0:00

One, two, three. Sable, read.

0:02

Poblo's Rhino! Yeah! Whoo!

0:04

Poblo's Rhino, written by

0:06

Craig Goodwill and Sam

0:08

Ruano, inspired by a

0:10

true story. Fade in.

0:13

Exterior Pacific Coast Highway,

0:15

California, California, day, 2003. A

0:17

sensible Volvo cruises down an

0:19

open stretch of California highway.

0:21

Windows are rolled down. Wouldn't

0:23

it be nice, plays over

0:25

the stereo. We move in

0:27

closer. for a look at

0:30

the driver. Interior, exterior, Charlie's

0:32

Volvo Day. Good old Charlie

0:34

Bleaker, 42. A middle-aged white

0:36

guy and a short-sleeved button-down

0:38

collar shirt and brown tie.

0:40

Hands him if he tried

0:42

harder. Charlie hums along with

0:44

his hands, gripped firmly at 10

0:46

and 2. Former

1:12

by

1:15

Snowe

1:18

comes

1:20

on,

1:23

Charlie

1:26

knows

1:28

every

1:31

word.

1:34

Kinda. The driver is a beautiful

1:36

son kiss surfer girl. Her surfboard

1:38

is propped up in the passenger

1:41

seat. She pulls up alongside Charlie

1:43

catching and bopping along and smiles.

1:46

Charlie's sunglasses flip down unintentionally, but

1:48

it gets him a laugh. He

1:50

plays it cool. She gestures with

1:53

her hand mimicking a surfboard as

1:55

if to say, do you surf?

1:58

Charlie raises a coy eyebrow. everybody

2:00

win? An 18-wheeler pulls up behind

2:03

Charlie and honks for him to

2:05

speed up. Charlie crooks and eyebrow

2:07

at the surfer girl who bites

2:09

her lower lip and beckons him

2:12

to follow. She drives off. He

2:14

steps on the gas but quickly

2:16

swerves to avoid the truck that

2:19

just cut him off. Great. Now

2:21

he's stuck staring at this jerk's

2:23

giant bumper sticker that reads, move

2:25

it or lose it. Charlie honks.

2:28

He tries to pass, but the

2:30

truck blocks him at every turn.

2:32

The trucker chuckles and flips him

2:34

the bird. Oh, you want to

2:37

play? Let's play. Charlie fakes left,

2:39

moves far right. The truck swerves

2:41

to block him. Charlie yanks the

2:43

steering wheel left and veers into

2:46

oncoming traffic. He shrieks as the

2:48

car is about to crash. Interior,

2:50

exterior, Charlie's Volvo Day. Charlie opens

2:52

his eyes. He is not about

2:55

to die. The red convertible passes

2:57

in without incident. More honking cars

2:59

pass as Charlie realizes his daydreaming

3:02

is holding up traffic. Off screen.

3:04

Charlie checks his rear view meet.

3:06

Oh Christ, now what? A cop

3:08

car is pulled up in front

3:11

of him. Behind the wheel is

3:13

a no-nonsense female cop 38. We

3:15

will come to know as Audrey,

3:17

Charlie's ex-sex wife. She exits and

3:20

approaches. Charlie curses his life. Unbelievable.

3:22

Were you following me? License and

3:24

registration. Seriously, no. What am I

3:26

going to say? I have no

3:29

idea what you're going to say.

3:31

Then why'd you roll your eyes?

3:33

Why were you following me? She

3:35

lowers her mirrored sunglasses and peaks

3:38

in the back seat. We see

3:40

a pile of accounting for dummy's

3:42

type of books with Charlie's nerdy

3:45

face on the cover. Is this

3:47

how you drive Winder with our

3:49

son? Slowly, cautiously, of course. So

3:51

where are we off to, so

3:54

slowly? Well, to see my publisher,

3:56

if we must know. So, if

3:58

we're done. Fine. I'll let you

4:00

off with a warning. Oh, some

4:03

agnanimous. Charlie rolls up his window,

4:05

but... Audrey blocks it. See, saying

4:07

shit like that is the reason

4:09

we got divorced. Okay, really? Because

4:12

I thought it had something to

4:14

do with, oh, I don't know,

4:16

you suddenly discovering that you were

4:18

a lesbian? The warning is this,

4:21

Charlie, stay in your lane or

4:23

you might get hurt. Are we

4:25

done? Oh, we are so done.

4:27

Don't forget about Ben's career day.

4:30

He's expecting you. Charlie salutes her

4:32

and drives off. Cut two, interior,

4:34

Terrence Coleman's mansion day. A wall

4:37

of mounted animal heads stare down

4:39

at Charlie. They've all been stuffed,

4:41

look like they're smiling. Charlie stares

4:43

at a mount that has a

4:46

mirror in place of a head.

4:48

Beneath it is an engraved plaque

4:50

that reads, You could be next.

4:52

Charlie turns to meet Terrence Coleman,

4:55

70s. An imposing man in a

4:57

smoking jacket with a rifle tucked

4:59

under one arm. Hello, Terrence. How's

5:01

my number one author doing, huh?

5:04

Another bestseller in the works. Oh.

5:06

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I

5:08

got a, I got a. loads

5:10

of new ideas. Terrence holds up

5:13

a finger to gesture he's on

5:15

a call. We notice he has

5:17

an earpiece in. Charlie shuffles awkwardly.

5:20

Splendid. Can't wait to read. Terrence

5:22

hands Charlie the rifle. I'm not

5:24

really into... Charlie holds it like

5:26

a dead fish. 50 large for

5:29

an advance sound okay? Terrific. All

5:31

right, bye. You feel that cold

5:33

hard steel as you grip the

5:35

shaft? Slide your finger and blam!

5:38

Dinner! He slaps Charlie on the

5:40

back. The gun fired sitting a

5:42

statue blowing off its giant cock.

5:44

Aim higher next time. Okay, Terence,

5:47

on the phone you said you

5:49

had some important news. Terence turns

5:51

heel and walks out. Charlie follows.

5:53

exterior, cliff-side terrace continuous. Terrence walks

5:56

up to his butler and hands

5:58

him his robe. Charlie! You

6:01

were my very first client. You

6:03

took a chance on me when

6:05

no one else would, which is

6:08

why I wanted to tell you

6:10

this in person. Beneath the robe,

6:13

he's wearing a full leather body

6:15

harness with a stud piece and

6:17

nothing else. His nipples are pierced

6:20

with large bullrings. Coleman Publishing has

6:22

decided to drop you. What? Why?

6:25

The butler holds out gloves and

6:27

marksman sunglasses on a tray. Coleman

6:29

puts these on. Well. Well, there

6:32

comes a time when a man

6:34

needs to let go and let

6:37

God. Okay, I don't know what

6:39

that means. It means people aren't

6:41

buying accounting books anymore. No one

6:44

wants to be called a dummy

6:46

for something they can have well,

6:49

someone like you do for them.

6:51

Well, okay, but you know, it's

6:53

actually a good thing because I

6:56

was thinking of switching things up,

6:58

you know, maybe write a thriller.

7:01

Charlie, Charlie, come on, you're an

7:03

accountant. There are many words to

7:05

describe you, but thrilling. Hmm. Really?

7:08

I never said it was an

7:10

autobiography. Exactly my point. People these

7:13

days crave romance. Adventure. Danger. Coleman

7:15

steps to the edge of a

7:17

cliff. Charlie peaks. It's a long

7:20

way down. I can do danger.

7:22

He recoils at the height. Clenches

7:25

his heart. Charlie, when I first

7:27

started out, I was living in

7:29

a basement apartment selling zines I

7:32

printed on a dot matrix printer.

7:34

Remember those? Yes, yes, yes, I

7:37

remember. Now look at me, much

7:39

of what I owe to you.

7:41

I took your advice and invested.

7:44

I invested. The royalty sure. Probably

7:46

got it squurl away in all

7:49

sorts of low-risk, low... kind of

7:51

return hideouts. It's called fiscal responsibility.

7:53

Coleman gives a nod to the

7:56

butler who hands him one of

7:58

Charlie's books. He flips to a

8:01

mark. page. This is from the

8:03

forward of your very first book,

8:05

accounting for druly imbeciles. The most

8:08

important investment you will ever make

8:10

is in yourself. What's your point?

8:13

Well, I'm going to do for

8:15

you, which you did for me

8:17

all those years ago. I'm going

8:20

to give you the chance to

8:22

invest in yourself. So you're not

8:25

dropping me. Oh, I'm still dropping

8:27

you. But with a first look

8:29

promise of whenever you write next,

8:32

dare to be different. That's it?

8:34

Life doesn't come with a safety

8:37

net. Ho! The butler yanks the

8:39

skeet lever shooting off a disc.

8:41

Coleman falls backwards off the terrace

8:44

and fires smashing the clay pigeon

8:46

to bits. Good luck! The

8:54

bungee cord snaps back. Minus

8:56

Coleman. Charlie and the butler

8:58

casually peer off the ledge

9:00

and cringe. We see a

9:02

parachute open up. Cut two.

9:04

Exterior out to California Public

9:06

School Day. Charlie pulls up

9:08

to the front of his

9:10

school. It's a drive carefully

9:12

sign. He gets out in

9:14

a rush to stand it

9:17

back up. His cell phone

9:19

rings. Charlie fumbles to answer

9:21

it. Intercut with... exterior, tropicali

9:23

club, alley, day. Marcus 42,

9:25

every part the hairy-chested gold

9:27

chain-wearing club owner, is on

9:29

the other end supervising a

9:31

delivery of kegs being unloaded.

9:33

Marcus, I can't talk right

9:35

now. Oh, hello, Marcus. How's

9:37

my oldest, bestest friend? I'm

9:39

fine, Charlie. Thanks for asking.

9:41

Listen, I'm late for Ben's

9:43

career day. Oh, Ben needs

9:45

a job? Why don't you

9:47

say so? Can he ten

9:49

Bart? Men's room attended then.

9:51

Anyway, listen, I need your

9:53

input on a business thingy.

9:56

What kind of business thingy?

9:58

Investment opportunity you love. Okay,

10:00

Marcus, I'm pretty swamp these

10:02

days working on a new

10:04

book. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, remind

10:06

me again, who saved you

10:08

from drowning back in third

10:10

grade? Sam did. Only because

10:12

I pushed him in too.

10:14

Alleyway. A car pulls up

10:16

at the other end of

10:18

the alley. Two burly Latino

10:20

guys get out. One holds

10:22

a bat. Back on Marcus.

10:24

Oh, fuck. What? What's the

10:26

matter? Nothing. Nothing. We'll discuss

10:28

it at Sam's party, so

10:30

do not bail. Marcus walks

10:32

away slowly at first, then

10:35

briskly, the guys follow. Oh,

10:37

is that tonight? Marcus takes

10:39

off running. Okay, gotta go

10:41

talk later. Charlie hears heavy

10:43

panting on the line, so

10:45

he hangs up. Interior, Alta

10:47

California Public School, hallway, day.

10:49

Charlie stops in front of

10:51

a classroom and peaks in,

10:53

spotting his cherabic son Ben-8.

10:55

He waves. Ben looks up

10:57

like he's just been caught

10:59

with his hand in the

11:01

cookie jar. The teacher, 28,

11:03

comes over and opens the

11:05

door for Charlie. Hi, am

11:07

I too late? Too late

11:09

for... Career day. I'm Charlie

11:11

Bleeker, Ben's dad. Oh, you

11:14

must be the donor. Ben's

11:16

other mom said you might

11:18

stop by. Of course you're

11:20

welcome to sit in. Donor?

11:22

Hmm. A very confused Charlie

11:24

is led inside to find.

11:26

Interior classroom day. Carla 42,

11:28

an attractive, albeit hulking woman

11:30

in a security guard uniform,

11:32

addresses the class beneath a

11:34

banner that reads, Career Day.

11:36

Okay, as head of the

11:38

stadium security rose jade through

11:40

L, I've been in the

11:42

shit. Shit, sorry, I said

11:44

the shit boy. The kids

11:46

giggle. Tell he's about to

11:48

protest, but he looks over

11:50

at Ben who begs him

11:53

with his eyes to keep

11:55

quiet. Anyway, what was I?

11:57

Shit. Right, shit. That's why

11:59

I carry this... That boy.

12:01

Carla lifts a pant leg

12:03

to reveal a taser. She

12:05

takes it out of its

12:07

ankle holster and holds it

12:09

up for everyone to see.

12:11

50,000 bulls. Piss your pants

12:13

just It's right here, kids.

12:15

Come on, sweetie. Pass it

12:17

around. Teacher scrunch is a

12:19

no smile. Carla shrugs and

12:21

holsters it. Last bit of

12:23

a vice before I go.

12:25

Carla leans in like it's

12:27

a secret. The class leans

12:29

in, too. You ever find

12:31

yourself under some tweaker quickest

12:34

way to get him or

12:36

hair off? Jamma thumb. Right

12:38

up the pewter. No matter

12:40

the size of them. That

12:42

sum of a bitch. Put

12:44

right off every time. Go

12:46

ahead and try it on

12:48

a friend. A few kids

12:50

in the back are already

12:52

trying it. Oh, okay. That

12:54

was insightful. Class, can we

12:56

all say thank you to

12:58

Mrs. Bleaker? No, she's not.

13:00

Thank you to Mrs. Bleaker.

13:02

Carla sits and gives Charlie

13:04

the old finger guns. Charlie

13:06

stands and coughs expensive. Okay,

13:08

we have a final surprise

13:10

speaker. Benjamin's, um, a paternal

13:13

figure? Ben's actual dad. Charlie

13:15

nods and walks up to

13:17

the front awkwardly, just as

13:19

the bell rings. The kids

13:21

dash out before Charlie can

13:23

even say hi. Carlos watched

13:25

Charlie in the back as

13:27

she leaves. Hey, Chuck, looks

13:29

like I stole your spot

13:31

again. Sorry, Dad. She kind

13:33

of just showed up. I

13:35

tried stalling, you really should

13:37

have been here sooner. Ben

13:39

runs off after his friends

13:41

leaving Charlie alone. Cut two,

13:43

exterior, tropicali club, night. A

13:45

bouncer lets a few people

13:47

in through the double doors

13:49

past a sign that reads,

13:52

closed for private event. Oh,

13:54

Stacey and I are, well,

13:56

we're just so happy to

13:58

have our friends and family

14:00

here. Interior, tropicali, club, night.

14:02

Sam 41 stylish with boyish

14:04

good looks gives a speech

14:06

while Stacy 38 his frisky

14:08

and perpetual New Fiance keeps

14:10

fondling his ass, making it

14:12

even tougher for him to

14:14

speak. To help us celebrate

14:16

our engagement like this and

14:18

wealth. We look forward to

14:21

seeing you. Stacey

14:23

sloppily nibbles on

14:25

Sam's ear. Well, okay, we were

14:28

walking back to my place, a

14:30

little gypsy and exhausted, so I

14:32

turned to Stacey and I said,

14:35

will you carry me? People in

14:37

the crowd, Snicker. Stacey flashes a

14:39

devil's side. Before I knew it,

14:42

Stacey had planned this party and

14:44

booked a caterer. Sam Husky dad

14:46

steps in and grabs the mic

14:49

as Sam hands and drunk Stacey

14:51

after one of her friends. Who

14:53

would have thought, after all

14:56

these years, my boy. Walking

14:58

down the aisle, man and

15:00

wife, man and fucking

15:02

wife. People cheer. A

15:05

voice from the back

15:07

calls out over the

15:10

crowd. The crowd turns

15:13

to see Philippe 30s,

15:15

a flamboyant, albeit tiny

15:18

French man storming

15:20

in from the

15:22

back. Charlie

15:25

and Marcus exchange looks. Oh

15:27

shit. The crowd turns back

15:29

to... Sorry, do we say

15:31

Felipe or Felipe? Do we

15:34

have a preference? I don't

15:36

think you should try to

15:38

define it. And quite honestly,

15:40

I like if you're calling

15:42

him one thing... And he's

15:44

calling us? Okay. I'll keep

15:47

calling him Felipe then. Yeah.

15:49

Okay, great. Charlie and Marcus

15:51

exchange looks. Oh shit. Crowd

15:53

turns back to Felipe, then

15:55

to Sam, then to Stacey.

15:57

You said you love me!

16:00

What I meant was... Sam marinates

16:02

and everyone stares, takes a deep

16:04

breath. Oh, fuck it! We, Mosheli,

16:06

we, we, I love this man,

16:08

and I'm going to... Drunk Stacey

16:11

smashes Sam with the right hook.

16:13

Mmm. Believe Justin, can you go

16:15

take it? Drunk Stacey smashes Sam

16:17

with a right hook. Felipe jumps

16:19

on Stacey's back. She swings him

16:22

around, knocks Charlie in the gut.

16:24

He goes crashing into the drink

16:26

table. Marcus tries to intervene and

16:28

gets smashed in the face by

16:30

Stacey. People stand back and gone.

16:33

Bill. That's my boy. Dissolve to

16:35

interior tropical tropicali club later. Everyone's

16:37

gone. Balloons deflated in the banner

16:39

torn. Charlie and Marcus sit at

16:42

the bar flanking Sam, who holds

16:44

a bottle of wine over his

16:46

swollen eye. They all look like

16:48

they've been through the ringer. So,

16:50

uh, that went well. Charlie patched

16:53

Sam on the back. I guess

16:55

you were bound to find out

16:57

sooner or later. I've been living

16:59

a lie. Charlie and Marcus exchanged

17:01

a look. A beat. They crack

17:04

up. So you guys knew? How?

17:06

I only figured it out a

17:08

couple of months ago. Who told

17:10

you? Well, let's see, your parents,

17:12

teacher's mailman. Coach Riley, pastor Tim,

17:15

Shalumba, that foreign exchange kid back

17:17

in eighth grade. A barman comes

17:19

over and whispers into Marcus's ear.

17:21

He downs his drink and makes

17:24

his way towards the kitchen. You

17:26

know how hard it was for

17:28

me to admit? Oh, relax, gay

17:30

is a new black. Just ask

17:32

Charlie's gay black wife. Yeah, the

17:35

only reason we never said anything

17:37

was because it seemed like such

17:39

a big deal to you. So

17:41

wait, this entire... time I could

17:43

have been just proud and loud.

17:46

Refill? Same holds up two fingers.

17:48

Okay I better go see where

17:50

Marcus ran off too. Charlie makes

17:52

his way to the kitchen. He's

17:55

about to push through the swinging

17:57

doors when he sees Marcus through

17:59

the portal window in a heated

18:01

discussion with two South American, 40

18:03

mob guys. One of them chefs

18:06

Marcus up against the wall before

18:08

exiting past Charlie. Marcus sucks in

18:10

his gut and follows them out.

18:12

Sure, yep, I'll call you. What

18:14

was that all about? That? Yeah,

18:17

just one of my backers telling

18:19

me he's uh... He's back. Sam

18:21

walks up to them waving an

18:23

empty glass. Hey! There's the man

18:25

of the hour. Marcus throws an

18:28

arm around both of them. What's

18:30

what the long faces? I thought

18:32

we were celebrating. Celebrating what exactly?

18:34

Our collective midlife crises? Sammy coming

18:37

out, you being canned? Whatever. Listen,

18:39

I got three words for you.

18:41

Kill me now? All inclusive... Vacation.

18:43

Oh, please don't tell me this

18:45

has something to do with your

18:48

investment opportunity. Gentlemen, a little investment

18:50

opportunity has fallen into my lap.

18:52

And there it is. I would

18:54

like the two of you to

18:56

join me on a Sun-filled getaway

18:59

too. Yes. The answer is yes.

19:01

Oh, sorry, go on. Columbia. Yes.

19:03

Columbia? Are you insane? No, no,

19:05

no, no. Count me out. Fuck,

19:07

you mean you're out. Charlie like

19:10

it's common knowledge. Counts on his

19:12

fingers. Uh, okay, let's see. Uh,

19:14

kidnapping. Drug cartels. Salted pork. Pick

19:16

one. The only people who go

19:19

to Columbia are drug meals and

19:21

guys with hairy chest named Rico.

19:23

Okay, first off, racist. Secondly, you

19:25

just described half the Bay Area.

19:27

Sam, God's in agreement. Charlie looks

19:30

back in the direction of the

19:32

kitchen in Crooks and I at

19:34

Marcus. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

19:36

This wouldn't have anything to do

19:38

with your backer by chance. Marcus

19:41

waves off the thought. He whips

19:43

out a pamphlet and hands it

19:45

to Charlie. Ah, forget him. Check

19:47

the sound. Graceo, better deep dough.

19:50

Oh, please tell me you did

19:52

not buy a vacation resort. Better.

19:54

I bought it. Okay, well, not

19:56

yet, but my buddy Manny's making

19:58

us an incredible deal. Marcus, you

20:01

are insane, and I have prison

20:03

man love for you. Well, oh,

20:05

I'm sorry. Did you just say

20:07

us? It's the deal of lifetime.

20:09

Why wouldn't I want to cut

20:12

my best friends in? Because I

20:14

thought we agreed you were going

20:16

to run these kind of things

20:18

by me from now on. I

20:20

am, right now. We're taking five

20:23

glorious days of coma-inducing fun in

20:25

the Caribbean sun. Columbia is not

20:27

in the Caribbean! Whatever comments I'd

20:29

say to you. Marcus, you do

20:32

not know the first thing about

20:34

running a resort. So we hire

20:36

people to run it for us.

20:38

You keep using this word us.

20:40

Right, look, if it wasn't for

20:43

me, all you'd ever do is

20:45

stay home, play with your dolls

20:47

and cry over your failed marriage.

20:49

They are reenactment figurines. Figure, you

20:51

need this. It's time to get

20:54

back on the horror! with an

20:56

ass. Flurrell, exactly. Would you rather

20:58

be an action figure instead of

21:00

play with him? Charlie considers this

21:02

before coming to his senses. No,

21:05

no, no. I can't just up

21:07

and run off to Columbia. I've

21:09

got responsibilities. Charlie picks up the

21:11

empties and walks off. The old

21:14

Charlie would have jumped at a

21:16

chance like this. Well, let me

21:18

know if you see him. He's

21:20

got some explaining to do. Off

21:22

Sam and Marcus watching him watching

21:25

him go. Cut to exterior Audrey's

21:27

House Day. Charlie parks his car

21:29

and steps out, shocked by what

21:31

he sees in the driveway. Ben,

21:33

in full goalie gear, is duct-taped

21:36

to a hockey net like a

21:38

drill dummy, while Carla takes slap

21:40

shots. When Ball hits Ben in

21:42

the chest, Ben winces. Dad! Benny,

21:45

what the hell is this? Carla

21:47

turns to see Charlie approach. Oh,

21:49

hate shock, still cruising around in

21:51

that, oh, vova, I see. Carla,

21:53

why the hell is my son

21:56

tied up? Well, little guy wanted

21:58

to learn how to man up

22:00

and take a slap-up and take

22:02

a slap-up and take a slap-up

22:04

and take a slap-up and take

22:07

a-up and take a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- You hear

22:09

someone have to teach him. Come

22:11

on, dad. Carla offers Charlie the

22:13

stick expecting him to back down.

22:15

No, no, no. This ends now.

22:18

Ah, don't be such a milk,

22:20

thought Charlie. Do it for the

22:22

kid. Charlie can feel Ben's eyes

22:24

on him. He grabs the stick,

22:27

feels the balance of it in

22:29

his hands, he winds up for

22:31

the shot. Carla, next time an

22:33

eight-year-old tells you to tie him

22:35

up. Charlie goes to release his

22:38

third shot. Audrey comes out of

22:40

the house. Charlie, what the... Are

22:42

you insane? The ball flies and

22:44

hits Ben square in the groin.

22:46

He grunts. He grunts and falls

22:49

forward with the net falling on

22:51

top of him. Hey Kevin, have

22:53

you ever been hitting the balls

22:55

before? He

22:58

grunts and falls forward with the

23:00

net falling on top of him.

23:03

Charlie drops the stick. They rush

23:05

to Ben. Jesus Charlie, he's just

23:07

a kid. Ben, sweetie. Maybe, are

23:10

you all right? Oh, Benny, I

23:12

am so sorry. Audrey rips through

23:14

the tape. Mom, did you, did

23:16

you see it? I took it

23:19

in the pills like, like a

23:21

jamp. What the hell were you

23:23

thinking? Charlie is flummoxed. Really responsible,

23:25

Chuck? You could have seriously hurt

23:28

the boy. Charlie's seeds, but decides

23:30

not to turn it into a

23:32

thing. I'm sorry, buddy. Are you

23:34

all right? Yeah, all right. Double

23:37

bags, just like Carla taught me.

23:39

You want to see? Better check

23:41

his coin purse, just in case.

23:43

Charlie throws Carla look. What are

23:46

you doing here, anyway? Well, I

23:48

can't buy to tell Ben I

23:50

won't be able to take him

23:52

to the Civil War reenactment this

23:55

weekend. So first you almost kill

23:57

our son and now you're bailing

23:59

on him. That's pretty low even

24:02

for you. Charlie takes a knee.

24:04

Ben doesn't want to show he's

24:06

really not... all that disappointed. No,

24:08

that's okay. I understand. I mean,

24:11

since it's for work. Well, yeah,

24:13

the pressure's on it. But look,

24:15

I'll make it up to you.

24:17

All right, bud. So, I mean,

24:20

is it okay, then, if Carla

24:22

Chaparones a camping trip with the

24:24

other dads from school? This one

24:26

cuts deep, but Charlie concedes for

24:29

Ben's sake. The camping trip. You

24:31

forgot? Yeah, absolutely. I just want

24:33

you to have fun. Just don't

24:35

let her tie it any trees.

24:38

Ben nods and they hug before

24:40

Charlie heads back to his car.

24:42

Love you dad. Off to another

24:44

exciting a content convention, Chuck? She

24:47

cackles. Charlie walks off set to

24:49

blow. Voices swirl in his head.

24:51

There are many words to describe

24:54

you, but really? Would you rather

24:56

be an action figure instead of

24:58

play with him? Bang! Charlie turns

25:00

back and walks right up to

25:03

Carla. Projecting all the swagger and

25:05

man in cargo pants can muster.

25:07

Matter of fact, Carla, I am

25:09

headed to a little country called

25:12

Colombia. Only one of the deadliest

25:14

places on earth. Jungle's so dense,

25:16

even the trees will kill you.

25:18

Twenty-foot anaconda ready to swallow you

25:21

up. Ben's mouth drops. This is

25:23

the coolest thing ever. A cesspool

25:25

of cutthroat guerrillas and drug pushers

25:27

armed to the teeth with automatic

25:30

weapons looking to rip out your

25:32

tongue and use it for its

25:34

stamplicker. That's where I'm going. And

25:36

if you ever time I get

25:39

up again, I will come back

25:41

and show you how it's done.

25:43

We clear? Carl. Carl is stunned.

25:45

Charlie puts his shades back on,

25:48

surprised with himself. He walks back

25:50

to his car. Audrey catches up

25:52

with him. Hey, hey, Charlie, um,

25:55

listen, about career date. Don't mention

25:57

it. You know, I kind of

25:59

felt bad for Carla. So awkward.

26:01

She smiles. There's still some sweet...

26:04

left between them. So Columbia, really?

26:06

Well, research my new book. It's

26:08

a thriller. Audrey is impressed. She

26:10

tries to hide a smile and

26:13

laugh. What? It's just for a

26:15

second there. I thought about when

26:17

we first met and how excited

26:19

you were to write the great

26:22

American novel. Maybe it's time to

26:24

change lanes. Charlie smiles turns to

26:26

walk to his car. Charlie

26:29

looks back. Check your blind

26:31

spot, okay? Charlie winks and

26:33

turns. His confidence descends into

26:35

dread. Prelapse, screaming jet turbines

26:37

take us to exterior Katahemia

26:39

Airport Runway Day, establishing. The

26:41

plane screeches down onto a

26:43

heat-blurt tarmac. Over traditional kumbiam

26:46

music. Exterior, Katahmia Airport Arrivals

26:48

Exit Day. Slo-mo. Marcus swaggers

26:50

like Don Johnson. Hair-slicked back.

26:52

Sam sporting a neckerchief struts

26:54

like a peacock. Charlie Straggles,

26:56

covered in sweat, looking green.

26:58

The front of the airport

27:00

fossils with fruit vendors, beggars,

27:02

and touts pushing taxis and

27:04

brothels. Hmm, not the village

27:07

people I was hoping for.

27:09

Through a camera mat from

27:11

a distance. The guys are

27:13

oblivious, they are being photographed.

27:15

Quick, photo of Marcus. Keep

27:17

your eyes peeled man, he

27:19

said there'd be a driver.

27:21

Click, photo of Sam. I

27:23

need a fanta. Anyone else?

27:25

Click, photo of Charlie. How

27:28

about a tennis shot? Shots.

27:30

Yeah, now you're thinking. All

27:32

right, let me see if

27:34

I can find our ride.

27:36

Do bring the car around,

27:38

Marcus. There's a good man.

27:40

Marcus flips on the bird

27:42

as he walks off. Exterior

27:44

streets of Cartaglia continuous. A

27:46

couple big sweaty men standing

27:49

around an old van sneaker

27:51

at Marcus's approach. I'm looking

27:53

for a car that's supposed

27:55

to take me to... Takes

27:57

out brochure? Creso Pertido. Bring

27:59

any bells? Excuse you as

28:01

this. Is there a puta,

28:03

kira pariso? They all laugh.

28:05

Marcus, not getting the joke,

28:07

laughs along. Sure, we take

28:10

to there, Marika. The second

28:12

trucker reaches behind his back

28:14

for a pistol. Excellent, excellent.

28:16

Did a senior Rojas send

28:18

you? See? Many Rojas, he

28:20

said he'd send a car,

28:22

but I guess... Did you

28:24

just say Manolo Rojas? Oh

28:26

great! So you do no

28:29

Manny? The truckers get in

28:31

their truck and apologetically drive

28:33

off. Better than so? Wait,

28:35

wait, wait on you guys!

28:37

Guys! Exterior streaks of Cartagnea,

28:39

convenience stand, continuous. Charlie glumly

28:41

watches a few street kids

28:43

playing soccer while he waits.

28:45

The ball rolls over Charlie's

28:47

way. He stops it and

28:50

passes it back to a

28:52

kid. The kid arcs the

28:54

ball back to catch in

28:56

the nape of his neck.

28:58

Charlie nods, suitably impressed. The

29:00

kid smiles and rubs his

29:02

index finger and thumb together.

29:04

All right, kid. That's worth

29:06

a pay so. Charlie takes

29:08

out his Velcro wallet. The

29:11

kid kicks the ball right

29:13

at Charlie's nose. The kid

29:15

grabs it and takes off.

29:17

He gets about 10 feet

29:19

when he's yanked back hard

29:21

seconds before a speeding truck

29:23

almost hits him. Charlie comes

29:25

running to find Lucia. A

29:27

stunning Colombian woman, 34, dressed

29:29

like a female Indiana Jones

29:32

with no-nonsense attitude. The police

29:34

badge dangles from her neck.

29:36

Charlie, still seeing stars, looks

29:38

up and gets a glimpse

29:40

of her. Backlit by the

29:42

sun. Looking like an angel.

29:44

That was amazing. The kid

29:46

unwillingly hands her the wallet.

29:48

She lets him go and

29:50

he runs off. Lucia opens

29:53

it and checks Charlie's ID.

29:55

Charlie Blicker, if you insist

29:57

on being a target, at

29:59

least be a moving one,

30:01

huh? Thanks, I'll remember that.

30:03

Marcus and Sam come running

30:05

up to them. Lucia eyes,

30:07

them all, tosses back the

30:09

wallet. Colombia can be a

30:12

dangerous place, Charlie Blicker. Be

30:14

more careful? She walks off.

30:16

But what's your name? Can

30:18

I call you? End of

30:20

Swenios. What a beautiful name.

30:22

In your dreams, Charlie. Sam

30:24

shakes his head and leaves

30:26

Charlie staring off smitten. Exterior,

30:28

Catahania Street's day. We follow

30:30

the street kid as he

30:33

walks past a man, 40s,

30:35

gobbling a hamburger at a

30:37

curbside cantina. The man sticks

30:39

out his foot and blocks

30:41

the kid. This is Agent

30:43

Noles with a DEA. A

30:45

Miami vice throwback with permice

30:47

double. Where's the wallet? Some

30:49

lady who just taught me.

30:51

The kid tries to grab

30:54

a fry. Noles pulls pulls

30:56

them away. This guy. Americano?

30:58

C. C. C. And the

31:00

woman who stopped you, did

31:02

they know each other? No,

31:04

me know, thinks so. She

31:06

police a plate of fries

31:08

back with 2,000 pesos under

31:10

it. The kid grabs it

31:12

all and takes off. A

31:15

thin man on a straw

31:17

hat comes out of the

31:19

cantina. The camera slung around

31:21

his neck. This is Agent

31:23

Martina's 40's. Anything useful? More

31:25

torista's in search of Manny

31:27

Rojas. Exterior, Catania Airport Day.

31:29

An El Dorado convertible pulls

31:31

up in front of the

31:33

guys. Ernie, a skinny kid,

31:36

20s, and cheap sunglasses, flashes

31:38

a wide grin. Oh, like

31:40

when you guys done, Marcus?

31:42

Oh, yeah, Marcus, Marcus is

31:44

my first name. This is

31:46

Charlie, and that's Sam. Oh,

31:48

mocho, Gustav, I, and Ernesto,

31:50

your driver. Call me? Ernie,

31:52

Ernie, pop the trunk, hops

31:55

out and opens the doors,

31:57

and opens the doors, and

31:59

opens the doors, the doors,

32:01

How would I tell you?

32:03

First class all the way.

32:05

I'd hate to see last

32:07

class. Ernie grabs their bags

32:09

and throws them in the

32:11

trunk. Okay, Hermanos, better life

32:13

or waste you. As Charlie

32:16

gets in, he spots Lucia

32:18

across the street. Hey Charlie,

32:20

isn't that your dream girl?

32:22

Oh yeah, what did she

32:24

say her name was? It

32:26

was something exotic sounding. And

32:28

to swine you, something like

32:30

that. Ernie laughs when they

32:32

pull out and drive off.

32:34

In your dreams, Charlie, in

32:37

your dreams. Exterior Colombian countryside

32:39

driving day. Ernie switches on

32:41

some regga-tone music as the

32:43

guys take in the colorful

32:45

Colombian cityscape. So is Colombia's

32:47

dangerous as everyone says it

32:49

is? No, no, no. It's

32:51

much safer these past 10

32:53

years. Don Pablo left us.

32:55

Don Pablo. What was he

32:58

like your president or something?

33:00

They all look back at

33:02

him. Are you kidding? Escobar,

33:04

you tip. I knew that.

33:06

Who's Pablo Escobar? They all

33:08

look at Sam like he's

33:10

got nipples for eyes. Only

33:12

the richest, most notorious drug

33:14

lord in history. Ernie's megawatt

33:16

smile is momentarily replaced by

33:19

a haunted expression. Mira, escuche.

33:21

Some say the Patron was

33:23

the cancer of Colombia. Many

33:25

call him the patron saint

33:27

of pain and the warning

33:29

of agony. Rumors persist that

33:31

he never died and waits

33:33

in the shadows so that

33:35

one day he may rise

33:37

again. He crosses himself. Sam

33:40

is still confused. Okay, so

33:42

not your president. Finka Hideaway

33:44

Day establishing. Angle on an

33:46

idyllic pastoral scene of a

33:48

country farmhouse until we notice

33:50

the armed guards in full-on

33:52

camouflage. Interior Finka Hideaway Front

33:54

Hall Day. Maria Chung, 42,

33:56

a five-foot-nothing spunky big-haired ball

33:59

buster of an Asian woman,

34:01

carrying her yappie lasso-opso, like

34:03

a clutch handbag, and then

34:05

a rolled-up newspaper in the

34:07

other hand. She opens the

34:09

front door, pushing aside an

34:11

armed guard. Move! Where is

34:13

he? Rudy, a henchman, comes

34:15

out to greet her smiling

34:17

nervously. Don't give me any

34:20

of that shit. Where the

34:22

hell is my husband? Oh,

34:24

Don Paolo. He is in

34:26

the kitchen preparing lunch for

34:28

the children. She shows the

34:30

paper to Rudy. Did you

34:32

know about this? I don't

34:34

know, I am not privileged

34:36

to such things. Smack! Maria

34:38

swats in with the paper

34:41

and then storms down the

34:43

hallway. What's the sound of

34:45

you getting smacked by Maria?

34:47

Can you do that again?

34:49

Sure. Smack! Maria swats in

34:51

with the paper and then

34:53

storms down the hallway. Interior

34:55

Escobar Hideaway Kitchen Day. Pablo!

34:57

Pablo 54, the instantly recognizable

34:59

mustachioed bear, wears a frilly

35:02

apron over his safari shirt.

35:04

He stands in front of

35:06

a hot stove chomping on

35:08

a cigar making grilled cheeses.

35:10

I know you can hear

35:12

me! Pablo's eyes go wide.

35:14

Uh-oh. He takes the cigar

35:16

out of his mouth, chucks

35:18

it out an open window,

35:20

and waves his hand to

35:23

clear up the smoke. Mejeda,

35:25

me not emprano. That better

35:27

not be smoke, guys man.

35:29

The door pushes open, and

35:31

walks Maria, fit to be

35:33

tied. Maria, me Angel, you're

35:35

back. What am I going

35:37

to say? What am I

35:39

going to say? What am

35:42

I going to say? I

35:44

have no idea what you

35:46

are going to say. Then

35:48

why do you roll your

35:50

eyes? What has gotten you

35:52

saw upset me, Amur? Explain

35:54

yourself. She slams the paper

35:56

down on the counter. Angle

35:58

on front page. The headline

36:00

reads, the headline reads, Escobar

36:03

dead or alive, above a

36:05

grainy photograph of Pablo in

36:07

a ball cap and sunglasses.

36:09

walking through a forest like

36:11

Bigfoot. No, me neither. This

36:13

is Salacious gossip-mongering. Why you

36:15

pay attention? A better question

36:17

is, why would I bet

36:19

man, this is the fucking

36:21

soup? He grimaces, the word

36:24

stuck in his throat. Then...

36:26

Okay, fine. It was me,

36:28

I did it. But, Carida,

36:30

I need to see my

36:32

animals. Next to you, they

36:34

are my everything. What about

36:36

your children? What about them?

36:38

10 years. 10 years you

36:40

have been dead and you

36:42

come out to feed the

36:45

fucking animals. Yota. Maria, my

36:47

hippos, my rhino, they're out

36:49

there in the wild, cold

36:51

and alone, they need me.

36:53

I swear if anything would

36:55

happen to them. Pablo, Pablo,

36:57

who is the head of

36:59

this family now? He waffles,

37:01

technically on paper. Who? You

37:03

are correct, Joe, I am

37:06

the one. Who's wearing lost

37:08

pants? I control the production

37:10

and the distribution. You control

37:12

the grilled cheese. Got it?

37:14

Maria storms out of the

37:16

kitchen. Pablo tastes his grilled

37:18

cheese. Not bad. Okay, bad.

37:20

Cut to exterior front gates.

37:22

Pariso Perdido Day. The car

37:25

drives the security station flanked

37:27

by armed guards. Ernie waves

37:29

and the cars allowed the

37:31

cars allowed the pass. exterior.

37:33

Are you so Perdido Day?

37:35

As the sun dips below

37:37

the trees we arrive at

37:39

an old colonial villa framed

37:41

by exotic floral topiaries. Ooh

37:43

yep. As the sun dips

37:46

below the trees we arrive

37:48

at an old colonial villa

37:50

framed by exotic floral topiaries

37:52

and fountains framed by fruit

37:54

trees and palm fronds. There

37:56

we go. Interior Pariso Peridido

37:58

Villa's Day Ernie opens

38:00

the doors to an enormous room.

38:03

The guys are dumbstruck. The luxurious

38:05

suite is decked out in a

38:07

tropical motif with marble floors and

38:09

gold fixtures. It screams money. Do

38:12

you like it, huh? Signor Rojas

38:14

forgets he cannot be here to

38:16

greet you personally, but he has

38:18

instructed me to extend every courtesy.

38:21

His house is your house. Hey,

38:23

me kasasu kas. I just got

38:25

that. The guys dropped their bags.

38:28

Marcus pulls out a five for

38:30

Ernie. Oh, please. I will consider

38:32

it in no fence. Marcus pushes

38:34

it back into Ernie's pocket. Winks.

38:37

Okay, now, if you've got a

38:39

yellow, excuse me, I must, uh,

38:41

confer with the chef about dinner.

38:44

Ernie turns, pulls out the dirty

38:46

bill like it's a used tissue.

38:48

Now this is living. Screw living.

38:50

This is heaven. Charlie opens the

38:53

door to an adjoining identical suite.

38:55

Check it out! A joining room!

38:57

You see? I told you guys,

38:59

Manny is the real deal. Yeah,

39:02

well, I will reserve judgment. Oh,

39:04

crazy shit is gonna go down.

39:06

I can feel it. Speaking of,

39:09

Sammy needs to drop a doble.

39:11

So I'm off to find the

39:13

little Machachos room. Sam steps into

39:15

the aunts sweet and starts humming.

39:18

Charlie's room. Charlie's room. Charlie's room.

39:20

Charlie and protects to hump it.

39:22

Uh-oh, you time to wing? Oh,

39:25

I'm like, learn to tie that

39:27

again? I'm almost there. I'm almost

39:29

there. I'm on week. Just let

39:31

me finish. Just let me finish.

39:34

All right. Oh, God. Oh, uh.

39:36

Time to wing Chung, Colombian-style puppy?

39:38

Huh? What do you think? I

39:40

think you're going to catch Swan

39:43

Herbie. About buying the place, man.

39:45

I mean, you're the investment guru.

39:47

Okay, Marcus, we've been here less

39:50

than an hour. Okay, I get,

39:52

you wanted a free... and everything,

39:54

but you're not seriously considering buying

39:56

this place, are you? Admit it.

39:59

You don't think I have the

40:01

business smarts to pull this off,

40:03

do you? Okay, look, it's not

40:05

like running a nightclub. The hospitality

40:08

industry is a major commitment and

40:10

no offense. Sam walks back in

40:12

fanning himself. You should buy this

40:15

place for the bidet alone. It's

40:17

liberating. Charlie doesn't think I'm smart

40:19

enough to run a resort. Because

40:21

you're not. But you could pay

40:24

someone to be smart enough like

40:26

you do for the bar. Marcus

40:28

is satisfied with that. Okay,

40:30

look, putting aside the monumental

40:32

risk factor, the financing, the

40:34

liability, do you even know

40:36

what's around here? Or anything at

40:38

all about this country for that

40:40

matter? It's called due diligence. Marcus

40:43

grabs three beers from the mini

40:45

bar and tosses him out. Sam

40:47

screams completely missing the bottle. It

40:50

smashes through a window. Marcus pulls

40:52

out another. I thought you might

40:54

say that. which is why I

40:56

arranged for us to go on

40:58

a little fact-finding mission. You know,

41:00

taking some of the local culture.

41:03

How local? Cut two.

41:05

Exterior, jungle mountain roads, moving

41:07

Jeep Day. Ernie and the

41:09

guys ride an arranger over

41:11

through the winding countryside. The

41:13

Jeep pulls into a clearing

41:15

in front of a small

41:17

thatched hut with a satellite

41:19

dish. They all hop out.

41:21

Exterior, Mamos Hut, Day. to

41:23

fully appreciate the beauty of

41:25

Colombia, you need to purge

41:27

yourself of all impurities in

41:29

order to be born again as

41:31

true Colombianos. I thought impurities

41:33

were the whole reason we

41:35

came. Well, consider this, your

41:37

spiritual rebirth. Okay, listo. Not in the

41:40

leasto. And for the record, I was

41:42

told we were going to a day

41:44

spa. Charlie pokes a wind chime of

41:46

tiny skulls hanging off a tree. Okay,

41:48

remind me again why you thought this

41:50

was a good idea. For one, this

41:52

will help you unclench you unclench. Or

41:54

at the very least, look at you

41:56

just so blitched, you'll totally forget your

41:58

name. Charlie Shruggs. Good point. Interior Mamos

42:00

Hut Day. The guys walk

42:02

into the beaded curtain as

42:05

a fire pit in the

42:07

center surrounded by log benches.

42:09

They sit. Huh. Holy fuck

42:11

a duck. It's like Satan

42:13

sphincter in here. Hey, don't

42:15

be rude. This is somebody's

42:17

house. Enter a mamo 80s.

42:19

Very muscular for a man

42:21

his age. He's naked except

42:23

for a loin cloth and

42:25

feathered headdress. Okay. Now we're

42:27

talking. The mammo chants in

42:29

his mountain language as he

42:31

reaches into a pouch and

42:33

blows a handful of cocaine

42:35

dust at them. Charlie lays

42:37

a very wet old man's

42:39

sneeze right in Marcus's face.

42:41

Do, seriously? Charlie wipes his

42:43

nose, looks around for something

42:45

to wipe his hand on,

42:47

but there's nothing, so we

42:50

wipes it on Sam. On

42:52

Momo, he takes out a

42:54

clay bowl and blows some

42:56

cigar smoke into it, letting

42:58

the fumes waft over him.

43:00

He takes a sip and

43:02

passes it to Marcus and

43:04

passes it to Marcus and

43:06

passes it to Marcus to

43:08

Marcus to Marcus. When in

43:10

Rome, I guess? Sweet Jesus,

43:12

he's already forgotten where we

43:14

are! Marcus takes a swig

43:16

and passes it to Sam

43:18

who gags from the smell.

43:20

He drinks and passes the

43:22

bowl to Charlie. Feeling anything?

43:24

Sam and Marcus exchange looks

43:26

and shrug. Neither feel a

43:28

thing. Charlie resigns himself to

43:30

the moment. Why do I

43:32

let you talk me into

43:35

this stuff? Charlie takes a

43:37

giant gulp. Everyone watches him.

43:39

and then slowly a smile

43:41

comes across his face. Uh,

43:43

that actually tastes kind of...

43:45

kind of... he falls to

43:47

his knees and wretches violently.

43:49

Marcus and Sam laugh maniacally

43:51

in slow motion. exterior

43:58

shamans. But later. Marcus and

44:01

Sam read a water pump

44:03

trying to wash the shit

44:06

stains off their underpants. Charlie

44:08

emerges. Born again. Marcus and

44:11

Sam go to him. Charlie!

44:13

We thought you were dead!

44:15

Gentlemen, I am alive and

44:18

ready to... Oh! No, uh,

44:20

I like. He wretches. Prelap,

44:23

Q, Wild, Columbian, party music.

44:25

Party montage, night, gambling pit.

44:28

Charlie, Sam, and Marcus, in

44:30

a boozie haze, hunch over

44:33

a dirt pit surrounded by

44:35

gambling farmers, all clutching bills.

44:38

Across from them, Aranchero pulls

44:40

the drawstring on a burlap

44:43

sack, Nicobra slers out. Charlie

44:45

scoffs. He whistles at a

44:48

monkey jumps into the pit.

44:50

Flips up on a switch

44:53

blade, the crowd goes wild.

44:55

Scorpion Den. We make our

44:57

way through a crowd of

45:00

onlookers to the front of

45:02

the crowd. At the front,

45:05

a shirtless Marcus is in

45:07

a chugging contest with another

45:10

man, as the crowd cheers

45:12

them on. We pan down

45:15

to reveal. scorpions clamp to

45:17

each of their nipples. The

45:20

other guy swells up horribly

45:22

making Marcus the winner. Fight

45:25

cage. Sam, bare-chested and spent

45:27

sits on a stool in

45:30

the corner of a chain-link

45:32

fight cage. The crowd shouts

45:35

his name. He does another

45:37

rail of blow. The bell

45:39

dings and a horde of

45:42

masked midget lucidoros pour in.

45:44

Sam Howl's and bats each

45:47

one away. Neon Love Motel.

45:49

Marcus's door opens and outwalk

45:52

two gorgeous women followed by

45:54

a satisfied Marcus. Next door

45:57

a terrified Charlie runs out

45:59

followed by a humongous sweaty

46:02

woman. Sam's door opens and

46:04

out comes three gorgeous men.

46:07

Eight masked midget wrestlers. The

46:09

switchblade monkey and a couple

46:12

of chickens. followed by Sam

46:14

doing up his robe. Dissolved

46:16

to, exterior, truck moving through

46:19

the jungle next morning. Ernie

46:21

drives over bumpy terrain. Marcus

46:24

Sam and Charlie are dressed

46:26

in suits, looking very hung

46:29

over. My head feels like

46:31

it was shot out of

46:34

a ferret. Remind me again,

46:36

what part of waking up

46:39

at the ass crack of

46:41

dawn was a good idea?

46:44

Waking up? This is real.

46:46

You said you wanted the

46:49

whole cultural experience. Distant P.O.V.

46:51

And again, they are being

46:54

watched. Exterior Jungle Road Night.

46:56

Knowles and Martinez sit in

46:58

a park jeep. Knowles Hands

47:01

Martinez is a pair of

47:03

binoculars. Scope Matt. The jeep

47:06

stops and our weary travelers

47:08

pour out. Ernie and his

47:11

helper Louise unload a duffa

47:13

bag of AK-47s. What do

47:16

you think? Could be arms

47:18

dealers. Back to scene. It's

47:21

possible. Whoever these guys are,

47:23

there are no amateurs. My

47:26

guess, Rojas is making a

47:28

run for the throne. Noel

47:31

smiles, throws an arm around

47:33

Martinez. This is the one

47:36

we've been waiting for, Marty.

47:38

We do this right. We

47:40

finally get out of this

47:43

shithole country. How do you

47:45

want to handle it? We

47:48

waited this long. Let's see

47:50

how it plays out. Exterior,

47:53

deep jungle day. Charlie shuffles

47:55

along, his head is pounding.

47:58

Marcus plays quick draw with

48:00

an oozy. Sam is busy

48:03

filling a large cigar. Okay.

48:05

I'm starting to see the

48:08

appeal of these things. Whose

48:10

idea was it to wear

48:13

suits in the middle of

48:15

a rainforest? On last day,

48:17

I thought it'd be nice

48:20

to class things up. Plus

48:22

we look super dupe. Marcus

48:25

practices his quick draw. It's

48:27

because we are dopes. Shouldn't

48:30

we at leave to have

48:32

safety vets or goggles or

48:35

something? Oh my God, will

48:37

you quit worrying? These guys

48:40

are professionals. Ernie and his

48:42

helper Louise approach. Ernie carries

48:45

a rifle. Okay, amios. Today

48:47

we go through one of

48:50

the most dangerous places in

48:52

the world. But out here,

48:55

Ombre Man Rules. Jess? So

48:57

what are we having? Vaca

48:59

de Raselva. Jungle cow. I

49:02

know, right? Trudging through the

49:04

jungle. Louise holds up a

49:07

fist for all to stop.

49:09

He goes to the edge

49:12

of the tree line and

49:14

looks in. Something big approaches.

49:17

We hear snorts. Hei-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i Louise

49:19

pokes his head into the

49:22

brush. The beast tears out

49:24

of the forest. It's definitely

49:27

not a cow, but a

49:29

charging four-ton rhinoceros. The rhino

49:32

butts loose. Sends in flying.

49:34

Now it's headed straight towards

49:37

the guys. Yeah, and I

49:39

could really run. Run, you

49:41

guys run! The rhino butts

49:44

are out of the way.

49:46

Salmon Marcus die for cover.

49:49

Charlie. It's frozen. Time slows.

49:51

His heart pounds like a

49:54

kettle drama. The ride-out charges.

49:56

Charlie takes a deep breath,

49:59

grips the shaft, slides his

50:01

finger to the trigger, and

50:04

blam-o! The rhino skits to

50:06

a stop barely a few

50:09

feet away. Dead. The shot

50:11

echoes through the trees. Everyone

50:14

is speechless. A long beat.

50:16

Until they erupt. Oh my

50:19

fucking God! That was insane!

50:21

Ernie slowly takes the gun

50:23

out of Charlie's hand. What

50:26

just happened? Charlie! You saved

50:28

us! Oh, okay then. Charlie

50:31

faints and falls to the

50:33

ground. Marcus rushes to his

50:36

side and slaps Charlie to

50:38

wake him up. Charlie awakens

50:41

and slaps him back. The

50:43

hell! Devolves into a early

50:46

slap fight. Okay, you're kidding.

50:48

All right, this don't go!

50:51

You screw you! You! Just

50:53

out! Just out! Oh! You!

50:56

You! That guy! You put

50:58

that down! Side out! I

51:00

could be wrong, but this

51:03

doesn't look like a cow.

51:05

They turn their attention to

51:08

Ernie approaching the dead beast.

51:10

On Ernie. He cocks his

51:13

pistol and carefully approaches the

51:15

carcass. That's because it's not

51:18

a cow. He showed a

51:20

fucking rhinoceros! Oh, that is

51:23

so bawler! All three move

51:25

in for a closer look.

51:28

Ernie checks his head and

51:30

confirms it. One clean shot,

51:33

right between the eyes. Oh,

51:35

poor little guy. Ernie notices

51:38

a tag on the rhinozier

51:40

and stumbles back, does the

51:42

sign of the cross. Santa

51:45

Maria Benito de Rios. Marcus

51:47

reads the tag. Appropriationsated. De

51:50

Pablo Escobar. Holy shit dude,

51:52

not just any rhino.

51:55

You just killed

51:57

Pablo killed Pablo

52:00

Is that bad?

52:03

rhino. Is say that I

52:05

a whole say that

52:07

time whole other fucking time of

52:09

from bad. End of Act 1.