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I'm told it's super easy to

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do at mintmobile.com. Welcome

1:02

to Cruel Classics. I'm your host, super

1:04

fan Giovanni. This is the podcast with

1:07

the Best Moments highlights and fans like

1:09

clips from all 16 years of the

1:11

Adam Krollish show. We have a companion

1:13

podcast titled Cool Classics. You can find

1:16

the ad-free archives available through Podcast and

1:18

One Premium. You can also find ad-free

1:20

archives for the Adam Krolla show, the

1:23

ad-and-krolla-dock, and one premium. You can also

1:25

find ad-free archives for the Adam krolla-at-at-sack.com.com.

1:27

Now note on that, we cannot play

1:30

anything from Old Loveline, more than Kailus

1:32

X, Adam Kroll, a morning show, unless it first

1:34

played on the podcast and added commentary about that

1:36

clip at that moment. So certain things that's happened

1:38

with, like the Ann Coulter hang-up, some famous Loveline

1:41

moments, Holocaust call, a couple other things, but for

1:43

the most part... That stuff can ever be played

1:45

with clips on classics. If you'd like to hear

1:47

any of that stuff around any other questions, please

1:49

find me at patriam.com/Giovanni. That's where I handle all

1:52

those other questions for shows and things that can't

1:54

be put in the speed. All right, let's get

1:56

to the clips. Come up first, we have Adam.

1:58

Corolla Show 565, Andrew

2:00

Breitbart, James Blunt, 2011. Check

2:03

it out. James

2:07

Blunt, and now, sending a message

2:09

to the fat cats in Washington,

2:11

Adam Corolla. Yeah, get it on.

2:13

Got to get it on no

2:15

choice, but to get it on

2:17

mandate. Get it on. Thank you

2:19

all. Thank you for listening. Doing

2:21

a little one -on -one with James

2:23

Blunt, Andrew Breitbart today. First, my

2:25

damn channel. These guys are doing

2:27

what we do. My buddy Rob

2:30

started his own channel, got escanned

2:32

from CBS Radio about a year

2:34

before I did, probably because he

2:36

hired me. And he said, I'm

2:38

not going back to work for

2:40

VH1 or MTV. I'm starting my

2:42

own channel. My damn channel.com delivers

2:44

the best original comedy online. They

2:46

got big talent, none of the

2:48

Hollywood bullshit. They don't get in

2:50

front of the artists and stop

2:52

them from being great. I was,

2:54

Andrew, I was saying that to

2:56

somebody today. I said, actually, I

2:58

was saying it last night. I

3:00

was talking to Dr. Drew. I

3:02

said, my book, my independent movie,

3:04

my live shows and my podcast

3:06

are what people seem to like

3:08

for me the most. And what

3:10

is the common thread in all

3:12

those things? Independence? Yes, nobody's standing

3:14

around going, you know what? I'd

3:16

like to micromanage what you're thinking.

3:18

That's my business model, too. When

3:20

the second I get around somebody

3:22

that tells me how to do

3:24

it, I'm not me anymore. I

3:26

will listen to smart people and

3:28

their opinions. The problem is most

3:30

aren't, and they're not opinions. They

3:33

force them up your took guy.

3:35

My damn channel's got a new

3:37

series. See, like the bounce back

3:39

and forth between the guest and

3:41

the actual commercial. Well, it's not

3:43

a commercial. I use the product,

3:45

too. It's a friend. That's right.

3:47

My damn channel. They got a

3:49

new series called Versailles. It's ours

3:51

Patricia Heaton, David Hunt. He's Paddy's

3:53

husband, actually. Fred Willard and William

3:55

H. Macy. Not bad. I've seen

3:57

it. It's bad. bad. Yeah. Very

3:59

dark. very twisted. Lots of clips,

4:01

lots of riffs, lots of really

4:03

cool stuff. I've been watching it

4:05

online and enjoying the hell out

4:07

of it. Go to MyDamnChannel.com now

4:10

and find them on Twitter, Facebook,

4:12

and YouTube. So, Andrew, I was

4:14

just enjoying you on real time

4:16

just a couple days ago, I guess

4:18

it was. Yeah, with John Waters, one

4:20

of my heroes, a hero I'm not

4:22

supposed to have. You know what's weird? I

4:25

didn't know that much about,

4:28

well, let's...you and I agree on

4:30

a lot of issues, but I

4:32

don't know if John Waters is

4:34

one of them. I have read, what's

4:37

this book? Cracked? Crackpot. Crackpot. I

4:39

read that, thought it was amusing,

4:41

except for I was like 23.

4:43

I think he's an interesting guy.

4:45

I think his movies suck. Yeah,

4:47

Crackpot, The Obsessions. Yeah,

4:49

his movies suck or not. No,

4:51

I think Pecker and Serial Mom

4:53

is one of the best comedies

4:55

I've ever seen. Really? Oh, it's

4:57

brilliant. You ever see Defending Your

4:59

Life? Yeah, yeah, with Albert Brooks.

5:02

You're not going to say Serial

5:04

Mom is better than Defending Your

5:06

Life. was sublime. It was unbelievably

5:08

good. And Pecker is fantastic. It's

5:10

the origin of the term teabagging

5:12

into the common vernacular. Well, I

5:14

get to see my feeling with

5:16

him is he's not funny and

5:18

thus he's kitschy. When I see a guy

5:21

who's kitschy, I see a guy who's

5:23

not funny, who puts on something. Oh,

5:25

my God, I couldn't disagree with you

5:27

more. Don't you think it has more

5:29

horrible movies than good movies? Well, I

5:31

don't think Multiple Maniacs was meant to

5:33

be good cinema. I think it was

5:35

meant, here's what was so great about

5:37

his movies as a conservative, is that

5:39

he knew what the

5:41

fine line was in Decent Society

5:43

in the 1950s and people like

5:45

to kind of walk that fine

5:47

line and see maybe tap their

5:49

toe over that fine line. His

5:51

movies recognized that there was a

5:53

fine line and then he went

5:55

a thousand miles over it and

5:58

did the most repulsive, gross things.

6:00

and the country i believe needed that

6:02

it was a funny uh... it

6:04

was funny it was it was

6:06

cathartic now the problem is that

6:08

the people that copy him just

6:10

do gross to be gross right

6:12

and and it almost seems like

6:14

they want to make that normative

6:16

behavior so i think that he

6:18

just has great a great time

6:20

with the conventions of middle class

6:22

society and fortunately middle class society

6:24

has moved so far too gross

6:26

and pathetic that there's almost nothing

6:28

fun about what John Waters was

6:31

doing when at one point it

6:33

was funny just to be doing

6:35

it just to be doing it.

6:38

It was funny my assistant fished

6:40

a huge hairball of my wife's

6:42

hair out of the sink today.

6:45

They'd been clogging the sink today.

6:47

They'd been clogging the sink for

6:49

about six months. They'd been clogging

6:52

the sink for about six months.

6:54

I don't know what's up for

6:56

about six months. I don't know.

6:59

And he said, but don't you want

7:01

to see it? I said, not into

7:03

it. Like, not... I don't

7:05

really want to see Osama

7:07

bin Laden's blown open head.

7:09

Like, I'm not... Here's my thing.

7:11

If I can't beat off to it

7:14

or eat it, I don't want to

7:16

see it. Okay. That's the way I

7:18

want. See faces of death is a

7:20

teenager? No. I'm not interested.

7:22

I feel like I have

7:25

enough negative things running through

7:27

my mind. pink flamingos, polyester,

7:29

multiple maniacs, but there was

7:31

a place in a time

7:33

for it. Like midnight in

7:35

college at the college theater.

7:37

Righteous indignation is the name

7:40

of the book, excuse me,

7:42

while I save the world.

7:44

Andrew Brightbart is here. He's

7:46

got himself a website, it

7:48

is brightbart.com, and Andrew, what's

7:50

the... the gist of the book. I've not read

7:52

it. I just saw it today. Oh boy. The

7:54

gist of the book, the reason why, first of

7:56

all, it took me seven months to come up

7:58

the title in six months. write it. I'm proud

8:01

of the title because I found myself

8:03

in a natural position of defending the

8:05

Tea Party because I knew that the

8:07

mainstream media was going to attack it

8:09

mercilessly and they just impugned their motives

8:12

the second that they stood out there

8:14

and said we want lower taxes, we

8:16

want fiscal responsibility, we're for the constitution.

8:18

I said uh-oh the mainstream media is

8:20

going to attack these people and and

8:22

then they did they called them racist,

8:25

they called them violent. I started to

8:27

defend them and I just didn't... these

8:29

people if you listen to what they

8:31

have to say they want to fix

8:33

the country. They want to, they're just

8:35

your aunts and your uncles, your mothers

8:37

and your fathers and they're being perfectly

8:39

reasonable but the mainstream media came out

8:41

there and started to attack them and

8:44

this book was my transformation to a

8:46

great extent from being a protector of

8:48

and defender of the tea party to

8:50

actually realizing I was one of them

8:52

and I think that these people are

8:54

actually helping to save the world.

8:56

So this is about my travels

8:58

through new media and how effective

9:00

strategies of taking on the mainstream

9:02

media, my battles against the mainstream

9:05

media and how the new media

9:07

is pretty much taking over right

9:09

now. It's a huge revolution. Well,

9:11

why? Why is it the second

9:13

somebody says something like, I'd like

9:15

the lower taxes or I'd like

9:17

to cut into the deficit and

9:19

see if we could shrink that

9:21

a little or I'd like to

9:23

beef up the border a little

9:25

bit, worried, or I'd like to,

9:27

you know, I'd like to make

9:30

this country a little more secure

9:32

around the borders. How come it

9:34

doesn't take 10 minutes for someone

9:36

to call them a racist? It's

9:38

go, well, you know, how does that

9:40

work? There's one chapter, chapter six in

9:43

there, that's like a Glenn Beck history,

9:45

you know, a shockboard, okay? And it

9:47

is about how the Marxists, who had

9:49

tried to take over this country

9:51

for so many years with the

9:53

arguments of economic Marxism, who basically

9:56

would try and go to the

9:58

workers and say, hey workers, you

10:00

need to take over the owner. You

10:02

know, he's a bad guy and

10:04

they go, no, I've got a widget

10:06

I'm working on. I think, you

10:08

know, I've got a nice house. Everything's

10:11

okay. Our country was not susceptible

10:13

to economic Marxist arguments. The book talks

10:15

about these crazy social engineering guys

10:17

from the Frankfurt school who emigrated from

10:19

Nazi Germany basically to the United

10:21

States in the Columbia University and the

10:24

UCSD guys like the name of

10:26

Adorno Horkheimer. I could get into all

10:28

of them and they basically translated

10:30

economic Marxism from the haves versus

10:32

the have nots into the

10:34

oppressor versus the oppressed and so

10:36

all the people who are

10:38

leaving the humanities departments, I had

10:40

an American studies degree, are

10:42

leaving with this feeling there's black

10:44

versus white, there's gay versus

10:46

straight and they're pitting people against

10:48

each other and that's what

10:50

the leftists think. They think that

10:53

if you disagree with democratic

10:55

party policy, you have to be

10:57

a racist. You have to

10:59

be a sexist. You have to be

11:01

a homophobe and if the left

11:03

are going to call people on the

11:05

right birthers, I'm perfectly comfortable calling

11:07

people on the left racers because every

11:09

time you disagree with them, eventually

11:12

they call you a racist. Yeah, it's

11:14

one of these things where it's

11:16

like an Asian kid who's really good

11:18

with the Rubik's Cube speaking of racist.

11:20

I am a racist. I wear

11:22

it proudly and it takes them about

11:24

three moves but eventually gets the

11:26

racist and it's pretty fast. It's not

11:29

the first move. It doesn't come

11:31

back the first, you know,

11:33

you fire a shot, they fire back

11:35

racist. It goes back you volley like

11:37

three times and then the racist thing

11:39

comes out and then once they trot

11:41

that out, it just hangs out. I

11:43

don't understand to my whole family's a

11:46

bunch of, I don't know, ex

11:48

-communists. I don't know what, you

11:50

know, just lazy fucks who

11:52

complain about the government who, you

11:54

know, hammer welfare checks and

11:56

all this kind of stuff. And

11:58

I don't understand first things, how

12:00

they think things are going to work, like

12:03

communism doesn't

12:06

work. We did an experiment.

12:08

We did a controlled

12:10

experiment. We took a city

12:13

called Berlin and we made a stripe

12:15

through it and it was a

12:17

wall covered with barbed wire and machine

12:19

gun nests and one side of

12:21

it represented communism and the other side

12:23

of it represented our form of

12:25

government and people were dying going what

12:27

direction and what side couldn't you get fresh

12:29

bread in and you were driving around two

12:31

-stroke cars the other ones you're drinking wine

12:34

and hanging out. It's still

12:36

happening today I mean I was talking

12:38

to a friend who's a Texas

12:40

Rangers fan and he was telling me

12:42

about their their new outfield prospect

12:44

who's going to double A and they

12:46

said he he's from Cuba and

12:48

he defected I'm like oh yeah that

12:50

yeah they're prisoners right there it's

12:52

Craig go I go if it's such

12:54

a good society and Michael Moore

12:56

thinks it's so great why are they

12:58

prisoners well first off there's a

13:00

stripe in the middle of a country

13:02

and everyone is done you tell

13:04

me which direction the machine gunners are

13:06

facing everyone is dying going

13:08

one direction of course experiment over

13:10

arguments settled and but it's

13:13

not but it's not and right

13:15

now I'm everywhere I go

13:17

I I'm like who is it

13:19

Linus that had the sure

13:21

the black cloud over here I

13:23

think it was or Schlepprock

13:25

I think no I think Schlepprock

13:27

may have been from the

13:29

Flintstown yeah oh teabag no dirtbag

13:31

yeah yeah right dirt right

13:33

that I and my current controversy

13:35

happens to be a pig pen

13:37

pig pen right okay I'm pig

13:40

pen was also in the grateful

13:42

dead for a while right yeah

13:44

I'm pig pen of controversy and

13:46

my current controversy hovering above me

13:48

is these classes from the University

13:50

of Missouri some student has come

13:52

forward in a labor studies

13:54

course an introduction to labor studies

13:56

course and we have 30

13:58

hours of these tapes in which

14:01

they're indoctrinating these kids,

14:03

not just in communism. They

14:05

bring in a guy

14:07

for two hours to try

14:09

and get them to

14:11

sign up for the Communist

14:13

Party, but these labor

14:15

professors who work for the

14:17

unions and negotiation with

14:19

companies are talking about the

14:21

tactics of sabotage, the

14:23

tactics of intimidating executives following

14:26

them to church, following

14:28

them to the supermarket on

14:30

the weekend and getting in their

14:32

faces. At one point on

14:34

these videos, the teacher talks about

14:36

her friend who threw a

14:38

bunch of cats into a power

14:40

plant so that the cats

14:42

would get electrocuted so that the

14:44

power plant would lose electricity

14:47

in the community. And they're teaching

14:49

these tactics to these people

14:51

and I'm being accused as the

14:53

bad guy who's selectively editing

14:55

the videos. No, you are teaching

14:57

communism to these kids and

14:59

that's unfortunately what these public sector

15:01

unions who've been protesting up

15:04

in Wisconsin are all about. Again,

15:07

I was just yapping with somebody today,

15:09

look, I don't have an advanced

15:11

degree by any stretch of the imagination.

15:13

I just have common sense, which

15:15

is if you're a Nissan and you've

15:17

got your company in California and

15:20

you're paying a shitload of taxes and

15:22

workmen's comp and everything else and

15:24

then Nashville says, hey, we can set

15:26

you up over here and save

15:28

you a shitload of money, then

15:30

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17:20

Nissan leaves California,

17:22

leaves Los Angeles, and goes to

17:24

Nashville, makes her headquarters there. It's

17:26

pretty simple. The argument I always

17:28

make is the film industry. You

17:30

have, and I got brought this

17:33

up a million times and it's,

17:35

you know, not reinventing this idea

17:37

or inventing it in the first

17:39

place, but you have a group

17:41

of the most leftist Tim Robbins worshiping

17:43

sort of fucking just thumping that drum

17:45

of why shouldn't people pay? Why

17:47

shouldn't the rich pay their fair share?

17:49

I love when they say that,

17:51

their fair share of taxes and how

17:53

come these big money makers and

17:55

these rich people need to pay more

17:57

and all that kind of stuff. and

18:00

then soon as it's time to for them to

18:02

go to work going to Canada going

18:04

to Prague going to New Mexico they're

18:06

going anywhere but where I live they

18:08

all live in Malibu they all live

18:10

in the palisades they all live in

18:13

Santa Monica Tim Robbins once you shoot

18:15

a movie in Santa Monica yeah you

18:17

can't they've screwed the pooch okay so

18:19

I'm just saying of course they're wild

18:21

hypocrites of course Alec Baldwin is you

18:23

know two years ago he's saying if

18:25

you raise the taxes in Manhattan we'll

18:28

all have to yes we'll all have

18:30

to go out of Manhattan right well

18:32

now you tell a corporation that

18:34

was why don't they understand that

18:36

there was a movie about Los

18:38

Angeles that came out about a

18:40

month or two ago do you

18:42

remember the one that about the

18:44

dystopian like the you know it

18:46

was like post-apocalyptic Los Angeles. Yes.

18:48

It was made in Shreveport. Oh

18:50

really? Louisiana. Yeah. How crazy is

18:52

that? They've screwed the pooch. And

18:54

the thing is, what the president's...

18:57

Why don't they admit that? Why?

19:00

Here's what I don't understand

19:02

about these arguments. Why these

19:04

are so fundamental.

19:06

And again... Businesses aren't good

19:08

or evil, they're just businesses. And if

19:10

you let them go out of the

19:12

country and they can save a nickel,

19:14

then that's what they do. Or you

19:16

let them go out of the state

19:18

and they can save a dime. That's

19:21

what they'll do. It's the same thing

19:23

the most leftist softest Democrats

19:26

on the planet do when it comes

19:28

time for them to go to work.

19:30

They have to leave and go to

19:32

work. I mean, I was Brian Cranston,

19:34

great dude, was on this show. And actually

19:36

when he was done with this show I

19:38

was I drove to the airport I drove

19:40

to Birdbank Airport He said I got a

19:42

car coming to pick me up I said

19:44

I'll give you a ride some my way

19:46

home sort of so I said Where are

19:48

you going and he said I'm going to

19:51

do season three of breaking bad? And I

19:53

said, where's that at? He says New Mexico?

19:55

I said it's all about the meth trade

19:57

ever think about the shooting that thing in

19:59

Riverside or something? Riverside, California, and he

20:01

said, use some work. Yeah, he said,

20:03

originally, that's where it was set. It

20:06

was set in Riverside, California. That's what

20:08

the script was. And I said, what's

20:10

going on in New Mexico? They give

20:13

us a break. So now Brian Cranston

20:15

is going to hop on a southwest

20:17

flight along with the rest of the

20:20

crew and go to New Mexico and

20:22

dump all their money into lodging and

20:24

restaurants and use all the local crews

20:27

and process all the stuff and do

20:29

all the, probably dumping millions. into the

20:31

economy of New Mexico. We get nothing

20:34

and isn't that the most fundamental thing

20:36

on the planet? Who does not understand

20:38

that concept about explaining my fucking five-year-old?

20:41

Yeah, this is what I'm pissed off

20:43

about. This is what I'm righteously indignant

20:45

about. It's basic stuff. I'm not that

20:48

political a person. I wish I could

20:50

just go back to going to 40

20:52

Dodger games and going to movies and

20:55

paying attention to what's on HBO. Los

20:57

Angeles is no longer Los Angeles. I

20:59

grew up in a place that when

21:02

I graduated from college in 1987 and

21:04

I moved down to New Orleans, I

21:06

found out that girls liked me simply

21:09

because the cashier that i was from

21:11

california it was unfair it was unfair

21:13

california is the greatest place in the

21:16

world and everybody wanted to be here

21:18

now you admit that you're from california

21:20

it's not the same what's happened because

21:23

i've been here my whole life it

21:25

sucks now it's horrible but it's the

21:27

worst place i i can't leave because

21:30

my parents are alive my children want

21:32

to be of their grand yeah i

21:34

can't leave but it's the word it

21:37

is it it it overnight it went

21:39

from the greatest place to the suckiest

21:42

place and it is because the people

21:44

who run this business are anti-business right

21:46

and again anyone you know I used

21:49

to be a contractor anyone who's ever

21:51

tried to build anything Andrew if you

21:53

tried to pull a permit and build

21:56

something that's when it really it goes

21:58

to the next level like That's

22:00

when you realize, I mean, that's when

22:02

you start getting into a sort

22:05

of Waco Ruby Ridge kind of mentality,

22:07

where it's like - Oh, you start

22:09

getting angry. Well, when you go

22:11

down to the city and they're like,

22:13

bring your checkbook and bring your

22:15

plans and cut us five grand for

22:17

this and five grand for that

22:19

and soils reports and compaction reports and,

22:21

I mean, I'm to tell you

22:24

this, if you want

22:26

to build something, you will

22:28

then need to hire a deputy inspector.

22:30

That's a guy who charged about 100 bucks

22:32

an hour and he sits in his

22:34

car for about a half hour and watches

22:36

a guy weld and then he leaves

22:38

and you have to pay him for a

22:41

full day. And then you have to

22:43

pay the city on top of that. And

22:45

it's, first off, it's an entire scheme

22:47

and it's a fucking Ponzi scheme where you

22:49

have to go get soils reports for,

22:51

you know, you don't need soils reports. You

22:53

have to get compaction reports, environmental reports.

22:55

It is absolutely insane how much money and

22:57

how expensive it is for them to let

22:59

you build. It's not the building itself.

23:02

And by the way, if you live in

23:04

Malibu and you're anywhere near the coastal

23:06

commission, fuck it, don't even try. By

23:08

the way, are you aware that the

23:10

Republican Party has nobody running for

23:12

the presidency right now and that if

23:14

you had put that out there

23:16

and by mistake people heard that and that

23:18

was your spiel, you would have gone

23:20

up to Donald Trump level at about

23:23

70. You would have gone up to

23:25

70%. And I'm just telling you, this

23:27

is foreshadowing, what is going to happen

23:29

over the next year with the Republican

23:31

Party is what happened in 2003 with

23:33

the Gray Davis recall. It's going

23:35

to be a freak show. It's going

23:37

to be porn stars. It's going to

23:39

be the ghost of Gary Coleman. It's

23:41

going to be Ariana Huffington. I'm telling

23:43

you, if you speak like that in

23:46

that, exactly that language, that's what this

23:48

country wants to hear right now. They're

23:50

sick of these Unix, these

23:52

white guys who are pole testing

23:54

everything. It really comes down to brass

23:57

tacks. It comes down to a

23:59

fundamental understanding of. how to make crap, how

24:01

to get that crap out to the

24:03

customer. Right. These people, I don't need

24:05

a politician to run this thing. I

24:08

need somebody who is a contractor. I

24:10

need somebody who has common sense who

24:12

has been in the real world within

24:14

the last five years, not somebody who's

24:17

been in a think tank for the

24:19

last 30. It's insane and, you know,

24:21

it was funny because I was watching

24:23

the Colbert report. report last night and

24:26

they were making fun of Donald Trump

24:28

and his 70 foot flagpole that's at

24:30

his golf course in uh... palis verdi's

24:32

uh... but it's his land it's a

24:35

beautiful seventy-foot flag poll and it has

24:37

a huge American flag on it and

24:39

there's an ordinance and that ordinance is

24:41

if you build anything higher than 16

24:44

feet or not build anything but put

24:46

a poll up higher than 16 feet

24:48

you got to go down to the

24:50

city and pull a permit and they're

24:53

making fun of Trump the entire time

24:55

because it's Colbert and it's Comedy Central

24:57

and everything but I find myself agreeing

24:59

with Trump the whole time. He spent

25:02

millions on that land God knows what

25:04

he pays in taxes. out there on

25:06

that land and if you want to

25:08

put a fucking flag pole up and

25:11

fly the fucking American flag how about

25:13

don't you guys have bigger fish to

25:15

fry than this this is really where

25:17

you want to you want to concentrate

25:20

your efforts on a guy who's putting

25:22

millions of dollars back into the tax

25:24

base and is flying the American flag

25:26

in front of the ocean blocking a

25:29

view of nothing except for The old

25:31

white guys that are hanging around spending

25:33

more money and putting more tax dollars

25:35

into your system. This is a picture

25:37

of the flag. Who gives a fuck?

25:40

He bought two billion acres over there

25:42

on Rancho Pals Verde's. He built a

25:44

championship golf course and now he's putting

25:46

a flagpole up. Excuse him for not

25:49

asking your permission. You, with you who

25:51

could not do what in the private

25:53

sector? You who's making $63,000 a year

25:55

running what? He should come kiss your

25:58

ass and then at some point... You're

26:00

going to force him to tear it

26:02

down? Fuck that. Fuck you. Go back

26:04

in your office and shut the fuck

26:07

up. My thing is with the

26:09

smoking stuff. I hate smoking more

26:11

than anyone that you'll ever meet.

26:13

But if somebody wants to create a

26:15

bar... or restaurant. That's all smoking and

26:18

I think that that's what the slippery

26:20

slope started and my dad lost that

26:22

battle. He was a lobbyist for the

26:24

California Restaurant Association and I got out

26:26

of the shower in college and I'm

26:29

like whoa my dad's on CNN in

26:31

our backyard and he's talking in our

26:33

backyard. My dad's I've never seen my

26:35

dad on TV in my life and

26:37

he's talking about how Beverly Hills wants

26:39

to get rid of smoking. I'm thinking

26:42

to myself wait. They want to get

26:44

rid of smoking. They had half

26:46

smoking and half non-smoking. Who's not

26:48

even happy with that situation? Rob

26:50

Reiner. Yeah, and I said, California

26:53

is a crazy place. It's filled

26:55

with a lot of flaky people.

26:57

This is a private owner. If

26:59

he wants to have an all-smoking

27:01

restaurant, the next door, somebody is

27:04

going to be smart and create

27:06

a non-smoking restaurant. Doesn't that make

27:08

sense? It's free property, it's free

27:10

property, it's free will. I don't

27:12

like smoking. I hate smoking, but

27:15

I take freedom as a higher

27:17

value. It's funny that you use

27:19

the smoking thing, because I think

27:21

about that all the time, and

27:24

I always use it as an

27:26

example of the difference between the

27:28

guys who wanted to smoke and the

27:30

NRA, which is they do what they

27:33

do, which is they go, hey, everyone

27:35

used to just sit around

27:37

restaurants, wherever, and smoke. And

27:39

they said, And the difference between the folks

27:42

that smoked in the NRA was this. I

27:44

secretly suspect this is what the NRA does.

27:46

I'm not a fan, but this is what

27:48

they do. This is part of their strategy.

27:50

So somebody came into the restaurant and he

27:52

said, hey, smokers, you know what? We're going

27:54

to need to move you on over here

27:56

and just create a little smoking section on

27:58

this side of the restaurant. we just pick

28:00

it up moving over here please

28:02

and everyone went oh yeah okay

28:04

and they went and sat in

28:07

the smoking section and then a

28:09

certain point somebody came up and

28:11

said hey smokers listen gunnage you

28:13

clear out of the dining area

28:15

but if you want to smoke

28:17

at the bar they'll be fine

28:19

and they just sort of got

28:21

up and went yeah okay all

28:23

right and then went sat in

28:25

the bar and then the same

28:27

guy came back again he said

28:29

Bad news gonna need you to

28:31

move you out front outside gonna

28:33

not can't have any smoking in

28:35

the bar or the rest just

28:37

go out front So they went

28:39

yeah, okay. So they stood out

28:41

on the sidewalk in front of

28:44

the valet and smoked a cigarette

28:46

And then the guy came out

28:48

again and said gonna need you

28:50

to move down the street 80

28:52

paces to smoke a cigarette and

28:54

you see they just kept getting

28:56

up and moving what the NRA

28:58

does is they say fuck you

29:00

we're not moving. Let's argue about

29:02

it and there's day and where

29:04

they are, meaning they said, hey

29:06

man, we need those hall tips.

29:08

bullets or cop killers where they

29:10

went, I don't think so. And

29:12

now we're just arguing about it.

29:14

And I don't think they're arguing

29:16

about that. They don't want to

29:19

keep sliding out and down the

29:21

sidewalk with the smokers. And this

29:23

is the way we are, especially

29:25

in California, which is we go,

29:27

hey, do this. And then someone

29:29

goes, all right, or we'll go,

29:31

hey, put a buck on the,

29:33

you know, put a, put a

29:35

tax on cigarettes for a dollar.

29:37

And then the next time they

29:39

go, And then all the people

29:41

that don't smoke and are full

29:43

of fucking righteous indignation, they go,

29:45

oh yeah, and then someone says

29:47

give it to the kids and

29:49

the next thing you know, where

29:51

we're at, which is, which is,

29:54

by the way, here's, here's all

29:56

I want to say about California

29:58

and Los Angeles. Is it working?

30:00

Does it seem like a utopia?

30:02

School systems unusable. I cannot send

30:04

my kids to the fucking L.A.

30:06

Unified School District. Boyer girl doesn't

30:08

matter. Let's home school. Can't we

30:10

just sit around? I couldn't teach

30:12

them anything. I get out of

30:14

breath, I go for the oxygen

30:16

air to take over. Where was

30:18

I? God damn it! What the

30:20

God damn... Yeah. I... I can't

30:22

send my kids to public school.

30:24

And the schools are fucked up.

30:26

And what about the lottery? Well,

30:28

that hasn't done shit for the

30:31

schools. It's like $13,000 or $14,000

30:33

per head. Of course. And if

30:35

you go over to the parochial

30:37

school, I think it costs on

30:39

average about three or four thousand

30:41

ahead. We do a horrific job

30:43

with everything. I'm agnostic and I

30:45

walked in two months before school

30:47

is supposed to start, six months

30:49

after the applications were taken in

30:51

the school, a parochial school on

30:53

the west side of Los Angeles,

30:55

and I almost had tears in

30:57

my eyes. And I said, I

30:59

screwed up. I didn't get my

31:01

kid into a private school and

31:03

he's about to have to go

31:06

to junior high and those are

31:08

the Lord of the Flies years.

31:10

I don't want my kid to

31:12

lose it and I said I

31:14

cannot afford to lose my kid

31:16

to moral relativism and all the

31:18

crap that goes on in this

31:20

place. Please God, a God that

31:22

I don't necessarily believe in. and

31:24

she let my kid into the

31:26

school and I'm telling you these

31:28

kids. She meaning the she got

31:30

or the she lady? The lesbian

31:32

around the school. It was, I

31:34

think it was Tanya Roberts. Nice.

31:36

Yeah. I was checking her out

31:38

last night on Charlie's Angel. Yeah,

31:41

good stuff. Great eyes. Yeah. Well,

31:43

it's weird, but I was saying

31:45

this morning, I said, you know,

31:47

they used to say, used to

31:49

hear that adage that you can

31:51

tell a society by how it

31:53

treats its prisoners. And I'm now

31:55

modifying that to you can tell

31:57

a city by what bumper stickers

31:59

are on the back of the

32:01

cop cars and I used to

32:03

stare at the end senior abuse

32:05

one on there that depressed the

32:07

shit out of me for a

32:09

long time and I saw one

32:11

the other day that said no.

32:13

K-N-O-W, I don't know why. No

32:15

human trafficking. Right. And I thought,

32:18

Jesus Christ, I know they don't

32:20

have this in Seattle. LA's turned

32:22

into a fucking dump. LA's a

32:24

dirt, first off, LA is dirty.

32:26

I mean, it's a filthy city.

32:28

There's trash everywhere. And I'll give

32:30

you, I'll give you LA in

32:32

a nutshell. I'll give it to

32:34

you right now. I drive here

32:36

every day along Forest Lawn Drive.

32:38

Okay, it's a long stretch right

32:40

right down the hill from where

32:42

Jacko is entombed up top and

32:44

it's a long straight Basically signalless

32:46

stretch a highway and people tend

32:48

to speed there because of pulvida

32:50

like it's a pulvida ask in

32:53

its width and breadth and of

32:55

course they know you're gonna speed

32:57

there and of course these speed

32:59

limits are sort of antiquated because

33:01

when my mom was driving a

33:03

VW Squareback with 70 series retread

33:05

tires and drum brakes and leaf

33:07

springs all the way around the

33:09

thing with shimmy. They're waiting to

33:11

punish you. And by the way

33:13

you hit the break, you hit

33:15

the break my mom Squareback, the

33:17

front left tire locks up and

33:19

the car pulls violently to the

33:21

left. The good folks over at

33:23

Lexus have seen fit to lend

33:25

me an ISF. That car's 414

33:28

horsepower. Huge. Anti-lock brakes on all

33:30

corners, you know, 40 series speed

33:32

rated tires, titanium everything, speed sensing,

33:34

everything. You could stomp on the

33:36

brakes at 100 not touched a

33:38

steering wheel and it would just

33:40

stop in two feet without a

33:42

puff of smoke coming out any

33:44

of the tires. Obviously that car

33:46

is safe at twice a speed

33:48

that my mother's VW Squareback was,

33:50

but the speed limit remains the

33:52

same. Because we're all into safety.

33:54

So the cop so now you

33:56

have Ralph Nader to think for

33:58

all this is a dick Pussy

34:00

and a dick. So now you

34:02

have this of force lawn and

34:05

on one side of the stretch

34:07

of force lawns, force lawn drive,

34:09

are all the illegals and they

34:11

hang out there and they sell

34:13

flowers to people that are going

34:15

to forest lawn. And of course...

34:17

next to where they're selling all

34:19

their stuff is trash trash everywhere

34:21

fast food wrappers from the food

34:23

they eat boxes from the boxes

34:25

they use and then discard there's

34:27

no trash cans put along there

34:29

it's a bunch of illegals standing

34:31

around selling things without a license

34:33

without without permits without anything now

34:35

there is a cop around but

34:37

where is that cop he's on

34:40

the other side of the street

34:42

and he's holding a fucking radar

34:44

gun waiting for me to crack

34:46

47 miles an hour so we

34:48

can rate me by the side

34:50

of the road. Meanwhile all the

34:52

undocumented guys are just fucking making

34:54

a mess on the other side

34:56

of the street and they're criminals.

34:58

I'm a taxpayer, they're undocumented, I'm

35:00

documented, and you're fucking raping me

35:02

for another nickel. That's LA in

35:04

a god damn nutshell, and that's

35:06

why the city's coming undone. And

35:08

that's why it will continue to

35:10

come undone. And as long as

35:12

you have fucking Tony Valar, I'm

35:14

sorry, his made-up name, Viragosa, as

35:17

long as you have him in

35:19

there pandering to the Hispanic vote.

35:21

Then you're just going to keep

35:23

going deeper and deeper into the

35:25

fucking mire. There was a point

35:27

in this conversation where I said

35:29

that you could run for the

35:31

Republican Party and I think that

35:33

you'd be at about 17 percent.

35:35

You just took it about 28,

35:37

29 percent. Yeah. The thing is,

35:39

people are looking for that level

35:41

of honesty and bypassing CNN and

35:43

bypassing ABC because they're the ones

35:45

who are framing the narrative out

35:47

there. And if you tell the

35:49

truth, you're not allowed to say

35:52

that story. If this if media

35:54

matters or some left-wing group were

35:56

to take what you just said

35:58

I guarantee you they would distill

36:00

it down to this guy's racist.

36:02

That's that's no I they're not

36:04

listening to the logic in it.

36:06

It has nothing to do with

36:08

it. I have a Hispanic sister.

36:10

I'm adopted. I don't have any

36:12

of the same blood of anybody

36:14

in my family. This is not

36:16

about blood. This is about right

36:18

versus wrong. This is about the

36:20

laws of this wrong. And you're

36:22

not even allowed to bring it

36:24

up without being called a racist.

36:27

It's ridiculous. I know I love

36:29

the idea that we sit around

36:31

and debate enforcing. It's insane to

36:33

me. Meanwhile, God forbid I attempt

36:35

to build something on my property

36:37

without pulling a permit. Then they

36:39

snap in action. Can I prove

36:41

that I'm not a racist towards

36:43

Hispanics? Sure. Did you ever see

36:45

Moscow on the Hudson? Yes, Robert

36:47

Williams. Remember Maria Kanchido Alonzo in

36:49

that? Yes. The things I did

36:51

to myself as a teenager prove

36:53

that I'm not a racist. Yeah,

36:55

but you're like one of those

36:57

plantation owners who's having sex with

36:59

their slaves. Oh, I don't have

37:01

a retort to that. That was

37:04

fucking good. I just gave you

37:06

a little Bill Marsh out there.

37:08

Okay, well, I respect her as

37:10

a human being after. You desecrated

37:12

her femininity and that's your excuse

37:14

for not really racist... At Lisa

37:16

Bonay, an angel heart. Oh. Yeah.

37:18

But she's hardly black, is she?

37:20

She's just like a moat, moat.

37:22

It's perfect. She's like Molly Sims

37:24

with a nice dusting a chocolate

37:26

on her. Yeah, and speaking of

37:28

other, you know, it's funny, because

37:30

I was talking to Mike August,

37:32

the guy who books my live

37:34

shows. And we got one, I'll

37:36

give a little plug for myself,

37:39

coming up, Schnitzer Hall in Portland,

37:41

coming up this Saturday. And doing

37:43

a book signing by the Barnes

37:45

and Noble somewhere. in the neighborhood.

37:47

I said, well, how many, how

37:49

big is the Schnitzer? And he

37:51

said, it's about 4,000 cedar. And

37:53

I said, Jesus Christ, 4,000 seats.

37:55

That's a lot. That's

37:57

a fucking huge

37:59

place. It's not

38:01

me and super

38:03

tramp. I could have picked

38:05

a newer bet me and Ricky Martin

38:07

Fog hat me and fog hat. It's

38:09

just me and he said no no

38:12

they they scale it down. They'll scale

38:14

it We have it scaled to about

38:16

1600 they'll just you play the loge

38:18

or whatever the you know, so

38:20

I said alright. That's fine well,

38:22

we can get 1600 people to

38:24

come out on a Saturday night

38:26

and see me that'd be awesome

38:28

and by the way, Portland ears

38:30

We've sold about thirteen hundred and

38:32

fifty tickets, so we're getting close

38:34

get on that if you would

38:36

so then I said The following

38:38

week and I said well, how much money we're gonna

38:41

make they said well if we sell

38:43

all these tickets You know well now

38:45

keep in mind there's unions and you

38:47

got to pay people and it's expensive

38:49

and by the way It was a

38:51

great one Mike so cheap my

38:53

rider. I have a rider.

38:55

That's about as long as Mini

38:59

-me's cock and it basically says fruit

39:01

it basically says veggie platter like

39:03

the kind you get in the plastic

39:05

hub cap from the Rouse, you

39:07

know veggie platter 12 pack of Miller

39:09

light three bottled waters and some

39:12

oatmeal cookies That's Mike added that on

39:14

he likes the oatmeal cookies they

39:16

come back to the they come back

39:18

to him and tell him It's

39:20

gonna be $589

39:22

he says how much

39:24

was the veggie tray that's

39:27

$185 he said how

39:29

much just go down the market buy

39:31

one for $12 by the way, that's

39:33

what that's how they work That's that

39:35

that's the government at work. That's these

39:37

are city owned facilities, but schnitzer

39:40

Portland 4 ,000

39:43

cedar and I said all right

39:45

we sell 1600 tickets what do we walk out

39:47

of there with by the time we're done

39:49

paying the 35 grand to do the thing or

39:51

whatever it is and he Said I don't

39:53

know maybe we can make 20 grand over there,

39:55

and I said all right. That's a pretty

39:57

good. That's a pretty good weekend He said yeah,

39:59

we'll do fine And then I said,

40:01

the following weekend, we're going to

40:03

be at the Wiltern in Los

40:06

Angeles. And I said, what's that

40:08

place? Hold. He said, that holds

40:11

about 2,000. And I said, what

40:13

do we have it scaled for?

40:15

And he said, well, I've scaled

40:18

about 1,600, same as the Schnitzer.

40:20

And I said, all right, so we

40:22

do 1,600 there, what are we

40:25

walking with? And he said, This

40:27

is California. You're not making any money here.

40:29

The thing is, at no point are you

40:31

ever going to see the, first of all,

40:33

I haven't read the Los Angeles Times print

40:36

edition in probably about 10 years. But at

40:38

what point does it say LA is broken?

40:40

LA is over. I think it's over. It's

40:43

over. It's over because nobody's even

40:45

attempting to try and fix

40:47

it. It's more of this

40:49

type of stuff. Everything's punitive.

40:51

Everything is trying to find

40:53

a way to extort you.

40:55

They're giving you no incentive

40:58

not to leave the state. The

41:00

only place that's really fighting back

41:02

right now is Texas, but it's

41:04

so damned hot. We, they no

41:06

longer see citizens, they see money

41:09

bags, they just see dollar signs.

41:11

And again, them going out

41:13

a long force lawn drive

41:16

and enforcing the law doesn't

41:18

make them any money. Them

41:20

hassling me makes them money

41:22

except for I'm fucking moving.

41:24

I've had enough. I can't take it

41:27

anymore. The society is so fucked up.

41:29

If you committed murder, if you've committed

41:31

murder in broad daylight, you're going to

41:33

have the state take care of your

41:35

lawyers and your entire life, you're going

41:37

to have people fighting to keep you

41:40

alive, to get you out of jail.

41:42

But if you get a parking ticket

41:44

in Los Angeles, it's like $60 if

41:46

you were late for three seconds, you're

41:48

nickel. You're 25 cents for 15 minutes

41:50

or 25 cents for six minutes, whatever

41:52

the hell it is right now. have

41:54

a recourse and then they make it

41:56

impossible for you to pay it and

41:58

then your 60 dollars becomes $120 because

42:01

in Pennsylvania it's six dollars you

42:03

know if you if your nickel

42:05

goes over. They're they're greedy. They're

42:07

hypocrites and what they're doing. It's

42:09

a very simple equation. They hate

42:11

us. They hate us. They hate

42:13

us too. It's like they're taking

42:15

the money. They're saying get the

42:18

hell out of your and while

42:20

you're living here, they're telling you

42:22

we hate you and you're a

42:24

racist. No, I know. And it's

42:26

that you have these cunts like

42:28

Maxine Waters saying, you know, it's

42:30

high time the guys like us

42:33

start paying their fair share and

42:35

all that. It's ridiculous. And it's

42:37

a horrible environment. And I'm telling

42:39

you what it's going to be.

42:41

And I've said it many times.

42:43

42% of the tax. No, you're

42:45

at 42%. Oh, I went on

42:47

the party. Yeah. Because I called

42:50

Maxine Waters a cut. Here's the

42:52

deal. Here's the deal. And it's

42:54

going to happen. Virigos is going

42:56

to keep going, the left's going

42:58

to keep going, Maxine Water is

43:00

going to keep going, they're going

43:02

to call guys like us racist,

43:04

and eventually we're going to go,

43:07

fuck it, we're going to Florida.

43:09

And then- New Zealand, better. Then

43:11

we're going to move out, and

43:13

then you're going to be left

43:15

with the folks that are standing

43:17

on the other side of the

43:19

highway. Selling the illegal roses and

43:21

they thought that the thunderdome was

43:24

fiction Then let the fucking party

43:26

begin it that's what I see

43:28

that's what I see it's yeah,

43:30

that's what I see I look

43:32

at my children. I'm like I'm

43:34

trying to fight. I'm trying to

43:36

be the crazy guy out there,

43:39

walking towards the bad guys, towards

43:41

the Maxine Waters, towards the acorns,

43:43

towards the SEIU, towards the AFLCIO,

43:45

which are like extorting from the

43:47

American people. Of course, they're raping

43:49

everyone. Right. And I'm like, I

43:51

just say to my kids, I

43:53

feel like a kamikaze, but I

43:56

cannot leave this country like this.

43:58

I cannot say I didn't fight.

44:00

Listen, this whole thing where you

44:02

hide behind the, hey these are

44:04

hardworking people, hey these, first off,

44:06

if you're working at a GM

44:08

plant and you're making $32.50 an

44:10

hour and the GM plant moves

44:13

to Mexico and you're sitting around

44:15

crying that all you can do

44:17

is get a job working at

44:19

a fast food restaurant, then guess

44:21

what, Dilweed, that's what you're worth.

44:23

Number one, okay, fuck stick. Number

44:25

two, if you weren't greedy. If

44:27

instead of 3250 an hour, you

44:30

took 21 bucks an hour, we

44:32

would have stayed. But you got

44:34

fucking greedy and we left. Look,

44:36

I grew up in Brentwood where

44:38

nobody... talks about unions it's not

44:40

a daily part of your life

44:42

i just remember peripherally watching some

44:45

of these airline strikes i think

44:47

was eastern airlines there is no

44:49

eastern airlines anymore because the union

44:51

said no no we're not going

44:53

to concede we're not going to

44:55

concede on on a single issue

44:57

they're willing to screw the pooch

44:59

they're willing to have a no

45:02

sex with the golden goose and

45:04

then discarded into uh... the l

45:06

a river and say it's over

45:08

they don't care about the results

45:10

i'm the guy i hate being

45:12

in fucking sagging after They Shanghai

45:14

you. I hate unions. I don't

45:16

want to be in any unions.

45:19

I'm forced to be in a

45:21

union because they take your paycheck.

45:23

By the way, should that even

45:25

be legal? They literally take your

45:27

paycheck and they give it to

45:29

Tony Villeur. And they give it

45:31

to Tony Villeur so he can

45:33

pay off another mistress and spike

45:36

his hortata. He's a sociopath. I

45:38

like Hortata too, actually. It's my

45:40

maid's name, but I also enjoyed

45:42

his beverage. He failed the bar

45:44

four times. He's semi-retarded and he's

45:46

running this fucking city into the

45:48

ground. Idea that I remember remember

45:51

when all the actors were going

45:53

out on strike like 10 years

45:55

ago and they were striking for

45:57

the commercial actors Yeah Now we

45:59

have reality TV. Yeah, yeah, good.

46:01

You're all out of work. I

46:03

don't give a shot. It's over.

46:05

They screwed up acting. Yeah, and they

46:08

always and I would say they'd always

46:10

go hey we're going out on strike

46:12

or hey we're voting or hey The

46:14

chick from the little house in the

46:17

prairies running for you know district selectmen

46:19

The blonde one that was pushed down

46:21

the the one that went blind season

46:24

number four The point is this I'd

46:26

go I don't give a fuck. I

46:28

don't want to be in your shitty

46:30

unions. I don't give a fuck about

46:33

after a second or a second

46:35

and they go oh And I'll go buy

46:37

myself some privatized insurance. How about

46:39

that ass wipes? I can't stand

46:41

it. They went on strike because

46:43

they wanted the commercial actors to get

46:45

like paid and perpetuity and I'm like,

46:47

what the fuck? You're eating a piece

46:50

of Kentucky fried chicken sitting in the

46:52

back of a convertible Mustang. You have

46:54

no speaking lines. Who gives a shit

46:56

how much you get paid? And they

46:58

would always make this argument. Some of

47:01

these guys, there's the Tim Robbins of

47:03

the world. These guys only work. two three

47:05

days a year how they supposed to support a

47:07

family and i was like how about they get

47:09

a fucking job yeah being a contractor yeah

47:12

but get a real job uh... maybe they

47:14

work i don't know nine days a year

47:16

i mean i got a wild idea how

47:18

about their fucking work these guys only work

47:20

three four days where they're supposed to they're

47:22

not they're not actors and then people look

47:24

at me and they go oh yeah how

47:27

about you're in sag aren't you glad you're

47:29

in sag what about those contracts you have

47:31

uh-uh-uh-uh They didn't work that way. You

47:33

want me to do a commercial? Talk to

47:35

my agent. You guys work it out. It's

47:37

got nothing to fucking do with

47:40

SAG. I can't stand that I'm in

47:42

that piece of shit union. I can't

47:44

stand that they send me their fucking

47:46

newsletter saying that, you know, Ed Asner

47:48

had a solid BM. I can't stand

47:50

them in it. And by the way, my

47:52

lesson is all right, well, we're not

47:55

playing the will turn anymore. Lesson

47:57

learn, cheaper to get on that

47:59

southwest flight. with Brian Cranston and

48:01

go play a gig out

48:03

of state so we can keep

48:05

some money. You're actually more

48:07

extreme than I am. I don't

48:09

think I could vote for

48:11

this wild, crazy racist. I don't.

48:13

You've actually gone off the

48:15

deep end. To make matters worse

48:17

about Los Angeles, there was

48:20

always, it was like Cremberle, you

48:22

know, that coating on top,

48:24

the best part of it. The

48:26

good coating of Los Angeles

48:28

is that every now and then

48:30

you ran into an actual

48:32

celebrity that mattered like a Bob

48:34

Newhart and you're like, that

48:36

guy's the funniest guy on the

48:38

planet. That guy is a

48:40

genius. I remember one time golfing

48:42

with Buddy Hackett. I was

48:44

the happiest person in the world.

48:47

I golfed once with Johnny

48:49

Mathis. I go, man, you've got

48:51

the greatest voice in the

48:53

world. He's a pure, pure gentleman.

48:55

He's sweet. Sweet guy. That

48:57

doesn't exist anymore. The people that

48:59

you run into are in

49:01

the second season of the Crusader

49:03

reality show or in the

49:05

situation. Well, I'm driving down the

49:07

street and I see this

49:09

basketball player and a Kardashian and

49:12

they're in a post -coital bathroom

49:14

embrace. It wasn't even a

49:16

billboard. They were standing there. I

49:18

feel like if I were

49:20

given the opportunity to be on

49:22

a fly on the wall

49:24

in their post -coital moment and

49:26

they gave me $1 ,000 and

49:28

put a gun to my head,

49:30

I don't think I would

49:32

want to see this. There's nothing,

49:34

even the Hollywood part of

49:36

this business sucks. I'm good. It

49:39

shit. Fuck Sagan after a

49:41

fuck you asshole. whole town is

49:43

over. Listen, I did a,

49:45

they did a thing with, I

49:47

think it was Los Angeles

49:49

Magazine, Dawson, maybe someone back there

49:51

can find it. And they

49:53

did this thing where they took

49:55

50 or 25 or some

49:57

amount of notable Los Angelinos. Los

50:00

Angeles in the business who

50:02

grew up here because of

50:04

course most people are from

50:06

somewhere else and came out

50:08

here to you know make their

50:11

fortune. But there's a handful

50:13

of guys. It's Steve Martin

50:15

and 49 other famous locals

50:18

on growing up in Los

50:20

Angeles. So there was Jody

50:22

Foster and Mark Harmon and

50:25

George Lopez and Josh. Who's

50:27

that? Groben and Maya Rudolph, David

50:29

Arquette, Ice Cube, people like that. And

50:31

what they did... Miranda Cosgrove? Yeah, I

50:33

guess. Oh, my heart be still. I

50:35

have no fucking idea in a rally

50:37

show. She was next to that black

50:39

guy in the poster. The point is

50:41

this. They all did their little love

50:44

letters to Los Angeles. They all did the,

50:46

oh, growing up I remember, or I

50:48

used to like to go to this

50:50

place, or that place, or this place

50:52

is the best tacos in town, and

50:54

town, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

50:56

blah, blah, blah, blah. Mine was basically,

50:58

I don't know if we can, let's

51:00

see if we can find it. Yeah,

51:02

look around for it. We'll see. If

51:04

we can, if we can find, I'll

51:06

see it, mine basically, and if

51:09

we find it, we find it. I

51:11

basically said, uh, Los Angeles sucks,

51:13

and the only thing that's good

51:15

about Los Angeles is... you can

51:17

get to the ocean in half

51:19

an hour and you get to

51:21

mountains in a half hour if

51:23

you go the other direction and

51:25

the weather and the topography but

51:27

that's plate tectonics yeah when it

51:29

comes to the city officials the

51:31

city council and the mayor all

51:33

they're doing is trying to fuck

51:35

it up so we should get

51:37

zero credit in Los Angeles we

51:39

are basically I've described Los

51:41

Angeles as the world's shittiest

51:44

burger joint on the world's most crowded

51:46

corner with no other competition in the

51:48

sense that we have a fucking horrible

51:51

product but our weather is so good

51:53

we just sit around and wait for

51:55

people to show up and pay top

51:57

dollar for our piece of shit burgers.

51:59

I used to say to people when

52:02

I would defend Los Angeles, back

52:04

when you could defend it, even though

52:06

it was going downhill, I said,

52:08

but there's always this amazing juxtaposition for

52:10

the shallow, horrible place. We had

52:12

John Wooden, we had the O'Malley who

52:15

owned the Dodgers, and we had, to

52:17

me, the best, Vin Scully. Sure. John

52:19

Wooden's gone, Peter O'Malley's gone, and the

52:22

only thing that's keeping me from...

52:24

From leaving as Vincolle he's the last

52:26

of the good and Vian hang on

52:28

baby. All right. Let's see can you

52:31

read that from where you're sitting? Yeah,

52:33

there you go You want to

52:35

read it out loud? You're more educated

52:37

than I am? Sure. Oh, I'd love

52:40

to. Thank you. I appreciate this opportunity.

52:42

Sure. I'm going to give your book

52:44

a plug. Righteous indignation, by the

52:46

way, is the name of the book.

52:49

Excuse me while I save the world.

52:51

This is my snippet on what I

52:53

like about Los Angeles. Everyone does this

52:56

thing where they go. You can

52:58

get to the ocean in 25 minutes.

53:00

You can get to the mountains in

53:02

an hour. Isn't that wonderful? I guess

53:05

the answer is yes. But the school

53:07

system is unusable. The traffic is

53:09

horrible. Business are fleeing. I don't give

53:11

credit to Vigosa or the city council

53:14

for the mountains of the oceans. That

53:16

has to do with plate tectonics. I

53:18

give them credit for a graffiti

53:20

problem that's so bad, the street signs

53:23

have to be covered with barbed wire.

53:25

I give credit to God for do

53:27

a fair to middling job creating the

53:30

place and Vira goes in the

53:32

city council for fucking it up. Pot

53:34

holes and a holes. That's Los Angeles.

53:36

uh... every other one was oh i

53:39

remember going down p c h with

53:41

the beach boys yes go ahead

53:43

i have when i have friends that

53:45

come from out of town and i

53:48

want to show them the real l

53:50

a i take them to the ninety

53:52

nine cents door and a hot

53:54

dog on a stick the only things

53:57

that are salvageable in this town the

53:59

hot ninety nine cents It's self-explanatory. Sure.

54:01

I like the toys. I like seeing

54:04

which books that they were able to

54:06

get. I like the smell. Okay, right.

54:08

I like seeing the products from Hormel

54:11

that didn't make it past the test

54:13

phase. So that's fun. And it's fun

54:15

to see the people that are

54:17

there, a great mix of people. Secondly,

54:20

hot dog on a stick. And I

54:22

take people to hot dog on a

54:24

stick from out of town. Why are

54:27

we here? And I said, you'll know.

54:29

You'll know. You'll know. And they

54:31

say, but we've been standing here

54:34

for five minutes. Don't worry, you

54:36

know. This isn't subtle stuff. You'll

54:38

know. And then out of nowhere. these

54:40

women who are dressed in these weird

54:42

stewardess outfits from the 1960s start pumping

54:44

lemonade. I go, there you go, that's

54:46

my Los Angeles. I applied for a

54:48

job at the hot dog on a

54:50

stick. They pay a dollar more an

54:53

hour. That's why I went there. Then

54:55

all of the other stands. When I

54:57

applied for the job for the one

54:59

in the Sherman Oaks Mall, the Sherman

55:01

Oaks Galleria back in the day where

55:03

they shot fast times at Rich Whiteheim

55:05

when I was about 17 or 18.

55:07

uh... they were paying like two i

55:09

mean minimum wage was you know two

55:11

fifty whatever three bucks they were

55:13

paying like four seventy five bucks

55:15

like they're playing a nice wage

55:17

and i wanted a gig and

55:19

hot dog on a stick and

55:21

they're like we're just hiring the ladies

55:24

yeah i know Why, by the

55:26

way, is that okay? You should

55:28

have gone to Gloria Allred and

55:31

sued. Yeah. Can I open a

55:33

place called Dude on a Snatch?

55:35

Yeah. And go, sorry, we just

55:38

hired dudes. Yeah, Glory, Allred. Oh,

55:40

my good gracious. Andrew Brightbard, everyone,

55:43

righteous indignation. Help me out with

55:45

a couple of these live reads,

55:47

would you? Sure. You like sports,

55:50

Andrew? National League Baseball.

55:52

Yeah. Draft street.com is where you

55:54

go. They got Daily Fantasy Sports.

55:57

They got leagues. Oh yeah, cash

55:59

prizes and Baseball, football, basketball, and

56:01

hockey. Could you find out that

56:03

Hung Chico has gone on to

56:06

the DL for the Dodgers because

56:08

he has some type of a

56:10

nervous disorder? No, but you could

56:12

play against another guy who didn't

56:14

know it and that would give

56:16

you an advantage and you would

56:19

clean up in the daily fantasy

56:21

sports leagues. Thousands of dollars awarded

56:23

every night, over 1 million paid

56:25

out to date, join leagues, any

56:27

time of the day. Play against

56:29

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56:32

and entry fees range from zero.

56:34

pretty low to 200 bucks so

56:36

you can check it out you

56:38

don't again you can you can

56:40

do it without making a big

56:42

financial commitment again this for the

56:45

dude you know if you like

56:47

Vegas and you like the rotisserie

56:49

leagues and you got a little

56:51

extra cash and you like to

56:53

have a little fun and you

56:55

want to do it from your

56:58

computer draft street.com all major credit

57:00

cards and PayPal accepted and when

57:02

you sign up and use the

57:04

promo code Adam You get a

57:06

$30 bonus on your first deposit.

57:08

draftstreet.com. Again, $30 bonus used to

57:11

promo code Adam. draftstreet.com. And I

57:13

think I got one more here.

57:15

Andrew, let's give you your Twitter

57:17

and your website out, by the

57:19

way. I have a vile stream

57:21

on Twitter. I re-tweet all the

57:24

hatred against me and it's vulgar.

57:26

So if you can't stand that.

57:28

Don't subscribe to my Andrew Brightbart.

57:30

One word. A-N-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- B-R-E-I-T-B-A-R-T. That's my

57:32

Twitter feed. I obsess on it.

57:34

There's nothing better than traveling Wi-Fi

57:37

from LAX to JFK and retweeting

57:39

my enemies while drinking red wine.

57:41

And I wholeheartedly agree. And what

57:43

we all need to do in

57:45

life is just start standing up

57:47

and telling people to fuck off.

57:50

from Glad, who is the most

57:52

miserable band of fucks I've ever

57:54

met in my life. I've run

57:56

a clean-name Glad, like name me

57:58

a fuker. I think you can't

58:00

get hotter. I cannot stand these

58:03

douche bags. They're the most angry douche

58:05

bags in the world. I suspect it's

58:07

because half of them were felt up

58:09

by their stepdad. But either way, they

58:11

give me shit all the time because

58:13

I go, look, if something happened to

58:15

me and my wife, I would like

58:17

my two twins raised by a mama

58:19

and a Papa. Now, that's all things

58:22

being equal. By the way, this is

58:24

where we're living in the life, this

58:26

is where I'm in a fucking snow

58:28

globe filled with retards and catch it.

58:30

I don't know what, and I'm in

58:32

a paint can shaker, I don't know

58:34

what the fuck's going on around here.

58:37

I can't make a statement like this,

58:39

by the way, I'm called homophobic, because

58:41

I said all things being equal, exactly

58:44

the same house, same school, same minivans,

58:46

I would like a mama and a

58:48

Papa. Now. If you're talking about drug

58:50

addict mom and papa, then give me

58:52

the upscale gay couple. And if you're

58:55

talking about a better minivan and a

58:57

better school system and a better house,

58:59

then I would let the gay couple

59:02

raise my kids. But all things being

59:04

equal, I'm an atheist. I believe in

59:06

nature. See, that's the whole thing. Like,

59:08

people with me are like, hey, you're

59:11

an atheist, how come you're so? I'm

59:13

into fucking nature. I believe they have

59:15

a plan. And I wouldn't want a

59:17

polar bear raised by two dude polar

59:19

bears or two chick polar bears. All

59:22

things being equal, I will take the

59:24

male and the female as a nature.

59:26

had intended it. I'm fine with

59:28

that. That makes me a homophobe?

59:30

When glad? When glad decides to

59:32

go to the first AME church

59:34

filled with the black people who

59:36

are against Prop 8 and are

59:38

willing to give the same ire

59:40

that they give you and the

59:42

Mormon church. Go ahead. Mount up

59:44

almost. Go on down. hypocrites. I

59:46

look there are gay conservatives who

59:49

are against gay marriage and they

59:51

can't speak up because they'll be

59:53

attacked by glad too. I know

59:55

but they're they're pussies because go

59:57

down yeah go down and attack the

59:59

black community. They're the loudest voice

1:00:01

against you and your activities. Or

1:00:03

the Hispanic community. Go on down

1:00:05

and talk to the Vatas. Of

1:00:07

course, they're supposed to. So they

1:00:09

go to the Mormon community or

1:00:11

they go to El Coyote and

1:00:14

they intimidate the cash year who

1:00:16

gave $100 to Prop 8. Look,

1:00:18

it's the same thing with PETA.

1:00:20

You're going to go throw a

1:00:22

red dye on some aging actress

1:00:24

who's wearing a fur coat. How

1:00:26

about, go down to the player's

1:00:28

ball. Go down to Vegas. Go

1:00:30

find yourself some pimps going into

1:00:32

the players ball with the red

1:00:34

fucking ink and see how that

1:00:36

goes. Still weeds? That's all I'm

1:00:38

saying. Hey, glad? Head down to

1:00:40

the black church and spread the

1:00:42

same message. They just... Hey, Peta,

1:00:44

go down to the players ball

1:00:47

and talk to Snoop Dog and

1:00:49

his posse about wearing fur. You

1:00:51

won't, because you're hypocr pussies. And

1:00:53

none of them wants to improve

1:00:55

the condition of the people that

1:00:57

they claim. They just want to

1:00:59

raise money by... going after people

1:01:01

like you so that they can

1:01:03

get poor sad people to send

1:01:05

a hundred dollar check thinking that

1:01:07

they're gonna improve their lot in

1:01:09

life. Well, get a job. I'm

1:01:11

telling, I tell them they could

1:01:13

blow me, but that might be

1:01:15

a step in the right direction.

1:01:18

All right, one man's opinion and

1:01:20

face to face with Ace, new

1:01:22

clips every week on the Huffington

1:01:24

Post slash comedy, by the way.

1:01:26

And, ah, one more. Yes, that's

1:01:28

right. I created the Huffington Post,

1:01:30

by the way. Is that you?

1:01:32

I invented the internet. Is that

1:01:34

really? I know you worked on

1:01:36

the humpmen, but did you create

1:01:38

it? Yeah, with Ariana, it was

1:01:40

my idea. How is Ariana? Oh,

1:01:42

she's fantastic. She kicked me off

1:01:44

of the front page though. Because

1:01:46

I attacked a guy by the

1:01:48

name of Van Jones, the Greens

1:01:51

are. I love that movie. Oh,

1:01:53

that's a different movie. Yeah. He

1:01:55

was an avowed communist and he

1:01:57

had to resign from the White

1:01:59

House from his Greensar position and

1:02:01

I called him a communist. I

1:02:03

don't find... her to be as

1:02:05

wonderfully quick-witted as is a lot

1:02:07

of folks do. I've sat next

1:02:09

or doing politically incorrect about a

1:02:11

million times. She was a conservative

1:02:13

because that was her natural default

1:02:15

position. Yeah I find her sort

1:02:17

of loading up her isms and

1:02:19

parroting them out but not so

1:02:22

much. Most her stuff is meant

1:02:24

to be off the cuff, but

1:02:26

it's pre-prepared. That's what I find.

1:02:28

I just know from sitting next

1:02:30

to her. But no, but seriously,

1:02:32

when the American public watches her

1:02:34

sitting next to Bill Maher, they

1:02:36

go, oh, that was a good

1:02:38

one. Oh, she's fast on her

1:02:40

feet. But the reality is, those

1:02:42

are things that she has chambered,

1:02:44

yes. Oh, I'm all over the

1:02:46

place. I'm doing that. Idaho next

1:02:48

week. You do battle with your

1:02:50

demons with your red wine on

1:02:52

the road. New York. I'm here

1:02:55

in New York. I think I'm

1:02:57

going to be doing like this

1:02:59

big book festival in New York.

1:03:01

You should, you should, New York

1:03:03

27th. You shouldn't go anywhere without,

1:03:05

go to my PC. Yeah? Oh

1:03:07

yeah. You try to go to

1:03:09

my PC? They're bisitrics. Great guys,

1:03:11

great group, great sponsors. And you

1:03:13

travel around, you bring your laptop

1:03:15

and you can get to your

1:03:17

home computer or your work computer.

1:03:19

Better yet, you can travel around

1:03:21

with an iPad and you can

1:03:23

secure, there's your iPad, and you

1:03:25

can secure, now what have I

1:03:28

told you, literally right here or

1:03:30

whatever airport you're in or wherever

1:03:32

you're at, you want, shit, there's

1:03:34

something on my home computer or

1:03:36

something on my office computer and

1:03:38

you literally just access it from

1:03:40

your iPad right there. Log in

1:03:42

from any Mac and PC. Will

1:03:44

this be available by 2017? It's

1:03:46

here and it is now, and

1:03:48

it is now. Wow. And there's

1:03:50

a special, you can try it

1:03:52

for 45 days free. Only if

1:03:54

you use the promo code Adam.

1:03:56

Visit go to my pc.com. Go

1:03:59

to my pc.com You should be

1:04:01

using this thing with all the

1:04:03

traveling you're doing. Go to my

1:04:05

pc.com. How many times you've been

1:04:07

somewhere in an airport and you've

1:04:09

been talking to someone? For me,

1:04:11

I always want to show them

1:04:13

pictures of my cars. And I'm

1:04:15

like, oh, it's not on, I

1:04:17

can't, it's on my home computer,

1:04:19

I don't have it on, you

1:04:21

know, go to my PC, you

1:04:23

could do it. You could show

1:04:25

pictures of Maria Kinchido, Alonzo. Yeah,

1:04:27

and I did it when she

1:04:29

was in that Sean Penn movie. All

1:04:32

right, we will take ourselves a quick

1:04:34

break. We'll be back. Oh yeah, well

1:04:36

we're going to say bye to Andrew.

1:04:39

Andrew Brightbart, one of the good ones,

1:04:41

fight in the good fight. Thank you.

1:04:43

I'll see you. Your comments section is

1:04:45

going to be filled with the people

1:04:48

who like to get me banned from

1:04:50

media. Wow, you people can all suck

1:04:52

your own dicks, because I don't care.

1:04:55

James Blunt, up next. The

1:04:58

Adam Corolla show is now streaming

1:05:00

live on new stream. 8

1:05:02

p.m. Pacific, Sunday through Thursday,

1:05:04

interact with other listeners, and

1:05:07

ace broadcasting crew members in

1:05:09

the chat room. And get

1:05:11

exclusive full episodes. You can't

1:05:13

see her here. James Blunt!

1:05:15

Our guest today via Skype

1:05:17

in a computer. Where are you

1:05:19

James? I am in Reno. Oh, it's

1:05:21

beautiful there. Nevada. In fact, I don't

1:05:23

know if you'll be able to see

1:05:25

out. Wow. I need to see if you can see...

1:05:28

What a that's the view outside.

1:05:30

What a time we're living in

1:05:32

a casino tonight. Yeah, what

1:05:34

casino are you in? I

1:05:36

think it's called a silver

1:05:38

legacy. I'm trying to think

1:05:41

we were in actually I thought

1:05:43

I was in Reno Nevada but

1:05:45

I was in Sparks Nevada and

1:05:47

by the way the one thing

1:05:49

I you do you do got

1:05:51

a dig about Reno is If you

1:05:53

live in LA, it's all no smoking

1:05:55

no smoking in the restaurant or smoking

1:05:57

at the bar no smoking in front

1:06:00

of the restaurant. When you show up

1:06:02

to the hotel in Reno they hand

1:06:04

you a cigarette in the lighter. Even

1:06:06

kids, yes, there it is. The ashtray

1:06:09

and the matches are in the hotel

1:06:11

room. I don't know why I miss

1:06:13

that. I missed that and I missed

1:06:16

like the old British cars that would

1:06:18

have the cigarette lighter in the rear

1:06:20

and the ashtray in the rear like

1:06:23

just a scent a den for the

1:06:25

kids to for the kids to smoke.

1:06:27

James and I were speaking at a

1:06:30

I think it was a Halloween party

1:06:32

about two years ago. Does that sound

1:06:34

right? I think that was someone dressed

1:06:36

up as me at the Halloween time.

1:06:39

Oh my god, the guy said he

1:06:41

was about six three and he was

1:06:43

a black dude and he kept saying,

1:06:46

yeah man, I'm James Blunt. I said,

1:06:48

you mean Mel Blunt? And he said,

1:06:50

no man, James Blunt. But he never

1:06:53

pulled the mask off. No, it was,

1:06:55

uh, was it your producer's house up

1:06:57

there in the Hollywood Hills? Mmm. James

1:07:00

froze. Exactly, really fun place, wasn't out

1:07:02

there. Yeah, that house is... next door

1:07:04

to Jimmy Kimmel's old house and down

1:07:06

the street from my current house and

1:07:09

James and I were talking quite a

1:07:11

bit about the military and I guess

1:07:13

it's sort of for you because you

1:07:16

don't seem like that type I run

1:07:18

into the same thing because I'm a

1:07:20

comedian and people say, how did you

1:07:23

get into this? How did you get

1:07:25

into radio? How did you get into

1:07:27

TV? And I say, I used to

1:07:30

be a boxing instructor and I trained

1:07:32

Jimmy Kimmel to box and he got

1:07:34

me on the radio and everyone laughs

1:07:36

and goes, get the fuck out of

1:07:39

here. And I realize you must get

1:07:41

the same thing when you're talking about

1:07:43

military stuff, right? Yeah, I absolutely don't

1:07:46

believe you that you've ever been inside

1:07:48

a half track. Yeah, well, you know,

1:07:50

I just look much bigger with a

1:07:53

gun. But I did six years in

1:07:55

the army and you know, I'm kind

1:07:57

of glad I did it that way

1:08:00

around. and became a musician afterwards because

1:08:02

it would be a it would be

1:08:04

tougher to have done it the other

1:08:07

way around. Do you feel, well

1:08:09

I'll try not to put words

1:08:11

in your mouth, but I feel

1:08:13

that at least personally my history

1:08:15

of playing football and then

1:08:17

working construction and really working for

1:08:19

a living essentially has made show

1:08:22

business easier because when someone says

1:08:24

could you call into this radio

1:08:26

station on Thursday morning I don't

1:08:28

look at that as work I

1:08:31

look at that as a phone call. Yeah, you know,

1:08:33

I think it made some parts of it much

1:08:35

easier, you know, kind of gives you a perspective

1:08:37

And so I know that I'm having fun I

1:08:39

know that I'm really lucky to have this job

1:08:42

I know that if ever I have a tough

1:08:44

day It's a phone call to my friends in

1:08:46

Afghanistan to know that they're the ones who are

1:08:48

having you know They've got a as you say

1:08:50

a proper job and living a much tough time

1:08:53

then again I think the time in my army

1:08:55

day is then coming into this business where it's,

1:08:57

you know, the music business nowadays is 80% hair

1:08:59

and makeup. And to have to deal with the

1:09:01

fickleness of this to be, you know, asked

1:09:04

the most ridiculous questions or to have

1:09:06

the most ridiculous things put on me

1:09:08

sometimes is mind numbing. And you think,

1:09:10

wow, you know, that so my time

1:09:12

in the army is kind of tainted

1:09:14

that if I've done this from an

1:09:16

early age, questions about what I

1:09:18

was wearing, maybe would seem relevant. And

1:09:21

also it is one of those things

1:09:23

where when you're sitting in a hot

1:09:25

tub too long you want to take

1:09:27

a dip in a cold bath and

1:09:29

when you're in the cold bath you

1:09:31

want to get into the hot tub.

1:09:33

It's this sort of thing where when

1:09:35

you've been asked stupid questions and had

1:09:37

makeup put on you for too long

1:09:39

you want to get out in the

1:09:41

field and shoot a 44 and when

1:09:43

you've been out in the sun too long

1:09:46

you kind of want to get in

1:09:48

the shade. It's this weird balance thing.

1:09:50

Yeah. So you did six years, your father was

1:09:52

in the service as well, he was in

1:09:54

the air corps? Yeah, that's right, he's

1:09:56

a helicopter pilot. And so actually

1:09:59

that was. for me I then

1:10:01

got into flying myself I could

1:10:03

fly a plane when I was

1:10:05

16 years old. Wow. and drive

1:10:07

a car which is absolutely lethal.

1:10:09

And then I did lots of

1:10:11

training with you on me but

1:10:13

I actually ended up joining a

1:10:15

reconnaissance regiment. I heard you talking

1:10:17

about that somewhere. By the way,

1:10:20

some kind of trouble is the

1:10:22

name of the album I should

1:10:24

mention for James and also he's

1:10:26

heading out on his world tour

1:10:28

going to Canada and Australia next

1:10:30

so you can check it out.

1:10:32

You can Twitter him, you can

1:10:34

go to James blunt.com, you can

1:10:36

figure out all the tour dates

1:10:38

and all that. So just so,

1:10:40

we're not talking so much about

1:10:42

them, you know, essentially doing a

1:10:45

one-hour plug for the UK's military

1:10:47

and not getting a little James

1:10:49

Blunt love in. But the recon,

1:10:51

how did that work working? Because

1:10:53

that seems potentially pretty dangerous. Yeah,

1:10:55

I mean it's been great training

1:10:57

for what I do now. It

1:10:59

was creeping around in bushes, basically

1:11:01

stalking people, and you know, some

1:11:03

of my best songs have come

1:11:05

as a result of that. Sure.

1:11:07

But their training, obviously, and then,

1:11:10

you know, the operational side of

1:11:12

reconnaissance is a very exciting job.

1:11:14

You're miles ahead of, you know,

1:11:16

the main, the main body of

1:11:18

your army. You're the eyes and

1:11:20

the ears of your army. go

1:11:22

out to be unseen to find

1:11:24

an enemy to target and locate

1:11:26

an enemy and then you know

1:11:28

an array of different jobs come

1:11:30

in from that whether you're just

1:11:32

passing back information or whether then

1:11:35

you're calling in you know fast

1:11:37

air or some kind of um

1:11:39

you know some kind of overwatch

1:11:41

above you. So yeah, as jobs

1:11:43

go, it's a very exciting one

1:11:45

and you're potentially very dangerous. It

1:11:47

has some very funny moments along

1:11:49

the way. You know, you bump

1:11:51

into an enemy by mistake and

1:11:53

both sides have a panic is

1:11:55

a kind of hysterical moments and

1:11:57

then of course other times where

1:12:00

you locate an enemy. and do

1:12:02

a specific job and yeah and

1:12:04

it's and it's right at the

1:12:06

forefront of things. What is your

1:12:08

mode of transportation when you're doing

1:12:10

that? I mean how much is

1:12:12

on foot? Very small tanks they

1:12:14

look like tanks and and they're

1:12:16

very very small they fit three

1:12:18

people and and that's what we

1:12:20

will move in. I guess the

1:12:22

armor is only really good for

1:12:25

small arms fire you know for...

1:12:27

um, mortars, grenades, that kind of

1:12:29

thing. Um, and, uh, and the

1:12:31

most 70% of the time, you're

1:12:33

out of that and you're creeping

1:12:35

around in the bushes, um, on

1:12:37

your, um, feet and your belt

1:12:39

buckle. Did you, um, I hate

1:12:41

to get morbid here for a

1:12:43

second, but, uh, fresh off the,

1:12:45

uh, the, uh, bin Laden being

1:12:47

brought to justice. But... If you

1:12:50

creep over a hill and you

1:12:52

see the enemy bivwacked, do they

1:12:54

use that word in Britain? Bivwacked?

1:12:56

I like that. And you call

1:12:58

in their coordinates and you call

1:13:00

in an air strike, you realize

1:13:02

as you sit there up on

1:13:04

that hill that there's going to

1:13:06

be these guys who are either

1:13:08

sleeping or eating breakfast or taking

1:13:10

a leak are going to be

1:13:12

dead in 20 minutes. Is that

1:13:15

weird? Is that surreal? Does it

1:13:17

bother you? Or does it go

1:13:19

down that way? For me I

1:13:21

think I was fortunate to be

1:13:23

in... what I understood to be

1:13:25

the right war. I was involved

1:13:27

in the Kosovo conflict in 99.

1:13:29

The Serbs were murdering the Kosovo

1:13:31

Albanians by their thousands, really. They

1:13:33

were getting in there using their

1:13:35

army to just murder civilians in

1:13:37

the most gruesome and imaginative ways

1:13:40

possible. We went and spoke to

1:13:42

them and we pushed them to

1:13:44

stop murdering people and they continued.

1:13:46

And they did so with, you

1:13:48

know, great ferocity and knowing exactly

1:13:50

what... they were doing. And so

1:13:52

eventually we said, if you don't

1:13:54

stop murdering these people, then we're

1:13:56

going to come in and we're

1:13:58

going to use force against you.

1:14:00

And they said, fine, do that.

1:14:02

And so whenever we were doing,

1:14:05

you know, we're acting against them

1:14:07

in an aggressive manner, what we

1:14:09

were doing was we were stopping

1:14:11

them murdering people. So it felt

1:14:13

entirely justified. Yeah, well now I'm

1:14:15

all for good war and you

1:14:17

know the promise is there's a

1:14:19

lot of fog and gray area

1:14:21

that seems to have blown in.

1:14:23

It used to be so. You

1:14:25

know and war is a desperately

1:14:27

unpleasant place and for me this

1:14:30

you know the sadness was that

1:14:32

we had a chance to speak

1:14:34

to people and say let's you

1:14:36

know let's try and find our

1:14:38

common ground as humans as civilized

1:14:40

humans and and yet along the

1:14:42

way which was always surprising to

1:14:44

you know to anyone with a

1:14:46

clear mind is you meet people

1:14:48

who are totally inhumane who are

1:14:50

happy to other people as less

1:14:52

than human and yeah and to

1:14:54

inflict a pain suffering and death

1:14:56

on others and those people you

1:14:58

know then it's sad even have

1:15:00

to reach a stage of using

1:15:02

force against them. I feel that

1:15:04

way in a even a more

1:15:06

macro way which is I

1:15:08

as an adult am confused

1:15:10

and it's something I've been

1:15:13

wrestling with as thankfully my

1:15:15

situations aren't life and

1:15:17

death but I always

1:15:20

thought as educated right-thinking

1:15:22

English-speaking adults that I could

1:15:24

speak to another party and lay

1:15:27

out you know essentially say like you

1:15:29

guys said look we would love to

1:15:31

reach an agreement with you folks and

1:15:33

we would love to not have

1:15:35

to call in airstrikes and kill

1:15:37

you people and all we're asking

1:15:40

is that you do this and

1:15:42

As a kid, I thought adults

1:15:44

would go, okay, I hear what

1:15:46

you're saying, and we could do

1:15:48

this, but it doesn't seem to

1:15:50

work that way. It gets to

1:15:52

the point where you're calling in

1:15:54

a few hurricanes to lay down

1:15:56

some incendiary bombs, and I found

1:15:58

this even in business. quite

1:16:00

a bit and I can't understand it

1:16:02

for the life of me. I really

1:16:05

am confused by it and have you,

1:16:07

do you know what I'm talking about

1:16:09

or am I just rambling here? I

1:16:11

see that in everyday life and I

1:16:14

think it's a strange thing. I think

1:16:16

we talk about humans as civilized and

1:16:18

we expect ourselves to be and I

1:16:21

think we're closer to animals than we

1:16:23

necessarily think. And yeah, and you know,

1:16:25

as you say in business, it's a

1:16:27

weird thing. People, you know, are greedy

1:16:30

and want to take more from their

1:16:32

neighbor one more than their neighbor. Actually,

1:16:34

what you should really want is you

1:16:37

probably want to have the same amount

1:16:39

as your neighbor's not. aggressive or threatened

1:16:41

by you or jealous of you and

1:16:43

not nor you of him instead you're

1:16:46

going to be in balance and harmony

1:16:48

and so yeah if I was to

1:16:50

sell anything to anyone I would want

1:16:53

to sell it for the right price

1:16:55

so that they're happy as well as

1:16:57

I'm happy so that we all can

1:17:00

look each other in the eye and

1:17:02

live in a neighborly fashion. I had

1:17:04

this situation with my book publisher who's

1:17:06

Well, there's Crown and then there's Random

1:17:09

House. And I came to them with

1:17:11

this proposal that was wildly equitable, and

1:17:13

I just said, you know, I'll do

1:17:16

a second audio book, and the first

1:17:18

audio book was really successful, and I'll

1:17:20

do a second one, and we'll split

1:17:22

the profits down the middle, and they

1:17:25

ended up getting sort of nitpicky about

1:17:27

something. And I said, look, we'll either

1:17:29

split it 50-50 or we'll not do

1:17:32

it at all, and then we'll have

1:17:34

no money. Fine. And I said, really?

1:17:36

And they were like, yeah. And that

1:17:38

was the end of that. And I

1:17:41

just sort of got off the phone

1:17:43

and thought, what the fuck is going

1:17:45

on? There's a lot of this that's

1:17:48

going on. I mean, whether it's the

1:17:50

Kosovos or whoever you're bombing over there,

1:17:52

saying, who'd you bomb over there? I'm

1:17:55

the Serbs. The Serbs, sort of drawing

1:17:57

a line in the sand and then

1:17:59

going to get slaughtered by a couple

1:18:01

tornadoes. Or... it's a random house going

1:18:04

fine we'll take half of nothing it's

1:18:06

weird it's like what why we do

1:18:08

what where's the pride coming in i

1:18:11

understand there's something called pride but you're

1:18:13

getting slaughtered now or you're getting zero

1:18:15

money where's how's that factor in yeah

1:18:17

no it can be a crazy crazy

1:18:20

world i i i think i wanted

1:18:22

the title of my next book to

1:18:24

be i had no idea adults would

1:18:27

be this dumb Like, when you were

1:18:29

a kid, didn't you just think adults

1:18:31

were smart? Yeah, no, I think we

1:18:34

all children thought they were just confusing.

1:18:36

I thought they... Which is kind of

1:18:38

true. I thought they knew something that

1:18:40

I didn't know, and now that I've

1:18:43

become an adult, and I hang around

1:18:45

with adults, I can't believe how dumb

1:18:47

most adults are. That's the thing that's

1:18:50

a revelation to me in my adult

1:18:52

life. Uh-oh,

1:18:55

James, James rose up for a

1:18:57

second or maybe I... Well, I

1:18:59

suppose that's why nowadays we're using

1:19:02

the children and... well, that's why

1:19:04

we hear the honesty of children

1:19:06

now is knowing. Yeah, from the

1:19:08

mouth of babes. So, uh, James,

1:19:11

how does this... how does your

1:19:13

career arc go? You're in the

1:19:15

military, you're pilot, at least a

1:19:17

civilian pilot. You love... You you

1:19:20

love flying I don't know if

1:19:22

you still fly today. Do you

1:19:24

still do you still? We got

1:19:26

a we got a little screw

1:19:29

up going on with our Skype

1:19:31

by the way Dawson has Skype

1:19:33

ever worked? I don't think so

1:19:35

I don't think it's ever worked.

1:19:38

It's the it's the weirdest I

1:19:40

used it There's James. I used

1:19:42

to do it in my live

1:19:44

show. I don't know if James

1:19:47

can hear me. We tried it

1:19:49

about 10 times and it never

1:19:51

worked. And we'd Skype in a

1:19:53

guest on my live show, but

1:19:56

it would never work. And then

1:19:58

Donnie, every time we'd do the

1:20:00

show would go, hey, do you

1:20:02

want to do? Skype and I'd

1:20:05

go yes I would love to

1:20:07

except for it's never work I

1:20:09

think it also has to do

1:20:11

with the internet capabilities of this

1:20:14

warehouse no because we do it

1:20:16

on the road all over the

1:20:18

country and it never it never

1:20:20

worked James can you hear me

1:20:23

sorry for me yeah can for

1:20:25

me the greatest disappointment with Skype

1:20:27

is you know you always said

1:20:29

other Skype dates so you can

1:20:32

have Skype sex that's when it

1:20:34

always crashes and just as you

1:20:36

get into the nitty gritty that's

1:20:38

when it goes wrong I'm glad

1:20:41

you have frustration from it. I've

1:20:43

got room service coming. Oh, you

1:20:45

got room service coming. Well, this

1:20:47

will be fun. Now, here's the

1:20:50

thing I don't like about room

1:20:52

service. They build in the tip,

1:20:54

but then you have to tip

1:20:56

the guy. And James, give him

1:20:59

a hundred bucks. Hey, this guy

1:21:01

sold 18 million albums, sir. 18

1:21:03

million. And he gets $10 for

1:21:05

every unit. Let's see what James

1:21:08

Blunt ordered for lunch, I'm guessing.

1:21:10

Here, let me sign that. Sir,

1:21:12

what did he write in for

1:21:14

a tip? Tell us what he

1:21:17

gives you for a tip. How

1:21:19

much is gratuity subtotal? I think

1:21:21

it's, there's no tip included. 15%.

1:21:23

15%. 15%. 15%. 15%. 15%. 15%.

1:21:26

15%. 15%. 15%. 15%. 15%. 15%.

1:21:28

15%. 15%. 15%. Okay, well, you

1:21:30

know, I'll give a secret amount

1:21:32

on top. All right. Thank you

1:21:35

very much, sir. All right, he

1:21:37

seems he seems happy. He's going

1:21:39

to go hammer that. Now, what

1:21:41

is your order, James? Thank you.

1:21:44

Okay, thank you so much. Bye-bye.

1:21:46

Uh-oh, froze up again. James, they

1:21:48

give you the sweet when you

1:21:50

perform, and then you just sit

1:21:53

alone in this big sweet, you

1:21:55

don't really know what to do

1:21:57

with yourself, right? Well, I'm not

1:21:59

alone. I've got you. I've got

1:22:02

chicken wings. That's always good for

1:22:04

the voice. Well, actually, I'm doing

1:22:06

a book called Wings of the

1:22:08

World. Ah, where you travel around

1:22:10

and sample the wings. Wherever I

1:22:13

am, I check out the wings.

1:22:15

I love that. Yeah, I'm in

1:22:17

fact, I don't know if you'll

1:22:19

be able to see on my

1:22:21

phone, in fact, I have a picture

1:22:24

of the best wings I've ever

1:22:26

found. Where was that? Oh well

1:22:28

that makes sense. It makes sense. You

1:22:30

know the thing that's funny about the

1:22:33

wings is they serve you the wings

1:22:35

which is the most unhealthy thing on

1:22:37

the planet and then they always give

1:22:40

you a piece of celery and a

1:22:42

carrot stick too as if somehow that's

1:22:44

going to balance it out. Yep.

1:22:46

That's always give you that and

1:22:49

it's weird because your mouth is

1:22:51

never simultaneously eaten two things that

1:22:53

are as good and as bad

1:22:55

for you in the same bite.

1:22:57

Well, I can tell you I

1:22:59

live on chicken wings every single

1:23:02

day of my life, and I'm

1:23:04

the picture of health I know,

1:23:06

but I think that's all just genetics

1:23:08

Thank you I know people should

1:23:10

I'm testing it to the limit

1:23:13

anyway. Yeah, so you do the

1:23:15

show Tonight I'll let you get

1:23:17

your wings in a second because

1:23:20

I know it's hard to stare

1:23:22

at food you you get out of

1:23:24

the military and Then what?

1:23:26

Well, you know, my last, actually was my

1:23:28

last job in the army, I was then

1:23:31

starting to play in London. My last job

1:23:33

in the army was the Queen's bodyguard, and

1:23:35

that was on a horse when she was

1:23:37

out in her carriage. I've been a guy

1:23:39

riding beside her with a helmet and a

1:23:42

plume and a sword and an armour. Wow.

1:23:44

Ride long and so you would have seen

1:23:46

lots of those guys at the wedding. Right.

1:23:48

Riding beside the various carriages. And so that

1:23:50

was my job for the last two years

1:23:53

and I was based in London so it

1:23:55

gave me the chance to play some concerts

1:23:57

in London in these small bars. And um...

1:23:59

And you know I was slowly building

1:24:02

up songs and the thing that really

1:24:04

happened for me is I met a

1:24:06

great great manager and everyone asked me

1:24:09

how do you get into the music

1:24:11

business how do you do your thing

1:24:13

and they talk about you know whichever

1:24:15

record label I've been signed to but

1:24:18

you know it's management to make it

1:24:20

work for you because it means I

1:24:22

can be a musician and then I

1:24:25

can get a manager who deals with

1:24:27

the business side and he happened to

1:24:29

be part of a firm who managed

1:24:32

Elton John. And so that's a good

1:24:34

connection to have straight away. So I

1:24:36

did a couple of tours with Elton

1:24:38

John. And then I was in South

1:24:41

by Southwest at the festival in Texas.

1:24:43

And I played on the 20th floor

1:24:45

of, I think, some dodgy hotel at

1:24:48

the Ramada Hotel. And this woman walked

1:24:50

out to me and said, I'm a

1:24:52

woman called Linda Perry. from Four Non

1:24:55

Blonds. And I want to sign you

1:24:57

to on my new record label. And

1:24:59

I said, you know, I had been

1:25:01

rejected by every UK record label. So

1:25:04

I said to her, where do I

1:25:06

sign? And I signed. We went and

1:25:08

got drunk. I went to Los Angeles.

1:25:11

I met a man called Tom Rothrock,

1:25:13

who produced Beck and Elliot Smith. And

1:25:15

the two of us sat in a

1:25:18

studio for four months just together, really.

1:25:20

And made a really innocent little album

1:25:22

called Back to Bedlam. And along the

1:25:24

way then, we put it out and

1:25:27

remarkably it sold a lot. Four non-blons

1:25:29

had that, what's going on song? Was

1:25:31

that their song? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah,

1:25:34

yeah, exactly. Yeah, there was four non-blons

1:25:36

and then there was a band called

1:25:38

Concrete Blond, which I always get confused

1:25:41

with my four non-blons. I noticed, and

1:25:43

when you said you're Garden the Queen,

1:25:45

you didn't mean Elton John, you were

1:25:47

talking about the Queen. I got a

1:25:50

little confusion, and that story. I've guarded

1:25:52

both. Although I probably wore frillier headgear

1:25:54

around Elton. I noticed you didn't give

1:25:57

him the Sir Elton, John. You're right

1:25:59

too. I'm glad you corrected me. You're

1:26:01

absolutely right too. How is that something

1:26:04

that's a bigger faux-paw on your side

1:26:06

of the pond? Because we do feel

1:26:08

as Americans that once... somebody is knighted

1:26:10

or once someone becomes a dame, we

1:26:13

need to make sure and put that

1:26:15

in front. Do you guys, are you

1:26:17

guys as careful about that as we

1:26:20

are? I think we probably are in

1:26:22

formal circles. You know, I think I'm,

1:26:24

I can, I think probably, you know,

1:26:26

having worked with him a lot and

1:26:29

having toured with him, I'm probably, I'm

1:26:31

more relaxed about it. I see. Yeah.

1:26:33

Do you feel... like elton again i'm

1:26:36

putting i'll put words in your mouth

1:26:38

i feel like elton john is immensely

1:26:40

talented and is somehow eclipsed his own

1:26:43

talent by being sort of controversial and

1:26:45

out there and getting in the press

1:26:47

for the wrong reason perhaps on occasion

1:26:49

but when you really just distill it

1:26:52

down he's a great songwriter great musician

1:26:54

great voice right that somehow has somehow

1:26:56

managed to overshadow him, his own talent

1:26:59

in a weird way. Do you know

1:27:01

what I'm saying? I think in many

1:27:03

ways, almost anyone as talented and successful

1:27:06

as him always has a moment of

1:27:08

being overshadowed by what the media pick

1:27:10

up on. You know, even Lady Gagga

1:27:12

now, we're just talking about the meat

1:27:15

thing that she's wearing on what outfits

1:27:17

she's wearing. And you know, we don't

1:27:19

really even talk about... Yeah,

1:27:22

I agree, but it becomes weird because

1:27:24

you realize these guys are, as you

1:27:26

say, the controversies, and as you say,

1:27:28

the controversies, and there's been one thing,

1:27:30

but as you say, everybody, I think,

1:27:33

knows, you know, a hand for his

1:27:35

songs and knows him for the talent

1:27:37

that he is. Yeah, I agree, but

1:27:39

it becomes weird because you realize these

1:27:41

guys are here because they're so incredibly

1:27:43

talented. and then somehow they at some

1:27:46

point they turn into I don't know

1:27:48

Elvis I mean even Elvis was able

1:27:50

to transcend his talent or you know

1:27:52

Liberace or Wayne Newton. I don't even

1:27:54

know if Wayne Newton has talent. The

1:27:56

point is, is even Elvis at the

1:27:59

end, people are like, ah, who the

1:28:01

hell, what the hell, that big fat

1:28:03

guy with the crazy outfits and all

1:28:05

that kind of stuff. And it's just,

1:28:07

it's just bizarre that there's a whole

1:28:09

generation that doesn't really know Elvis, the

1:28:12

songwriter, musician, performer, you know. Yeah, well

1:28:14

I guess perhaps what we do is

1:28:16

we focus so much in on the

1:28:18

personality rather than the talent, isn't, isn't

1:28:20

isn't it? you know and that the

1:28:22

whole notion of celebrity is a weird

1:28:25

world to focus in on these guys

1:28:27

who you know at the beginning they're

1:28:29

just very normal normal people with actually

1:28:31

a relatively simple job and you know

1:28:33

people are officially sometimes called me a

1:28:35

star and yet you know here I

1:28:38

am I'm just talking about myself whereas

1:28:40

there's a doctor out there who's saving

1:28:42

a life and a nurse who's saving

1:28:44

a life at this very moment while

1:28:46

I'm obsessing about myself and you know

1:28:48

a teacher who is educating a fireman

1:28:51

again saving a life an aid worker

1:28:53

and we should be calling these people

1:28:55

a stars we should be focusing on

1:28:57

them and we focus on something very

1:28:59

strange and I think we then create

1:29:01

a weird world for them to live

1:29:04

it. to go out on and let

1:29:06

you dive into those chicken wings. Because

1:29:08

I can smell them from where I'm

1:29:10

sitting and I know that feeling of

1:29:12

having a hot plate of grease in

1:29:14

front of me and not being able

1:29:17

to dig into it. That and the

1:29:19

screwed up Skype is going to be

1:29:21

enough for me. James Blunt everyone, some

1:29:23

kind of troubles, the name of his

1:29:25

third album, it is out as we

1:29:27

speak. You can head to his website

1:29:30

James blunt.com, you can Twitter him at

1:29:32

Dirty Lil Blunt, that's L blunt, that's

1:29:34

L. I'll blunt James always a delight.

1:29:36

It's a pleasure and I next time

1:29:38

when the Skype is working better I

1:29:40

will I will take my clothes off

1:29:43

for you and it'll be that much

1:29:45

more intimate but it's obviously going to

1:29:47

be trouble today. Thank you when you

1:29:49

blow through LA please stop by and

1:29:51

we'll have a hot plate of wings

1:29:53

waiting for you. I can't wait you

1:29:56

take care. Thank you the great James

1:29:58

Blunt. They're just better. The Brits are

1:30:00

just better than... They're just better. I

1:30:02

don't care if you can hear me

1:30:04

or not. They're just better people. It's

1:30:06

so delightful. All right, and you can

1:30:09

live off chicken wings and never get

1:30:11

fat. That is talent. All right, so

1:30:13

until next time, this is Adam Corolla

1:30:15

for James Blunt, saying mahalo. All

1:30:21

right, does Andrew's only appearance on the

1:30:23

Adam Carla show before his death? I

1:30:26

do need to apologize. I was quite

1:30:28

critical of his appreciation for movie Thor,

1:30:30

as he told Adam about. On a

1:30:33

later appearance, I made fun of him

1:30:35

like in the movie Thor. In retrospect,

1:30:37

of the early MCU, not so bad.

1:30:39

Kevina, uh, kind of rapidly. He has

1:30:42

a quite interesting film career and uh...

1:30:44

as a director, styles all over the

1:30:46

place. The eyebrows and the beard are

1:30:48

still kind of weird, but overall, not

1:30:51

so bad. All right, come over

1:30:53

our next flip today, we

1:30:55

have Adam Pearl Show 607,

1:30:57

Diane Hansen, Alsom Rosen, and

1:30:59

Brian Pishup, from 2011. Check it

1:31:02

out. Good day, Brian. I agree with

1:31:04

Paul Bryan. What? Good day, Allison

1:31:06

Rosen. I don't remember you saying

1:31:08

that at all. I agree. That sounds

1:31:11

like nothing you'd say. My new

1:31:13

favorite drop. We are doing some

1:31:15

renovations over here at Ace Broadcasting.

1:31:17

We'll keep you guys posted, chose

1:31:19

some pictures and all that kind

1:31:21

of stuff. So it's a little bit

1:31:23

loud. It's a little bit messy. It's

1:31:26

a little bit hot. It looks like

1:31:28

Dexter's Kill Room. Bear with us. Yeah,

1:31:30

it does have that look. getting my

1:31:32

hair cut today and you know I'm

1:31:34

very philosophical about the hair cuts because

1:31:36

my hair grows so fast that even

1:31:38

the worst haircut is about two and

1:31:41

a half well there is this weird

1:31:43

thing where as it's growing you're getting

1:31:45

used to the horrible cut and there's

1:31:47

a weird intersection where it even if

1:31:49

it doesn't grow out in ten days