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with code space 80

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at talkspace.com. And now,

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a tale well calculated

1:08

to keep you in

1:10

suspense. Name Betty Willoughby.

1:12

Mrs. Herbert Willoughby. 35,

1:14

tall, blonde, beautifully groomed,

1:17

self-controlled, neat, efficient, a

1:19

perfect lady in every

1:21

respect. Lady Macbeth was

1:23

a lady too. In

1:25

a moment, Act 1

1:28

of You Can Die

1:30

Laughing, starring Evelyn Juster,

1:32

and Larry Haynes, and

1:34

written especially for suspense

1:36

by Robert Arthur. the

1:39

crowd. Today is green.

1:41

Those who think young,

1:43

they have been clean.

1:45

They pick the right

1:47

one. The modern light

1:50

one. Now it's Pepsi.

1:52

For those who think

1:54

young. So go ahead

1:56

and fix a drink.

1:58

That lets you drink.

2:00

Young as you think.

2:03

Yes, get the right

2:05

one. Many people have

2:07

a

2:09

totally

2:12

wrong

2:14

idea

2:16

about

2:18

ladies.

2:22

They think ladies.

2:24

They can do

2:26

anything they have

2:28

to run a

2:30

large household or

2:32

commit murder And

2:35

whether she's giving a

2:37

dinner for 50 or killing

2:39

her husband a lady is

2:41

efficient So naturally when I

2:44

decided to kill my husband

2:46

Herbert I plan every detail

2:48

in advance very careful Oh,

2:50

I don't want you to

2:53

think I decided to kill

2:55

him for no reason You

2:57

see There was Jack. Jack

2:59

Holden. Dear, Sweet Jack. But

3:01

Jack was only the direct

3:04

cause of my decision. The

3:06

indirect cause. The thing that

3:08

for years had made me

3:11

wish Herbert dead was Herbert's

3:13

laughing. Herbert was what

3:15

men call a jolly good-natured

3:18

man. And he loved

3:20

vulgar practical jokes. He

3:22

was always laughing until

3:24

I thought I would

3:26

scream. I'll tell you about

3:29

it. You was a great

3:31

show. I was a great

3:33

show. Answer or else with

3:35

Jolly George Gordon. What a

3:37

comedian that fellow is. Laugh?

3:39

I almost died laugh. I'm

3:42

afraid he doesn't amuse

3:44

me Herbert. Those moronics.

3:46

How are you paying for

3:48

Ronnie? You should have seen him

3:50

tonight, listen. This young couple, see,

3:52

a young couple. They're just married,

3:54

right? So he gives them a

3:56

brand new car for a wedding

3:58

present and a complete... of luggage

4:00

and clothes and he sent them

4:03

off and out he would. Well,

4:05

what's so funny about that? Well,

4:07

then he reported to the police

4:10

that the car and the clothes

4:12

and the luggage were all stolen.

4:15

Herbert, I don't think it's funny.

4:17

Yeah, well, just take a look

4:19

at this now. Is this funny?

4:22

Check. For $500. Sure, yeah, that's

4:24

a present for you. You know

4:26

where I got it? No. From

4:29

Jolly George Gordon himself? But for

4:31

what? When I had lunch with

4:34

him yesterday, I suggested a gag

4:36

for a show. And he's going

4:38

to use it two weeks from

4:41

tonight. He paid me for it.

4:43

You suggested a gag for it.

4:46

He paid me for it. You

4:48

suggested a gag for the answer

4:50

or else program? Sure. And you

4:53

know he's going to give me

4:55

credit on the air for it.

4:58

We're going over to Bill and

5:00

Gene Rexford for. Oh gosh, that's

5:02

right. Business, always business. Bad as

5:05

the man says, when you gotta

5:07

go, you gotta go. Well, maybe

5:10

they can postpone it. No, but

5:12

I can catch it in the

5:14

airport before my plane leaves. You

5:17

go on over to the Rexford.

5:19

Oh, I tell you. It's such

5:22

a terrific gag. Here's the idea.

5:24

Well, you'll see it. You'll see

5:26

it. Now to get serious for

5:29

change, I got some bad news.

5:31

Bad news? Yeah, it's about Jack

5:33

Holden. Well, has he been hurt?

5:36

Is he sick? No, but he's

5:38

sure going to be when I

5:40

put him in jail. In jail?

5:42

That's right. Why? Well, he's been

5:44

dipping into the two. What? Yeah,

5:46

stealing from the company. Oh, but

5:48

I can't believe it. I tell

5:50

you, Betty, I couldn't either. That

5:52

boy, I made him my personal

5:54

assistant. I trusted him. I had

5:56

him out here to dinner. I

5:58

treated him. like a member of

6:00

the family and he turns out

6:02

to be a thief. Oh, he

6:04

can't be. No, he's not mistaken

6:06

about it. Believe me, I'm positive.

6:08

Does anyone else know? No, so

6:11

far, just me. Because the whole office

6:13

will know it tomorrow and I am

6:15

arrested. Does he know you suspect him? Not

6:17

a thing. He's going to be one

6:20

surprised young fellow. No. Herbert, you mustn't.

6:22

You mustn't arrest him. Oh, now, Betty,

6:24

for Pete's sake, why not? Nobody steals

6:26

from Herbert Willoughby and gets away with

6:29

it. I mean, you mustn't arrest him

6:31

before you make your trip to Mexico.

6:33

You need him to run the office while

6:35

you're away. Yeah, that's right. Sure. Things are

6:37

really being a mess, huh? After all, he's

6:39

been my right-hand man. But I don't see

6:41

how I don't see him, you're puzzled by

6:43

something in the account by something in

6:46

the account, and you're going to check, I'll,

6:48

I'll, when you get back, when you get

6:50

back. That way he'll be

6:52

sure to be honest while

6:54

you're gone and then

6:56

when you get back Oh!

6:58

In the jail with him, huh?

7:00

But I couldn't let Herbert

7:03

put Jack in jail.

7:05

Dear handsome Jack, he'd

7:07

made these last few years

7:09

worth living for me. By

7:12

thinking fast I'd got Herbert

7:14

to postpone accusing Jack. Now,

7:17

I had to think of

7:19

how to prevent it entirely.

7:21

And in the end, I

7:24

saw that there was only

7:26

one way. The next day, Jack

7:28

slipped away from the office, come

7:31

out to the house to talk.

7:33

He said he was going to

7:35

send me to jail. He said

7:37

to be behind bars, but 10

7:39

years, darling. Oh, great. Betty,

7:41

maybe, maybe, if I throw

7:43

myself on his mercy. Mercy.

7:46

He'll send you to jail and...

7:48

What will become of me? Why should

7:50

anything happen to you? But when the

7:52

detectives start investigating you, they'll find

7:54

out about us. Then he'll throw

7:56

me out without a penny. No Jack,

7:58

we can't let him. We... I got to

8:01

stop Herbert. Stop him? How?

8:03

Well, there's only one way.

8:05

We have to kill him.

8:07

When I said we have

8:09

to kill him. Oh, I

8:11

was being very direct. I

8:13

meant to kill Herbert. And

8:15

I said so. I had

8:17

the whole scheme worked out.

8:19

We do it the night

8:21

Herbert was supposed to leave

8:24

for Mexico. And for getting

8:26

rid of him afterwards, well,

8:28

the old ruin of a

8:30

supposedly haunted house Herbert owned

8:32

out in the swampy woods

8:34

would be ideal. My plan,

8:36

like all good plans, was

8:38

simple and direct. And when

8:40

Jack saw there was no

8:42

alternative, he agreed. All right.

8:45

All right, Betty. We'll get

8:47

rid of him tonight. He

8:49

starts from Mexico. He'll leave

8:51

here. Never get there. And...

8:53

We just don't know what

8:55

became of him. That's it,

8:57

darling. There's nothing to go

8:59

wrong. Sure, but how will

9:01

I act toward him between

9:03

now and then? Just as

9:05

usual? He won't say anything

9:08

about your stealing the money.

9:10

He thinks it's going to

9:12

be a great joke to

9:14

arrest you when he comes

9:16

back. So, the night he

9:18

leaves, you'll have dinner with

9:20

us and drive to the

9:22

trainman. That

9:30

killed me, tell you. Here's

9:32

another good one. The little

9:34

moron, the little moron, see?

9:36

He said, he asked, what

9:38

did the first wall say

9:40

to the second wall? Well,

9:42

do you give up better?

9:45

You, Jack? Yes, sure. Yes,

9:47

Herbert, we give up. What

9:49

did the first wall say

9:51

to the second wall? Why,

9:53

it said, meet you at

9:55

the corner. You get it?

9:57

Meet you at the corner.

9:59

Willoughby. Mr. Willoughby. Yeah, what

10:01

is it, Jack? I'm afraid

10:03

we may miss your train.

10:05

My watch says 818. It

10:07

does? Well, mine says, hey,

10:09

Exeter, hey, look, Betty, my

10:11

watch is slow. We'll miss

10:13

my train to New York.

10:15

I never get to the

10:17

airport on time. I'll tell

10:19

you what. Let's drive through

10:22

Ridgeville. There's an express that

10:24

stops there at 845. We'll

10:26

take that instead of the

10:28

instead of the local. 20

10:33

minutes later, we were parked in the

10:35

darkness at the far end of the

10:37

Ridgeville station. I had deliberately said Herbert's

10:40

watch back while he was dressing so

10:42

he'd miss his usual train. Now we

10:44

watched him go in to buy his

10:46

ticket. Benny, I don't think I can

10:49

go through with this. Of course you

10:51

can. Isn't it better than 10 years

10:53

in jail? I suppose we're caught. I've

10:56

planned everything and we can't be caught.

10:58

Now Herbert's in there buying his ticket.

11:00

This is an express. It's crowded, it's

11:02

crowded. The police will simply assume you

11:05

are on it. Yes, I suppose they

11:07

will. I know they will. Now later

11:09

tonight, you'll take his bags to New

11:12

York and check them in a pay

11:14

locker at the station. When they're found,

11:16

the evidence is all clear. He reached

11:19

New York safely and vanished. Hundreds of

11:21

people vanish in New York every year.

11:23

No one will ever connect us. All

11:25

right, all right, Betty, here he comes.

11:28

I better get out and be waiting.

11:30

You got my bags out Jack? I'm

11:32

sorry, Mr. Willoughby. I dropped the key

11:35

to the luggage compartment in the back

11:37

of the car and we can't find

11:39

it. Drop it in the back of

11:41

the car, how'd you do that? It

11:44

was my fault. Jack reached into the

11:46

window for the keys and they slipped

11:48

out of my fingers. Oh, well, here

11:51

comes my train. Light a match and

11:53

find a key. I'm sorry, sir, I

11:55

don't have a match. I can't of

11:57

an idiot out. Any guy can

12:00

be soap at a little rock at

12:02

it. I pushed

12:04

him to the car. Crap

12:06

his car. He

12:09

hit the door. He's

12:12

right below me. He's

12:19

dead. dead.

12:23

The worst is over. It

12:33

had worked perfectly. Not a soul

12:35

had paid us any attention. As

12:37

far as the world knew, Herbert

12:39

was on that train headed for

12:41

New York, where his checked bags

12:43

would later be found. Actually, he

12:45

was in the back of the

12:47

car as I drove it deep

12:49

into a swampy section of woods

12:51

a few miles away. Why shouldn't we

12:53

be there by now? The house is

12:55

just around the next turn. You'll see

12:57

it in a minute. Up there. Good

13:00

for it. What a monstrosity. Why,

13:02

it must be 200 years old.

13:04

Hmm, 260. Herbert bought it because

13:06

it was supposed to be haunted.

13:08

Oh, you must have heard him

13:10

talk about it. Oh yes, only

13:12

a thousand times. I own a

13:14

real haunted house, he'd say, and

13:16

then he'd laugh like crazy. Hmm.

13:18

He claimed it was haunted

13:21

by a revolutionary war pirate.

13:23

Now that's just nonsense. But

13:25

now he'll be able to

13:27

haunt himself. Come on, we have

13:29

to get him out and bury

13:31

him. The other gentleman I lived

13:33

at Herbert's body out of the

13:36

car laid him at the foot

13:38

of a tree. We left the

13:40

raincoat covering him. I confess

13:42

that I felt a little

13:44

squeamish about seeing his face,

13:47

but I felt no remorse. All

13:49

I could think of was how

13:51

wonderful it would be. Never.

13:53

Never to hear Herbert's hideous,

13:55

laughter again. In the trunk

13:57

of the car we had...

14:00

tools and electric lanterns. Leaving

14:02

Herbert until we were ready.

14:04

Jack and I entered the

14:06

crazy ruined old house and

14:08

went down the creaking steps

14:10

into the cellar. There we

14:12

selected a spot underneath the

14:15

cellar stairs. Jack the Gants

14:17

dig. Isn't this deep enough?

14:19

Oh yes, of course. And

14:21

anyway, we have to hurry.

14:23

We still have to get

14:25

to their ex-fids later. Give

14:28

me a hand. Help me

14:30

out of here. This is

14:32

the night Herbert's silly guy

14:34

is going to be used

14:36

on the answer or else

14:38

program. The Rexford's going to

14:41

be watching. We have to

14:43

be there. Oh great. Well,

14:45

we better hurry. Yeah. All

14:47

right, come on, let's go

14:49

get Herbert. All right. I

14:51

still have to drive to

14:54

New York with those bags

14:56

after the Rexford's party. And

14:58

we stopped. I felt as

15:00

if a great fist and

15:02

sees my heart was trying

15:04

to stop it. Herbert was

15:06

gone. In a moment, the

15:09

concluding act of... Coffee

15:34

nectar in new instant Jason Sandboard.

15:37

The rich new instant from Jason

15:39

Sandboard. Fine coffee for nearly 100

15:41

years. Scard. Teddy this is where

15:43

we left him. There's the raincoat,

15:46

but he's gone. Someone has found

15:48

his body. No, no, that's impossible.

15:50

We'd have heard them. think,

15:52

I think, I

15:54

guess, of course

15:57

he must have

15:59

revived. He wasn't

16:01

dead. And he's

16:03

escaped. Look, these

16:06

marks on the

16:08

ground he must

16:10

have been crawling.

16:13

Well, he couldn't have gone far.

16:15

We've got to look for him. Jack,

16:17

shine your light around. Right. This way

16:20

toward the road. No. No,

16:23

this way, Betty, my dear.

16:27

I'm over here. This

16:29

not against a rock. This

16:32

is as far as I could

16:35

get. I

16:37

wasn't as dead as

16:39

you thought, my dear. It's

16:46

a good joke on you

16:48

to find me gone, wasn't

16:50

it? The

16:53

expression on your

16:55

face is... Herbert.

17:04

Herbert? He's

17:07

fainted. Oh, he's

17:09

dead, Jack. At

17:12

last. He's

17:14

had his final choke. He

17:17

even died laughing. But

17:19

now it's our turn. Now,

17:22

it's our

17:24

turn. There.

17:33

How the cellophore looks normal again. No one

17:35

can tell a private graveyard. Jack,

17:37

darling, it's all right. It's almost all over.

17:39

Yes, I know, I know, Betty, but I

17:41

don't have nerves of steel. Apparently, you do.

17:43

Oh, it's just that I planned this so

17:45

carefully, darling. I know everything's all right. Well,

17:47

then go. No. me

17:49

have the light I want to

17:51

shine it around one last time to make sure we

17:54

haven't left anything that much. What's

17:56

that? What? There. Over

17:59

in that corner. Oh, let me look.

18:01

It's scrap paper. Betty, it's a

18:03

wrapper off of stick of chewing

18:06

up. Someone's been here recently.

18:08

Let me see it. Oh,

18:11

stamp. It's laying there for

18:13

a long time. Days, at

18:15

least. How'd it get here?

18:17

Some tramp was here, maybe

18:20

some kid playing in this

18:22

old house, that's all. I guess

18:24

you're right. Here, help me

18:27

with the school. Now let's

18:29

get ourselves out of here.

18:31

I don't know about you,

18:33

but I need a drink.

18:35

I drove back to the

18:37

house and cleaned up. Then

18:40

I poured a smoke. He'd

18:42

have gone off rather neatly,

18:44

I thought. But then, as

18:46

I said, planning is so

18:48

important, whether you're giving a

18:50

big party or murdering your

18:53

husband. Hey, darling,

18:55

your drink? Oh, yes, thanks,

18:57

Benny. Oh, I

19:00

need it there. Well, we can

19:02

relax now. Ah, all over.

19:04

Almost. Almost, all over, Betty. I

19:06

still have to drive to New

19:08

York and plant those bags in

19:11

a pay locker. Yes, and the

19:13

Rexford's party? Oh, I wish we

19:16

could skip that. Why don't

19:18

we? We're going to be late

19:20

anyhow. Oh, he can't. Herbert made

19:22

such a point that we watch

19:24

when they use his precious

19:27

gag. Herbert and his

19:29

gags. Well, let's go.

19:32

No, wait. We could

19:34

take a minute longer.

19:37

What? Darling. We're alone

19:39

now. We don't have

19:42

Herbert to worry about.

19:44

Oh. Yes, of course,

19:47

sweetheart. I guess I

19:49

was just keyed up. Much

20:00

better. Oh, Jack. We're

20:03

going to have such

20:05

a wonderful time now.

20:08

With Herbert gone. Jack's

20:11

kiss made me want

20:13

to skip their experts

20:16

and their party and

20:18

the silly program and

20:21

Herbert's stunt and everything

20:24

else. But we couldn't.

20:27

So ten minutes later we were ringing

20:29

the bell at Rexford's place. But we

20:31

can get away fast as soon as

20:33

this thing is over. The party, Jack,

20:36

we can't rush off too fast. Well,

20:38

I... Here comes somebody. Betty, Jack. We

20:40

thought you were going to make it.

20:42

Come on in, quick. We had a

20:44

little trouble with the car. Oh, this

20:46

met all with the way. Well, come

20:48

on into the living room. Bill, Jack

20:51

and Betty are here. Good. Golly, George

20:53

Gordon is just explaining about good old

20:55

Herb's gag. It's a little little kid.

20:57

Here, I'll turn to set up. Goodbye

20:59

all of you and lots of

21:01

luck. And so, folks, there go

21:03

our for bare of contestants. Eight

21:06

happy people without an idea what

21:08

they're getting into. And now, Jolly

21:10

George is going to let all

21:12

of you out there into the

21:14

plot. Oh, I can't wait to

21:17

hear it. You see? We've just

21:19

sent those four couples out with

21:21

roadmaps and fix and shovels to

21:23

dig for buried treasure. What they

21:25

don't know is they're going to

21:28

wind up in the cellar of

21:30

a haunted house. We'll find a

21:32

chest with $5,000 in it. Dicking

21:34

the cellar. Dumb treasure, eh? But

21:36

to test their nerves, while they're

21:39

digging, we're going to broadcast into

21:41

that house all the ghostly noises

21:43

you can think of. Howling dogs

21:45

and clanking chains and squeaking doors

21:47

and everything. Hey, that's not a

21:49

bad game. Aren't we just devil?

21:52

Our special thanks to Herbert Willoughby

21:54

of Connecticut. for thinking of the

21:56

stunt and lending us his own

21:58

haunted house in the woods for

22:00

it. We buried the chest there

22:03

a week ago and carefully about

22:05

that. That money is buried in

22:07

Herbert's old haunted house. Hey we've

22:09

got as much right to dig

22:11

in it as anybody. Now an

22:14

hour from now that whole cellar

22:16

will be dug up and we

22:18

want to get there first. So

22:20

come on let's go. Betty will

22:22

show us the way. Won't you

22:25

Betty? So

22:29

you see, Doctor, my

22:31

plan for getting rid

22:34

of Herbert was

22:36

a perfectly good one.

22:39

I'm not ashamed of

22:41

it a bit. And

22:44

it is silly

22:46

stunt that that moronic

22:49

program spoiled everything. I'm

22:51

prepared to take the

22:54

consequences. A lady does

22:57

what she has

22:59

to without... I can't

23:01

stand it anymore. I

23:04

can't stand it! Spence.

23:07

You have been

23:09

listening to You Can

23:11

Die laughing. Starring Evelyn

23:14

Juster and Larry Haynes.

23:17

And written especially

23:19

for suspense by Robert

23:22

Arthur. In a moment,

23:24

the names of our

23:27

players and a

23:29

word about next week's

23:32

story of suspense. Athletesfoot

23:34

roots, like gardenweed roots,

23:37

grow below the

23:39

surface. You've got to

23:42

penetrate the surface to

23:44

root it out. And

23:47

that's how NP27 treatment

23:50

works to root

23:52

out athletes' foot. NP27

23:54

penetrates below skin surface

23:57

where other remedies can't

24:00

reach even into

24:02

toenails. N.P. 27 Liquid

24:04

stops itch, relieves pain,

24:07

promotes healthy tissue. N.P.

24:10

27 powder guards

24:12

against new infection, keeps

24:14

feet healthy dry. N.P.

24:17

27 roots out, athletes'

24:19

foot, or your druggist

24:21

will refund your money.

24:23

For Ian Martin, as

24:25

Herbert Willoughby, Lee Vines,

24:27

as Jolly George Gordon,

24:29

Gertrude Warner, as Gene

24:31

Rexford, and William Mason,

24:33

as Bill Rexford. Listen

24:35

again next week, when

24:37

we return with Bells,

24:39

written by Jack Bundy,

24:41

another tale well calculated to

24:44

keep you in. Suspense. France

24:46

in focus. David Shombrans, your

24:48

man in Paris weekday is

24:50

on the CBS radio network.

24:53

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