6 ways to make better connections online | Margaux Miller

6 ways to make better connections online | Margaux Miller

Released Monday, 31st March 2025
Good episode? Give it some love!
6 ways to make better connections online | Margaux Miller

6 ways to make better connections online | Margaux Miller

6 ways to make better connections online | Margaux Miller

6 ways to make better connections online | Margaux Miller

Monday, 31st March 2025
Good episode? Give it some love!
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admit, it's been a while since I sent

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a cold email to a stranger. But

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here's the thing, I know at some

1:39

point I'm going to need to.

1:41

It's kind of inevitable in my

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line of work in business and

1:46

academia. And when I do send

1:48

that cold email, I'm certainly going

1:50

to be out of practice. Because

1:52

like any kind of etiquette, connecting

1:54

meaningfully online is an artful

1:56

habit and one we can

1:58

get better at. try. I'm

2:01

Padu Baconola. This is

2:03

Ted Business, a podcast

2:05

from TED. Our guest

2:07

today is networking expert

2:09

Margo Miller. And she's

2:12

here to give us

2:14

six very concrete pieces

2:16

of advice on how

2:18

to communicate with intent

2:21

and impact, particularly

2:24

when you're reaching out over

2:26

email. No Then after the

2:28

talk, I'll help you think through

2:31

that email you've been wanting

2:33

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3:20

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3:25

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catch up on

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the latest episodes

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without the ads. episodes

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without the ads. And

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now Margot Miller takes

4:13

the TED stage. I want

4:15

to see a show of hands.

4:17

How many of you have

4:19

ever deleted an email

4:22

or a social media

4:24

request because it was

4:26

written like pure spam.

4:29

Yeah, or maybe you deleted it because they

4:31

got your name wrong or they used

4:33

an awful cliche like we share mutual

4:36

interests But never took the time to

4:38

tell you what those were Yeah, I

4:40

remember a long time ago. I sent an

4:42

email to a business acquaintance of mine

4:44

I was hoping to draw them into

4:46

my network and maybe get some feedback

4:48

and so I work hard on it

4:50

and I send it off and to

4:52

my surprise instead of emailing me back

4:54

They sent me a text message awesome

4:56

it worked Turns out it was not so

4:58

awesome The text message was to ask

5:00

me why I sent them a mass

5:02

message instead of a personal one. Needless

5:04

to say, I was embarrassed, but at

5:07

least I got that second chance via

5:09

text message. Things have evolved

5:11

a lot since then, and I'll start by

5:13

telling you this. Today's version of

5:16

networking has changed. We once had

5:18

classes on etiquette. And then my

5:20

parents' generation and probably many

5:23

of you got literal instructions on

5:25

how to shake hands and make

5:27

eye contact. And then the internet

5:29

blew up, and now, there is

5:31

no instruction at all. The skills that

5:34

once served us well in

5:36

conference rooms and at networking

5:38

events are no longer enough. Now,

5:40

our networks span the globe. Today,

5:43

we have over 5 billion internet

5:45

and social media users,

5:47

respectively, around the world.

5:49

Most of us, accessing our

5:51

digital identities, through the device

5:54

that you either have in your hand

5:56

right now or close enough. But this

5:58

is great, because what this means is that... we can

6:00

reach almost anyone anywhere

6:03

instantly. And now I won't make you

6:05

raise your hand for this next

6:07

one, but is it possible you might

6:09

still change jobs one day? If so,

6:11

you should know that the vast majority

6:14

of job placements are now

6:16

happening through networking. They're

6:18

happening through personal and

6:21

professional connections. And so

6:23

what do we do with this? Well, first,

6:25

this is not a talk about

6:27

you becoming an influencer. Meaningful

6:30

online connection is not about how

6:32

many followers you have or what

6:35

you look like. Yet, ignoring the

6:37

power of connecting online, that's

6:39

not just outdated, it's

6:42

a significant missed opportunity.

6:44

And what we need is a new

6:46

playbook. Now making up for my

6:49

bad email days, I have since

6:51

made a career out of connecting

6:53

people online around the world and

6:55

drawing from a wealth of

6:57

global interactions. I've distilled for

7:00

you six ways to make

7:02

better connections online, beginning

7:04

right now. Tip number one, connect,

7:06

don't, collect. We're in an

7:09

era where scrolling can feel like

7:11

connecting, and where we often

7:13

overlook the fact that building a

7:16

helpful community for ourselves is

7:18

not a numbers game. Rather,

7:20

it's based on the quality and

7:22

the depth of our relationships.

7:25

Think of the common pareto principle,

7:27

where 20% of our connections yield

7:29

80% of the results. But for

7:31

this to work, we have to know why we're

7:33

reaching out, have a goal, and do your

7:35

homework. A strong first impression

7:37

comes from stronger preparation. Take

7:39

this message from Talley, for

7:42

example. She was looking for a

7:44

remote job in community building

7:46

and identified me as someone who

7:48

could help her. But rather than

7:50

jump right in, Talie did her research

7:52

on what mattered to me. and then

7:54

she tailored her outreach authentically. This

7:56

worked, and I ended up getting on a

7:58

call with her. What also can

8:00

work is sharing what you liked

8:02

about a recent presentation they gave,

8:04

or an article they wrote, as

8:07

a way of showing genuine interest.

8:09

And, you can use AI and large

8:11

language models as a way of doing

8:13

efficient research for you. Just

8:16

remember, it's a tool for

8:18

personalization, not a silver bullet. Tip

8:20

number two. Don't make it about you.

8:22

Dale Carnegie famously said, you

8:24

can make more friends in two

8:26

months by being interested in other

8:28

people. than you can in two years

8:30

by trying to get other people interested

8:33

in you. Think about that for a minute.

8:35

When you receive a message, you want to

8:37

feel like you're the ideal recipient for

8:39

that message, not just one of many.

8:41

So, include a clear purpose, a call

8:43

to action, and if you can, make

8:45

that person feel special. Talie also did

8:47

this very well in the second part

8:49

of her message to me. She asked for

8:52

a call about my career journey. So this

8:54

is great for two reasons. First, she asked

8:56

clearly for what she wanted, for what she

8:58

wanted. the call and second she

9:00

made it about my experience which

9:03

makes it real easy to say yes

9:05

because i don't need to prepare to

9:07

talk about myself i hear complaints

9:10

from friends all the time that

9:12

get messages with no purpose the

9:14

message literally just says hello

9:16

or i would like to connect full

9:19

stop that's the whole message because

9:21

the sender is thinking well i'll get

9:23

to the real point once they

9:25

respond don't do this with no compelling

9:28

reason for that person to reply,

9:30

it's likely you won't get that second

9:32

chance. Tip number three, become a

9:34

familiar face. A few years ago, I discovered

9:36

a woman online named Anna. Anna

9:38

had created a community globally for

9:41

women in tech. This is a topic

9:43

that I'm personally very passionate about,

9:45

and at the time, I was looking

9:47

to take my experience from a local

9:49

to a global level of support. And

9:51

so I started to comment on Anna's

9:53

posts, hoping she would recognize who I

9:56

was who I was. Eventually,

9:58

when I reached out to offer my ex- As

10:00

an MC, and I was happy to connect,

10:02

she had recognized me. And since

10:04

that call, I now host their annual conference

10:07

introducing top executives from companies

10:09

like Google, meta, and Microsoft.

10:11

In order to boost your

10:14

visibility and those chances of new

10:16

connections, try to become a familiar

10:18

face to the right people. So you can go

10:20

right to their content and engage with

10:22

it like I did. Or you

10:24

can join online communities groups and

10:26

forums where you can share your

10:29

expertise. and identify some of those

10:31

right people for you. And when you

10:33

can, tag people relevant to the

10:35

discussion as well. When you're

10:38

a connector, people start to

10:40

think really highly of you, and

10:42

they also begin to recommend you

10:44

for opportunities in return.

10:46

And remember, the goal of

10:49

networking, even when it's online,

10:51

is to avoid invisibility. Begin

10:53

building these relationships now,

10:56

so that they're ready when you

10:58

need them. Tip number four,

11:00

bring in person online. Right now,

11:02

we are in an era where your networking

11:04

is not done when the event is.

11:06

In fact, at that time, our connections

11:09

are still very light. So, we

11:11

must follow up afterwards. And when

11:13

we do, make sure to include

11:15

specifics about what you bonded over,

11:17

or even just how you were

11:19

standing in the coffee line when

11:21

you met. And bonus tip. Take

11:23

a picture at the event with them.

11:25

and then send it after as a

11:27

way of solidifying that memory of who you

11:30

are. It does not have to be a perfect

11:32

picture, but I'll tell you, I

11:34

will not forget Zvelle and now we

11:36

bonded over podcasting at a speaker retreat

11:38

and took this picture while we were

11:40

surrounded by deer. You can also take this

11:43

a step further, or rather, back, before you

11:45

go to a conference or a new

11:47

city. Start teeing up opportunities in

11:49

advance, sending carefully crafted

11:51

messages to people that you want

11:53

to meet while you're there. I

11:55

did this in Prague where before

11:57

I left I sent one wealth

12:00

crafted message to a then stranger

12:02

on LinkedIn and it landed me

12:04

speaking at the Czechia Chamber of

12:06

Commerce and to a great local tour

12:08

guide as well. Just remember those

12:11

tips one and two, do your research

12:13

first and then share how you can help

12:15

them while you're in town. Tip

12:17

number five, lose the emogies and

12:19

be thoughtful. Listen, I know. Sending

12:21

off a quick emoji response is demptingly

12:23

easy. I have to stop myself

12:26

from doing it too, I get it. Or

12:28

we get a new connection

12:30

request? And right away, when it

12:32

comes through, we're thinking, okay, now

12:34

I can sell to them, ask

12:36

for something, take! Okay, slow it down.

12:39

Let's think of it this way.

12:41

Online conversation is like

12:43

playing digital tennis. If we

12:45

just smack the ball over the

12:48

net without aiming, we're likely to

12:50

miss the mark. But if we really

12:52

stop and position ourselves.

12:54

To try and understand where our

12:57

partner is coming from, we

12:59

can serve back something meaningful.

13:01

A thought, a question, or

13:04

even well-timed feedback. The art

13:06

of conversation thrives on back and

13:08

forth, back and forth, not just

13:10

back. So, next time you're tempted

13:13

to jump right in with your

13:15

needs, or just shoot off a

13:17

quick emode your reaction, ask yourself,

13:20

did I give them something they can

13:22

return? Tip number six. Follow-up,

13:24

or fail. In Keith Perazzi's

13:27

book, Never Eat Alone, we

13:29

learn that 80% of building

13:31

and maintaining relationships is simply

13:33

staying in touch. We can do

13:35

this easily. Send a quick

13:38

DM, a text message, an email,

13:40

or be generous online. So follow,

13:42

retreat, comment, share. Or take a

13:45

talk like this one, for example.

13:47

Do you know someone who

13:49

could benefit from tips like

13:51

these ones? Share helpful resources

13:53

with people in your network as a

13:56

way of saying I'm thinking of you,

13:58

but with something that's... and

14:00

supportive. And I will say this

14:02

slowly, as it is paramount.

14:04

The worst thing you can do

14:06

is not respond once someone

14:08

has connected with you or

14:11

answered your questions. We must

14:13

say thank you and close off

14:15

the conversation for the time

14:18

being. This way there's space to

14:20

come back and open up that

14:22

relationship again down the

14:24

road. And finally, the key is

14:26

to just start. Remember.

14:28

We all come from the same place,

14:30

naked and with no connections. And

14:33

like us, they're just people on

14:35

the other side of that screen.

14:37

And the more that we craft

14:39

strong outreach and we get a

14:42

positive response, the easier that it

14:44

becomes. And the more exciting it

14:46

becomes too, as our communities

14:48

grow and the opportunities along

14:51

with it. So, let's do this. Think

14:53

of someone you've been wanting

14:55

to connect with. Someone

14:57

who can help you achieve your

14:59

goals. Someone who can

15:01

give you the critical feedback

15:04

that you've been looking for.

15:06

Or maybe just that person

15:08

you've been meaning to follow

15:11

up with. Think of only one.

15:13

I challenge you. Reach out to

15:15

that person today. You're ready

15:18

to make meaningful connections

15:21

online right now. Thank you.

15:28

That was Margo Miller at TEDx

15:31

Winnipeg. To me, one of the

15:33

most important things Margo says in

15:35

this talk is that having a

15:37

meaningful presence online does not mean

15:40

having a bunch of followers. Not

15:42

everyone needs to be an influencer.

15:44

We've all heard that it's about

15:47

quality, not quantity. And the same

15:49

is true for online communication. Quality

15:51

means caring about the needs of

15:53

the person receiving your email. So

15:56

how can you make your

15:58

message specific to them? All right, let's

16:00

do something together. Right now, I want

16:02

you to identify a person you don't

16:05

know very well who you've been meaning to

16:07

email but have been procrastinating. Now,

16:09

this email doesn't have to be

16:11

a question for someone or an

16:13

ask of them. Maybe there's someone's

16:15

work you've always appreciated and

16:18

you want to express a genuine

16:20

sentiment of admiration. Maybe it's

16:22

someone who you recently ran into and

16:24

want to follow up with. We all

16:27

have those nagging emails hanging

16:29

out in the drafts folder,

16:31

or we have that mental

16:33

drafts folder in our head.

16:35

And since this episode is almost

16:38

over, can you please finish

16:40

that draft after the credits

16:43

using the tips that Margo

16:45

outlined in this talk? You

16:47

don't have to send your email,

16:49

but who knows? Maybe you will.

16:52

That's it for today. Ted Business

16:54

is part of the TED

16:56

audio collective. This episode was

16:59

produced by Hannah Kinkley Ma,

17:01

edited by Alejanza Salazar, and

17:03

fact-checked by Julia Dexton. Special

17:06

thanks to Maria Laddius,

17:08

Ferra de Grunge, Daniela

17:10

Balarezo, Tansika Sungmanibong, and

17:13

Roxanne Hylash. I'm Madupa Akenola.

17:15

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