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On this episode funny comedian

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Joe Dombrowski joins us. Also Steve

1:07

Hilton you know him from Fox

1:10

been on his weekend show a

1:12

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1:14

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plus the news and trending topics with Jason

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mayhem Miller. And now, a man who could

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easily do a 25-hour filibuster just about red-turn

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arrows. Adam Corolla. Yeah, get it on, got

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get it, get it, get it, get

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it, get it Thanks for tuning in.

3:30

Thanks Stone a frame. I love that

3:32

about you. Ma'am and me in

3:34

the studio and I got

3:36

stuff to talk about. All

3:38

right, let's see. I

3:40

just saw Lena Dunham

3:43

giving a speech. I'm really

3:45

obsessed with, I have two

3:48

obsessions. I have

3:50

obsessions with blowhards

3:52

and I have. I also have

3:55

an obsession with extra

3:57

talkers. I don't know why.

4:00

But it's the extra, I

4:02

guess it's because it's a

4:04

close cousin of the blowhard,

4:06

the extra, you know, it's

4:08

the piece, also, it's people

4:10

that interview themselves, you

4:12

know, where they go, do I think

4:15

that illegal criminals, aliens,

4:17

who've harmed Americans, should

4:20

be deported? Yes, I

4:22

do. Yes, I do. Do I think innocent

4:25

Guatemalan? Citizen grandmothers

4:27

with no tattoos should be

4:29

hauled off chained up and

4:31

thrown in a gulag No, I

4:33

don't. Oh, okay. This is an interesting

4:35

little game where you just

4:38

fucking in it You just

4:40

interview yourself and then you

4:42

come off like a hero You're right.

4:44

It's a weird thing and then it's

4:47

all it's all the fucking extra

4:49

talk like like like it's kind

4:51

of a chick thing But it's also

4:54

like Like I'll go to the Home

4:56

Depot and I'll go, where's

4:58

the CDX half inch ply?

5:00

Do you have exterior? Half

5:03

inch CD of ply? And

5:05

they'll go, aisle 19. I'll go,

5:07

thanks. The extra talkers

5:10

go in and go, you have

5:12

CDX half inch ply because we're

5:14

building my niece, a tree house.

5:16

And then you go, yeah, her

5:18

name is Geraldine. Oh. I have

5:20

a niece who, but her name

5:23

is Gina, and now we're off

5:25

and running nowhere. Okay. My thing

5:27

is, shh, military talk. Let's do

5:29

this. What are we doing? We're building

5:31

the tree house. What are we doing

5:33

now? We're at home depot. What do

5:35

we want? Half inch CDX fly. Okay,

5:38

why are we talking this bitch in

5:40

aisle 14 about our niece in the

5:42

tree house when the plywoods in aisle

5:44

19 and we get the fuck out

5:46

of here. No, I'm picking up where

5:48

you putting up where you putting down?

5:50

So all the extra talky

5:52

people and it's and and

5:55

always in their story that

5:57

they tell they end up

5:59

being the They're always a hero

6:01

in the story. And it's kind

6:04

of funny, because when they talk

6:06

about like the LGBT, whatever,

6:08

the trans community, everybody's a

6:11

genius, everybody's a hero. They're

6:13

no fuck-up trannies. You notice

6:15

that? I've seen a lot

6:18

of trannies. They mostly look

6:20

like fuck-ups to me. But

6:23

in this world, they're all

6:25

fucking heroes. And they should

6:27

inspire us. All right. the one

6:29

her her trans speed yeah i

6:31

was wondering where you're going with

6:34

this oh she's up by the way can

6:36

i tell you something when girls

6:38

was at the height of its

6:40

popularity i said she's not funny

6:42

so you're not going to be

6:44

hearing a lot from her in

6:46

the future but she was the

6:49

toast of hollywood when girls and

6:51

i said but she's not funny

6:53

so we're not going to hear a lot

6:55

from her like you know when you

6:57

politics aside It's not about

7:00

politics. It's like, look, Seth McFarland

7:02

has the opposite politics I have,

7:04

Jimmy Kimmel is the opposite politics

7:06

I have, and so it's Sasha

7:08

Baron Cohen, but they're funny. Yeah,

7:10

yeah, yeah. They're funny. And so

7:13

you go, oh, we're going to

7:15

hear from this guy for years on,

7:17

right? Yes. And they're funny. It's

7:19

not me hating on her because

7:21

of her politics. She's not funny.

7:23

There's plenty of you know John

7:25

Stewart's funny different politics Bill Maher

7:27

funny like they're gonna keep going

7:29

she's not so this is her

7:31

tight five right here. Let's see

7:33

I don't think there's anything tight about

7:36

her these days, but go ahead But

7:38

as I've watched my trans loved ones

7:40

come into their own truths It was

7:42

as if I went from perceiving only

7:44

primary colors to a whole rainbow of subtle

7:47

shades Oh yeah from seeing flat images

7:49

to looking at the world in 4D

7:51

And I released so much of the

7:53

need to define myself against someone

7:55

else's measuring stick. I was able

7:57

to embrace aspects of those points.

7:59

this for maybe the 18th time just

8:02

stay on the button if we do

8:04

these things. I know you got other

8:06

stuff to do but just stay

8:08

poised because we're gonna do a

8:10

lot of starting and stopping

8:12

with this bitch. I got better idea.

8:14

I got another idea. No, no.

8:16

Here's what I want to do. I've

8:18

said many times in order to round

8:21

up some of these illegal criminals

8:23

that are here you know in

8:25

this country legally. Instead of

8:27

going to their neighborhood and kicking in

8:30

the doors and risking innocent death or

8:32

the death of the Ice agents or

8:34

even even the person whose apartment they're

8:36

busting into you just put a sign

8:38

out front of the forum here And

8:41

it just says free cock fights for

8:43

Raiders fans only and whoever shows up

8:45

we just arrest and then and then

8:47

I've said look so what we get

8:50

some deadbeat dads caught up in the

8:52

mix You know what I mean like

8:54

so be it will go? I got

8:56

a new plan. When they do

8:58

one of these fucking trans day

9:01

of recognition and they hold it

9:03

at one o'clock on a Tuesday

9:06

and Lena Dunham's going to be

9:08

the keynote speaker, whoever fucking shows

9:10

up, I want to know, are

9:13

you on disability? Are you getting federal

9:15

assistance? Why are you here at

9:17

one o'clock on a fucking Thursday?

9:19

Because everyone else is at work.

9:21

And I guarantee these people who

9:24

are... Injured emotionally, these are the

9:26

ones with the back, because their

9:28

back is too bad, they can't

9:30

work, but they're fucking head cases.

9:32

There's nothing wrong with their back,

9:34

your back is in your head,

9:36

but they can't work because of

9:39

the, or they, or they're marginalized,

9:41

or victimized. If you can wear

9:43

stiletto heels and walk seven blocks

9:45

to support Lena Dunham, and

9:48

you're on disability, I'm taking

9:50

the disability away. That's all.

9:52

This will be my white

9:54

transversion of my brown Raiders

9:57

fans only cockfight thing. I

9:59

guarantee. Okay, the people in the crowd.

10:01

Whenever they hold these things, it's like

10:04

it's a Tuesday that starts at 11

10:06

in the morning and it goes to

10:08

three. Okay, why aren't you fucking working?

10:10

Where's your work? What's going on

10:12

with work? They're always in the crowd.

10:14

Yeah. It's not like they're

10:17

independently wealthy. It's not like, well,

10:19

that's some hedge fund dude and he

10:21

sold his tech company a few years

10:23

ago and got bought up by IBM

10:26

and now he just goes to trans

10:28

rallies. These people are doing something.

10:30

They're on some kind of disability,

10:32

whatever the federal government is cutting

10:34

them checks, and they're saying they're

10:37

unable to work, but they can

10:39

hold a cardboard sign over their

10:41

head for three hours and stand

10:44

there in high heels. I'd say you

10:46

can do data entry on an ergonomically

10:48

correct chair in a cubicle. No idea

10:50

was going on here. All right, we'll

10:52

watch the rest, sorry. In 4D. And I

10:55

released so much of the need

10:57

to define myself against someone else's

11:00

measuring stick and I was able

11:02

to embrace aspects of who I

11:04

truly was. Hold on. Aye, aye, aye, aye. I.

11:06

A fucking, all roads lead to narcissism.

11:09

These fucking people just get up there

11:11

to talk about it. But she used

11:13

to be a boy and then now

11:15

she's a girl, so. Lena Dunham? Yeah.

11:17

No. I'm sorry. I think she was

11:19

a girl and now she's a

11:21

lumberjack, but she's still a girl.

11:23

That's a live beggar. You don't

11:25

know who Lena Dunham is? I'm

11:28

good for you. Listen. It's a

11:30

gay test and a high path.

11:32

Take this in the spirit which

11:34

is intended. I wish I was

11:36

used sometimes. I do. I know,

11:38

but eagerly ignorant. Not knowing all

11:41

what's going on. It's real fun.

11:43

I only know what comes across

11:45

the news desk. Man. I know.

11:47

Like a newborn with a beard

11:49

and a tattoo. Yeah, yeah, you

11:51

gotta check it out people. Look

11:53

at a newborn. All right. Well,

11:56

she was a very popular comedic

11:58

actress. Where? I never seen

12:01

her. I never seen this lady in

12:03

my life. She had a show called

12:05

Girls and all the critics loved it

12:07

but nobody watched it. But she was

12:09

the toast of the town for several

12:11

years. Oh well bless her heart. All

12:13

right sorry. Of the need to define

12:15

myself against someone else's measuring

12:17

stick and I was able to

12:20

embrace aspects of who I

12:22

truly was that I had

12:24

beaten into submission. to know

12:26

a trans person is to

12:28

know someone who has taken

12:31

a Herculean journey to overpower

12:33

these assumptions. Hold

12:35

on a second. Wasn't

12:37

it Herculean? Yeah. Did

12:40

it turn into Herculean?

12:42

It's not Herculean.

12:44

It's Herculean. She gained a

12:46

lot of weight since King

12:48

of Queens. You know what

12:50

I'm saying? Yeah. Different check.

12:52

Oh, what's her name? Lena

12:55

Dunham. It's, it's, uh, as in,

12:57

Lena, her career's done them. All

12:59

right. Well, I'm not, I'm not

13:02

hushing on her, I'm just saying

13:04

she's untalented and unfunny. We hoisted

13:06

her up to be the new

13:09

face of comedy. She never was.

13:11

Well, to be fair, I've been

13:13

laughing this whole second. Well, that's

13:16

true. All right. Here we go. Is

13:18

to know someone who has

13:20

taken a Herculean journey

13:22

to overpower these assumptions.

13:24

Someone who has experienced profound

13:27

inner and outer doubt and

13:29

they have triumphed Their very

13:31

existence in this world is

13:33

a miracle of self-definition and

13:35

as a result my trans

13:37

loved ones are the wisest

13:40

funniest and most embodied people

13:42

that I have ever known Most

13:44

trans I see seem to be bat shit

13:46

crazy as far as I can tell but

13:48

I don't I only know that from seeing

13:50

them on TV. Well, they always want to

13:52

take, they want you to take them on

13:54

a day, like buy them a lobster, you

13:56

know, and it's a whole thing, bro. I

13:58

like that they're wise. who should we consult

14:01

the old man on the hill

14:03

with the beard or the trans

14:05

nut job having a smart cocktail

14:07

down at the gay bar let's

14:09

talk to the guy who can't

14:11

figure out his own sexuality why

14:13

is this and funniest and the

14:15

funniest yes the funniest also I made

14:17

it to age 60 without any trans

14:20

members in my community or I

14:22

should say in my immediate family

14:24

or my community or my

14:26

immediate family or my community

14:29

how is 10 minutes, it's been 10

14:31

minutes and these people give

14:33

these speeches they go, my

14:35

son and my ex-husband and

14:37

my proctologists all are trans

14:40

and everyone I know is

14:42

trans and I got picked

14:44

up by an Uber driver,

14:46

it was trans, it took me

14:48

to this gig and the guy who

14:50

The guy who wrecked at the stage

14:52

here is trans, and then later

14:54

on I'll be flying back to

14:56

LA with two trans pilots. Like,

14:58

when did everyone in your family

15:01

become... I mean, trans

15:03

statistically... Let me just ask you.

15:05

Yeah. Statistically, is it

15:07

possible that every blow-hard

15:09

celebrity has trans members

15:12

of their family? It's

15:14

statistically not... It's not impossible.

15:17

It's... It's statistically impossible. Yeah.

15:19

Well, okay. If you got

15:21

a big enough family where I have a

15:23

day them somewhere in the family for sure.

15:25

I guess I guess if you dig. Oh,

15:27

yeah, I'm digging. Yeah. Okay. You know, and

15:30

it's like something we can't understand

15:32

quite understand because it's your own

15:34

personal journey. And then this culture

15:37

of this society has fostered where

15:39

you can become that if you

15:41

want. All right. So you know someone

15:43

in your family. I don't. really know

15:46

them but I have a cousin there's

15:48

like yeah that I have a name

15:50

violent are they are they are they trans

15:52

yes they switched over yes boy no

15:55

they switched to like they them I

15:57

don't understand it but all right wait

15:59

a minute Wait a minute. Are they

16:01

friends? Was it a dude who became

16:03

a woman? Girl, they went non-binary. I don't

16:05

understand. I don't know if that's true.

16:07

I know, yeah. You got a switch. Oh,

16:10

I see, I see. Remember, she

16:12

didn't get on the steroids and like,

16:14

you know, have a giant clit or

16:16

anything. She's just like a regular

16:18

person. Let me explain, ma'am. Yeah,

16:21

I'm listening. Joe Nameth was a

16:23

chat. But he finished his career

16:25

as a ram as a ram.

16:27

I know. But he trains to

16:29

another team. But it's not like

16:32

he started his career as a

16:34

jet and then he ended his

16:36

career on the bench as

16:38

a jet. That's still, that's

16:41

not transient. That's a different

16:43

role. Different role. Same team.

16:45

Well what I'm saying is

16:47

just the society we live in,

16:49

like in her there. Their age,

16:52

see it's tough. Has her name

16:54

changed? It's okay. Yeah. What was

16:56

her first name? I don't

16:58

even remember. I'm not gonna

17:00

dead name my cousin. Well, are

17:02

they dead? No, their name is

17:05

dead. Oh, their name is dead.

17:07

Oh, okay. So, did they stay with

17:09

two female names? Sorta. Well, Veronica's

17:11

a female name. Like, oh no,

17:13

I'm sorry. Indigo. I know, I'm

17:15

confused too. Now I have to

17:18

go. Now I have to go

17:20

dig it to my Facebook families.

17:22

All right, here we go. And

17:24

as a result, my trans loved

17:26

ones are the wisest, funniest,

17:29

and most embodied people that

17:31

I have ever known. So

17:33

if these words reach just

17:35

one teenager who wonders if

17:37

they've been abandoned by CIS

17:39

people after the most recent

17:42

election. or one trans person

17:44

struggling to remember how

17:46

love they are, I

17:48

will have done my whole

17:50

job. So we love you, we see

17:52

you, we bow down to

17:55

your charisma, uniqueness, nerve and

17:57

talent, and we are so

17:59

lucky. to love you and to fight

18:01

with you and for you to

18:04

learn from you and to ensure

18:06

that our rights are inseparable from

18:08

yours. Trans lives don't just

18:10

matter. They transform the world

18:13

into a place of possibility,

18:15

joy and discovery. Yeah. All right now

18:17

let's eat. Let's go wrap it up.

18:20

We're getting packaged. Yes I know. They

18:22

transform the world. Yeah, that echo chamber

18:24

right there. Yeah, I could see why

18:27

that exists. I was a sort of

18:29

squirt milk on my tits right now.

18:31

Don't they always do? They always shoot

18:34

for the moon. They go too high.

18:36

They go, trans people are the bravest,

18:38

smartest, wisest people in the world and

18:40

they're trans. They are transforming our world

18:43

into a utopia. And then we all

18:45

go, oh, cut this shit. Jesus

18:47

Christ. What they should do is

18:49

they go, trans people aren't nearly

18:52

as annoying as you might as

18:54

you might think. Some of them

18:56

are okay. Just fucking live with

18:58

it, would you? You know, I

19:01

listened to that. She said the

19:03

wisest, funniest, and most embodied people,

19:05

she knows. I have to look

19:07

up the definition of embodied. Do

19:09

you know what it means? It's

19:12

possessing or existing in bodily

19:14

form. Yeah. But they're the

19:16

most. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd say everyone

19:19

over six seven is the

19:21

most embodied. But. By

19:23

the way, it's just

19:25

all just extra nonsense

19:28

word salad talk. That's

19:30

all it is. That's

19:32

where we're at today. All

19:35

right. Number two, I came

19:37

across one of my

19:39

favorite best of cuts

19:41

in the PSA

19:44

department. Now, what is my

19:46

obsession with worthless PSA's

19:48

and worthless information? Well, my

19:50

obsession with it is the

19:53

same one I have with

19:55

the extra talk, which is

19:57

we could have been telling

19:59

people things that they might need

20:02

to know or would be good

20:04

to know. Yeah, you know, but

20:06

but we don't. I mean it

20:08

kind of it kind of goes

20:10

back to You know, when I

20:13

was in junior high and in

20:15

high school, but in junior high,

20:17

you know, we had cooking class

20:19

and sewing class and ceramics class

20:22

and like in cooking class, we

20:24

learned to make Pillsbury Parmesan popovers.

20:26

You take Pillsbury muffins, you put

20:28

them out on a tray, and

20:31

you sprinkle Parmesan cheese on them,

20:33

and you put them in the

20:35

oven. One of the worst things

20:37

you can put in your body,

20:40

I've never made them before or

20:42

since, it's been 45. I don't

20:44

make them. I spent a God-dam

20:46

semester having my head full of

20:48

information that's totally un useful and

20:51

has no application in the real

20:53

world. Listen, if in fact you'd

20:55

like to cook as an adult

20:57

you may learn to cook or

21:00

you may choose not to cook,

21:02

Jimmy was not a foodie when

21:04

I met him but has become

21:06

a foodie because it's a passion

21:09

of his. I have not. He

21:11

chose this, I did not. He

21:13

trained himself, and now he's quite

21:15

the chef. But that's for him

21:18

to explore. The Pillsbury pop-overs are

21:20

not neither here nor there. But

21:22

we could have learned something about

21:24

taxation and how to fill out

21:26

tax forms and balance checkbooks and

21:29

think compounded interest, things of that

21:31

nature, things that would, how to

21:33

secure credit card, insurance, and, um...

21:35

interest on credit cards and things

21:38

that would prove to be important.

21:40

Yeah, yeah. Later on in life.

21:42

But if everybody knows it, then

21:44

the game's too easy. Yeah, you

21:47

know what I'm saying? Yeah, I

21:49

know. Last thing you want to

21:51

do is turn out citizens who

21:53

know think. That's right. Right. So

21:56

my problem with all these PSAs

21:58

is the same with the clicker

22:00

ticket on the freeway signs. It's

22:02

a waste of time. You're not

22:04

affecting any change. Everyone already knows

22:07

this. Their cars told them to

22:09

do it. One of the ones

22:11

I used to rail against because

22:13

Love Line was a syndicated radio

22:16

show and we would sit in

22:18

the booth during commercial breaks and

22:20

the feed that we got was

22:22

the PSA feed. We didn't get

22:25

the feed to the local... stations

22:27

we're on because there's a hundred

22:29

and fifty of them so I

22:31

wouldn't hear the local RV they

22:34

they would feed PSAs and I

22:36

guess if you're you didn't have

22:38

any commercial sold in your region

22:40

the PSA would play and the

22:42

ad council would play one after

22:45

the next of worthless worthless PSA

22:47

now what I'm saying is just

22:49

like the freeway sign where you

22:51

have Literally millions of eyeballs passing

22:54

under it on a weekly basis.

22:56

Hundreds and tens of thousands of

22:58

people every day on LA Freeways

23:00

just going underneath these signs. What

23:03

a waste of real estate. You

23:05

could put stuff up there that

23:07

would be usable and Loveline was

23:09

on 150 markets very successful. Number

23:12

one almost everywhere. So you have

23:14

this large audience and you could

23:16

be telling them something they could

23:18

use. But instead, we had the

23:21

ad council, which is just a

23:23

perfect money laundering graft of the

23:25

government, gives them money, they make

23:27

commercials, nobody gives a fuck about,

23:29

there's no... accountability and nobody cares

23:32

and I've tried to interview them

23:34

10 times and they will not

23:36

talk to anybody because why should

23:38

that? They just keep getting grants

23:41

and money from the thing. They

23:43

do innocuous spots that don't change

23:45

anyone's life and have no effect

23:47

on anybody and this is the

23:50

one that drove me the most

23:52

nuts and I'll tell you why

23:54

but stay on the button Dawson.

23:56

Hi this is Chris Howard host

23:59

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every play and every play and

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every play and every play and

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every play and every play and

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every play and every play and

24:54

every play and every win. What

24:57

a tough thing your body is.

24:59

It's built to withstand bending. Pinching.

25:01

Tempting. Tattooing. Swimming. Hold on. Tell

25:03

that to Barack Obama's chef. Do

25:06

you know any fucking people drown

25:08

every year? Your body's not made

25:10

to withstand swimming. You can swim,

25:12

but there are a lot of

25:15

fucking drowning deaths. Every year. It's

25:17

true. Rock Obama chef. Oh yeah?

25:19

His body was not designed to

25:21

go swimming. So he's dead. So

25:23

he's swimming with the fishes. I'm

25:26

saying don't give examples of stuff

25:28

where literally thousands of people die

25:30

every year engaging in the thing

25:32

you say our body's designed to

25:35

but you're going to hear later

25:37

what it's not designed for but

25:39

we'll keep it going go ahead.

25:41

What a tough thing your body

25:44

is. It's built to withstand bending.

25:46

Pinching. How many people die? Lots

25:48

and lots of people die every

25:50

year in childbirth? Oh yeah. Lots

25:53

and lots of people die giving

25:55

birth. So you've given, you're already

25:57

giving two examples where a lot

25:59

of people die giving birth. So

26:01

you've given, you're already giving two

26:04

examples where a lot of people

26:06

die. It's still a lot worldwide.

26:08

It's it's into the millions of

26:10

people into the drowning in the

26:13

child birth every year but those

26:15

are your examples but wait to

26:17

hear what we're not designed for.

26:19

Well also your body is not

26:22

designed for sustained loud noises. No

26:24

you will go deaf but I'm

26:26

giving him I'll give him a

26:28

pet. People are people

26:31

die playing football every year

26:33

a couple of high schooler

26:35

guys that but people are

26:37

horribly injured but your body's

26:39

not designed for football so

26:41

you got football you got

26:43

swimming you got childbirth but

26:45

you got bad cooking I

26:47

definitely there's definitely people dive

26:49

E. coli and whatever food

26:51

poisoning whatever they got worldwide

26:53

it's into the thousands of

26:55

millions the one that was

26:57

good is rollerblading which is

26:59

yeah you can rollerblade but

27:01

not the way they portray

27:03

it that's you going into

27:05

an intersection and car slamming

27:07

the brakes on go ahead

27:10

rollerblading marathons even company meeting

27:12

all right now here's the

27:14

scourge here's what you're not

27:16

designed for here we go

27:18

but there's something the human

27:20

body isn't built to withstand

27:22

Unexpected turbulence. Happily though, planes

27:24

are built to withstand that

27:26

really well. Okay, all right.

27:28

Nobody dies from turbulence. Nobody

27:30

dies. All right, everyone, quick

27:32

dot experiment. Close your eyes.

27:34

Hmm. Think about the luminaries,

27:36

the dignitaries, the politicians, the

27:38

celebrities, friends, family, neighbors, possibly

27:40

transitioning second cousins. Can anyone

27:42

summon the name? Not that

27:44

they know personally, just well,

27:46

you know, you know how

27:48

Gerald Ford died, right? Turbulence.

27:50

Is there is there a

27:53

case? Is there a... Documented

27:55

case of somebody dying of

27:57

turbulence is somebody you know

27:59

somebody you've heard of some

28:01

ao You know two of

28:03

the guys from the band

28:05

Manuto They hit some rough

28:07

air and they're not with

28:09

us anymore like Okay, so

28:11

you picked a whole you

28:13

did a PSA where you

28:15

picked a whole bunch of

28:17

shit where people do die

28:19

and then used it as

28:21

an example for things where

28:23

people never die. What about

28:25

them guys that sung sweet

28:27

home Alabama? Oh yeah, Leonard

28:29

Skinner, but the plane hit

28:31

a swamp and a tree.

28:33

We hit turbulence! No, they

28:36

hit a tree balance. Oh,

28:38

okay. But... Also, and then

28:40

now we're getting back to

28:42

clicking our ticket on the

28:44

freeway signs, which is... There

28:46

is no such thing as getting

28:49

on an airplane and not getting

28:51

a lecture about your seat belt

28:53

So we don't need this PSA

28:55

Because as soon as you sit

28:57

out on your plane you get

29:00

all the lights and the placards

29:02

and the discussion I put your

29:04

seat belt on Then you'll get

29:06

the pilot going I've turned the

29:08

seat belt sign off, but I

29:10

still recommend you keep the seat

29:13

belt sign on because of turbulence

29:15

so Why would we possibly need

29:17

a PSA about something that we're

29:19

already being told in session? Well

29:21

I thought Dawson just did it

29:24

for the paycheck. That wasn't you

29:26

when you were younger wasn't it?

29:28

That was a young Dawson. That

29:30

was young Dawson when you were

29:32

17? All right so the reason

29:34

we don't need click it or

29:37

ticket is because our car is

29:39

already telling us to put our

29:41

seat belt on and the reason

29:43

we don't need turbulence is because

29:45

the stewardess and the pilot and

29:48

everyone on the plane. I don't

29:50

know the... The over under on

29:52

seat belt conversation on a commercial

29:54

flight, average time three hours, has

29:56

to be 26 times. Put it

29:58

on, take it off, put it

30:01

back on, we're having a little

30:03

rough air, so put it back

30:05

on, don't go to the bathroom

30:07

until we put the sign that

30:09

they... I mean, it's a nonstop

30:12

discussion, so why would we need

30:14

a PSA at two in the

30:16

fucking morning? You're wasting everyone's time.

30:18

It's a zero burger. This has,

30:20

this has prompted zero people to

30:22

put their seat belt on in

30:25

an airplane, this. And clicker or

30:27

ticket has prompted zero people to

30:29

put their seat belt on in

30:31

a car. So I would argue.

30:33

Why don't we go on to

30:36

something that would be effective? Something

30:38

we need to talk about. Something

30:40

that could be useful. So what's

30:42

your dream, PSA? When taking an

30:44

unprotected left, advance into the intersection.

30:46

That's right. Look, almost everybody driving

30:49

does not have the correct. Tire

30:51

pressure on all four tires, and

30:53

it affects their mileage it affects

30:55

the wear on the car it

30:57

affects the road it affects accidents

30:59

it affects blowouts it if it

31:02

affects everything Why not? Start that

31:04

campaign and have tire filling sections.

31:06

Yeah, and you pull off and

31:08

you could get the guy to

31:10

fill it up to the right

31:13

thing everyone would use it save

31:15

millions of gallons because the tire

31:17

lobby won't they won't do it.

31:19

Yeah, there's 30 seconds left here.

31:21

Okay The human body isn't built

31:23

to withstand. Unexpected turbulence. Happily though,

31:26

planes are built to withstand that

31:28

really well. All you have to

31:30

do is wear your safety belt

31:32

the entire flight. So next time

31:34

you fly, stay buckled up the

31:37

whole time, because after all, turbulence

31:39

happens, and you're just not built

31:41

for it. This message is a

31:43

public service of this station and

31:45

the Federal Aviation Administration. It's a

31:47

public service. The publicist got so

31:50

much out of that fucking ad

31:52

I used to have to hear

31:54

every night. I used to scream

31:56

about, as soon as we came

31:58

back on the air, I would

32:01

scream about the ad. I remember.

32:03

Jesus Christ. But then it reminds

32:05

me. of an ad that's funny

32:07

because the Lincoln Project put an

32:09

ad out about how dangerous COVID

32:11

was for school kids, which, by

32:14

the way, let me just say

32:16

this about COVID or the Lincoln

32:18

Project and all you assholes. There's

32:20

tons and tons of footage of

32:22

me screaming about COVID. I haven't

32:25

tried to bury or scrub any

32:27

of it from the internet. Why

32:29

are you guys bearing and scrubbing

32:31

your own fucking shit about COVID?

32:33

Because you're insanely wrong and it

32:35

may bring in a question the

32:38

next thing you're gonna be insanely

32:40

wrong about But the thing that

32:42

made me laugh about this one

32:44

is Now they've shifted this the

32:46

theme which is we wanted to

32:49

keep schools open. Oh you wanted

32:51

to keep schools open. Okay, why

32:53

did you run an ad saying

32:55

Trump wants to open schools and

32:57

he's dangerous if you wanted to

32:59

keep schools? Everyone's got to go

33:02

back and look at this shit

33:04

because it's insane because it's only

33:06

like four years old. I don't

33:08

know when this was. This is,

33:10

I don't know if we have

33:13

a date on this, but it's

33:15

a quick one, but it's funny

33:17

when you watch it, because I'll

33:19

show it. Get ready to stop.

33:21

Usually it's exciting watching them take

33:23

the next time. Okay. They're going

33:26

to tell you about how dangerous

33:28

COVID is at school, but one

33:30

of the first image is when

33:32

we're on a happy. side of

33:34

the commercial is a six-year-old standing

33:36

up in a school bus with

33:39

no seat belt. Oh yeah. Okay.

33:41

Far more dangerous than COVID. See

33:43

they did the same thing the

33:45

airplane turbulence retards did. You guys,

33:47

your happy example was more dangerous

33:50

than the one you're about to

33:52

warn us about. No healthy young

33:54

six-year-old died of fucking COVID. None.

33:56

But... Plenty of kids die every

33:58

year sitting in a fucking school

34:00

bus because they don't have headrests

34:03

and they don't have seat belts.

34:05

So there's a six-year-old and he's

34:07

standing. in a moving school bus

34:09

with no seat belt. Okay, and

34:11

watching them take the next step

34:14

with COVID, it's terrifying. Uh-oh. We're

34:16

scared. Hold on a second. Yeah,

34:18

I love a commercial. Commercial's like,

34:20

hey, let's find some dumb fat

34:22

bitch to go, I'm scared. Yeah,

34:24

okay, you're scared everything, dumbbo. Why

34:27

are we listening to you? You're

34:29

fucking scared of the chupicabra? Do

34:31

I fucking put a helmet on

34:33

before you? The sound effects may

34:35

be terrifying. You're terrified? Yeah. They're

34:38

all scared. All right, what's happening

34:40

here? What's going on? I'm just

34:42

scared. Trump. Trump's back to the

34:44

classrooms. There's no plan for their

34:46

safety. No point. Trump's a billion

34:48

dollar education. Schools just aren't ready.

34:51

I do not. It's funny, they

34:53

got B-roll of a mass grave

34:55

from Mogadishu. Oh yeah, all those

34:57

kids in those pine boxes with

34:59

the mass grave. I didn't even

35:02

know what fucking country they got

35:04

this from. This is not from

35:06

the United States. We don't take,

35:08

we don't do mass graves. Although

35:10

if you could sign up for

35:12

one, my parents definitely would have

35:15

signed up for it. But they

35:17

show footage of a mass grave.

35:19

Right, because remember all those nine-year-olds

35:21

who had to bury that Wednesday

35:23

in a fucking giant trough. We

35:26

dug a tunnel, and we buried

35:28

them off. Yeah, they showed shit

35:30

from different countries at this point,

35:32

but go ahead. All right, Lincoln,

35:34

maybe you're wrong about this subject.

35:36

Well, turns out the data is

35:39

in. Kids should have gone back

35:41

to school and you fucked them

35:43

up from going to school. So

35:45

anyway, I get that you want

35:47

to bury this Lincoln project, but

35:50

the internet's great that way. So

35:52

we have it. And I'll tell

35:54

you what, next time you tell

35:56

me about something that's going to

35:58

happen, that's not going to happen,

36:00

maybe I'll think back to the

36:03

time you lied about this. All

36:05

right. Joe Dombrowski is in Comedian,

36:07

former school teacher. We'll talk to

36:09

him right after this. want to

36:11

get to the truth you got

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38:48

In fifth grade both in Michigan

38:50

and in Seattle you have to

38:53

teach sex at okay But when

38:55

I moved to Seattle they told

38:57

me that I had to teach

38:59

it to the boys and the

39:01

girls at the same time And

39:04

I had to teach them about

39:06

all of it and I was

39:08

like absolutely not. Will I do

39:10

this? Okay, because you and I

39:12

both know that this is a

39:14

setup that this is immoral and

39:17

that Personally, I'm only familiar with

39:19

50% of the material. Joe Dombrowski

39:21

is on the Adam Corolla show

39:23

from the classroom to the stage.

39:25

Good to see him. Yeah. Joe's

39:28

got dates come. up he's also

39:30

got a monthly show over at

39:32

the belly room over at the

39:34

comedy store I love the belly

39:36

room very interesting very nice my

39:38

straight friends it's once a month

39:41

over there also shows on the

39:43

road as well and you can

39:45

go to Joe Dombrowski it's long

39:47

but it's fanatic.com if you want

39:49

to get all those dates good

39:52

see you thank you thanks for

39:54

having me what did you so

39:56

what Subjects did you teach? Oh,

39:58

you can turn the mic a

40:00

little bit. Oh, get ready for

40:02

this. Kindergarten. Kindergarten. Yeah, I saw

40:05

everything. Kindergarten to fifth grade. And

40:07

it was insane. In kindergarten, are

40:09

you mostly just sort of a

40:11

wrangler at that point? Or are

40:13

you actually able to impart things

40:16

to that? I mean, you're imparting.

40:18

But like I think the main

40:20

thing is I'm not teaching them

40:22

anything other than just how to

40:24

school. How to function in school,

40:26

how to behave, and do all

40:29

that, other than that it's out

40:31

the window. Because in kindergarten, you

40:33

could have a plan, and it's

40:35

never gonna go according to that

40:37

plan. Like, a bird hits the

40:40

window, and your day is lost.

40:42

Right, right. So, yeah. Yeah, I

40:44

was thinking back on some of

40:46

my old teachers the other day,

40:48

and like, growing up out here,

40:50

school was very institutional, you know,

40:53

every school I went to. was

40:55

built in the 20s or the

40:57

30s, it was essentially a box.

40:59

It had thick screen on the

41:01

outside, like so people couldn't get

41:04

out or get in, you know,

41:06

and the palate was all like

41:08

gray and flesh color and weird

41:10

sort of light avocado, like everything

41:12

they did. Was institutional like it

41:14

wouldn't look any different than a

41:17

prison or an insane asylum. I

41:19

thought you were going to tell

41:21

me your school was one room

41:23

with a bell on top No,

41:25

that was a little house on

41:27

the prairie The funniest thing is

41:30

my very first year teaching I

41:32

went in there and talk about

41:34

underfunded like there's no money to

41:36

do this it was like four

41:38

desks and a couple pencils and

41:41

I had to fund the rest

41:43

myself but where was this this

41:45

is just outside of Detroit Michigan

41:47

oh boy and the books that

41:49

they gave me were books that

41:51

I was using to teach when

41:54

I was in elementary school. I'm

41:56

like, I don't think this is

41:58

adding up. I think some things

42:00

have changed. But yeah, but you

42:02

gotta make the best of it.

42:05

Yeah, I didn't really, I was

42:07

kind of warehoused, but it was

42:09

also understood, like we had, you

42:11

know, a kind of tacit agreement,

42:13

which is like, I'll show up,

42:15

you won't have to come looking

42:18

for me, but. don't expect me

42:20

to do anything and they're like

42:22

yeah okay we got it and

42:24

and so it was like a

42:26

thing where I would punch in

42:29

and sit down and not really

42:31

do anything but all they needed

42:33

was for me to be there

42:35

so they could get the money

42:37

in the numbers and the numbers

42:39

that's real and that's still real

42:42

and and and they kind of

42:44

left me alone and I left

42:46

them alone and then to make

42:48

things even worse my school north

42:50

out of it high they start

42:53

these I don't know what they

42:55

call them euphemistically, but chartery things

42:57

or something, but they had Amelia

42:59

Earhart. So what they do is

43:01

they take a corner of the

43:03

school, they put a trailer on

43:06

it, they put a fence around

43:08

it, and they're like, look, you

43:10

fuck ups who can't even handle

43:12

North Hollywood High, the riggers, academically

43:14

of North Out High, which is

43:17

close to zero. You students who

43:19

can't make it through the day

43:21

without smoking? We will create another

43:23

school called Amelia Earhart in for

43:25

that school All you need to

43:27

do is show up Call your

43:30

teachers by the first name and

43:32

sit around and smoke on a

43:34

on a coffee table over there

43:36

And if you want to get

43:38

up and walk the jack of

43:41

the box Go ahead. You don't

43:43

have to check out, you have

43:45

to do anything. But we will

43:47

call Roll and you will be

43:49

here. That's still real. Let me

43:51

ask you this. Class Clown? Or

43:54

no? I was, I was, yes,

43:56

I was Class Clown. Yes, him,

43:58

yes. Yeah. Were you Class Clown?

44:00

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Where you

44:02

call, well you did stand up

44:05

when you're like in the third

44:07

grade, right? I've been third grade

44:09

for my third grade talent show

44:11

and the craziest part about it

44:13

is my elementary teachers will sometimes

44:15

pop into my show now. No

44:18

one's surprised. Nobody surprised or shocked.

44:20

I didn't have the guts to

44:22

do formal stand-up at that age.

44:24

Well all my jokes were stolen

44:26

from a magician. Oh really? Yeah,

44:28

I had a magician at my

44:31

first communion after party because we're

44:33

Polish, so you know. You need

44:35

to keep drinking after drinking. And

44:37

I remember all of his jokes

44:39

were making me laugh and I

44:42

just remembered them all. You know,

44:44

you remembered every single one of

44:46

them. I made my mom bring

44:48

out my suit for my first

44:50

communion so I could wear it

44:52

on stage. Because this is in

44:55

the 90s too, like stand up

44:57

was still like super super formal.

44:59

And I went up there in

45:01

my suit and stole all this

45:03

magician's work and killed. And then

45:06

we grappled, yep, it worked, it

45:08

worked. Did you win the talent

45:10

show? So there wasn't winning. Oh,

45:12

there's just everyone was out there.

45:14

But we're gonna be real. I

45:16

don't know. Was that the best

45:19

one? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I

45:21

mean, just seeing a young, really

45:23

young person do stand-up as sort

45:25

of fun and novel in and

45:27

in and of itself. It was

45:30

sick, though, too. Like we grew

45:32

up in, I grew up in

45:34

a stand-up, I grew up. Remember

45:36

singing the man show intro song

45:38

with my friends like in school.

45:40

I remember writing the man show

45:43

intro Yeah, yeah sitting in a

45:45

desk and Jimmy was like sitting

45:47

at that desk and we just

45:49

started writing. Yeah, yeah, but anyway.

45:51

Lots of stand-up that was exposed

45:54

to it now. I'll never forget

45:56

watching. Very specific people do very

45:58

specific things and being like I

46:00

can do that like Ellen DeGeneres

46:02

has this very specific joke where

46:04

she's using her claw to go

46:07

up and grab toilet paper that

46:09

was stuck in the thing and

46:11

I was like I can see

46:13

what she's doing but there's nothing

46:15

there and everybody's laughing at this

46:18

and I do that in school

46:20

so like Can somebody pay me

46:22

for this? So you grew up,

46:24

you say, in a stand-up family,

46:26

but what's that mean? We're just

46:28

consuming it all the time. Everyone

46:31

in the family. I'm the only

46:33

comedian, yes, but we were watching

46:35

lots of them. Because like if

46:37

I said, I grew up in

46:39

a logging family and you said,

46:42

what's a stand-up consumption? Well, that's,

46:44

you know, let's philosophically. Break that

46:46

down. Yeah It's good because it

46:48

means that you have a mutual

46:50

interest and your dad has a

46:52

love and your mom has a

46:55

passion or whatever and it's like

46:57

expressed and exposed to you But

46:59

it's also mindset, which is I

47:01

want to laugh. You know like

47:03

my mom didn't watch comedy or

47:05

like comedy or watch stand up

47:08

but because she was depressed and

47:10

wanted to kind of waller in

47:12

her misery all the time so

47:14

it wasn't like she didn't like

47:16

stand it it's like saying you

47:19

know it's like saying well my

47:21

parents didn't like eating out or

47:23

something it's really what they're kind

47:25

of saying is they didn't like

47:27

being social with people and enjoying

47:29

themselves you know what I mean

47:32

not it's not about pork chops

47:34

it's kind of about the mindset

47:36

You think about somebody you just

47:38

adore, and you go, oh, we

47:40

should get a steak and a

47:43

martini, you get it on the

47:45

calendar, and you're not really so

47:47

much thinking about the steak, you're

47:49

thinking about... I get to sit

47:51

with that person and have a

47:53

martini and have a great conversation,

47:56

you know. So it's like, your

47:58

parents must have been sort of

48:00

joyous. I guess if they liked

48:02

stand up a lot. Yeah, I

48:04

mean, and that was the thing

48:07

too. We were. I think it's

48:09

the same with roller skating, by

48:11

the way. We love roller skating.

48:13

Like that's just a happy. It's

48:15

not a person that likes being

48:17

on wheels. They're saying, I enjoy

48:20

shit. Absolutely. They loved it and

48:22

I was in such a social

48:24

family too. Like we were hosting

48:26

a lot, like my parents, the

48:28

full bar, people are always at

48:31

our house hanging out. And then,

48:33

you know, on the weekdays, we're

48:35

watching Roseanne, we're watching home improvement,

48:37

like we're just consuming a lot

48:39

of comedians and still in this

48:41

very like happy environment. So when

48:44

I wanted to do it at

48:46

first, they were not. Okay with

48:48

it. They weren't because they didn't

48:50

want this like struggling artist narrative

48:52

Right, which is actually how I

48:55

went into teaching because I wanted

48:57

to find something else that I

48:59

really like and pursue a degree

49:01

in that as they wanted me

49:03

to have that first But I

49:05

was always doing stand-up on the

49:08

side because teachers are what? poor

49:10

people, so I needed to put

49:12

gas in my car for real.

49:14

So I'm doing $20 spots, $50

49:16

spots, just to be able to

49:19

do that. And then eventually it

49:21

blew up to the point where

49:23

I could, you know, live the

49:25

dream and actually leave and do

49:27

it. And then they were like,

49:29

go for it. And now they're

49:32

my biggest fans. Man, I really

49:34

love your family. They're cool. They're

49:36

cool. What did they do? My

49:38

mom is a nurse. And my

49:40

dad is a retired civil engineer

49:42

for an Air Force base and

49:45

now he is the church maintenance

49:47

man Is the civil engineer for

49:49

an Air Force base means he's

49:51

in the Air Force? No, he

49:53

was actually in the Navy and

49:56

also I think the term engineer

49:58

in that title was generous I

50:00

think he is a sanitation engineer

50:02

Engineer? Yeah, engineer that shit out

50:04

of the main train, wouldn't you?

50:06

I never saw blueprints laying around

50:09

the house or anything like that.

50:11

So I think that tells you

50:13

what you need to know. So

50:15

your dad was just like

50:17

a blue-collar dude. Yeah. And

50:19

you're, you know, in a weird

50:22

way. I mean, I guess they

50:24

don't count. You don't think of

50:26

nurse as a blue-collar job, but...

50:29

traditionally pretty good pay. And

50:31

my mom was a hustler too

50:33

and she worked her way up

50:35

from like the floor, like being

50:37

a receptionist to nurse to moving

50:39

up to the point where she

50:41

ended up working HR for the

50:43

hospital and then did this cool

50:45

thing called nepotism and hired me

50:47

at the hospital and graduated, which

50:49

was probably the biggest mistake.

50:51

Is now the dynamic between your

50:54

mom and your dad because your

50:56

mom is making more... loot than

50:58

your dad is per month.

51:00

I mean, is this the first

51:02

time I'm realizing that? Maybe,

51:04

oh God. Well, look, I

51:07

mean, I can't say for

51:09

certain, but I will say

51:11

engineer in quotes on a

51:13

Air Force base, like maintenance

51:16

guy. It's not boo-go bucks.

51:18

Right, right. I'm thinking, you

51:20

know, we got to adjust

51:22

it for inflation and stuff

51:24

like that, but you know,

51:27

your dad's making 40 grand

51:29

a year and your mom's

51:31

making 70 grand a year, like

51:33

as a nurse, like nurse

51:35

is, you know, there's a high

51:37

paying job for someone who doesn't

51:40

have like an advanced degree

51:42

or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So

51:44

I'm guessing that your mom made

51:46

more than your dad. You're describing.

51:49

But now here's the question,

51:51

how did the power at the home

51:53

break down? In terms of parenting or

51:56

just period? Just kind of like

51:58

when your mom would go... like

52:00

you'd be going out to dinner.

52:02

Yeah. And your dad would go,

52:04

I think we get Mexican tonight

52:06

and your mom goes, I'm in

52:08

the mood for Italian. No, no,

52:10

no. Where, who did, who, where

52:12

did you go? You, okay, you

52:14

give me what you think your

52:16

answer is. Here's what I think.

52:18

I think, this is my podcast

52:20

now. I think, I think when

52:23

it's close, you can, in terms

52:25

of earning, see, I have a

52:27

theory, I have a theory. You

52:29

know I don't think most men

52:31

could handle it if their woman

52:33

made a ton of money and

52:35

they didn't and I'm like I

52:37

could handle that part of it

52:39

but the part I couldn't handle

52:41

is them waving it and holding

52:43

it over me yeah which is

52:45

a man you're not allowed to

52:47

do yeah as a man you

52:49

could make five million dollars a

52:52

year your wife could make zero

52:54

and then have a huge argument

52:56

over where you were going to

52:58

eat that night yeah but I

53:00

think if the woman made five

53:02

million and the guy fucking made

53:04

zero You just eat where she

53:06

wanted to eat. Yeah. And it's

53:08

also if she wanted to go

53:10

to Hawaii for a vacation, you

53:12

wanted to go to Mexico, at

53:14

a certain point she'd go, I'm

53:16

buying the tickets, bitch. Yeah. So

53:18

we're going to Hawaii. That didn't

53:20

happen. That would happen if there's

53:23

a big disparity. Right, right. I

53:25

don't think the disparity was that

53:27

big though, because it was just,

53:29

we... you know he we're doing

53:31

that where he's deciding what's for

53:33

dinner like we're eating it we're

53:35

getting up and leaving like it

53:37

was very much that was the

53:39

dynamic brought home the bacon and

53:41

fried it up in the pan

53:43

I guess so that's interesting I

53:45

guess so yeah is she an

53:47

immigrant or of that of that

53:49

you'll get old school polish or

53:51

something that's the funniest thing too

53:54

I'm actually half Italian she's super

53:56

Italian and let me tell you

53:58

what this woman is like the

54:00

deaf and she might as well

54:02

be a mob wife at this

54:04

point like she is the number

54:06

one saying of my mom is

54:08

if you fuck with me you're

54:10

dead to her like There's a

54:12

not such thing as second chances

54:14

in her life. Wow. And that,

54:16

and I think now, I've never

54:18

dissected my parents' family dynamics as

54:20

much in my adult life, but

54:22

looking back at it now, I

54:25

was like, I wonder what happened

54:27

behind the scenes. Holy shit, that

54:29

explains all the broken dishes. Her

54:31

maiden name is Corleone? Yeah, no,

54:33

for real. There was horse heads

54:35

in a lot of our beds.

54:37

So they didn't want you to

54:39

do comedy, because they were worried

54:41

you didn't want to make a

54:43

career of it. Which look it's

54:45

a low percentage job so I

54:47

get parents who I do too

54:49

who do that and and also

54:51

there's other there's other low percentage

54:53

jobs where you know your eight

54:56

year old could go one day

54:58

I'm gonna play shortstop for the

55:00

Yankees dad and you know yes

55:02

you are my boy yes you

55:04

are and then you leave it

55:06

alone because he's gonna wash out

55:08

in the 10th grade right right

55:10

you don't need to intervene society

55:12

will fucking cut him off the

55:14

junior varsity team and he'll go

55:16

on to something else right right

55:18

but comedian or country singer that

55:20

shit can go on into your

55:22

60s yeah and you can still

55:24

be a loser because we know

55:27

a lot of those people and

55:29

then and then still I I

55:31

just was in your lobby. There

55:33

was a picture of you selling

55:35

out the Moore Theater. I just

55:37

sold out the Moore Theater. Oh,

55:39

you did. Yeah, and that's big

55:41

place. Well, that is the thing

55:43

too. I can sell out the

55:45

Moore Theater, which is 2000 seats

55:47

in Seattle, and I'll still walk

55:49

away and be like, no one

55:51

fucking knows me. This is over

55:53

tomorrow. This is over tomorrow. You

55:56

know what I think? Wow, the

55:58

Moore Theater. It's a great venue.

56:00

Seattle's 2000 seats and it's where

56:02

even flow from Pearl Jam with

56:04

shot. Yeah yeah yeah yeah he's

56:06

climbed up on the balcony and

56:08

everything and if you stand on

56:10

stage you'll see the balcony and

56:12

the pipes and the whole same

56:14

thing. It's kind of it's kind

56:16

of cool. It is really cool

56:18

and it was cool when I

56:20

first moved to Seattle I lived

56:22

across the street from it and

56:24

wasn't at that point in my

56:27

career comitically yet and then being

56:29

able to play it look outside

56:31

the window and be like I

56:33

lived there and now I'm doing

56:35

this that was a highlight nice

56:37

yeah the for me I went

56:39

and somehow did six shows in

56:41

two days at Kirkland Washington and

56:43

a place that used to be

56:45

like a Domino's pizza or something.

56:47

And the first show would sell

56:49

out and they'd add another show

56:51

and that show it's out there

56:53

another show but before you know

56:55

it it was like six hours

56:58

of comedy each night. And so

57:00

I remember thinking to myself Oh

57:02

look we just sold like 15

57:04

or 1800 seats but I had

57:06

to do like six shows and

57:08

then I announced I said next

57:10

time we come back we do

57:12

the more we do one show

57:14

for the same amount of people

57:16

but I only have to do

57:18

one instead of six so that

57:20

was like my MacArthur returning to

57:22

the Philippine story but living across

57:24

in the more is like the

57:26

more sort of nondescript from the

57:29

outside it doesn't look Like much

57:31

it's kind of like on the

57:33

corner and I don't know the

57:35

the neighborhood's not fantastic It's Seattle.

57:37

It's okay. Yeah, yeah, but it's

57:39

not what you're picturing like the

57:41

Emerald City No, no, no, not

57:43

at all part of it Not

57:45

at all, but that that was

57:47

really interesting to because you're right

57:49

It is not it does not

57:51

catch your eye when you go

57:53

past it and then you go

57:55

in and it's just beautiful with

57:57

that beautiful high ceiling and all

58:00

the artwork up there that was

58:02

and seeing so much comedy there

58:04

and then doing it. Oh, you

58:06

saw a lot of comedy. Oh,

58:08

yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's a

58:10

better and different experience, you know,

58:12

for an individual, because I'd never

58:14

seen anything there. Yeah, that was,

58:16

I mean, I think I saw

58:18

Kathleen Madigan there the month before

58:20

I did it, and then knew

58:22

that my show had already sold.

58:24

and I was like, yeah. I

58:26

get a lot of, sometimes it's

58:28

hard for me to realize where

58:31

I'm at in common. Did you

58:33

have that when you were like

58:35

at sort of a breaking point?

58:37

I just, it's, sometimes it's hard

58:39

for me to still wrap my

58:41

head around. Like I'll go to

58:43

the store and everyone will be

58:45

like, dude, you're doing it. And

58:47

I'm like, am I doing it?

58:49

It's wild. It's wild feeling. Get

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59:20

the stuff we we have in

59:22

the Facebook and all that now

59:24

it adds another dimension to it

59:26

you know when I was coming

59:28

up you're either on TV or

59:31

you weren't on TV you know

59:33

and if you're on TV you're

59:35

doing okay if you weren't you

59:37

probably wanted to be on TV

59:39

but it wasn't it was a

59:41

little more defined like we knew

59:43

you knew who people were because

59:45

of you have a TV show

59:47

and then if you didn't have

59:49

a TV show then you're only

59:51

so famous because you didn't have

59:53

a TV show you know yeah

59:55

it's fragmented into like a thousand

59:57

social media is like I saw

59:59

you on YouTube you know it

1:00:02

but you also have Instagram tick-talk

1:00:04

everything you know so you could

1:00:06

be famous on one and like

1:00:08

I don't watch tick-talk that much

1:00:10

so I don't know who the

1:00:12

hell this guy is yeah then

1:00:14

oh Instagram guy I know that

1:00:16

guy oh hmm she's really goes

1:00:18

that's real Facebook people who the

1:00:20

hell are they That's Ron and

1:00:22

Fran Dombrowski. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so

1:00:24

I didn't know I didn't pay

1:00:26

that much attention to anything. I

1:00:28

wanted money and I wanted to

1:00:30

build stuff. So I was on

1:00:33

in show business you know during

1:00:35

the day or at night or

1:00:37

something but every other moment I

1:00:39

had I was in a home

1:00:41

depot with folks that didn't know

1:00:43

and didn't care and then I

1:00:45

would work with those people. So

1:00:47

I was very immersed in building.

1:00:49

and in cars and stuff like

1:00:51

that so I wasn't really you

1:00:53

know hanging around at dantanas with

1:00:55

the writers you know having martinis

1:00:57

I was I would do a

1:00:59

tape a TV show and then

1:01:01

just go right to Home Depot

1:01:04

and stuff so I didn't really

1:01:06

live that life I didn't have

1:01:08

lots of friends that were Hollywood

1:01:10

types you know I just I

1:01:12

wasn't part of the scene per

1:01:14

se yeah But I recognize that

1:01:16

people stopped me at airports and

1:01:18

say hi, but that was a

1:01:20

byproduct of being on two TV

1:01:22

shows simultaneously, you know? And I

1:01:24

would say they go, is it

1:01:26

weird when people go, no, when

1:01:28

you're on TV, that's what happens.

1:01:30

People stop and go, hey man,

1:01:32

and that's how it works, because

1:01:35

you're on TV, that's how it

1:01:37

would work. Yep, yep, yep. But

1:01:39

if like if you were a

1:01:41

lawyer. who had a billboard everywhere

1:01:43

in town that said, you know,

1:01:45

one eight hundred fight for you

1:01:47

or no cops or something. You'd

1:01:49

also get stopped at an airport.

1:01:51

It's the lawyer guy. True. Well,

1:01:53

where do you develop most of

1:01:55

your phantom from? Also. When it

1:01:57

started to really pop for me

1:01:59

when I was able to take

1:02:01

my stuff out of the Detroit

1:02:04

area It was because I made

1:02:06

a very active switch to start

1:02:08

just talking about what happened in

1:02:10

the classroom So I was telling

1:02:12

these stories of the kids and

1:02:14

like the wild shit that they

1:02:16

would say to me and it

1:02:18

was just resonating resonating because I

1:02:20

was realizing that people are laughing

1:02:22

because they have a kid or

1:02:24

they were a kid most of

1:02:26

them went to school this is

1:02:28

just very universal material that i'm

1:02:30

doing and that allowed me to

1:02:32

go out go out go out

1:02:35

go out so then people would

1:02:37

quickly be like the you're the

1:02:39

comedian which would grind my gears

1:02:41

though because I had so much

1:02:43

banked material that I wanted to

1:02:45

let out about like all this

1:02:47

other stuff in my life but

1:02:49

I'm like this teacher shit's working

1:02:51

so let's do it so I

1:02:53

rode that wave for a very

1:02:55

very very long time and now

1:02:57

the material that I'm like the

1:02:59

teacher core line will always be

1:03:01

the through line of what I'm

1:03:03

doing and always bring it up

1:03:06

from time to time there's just

1:03:08

so much more that I talk

1:03:10

about on stage that I think

1:03:12

people are caught pleasantly pleasantly off

1:03:14

Yeah, when they come to a

1:03:16

show, right? It's like the interesting

1:03:18

perspective, because not everybody was been

1:03:20

a kindergarten teacher. That's true, or

1:03:22

a sassy gay one at that,

1:03:24

so yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow,

1:03:26

Joe Dombrowski is the least gay

1:03:28

name I've ever heard of my

1:03:30

whole life. It was almost like

1:03:32

a lightbacker. It was almost Dominic

1:03:34

Dombrowski. And I'm like, you guys

1:03:37

missed it. No, no, that's good.

1:03:39

Yeah, that's super game. That's either,

1:03:41

that's either, that's like a football

1:03:43

player or porn star. Either way,

1:03:45

I'm into it. Why not both?

1:03:47

Right. I don't know how gay

1:03:49

names work. But like, Tommy tune,

1:03:51

you know, you know, you know,

1:03:53

that's a gay name. Joe Joprowski

1:03:55

is the least likely gay name

1:03:57

on the planet. It's so Polish.

1:03:59

It's so Polish. It's the Joe,

1:04:01

because you got Joe Six Pack,

1:04:03

you know, I guess, or Joe

1:04:05

Something, Joe the plumber. Like, I

1:04:08

don't know, the Joe makes it.

1:04:10

You know alarmingly alarmingly heterosexual in

1:04:12

the damperowski. It just sounds like

1:04:14

you sit around in smoke and

1:04:16

cigars and Joe kill bossa. Yeah,

1:04:18

it's like Yeah, it's like you

1:04:20

sit here cooking brats all day

1:04:22

with beer and you drink Milwaukee's

1:04:24

best. Yeah, no, we drink stroze.

1:04:26

It's Detroit. Broughtworth's beer liquid was

1:04:28

pretty much in my blood. Really?

1:04:30

Yeah, oh my god. I'll show

1:04:32

up Kowalski's if you want to

1:04:34

sponsor me. It's a name that

1:04:36

are... a foreman would yell out,

1:04:39

you know, Dombrowski, get back on

1:04:41

those I-Beams, clap in your jaw.

1:04:43

You want to hear some shit?

1:04:45

This is the straightest name ever.

1:04:47

Never heard, never heard this last

1:04:49

name. Like I never run another

1:04:51

Dombrowski's or anything like that. A

1:04:53

woman came to one of my

1:04:55

shows in New York and was

1:04:57

like, hey, this was great. But

1:04:59

I thought you were Kevin Dombrowski.

1:05:01

I'm like, who the fuck's Kevin?

1:05:03

Kevin Dombrowski. Look up Kevin Dombrowski.

1:05:05

He's like all over at the

1:05:07

cellar, like doing all this shit.

1:05:10

We start chit-chat and talking to

1:05:12

each other. We become friends. I'm

1:05:14

like, you get, why don't I

1:05:16

go on the road together to

1:05:18

this Dombrowski show? He's like, yes,

1:05:20

but I don't open for me

1:05:22

every time. The Squar Brothers are

1:05:24

doing pretty good. Yeah, they're pretty

1:05:26

funny. I think they're the real

1:05:28

deal though. Juries out, juries out.

1:05:30

Give a couple shots. We need

1:05:32

a 23 of these guys. All

1:05:34

right, you got some news. I

1:05:36

do. Man, Joe, we'll hang out.

1:05:39

We'll crack wise as we hear

1:05:41

it. Take a break or we're

1:05:43

coming right? Yeah, I think we're

1:05:45

going right here. All right, we're

1:05:47

coming in hot. Hey, HBO's John

1:05:49

Oliver faces a lawsuit from a

1:05:51

health insurance executive over a Medicaid

1:05:53

monologue. I think we have right

1:05:55

here the the the part in

1:05:57

question. I've never met John Oliver.

1:05:59

Nah, me neither. It's funny. It's

1:06:01

interesting. I think a little English

1:06:03

accent gives you a little bit

1:06:05

of gravitas. Doesn't it though? Get

1:06:07

away with a lawsuit. Look, there's

1:06:10

a reason why. sci-fi movie in

1:06:12

outer space a thousand years from

1:06:14

now they have a little bit

1:06:16

of an English accent what they're

1:06:18

saying is we're a little bit

1:06:20

smarter yeah you know that yeah

1:06:22

they don't sound like cardie B

1:06:24

right 10% intelligence yeah when you

1:06:26

hear a doctor at a Mary

1:06:28

Health the MCO that took over

1:06:30

in Iowa explaining in a hearing

1:06:32

about a similar patient just what

1:06:34

the corporate thinking was about the

1:06:36

necessity of keeping people clean. People

1:06:38

have bowel movements every day where

1:06:41

they don't completely clean themselves and

1:06:43

we don't fuss over too much.

1:06:45

People are allowed to be dirty.

1:06:47

You know, I would allow him

1:06:49

to be able to be able

1:06:51

to be dirty for a couple

1:06:53

of days. Your fucking mom would

1:06:55

throw a shit fit. I'm allowed

1:06:57

to. Might have had to be

1:06:59

taken out of context. There is

1:07:01

no way a doctor, a licensed

1:07:03

physician. would testify in a hearing

1:07:05

that he thinks it's okay if

1:07:07

people have shit on them for

1:07:09

days. So we got the full

1:07:12

hearing, I'm not going to play

1:07:14

it for you, I'm just going

1:07:16

to tell you, he said it,

1:07:18

he meant it, and it made

1:07:20

me want to punch a hole

1:07:22

in the wall. Yeah, so he's

1:07:24

alleging that they did take it

1:07:26

out of context and that there's

1:07:28

false accusation. This is the nursing,

1:07:30

it's not false. Yeah. And listen,

1:07:32

the part of the nursing that

1:07:34

I could not... deal with the

1:07:36

cleanup part. And I'm not saying

1:07:38

your mom had to do that,

1:07:40

but at some phase along the

1:07:43

way there is some cleaning up

1:07:45

to do. It's not the nursing.

1:07:47

It's being straight. Like you guys

1:07:49

don't know how to clean your

1:07:51

ass. Like he said that. I'm

1:07:53

like, this is a straight person

1:07:55

who doesn't know how to clean

1:07:57

their ass and doesn't care. Well,

1:07:59

it's not imperative that we clean

1:08:01

our ass, where if you're gay,

1:08:03

it's a big part of your

1:08:05

life. And this is why, did

1:08:07

any gay guys who are listening

1:08:09

to this podcast, all two of

1:08:11

you, uh... Do not hook up

1:08:14

with straight men because you're gonna

1:08:16

go back there and you're gonna

1:08:18

be met with somebody who probably

1:08:20

was in that trial. Well, let

1:08:22

me say this. What is Protocol

1:08:24

for Ask Clean? Why don't we

1:08:26

flip this? Tell me how you

1:08:28

clean your ass. I'll tell you

1:08:30

what I like to do. Oh

1:08:32

shit. I'm not a big moist

1:08:34

talet guy. I did, uh, many

1:08:36

years ago. Jimmy Kimmel got burned

1:08:38

badly, spiritually and physically, because there

1:08:40

were those Clorox wipes, you know,

1:08:43

that were like on the toilet.

1:08:45

but look you put him in

1:08:47

that weird pouch with the snap

1:08:49

cap that no one does it's

1:08:51

white's got white and blue you

1:08:53

know it looks pretty good you

1:08:55

can reach it from the toilet

1:08:57

you're reading a fucking you're looking

1:08:59

at your phone he is right

1:09:01

for the Clorox man and I

1:09:03

heard him screaming coming out oh

1:09:05

my god you might have smoked

1:09:07

a new part for your asshole

1:09:09

that's insane what I mean enough

1:09:11

for sex though what I Jimmy

1:09:14

was always ready always ready what

1:09:16

I like if I can time

1:09:18

it I like to time the

1:09:20

shower with the shit. I like

1:09:22

to get up in the morning,

1:09:24

have my cup of coffee, do

1:09:26

my business. Every morning I do

1:09:28

a freezing cold shower, just cold

1:09:30

water, shower, run. I don't have

1:09:32

my cold tub, I don't have

1:09:34

a swimming pool, I've been displaced

1:09:36

from Alba, so I do the

1:09:38

cold valley shower. But the plan

1:09:40

is for me. Hit the toilet

1:09:42

then hit the shower and clean

1:09:45

up because you're never going to

1:09:47

do better than the shower Do

1:09:49

you one better? Juice cleans for

1:09:51

three days in a colonic and

1:09:53

then I'm real a colonic I

1:09:55

do have to say you guys

1:09:57

surprise me Congratulations and I well

1:09:59

hold on you. I'm not prepping

1:10:01

for anal race. Well you did

1:10:03

you are regardless of moving higher

1:10:05

on the Kinsey scale the more

1:10:07

you talk. And a colonic Look

1:10:09

at you, you know, the strategy.

1:10:11

I know what you guys are

1:10:13

up to over there, West Hollywood.

1:10:16

I know what you do after

1:10:18

you go to the comedy store.

1:10:20

Oh, look at that. You drag

1:10:22

me out to Glendale. So, yeah,

1:10:24

but when I can't hit a

1:10:26

shower, you know, after a dropout,

1:10:28

dude. I'll do it until I

1:10:30

don't see anything left on the

1:10:32

paper and then I then I

1:10:34

move on. How are you not

1:10:36

on the toto toilet man? You

1:10:38

push the button and get your

1:10:40

bubble back. I am displaced. You're

1:10:42

at least bisexual. Yeah. I don't

1:10:44

know. I love it. I don't

1:10:47

know. I thought that was you.

1:10:49

You're trying to get me to

1:10:51

the after hours right now. What

1:10:53

do you know about after hours?

1:10:55

This is insane. Do you have

1:10:57

gay friends? You got a bunch

1:10:59

of gay friends, don't you? I've

1:11:01

had gay friends, I know you

1:11:03

guys' strategies. I know you're always

1:11:05

trying to bang me. Excuse me,

1:11:07

don't let our secrets out like

1:11:09

this. This is a lot. Listen.

1:11:11

Listen expectant. I have the total

1:11:13

seat. Yeah, but I'm displaced. But

1:11:15

you don't, oh, you're right. I

1:11:18

hate my toilet seat. I lived

1:11:20

in Malibu. I'm not able to

1:11:22

return to my seat. Yeah. When

1:11:24

I grabbed it when you were

1:11:26

there, I would have grabbed it.

1:11:28

This is a nice piece of

1:11:30

equipment. That's wild. Hold on. It

1:11:32

requires a water source and a

1:11:34

power source. Right. And when you

1:11:36

look at houses built in the

1:11:38

80s, look by the toilet. There's

1:11:40

no fucking outlet. that thing. I

1:11:42

mean get it when I say

1:11:44

heat it up I mean electrically

1:11:47

get power to it. You know

1:11:49

what I mean? There's no old

1:11:51

houses that have outlets by the

1:11:53

toilet. Who's vacuuming by toilet? I

1:11:55

just want you to know. I

1:11:57

don't even have one of these.

1:11:59

You know, it's a game changer.

1:12:01

It is. I mean, I'm the

1:12:03

level of jealousy. It's like a

1:12:05

shower. It's like a shower that

1:12:07

you just stroll right out after.

1:12:09

Nothing happened. I'm so surprised they

1:12:11

can't wait to see you guys.

1:12:13

I went, the first time I

1:12:15

ever came upon that was at

1:12:18

the Riga Royal Hotel in like

1:12:20

2000 in New York City. I

1:12:22

sat down on that toilet. My

1:12:24

room. I was like, what is,

1:12:26

there's a picture of a ball

1:12:28

on a ball on a wall

1:12:30

on a water. I had the

1:12:32

same experience in Japan. What is

1:12:34

going on around here? I called

1:12:36

Jimmy in his room. I was

1:12:38

like, hey man, do you have

1:12:40

one of these tacos? Yeah, I

1:12:42

go, I don't, what goes on

1:12:44

here? All right, I'm gonna start,

1:12:46

I hope one of these buttons

1:12:49

isn't an ejector seat. I'm gonna

1:12:51

start pushing buttons. I start pushing

1:12:53

buttons, you know, hitting the ass.

1:12:55

Jimmy then bought me a toilet.

1:12:57

He bought me a toto-to toilet.

1:12:59

Boy, it really sounds gay with

1:13:01

Jimmy, but he bought me a

1:13:03

to- They're on the phone together

1:13:05

pushing the button. One, two, three.

1:13:07

Without getting too intimate in the

1:13:09

gay world. Please do. Too late.

1:13:11

I come from a lot of

1:13:13

theater and sketch comedy in LA,

1:13:15

so I knew my fair share

1:13:17

of pros. I did Acmee and

1:13:20

Groundlings and stuff like that. We

1:13:22

did a lot of improv and

1:13:24

sketch. But I mean, if you

1:13:26

think about it, sketch is kind

1:13:28

of theater. Because you hate scripts,

1:13:30

everyone memorizes and puts a costume

1:13:32

on, do a character. And I

1:13:34

was surprised that a lot of

1:13:36

gay dudes aren't into backdoor stuff.

1:13:38

Like I knew gay dudes. It's

1:13:40

like, I just blow dudes. Or

1:13:42

I get blown. That's how we

1:13:44

roll. I don't do other stuff.

1:13:46

Or they pick a lane or

1:13:48

they have a lane. Does that

1:13:51

make any sense at all? Or

1:13:53

maybe that's just my buddy Mark

1:13:55

from... Exactly, theater. Maybe he just

1:13:57

wanted to blowjap. Maybe don't want

1:13:59

me to jump into the deep

1:14:01

head. I don't know what the

1:14:03

fuck. Who gay guys you're hanging

1:14:05

out with? But that is, this

1:14:07

is 2025. This is not that.

1:14:09

Every, so on the day guys

1:14:11

you know are into everything. I

1:14:13

can't even look at you ma'am.

1:14:15

This is a lot. It's all

1:14:17

on the table. It's all on

1:14:19

the table. Can I, can I,

1:14:22

can I, yeah, go ahead. I'm

1:14:24

gonna get rid of it. What

1:14:26

don't, he's gonna educate us today.

1:14:28

Do y'all know what Sniffies is?

1:14:30

No! Sniffies? Do you know Sniffies?

1:14:32

Do you know what Sniffies is?

1:14:34

Do you know Sniffy? Do you

1:14:36

know Sniffy? I don't want to

1:14:38

know if you're wearing a construction

1:14:40

hat appropriating your culture, ma'am. So

1:14:42

I don't think we're gonna start

1:14:44

this game like that. I will

1:14:46

pull out Owegee board will call

1:14:48

Harvey milk to the milk to

1:14:51

the table. Yeah, yeah. Poppers not

1:14:53

sniffies to be fair history. Now

1:14:55

you've reviewed yourself. You're back You're

1:14:57

back to being straight. No, okay.

1:14:59

So do you know what poppers

1:15:01

are? Amal nitrate. Amal nitrate. Do

1:15:03

you know what you know is

1:15:05

for? Yeah. Well, you're right when

1:15:07

you come you pop it or

1:15:09

what do you do? I don't

1:15:11

know how it goes. Honestly, the

1:15:13

way we're building bridges together. Yeah.

1:15:15

Oh They've come back. They're popular,

1:15:17

but the current administration is taking

1:15:19

them away and shutting down the

1:15:22

poppers factories. Okay, let me figure

1:15:24

out the poppers for a second.

1:15:26

So they've come back like gin

1:15:28

has like they've always been there.

1:15:30

You just didn't know about it.

1:15:32

They've been going straight through. Yeah,

1:15:34

yeah, yeah. Always popular. Because things

1:15:36

like rye whiskey. Rye whiskey, you

1:15:38

know, when I was in the

1:15:40

80s, nobody. asked for Rye whiskey

1:15:42

or an old-fashioned or something. It

1:15:44

was all gone and then at

1:15:46

some point Rye whiskey got popular

1:15:48

again and Old Fashions came back

1:15:50

and gin came back. So there's

1:15:53

an ebb and a flow with

1:15:55

stuff. Now they have nitrous oxide

1:15:57

and nitrous oxide you could steal

1:15:59

a big tank from the hospitals,

1:16:01

some of my friends did back

1:16:03

today, or you could get the

1:16:05

cartridges. The cartridges are for are

1:16:07

propellant for like working on industrial

1:16:09

size, whipped cream containers and stuff,

1:16:11

but you can do whippets off

1:16:13

of, you know, so there's a

1:16:15

kind of above board legal version

1:16:17

of nitrous that you can get.

1:16:19

But Amal poppers what art what

1:16:21

is the application because they're not

1:16:24

used in the catering? It's a

1:16:26

in catering. I'm saying this this

1:16:28

oh these cartridges are used for

1:16:30

catering right right right right night

1:16:32

for I don't know I'm not

1:16:34

mr. Poppers okay Mary Poppers here

1:16:36

but it's a it's the Amal

1:16:38

nitrates whenever the hell that means

1:16:40

and you sniff it And it

1:16:42

allows your muscles to relax. Connect

1:16:44

the dots. Here's the thing though.

1:16:46

Pretty sure it's safe to say,

1:16:48

it's not good for your brain.

1:16:50

All right, let's get some CAT

1:16:52

scans going over here, gay boys.

1:16:55

And yeah, so now like the

1:16:57

FDA is like, the shit's gonna

1:16:59

stop. Would you be able to

1:17:01

buy them on the internet in

1:17:03

the past? God damn, I don't

1:17:05

know. The biggest supplier has just

1:17:07

recently. had to had to be

1:17:09

shut down and that was all

1:17:11

internet base. What were they claiming

1:17:13

the use was? Yeah, no. What

1:17:15

do you mean? Oh, I think

1:17:17

like nail polished remover. Oh, I

1:17:19

see. Yeah. It's like I said,

1:17:21

when I was a kid, I'd

1:17:23

go to the hardware store in

1:17:26

North Hollywood, or the army surplus

1:17:28

store, when I was like 10.

1:17:30

And at the counter, there was

1:17:32

a box of a white old-school

1:17:34

vibrator and a drawing of a

1:17:36

chick holding it on her shoulder.

1:17:38

Oh, yeah. Sweet relief, you know.

1:17:40

Because you got to put something

1:17:42

on the box. Something needs to

1:17:44

be on the box. It's not

1:17:46

what anyone's doing with it, but

1:17:48

we got a box. It's that.

1:17:50

It's that. It's that. It's that.

1:17:52

It's that. It's that. under the

1:17:54

guise of room deodorizers leather polish

1:17:57

nail polish remover or video tape

1:17:59

head cleaner but why do you

1:18:01

have to pop them there's no

1:18:03

popping I don't know where the

1:18:05

popping came from probably just from

1:18:07

the so now afterwards you could

1:18:09

pop it in sure you give

1:18:11

that a huff right at the

1:18:13

moment of climax no no no

1:18:15

before oh to loosen things up

1:18:17

preparation. I better get the Congressional

1:18:19

Medal of Freedom for the education

1:18:21

we're doing today. I thought you

1:18:23

did it right when you're having

1:18:26

an organ, but you're saying to

1:18:28

loose... Yeah, that's interesting because I

1:18:30

had a emergency room physician come

1:18:32

over here to watch some fights.

1:18:34

Yeah, yeah. Remember the picture on

1:18:36

his phone? Yeah. A giant deal

1:18:38

though? Yes. And he said, oh

1:18:40

yeah. I had to pull this

1:18:42

guy work with it. I pulled

1:18:44

this out of a guy's ass.

1:18:46

And I said, well, how do

1:18:48

you get it? He said, got

1:18:50

it with tongs. Of course, you

1:18:52

know, I go, how do you

1:18:54

get the guy? He goes, put

1:18:57

him under. And I go, yeah,

1:18:59

but even under, he goes, no,

1:19:01

no, no, once you go under,

1:19:03

you get pretty, things relax. But

1:19:05

that's a big ass, still though,

1:19:07

we saw him. A matchbox car?

1:19:09

Potatoes? Potatoes were commonplace. Potato! Potato!

1:19:11

I hope there were those like

1:19:13

little purple ones. Not the big,

1:19:15

not the big, not the big,

1:19:17

you won't hear all I got

1:19:19

fired from. Yeah. A male pelvic

1:19:21

x-ray does show your full penis.

1:19:23

Really? Just so you know, okay.

1:19:25

And you know, they take all

1:19:28

the x-rays that aren't being used

1:19:30

anymore and they just keep them

1:19:32

in a pile and then I

1:19:34

don't know, probably burn them or

1:19:36

something like that. I thought. It

1:19:38

would be so funny to take

1:19:40

all these male pelvic x-rays, remove

1:19:42

the lampshade from the lamp in

1:19:44

the workroom for all of my

1:19:46

co-workers, and change it with male

1:19:48

pelvic x-rays. Turns out not funny

1:19:50

for everyone. It's funny. I thought

1:19:52

it was great. I think it's

1:19:54

a hip of violation. Solid joke

1:19:56

though. That's good. I thought I

1:19:59

mean. Yeah, yeah, that's too bad.

1:20:01

There's no names on it, no

1:20:03

social security numbers, just penis and

1:20:05

bones. Listen, you know, you go

1:20:07

in, so they say, when you

1:20:09

go to one of these plastic

1:20:11

surgeons and you want to get

1:20:13

a boob reduction or boob job

1:20:15

or something like that, they've got

1:20:17

a whole catalog of boobes to

1:20:19

show you. I would hope so.

1:20:21

There's no names, but the guys

1:20:23

taking pictures of boobes and going,

1:20:25

here's how it works, I'll get

1:20:27

my hands on the before for

1:20:30

the before, before the reduction, before

1:20:32

the reduction pick. But either way,

1:20:34

they're showing around pictures of Rando

1:20:36

Boobes. Yeah, that's part of the

1:20:38

business. Yeah, they get away with

1:20:40

the sign away that right. Yeah.

1:20:42

What about a cockshade? I didn't

1:20:44

get it. I had a Rams

1:20:46

football shade in my room growing

1:20:48

up. What's the difference? A nice

1:20:50

little morbid Etsy shop? Those things

1:20:52

would fucking fly. You're right. So

1:20:54

was there big to do? Like

1:20:56

someone who did this or who's

1:20:58

responsible for this cockshade? Yeah, yeah,

1:21:01

they threw me under the bus

1:21:03

quick. Oh, really quick. And then

1:21:05

I had to go down to

1:21:07

HR and be fired by my

1:21:09

mom. Did anyone know your status

1:21:11

as a gay black belt? As

1:21:13

a gay black belt? Just knowing

1:21:15

everything about the gay lifestyle. Did

1:21:17

anyone know my status? Yeah, back

1:21:19

then. Oh yeah. Because Cox, the

1:21:21

dick lampshade, coming for me, is

1:21:23

a different, you know, it's a

1:21:25

different message. You know what I

1:21:27

mean? You're right. I don't beat

1:21:30

off to the lampshade. You never

1:21:32

had a lampshade in his mouth.

1:21:34

That's all he says. That's what

1:21:36

I'm saying. It could be like

1:21:38

a corolla, get the hell out

1:21:40

of here. All coming back. Is

1:21:42

it? If you were like this.

1:21:44

This is great. I didn't realize

1:21:46

it or cover it. That's what

1:21:48

happened. If you were straight, they

1:21:50

wouldn't have fired you. Wouldn't have

1:21:52

been an innocent Joe. They know.

1:21:54

Well, the health insurance executive is

1:21:56

suing Oliver. Yeah. And that's that.

1:21:58

Yeah. Val Kilmer. Sorry ice

1:22:01

man is dead. Yeah star top

1:22:03

gun doors and several several classic

1:22:05

films all of them died Tuesday

1:22:07

in Los Angeles He was great

1:22:09

and listen he should have got

1:22:11

a can we ward for doors

1:22:14

because he did yeah he should

1:22:16

have should have he was I

1:22:18

mean he turned into Jim Morrison

1:22:20

He sung all the stuff he

1:22:22

looked like the guy grew beard

1:22:24

he got fat he did everything

1:22:26

like he was Jim Morrison, I

1:22:29

don't... I've said it once I'll

1:22:31

say it again. Portraying somebody that

1:22:33

we all know, where we know

1:22:35

what they look like, we know

1:22:37

what they sound like, we know

1:22:39

what they sing like, like we

1:22:42

know what their mannerisms is, that

1:22:44

isn't much... Higher bar than playing

1:22:46

well this guy was a cobbler

1:22:48

from 1871 who turned out tovenge

1:22:50

that It's like that could be

1:22:52

anybody and we'd never know who

1:22:54

that guy was the tallest order

1:22:57

is becoming Somebody I mean if

1:22:59

you think what acting really is

1:23:01

and the fact that he didn't

1:23:03

get the Academy Award for that

1:23:05

is is disappointed. I don't know

1:23:07

who yeah did that year that

1:23:09

was whack. He was also got

1:23:12

to find out what year the

1:23:14

doors came out and who won.

1:23:16

I've looked it up before. It's

1:23:18

usually always like... You go, eh,

1:23:20

okay, but he should have got

1:23:22

it. Well, yeah, he went to

1:23:24

Juilliard when he was 17, like

1:23:27

the youngest guy in there and

1:23:29

played Hamlet, you know, early in

1:23:31

his career, later on Tombstone, True

1:23:33

Romance, he, which is like my

1:23:35

favorite one. That was a bad-ass

1:23:37

movie. Yeah, it's a damn shame.

1:23:39

There's a really interesting doc on

1:23:42

him that I watched not too

1:23:44

long ago. And, um... I can't

1:23:46

remember what it's called. I don't

1:23:48

know where it is. I don't

1:23:50

know if it's on HBO. I

1:23:52

don't know if it's too low

1:23:55

or whatever, but there's a good

1:23:57

doc on him and how he

1:23:59

grew up and so on and

1:24:01

so forth. Yeah. All right, who

1:24:03

won that year? That's what I'm...

1:24:05

asking now what not that the

1:24:07

doors was directed by Oliver Stone

1:24:10

yeah that I got I'm just

1:24:12

asking who won that year yeah

1:24:14

I should mention that yeah he

1:24:16

died of throat cancer yeah compliment

1:24:18

he was a cigarette smoker and

1:24:20

yeah he had his cancer in

1:24:22

remission but now the pneumonia caught

1:24:25

him pneumonia always gets you but

1:24:27

it's always something yeah something at

1:24:29

the beginning you're weakened by Anthony

1:24:31

Hopkins from silence and land oh

1:24:33

yeah that's why It's just a

1:24:35

bad year. Picture two I think

1:24:37

that year as well 1990. 91.

1:24:40

91, sorry. 91. Yeah, but Hopkins

1:24:42

was playing a fictional character and

1:24:44

doing a great job, but we

1:24:46

didn't have an A and a

1:24:48

B, you know. Yeah, for sure.

1:24:50

And I think he sung all

1:24:53

the door songs too. He really

1:24:55

nailed it. Yeah. Good. Did you

1:24:57

see him in Wonderland? as John

1:24:59

Holmes. Oh yeah, he was great

1:25:01

in Wonderland. He was really good

1:25:03

in that. That's a great movie.

1:25:05

Yeah, forgot about that. Yeah, oh

1:25:08

he wasn't even nominated. Damn. Wow,

1:25:10

that sucks. Yeah, all right. I

1:25:12

like them as Batman. Yeah, Wonderland

1:25:14

was a true story and an

1:25:16

interesting story. And so he played

1:25:18

John Holmes and he also played

1:25:20

Jim Morrison. He was great. All

1:25:23

right, well you'd like to know

1:25:25

this, the Malibu home that Kanye

1:25:27

West destroyed and abandoned is getting

1:25:29

a new owner in a all-cash

1:25:31

deal. Yeah, someone's paying cash for

1:25:33

Kanye West, gutted, beachfront. So he

1:25:35

buys this house on PCH, and

1:25:38

we gotta look it up. He

1:25:40

bought it for 57.22 million. We

1:25:42

got to look it up and

1:25:44

see what it's next to because

1:25:46

I walk that all the time.

1:25:48

I've been there a million times.

1:25:50

By the way, my latest vlog,

1:25:53

my video log is up on

1:25:55

this where we walk through Malibu

1:25:57

and talk. to the Army Corps

1:25:59

of Engineers and stuff like that

1:26:01

if you guys want to check

1:26:03

it out it's pretty informative but

1:26:06

he bought this place and I

1:26:08

don't know of stuff around him

1:26:10

burned or not it's it's catches

1:26:12

catch cam when you go down

1:26:14

p c h this is burnt

1:26:16

that's not burnt they string together

1:26:18

like 10 houses untouched and then

1:26:21

20 houses are burnt and then

1:26:23

five houses are good and then

1:26:25

30 houses are burnt like it's

1:26:27

a weird run with no rhyme

1:26:29

or reason you couldn't go eyes

1:26:31

in the part that didn't burn

1:26:33

that are burnt so but his

1:26:36

so He buys his house for

1:26:38

like 57. Yeah, 57 and then

1:26:40

they snapped it up for 21

1:26:42

million. Yeah, 21. And now they

1:26:44

listed the half restored home for

1:26:46

39 million. So it's a quick

1:26:48

turnover and the exact amount has

1:26:51

not been disclosed with Mozilla confirmed

1:26:53

to the journal that the contract

1:26:55

price was between 30 million and

1:26:57

34. I don't know. If we're

1:26:59

being real, not that cute a

1:27:01

house. Well, he did destroy it,

1:27:03

gut completely. He was planning on

1:27:06

making it in a beachfront bunker.

1:27:08

It gave bunker. It felt very

1:27:10

bunker. It did. Yeah, I mean,

1:27:12

it's all sort of poured in

1:27:14

place concrete. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And

1:27:16

you'd have to get in there

1:27:19

and finish it. It's weird that

1:27:21

something that is just a bait,

1:27:23

like a parking lot, can be.

1:27:25

19 million dollars for real 19

1:27:27

million. It's They snapped it up.

1:27:29

Oh, I'm sorry 21 million. Yeah.

1:27:31

Yeah, no he He paid 57

1:27:34

million then he sold it for

1:27:36

21. Yes now he's selling it

1:27:38

now. They're selling it for 39

1:27:40

39. It's what they're asking for

1:27:42

it exactly It is wild and

1:27:44

like I said, I don't know,

1:27:46

can you guys figure out the

1:27:49

address of this place? It's not

1:27:51

listed. Yeah. So I walked that

1:27:53

area a lot when I used

1:27:55

to live there and I could

1:27:57

kind of see where it was.

1:27:59

First out, these lots are miniature.

1:28:01

Yeah. These lots... are like 35

1:28:04

or 40 feet wide, which is

1:28:06

not a big lot. And they

1:28:08

basically just go from PCH to

1:28:10

sort of the ocean. But they're

1:28:12

just super narrow. This isn't a

1:28:14

double lot. And all those houses

1:28:17

that burned out were all 25,

1:28:19

30 million bucks. Two. Now, this

1:28:21

one, easy to just leave it

1:28:23

how it is, because it could

1:28:25

never burn down. There's nothing there's

1:28:27

nothing to burn but if the

1:28:29

concrete gets torched they'll still deem

1:28:32

it as irreparable and and and

1:28:34

tear it down as I learned

1:28:36

from my last trip to Malibu

1:28:38

when I was talking the Army

1:28:40

Corps of Engineers guy they were

1:28:42

trucking in all the burnt cement

1:28:44

and then they were pulverizing it

1:28:47

and then they were pulling all

1:28:49

the rebar out of it and

1:28:51

then they were putting it on

1:28:53

a conveyor belt. Oh here's the

1:28:55

Here it is. Is it because

1:28:57

the temperature gets so high that

1:28:59

the concrete is now unstable? Is

1:29:02

that what they told you? So

1:29:04

here's how it works. The burning

1:29:06

of it degrades it. Yeah, yeah.

1:29:08

But not necessarily... if there was

1:29:10

a fire and there was like

1:29:12

a retaining wall and it wasn't

1:29:14

actually in the fire so then

1:29:17

what they have to do is

1:29:19

test it and the way you

1:29:21

test concrete is you get a

1:29:23

core sample you literally core a

1:29:25

piece of it out you take

1:29:27

it to some lab the lab

1:29:30

has a crusher and it goes

1:29:32

oh if it's good for 10,000

1:29:34

PSI then it's still good but

1:29:36

if it crushes it 7,000 PSI

1:29:38

then it's been compromised so you

1:29:40

get core samples you take to

1:29:42

a lab they test the concrete

1:29:45

and then we'll decide whether you

1:29:47

can keep it or not. I

1:29:49

mean I'm not a, I'm not

1:29:51

a, I'm not a, I'm not

1:29:53

a concrete testing expert, but I've

1:29:55

been around where they go, we

1:29:57

gotta get a core sample. They'll

1:30:00

get a core sample just to

1:30:02

make sure. the driveway you know

1:30:04

if they poured a a landing

1:30:06

strip at LA X yeah now

1:30:08

landing strip is not your driveway

1:30:10

driveway is four inches maybe six

1:30:12

inches they should be a contract

1:30:15

yes but that But

1:30:17

a landing strip at LAX got

1:30:19

to be like 16 inches or

1:30:21

something because a fully loaded jumbo

1:30:23

jets are landing on this thing

1:30:25

So I if you built a

1:30:28

landing strip a new landing strip

1:30:30

at LA X at some point

1:30:32

when they were done Some engineer

1:30:34

would get a core sample make

1:30:37

sure you got the right PSI

1:30:39

You used the right concrete and

1:30:41

it wasn't degraded or whatever and

1:30:43

tested it would be part of

1:30:45

signing off on it All right,

1:30:48

Steve Hilton is here. Joe's got

1:30:50

a hard out, hard out, that

1:30:52

should be the name of your

1:30:54

next special. That should be the

1:30:56

name of the next special. We'll

1:30:59

put your produce in it, so

1:31:01

that sounds good. I'm producing it.

1:31:03

I might drink so much at

1:31:05

the after party, I put the

1:31:08

dick lampshade on my head. Hey,

1:31:10

now we're talking. That's with the

1:31:12

credits. I'm running over that picture.

1:31:14

podcast as well. And he's got

1:31:16

live shows at Joe dumbrowski.com. That's

1:31:19

where you go. Thanks Joe. Yeah,

1:31:21

thanks for having me guys. We'll

1:31:23

talk to Steve Hilton right after