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Mobile today. I'm told it's super

3:13

easy to do at Mint Mobile

3:16

today. I'm told it's super easy

3:18

to do at mintmobile.com. I'm

3:25

in my boudoir. Hardly a

3:27

stitch of clothing. Gros. Body

3:29

is wet, dripping. I'm worried

3:31

about the floor. Wet for

3:33

bottles. I'm click clack and

3:35

I carry breadshaw on the

3:37

computer and I notice. It's

3:40

not on. It's not on.

3:42

Not on. But dead for

3:44

years. It's a keyboard that's

3:46

not attached to a man.

3:52

A keyboard that's taped to a

3:54

typewriter. and I notice something that

3:56

seems a little suspicious, perhaps even

3:58

fraudulent. So I go, I click

4:00

like, I don't recognize this transaction.

4:02

We do a little, we flag

4:04

her, we flag her, okay? And

4:06

then not 12 minutes later, I

4:09

get a phone call from Bank

4:11

of America. And they say, there

4:13

is some fraudulent activity on your.

4:15

account we just want to make

4:17

sure that these transactions were oh

4:19

shit so she puts me on

4:21

hold quite a while actually kind

4:23

of a bitch move yeah no

4:25

hold music I notice nothing might

4:27

be being robbed this is very

4:29

urgent can you hold yeah hold

4:31

would you mind holding and then

4:33

I held mom there was none

4:35

that was the first flag no

4:37

Michael Bublay no really sexy one

4:39

that's like What about some soft

4:41

jazz? Where's my music? Where's the

4:43

sax? Where's the sax? Where's the,

4:45

like, Magic 106.7? Where's the, where's

4:47

the, Michael Bolton? Where's the, how

4:49

can we love us if we

4:51

can't be friends, non-vocal arrangement? You

4:53

know, none of that. And then

4:55

she comes back, she's asking me

4:57

some more questions. She mentions, she

4:59

mentions a transaction that's very large

5:02

that I don't recognize. Oh, that's

5:04

definitely a. And then she's like,

5:06

can you verify the last four

5:08

of your social? I do that.

5:10

And then can you verify that

5:12

it's from the last four of

5:14

the account number? And I said

5:16

something I don't remember. And she's

5:18

like, and then you're pinned for

5:20

that number. And I was like,

5:22

oh, Mary. Oh, Mary Louise. They

5:24

almost got you. Mary Louise, they

5:26

were this close. Third hold. Girl,

5:28

third hold. They put my hold

5:30

three times. They almost got me.

5:32

And I was like, I was

5:34

not born yesterday. I was born

5:36

three days ago. I have been

5:38

scammed and I will be scammed

5:40

again. Yeah, but not on this

5:42

day. Oh, yeah. Mary. to get

5:44

me. Spectrum almost got me. What?

5:46

Spectrum almost got me. The same

5:48

thing. Well, fake spectrum. Fake spectrum.

5:50

Spectrum. Spectrum. And they almost got

5:52

me up to the point where

5:55

they were asking for pins to

5:57

cards. And I went. Yeah. Nobody

5:59

will ever ask. Very tech savvy.

6:01

Yeah. For me to come this

6:03

close to giving that pin. And

6:05

I was like, Grandma and Grandpa

6:07

are. eating out of house and

6:09

home. Sweetie, they're... Grandma, grandpa have

6:11

been... They're on the street. Their

6:13

body's been buried. They're on the...

6:15

They're gone. They're six feet under.

6:17

They're gone very much. Several men

6:19

have had the way with the

6:21

dead body by now from your...

6:23

Your grandma. Grandma has been monged

6:25

to her... Yeah, it's a wrap

6:27

on Ms. Grandma. Yeah, it's a

6:29

wrap. This is actually what I...

6:31

This is where it turned. Amber

6:33

she said nobody's name Amber and

6:35

um and I said and I

6:37

said can I have your direct

6:39

line just in case we get

6:41

disconnected and she said oh no

6:43

no you can just call if

6:45

you call the customer service line

6:48

you can she wouldn't give me

6:50

her number service line you can

6:52

she wouldn't give me her number

6:54

right so I was like okay

6:56

something's up something's up with that

6:58

and then she asked me for

7:00

my pin I said Amber you

7:02

go fuck yourself you go fuck

7:04

yourself you go fuck you go

7:06

fuck yourself you know Six. Fierce.

7:08

Six times she called back. Six

7:10

fucking times. She's trying to make

7:12

quota. Amber. I see you girl.

7:14

Girl, she's in Locktina. She's in

7:16

a high rise in New Delhi.

7:18

Trying to make, trying to make,

7:20

you know, because I mean, if

7:22

you're doing fraud from another country,

7:24

it's probably safer. Also, I got

7:26

on the horn with, um, Romina.

7:28

Now that sounds fake, but was

7:30

real at Bank of America, and

7:32

we had the Kiki of all

7:34

Kikis. Did she say that's been

7:36

happening a lot? She's, I laid

7:38

out the situation, she's like, oh,

7:41

girl, that's some fraud. She's like,

7:43

girl. That's why they tell you.

7:45

They tell you, we, by the

7:47

way, we will never ask for

7:49

your pen. Yes. By the way,

7:51

we will never ask for your,

7:53

you know. And we joked, I

7:55

was like. I told her I

7:57

gave her the whole download and

7:59

she's like, and I was like,

8:01

that's a lot of effort. Why

8:03

don't you just get a real

8:05

job? Girl, you got the can

8:07

do spirit. You got the can

8:09

do spirit. At that point, just

8:11

get a job. But you got

8:13

the follow through, you got the

8:15

like, you got the gumption. You

8:17

got the gumption. You're not lazy.

8:19

Do drag race. Get the girls.

8:21

That's what really gets the girls

8:23

keying up at the gig. And

8:25

that's really good. Just make Mama

8:27

Ru laugh. Get her pin. I'm

8:29

not exactly the Snatch Game Police,

8:31

but I love that the girls

8:34

now are just dressing up as

8:36

like, we have Cupid and a

8:38

scab. We have cloudy sky. Mary.

8:40

We got the cloudy sky. We

8:42

got, we got, um. And we

8:44

have Elissa Edwards as Elissa Edwards.

8:46

It's just, it's random. It's like,

8:48

we got a movie. It's fierce.

8:50

It's fierce. I'm a movie. We

8:52

have a Boston Terrier. No, that's

8:54

too. That's too. That's a thing.

8:56

Yeah, it's like we got um,

8:58

it is so Zeus. Oh, so

9:00

yeah. Mama, when Zeus is the

9:02

winner, that's how you know this

9:04

shit went down. It's cunty. I

9:06

take so much umberage. I wish

9:08

I wish Amber would fraud out

9:10

this natch game big time. Amber

9:12

fraud them out. Get all their

9:14

pins. I love the even everywhere.

9:16

The only real Amber is. Contestant

9:18

number eight. Yeah, Amber Atkins. A-L-A-E-A-A-M-A,

9:20

Wisconsin, W-I-S-C, yes, love. Mama, you

9:22

can't come for Amber Atkins, but

9:24

you can come for Amber Atkins,

9:26

at Bonk of America. Bonk of

9:29

America. Bonk, Bonk, Bonk, Bonk, Bonk,

9:31

Bonk, Beed Up. You know what

9:33

happened? When I almost got scanned

9:35

it was so so crazy and

9:37

well because I felt so exposed

9:39

I was like oh my god

9:41

Somebody could just be rooting around

9:43

on my online somebody somebody tries

9:45

to log into my like PlayStation

9:47

network account like every two days

9:49

Well, that's again. I got six

9:51

and this is yesterday I got

9:53

six text messages Your one-time pass

9:55

code is for... I'm like... The

9:57

girls are coming for you. For

9:59

what? For what? I was logging

10:01

in. You owe me money. Damn.

10:03

It's wild out there. And I

10:05

don't have a lot... I don't

10:07

have a lot of money. I've

10:09

been going through it. I got

10:11

financial troubles. I got troubles of

10:13

all different kinds, okay? I got

10:15

pins. I got pins and needles,

10:17

honey. Oh, but I did Google.

10:19

I got two fact check things

10:22

to Google. I already apologize, I'd

10:24

like to further apologize about the

10:26

Simsian needle. I know it's a

10:28

very big gauge and it's horrible.

10:30

But also alcohol does not convert

10:32

to sugar. I'm still, I think

10:34

this was like a few days

10:36

ago, I'm still, I think this

10:38

was like a few days ago,

10:40

I'm still bruised aren't I? This

10:42

is from like five days ago.

10:44

That's just from like five days

10:46

ago. That's crazy. Yeah, it was

10:48

bad, it was purple, it looked

10:50

like I had a science guy

10:52

on the alcohol converting to sugar

10:54

because it to sugar because it

10:56

doesn't. You don't think? No, it

10:58

doesn't, I guess. I'm not a

11:00

scientist, but... Would you do a

11:02

toxicology report? No, they did. Who's

11:04

they? Because I went down, I

11:06

went and diving deep because of

11:08

the new set. I have to

11:10

tell you this, this, how this

11:12

on the internet? The eyelash dilemma,

11:15

men's quest for masculinity, sparks debate.

11:17

A trend has emerged where men

11:19

are trimming their eyelashes at barber

11:21

and just cut them off. Because

11:23

is having eyelashes, I said fellas,

11:25

is having eyelashes gay? What the

11:27

fuck are people talking about? You're

11:29

in such a crisis right now.

11:31

We're in a crisis. We're in

11:33

a multi, we are in such

11:35

a confluence of crises. Cut my

11:37

eyelashes off because hair's brushing debris

11:39

away from my eye is gay?

11:41

Switch my wig up, feel like

11:43

my cheating, what is the line?

11:45

Trimming your eyelashes is... Is less

11:47

gay than getting done in the

11:49

ass? Yes, trimming your eyelashes is

11:51

more gay than getting fisted. It

11:53

is. Yeah, it's crazy. What did

11:55

I just say? The opposite. Oh,

11:57

I'm sorry. But it's crazy. It's

11:59

crazy. You know what the thing

12:01

is? Long, luscious lass. Everybody loves

12:03

that. Yeah, it's because they are,

12:05

your eyes love that. Yeah, your

12:08

eyes, have a purpose. Sweetie, go

12:10

to the steps during the, go

12:12

to the steps of fucking Mongolia

12:14

during that particularly windy season and

12:16

see what them, no lashes have

12:18

to say about your vision. Yeah,

12:20

boop, it's blind boots. Yeah, go

12:22

to it, go to see the

12:24

notebook. Crying all day with no

12:26

lashes, good luck to you. Yeah,

12:28

I mean, I think it's supposed

12:30

to keep debris to keep debris

12:32

out of the eye. to have

12:34

a shadow girl. It has a

12:36

purpose. And also, we wouldn't have

12:38

lash commercials without them lashes. Think

12:40

about that? Have you ever been

12:42

with a man thought, God, his

12:44

lashes are just too long? It's

12:46

weird. No, I'd be like, oh,

12:48

he's so perfect. He makes a

12:50

lot of money. He's so interesting.

12:52

I love everything about him. But

12:54

that was a long lash. It's

12:56

gross. Yeah. I know she don't

12:58

have the lashes. Yeah, I go

13:01

to the barber shop and they

13:03

trim them off. And they trim

13:05

them off. What the fuck? And

13:07

I guarantee, I guarantee that's the

13:09

type of motherfucker who shaves off

13:11

all their pubes. Well, but I

13:13

don't know, I don't know. No,

13:15

no, no, I bet, I don't

13:17

even think it's that. I think

13:19

it's something, something so different. I

13:21

think that they are so disconnected

13:23

from any, like, logic, reason, whatever.

13:25

They probably have a bushwhacked asshole

13:27

caked with dry shit and then

13:29

shave pubes because that's some of

13:31

no eyelashes Pick the whole ball

13:33

out because the eyes is gay.

13:35

Yeah, the crimes of the future.

13:37

But surgery is the new sex.

13:39

I have had, I've been to

13:41

the barber, Barber and had an

13:43

experience of them trimming my eyebrows

13:45

because they become unruly sometimes. They

13:47

got like they're all a whack.

13:49

They got eyebrows some kind. They're

13:51

a whack. They're a bush whack

13:54

like Martin Van Buren or whatever.

13:56

And they like do the thing

13:58

and they trim and they trim

14:00

and down being a little nice.

14:02

That makes sense. They shave off

14:04

your fucking nasty ear hair. The

14:06

things that are, you know what

14:08

I mean? Things of that nature.

14:10

It's a grooming thing. Taking your

14:12

lashes off, why don't they just

14:14

chop your dick off? Why don't

14:16

they give you breasts? It's just,

14:18

I mean, what are we doing

14:20

here? It's 2025. We don't know.

14:22

What are we doing here? It's...

14:24

I think it's saying. I love

14:26

it. Straight cars are so fucking

14:28

shook and weird. I don't know.

14:30

I saw this. Wait, wait, wait,

14:32

wait, let me interrupt. Please let

14:34

me interrupt you because I saw

14:36

this clip of Andrew Garfield on

14:38

Colbert. And did you see that

14:40

clip of Andrew Garfield on Colbert.

14:42

And did you see that clip

14:44

of them kissing? No. I don't

14:46

know what the context was, but

14:49

this is how it came up

14:51

is like, but this is like,

14:53

Is like, do you feel comfortable

14:55

kissing guys? No, not at all.

14:57

And then they start fucking kissing.

14:59

And I'm sorry. Did you get

15:01

horny? I got fucking. Bricked. Bricked.

15:03

R-I-Q-U-E-D. You're like one of those.

15:05

No, no, no, no. No, no.

15:07

No, no. No, no. No, no.

15:09

No, no. You're like, two girls

15:11

kiss. You're like, that's you. Yes,

15:13

that is me. But also, but

15:15

you know what happened. I thought,

15:17

these are two men who are

15:19

so comfortable in their identities that

15:21

they have nothing to lose that

15:23

they're gonna give a little titillation

15:25

for the girls. Boop. Let's take

15:27

a break. It was conned, you

15:29

gotta pull up the clip. I

15:31

don't need to pull up the

15:33

clip. I don't need to watch

15:35

porn. I don't need to watch

15:37

porn. No, no, no, no. I'm

15:39

telling you, it was hot. Okay.

15:42

It's just like a nice gesture

15:44

of like no homosexuality and you

15:46

had to stick your weird little

15:48

coil dick in it. I try

15:50

to make it some kind of

15:52

weird, try to make it some

15:54

kind of weird porn experience. You

15:56

had to just piss all over

15:58

something so beautiful and normal. I

16:00

had to drag myself to the

16:02

cock room with my corkscrew cock.

16:04

Yeah, right. Yeah, no. I'm like

16:06

one of those people who watches

16:08

two girls chatting in the locker

16:10

room and then you're like, oh,

16:12

it's now they're going to turn

16:14

less. bitch. You fucking bitch. Here

16:16

it is. I mean, I don't

16:18

even understand the question. Me either.

16:20

Me either. Not everybody is, but

16:22

I'm totally comfortable with it too.

16:24

All right. Just want you to

16:26

know that at any point during

16:28

this... Is it now that we're

16:30

doing it? Love him Garffle don't

16:32

really care about, but Steve and

16:35

I would kiss. Of course I

16:37

would. Was his name, um, Professor

16:39

Noblet? What are you talking about?

16:41

Strange of the candy. Oh, you

16:43

know, yeah, yeah. Dr. Colbert. I

16:45

mean, he is, of course, I

16:47

would kiss him. And I, I,

16:49

I sometimes confuse Andrew Garfield with

16:51

Eddie Redmayne, who I don't care.

16:53

But I love Andrew Garfield. I

16:55

think he's charming. He was he's

16:57

always so nicely dressed He couldn't

16:59

a chocolate dish. Yeah, I'm not

17:01

a big fan. I didn't like

17:03

that Danish girl. Yeah, a lot

17:05

of Danish though. Oh, have you

17:07

ever read Danish? Are you kidding

17:09

me? Kunti There's

17:13

a wait wait wait there's a

17:15

girl. I love a Danish. I

17:17

love it. Raspberry, I love it.

17:20

I don't do cheese, but that's

17:22

okay. One thing about me that

17:25

you, girl, it's funny. I'm not

17:27

the Danish, I'm not the Danish

17:29

girl, I'm not the Danish girl,

17:32

but I am Danish girl, I'm

17:34

not the Danish girl, I have

17:36

a Danish girl, I'll have a

17:39

Danish girl. No, no, it's a

17:41

problematic. Fucking problematic if that actor

17:43

was really committed. They would have

17:46

snatched their own eye out at

17:48

the gig. It's Dave Foley doing

17:50

Darryl Hannah doing Elvin Driver and

17:53

Danish Graves. Open up the notes.

17:55

Mama, everybody needs a fierce one-eyed

17:58

lawyer and a Porsche. Yes. Today's

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18:11

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18:14

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18:25

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we sent you. You know, okay,

22:19

can I talk to you about

22:21

my Vespa? Yes. So you were

22:23

talking about this? What? You're Vespa?

22:25

I thought to get from my

22:27

house. I thought to give such

22:29

a fagget. I fucking hate you.

22:31

You're such a bitch. Ugly bitch.

22:33

You're such an ugly old bitch.

22:35

Oh I know. Drinking and vestbling?

22:37

Probably not. You fucking bitch. Yeah,

22:39

okay. So anyway, fagget. I was

22:41

talking about. I'm having to go

22:43

in today's Monday. I hate it.

22:46

I hate it here. I hate

22:48

this fucking job. This shit is

22:50

fun today. I was talking about

22:52

getting a Vespa because I thought,

22:54

you know, if I don't want

22:56

to pull this car out every

22:58

time I want to drive the

23:00

mile and half to the studio,

23:02

how fun to have a little,

23:04

have to drive the mile and

23:06

a half to the studio. How

23:08

fun to have a little Vespa,

23:10

how fun, I want to drive

23:12

the mile and a mile and

23:14

I have to the mile and

23:16

I have to. I have in

23:18

Los Angeles. We're not doing that.

23:20

We're not doing that. We're not

23:22

doing motorcycle. It's a happy death

23:24

day, bitch. You think? I know.

23:26

It's, I mean, I hit something

23:28

every time I leave the house

23:30

in the car. Yeah, but you

23:32

got, you got an enclosure. Yeah.

23:34

You know, I think motorcycles should

23:36

be able to, you know, I

23:38

said, my order of executive orders,

23:40

when I do become prison, green,

23:42

we got that green arrow, arrow

23:44

course that everybody could take for

23:46

four years, no motorcycles, no helicopters.

23:48

No speedboats. Okay. Sure. Why? Okay.

23:50

No, they're so dangerous. It's just

23:52

so- I gotta be fun devil.

23:54

little best, but it is if

23:56

you're in Thailand. If you're in

23:59

Thailand on Kosamui, then you have

24:01

a little, you have a little

24:03

mouthhead motorbike because that's how everybody

24:05

gets around. Yeah. Or you're in

24:07

India or something like where it's

24:09

this, everybody's got one in this

24:11

call kind of, it's not super

24:13

dangerous. You're not going 80 on

24:15

the highway and it's like that

24:17

is, that's death. Mama. That's the

24:19

reaper. That's Ms. Grim reaper coming

24:21

and getcha. Well, everybody, okay, this

24:23

is a thing. Nobody wants me

24:25

to fly a plane. Nobody wants

24:27

me to have a motorcycle. No,

24:29

that was like in drunk drive.

24:31

When I was marathon training, nobody

24:33

wanted me to run on the

24:35

street. Am I just supposed to

24:37

lay in my house with sandbags

24:39

on top of my body and

24:41

just die? Like, all of you

24:43

fucking want to hold women back.

24:45

All right, this... Why can't I

24:47

leave the house? You need to

24:49

put on your wool coat, lock

24:51

the doors, and say goodbye. Meanwhile,

24:53

in this age in America, the

24:55

girl show will put me on

24:57

an American airline flight. Girl, mama,

24:59

what's going on? What's going on?

25:01

What's the bait switch? When did

25:03

the bait switch start to occur.

25:05

Sweetie that was not a graceful

25:07

exit. It bounce. Yeah, that was

25:10

I forgot to talk to you

25:12

about this. That should bounce. I

25:14

was a little suspicious. But but

25:16

but we hit the ground and

25:18

it sounded like someone record scratching.

25:20

It was a goop. I think

25:22

they brought the drink cart a

25:24

little too much into the cockpit

25:26

if you know what I mean.

25:28

Yeah, I need you to bring

25:30

the cock into the cockpit. What

25:32

are you thinking about a lot?

25:34

You eating that food on the

25:36

plane? Yeah, once in a while

25:38

it depends what it depends what

25:40

it is. Oatmeal on a plane

25:42

is okay. I'll think sometimes a

25:44

little pancake or waffle's okay. I

25:46

don't love an egg on a

25:48

plane. No, no, no, no, no.

25:50

There's so for some reason when

25:52

I took JetBlue from Boston to

25:54

Boston from LA. That's the best

25:56

flight. The JetBlue. They call it

25:58

Mint. They call it Mint. I

26:00

will never forget this breakfast. Yeah,

26:02

I think I will never forget

26:04

this breakfast. It was delicious. It

26:06

was more delicious than anything I've

26:08

ever had on the terrestrial restaurant

26:10

scene. And and it was just

26:12

wild. But this this latest trip

26:14

that we went on between P.S.

26:16

I love you and then the

26:18

actual flight. Mary, this bitch was

26:21

fed. She was pork. They like

26:23

they would treat me like Hansel

26:25

and Gretel brought you throw me

26:27

in the oven. They fed me.

26:29

Calorie pumped into my body. I

26:31

was so satisfied. Did you fly?

26:33

Satisfaction before 12 noon pumped without

26:35

calories and food. Were you on

26:37

our flight to Boston? We're all

26:39

in the place and flight to

26:41

Boston, right? Yeah. Did you feel

26:43

like we got fed to the

26:45

point of explosion? Mama, I'm telling

26:47

you, I couldn't believe how much

26:49

food they were being. I was

26:51

like, am I being pushed into

26:53

an oven by an old witch

26:55

after this flight? I thought like,

26:57

what are you doing? I am,

26:59

are we running a marathon? My

27:01

car below loads. He turned to

27:03

my friend and I was like,

27:05

are you like really full? He's

27:07

like, yes. He's like, are you

27:09

like really full? He's like, he's

27:11

like, are you like really full?

27:13

He's like, like, really full, course

27:15

meal on meal on that. a

27:17

nightmare in Elm Street 5 or

27:19

whatever. It was by the time

27:21

we landed, I was like, I

27:23

don't need to eat for a

27:25

week. It was crazy. It was,

27:27

I didn't even have lunch. It

27:29

was like, who needs lunch? I

27:31

just had three fucking breakfasts. It

27:34

was wild. I mean, I was

27:36

very grateful. Because we're all free.

27:38

Well, well, yeah, I mean, not

27:40

really free, we kind of paid

27:42

for it. But yeah, but that

27:44

PSA, I love you, I love.

27:46

sometimes enjoy this luxury service where

27:48

they basically pick you up from

27:50

your home, swallow you in cashmere

27:52

and bring you to the secret

27:54

airport and like fill you with

27:56

gorgeous food and and then my

27:58

husband was there, you saw him,

28:00

the man with the beard. You

28:02

love him. I love him. Oh,

28:04

we didn't talk about our sighting.

28:06

Oh girls, we had a really

28:08

good celebrity sighting. Girl, we saw

28:10

Ludacris, bitch. We saw Ludacris at

28:12

the PS Direct. And I, sometimes

28:14

we see people, I'm like, oh,

28:16

that's fun, that's fun, that's fun,

28:18

that's fun, that's fun, that's them.

28:20

Amy Adams, or whoever, I don't

28:22

want to listen, Dakota Fanning, great.

28:24

He walked in, and you know

28:26

what I do. And you know

28:28

what I do. When I see

28:30

a celebrity, you guys know that

28:32

when I see a celebrity, you

28:34

guys know that when I see

28:36

a celebrity, you guys know that

28:38

when I see a celebrity, you

28:40

guys know that when I see

28:42

a. I say their name. I

28:45

mean, I understand it's Andy McDowell

28:47

plus, and I'm me. I just

28:49

go ludicrous. Like, just said it.

28:51

And it made me think of

28:53

the time that I said, I

28:55

saw Catherine Hahn and I went,

28:57

oh, Madeline Khan. Oh, that's, that's,

28:59

so sometimes I also get the

29:01

name wrong. Yeah, like Rodney McDowell,

29:03

I mean, I understand it's Andy

29:05

McDowell plus Roddy McDowell. I loved

29:07

you in the doodle. I loved

29:09

you in the substance. You were

29:11

so good. So I saw Ludacris

29:13

and I was just like, that's

29:15

fucking Ludacris. Ludacris. Ludacris. That is

29:17

Ludacris. Did the birth fall like

29:19

Bobericolone? Thank you. Was that dirty

29:21

shit? Is that red man? Dirty's

29:23

red man. What is it? Dirty's

29:25

red man. What is it? What

29:27

is it? What is it? I

29:29

don't know. I'm not super familiar

29:31

with rapping. Oh, I'll do it

29:33

for you. Okay, please. Some of

29:35

this, some of the, some of

29:37

the, Ludacris, it's a Misty song.

29:39

It's gossip folks. It's not gossip

29:41

folks. It's not gossip folks. It's

29:43

another one. It's like one minute

29:45

man. It's one minute man. Oh,

29:47

sure. Yeah, it's one minute man.

29:49

He said. Once about a time

29:51

in a college park where they

29:53

live a life fast and they

29:56

scare to dark, oh there's a

29:58

lot of n-words, okay we won't

30:00

do this, okay. Yeah. Now what

30:02

do you think about duck quacks?

30:04

Not all around the world on

30:06

the microphone, he leaves the booth

30:08

phone, like Burberry Cologne, still riding

30:10

chrome, got the bitches in the

30:12

kitchen, never home alone, and he's

30:14

on the grime, please. Let me

30:16

know if he's on your mind.

30:18

Yeah, well, I love, ludicrous, ludicrous,

30:20

rotate all tires. What? Ludicris, something,

30:22

and rotate all tires. Oh, check

30:24

it out. It's on, um, one

30:26

minute man. Oh. Oh. Have you

30:28

seen that woman who says? Oh,

30:30

is that D-D-M-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- It's now or

30:32

never. Vanderpump? You ain't gonna live

30:34

forever. Vanderpump's so famous and people

30:36

ask her for photos everywhere we

30:38

are all the time. She always

30:40

takes them. And she, I know

30:42

she doesn't have to. Yeah, she

30:44

always does it. Bjork won't take

30:46

a single one. Right. And the

30:48

most graceful, what do you call

30:50

that? The most graceful, not a

30:52

rejection, but declining, the most graceful

30:54

decline of a photo of ever

30:56

witnessed. Right. It was incredible. I

30:58

always just do it. Why not,

31:00

why, why not, why not, why

31:02

not, why not, who cares. It

31:04

depends on my mood. Unless there's

31:06

a real reason. Like a real

31:09

reason, like, I'm in a super

31:11

hurry. I wasn't happy birthday to

31:13

Sarah or whatever. Or like, if

31:15

I, this is the one that

31:17

always gets to the girls though,

31:19

when I know, it's not think,

31:21

when I know that I know

31:23

that I look like shit, yeah,

31:25

and I know that I look

31:27

like shit. Yeah. And they're like,

31:29

but I don't care that you

31:31

care. You obviously don't take pictures,

31:33

honey. It's gonna be. So, she

31:35

says, it really offends a lot

31:37

of people. It doesn't mean I'm

31:39

not appreciative, of course, that people

31:41

are fans or happy to see

31:43

me, but I always say to

31:45

people, I'm not working. And that

31:47

means I don't want to be

31:49

identified as being in this time

31:51

and place with you. I just

31:53

thought it was praised so crazy.

31:55

I don't want to identify as

31:57

your friends. So I just thought

31:59

it was so crazy because everything

32:01

leading up to it was so

32:03

like almost Miss America. So she

32:05

goes, but I always say to

32:07

people, I'm not working. And I

32:09

went, that's a good way to

32:11

put it. I don't want to

32:13

be identified as being in this

32:15

time and place with you. That

32:17

sounds like Tokyo Tony or something.

32:20

It's so like round the way.

32:22

The thing is that I have

32:24

endless gratitude for being a public

32:26

figure. However, I choose to decline

32:28

the photos because you are a

32:30

piece of shit. So then she

32:32

says, I don't want to be

32:34

identified as being in this time

32:36

and place with you, which is

32:38

what I'm going to say every

32:40

time I leave the room now.

32:42

That's what you use this, Sarah.

32:44

I can no longer be in

32:46

this time and place with you.

32:48

I'm either saying I don't want

32:50

to be in this time and

32:52

place with you. I have birthday,

32:54

Sarah, or Shaka Kong. And I'm

32:56

getting out of here. Hold on,

32:58

I like to be in my

33:00

own thoughts and have nothing to

33:02

do with what other people think

33:04

of me. I don't like to

33:06

be self-conscious. Yeah, she, and also

33:08

famously, she recently refused to join

33:10

social media at the urging of

33:12

the, yeah, because of the, yeah,

33:14

because of Jurassic, doing press for

33:16

Jurassic, whatever the movie, and she's

33:18

like, I don't need to join

33:20

Instagram, the dinosaurs will take it.

33:22

I mean, yeah, also, like, yeah,

33:24

what career are you building at

33:26

this point? You're Scarlet, your hands.

33:28

I know, you are a, you

33:31

are an A-list movie star. Yeah.

33:33

Like, that's never gonna change. You

33:35

know, Julia Roberts. Don't you've had

33:37

out-driver scream at you on camera?

33:39

You're good. You're good. Mama. Every

33:41

day I wish you were dead.

33:43

What is it? Punching a wall.

33:45

You know what that was about

33:47

Jennifer Jason Jason and Noah Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a

40:22

My dad works in B2B marketing.

40:24

He came by my school for

40:27

career day and said he was

40:29

a big row as man. Then

40:31

he told everyone how much he

40:33

loved calculating his return on ad

40:36

spend. My friends still laugh

40:38

at me to this day.

40:40

Not everyone gets B2B, but

40:42

with LinkedIn, you'll be able

40:44

to reach people who do.

40:46

Get $100 credit on your

40:48

next ad campaign. Go to

40:50

linkedin.com slash results to be. to

40:52

be. It's

56:58

horrible. Yeah, you know, well, I think

57:00

you should be proud of the fact

57:02

that of your of the time that

57:04

you did have it up and running

57:06

and not feel ashamed about it closing

57:08

because Mary I can't even keep one

57:10

home. I can't even balance one checkbook.

57:12

You've got multiple businesses in it. It's

57:14

like I know I'm hoping You know,

57:16

I help keep it open longer, obviously,

57:18

but if anybody has a problem with

57:20

it, why don't they just they can

57:22

email me? They can email Miss Kachia

57:24

at go fuck yourself.com and I will

57:27

promptly reply to your email. Yeah, and

57:29

I will it will be a large

57:31

JPEC of a turd But like do

57:33

you remember when town closed? I don't

57:35

know if Ed was in high ed.

57:37

When town closed, that's not even my

57:39

home bar bar. And I remember being

57:41

like, oh, it was kind of shocking.

57:43

Oh, it was kind of shocking. Shocking,

57:45

this happens, you know, you and I

57:47

have gotten the privilege to work in

57:49

every game or across the country. And

57:51

especially early in my career, I remember

57:53

going to like Peanuts in Cleveland, Alabama

57:55

to B-Bobs or S-4 in Dallas. I

57:58

remember like, yeah, the, the. Oh, do

58:00

you remember when, um, that place in

58:02

Florida clothes with the hotel? Splash? No.

58:04

Oh, um, um, you know what I'm

58:06

talking about. I can't think of it

58:08

now. Is it, is it the, the,

58:10

the, the, the, the, the, the big

58:12

hotel attach with a white party? Um,

58:14

it's. Parliament House. Parliament House. Yes, and

58:16

they had outdoor stage. I remember being

58:18

like, how's that possible? I know. You

58:20

know, the gay bars, it's not the

58:22

same, but when drag queens die, it

58:24

feels impossible. It does. It feels great.

58:26

Yeah. And when gay bars close, it

58:29

feels impossible. Well, it's like, it's like,

58:31

it was like big birds passing away.

58:33

It's like, it's like, it was like

58:35

big birds passing away. It's like, it's

58:37

like, it's like, big birds passing away,

58:39

but, but, but, but it's like, but

58:41

it's like, make a friend who was

58:43

my first friend. He studied early childhood

58:45

education and I was doing musical theater

58:47

and we stayed roommates for years through

58:49

college. His name was Mike Mastriani. He

58:51

went on to be an early childhood

58:53

education teacher and we stayed friends after

58:55

college but it was always one of

58:57

those things were like, oh I just

59:00

missed you, maybe I'll see you for

59:02

Christmas, I'll catch you in the spring.

59:04

And we just kept doing this and

59:06

then this was like, it was like

59:08

a couple years ago, it was like

59:10

a couple years ago, it was like

59:12

a couple years. I was like, I'll

59:14

come to your Halloween party at this

59:16

is it if I can make it.

59:18

And that's what made me think of

59:20

it. He was like, I'm gonna come

59:22

if I can make it. And he,

59:24

this sounds horrible, and it is a

59:26

real story. I thought he was coming

59:28

that night, but he didn't come. And

59:31

then like a week later, I'm in

59:33

London working and I get a call

59:35

from his mom. His mom called on

59:37

the phone and he was like, and

59:39

she was like, he always wore. A

59:41

helmet, but he had a Halloween costume

59:43

on because I was coming to your

59:45

party. Oh God. And it was like

59:47

so sad. And it was like, obviously

59:49

we hadn't talked in a good year

59:51

or two and she was like, you

59:53

were in one of the last people

59:55

that texted, he was trying to come

59:57

to your party. He was going to

59:59

surprise you at your party. And I

1:00:02

just felt, you know. And that was

1:00:04

like, wow, you got to make time

1:00:06

for people. You got to make sure

1:00:08

if you want to see someone, you

1:00:10

can't do next time, next to next

1:00:12

time, you just have to do it.

1:00:14

But he was a, he was a

1:00:16

kindergarten teacher. And so I went to

1:00:18

his, his funeral, I was in London

1:00:20

working and they showed his funeral in

1:00:22

the zoom and they showed all these

1:00:24

videos of him teaching, like kindergartners and

1:00:26

stuff. Oh my God, you can kill

1:00:28

me, man. Gonna kill me. It was

1:00:30

horrible. You know, because it because he

1:00:33

was a teacher during COVID, there was

1:00:35

all these videos of him teaching kids

1:00:37

remotely. So it's like how to make

1:00:39

a book and he's folding paper and

1:00:41

showing kids how to write their name

1:00:43

on it and it was like, fucking

1:00:45

angel. Yeah. And you know, there's not

1:00:47

many men who go into early childhood

1:00:49

education. It's like mostly women, which is

1:00:51

fine. I'm sorry. Damn. I haven't talked

1:00:53

about it much because there's, you know,

1:00:55

at first I was like sad about

1:00:57

first it was sad about, oh, I

1:00:59

wish I would have seen him. Then

1:01:01

it's the sad that he's like always

1:01:04

wore a helmet and didn't wear one

1:01:06

because he was coming in a Halloween

1:01:08

costume to my Halloween party. You know,

1:01:10

it's horrible. He was alright. She was

1:01:12

my age. But his family started be

1:01:14

like be like Mike, which is like,

1:01:16

it honors him and. Gifts the funds

1:01:18

to help support and develop male early

1:01:20

childhood educators So trying to get more

1:01:22

just men to get involved in our

1:01:24

childhood education So since it started it's

1:01:26

raised almost $100,000. Oh fierce. They're trying

1:01:28

to create a legacy. So if you

1:01:30

guys Google be like Mike that's my

1:01:32

friend Mike my roommate from college and

1:01:35

get the boys teaching the kids So

1:01:37

it's not all you know the brunt

1:01:39

of women's job to teach you on

1:01:41

kids right Sorry that was so emo,

1:01:43

emo episode today. That came out, ooh

1:01:45

that got me girl. Poor one out

1:01:47

for Mike. And poor one out for

1:01:49

this is it. And poor one out

1:01:51

for Milwaukee, Milwaukee. Love Milwaukee, but I'm

1:01:53

also, it just, it goes to show.

1:01:55

you that girlfriend from college of years

1:01:57

that family member make the time make

1:01:59

the effort yeah we all take for

1:02:01

granted that just like I'll see you

1:02:03

next time they'll always be there yeah

1:02:06

just do it yeah you know I

1:02:08

got guilty of that with my mom

1:02:10

I wouldn't call her enough and she

1:02:12

wouldn't call me enough and we got

1:02:14

better about it over the years because

1:02:16

I'll be like I just think she'll

1:02:18

live forever and then it's like Mary

1:02:20

I that occurs to me sometimes but

1:02:22

I'm I'm pretty hard to think about

1:02:24

my mother's She's the actually Angelina Jolie

1:02:26

was playing my mom. Yeah, they don't

1:02:28

die and like I if I ever

1:02:30

had to try to do like a

1:02:32

if I ever had to try to

1:02:35

make myself cry if I think about

1:02:37

my mother dying I mean I'm I

1:02:39

will lose my mind and it's inconceivable

1:02:41

to me that they will die and

1:02:43

I Yeah, I always that's a good

1:02:45

reminder to especially if you like your

1:02:47

family we love them. Yeah, talk to

1:02:49

them all the time. Yeah, and I

1:02:51

always like that was the other thing

1:02:53

too I always was talking to Mike's

1:02:55

talking to Mike's mom Marilyn about doing

1:02:57

an event at the bar to the

1:02:59

bar to the bar to raise money

1:03:01

And it was just one of those

1:03:03

things that always was like, we'll do

1:03:06

it. I know we'll do it. Yeah,

1:03:08

yeah, yeah. And do it. And so

1:03:10

you just got to do it. You

1:03:12

got to prioritize doing it. So go

1:03:14

to be like my, or just, you

1:03:16

know, Google be like Mike. And it's

1:03:18

run, it's his mom and dad started

1:03:20

it. So that's fierce. Get the kids

1:03:22

learned by the young men. How, the

1:03:24

young men. How. How get the kids

1:03:26

learned by the young men. I just

1:03:28

thought you would love it. Oh, so,

1:03:30

isn't it fierce? It's fucking, it's, you

1:03:32

know who it is, it's fucking, it's

1:03:34

the Baron from Dune. It's giving Baron

1:03:37

Harkinen. It came with this hat. Oh,

1:03:39

yes, girl. And in the video, they

1:03:41

were throwing it, because the legs and

1:03:43

arms kind of wiggle. I fucking love

1:03:45

her. Yeah. It says, thanks for your

1:03:47

purchase. We hope you're enjoying your new

1:03:49

Them Ugly Doll. If you're happy with

1:03:51

your purchase, we'd love to hear from

1:03:53

you. Anyway, it's called Them Ugly Doll.

1:03:55

I saw on Tiktok, I had to

1:03:57

get it for you. Look how the

1:03:59

limbs wiggle. Look at the hair. Look

1:04:01

at the wiggle. Just hair. I know

1:04:03

it looks like a mistake. I love

1:04:05

that little curly cute. And the body's

1:04:08

like. Robust. Yeah, mushy. Robust. I thought

1:04:10

you would love it. I thought you

1:04:12

would love it. I can't get enough

1:04:14

of it. You should put it in

1:04:16

your car. I bet it'll wiggle when

1:04:18

you drive. I'm gonna tape it to

1:04:20

the dash. You know what I'm gonna

1:04:22

do. I'm gonna take it to the,

1:04:24

I wish I wish I wish I

1:04:26

could, I could, I could, I could,

1:04:28

I could, I could, I could, I

1:04:30

could, I could, I could, I could,

1:04:32

tape it to the to the, I

1:04:34

could, I could, I could, I could,

1:04:36

I could, I could, I could, I

1:04:39

could, I could, take it to the

1:04:41

to the, I could, I could, I

1:04:43

could, I could, I could, I could,

1:04:45

I could, I could, I could That

1:04:47

would be cunty. Or the odometer. You

1:04:49

know what I mean? They get like

1:04:51

this. Also the head is empty, like

1:04:53

it's stretchy. Oh, she's the Diva. And

1:04:55

look at the, oh, sorry. That one

1:04:57

good tooth? Oh, I love that, right?

1:04:59

I love that, right? She's smiling. Yeah,

1:05:01

I think it was like 20 bucks,

1:05:03

them ugly dolls. She's smiling Mchappy. Yeah,

1:05:05

love her. Love her, horny. I think

1:05:07

we've exhausted these people emotionally. I think

1:05:10

we've screamed at them too long. Anything

1:05:12

else you want to plug her back?

1:05:14

Girl, she is. She's ready for her

1:05:16

past. Can the kids buy this shirt?

1:05:18

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do want to,

1:05:20

please support my ongoing efforts to stay

1:05:22

housed. By the way, by the way,

1:05:24

by the way, by the way, by

1:05:26

the way, by the way, if you

1:05:28

need any insight or advice on the

1:05:30

worst decision to make while purchasing a

1:05:32

home or maintaining it, call me. Yeah,

1:05:34

and these shirts are available for purchase.

1:05:36

They are very comfortable and the one

1:05:38

in the previous episode was also available

1:05:41

for sale. That's lovely. And get yourself

1:05:43

a piece. Yeah, we love kati.com or

1:05:45

wherever. Isn't that me on the shirt?

1:05:47

Oh, yes, that's that. You know what

1:05:49

I mean? Just Google Kottier's shirt. You'll

1:05:51

get there, honey. You'll get there. Support

1:05:53

Red Bubble. Support some girl ripping you

1:05:55

off on Red Bubble. Yes. Purchase. counterfitmerch.com.

1:05:57

Okay, love you, bye. Shock a con.

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