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guru, Kayla Itzinas. Hi, I'm

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Kayla Itzinas. Hi,

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I'm Kayla Itzinas and this is Sweat

1:23

Daily. Welcome

1:29

everyone to Sweat Daily with me,

1:31

Kayla Itzinas. Now on Tuesdays, we

1:34

bring you exclusive interviews with global

1:36

stars and familiar faces, uncovering insights

1:39

to sometimes unexpected revelations about their

1:41

health habits. Today, I'm talking to

1:43

the amazing Gabby Bernstein, New York

1:46

Times bestselling author and host of

1:48

the brilliant podcast Dear Gabby. If

1:57

you're taking care of a senior loved one. then

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$10 in order. This

3:15

episode features discussions about challenging topics

3:18

like abuse, trauma, and pregnancy loss,

3:20

along with some adult language. So

3:22

please take care while listening. Now

3:28

Gabby, thank you so much for joining me

3:31

on the show today. For the people that

3:33

don't know you, could you tell us a

3:35

little bit about yourself? Absolutely. Well, I am

3:37

Gabby Bernstein. I have been

3:39

a spiritual teacher and a motivational speaker

3:42

and a self-help book author for 18

3:44

years. And

3:47

I am a devotional

3:49

student of personal growth and spiritual

3:51

development. And in

3:53

my own journey of becoming

3:56

free and feeling

3:58

presence and greatness inside, I

4:00

have carried the message and

4:03

shared and taught through authentic

4:05

experience And I've written ten books

4:07

my tenth book will be out in December.

4:09

It's called self-help and I'm a Kayla fan

4:13

And I do Kayla I do Kayla and

4:16

I do Kayla. I do Kayla. It's so funny

4:18

I was like people say I do Kayla. I'm

4:20

like, I'm so glad my community

4:22

is all women cuz that sounds so I

4:24

do Kayla I'm gonna

4:27

go Kayla. Yeah, that's a good thing. I'm gonna

4:29

go do a Kayla You know what? It's cuz

4:31

my name my last name is so impossible like

4:33

no, it was Kayla. You're Kayla Let's just ignore

4:35

that and we're just gonna call it a Kayla. And

4:37

I love that. Yeah, I love that Can

4:40

we go back to you haven't always

4:42

been a person who was

4:44

just knows everything about sleep and knows everything about

4:46

their body And knows everything about their brain What

4:49

were you like when you were younger? What was

4:51

it like trying to work through that process? Well,

4:55

I am a trauma survivor and I

4:59

Experienced extreme trauma as a child, but I didn't

5:01

remember I dissociated from it till it was 36

5:04

years old So

5:07

I became a drug addict and alcoholic in

5:09

my 20s And

5:11

I didn't know why it was like why am I

5:13

using why am I so controlling? Why am I a

5:15

workaholic? Why am I a drug addict? And

5:18

I never understood but I did I did have

5:21

the the spiritual awareness and the spiritual foundation and

5:23

the desire to feel free so

5:25

much so that I got myself clean and sober at

5:27

25 going to a program a free

5:29

program and getting myself,

5:31

you know walking myself in the door and Staying

5:35

clean and sober now for 18 and a half years

5:38

and getting sober was the first step

5:40

and then reclaiming my spiritual faith and

5:42

really committing to my therapeutic journey one

5:45

day at a time and By

5:48

the time I was 36 years old I Had

5:51

already written about five or six books I'd been

5:54

named a new thought leader by Oprah and featured

5:56

on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday It was just like

5:58

my career multiple New York times best sellers.

6:00

I had this big career, I was helping a lot of

6:02

people, but I was really falling apart on the inside and

6:05

workaholic and cracking open and had

6:07

my sobriety, but I had such

6:09

inner turmoil and such suffering. And

6:13

then at 36, I remembered this dream, in a

6:16

dream. And it's interesting that we're

6:18

talking about sleep because this is where this was revealed

6:20

to me that I

6:23

was indeed sexually abused as a child. And

6:25

that dream was very real and very true

6:27

for me. And I pushed it down. I

6:29

was like, no way, I'm not touching that.

6:31

And that truth came forward more days

6:34

later when I was in therapy. And

6:37

that dream recollection began my

6:39

journey of undoing trauma. And

6:42

so at that time I wrote

6:44

several more books and then by the time I was 40, 40, 20,

6:47

20, 20, when I was 40, I wrote a book called Happy Days,

6:52

The Guided Path from Trauma to Profound Freedom

6:54

and Inner Peace. And

6:57

that book really shared the story

6:59

of the journey that I've

7:01

undergone for the last 18 years, really

7:03

my whole life, but really

7:05

the therapeutic and spiritual journey that I've

7:08

undergone in the last 18 years to

7:11

be the voice that's so peaceful to you in

7:13

this presence right now, to be genuinely

7:17

present with you right now

7:21

and to be really settled in my

7:23

body and in my mind and

7:26

to be free. I love that.

7:28

To wake up without anxiety, to

7:30

trust in the divine plan, to

7:33

live with a ever present knowing

7:36

that is devotional spiritual

7:38

development, that is devotional

7:41

therapy, that is the

7:43

willingness and the bravery and the courage to

7:45

do whatever it takes to get to freedom.

7:48

And at the ripe age of 44,

7:50

I can enjoy that freedom and

7:53

I can be in that presence

7:55

of that sensation and that felt sense

7:57

of knowing what it's like to be in this moment.

8:00

moment right here with you right now. And

8:03

I'm so proud that I can live to

8:06

tell. So you have done

8:08

so much in your life. I feel like

8:10

you are at the top and you say

8:12

your presence is power. What do you mean

8:15

when you say that? Often

8:17

I think that people can get it wrong. They

8:19

think my credentials or who I know or where

8:21

I'm sitting at the table, that's our power and

8:23

that's a bunch of BS. Our

8:26

power comes from the energy that

8:28

we bring. And

8:31

the intentions that we show up with and

8:34

the presence that we have inside. So

8:38

when you have that connection to your

8:41

inner landscape and you have a connection

8:43

to the feelings of peace within you

8:45

and joy within you

8:47

and inspiration within you, then

8:50

you are unstoppable. Truly.

8:53

So good. Manifestation is a

8:55

huge part of what you do. I

8:57

think I have it wrong because I think manifestation is

9:00

standing in front of the mirror saying, I

9:02

will get this. I will do this.

9:05

Is that what it is? Or if I just not

9:07

understood what manifestation is and should I have

9:09

that as part of my life? Because I just don't, I just

9:11

don't get it. I think affirmations

9:13

are great and they do put you

9:15

into a powerful energy. But the real

9:17

manifestation, we manifest what we believe, Kayla.

9:19

So really manifesting is

9:22

about recognizing where your

9:24

beliefs are blocking you. And

9:26

doing whatever it takes to come back to a

9:28

place of true faith. And

9:31

in that place of faith

9:33

and awareness and connection, then you become

9:35

a super attractor. You

9:37

already are a super attractor. It's already in you. You just

9:39

have to release the blocks to the presence of it. And

9:42

so first is noticing where you're blocked,

9:45

noticing how you're blocking it, then

9:48

doing more to bring yourself to joy. Because

9:50

joy is the ultimate creator. Joy

9:52

is the ultimate attracting power.

9:56

I think I already do that. I don't think I have a problem

9:58

with it. I've

10:00

got the idea of it wrong manifesting. Exactly.

10:02

I just believe so hard. I think that

10:04

you are absolutely manifesting. I think you're a

10:07

super attractor for sure, without a

10:09

doubt. You just don't even

10:11

really need to think about it so much.

10:13

Just have fun and you're creating. Be

10:15

in the joy of what you're doing and you're manifesting.

10:18

If you're not having fun, notice that and

10:21

get back into alignment. Love that.

10:28

Now, this week we are talking

10:30

all things sleep and things that

10:33

are surrounding sleep because sleep is

10:35

such a huge part of

10:37

our life. And when it's not right, I

10:40

feel like everything just goes wrong. And I

10:42

know that you've had so many

10:44

experiences in your life where I can imagine

10:47

you have had a really hard week

10:49

or a really hard year. The thing

10:51

that would be something that you struggle with is

10:53

trying to shut your brain off and

10:55

get to sleep. So has there been a time in

10:58

your life where you just couldn't shut your brain off?

11:01

Many times in my life where I couldn't shut my brain off,

11:04

I think that actually

11:06

that perpetual cycle of kind of being

11:08

in the incessant thought was part of the

11:11

reason why I pursued the career I have

11:13

now. And I

11:15

was my first student, as you know, for yourself, as

11:17

we all do. We are always our

11:19

first student. When it

11:21

comes to sleep, wow, good topic,

11:23

big topic, necessary topic, I

11:26

had a really extreme

11:28

sleep disorder when I

11:30

experienced postpartum depression and

11:32

anxiety. And it

11:34

first manifested in the form

11:36

of insomnia, which I

11:38

didn't understand at the time was actually panic

11:41

attacks and has having panic attacks in the

11:43

middle of the night postpartum. It took

11:45

me many, many months to get a proper diagnosis

11:47

and to really understand what was going on. But

11:51

in that time, while getting properly

11:53

diagnosed eventually and getting the medicated support

11:55

that I needed, prior

11:57

to that I really exhausted every single

11:59

day. single sleep technique,

12:02

sleep hygiene, sleep

12:04

meditation, yoga nidra, you freaking

12:06

name it. It

12:09

was something I applied. And

12:11

the truth is I'm going to always be

12:13

very brutally honest when it comes to a biochemical

12:16

condition like postpartum depression or anxiety and insomnia

12:18

that for me, there was only one choice

12:20

which was a medicated path. And

12:22

I'm going to speak about that loud and proud because

12:24

I want to save lives. But

12:28

once I was on that path, I needed

12:30

to create structure around my sleep that was

12:32

going to support me. I couldn't just take

12:35

a pill and not deal with the

12:37

other issues. And so

12:39

sleep hygiene became such an extreme

12:41

priority for me. At

12:45

the time, I have longtime friends with Arianna

12:47

Huffington and she gave me this bed. It

12:49

was like literally this little square box and

12:51

it had a charger in it

12:55

and like a phone charger and

12:57

silk sheets. And

12:59

what she said was, tuck your phone into

13:01

the bed at night in a little silk

13:03

sheets, charge it up in this box

13:06

and put it in another room. And

13:08

so I followed Arianna's guidance and I put

13:10

my phone in another room and just little

13:13

silk sheets in its box. And

13:15

then I created all of these boundaries

13:17

around sleep. No big talk at night.

13:20

I was really clear with my husband, like let's not get

13:22

into big conversations in the middle of the night right before

13:24

I go to bed. I would

13:26

always dim the lights, blue light glasses, all

13:28

the kinds of downtime routine. So

13:31

I could literally talk to you about this for the

13:33

next hour, all the different tools that I believe in.

13:35

I would love it. That I swear by when it

13:37

comes to sleep. Well, let's do that

13:39

because there are so many women out there

13:41

and they don't need to be postpartum that

13:44

are waking up during the night feeling absolutely

13:46

panicked. And I know for myself,

13:48

having small kids, when you wake up, you

13:50

become so sad and you just don't know

13:52

why. So when you woke up or you

13:54

didn't even get to sleep, what were some

13:56

of the feelings that you had in your

13:58

mind, in your body? body? Were you in

14:00

pain? What was it? I mean, all of the

14:03

above. If you don't sleep, I didn't sleep for

14:05

like 40 days, you know, properly, maybe like an

14:07

hour here, an hour there. If you

14:09

don't sleep, it's like a slow death. It's a slow death. And

14:12

it's everything. I mean, above

14:14

everything else, it's the sleep

14:17

of everything else. So yeah, I

14:19

mean, I was completely terrified and depressed and

14:24

really overwhelmed and didn't have any really

14:27

clear direction or resources on what to do at

14:29

that time before I got the therapeutic support and

14:31

the medicated support. And so

14:33

for me, I was in

14:35

terror. And I would

14:38

wake up with anxiety

14:40

attacks that also would just get perpetuated

14:42

by the fact that I now had

14:44

to feed a child in the morning.

14:46

And I was a source of food.

14:50

And be me and

14:53

do the work I do and be the

14:55

wife I was and all of it plus

14:57

not sleep. And it was really awful. It

14:59

takes me back to a really, really sad time.

15:01

But what I will say is that the tools

15:04

I learned at that time for

15:08

self care and for sleep hygiene, I

15:10

used it to this day. So

15:12

I stopped eating

15:14

at 6 o'clock. I don't drink

15:17

too much liquid because you're always going to have

15:19

ladies you don't have to go, you know, get

15:21

up and pee in the middle of the night.

15:23

I turn off all my devices. I put my

15:26

devices in another room. I have a downtime routine.

15:28

For me, I'm like that total like biohacking loser

15:30

girl on the internet. Not loser, we're not losers.

15:32

But now we get like really nerdy about it.

15:34

We get into it. We're like all bunch of

15:37

dorks with like our bedside masks and like our,

15:39

you know, Guasa and whatever. But

15:42

I'm doing all of it. And I'm

15:44

in bed and I've got like those like

15:46

leg compression things going. Yeah. Totally.

15:49

I mean, it's just it's just if you have access

15:51

to these things, you should use them. And if you

15:53

don't have access to these things and turn your lights

15:55

down, turn your phone off, take

15:58

a bath, take a shower. Have

16:00

your own downtime routine in whatever

16:03

form that comes. And

16:05

for me, it may have all these different bells and

16:07

whistles, but if I'm on the road or whatever, I'm

16:09

just gonna definitely not turn the TV on, definitely not

16:11

get sucked into social media. Do

16:14

something that triggers your brain to

16:16

turn off. And that's really

16:19

important, so no big talk, no

16:21

eating late, really being

16:24

mindful of not a lot of caffeine in

16:26

the afternoon. Exercise is really extraordinary

16:28

for your sleep. The more exhausted you are, the

16:30

more you exhaust your body. This is sort of

16:33

logical, but it was something I didn't realize when

16:35

it comes to sleep hygiene. My doctor taught me

16:37

this, was that the more that you physically exert

16:39

yourself during the day, the better

16:41

you'll sleep, of course. And it's logical, like I

16:43

said, but it's actually super important. And

16:46

then I have a lot of meditations and spiritual

16:48

practices that I would use to help me fall

16:50

asleep and breath work as well. That's the next

16:52

thing I was gonna ask you about. So talk

16:54

to me about meditation and that work that you

16:56

do with your mind and your body before either

16:58

you go to sleep or getting up in the

17:00

morning. So I think that my

17:03

meditation practice is a very fluid practice, and

17:05

I've meditated for 30 years

17:08

now, consistently for 18 years. And

17:11

so it's sort of part of my life, it's

17:13

similar to you. It's like you don't really go

17:16

a day without doing some sort of physical activity,

17:18

I'm sure, unless you're having a day off. Correct.

17:21

Becomes very fluid, it becomes like this is this

17:23

is a spiritual life that I live. So

17:25

for me, what I will

17:27

always do is set intentions before I go to

17:29

sleep. And I will often

17:32

say like I would like to put this thing aside and I

17:34

might write it down and put in a journal and just say,

17:36

I'll come back to this tomorrow and really compartmentalize

17:39

so that I'm not going to sleep holding

17:41

and carrying the things that are bothering me.

17:44

If there is something really bothering me, which is rare

17:46

these days, but if there's something really up for me,

17:48

I will write it out before I go to bed

17:50

and I'll listen to bi-neural music. And

17:53

so that sort of stimulates both sides of the

17:55

brain and it will really help you process something

17:57

if you want to clear it. So

17:59

I'll just. journal, journal, journal, and

18:01

write, write, write, and let that process. And

18:05

then simultaneously, I will really

18:07

give myself just breath and a heart hold.

18:09

I'll place my hand on my heart and

18:11

my hand on my belly, and I'll just

18:13

breathe and connect, connecting to

18:16

my body, connecting to my heart, and

18:18

give myself that presence to settle

18:20

my system. And

18:23

so just lying in bed with that heart hold is

18:25

just such a profound way to ignite

18:28

that presence of inner

18:30

peace and that presence of connection, and that

18:33

sensation of stillness inside. Yeah,

18:36

wow. I have meditations that I do.

18:38

The yoga, nidra meditations, I teach them.

18:40

They're sleep meditations. Those are very

18:42

valuable as well. Maybe I need to

18:44

start listening to yours stuff to go to sleep, because I

18:46

struggle. What would you say to someone

18:48

who is like me, who is

18:50

the person who says, I hate meditation, I just

18:53

can't, my brain goes too fast, and feels a

18:55

bit silly when they're sitting there, you know, hand

18:57

on heart, hand on tummy, trying to breathe. What

18:59

would you say to that person who says, I

19:02

just can't do it? It's not for me, but

19:04

they want to. I would say

19:06

keep it simple. I

19:09

do think that that heart hold is quite

19:11

simple. That's not even a meditation. That could

19:13

be considered a meditation, but it's really just

19:16

a hold that sends a message to your

19:18

brain that you're safe. That's nice. Another thing

19:20

you can do is breathing

19:22

in for two strokes through your nose and

19:25

out one through your mouth. That would

19:30

be, do it with me right now. Oh,

19:36

instant calm. Well,

19:41

that does calm you a little bit. Why?

19:44

Yeah. What? Well, it's

19:46

sending oxygen to your brain. I've never done that. Because you're

19:48

not breathing really, right? So if you're not breathing, then you

19:50

can't settle your nervous system. That reminds me of when kids

19:52

cry and they go, yeah. Yeah.

19:55

Is that them trying to? It

19:57

is a form of self-regulation. Yeah, right.

20:00

It really is. Yeah. Because that

20:02

instantly is calming. Very

20:04

calming, right? So calming. So the

20:06

person who's saying something, Kayla, that's

20:08

like, oh, I don't like meditation

20:11

or I don't have

20:13

to, can you breathe

20:15

like that for one minute? I think most people

20:17

could say, yes, I can. Or are

20:20

you willing to place your hand on your heart and your hand

20:22

on your belly? Can you listen

20:25

to an audio? Yes, yes,

20:27

all of the S's. And oftentimes

20:29

when we're in those moments where we can't

20:31

sleep, we really do crack open to the

20:33

possibility of doing something different because we've just

20:36

become desperate, really. And so it's a nice

20:38

opening. It's an opportunity. It's not a

20:40

bad place to be when we hit

20:42

bottom and we say, okay, I'm willing

20:44

to do something differently. I don't think that's a

20:46

bad thing at all. I think in many cases

20:48

that there's that beautiful Amma quote, when

20:50

an eggshell is cracked from the outside, it's broken,

20:52

but when it cracks from the inside, it's reborn.

20:55

Wow. So if you're struggling, just

20:58

welcome that struggle and say, I'm

21:00

a yes for something new. I'm

21:07

going to give you a little scenario, which is

21:09

something that I experienced. And that is, so I'm

21:13

sleeping and I'm having like

21:15

the world's worst dream. And it feels

21:17

so real at the time. I jolt out of bed

21:20

and like trying to breathe. I'm like, okay, that wasn't

21:22

real. That wasn't real. I need

21:24

to think about something else. And then I lie back down and I'm

21:26

straight back into that dream. So I sit back up and I'm like,

21:28

okay, I need to get this out of my

21:30

brain. I lie back down and it just feels like I'm in this

21:32

loop. It's usually off the back

21:34

of a really stressful day or really stressful

21:36

week. What is something that you would do

21:38

instantly given your 18 years

21:40

of consistent meditation and really working on that

21:43

sleep? What would you say to someone who's

21:45

just constantly in this loop and cannot calm

21:47

down? Well, I think that's

21:49

an anxiety cycle. Anxiety

21:52

does pushups while we sleep. So

21:56

when we are woken

21:58

up like that by a dream, or

22:00

a feeling of

22:02

panic, that's anxiety. So

22:05

we need to do something in that moment

22:09

to put a calming,

22:12

mindful practice in place of

22:14

that anxiety loop. You

22:17

could tap on your hand. So right here

22:19

between your ring finger and your pinky finger,

22:21

right there, it's a tapping point in emotional

22:23

freedom technique. And you can tap right

22:25

there on that point. And it's kind of like a holy

22:28

shit point. Having anxiety, tap, tap,

22:30

tap. And this sends a

22:32

message to the amygdala that you're safe. And

22:35

as you tap on that point, you can say, I

22:37

am safe. I

22:40

am safe. Right. Say it with

22:42

me. I am safe. I am

22:44

safe. I am safe.

22:48

I think I do this when I'm nervous,

22:51

when I have something to say and I

22:53

don't wanna say it, so I just tap on,

22:55

I think I do this. Like unconsciously? Yeah, I

22:58

think. And then people say, do you have something

23:00

to say? No, but I'm tapping.

23:04

What is your number one sort

23:06

of sleep tip for people with

23:08

anxiety? Okay. Daytime

23:11

begets nighttime. So

23:15

what you're doing during the day actually does affect

23:17

your anxiety throughout the day, but also during the

23:19

evening. So having those

23:22

grounded mindful practices, exercise,

23:24

of course, like we said, drinking,

23:26

don't drink caffeine. Doing

23:28

the daytime routine will

23:31

greatly impact the evening routine.

23:34

So I'm actually, there's

23:36

an anxiety relief challenge in the app, in the

23:38

Gabby coaching app. So if somebody is really struggling

23:40

with anxiety, there's like so much anxiety content in

23:42

there, so much. I

23:45

think that is important to say to our

23:47

listeners, just because you're

23:49

having anxiety on that day doesn't

23:51

mean you have permanent anxiety and

23:54

anxiety disorder, or you feel depressed on

23:56

a day, you don't have depression, like

23:58

you're just like. depressed that day. And

24:01

it might take something as simple as your

24:03

app to get them out of it. Or

24:05

it might need, like you said, to get

24:07

to the point of medication to actually rewire

24:09

those brain chemicals to be able to help.

24:11

And there's no shame in either of them.

24:13

And I know that when my mother-in-law passed

24:15

away, my dad said to me, how are

24:17

you feeling? I said, depressed. And he's like,

24:20

seriously? And I was like, no, no, hold

24:22

on. I said, I don't have depression. Listen

24:24

to me, Greek man. That's so old school.

24:26

I don't have depression. I'm just depressed right

24:28

now. Like, I just don't feel any happiness

24:30

because I just lost someone that I love.

24:32

And there's a big difference between that and

24:35

a chemical imbalance. And I think it's important

24:37

for our listeners to go and seek help

24:39

and understand what is actually going on in

24:41

your brain. Because once you work out your

24:44

brain, once you work out your gut health,

24:46

once you center yourself, your sleep will get

24:48

better. Your mind will be clearer. Totally. And

24:50

it's not a one and done fix. Like,

24:52

that's why you have the app because you

24:55

keep going back when everyone keeps doing this.

24:57

And it's all of it. It's your hormones,

24:59

like women, late thirties,

25:02

forties, obviously fifties. Get

25:04

your hormones checked. If

25:06

you're having severe depression, anxiety,

25:08

insomnia, get your hormones looked at

25:10

and talk to a psychiatrist. Just be

25:14

hypervigilant about your

25:16

symptoms so that you

25:18

can get the relief that you desire. And

25:21

I don't like the word hypervigilant,

25:23

but be mindfully conscious of

25:26

your symptoms so that you can

25:28

let them guide you towards what you need for healing.

25:36

Do you ever

25:38

think if I hadn't done what

25:40

I did, I could

25:43

have taken so easily the wrong path

25:46

and just ended up in this downward

25:48

spiral that I just cannot

25:50

get myself out of? Do you ever look

25:52

back and think, wow, I really just sliding

25:54

doors moment. Totally. Changed my whole life. You

25:56

know, it's funny, in the introduction to Happy

25:58

Days, I share a story. about how

26:00

I was in my beat up white Toyota Corolla,

26:02

sitting outside doing alternate side of the street parking

26:04

in New York City. And

26:06

I'm in the car and I'm like hung

26:09

over from the night before and like completely

26:11

a mess and

26:13

have no business being behind the wheel. And

26:16

I'm listening to this tape, a cassette tape. It

26:18

was 25 at the time so really, we're talking

26:20

about like 2005 baby. Okay, and

26:23

I'm listening to a cassette tape and I'm pressing

26:26

rewind and then play and then rewind and then

26:28

play. And it's the

26:30

voice of a psychic reading that I had

26:32

had about five months prior. And

26:35

I hear the voice of the psychic and she's saying, you

26:38

have two choices, there's two paths you

26:40

can take. You can stay

26:42

on the path that you're on and

26:45

really struggle and suffer. Or

26:48

you can get sober and get clean and

26:51

make a major impact on the world. And

26:54

I just kept listening to that back and forth and back and

26:56

forth and back and forth. And I wanted

26:58

that, I just didn't believe it. I just didn't know

27:00

how I'd get there. And

27:02

by the grace of God and my surrender, I

27:05

made a commitment to get clean and sober and that

27:07

was the direction that I chose. So

27:10

I think that we are destined in this

27:12

lifetime to fulfill our purpose,

27:14

to fulfill our function, which is to just

27:16

heal. And then in our healing,

27:18

we help others heal. But

27:20

we all do have free will. And

27:24

we could choose the other path and

27:26

plenty do. Well,

27:30

that is so interesting. I

27:32

wanna tell you a story because I haven't told this

27:34

story. Now that you've said it, I've just realized that

27:37

I probably should, ever since I was younger, I have a reoccurring dream. And

27:41

this dream has kept me up since I was a kid.

27:44

Like I promise you, like from five years

27:46

old to 30 years old, I used

27:49

to wake up and this would be my

27:51

nightmare. So the dream goes,

27:53

I'm in the middle of my parents' house and

27:56

someone who I don't know grabs me

27:58

by the ribs. and lifts me into

28:01

the air and starts crushing my

28:03

ribs. And I'm yelling, please pull me down,

28:05

please put me down. And I'm getting this

28:07

crushing feeling and I can't breathe and

28:09

I'm in so much pain and they won't

28:11

stop and they keep crushing. They keep crushing. I'm

28:13

like, please stop, please stop. And I don't have

28:15

any air left. And when I feel like I'm

28:18

about to die and I'm in so much pain,

28:20

I jolt. I actually like wake up for real.

28:22

I jolt out of bed and I'm sweating and

28:24

I'm heavy breathing. And I was

28:26

so sick of this dream and it was, I

28:28

was really stressed and it only comes on when

28:30

I'm really stressed. And I remember being at my

28:32

parents' house and I said, I had

28:34

the worst dream again last night and I

28:36

keep having this dream and explain the dream

28:38

to them. And my dad

28:40

said, that happened. And I said, what, what are

28:42

you talking about? And he goes, when you were

28:45

little, my friend Eddie

28:47

came over and Eddie's really tall. He's like six

28:49

foot seven and just like a beanstalk and he

28:51

doesn't have kids. And so he didn't understand to

28:54

put his hands underneath your armpits. So

28:56

he grabbed you by the middle and lifted you up

28:58

and was trying to tickle you mid air. And I,

29:00

apparently I started screaming saying, put me down, put me

29:02

down. And it was like, do you want to be

29:04

put down? Do you want to be put down? And

29:07

I was like, please. Like, and I'm trying to say

29:09

please. He's like, I remember this whole thing. And

29:11

then my mum knocked on the window and said, put her down.

29:14

And this whole thing came back into my

29:16

head. And it wasn't until I said it

29:19

out loud and actually worked through it that

29:21

the dream has completely stopped.

29:24

And I haven't had that dream again. But

29:26

it was realizing that that dream

29:28

was actually real. And

29:30

it was from when I was so young, I didn't remember it. And it took

29:33

for someone to say, actually, that

29:35

is very real and you can stop

29:38

and you're safe now. No one will do that to you

29:40

ever again. Yes. By the way,

29:42

guys, I don't let people tickle me. I don't

29:44

let people touch my ribs. The only person who has

29:46

ever touched my ribs is Jay, my husband. No

29:49

one else can touch my ribs. Don't hug me. Don't

29:51

squeeze me. Right. So

29:54

that was a traumatic event that you experienced

29:56

as a child. And

29:58

to me. Yes. Yeah,

30:00

that was a trauma. And

30:02

so the trauma memory, while

30:05

you might have never

30:07

been talked about it or never thought,

30:09

oh, she was little, she doesn't remember,

30:11

bullshit. Think this through parents. Just because

30:13

they're little doesn't mean that they don't

30:15

remember. Their body will

30:18

remember. Their subconscious will remember.

30:21

And so you remembered. And

30:23

for you, you have

30:25

had... So there was this perpetual

30:28

dreams and these fears. And I think that in

30:30

some ways I might argue that it is still

30:32

somatically stuck. The real freedom you'll know and there's

30:34

some suggestion, I'll give you happy days, I think

30:36

will be a great book for you because it's

30:40

still a little bit somatically stuck, which doesn't sound

30:42

like it's really stuck because the dreams are stopped

30:44

and you don't really feel over... You're able to

30:46

retell the story without having extreme emotion. It was

30:48

just very grounded in your body. But

30:51

there will be another level of freedom, which

30:53

is that people can tickle you again. So that

30:56

is possible. There

30:59

is more freedom, even more freedom to

31:01

come. But the reason that

31:03

you were able to release the

31:06

dream and get back to safety

31:08

and not have that extreme thing

31:10

anymore is because your primary caregivers

31:12

were able to validate that, yes,

31:14

indeed, this did happen. You're

31:16

not crazy. This isn't

31:18

something that happened. And

31:21

guess what? Mommy saved you and

31:23

it wasn't a bad person. He didn't have bad

31:25

intentions and you're safe. You even said

31:27

this, my dad reminded me, I'm safe

31:29

now and that's never

31:32

going to happen to me again. And

31:35

just those that in that experience

31:37

of retelling the story, having the

31:39

receptivity and the validation from a

31:41

caregiver that you trust to reflect

31:44

back to, no, you are indeed

31:46

safe. That my love

31:48

helped you reprocess that truncated

31:50

trauma that had been stuck in you for so long.

31:54

So lucky you... I was about

31:56

to say, do you feel like you were so

31:59

alone in that process? who says when you

32:01

worked that out? Oh yeah.

32:04

But I was

32:06

alone in it until I started trying to,

32:09

until I became aware of it. And

32:11

becoming aware of it, I was no longer alone because

32:13

you know who was with me? My therapist and

32:15

the other therapists. And I've had the same

32:17

therapist now for 12 years and she treated

32:20

me for five or six years before I

32:22

even knew about the trauma. And

32:24

it was only until I knew about the trauma, yeah, it

32:26

was in her office that I fully accepted it because I'd

32:28

had the dream but then I was like, whoa,

32:31

not gonna go there. And then days later in her therapy

32:33

office, it was just like, this

32:35

happened. And you

32:37

know, I dedicated that book to her, Happy

32:40

Days, my trauma book.

32:42

So amazing. Yeah. So you

32:45

recommend, you would recommend a

32:48

therapist 100%. It's

32:51

actually really nice to hear that. You were there for

32:53

five years before you

32:55

worked out something else. So

32:57

you would recommend that? I mean, I think

33:00

everybody deserves a therapist. That's

33:05

a nice way of thinking of it. It feels like it's

33:07

such like a taboo thing. Like

33:09

people don't wanna talk about it. Oh, you go to

33:11

therapy, what's wrong with you? I think that's cultural. I

33:14

live in New York, so you know, everybody has a

33:16

therapist in New York. Really? No, seriously, in

33:19

Australia, it's like, oh. East coast, west

33:21

coast. I mean, it depends on what

33:23

part of the country you're in. But

33:25

in America, it's much, much, much more

33:27

acceptable these days, particularly in like liberal

33:29

states, yeah. Okay, so anyone listening

33:31

to this, we recommend

33:33

a therapist. Oh yeah. Definitely.

33:36

Someone to speak to when you feel like you can't speak

33:38

to. I've got my family and my friends, it's not the

33:40

same. No, it's not. It's

33:43

not. And I think that these days, there's

33:45

so much support available. And some

33:47

people may be like, okay, well, a therapist feels

33:49

like too much right now, but I want a

33:52

coach or I want, you know,

33:54

or there's all kinds of support

33:56

available. But I do believe that

33:58

if you feel... or have a

34:00

connection to the conversation we're having about trauma,

34:02

I think the first step is to read

34:05

my book Happy Days. Because if

34:07

you're struggling with sleep or if you're struggling

34:09

with anxiety, you're struggling with depression, or you're

34:11

struggling with autoimmune, all these things are often

34:13

trauma responses. So read Happy Days.

34:16

And the reason I say that is

34:18

because it's the guided path from trauma

34:21

to profound freedom. And I introduce all

34:23

these trauma-based therapies that you can

34:25

do with a coach, with a therapist,

34:27

with a practitioner. And I

34:30

would start there. And it's also beautiful for someone going

34:32

through that because it reminds them they're not alone, and

34:34

that there's a way out. Big

34:36

time. Huge. That's amazing. And

34:38

all the methods and the tools that I

34:40

have in that book and all the sleep

34:42

things that we've been talking about, I have a

34:44

coaching app that has everything in it. It

34:47

has hundreds of meditations. It has the tapping

34:49

exercises. I'm going to give it to you

34:51

tonight, or it's my night, it's your morning.

34:53

I'll give it to you. And people can

34:56

try it for free, deargabby.com/app.

35:00

It's fucking awesome, babe. It's so good.

35:02

Like, you know when you created your

35:04

program and you're like, this is really

35:06

healing people. And you

35:08

saw all those transformations of people being like,

35:10

I mean, you were way early to this,

35:12

okay? With all the transformations. Like, I've been

35:14

following you for so many years. I

35:17

feel that now with this. I'm like, holy

35:19

shit. Like, I can be someone's coach anywhere,

35:21

anytime I'm there for that. And I've got

35:23

like a two minute practice called the Get

35:26

Gabby, you know, feeling anxious, do this for

35:28

two minutes, or can't sleep, listen

35:30

to this. But then there's also like a

35:32

deeper dive of coaching and there's hundreds of

35:34

meditations and workshops and lectures and pull a

35:36

card. You can like pull your own affirmation

35:39

card every morning. And God,

35:41

it's just, I'm so proud that I can democratize this work

35:43

and to be able to put it in the hands of

35:46

people who might not get to a therapist, or

35:49

may think it's taboo, or, you know, and

35:52

I can give them the tools that I learned in

35:54

therapy, the tools I learned on my spiritual path, the

35:56

tools I've created along the way. And

35:58

so it's like two decades of, of

36:00

my own personal pursuit. And I'm just so,

36:03

you know, I just want people to

36:05

know that there is help, that there is help that

36:07

you can get at your fingertips and it's

36:09

easy. Do you know what's beautiful about your app?

36:11

It's gabby in your

36:13

pocket, basically. And it

36:15

is not someone who has life has

36:18

just been so easy. It

36:20

is a woman who has struggled with, you

36:22

know, abuse and addiction and

36:24

has also, you know, had that postpartum

36:27

experience, has also worked for themselves and

36:29

being the one that has to do

36:31

everything. It's that person that shows up

36:33

every single day and has not had

36:35

an easy life. You're in your 40s

36:38

and you're just enjoying life. And you've

36:40

essentially used your life as a guinea pig

36:43

and a learning experience to be able to

36:45

teach people who are in that exact same

36:47

position. Someone's going to be listening to this

36:49

and they're going to be in their 20s

36:51

thinking, I can make a change immediately, immediately,

36:53

and not have to have that huge learning

36:55

because you have already done it for them,

36:57

which is so beautiful, which is so cool.

36:59

And I honestly, I look at

37:01

you on my in awe, like absolutely in awe.

37:03

And Gabby looks like she's bloody 20. I don't

37:05

know what she's, when she

37:07

said in 40s, I was like, dude, are you looking good, girl?

37:09

I'll hang out with you all day. I've

37:12

been doing Kayla. I've been doing my

37:14

Kayla. What's

37:18

next? What else are

37:20

you planning on doing? Where are we going from here?

37:23

I mean, I have a vision of

37:25

what's happening. I am kind

37:28

of aware of new things and developments, career

37:30

wise and personally, but I'm

37:32

also really good right here, right? Like I

37:34

feel really cool right now. So I'm not

37:37

kind of thirsty for anything, which is nice. And

37:39

that's been going on for quite some

37:41

time. It feels really good. But

37:44

for me, I know that I am definitely

37:47

being called to serve

37:49

in a bigger way, in a broader

37:51

way, in a more mainstream way. And

37:54

I just know that's my purpose. I know that what

37:56

I'm here for. It's I've signed up for it. So

37:58

that's gonna come, I think, in the next. year

38:00

or so just with different

38:02

platforms. And the 10th book

38:05

is called Self Help. It's really much

38:09

more mainstream and potentially

38:11

has the potential to touch

38:14

people's lives in an even

38:16

more broad way beyond the core

38:19

adopter and really open the door for more.

38:22

And it's not really like, oh, I'm going to

38:24

do so much because I think

38:26

I should. It's because I know I'm here to do that.

38:29

I'm going to exhaust any option I can to

38:31

be of service and that is my

38:33

purpose here. Gabby,

38:39

thank you so much. I do have a

38:41

few more just like quick fire, rapid questions.

38:43

I would love to know the answer to

38:45

this because this is something that I suck

38:47

at. This is my number one thing that

38:49

I cannot do and I did not do

38:51

for so long. And it's the most simplest

38:54

thing. So my first question is how do

38:56

you celebrate your small wins? Well,

38:58

I think that for

39:01

so many years, I didn't celebrate the

39:03

wins because I was in that place

39:06

of feeling like I couldn't be fully present.

39:10

And for the first time

39:13

now being integrated with

39:15

my body, not living like neck

39:17

down, integrated with my body, I'm integrated

39:20

with my sensations and my

39:22

feelings and I'm so

39:24

present right in this exact moment. And then I'll

39:26

go, I'll be with my kid and I'll go

39:28

make him dinner in 15 minutes or

39:31

whatever it is. Now

39:33

is the first time maybe in the last

39:35

year that I can

39:38

really relish in

39:40

those wins, big or small.

39:44

So I want to honor whoever's on

39:46

this journey. It sounds like

39:48

it's a question you're having, honor you if

39:50

you're not there yet, if you're not able

39:53

to celebrate and be present in that moment,

39:55

it's a journey. And so much of our

39:57

personal development journey is a journey of unlearning.

40:00

and remembering our greatness

40:03

and remembering our safety inside. And

40:05

so without that sense of safety inside, how could I

40:07

be present in the moment? And if I'm not present

40:10

in the moment, how could I celebrate the wind? How

40:12

could I even be in the awe

40:14

of what is? And so I can't

40:16

even tell you like how many

40:18

books I'd write. But okay, so on the next

40:20

one, the next day and beyond the book tour

40:22

while I'm writing the next book. And it's not

40:24

that there wasn't so much grace and goodness coming

40:27

out of that. But it was also very

40:31

misaligned because I was personally,

40:33

physically, somatically misaligned because I was so

40:35

in the next thing because I couldn't

40:37

be here right now. So

40:41

the answer is maybe not the answer you

40:43

want to get, but do the inner work. Do the

40:45

inner work and find that safety. Find

40:47

that sense of safety inside. Work

40:50

your inner life the same way

40:52

you work your body for your

40:54

girls right now listening, women, ladies.

40:57

It's like you made a commitment to your

40:59

body. You're seeing those transformations. And now the

41:01

next step is that inner transformation and

41:04

just commit to it the same way you

41:06

would commit to that physical transformation.

41:09

Yes. So good.

41:11

I'm gonna lie to that topic. I

41:13

need to know because I asked everyone this,

41:15

what is the biggest health and fitness myth

41:17

or fad you ever fell for? Oh

41:19

my God, you don't really want to know. I don't

41:22

even know if I should say this out loud. You're

41:26

around when I saw all the shit. You're around when

41:28

I saw all the shit. I

41:32

grew up with this shit. I grew up with

41:34

the hippie mom who was bringing me to the...

41:37

My mom had a friend who was super weird

41:40

and hippie. And I was so sick all the

41:42

time because I had trauma

41:44

responses. And he... Oh my God,

41:46

I can't believe I'm saying this out loud. I guess I'm

41:48

going to. He told me

41:50

to drink my pee. No, no,

41:54

no. I

41:56

was 13 and I drank my pee. I swear to

41:58

God. Don't know anyone. I was like 16, 16, 16, 16, 16. What

42:03

are the health benefits of that? It was supposed to like

42:05

help me. My husband doesn't even know this.

42:07

I'm so embarrassed. Oh my God. I would

42:09

never tell my husband this, so he better not listen to

42:11

this episode. I was like 16. I

42:13

was so sick. I had like a really bad cold all

42:15

the time. Oh, I was supposed to like help me. I

42:18

was willing to do, I would listen to all these weirdos. I

42:21

did a six day milk cleanse to get

42:23

rid of parasites. Actually, I think that kind

42:25

of worked. Eight days

42:27

on milk. Eight days on milk.

42:29

Don't get me started on parasites, guys. I

42:31

have the strongest opinions on parasites. I will

42:33

do anything to get

42:36

rid of parasites. I believe everyone has parasites.

42:38

Everybody has parasites, yeah. I

42:40

don't blame you. I don't blame you. No, that

42:42

eight day milk cleanse was gnarly, but I think

42:44

it worked. God, I've done so many weird things,

42:46

like weird. Obviously, at 16, I've

42:48

drank my pee. Oh

42:51

my God. To make you feel better.

42:53

Here's your little Instagram moment. Do not

42:56

fuck with me. To

43:00

make you feel better. I'll tell you mine.

43:02

So this was like my obsession with parasites.

43:04

I truly believe that I had them. So

43:06

my mother-in-law, she recently passed away. I love

43:08

her so much. And she was absolutely riddled

43:11

with cancer by the end of it. So

43:13

we were trying everything. And she came to

43:15

me and she goes, okay, like

43:17

I promise you, we tried the weirdest stuff.

43:20

And I won't go on like what

43:22

we tried, but she came to me with

43:24

this tablet and she said, I've

43:26

heard that cancer can work like

43:29

blah, blah, blah. Something about parasites. And she goes, so

43:31

I've got to get rid of these. Parasites are apparently

43:33

in my body. I was like, cool, what is the

43:35

tablet? And she explained the tablet to me. And I

43:37

said, and she goes, I'm too scared to take it.

43:39

And I, for some reason, my brain was just so

43:41

like, whatever, I said, I'll take it, give it to me.

43:44

And if anything happens to me, because I'm

43:46

healthy. So I swallowed this tablet and

43:49

it was a canine dewormer. It

43:52

was a canine dewormer for dogs that you

43:54

get. I'm okay with that. And

43:57

I was like, nothing happened to me.