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1:06

People always come up with, even

1:08

if they make them up, issues

1:10

to justify their position or what

1:12

they... what they do. And we

1:14

learned that at a very young

1:16

age. My oldest daughter Blair, back

1:18

when she was two, she figured

1:20

out she could get away with

1:22

just about anything by saying, but

1:24

daddy, I'm scared. I'm like, oh,

1:26

baby, don't be, don't be scared.

1:28

You know, I'm, you know, dad,

1:30

daddy's here and he'll, he'll take

1:32

care of all of it for

1:34

you. And she got away with

1:36

that for six months until finally

1:38

she said it about wearing pants.

1:40

And I was like, Hey, I

1:42

just got I just got mediated.

1:44

Welcome to the Articharn podcast where

1:46

we break down the science of

1:48

powerful communication and winning mindset so

1:50

you have the cheat code to

1:52

succeed with people. Every episode is

1:54

jam-packed with actionable steps to unlock

1:56

the hidden superpowers inside. to you.

1:58

Level up with us each week

2:00

by listening to interviews with the

2:02

best in business, psychology, and relationships.

2:04

We distill thousands of hours of

2:06

research in the most effective tools

2:08

and the latest science so you

2:10

can start winning today. Let's face

2:12

it, in order to be seen

2:14

and heard your communication needs to

2:16

cut through the noise and we're

2:18

going to show you how. I'm

2:20

AJ, successfully recovered introvert entrepreneur and

2:22

self-development junkie. And I'm Johnny Zubak,

2:24

former touring musician, promoter, rock and

2:26

roller, and co-founder here at the

2:28

Artich Arm. And for the last

2:30

15 years, we've trained thousands of

2:32

top performers and teams from every

2:34

background. We have dedicated our lives

2:36

to teaching men and women all

2:39

they need to know about communication,

2:41

networking, and relationships. You shouldn't have

2:43

to settle for anything less than

2:45

extraordinary. All

2:47

right, let's kick off today's show. Today we're

2:49

talking with renowned conflict expert, Dr. Jim

2:51

Quinn. Are you right to step into conflict

2:53

and manage it like a boss? Jim is

2:56

the president of the Resolution Resource

2:58

Group, a training and development company

3:00

that works with Fortune 500 companies,

3:02

governments, and many others on effectively

3:05

handling conflict. He's a co-author of how

3:07

to get along with anyone, the playbook

3:09

for predicting and preventing conflict at work

3:11

at home, and it comes out February

3:13

18th this year. Jim joins us to

3:15

break down three types of conflict and

3:17

how to manage them effectively. We discuss

3:20

the four go-to conflict styles and

3:22

how to identify yours and he

3:24

shares the domino technique to resolve

3:26

conflict with even the most aggressive

3:29

people. Welcome to show Jim. It's great

3:31

to have you. Hey, thanks for having me. I

3:33

know Johnny and I are really curious what

3:35

was the impetus for the book

3:37

and how did you get started

3:39

really... thinking critically about conflict. So

3:41

I'm a little crazy, a little

3:43

weird. I get told I'm a

3:45

mixture of Ted Lasso and Chris

3:48

Trager from Parks and Rec and

3:50

my passion and life is coffee

3:52

resolution. So I got into

3:54

it doing mediations. So wild

3:56

family divorce mediations as well

3:59

as corporate. kind of going around

4:01

and dealing with conflict on the

4:03

back ends. Once it had escalated

4:05

and once things went wild and

4:07

wanted to really kind of get

4:09

folks on the front it, how

4:11

to help people resolve conflict before

4:13

they have to come see me

4:15

in mediation. Well, I know Johnny

4:17

and I have gone through mediation

4:19

and not a fan necessarily of

4:21

the result, but certainly understand the

4:23

process. But for those in our

4:25

audience who aren't super familiar with

4:27

mediation, can you break down just

4:29

a general walkthrough of what that

4:31

looks like? Mediation, but I always

4:33

tell people it's, it's, if they're

4:36

bringing you in to mediate it,

4:38

then they can't resolve the conflict

4:40

themselves or, or they don't, they

4:42

don't want to. So on the,

4:44

the family side of things, you

4:46

know, this is maybe escalated to

4:48

the point of a divorce or

4:50

some issues, you know, with breaking

4:52

up wills and things in the,

4:54

whether it's with an organization or

4:56

it's separate, that is completely. Bridges

4:58

are bird. Bridges are bird. So

5:00

my job is to help make

5:02

an amicable split or maybe potentially

5:04

build those bridges back. I know

5:06

for us going through the experience,

5:08

obviously emotions are definitely high. You

5:10

have results that you're looking to

5:12

get and you've tried numerous ways

5:14

to resolve it peacefully amicably as

5:16

you state. And what we found

5:18

interesting is, you know, we were

5:20

basically in a room with a

5:22

mediator bouncing between the two parties

5:24

to alleviate a lot of the

5:26

emotional stress to try to try

5:29

to get to resolve the deeper

5:31

issues that are leading to the

5:33

impasse. So is that the typical

5:35

experience of remediation? And do you

5:37

bounce in between rooms in those

5:39

scenarios? That is. If things are

5:41

going well, it may have to

5:43

spend a little more time in

5:45

some rooms versus others. But typically

5:47

it's taking things people are saying

5:49

and what their issues are reframing

5:51

those and presenting it to the

5:53

other side since they're not able

5:55

to talk amongst themselves without fighting

5:57

or... in some cases, literally fighting.

5:59

Oh yeah, we definitely understood the

6:01

emotions. high. So as we start

6:03

to unpack conflict, you know, what's

6:05

going on behind the scenes? I

6:07

know for many of us when

6:09

we're experiencing conflict, we can only

6:11

really feel the emotions and then

6:13

it becomes very difficult to get

6:15

to the reasoning. The biggest thing

6:17

is motion and reason don't play

6:20

well in the brain at the

6:22

same time. And so typically when

6:24

people are in conflict, that emotion

6:26

spiked and they're not going to

6:28

be thinking rational. And so most

6:30

of the time we spend so

6:32

much time trying to, as you

6:34

said in that mediation stage lower

6:36

that emotion to get people thinking

6:38

rationally, but a lot of times

6:40

what it leads to is people

6:42

are trying to fix things and

6:44

solve issues that aren't really at

6:46

its core with the conflicts about.

6:48

And you write in the book

6:50

that difficult people are not so

6:52

difficult once you understand their conflict

6:54

styles. So what are the biggest

6:56

misconceptions that people have around conflict

6:58

and what are these styles that

7:00

we should be aware of? I

7:02

think the biggest kind of disclaimer

7:04

is so many people myself included

7:06

when they're in conflict. They want

7:08

to jump to use a set

7:10

specific style or a set specific

7:13

technique. And 99 times out of

7:15

100, that's going to backfire if

7:17

you're using it with another style.

7:19

And so really the goal in

7:21

the book and the goal with

7:23

kind of our trainings and methodology

7:25

is you've got to assess what

7:27

somebody's style is first because there's

7:29

very specific practical techniques that are

7:31

going to work with some styles

7:33

versus others. And so kind of

7:35

the biggest message is. Hey, slow

7:37

down, figure out what style that

7:39

person is before we jump in

7:41

trying to fix conflict. Jim, what

7:43

are some of the indicators that

7:45

lead you to understand some of

7:47

these different conflict resolution styles? One

7:49

of the biggest indicators is how

7:51

people communicate and how they like

7:53

to be communicated with. So for

7:55

example, the avoider profile, which is

7:57

one of our one of our

7:59

core five, five styles. People think

8:01

naturally that that's because they avoid

8:04

conflict, because they're scared of it,

8:06

because they're afraid of it. That's

8:08

kind of that misconception. It's not.

8:10

It's really that they truly don't

8:12

want to be bothered unless they

8:14

feel like it's a conflict that

8:16

they really have to deal with.

8:18

So for example, once they're what

8:20

we call trigger, they want that

8:22

emotion has risen, they do want

8:24

to resolve a conflict right away.

8:26

And so they do not appreciate

8:28

small talk. They don't appreciate chit-chat.

8:30

When they're in the midst of

8:32

a conflict, they've got to the

8:34

point where they are sitting down.

8:36

they want to be dealt with

8:38

quickly and directly versus some of

8:40

the other styles, it's the opposite.

8:42

If you come in and you

8:44

want to get down to the

8:46

heart of the matter and you

8:48

want to resolve that conflict, it's

8:50

going to backfire idea. And looking

8:52

at those communication patterns, are you

8:54

just referencing when we're actually in

8:57

conflict or can you pick up

8:59

on these styles before the conflict

9:01

actually happened? Definitely pick up on

9:03

it before and that's really one

9:05

of our biggest messages. identify what

9:07

style people are, and that way

9:09

you can actually predict and prevent

9:11

conflict before it even begins. So

9:13

being what it comes to how

9:15

you communicate with certain people or

9:17

placing them in certain situations that

9:19

you can start to see and

9:21

read the tea leaves of, oh

9:23

man, yeah, me and AJ are

9:25

going to have a conflict about

9:27

this situation if I structure it

9:29

this way. So let's walk through

9:31

those styles then a voider being

9:33

one of them just so we

9:35

can start to identify maybe even

9:37

self-identify for audience members What style

9:39

they have the big five the

9:41

first being of order and as

9:43

we as we as we said

9:45

that's not named the of order

9:47

because they're scared of conflict. They're

9:50

they're afraid of it. These are

9:52

people that weigh everything as an

9:54

opportunity cost when it comes to

9:56

conflict and so they're not going

9:58

to be involved in what they

10:00

deem to be petty or small

10:02

insignificant conflicts or drama. They're going

10:04

to wait. One of the negative

10:06

components of this is that they

10:08

may let conflicts fester until it

10:10

becomes an actual dispute and kind

10:12

of raises. raises up on that.

10:14

But one of their benefits is

10:16

they don't get burned out. They're

10:18

not going to take small conflicts

10:20

and make them big. And one

10:22

of the biggest defining characteristics of

10:24

them, like we said, is once

10:26

they are triggered, once they actually

10:28

are in a conflict, they need

10:30

to be dealt with a very

10:32

specific way. We need to get

10:34

to the heart of the matter.

10:36

We'll probably talk about this a

10:38

little bit later, but utilizing what

10:41

we call the domino technique with

10:43

them on this. The second style

10:45

that most people associate with conflict

10:47

is the competitor. That is someone

10:49

who, if they have an issue

10:51

with you, you're going to know

10:53

it. They're going to tell you.

10:55

They're going to tell you right

10:57

away. This is my problem with

10:59

you. This is what I think

11:01

we should do about it. And

11:03

let's resolve this right now. So

11:05

everybody has somebody, their family or

11:07

in their life, that is a

11:09

competitor. And if you can't think

11:11

of one, that it's... we tell

11:13

people it's probably you that are

11:15

the are the competitors. So, you

11:17

know, amazing. Sometimes competitors can get

11:19

a bad rap as being intense

11:21

or coming across is making conflicts

11:23

grow. But honestly, amazing style when

11:25

it comes to resolving conflict is

11:27

with certain groups and certain people

11:29

and certain conflicts. You don't want

11:31

to mess around. You need to

11:34

be blunt direct to the point

11:36

and nail down on a specific,

11:38

specific issue. The next one is

11:40

the analyzer. That is someone who

11:42

will not be rushed. That is

11:44

someone who is going to gather

11:46

all of the information. They're going

11:48

to talk to as many people

11:50

as they can, and they're going

11:52

to figure out, okay, I think

11:54

we should do this. And once

11:56

they decide that, it is final.

11:58

Very hard to change an analyzer's

12:00

mind and conflict. completely backfire if

12:02

you rush them. So tell people

12:04

you can always, if you're thinking

12:06

back to family vacations and family.

12:08

Reunions. You can always identify, this

12:10

is the person, they're going to

12:12

plan the trip, they're going to

12:14

get everything all the way together,

12:16

and then their word is final.

12:18

So that is, they're not going

12:20

to take opinions, they're not going

12:22

to take questions. It is, we're

12:25

going here and we're going to

12:27

have fun. So the next style

12:29

is the collaborator, which is I

12:31

can self-identify as is that for

12:33

me. That is someone who is

12:35

going to every conflict. They're going

12:37

to want to talk about it.

12:39

They're going to be engaging. They're

12:41

going to gather all the information

12:43

similar to an analyzer. Then they're

12:45

going to want to talk through

12:47

it and they're going to want

12:49

to try and try and fix

12:51

it. Fortunately, I mean, I used

12:53

to have just beautiful blonde flowing

12:55

Thor hair and it was it

12:57

was awesome. I didn't have didn't

12:59

have the body of Thor, but

13:01

I had the hair and being

13:03

a collaborator for my whole life,

13:05

it makes the hair go away.

13:07

So it can definitely definitely cause

13:09

some burnout. It also can really.

13:11

will we talk about best teammates

13:13

and worst teammates? It can rub

13:15

certain profiles wrong because they're always

13:18

engaging, always wanting to talk, not

13:20

wanting everybody to get along, but

13:22

that can kind of get them

13:24

in some get them in some

13:26

trouble. And then the final profile

13:28

is the accommodator. So that is

13:30

someone who would so much rather

13:32

just fix it themselves, do it

13:34

themselves. they're not going to confront

13:36

people. So they are going to,

13:38

similar to an avoider, they're going

13:40

to avoid conflict, but for completely

13:42

different reasons. They do not want

13:44

to have that direct confrontation. They're

13:46

going to want to talk to

13:48

everybody else, except for the person

13:50

that they're actually in conflict with,

13:52

which can be very beneficial. There's

13:54

certainly situations where. comedy needs to

13:56

happen, but it can also get

13:58

them in trouble a little bit

14:00

or if you have people on

14:02

your team that are like this

14:04

because they'll act like nothing's wrong,

14:06

they'll say nothing's wrong, and it'll

14:09

be. and build and build and

14:11

build and build and build until

14:13

they reach that fight or flight

14:15

moment to where it's the issues

14:17

have stacked up and they either

14:19

blow up about an issue number

14:21

17 when it's not about issue

14:23

number 17 or they're gonna quit

14:25

leave and you have no idea

14:27

why and what you did to

14:29

offend them. So each of the

14:31

styles that's kind of the biggest

14:33

message is there's no right or

14:35

wrong style. identifying what people are

14:37

allows us to use different techniques

14:39

with each. Now Jim this is

14:41

great to be able to pinpoint

14:43

these different styles and certainly if

14:45

everyone is a rational actor who

14:47

wants to get to a resolution

14:49

well then according to those styles

14:51

everyone should be able to work

14:53

towards those resolutions. What are some

14:55

of the signs or styles of

14:57

recognizing that perhaps we're not dealing?

14:59

with rational actors. That's a great

15:02

point because like I said once

15:04

once once conflict is escalated you're

15:06

not dealing with very many rational

15:08

people just in just in general

15:10

so you know that really becomes

15:12

as very specific ways of dealing

15:14

with each of the profiles in

15:16

whenever someone has escalated. So for

15:18

example one of the techniques that

15:20

we discuss in the book that

15:22

strongly, strongly recommend is the voice

15:24

technique. So here in, here in

15:26

Texas where Matthew McConaughey is a

15:28

very, very popular, the attorneys in

15:30

town call it my Matthew McConaughey

15:32

voice. And when in conflict, I

15:34

use the talk that all right,

15:36

all right, all right, talk blow,

15:38

talk slow. with psychologically people not

15:40

being able to hold a higher

15:42

tone of volume if they feel

15:44

connected with you. So one of

15:46

the things we recommend with all

15:48

five of the styles is in

15:50

a conflict setting to start to

15:53

bring your voice down, make that

15:55

solid eye contact, and start to

15:57

get people to match and what's...

15:59

on the fun side of things,

16:01

you can see people start to

16:03

mimic your accent. So one of

16:05

my favorite things to do because

16:07

I'm weird is get people to

16:09

talk in different tones of voice

16:11

and things, whether it's customer service

16:13

and recommend that or trading. But

16:15

getting people to start to slow that

16:18

cadence, start to talk in a lower tone

16:20

of voice. We'll start to bring that,

16:22

bring those emotions down. One of

16:24

the other biggest ones. full disclosure,

16:26

been married for 12 years, together

16:28

for a wife for 15 years,

16:30

she's the best. I went to play

16:32

ball at a school with a five to

16:34

one girl, the guy ratio, which is the

16:37

only reason I got her to marry me

16:39

because there wasn't really anybody else.

16:41

But I hid this technique from

16:43

her forever until I put it

16:45

in this dang book and now people

16:47

know, but we call it the detour

16:49

technique. So one of the things we see

16:51

or we're not dealing with someone

16:53

that's high emotion. is they're very

16:56

upset about multiple different

16:58

issues. And one of the things we

17:00

discussed is how to get to the

17:02

core issue, but people are never just

17:04

upset about one thing. There's always

17:06

multiple things. And so one of

17:08

the things you strongly recommend

17:11

is as you've identified those issues,

17:13

and somebody is just going off,

17:15

and that emotion spiked, a reason

17:17

is lower, is to ask calmly a

17:20

clarifying question using the voice technique

17:22

about a separate issue. something that

17:24

they brought up. So we're not

17:26

interrupting them in terms of interrupting

17:28

them and asking something completely different. It

17:31

is a issue and it is a

17:33

hot button issue. They have to

17:35

stop, think about it, and redirect

17:37

towards that issue. Naturally, that emotion

17:39

is going to start to lower and

17:41

it's going to take a while for

17:43

them to build back up that emotion

17:45

on this issue. And once that happens.

17:48

you're deter deter to the next one

17:50

and back and forth and so if we

17:52

do that in a way that's respectful

17:55

if we do that with we're connecting

17:57

with them and we're coming across as

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22:48

2025 the year. You finally

22:51

make it happen. Can you

22:53

give us a? This

27:21

shit actually works. He was like,

27:23

I need a, don't know if

27:25

I can say that, sorry. He

27:27

said, you know, I had a

27:29

mom, she emailed me, said my

27:31

daughter's getting bullied by the coach,

27:33

and not in a playing time,

27:35

and yada yada. He was like,

27:37

I typed up, he said, I

27:40

typed up a nasty email back,

27:42

paused it, went and walked around

27:44

my house and came in and

27:46

said, I'm being a competitor, I

27:48

need to be a collaborator on

27:50

this one. It resolved it. So

27:52

let's go. So best, best, best

27:54

quote ever. So creating that space,

27:56

obviously, and typing it forces. you

27:59

to think through all the different

28:01

dynamics that are going on there.

28:03

I know Johnny and I have even gone

28:05

a step further and then said, hey, can you

28:07

take a look at this for me? Completely

28:09

third party to the conflict that's

28:11

going on to kind of get that

28:13

extra perspective that when our

28:15

emotions are running and we're going to

28:17

our default conflict style, we might have

28:19

some blind spots going on around a

28:21

conflict. That could make it a lot

28:23

easier to resolve if we actually knew

28:25

what was going on in that blind

28:28

spot. 100% and I think that's the

28:30

same goal of assessing the styles too

28:32

is you know I say it all

28:34

the time and trainings and speaking and

28:36

things is that you know it's it's

28:38

fun you know it's fun to know what

28:40

your style is and kumbaya and to

28:42

better yourself and okay I'm an avoider

28:45

and I need to be better at

28:47

this in certain situations but really for

28:50

predicting and preventing conflict

28:52

assessing what the other person's style

28:54

is, and then knowing what style I

28:57

need to change to to match it,

28:59

it's going to be a best

29:01

teammate, is infinitely more and more

29:03

important. And so taking that time,

29:06

as you said, to assess not only,

29:08

okay, I'm triggered, I'm triggered by

29:10

this type of conflict, I need to

29:12

take that time out, but assess, it

29:15

gives you the time to assess the

29:17

other person and see what techniques,

29:19

what style is going to match

29:21

with them. that 30 minutes also

29:23

gives you that space of coming

29:26

back to it. I think when it

29:28

comes to conflict and trying

29:30

to work it out, usually

29:32

there's some personal feelings that

29:35

are hurt as well. And

29:37

you may have your eye on the

29:39

task or process. Perhaps, you know,

29:41

somebody doing something in

29:43

a way where that personally

29:46

interferes and you take

29:48

that personally, when you read

29:50

that email again, You might see

29:52

yourself trying to deal with

29:54

that task, but also how

29:56

your ego sneaks in a few

29:59

barbs just... to get your

30:01

personal revenge, which is not

30:03

needed, and it's only gonna

30:06

exacerbate the whole problem

30:08

as well. That is a great point.

30:10

The 100% so it's it pours gas

30:12

on the gas on the fire. And

30:15

even sometimes it's just

30:17

enough where you're like, will

30:19

they read this one sentence and

30:21

take the hit that I want

30:24

them to hit? And then when

30:26

you're reading it that way,

30:28

you're like, oh. Why do I even

30:30

want that if what we're doing here is

30:32

trying to get to a resolution? So looking

30:34

at the self-awareness piece, because it

30:36

does seem so important for you

30:38

to recognize your own style before

30:41

putting all of this focus and effort

30:43

on the other person,

30:45

what are some practical ways

30:48

that we could increase

30:50

our self-awareness in this area,

30:52

especially for those in

30:54

an audience who are looking

30:57

to move into leadership

30:59

roles or in recognizing that

31:01

conflict is almost a daily

31:04

occurrence now. daily occurrence. And

31:08

so, you

31:12

know,

31:14

one

31:17

of

31:19

the

31:22

biggest

31:24

First steps that recommend is once you

31:26

know your style, so if you know,

31:29

hey, I am a collaborator,

31:31

identify which is the opposite style,

31:33

which is the one that doesn't

31:35

pair the best with collaborators.

31:37

Well, avoiders don't. That

31:40

is cross-matched, collash does not

31:42

work well together, and it's

31:45

going to be the opposite

31:47

of counterintuitive for me. That's

31:49

not my default. It was very

31:52

hard for me to be an

31:54

avoider. One of the first steps

31:56

we recommend is try

31:58

practicing that technique. situations

32:00

as you see a smaller conflict

32:03

come up, having that as you

32:05

mentioned self-awareness to say, okay, this

32:07

is one where I can be

32:09

an avoider here. I need to

32:11

let this conflict go and really

32:14

start to practice it. And I

32:16

think the second biggest one, and

32:18

that's really one of the goals

32:20

of this book and your first

32:22

question of why writing it or

32:24

getting into it is. Hey, you

32:27

know, we'll do these trainings and

32:29

do these seminars and speeches and

32:31

things and people would come up

32:33

and after and it was never.

32:35

So I've got this boss. It's,

32:38

hey, this is great. I've got

32:40

this mother-in-law. I've got this cousin,

32:42

my roommate, my this. It's all,

32:44

as you mentioned, personal conflict, which,

32:46

yeah, as you mentioned, that hits

32:48

home, that hits, hits more. And

32:51

so... trying to implement another style,

32:53

but see if you can do

32:55

it at whole or with your

32:57

friends or with your relationships because

32:59

the emotion is just always going

33:02

to be higher there. And if

33:04

you can do it there, it's

33:06

going to be much easier to

33:08

transfer that over to work. So

33:10

would you say that the task

33:13

or process style of a type

33:15

of conflict is a little bit

33:17

less than the relational which carries

33:19

a lot more baggage and weight?

33:21

And sometimes it's familial relations, which

33:23

you know, have even more baggage

33:26

and weight behind them. You're always

33:28

going to have that relational conflict

33:30

trigger with friends, with families, you

33:32

know, and in the personal relationships

33:34

that we have, and that's not

33:37

going to go away. The conflict

33:39

may be a process conflict, and

33:41

it may be small. It may

33:43

be, you know, so and so

33:45

roommate always chooses, you know, where

33:47

to go to dinner or... in

33:50

a relationship that you know things

33:52

get done a specific way in

33:54

nitpicking and hey have you done

33:56

this yet have you called this

33:58

yet have you done this yet

34:01

but it hits different because it

34:03

is going to have that relational

34:05

conflict opponent and as you mentioned

34:07

that's where the ego comes in

34:09

that's where the, you know, wanting

34:12

to get in those barps and

34:14

kind of trigger people as well

34:16

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apply. Okay, so we've recognized our

34:53

style and you gave one great

34:55

example, the avoider and the collaborator,

34:57

their opposites, what are the other

35:00

examples of opposites now that we're

35:02

starting to recognize our own style

35:04

that we can adopt? and employ

35:06

in these situations? One of the

35:08

biggest ones is gonna be an

35:11

analyzer and an accommodator as well

35:13

because analyzers, they're gonna want to

35:15

get as much audience participation as

35:17

possible. They're gonna wanna know all

35:19

the information. They're gonna do those

35:21

things and really know what people

35:24

are feeling or thinking. They're gonna

35:26

be very rational thinkers as well,

35:28

even when they're triggered. That's gonna

35:30

be their default. Whereas accommodators, they

35:32

don't want to interact. They don't

35:35

want to have confrontation. They'd much

35:37

rather, hey, I'm fine, I'm fine,

35:39

I'm fine, I'm fine. And that's

35:41

going to trigger the analyzers because

35:43

they want that engagement, they want

35:45

that interaction. that information and that's

35:48

also going to the academic term

35:50

is piss off an accommodator as

35:52

well because just leave me alone

35:54

just just leave me alone and

35:56

let me and let me do

35:59

that the competitors are going to

36:01

be a little bit trickier so

36:03

a competitor you naturally would think

36:05

that they would be very frustrated

36:07

with an avoider. Just because competitors

36:10

want to resolve things now, whereas

36:12

the boarders will let it sit,

36:14

let it sit, let it sit,

36:16

but what we find in high

36:18

emotion conflict is that once an

36:20

avoider is triggered, and once they

36:23

have reached the point where they

36:25

feel like this is something they

36:27

need to resolve, they're going to

36:29

handle it almost exactly like a

36:31

competitor. They want to sit down,

36:34

they want to get it done,

36:36

because they want it off their

36:38

plate. They want to go back

36:40

to doing the things that they

36:42

want to do. So typically for

36:44

a competitor, they're going to clash

36:47

with collaborators and they're going to

36:49

clash with accommodators as well for

36:51

very different reasons. Collaborators, they want

36:53

the small talk, they want to

36:55

engage, they want to read people,

36:58

they want to know exactly what's

37:00

going on, and that can absolutely

37:02

drive a competitor crazy at first,

37:04

but once that motion is lowered,

37:06

they typically work pretty well together.

37:09

they're just not going to engage

37:11

with that competitor. And if so,

37:13

they're going to get steamrolled. And

37:15

that's where we see that bitterness

37:17

and wait till it kind of

37:19

escalates. Super helpful to recognize these

37:22

patterns. And I'd love to talk

37:24

about the conflict agenda, what it

37:26

is, and then what are the

37:28

skills that will make us adapt

37:30

at employing some of the strategies

37:33

and techniques that we're really excited

37:35

to dig into in the back

37:37

half of the episode. And y'all

37:39

are the best. I love talking

37:41

about this stuff. So this is

37:43

my, uh, this is one of

37:46

my favorite, favorite things to do.

37:48

So, um, so on the, the

37:50

conflict agenda, you know, the first,

37:52

first step being. as we talked

37:54

about the assessment, identifying your own

37:57

style, identifying the style of the

37:59

people that are either in conflict,

38:01

if we're third party coming in

38:03

to resolve it, almost mediation style,

38:05

or if it's a direct conflict

38:08

between you and them, but also

38:10

taking a step further in assessing

38:12

the type of conflict. Is it

38:14

that task? Is it that process?

38:16

Is it that relational or are

38:18

we dealing with relational? but the

38:21

underlying is kind of in that

38:23

process. So that's the first step.

38:25

That's the step that gets skipped

38:27

so often and people jump to

38:29

the to the final final component.

38:32

The next big step on the

38:34

timeline is identifying that core issue.

38:36

So there's, if y'all ever find

38:38

a conflict that only has one

38:40

issue, please let me know. I'd

38:42

love to. publish a paper on

38:45

it or write another book about

38:47

it. I've never seen it. People

38:49

always come up with, even if

38:51

they make them up, you know,

38:53

issues to justify their position or

38:56

what they what they do. And

38:58

we learned that at a very

39:00

young age. My oldest daughter Blair,

39:02

she's eight now, but back when

39:04

she was two, she figured out

39:07

she could get away with just

39:09

about anything by saying, but Daddy,

39:11

I'm scared. I'm like, I'm like,

39:13

oh. baby don't be don't be

39:15

scared you know I'm you know

39:17

dad daddy's here and he'll he'll

39:20

take care of all of it

39:22

for you and she got away

39:24

with that for six months until

39:26

finally she said it about wearing

39:28

pants and I was like hey

39:31

I just got I just got

39:33

mediated but but we we all

39:35

come up with these issues to

39:37

justify the position that we did

39:39

you know the position that we

39:41

take whether that's in a conflict

39:44

setting or so our actions We're

39:46

always going to have those smoke

39:48

screen issues in there. They're going

39:50

to sound better. And so identifying

39:52

what is that core issue, what's

39:55

at the heart of the conflict,

39:57

that's going to help us in

39:59

the long run, save a lot

40:01

of time. lot of effort and

40:03

a lot of energy. So we

40:05

don't waste time. We don't waste

40:08

time trying to resolve stuff that

40:10

doesn't really matter. I think it's

40:12

just a natural response to start

40:14

thinking about how do I not

40:16

make this my fault? How do

40:19

I soften any problems or anything

40:21

that I've created? How do I

40:23

soften it? How do I get

40:25

out of it? That's just natural.

40:27

I think that's just self-preservation. However,

40:30

if you find yourself in that

40:32

thinking to stop yourself and realize

40:34

that you're not focused on the

40:36

problem and how to handle the

40:38

problem and how to address the

40:40

problem so that everyone can work

40:43

out together, you're trying to save

40:45

your ass. And if that's the

40:47

case, you're only, you're putting fuel

40:49

on the fire. I certainly do

40:51

it. And then when I'm sitting

40:54

there going, when I catch myself

40:56

and I'm out, I'm like, Well,

40:58

here I am defending myself. That

41:00

doesn't help this this problem. Let's

41:02

get back to that to that

41:04

issue So I So for I

41:07

think it's just it's easier for

41:09

people to realize that's just something

41:11

naturally you're gonna do and when

41:13

you cut yourself cut it out.

41:15

Well, those smoke screens. I feel

41:18

they're always presence or are there

41:20

are certain ways for us to

41:22

figure out what's the real issue

41:24

from the smoke screen, especially from

41:26

a skilled mediator like yourself. Because

41:29

I know even when we went

41:31

through these major conflicts in business

41:33

that you come with a lot

41:35

of different things and the mediators

41:37

really adapt at like getting to

41:39

that core issue quickly so we're

41:42

not spending all day batting back

41:44

and forth the issues that are

41:46

the smoke screens. That brings brings

41:48

to one of my favorite favorite

41:50

techniques. So in this stage, you

41:53

know, identifying the underlying interest and

41:55

you know, really developing that agenda

41:57

for resolving the conflict. First steps

41:59

identifying. all of the issues. So every

42:01

single one, every single one that's

42:04

been said, and that's going to

42:06

do two things for us. One, it's

42:08

going to help validate the other person.

42:10

So just, as you mentioned, that's

42:12

years kind of taking that ego

42:15

out of it and listening to what

42:17

they say in really making sure we

42:19

have an understanding. That'll help,

42:22

you know, eliminate miscommunication.

42:24

but also it's going to validate them

42:27

that, hey, I get my chance to

42:29

vent, I get my chance to talk,

42:31

I get my chance to tell

42:33

my side of the story.

42:35

And as we're asking them

42:37

questions, clarifying, okay, this issue here,

42:40

this issue here, this issue here,

42:42

this issue here, this issue here,

42:44

this issue here, it's going to

42:46

kind of set that stage building

42:48

the rapport with them in order

42:50

to do, so that whole. concept

42:53

of assessing people, but we're not

42:55

just assessing their style, we're also

42:57

assessing their baseline of behavior. You

42:59

know, how what is their tone,

43:01

how do they communicate their body language,

43:03

their voice, you know, all

43:05

of these things as we're, as we're

43:08

talking to them and we're reading and

43:10

we're identifying. Okay, this is their baseline

43:12

of this is how AJ sits, this

43:15

is how he talks, these are his

43:17

inflections. as we use that detour technique to

43:19

go through the different issues that they

43:21

brought up, we can see what changes,

43:23

you know, what starts to bring out

43:26

more emotion, what starts to make that

43:28

change in voice happen, what starts to

43:30

get people to fidget or do all

43:32

of these different things. It will tell

43:35

us exactly why that issue is the

43:37

most important or why the emotion is

43:39

spiking, but it definitely gives us a

43:41

clue that, okay, this is what we need

43:43

to go dig into and ask ask more

43:46

questions. So that detour technique is

43:48

really assessing the deep underlying

43:50

trigger of all of this and that will

43:52

be observable with active listening

43:54

and really paying close attention

43:57

to vocal tonality and body

43:59

language. as you're sharing back the issues

44:01

as you've heard them. And being able

44:04

to navigate and bounce from issue to

44:06

issue without making things worse by them

44:08

thinking that you're interrupting them or not

44:10

paying attention that, hey, we're clarifying, hey,

44:13

do you mind if I, just to

44:15

make sure I understand about this, where

44:17

you're coming from, on this, having people

44:20

stop, redirect, and think it's gonna lower

44:22

that emotion. But also it's going to

44:24

give us the chance to observe how

44:26

do they handle what changes between this

44:29

issue and this issue and seeing that

44:31

emotional response That's going to help us

44:33

kind of clue in on okay. There's

44:36

something about this issue here There's something

44:38

it's not about the the trash. It's

44:40

not about the vacation. There's there's something

44:42

else going on here with this and

44:45

this is where we need to deep

44:47

dive more That's a great example of

44:49

the person deep down just not feeling

44:52

heard in all of these different situations

44:54

where it might be the trash, it

44:56

might be the planning without them, it

44:58

might be involving the in-laws and not

45:01

actually hearing what they wanted to do

45:03

on that vacation or what was really

45:05

important to them. So we're getting down

45:08

to the much deeper issue at play

45:10

here. We recognize that. We know their

45:12

style. So let's walk through some of

45:14

these techniques now to actually resolve the

45:17

conflict. People typically in the trainings and

45:19

things, the biggest pushback is, why don't

45:21

I don't have time to do all

45:24

of that. I'm busy. or a busy

45:26

hole where I've got kids, or I

45:28

run all of these things, but what

45:30

that does if we do get to

45:33

the heart of the issue or resolve

45:35

it, it eliminates the frequent flyers. So

45:37

you may be able to resolve the

45:40

surface level issues and feel good about

45:42

that and get that off your plate.

45:44

But people are just going to keep

45:46

coming back. So my life was in

45:49

night shift, yarders forever, and so people

45:51

would come in over and over using

45:53

it as their primary care doctor. But

45:56

they weren't there for what they said

45:58

they were there for you. They wanted.

46:00

either work excuse or pain meds or

46:02

different things. And with that not being

46:05

resolved, they were going to keep coming

46:07

up with more issues to come back.

46:09

So seriously, one of the biggest disclaimers

46:12

would put it at this stage in

46:14

the process is everybody wants to jump

46:16

and use the techniques to just resolve

46:18

it and get it done. But if

46:21

we do that, we'll spin our wheels

46:23

and not. if we don't know the

46:25

core issue that we're dealing with. So

46:28

the biggest, the final stage, that's leading

46:30

people to a solution. So I don't,

46:32

or either be all cook or yeah,

46:34

cook, oh, okay, awesome. So that's the

46:37

biggest thing. Our goal is to get

46:39

people to cook the meal themselves, because

46:41

then if they don't like the meal.

46:44

nobody to really blame but themselves and

46:46

psychologically they feel more comfortable because they

46:48

had to buy in and creating it.

46:50

So these techniques, you know, they can

46:53

be used assessing people and venting and

46:55

going through these first stages in the

46:57

process. By that point, you've lowered emotion

47:00

enough that you can make firm suggestions

47:02

on this is what we should do

47:04

and that will probably work. But our

47:06

goal is to really resolve conflict is

47:09

to help people come to that solution

47:11

themselves or to suggest it. So one

47:13

of the biggest techniques that always use

47:16

and recommend for work setting is always

47:18

have a whiteboard and I call it

47:20

the whiteboard techniques. We don't have to

47:22

actually have a whiteboard and use it

47:25

but mentally we can do it. So

47:27

for example I had a nasty divorce

47:29

mediation years and years ago where the

47:32

husband and husband wife they had just

47:34

for the sake of math. They let's

47:36

say they had $100,000 in joint assets.

47:38

That's it. But they owed over $200,000

47:41

worth of debt. So completely upside down,

47:43

they were threatening to go to court

47:45

for let's say $50,000 a piece, and

47:48

they were paying me a bunch of

47:50

money. to sit here and argue about

47:52

it. And they just weren't going awful

47:54

and this was spent because of his

47:57

affair and her affair and all of

47:59

these things. And so, you know, had

48:01

to lower emotion, identify the core issues,

48:04

all of those things, but getting to

48:06

that final stage of making it their

48:08

idea. So I, once the emotion was

48:10

lowered, I knew it out, hey, just,

48:13

do you mind just real quick? How

48:15

much was on that credit card? You

48:17

got this bank account? Okay, so you

48:20

all have $100 thousand dollars. worth of

48:22

positive assets. Oh, okay, and then you

48:24

owe, okay, about $200,000 worth of debt.

48:26

And then Mr. Attorney, how much are

48:29

your fees? Oh, wow. Okay, it's gonna

48:31

cost about 50 grand. Okay, great. Thanks,

48:33

I just wanted to make sure I

48:36

clarified that and had the numbers, right?

48:38

And the husband looked at it and

48:40

he said, well, shit, why don't we

48:42

just, you know, take the money, pay

48:45

off half the debt and split it.

48:47

And the wife goes, yeah, why don't

48:49

we do that, why don't we do

48:51

that. I was like, I think that's

48:54

a brilliant idea. I think that's a

48:56

wonderful idea. That's amazing. It's an idea

48:58

that any of us would have come

49:01

up with right out of the gate.

49:03

Everybody but that couple in conflict could

49:05

see it, that that is the best

49:07

solution. That would save tons of money.

49:10

A judge would order this anyway. But

49:12

asking them those questions to lead them

49:14

to a solution is the ultimate goal.

49:17

So for us in this stage, once

49:19

we know the core issue and we

49:21

have a plan and we want to

49:23

lead, the first thing we have to

49:26

do is identify whether to use the

49:28

momentum technique or use the domino technique.

49:30

So as we talked about before, there's

49:33

only, there's never just one issue. There's

49:35

going to be a lot of smoke

49:37

scrapes. For some profiles, for some of

49:39

the styles, you're going to want to

49:42

get to the heart of the issue

49:44

right away. You're not going to want

49:46

to mess around with the surface level

49:49

issues with those smoke screens. You're going

49:51

to want to go directly for the

49:53

big one. And that's why we call

49:55

it the... technique, once you knock that

49:58

out, the rest of them are just

50:00

going to fall down and go away.

50:02

Whereas some styles, it's going to be

50:05

the exact opposite. If we go directly

50:07

in and immediately try and resolve the

50:09

core issue, they're going to get triggered.

50:11

That emotion is going to come back

50:14

and we're not going to make much

50:16

progress. Instead, we want to do the

50:18

momentum technique. We want to get a

50:21

couple quick wins working on the conflicts

50:23

that don't matter as much those issues

50:25

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lifelock.com/podcast. Terms apply. Okay,

51:06

so can you help us map

51:08

between the two then? So what

51:10

what styles definitely do we want

51:12

to go domino with? Definitely without

51:14

a doubt, the first one is

51:17

the competitor. If you use momentum

51:19

with a competitor, it will it

51:21

will not go well. Do not

51:23

recommend it unless you just really

51:25

want to incite some emotion within

51:28

people and sit back and watch.

51:30

The other is the avoider as

51:32

well. So if they have, if

51:34

they've decided, they've done the opportunity

51:36

costs and weighed and realized, okay,

51:38

this is a conflict I need

51:41

to deal with, they don't want

51:43

to mess around with smoke screen

51:45

issues. They want to get to

51:47

the heart of it, they want

51:49

to resolve it, and they want

51:51

to be done. For your collaborators,

51:54

your analyzers, and your accommodators, we

51:56

want to use the momentum technique,

51:58

but for very different reasons. for

52:00

the analyzer, they're trying to get

52:02

as much information as possible. They

52:05

want to know every piece, they

52:07

don't want to be rushed, and

52:09

for them, they feel like they're

52:11

winning if they're resolving these small

52:13

conflicts and feel ready and able

52:15

to attack the big one. For

52:18

the collaborators, they just, they love

52:20

people, they love getting information, they

52:22

love resolving each little conflict, they're

52:24

gonna feel cheated. if they only

52:26

resolve the big conflict. Whereas the

52:29

final ones, the accommodations, they need

52:31

to feel comfortable first, that this

52:33

is not going to be an

52:35

intense confrontation, that they are comfortable

52:37

with resolving some of these smaller

52:39

ones before they get to more

52:42

of a hot button issue. Let's

52:44

start with the domino and maybe

52:46

walk us through an example of

52:48

that technique employed. Let's say work,

52:50

work example, and this is this

52:53

is something we've actually had in

52:55

trainings and things as it comes

52:57

up, that they're arguing about setting

52:59

vacation policy, arguing about spending budgets,

53:01

you know, in terms of approving

53:03

an updated marketing or travel budget

53:06

side of things, and arguing about

53:08

a new new policy for lunch

53:10

breaks. So those three. Some people,

53:12

they would matter more than to

53:14

others, but the biggest one was

53:16

the change in vacation policy. The

53:19

other ones, not quite as big

53:21

a deal. They could work out

53:23

and kind of go through. They

53:25

were more of the smoke screen

53:27

type issues. So when it comes

53:30

to the domino or dealing with

53:32

your voider or with your competitor,

53:34

it's. All right, we're setting that

53:36

agenda. The first and our main

53:38

focus is going to be on

53:40

the vacation policy. What are the

53:43

biggest issues? What are your thoughts?

53:45

You know, how can we resolve

53:47

this? Putting that in there, putting

53:49

that in their hands, and then

53:51

being able to point to, guys,

53:54

we did it, we knocked it.

53:56

We knocked that out. Okay, what's

53:58

next on the agenda? Okay, we

54:00

need to talk about the marketing

54:02

budget. We need to talk about

54:04

the lunch break policy that we

54:07

went through. If we're dealing with

54:09

the collaborators, the analyzers, or the

54:11

accommodators, the complete opposite. Let's start

54:13

with the one that's not as

54:15

big of an issue, the marketing

54:18

budget. You know, hey, what are

54:20

your thoughts? Take me through this.

54:22

Let's go and we're pointing out

54:24

all along the way over and

54:26

over. Look at how much progress

54:28

you've made. Look at what all

54:31

we've done. Look at what all

54:33

we've accomplished. Wow, so we only

54:35

have one more thing left and

54:37

that is the vacation, vacation policy.

54:39

So it's reorienting those based on

54:42

the style as a way for

54:44

us to satisfy the other persons

54:46

wants and needs directly in that

54:48

conflict. Absolutely. So as we're going

54:50

through this, do you recommend that

54:52

we're... taking notes and starting to

54:55

like really piece things together. What's

54:57

your approach? Especially as a mediator

54:59

where you're kind of sitting between

55:01

two contentious parties. Walk us through

55:03

what your notepad looks like as

55:05

you're going through this. Whether it's

55:08

a mental notepad because it's with,

55:10

you know, relationships or with friends

55:12

or family or it is, as

55:14

you mentioned, a formal, formal side

55:16

of things. The first, first notepad

55:19

is drawing out those issues. So

55:21

just to reiterate that. identify what

55:23

are the 17 issues that are

55:25

in this in this conflict. So

55:27

I know what their style is,

55:29

I know what style is going

55:32

to match the best with them,

55:34

I need to be a collaborator,

55:36

I need to be a competitor

55:38

here. And identifying here are the

55:40

core issues in circling whether mentally

55:43

or literally what I think the

55:45

hot button issue, hot button issue

55:47

is. The next is I'm ranking

55:49

them. So, okay, I know the

55:51

hot button issues here. these other

55:53

four or five different things these

55:56

other 12 things I'm ranking them

55:58

in order to set up that

56:00

momentum and domino technique. After

56:02

that, it is, okay, it's time

56:04

to, it's time to play ball. This is

56:07

where we get to bring in the

56:09

other fun techniques, the other things

56:11

to do to start to

56:13

eventually lead people to that, to

56:15

that solution. How much interviewing

56:17

are you doing beforehand on

56:19

both sides to get all

56:21

the information that you need to

56:24

set up the strategy that you

56:26

want? issues that will be handled

56:28

and those solutions that you want

56:30

to work towards. In formal

56:32

mediation, we don't do interviewing ahead

56:35

of time just to prevent bias

56:37

or anything like that, but for

56:39

actually predicting and preventing

56:42

conflict and resolving

56:44

it as much as possible. So one of

56:46

the first things we want to know and

56:48

we want to try and figure out

56:51

if we can't even in personal things

56:53

is what are the ways people communicate.

56:55

So kind of that motive, do

56:57

they prefer to communicate via text?

56:59

Do they prefer to express their

57:02

emotions on social media? Are they

57:04

sending these long-witted emails? Are they

57:06

always going in person? That's going

57:08

to essentially, that's going to help

57:10

us rule out certain profiles. It won't

57:12

tell us exactly who we're dealing with

57:14

right away, but it is going to be

57:17

that first step in eliminating some.

57:19

So for example, if people prefer

57:21

to communicate, especially in a conflict

57:23

setting through email. probably

57:26

going to be either our voiders

57:28

or our analyzers for very different

57:31

reasons. You know, one, it's very

57:33

easy to avoid people when you're

57:35

only communicating through email. You can have

57:38

90,000 unread emails, I send an email

57:40

to you and respond for a

57:42

week. I think maybe he's on vacation,

57:44

maybe it bounced back, or maybe he

57:46

went to spam. It's a little

57:48

more awkward whenever you text someone,

57:50

and they text you back, the

57:53

three little bubbles pop up. And then it

57:55

goes away and you don't hear from it for three

57:57

days. So a little harder to avoid on

57:59

that scenario. And then the same for

58:01

your analyzers, but for different reasons.

58:03

They want to get as much

58:05

information as possible. So they're going

58:07

to want to ask all of these

58:09

different questions. And it's awkward to get

58:12

the junior high length. break up text,

58:14

you know, or it's novels of information,

58:16

even with the new iPhone update where

58:18

you can click and it expands.

58:20

But an email is not quite as awkward.

58:23

It's not quite as weird to ask very

58:25

specific questions. We all have those

58:27

people we work with throughout our

58:29

lives that will send the emails

58:31

with broken up into paragraphs

58:33

and highlighted bolded in those things.

58:35

And so that mode of communication

58:38

is huge. You know, your collaborators are always

58:40

going to be face to face or

58:42

over the phone. So are your

58:44

competitors. Competitors, because they want

58:46

to resolve it now. Collaborators, because

58:48

they want to read people. They want

58:51

to gain as much information, as small

58:53

talk as well. And then for

58:55

your combinators, that's their worst

58:57

nightmare. They're going to prefer

58:59

that text messages, the social media.

59:01

Things that don't have to interact quite

59:03

as much with it. So that mode

59:05

is huge. If we can find that

59:07

out before, if we know that from

59:09

the people in our lives and relationships.

59:12

that can help us so that kind

59:14

of narrow down to specific profiles.

59:16

It's so helpful I think so often we

59:18

do go in with the plan and then

59:20

we settle very quickly around the

59:22

smoke screen issues and not the

59:25

big issues and then we get

59:27

frustrated when we're right back in

59:29

conflict with the same person and team

59:31

again and again. So for those in

59:33

leadership roles Does it help to build

59:35

teams around conflict style? Are we looking

59:38

to pair and group people together? If

59:40

we're leading a team and we got

59:42

to get these big things done to

59:44

facilitate resolving conflicts quickly

59:46

on our teams? Well, from

59:49

what we've seen, you know, companies

59:51

use this for for leaders using

59:53

this is really two different two

59:55

different areas. One is, as you

59:57

mentioned, the building of the team.

59:59

So whether that deciding who to promote,

1:00:01

who to be team leader, whether that's

1:00:03

as you're interviewing people and saying, oh,

1:00:05

I've got a full team of avoiders.

1:00:08

Do I really want to hire this

1:00:10

collaborator? Is that going to go? Is that

1:00:12

going to go? Is that going to go

1:00:14

well? Or I have a lot of task

1:00:16

trigger people. Do I really want the

1:00:18

accommodator in here? So we see people

1:00:21

do that to kind of, or essentially to

1:00:23

predict and prevent conflict from

1:00:25

happening. The second is in assessing

1:00:27

their own teams. brought in

1:00:30

to do is to do

1:00:32

assessment, to have the team

1:00:34

take our assessment profile and

1:00:36

say, yeah, these specific

1:00:38

situations, those two people

1:00:41

are gonna, they're gonna

1:00:43

find and it's just gonna

1:00:46

keep happening. So we may

1:00:48

either want to make some

1:00:50

changes in terms of how

1:00:52

we handle them or. You know what,

1:00:55

we may just need to separate

1:00:57

those people or make sure that

1:00:59

there's somebody there are changing some

1:01:01

policies ahead of time. So identifying

1:01:04

with existing teams what's going

1:01:06

to work and what's not and start

1:01:08

to see those fires before they happen

1:01:10

is huge. But also in just the

1:01:13

creation of the team itself. I've

1:01:15

got a lot of this profile. Do I

1:01:17

really want to hire their worst

1:01:19

teammate? This has been such a

1:01:21

fascinating conversation with great examples, and

1:01:23

I know our audience loves analyzing

1:01:25

themselves and getting to know their

1:01:28

style. So where can they find

1:01:30

out more about the self-analysis that you

1:01:32

offer and the work that you

1:01:34

do? First is the book, How

1:01:36

to Go Along With Anyone, it's

1:01:38

coming out February 18th, but our

1:01:40

website, the conflictdocks.com. So we have

1:01:42

not only a way to purchase

1:01:44

the book, but we also

1:01:47

do have scientifically validated assessment

1:01:49

that people can log on and

1:01:51

take that will tell them what their

1:01:53

profile is, what their type of

1:01:55

conflict triggers them, as well

1:01:57

as their best teammate and warden.

1:02:00

teammate. We recommended strongly

1:02:02

before any first date, just have

1:02:04

your date take the assessment, see

1:02:06

if it's going to be a

1:02:08

match. Yeah, maybe save you some

1:02:10

time and money on a bad

1:02:12

date. Yeah, we might save you some

1:02:15

time and money on a bad

1:02:17

date. Yeah, we might start putting

1:02:19

in our online dating profiles. I'm

1:02:21

an accommodator. There you go. No

1:02:24

competitors here. Thank you so much

1:02:26

for joining us. It was a

1:02:28

pleasure having you. Thank

1:02:38

you for listening and now comes

1:02:41

to part of the show where

1:02:43

we showcase one of our X

1:02:45

factor Accelerator members. Take it away

1:02:47

Chris. Hey everyone, my name is

1:02:50

Chris Raffteri. I'm a

1:02:52

financial advisor and I joined X

1:02:54

factor to build better

1:02:57

relationships with my friends at

1:02:59

work and also with my

1:03:01

family X factor really helped

1:03:03

me not just with the

1:03:05

course material and reading about

1:03:07

all the ways I could improve,

1:03:09

but also in helping me implement

1:03:11

all of these different teachings. Giving

1:03:13

me an outlet and a network

1:03:15

to practice these things, to troubleshoot

1:03:17

in a way a lot of

1:03:20

situations I was going through and

1:03:22

really provide some real-world applications

1:03:24

and have fun along the way

1:03:26

too. The thing I'm looking forward

1:03:28

to the most is continuing to develop.

1:03:30

They say iron sharpens iron and being

1:03:33

able to work with the other guys

1:03:35

in the group. has really proved that.

1:03:37

I'm looking forward to continuing to

1:03:40

build better relationships with the existing

1:03:42

folks that I hold near and

1:03:44

dear to me, but also meeting new people

1:03:46

out there. Thank you Chris, and it was

1:03:48

a pleasure and an honor working with you

1:03:50

too, and good luck to all your future

1:03:52

endeavors. If you've gotten value out of

1:03:54

this, or any of our podcasts, head on

1:03:56

over to your favorite podcast player and rate

1:03:59

and review the... It means the world to

1:04:01

us and it helps others find the

1:04:03

show. Johnny, what's the one thing

1:04:05

that separates highly successful people

1:04:07

from everyone else? That's easy,

1:04:09

AJ. It's their ability to

1:04:11

build and leverage genuine relationships.

1:04:14

The best opportunities always come

1:04:16

through connections. And that's exactly

1:04:18

what we teach in our

1:04:20

X Factor Accelerator program. Live

1:04:22

coaching calls, implementation workshops, and

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1:04:27

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1:04:29

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and charisma to succeed. Whether you're

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1:04:38

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1:04:40

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1:04:42

Our clients have gone from feeling

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1:04:50

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1:04:55

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1:04:57

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1:04:59

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1:05:01

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1:05:04

thank you. Before we head out,

1:05:06

a huge thank you to our

1:05:09

producers Michael Harold and Eric

1:05:11

Montgomery. Until next week, go

1:05:13

out there and make it

1:05:15

amazing.