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From Wondery, I'm Sydney Page

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and this is Sydney in the Sheets.

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Today I'm talking about the ins and outs of compatibility

0:39

and giving close to someone and my personal tips

0:41

for igniting the flame.

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homophobia, and all the unwritten

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rules that hold the entire culture back. Listen

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Music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

1:27

Hello lovely people, and welcome back

1:29

to Sydney in the Sheets. I'm your host, Sydney

1:32

Page. You can also join me in the sheets

1:34

each week on YouTube to watch me recording

1:36

my podcast right from my bedroom. And

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I'm so excited about my merch store full

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Shop. shop.com. So,

2:02

I'm so happy that you're

2:05

all here with me today. So the past

2:07

few weeks, we've had some really,

2:09

really exciting guests. And I wanted to

2:11

talk about some of the thoughts I had after we spoke with them

2:13

in recent episodes. We've had anthropologist Helen Fisher,

2:15

we've had professional matchmaker and dating

2:18

coach Laura Jacobs, which

2:20

was super exciting and fun. And they're both

2:22

such insightful guests. And it's really refreshing

2:24

to hear them confirm things

2:27

that I've already believed. And

2:30

so I wanted to just deep dive a

2:32

little bit more. And I also want to start off with a little life

2:35

update because I feel like I've been really pushing the

2:37

show to be not about

2:39

me and because it's not, it's about you guys and

2:41

about learning and tips and talking

2:43

and dating and it's about everything ever all at once.

2:47

It's about truly so much and

2:49

so little of it has to do with me. And then just really

2:51

like I'm so flattered

2:53

that you guys come to me to hear some stuff. It really

2:55

means a lot to me, so thank you.

2:58

As you guys all know, I was

3:01

very, very, very in love last year.

3:05

It was the first time I ever was in love

3:07

with someone and had fallen in love with someone.

3:11

It's so weird for me to think

3:13

about because I'm not in that place with that person

3:15

anymore. I

3:18

just didn't even know that I

3:20

could feel something so much. didn't

3:22

know a feeling so big could fit inside of my body

3:25

and it did and it persisted for

3:27

quite a good amount of time and

3:29

you know even though we don't feel that way anymore

3:31

I just have so much love for

3:34

that person and I think

3:36

I've just been

3:37

really lucky the past

3:40

few weeks and few months getting

3:42

to know myself apart from

3:44

like loving someone else and

3:47

getting to really build a more

3:49

secure foundation of like who I am and

3:52

what I believe and what I think and what I want and

3:54

doing that alone has been like so helpful I never

3:57

understood by people would always push

3:59

for you to know. be a little bit

4:01

hyper independent at times, but it really

4:03

is beneficial when you just get to like reflect

4:06

on yourself and not worry about what it

4:08

means to be a partner or be

4:10

with someone else. I just, I can't stress that enough

4:13

that the best thing I did in my journey of moving

4:15

on wasn't immediately trying

4:17

to find someone else and it wasn't immediately

4:19

like trying to find someone to keep me busy

4:21

so I wouldn't get bored and I wouldn't get lonely. Like I

4:23

don't care about that shit. It was really about focusing

4:26

on me. What are my needs? What are my wants?

4:29

really need to focus on and reflect

4:31

on to really make this like an

4:33

effective like healing journey or

4:36

so healing journey because it's so dramatic like everything's

4:38

fine I just mean you're it's a

4:40

change and anytime there's a change or an

4:42

adjustment in your life like you're gonna need to

4:44

move some things around you're gonna need to do some reflection

4:47

and for me that just you know happens

4:50

to be changing

4:52

whether or not I am in seeing

4:55

someone romantically and it worked out fine.

4:57

And the other thing too is I'm

4:59

so young and so many of you listening are

5:02

about my age, younger than me. I totally

5:06

just like, I talked about this pretty recently,

5:09

you just think that this will be the

5:11

thing that does you in. You get your heart broken

5:13

and you're like, this is it for me. Like, this

5:15

is what's going to do me in. Like I'm so fucked.

5:19

And something just clicks in you one day where you're

5:21

like, the sky is not falling.

5:23

The sun's not imploding.

5:25

I'm here. I'm happy. I'm myself

5:28

and it's myself without someone else and it's just

5:30

a really fucking nice feeling. So

5:33

I just wanted to let you guys all in about that. And

5:35

so the other thing about this

5:37

previous relationship, and again, I am not saying

5:40

a single negative thing about this person

5:42

at all. That's not the vibe.

5:44

I'm not, you know, none of that's

5:46

happening. I really, I do,

5:48

I do love him always. And I think he's

5:51

really great. But there

5:53

were many times in our relationships where it was,

5:55

That's not a but, it's more so of an and. And

5:57

there were times where we had like very like strong

5:59

back.

6:00

can fourteen oaks we were never like officially

6:02

together like exclusive or anything and so

6:04

there's time a glass or was hey

6:07

july or august where i just

6:09

was like the you know i want something

6:11

more committed and so

6:13

i went through up for like a full day be

6:15

i just had a friend have a super successful relationship

6:18

from matchmaking on

6:20

i went on to like

6:23

five or six of the biggest leg matchmaking

6:25

services like the big dating matchmaking

6:27

services and i was like he not i'm going to create profile

6:30

on there and was can like really jump in and

6:32

if something meant to be like it'll come to me like

6:34

i won't have to think about it you know i'm not looking

6:36

to be matched i'm just if they find

6:38

someone who they think is a good match me like great

6:41

and so sink was one of the services

6:43

that i had put my information and i spent like hours

6:45

and hours they really honestly recommend doing this

6:47

at least once if you're serious about dating

6:50

and you just want to try i would say

6:52

it's really important to spend a

6:54

little bit of time when your profile it's not the same thing is just

6:56

like whipping up handzlik known really gives a fuck

6:58

about your answers and

7:00

so for me like it was like take some time

7:03

make profiles do this stuff and then

7:05

early the come to you and i ended up talking with the quite

7:07

a few of these companies who had matches three none

7:10

of them are like really by to my opinion but

7:12

again sink was a really great one so

7:15

i phoebe so on instagram i was like

7:17

searching through my recently crawlers casino

7:19

have like thirty five hundred followers langley but like man

7:21

fucking crazy amounts i can like pay attention

7:23

when someone's follow me on following me not

7:26

that i recommend like hyper fixated on a chat but

7:30

as allergic of salt because i was like oh we're

7:32

like that name looks familiar and so i could gonna

7:34

thing and i was like oh she's matchmaker from company

7:36

and so medial he followed her and

7:39

of damned her nose like hey love

7:41

saying clip of of of law would

7:43

love to have you on a show and she immediately was like yes

7:45

like would love to come on it was great it was super

7:48

easy she made the entire process

7:50

so smooth and just was like very

7:52

available to like shot and it

7:54

was so lovely and so it was great

7:56

getting to talk to her and

7:58

part

7:58

of why

8:00

I really loved talking to her and something

8:02

I could just tell from her Instagram is like so

8:04

she's a professional dating coach in addition

8:06

to being a matchmaker like I think that they she

8:09

does both of them through sync don't quote me on

8:11

that but then I Think she might do something like outside of it. Not

8:13

totally sure but she's really great and

8:16

I love talking to her because she was so sure

8:18

of herself and so sure of her beliefs

8:21

and her Experiences like when

8:23

some people talk it sounds like they're trying to convince themselves

8:25

of something in addition to convincing the person they're

8:27

speaking to. But that girl

8:30

just that woman just talks and

8:32

just it's so seems so true

8:34

to her and I really appreciate that and I

8:36

love that trait and I think it's really really really great.

8:40

And so I wanted to really give

8:42

some of my thoughts on like the compatibility

8:44

aspects that we talked about since you

8:47

know, Helen and

8:49

Laura and they have different perspectives and different experiences

8:52

and different backgrounds. So I think it's really great

8:54

to get to like unpack all of it and share my thoughts.

8:56

Not that I am an expert, but just because I'm someone who's

8:58

really interested in this. So a

9:01

few thoughts that I wanted to share. I

9:03

think that compatibility is such a hard thing

9:05

to describe, and it's definitely a gift

9:07

that we are, you know, born

9:10

with.

9:10

And I think for me,

9:13

it's best to ask questions to

9:15

those around you and really like listen to

9:17

people's responses. I know that seems like

9:19

maybe a bit cheesy, but I

9:21

promise you that it's not. That's

9:25

truly, truly, truly not. So

9:27

I think that as we get

9:29

older, we want

9:32

more honesty in a lot of ways. We want more dishonesty

9:34

in others. But one of the ways in which we really value

9:36

honesty in our friendships is we need friends who

9:38

hold us accountable, who tell us the truth, who

9:41

have our best interest at heart, and

9:43

listening to those responses. So

9:45

we really start to, with time and

9:47

experience, articulate the things we want, and we get

9:50

better and better at it with time. And

9:52

it's so refreshing. So I would say a great tool

9:54

to ask, like, you know, how you

9:56

exist in the world is to and ask

9:58

your trusted friends.

10:00

or your parents or whoever's

10:02

really closest to you and knows you best and has your best

10:04

interest, the type of person they imagine

10:06

you with. So I had

10:09

an old best friend that I had from

10:11

almost all of high school and my entire time in

10:13

college and a bit after I left. And

10:16

her and I are no longer friends and I have so,

10:18

so

10:19

much love for her. Truly,

10:21

there is

10:22

nothing I think that could take that

10:24

away for the rest of my life and I am so

10:26

lucky to have had a friendship like that. And

10:29

her and I would drive around for hours and

10:31

hours and beat this question

10:34

to death. I mean, it was like insane. We

10:36

would just talk all the time. And so I

10:38

think I've mentioned this. So I went to school on

10:41

the east coast of Florida. I went

10:43

to college on the east coast of Florida. And it was really

10:45

funny because her and I would,

10:48

we would start in like Del Rey, which

10:51

is on like the east coast. And we would drive all the way up from Del

10:54

Rey to Palm Beach, like close to

10:56

Miami multiple times a day every

10:58

single day for seven

11:01

months, we would literally do it every

11:03

single day multiple times a day, which is fucking wild

11:05

to me. There are times over the summer

11:07

we commuted for class, and so

11:09

that meant driving across Alligator Alley was

11:11

pretty much two hours each way, and we

11:14

would do that every single day and we would

11:16

drive over and we'd get to the boat ground and we'd be like,

11:18

we don't feel like going to class days, so then

11:20

we would go drive so our parents would

11:22

think we were in class and then we would kill time

11:24

and we would drive back home.

11:27

And I know that that's again super privileged

11:29

to say like oh I was paying for school and I didn't

11:31

go. Firstly in my defense I did have perfect grades

11:34

because the work was just stuff I already

11:36

knew but it was still you know not

11:39

the not my best moment. I've grown a lot since then it's

11:41

been years so please don't judge me directly off

11:43

of stuff that happened literally like years

11:45

ago. But getting

11:48

back to this we spent all

11:48

this time in the car we were really like listening to music

11:51

talking about our feelings you know the like all

11:53

this stuff that girls do. And her

11:56

perspective was super helpful me

11:59

gaining clarity and grow.

12:00

as a person because she

12:02

knew me better than anyone. We spent like the most

12:04

amount of time together that I've ever spent with someone

12:07

and

12:08

she provided so much

12:10

to me as a friend that hearing what she

12:12

gave to me was really helpful

12:15

because it made me sort of narrow down what I may

12:17

actually need from a partner

12:19

in a relationship and I really really really liked that.

12:22

So I you know she was super

12:24

well aware we were both like very self-aware

12:26

in this friendship so we were able to talk

12:29

about what we brought to the table, what we found

12:31

ourselves giving to like each other. And it

12:34

was super, super helpful because like, yes, you

12:36

have friends for the rest of your life. But I think at

12:38

least

12:38

my personal MO is

12:40

like when you get married, like your husband is your

12:42

best friend simply because of like,

12:45

you need to be able to pick each other first. And it doesn't

12:47

mean that you don't have other best friends. And again, I don't

12:50

think that that's like the way to live for everyone.

12:52

That's just what it seems like it's going to look like for

12:54

me. And so like, please don't take it as like

12:56

codependency or not having your own life. I

12:58

want to stress all of those things a million times over.

13:01

Just really want to be careful. So

13:03

these are some of the questions that I recommend asking

13:06

a trusted person. What qualities

13:09

do you think I need from a partner? What do you

13:11

picture for me long term? What type

13:13

of relationship do you think I need? What

13:16

does this look like in celebrity terms?

13:19

Now it seems really cheesy, but sometimes it helps. The

13:22

other thing is, is, what do I need

13:24

in my worst moments? What

13:27

do I put out when I'm in my worst

13:30

version of myself? And

13:32

two things. Firstly, when I stopped asking

13:35

want and started asking need, I was

13:37

able to get much clearer and more

13:39

productive responses. Because when

13:41

you're asking what do I want, it's easy for

13:43

your friends to be like, oh, you want some super sexy surfer

13:45

dude who's totally perfect and never looks

13:48

in the direction of another girl. want

13:51

something like Idealistic and

13:53

great and this perfect person everybody

13:55

wants that and that is completely normal and

13:57

completely fine but for me I need

14:00

to hear like, you know, what do I sometimes

14:02

find myself susceptible to? Like what type

14:04

of relationships or people do I just

14:07

have a weak spot for that may not always be the best

14:09

for me? And changing that word

14:11

from want to need really,

14:14

really helped me grow. And it was hard to hear at first,

14:16

because I think sometimes when we talk

14:18

to someone, and they say something we don't

14:21

agree with, instead of listening

14:23

to their reasoning, or what

14:25

occurs after that thing we disagree with, Instead,

14:28

our mind goes to coming up with a rebuttal,

14:30

a way to refute that thing

14:32

that they're saying, especially if it's about something that's really

14:34

personal and deep to us. And so when

14:36

you're asking a trusted friend, you

14:39

sort of put your guard down a little bit and you're able to be

14:41

more receptive to what it is that they're saying. The

14:44

other reason I think you should only ask this

14:46

to people that you trust is because you want

14:48

to make sure that someone loves you enough that they aren't just telling

14:50

you what it is that you want to hear. It

14:52

is so easy to tell your friend, like, oh, you're the

14:55

best, you're the prettiest, you're the smartest. I do think

14:57

my friends are amazing and pretty much put the

14:59

moon in the sky and the stars and all of that.

15:02

Like, I love my friends and I think that they're amazing. Simultaneously,

15:05

if it comes down to it, we totally

15:07

have these deep, honest, maybe

15:09

sometimes uncomfortable discussions about how we can improve

15:11

as people and partners and friends and

15:14

it's really like nice

15:16

to be able to be reflective in that way.

15:34

So I just think that having these people

15:37

where you can trust them and open up to

15:39

them and really get into it and

15:41

have these like uncomfortable discussions.

15:44

But for me, it doesn't

15:47

help me in the long term. Like, for

15:49

me, like what I need from my friends is like reminders

15:52

like, do you really want to be crying in your kitchen

15:54

floor about that again? Do you really want to be like

15:56

somewhere and like crying because of like what

15:58

they did to you? me. the

16:00

biggest reason the you note to get over

16:02

someone isn't are hating on like

16:04

who they care about now or

16:06

like pretend to care about our who their king like it's

16:09

not that it's think about the moment so

16:11

much they made you feel the worst could you be comfortable

16:13

doing that again for the rest of your life could

16:15

you handle it being that bad for the rest of your

16:17

life because i look back on some these

16:19

moments and i'm like oh my god it is not

16:21

about this other girl it is not about this

16:23

other girl it's the fact that i could not look

16:26

at someone in the eyes i cannot walk to the altar

16:28

and stand there and say my vows to someone

16:30

who could put me through that and of story

16:32

and

16:32

trust me it's painful it makes

16:34

you uncomfortable it makes you feel a like

16:37

i've said that before when you're get trying to get over someone

16:39

as well i don't think i like the

16:41

happy moments when the sun is shining it's warm

16:43

and your have been you're doing something romantic every

16:46

time i thought was in your mind missions

16:48

remember to tell the made you feel like an idiot made

16:51

it me that think that having made you feel crazy

16:53

for like having a suspicion or

16:55

like being upset or any of that because

16:58

he know that that feeling sick

17:00

sticks with the longer and like personally

17:03

a do miss like romantic moments

17:05

i miss i miss it so much

17:07

sometimes for some people but

17:09

the second that i remember that it was not

17:11

like that ninety five for some of the time

17:13

it really put pulls me back into

17:15

reality and pulls me back into my power

17:18

and to my best self i think

17:20

i'm at least in my opinion so

17:24

compatibility getting back into that sorry

17:26

for modal tinge and is a bit of chance

17:28

and it's also an educated guess at least

17:30

in my opinion soon the episode but

17:32

logic of the sink matchmaking she said that

17:34

she recommends clients always give a potential partner

17:37

at least two days before they make a decision

17:39

on whether or not they see the future

17:42

putting enough sometimes you just meet someone and

17:44

it works and well that's nice there's

17:46

not really much that we can do to increase our

17:48

chances of finding it and

17:50

so you know for

17:53

me i

17:56

live act at first i get so remarked that so

17:58

i want to give my opinions on my think you

18:00

on two dates. I have

18:02

a really good dating rule that I've recently come up with

18:04

and it works like a fucking charm so I highly

18:06

recommend it. I have been

18:08

out with so many guys who on like the first date

18:10

I'm like nothing and then the second one I'm like like

18:13

I need to like fucking brace for impact

18:15

and I think it's really really good to like

18:18

have these moments where you you know

18:20

are forcing yourself

18:22

to sort of like push yourself a little past your comfort zone.

18:24

I never mean that you should go out with someone that makes you feel uncomfortable

18:27

comfortable or unsafe or anything like that.

18:29

Always take the necessary precautions. It's sad that we need

18:31

to do this as women, but it's just the truth. But

18:34

so for me, like the last guy that I

18:36

was seeing, who as you know, like I've said many times

18:38

in this, I was madly in love with. Our

18:40

first date, I thought it was a really wonderful first

18:43

date, if you listen to me talk about it in the

18:45

past, I was like, oh, you know, this is

18:47

the best first date I've had in a while, and it was.

18:50

But I didn't walk away thinking like I

18:52

could fall in love with this person. It

18:54

was our second date, which was exactly a week

18:56

later. And

18:59

our first date was planned. We had a really nice dinner date. And

19:02

then we ended up going somewhere. And

19:05

I, sorry, I'm

19:07

getting all like, hmm, thinking about it. But, and

19:10

by that I mean, in my head, I totally forgot

19:12

this is the way that it went down. So we had

19:14

an impromptu dinner. I got back from a flight

19:16

on Saturday night and he got back from a flight on

19:18

Sunday afternoon. He was like, let's go to

19:21

dinner. And I was like, okay. And

19:23

we've been trying to go out for about a month

19:25

at this point where we just couldn't find a time. So we go to

19:27

dinner with my favorite restaurant. And

19:29

we had a sober dinner. And

19:32

it was great. I

19:35

slept with him on the first date. I don't deny

19:37

that at all. And

19:40

it was great. It was good. But I wasn't

19:42

like, wow, obsessed with him head

19:45

over heels or anything, nor should you expect yourself

19:47

to be after the first date. But I didn't necessarily

19:49

feel that potential

19:52

to. And it wasn't me as it wasn't great. I just honestly,

19:55

I think I was like still in my head about like past

19:57

stuff. But our second date

19:59

was incredibly casual frantic

20:02

almost breakfast stay in the park

20:04

and i was late by like an hour and

20:07

i had no make up on an age come from the airport on

20:09

sunday drop in my friend off and it was

20:11

the day of like the new york city half marathon and

20:13

zoellick every street was closed it was like so delayed

20:16

that was like so frantic and he saw me like

20:18

running on the streaming tax music relax john

20:20

be and as i could find like i was so embarrassed

20:22

we into this place and if you're and like

20:24

so how greenwich village west village

20:27

or plug it for you it's called corner shriek grocer

20:29

it's on laguardia and they make a really

20:32

good breakfast sandwiches but haven't i went there i

20:34

get the b and c i think it's called it's like the

20:36

one that's only to bother with a scrambled

20:38

eggs shudder and or england it's really a me

20:41

and so we ended up having this

20:43

day in the park where like it didn't feel like i'm really gonna

20:45

try to like have sex or like do anything like that

20:47

it just was like talking and

20:50

i remember it was like a really nice it

20:52

was like a nice march day

20:55

with public march late twentieth twenty first

20:57

something like that when like new york's finally

20:59

starting to get like warm and beautiful get him he ended up

21:01

like walking around so how and talking for hours

21:03

just about everything like growing

21:05

up family all of that and it was so

21:07

lovely and that really changed the

21:09

game for me so here's my

21:11

role to give yourself the best chance of like

21:13

falling in love with someone this is a great thing

21:16

for guys to i think do a super

21:18

do a dinner for state don't do during thursday

21:20

and if you can don't

21:22

drink and

21:23

are thinking it will be so awkward will be s don't

21:26

use our calls a crutch because you may think that you like the

21:28

more than you do or vice versa so for

21:30

me i like a dinner i like a sober

21:32

dinner and i like a nice dinner i don't wanna like

21:35

slick can't beat a rush anything i

21:37

want a nice first date dinner really

21:39

you can were saying that he'll get in and like you know he'll

21:41

have addressed dinner a

21:44

second a casual bagels in the park

21:46

breakfast at which is in the park breakfast burritos

21:48

and park walk see the outside

21:50

see each other and daylight notice if you like it

21:53

and it'll be

21:53

much more helpful than you think so that's what

21:55

i really do you know that's my next to up

21:58

date number three should be like

22:00

an activity or I would say

22:03

like an activity or doing Like

22:06

a bar and restaurant and that's when you can really

22:08

start like drinking with one another I think that if you drink

22:10

too soon together like early in a relationship You

22:12

may think that you're more entertained by someone or more attracted

22:15

to them Like, you know, like we all

22:17

get like horny drunk sometimes like I get it Like

22:19

you have a glass of wine you're like looking at the guy across the table

22:21

and you're like, I want to fuck So,

22:24

you know, you never know. And so I think

22:26

that doing that like date order can be really, really

22:29

beneficial. Like I press for dinner dates because

22:31

I also hate everyone's fucking reasoning when they talk

22:33

about why they don't want to do dinner dates. I was like, what

22:36

if I get stuck somewhere? In my opinion, drinks and

22:38

dinner have always taken the same amount of time. Every

22:40

single one of my dates, bad and good, they

22:42

take the exact same amount of time. And so

22:44

I feel like I also get into like drinking

22:46

contests with a guy when I'm like with him, where

22:49

I like try to keep up with him. And so that can be

22:51

like, I don't know if it's dangerous, but like, I

22:53

should, I, it's not sustainable for me to be having four

22:55

to five cocktails on a Tuesday with like

22:57

a guy that's like a first date from hinge. It's just

23:00

not. And so I'm going to just, you know, not

23:02

do that. So

23:05

back to this. So what I was trying to say earlier,

23:08

when I say compatibility is a bit of chance and

23:10

an educated guess is that sometimes you

23:12

just meet someone and it works and that's nice.

23:15

There isn't always an incredible amount

23:17

of stuff that we can do to really increase our odds

23:20

of finding it. So what I recommend

23:22

doing is finding people that we're similar to. Similar

23:25

backgrounds, values, interests, and trying

23:27

to meet people through those avenues. You

23:29

gotta remember, in our parent generations, a lot of people

23:31

would meet their partners at church or synagogue

23:34

or like, NIAAC

23:35

or stuff like that where you have these interests. And

23:37

people do meet that way now, but a lot of the time, I think

23:40

it's dating apps, it's like over 50% of

23:42

people meet over dating apps. It's insane. So

23:45

in the grand scheme of things, in the wise words

23:47

of my favorite author, Dolly Alderton, it

23:50

is truly irrelevant whether or not you and

23:52

your partner think that George Harrison is the best and

23:54

most underrated Beatle. Though in my opinion, he is

23:56

the best Beatle. is more important

23:59

is how you support one another.

24:00

and continually love them. It is so

24:02

easy to love someone when things are good. It is so easy

24:04

to love someone when you both have money and things are good

24:06

and you're happy. But being able to love someone

24:08

through these tough moments and really being able

24:10

to stick it out and see it through and love them anyways,

24:13

love them in spite of everything going on, that

24:16

is a skill. And that's really love. So,

24:19

well, sometimes having things in common is a way to jumpstart

24:21

everything. Another belief that I really

24:24

stand by, I think there's a psychological

24:26

principle. I don't know know what it's called, I can never remember

24:29

it. If someone of you remembers it, please let me know. But

24:31

it's the idea that if you have mutual connections,

24:34

or like you find out that you have like some sort

24:37

of like, you know, mutual person, you

24:39

automatically granted that you like the person, you'll feel more

24:42

comfortable and things will probably, you

24:44

know, feel more familiar.

24:46

And I really love that. And I think

24:48

familiarity is a great feeling when you're dating,

24:50

like you shouldn't always feel these like insane, crazy

24:52

butterflies. So what

24:54

I'm saying is if you want to meet people,

24:56

do things to meet people. Love

24:59

comes when you're not looking for

25:01

it. And I think a lot of people, at least in my opinion,

25:03

the way that that sentence is transformed with time

25:06

and age is not that you

25:08

shouldn't look for it, not that you shouldn't be on a dating

25:10

app or that you shouldn't ask to go on dates or talk

25:12

to the guy at a bar because you're just waiting for your

25:14

husband to like perfectly show up. It's

25:17

the fact that like love comes when you're not

25:19

expecting every person you meet to fall

25:21

in love with you or that you're going to fall in love with them.

25:25

Meeting people is a great skill. It's a

25:27

great way to increase our odds. It's like the one thing

25:29

that we know we can do. And so do

25:31

it, but just don't put the pressure on that person

25:33

having to be the one and you'll see a much different outcome.

25:36

And so everyone measures compatibility differently.

25:38

Some people think it's based on sameness. Others think it's

25:40

based on balance. Others think it's opposites retract.

25:43

I have no response there. So what I have

25:45

to say is whatever works, find someone who makes

25:48

like your heart soar, makes you excited.

25:50

get over what's been in the past. You're not

25:53

defined by it. You're not defined by the way that you've

25:55

loved before, the way that you've been loved. Your

25:58

life can change overnight. And so just fine.

26:00

someone that you want to take along with you.

26:02

And so again we have so much exciting

26:04

stuff coming up but I'm really really really grateful for

26:06

all of you and thank you for listening and sticking by

26:08

me and I will see you soon

26:11

and I really hope you find the one again sooner

26:13

rather than later. That would be great. I know

26:15

we all feel that way but love is coming, love

26:17

is everywhere and you know it's peaceful

26:20

thought so have a great day.

26:29

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26:31

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26:50

This is Sydney

26:53

in the Sheets and I'm your host, Sydney

26:55

Page. Don't forget to follow me and

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this podcast on social media at

27:00

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27:02

And if you'd like to follow me personally, check out

27:04

at Sydney underscore page on Instagram. New

27:07

episodes drop every Thursday and please

27:09

keep sending me your thoughts and questions. I

27:11

always want to hear from you and I love hearing from you.

27:14

Fiona Smith is our senior producer, Danny

27:16

Bringer and Sam Ada are our engineers,

27:19

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27:20

the executive producers for Wondery.