0:14

Personal Duelsman.

0:18

This is an episode I like to do. It is

0:20

all based on feedback. The

0:23

whole reason I started this podcast was

0:25

to make sure other people felt less alone

0:27

and the things that they were dealing with. Well, the

0:30

only way to truly know that I'm helping

0:32

people do that is feedback

0:34

and reaching out to you guys on social

0:36

media and saying what should we talk about?

0:39

So I did an episode like this background the holidays

0:42

when everybody was really struggling

0:44

with all kinds of things, very

0:47

specifically to the holidays.

0:50

But now we're kind of just in real

0:52

life. It's into April,

0:55

we're starting to get into summertime, and I

0:57

wanted to check in and see how everybody was doing

0:59

and share the things that they've been struggling

1:01

with right now. So we're doing

1:03

the similar aspect in hopes that maybe

1:06

even more people are getting reached because I know

1:08

the episodes I do are on very

1:10

specific topics and we really dive

1:12

deep into those things. So this is

1:14

more broadened and it can hit so many different

1:17

levels, and I'll offer advice

1:19

where I can, or just an

1:21

open space for you to feel

1:23

heard. Maybe it's something that you

1:25

submitted, or maybe it's something somebody else

1:27

submitted and you're like, dang, I'm not alone.

1:30

Those are the goals that we want to accomplish in

1:32

this episode kicking

1:36

things off, we've got a societal pressure

1:39

on women after turning thirty.

1:42

I don't know if you guys heard my episode with my

1:44

parents, and I know the microphones were a little off

1:46

and it was kind of funky, But I'm

1:49

really lucky that I've always had parents who never

1:52

pushed the whole marriage kids

1:54

thing on me. They kind of knew I

1:57

was going to do my own thing, as were

1:59

all of their and they wanted us to be happy.

2:01

That was the most important thing they wanted

2:04

over us hitting some landmark

2:07

goal of marriage, kids, a home, all

2:09

that stuff. So I

2:11

did grow up very lucky in that sense.

2:14

Now, as a society,

2:17

people believe that women

2:20

the only thing they're supposed to accomplish is being

2:23

a mother and having a ring

2:25

on their hand and the

2:28

woman to take care of their man. That's a very

2:30

big belief still amongst a lot of people, and

2:32

I love that for some people, if those

2:34

are things that they truly want.

2:38

But I learned really early that that wasn't going

2:40

to be a path for me. I

2:42

mean as a kid, I grew up, you know, white picket fence.

2:44

I wanted four kids, the husband

2:46

and all the things. And I still want those

2:49

things, but it's certainly evolved

2:51

in a lot of different ways.

2:53

And what I thought

2:56

would be marriage at twenty one and

2:58

you know, my career and all of

3:01

these things. No, I mean we're

3:03

a decade later. I'm thirty one years old, I'm

3:05

not married. I have a dog and a cat. I foster

3:07

animals, and I do have my dream job,

3:10

and I do own a house, but I

3:12

don't have a husband. And if

3:14

you looked at me and old

3:16

societal standards, I'm a failure

3:19

for that. But I

3:21

don't think that I am. I think I'm

3:24

a huge success actually, So

3:27

when I start to think about societal pressure,

3:30

I kind of think of it in funny

3:32

terms, and I'm like, can you just

3:34

imagine now, once upon a time they

3:37

thought someone like me was not

3:40

a success story because I didn't

3:42

worth kids yet and I

3:44

didn't say vows to somebody

3:46

at an altar. Those are the two things

3:48

we're determining of a success

3:50

of a woman in her thirties. Jokes

3:54

on them, because I actually think there's

3:56

so many more incredible things you can accomplish

3:58

in your lifetime than just

4:01

that those things are incredible.

4:03

Getting married and having a baby are so exciting,

4:07

and I've made it really important to me and some of

4:09

my friends to

4:11

celebrate more than just

4:13

that. We celebrated when I released

4:15

this podcast. We celebrated

4:17

when one of my friends got accepted to move

4:20

into an apartment. We celebrated

4:22

when somebody adopted two

4:24

dogs. We celebrate

4:27

more than just those moments in

4:30

my friendships. Focusing on those

4:32

things has really blurred

4:34

the lines of societal pressure for

4:36

me. So if

4:38

you're feeling that way, start

4:41

celebrating the really cool things in your life

4:43

in the big moments when they come and when they happen.

4:46

Don't wait for those moments of the baby

4:48

shower and the wedding shower. Celebrate

4:52

everything that you're successful at,

4:54

and it kind of takes the power away from

4:57

what society has taught us. Struggling

5:01

with losing a job after ten years and starting over,

5:03

rejection and all the things,

5:06

gosh, I can't imagine. I

5:09

know a lot of people are going through this. I've

5:11

seen so many people in

5:13

recent years losing jobs they've had

5:15

for decades or years, and

5:18

they're having to start over and figure things

5:20

out.

5:22

And it is always kind of that cheesy

5:25

saying of rejection is redirection,

5:28

and I do believe it in a way, but

5:31

I also just think that's kind of a

5:33

cop out to tell somebody when they're really struggling.

5:35

Like, first, we need

5:37

to recognize that this is a person who is

5:40

now in a really uncomfortable, vulnerable

5:42

position. They don't have a job, and

5:45

job security is everything. It

5:48

can change the course of your life. So I

5:51

want to recognize to this person who wrote

5:53

this in that that sucks. Losing

5:56

a job absolutely sucks,

5:59

and you didn't deserve

6:01

it. But I do know

6:04

that there will be a better

6:06

outcome because of this, and

6:09

you are the only one that can determine that.

6:11

Can there be a worse outcome? Sure, could

6:13

you be unemployed for a long time, yeah, absolutely,

6:16

but I also believe that you

6:19

can find a better job. And maybe this is a

6:21

moment in your life where you

6:24

were scared to get a little uncomfortable, because

6:27

comfortability is amazing. You

6:29

know how many times I've never wanted to get uncomfortable.

6:31

I'm like, oh gosh, don't put me through that. I just let

6:34

me keep doing my monotonous things every day because

6:36

it's just easier. But

6:38

maybe this is the universe screaming, hey, let's

6:42

find something new for you that you really love and

6:44

that you're really passionate about. And

6:47

I do like to think that some moment like

6:49

this will set you on a path

6:51

that's going to be better. And mindset

6:54

is everything. If you believe that for yourself,

6:57

then that's what's going to happen. Never

7:00

going to take away the fact that this sucks and

7:04

you feeling rejection is

7:06

very real, but

7:09

it's not you. Losing a job

7:11

doesn't have to do with you. Of course,

7:14

in moments it does. Is there something that could

7:16

have happened or you could have done? Sure, but

7:19

people lose their jobs every day and

7:23

being rejected from that does suck. However,

7:28

being rejected from something is

7:31

a way of saying, hey, this wasn't right for

7:33

you. And I've had a lot

7:36

of lessons in rejection, so

7:38

I can tell you that Unfortunately,

7:41

every time rejection has been correct,

7:44

there was a reason that that didn't work out for me. So

7:47

I do like to believe that

7:49

there is better things coming for you, and

7:52

I'm not going to tell you though. Redirection

7:56

rejection is redirection been

7:59

quite down since Christmas, and I can't shake it words

8:01

of advice or something. I

8:05

mean, gosh, I

8:07

hate this for you. Seasonal depression

8:09

is also a very real thing, and just depression

8:11

in general is a really real thing.

8:16

I think you start got to get out of

8:18

your comfort zone to shake this

8:21

and my moments of depression, one

8:24

of the hardest things that I ever wanted to do was leave my house

8:26

and just even go for a walk, be outside.

8:29

Even in my life now, when

8:31

I get so caught up in everything that's happening,

8:34

I stop taking care of myself. I

8:36

literally stop showering and eating

8:38

good meals and taking my dog on a

8:40

walk because I have so many other things I have to do

8:43

and that's not good

8:45

for me. I've realized it. I mean, you're hearing

8:47

my voice right now, and I'm a little bit sick. And it's because I've

8:49

ran my body so ragged. And

8:53

when I was in depressive episodes,

8:56

I would notice something similar happen where

8:58

I wasn't taking care of myself. So

9:02

plan a day where you can

9:04

set aside and focus on things that

9:06

you really love to

9:08

do, I mean really love. It. Could

9:11

be doing a puzzle, It could go on a hike. It

9:13

could be watching your favorite movie. Spend

9:16

an entire day doing things

9:18

that only fill up your cup. Forget

9:22

all of the adult responsibilities for the day.

9:24

The laundry can wait, Vacuuming the house

9:27

can wait. Your job can be set

9:29

aside for a day a week, and whenever you have

9:31

off and focus

9:33

your energy solely on bringing

9:36

joy back into your life.

9:39

And it's gonna be hard when you feel off because

9:41

it's the last thing you want to do, is like bring joy and serotonin.

9:45

But the only person who can do that for

9:47

you is you. So take

9:50

that time. Set up a day only

9:52

things you enjoy. I'm not kidding. Cancel

9:54

everything else, block out a whole day, go

9:57

get a massage, listen to music

9:59

on repeat. What whatever it is. It

10:01

could be all the free things. It could be spending

10:03

a lot of money on yourself. Whatever you need to do, but

10:06

find your way to bring

10:08

joy back into your life. Whenever

10:11

I focused and did that, I felt myself

10:14

turned corners And I

10:16

do hope that helps for you. Leadership

10:21

support when you live with a chronic illness.

10:23

I was messaging somebody

10:25

on Instagram about this. This was the

10:27

person who sent it in And

10:31

this is really tough, right. We are in a time.

10:33

You guys have heard a few episodes now with

10:35

a few different experts and people

10:37

talking about chronic illnesses and things that people

10:40

are experiencing right now, and it's

10:42

tough. Everybody's going through so

10:44

many things and

10:46

finding jobs and managers

10:49

and gosh, even people

10:51

who you rent from to understand

10:54

what you're experiencing, because chronic illness

10:56

affects so much more than just your body. It

10:59

also affects your job, the people

11:01

in your life, et cetera, et

11:03

cetera, So having

11:06

support from people above you is

11:08

hard. I think

11:10

some of that comes from lack

11:12

of understanding. There's lack

11:14

of empathy for sure, too, and you know

11:16

you can't make people empathize.

11:20

But one thing that we can do is be

11:22

honest and open about the things that we're

11:24

experiencing. Too often we're

11:27

afraid to have those conversations and

11:29

be honest about it and really be honest about

11:31

how bad it is. So but

11:35

do it in a way that like you're not jeopardizing

11:37

your job. Right, You don't go and say, oh my gosh,

11:39

I can't do X, Y and Z. But

11:42

I do think we go to our leadership

11:45

and have a

11:48

one on one conversation with them

11:50

and just say, hey, I'm really

11:52

struggling with this, and I know there's going to be times

11:55

that this may impact me, but I promise

11:57

that I'm going to do everything in my power to complete

11:59

the job. And I just want to know

12:02

that we're on the same page and we're working

12:04

for the same team here because

12:06

I don't want this to impact my job, I don't

12:08

want it to impact you, but I also

12:11

am going to have moments where this is going

12:13

to happen. It's

12:16

really easy for us to just expect,

12:19

you know, people to understand and empathize

12:21

and have compassion, but

12:24

we're sorely lacking that in a lot of ways. We

12:26

get really caught up in our own I even do it

12:28

like I caught up in my own life and gosh,

12:31

all the things that are happening in mind that I can kind

12:33

of forget that. Oh yeah, other people

12:35

are experiencing a crap ton of things too, saying

12:38

goes for managers and bosses

12:41

and management, they're not

12:43

thinking about this, especially in

12:46

the ways that you are. So you're

12:48

gonna have to kind of full frontal

12:51

say the entire

12:53

plan and kind of lay it out in

12:56

order for you just start to find

12:58

some sort of support in

13:00

relief. And

13:03

like I said, that could be difficult given

13:05

a boss or a manager if

13:07

they're not open or willing to have these conversations

13:10

or they see it as a problem. So definitely

13:12

like plan and have the

13:14

things you want to say out, but

13:17

do it in a way that's supportive to you, not

13:20

like putting you in a bad light, because having

13:22

chronic illness is not your

13:25

fault and you shouldn't be punished for

13:27

that. So really

13:30

meticulously pay attention to how and what

13:32

you're going to say. But I do think conversations

13:35

are so important on the topic of

13:37

chronic illness. I got a message from Brittany

13:39

who wrote into me saying she would love to

13:41

talk about being a mom to kids with chronic

13:44

health conditions, and I really

13:46

wanted to give her the space to share this because

13:48

I think there's many moms, parents,

13:51

dads out there who can relate

13:53

to what she is sharing and wants

13:55

to make sure other parents feel seen

13:58

and understood on this level.

14:00

Hi, my name's Brittany and I'm

14:02

a mom to three daughters. I have an eight

14:04

year old, a five year old and a three year

14:06

old, and my eight year old and five year

14:08

old both suffer from a chronic health condition.

14:11

My five year old has food allergies

14:13

and my eight year old was diagnosed in September

14:16

of twenty four with type one

14:18

diabetes. And as a

14:20

parent, when your child is given a diagnosis

14:23

that is life changing

14:25

and life altering, it's very

14:28

scary. There's a lot

14:30

of fear of the unknown, and

14:33

you really have to more in the life that you thought

14:35

you were going to have. My

14:37

five year old she'll eventually outgrow her food

14:39

allergies, but my eight year old,

14:41

she won't grow out of type one

14:43

diabetes. And

14:46

when she was diagnosed, it was

14:48

super scary and it

14:51

felt like our world got flipped upside

14:53

down. I went from

14:55

knowing how to take care of my child to

14:59

learning how to give insulin shots

15:01

and count carbs so that we could

15:03

properly dose her insulin.

15:06

And while they do the best they

15:08

can to teach you in the hospital, it's

15:10

a crash course and it doesn't

15:14

make it easy to feel

15:17

confident in what you're doing. We've

15:21

been doing this now for about

15:23

seven months, and I'm

15:26

only just now feeling confident

15:29

in us going out

15:31

to eat or going to

15:34

a birthday party and

15:37

having an idea of how to accurately

15:40

dose her insulin without

15:43

having a scale to measure the amount of food.

15:46

It's been challenging as a parent to

15:50

know that at

15:52

the end of the day, I'm

15:54

doing the best that I can and

15:57

that's all I can do as

15:59

a mom. I

16:02

know the it feels

16:04

like the weight of the world is on our shoulders.

16:06

But it's okay

16:09

to ask for help. It's okay

16:11

to feel

16:13

sad that your life

16:15

looks different than what you thought it was.

16:17

Going to look like.

16:19

And it's okay

16:21

that your life is different than your

16:25

siblings and

16:27

your cousins or your

16:29

friends. It doesn't make

16:33

it any less rewarding

16:35

to be a parent if your

16:38

child has a health condition.

16:41

If anything, it teaches us how

16:43

to be flexible and be adaptable

16:47

to the changes in life.

16:50

And while

16:52

I miss what our life

16:54

used to look like, I wouldn't

16:57

trade anything. I

16:59

love my daughter more than anything. I love

17:01

all three of my girls more than anything. But

17:05

it's it has been a

17:07

change for us that, while

17:09

difficult, has brought us all closer

17:12

together. And while

17:15

like I said, I miss our old life, I wouldn't

17:17

change any of it. If anybody's

17:19

out there dealing with a chronic health condition with

17:21

their kids and it's new and it's scary,

17:25

just know it gets better and

17:27

it won't be scary once it's not new anymore.

17:30

Anything new is scary because we don't know what

17:32

to expect. But allow

17:34

yourself to feel sad, allow yourself

17:37

to more in the life you thought you were going to have, but

17:39

embrace the life you were given and

17:42

just love your kids and know it

17:44

gets better.

17:46

Green flag and red

17:49

flag you notice right away.

17:52

Green flags I notice are for sure consistency

17:55

and people, especially as I've

17:57

gotten deeper into relationships and the

17:59

more that I've experien I

18:01

can pick up within two,

18:04

three, four dates if a guy

18:06

is going to show up consistently, like are

18:09

his words and actions aligning? Is

18:11

he making me feel

18:14

like I have this gut feeling now that's

18:16

so wild. I

18:18

had kind of started seeing a guy and

18:20

I think we were about to kind of have our fourth date, and

18:24

the first few days were so great, but

18:27

then he started to just back off, and I was

18:29

like, I don't know where I stand with that guy.

18:33

And when you don't know where you stand with

18:35

somebody. It's a bad thing, even

18:37

in the early stages, because

18:39

it's so easy for someone to say, Hey, I like you,

18:42

I want to see you. Hey I don't like you.

18:44

This is not working out for me. Those

18:46

two things are actually easy to say

18:48

if you have a heart. Unfortunately,

18:51

so if anybody ever makes

18:54

you feel like you don't know where you stand

18:56

with him, it's a red flag, and

18:59

it's gonna to tell you a lot more about a person

19:01

very quickly. Then. I think a lot of

19:03

us want to give credit to and our guts

19:05

are always spot on about that we kind of just shove

19:08

them away, you know. He started to like somebody

19:10

get excited. It's fun to be excited about

19:12

somebody. I was excited about that guy

19:14

for a brief second, and

19:17

then I realized, I don't want to be with

19:19

somebody where I have to question

19:21

how I feel and what he feels. That's not fun

19:23

for me. So that's

19:26

not a good thing. So consistency kind

19:28

of falls in a red green flag

19:31

in a way, like I'm paying attention

19:33

to this and it's either going to turn into a

19:35

red flag or a green flag. I did an episode

19:37

about my abusive relationship, which was really

19:39

one of the first times I've talked about that. So this

19:42

is in These next two questions are in relation

19:44

to that, after getting out of a narcissistic

19:46

and abuse relationship, how to feel

19:48

safe in a new one, how to stop all the

19:50

overthinking and reading way too much into every

19:53

little thing. I'm currently with an amazing guy

19:55

about to get married in October, but I have days

19:57

where I'm thinking, when is this going to

19:59

blow up?

20:00

Up?

20:01

Oh? Man, girlfriend,

20:03

I haven't

20:05

reached that point yet. You know where I'm about

20:07

to be married, so I can't

20:09

tell you that it ever goes away,

20:12

and I don't think it really does. You

20:15

know, in the new healthy stage

20:18

that I'm in currently

20:20

right now with somebody, I am questioning

20:22

this every day. When's the shoe

20:24

going to drop? What's gonna happen? What

20:27

bad flag are you going to show me? Who are you? This

20:30

isn't real? And

20:33

it teeters on this fact that I

20:35

have to allow this person to

20:38

not be responsible for the things that I've been

20:40

through, but also hold

20:42

this person accountable that I don't experience

20:45

the same things that I've already

20:48

experienced. And

20:50

that's really hard to teeter because

20:53

this other person deserves respect and your

20:56

genuine heart and giving them the opportunity,

20:59

especially this person send for you who has proposed

21:01

to you and you're about to get married to, giving

21:04

them the opportunity to

21:07

show you that not all people are like that. But

21:10

there is a protection level, and I don't think

21:13

protection ever goes away. I

21:16

think you learn to cope with it, and

21:18

I think you learn to understand it and

21:21

move through it. And

21:24

at the end of the day, something

21:26

that I'm really fighting hard to

21:29

teach myself is

21:31

that the other shoe could

21:34

always drop. But

21:36

am I really going to keep living my life

21:39

in new relationships and

21:41

new friendships and new anything like

21:44

the shoe is always going to drop? Do

21:47

I deserve that? Do I deserve to

21:49

sit there and always be anxious?

21:52

Or do I deserve to

21:54

dive in and allow good things

21:56

to happen to me? Because I deserve good things

21:58

to happen to me. And

22:01

I think you're probably in that similar

22:03

place. But clearly, this is a person

22:06

that you are with who you do

22:08

feel safe with, and you feel good enough to

22:11

be engaged to him,

22:14

and there is always always the possibility

22:17

that the shoe will drop, But

22:19

you have to trust yourself enough

22:21

to know to

22:24

get out when the shoe does drop, and

22:28

to pick yourself back up when

22:30

that shoe does drop. You have to put

22:33

the trust back in who you are. It

22:35

took a lot of time for me to understand trusting

22:38

in myself and trusting that I was making

22:40

the right choices for myself and relationships

22:43

after that one.

22:45

So a lot of what you're

22:48

experiencing in this shoe drop, and I can only

22:50

tell you this because I know the feeling and

22:52

I'm currently experiencing it,

22:55

is that you have to trust that you've healed

22:57

and done the work and that you

23:00

made the right choice until

23:03

they prove you otherwise. You can only base

23:07

your data off of the information that you've been

23:09

given and the information that you've been

23:11

given so far. As this is a person who is

23:13

amazing and wants to marry you. But

23:17

the minute that ever changes, you

23:19

know what to do. You know you'll get

23:21

out, you know you'll do better. So

23:24

why you and me, girlfriend, are

23:27

we sitting here and being like, dang the other she's gonna

23:29

drop sometime soon. Huh, Let's

23:32

stop doing that both of us, girlfriend,

23:34

because I got to too. Okay, I do. I'm

23:37

in this with you. If

23:40

you have a friend family member in a toxic relationship,

23:43

What are the right things to say to help them

23:47

see what's happening, And how can we

23:49

truly help someone see what's

23:51

going on and how it looks from the outside. I

23:54

was having a conversation with somebody about this today and

23:57

that person who is experiencing something with one

23:59

of their kids. It's who was

24:02

like kind of having an experience that I was

24:04

having, and he wanted a kid's perspective

24:07

when he's a parent. And

24:12

I think the best thing that we can offer people

24:15

when they are in relationships

24:17

that we don't support is

24:19

our support. And I'm not saying

24:22

that you have to be there all the time. If you've

24:24

gosh, it's gotten so toxic and you're just

24:27

like in it, and you're like, I cannot keep

24:29

offering this person my undenying

24:32

support every single time they call or text me.

24:35

That's fine, and I understand that, but

24:40

letting them know like,

24:43

hey, I love you, and

24:45

I don't agree with this decision and I don't

24:47

agree with this relationship, but I am

24:49

always going to have your back and I'm always

24:52

going to support you. And

24:55

when the time comes that

24:57

this does or doesn't happen, I'm

24:59

here no matter what allows

25:03

people who are in those relationships to

25:06

feel safe enough. It

25:09

like plants a seed that

25:11

when they finally realize for themselves,

25:14

they don't feel scared

25:18

getting out of it. I

25:20

was talking to my dad the other day after he

25:22

listened to my podcast episode

25:25

on the abusive relationship.

25:27

But my parents knew after everything

25:30

happened, and

25:33

he still like kind of beats himself up because

25:35

he was like, I wish we could have done more,

25:37

And I had

25:40

told him, you guys did you?

25:42

Guys supported me, You loved me, you trusted

25:44

me to make decisions for

25:46

myself, and you helped me as soon as I was

25:48

ready. Truth

25:51

be told, we can't make people make

25:53

a decision until they're ready in anything, not

25:56

just relationships, but in

25:58

things that they're dealing with in their own lives. Until

26:00

somebody is ready to accept what's

26:03

going on in their life and make

26:05

a change, we can't

26:08

change that for them. So the best

26:10

thing that we can do is offer them love and support

26:13

and kindness in those scenarios

26:16

however you are able to. Again,

26:18

this does not mean you need to be so close to somebody

26:21

that like you're there for them at their beck and call for

26:23

the years that they want to keep talking about something.

26:27

I know that as someone who's in this, nobody

26:29

had that obligation to me. They shouldn't

26:31

have. And I did

26:34

lose friends and stuff over but the moment

26:37

that I was ready to get out, I knew that I

26:39

was still loved and supported, so

26:41

I knew that I could go to them. And

26:46

that's where it becomes really important to

26:48

just allow people to make

26:51

their own mistakes and decisions. And

26:54

truthfully, you can only tell them one time, like

26:56

hey, I don't support this, and

26:58

I don't think this is

27:00

going to be something that's beneficial for your life,

27:03

but I love and support you like that conversation

27:05

can really only happen one time, because

27:08

if you keep pushing that like I

27:11

don't see this, I don't understand, all

27:13

you're going to do is push them further and further away into

27:15

the opposite direction. So

27:18

say it once, say where you stand, like very

27:21

proud and definitive, and

27:25

know with like your deepest depth to

27:27

them that like you love them and support them. And

27:30

I do think in the bigger picture

27:33

that's your more beneficial situation in

27:35

my experiences, and I know

27:38

that that's really hard for some people even for me.

27:40

I want to help people get out of stuff. I'm a challenger.

27:42

I'm going to push you to do better

27:44

things for your life. So I

27:47

had to learn this also because I put

27:49

myself in this situation. So now

27:51

being in it, I can understand

27:55

when it's not my role

27:57

to play, it's somebody else's

27:59

role to play in our own life. Living

28:03

in a busy job life, how do you nurture your friendships

28:05

as well as alone time? I mean you

28:07

did just hear me. I don't do well

28:09

with the lone time. Clearly. I haven't taken a

28:11

lot of time to shower, or eat or clean

28:13

my house recently because gosh, guys, life

28:15

is smacking me in the face.

28:18

I feel like I have not had any

28:20

time and that's just the reality. Like I'm

28:23

gonna give you some moments here of

28:25

stuff that's really important to me and how I try and

28:27

focus energy in different places. But I'm

28:31

gonna tell you right now like I'm drowning. Honest

28:33

to god, I am struggling

28:36

in a lot of ways to find my balance

28:39

with this new podcast, in my life, with

28:41

having a full time job, with maintaining

28:43

friends, with trying to date, with trying

28:46

to foster animals, which is really important to me,

28:48

with Remy and I doing therapy work

28:50

with staying healthy and

28:52

focused on my health, which is really struggling

28:55

right now, like I

28:57

am drowning. Honestly, there's days

29:00

I come on from work and all I want to do is sleep, and I don't

29:02

have the time to sleep. So

29:06

I do really well a lot of

29:08

the time. But then there's moments like

29:10

this where holy crap, I'm

29:13

barely hanging on for dear life and

29:16

I don't suggest it. Honestly, I really don't.

29:18

Like I

29:20

feel successful and I feel proud, and this

29:22

podcast is so important to me, and all the things that

29:24

are in my life are so important

29:26

to me, and that's why I keep pushing through it. But

29:30

I think it's really important to have balance. And

29:35

when I'm really busy like this, I

29:38

try really really hard. Even

29:41

if I can't show up physically, like I'm

29:44

texting my friends, I will call them.

29:46

I will send them food or

29:49

buy them coffee, like send Venmo

29:51

and buy them buy them some coffee. Like

29:54

if I can't show up physically, I

29:57

always try and show up in another way,

29:59

or or I try and make up for the time

30:01

that I'm not there physically, because

30:05

so much of friendship is wanting

30:07

to be seen and heard and loved, And

30:12

if I want people to do that for me in my

30:14

life and show up for me, then

30:16

I have to make the time to do that for other

30:19

people. It's just like it's a requirement.

30:22

But there are moments in my friendships

30:24

where like I text them, I'm like, you, guys are

30:26

not going to see me for like three weeks, I'm dead, leave

30:29

me alone, And they get it

30:31

because we've established such good basis

30:34

when I am in a healthy space and

30:36

I do have the time, even

30:39

like in dating, like very early on in

30:41

relationships, I'm like, no, no, no, it is important

30:43

and imperative to me that I

30:46

spend time with my friends without you. I

30:48

still want you involved and I still want you there,

30:50

and there's gonna be a lot of time we're all together.

30:53

But I also need to continue to

30:55

nurture my friendships like I have made that such

30:57

an important requirement because

31:00

I was in relationships before where

31:02

I lost friendships and I will never let

31:04

that happen again. So I

31:08

just really put it high on the totem pole because

31:11

the most important thing about our lives is

31:14

connection and community. Like

31:16

everything else be damned. Connection

31:19

and community is genuinely what keeps

31:21

us alive and living, and

31:23

you have to foster that. You have to make

31:25

time for that and make time for it in

31:27

the ways that you can. If you have kids, bring

31:30

the kid along. I don't know how many times I've told my friends,

31:32

I'm like, I don't care, bring the kid. I just

31:34

want to see you. I want to hang out with you. Or let

31:36

me show up to your house and we'll watch a movie with the kid.

31:38

Like but if you also

31:41

don't have those friends, it's telling of those

31:43

friendships. Find the friends that will do that stuff

31:45

with you. There's been times where I'm so busy

31:48

and I have Rimmy and I'm like, guys, I

31:50

can't leave Remy. Like I've been so busy, I have

31:52

not paid attention to her. I need to spend

31:54

time with her, and they're like, cool, bring

31:56

her, or let's go to a patio where she can come.

32:00

Understanding your friendships and how busy

32:02

everybody is is really important, and

32:04

that's how you're gonna nurture it and

32:07

alone time. Man, if you guys figured that one out,

32:09

let me know, because I'm also still working on that I'll

32:13

try and schedule myself some like random massages

32:15

and that's kind of where it comes. Or I'll go on a walk with Y

32:18

and those are kind of where I recharge.

32:20

But true alone

32:22

time and stuff, I don't think I've gotten

32:26

there yet. We're still working on that. Grief

32:29

depression and its toll on relationships.

32:33

You know, at one point in my relationships,

32:35

I dated a guy who was bipolar,

32:39

and it

32:41

really did pay a heavy

32:43

toll on our relationship because

32:46

so much of

32:48

his experiences would

32:50

blur the lines in our relationship, Like

32:53

if he was having episodes, you

32:56

would have like good swings and bad swings

32:58

kind of to go along with what was hap happening with him.

33:01

And that relationship

33:03

ended up ending because like

33:05

all he wanted to do was push me away because he didn't

33:08

want me to also experience those things,

33:11

and so

33:14

much of that relationship And

33:17

now having experienced like a partner like that, and

33:20

also myself having gone through multiple

33:23

moments of grief and depression, I

33:26

can tell you that the best thing

33:28

you can ever do is have an

33:30

open line of communication. I

33:32

wish so many times that he would have just talked to me, and

33:36

I know that in the moments where I was

33:38

so depressed that I

33:41

wish someone would have allowed me to talk to

33:43

them, or that I would have felt

33:46

comfortable enough to have conversations.

33:50

When we feel deep

33:52

sadness, deep grief,

33:55

deep depression, the last

33:57

thing we really want to do is open up. But

34:00

it's actually the one thing that

34:02

can help us through it. And

34:06

again, I know that's so hard,

34:09

and there's gonna be moments of those

34:11

bouts and those experiences where you're

34:14

not gonna want to talk to people. But even just

34:16

saying hey, I'm struggling with this,

34:18

I don't want to talk about it, but this is

34:20

what's happening in my life right now is

34:23

so important. Doesn't mean

34:25

you have to sit there and say, hey, I want to have an hour long conversation

34:27

about the depression that's going on in my head. Like

34:31

you can just say, hey, I'm

34:33

really depressed right now and I don't know what I

34:35

need and I don't know what's

34:37

happening to me, but I

34:40

really need your support. That

34:42

communication alone can be the

34:44

difference between this

34:47

not taking a toll on your relationship.

34:50

So much has to do with communication, and

34:53

it's not the end all be all fixed, because

34:56

trust me, there's gonna be more battles than just that

34:59

communication. But I think

35:01

being able to communicate your needs

35:04

and what's happening to you and

35:06

if it's you and everyone around you, and

35:09

that's a really good place to start.

35:14

And also giving

35:16

yourself grace that

35:18

you're experiencing these things

35:22

because no one should have to, and

35:27

making sure that you choose a partner

35:30

that does have empathy and

35:32

compassion. That's such

35:35

an important tool. I remember telling one

35:37

of my girlfriends when they were in town, I

35:40

really need to find a partner who has the

35:42

same level of empathy that I do,

35:47

because not only do I have

35:50

so many like mental health struggles,

35:52

but I had so

35:55

much empathy for other people that

35:57

when I kept dating these people who really lacked,

36:01

we were always butting heads because it just

36:03

didn't make sense. We were never on the same page.

36:07

So I think when you're someone who struggles

36:09

with these things, you

36:12

need to find someone who has compassion

36:14

and empathy. But also

36:17

on that same level, you cannot

36:19

take advantage of someone with compassion and

36:21

empathy because you have these struggles,

36:24

which is something that I faced

36:27

in one of those ex situations

36:30

with the guy who is bipolar. I

36:33

felt like I was kind of taken advantage

36:35

of because of my empathy and understanding,

36:38

which is how I got cheated on. But that's story

36:41

for a different day.

36:43

Would your twelve year old self be proud of

36:46

you? Now, this was a thing

36:48

that we talked about on the Bobby Bone Show, and

36:51

I really thought about this question. I

36:55

think my twelve year old self would

36:58

be so so proud of where come. I

37:02

think she would be in shock that I

37:04

have CMA awards

37:06

and ACM awards sitting on my walls,

37:10

and she'd be shocked that I'm helping people. But

37:13

I also think she would be concerned

37:17

for the things that we went through, the

37:20

bullying, the

37:23

suicide thoughts, the abusive

37:26

relationship, not

37:29

being married yet a lot

37:31

of those things. I think she'd be like, what

37:33

the freak happened? Are

37:36

we okay? And sometimes

37:38

he answer to that is no, but

37:40

most of the time yes. So I do

37:42

think overall she would be so proud.

37:44

And this is a cool check in to do, like if you're just

37:47

going through it or you've had some really big

37:49

years recently, like do a check in

37:51

with yourself and be like, would my twelve year old self

37:54

be proud? And like honestly reflect

37:56

on that, not because you

37:59

have done anything wrong and say you took eighty

38:01

million different turns that you never thought you would.

38:04

But I

38:08

believe that recognizing

38:10

our younger selves is a really important

38:12

part of the growing process

38:17

to understanding who we are and our

38:19

needs once, dreams, desires. I

38:23

was recently put on anxiety meds. I grew up in an

38:25

era where meds were not the answer, So

38:27

I'm having a hard time accepting these

38:29

will help me and that it's okay

38:31

to use them.

38:35

You know, this is super tough because when

38:38

I was going through the bullying situation and

38:40

I was having depression suicidal thoughts,

38:42

I was on depression medicine

38:45

and I

38:48

really felt numb during that part

38:50

of my life. Whether it was the meds or the

38:52

things that I was experiencing, probably a combination

38:54

of both. But every

38:57

time I would open up that medicine

38:59

and it, I

39:02

was so disappointing in myself. I

39:05

was so sad that I had reached a point

39:07

where I needed help that to that extent.

39:11

But I look back on that now

39:14

and I'm mad at myself for getting mad at myself,

39:18

because it's like if

39:20

you break your arm and

39:23

you go to the doctor and you're like, I broke

39:26

my arm and they're like, okay, let's

39:28

put a sling on or you need to have surgery,

39:30

let's fix this, and you get it fixed.

39:34

That same thing is what's happening when you have

39:36

a mental health problem. You're

39:39

getting medication because

39:42

you're struggling with something. You're

39:46

dealing with a physical

39:48

issue and situation that's happening

39:51

in your body, and you're

39:53

trying to heal it, whether

39:55

that's with medicine or all kinds of

39:57

other things. But recognizing

40:00

that just because

40:02

it's mental health, does it make

40:04

it any less serious and more important

40:07

to heal or take medicine

40:10

than if you were to have a physical injury.

40:15

And I wish someone would have told me that

40:17

correlation, because

40:20

I really focus on the fact that what I

40:22

was experiencing was invisible to everybody

40:24

else, even though it was very

40:26

real to me. But

40:28

because it was invisible to everybody else, taking

40:31

the medication made me feel like I was

40:33

doing something wrong, and

40:36

you're not. You're literally trying

40:38

to heal and take care of your body.

40:40

Everybody has different body composition and

40:42

genes and things

40:45

that are happening in their brain and

40:48

all you were doing is taking

40:50

steps to heal yourself. That's

40:53

it, end of story.

40:56

So I don't want you to ever feel

40:58

bad about that, and hopeful utilizing

41:01

that correlation will allow

41:03

you to not feel bad about what's happening.

41:08

Not on topic for your crowd, but I'm

41:10

struggling with aging. I

41:14

do actually think this is super odd topic. I have a lot

41:16

of people, Gosh, my dad

41:18

listens to this podcast. Sorry Dad, I'm not saying you're aging.

41:20

You look great, You're amazing. But there's

41:23

so many people who listen to this podcast,

41:25

and there's people who follow me who struggle with this. I

41:29

can't personally relate at this moment in my

41:31

life to true,

41:34

true aging. I'm not old enough

41:36

yet, but gosh,

41:38

I hope I have the privilege to be. But

41:41

I know that that's a struggle because

41:43

with aging comes old

41:45

age and retirement and

41:48

a lot of people dying and understanding

41:52

what's happening to your body and the

41:54

changes you're going through. There's

41:57

so much that comes with aging, so

41:59

struggling that is so real, and

42:03

I think there's a lot of people out there that need

42:05

to hear that, because you

42:07

know, it is one of those things where even I just

42:10

did it in that moment where it was like, gosh, it's

42:12

a privilege to age. But I can

42:14

sit here and say that because I'm thirty one, I

42:16

haven't hit that point yet. I can't

42:18

imagine what that's like, sixty seventy

42:20

eighty ninety years old, and

42:22

you're like, I'm really struggling with this fact.

42:26

I can't I can't put myself

42:28

in those shoes yet. But

42:30

I can sit here and say that I see you, and

42:35

I hope you know that you're not alone in that experience,

42:39

and I hope you're getting to do all

42:41

the things in your life that you want to and

42:44

checking off all the boxes, because

42:47

that's what life is truly about.

42:51

Please share your experience moving to Nashville

42:53

and buying your own home. No man needed.

42:56

So I loved moving

42:59

to Nashville. But and I

43:01

didn't have a man during any of those experiences.

43:03

Now, when I moved to Nashville, now, when I lived

43:06

here at first, not when I bought my house, but

43:08

I did have my family, and

43:12

I think that support system was so huge

43:14

to do all of the things that I was doing, and

43:17

incredibly supportive parents

43:21

who really helped me understand

43:23

a lot of things, and educate me and

43:26

give me space to do so

43:28

much stuff that I

43:31

can't. You say, just because

43:34

I didn't have a man, I didn't have help, I did have my parents,

43:37

But I did move

43:39

here by myself. I moved here without knowing anybody.

43:41

And I did buy my home without

43:44

having a partner. And those

43:46

things are accomplishments in themselves.

43:49

And to anybody who's thinking about

43:52

making a big move and moving away

43:54

from everything they've ever known, do it.

43:57

Do it because you will never regret it. And

44:00

do it because you can always move back home.

44:02

You can always move back to the place that's comfortable.

44:05

But what you can never do is get an opportunity

44:07

to move. Those

44:10

things don't come back again. So

44:12

if you ever get a chance to make

44:14

a fun change, do it.

44:17

Is it uncomfortable? Yes? Are you gonna

44:19

have to make new friends? Yeah, You're gonna have to do all

44:21

kinds of things. So you never thought you could possibly do it, Yes,

44:24

but do it anyway.

44:28

And if you are in the position to

44:31

buy a home but you're waiting

44:33

for a partner, don't.

44:36

I love living by myself.

44:39

I love that I have a dog and cat who are

44:41

my own. I love that I get to choose

44:44

that I gotta have both of them and did not have to

44:46

consult somebody else. I love that I can choose

44:48

anytime I want to bring another animal in and

44:51

foster it. I love

44:54

that this space is entirely mine. I

44:57

love that I get to go

44:59

out on the backyard and mow my own yard

45:01

and say yeah, I did that, or my

45:04

house projects, or all the things that I've accomplished,

45:07

I did that. It's

45:09

very empowering. So if you are in a

45:11

position, which I know is an

45:14

incredibly difficult market right now, but if

45:16

you are in a position to do so and

45:18

buy your own home and the only thing that you think

45:20

you are waiting for as a partner, don't

45:24

because you don't need one man or a woman.

45:27

You do not need one like go for

45:29

it. Do it. I

45:31

believe it's one of the coolest things that will happen in

45:33

your life. Tips

45:36

on getting through trauma when it's

45:38

left you stuck in life

45:41

with no purpose. This

45:44

is really tough because I

45:47

see in this message that you feel

45:50

you have no purpose because of whatever

45:52

you've experienced, and I

45:54

hate that you feel this way. I

45:57

hate it for you because

45:59

you never just to feel that way, whatever it was,

46:02

whatever this trauma was that you experienced.

46:05

But let me make something so clear.

46:08

You have a purpose, and your purpose

46:11

is you being you beyond

46:14

anything else. If

46:16

you don't go after a dream job, if

46:18

you don't have a partner, if you don't have friendships,

46:20

if you don't have anything, you being you is

46:23

a purpose. That's

46:25

the only foundation that you need

46:27

to start over. Which

46:30

is what it sounds like you're kind of

46:32

at is this starting over point. But

46:36

you being you and you having

46:39

you is the only

46:41

thing you need to start over and

46:43

build the life that you've always wanted.

46:46

You were actually in the best place

46:49

to create the life that you've always wanted. A

46:53

clean slate is something that everybody wants.

46:55

And I'm not saying you technically have one, because

46:58

you do have trauma and you had experience

47:00

that has left you feeling this way.

47:05

But if you can rewrite that narrative in

47:07

your head that

47:09

this is something that created

47:12

a clean slate for you to start

47:14

a new journey for yourself,

47:18

I think you'll start to find your purpose and

47:22

also take care of you. I don't

47:24

have a lot of context, but

47:26

take care of you, because

47:28

that's going to be important part of this process too, how

47:32

do you handle what other people think. I

47:34

say one wrong thing and dwell on it for months,

47:36

it gets to me. Honestly,

47:38

I still don't handle it

47:40

well. There's sometimes people come at me. I'm like, I,

47:43

guys, there was one time, I'll be super honest

47:45

with you, guys. I went down and Reddit thread one

47:47

time and it was not a cool experience

47:50

for me. I had to go straight into

47:52

therapy. I was like, this is a horrible place and

47:54

people hate me, and I don't know what I did

47:56

wrong. There were so many people

47:58

out there that had so many a pinions of me,

48:01

and a lot of people who were acting like

48:03

they really knew me, and

48:06

they had so many story lines and things

48:08

about me wrong, and I just had to like let it

48:10

happen, and I

48:13

spiraled. I was so not

48:15

well for a few days. So

48:19

I need to make sure it is known that, like, things

48:21

do get to me. I'm

48:23

really good a lot of the time about dealing with trolls

48:25

on social media, but things do

48:28

still get to me. It

48:30

still hurts. It's still like augh,

48:32

like a little shot might be a little pinch,

48:35

like okay, cool, didn't need to take that

48:37

one, but then you pinch me one hundred times.

48:39

Yeah, I'm gonna start to feel that. But

48:43

at the end of the day,

48:46

I did learn from my my bullying situation

48:48

in high school that I

48:50

can't make everybody like me. Much

48:53

to my dismay, I would love to make everybody

48:55

like me. Heck, I'm pretty

48:57

sure that was like one of my goals

48:59

for the first twenty years of my life was that

49:01

I just want everybody to like me. And

49:06

I had a really harsh lesson in

49:08

that bullying when that bully looked at me

49:10

and said, I just don't like you,

49:13

and I couldn't do anything about it. But

49:18

she taught me a very important lesson that

49:21

it wasn't my job

49:23

to make everybody like me. It

49:25

was my job for me

49:27

to like me. And I

49:30

freaking love me. I'm

49:32

so proud of myself in so many ways.

49:35

And when you start

49:37

to really focus on your inner

49:40

self and pour

49:43

everything into you, everything

49:47

outside of that feels

49:49

so small. And

49:52

again, there will be moments when it doesn't.

49:54

I still do. I still feel the arrows

49:56

in my back, little stab, little knife

49:59

pain. Majority

50:01

of the time I can look at that and say,

50:03

I can't make you like me, and that's okay because

50:07

I like me, so

50:10

a lot of that comes from your

50:12

inner person. And

50:15

also I say stupid crap all the time, Like,

50:17

no, really, I the

50:20

things that come out of my mouth sometimes

50:23

shouldn't. So if

50:25

anybody should be concerned about

50:27

things that I say, and I should probably take it back. It's

50:29

for sure me. I word vomit all the time, so

50:33

most people do. If

50:35

you feel like you say something and

50:37

you're like, oh, dang, I shouldn't have said that, most

50:40

people word vomit. Heck, most of the time,

50:42

all of us are like literally just allowing things to come

50:44

out of our mouth. That's me right now.

50:47

Things are literally just word vomiting this entire

50:49

episode. So try

50:51

not to dwell and

50:53

sit on things that you've said. I

50:56

promise you're the only person

50:59

that's dwelling on that thing now,

51:01

unless you like said some really hateful stuff, then

51:04

you might need to have a conversation. But I don't think

51:06

that's what you're doing. So just

51:09

remember that nobody else is doing that to

51:11

your words, only you. We

51:13

got to start looking inward, find that confidence

51:16

in you and love you for

51:18

who you are and all your quirks

51:20

and your word vomiting like I'm doing

51:23

right now, the

51:25

personal drive to do better.

51:27

You share so many good and bad

51:30

things. What keeps you going? Oh?

51:34

Man, I got you know, that's a tough

51:36

question because, like I said,

51:39

like, there's moments, guys where I don't

51:41

and there's moments where my depression

51:43

and suicidal and anxiety

51:46

and all of these things that are

51:48

relatively situational for me will

51:52

come creeping back in, and I'm

51:54

just like, I like, this week has been

51:56

so hard to meet, especially with all the health problems

51:58

that I've been having lately, and I

52:01

have so much on my plate. There

52:04

have been moments where I like, I just don't want to do it,

52:06

Like I literally want to crawl in a hole and not come

52:08

back out. But

52:12

there's something really important to me that

52:16

I accomplish

52:19

the things that I set out on

52:21

this earth to accomplish, even

52:24

if it comes with bad moments. Like

52:27

some of my goals in my life at this point.

52:29

Now, I'm going to save as

52:31

many animals as I can or

52:34

be a part of animals journeys.

52:37

I really want to write a

52:39

book for Remy,

52:41

and I want it to be like a series about Remy

52:44

and me rescuing her, her becoming

52:47

a therapy p up, her helping with foster animals

52:49

like a children's book series. That's something I

52:51

really want to do, not that I have any

52:54

of the time for. I

52:57

want this podcast to continue

53:00

growing and keep finding incredible

53:02

interviews and people to come on and topics

53:04

to have conversations about. And

53:09

I really, I really want to change the

53:11

world. You know that it's a big and

53:13

hefty goal that I have, but I really want

53:16

to leave a mark on this world. And

53:19

that means that I'm gonna have to fight through some really

53:21

hard moments to

53:24

make sure that I can continue accomplishing

53:26

all these all of these goals. So

53:30

so much of my drive really

53:33

comes from this desire to

53:36

just make things happen for

53:39

myself. For twelve year old

53:41

me that we were talking about, like, I

53:44

know, she deserves me to

53:46

keep fighting. The young

53:49

girl who is so driven and

53:51

what chase streams like nobody's business. She's

53:53

the one that I keep fighting for. She's

53:56

what I do this for. And I

53:59

want her to look

54:01

at seventy five eighty year old me

54:04

so many years later and be like,

54:07

yeah, we did all that, look at

54:09

the life that we had. I

54:12

don't ever want to look back on

54:14

my life right now, twenty years

54:16

from now, or when I'm on my deathbed.

54:20

I don't ever want to look back and say I should

54:22

have done something. And

54:24

I think that is the end all, be all drive

54:26

for me. I don't ever ever

54:29

want to leave things on the table. It's

54:32

just not worth it to me. It's

54:34

not worth the feeling that I'll have if I do journey

54:40

getting remy therapy trained. Want to

54:43

try and don't know where to start. So I

54:45

actually just did an

54:48

article I'm going to be in an issue

54:50

coming out in June for in Focus. I

54:52

got nominated as a fresh Face

54:55

of philanthropy from Apes Garden, where

54:57

Remy and I volunteer, which is just incredible. I

55:00

genuinely feel so honored. But we were

55:02

doing the interview process of it

55:05

and they asked how this kind

55:07

of started, and I was looking back at

55:09

my life and I've always

55:12

been such a massive

55:17

volunteer, like that was always a huge

55:19

part of who I was. In middle

55:22

school, I was the

55:25

Kay's was it middle school? Was that freshman

55:27

year high school? Gosh, I don't know. My

55:29

timeline is so kind of foggy now, but

55:31

I was the case Area president which was an organization

55:34

that really helped organize

55:36

volunteer events. Volunteers

55:39

charity organization drives all

55:41

kinds of stuff, and I loved it so much

55:43

that I became the area president for it, an

55:45

area president meaning like of a significant

55:48

portion of Kansas. And I

55:50

even went to a camp and there was

55:52

case camp and we did all this volunteer stuff and I

55:55

like spoke at it. I had a big speech that I

55:57

had to do and it was one of the coolest

56:00

times of my life. And that kind

56:02

of kick started me then

56:04

doing leadership studies in some of

56:06

my classes in middle school and high school,

56:08

to then minor in leadership

56:11

studies in college. And I know,

56:13

leadership studies like everybody's like, ah, those are the your easy

56:15

classes. Yeah. No, as

56:17

you got into them, you were having the most difficult conversations

56:20

you've probably ever had in your life. But

56:22

leadership studies, in a combination

56:25

of doing

56:27

so much volunteer stuff really

56:30

then kickstarted me to

56:32

then continue volunteering and doing

56:34

leadership work outside of

56:38

my life as like a young kid and

56:40

into my adult life. And I

56:42

always loved animals. The portion

56:44

of that happened in college when my

56:47

girlfriends and I when we lived in a house together our

56:49

junior year of college, we fostered

56:51

like twenty seven animals over

56:53

the course of one year together. One

56:56

of my friends like started that, and that sent me

56:58

on this journey, which is when I'm still on gosh,

57:00

helping the rescue community

57:02

and shelters and all kinds of things

57:05

like that. So that's

57:07

where that started. And

57:09

then the two combined when I

57:11

started volunteering at Kansas Humane and

57:14

Remy came in as a puppy and

57:16

I was training get my parents to adopt her, and when they came

57:18

to meet her, they're like, oh, my gosh, Morgan, this dog has

57:20

bonded to you. That is your dog. And

57:23

they allowed me to get her because I was living with my parents

57:25

at the time, and honestly, I was at a position

57:27

that I probably shouldn't have gotten a dog.

57:30

I just started a new job, I

57:33

was living with my parents, which is not the time,

57:35

but we were meant to

57:37

be together, and so I adopted

57:39

her and it's been this crazy

57:41

journey ever since. But when we moved to Nashville

57:44

before COVID, I actually started looking for volunteer

57:47

work for stuff for us to do. COVID kind

57:49

of like really took that on a turn. But

57:51

after COVID I kind of started that process

57:54

up again. And when I was trying

57:56

to find things that I could do with Remy and volunteer

57:58

because I didn't want to take a way my

58:01

time with her because time is so precious,

58:04

I found therapy work. I

58:06

was like, dang, Remy would be so good at this. We did a lot

58:08

of training together when I first got her as a puppy, and

58:11

she was so well trained already, but

58:14

she loved people. She loves people more

58:16

than she likes other animals, which

58:19

we have learned. It's always a process. But

58:22

we found Therapy ARC, which

58:25

is the organization that we are certified through,

58:28

and we basically did a preliminary

58:31

exam with them and they're like, okay, is this even

58:33

a potential therapy animal. She

58:35

passed that with Flying Colors. We went

58:38

through six weeks of training with

58:40

them, and then after we did

58:42

the training, we had to take the official

58:45

exam and her and I

58:47

both had to pass because we're a therapy animal team.

58:49

So like, not only does Remy have to be like the

58:51

best schools dog ever, but I

58:53

also had to be a good human partner. To

58:55

her like, can I hold conversations with people? Do

58:58

I want to interact in my empathetic

59:00

do I have compassion? There was so many

59:02

kind of levels to this, but we

59:04

took that test and we passed

59:07

so great. We had a moment there where Remy

59:09

really wanted to go after some treats, but we

59:12

still passed. And that is

59:14

now where we are today. And she

59:17

is just the most special

59:20

dog and she has saved

59:22

me in so many ways, and

59:25

she is for sure my soul, my heart

59:28

dog. And Hazel, I

59:30

love Hazel's my cat. She's beautiful

59:32

and incredible. But at

59:35

this moment in time, Reomy and I have just been through

59:37

so many things that we have such a crazy

59:39

special bond. Hazel and I are getting

59:41

there. We've been together for like two years now,

59:44

and it's

59:46

it's so cool. I think animals are one

59:48

of the greatest things that

59:50

we have in our lifetime. All Right,

59:53

we're nearing the end here or

59:55

we're getting there. How are

59:57

you planning financially for the future

59:59

from this point in your life? So again,

1:00:01

I have really awesome parents who really

1:00:04

instilled the importance of saving money to

1:00:06

me really really early on. When

1:00:08

I was working at Buffalo wild Wings. At sixteen,

1:00:11

I was setting aside so much money. It

1:00:13

was really important for me to save a

1:00:16

lot of what I was getting at that time in my life

1:00:18

for what I could save, and

1:00:21

that started me on a really important

1:00:23

journey that I've always been good at

1:00:26

paying myself first. I've always saved,

1:00:28

Like every time I get a paycheck, I'm like, Okay,

1:00:30

how much can go on my savings account? How much could

1:00:32

go here? And now I have investment

1:00:35

accounts. Now I invest in

1:00:37

stocks, and I've been investing

1:00:39

in my four oh one case since I was

1:00:42

twenty five years old. So it

1:00:45

was always really instilled in me at a

1:00:47

really early age, and I'm very, very lucky

1:00:49

and thankful for that. I know a lot of people don't

1:00:51

have that same experience. So the

1:00:54

best thing I can say in this direction is

1:00:57

start now. Like you can never start too

1:01:00

late, right, I mean you can,

1:01:02

you can meet like some of my coworkers

1:01:05

and you don't have four o one k's, but

1:01:08

you can never like be too late

1:01:10

to start, is what I should say.

1:01:12

You can always start saving now. In

1:01:15

that saving like when I was paying myself first,

1:01:17

it looked like twenty five dollars. It was

1:01:19

twenty five bucks of my Buffalo wild Wings

1:01:22

or my serving money went to

1:01:24

my savings. It wasn't a lot dead but

1:01:28

freakin' gosh, twenty

1:01:30

well, my mouth sucks. But I

1:01:33

don't know ten years from that,

1:01:36

like, I've only increased that amount

1:01:38

that I paid myself first every time, and

1:01:41

now my savings is so awesome. So

1:01:44

that was an important

1:01:46

easy start for me to do, and

1:01:49

I really try and suggest it

1:01:51

to people. I've also only ever had one

1:01:54

credit card. I've never

1:01:56

opened up. That's not that's not true. I did

1:01:58

open up a pottery barn when I about my house because I needed

1:02:01

some deals. But beyond

1:02:03

that bottery barn, which I really don't use anymore,

1:02:05

I really just bought when I did my house. But

1:02:08

I only have one credit card, one debit

1:02:11

card, and I

1:02:13

don't carry a lot of cash. Sometimes I do, but

1:02:16

I really don't. So like I

1:02:19

have gotten some financial

1:02:21

things and still really early, and I

1:02:23

wholeheartedly know that I'm very lucky

1:02:26

for that, so very exciting.

1:02:28

But if there's one thing that you're looking for to start

1:02:30

saving as the first place, heck,

1:02:33

it can even be five to ten dollars, like just start.

1:02:36

Don't think like, I can't start. I can't

1:02:38

do this, it's too overwhelming. Just start. Just

1:02:40

start paying yourself first every time you

1:02:42

get a paycheck, and that

1:02:44

will start to build up over time. It's a habit. You create

1:02:46

a habit. How should

1:02:49

normal guys approach to women at a bar these days without

1:02:51

being creepy? We

1:02:53

talked about this a little bit on the Bobby Bone

1:02:56

Show recently, and I think

1:02:58

your best bet is genuinely to like

1:03:00

find very natural approaches. Like if

1:03:02

you see a cute girl at the grocery store and

1:03:04

she's looking at a specific item, just

1:03:07

like kind of like gently walk

1:03:09

by. I don't like you rush up to her and

1:03:12

just be like, hey, I've tried that before. It's really awesome.

1:03:15

Like, as a normal human being, think of

1:03:17

connection instead of

1:03:20

flirting, Like, think of the fact

1:03:22

that you just want to connect with this human being. I

1:03:24

did an episode with a flirt coach, Benjamin,

1:03:27

and it was cool to talk to him because so

1:03:29

much of what he thinks the flirt is

1:03:32

is just connecting with human beings. If

1:03:35

we start to look at things as just connecting

1:03:37

and having human interaction,

1:03:39

it takes some of that pressure off that this has to

1:03:42

be a connection. It

1:03:44

can just be a fun moment in time.

1:03:47

So do things just naturally,

1:03:50

like how you would if you saw a friend, or

1:03:53

if a girl's at the drink or

1:03:55

at the drink at the bar buying a drink, then

1:03:58

ask her what she's drinking, like, hey,

1:04:00

what is that? I need a new drink? Or

1:04:03

hey, like you guys are taking jobs, what are you celebrating

1:04:05

tonight? I know these sound like kind

1:04:08

of corny and stuff, but natural

1:04:10

integration to your life is what's gonna have the most

1:04:12

success and not be creepy, because

1:04:15

you know, if you just go up be like hey you're hot,

1:04:17

Yeah, that's gonna be creepy, or like hey

1:04:19

can I get y'all number? Or uh

1:04:22

what show snapchat? Yeah, none of those things are gonna

1:04:25

work. So natural integration.

1:04:28

Just think of human interaction rather

1:04:30

than hey, I'm gonna go flirt with that hot girl.

1:04:33

That's the best way you're gonna go. And

1:04:36

our very last one imposter

1:04:38

syndrome as a thirty year old woman engineer

1:04:41

in a male dominated field,

1:04:44

let me say this, you

1:04:47

deserve to be there. You got

1:04:49

that job regardless of being

1:04:51

a thirty year old woman. You

1:04:54

got that job, and

1:04:56

all you have to do is own that

1:04:59

shit. Own it, like

1:05:02

so often with imposter syndrome, because

1:05:04

I get it. I get it often. I'm kidding

1:05:06

you right now sitting here on this podcast, like why is anybody

1:05:08

listening to this? Why would anybody

1:05:10

want to hear anything that I have to say? You know why? Because

1:05:12

also the comments tell me that they're like, why would anybody

1:05:14

want to listen to you? You're not smart, you don't need it, you

1:05:17

don't need to share information, you don't have a successful life,

1:05:19

YadA, YadA, YadA. No,

1:05:21

you know what we're gonna do. We're gonna own

1:05:24

that shit because

1:05:26

we deserve to take up space. We

1:05:29

deserve to have the jobs that we did do. We

1:05:31

deserve to be in the spaces

1:05:34

that we're in. We worked hard

1:05:36

for that. You worked hard for that. Do

1:05:39

not allow anybody to make you feel

1:05:41

like you don't deserve to be there for

1:05:44

any moment in time in your life. You

1:05:48

deserve to take up space. You

1:05:50

deserve to get

1:05:52

the life that you've always dreamed of and

1:05:56

to be someone is who is doing something

1:05:58

different like you are. Hell

1:06:01

yeah, you are

1:06:03

paving a way for people. You

1:06:06

are changing a narrative, You are changing

1:06:08

a path, and that's

1:06:10

so cool and so important, and

1:06:12

do not ever invalidate that experience

1:06:14

for you. Are

1:06:16

you gonna have moments where you're like, dang, I shouldn't be here. Yes,

1:06:19

you will. I still have those moments every day.

1:06:21

But then I look myself in the mirror and I say, no, no, no, look

1:06:24

at me. We did this. We got here, We worked

1:06:26

hard, we put in the time, we put

1:06:28

in the effort, and we deserve to be here.

1:06:31

And I think that's probably what you needed to hear more

1:06:33

than my take on imposter syndrome.

1:06:36

So I hope you heard it loud and clear,

1:06:39

and anybody else who's listening to this episode, I'm

1:06:41

so happy you're here. And you also

1:06:44

deserve to be here. And whatever space

1:06:46

you're in in your life right now, you deserve

1:06:48

to be in. You deserve to take up this space.

1:06:52

So do it be who

1:06:54

you have always wanted to be, chase

1:06:56

the dreams that you always want to chase, and

1:06:59

go on after it. We

1:07:02

do at the end of the day. So

1:07:05

much of my drive as a human being is

1:07:08

that we only have one life to live

1:07:11

and I am not gonna take a

1:07:14

single moment of that for granted. And

1:07:16

you shouldn't either, So go

1:07:19

out there, live your life. I hope

1:07:21

you got something out of this episode. Maybe I

1:07:23

just weren't vomited all over you, and maybe

1:07:25

you gave up halfway through and you're

1:07:27

not even hearing the ending of this, and that's okay

1:07:29

too. But along the way,

1:07:31

I hope you did get something that helped you and

1:07:34

made you feel seen and heard and less

1:07:36

alone, because that is the whole

1:07:38

purpose of this podcast. It isn't

1:07:40

me to sit here on a mic and blabber

1:07:43

and share advice or have interviews.

1:07:45

It's really for you guys, to feel

1:07:49

like you are being connected

1:07:51

to That's what

1:07:53

we're doing here. So I hope you

1:07:55

felt it again. I'm

1:07:57

happy you're here. Thank you for being here.

1:08:00

I love you. Stay safe and

1:08:02

we'll talk soon.