0:00

I'm more errands me

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and this is the

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anxious achiever. The

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show that looks

0:09

at the intersection

0:11

of mental health

0:13

and work and

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how we can all

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do both better. Hi,

0:25

I'm Kwame Christian, CEO of the

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American Negotiation Institute, and I have

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a quick question for you. When

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was the last time you had

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salesforce.com/data. New York Times

1:18

best-selling author, prolific public

1:20

speaker, and host of

1:23

the professional troublemaker podcast.

1:25

She really was one

1:27

of the early people

1:29

to build a profile

1:31

online that her audience

1:33

felt so passionate about,

1:35

believed in so much.

1:37

Lovey and I have

1:40

known each other for

1:42

years. We both opened

1:44

for the actress Kerry

1:46

Washington. at the blog her

1:48

conference and that was an

1:50

amazing experience. I've always looked

1:52

up to Lovey as someone

1:54

who seemed like she had

1:56

it all figured out, you

1:58

know, in this like thought

2:01

leadership game. Really. thriving, succeeding,

2:03

viral TED Talk, the whole

2:05

nine. Honestly, she made me

2:07

jealous. Right now, her company is

2:09

in a rebuilding phase. She had

2:11

a really hard time of

2:13

it, and she gets raw with

2:16

that, open, even going through some

2:18

decisions she probably wouldn't make

2:20

again, the scary, stressful, It's really

2:23

cool that Levy is so open

2:25

about this journey because a

2:27

lot of us, especially those of

2:29

us entrepreneurs, we go through this.

2:32

We do things we regret,

2:34

we expand too quickly, we have

2:36

management problems. Anyone who's had a

2:39

career setback, who has realized

2:41

that maybe they can't rely on

2:43

their coworkers or their team members,

2:46

they thought they could, or

2:48

if you've just realized something in

2:50

your career isn't working and it's

2:52

time to make a pivot,

2:54

even if that means going back

2:57

to square one. This conversation is

2:59

for you. Because I've like,

3:01

I've watched your career because we've

3:04

been part of a couple communities

3:06

over the decades. Yeah. And

3:08

I knew, you know, watching you

3:10

from afar, I'm like, she has

3:13

figured everything out. She's so

3:15

famous. She's on all these stages.

3:17

She's this. You know, you had

3:20

been a source of insecurity

3:22

for me. And so to hear

3:24

that you felt struggles and had

3:26

real struggles as an entrepreneur

3:28

who was wildly affirming? I'm sure

3:31

not the first person who's told

3:33

you that. Yes. Yes. I

3:35

think one of the biggest pieces

3:38

of feedback I've received from this

3:40

season of professional troublemaker is

3:42

that people literally feel seen. Yeah.

3:45

Because I think a lot of

3:47

people see my career, they

3:49

see my platforms, they see how

3:51

I always show up publicly. in

3:54

ways of excellence, and they

3:56

do assume I have it all

3:58

together. I do. not have it

4:01

all together. And it was really

4:03

important for me to tell

4:05

the story of how 2023 fought

4:07

me, okay? 2023 was my toughest

4:10

year as a business owner, as

4:12

a person who's trying to figure

4:14

out this purpose-driven

4:17

life, and it was important for

4:19

me to tell the truth of

4:21

it all, because I think we

4:23

often leave the truth out the

4:25

room, and I think as a

4:27

result of it, so many of us.

4:29

We think our struggles are

4:32

singular. We think we are

4:34

weak. We might think we're not

4:36

competent. We might think whatever we

4:38

want to think to beat ourselves

4:40

up when things don't go our

4:42

way. And it was important for

4:44

me to tell the truth because

4:46

again, yeah, people see me as

4:49

this bold person who's confident,

4:51

who looks like she has it

4:53

all together. And if your year

4:55

was anything like mine. We

4:57

all have something to learn, but also

4:59

we were all in a collective

5:01

struggle. That's right. So why

5:04

don't you set the stage for anyone

5:06

listening who doesn't know you, as well

5:08

as I do, from the outside even.

5:11

What is your business? Tell us

5:13

about what you do and also

5:15

sort of the buckets of revenue

5:17

streams that you were looking at

5:19

as we were coming into 2023.

5:21

I'm the CEO and chief visionary

5:23

officer of All Love Media.

5:26

And we are a company

5:28

that creates compelling content that

5:30

makes people think critically, feel

5:32

joy, and take action to

5:34

leave this world better than we

5:36

found it. So whether it is

5:38

through books, podcast, social, however way,

5:41

the work that my company creates

5:43

is with the idea that

5:45

it will allow people to

5:47

take transformative action. Right? So

5:49

that's my why. That's my purpose.

5:51

I am the person who gives

5:53

people courage. to take transformative action

5:55

in their lives. And that action becomes

5:58

a domino effect in the world. So personally

6:00

and professionally, I will give you

6:02

some of the tools that you

6:04

need to make that happen. Speaking

6:07

has been my biggest revenue stream

6:09

for over 10 years. I am

6:11

a professional speaker. My TED Talk

6:13

went viral in 2017 and now

6:15

has 9 million views. So I

6:17

get 500 inquiries for speaking every

6:19

year. And I only do 20.

6:22

So that's one big... big piece

6:24

of revenue stream. Another is in

6:26

my books, I have written four

6:28

New York Times best-selling books, professional

6:30

troublemakers, my banner book, that came

6:32

out in 2021, and then other

6:34

pieces of smaller revenue are things

6:37

like I'll do brand partnerships because,

6:39

you know, I've been in this

6:41

space, I've been blogging since 2003,

6:43

so I was one of the

6:45

OGs of blogging, 21 years, which

6:47

is crazy. More than half my

6:49

life, by the way. And another

6:52

piece of revenue, so sometimes I

6:54

do affiliate deals to amplify small

6:56

businesses. And then other things, I'm

6:58

a coach and I'm a consultant.

7:00

So I help people write and

7:02

publish successful books through my book

7:04

academy. So we have all these

7:07

different pots of revenue. What happened

7:09

in 2023 was that all the

7:11

pots stopped at once because my

7:13

team was being ineffective and running

7:15

in chaos, and I had goals

7:17

I need to meet to meet.

7:19

it was like a comedy of

7:22

errors. It was like the perfect

7:24

storm of terrible things. And to

7:26

the point where my company ended

7:28

up almost bankrupt, like three months

7:30

away from bankruptcy. So that's what

7:32

I've been talking about in my

7:34

podcast is really walking people through

7:37

the story, not just of my

7:39

company, but how 2023 unfolded. I

7:41

give details of how it happened

7:43

because whenever we talk about what's

7:45

going on with our lives, with

7:47

our companies, we'll leave out something.

7:50

And we'll be like, mmm. No,

7:52

I literally took episodes to be

7:54

like, let me tell you about

7:56

the crumbling. So to set this

7:58

up, you had a seven figure.

8:00

business going in to 2023 and

8:02

your goal was let's let's diversify

8:05

let's make this not all about

8:07

me yes and you hired a

8:09

lot tell us set us up

8:11

for your intention as we go

8:13

into 2023 so I actually started

8:15

hiring a bigger team and well not

8:17

bigger it's still a tiny team

8:20

because it was six people but

8:22

my goal was that my company's

8:24

revenue was too dependent on

8:26

my thought leadership my presence

8:29

Meaning, our two biggest revenue streams,

8:31

speaking in books, literally

8:33

dependent on my creativity,

8:35

my thoughts, and me putting pen

8:37

on paper or stepping on a stage.

8:39

And I have known for a long

8:41

time that is a risky business model

8:44

because it's too much pressure. A

8:46

business is built on the back of

8:48

one person literally showing up. What

8:50

happens if that person gets sick,

8:52

goes on vacation, gets tired, just

8:54

doesn't feel like it that day,

8:56

right? So I've been like, hey, we need

8:59

to bring in as much revenue speaking

9:01

as we do with brand partnerships

9:03

or even some of my merch, because

9:05

I also had merch in that

9:07

moment. So I was like, we

9:09

got to find our products, digital

9:11

products. These are all things that

9:14

easily translate my creativity and my

9:16

thoughts into a PDF guide. The

9:18

book academy, which was I was

9:20

launching the book academy or trying to

9:22

launch the book academy. because I know

9:24

that's where a lot of my deep

9:26

impact is in helping other really

9:29

successful people write really successful

9:31

books. So I had a team

9:33

of six full-time, salaried benefits.

9:35

2022, at the end of 2022, I did

9:37

a big strategy day where I brought my

9:39

whole team and I was like, let's chart

9:42

out 2023, let's make sure we can

9:44

make the goal and remove me from

9:46

being so essential to our revenue

9:48

and business development. So

9:50

we had a plan. We created by quarter and

9:52

everything. I was feeling really good about it.

9:54

You had a great day. You had one

9:56

of those awesome days with people and you're

9:58

like, yes, we got. this. We got

10:00

this, let's go. You know, and at

10:03

that point too, I'd also brought on

10:05

an HR consultant, Sally Thornton. So Sally

10:07

came in and was observing my team.

10:09

We already started firing people because Sally

10:12

was like, that person has to go,

10:14

that person has to go, that person

10:16

has to go. So by the end

10:19

of 2022, we fired three people, we

10:21

were down to a team of four,

10:23

and we knew we were going to

10:25

replace them the beginning of the year.

10:28

So the year starts, we replacedaced those

10:30

three that we fired. By February, the

10:32

plan was already going awry. The plans

10:34

were already going wayward. Why? Because a

10:37

team started making epic mistakes. Small mistakes,

10:39

big mistakes. Anything that was assigned to

10:41

them or that they had on their

10:43

list, they did not finish executing. They

10:46

could not go from ideation to execution

10:48

smoothly. They would get stuck in the

10:50

execution phase and be sending decks back

10:52

to each other back and forth. Like

10:55

let's say... We were like, hey, we

10:57

need more brand partnerships? All right, let's

10:59

update my media kit. The update from

11:01

my media kit took four weeks, because

11:04

the team kept on sending the deck

11:06

back to each other. Oh, can you

11:08

fix this? Well, I faced it, but

11:10

can you fix this other one? Can

11:13

you fix this other one? Can you

11:15

fix this other? Next thing, I'm like,

11:17

wait. Why have we not finished this?

11:19

What is happening? Whoever created it needs

11:22

to have at least one other person.

11:24

In fact, the ideal is just one

11:26

other person, take a look at it,

11:28

make sure it's good, ready to go,

11:31

get it out the door. How many

11:33

pieces of content per week, on average,

11:35

would you be putting out just in

11:37

everything? I mean, a lot, right? So

11:40

we have my love letter, which is

11:42

my weekly newsletter on Culture Leadership and

11:44

Growth, that goes out every Thursday or

11:46

Friday or Friday. We like to post

11:49

on my social platforms, three times a

11:51

week. Now, the other thing that was

11:53

relevant around this time was Little Troublemaker

11:55

Makes a Mess. My first children's book

11:58

was coming out in May. So our

12:00

number one, we have three priorities for

12:02

the year or for the first half

12:04

of the year. One, make sure Little

12:06

Troublemaker makes it on the New York

12:09

Times Best Own lists. Second piece

12:11

of priority was audit all of

12:13

our systems to make sure they're

12:15

efficient and we're not wasting time

12:17

or wasting energy. And then three,

12:19

generate other revenue streams, right? Our

12:22

content is important for all of

12:24

those things. Now, I still manage a

12:26

lot of my content coordinator, right?

12:28

My ideas still run that. So

12:30

I'll post something on Twitter off the

12:33

off the cuff and they go. Oh,

12:35

okay. We can make this an Instagram

12:37

post I was the ideas bank

12:39

their goal was to just

12:41

execute like their mission not

12:43

even goal their mission was to

12:46

execute what we already

12:48

set out and They did not they

12:50

did not when did you know? Things

12:52

were really in trouble March

12:54

2023 March is always always

12:56

always a really busy month for

12:59

me, for travel, for speaking,

13:01

for conferences. I'm on

13:03

the road. I'm gone, probably a

13:05

little bit more than half the

13:08

month, like on the road. I had

13:10

three or four speaking engagements,

13:12

and there were big ones,

13:14

like in front of like 3,000

13:16

people. And so in March, I

13:19

almost missed three flights. And

13:21

just to put it into context,

13:23

you missing a flight. is like

13:25

tens of thousands of dollars really

13:27

pissed off clients like this is

13:29

a big deal this is not

13:31

just yeah tens of thousands

13:33

of dollars now thankfully I

13:35

usually don't cut it too close but

13:38

I don't miss flight and I

13:40

don't disappoint my clients my

13:42

admin team had put things in

13:44

my calendar wrong dates or they will

13:46

have the car picking me up 30

13:48

minutes late and then in Chicago traffic

13:51

when I'm going to a hair airport

13:53

yeah so that was one Two, as I'm

13:55

checking in with my director of operations and

13:57

being like, hey, have we gotten that deck

13:59

out? Have we? Oh, no, we haven't

14:02

gotten it. Deadlines were being missed.

14:04

Left and right. It was like

14:06

deadlines even matter no more. At

14:08

that point, I was expecting the

14:10

deadline to be missed because they

14:12

had not been made anyway. And

14:15

then when I really was like,

14:17

we're in trouble is where my

14:19

CFO, so we have a 13-week

14:21

cash flow document that I used

14:23

that I look at every week,

14:25

and according to that cash flow

14:28

document, I had three months before

14:30

the company was on $0. We

14:32

are in trouble. My heart just

14:34

dropped. Yes. Imagine me seeing zero

14:36

at the end of this cash

14:38

flow document and me being like...

14:41

Okay, so help me understand how

14:43

this is happening and what's going

14:45

on. So I had to get

14:47

into crisis mode. Before we dig

14:49

into crisis mode, one of the

14:51

things that you've said on your

14:53

podcast that I wrote down is...

14:56

We don't talk enough about entrepreneurship

14:58

as a source of trauma and

15:00

triggers. Is money a trigger for

15:02

you? What are the triggers that

15:04

this journey showed you about yourself

15:06

that maybe you didn't know or

15:09

maybe you did know? Money is

15:11

absolutely a trigger for me. One.

15:13

But two, it mess with my

15:15

trust issues. That's actually the biggest

15:17

piece. I think we don't talk

15:19

about enough with leadership. and how

15:22

it can pick at our wounds,

15:24

for me, I've always been somebody

15:26

who knows she can depend on

15:28

herself. Like, I trust me first.

15:30

And even building a team is

15:32

a trust exercise, right? You're hiring

15:35

people and bringing them on and

15:37

saying, I will pay you to

15:39

execute my dreams. And in that

15:41

process, I will trust that you

15:43

will represent me in the way

15:45

that I want to be represented.

15:48

I would trust you in the

15:50

moments I'm not watching with this

15:52

thing that means so much to

15:54

me. So building a team was

15:56

already a trust exercise, having a

15:58

chief of staff. who was in

16:00

my inbox, mind you. That's a

16:03

trust exercise. So as the team was

16:05

given missions that they were not

16:07

executing and they were not showing up

16:09

in the way they should for each other, they

16:11

were eroding my trust each and

16:14

every day. The trust that I was already

16:16

a practice to build. So when

16:18

I talked about entrepreneurship

16:20

triggering our traumas, it absolutely

16:23

triggers your trust traumas.

16:25

If you're paying people

16:27

well, you're treating people well.

16:29

you're doing your part and holding

16:31

up your end of the bargain

16:33

by being clear on expectations, by

16:36

treating people with the

16:38

humanity they deserve, by making sure

16:40

that in you trying to build a

16:43

purpose-driven company, that you're

16:45

also maintaining the humanity

16:48

of the whole thing and building a

16:50

culture of deep integrity. I felt

16:52

like people were not showing me

16:55

the same type of integrity, work,

16:57

and passion, right? So it was

16:59

absolutely messing with my trust

17:01

issues where I was like, wait,

17:03

I took my eyes off the ball for

17:06

three minutes and you all punted

17:08

the ball across the street.

17:10

Now you gotta go run and get

17:12

the ball. I was in therapy.

17:14

I mean, everybody should be in

17:16

there. If you're just a human

17:18

being, you should be in therapy.

17:20

But if you are running your

17:22

own company, I need you

17:24

to make sure it's a regular

17:27

appointment. I was so tempted to be like,

17:29

you know what, I just do it all

17:31

myself, right? Like I was like, fine,

17:33

let me be the one, let me

17:36

do business development, let

17:38

me, let me do content coordinating,

17:40

let me add a book that

17:42

was about to come out in two

17:44

months, my company is about to

17:47

go bankrupt, my team is running

17:49

in chaos, meanwhile I'm having to

17:51

jump on a stage and kill,

17:53

which I did every time and I

17:55

always do, Three minutes before I took a

17:58

stage and gave a one-hour keynote. I'm

18:00

not kidding you. This was happening where

18:02

I would literally be putting my phone

18:04

in my pocket as I'm walking on

18:06

stage in front of thousands of people

18:08

about to give a one hour TED

18:10

Talk, okay? One hour. And I would

18:13

get on that stage and I would

18:15

kill it. Nobody would have any idea

18:17

what was happening. I'd get off the

18:19

stage, pick my phone back up, have

18:21

you fixed it? Physically? Yeah. How do

18:23

you do that? How do you deal

18:25

with anxiety and stress and like... the

18:27

swirl of your brain, and then literally,

18:29

I'm on, I'm going to kill. I'm

18:32

on. Do you have a practice for

18:34

that? I do. So I'll be getting

18:36

mics. They're miking me and I'm texting

18:38

people like, what's going on? Do you

18:40

have this thing? And I'm like still

18:42

engaging, right? Before I get on the

18:44

stage, I say a very short prayer.

18:46

Lord, help me say what I need

18:48

to say and let it be heard

18:51

in the way it needs to be

18:53

heard, and help me do the best

18:55

work I can. I would step on

18:57

stage right after saying that. And literally

18:59

for that hour, I would compartmentalize nothing

19:01

else mattered but what I was doing.

19:03

I would literally compartment, it did not

19:05

matter what I was just talking about.

19:08

My job here is to serve the

19:10

people in this room. So I would

19:12

literally just like put whatever it was

19:14

in a box in my chest to

19:16

revisit afterwards. So I would use some

19:18

of that energy to give people the

19:20

words they needed to hear. Because a

19:22

lot of my talks are also about

19:24

the important. of showing up in integrity.

19:27

So actually, I was also using some

19:29

of the passion of, I don't see

19:31

people doing it right now the way

19:33

I want them to, so I need

19:35

y'all to do it. Because when you

19:37

do it, it changes a room, it

19:39

changes the world, right? When you do

19:41

and show up with courage, right? That's

19:43

how innovation happens. And I was a

19:46

living example of that. So physically, I

19:48

would take that deep breath for I

19:50

stepped by step on the stage, that

19:52

deep- backstage here and I'll pick it

19:54

up when I get off the stage.

19:56

Now some people might say, but Lovey,

19:58

you hired these people. You manage

20:00

these people, correct? This

20:02

is also where the trust trigger

20:05

comes back in. Because

20:07

then I stopped trusting my decisions. I

20:09

stopped trusting my

20:11

lens. So

20:13

I started questioning myself. I

20:16

internalized before I ever externalized anything. So

20:19

I was also having moments where I

20:22

was beating myself up like, man, what

20:25

are you doing wrong? And I would

20:27

tap in with my mentors and my

20:29

friends and my fellow entrepreneur CEOs

20:31

and do temperature

20:33

checks. Like, all right, let me explain the

20:35

situation to you right now. Here's

20:37

how I handled it. Should I have

20:39

done this differently? And here's the thing, I also surround

20:42

myself with people who tell me the truth. So

20:44

I would check in with my entrepreneur

20:46

friends and ask the temperature checks, knowing

20:49

that they would tell me the truth. Knowing if I'm

20:51

the one, if I'm the drama, because

20:53

I was like, am I the drama? Am

20:55

I the one that's not doing what I should be doing?

20:58

And each time they would look at

21:00

them like, no, objectively speaking, that person's

21:02

violent. Like, that person's out of pocket.

21:05

I'm Jesse Hempel, host of Hello Monday.

21:07

In my 20s, I knew what

21:09

I wanted for my career. But from

21:11

where I am now in the

21:13

middle of my life, nothing feels a

21:15

certain. Work's changing.

21:17

We're changing. And there's no guidebook

21:19

for how to make sense of

21:22

any of it. So

21:24

every Monday, I bring you conversations

21:26

with people who are thinking

21:28

deeply about work and where it

21:30

fits into our lives. We

21:32

talk about making career pivots, about

21:34

purpose and how to discern

21:36

it, about where happiness fits into

21:38

the mix, and how to

21:40

ask for more money. Come join

21:43

us in the Hello Monday

21:45

community. Let's figure out the future

21:47

together. Listen to

21:49

Hello Monday with Jesse Hempel wherever you

21:51

get your podcasts. struggling

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be. Get started at salesforce.com

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slash data. So the book comes out,

22:26

it is a bestseller, you went into

22:28

crisis mode. Yes. Is crisis mode

22:30

a comfortable place for you? No.

22:33

Crisis mode is an anxious place

22:35

for me because I don't like

22:37

to operate in crisis or chaos.

22:39

And I try to live my

22:41

life in a way that mitigates

22:43

that. So I'm very organized in

22:45

general. Like, I'm very much great.

22:47

Type A, Capricorn. We need spreadsheets.

22:50

We need SOPs. I have an

22:52

SOP library. We're not late on

22:54

credit card payments. We are the most

22:56

organized planning people. We do not

22:58

operate in chaos. So when it

23:01

comes to us, it is anxiety

23:03

producing. It was bad. But here's

23:05

the funny heart. Little Trumpier

23:08

came out. That week, in the middle

23:10

of me doing press, I fired

23:12

somebody. Literally, like, got off the

23:15

Today Show stage. I got off the

23:17

Today Show stage. Or was it? Holda

23:19

and Jenna. I don't know. One of

23:21

those. Or Tamara Hall. I don't know.

23:23

I was in New York doing press

23:26

and tour stuff all week. I fired

23:28

somebody in the middle of my week.

23:30

It was like, you have to go. So I

23:32

was down to two, and I fired

23:34

my director of operations end of June. And

23:36

I was down to one. It was just

23:38

down to one. And I said, well,

23:40

the crumbling has happened. Now is

23:43

the rebuild. I was very clear. I was

23:45

like, oh, I had to wipe the dacks,

23:47

because I was learning all these lessons

23:49

at once. And all the lessons pointed

23:51

to one, sometimes you have to.

23:53

crumble for the rebuild to happen. If you

23:56

do not crumble, what makes you rebuild? And obviously

23:58

there were certain things that I need to... put

24:00

in place that were not in place. And

24:02

then the number three, I feel like

24:04

there was all sorts of spiritual lessons

24:07

around surrender. Okay, because sometimes you can

24:09

put all the things in place, you

24:11

can do all the things you're supposed

24:13

to do, and it still won't work. And

24:15

in that moment, let it go. Surrender.

24:18

So all of that was happening, and

24:20

I was very clear it was happening.

24:22

So I was like, well, I tried everything

24:24

in my power. I was pivoting. I me

24:26

as a leader's a leader. I used

24:29

all leadership skills I had. I'm a

24:31

much better leader now also because I

24:33

went through that, but just in general,

24:35

I used every skill I had, every

24:38

form of empathy and compassion,

24:40

every form of, you know,

24:42

performance review and every form of

24:44

the thing that people would tell

24:46

us on LinkedIn to do, everything,

24:48

I tried everything, everything

24:50

I tried it. It did not work. And

24:53

I was like, okay, release, let it

24:55

go. Did you grieve? I didn't have

24:57

time. Did you ever have a period

24:59

where you had to step out of

25:01

the world? Because you're a public figure.

25:03

Yes. What was also happening at the

25:06

same time, so when I fired

25:08

everybody by end of June, in July

25:10

I launched the Book Academy. Now, why I

25:12

did that two weeks after I fired everybody?

25:14

One of the things that I told

25:16

the team was one of our missions in

25:19

the first half of the year was to

25:21

launch the Book Academy, because I've been

25:23

an author since 2016, and I

25:25

basically... learned all I learned by trial

25:28

by fire, right? Four New York Times

25:30

bestsellers. Four. Like, when I did it

25:32

with Little Trouble Maker Makes a Mess,

25:34

I happened to be at a conference

25:36

of amazing, like, powerhouse black women. I

25:38

was in a session when I get

25:40

a phone call from my editor. I stepped

25:43

out the session, and my editor and my

25:45

agent, my agent, I'm like, Little

25:47

Trouble Maker Makes a Messes of New

25:49

York Times Best Seller, and I start

25:51

crying, sobbing. some of my friends who

25:53

were in the session came out and saw

25:55

me and like hugged me and like basically

25:57

like circled me around and I started sobbing.

26:00

not just because of the joy of

26:02

doing that with this kids book that

26:04

it was my first foray into that

26:06

industry right but it was like that

26:08

moment where I was like everything was

26:10

set up to make sure I failed

26:12

at this so it was like here's

26:14

a release of like I cannot believe

26:16

I did it like I dragged that

26:18

book to the finish line so my

26:21

tears and I posted on Instagram I

26:23

was like man sometimes God just gives

26:25

you a win to remind you to

26:27

keep going. And folks didn't even know

26:29

what I was referring to, but I

26:31

was referring to the fact that I

26:33

had just faced bankruptcy. I had just

26:35

fired my whole team. I have been

26:37

in the most stressful time of my

26:40

life and this thing that I really

26:42

wanted happened. But we didn't know that.

26:44

Y'all had no clue because I always

26:46

make it look good because my standards

26:48

of excellence, like my own standards for

26:50

myself, is that one I would never

26:52

let my clients down. I would not.

26:54

do shoddy work, like no matter what's

26:56

happening, I will hold up my end

26:58

of the bargain and I did that.

27:01

But in the midst of it, I

27:03

was sleeping. I know my cortisol levels

27:05

was sky high, like I was so

27:07

stressed out, I was irritable, I was

27:09

like, I hate everybody and everything, I'm

27:11

over it, to your point of when

27:13

I agree. So all of that is

27:15

relevant because my friends were like, yo,

27:17

you've been talking about this thing, this

27:20

dream that you've had for a dream

27:22

that you've had for a long time,

27:24

I'll do it some other time. They're

27:26

like, no, like one of my friends

27:28

literally sent me money when I was

27:30

on a phone with her because she

27:32

was like, so when are you launching

27:34

the book academy? And I was like,

27:36

I'm gonna do it soon. I just

27:38

got a while on the phone with

27:41

me, she sent $500 to me. And

27:43

she said, go by the URL and

27:45

you have to do it now because

27:47

now you have my money. And I

27:49

felt like I was on assignment to

27:51

do this thing. Like it gave me

27:53

purpose. Where I went and just go

27:55

lay in bed for a little bit,

27:57

it actually gave me purpose and energy.

28:00

So I was like, okay, so me

28:02

and my Lone Ranger and then

28:04

I hired like a part-time

28:06

project manager, we launched Book

28:09

Academy July 2023 without

28:11

social media much and just

28:13

emails and in 10 days 270

28:15

people register for it. 270.

28:18

270 people register for

28:20

this thing. These sessions that

28:22

would teach them how to write books

28:24

and market for me and

28:26

people were like we'd been waiting

28:28

for this. in the moment of

28:31

the crumbling in the knowing I

28:33

was beginning to rebuild it was literally

28:36

a divine offering where it felt

28:38

like God was like you have been

28:40

through the trenches okay but I need

28:42

you to understand stay in purpose

28:44

and stay in assignment and I

28:47

will reward you it made me sleep

28:49

for the first time better it made

28:51

me feel like okay in spite of

28:53

all the madness this is what it

28:55

was for because that old team could

28:58

not execute what you

29:00

just executed with two people. I

29:02

was like, oh, understood, I was

29:04

supposed to fire everybody. And I

29:06

needed to be run through the ringer

29:08

to fire them because my toxic trait,

29:10

one of my toxic traits, is that

29:12

I give people too much grace because

29:15

I want people to give me a lot

29:17

of grace. But they could not be the

29:19

team that walks with me in this new

29:21

season. It had to unfold just

29:23

as it did. Looking at where you are

29:25

now, how do you feel about your trust

29:27

triggers. So my moment of grief

29:30

came three months later, by

29:32

the way, after my finance team

29:34

made a major mistake, and it

29:36

was like the straw that broke

29:39

the camel's back. And I remember

29:42

in that moment feeling like,

29:44

dang it, who cannot trust

29:46

still? And that's when I

29:48

took to my bed. I didn't get

29:50

out of bed for a week. It

29:52

was like... all the ways in which I

29:54

had been holding that at bay came crashing

29:57

on my head when they actually broke my

29:59

trust. when I got out

30:01

of bed was the day that

30:03

I had to do a book

30:05

academy session. Because I was like

30:07

energized by the idea that you

30:09

know what, even while all this

30:11

stuff is crumbling around me, at

30:13

least there are two hundred and

30:15

seventy people that I need to

30:17

serve who were feeling the impact

30:19

of my working real time. So

30:21

I got out of bed, I

30:23

gave that session, but in the

30:25

crumbling I started reading, I started

30:27

sitting with myself, I started being

30:30

like, okay. What are these lessons

30:32

and what is your trust thing

30:34

that is happening here? Because I

30:36

feel like trust was at the

30:38

core of it and I realized

30:40

it was me not trusting God

30:42

Because if I had trusted God

30:44

out of trusted God to make

30:46

some of these decisions for me

30:48

or trusted my divine intuition Even

30:50

in the midst of the crumbling,

30:52

but I actually think that it

30:54

was all about me relearning that

30:56

it doesn't matter how much you

30:58

trust yourself if you don't really

31:00

trust the divine order and the

31:02

divine design of things. That whole

31:04

surrender thing that we all have

31:06

a hard time doing, especially those

31:09

of us who are type A

31:11

control freaks. Man, listen. If you're

31:13

not a believer in God per

31:15

se, does the lesson hold that

31:17

we still have to surrender? Yes,

31:19

because here's the thing. You might

31:21

have to surrender. to the fact

31:23

that the season is not the

31:25

right season for you to do

31:27

that thing. You might have to

31:29

surrender to the fact that your

31:31

clients are sick of hearing from

31:33

you. Like, there's so many ways.

31:35

Businesses tank often, not because a

31:37

person at the helm is not

31:39

competent. All sorts of things get

31:41

in the mix. But sometimes you

31:43

have to sit back and go,

31:45

but what caused it? Like, for

31:48

me, in talking to other entrepreneurs

31:50

about 2023, So many of them

31:52

struggled. So many of us struggled.

31:54

It was a hard year. Where

31:56

people are like, yo, it was

31:58

a hard year. The economy was

32:00

going. down and frankly speaking there's

32:02

something happening or maybe

32:04

something happened because of COVID

32:06

that also changed the way people work.

32:08

Yes. I've gotten a lot of people

32:11

a lot of my friends struggle with

32:13

teens also where we're like we don't

32:15

know what we're doing wrong. We're not sure.

32:17

It's out of our hands. But the idea

32:19

of surrendering sometimes looks like

32:21

the idea of pausing. What past me

32:23

would have done was would have I would

32:26

have been like okay I got to rebuild

32:28

the team. so we can keep running. Knowing

32:30

that I need to surrender and just

32:32

receive the slowdown that I was being

32:34

given, I didn't attempt to hire

32:37

anybody else. Sometimes you all sit

32:39

in the slowdown. Sometimes it's a

32:41

gift to reset your nervous system. The

32:43

world looks different. The world

32:45

looks different. The world looks different.

32:47

So I said, you know what, let me take

32:49

my feet off the gas. Because maybe also

32:52

the gift of this moment is that

32:54

I have been running for 15 years. My

32:56

career has been on high octane. for

32:58

a long time. I've been

33:00

averaging 100,000 miles traveling every

33:02

year for the last 10 years.

33:04

My body was tired. That's also

33:06

that piece. My body was physically

33:08

like, hey, fam, this pace we've been

33:11

going at for a decade, we're also

33:13

really tired. So it was like all of

33:15

that crashed on my head at the same time.

33:17

So who am I not to honor that?

33:20

If I was to ignore that, it would

33:22

be totally to my detriment.

33:24

So I took the moment to pause and

33:26

I pause and I said all right. My

33:28

only focus is the book academy.

33:30

I don't even have to do as much

33:32

speaking as I was doing before. Let's

33:35

put that on pause. I'm not jumping

33:37

on planes every three weeks, every

33:39

two weeks. Some day, there was one day

33:41

where I had three speaking engagements

33:44

in one week in different cities. Oh

33:46

my God. So I said 2024, it's not

33:48

just a rebuild of my company as

33:50

a rebuild of self, of what's

33:52

important. of the pace I've been on,

33:54

of reset in my nervous system, I

33:56

learned to trust myself again, learn to

33:59

trust God again. and learn to

34:01

trust my instincts again. So

34:03

this year, I've actually, I

34:05

think I've only traveled four

34:07

times. I want to ask if

34:09

this experience has changed

34:12

your relationship with fear.

34:14

Hmm, that's a good question.

34:16

I think so. It's so funny. Professional

34:19

troublemakers, the Fear Fighter

34:21

manual, and I wrote it four

34:24

years ago, and now I realized I

34:26

wrote it really for me because...

34:28

I dedicated a whole book

34:30

to talking about how to move

34:32

in spite of being afraid. And

34:35

oftentimes, you know, we think

34:37

about worst-case scenarios.

34:39

I was presented with

34:42

a few worst-case scenarios

34:44

last year. I think it's taught

34:46

me that beyond the fear of

34:48

what could happen, which is a

34:50

whole bunch of anxiety, which

34:52

is a bunch of traumas and

34:55

triggers, I think our fears. and

34:57

that anxiety. It can have a good

35:00

point to it, you know, it keeps you

35:02

prepared. But when it actually happens,

35:04

the prep that you thought you had? No.

35:06

It's not that relevant. No. It's

35:08

not that relevant. It doesn't make

35:11

you less stress. The bracelet for

35:13

impact that you were doing didn't

35:15

really help when the actual

35:17

moment was presented to you.

35:19

So that lets me know. A lot of our

35:21

fears and anxieties are pointless.

35:23

Not because they can't happen. but

35:26

the time that we spent

35:28

preparing for the disaster doesn't

35:30

really prepare you for the

35:33

disaster. I want to lift that up.

35:35

I had a bad end to the business

35:37

that I sold as well. Three years

35:39

ago. And if you had told me

35:42

that I was going to have that

35:44

end, I would have hit under

35:46

my bed for four weeks and thought,

35:48

you can't recover from this.

35:50

You can't handle this. But

35:52

you handle this. But you

35:54

handle it. But you handle it and

35:56

at the end of the day it was

35:59

just business I thought it was

36:01

my reputation, I thought it was

36:03

my life's work, I thought it

36:05

was my financials well-being, I thought

36:07

it was my family's future, I

36:09

thought it was everything that I

36:11

thought I stood for. Yeah. But

36:13

it wasn't. Ultimately, who you are

36:15

stands up beyond it, right? So

36:17

even as the business for you

36:19

ended the way you would have

36:21

not anticipated and was kind of

36:23

a nightmare scenario for you, your

36:25

name still stood and you can

36:27

handle it. So I think to

36:29

your point. It also taught me

36:31

that even if we're afraid, even

36:33

if we're anxious, even if we're

36:35

doubtful, even if we have no

36:37

clue how this gonna go, we

36:39

are capable of making it to

36:41

the other side. And I promise

36:43

you, usually, that crumbling is a

36:45

warning sign that however it was

36:47

operating before was not working. It

36:49

wasn't working, so... It's either a

36:51

slow burn or fast burn. And

36:53

I might be thankful for the

36:55

fast burn. I'm thankful for the

36:57

fast burn, that did not go

36:59

longer than six months. Our fears

37:01

are acting like they're preparing us

37:04

for this. We'll spend time being

37:06

worried in advance of the thing.

37:08

To inoculate us against the thing,

37:10

we think. Correct, but it doesn't

37:12

inoculate you. It's what Renee Brown

37:14

calls for both enjoy. When something

37:16

is going well, we're afraid of

37:18

when the shoe will drop and

37:20

then when it's not going well

37:22

We're like see this is why

37:24

I was afraid So in either

37:26

moment you're not even reveling in

37:28

what you have How I look

37:30

back at all of it and

37:32

how I think my fears is

37:34

now I know my fears are

37:36

telling me I have nothing to

37:38

fear Because if you've been faced

37:40

with a worst-case scenario and still

37:42

made it to the other side

37:44

that means you can do it

37:46

again if it was to happen

37:48

and here's a That's a data

37:50

point, right? That will teach me

37:52

that, all right, the next time

37:54

I need to do a different.

37:56

So I think what we often

37:58

think to be our fail. and

38:00

our fears confirming those failures are

38:03

massive lessons and transformations

38:05

that need to happen.

38:07

That experience 2023 transformed

38:09

me in ways I'm still

38:11

processing because it taught me so much

38:13

about who I am. It taught me

38:16

so much about how I can still stay

38:18

in integrity in spite of

38:20

what's happening around me. And then

38:22

it also taught me that we're all

38:25

in a collective experience. And

38:27

in me sharing it, where a lot

38:29

of people are like, oh my gosh,

38:31

you've been real vulnerable. And I'm like,

38:33

what is vulnerability if

38:36

not truth? That's courageous. Right?

38:38

Hard truths. I'm not giving

38:40

people surface truths and why

38:42

my podcast has been hitting people

38:44

in such ways that I'm so

38:46

thankful for. I think the gift

38:48

of last year of my struggles

38:50

last year is now that other people

38:52

feel like they're okay. They'll

38:54

see it through. and that

38:57

their experience is not singular,

38:59

they're not incompetent, they're not

39:01

unworthy of whatever it is that they

39:03

have, that even those of us who look like

39:06

we have it together, even those of

39:08

us who look like it, we still have

39:10

these struggles because we're all human.

39:12

That's right. So I'm just thankful

39:14

for this platform and other people

39:17

who've been vulnerable about the 2023.

39:19

So if I can be the domino

39:21

by being 2023 with trash. and now

39:23

we can all really talk about it

39:25

for real, then you know what? I've

39:28

already done well. I'm like, I'm

39:30

very proud. I really am very

39:32

proud about this podcast. And I

39:34

think this year when, if somebody

39:36

was asking me, what's the best

39:38

thing you've done this year? Hands

39:41

out, I would be like the professional

39:43

truckmaker podcast. Like, I have been

39:45

sitting in my house writing. I

39:48

have been talking and just, this

39:50

has been cathartic for me too.

39:52

and storytelling. And that's what I've

39:54

been doing. That's

40:01

it for today's show. Our show

40:03

is produced and edited by Mary

40:05

Dew. Our assistant producer and sound

40:08

engineer is Nick Krenko. Many thanks

40:10

to the LinkedIn Presents Family, to

40:12

all of our guests for sharing

40:15

their stories, and to our

40:17

advertisers who bring you the show.

40:19

If you love the Anxious Achiever,

40:21

tell your friends. Subscribe, leave a

40:23

review, follow us. You can also

40:25

tweet me at Mora AM or

40:27

find me on LinkedIn, where you

40:29

can follow me. message me or

40:31

subscribe to my newsletter for more

40:33

from the anxious achiever world. Thanks

40:36

for listening.