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1:18

US. That's audible.com/wondery US. Welcome

1:35

to Cruel Classics. I'm hero super fan

1:37

Giovanni. This is a podcast we play

1:39

the best moments highlights and fans like

1:41

the clips from all 16 years of

1:44

the Adam Corolla Show. We have a

1:46

companion podcast titled Cruel Classics. Available through

1:48

Podcast 1 Premium as well as Adam

1:50

Kurlough Substock. Adam kurlough.com. You can obtain

1:52

ad-free archives for the Adam Kurlough Archives

1:54

for the Adam Kurla Show, the Adam

1:56

Kurla, and various guest stars. If you'd

1:58

like to request a clip, please email

2:00

as classic. I've been giving a lot

2:02

of requests for Old Love Line and

2:04

the KLSX Adam Kurlough Show from 2006

2:07

to 2009, both of which we can't

2:09

play in this feat, as Adam Kurlough

2:11

doesn't have ownership of them. There are

2:13

select clips that have been played on

2:15

the podcast that then become... Transformative works,

2:17

which then make it allowable to replay

2:19

some of those moments. But not all

2:21

the fanfare moments have aired on the

2:23

Adam Cruellis show, and may never. So

2:25

if you've requested something from a love

2:27

line, the Tom Arnold call with the

2:29

phone sex operator, the time Adam

2:32

hung up on Amculture on the

2:34

morning, the phone sex operator, the

2:36

time Adam hung up on Amculture

2:38

on the morning show, that's stuff

2:40

that I'll never be able to

2:42

play unless Adam, 2009, or Old

2:44

Loveline. Check out patron.com/Giovanni. That's where

2:46

I handle all that other stuff.

2:48

That can't be in the speed.

2:51

All right, it's good on clips.

2:53

First, we have Adam Krollo Show,

2:55

1019, Ben Hoffman, Allison Rosen,

2:57

Brian Bishop. This was from

2:59

2013. Okay, Allison Rosa. Hello, Adam

3:01

Krollo. And good day, Bald Brian.

3:04

Give me a break. Ben Hoffman,

3:06

comedian Ben Hoffman in studio. He

3:08

is the star of the Ben

3:11

Show. It is on Comedy Central

3:13

Thursday nights and I watched

3:15

it. I watched two of them.

3:17

Really funny new shows. So we'll

3:19

talk to him and we'll bring

3:21

him in a couple of few.

3:23

A couple of things. Oh, hey

3:25

Baldbrine. What's up there, Brian? Give

3:28

me a break. A couple of

3:30

things to complain about. We'll do

3:32

a little early news. We'll bring

3:34

Ben in. Just a couple of few,

3:36

a couple of hundred. He's in

3:38

a good mood. We gotta work this

3:41

out. Here's the deal. First off,

3:43

you know my whole thing about

3:45

uniformity. Uniformity, especially in the bathroom.

3:47

Yes. I forgot to tell you,

3:49

but it happens a lot. And

3:51

I don't imagine it happens in

3:53

the women's room or the lady's

3:55

room that often, but you sidle

3:57

up to the urinal and there's

3:59

just a heat. golden foamy frothing bucket

4:01

of piss sitting at the bottom meaning

4:03

the guy did not want to lift

4:06

his hand and flush it he took

4:08

all the bee vitamins and asparagus he

4:10

could he could ingest that morning and

4:12

just evacuated himself into this toilet and

4:15

first off it's it's when I saw

4:17

it was at a convention center in

4:19

Florida it's the middle urinal It's like

4:21

it's it's it's the crown jewel and

4:24

it's the jewel and the crown of

4:26

the urinal and it's like it's it's

4:28

so yellow that it was golden it

4:30

was almost orange and it was like

4:33

like somebody liquefied like a pylon like

4:35

a cone like a traffic cone and

4:37

just put it in there as if

4:39

it's saying slow down yes and and

4:42

see me see me from outer space

4:44

there's no roof on this convention center

4:46

could be seen from outer space and

4:48

I just walked in And I thought,

4:51

why do you leave, you know, I...

4:53

What does this say about you, that

4:55

I must leave this for people, the

4:57

sort of... Well it says you don't

5:00

drink enough water for one. Yes, to

5:02

deal with, to deal with, you know?

5:04

And I know they don't want to

5:06

touch the handle. They don't want to

5:09

touch the handle. But isn't there this

5:11

thing, I have this thing where there's

5:13

a lot of people, which is, once

5:15

I am done, and it no longer

5:18

affects me, I'm 100% out. Meaning once

5:20

no trace that you ever use the

5:22

bathroom Just what what I'm saying no

5:24

not not that what I'm saying is

5:27

is Once I am through with this

5:29

piece of gum Once I'm done with

5:31

this sports page once I am done

5:33

with whatever I am done with then

5:35

it goes wherever it goes for anyone

5:38

else to deal with it, but me

5:40

because I have no interest in in

5:42

it once I'm done. As I'm pissing

5:44

I need this urinal now I'm taking

5:47

a piss now I'm done taking a

5:49

piss right I could lift my hand

5:51

11 inches and pull this handle and

5:53

be a human being but I done

5:56

and I'm not going to burn... You're

5:58

being that, you're voicing that guy. I'm

6:00

not going to burn one calorie more

6:02

than I have to for anyone in

6:05

society. I mean this includes sort of

6:07

holding doors. The falling down syndrome, it's

6:09

like people who just feel, who have

6:11

anger about their life and anger, they

6:14

feel like they're pushed around and this

6:16

is just kind of their passive aggressive

6:18

way of saying fuck you to the

6:20

world? I think it's worse. All that

6:23

exists is me and my urethra. Very

6:25

funny animated show for the 70s. There's

6:27

a whole song about it. Right. And

6:29

that's it. I'm done. I'm done peeing.

6:32

And my mind is, well, now that

6:34

I'm done peeing, I'm hungry, I'm horny.

6:36

I need to take a nap. I

6:38

need to shop. You know, I'm moved

6:41

on to the thing I need to

6:43

do. I've moved past humanity. flushed a

6:45

fucking toilet because that would be the

6:47

decent thing to do i've evacuated myself

6:50

i came in here to do this

6:52

i didn't come in here to flush

6:54

a toilet you know one says i'm

6:56

just gonna walk into the men's room

6:59

at the convention center and dade county

7:01

just start flushing toilets now i'm going

7:03

in there take a piss now i

7:05

his royal highness is done evacuating his

7:08

royal uh... bladder and now I will

7:10

turn his royal ass around and walk

7:12

out of this fucking royal head. That's

7:14

how it goes. A lot of guys

7:17

do this by the way. I see

7:19

it all the time. Do you ever

7:21

say anything? There's nothing to say because

7:23

I always walk in. I mean, have

7:26

you never seen someone, you never caught

7:28

someone in the act? No, I've never

7:30

I've never caught somebody in the act.

7:32

Oh, I probably have yes I probably

7:35

have and and I did the sort

7:37

of passive aggressive well I guess I'll

7:39

just get that for you kind of

7:41

thing. Yeah when they're when they're walking

7:44

out but it now gets tricky because

7:46

half the urinals are automatic. Yeah, the

7:48

eye. the eye and this is fucked

7:50

everything up because we as I've said

7:53

before we are guinea pigs in this

7:55

this transitional period like I like I

7:57

talk about it's like CGI CGI looked

7:59

like shit ten years ago our grandkids

8:02

are gonna look back in the movies

8:04

we loved and laugh at us yeah

8:06

it's gonna look like shit right and

8:08

so now we've done this horrible thing

8:11

where either you make all toilets with

8:13

the magic flushing eye or you make

8:15

none of them that way you don't

8:17

go half and half because this guy

8:20

may have a toilet at work that

8:22

has the magic eye and the other

8:24

convention he was at had it so

8:26

he has every excuse to turn around

8:29

walk away without raising his hand yeah

8:31

you're what percentage of the eyes work

8:33

do you think two-thirds works like they're

8:35

supposed to a full flush well because

8:38

some go like and there's a little

8:40

bit of a bubbling and nothing listen

8:42

the the amount of water that the

8:44

airport has deemed was a fair allotment

8:47

for you what would be sufficient for

8:49

you to wash your hands is way

8:51

less than 10% of what I need

8:53

and I'm not I'm not a surgeon

8:55

I mean I get the first first

8:58

they had the spring operated one where

9:00

you just I don't know what it

9:02

is about the airport but they don't

9:04

it like airport should have a sign

9:07

that says not trusting the public with

9:09

water since 1949 since 1949 like I

9:11

don't know what happens, because you go

9:13

to other places. They seem to have

9:16

some trust level with you and their

9:18

customer. Like, you know, when you use

9:20

it, when you go to a restaurant,

9:22

they seem to have, there's some level

9:25

of trust. There's a tacit agreement going

9:27

on between you and the Ural. I

9:29

frequent... Yeah, there's a task agreement with

9:31

you and the restaurant that you frequent,

9:34

which is I enjoy your food, so

9:36

I'm not going to take my undershirt

9:38

off, ball it up, shove it into

9:40

the drain, and then run both things

9:43

and run out of here like a

9:45

lunatic, thus flooding your bathroom. I will

9:47

use the water that I need to

9:49

wash my hands, and then when I'm

9:52

done, I'll go ahead and shut the

9:54

handles off. Thank you for a week.

9:56

me Applebee's yes thank you for thank

9:58

you for having the faith and believing

10:01

me so but at the airport they

10:03

started off with the spring loaded right

10:05

so you could you could watch the

10:07

amount of time you had left that's

10:10

the whacka mall except for those things

10:12

would get old and loose and you'd

10:14

punch them down and by the time

10:16

you removed your hand from the top

10:19

and got it underneath it was already

10:21

popped yeah it was like that game

10:23

yeah slapping game then you had to

10:25

work this move where you held it

10:28

held it down with one hand wash

10:30

for thing Now they have the magic

10:32

eye. But the magic eye is a,

10:34

it's like, if you ever see a

10:37

machine gun burst, like from a fighter

10:39

plane or something, it's like, it's like,

10:41

it's, it's, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's,

10:43

it's, it's at your hand, you have

10:46

to catch it. It's not six seconds,

10:48

it's a minute, like it's 1.6 seconds,

10:50

it's not six seconds, it's like, it's

10:52

like, it's like, like, you do the

10:55

thing, you do the thing, and it's

10:57

like, and it's like, and it's like,

10:59

All right, now I got soaked my

11:01

hands. Here we go. Yep. Yeah. And

11:04

there's that fear that you're going to

11:06

anger it and it won't even turn

11:08

on again. Right. You have to go

11:10

to a different faucet. Right. But what

11:13

if they just gave you five? Like

11:15

what if they just gave you a

11:17

one, two, three, four, five, and then

11:19

shut off? What would be the worst?

11:22

Give me a worst case scenario. Give

11:24

me a worst case scenario. It

11:27

goes, you use only two of the

11:29

five seconds and it runs additional three

11:31

seconds without you. And meanwhile the magic

11:34

eye toilet flashed four times while I

11:36

was sitting there. Right. I'm just saying,

11:38

what happened, where's the airport and the

11:40

trust level? Of non-existent. Of you and

11:43

the H2O. So yeah, I would just

11:45

ask all human beings when you use

11:47

the urinal and it has the big

11:50

chrome six inch handle, old school plunger

11:52

hanging the one arm bandit hanging off

11:54

the edge. Feel free to be a

11:57

human being and pull it after your...

11:59

frothy yellow piss and let's go ahead

12:01

and get dividers because what happened to

12:04

me is I walked into the bathroom

12:06

and as I was walking in I

12:08

ran into a fan. Hey, hey Smann,

12:11

how's it going? Good man, big fan

12:13

man. Thanks buddy. Listen to potty. Now

12:15

I realize we're both taking a piss.

12:17

Yeah. And there's no dividers. So... The

12:20

only thing that divides us is personal

12:22

conversation in that case the pot of

12:24

gold that the leprechton is guarding between

12:27

us but we're having this conversation and

12:29

realize if I ain't a guy's like

12:31

big fan man big fan and I'm

12:34

like well looks down like yeah you

12:36

are sorry to disappoint yeah I thought

12:38

if I was talking to a guy

12:41

who's a big fan of I'd probably

12:43

take a Take a cock look. We're

12:45

not going to get these opportunities that

12:48

often. Yeah, like how many times do

12:50

you get to see the junk of

12:52

a guy you're a big fan of?

12:54

And this is a fairly new, it's

12:57

a convention center. I'm sure, like I

12:59

said, if you go down the street,

13:01

if you go to the Applebee's, there

13:04

will be a division. If you go

13:06

to the airport, there will be a

13:08

division. If you go to the gas

13:11

station, there may be a division. Can

13:13

we just kind of sign up? Listen

13:16

I went I'm trying to think of

13:18

where it is you guys can help

13:20

me JFK like that you know they

13:23

were like working oh yeah there you

13:25

go JFK they're working they were working

13:27

on like the new United Terminal or

13:30

something or American terminal or something for

13:32

like 10 years and then they finally

13:34

finished it about three four years ago

13:36

and we're doing some some I did

13:39

something with the rate I went down

13:41

there for basically CBS and Les Moonves

13:43

and something something radio city music hall

13:46

unfailing the new shows the up fronts

13:48

and I went into this bathroom and

13:50

I remember where they finally had finished

13:52

the new terminal and again it was

13:55

JFK but I can't remember if it

13:57

was united or American. or what it

13:59

was, but it was like. It wasn't

14:02

jet blue because I know that it

14:04

was before that. It was like, whoa,

14:06

this is really nice, like really nice

14:08

furniture. The new American terminal. Probably American,

14:11

yeah. And then you went to the

14:13

bathroom and it was all like nickel-plated

14:15

stuff and sleek and chrome and all

14:18

this and walls with, you know, career

14:20

marble going all the way up. It's

14:22

like, hey, guys, first class, like nice

14:24

job. And then I got up to

14:27

the urinal next to a huge guy

14:29

next to a huge guy. Again, can

14:31

we just go, when you build a

14:34

new bathroom, you must take, it's going

14:36

to cost you an extra $40. It's

14:38

a piece of either melamine or corton.

14:41

It's what we used to use when

14:43

we made closets. It's vinyl coated. Three

14:45

quarter, MDF, or OSB, sorry. Medium density

14:47

fiberboard. And you just put it on

14:50

the wall with a couple chrome things

14:52

and a couple screw shields. Like it

14:54

ain't no big one. You could do

14:57

it. It's not a big deal. Yeah.

14:59

It could easily, as I say, in

15:01

a land of nothing but rules and

15:03

nothing but codes and there's a billion

15:06

codes in that bathroom, why not just

15:08

task on one more? Now here's, I

15:10

feel like I asked this before, but

15:13

being a big celebrity in all. You

15:15

don't ever just piss in the toilet

15:17

in the stall? I feel weird, well,

15:19

there's two things. First off, I feel

15:22

like the stall is for shitting for

15:24

the most part. Is that how most

15:26

guys feel? Yeah, it's like that Nancy

15:29

Sinatra song when this stall was made

15:31

for shitting and that's what this ass

15:33

is going to do. One of these

15:35

days this ass is going to shit

15:38

all over you. Right. I feel, so

15:40

it's weird, it's because I'm a celebrity,

15:42

I feel like, uh-oh, small Dick Corolla's

15:45

gonna turn his ass on humanity by

15:47

going in there. Meanwhile, there's a guy

15:49

with explosive diarrhea, it's just cramping up.

15:51

But, by the sick, right? So, that's

15:54

number one. Number two, a lot of

15:56

them are handicapped. So, uh... You're going

15:58

in handy, that's bad, Ju Ju. Go

16:01

in there and pan on the toilet

16:03

with the riser on it, the seat

16:05

with the riser on it. So I

16:07

will just use the urinal and then

16:10

sometimes you go use the urinal and

16:12

some guy just pulls up next to

16:14

you. So it was all clear and

16:17

then you went in and then some

16:19

guy pulled up next to you. But

16:21

dividers, I think I could win a

16:23

like a congressional seat just basically with.

16:26

This is my only platform. It's just

16:28

dividers between urinals, just mandated, half of

16:30

them have it anyway. Why would you

16:33

build a state-of-the-art lounge and airport and

16:35

everything and not do it? Yes. You

16:37

know who's scheduled to come in next

16:39

week? Lieutenant Governor Gavin Newsom. And you

16:42

know, we should start making a list.

16:44

We should. We have important stuff like

16:46

urinal dividers. Easily done. To bring up

16:49

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27:02

just had a vet recommend that to

27:04

me last week. For what? For my

27:07

dog. I know, but for like for

27:09

what kind of, for dog stress? He's

27:11

a dog. Hold on a second. Should

27:14

we re-examine that last exchange? I just

27:16

had my vet recommend that the other

27:18

day. For what? For my dog. Yes.

27:21

Oh. The dog. He's like, you're kind

27:23

of hunched over there, pal. Yeah. I

27:25

have an idea for you. Yeah. Your

27:27

dog. Acupunctious. I haven't done it. No.

27:30

I'm just saying I took the dog

27:32

in because he does he hurt his

27:34

back. He's a dachshund, you know, long

27:37

back and the vet's like, oh yeah,

27:39

dog acupunctur really works. I'm like, really?

27:41

They actually do that? Yeah, here's a

27:44

naval place. He's got a bend at

27:46

the paw when he lifts boxes. You

27:48

should have used that strap that. We

27:51

found it to go more cheaper on

27:53

Amazon. through of course. Thank you. You

27:55

just ordered the stairs. That's right. Actually

27:58

it's a stair, there's stairs that convert

28:00

into a ramp. What because he's been

28:02

throwing his back out jumping? Three times

28:05

he throws back out. This happens with

28:07

toxins. How do you know when he

28:09

throws his back out? Because he's miserable.

28:12

He has tables between his legs and

28:14

he won't you know bark or doing

28:16

it. It's obvious that he's hurt. Well

28:19

first off I wouldn't do that myself.

28:21

Listen, listen, I'm in a very vulnerable

28:23

position here because I have a dog

28:26

that my wife loves so much that

28:28

if, you know, when I leave, she'll

28:30

be like, and you didn't say buy

28:33

to Molly. I don't think Molly's going

28:35

to be upset or have her feelings.

28:37

Or, well, why don't you say buy?

28:40

When you leave, you say they buy

28:42

to everyone else, say buy to Molly.

28:44

So I have a wife that is

28:47

so... She's just such a loving person.

28:49

She loves the bejesus out of the

28:51

kids out of me out of the

28:54

dog I mean you put something in

28:56

front of her She will love that

28:58

thing and there's nothing not to love

29:01

about Molly. She's the sweetest dog on

29:03

the planet. She's one of these dogs

29:05

I've never met a dog where when

29:08

you're sitting at the table just feeding

29:10

her scraps off the table She gingerly

29:12

takes the food out of your hand.

29:15

She doesn't grab at it she doesn't

29:17

she's very careful she does it she

29:19

goes very slow she turns her head

29:22

and she makes sure that there's no

29:24

tooth contact on your hand like she's

29:26

like very concerned about you she would

29:28

never leave a urinal filled with her

29:31

filthy piss for me to discover at

29:33

a convention center outside of Tampa that's

29:35

for god damn sure so when that

29:38

dog then gets like ear cancer what

29:40

the fuck we're supposed to do so

29:42

it's a very a combination which is

29:45

I have a credit card. I have

29:47

a wife who loves the Bejesus Adamali.

29:49

The vet that knows both of those

29:52

things. The vet that's well aware of

29:54

both these things and what are you

29:56

going to... about it thus there goes

29:59

the ear yeah and it makes for

30:01

a weird asymmetrical sound when she does

30:03

the dog like the ear thing now

30:06

she has it's the one ear flapping

30:08

around did it affect her balance she

30:10

got the one acupuncture is good for

30:13

that the one weird eye and we're

30:15

trying to get her off the the

30:17

food she's diabetic so she has to

30:20

get the shot insulin and then that

30:22

makes for all the conversations like I'm

30:24

leaving you got to feed Molly you

30:27

got to give her the insulin shot

30:29

and then it's like Molly doesn't want

30:31

to eat her the insulin shot and

30:34

then it's like Molly doesn't want to

30:36

eat but I got to eat her

30:38

food but she needs to eat her

30:41

food because I can't eat you didn't

30:43

Each Dindin. Now, I wouldn't say Dindin

30:45

to anybody else. I'd just say eat

30:48

your dinner or I'd say eat your

30:50

food. The dog doesn't speak English. But

30:52

it's funny. Doesn't speak Cutesy English or

30:55

the Queen's English. It just doesn't speak

30:57

English. But I've decided that if I

30:59

say eat your Dindin, that'll be more...

31:02

Absorbable as a message than eat your

31:04

food. Breaking it down. It makes zero

31:06

sense. Kibble-sized words. Right, each denden. Each

31:09

denden. And no denden. And then so

31:11

what happened the other day is she

31:13

did not eat her denden. But she

31:16

ate the rest of Natalia's fried egg

31:18

and the rest of Sunny's cereal milk

31:20

And then I gave her the shot

31:22

anyway because I had to leave But

31:25

then I had to do this thing

31:27

where it's like I had to leave

31:29

the note saying she didn't eat the

31:32

denden But she got the shot because

31:34

she ate the egg and she ate

31:36

the milk and then I got the

31:39

thing from the wife She ate Sunnis

31:41

went you know, it's like the fuck.

31:43

Am I supposed to do the dogs

31:46

not eating? Here's the thing about the

31:48

dog ramp to the bed. Here's the

31:50

thing about the dog ramp to the

31:53

bed. Not to the couch. the bed.

31:55

The bed is that makes it his

31:57

territory. The couch is where he spends

32:00

most of the day. So there's just

32:02

maybe a 10% better. The real dangers

32:04

eventually when you start using the stairs

32:07

to get to the couch. There will

32:09

come a day. Or get off the

32:11

couch. Start using those stairs to get

32:14

off the couch. It can convert into

32:16

a ramp. Yeah. Like in case a

32:18

dog wants to go skateboarding. It's the

32:21

stairs that like collapse, you know, the

32:23

stairs and they collapse into a ramp.

32:25

But why would you sometimes want the

32:28

ramp? The ramp is better for their

32:30

back supposedly. I would love to sit

32:32

down with the company that manufactures and

32:35

ships. Very similar to that. I'd like

32:37

to sit down with the company that

32:39

makes anything from the Sky Mall. It's

32:42

carpeted. But especially the two companies I

32:44

like to sit down with the company

32:46

that makes the carpeted steps slash ramps

32:49

that go to the bed. Or go,

32:51

the sofa. And I'd like to sit

32:53

down with the company that makes a

32:56

giant inflatable chess pieces that you like

32:58

move around. And I'll finally, the company

33:00

that makes the double-decker cat stroller. I'd

33:03

like to sit with those companies down.

33:05

Let's sit down with them. And I'd

33:07

like to do as I'd pull down

33:10

a map. A global map. And I'd

33:12

pull out a US map. And I'd

33:14

go, I want you to put a

33:17

pin. Like let me, let me, let's

33:19

me. Nicaragua. How many units. How many

33:21

units. How many units you guys ship

33:23

yearly to let's say El Salvador, Nicaragua,

33:26

places like that? Let me just a

33:28

bunch of, I just say put a

33:30

pin in the place where you ship

33:33

the most carpeted doggy stairs and I

33:35

bet you that Central and South America

33:37

would just be completely, you could run

33:40

at it with your tongue out and

33:42

be completely confident. Then probably skip over

33:44

like Alabama and Mississippi and stuff that

33:47

you'd get to and then... You'd hit

33:49

Los Angeles and Manhattan. Manhattan, Beverly Hills,

33:51

Pacific Palisades, and you just see this

33:54

non, this cluster ball of pins. I'd

33:56

like to see that. I'd like to

33:58

work on that. Let's get them going.

34:01

Yeah, let's cluster all the ones they

34:03

sell and just watch Ellie in New

34:05

York to swell. I'm guessing a lot

34:08

of the Middle Eastern countries. Probably not,

34:10

no. Probably not so much. But I'd

34:12

really like that. Let's make that happen,

34:15

Matt. Let's make that happen. Oh, of

34:17

course, some punisher. All right. Is our

34:19

guest here? Should we bring Ben in?

34:22

Remember I said I like to do

34:24

the news before the show? And then,

34:26

not so much. Yeah, we'll do some

34:29

news. I want to get some news.

34:31

I want to get some news. I

34:33

want to get some love to one

34:36

of our fine sponsors. stamps.com. Post office.

34:38

I say, you want to get to,

34:40

well, you got a problem. You got

34:43

a situation. You want to send things.

34:45

You want to send parcels, letters. You

34:47

don't feel like going down the post

34:50

office office. You're busy guy or gal.

34:52

I mean, come on. But you know

34:54

what I'm saying? You want to use

34:57

stamps.com, buy and print official US postage,

34:59

and put on any letter, any package,

35:01

and you do it right from your

35:04

computer. So it's pretty diabolical. You just

35:06

get the scale, digital scale, you plug

35:08

it in your computer, you weigh your

35:11

parcel. I love the idea that the

35:13

exact amount comes out. The exact amount

35:15

that you need to send this parcel

35:18

because you have waited comes out and

35:20

that's all you spend. No extra lick

35:22

and no extra cents on there. None

35:24

of those safety cents you always send.

35:27

Put another couple bucks on there. I

35:29

don't want it, I don't want to

35:31

come back on me. They got a

35:34

special offer. By the way, then you

35:36

just drop it in your mailbox or

35:38

you can even schedule free package pickup

35:41

on stamps.com. Special offer. You get the

35:43

scale, you get 55 bucks free postage,

35:45

only if you enter Adam. Go to

35:48

stamps.com now, click on the microphone at

35:50

the top of the home page, type

35:52

in Adam. that is stamps dot. come

35:55

used to code Adam. All right, Allison

35:57

Rosen, why don't you get that news

35:59

queued up? We'll do a little bit

36:02

of that news. Okay, but can I

36:04

first, there's something that I've been thinking

36:06

about since our show last night that

36:09

I wanted to ask you. You were

36:11

talking about you and Drew and you

36:13

were talking about how Drew is a

36:16

sponge and he just anything, he was

36:18

like, yes, you know, I definitely want

36:20

to hear anything you have. to say

36:23

and you were like that's him I

36:25

don't and here's what I'm wondering those

36:27

were producers but yeah but I also

36:30

size them up as idiots right early

36:32

but here's my thing because I am

36:34

much more like Drew but I would

36:37

much more rather be like you because

36:39

I feel like it's just a better

36:41

more efficient way to be does it

36:44

not bother you do you not are

36:46

you not ever vexed with this like

36:48

I don't want people to think I'm

36:51

an asshole I don't want people to

36:53

think I'm an asshole Don't mind assholes

36:55

thinking I'm an assole and as I've

36:58

said many times I want assholes to

37:00

think I'm an assole So they'll leave

37:02

me alone. I had a crazy Israeli

37:05

kind of a neighbor who and when

37:07

I got my first house, so I

37:09

was trying to be neighborly with, and

37:12

she bugged the shit out of me,

37:14

and she was nuts, and she was

37:16

demanding, and her son had a serious

37:18

narcissistic disorder, which I guess he got

37:21

from fat, stupid-cunt mom, and they were

37:23

both just a fucking huge pain and

37:25

ass, and after a number of years

37:28

of sort of trying to be neighborly,

37:30

I sort of, like, would yell at

37:32

her, or I'd fuck off, get the

37:35

hell off my property, and I'd, scared

37:37

of me. It's good that she thinks

37:39

I'm an asshole because there are people

37:42

that will never stop encroaching. Once you

37:44

go, hey come on in with your

37:46

horrible ideas and your in your very

37:49

unrealistic request, come on and my by

37:51

the way, you know, you can call

37:53

me day or night, weekends, whatever, whatever,

37:56

whatever it is. Right, I guess like

37:58

once you get the sense they're not

38:00

respecting you. Or they're just fucking

38:02

stupid or nuts or whatever, then at a

38:05

certain point you just go fuck off and

38:07

they leave you alone and then that's a

38:09

good thing. So life becomes like a party

38:11

and there's the one asshole who you really

38:14

don't want to make small talk with and

38:16

you really don't feel like talking to. Have

38:18

that guy think you're an unapproachable

38:20

asshole. It's good. He'll leave you alone. Now

38:22

he will tell other people you're an asshole.

38:25

And that doesn't bother you? Look, I

38:27

read articles on myself that

38:29

have my name misspelled, have

38:32

my age wrong, call me,

38:34

you know, I'm called, you

38:37

know, xenophobic and homophobic, I'm

38:39

called everything all the time,

38:41

and at a certain point...

38:44

The press materials for the

38:46

show. Yeah, it's right, staple

38:48

to the back of my

38:51

headshot, you know. and that

38:53

i can uh... ride uh...

38:55

not only western but

38:58

english-style oh yeah that

39:00

comes in handy so often

39:02

in english and cockney

39:04

accent so you have to

39:06

here's what you have to have

39:09

or what you have to be which

39:11

you have to be which is you

39:13

have to be okay with what you're

39:15

saying and who you're saying it to

39:17

and there are times when I say

39:19

things and I've hurt people's feelings or

39:22

angered people that I respect and that

39:24

I love and I feel badly and

39:26

I and then I want to rectify

39:28

that I want to correct that but

39:30

if every time some asshole cuts you

39:32

off and inflicts you the bird and

39:34

you go fuck off and then you

39:36

realize that person's going to drive away

39:38

thinking you're an asshole if that's going

39:40

to bother you it's going to be

39:42

a long shitty life. So, and

39:44

it's much better, really, that

39:47

people respect you

39:49

more than like you. I

39:51

mean, honestly, you shouldn't be

39:53

a douche bag and you

39:55

should be wildly, incredibly

39:57

fair with people, but

40:00

old... Ultimately, when you

40:02

look back on any historical

40:04

figure, the nice part is a

40:06

distant second to whatever they

40:08

got accomplished. I mean, look,

40:10

whether you're talking about a

40:12

president or a general or

40:15

an artist, a painter, a

40:17

musician, you know, it's never

40:19

like, well, the guy's work

40:21

was subpar, but he was

40:23

super sweet. Yeah. We don't

40:25

know who that guy's name is.

40:27

What a team player? Yeah, right.

40:29

Nobody knows who that person is

40:31

who that person is. You

40:33

go through, you need to

40:35

know, thank you for asking

40:38

by the way, the problem

40:40

that people have is

40:42

they don't know where they are

40:45

and when they are. As I've

40:47

said, Jimmy Kimmel, you

40:49

know, does the White

40:51

House correspondence,

40:53

president's press

40:55

conference, he hosts the

40:58

Emmys, he gets a star

41:00

in the Walk of Fame.

41:02

He knows who he is now. You

41:04

can't go in and tell Jimmy whatever.

41:06

It's not going to work. He knows

41:08

who he is. But there was a time

41:10

when Jimmy was not that Jimmy.

41:12

It's not that Jimmy. It's not that

41:15

he was a different human being. It's

41:17

just he was a different station

41:19

in life. And somebody would come in

41:21

who was a lot dumber than he

41:24

was and a lot less funny

41:26

than he was. And then tell him

41:28

and a young Adam Corolla, what was

41:30

funny and what to do. They were

41:33

higher ranking in our army. Now

41:35

we knew... I would say a

41:37

lot less for me. Thanks Jack

41:39

Silver. We knew that we were

41:42

funnier than these people, but what

41:44

people don't realize is they

41:46

like jumped the gun on their

41:48

own career, which is, it's,

41:50

it's, is if a young, you know,

41:53

Steve Jobs in the seventh

41:55

grade started telling all his

41:57

teachers to fuck off, like...

42:00

There's no way anyone knows who

42:02

he is now. He's going to have

42:04

to work his way and you to

42:06

earn it But then you have to know

42:08

where you are If and and you

42:10

you don't want to get past

42:12

yourself, you know one get below

42:14

yourself meaning my early days at

42:16

k-rock It was this. Yes, sir.

42:18

No, sir. You think that's funny.

42:20

I won't do it. I will

42:22

do it. Never again. You're the

42:25

boss. You're right. Please tell me

42:27

tape exists of this well Later

42:29

on, when I'm telling Stone Stanley, the

42:31

producers of Love Line, that, you know, don't bother me

42:33

with bad ideas, I don't say fuck off, you guys

42:35

are hacks, I just go, I know what I can

42:37

do, I know you know what I can do, it's

42:39

not what you know. You see, people do this all

42:41

the time, like, I know in my heart I'm

42:44

the best, I know I'm the best for this

42:46

job, I know that, fuck what you know, what

42:48

does the other person, what does the other person

42:50

think? What does the other person think? What does

42:52

the other person think? What is the person with

42:54

the checkbook thing? They have to know. And at

42:56

a certain point, like with Love Line,

42:59

they want us to come back for season

43:01

three. I said, you're going to have

43:03

to double my pay, because I'm not

43:05

getting paid enough. And Drew was like,

43:08

oh shit, no, no, no, no, no,

43:10

just go back. And Drew's manager. And

43:12

I said, no. For fear that they would,

43:14

what, what, be like, well, fuck you?

43:16

For fear that they'd go out

43:19

and hire somebody else instead of

43:21

me except for I knew that

43:23

nobody else could do this job

43:25

But me and more importantly I knew

43:27

they knew and I knew they knew I was being

43:30

under compensated and I knew They knew

43:32

they knew they couldn't find anyone else

43:34

to do this job that would do

43:36

it as well as I and so

43:38

I said no I'm not and I

43:40

said to them This is not a threat

43:43

For the amount of money that you're paying

43:45

me, it is not worth me coming back

43:47

to the show. This is not one of

43:49

those things where I'm threatening you. I'm saying

43:51

it's physically not worth my time. It's like

43:53

if you said, paint my house, I'll give

43:55

you $50, I would just say no, wouldn't

43:57

be because I was angry with you or

43:59

threatening you. which simply wouldn't be worth my

44:01

time and for the amount you're paying and

44:03

for what other projects that I'm doing this

44:05

is not worth my time so this is

44:07

not a threat this is the money I

44:10

need to do this and then they doubled

44:12

my pay and they doubled Drew's fucking pay

44:14

too and that's why I feel like he

44:16

owes me money because he was the one

44:18

who was telling me no no no like

44:20

we'll go back and do it so You

44:22

should not tell everyone to fuck off. You

44:25

should tell some people to fuck off. You

44:27

need to know where you are in this

44:29

weird ladder of career versus who

44:31

you can talk to and how

44:33

you can talk to them. And

44:35

you never want to do it

44:37

prematurely. If there's ever a moment

44:39

where you think you need to

44:42

know you're indispensable to whatever

44:44

this is, and as I

44:46

say to people all the

44:48

time and as a... Once yelled

44:50

at my friend Daniel Kellesen who

44:52

basically came up with this whole

44:55

network When I was pissed off

44:57

at him at Jimmy Kimmel's

44:59

Because he was the first

45:01

executive producer over there. I

45:04

yelled at him don't come back

45:06

tomorrow. Don't come in tomorrow.

45:08

See what happens. See what happens

45:10

and Ask yourself that question

45:13

everyone who has a job If

45:15

you don't come in tomorrow, what

45:17

will happen? And if the answer

45:20

is, we'll do a show anyway, or

45:22

we'll figure it out, or sometimes

45:24

the answer is, people will

45:26

be relieved. If the answer to

45:28

that question is, we're going to

45:31

do a show anyway, then next

45:33

time you show up, bring some

45:35

fucking donuts and drop your attitude.

45:37

You need to know. Now, I

45:39

knew, well, if I didn't show up,

45:41

there was no love line. And they

45:44

weren't going to be able to go to

45:46

the local comedy club and find a guy

45:48

who could do what I did in real

45:50

time. They just, I know that guy doesn't

45:53

exist and I knew they couldn't do it.

45:55

So I was confident with that. So the

45:57

thing, and it's a 20 minute answer to

45:59

a five minute. question. Don't over in

46:02

flight, but don't under value

46:04

either. Know where you're at,

46:06

but whatever your job is,

46:08

ask yourself if you don't

46:10

show up the next day

46:13

what's going to happen. Because

46:15

that's really the most important

46:17

question you can ask yourself

46:19

in any environment.

46:21

And there's a lot of jobs

46:24

where you don't show up and... We

46:26

do whatever we do without you and

46:28

you string together a few of

46:30

those people start to notice All

46:32

right, I'll tell you what give

46:34

us a new story to tease

46:36

before we take a break Well,

46:38

we have an Oscar Pistorius update

46:41

new new things have been found

46:43

the scene of the crime. All right,

46:45

we will do that. We'll bring in

46:47

Ben Hoffman And we'll get to that

46:50

right after that Here's

46:52

what not to watch on

46:54

TV tonight. At 8 on

46:56

Food Network, don't watch. Sweet

46:58

genius. Chocolate desserts are made

47:00

from chicken stock. At 830

47:03

on VH1, be sure to

47:05

miss. Black Inc. crew. Caesar

47:07

lands in court as a

47:09

child support drama plays out

47:11

and Puma sets out to

47:13

get a new tooth. And

47:15

a 10 on Cinemax definitely

47:17

don't watch. The Chronicles of

47:20

Riddick. A Fugitive alludes bounty

47:22

hunters and fights intergalactic warriors. Starring

47:24

Vin Diesel. That's what not to

47:26

watch on TV tonight. Now, back

47:29

to the Adam Corolla show. A

47:31

couple quick pieces of business before

47:33

we get into it with Ben

47:36

Hoffman. The Ben show, by the

47:38

way, Comedy Central Thursday, February 28th,

47:41

10 p.m. Score big. Our good

47:43

friends over at score big. You

47:45

like basketball? How about them clips?

47:48

Clippers, NBA, NHL, college, you want

47:50

tickets, you don't want to

47:52

pay box office price. scorebig.com,

47:54

like I said, Clippers,

47:56

Nets, Georgia Tech, UCLA, whatever

47:59

you like. wherever you are

48:01

find your team find your

48:03

price get it at score

48:05

big.com kids shows Disney on

48:07

ice a little brats like

48:09

Disney not enough like I

48:11

had to say it like that would

48:14

have been a question for me

48:16

when I was good you want

48:18

to go see Disney where

48:20

maybe is it something frozen

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48:42

big.com and a special show

48:44

we're doing tomorrow with doctor

48:46

Drew and it's going to

48:48

be a one-on-one with me

48:50

and Dr. Drew and Rachel

48:53

Yucatel and Michael Lohan and Heidi

48:55

Flies and all the folks all

48:57

the alumni of his show because

48:59

Drew is like basically being called

49:01

a murderer and he's going insane

49:03

so we'll do a special show

49:05

with him and all them tomorrow

49:07

Ben Hoffman. Watch your show and

49:09

really enjoyed it by the way.

49:11

Thank you very much. I've been

49:13

getting a lot of great people like

49:16

you that I admire. Well, thanks.

49:18

And I like to hear, like

49:20

you and Jimmy, have been awesome,

49:22

you know, saying great things, because

49:24

all I really care is other

49:26

comedians like it, so. Sure. I've been

49:28

really happy. No, it's like, you don't

49:30

care that the fat chick with the

49:32

bad skin is attracted to you. I

49:35

mean, it's nice. I'll take it. Yeah.

49:37

But you want the prom queen. That's

49:39

Jimmy. Well, no, you, you too.

49:41

Prom King. Yeah, yeah, we've got half the

49:43

corner. I think we both be queens. Yeah,

49:45

mm-hmm. Yeah, the show is really funny I

49:47

think the reason Jimmy likes it and I

49:49

like it kind of reminds us of the

49:52

man show like when you're walking down Melrose

49:54

and kind of doing your man It's only

49:56

two letters away. I never thought about that.

49:58

It's pretty cool. Yeah, it's got that a

50:00

reverence? Yeah I think there's some different

50:02

similar obviously I watched that you know

50:05

growing up so that it's a it

50:07

probably made a mark I mean more

50:09

than I know it's a really funny

50:11

show and it's it's sort of the

50:13

let's see what I see the obituaries

50:16

or the the obituaries really funny wrapping

50:18

obituaries were those real dead human beings

50:20

getting that question a lot and for

50:22

the record It's a it's a gangster

50:25

rapper wrapping the week's obituaries the obituaries

50:27

I Felt bad at the last second

50:29

I pulled them and I made them

50:31

all fake I got really worried that

50:33

because if my grandma died and tell

50:36

some wrap on TV wrap and you

50:38

don't think that's a fitting tribute It's

50:40

really funny, but my uncle Bobby just

50:42

died and he's really old he had

50:45

Alzheimer's like if someone wrapped about him

50:47

even if it was funny I'd probably

50:49

be pissed Thank you. And like I

50:51

said, the show, it premieres on Comedy

50:53

Central Thursday, February 28th. So you got

50:56

Gibby in the next room over there

50:58

who I saw. My partner in crime,

51:00

yeah. So on the burn a few

51:02

weeks ago and I've seen, oh, the

51:05

late late show, I think it was

51:07

a late late show. Gibby's just one

51:09

of these guys that every time there's

51:11

something with comedy you walk in and

51:13

he's standing there. He's rarely, he's not

51:16

contributing, but he's contributinging. Oh, okay. Okay.

51:18

But yeah, he's mainly just standing around.

51:20

So he's contributing now. Okay. Yeah, it's

51:22

a new thing he's working with. To

51:24

me, he's like the version of like,

51:27

you know, like almost every workplace you

51:29

go into. There's like, there's like a

51:31

first aid kit like hanging on the

51:33

wall in the fire extinguisher, but no,

51:36

no one's ever using it. It's just

51:38

there. Case of emergency break, forgive me.

51:40

But I met him on sports show

51:42

where you were technically my boss. Oh

51:44

right? So it's nice to meet you.

51:47

I guess it's kind of weird. That

51:49

guy sounds hot. Yeah there he goes.

51:51

So now what's your what's your backstory

51:53

Ben? Where do you get all your

51:56

mirth? Well I'm from Kentucky. I'm a

51:58

Jew from Kentucky James. Now you figure

52:00

out where my comedy comes from. So

52:02

yeah and I moved out here I

52:04

was on this network with this guy

52:07

over here one of the cameraman. That's

52:09

the Kentucky is the light blue grass

52:11

state. The blue grass state. Oh yeah

52:13

it's not really. You're Jewish I'd go

52:16

light. Yeah, I'm colorblind, so I can't

52:18

really tell. The, uh, we worked on

52:20

current TV for a while, now Al

52:22

Jazeera Network, and, uh, it was the,

52:24

it was the, it was fucking hell

52:27

from the day I got there to

52:29

the day I left, but I guess

52:31

I learned. Why was, why was it

52:33

hellish? Yeah, and also, why was it

52:36

hellish? Because, it was mainly my fault,

52:38

because I thought I was better than

52:40

it. But at the time... Yeah, things

52:42

were looking pretty bleak. And, um, they

52:44

were just like, they, you know, the

52:47

thing was, but then I shouldn't talk

52:49

too much shit about them. They've been

52:51

pretty good to me. It was kind

52:53

of like being paid for film school,

52:55

looking back on it, because I got

52:58

to like learn how to make. TV

53:00

what was some of the shows on

53:02

current TV you wouldn't I would I'm

53:04

not gonna waste your time I don't

53:07

even remember the title of the show

53:09

were you doing that basically the woman

53:11

who started the daily show started a

53:13

show on current TV like the young

53:15

hip daily show mm-hmm so who you're

53:18

gonna get right me sure this funniest

53:20

funniest guy around spent three years on

53:22

the show and said like three funny

53:24

things but that the cloud of al

53:27

Gore was oh like if you said

53:29

anything controversial or anything you know out

53:31

of the ordinary The headline the next

53:33

day was, you know, like one of

53:35

the shows somebody called Sarah Palin a

53:38

guilt for example. It's the headline next

53:40

day on George report. Al Gore calls

53:42

Sarah Palin a guilt. Right, because it's

53:44

on his network. It was on his

53:47

network. So anything you did was attributed

53:49

to him, so that was kind of

53:51

the cloud over it. So it was

53:53

kind of annoying that it was almost

53:55

like he didn't want to piss. I'd

53:58

never, I've still have never met Al

54:00

Gore. Yeah, so, but you were just

54:02

worried about kind of, he was going

54:04

to take the credit for anything you

54:07

did. So it kind of hampers comedy

54:09

a little bit. Plus, they always wanted

54:11

me to, I'm not a political comedian,

54:13

and they wanted me to do like

54:15

daily show type stuff. What happened when

54:18

you left Kentucky? Were they like, we

54:20

lost or Jew? You know, it's going

54:22

to be tough to replace. No one's

54:24

got to go to Manhattan and get

54:26

it you and get it back here

54:29

quick because we're short at you. Well,

54:31

my, the softball team, the softball team

54:33

definitely, you know, was hurt for a

54:35

while. Obviously, yeah, a hobby Zion. The

54:38

Wizards of Oz is their name. Right.

54:40

They don't do so hot in the

54:42

Catholic League. But yeah, my parents, I

54:44

don't, I mean, my mom's from Nashville,

54:46

so they wanted to. live somewhere close

54:49

by and they figure to be a

54:51

nice place. They still don't believe me

54:53

that I got Jew jokes. All their

54:55

friends were fucking Jewish. But I just

54:58

go to school and just get Jew

55:00

jokes all day. Did you go to

55:02

college? Yeah, I went to school. I

55:04

went to UK. Okay. Same shit. Airports

55:06

in Cincinnati, right? Or am I screwing

55:09

that up? Yeah, the Cincinnati airports in

55:11

Kentucky. Oh, fuck that one up. Yeah

55:13

but it's close but yeah but why

55:15

is the Cincinnati airport in Kentucky doesn't

55:18

make it? Yeah don't know. So anyway

55:20

show funny and how many episodes you

55:22

guys? Eight episodes starts this when this

55:24

is live so yeah a week from

55:26

Thursday. Yeah Thursday February 28th at 10

55:29

p.m. Funny show yes right I have

55:31

a question if you got nothing but

55:33

Jew jokes in high school why did

55:35

you go to University of Kentucky? Do

55:38

you think all of a sudden you

55:40

were going to be around enlightened people?

55:42

I don't know, I'm an idiot. I

55:44

wasn't really thinking, I just hated school

55:46

so much and it just seemed like

55:49

the easiest, because my parents said I

55:51

had to go to college, it seemed

55:53

like the easiest way to get out

55:55

of it. No, I remember I was

55:58

in a marketing class like my first

56:00

day at University of Kentucky and they're

56:02

like, they're teaching me up marketing, like

56:04

what's the name for someone who likes

56:06

to, you know, bargain? And you know,

56:09

where this is going. Sure. Sure. Sure.

56:11

Yeah. Yeah, it's called it's called it's

56:13

called a Jew. Yeah, it's called a

56:15

Jew. Yeah, it's called a Jew. It's

56:17

called a Jew. It's called a Jew.

56:20

It's called a Jew. And he goes,

56:22

and the professor goes, you're in college.

56:24

This is college. This is fucking college.

56:26

And the professor goes, actually, there's some

56:29

people who've actually found that offensive. Actually.

56:31

And I'm like, yeah. Oh, you're much

56:33

progressive college. Yeah, I'm sitting right here.

56:35

And then I didn't really, I'm not

56:37

one of those guys who really needed

56:40

to get, if they had showbiz in

56:42

Kentucky, I had to be there right

56:44

now. I didn't really need to be

56:46

in LA. Right. Well, I would argue

56:49

LA needed you, Ben. Yeah, well, we're

56:51

about to be proven wrong. Thursday, February

56:53

28th at 10 p.m. All right, should

56:55

we do a little news? Yes. And

56:57

Ben, you can crack wise and hang

57:00

out about it. The news with Allison

57:02

Rosen. She'll read some news from her.

57:04

I've had some time. Okay, so a

57:06

couple updates to the mysterious case. A

57:09

neighbor said he heard nonstop shouting between

57:11

2am and 3am. So this would... suggest

57:13

that it wasn't the intruder scenario that

57:15

he's saying. And then also, police found

57:17

syringes and well, okay, initially they said

57:20

they found syringes in two boxes of

57:22

testosterone in his bedroom. But then the

57:24

prosecution withdrew that saying it's too early

57:26

to identify what the substance is. It

57:29

might be an herbal remedy. It said

57:31

testosterone and then it said something else.

57:33

The story I heard is it said

57:35

testosterone. But it started as some kind

57:37

of supplement Yeah, it was like it

57:40

was like if you found a stick

57:42

and it was orange and it said

57:44

T N and you went T and

57:46

T But it's a T and P

57:48

on it, but you'd already kind of

57:51

done the math and started running That's

57:53

what happened. It's a testosterone something something

57:55

something I'm just wondering if that means

57:57

it has some testosterone makes sense to

58:00

me, but they withdrew it because it

58:02

wasn't wasn't that but when and now

58:04

the same that the South African police

58:06

have bungled the case in a number

58:08

of ways all right but here's the

58:11

thing I don't get this see I'm

58:13

I'm into the spirit of the law

58:15

like you know hey you guys bungled

58:17

the whole the whole OJ case see

58:20

he went over there with a knife

58:22

and he cut this chick's head off

58:24

and then you went over there and

58:26

screwed it all up so thus we

58:28

should set him free It's like, all

58:31

right, let's just get back to the

58:33

basics here. What do the two have

58:35

to do with each other? I never

58:37

understood that. We're trying to figure out

58:40

whether the guy did it or not,

58:42

not whether Fong screwed it up. Like

58:44

she should have put rubbers over his

58:46

shoes before he walked in all her

58:48

blood that came from the head when

58:51

OJ attempted to take it off with

58:53

a buck night. That's what happened here

58:55

though. They didn't wear the right protective

58:57

covering on the right protective covering on

59:00

the shoes. And it's like there's still

59:02

four bullets in a body. She still

59:04

was shot by him. Right. And so

59:06

they always do the thing where it's

59:08

like, well, they mispronounced this and then

59:11

they mishandled that and then they contaminated

59:13

this and then they didn't follow a

59:15

protocol on that. Hence there's no way

59:17

we can possibly deduce anything. Right. But

59:19

I would still like to distill this

59:22

back to its basic root. elements which

59:24

is you got a gun and you

59:26

shot her multiple times or you got

59:28

a knife and you cut these two

59:31

people's heads off basically that's where I'd

59:33

like to keep the focus of this

59:35

case yeah but well I don't understand

59:37

what the testosterone has to do with

59:39

it even that oh well I think

59:42

the and argument might be that he

59:44

was in some kind of Royd rage

59:46

which still isn't it's not a proven

59:48

condition it really it really isn't I

59:51

mean it Nobody they don't even know

59:53

steroids are bad for you by the

59:55

way with the the name of the

59:57

thing was up on the screen What

59:59

I'm saying is is if you're a

1:00:02

dude who's 65 years old and you're

1:00:04

bench pressing 270 and you're built like

1:00:06

a 41 year old we've we've not

1:00:08

decided we don't know if that's bad

1:00:11

like that may be a good thing

1:00:13

it's certainly obnoxious it's annoying yeah fucking

1:00:15

dudes are 30 years younger than you

1:00:17

are keeping their shirts on on the

1:00:19

beach and you're fucking all our women

1:00:22

and everything like that like me but

1:00:24

being 70 and having that kind of

1:00:26

muscle mass why is that Like they

1:00:28

don't even know steroids are bad for

1:00:31

you. It's like you say with the

1:00:33

with the CGI now like we're in

1:00:35

that weird in between period where we

1:00:37

don't know if steroids are bad for

1:00:39

they're illegal in competition right but there

1:00:42

may not be you know bad for

1:00:44

you for your body. It's basically it's

1:00:46

like this your body starts dying on

1:00:48

its 30th birthday. I like to think

1:00:50

it's the next day because that's a

1:00:53

shitty way to celebrate your 30th birthday.

1:00:55

doesn't peel off that fast but it

1:00:57

starts dying. I look at the NFL,

1:00:59

look at all the guys that are

1:01:02

under 30, look at the guys that

1:01:04

are over 30, look at the guys

1:01:06

that are over 35, and eventually there's

1:01:08

two kickers from Albania that are 39

1:01:10

years old. You don't see a bunch

1:01:13

of dudes. Even the freaks of nature,

1:01:15

like Ray Lewis at 37, are too

1:01:17

old to play that game. So your

1:01:19

body starts dying. You then replace this

1:01:22

growth hormone, which body stops producing, I

1:01:24

started making estrogen full-time. six years ago.

1:01:26

I'm lactating now, Ben. I've been doing

1:01:28

it since I was a baby. And

1:01:30

that's it. So now we're taking that

1:01:33

and we're putting it back in your

1:01:35

veins and everyone's going, no, no, no,

1:01:37

no, this is going to kill you.

1:01:39

No, what's going to kill you as

1:01:42

you die? We started that at age

1:01:44

30. That's how you die. You don't

1:01:46

necessarily die by putting this, uh, I've

1:01:48

seen, I've seen, I've seen, I've seen,

1:01:50

20% of those that people are killers

1:01:53

at best? Yeah, maybe, maybe 20-22. Exactly,

1:01:55

so that doesn't show us anything. That's

1:01:57

right. It's a higher ratio of the

1:01:59

skill positions. you're right it's this by

1:02:02

the way stuff is called testo composodum

1:02:04

coenzim a permitted herbal medicine you know

1:02:06

what I don't like how they call

1:02:08

testosterone T like if you have low

1:02:10

T mmm yeah I don't like it

1:02:13

either especially with the T cell thing

1:02:15

so basically who cares if the guy

1:02:17

was juicing number one number two the

1:02:19

whole it's did you kill your girlfriend

1:02:22

or not and like to me like

1:02:24

you take the whole OJ thing We

1:02:26

have tapes of 911 of her screaming

1:02:28

he's going to kill me. That's that's

1:02:30

about it. Yeah. And then once we

1:02:33

find the person who was on the

1:02:35

tape saying screaming he's going to kill

1:02:37

me, once they I don't care if

1:02:39

we find him dead because a maritime

1:02:41

disaster, I'm going after the fucking guy

1:02:44

who's the he and that equation. As

1:02:46

a matter of fact, all you women

1:02:48

out there just to fuck with your

1:02:50

man, I'll just call 911 and scream

1:02:53

he's going to kill me right now.

1:02:55

Just so it's on file. Should it

1:02:57

all be done the same day. Yeah,

1:02:59

we should have a national call 911

1:03:01

and scream he's going to kill me.

1:03:04

Flood the system. Flood the system day.

1:03:06

Yeah. Speaking of dead bodies and other

1:03:08

things that are disgusting, a corpse was

1:03:10

found in a water tank on the

1:03:13

roof of a hotel in downtown LA.

1:03:15

It had been there for two weeks.

1:03:17

The way they found it was people

1:03:19

at the hotel were complaining about low

1:03:21

water pressure. So a maintenance man went

1:03:24

up there to see what was going

1:03:26

on and found the decomposing body of

1:03:28

Elisa Lam, a Canadian, who had gone

1:03:30

missing. And they don't know yet how

1:03:33

she died. At least she was Asian.

1:03:35

What I mean is No, I'm saying

1:03:37

is finding a decomposing body Oh, that

1:03:39

goes a hundred and ten pounds and

1:03:41

it's hairless You got a bad Armenian

1:03:44

dude up there. You got like Ron

1:03:46

Jeremy decomposing up there like that's bad

1:03:48

time Eastern block Russian moth plus there's

1:03:50

like oh, I'm telling you like if

1:03:53

you said to me. No, it's a

1:03:55

great point people are like people like

1:03:57

Fantastic point. People were like, oh, they

1:03:59

were drinking that water, they were showering

1:04:01

their water, brushing their teeth at the

1:04:04

water, and then so if I stayed

1:04:06

at that hotel during the time there's

1:04:08

a decomposing body up in the water

1:04:10

tank, and I went like, well, let

1:04:12

me see a picture of it, and

1:04:15

you showed an attractive, perky, petite, Asian

1:04:17

broad, I'd be like. Do you think

1:04:19

it might's kind of an advertisement for

1:04:21

the hotel? That's who goes there. That's

1:04:24

who goes there. There's who goes there.

1:04:26

That's who goes who goes there. There's

1:04:28

who goes who goes there. There's who

1:04:30

goes who goes who goes there. There's

1:04:32

who goes there. There's who goes who

1:04:35

goes who goes there. But if you

1:04:37

showed me Sheikh Khalid or when a

1:04:39

Mohammed or something, you know, you showed

1:04:41

me like a hairy, swarthy, Middle Eastern,

1:04:44

heavy-set dude. Yeah, find me KSM. You

1:04:46

show me a picture of that dude

1:04:48

and I never stopped vomiting. I never

1:04:50

stopped vomiting. I never stopped vomiting. I

1:04:52

wouldn't mind showering with her. You shower

1:04:55

with her spirit. I've shown her spirit

1:04:57

is in you. Someone... who stayed at

1:04:59

the hotel said, there's a quote, the

1:05:01

water did have a funny taste. But

1:05:04

for some reason I am, I'm thinking,

1:05:06

well now you're saying that because you

1:05:08

know. Did it really though? You stayed

1:05:10

at the hotel for eight days. Now

1:05:12

there's Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. Now what if

1:05:15

you found out he was in that

1:05:17

tank? You'd never stop you acting. I'm

1:05:19

checking out, yeah I'm checking out of

1:05:21

the hotel. With him, though, you'd know,

1:05:24

because hairs would be coming through. She

1:05:26

was Canadian, too? Yeah. I feel like

1:05:28

it's a little cleaner than we are.

1:05:30

Oh, good point. Definitely. Yeah, if you

1:05:32

know for health care, she is certainly

1:05:35

healthy. Before I would take the first

1:05:37

one by far. Yeah. All right, just

1:05:39

makes good sense. The shower was awful.

1:05:41

When you turned the water on, it

1:05:43

was coming black for the first two

1:05:46

seconds, and then it went back to

1:05:48

normal. Well, I'm just saying... I would,

1:05:50

if I was one of the people

1:05:52

who stayed in the hotel and they

1:05:55

said, uh, there's a body decomposing in

1:05:57

the water tank, you may have taken

1:05:59

a shower. First off, bullet dodge because

1:06:01

I rarely shower. I'd be like, you

1:06:03

know, guys all make fun of me

1:06:06

for never taking a shower? Now who's

1:06:08

laughing? Because you're all covered with decomposed

1:06:10

Asian bodies. Vindication. Total vindication for me

1:06:12

not showering and barely brushing my teeth.

1:06:15

Number one. Number two, I'd want to

1:06:17

see the body. Like I said, if

1:06:19

you look like Kaleek, Mohammed, it never

1:06:21

stopped throwing up. It looks like a

1:06:23

nice, you know, skater or something. Here's

1:06:26

what I'm saying. You, when you check

1:06:28

into a hotel, you hope that there's

1:06:30

no decomposing body that is coming through

1:06:32

the pipes and into your shower and

1:06:35

sink. You hope. You hope. If you

1:06:37

have to have a decomposing body, you

1:06:39

can't do better than this. That's the

1:06:41

girl. That's what I'm saying. All right,

1:06:43

that girl or a golden retriever. I'd

1:06:46

still have her. I'd say the fur.

1:06:48

I'd take her. Just refer. I mean,

1:06:50

you can keep going. Okay, okay. Alligator.

1:06:52

Stop taking the Asian. Soap. Well, soap.

1:06:55

But probably take it. Yeah. Well, you

1:06:57

jumped too far ahead. Right. Awesome. Oh,

1:06:59

hairless cat. Well, now just because of

1:07:01

the mass, you know what I mean?

1:07:03

Because hairless can't go about, because about

1:07:06

eight pounds. All right, sorry. Anyway, she's

1:07:08

gonna be missed. I know disrespect, I'm

1:07:10

just saying, look, it may be backhanded,

1:07:12

but it's a compliment. It's sort of

1:07:15

the ultimate compliment I'm paying her. Bench

1:07:17

should have a rapper do her obituary.

1:07:19

Yeah, but she's real. She's real. I

1:07:21

don't I don't make fun of I

1:07:23

only make fun of real dead people

1:07:26

will change the name by the way

1:07:28

if I were Jesus Christ first off

1:07:30

that maintenance guy is gonna need a

1:07:32

tip You know what I mean? Yeah,

1:07:34

I feel like if the dude at

1:07:37

the Starbucks is getting a tip that

1:07:39

guy needs to tip. That's a long

1:07:41

day. Yeah, it's a long day. That's

1:07:43

not what you want to find when

1:07:46

you crack the lid on on the

1:07:48

hopper on the roof now's the I

1:07:50

didn't realize that hotels have big water

1:07:52

tanks on the roof. Is that how

1:07:54

this all always works? I see them

1:07:57

in New York all the time, and

1:07:59

I see them in any movie where

1:08:01

there's a meteor that's going to hit

1:08:03

the... because they got to go through

1:08:06

the thing, you know, they got something

1:08:08

to fall over, something to blow apart

1:08:10

and all that kind of stuff. But

1:08:12

I don't know they had them in

1:08:14

LA. I just assume they use municipal

1:08:17

water that's pumped in. And I didn't

1:08:19

know if they pump it up to

1:08:21

the top and then it's a gravity

1:08:23

feed or whatever. Where else are you

1:08:26

going to put the Asian women? Well,

1:08:28

it's a decent point. Yeah, you got

1:08:30

to keep them somewhere. A question about

1:08:32

you're not showering. Gross yeah, even if

1:08:34

I'm not right, do you don't ever

1:08:37

feel a little bit? I if I

1:08:39

if I've done something to merit it

1:08:41

But I need to do something that's

1:08:43

kind of filthy like I need to

1:08:46

really be working around metal for a

1:08:48

while like I need to get my

1:08:50

grind on. Can you do the can

1:08:52

you do the gym and no shower

1:08:54

and bed? Yeah, well see I don't

1:08:57

I don't sweat like most people sweat.

1:08:59

I sweat but it's just sort of

1:09:01

water like I have this weird thing

1:09:03

where I will jump my rope, I

1:09:05

will sweat through my t-shirt, it'll be

1:09:08

shopping wet, I'll hang it on the

1:09:10

railing of my stairs. The next day,

1:09:12

I'll pick it up, and if you

1:09:14

smell it, you can't tell whether it

1:09:17

was sweat or swat upon or not.

1:09:19

I'm clean that way. I don't have

1:09:21

that thing going on. Can you go

1:09:23

to bed without a shower after that?

1:09:25

Yeah. I can get totally... Drenched in

1:09:28

sweat, wipe myself off, get dressed, and

1:09:30

then go to bed that night and

1:09:32

have no problems whatsoever. You see, it's

1:09:34

more psychological thing, I think. Yeah, I

1:09:37

could never do that. I rinse myself

1:09:39

off like twice a week, and that's

1:09:41

just rinse. I just rinse. I just

1:09:43

rinse. I just go up to the

1:09:45

hopper on top of the hotel room

1:09:48

and jump into that tank. You know,

1:09:50

maybe the guy, you guys can find

1:09:52

a picture, but maybe the animal that

1:09:54

dumped this poor Asian woman up there

1:09:57

and watched this poor Asian woman up

1:09:59

there and watched a little too much

1:10:01

petty, No one has an idea what

1:10:03

the fuck I'm talking about. I'll be

1:10:05

honest with you. But when I show

1:10:08

you a picture, when Dawson finds me

1:10:10

the right picture of Petico Junction, then

1:10:12

you're all going to laugh and you're

1:10:14

not going to... I'm going to say,

1:10:17

but you're going to think, that's why

1:10:19

they call a mace. Keep going. I'm

1:10:21

ready. LA has become the first major

1:10:23

city in the world to synchronize all

1:10:25

of its traffic signals. Vio Gosa has

1:10:28

been trumpeting this. There's a picture of

1:10:30

Pettico Junction. Oh, wow. You got a

1:10:32

dog in there. They bathed in the

1:10:34

water tank. Oh, yeah. And there, Yorkie

1:10:36

did too. There's the water tank from

1:10:39

Petticoat Junction, and them and their Yorkie,

1:10:41

hot chicks. That was as much tails

1:10:43

I saw growing up. Was it hot

1:10:45

chicks from Petticoat Junction? I have 70s,

1:10:48

tan lines. Yeah, there they are, bathing,

1:10:50

the skinny dipping in the town water

1:10:52

tank. And that's the same tank, right?

1:10:54

Mm-hmm. Yeah, all right. Go ahead, tell

1:10:56

me about, tell me about the completion

1:10:59

of this project. Will increase travel speeds

1:11:01

by 16% and reduce travel time by

1:11:03

12%. Right. So the LA Mayor's Office

1:11:05

has tweeted. Here's one. Sinking all of

1:11:08

LA's traffic signals reduces nearly one metric

1:11:10

ton of pollution annually and saves you

1:11:12

one day of waiting in traffic. And

1:11:14

also, proud to announce today that all

1:11:16

4,398 traffic signals in LA are synced

1:11:19

to our automated traffic control system. So

1:11:21

what was it before? Censors? I don't

1:11:23

know. Ben, is it legal to turn

1:11:25

right on a red in Kentucky? It

1:11:28

is. Yeah. And it's that way in

1:11:30

many parts of the country. It's everywhere

1:11:32

I thought, right? Not New York, I

1:11:34

guess. No, there are many parts of

1:11:36

the country where it's not legal to

1:11:39

turn right on a red. Here's how

1:11:41

fucking stupid this fucking city is and

1:11:43

our fucking mayor is and our fucking

1:11:45

mayor is and he should not be

1:11:48

crowing about this victory. It is legal

1:11:50

to turn right on a red and

1:11:52

you honk at them and they still

1:11:54

don't move. So once and while they

1:11:56

wake up and they go, oh, okay,

1:11:59

and they do it, other times they

1:12:01

don't do it, other times you're behind

1:12:03

a car that's behind them and you

1:12:05

honk and the person goes, well, we

1:12:07

want me to do it, the guy's

1:12:10

not turning, honk your fucking horn. So

1:12:12

as I've said a million times, it

1:12:14

is illegal to turn right on a

1:12:16

red. We do not turn right on

1:12:19

the red oftentimes. Oftentimes, some people are

1:12:21

aware and do it. a sign has

1:12:23

anyone ever seen a campaign that said

1:12:25

turn right on a red no it

1:12:27

does not exist what the other thing

1:12:30

that doesn't exist is the thing that

1:12:32

says if you can steer it clear

1:12:34

it like they have another cities where

1:12:36

if you get a little fender bender

1:12:39

you can pull over on the side

1:12:41

you don't have to get out it's

1:12:43

not a CSI crime scene you don't

1:12:45

have to exchange all the your vital

1:12:47

fluids in Kentucky in Kentucky you get

1:12:50

a fucking fender bender you don't get

1:12:52

out of your car in the third

1:12:54

lane and have a long conversation about

1:12:56

the fifty cents worth of damage it

1:12:59

was done to your fucking camry bumper

1:13:01

you pull the fuck off the freeway

1:13:03

on fountain today same thing people just

1:13:05

getting out of their car fountain you

1:13:07

know is basically one lane right right

1:13:10

it should be a two-minute drive and

1:13:12

these people are just out blocking both

1:13:14

fucking lanes right right right the point

1:13:16

is if we gave a shit and

1:13:19

every freeway sign, every electric, I did

1:13:21

it today, just to drive myself insane.

1:13:23

I pulled out of my driveway and

1:13:25

I did not fasten my seat belt

1:13:27

in my car and the chime went

1:13:30

off. five times. I think placard lit

1:13:32

on dashboard, loud chime, where's your seat

1:13:34

belt? How come you haven't put your

1:13:36

seat belt on? And then I let

1:13:39

it go. I said, you know what,

1:13:41

I'm not going to let it go.

1:13:43

I'm not going to fasten my seat

1:13:45

belt. I'm going to see how long

1:13:47

it takes before this chime goes off

1:13:50

again. And by the way, will it

1:13:52

go on in perpetuity? And sure enough,

1:13:54

I start counting. One, two. Nine seconds

1:13:56

later, it went off again. I said,

1:13:58

how long does this continue? One, on

1:14:01

the nine second, it went off again.

1:14:03

It went in perpetuity. So this is

1:14:05

built into every automobile. We don't need

1:14:07

the click it or ticket campaign that's

1:14:10

on every single one of those freeway

1:14:12

signs. There's fucking freeway signs must cost

1:14:14

two million dollars a pop. Right? If

1:14:16

I know anything about this city, it's

1:14:18

two million bucks a fucking pop and

1:14:21

it's another million bucks a year to

1:14:23

have some retard. Keep them updated. All

1:14:25

right. That job pays a million a

1:14:27

year. Well, by the time the dust

1:14:30

settles on all pension and all that

1:14:32

stuff. Everything we're all in it's millions

1:14:34

of dollars a year to have a

1:14:36

large sign a state-of-the-art sign that says

1:14:38

Nothing but click it or ticket which

1:14:41

is completely insane since every vehicle already

1:14:43

has that built into it You cannot

1:14:45

sell a vehicle and you have so

1:14:47

that's by law, but of course there's

1:14:50

a fucking find the fucking thing since

1:14:52

1978 or 74 like I mean it's

1:14:54

not only it's not only been on

1:14:56

the books it's been on the books

1:14:58

if you want to be an automotive

1:15:01

manufacturer you cannot build a car that

1:15:03

does not have an alert system for

1:15:05

you not having your seat belt plugged

1:15:07

in and it's been this way for

1:15:10

over 30 fucking years but all we

1:15:12

can come up with is click at

1:15:14

or ticket not it's legal to turn

1:15:16

right on a red not if you

1:15:18

can steer it, clear it, nothing that

1:15:21

would alleviate traffic whatsoever. So when this

1:15:23

fucking hypocrite retard of a mayor of

1:15:25

ours wants to sit and crow and

1:15:27

pound his chest about being the first

1:15:29

in the nation or whatever, fuck you

1:15:32

because I've been driving your fucking cluttered,

1:15:34

shitty, fucking highways for the last 30

1:15:36

years in this city and you've done

1:15:38

shit. And by the way, why not

1:15:41

a camp, why not something other than

1:15:43

clicking or ticket is nothing? It's nothing.

1:15:45

It's built into every fucking car. I

1:15:47

said a million times. What if every

1:15:49

fucking pair of pants, what if every

1:15:52

pair of pants made since 1978, had

1:15:54

a buzzer that went off and a

1:15:56

light that flashed when the zipper was

1:15:58

down? Would we need... a zippet or

1:16:01

nipet campaign. I'm like, what kind of

1:16:03

campaign would we need? We don't need

1:16:05

it. It's built in. It's built into

1:16:07

every fucking car. So if you are

1:16:09

ignoring it, if you've decided to ignore

1:16:12

the super loud audible chime that's going

1:16:14

on inside your car, why then this,

1:16:16

all right, I don't want, I don't

1:16:18

care when the first seat belt lock

1:16:21

came, not interested in that, and I

1:16:23

don't, the system, not, when it first

1:16:25

appeared, when it first appeared, a federal

1:16:27

mandate what year did every because there's

1:16:29

laws there's laws that they pass it's

1:16:32

not like well Ford you do your

1:16:34

thing Chevy you do your thing no

1:16:36

you can't build a car without an

1:16:38

airbag you can't build a car without

1:16:41

a five mile an hour bumper on

1:16:43

it you cannot build a car without

1:16:45

a break light that's higher than 36

1:16:47

inches off the ground whether there's a

1:16:49

there's a million and one mandates about

1:16:52

building automobiles and this one goes back

1:16:54

to it's in my book somewhere but

1:16:56

it's like 1978 maybe it's 76 but

1:16:58

well over 30 years this law this

1:17:00

law has of all the laws this

1:17:03

one affects me you know affects other

1:17:05

people the least mean I can see

1:17:07

why they have a campaign to like

1:17:09

click in your kid that makes sense

1:17:12

right I guess if people are that

1:17:14

dumb but that's the least problem on

1:17:16

the road What do I care if

1:17:18

you're not wearing a seat belt? Well

1:17:20

first off you could argue just that's

1:17:23

your prerogative. If you've decided that you

1:17:25

don't want to wear your seat belt

1:17:27

then you don't have to wear your

1:17:29

seat belt. We live in the United

1:17:32

States. I would argue and other people

1:17:34

would say well you get into an

1:17:36

accident and you're uninsured and then we

1:17:38

have to pay your medical costs and

1:17:40

it's severe because you weren't wearing a

1:17:43

seat belt. I'm fine with people wearing

1:17:45

their seat belt. click it or ticket

1:17:47

gets nobody to wear their seat belt

1:17:49

unless we're all driving around to sodos

1:17:52

and unaware of the fact that they

1:17:54

have seat belts and not only that

1:17:56

you begin to when you see something

1:17:58

repeatedly you tune out. So if you're

1:18:00

already the kind of person who's tuned

1:18:03

out the chime, seeing the same words

1:18:05

on a sign that you pass every

1:18:07

day, there's no way that's sinking in.

1:18:09

At least come up with some other

1:18:12

dumb poems. Since 1975, manufacturers have been

1:18:14

required to install four to eight-second audible

1:18:16

and visual warnings in the car when

1:18:18

the seat belt was not fastened. It's

1:18:20

inside of the fucking car and it's

1:18:23

coming on 40 fucking years. And we're

1:18:25

so fucking stupid that this is what

1:18:27

we think is a good idea. This

1:18:29

is zero effect, yet move your shit

1:18:31

off to the side of the road

1:18:34

would have would serve a great effect

1:18:36

and turning right on a red would

1:18:38

have a great effect too. But we're

1:18:40

not interested. This guy's a fucking sociopath

1:18:43

hypocrite. I cannot wait till he's gone.

1:18:45

I can't wait till Tony Velars is

1:18:47

real name. I can't wait till he

1:18:49

fucking packs it up. And if he

1:18:51

runs for governor, we are fucked. We're

1:18:54

going to have to move out of

1:18:56

here. So you don't feel hopeful about

1:18:58

the reduction in traffic time? It's nice.

1:19:00

It's going to help. I'm sure it'll

1:19:03

be marginal. I like the notion that

1:19:05

after what feels like 136 years in

1:19:07

the fucking office that this guy's attempting

1:19:09

to do something that alleviate traffic, but

1:19:11

I have 10 things you could start

1:19:14

tomorrow that wouldn't cost a fucking penny

1:19:16

that they won't touch, that they never

1:19:18

get near. I'd like to get three

1:19:20

cars going on a left. How about

1:19:23

the asshole who when the signal cycles

1:19:25

doesn't pull out into the intersection to

1:19:27

the last second? How would we wake

1:19:29

that guy up? And here's what I'm

1:19:31

saying? We have campaigns for

1:19:34

everything. It's everything is way wake up

1:19:36

wake up. Hey, no no child left

1:19:38

behind Hey, hey, feed your kid. Hey,

1:19:40

take care of this. Hey, no, no

1:19:42

senior abuse. Hey, hey, no trafficking. No

1:19:45

human trafficking. Hey, everybody everybody here's a

1:19:47

hey nutrition How about all those fucking

1:19:49

commercials you just see on? Hey, don't

1:19:51

feed your kid popcorn balls filled with

1:19:53

lard You got to give vegetables and

1:19:56

fruits and things like we do nothing

1:19:58

but campaigns but campaigns of awareness awareness

1:20:00

that involves driving efficiency and moving. It's

1:20:02

always slow down 55 saves. Lives click

1:20:05

it or ticket and report drunk driving.

1:20:07

It has nothing to do with efficiency

1:20:09

or moving Yes, if it doesn't say

1:20:11

those things I took this picture on

1:20:13

the way to work the other right

1:20:16

Sign test giant test for hours. Well,

1:20:18

what about the working? What about the

1:20:20

millions of people that were killed when

1:20:22

they didn't put their seat belt on

1:20:25

because there was no click it or

1:20:27

fucking ticket? Yeah, we get it. It's

1:20:29

a law you have to wear your

1:20:31

fucking seat belt note exacerbates the right

1:20:33

on the right on the right side

1:20:36

that say no right turn in red

1:20:38

and then below in little letters eight

1:20:40

a.m. to ten a.m. Sundays so people

1:20:42

can't read it don't read it is

1:20:45

too far away that it's right all

1:20:47

they see is the big the big

1:20:49

fucking universal slash through the right turn

1:20:51

and how do you explain to someone

1:20:53

that it's you know I mean there's

1:20:56

no international check your watch sign from

1:20:58

behind I don't know have more options

1:21:00

why do we have more options why

1:21:02

do we have Why do we have

1:21:04

left turn arrows that ever fucking turn

1:21:07

red? They should just be fucking green

1:21:09

and then they should go to nothing

1:21:11

so you could turn when it was

1:21:13

safe to turn. I mean we're insane.

1:21:16

We do nothing. And V. Ratardo does

1:21:18

nothing. So fuck him and it's stupid

1:21:20

sinking up the signals. Nestle has recalled

1:21:22

a bunch of products, beef products in

1:21:24

Europe because horse DNA was found in

1:21:27

the food. And then I being... a

1:21:29

columbo of sorts. I was like, well,

1:21:31

wait a minute, maybe it's that the

1:21:33

cows ate cow food that had horse

1:21:36

in it. But no, some of the

1:21:38

supposed beef was like 100% horse meat.

1:21:40

Basically, they're serving horse meat. Oh, really?

1:21:42

Yeah. And bonnet beef. This is one

1:21:44

of those things that we all get

1:21:47

freaked out about. But again, I can't

1:21:49

figure out what we're supposed to eat

1:21:51

and what we're not supposed to eat.

1:21:53

Yeah, who gives a shit? Yeah. If

1:21:55

you want to eat horse, just cross

1:21:58

the border and go into Canada because

1:22:00

there are restaurants that serve it there.

1:22:02

Yeah, we're... We're just like, we're freaked

1:22:04

out because we've decided that like to

1:22:07

me, it's weird because you know, you

1:22:09

take a look at like a big

1:22:11

blue fin or yellow fin tuna and

1:22:13

that's a fairly majestic creature. and then

1:22:15

you take a look at a shark

1:22:18

or something like that or and then

1:22:20

you take a look at a chicken

1:22:22

and chickens like like a cockroach but

1:22:24

then we're talking about before like you

1:22:27

wouldn't eat pigeon but you'd eat chicken

1:22:29

and then you go oh well the

1:22:31

pigeons are filthy but then I don't

1:22:33

know what the fucking what kind of

1:22:35

environment the chickens are being raised in

1:22:38

and like you would eat a cow

1:22:40

And you wouldn't have eaten a buffalo,

1:22:42

but now you'll eat a buffalo. One

1:22:44

people will eat baby cow, which is

1:22:46

the only baby cow, but you wouldn't

1:22:49

eat a moose, but you might if

1:22:51

you grew up in Montreal. Like half

1:22:53

of it is where you grow up.

1:22:55

Yeah. So, yeah, actually the whole. It

1:22:58

really gives a shit. It's just protein.

1:23:00

It's just muscle. Horse meat doesn't freak

1:23:02

me out that much. I wouldn't go

1:23:04

out of my way to eat it.

1:23:06

But if you just pulled in somebody

1:23:09

from somebody from a different... planet and

1:23:11

you showed him a Clydesdale and he

1:23:13

showed him a cow and you're going

1:23:15

which ones you like to eat tonight

1:23:18

that probably most of them would go

1:23:20

for the Clydesdale. They'd go to plus

1:23:22

just pulling a keg of beer. I

1:23:24

mean it looks more fun. Ed McMahon's

1:23:26

there. What's you doing? You ride it

1:23:29

and eat it. You're right and eat

1:23:31

it. Yeah and you eat it as

1:23:33

you go. You know what I mean?

1:23:35

No, no, no, that's stupid. I think

1:23:38

that would slow your ride down. No,

1:23:40

but I think you're rightly, you know,

1:23:42

like in my hometown, obviously, you know,

1:23:44

horses are gods. That's where people make

1:23:46

millions of dogs. Kentucky. So you would

1:23:49

think, so people are like, you know,

1:23:51

you can't eat this great end, but

1:23:53

I'm with you, I want the better

1:23:55

meat. Right. But the notion that you

1:23:57

would never eat a dog, but you

1:24:00

would eat a baby cow. You know,

1:24:02

it's just, or a deer, like what

1:24:04

the fuck's the difference between a deer

1:24:06

and a dog or rabbit, you might

1:24:09

eat, like there's a lot of, there's

1:24:11

a lot of, there's a lot of

1:24:13

animals on the maybe list. I have,

1:24:15

I got a lot, I lot, even

1:24:17

a couple of humans, the ultimate prey.

1:24:20

By the way, the ultimate prey. The

1:24:22

most dangerous game. But at this way,

1:24:24

we've been eating horses and we're fine.

1:24:26

Yeah, that's the other thing too. Like,

1:24:29

all right, is everyone cool? Yeah, we're

1:24:31

cool. And when you buy that can

1:24:33

of beef hash, you know, from bandicamps

1:24:35

or something like, what do you think's

1:24:37

in there? No matter how bad it

1:24:40

is, you're going to shit it out

1:24:42

in less than 15 hours. So, what

1:24:44

are you doing, marrying it? You've ever

1:24:46

eaten dog food? Because I spend a

1:24:48

lot of time now looking at the

1:24:51

label on the dog food bag, thinking

1:24:53

it's basically just human food. Yeah. I

1:24:55

mean, if the label is to be

1:24:57

believed. Yeah, so like gelatinous human food.

1:25:00

On one of these days, I'm going

1:25:02

to try it. I've done the thing

1:25:04

where I, you know, Fakey the food

1:25:06

to try to kick-start my dog. Look

1:25:08

at me, look at me, look at

1:25:11

me, I'm enjoying your food here. You

1:25:13

want in? Because this is numbing, numbing,

1:25:15

numbing, numbing. That's really the most entertaining

1:25:17

part of a dog's life, watching the

1:25:20

owner. I'd say somewhere to base themselves.

1:25:22

I think picking up the shit would

1:25:24

be number one for me as long,

1:25:26

like, oh, then I got a little

1:25:28

something for you there. Master! That's good.

1:25:31

I took a shit gonna need you

1:25:33

to grab that. Neighbors are watching, so

1:25:35

let's go ahead and carry that back

1:25:37

to the house. And then secondly, I

1:25:40

want you to do the fake thing,

1:25:42

we pretend to eat my food for

1:25:44

me and do the numbing numbing thing.

1:25:46

Yeah, you want to do that? Let's

1:25:48

say you want to do the numbing

1:25:51

numbing thing, but your dog's out of

1:25:53

town. Oh, the wife's calling you, dog

1:25:55

won't eat the food. You're away on

1:25:57

business, what the fuck? Go to meeting,

1:25:59

baby. That's what you use. Go to

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tried free button and use the promo

1:26:33

code, Adam. All right, let's do another

1:26:35

story. What do we got here? Slapped

1:26:37

a toddler who wouldn't stop crying and

1:26:39

What he said is who's toddler? Is

1:26:42

it theirs or someone else? No, no.

1:26:44

He was sitting next to a woman

1:26:46

who had a toddler who wouldn't stop

1:26:48

crying And he told the mother to

1:26:50

shut that n-word baby up Wow, but

1:26:53

he didn't say it the way I

1:26:55

said it. What do you say? Tyke

1:26:57

no He said a nurturing way? No,

1:26:59

no, no. He said, he said the,

1:27:02

he said the whole N-word. Oh, I

1:27:04

see. I was making a joke, it

1:27:06

didn't work. Can I still remember this

1:27:08

guy first? No, I'm kidding. It's funny

1:27:10

because he looks like Mr. Drummond. He

1:27:13

looks a lot nicer in that photo

1:27:15

than the one on this piece paper.

1:27:17

He looks really drunk here and he

1:27:19

was drunk and she said that he

1:27:22

smelled, he like was reeking of alcohol

1:27:24

and he got in her face and

1:27:26

he scratched the baby's eye under the

1:27:28

eye was scratched and she said that

1:27:30

the baby used to be lost his

1:27:33

job. The baby? Mm-hmm. Yeah. The guy.

1:27:35

Joe Ricky Huntley. That's his name. What?

1:27:37

Three names? Idaho? That makes sense. Joe

1:27:39

Ricky Huntley. He's no longer an employee

1:27:41

of AGC Aerospace and Defense. Mm. Well,

1:27:44

a couple things. First off, happiest man

1:27:46

on the planet, Alec Baldwin. That's number

1:27:48

one. Because there's another guy out there

1:27:50

tossing around the racial slurs. Yeah. And

1:27:53

I bumped me off the lead page

1:27:55

of the New York Post. Number one.

1:27:57

I don't agree with... this guy but

1:27:59

I do want him defending our nation

1:28:01

I want him working on our aerospace

1:28:04

I like this guy I want I

1:28:06

want these guys working on stuff to

1:28:08

kill the ruskeys drunk assholes yeah yeah

1:28:10

I don't mind if he's working with

1:28:13

kids I want him out if he's

1:28:15

driving a school bus no can do

1:28:17

he's working on predator drones that's the

1:28:19

kind of guy I need mm-hmm doesn't

1:28:21

that look like two cliche I mean

1:28:24

that's just like the The most cliched

1:28:26

like drunk redneck in a suit and

1:28:28

the cutest black babies Yeah, yes. Hello,

1:28:30

my name is Graham and the babies

1:28:33

the mother is white Now how now

1:28:35

how old is the kid? Now how

1:28:37

old is the kid? Two two all

1:28:39

right so guys get drunk and they

1:28:41

fucking can't handle their booze man this

1:28:44

now did the airplane did the airline

1:28:46

like ban him the airlines got to

1:28:48

go you can no longer use our

1:28:50

airline or whatever it is right? I

1:28:52

don't have to do, at least they

1:28:55

have to sort of posture. I heard

1:28:57

the first one's a warning. Oh really?

1:28:59

Yeah, you can do that once. You're

1:29:01

allowed one slapping. No, I don't know,

1:29:04

but I would imagine, yeah. There was

1:29:06

a lot of... No one's on his

1:29:08

side, basically. A lot of people on

1:29:10

the plane had a reaction. Yeah. His

1:29:12

place of employment had a reaction. I'm

1:29:15

all... I'm for every part of this

1:29:17

story, except for the part where the

1:29:19

kids no longer outgoing. You're two, you

1:29:21

fucking fall into a well, you spend

1:29:24

a week there, and the next day

1:29:26

you're playing softball. Like, that's what, the

1:29:28

good news about being two is you

1:29:30

shake off weird shit pretty fast. I

1:29:32

mean, because you don't know what's going

1:29:35

on. I mean, you have a drunken

1:29:37

racist smack you, or you're walking through

1:29:39

the hall and the big dog comes

1:29:41

around the corner and knocks you down.

1:29:43

It's not, it's, you can't say. You

1:29:46

can't say. He's no longer outgoing because

1:29:48

of this. Shit happens to you when

1:29:50

you're two... all I mean you look

1:29:52

when you're two you fucking reach up

1:29:55

and grab boiling pots of water and

1:29:57

you get like I said you have

1:29:59

soap gets in your eye and you

1:30:01

start screaming but then five minutes later

1:30:03

you're watching you know door the explore

1:30:06

and laughing your ass off like you're

1:30:08

not scarred for life because drunken but

1:30:10

first off he doesn't you don't know

1:30:12

what the racial component of it I

1:30:15

was gonna say that you probably don't

1:30:17

and then also this guy and you

1:30:19

get wag I mean by the way

1:30:21

what There's a lot of two-year-olds that

1:30:23

get whacked by their parents. This is

1:30:26

just whacked by someone else than their

1:30:28

parent. I was hit by everybody, but

1:30:30

my parents, as you know. I was

1:30:32

hit by other adults. Seriously? Yeah, yeah.

1:30:35

Two. Grandpa Al Lewis from the monsters

1:30:37

hit me, and a woman named Roberta.

1:30:39

In a car? Both of them in

1:30:41

a car. Well, yeah, but she's just

1:30:43

standing. She was in town. It makes

1:30:46

sense. Yeah, my parents never hit me,

1:30:48

but I was hit by other parents.

1:30:50

But it didn't affect you at all?

1:30:52

Did it make you hate them, I

1:30:54

was going? It didn't make me think,

1:30:57

whatever, I just thought I had it

1:30:59

coming, like I don't know. A couple

1:31:01

hours maybe is what you're saying. What

1:31:03

I'm saying is, is, this guy's an

1:31:06

ass wipe, this guy's probably an alcoholic.

1:31:08

Yeah, and he's a horrible individual, but

1:31:10

you don't need to pile onto the

1:31:12

kid where the kid used to be

1:31:14

out going and now he's not anymore.

1:31:17

He's too much going on. How much

1:31:19

to see video this? I'd pay $1,000

1:31:21

right now to watch a video. Oh,

1:31:23

I would too. I don't really understand.

1:31:26

And maybe this is just because I'm

1:31:28

a really nice person with ovaries. I

1:31:30

don't understand the anger at the child.

1:31:32

I can understand being upset with the

1:31:34

parents. Yes. But to be upset. You

1:31:37

ever been drunk on a play? That's

1:31:39

where the booze comes in. Not drunk

1:31:41

enough, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. As long

1:31:43

as the parent is doing everything the

1:31:45

parent can do, including pulling the parent

1:31:48

shirt up and putting it over the

1:31:50

kid's head and stuff like that. And

1:31:52

snuffing it out with a pillow with

1:31:54

a pillow. That's when I get passed.

1:31:57

Yeah. But that looks like a guy

1:31:59

who's like he gets up in the

1:32:01

morning and like what's an excuse to

1:32:03

slap a black baby and use the

1:32:05

n-words. Yeah. Here look at this photo.

1:32:08

Yeah. Also at least that's even worse.

1:32:10

No to future racists. Try and time

1:32:12

your racial outburst for your final descent

1:32:14

because otherwise it's a long... How many

1:32:17

years in between these two photos? I

1:32:19

don't know. Like 15? I say an

1:32:21

hour. People can't see him really so.

1:32:23

I don't give a shit. But the

1:32:25

point is this. Also, I hate when

1:32:28

these guys do this because we don't

1:32:30

live in a racist society. We live

1:32:32

in a society that has handfuls or

1:32:34

pockets of drunken racist assholes that then

1:32:36

fuck it up for the rest of

1:32:39

us all the time. You know what

1:32:41

I had to do today? I was

1:32:43

meeting my buddy and... I was meeting

1:32:45

for lunch and he's super prompt guy

1:32:48

and I hate to be the 10

1:32:50

minutes late guy, but I was driving

1:32:52

my car from here and the car

1:32:54

was on zero. You know, the digital,

1:32:56

here's what you got left. There's a

1:32:59

bullshit device in cars now because it's

1:33:01

like you're on zero for eight miles?

1:33:03

How's that mathematically possible? But I did

1:33:05

the thing where if I pulled over

1:33:08

for gas and filled up... I was

1:33:10

going to be late, but if I

1:33:12

chanced it, I might run out of

1:33:14

gas. So I pulled over and I

1:33:16

did like dukes a hazard slide over

1:33:19

the hood, you know, fill it up,

1:33:21

try to get out of there as

1:33:23

fast as I possibly could. And the

1:33:25

director from two guys or girl in

1:33:28

a pizza place pulled up in the

1:33:30

exact same jag I was driving and

1:33:32

he's like, hey man, he's a black

1:33:34

guy. And I go, hey, how you

1:33:36

doing? And right then, the thing like

1:33:39

clicks, like clicks, you know. Now I

1:33:41

know my buddy sitting at the good

1:33:43

neighbor cafe waiting for me and he's

1:33:45

like hey I did two guys a

1:33:47

girl in the pizza place and I

1:33:50

was like he's black I can't go

1:33:52

that's awesome and jump in my car

1:33:54

and drive away because then you're racist

1:33:56

I gotta go like yeah sure I

1:33:59

remember he said you didn't episode with

1:34:01

us remember that it was like right

1:34:03

I did the limousine episode he goes

1:34:05

that's right and I had to go a big

1:34:07

fan because I'm sure he's gonna love this

1:34:10

I had well I'm just saying this

1:34:12

I like the guy I remember the

1:34:14

guy I also wanted I had to get

1:34:16

the fuck out of there but because he's

1:34:18

a black guy I had to give him

1:34:20

an extra cup like you'll do the handshake

1:34:22

or whatever I didn't want to give him

1:34:24

the high hat you know what I mean

1:34:26

like you know hey yeah see you so

1:34:29

I I did the, yeah man, what are

1:34:31

you working on now? And he said,

1:34:33

I'm working with Cedric the entertainer. And

1:34:35

I thought, well, you bowl me over

1:34:37

with a feather. Never, knock me down

1:34:39

with a feather. But then I had

1:34:41

to ask a couple follow-up questions and

1:34:43

do the, all right, take care of,

1:34:45

but normally I would just sprint and

1:34:47

jump back in my car if he

1:34:50

was, you know, regular white direction.

1:34:52

He was like Truman Capote color

1:34:54

color. Yeah, it's Leonard, Ar

1:34:56

Garnerner, Jr. And we had to talk,

1:34:58

nice guy was, he directed, wow that

1:35:00

was good, that was fast. He directed

1:35:03

for two guys a girl in a pizza place,

1:35:05

right? Yeah. Plus because he was

1:35:07

black you couldn't explain that

1:35:09

you were late either. No, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that

1:35:11

wouldn't work. Like that would not, you're

1:35:14

late? What's that mean? No, I got to,

1:35:16

I'm 10 minutes late, I got to, I'm

1:35:18

literally, the guy's been there for 10

1:35:20

minutes waiting for 10 minutes waiting

1:35:23

for me. That is so racist. That

1:35:25

is so racist. Somebody slaps. He's

1:35:27

on the phone. You cross. Well,

1:35:29

good thing we're not a live

1:35:31

video stream. Cut that out. Cross

1:35:33

the thin black line. But I like where

1:35:35

your head's at, kid. Just get him

1:35:38

a raise. Yeah, no. He's nice. I knew him.

1:35:40

So from 15 years ago, but I did

1:35:42

not want to blow him off because

1:35:44

he was black, and I didn't want

1:35:46

him to think I was part of

1:35:49

the problem. See. See what I pretty

1:35:51

much never have time. to talk to anyone

1:35:53

that I may run into. And people who

1:35:55

do, or do they just make sure that

1:35:57

they're not running late? Because I'm always cutting.

1:36:00

It's so close that I'm like, God,

1:36:02

I hope I don't run into

1:36:04

anyone. That was my thought. And

1:36:06

then the brother and the jag

1:36:08

pulled up and, is that Ryan

1:36:10

Reynolds? I think it was, yes.

1:36:13

A young Ryan Reynolds. By

1:36:15

the way, Tremier. Nicest

1:36:17

dude in the world. Big loveline

1:36:19

fan? And oh, that's why.

1:36:21

Canadian. That's right. Let's bring

1:36:24

it home, baby girl. That's

1:36:26

the news on Allison Rosen.

1:36:28

That's the news. shut that

1:36:30

n-word baby up. Oh that's Nathan

1:36:32

Philian too. I would argue and

1:36:34

as I've said to my brother friends

1:36:36

many times are really just dead because

1:36:39

he's the only one I associate with

1:36:41

but for every horrible drunken racist

1:36:43

on an airplane there are five

1:36:46

of us that are trying to

1:36:48

overcompensate for him. With with weird handshakes,

1:36:50

we're not used to or her shut

1:36:52

that n word baby up That's right

1:36:55

and extra talk at the gas

1:36:57

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zoom.com today all right I'm gonna

1:37:49

be performing at the nugget and

1:37:52

Reno coming up this Saturday we're

1:37:54

also gonna do a little mangria

1:37:56

tasting over there so show up and

1:37:58

let's party a malfi this coming

1:38:00

Wednesday live show and another

1:38:02

little mangria party and me

1:38:05

and Drew in Denver and

1:38:07

me and Prager out at

1:38:09

the Valley Center performing arts

1:38:11

a season coming up March

1:38:13

16th so if you want

1:38:15

to come see us come

1:38:17

check it out Ben Hoffman

1:38:19

baby the Ben show premieres

1:38:22

Comedy Central Thursday February 28th

1:38:24

10 p.m. an excellent excellent

1:38:26

program. Thank you. Enjoy it

1:38:28

and you can Twitter him

1:38:30

at the Ben show and

1:38:32

also check out the website

1:38:34

cc.com/Ben. So until next time

1:38:37

is Adam Crowe for Ben

1:38:39

Hoffman. Allison Rosen and Ball

1:38:41

Bryan saying mahalo. Uh-oh small

1:38:43

Dick Corolla is gonna turn

1:38:46

his ass on humanity. All

1:38:52

right, this Adam Cruell Show

1:38:54

1019 with Ben Hoffman. This

1:38:56

is his first appearance out

1:38:58

of character as himself. Here's

1:39:01

Ben returning to the show

1:39:03

on Adam Cruell Show 1874

1:39:05

featuring Wheeler Walker Jr. Robert

1:39:08

Mazer, Gina Grad and Brian

1:39:10

Bishop from 2016. Check it

1:39:12

out. Good day. Gina Grad and

1:39:15

Brian Bishop. You said it boss.

1:39:17

All right, so lots to discuss

1:39:19

today. Yeah, Robert Mazer. Interesting

1:39:23

guy, deep cover, man,

1:39:25

Pablo Escobar. We do

1:39:27

a lot of romanticizing

1:39:30

some of these guys

1:39:32

because they build some

1:39:35

people, some soccer fields

1:39:37

and stuff, but Pablo

1:39:40

did a man. I

1:39:42

mean, there's weird, see

1:39:44

for me, there's a

1:39:46

little glimpses. Yeah, yeah, I

1:39:49

am I think you have

1:39:51

to remove some shopping

1:39:53

carts and some bodies over

1:39:55

there. You clear it's why

1:39:57

soccer is the the but

1:40:00

biggest sport in the world because it can

1:40:02

keep an entire village busy with the small

1:40:04

ball filled of the cat gut liner in

1:40:07

it and they just kick it around and

1:40:09

it works on dirt and it works anywhere

1:40:11

that's that's yeah you know there's no equipment

1:40:13

to bear it yeah whereas the crew team

1:40:15

requires a little more yeah now I know

1:40:18

you're not a huge reader and it was

1:40:20

a lot of subtitles so I think I

1:40:22

know the answer but did you see Narco's

1:40:24

the series no It's going to kick up

1:40:26

again. I heard it was awesome though,

1:40:28

but yeah, Escobar. I mean, you know,

1:40:30

so it's me, it's like when I

1:40:33

hear that Don King stomped a guy

1:40:35

to death, like literally stomped a guy

1:40:37

to death, although I guarantee everyone hates

1:40:39

Donald Trump way more than they hate.

1:40:41

And they would say he's a worse

1:40:44

human being and a more angry or

1:40:46

whatever, but Don King's a nice job,

1:40:48

but he stomped a guy to death. Pablo

1:40:50

took down a commercial flight because

1:40:53

he thought... a politician who wasn't

1:40:55

even in power but may have been in

1:40:57

power at some point was on that flight

1:40:59

I think he was on the flight or

1:41:01

maybe the guy never got on the flight

1:41:03

but he sent one of his buddies with

1:41:05

a suitcase well a dynamite to just go

1:41:07

get on the flight better safe and sorry

1:41:09

boy you know I do get the part

1:41:11

where you know, rivaling gangs and

1:41:14

people get shot and things

1:41:16

like that. But I'm just

1:41:18

going to take down a

1:41:20

commercial flight just in the

1:41:22

off chance that this guy

1:41:24

may be elected district selectmen

1:41:27

at some point in the

1:41:29

future. That is, I have

1:41:31

zero. a sense of humanity or

1:41:33

care nothing about any other individual

1:41:35

but myself. I mean that is

1:41:38

a that is one guy you're

1:41:40

going to kill. There's another 113

1:41:42

people on it that have nothing

1:41:44

to do. And many may hail

1:41:47

from your village. And kids and

1:41:49

everything else and it's like that

1:41:51

they're going to on the off

1:41:53

chance. And I suppose you could just

1:41:56

do the whole, you know, Vespa

1:41:58

with the machine pistol thing. at

1:42:00

any given time you wanted with

1:42:02

this guy on the way to

1:42:04

the airport or after he lands

1:42:06

or whatever it is but now we

1:42:08

don't know if the whole play.

1:42:11

So it was a robust message.

1:42:13

Yes, I can't remember if the guy

1:42:15

was on the plane or not. The other

1:42:17

part is is the guy he sent

1:42:19

to go do it was a part henchman.

1:42:21

Right, not a grunt. Yeah, it was like, I was

1:42:23

sort of friendly with the guy, like, hey, here's what

1:42:26

I need you to do. Anything for you, best friend?

1:42:28

Blow you up too. All right, so we'll get into

1:42:30

that. The politician was not on the plane. He was

1:42:32

slated to be, but at the last second, his team

1:42:34

like flipped a coin and they decided not to put

1:42:36

it on. Yeah, hey, worse news for families whose kids

1:42:38

are smouldering on the ground. Worse, what could be worse

1:42:40

than this? What could be worse than this. What could

1:42:42

be worse than this. What could be worse than this.

1:42:44

What could be worse than this. What could be worse

1:42:47

than this. What could be worse than this. What could

1:42:49

be worse than this. It's like Seth

1:42:51

McFarland and the first flight

1:42:53

out of Logan. All right,

1:42:55

so we'll get into all

1:42:57

that. Speaking of airplanes, I

1:42:59

just got back from the

1:43:02

other office. It's always interesting

1:43:05

finding out how things work. I got

1:43:07

a lot of... feedback and people you

1:43:09

it's a weird thing you make a

1:43:11

movie nobody cares but they put it

1:43:13

on an airplane and then everyone goes

1:43:15

hey man I was taking a flight

1:43:17

back from Atlanta and then you get

1:43:19

this weird one it's like I'm flying

1:43:21

out from Egypt then there was you

1:43:23

know on the the headrest of the

1:43:25

scene in front of me so the

1:43:27

most eyeballs you end up getting is

1:43:29

on an airplane or at least the

1:43:31

most feedback if you make independent small

1:43:33

films it'll run on something in the middle

1:43:35

of the night whatever no one will ever ever

1:43:38

know But if you get it on an airplane,

1:43:40

you get a lot of feedback, but then

1:43:42

I had a lot of questions. Like, how

1:43:44

do you get paid? How's the airline pay?

1:43:46

How do they do it? By the way,

1:43:48

if you're watching on Facebook, ask us a