an

1:33:44

odor coming off of you I'm

1:33:46

only hoping for Blondie's sake, or

1:33:49

maybe I'm not hoping for Blondie's

1:33:51

sake, that he molested her and

1:33:53

she was wearing cinnamon bun perfume

1:33:55

and that was the only thing

1:33:57

she could do to get this

1:34:00

homosexual to pay attention to her.

1:34:02

throw a move on her is

1:34:04

to pretend that she's food. That's

1:34:06

a good, yeah, like just, just

1:34:08

have, you know, people keep lube

1:34:11

in the side table, just syrup.

1:34:13

Yes. It works. Or cream, syrup,

1:34:15

syrup, put a cherry in your

1:34:17

pussy, make them earn it. Soy

1:34:19

sauce, whatever you're in the mood

1:34:22

for that night. And then just

1:34:24

close your eyes and think about

1:34:26

herb, the neighbor, because you ain't

1:34:28

thinking about this fucking zero. All

1:34:30

right, listen, you folks have been

1:34:33

patient with us. We had a

1:34:35

technical glitch. I hope you barely

1:34:37

noticed it, but it added another

1:34:39

half hour to the podcast. So

1:34:42

respect us. Don't forget, get your

1:34:44

merch at fitzdog.com. Come on out

1:34:46

next weekend. I'll be performing in

1:34:48

Huntington Beach. And then Mike, anything

1:34:50

you want to promote? Not a

1:34:53

single thing. There you go. Well,

1:34:55

yeah. All right, well then I

1:34:57

guess we can just. Four

1:35:00

things are

1:35:03

I have

1:35:06

four things

1:35:08

to promote.

1:35:11

Okay. No,

1:35:13

I'm kidding.

1:35:16

Everyone needs

1:35:18

to take

1:35:21

it each.

1:35:23

Take it

1:35:26

each. Bye.

1:35:33

Six months from now, you

1:35:35

could be running a 5K,

1:35:37

booking that dream trip, or

1:35:39

seeing thicker, fuller hair every

1:35:42

time you look in the

1:35:44

mirror. Through hers, you can