0:00

What if your anxiety is feeling so overwhelming

0:02

to you that you're not even sure that you can

0:04

or should continue to go to work

0:06

or school ? You might wake up every morning

0:09

filled with fear and anxiety and apprehension

0:11

and anticipation and you may be

0:13

wondering is it time for me to take

0:15

an extended period of time off so I

0:17

can heal or recover ? Well

0:20

, if that's you , then today , on the Anxious

0:22

Truth , that's a question we're going to address

0:24

. Should I take time off from my

0:26

work or my school to recover

0:28

from my anxiety disorder ? What I'm going to try

0:30

to do here is help you understand that question

0:33

, maybe find an answer that works for you . But

0:35

, more important , I want you to sort of understand

0:37

that asking the question isn't failure

0:39

and there isn't always a right

0:41

answer . Sometimes we're going to get it wrong

0:43

, and that's okay . Hello

0:56

everybody , drew here , welcome back to the Anxious Truth . This is episode 308

0:58

of the podcast . We are recording December 31st , 2024 , last day

1:00

of the year , in case you're listening from

1:02

the future , if you're not , happy new year

1:04

. So today we're going to talk about

1:06

the idea that taking time

1:09

off from work or school , especially

1:14

an extended leave of absence , is a good idea when you're trying to recover from an anxiety disorder . I

1:16

want to talk about why you might think that's a good idea , why

1:18

it might be a good idea , why it might not

1:21

be a good idea , what can go wrong and why

1:23

it's okay to not really know the answer to this question

1:25

, and

1:31

I want to sort of use three examples to help us illustrate where you might be right now and why you

1:33

might be struggling with this question that feels at the same time urgent

1:35

I got to know the answer to this , should I take off from

1:37

work or school and also unanswerable . I

1:39

don't actually know if I'm doing the right thing if I do

1:41

that . So I want to use three examples and

1:43

I'll give you a little bit of an example from my

1:45

own life that might help . Let's look at

1:48

somebody who has developed recurring

1:50

panic attacks in their place of work . We'll call

1:52

this person , say Sarah , this is not real people

1:54

, these are not therapy clients , these are not actual

1:56

members of our community . They're just examples to

1:58

help illustrate why you might find

2:01

yourself in a situation where you feel overwhelmed

2:03

, like you can't cope with this anxiety and you

2:05

think you need to take time off in order to do

2:07

that . So if Sarah maybe

2:09

started having panic attacks at work . Maybe it started

2:11

with one panic attack in a meeting , maybe three

2:13

or four months ago , but then another one happened

2:16

, and another one happened and now she's having panic

2:18

attacks every single day at work and

2:20

now she's afraid to go to work . She might be spending

2:22

time driving there terrified

2:25

the whole time and then sitting in the parking lot hemming

2:27

and hawing as to whether or not she even wants to go

2:29

in . She wants to go home , where

2:31

she feels better , where the panic won't happen and

2:33

where she feels safe . And this may lead

2:35

her to believe that work is

2:37

the problem , work is making her worse

2:39

and maybe she needs to take an extended leave of absence

2:42

so that she can get over her anxiety . And maybe she needs to take an extended leave of absence so that

2:44

she can get over her anxiety . Or maybe

2:46

we can say we have a friend named

2:48

Mike and he has generalized anxiety disorder

2:50

and , of course , like all gad

2:52

brains , mike's brain is in constant

2:54

problem-solving , question-answering

2:57

overdrive and he finds

2:59

himself anxious and worked up all day

3:01

long and he can't seem to get a handle on that . And

3:04

it's happening while he's at work and work

3:06

seems to be exacerbating that . Maybe

3:08

he has a lot of responsibilities , maybe he has a lot of projects

3:11

going on , maybe there's just politics at work

3:13

that are stressful and would be for anybody

3:15

. So he starts to form the conclusion when

3:17

I go to work , my mind gets even louder

3:19

, everything feels like a disaster and everything

3:21

feels unhandleable . So I really

3:24

need a break from all this because clearly

3:26

it's the work that's causing this and making me

3:28

worse . And if I could just take time off

3:30

and rest , then my brain will settle down

3:32

. It will not be like this anymore . Or

3:39

for somebody with OCD , for instance , they may find that let's say they're a college student and they're

3:41

having a really hard time in class , in their lectures or doing their projects

3:44

or studying , because their brain is

3:46

just constantly firing scary , intrusive

3:48

, unwanted , triggering thoughts at them and

3:50

then they're fighting with that because they don't like those

3:52

thoughts and they're really afraid and they're anxious

3:54

and they're panicking . And then they have to start to

3:56

engage in physical or mental compulsions

3:58

to try to calm themselves down in the moment . And it's getting

4:01

really , really difficult to be a college student

4:03

. That person may feel like , well

4:05

, I have so many classes , so many credits , my

4:07

professors are difficult , I have so much writing

4:09

on this . My future is uncertain . Clearly

4:11

it's being at school is making it even worse

4:14

, so maybe I should take an extended

4:16

leave of absence or an entire semester or a

4:18

year off so that I can calm

4:20

down and get my thoughts under

4:22

control before I go back and resume

4:24

. These might sound familiar to

4:26

you and from my own personal experience I can

4:28

talk about honestly . The Christmas

4:30

breaks were a really good illustration of the idea

4:33

of taking a break and trying

4:35

to use that as part of recovery . So

4:37

we're at the end of the holiday break in 2024

4:40

. And for me , I used to look forward to the

4:42

holiday break when I was at my worst , because it

4:44

was a time where I would get a week , or sometimes

4:47

two full weeks where I could literally

4:49

hibernate and not leave the house and nobody

4:51

would care because nobody was expecting me to leave the

4:53

house . And I thought that would be a great opportunity

4:56

for me to kind of get my oomph

4:58

back and sort of get my mojo back

5:01

and rest and get away from this constant anxiety

5:03

. And

5:09

I'd be feeling much better by January 2nd . And , as it turns out , I wasn't

5:11

. So while it seemed like a good idea to do that , it would tend to backfire

5:13

and I would have a really hard time being forced to go back after

5:16

the holiday break January 2nd always traditionally

5:18

one of the hardest times of the year for me because of

5:20

the avoidance that came in with the idea that I

5:22

should be taking an extended break to get

5:24

better . So some of those things

5:26

might resonate with you and it's really common

5:29

. If you find yourself in a situation where you

5:31

feel overwhelmed and you are seriously considering

5:33

taking an extended leave of absence from work

5:35

because you feel that you are genuinely like

5:37

just exhausted mentally , emotionally , physically

5:40

by this , I get you . It makes perfect

5:42

sense for your brain to decide like this

5:44

is all too much . We got to get away from this so

5:47

that we can be better or at least feel better

5:49

. That wouldn't make you wrong or weak or

5:51

defective . It would make you human . In fact

5:53

, if you didn't experience at least some

5:55

drive to get away from bad experiences

5:58

, something would be weird about that , right

6:00

? Remember the stuff we talk about around

6:02

here especially if you've been around the

6:04

podcast or the YouTube channel long enough is

6:06

quite paradoxical , you know . It makes

6:08

sense that we would want to avoid these things and

6:10

escape from them , but in the end , what

6:13

our brain thinks is right for us in any given

6:15

moment isn't always what's right for us on

6:17

the long term . So it's

6:20

normal to find yourself in a situation where

6:22

you're thinking that you might want to take an extended

6:24

period of time off and you're thinking that the

6:27

extended rest and quiet

6:29

will somehow help you get over

6:31

this . Or you might be thinking

6:33

that I need to take time off so that I can

6:35

do recovery as a full-time job

6:37

. I'm going to go all in , I'm just going to spend all

6:39

day long doing exposures . In all

6:41

of these cases you might be

6:43

kind of aiming at the wrong target or at

6:46

least going on some wrong information

6:48

. So I just sort of want to talk about that

6:50

. In a situation where

6:52

you take time off because you

6:54

actually do need the time off , there's

6:56

nothing wrong with that . Everybody needs time off

6:58

. And if you're really tired and you're exhausted because

7:01

an anxiety disorder is an exhausting kind of thing

7:03

I get that and it's okay to take

7:05

time to rest and recharge and take care of yourself

7:07

there's nothing inherently wrong about that and

7:10

that doesn't mean that you're not recovering . But

7:12

sometimes we have to really ask is

7:14

that why we're really doing it , or are we doing

7:17

it because I just can't even bear

7:19

the idea of getting up in the morning and going back

7:21

to school because I'm struggling , feeling

7:23

anxious all day long . It feels overwhelming

7:25

and unhandleable and I feel much better if

7:27

I just retreat back to my safe or my quiet

7:30

zone . I get that . But if

7:32

you're doing it primarily because of avoidance

7:35

and the need to get away from these experiences

7:37

that you feel like you can't control , can't

7:39

get a handle on and are too scary for you , then

7:42

we sort of have to rethink that a little bit . Or

7:44

the idea that you're going to take time off and just

7:46

go all in in full-time recovery and

7:49

just every day you're going to go at it

7:51

like the hammers of hell and you're just going to recover faster

7:53

and better because you've dedicated your whole life

7:55

to that . Often that doesn't really work either

7:58

, because there's no such thing as full-time

8:00

, every working moment , recovery . That

8:02

can lead to even more burnout and it can

8:04

even lead to being a little bit obsessed about recovery

8:07

and making bad decisions and

8:09

winding up on a treadmill where you're running

8:11

and running and running but not actually moving forward

8:13

all that well . So to try

8:15

to answer the question should I take time

8:18

off , an extended period of time off from work

8:20

or school in order to focus on recovery or

8:22

to recover . You've got to really be

8:24

honest with yourself . What is my motivation ? Am

8:26

I truly burnt ? Do I really need this time

8:29

off ? In which case , sure , take it . But

8:31

also , you

8:33

have to really really look at this and say am I just

8:35

trying to get away from it ? I just need to

8:37

get away from it , and that's

8:39

not a good primary motivator

8:42

to take extended periods of time off . Everybody

8:44

is allowed to get away from the struggle now and then . It's

8:46

a good idea . We all need to do that sometimes

8:49

. Just be careful . If your

8:51

primary motivation is , I think that if I could

8:53

get away from this for two months , that I'll

8:55

just somehow magically get better because I'm

8:57

quieter and not being triggered , and somehow

8:59

it'll fade into the background because my anxiety , immune

9:02

and recharge response will kick in and

9:04

fix it . For me it doesn't do that . So

9:06

be careful about that . But if you do choose

9:09

to take time off because it's the right thing for

9:11

you , I would fully endorse that . But

9:21

you also have to ask yourself how am I going to use that time ? What am I going to do with

9:23

that time ? You don't want to just be passive . You don't want to sit there and hope that

9:25

something kicks in to make you better , like might happen if you had the flu

9:27

or if you broke a bone and you had to , like

9:29

, sit on your sofa with your foot in a cast for

9:31

six weeks while your bone healed . It just

9:33

doesn't work that way . This is not how anxiety

9:36

disorder recovery works . It's not

9:38

a passive healing and resting process

9:40

like when you have a sinus infection . It's

9:42

an active process where we choose

9:44

to stay connected to and engaged

9:46

with our experiences , even

9:48

the ones we hate and fear and are trying

9:50

to get away from . So even if

9:53

you do decide I'm going to take extended

9:55

amounts of time off from work or school

9:57

to take care of myself there's

9:59

nothing wrong with that . But please be careful about

10:01

deciding I'm just going to rest for

10:03

three months , because rest alone isn't

10:06

going to really help you and sometimes

10:08

it even backfires and makes things worse , because

10:10

we create that avoidance loop that says , if I get away

10:13

from this , I feel great , but then , if I go back to

10:15

life , I feel bad again . So life

10:17

is dangerous and unhandleable and I can't ever

10:19

go back to life . You don't want to wind up there

10:21

. So why am I taking the

10:23

time off ? Do I need it to rest and

10:25

recharge ? Cool , am I just trying to get away

10:27

from this ? Probably not so cool , but

10:29

maybe it's both of those things , because more

10:31

than one thing can be true at a time , and sometimes

10:34

our motivations are mixed and our

10:36

motivation is unclear and our motives

10:38

are unclear to ourselves . Welcome to being

10:40

human . This is the way people work . It's how the world

10:42

works and how the universe works . Often there's

10:44

no certainty , so there could be conflicting

10:47

things or multiple reasons why you

10:49

feel like you want to take time off . So

10:52

take the time off if you need some rest . Nothing

10:54

wrong with that . Experiment with it a little bit , but

10:56

also make sure you don't decide that you're going

10:58

to just passively take time off . You're

11:00

going to have to decide how am

11:02

I going to spend this extended time

11:04

where I can work more on my recovery ? It

11:06

can't be just resting . It cannot be

11:08

just not being anxious because I'm

11:10

in my safe place . What can I do

11:13

? What steps can I take while I

11:15

have this time off to also incorporate

11:17

active recovery ? Now

11:19

, if you're exhausted , it doesn't mean you're going to go

11:21

out there and just do crazy big giant

11:23

heavy exposures every single day to get better

11:25

. You're not going to be involved in crazy big

11:27

giant ERP exercises every

11:30

single day if you're just exhausted

11:32

and have no ability to be flexible

11:34

or resilient . That's not going to work for you either

11:36

. We may have to scale it way back

11:38

, but we do want to make sure that we incorporate

11:40

consistent , systematic

11:43

, repetitive recovery , active

11:45

recovery , into our extended time off

11:47

. So you have rest time , you have recharge

11:49

time , you have you time , you have self-care time

11:51

and you also have active recovery time

11:54

built into that . So is

11:56

my motivation in the right place ? If

11:58

I'm not really sure , I might have to make the best decision

12:00

that I can . But either way , I'm going to

12:02

have to make sure that I don't make

12:04

the mistake of just passively sitting

12:07

and retreating from those anxious feelings for

12:09

months on end and hoping that

12:11

things will be different when it's time to go back , because

12:13

often they won't be , and then you start to draw those

12:15

incorrect conclusions about being hopeless

12:17

or broken or not being able to ever get better

12:20

Right . So those are the main

12:22

things , and one of the things that I really wanna talk

12:24

about is the idea

12:26

that there's no right answer , because I think that

12:29

makes things even harder for

12:31

anxious people . In the absence of

12:33

absolute certainty and knowing , yes

12:35

, this is the correct choice

12:37

that will help make

12:39

me better , because I get it , you want to be

12:41

better . You do not want to feel the way you

12:43

feel anymore . I understand that . But sometimes

12:46

the need to make the

12:48

perfect , right recovery decision

12:50

becomes almost compulsive

12:52

or it becomes a little bit obsessive

12:54

and you start to really worry like what if

12:56

I make the bad choice ? Am I going to not recover ? Am I going

12:58

to ruin my recover ? Am I going to go backwards in my recovery

13:01

? These are very common things

13:03

that happen to anxious people . They can get paralyzed

13:05

in this very decision because they're

13:07

terrified to make the wrong choice . But

13:10

one of the things that I talk about a lot around here

13:12

is the concept of psychological flexibility

13:14

. Psychological flexibility is one of the foundations

13:17

upon which recovery from an anxiety disorder

13:19

is built , and psychological flexibility

13:21

means that I can be with all of my experiences

13:23

, regardless of what they are , and

13:26

I could be with them for what they are

13:29

, without resisting them or fighting them or

13:31

forcing specific outcomes or demanding

13:33

that things be different , and that sometimes

13:36

means oof . I think I might have made

13:38

the wrong choice here because this time off

13:40

isn't helping me . I'm feeling like a lump . I'm starting

13:42

to get depressed . I don't like being isolated

13:44

and home by myself all the time . I

13:46

need to change gears . It's okay

13:48

to do that . It's okay

13:51

to do that . You might make what you think

13:53

was the wrong decision and then you may have to reevaluate

13:56

and shift . A common pitfall

13:58

for anxious people would be to

14:00

take that situation and declare failure

14:03

and declare disaster like I did

14:05

it wrong . I blew it . I don't know what I'm doing . I

14:07

don't know what I was thinking . Clearly , this isn't working

14:09

for me . I'm never going to get better . There's no

14:11

hope . You start to frantically look for people

14:13

who made the same mistake as you to see if it turned out

14:15

okay . It's okay if

14:17

you have to shift . Sometimes , and especially

14:20

with this particular question

14:22

, should I take an extended amount of time off from

14:24

work or school to recover or

14:26

so I can recover ? There

14:29

is no right answer , there's no wrong

14:31

answer , and the difference between right or wrong

14:33

may really be a moving target , even sometimes

14:35

from day to day or week to week . So

14:37

be flexible , be patient

14:39

, be kind to yourself . You may have to adjust

14:41

on the fly as you go . You may

14:44

decide I actually don't like being

14:46

completely off from work . It was better for me

14:48

to go to work and struggle

14:50

through the day than it is for me to isolate

14:53

completely and take this extended amount

14:55

of time off . Or you may discover I'm

14:57

glad that I took the time off , but I

14:59

need to start to use it a little bit more productively , because

15:01

I'm just sitting around all day long and , yes , this is

15:03

comfortable , but I don't like where it's headed . So

15:05

there's nuance , there's subtlety and

15:08

, honestly , if you were working with me

15:10

as your therapist , it

15:12

would take us some time to sort that all

15:14

out . It would take you some time to

15:16

really kind of discover what's working for you , what's

15:18

right for you , what gives you the best opportunity

15:21

to move forward and really how you

15:23

can learn from whatever experiences you're having

15:25

. So I know that the object

15:27

of the game here in this podcast episode or this YouTube

15:29

video is to try to answer the question should

15:31

I take time off to recover ? But

15:34

the point of this is maybe

15:36

or maybe not , or maybe

15:38

yes and no at the same time . There's

15:41

just some basic principles that you want to look

15:43

for , which I've talked about earlier . What's your motivation

15:46

? Is there mixed motivation ? And how are you going

15:48

to use that time more than just passively

15:50

resting and hoping to heal without

15:52

doing anything and then , after that

15:54

kind of making it up as you go along and learning

15:56

as you go through those experiences , while

15:59

you remain connected to and engage

16:01

with the experiences that you think you need to escape

16:03

from ? What is that teaching you and how are

16:05

you going to adjust , going forward ? I'm sorry , I keep

16:07

hitting my microphone , so

16:15

that's what I have to say . Where am I ? I'm about 60 minutes into this . That's kind of what I

16:17

have to say about this question . There's no right or wrong answer , and it's okay if you're not sure

16:19

. It's okay if you're even asking the question to begin

16:21

with . If you're one of those people that declares

16:23

I shouldn't have to take time off from work , I

16:25

shouldn't even be answering this question . This means I'm weak

16:27

, this means I'm broken . You could stop doing that

16:29

. Everybody starts to ask questions like this at

16:31

some point in this process , and if you're

16:34

really unsure or you've already made this decision

16:36

and you feel like this isn't working out

16:38

the way I thought , it's also okay to change your

16:40

mind and shift gears . Show some

16:42

flexibility , show some resiliency , because

16:45

the ability to change gears , learn , adjust

16:47

and be okay with not feeling so good

16:49

about your initial decision it's part and parcel

16:51

of the recovery process . So

16:53

you can't really get this wrong . Maybe

16:55

from a practical level and from a logistical

16:57

and scheduling level there certainly would

16:59

be implications . I'm not trying to say that everybody lives

17:02

in a perfect world where you could just come and go out

17:04

of work and school as you see fit . Clearly

17:06

there are going to be practical things to consider , but in

17:09

the end , as far as the anxiety disorder itself

17:11

goes and your relationship with anxiety

17:13

and fear and triggers and uncertainty , and

17:15

your own thoughts and feelings and your thoughts and

17:18

feelings about your thoughts and feelings , that's

17:20

a fluid situation and you got to be willing to

17:22

sort of dance around a little bit and see what's working

17:24

out for you as you go , and

17:27

that's it . I don't really have anything else to add so

17:29

much to that other than , yeah

17:31

, to remind you that if you have any questions

17:33

about this and you're listening to this podcast

17:36

episode as , in fact , a podcast

17:38

episode , then one of the things you can do is

17:40

to click the link that's right at the top of the podcast

17:42

show notes and allows you to send me questions or

17:44

comments about this episode by a text . I'm

17:46

not gonna see your number , I can't text you back , but

17:49

you can send in a question or a comment and I think

17:51

next episode I'm going to do viewer

17:53

questions and answers and I'm probably going to start to do

17:55

those a little bit more frequently , every few months

17:57

, so send them in . That's fine , of course , if

17:59

you're listening or watching on YouTube and

18:01

you want to ask a question there . I know I've been promising

18:04

to get back into the comments in the new year I'm

18:06

going have time to actually do that , but

18:08

if you're really struggling with the situation and

18:10

you want to use the YouTube comment section to talk about

18:13

it , your experience might help someone else

18:15

if you're willing to share . So if you

18:17

figured out what to do in this situation and you

18:19

want to talk about what you did , cool . If you're still

18:21

not sure what to do and you want to ask a question about

18:23

it , maybe somebody else will even volunteer their

18:25

you know their experience and that might

18:27

help you , so feel free to reach out that

18:29

way as well . Taking

18:31

time off or not taking time off , it isn't that

18:33

simple . Everything is nuanced , everything

18:35

is complicated . It is what it is . This is

18:37

what we got . This is the reality we have in terms of

18:39

anxiety disorders . But that's all okay . I

18:41

promise it might feel overwhelming . I

18:44

don't really know what to do with this . I'm looking for some

18:46

sort of expert advice . I don't know what to do next

18:48

. It's okay , everybody finds themselves

18:50

there at some point . Some aspect

18:52

of recovery . It's really okay . So

18:55

that's it . I'm going to wrap it up here . Of course , the

18:57

other thing I always ask you guys to do if you're listening

18:59

on Apple Podcasts or Spotify is

19:01

to maybe leave a five-star review

19:03

if you really dig the podcast , or maybe even write

19:06

a review as opposed to just leaving stars , because

19:08

it helps more people find the podcast and the more people

19:10

get help . And , of course , if you're watching on

19:12

YouTube , you want to like the video , subscribe

19:14

to the channel , maybe hit the notification bell so you

19:16

know when I upload new stuff . That would be super cool

19:19

and I think that's it . Remember

19:21

, I always try and remind you of something at the end

19:23

of every episode , and this is no exception . Remember

19:26

that recovery isn't about eliminating anxiety

19:28

and it's definitely not about like just taking

19:30

a long amount of time off from work or school so

19:32

that the anxiety goes away and then you can call

19:34

yourself better and then you can go back to life . It doesn't

19:36

work that way . Recovery is about learning

19:39

to be engaged

19:41

in life and living the best way

19:43

you can , even when anxiety

19:45

is present . Like every small step that

19:48

you can take toward doing that and

19:50

away from anxious , fearful , avoidant

19:52

responses counts , even

19:54

though it might feel like a tiny step and it doesn't feel

19:56

like it counts in the moment , it does . I promise

19:58

. Give yourself some time and space

20:01

to explore and experiment and learn from each

20:03

thing that you do , no matter how small it is . It

20:05

will get you there . Take your time

20:07

. You're allowed to take your time . I'll

20:09

be back in two weeks , probably with some questions and answers

20:11

, or maybe with another topic , I don't know . Thanks

20:13

for hanging out this week . I appreciate you guys . We're out

20:16

. We'll see you next time

20:25

.