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movie only in theaters. Oh my

3:11

god. Do you think we should address

3:13

the situation? I think you need to

3:15

address the situation. Open up the notes

3:17

absence. Okay, I think that we need

3:20

to just call it out, say what

3:22

it is. Yes, our blue background is

3:24

has been found guilty of multiple counts

3:26

of manslaughter homicide and sexual assault. Yeah,

3:28

so this is our new set and

3:30

it's like a monochromatic thing which has

3:32

been our thing for a long time.

3:34

Yeah. The converse pink and red. But

3:37

it's a new rip on an old

3:39

classic. Sorry I love it. This is

3:41

actually. Part of the work here is done

3:43

by our friends who did our Netflix sets.

3:45

Yeah. So we keep it in the family.

3:47

That's right. Women who really know what time

3:49

it is. They really know what time it

3:51

is. You gotta trust the girls. They turned

3:54

it out. I love it. I got to

3:56

get all my moldy chotch keys out of

3:58

storage. And yeah, I think it looks great.

4:00

Great. Well, could you imagine if we let

4:02

gay guys do this? Honey, Paisley, Paisley,

4:04

Paisley, like a plow. Like a rhinestone?

4:06

I'm thinking leather and lace would be

4:08

a good vibe for us, too. Yeah,

4:10

but next time. How about pleather and

4:12

mace? You ever get maste? Why not?

4:14

Why don't you live out loud girl?

4:16

Go get maste girl. People do not.

4:18

What would you say? What would you

4:20

say to Elon Musk? Get maste. I

4:22

watch a lot of Twitter that's um,

4:24

fights, fight clips, like videos. Like, fight

4:26

in the, then the MACAs. Well, I

4:28

feel like I used to watch like

4:30

World Star and stuff and I watch

4:33

fights. But now, oftentimes it'll be a

4:35

fight video that just turns into a

4:37

point blank shooting. And I'm like, yeah,

4:39

I'm like high in my house being

4:41

like, get her, get her, get her

4:43

girl. And then someone's just like, pom,

4:45

and I'm like, this is on Twitter?

4:47

Damn, I don't like that shit. I've

4:49

been getting into the bodies of water

4:51

snatching people away. I saw that too.

4:53

Can I say the family of Indian

4:55

people who were just snatched away? They

4:57

were standing on the rock while of,

4:59

gone, gone, gone. I've been having a

5:01

really hard time with a social media

5:03

because it all. X especially feels so

5:05

conservative. The stuff that gets suggested for

5:07

me... All of a sudden the last

5:09

few months is so conservative and crazy.

5:11

It's not, I throw a stone into

5:13

the water and I look the other

5:15

way. That's my involvement with X. Do

5:17

you know what I mean? I shout

5:19

my little thing into the well and

5:21

then I close the lid. Because there's

5:23

nothing else to do. Yeah, you put

5:25

the toilet and flush it. You know

5:27

what I put it? You know, and

5:29

I don't handle it. I kind of

5:31

like stick my head in the bowl

5:33

and try to suck it back up

5:35

and try to suck it back up,

5:37

kind of like, kind of like, kind

5:40

of like, kind of like, kind of

5:42

like, kind of like, like, like, like,

5:44

like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

5:46

like, type of like, type stuff, type

5:48

stuff, type stuff, type stuff. That type

5:50

stuff. Sidebar, I think it had neurovirus,

5:52

not food poisoning, but that remains to

5:54

be seen. Thank you for the comments

5:56

on that one. Yeah. The doctors at

5:58

home tell you what's wrong with you?

6:00

No, the doctor. in the comments were

6:02

like, sound like nor a virus. Oh.

6:04

And it was ripping through the community.

6:06

You know which one. The gay community?

6:08

No, I'm just kidding. I don't know.

6:10

Not since monkey pox. Poring out for

6:12

the monkeys. Poring out for all those

6:14

hot people. I got monkey pox. Yeah.

6:16

But no, but I would, um, lady

6:18

bunny. I saw her live. I went

6:20

to the dinner theater. So this is

6:22

the great thing about Lady bunny shows

6:24

and some other shows. What do you

6:26

do you just go watch her eat?

6:30

That's good. Come on. Dinner theater.

6:32

Oh, there's no food for you.

6:34

We're just gonna serve Buddy a

6:36

seven-course meal with mics mounted all

6:38

the way around her. Like one

6:40

of those old Victorian medicine theaters,

6:42

you know what I mean? Like

6:45

it's all like... Yeah, hi Bunny.

6:47

I love Bunny. Theater in the

6:49

round and she's on a revolving

6:51

thing, just eating dinner. Oh! That

6:54

is funny. No, but it's like you

6:56

go to a drag show. There's like

6:58

Brandon Voss does like those Corny Cupid

7:00

secret ones or whatever. The show is

7:03

hot. The people are great. But most

7:05

importantly, you eat food. So you don't

7:07

have to go home hungry. Well, that's

7:09

right. Because the shows aren't good enough

7:11

to like miss dinner for. You know

7:13

what I mean? Some dinner theaters. Yeah,

7:16

there was the burlesa where we got

7:18

fed during. And that was helpful at

7:20

times because some of the numbers I

7:22

did not quite enjoy. And rather than

7:24

just stare at my phone and be

7:27

rude, I got to eat my steak

7:29

Diane. Well, I don't know if I

7:31

want to see a bunny burlesse number

7:33

either. She was in the house. She

7:35

was in the house. She's vile. And

7:38

she's vile. She is vile. And let

7:40

me tell you something. Not only is

7:42

she vile. Relentlessly vile and she's got

7:44

stamina. She isn't she's a great performer.

7:46

I've seen that bitch go off 90

7:49

minutes when the song comes on that

7:51

she likes she will get in front

7:53

of the decks and she will spin,

7:55

I don't know how that wig stays

7:57

on her head. Cement, magic, prayer, cocking,

7:59

yeah, cocking ball, torture. Barbed wire, I

8:02

mean it's crazy, yeah. Yeah. It's, it's,

8:04

she had some, I mean, she, you

8:06

know, she, she talked, she's saying she

8:08

danced the house down 90 minutes, no,

8:10

no break. I think she took one

8:13

little, teeny little wiggle break to change.

8:15

It was very impressive. She used to

8:17

you, she has a cassita, and I

8:19

would go get to see her, a

8:21

cassita in the basement there, which is

8:24

a great place to see her because

8:26

it's like 80 seats. Oh, I love

8:28

that place. So you are up in

8:30

her face, which is fun. And if

8:32

you hate the show, you're fucked. Yeah.

8:35

You know, because you're right there. She'll

8:37

know. She'll know. She'll know. She'll know.

8:39

She'll know. She'll know. She'll know that.

8:41

Cachie's now religious? She's a crystal Methodist.

8:43

I mean, it's pretty good. It's pretty

8:46

good. It's pretty good. It's pretty good.

8:48

And I think that she did a

8:50

lot. She had a lot of material

8:52

about me. She was like, my funny

8:54

joke about you would be like, have

8:56

you heard about Cachia? She died. She's

8:59

so sick. Have you seen that clip

9:01

of her? She's outside of like Lee

9:03

Bowery's Memorial? She's complaining. She's complaining about

9:05

the heat. Yes. I hope that's what

9:07

you do. I hope that's what you

9:10

do. I hope that's what you do.

9:12

I hope that's what you do. I

9:14

was gonna say you do at my

9:16

funeral, but we know what's going to

9:18

happen. What was Star Trek? Was it

9:21

Star Trek? Somebody today was talking to

9:23

me about how they were good friends

9:25

with Hollywood lawn and she was. She

9:27

was. Yeah, I'm gonna miss when you

9:29

die. Not even, I'm like, I feel

9:32

like I'm always. slowly preparing myself that

9:34

you probably will die before me. Well,

9:36

now that I'm driving the car, guess

9:38

who else is on the road? Baby!

9:40

Honey! Well, that's what I wanted to

9:42

tell you. The vango bus is coming.

9:45

Driving, I have it on my notes,

9:47

driving, driving, driving. I wrote down driving

9:49

too. Baby. Guess what I got here

9:51

today? Did you buy a car? I

9:53

have a car. I rented it for

9:56

20 days. What is that a problem?

9:58

I drove from. The enterprise place to

10:00

my house, white knuckled it, had to

10:02

turn the music off, take my sunglasses

10:04

off, everyone shut up. Thank you. Thank

10:07

you. The air conditioning was on, I

10:09

was like, I can't have that blowing

10:11

on it. I had to focus so

10:13

fiercely. Yes! Because my first time driving

10:15

in 10 years is crossing Hollywood Boulevard.

10:18

No ma'am. Mary, like I told you,

10:20

I thought if I crossed a four-way,

10:22

no, it was a two-way stop sign.

10:24

Mary, and then guess what kind of,

10:26

they have the all different tiers of

10:28

insurance? Because I got an enterprise rental.

10:31

You got like $5 billion a month?

10:33

I got the full. So if I

10:35

hit someone else, their car, my car,

10:37

and my body or their body is

10:39

covered. You win $3 million dollars a

10:42

day. Yeah. $85 a day. I said

10:44

for that price, I'm fucking hitting somebody,

10:46

I'm fucking hitting somebody. So I was

10:48

white knuckling, and I guess it's scary.

10:50

Ten years is a long time. I

10:53

was just like, why was I so

10:55

excited to get my license? This is,

10:57

I was gonna drive to PEG today.

10:59

I was gonna drive. I don't take

11:01

the 101 here. Sorry about it. I

11:04

never take the side roads. Bitch, it's,

11:06

let me tell you about Miss Cowenga.

11:08

Okay, but I know about Cowenga, but

11:10

I think that the highway here's quick.

11:12

More accidents happen on roads where cards

11:14

are conversing. Less accidents happen on freeways

11:17

because everyone's going the same way. But

11:19

here's the thing about that. The freeway

11:21

is terrifying. Because people are texting. Well,

11:23

you get a fender bender. Let's see,

11:25

stop truck, get a fender bird on

11:28

the freeway. You're like, everybody's safe. You

11:30

get out, a semi truck hits you

11:32

on the road. Final destination. And the

11:34

double ice. I rented a car to

11:36

get here. I was going to rent

11:39

a Mitsubishi Mirage because it was the

11:41

cheapest. And then I was like, I'm

11:43

going to splurge. A Bentley? No, I

11:45

don't know what I have. It's a...

11:47

We don't know what it is. It's

11:50

like a luxury mid-sized SUV. Oh, okay.

11:52

A Audi? I don't know. You don't

11:54

know. Let's find out. Well, I'm sure

11:56

I was trying to get a car

11:58

and I was trying to get this

12:01

car called a Lexus GX60, I believe.

12:03

I love the look of that car.

12:05

Yeah, she's a big girl though. The

12:07

broker, she's size 14. She's, and also,

12:09

my driveways, Miss Petite. Yes, you're driving.

12:11

So my first day driving. So my

12:14

first day driving, so my first day

12:16

driving, so my first day driving, so

12:18

my first day driving I just knock

12:20

off, I just knock off both, I

12:22

just knock off both, I just knock

12:25

off both, I just knock off both,

12:27

I just knock off both mirrors, I

12:29

just knock off both mirrors, I just

12:31

knock off both mirrors, I just knock

12:33

off both mirrors, I just knock off

12:36

both mirrors, I just knock off both

12:38

mirrors, I just knock off both mirrors,

12:40

I Me being you like after not

12:42

driving for 10 years or owning a

12:44

car ever Scraped the whole side of

12:47

it out of coming out of my

12:49

apartment complex. I just feel like and

12:51

I googled What was it? Oh, it's

12:53

an Audi. What did I just say?

12:55

Audi. That was my first guess. Audi.

12:57

I googled fear of driving. Do people

13:00

have fear of driving and I did

13:02

on my private browser so nobody would

13:04

find out about it? Don't ever go

13:06

on my private browser. I would stay

13:08

off. Yeah. I don't I don't And

13:11

the double laughed. Yeah, and the double

13:13

laughed. And they said that the only

13:15

way through it is to acknowledge that

13:17

fear is not real. And it's not

13:19

a real thing, it's just a feeling.

13:22

And you just have to drive more

13:24

and you'll be scared less. Yes. So

13:26

they said, leave earlier, drive in the

13:28

slow lane. You take all the precautions,

13:30

you learn all the rules and let

13:33

me tell you one fucking thing. The

13:35

responsibility of the first in line when

13:38

there's a green yell, green fucking left

13:40

arrow. Yeah. I'm on that shit. Nobody's

13:42

got my game. I anticipate that shit

13:44

before it even happens. My pedal is

13:46

so too. No, no, no, no, no.

13:49

Of course we have to, you have

13:51

to wait for the stragglers because all

13:53

we fucking stragglers going on, you know,

13:55

the red, but I have never laid

13:57

for that green. The thing is, never.

13:59

I was driving, thinking to myself, how

14:02

did I forget that this is terrifying?

14:04

Did you see the video of the

14:06

Amazon delivery truck driving over the woman?

14:08

Did you see the video of the

14:10

woman driving 90 miles an hour into

14:13

a gas station? Kunti. I mean, that

14:15

one, you blink and you miss it.

14:17

It was like, the Amazon truck goes

14:19

over this woman not even that fast.

14:21

It's like, it's like turning. And she

14:23

screams so guttural. It's so guttural. And

14:26

then the Amazon guy gets out, looks

14:28

at her, looks around, and just drives

14:30

away. Fierce. Can I get that video?

14:32

I'll send it to you. It was,

14:34

I like, that's crazy. Big Brother's listening,

14:37

because now that I've got my license

14:39

and everything, they're like, do you want

14:41

to see some crashes on your phone?

14:43

Yeah. So I'm excited to drive more.

14:45

I think what I have to do

14:48

is pick short trips. It's hard that

14:50

I live on Hollywood Boulevard because the

14:52

beginning of any car ride. It's treacherous.

14:54

Well, what about, remember when I was

14:56

up in the hills. Do you need

14:58

to be punished, princess? Do you, my

15:01

bad little girl who needs to be

15:03

punished, princess? Ooh. What is this? I

15:05

don't know, it's just like, just something.

15:07

It's like fun type stuff. What do

15:09

you, I mean, remember that fucking windy

15:12

death trap of the hills I was

15:14

at? That was crazy. People drunk, people

15:16

jogging down the middle of the street.

15:18

People all in Ninja Black at the

15:20

middle of the night walking their black

15:22

labs on a 20, 30 foot leash?

15:25

Like what is this? Linda Debbie, come

15:27

on. Girl, my favorite thing lately is

15:29

90 pound women walking with huge dogs

15:31

off the leash. Oh yeah. And then

15:33

I walked by and they grabbed the

15:36

collar. I said, if that dog wants

15:38

to kill me? Yeah, you ain't here.

15:40

What are you gonna do? What are

15:42

you gonna do? a race car deploying

15:44

that parachute and it's the size of

15:46

a slice of cheese. Thank you. That

15:49

ain't nothing. Nothing. And that girl. Do

15:51

you think, do you think, um, my

15:53

fear, my, no, no, my, my caution.

15:55

My caution, I'm on high alert when

15:57

I'm in the car. I mean, it

16:00

is, I'm never relaxed in the car.

16:02

I am content. because we've got the

16:04

whole music library at our fingertips. Right.

16:06

Any podcast can put it on. So

16:08

you can't complain about traffic. You just

16:10

can't do it. But you budget for

16:13

time, you cannot rush. You cannot

16:15

rush. You can't do it. You can't

16:17

do it. You can't do it.

16:19

You can't do it. You can't

16:22

speed through a red light because

16:24

you're late. You can't. Sorry. Well,

16:26

it's also trying to research the

16:28

safest cars because I thought, well,

16:30

if we're getting our training bra

16:33

a little bit again, right? And

16:35

my, you know, my, my nipples,

16:37

I've, I've just started the hormones. And

16:39

my nipples are just kind of like, like,

16:42

my nipples wired right now. You know. So

16:44

I was raised with jumper cables. So I'm

16:46

trying to figure out how to get the

16:48

safest car and then, you know, one of

16:50

the safest options I was finding was a

16:52

test and I was like, we're not doing

16:54

that, thank you. Sure. And then I think

16:57

of myself parking at the PS Direct because

16:59

at the PS Direct, you can part your

17:01

car. Oh, you can't, but why do it?

17:03

But it's four cyber trucks and my like,

17:05

like, Haganelantra. If you, if you're doing PS,

17:07

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love

17:09

you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I

17:11

love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,

17:14

I love you. Now when we get those cars,

17:16

it's a private booking, they don't offer

17:18

the car with it anymore. That's okay.

17:20

I want to get picked up literally,

17:23

they come into my house. And that's

17:25

the thing, driving is cute, but sitting

17:27

in the back, playing in your phone

17:30

is gorgeous. Absolutely, yeah. You know, also,

17:32

there's something about, perhaps, foolishly, my trust

17:34

in an Armenian man more than anybody

17:37

else in this world. Of course, these

17:39

Armenian men get me to where

17:41

I've got to where I'm going

17:43

on a family conference call. Yes.

17:45

Yes. Yes. It's great. Zoom. Just

17:48

deep, long conversation. And you look

17:50

at the phone and they're on

17:52

like two hours. They're just work.

17:54

But there was one time. I

17:56

can't believe it's only been one

17:58

time, but girl. I think I

18:01

probably told you about this. I

18:03

thought my black car driver was

18:05

absolutely drunk and on drugs. I

18:07

told you about the time I

18:10

got out of a car and

18:12

just said, you drive crazy, bye.

18:14

That's terrifying. That's the terrifier. That's

18:16

the terrifier. That's the terrifier. But

18:19

I mean, I don't do the

18:21

highways. I don't fuck with the

18:23

freeway freeway. What about the byways?

18:25

I love the byways. Thank you.

18:28

Miss Kowenga passed socks it to

18:30

you, but I do what? Miss

18:32

Kowenga, she's passing. Miss Kowenga, she

18:34

can pass. Kowenga, there's no bricks

18:36

on a Kowenga! Two motels, I've

18:39

never stayed at either of them,

18:41

but when I travel, especially when

18:43

I travel up north, where honestly,

18:45

I love where I'm from, but

18:48

on an average weeknight, we don't

18:50

even have one restaurant open. So

18:52

I like to be able to

18:54

cook breakfast, I like to be

18:57

able to cook dinner if I

18:59

want lunch, whatever. So I wanted

19:01

to rent somewhere to stay. I

19:03

got a four bedroom, but it

19:06

sleeps like... six or eight technically

19:08

I got a huge cabin right

19:10

outside of wasaki on the river

19:12

and it was perfect for me

19:14

it was perfect great Wi-Fi I

19:17

mean it had really clear directions

19:19

on how to use everything from

19:21

the Wi-Fi to the stove or

19:23

the TV everything I mean nice

19:26

hot stove to make like breakfast

19:28

in my underwear in the morning

19:30

huge lofted ceiling like giant king-sized

19:32

bed with like a cabin quilt

19:35

on it. I mean I slept

19:37

like a gay a baby, a

19:39

perfect little baby. I love, I

19:41

mean, being able to travel and

19:44

eat, like all I did, I

19:46

brought like... I brought like pancake

19:48

mix, I brought like some cans

19:50

of soup, but I didn't have

19:52

to bring utensils, I brought pans,

19:55

and then I got there and

19:57

I was like, I don't even

19:59

need these. I mean, everything was

20:01

provided for me. I also love

20:04

this feature with the Airbnb app

20:06

where like you can kind of

20:08

plan ahead, so let's say I'm

20:10

going to Florida and. far in

20:13

advance of my trip, I can

20:15

start checking out the area and

20:17

start favoring different options. And that

20:19

way when it comes to crunch

20:22

time, like I've done a lot

20:24

of my producing, my browsing for

20:26

bookings, and I've got them kind

20:28

of favoreded. So in Milwaukee, and

20:30

you know, like my brother lives

20:33

in Minneapolis, like anywhere that I'm

20:35

gonna stay, I always have a

20:37

few favorite because it helps me

20:39

just to make a quick reservation

20:42

when it's time. All trips are

20:44

better with Airbnb. I love it.

20:46

If you want more space, more

20:48

privacy in a better location, and

20:51

the most loved homes, check out

20:53

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20:55

episode of All the Beautiful is brought to

20:57

you by Chime. You guys normally, I speak

20:59

to you like a little girl, but she's

21:02

not here right now. Yes, I am.

21:04

Well, nobody wants to hear from you today.

21:06

Yes, they do. Why do you think that

21:08

everybody needs to hear from you? because I'm

21:11

just a little girl. Well, why do you

21:13

love chime so much? I mean, what I

21:15

know about chime is that it's a

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checking account that helps people who are working

21:20

on financial progress. Nobody is perfect. Okay, I

21:22

have in my life overdrawn to an embarrassing

21:24

amount and had the bank, I've had to

21:26

be on the phone with the bank and

21:29

have them read me because I didn't

21:31

realize how fiercely I was overdrafting. A lot

21:33

of these banks will have things where they're

21:35

like, oh, we'll cover you. They'll let you

21:38

overdraft almost in a predatory way and like

21:40

that's not helpful to me. You know what

21:42

I mean? I completely agree. That's why

21:44

chime has spot me and that's why chime

21:46

will spot you up to $200 when you

21:49

exceed your balance. My mom took me to

21:51

six flags magic. Nobody cares. Okay. I'm trying

21:53

to tell people about their financial responsibility. Okay.

21:56

There's also my pay, which is the

21:58

best way to access your pay. Get my

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pay when you set up qualifying direct deposits

22:02

at $200 or more. Get your pay any

22:05

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22:07

jobs where I have to go pick up

22:09

a paper check and drive it to the

22:11

bank. It's horrible. Being able to just

22:13

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22:36

details. I just, I, I had a fun

22:38

time, I found empowered driving, but I

22:40

got scared. And I was gonna drive here

22:43

today, but I got scared. I mean, don't

22:45

you think, don't you agree that? Do you

22:47

guys drive here? No. You don't, do you

22:49

get scared? Nick, don't get scared. Do you

22:52

get scared? Nick, don't get scared? Do

22:54

you, Drake, do you, Drake? Do you, Drake,

22:56

Do you, Drake,? I knew exactly where I

22:58

was. I was trying to lease a Lexus,

23:01

I was trying to lease a Lexus, because

23:03

my accountant told me that if you lease

23:05

it, you could write it, you could write

23:08

it off as a business expense if

23:10

you use it for work. And you can

23:12

always have a new car. And I was

23:14

trying to get a car with a ton

23:16

of interior that I could sit and I

23:19

was trying to get a car with a

23:21

ton of interior that I could sit

23:23

and I could sit and I want to

23:25

get a car with a ton of interior

23:28

that I could sit here that I could

23:30

sit and I could sit and I could

23:32

sit and I could sit on a ton

23:34

of interior that I could sit and

23:36

I could sit and I could sit and

23:39

I could sit and I could sit and

23:41

I could sit and I could sit and

23:43

I could sit and I could sit and

23:46

I could sit and I could sit and

23:48

I could sit and I could sit

23:50

and I could sit and I could sit

23:52

and I could sit and I could sit

23:54

and I could sit and I could sit

23:57

and I could sit and I could sit

23:59

and I could sit and I said, is

24:01

this car gonna fuck me? Is this

24:03

car gonna cook me meals? Is it, is

24:06

it an air fryer? What does it have?

24:08

You'd think that's a lot? 12. $400 a

24:10

month for a car payment. My smart car

24:13

was $400. For a lease. For a lease.

24:15

A luxury vehicle. Is leasing more than a

24:17

car payment? Not, I don't know, but

24:19

because now I'm like, I wanted a luxury

24:21

because it's safer. A lot of these European

24:24

and like, um, Asian, like Japanese technologies in

24:26

the car, very safe. But now I'm like.

24:28

Well shit, should I just get the god

24:31

damn Toyota Tersell and just get the

24:33

cheap car? No, no, no, no. No, because

24:35

you want to have, you're going to be

24:37

in the car quite a bit. Living? Like,

24:39

when I get in the car, I need

24:42

to be comfortable, right? You know what I

24:44

mean? Some of those cars that are,

24:46

you know, I don't know. Don't get the

24:48

cheap wagon. I was just looking for, I

24:51

was researching cars with the tallest interior, so

24:53

there was maybe a way I could sit

24:55

in the car in a wig and not

24:57

be like this. Mama, if you're in

24:59

a wig, you're not getting behind the wheel.

25:02

I'm not driving a drag. Oh, I see,

25:04

I see, I see, I see. Okay, moon

25:06

roof. This is giving Flintstones. Totally. The whole

25:09

biggest perfectics at the top that's completely blown

25:11

out asshole. Yeah. Shit. Yeah, well should we

25:13

tell people? To not get the G

25:15

wagon? That we're fucking? I swear to got

25:18

soft lunch, soft lunch, soft lunch. I'm gonna

25:20

soft launch, my hard launch. Soft launch, oh

25:22

my god, wait. No, the G, you know

25:24

the G wagon starts at like 200 grand

25:27

or something? Yeah, it's crazy. You know

25:29

the lesbians who want to fuck us, every

25:31

time I joke about us fucking, they're like,

25:33

ha ha ha ha. Wait, is the Luigi

25:36

Mangioni sex tape thing real thing real or

25:38

fake? I spent a little bit of time

25:40

trying to look for it. Just a

25:42

little bit of time. I feel conflicted because

25:44

I do know it's a broken system and

25:47

it's a political message. No, no, no, no,

25:49

when we don't talk about systems. I don't

25:51

know if, I don't totally believe anybody should

25:54

shoot anybody. Oh, no, no, no, I'm

25:56

not, I'm not co-signing shooting. I just want

25:58

to see the man fucking. Right. the shooter

26:00

from the fooker? You know, it's like

26:02

the art from the artist? Yeah.

26:04

I think we'd disagree on that one. No,

26:07

I just, I can't say that there's many

26:09

shooters that I'm like, yeah. Right, no, I

26:11

haven't, I haven't, not since John Wilkes Booth,

26:13

have I really been hot for shooters? Yeah.

26:15

Wait, by the way, we gotta see fucking

26:17

O' Mary. The gay version, John Wilkes, John

26:20

Wilkes, John Wilts, I know I got to

26:22

see, oh Mary, I believe it's going to

26:24

be Betty Gilpin now. She is, it's going

26:26

to be Titus, it's Betty Gilpin is now,

26:28

and then Titus Burgess is next. Morning. And

26:30

I think he's very coming up very soon.

26:33

And I'm going to be in New York,

26:35

I think when Cole comes back to do the thing,

26:37

so that's when I think I'm going to get it in

26:39

April, right? Oh, maybe we can go together. Let's

26:41

do it. We have to one eventa venti venti

26:43

venti venti venti ventiur together, a year together, a

26:46

year, a year together, it. Maybe this is the

26:48

year, it. Maybe this is the year, it, it,

26:50

it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it,

26:52

it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it,

26:55

it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it

26:57

Oh, the Valentine's. Yeah, he looked incredible. He looked

26:59

incredible. That, uh, lattice costume, I don't know what,

27:01

it was incredible. Yeah, she really ate the girls

27:04

up. Yeah, it was beautiful. She really ate

27:06

the girls up. Where the horse doing?

27:08

Gay stuff. Gay type stuff. Homosexual

27:10

type stuff. Ballet stuff. Cupid stuff.

27:12

I went to a movie premiere,

27:14

or TV premiere last night. The

27:17

righteous gemstone. Did you love that

27:19

show? It's rare that I'm invited to.

27:21

Barbie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like Barbie,

27:23

but I hadn't seen it. So I

27:25

don't know I'm gonna like it. Right.

27:28

I love the righteous gemstone. So I

27:30

was like, hell yeah. I went. They

27:32

had a church choir singing and

27:34

it was exciting. You know, I

27:36

don't know anyone in that cast.

27:38

I don't know. But I don't

27:40

personally know what even

27:42

them. Oh, okay. Yeah. John Goodman

27:45

wasn't there. But Adam was and

27:47

everybody was that I was. Caterers, the

27:49

people running the event all know Trixian

27:51

Katia, because it's like young cool people.

27:54

Okay. What's the demographic at the premiere

27:56

then? Well, it was like a heterosexual

27:58

typing. Bible thumbers? No. because it's kind

28:00

of a vibe, it's kind of makes fun

28:03

of mega churches. It was like Ted Lasso

28:05

crowd. Yeah, okay. And it was a great

28:07

premiere, two episodes, we got to watch

28:09

one and two great premiere. I can't

28:11

say much, but I just, I love that

28:13

show. And I came home and watched a

28:16

bunch of YouTube videos of mega churches doing

28:18

that level production that they do, because in

28:20

the, in the series they're like,

28:22

you know. It's a Beyon kind of, it's

28:24

a full concertos of mega churches where they

28:27

have. Santa in a sleigh flying across the

28:29

congregation in the sky. People dress as angels

28:31

flying. They're fleecing you and not paying taxes.

28:33

They better put on a fucking show. And

28:36

I watched a bunch of preachers doing crazy

28:38

shit on TV like touching people and they

28:40

fall down. Oh yeah, tent revival shit. Yeah,

28:42

that's the stuff I love. The Dusty tent

28:44

act, the snakes, the strict nine, drinking strict

28:47

nine. You know what the snake shit? Of

28:49

course. They make you hold the snake and if

28:51

it biteses you and you and you and you

28:53

just die. And you just die. And you just

28:55

die. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're illegal, but people

28:57

still have them. They black out

28:59

the windows of the churches. It's

29:02

so crazy. They have exemptions for

29:04

churches, the Iowaska, so people can

29:06

do Iowaska, these Brazilian churches, whatever

29:08

it's wild. But yeah, I mean,

29:10

a mega church, better put on

29:13

a damn show. I had to suffer

29:15

through Sundays of Catholic mass. It's

29:17

just, I mean, could you and

29:19

I start a church? Absolutely. Like,

29:21

if we write a book, that's

29:23

supposed to be like a religious

29:25

organization. We just need to become

29:28

a religious organization. I just

29:30

think it's weird that it's like

29:32

It's about giving give us money

29:34

now Passing it like why does believing

29:36

God cost money? Why is faith

29:38

measured by did you give money?

29:41

It's a telethon where they're like

29:43

Jesus really needs your money. It's

29:45

a very ornate Jesus has one

29:47

outfit He's dead. It's a grift.

29:49

Although I've been thinking about this

29:51

a lot actually though the one

29:54

there is The only good thing

29:56

about religion is like community, right?

29:58

Right. You know, like my... people,

30:00

you stay connected, you help each other,

30:02

you do, they do the bake sales.

30:04

Sure. The community, um, outreaching, all that

30:07

crap. This mega church, these Joel Austin

30:09

motherfuckers, these billionaire pastors who are not

30:11

helping during floods and shit, they need

30:13

to be like drawn and quartered. That

30:16

shit is unforgettable. Yeah, it was a,

30:18

it was a, also it was raining,

30:20

so they had it. on the Paramount

30:22

lot in one of the sound stages.

30:25

So it was a big red carpet

30:27

and everything. And I got to go

30:29

on the red carpet even though I'm

30:31

not in it. Really? What did you

30:34

wear? Well, I did this funny thing

30:36

last year when I was inorexic thin,

30:38

which was buy a bunch of suits

30:40

that don't fit anymore. So Mama's just

30:43

getting male corseted up and going to

30:45

the functions. No way. And I'm still

30:47

adjusting the time change from Australia. I'm

30:49

trying to chisel, like J. Lo, not

30:52

trying to chisel down the face, just

30:54

trying to shrink the face somehow. You

30:56

are so disborvig is unbelievable. You have

30:58

no idea. Walk around my house screaming.

31:01

Before and after I went, I woke

31:03

up this morning, started screaming. Because I

31:05

went to the event, and I thought

31:07

it was cute last night to have

31:10

five drinks at the time change from

31:12

Australia. And you know when you have

31:14

alcohol in your system, it converts to

31:16

sugar? So sometimes you wake up early

31:19

anyway. So I'm up at 6 AM.

31:21

Okay. Six AM. Six AM. Six AM.

31:23

Six AM. Six AM. Six AM. Watching

31:25

Roseanne. Because apparently when I went to

31:27

bed half drunk, I wanted to watch

31:30

more John Goodman because I love John

31:32

Goodman because I love John Goodman because

31:34

I love John Goodman because I love

31:36

love John Goodman because I love John

31:39

Goodman because I love John Goodman because

31:41

I love John Goodman. And I woke

31:43

up this morning feeling, I had a

31:45

great time at the premiere, it's so

31:48

much fun. Of course I know one

31:50

person there, one person, Naomi Grossman, who

31:52

plays Pepper from American Horror Story. Get

31:54

out of here. I did a photo

31:57

shoot with her once and I go,

31:59

hey, you're the only person I know

32:01

here. And she was like, you always

32:03

say hi to me, like you don't

32:06

think I'm gonna know who you are.

32:08

I was like, well I never know,

32:10

because last time I saw I was

32:12

in drag, so I don't know. So

32:15

we're chatting, we're chatting, and then I

32:17

tell her, you know, I had my

32:19

little drink, but I'm gonna go home

32:21

now. Stop by for one more on

32:24

the way out. Stop by where? The

32:26

bar. The bar. So then after three

32:28

more, I know that she sees me.

32:30

And I told her I was leaving.

32:33

Miss Bald Lush. Post it up at

32:35

a table, throwing him back. This drunk

32:37

is alcohol. Open bar? I'm not even

32:39

in this cast. The cast has left.

32:42

Open bar, you have to take advantage

32:44

of that. Isn't that horrible? No, it's

32:46

not horrible. Like, it's horrible. No, it's

32:48

not. Well, the waking up screaming is

32:51

horrible. Taking up screaming is horrible. Taking

32:53

up screaming, and you know, I've been

32:55

having some body issues. And then when

32:57

you drink alcohol, you feel puffy. So

32:59

woke up this morning in bed. I

33:02

just started screaming. I just started screaming.

33:04

I woke up, I had one bowl

33:06

of honey bunches of oats with almonds

33:08

and then screamed more. Oh my god.

33:11

And then I just had to come

33:13

here. Well shit. And so, you're welcome.

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Squarespace. This is what I like about

36:42

Squarespace. I feel that everybody should have

36:44

the freedom to make their own little

36:46

website either for your business, pictures of

36:48

your dog. recipes you like to make,

36:51

your travel vlog, maybe you're living the

36:53

van life, maybe you are trying to

36:55

do the Julia and Julia and cook

36:57

something every day for like 100 days

37:00

or whatever. I think that everybody should

37:02

be able to do that and it

37:04

should be able to do that and

37:06

it should be as accessible as possible

37:09

because let me tell you square space.

37:11

The way you can be a complete

37:13

dunce and turn out a gorgeous website,

37:15

it has the web designers, it's awful.

37:18

It's so freeing as a small business

37:20

and a creator and a creative person

37:22

to get an idea for my website

37:24

or like fresh out of Photoshop I

37:26

can find a photo I really like

37:29

and throw it on to the website.

37:31

Something else I really like is that

37:33

there's engines in this that tell you

37:35

what people are doing on your website.

37:38

You can see what they click first,

37:40

if they click this button, what else

37:42

do they click? You could see exactly

37:44

at what point they maybe abandon the

37:47

cart. You could see if somebody likes

37:49

this lip product, let product, let's say.

37:51

It's very likely they also are going

37:53

to click on this. So you kind

37:56

of see how people logically link products

37:58

themselves. that's really interesting too. What I

38:00

was working as a bridal makeup artist

38:02

in my 20s, it was so nice

38:05

to be able to do a wedding on

38:07

Saturday, get the pictures, you know, by Monday

38:09

from the photographer, and have brand new fresh

38:11

recent wedding photos of a bride and bride

38:13

and bride and bride and bride or a

38:15

groom and groom on the website from like,

38:18

I could be actively doing spring weddings

38:20

and putting up photos from spring weddings.

38:22

It was really nice. I also really

38:24

love the scheduling. My massage therapist uses

38:27

this tool. And instead of me texting

38:29

him and harassing him and being like,

38:31

when are you free? When are you

38:34

free? When are you free? And I'm

38:36

free. I'll just go in and I'll

38:38

book a massage with him right in

38:40

the schedule in the website. And I

38:43

don't even have to text

38:45

him. I've texted him and

38:47

been like, hey, I booked on your

38:49

website, did you see that? And he's

38:51

like, hey, I booked on your website,

38:54

did you see that? And he's like,

38:56

oh, you're free. What gets open is

38:58

like under 1%. So if you make

39:00

them compelling and you make them really

39:03

fun, people definitely look at your emails.

39:05

Head over to squarespace.com for a free

39:07

trial. And when you're ready to launch,

39:09

go to www. squares.com/bald and save 10%

39:12

off your first purchase of a website

39:14

or domain. That's . squarespace.com/bald, baby, I

39:16

will see you on the internet.

39:18

Again then with the time change. I went

39:20

to, I said, I'm gonna lay down before I come

39:23

here. I lay on the couch, I put a pillow

39:25

over my own face and sleep like this. And Brandon

39:27

calls me and goes, I'm outside. It's 250. I

39:29

go, or it's 150. I go, oh my God.

39:31

I get the text, we were shooting at 2

39:33

p.m. in the calendar, and I get a text

39:36

I overslept as I go, gosh, what does that

39:38

mean? Yeah. When you go to a premiere, and

39:40

you go to a premiere and you don't know,

39:42

and you don't know anyone, and you don't know

39:44

anyone, you don't know anyone in it, you don't

39:46

know anyone in it. Actually, you don't know that

39:48

our major stars like Danny McBride and you know

39:51

Adam and everyone I was just like oh my

39:53

god It was it was really fun. I was

39:55

behind the press people because they're interviewing the real

39:57

cast and it's their final season. So you know,

39:59

it's very big press thing. And I'm

40:01

behind the cameras interviewing them like,

40:03

because I love the programs. I'm

40:05

like, fears. And I don't know

40:07

how I was invited. I think

40:10

I was the only gay person.

40:12

I think I'm probably... How were

40:14

you? Did you treat about the

40:16

show, whatever? Well, yeah, because I

40:18

was thrilled to see it. Well,

40:20

yeah, because I was thrilled to

40:22

see it. Well, how were you?

40:24

Did you treat it about the

40:26

show, whatever? Well, yeah, because I

40:28

had a ball the Nasphorato. Close

40:30

that. But when you go talk

40:32

about it. No, no, no, like

40:34

the fans wanted me to like,

40:37

what did you think of this

40:39

film? Oh, well, what did you

40:41

think of it? It was good.

40:43

But I think my, my enjoyment

40:45

of it was heightened dramatically by

40:47

being at the premiere. Of course.

40:49

Because they were all there. And

40:51

it was like, I don't, it

40:53

was great. It was technically beautiful,

40:55

but I don't want to watch

40:57

it again. So there's that. Yeah.

40:59

You didn't did you didn't watch

41:01

the Oscars? No, I was in

41:04

Australia. I was so when I

41:06

saw your thing about to me

41:08

that hit you hard. It did

41:10

hit me hard because I don't

41:12

know this woman. Right. We are

41:14

not friends. We have never seen

41:16

to stop you. And you know,

41:18

and nobody is nobody is entitled

41:20

or owed anything in this world.

41:22

Certainly not by the Academy of

41:24

Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences Arts

41:26

and Sciences. Yes. But it was

41:29

shocked and I screamed and then

41:31

I was deflated for like, I

41:33

was deflated for like 20 minutes

41:35

after. And then I continued to

41:37

be wistful and rueful for the

41:39

next, well, until now. Well, you

41:41

know, I just, difficult with horror,

41:43

as you know. I know, but

41:45

see, and listen, everybody says, what's

41:47

the movie that did win with

41:49

the gorgeous gal, Mikey, Mikey Madison?

41:51

Everyone says it's amazing. So maybe

41:53

it's so amazing. Funny. Funny thing

41:56

about that movie about that movie,

41:58

though. I heard it's amazing. There's

42:00

some... yes. However, there are some,

42:02

I heard some very interesting accusations

42:04

that half of it was filmed

42:06

non-union and that only by getting

42:08

harassed the director then unionized and

42:10

then get people insurance. So there

42:12

was some like, there might have

42:14

been some kooky stuff going on

42:16

because it's a very low budget

42:18

movie. Right. And they didn't have

42:20

intimacy coordinators, yadi yadi yada. So

42:23

there were like, some people arguing

42:25

that that movie should not even

42:27

have been up for best picture.

42:29

Oh, okay, I understand what you're

42:31

saying. I didn't hear about that.

42:33

It could not be true. It

42:35

was like, but the person that

42:37

I read, the thread that I

42:39

was, it seemed kind of legit,

42:41

so I thought that was interesting

42:43

to investigate. However, I want to

42:45

see it, because I do like

42:48

Miss Mikey, she eats and everything.

42:50

Yeah, it's cool. I loved it,

42:52

the Russian part, because there's actual

42:54

Russian people in it, speaking actual,

42:56

not some like horrible, you know,

42:58

shittyy like accent from Germany, whatever.

43:00

She's young, the thing that happened

43:02

is that the substance happened. Sue

43:04

won. Right. She could have played

43:06

Sue in the substance. Do you

43:08

really, you know what I mean?

43:10

The poetic irony of it is

43:12

too. What about Rodney McDowell or

43:15

whatever, what's her name? Margaqually. Rodney

43:17

McDowell? Isn't, in a, McDowell's daughter.

43:19

Yes, yes, yes, Rodney, but you

43:21

know what I mean. No, but

43:23

I'm saying is like, it turned

43:25

out to be true, like her,

43:27

like, the, the onjanus. first major

43:29

thing, she wins an Oscar. I,

43:31

but you know what? No, she

43:33

ate and I don't want to,

43:35

I don't want to like, discount

43:37

her, or discredit her, but if

43:39

she, if Demi had won, I

43:42

think everybody would have, every single

43:44

person would have been like, thank

43:46

God. Nobody would have been disappointed.

43:48

Mikey would not have been disappointed.

43:50

You know what I mean? Fernandez

43:52

would not have been disappointed, although

43:54

Brazil would probably put a head

43:56

out onto me. Yeah. part of

43:58

anybody with I mean I if

44:00

we ever get nominated for real

44:02

awards I'll be really happy yeah

44:04

but you know that is not

44:06

qualifying anyone's performance or acting. No,

44:09

no, no. I know, but no,

44:11

they're both great actresses. They're both

44:13

great films. Everybody wins here. But

44:15

it's a, it's, it's, it would

44:17

have, it would have been an

44:19

opportunity for there to be a

44:21

meta moment that is actually meaningful.

44:23

Sure. Like, and, actually, more importantly,

44:25

it would have had a kick

44:27

in the door for horror. Yeah.

44:29

at 62 it's like you know

44:31

it's I mean yeah and Mikey

44:34

wasn't she was a killer in

44:36

one of the screen movies she

44:38

was and then she was also

44:40

boiler alert and she was also

44:42

burned to death in a once

44:44

upon time Hollywood that should have

44:46

been best supporting actress because that

44:48

was good I love that shit

44:50

I know that was you in

44:52

this morning she starts on fire

44:54

and scream too I know she's

44:56

always on fire she's lit up

44:58

on fire It's kind of severed

45:01

eating the girl on fire. But

45:03

I saw her face and I'm

45:05

projecting, of course, when to me,

45:07

I could see it. I could

45:09

see that. You took your Oscar

45:11

and you whipped it through the

45:13

TV. I saw her and she

45:15

turned and I think she looked

45:17

at someone and I was like,

45:19

I could see it as a

45:21

kid. Yeah. And I think that

45:23

she knew, she lost the bathta.

45:25

So she felt like it was

45:28

coming. I think that she was

45:30

like, oh, fuck. This is not

45:32

a sure thing. This is not

45:34

a sure thing. And then I

45:36

think, so it was really rolling

45:38

into the ceremony. I mean, this

45:40

is like my Olympics or my

45:42

Super Bowl. And I'm like, oh

45:44

God, it's, it's not gonna happen.

45:46

Your Olympics and your Super Bowl.

45:48

Well, because you don't watch all

45:50

these movies. No, it's a confluence.

45:53

Well, this year sucked because half

45:55

of the movies were shit. He

45:57

literally shushed the music and said,

45:59

I'll be brief after four minutes

46:01

of talking. It was the most

46:03

pretentious ridiculous, only a man could

46:05

ever do this kind of boot,

46:07

nasty speech where nothing was said

46:09

of substance at all. And I'm

46:11

like, you are such a piece

46:13

of shit. I hate you. I

46:15

hate your guys. Adrian Brody? I

46:17

hate him. I'll go on, I'll

46:20

say it to that camera, or

46:22

whatever that one. Yeah. Oh, that's

46:24

crazy. But here's, here's the thing

46:26

though. Madonna. Madonna recently came

46:28

out as saying Amelia Perez was her

46:30

favorite movie of the year so that

46:32

with that comment I am closing the

46:34

spiritual door on Amelia Perez it will

46:36

never be discussed let's just you know

46:38

what we all know how we feel

46:40

about it it's over yeah okay Madonna

46:42

put a pin in it besides at

46:45

this point if I go somewhere and

46:47

I'm gonna tell you The moment we

46:49

talked about this move we will bump

46:51

in is always on you. I'm gonna

46:53

see her at Erwan Selena Gomez and

46:55

she's gonna kick me in the cut

46:57

with her shiny white kids. Well, I'm

46:59

right. Yeah, she's like keep crying jobless.

47:01

Yes. Hi bald. How was your movie?

47:03

Don't have one. How was your nomination?

47:05

Oh, you don't have a trans Mexican

47:07

musical. Then shut up bitch like we're

47:09

gonna I'm sorry we're gonna run into

47:11

her. If I'm sorry we're gonna run

47:14

into her. Poor and Al for Mikey,

47:16

do keep one in for Adrian, because

47:18

keeping cute. Keep it cute at the,

47:20

like, Merit Weaver, you know, Merit Weaver,

47:22

Nurse Jackie. Well, can I say, you

47:24

and I both hate when they don't

47:26

have a plan? Well, Jessica Lang summed

47:28

it up beautifully. She's like, I keep

47:30

it brief, I don't think, um, I

47:32

don't tell my children to go to

47:34

bed. I don't, I don't proselytize for

47:36

any purpose. I think the people that

47:38

I worked for, because anything else is

47:40

really pretentious. Yeah. Whereas I just say,

47:42

just a message from my mom, mom,

47:45

if you're watching this, you should be,

47:47

you died three years ago. What are

47:49

you doing? You know? Uncle George, if

47:51

you're watching this, you molested me. I

47:53

mean that happens. Yeah, you know, shouldn't

47:55

you be drunk by now? You know,

47:57

I also take issue with and this

47:59

happened a little bit at the gemstones,

48:01

but it happens at every talk back

48:03

Where they ask them like I Know

48:05

it's all great actors. I know it's

48:07

all great performers But sometimes we we

48:09

when we all reach to each other's

48:11

laps and start jerking each other off.

48:14

It's sometimes I just want to hear

48:16

how fun it was to be this

48:18

to do your own stunt. Yeah Like

48:20

I know it's a great group of

48:22

people, I know it's a privilege to

48:24

be a working actor, like some of

48:26

these things I am like, all right,

48:28

I'm like, you know when you're, the

48:30

steering wheel, because I drive, has that

48:32

skip button, I wish I could skip

48:34

some comments and talk backs, because they're

48:36

so limited that I'm like, if we

48:38

have 20 minutes, I want to hear

48:40

the most interesting shit. We should at

48:43

the top just take for granted that

48:45

we all appreciate each other, that we

48:47

all appreciate each other, that we all

48:49

appreciate each other, that we all appreciate

48:51

each other, that we all appreciate each

48:53

other, that we all appreciate each other,

48:55

that we all appreciate each other, that

48:57

we all appreciate each other, that we

48:59

all appreciate each other, that we all

49:01

appreciate each other, that we all appreciate

49:03

each other, But now tell me what

49:05

was it like to wear that bunny

49:07

suit and get and get kicked off

49:09

a roof or you know what I

49:11

mean? Yes I do. That's what I

49:14

want to hear. No shit Mary. Also

49:16

these people in front I can I

49:18

can handle shenanigans from best costume designer

49:20

people behind the camera right if you're

49:22

a performer. Oh sweetie and you are

49:24

nominated when you hit that stage you

49:26

got three plans all memorized yeah you

49:28

got the emotional one you got the

49:30

stoic one you got the the the

49:32

very short and sweet and sweet one

49:34

and you know them all by heart.

49:36

You're not searching for anything. You're not

49:38

even looking at a piece of paper.

49:40

You're prepared. You're prepared. You're a performer.

49:43

Like, you can fake cry, like, on

49:45

a dime. So do it. And get

49:47

out of there. You know what I

49:49

mean? It's crazy. I think I would

49:51

do the hollyberry cry, the moment she

49:53

walks up. But that was nuts. Like

49:55

that's why I know. But she was

49:57

like, oh! I go up there, I

49:59

pull my wig off to reveal the

50:01

same wig. I take off both my

50:03

shoes to show my square toes. No,

50:05

you take off your shoes, you pour

50:07

up, there's like tons of water. I

50:09

smile, and it's Scrabble Taws, I say

50:12

thank you, and I leave. No, that's

50:14

it. Now that's it. You showed the

50:16

girl. We said we wouldn't talk about

50:18

it. No, I'm not gonna. No, we

50:20

can't. We can't. You talked about it.

50:22

I kept my promise. Yeah, but you

50:24

like made me like spiritually. You know,

50:26

because I know you were thinking about

50:28

my penis and my vagina. Well, Darryl

50:30

Hannah came out at one point and

50:32

I was like, yes. First thing out

50:34

of her mouth, Ukraine, I don't know

50:36

why. I mean, I know why, but

50:38

you know, she was like, I don't

50:41

know why. Darryl Hannah is cut. Of

50:43

course, she's very kind. Darryl Hannah is

50:45

cut. There's not a, there's not an

50:47

opportunity, I mean, Andrew was telling me

50:49

that she said once at a party,

50:51

you know, sometimes you gotta get, just

50:53

gotta grab your person run. T. That's

50:55

completely T. I've been re-watching Buffy the

50:57

Vampire Slayer. No, okay. I watch it

50:59

like once every year. How many seasons

51:01

is that? There's seven. And this is

51:03

back when TV was doing 22 episode

51:05

seasons and they were. Mary 45 minutes

51:07

long. That's what I need to talk

51:09

to you about. Where have all the

51:12

cowboys gone? They're on Yellowstone. Sweetie, Dune

51:14

prophecy, six episodes, flop. Six episodes on

51:16

a big budget Sunday night prestige, HBO

51:18

event. Sometimes you got a grabby person.

51:20

But I'm on season three right now,

51:22

which is one of my favorite seasons.

51:24

I know you're not a Buffy person.

51:26

No, but I'm interested. But when faith

51:28

shows up, who's... The bad Slayer, there's

51:30

an evil Slayer and you have Buffy

51:32

for Slayer, blonde versus brunette, she's like

51:34

sleddy with the tattoos and kind of

51:36

like a bad girl and Buffy so

51:38

goody. Eliza Dishkeau, who's, oh, love her.

51:41

Hot as hell. I love her. I

51:43

love her. I love her. I love

51:45

her. Hot as the big cherry lips,

51:47

the smoky eye, the smoky eye. She's

51:49

kind of not so safe experiences when

51:51

she was a young actress. Exactly the

51:53

same. Squarge. Body. Body. T. Her body

51:55

T. Her face pretty. Her body T.

51:57

And I'm watching it and I'm just

51:59

like, God. Nothing fucking beat. Buffy v.

52:01

Faith in the season. Nothing beats goody-goody,

52:03

tan blonde Buffy against slutty evil faith

52:05

with the big knife. And I'm watching

52:07

it and I forget that in season

52:10

three there's an episode called, I think

52:12

it's called, which one's the one about

52:14

the shooter? It's a high, Buffy's in

52:16

a high school, and she's a senior

52:18

this year, and there's an ear shot.

52:20

There's an episode where she fights these

52:22

two demons who have telepathy, and they

52:24

have no mouths. And she gets some

52:26

blood on her and the blood goes

52:28

into her skin and she gets the

52:30

power, she gets an aspect of the

52:32

demon and she gets the power to

52:34

hear thoughts. So first off, he's like,

52:36

this is amazing. I'm going to be

52:38

a better fighter. I can read everyone's

52:41

feelings around me. And for storytelling, it's

52:43

a great episode to hear what everyone's

52:45

secretly thinking. But this is an episode

52:47

that I believe you can fact check

52:49

me on this. I believe at the

52:51

time it was scheduled. Okay, I'll tell

52:53

you what the episode she's in the

52:55

lunchroom and she hears a voice go

52:57

this time tomorrow You'll all be dead.

52:59

So Buffy's like, oh my god, somebody

53:01

in the high school is gonna kill

53:03

everyone So she's trying to she's trying

53:05

to cure her Hearing thoughts because they're

53:07

so numerous. She like passes out when

53:10

she's in a group of people creeing

53:12

or everyone's thoughts. So her and the

53:14

Scooby gang are trying to find out

53:16

who the shooter by this time tomorrow,

53:18

but by this time tomorrow, so it's

53:20

frantic. She ends up in a clock

53:22

tower at the school with a kid

53:24

with a rifle. Oh, she stops this

53:26

kid with a rifle who is going

53:28

to go up there to kill himself.

53:30

This episode was meant to air during

53:32

Columbine, right? Columbine happened the week before.

53:34

So back in 1998 or whatever, Columbine

53:36

happened, horrible tragedy, and the next, unless

53:39

you're Alex Jones, who apparently thinks it

53:41

didn't happen. Sure. Right, right. Yeah. Warm

53:43

holes, whatever. So the next week, this

53:45

episode is meant to air, and I'm

53:47

like. That's just thinking of the, I

53:49

mean, you can't predict the future when

53:51

you're making these giant TV shows 22

53:53

episodes in advance. Right, right, right. And

53:55

I think at the time they push

53:57

the episode to the end of the

53:59

season. Even though it's chronologically didn't make

54:01

sense. Right, but how crazy that the

54:04

week that's supposed to air There's an

54:06

episode with a kid with a gun

54:08

in a school And also what I

54:10

mean, maybe I'm wrong wasn't I know

54:12

that school shootings are very numerous these

54:14

days But at that time they were

54:16

not it was maybe just one a

54:18

day Yeah, yeah, right, right, but it

54:21

was a I mean it was a

54:23

huge huge huge thing huge and I

54:25

mean I watched that Columbine documentary and

54:27

it was about you know, It's a

54:29

rack and imagine that I know I

54:31

I move that documentary starts with the

54:33

parents talking about getting their kids ready for

54:36

school that day what they ate what close they

54:38

put on them I can't even listen to this

54:40

job cry it was awful and then you have

54:42

these I think we talked about the pop but

54:44

you had these parents being like can

54:46

you just acknowledge that like my kid

54:48

died that kids would murdered at school

54:51

yeah can you not ask your millions

54:53

of listeners of listeners or whatever to

54:55

call me and call me and tell

54:57

me a liar so fucking crazy brutal

55:00

I just love to rewatch Buffy. I

55:02

know that's horrible. I'm gonna get it,

55:04

because I want to watch Mad Men.

55:06

I do, because you're going to eat,

55:09

you're going to get gooned. You know

55:11

what's going to happen? It's going to

55:13

happen, it's going to have, whenever I

55:15

take a new information, I hyperfixate, and

55:18

I'll talk about Mad Men for a

55:20

year, probably. And I'll talk about

55:22

Mad Men for a year, probably.

55:24

Because it's kind of, I mean,

55:26

I'll. Blue? Damn. She's great in it. She's

55:28

a procosious youngster. She's fabulous. Can I tell

55:31

you that pisses me off in movies when

55:33

kids talk like adults? Precocious youngsters. Hate that.

55:35

I hate it too. Have you ever met

55:37

a kid who's not talking like a little

55:39

asshole? Controversial, but I cling to this opinion

55:41

that Hollywood should not allow anyone under 18

55:43

to act. So all movies should just have

55:46

no children? No, you can have

55:48

them. They're just off screen. They're

55:50

just off screen. They're referred to,

55:52

they're talked about, they're talked about,

55:54

they're animatronic, they're animatronic, like written

55:56

esme. Their CGI? Guess what season two

55:58

is coming? What? The rehearsal. No way

56:00

season two is coming. What are they

56:02

gonna do? Who knows? Speaking of mannequins

56:04

of kids, remember they would have the

56:07

fake kids sleeping in there sometimes? That

56:09

motherfucker, I mean, that motherfucker is. She's

56:11

a disruptor. And then when you saw

56:13

the I drink my grandson, Pete, right?

56:16

Yes. That was my. That's kind of

56:18

like the moon landing for me. Right.

56:20

That moment was like, that was your

56:22

moonlight. Yeah, that was like everything before

56:24

my life and after that is cleaved

56:27

in half. I now I think they

56:29

should read best Oscar as the wrong

56:31

thing every year as like a throw

56:33

a little throwback. Well, I was hoping.

56:36

Yeah. But what if they had done

56:38

that to poor to me? Call the

56:40

substance and that had been the wrong

56:42

thing. Oh, sweetie, you better believe I

56:44

would have called technicality. Give her the

56:47

award. Plus, I know this is like

56:49

time traveling. I remember being at this

56:51

little Oscar party when that happened. Miss

56:53

Lavaland did not give me what it

56:56

apparently gives everyone else. That movie did

56:58

not give me what it gave everyone

57:00

else. Well, sweetie, that's what's going on

57:02

almost every year. There's always a girl

57:04

up in that club that's not given

57:07

what the other girls are given, but

57:09

they're all... You can't talk about it.

57:11

I'm not sure who you're talking about.

57:13

God, someday I'm going to go to

57:16

an audition and they're going to like

57:18

great, you're going to have to read

57:20

against the person who's going to play

57:22

your um. Selena Gomez and Zoe Saltania.

57:24

Yeah, yes, yes, it's kind of a

57:27

losing Isaiah remake. I'm playing the Helly

57:29

Berry role and then Zoe is playing

57:31

the Jessica Lange role and they have

57:33

me read with her and Zoe's going

57:36

to be like, so flat, still bald,

57:38

ball, boom. Interesting. ball jobless. Damn. It's

57:40

great, but I didn't see the brutalist

57:42

and I won't. It's okay. You've been

57:44

watching the news? Uh, I, no, I

57:47

have not because I. This is maybe

57:49

not great, but because my life is

57:51

in shambles I also like I kind

57:53

of need some reprieve right, right? Do

57:56

you know what I mean? Because my

57:58

home life is very not great right

58:00

now. I know so like it's like

58:02

from my um, it's crazy that you

58:04

created your own crack house to live

58:07

in. No, no, no, I start stripping

58:09

the walls. It's just not like things

58:11

at home are not like super comfy.

58:13

Right. So I don't want to like

58:16

it's like self-lageulation. I don't know. Maybe

58:18

that's being a bad citizen. The other

58:20

day it rained and I couldn't get

58:22

in the hot tub so I totally

58:24

get it. Hi. See, when it rained,

58:27

Mama. When it rains, you're poor. Mama,

58:29

let me tell you something. So it

58:31

rained, so I got holes in, I

58:33

got a condo that is literally just

58:35

like a ramshackle motherfuckin' fucking thing. So

58:38

when it rains, this thing is, she's

58:40

pumping. My condo leaks too. At where

58:42

we used to shoot the pod. Let

58:44

me ask you this, or let me

58:47

tell you this. What do you think

58:49

these guys suggested as an interim solution?

58:51

A tarp, as a tent. In the

58:53

home? Uh-huh. Covering the deck, a tarp

58:55

with a tent, fixed with what, a

58:58

duct tape? Yeah, let's do that. To

59:00

stucco? A stick did it. Mary? Paul

59:02

building down. You don't need... Neil Degrass

59:04

Tyson doesn't need to tell you that

59:07

that's not gonna work. Right. Get Bob

59:09

Vila down here. 10 minutes into the

59:11

whole thing, I go and check on

59:13

it, all down, pools, pools of blood.

59:15

And I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

59:18

fierce. You know what? Slade. You know

59:20

what, actually, there's, by the way, if

59:22

you guys notice, this is a new

59:24

Trixy shirt. This is in collaboration with

59:27

the American Red Cross. This is gonna

59:29

benefit all the people who are deployed,

59:31

mental health workers, skilled health workers. Help

59:33

to fully stock emergency response vehicles, supply

59:35

a folded emergency shelter, distribute cleanup kits,

59:38

stock with essentials, and provide financial assistance

59:40

for families who are at. to jumpstart

59:42

recovery from very difficult situations. Isn't it

59:44

cool? We're helping the people who are

59:47

affected by the LA fires. It has

59:49

me on it, all the money, all

59:51

of it. Not the thing where companies

59:53

say a portion of the proceeds, all

59:55

of it goes to help people who

59:58

is affected. So enjoy this tricksie shirt

1:00:00

in exchange for your support for people

1:00:02

in need. Love you. I love that

1:00:04

shirt. Thank God. And also I love

1:00:07

the, I love the beigee color. I

1:00:09

love the off-white. It's nice, right. We

1:00:11

have a show this week and I

1:00:13

think I'm going to talk about bangs.

1:00:15

You can come see some of the

1:00:18

ball in the beautifuls here. I don't

1:00:20

think we have any schedule. But before

1:00:22

you do that, I have to reiterate,

1:00:24

I really do for all you drivers

1:00:27

out there. If you are number one

1:00:29

in line for that green left turn,

1:00:31

you better be off your phone. You

1:00:33

better be goons. You better be ready.

1:00:35

Because you have one eye on the

1:00:38

other lights. Yellow, that's the signal. That's

1:00:40

the that's the signal. That's the signal.

1:00:42

That's the signal. That's the signal. You

1:00:44

see. That's the signal. You see. You

1:00:47

see. 10 cars need to turn left,

1:00:49

rush hour. You have a responsibility to

1:00:51

your fellow citizen. Be a good American.

1:00:53

All I ask is that you vote

1:00:55

and you turn on green when it's

1:00:58

time. I don't even care about the

1:01:00

voting. Just get that green error. Just

1:01:02

get that keep a shit out of

1:01:04

here. You better be on point and

1:01:07

alert for your fellow drivers. You better

1:01:09

give a hoot. You better. You better

1:01:11

get that Fiat 500 out of here,

1:01:13

okay? Can I tell you what happened

1:01:15

to me? I was on tour and

1:01:18

I've been having some back problems. You

1:01:20

know, the type of arthritis I have

1:01:22

starts in the spine. What? And so

1:01:24

I have some very mild spinal fusion

1:01:27

up here. And so it's... Mild spinal

1:01:29

fusion. Yeah. Okay. So it's degenerative. So

1:01:31

I'm starting to like deal with some

1:01:33

of it. And... I was having my

1:01:35

back lockup on tour from sitting in

1:01:38

the seats and not sleeping right, you

1:01:40

know, type of thing in the morning

1:01:42

where I have to stretch first, the

1:01:44

back hurts first thing. Yeah, but like

1:01:47

in bed before I got out of

1:01:49

bed long, child's pose, stuff like that.

1:01:51

So I have to get a massage,

1:01:53

so I have to get a massage.

1:01:55

So Brandon goes, you know, we're staying

1:01:58

at the west, there's a spa, like

1:02:00

a sports massage style, like a heavier

1:02:02

massage. And they go well. the grip.

1:02:04

So I go in, I lay down

1:02:06

and I lay down and I feel

1:02:09

bad because I know that this person

1:02:11

recognized me and I know this person

1:02:13

was a fan. It just was not

1:02:15

enough pressure. And so I was like,

1:02:18

go hard. Go hard. I said, you

1:02:20

know, I said, you know, I said,

1:02:22

you know, go off this. I will

1:02:24

like a 350 pound Bulgarian guy who

1:02:26

hates fags to beat the shit out

1:02:29

of me. But, you know, just, you

1:02:31

will not. It'll be fine. It'll be

1:02:33

fine. And she goes. So that's like,

1:02:35

right, okay, great. And I'm gonna, and

1:02:38

I love her. She was a lovely,

1:02:40

if you're looking to relax, I think

1:02:42

she was the massage for you because

1:02:44

I fell asleep. Maybe a raky experience

1:02:46

kind of thing. Cabala spiritual mother. My

1:02:49

back was so bad that it was

1:02:51

taking Gaba Penton and doing icy hot

1:02:53

like it. You need a physical therapy

1:02:55

essentially. Yeah, yeah. She's giving, she's giving

1:02:58

Miss Tuchy Fis. All right, if this

1:03:00

is the pressure, I would rather just

1:03:02

painful and leave now and find another

1:03:04

massage. But then I fell asleep. Oh,

1:03:06

okay. So then I woke up and

1:03:09

found another massage, walked over, and this

1:03:11

was the other end of the spectrum.

1:03:13

This was all the lights on, like

1:03:15

just take off the shirt, I just

1:03:18

need to see your back, and we're

1:03:20

mainly gonna work with thumbs and knuckles,

1:03:22

pressure point, pressure point, crow, they asked

1:03:24

me, they said, do you have a

1:03:26

spinal injury? And I said no, then

1:03:29

to go get an x-ray and they

1:03:31

were like, oh yeah, you're, the area

1:03:33

that's fused is like, you know, these

1:03:35

two pictures of your spine are fused

1:03:38

now and it's probably, you know, gonna

1:03:40

have problems and this guy, such fierce

1:03:42

knuckle. in the back up the back

1:03:44

it was knuckles beat kinetic by Wade

1:03:46

kinetic by Wade in Brisbane they got

1:03:49

me together that knuckles so deep in

1:03:51

the back hurts so bad and treatment

1:03:53

make me feel like I can't I

1:03:55

can't show vulnerability vulnerability perfect so I'm

1:03:58

basically fighting back tears how bad it

1:04:00

hurts but I'm also like well what

1:04:02

do you paying for? Yeah. Do you

1:04:04

want to get done dirt cheap? Yeah.

1:04:06

No. I've ever seen Brock Urich get

1:04:09

fucking, um, they go underneath his fucking

1:04:11

ribs. He's screaming. Oh yeah, it's wild.

1:04:13

Wild shit going on over there. It

1:04:15

was very, very, it was very, very,

1:04:18

it was very, very, very, it was

1:04:20

very, very, very, very, it's, very, very,

1:04:22

light handed, jewelry and nails. Well, there

1:04:24

you go. Poland Cynthia Reabout

1:04:27

it shredding you mama basically a

1:04:29

granny with with fucking rings and

1:04:31

acrylics on doing massage Yeah, Poland

1:04:33

and mine I've had the same

1:04:35

massage guy for 10 years. Really?

1:04:38

Yes, and he's a big strong

1:04:40

huge hands just football build. Yeah,

1:04:42

yeah, yeah. So maybe I'm just

1:04:44

used to a lot of pressure.

1:04:46

Well, but I mean that's all

1:04:49

I've ever know any CMT certified

1:04:51

massage service should be able to

1:04:53

provide a full range of pressure

1:04:55

They have to have strong hands.

1:04:58

It's like, I asked for job.

1:05:00

I said I want like really

1:05:02

firm as firm as you can

1:05:04

do. And then I was like,

1:05:06

well, there's really no use giving

1:05:09

comment because if this is the

1:05:11

lightest massage I've ever had. Well,

1:05:13

she needs to jump on the

1:05:15

table because I had a tie

1:05:18

lady jump all over me. And

1:05:20

that's the thing. Maybe I'm asking

1:05:22

someone salsa to dance hip-hop. Maybe

1:05:24

it's just a different style and

1:05:26

I was being. unfair with what

1:05:29

I accepted. Because it was a

1:05:31

spa, and frankly, I'll give a

1:05:33

shit about the T, I'll give

1:05:35

a shit about the robe, the

1:05:38

humidifier and all the tinkly music,

1:05:40

and back a car over me.

1:05:42

I don't care about the dark

1:05:44

light. Put me in the car

1:05:46

parking lot and drive over me,

1:05:49

like the Amazon truck. Yeah. And

1:05:51

back to the hot tub too.

1:05:53

The only reason, I do use

1:05:55

it every day out of like.

1:05:58

If you have one and you

1:06:00

pay for it you better get

1:06:02

in it you horror get in

1:06:04

every day no matter what every

1:06:06

day you out of sickness I

1:06:09

get in every get in the

1:06:11

diarrhea cook myself in the hot

1:06:13

diarrhea why not in that brown

1:06:15

soup hell yeah I probably have

1:06:17

diarrhea today I love I don't

1:06:20

know about alcohol the hot no

1:06:22

well you know what you know

1:06:24

it and I don't want to

1:06:26

tell him, but he didn't do

1:06:29

nothing, but it's a poison. Back

1:06:31

in mighty there was boys and

1:06:33

girls. You know, it was Adam

1:06:35

and Eve, not gin and tonic.

1:06:37

You know, like, I don't. Southern

1:06:40

comfort? What's so comfortable about it?

1:06:42

Southern comfort? Southern comfort? Oh man.

1:06:44

Damn. Oh yeah, when's the last

1:06:46

time you got penetrated? Oh my

1:06:49

gosh, I can't even remember. I

1:06:51

jacked off with somebody other day

1:06:53

though. I thought that was fun.

1:06:55

Did they know. They did. In

1:06:57

fact, it was agreed upon before

1:07:00

it started. Consent is just fun.

1:07:02

Yeah, and you know what? What

1:07:04

ended up happening, though, is that

1:07:06

I got a little faggy and

1:07:09

then like, because sometimes I just

1:07:11

don't have like a big sex

1:07:13

drive right now. Right. And this

1:07:15

is gonna be gross. I'm sorry

1:07:17

to TMI. I haven't had an

1:07:20

orgasm in over two weeks. Or

1:07:22

three, I think, actually. Oh. It's

1:07:24

strange. I, you know when you

1:07:26

wake up, you know, I, maybe,

1:07:29

so maybe this doesn't. I have,

1:07:31

I have a penis, so just

1:07:33

everybody knows. I don't know if

1:07:35

we've, I do have a penis.

1:07:37

I think we know. Okay. Yeah,

1:07:40

you don't exactly hide it in

1:07:42

drag. We all have to see

1:07:44

it in those skimpy little body

1:07:46

suits, Miss Knuckle. Miss White Leatar,

1:07:49

no penny. Don't, so. So. So

1:07:51

sometimes when you wake up hung

1:07:53

over, you're horny. I don't know

1:07:55

if this ever happened to anybody

1:07:57

else. You get horny. But then

1:08:00

if you have the sex, you

1:08:02

get sicker. You sneeze on the

1:08:04

beat and the beginning. Once you

1:08:06

nut, once you hit that nut,

1:08:08

you're like, oh, I might throw

1:08:11

up now. Because the hangover hits

1:08:13

then, because the distraction is over.

1:08:15

That's so crazy. Imagine the you

1:08:17

get sick you get horny, but

1:08:20

if you do the sex you

1:08:22

get sick. So you're gonna like

1:08:24

you're risking You're gonna suck that

1:08:26

dick and then throw up on

1:08:28

the day and then you're nauseous

1:08:31

and your mouth tastes like calm

1:08:33

and you're like so now what?

1:08:35

You know, so I've been watching

1:08:37

the news a lot in LA.

1:08:40

I'm just kind of fixated on

1:08:42

watching the news and the whole...

1:08:44

So I found this great Tiktok

1:08:46

of News Blooper. This audio, you

1:08:48

will not believe what these people

1:08:51

say. Listen, this bitch on the

1:08:53

air. So pale. She didn't know

1:08:55

what was rolling. Today Snow is

1:08:57

crippling much of the Washington lowland.

1:09:00

The other final goodbyes to this

1:09:02

fallen Louisville police officer. D.D. Mega

1:09:04

Dudu. Like, oh, that one! Dee-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-A-

1:09:06

Mega-Dudu! A professional journalist. Dee-D- Mega-Dud-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-M-M-G-D-M-D-M-D-M-D-M-D-A-M-D-D-W-M-M-M-D-D-D-M-D-D-M-D-D-D-D-D-D-M-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-

1:09:08

You can say or this lovely

1:09:11

individual this this poor this brave

1:09:13

woman whose name I can't pronounce

1:09:15

producer may have her name. You

1:09:17

can even do that and and

1:09:20

let me tell you this bitch

1:09:22

Dee mega do you better not

1:09:24

have me working with you after

1:09:26

when you walk in the break

1:09:28

room. I don't have the professionalism

1:09:31

to not go. So DD mega

1:09:33

do do from DD to do

1:09:35

do do. I got a slight

1:09:37

chance of some participation participate. is

1:09:39

that a stroke is that a

1:09:42

stroke well is that a stroke

1:09:44

when the weather gal can't say

1:09:46

you know this is horny you

1:09:48

had one job it's this is

1:09:51

hold on I got one more

1:09:53

for him this is really for

1:09:55

examiners office what sorry sorry so

1:09:57

over the last two years hundreds

1:09:59

have landed in the summit county

1:10:02

medical examiners office my brother used

1:10:04

to break in our house and

1:10:06

steal the TV but now he's

1:10:08

dead isn't that country The news?

1:10:11

Did he make a do do.

1:10:13

That is just... But now he's

1:10:15

dead. You gotta be careful with

1:10:17

that news voice because it can

1:10:19

sound very cold to the dead.

1:10:22

Everyone. Yeah, gotcha, gotcha. I mean,

1:10:24

live reporting is, I mean, can

1:10:26

you imagine, We do one live

1:10:28

event a year and it takes

1:10:31

a village for us to sit

1:10:33

and speak. Hello. Thank you.

1:10:35

And also, yeah, DD mega

1:10:37

do do. DD mega do. It's

1:10:40

like, uh, DD mega do don't.

1:10:42

Just say that girl, Deirdra.

1:10:44

It's a horrible name.

1:10:46

It's Deirdra. I mean, hey,

1:10:49

hey, babe, what do you think

1:10:51

about for our daughter's name?

1:10:53

Kelly or Simone or like

1:10:56

Natalie. Deirdre. Deirdre. What

1:10:58

a fucking horrible name. I

1:11:00

know. It might as well be, D.D.

1:11:02

is better. A name that is only

1:11:04

going to get nicknamed. Do you know

1:11:06

what I mean? It's like, why do

1:11:08

you do that? Why do you, why

1:11:10

do you force the, like, I don't

1:11:13

get that, what is that? A name that

1:11:15

is like Margaret? Well that's right up

1:11:17

there with a normal name like Brandon's

1:11:19

mom told me she almost did B-R-A-N-D-E-N.

1:11:21

I was like he would have been

1:11:23

having to fix that his whole life.

1:11:25

That would have been horrible. I know

1:11:27

it's crazy. Brian B-R-I-E-N or some shit

1:11:29

what the fuck. Mary don't get creative

1:11:31

with the spelling. It's just a label.

1:11:33

Focus on what's inside. All right well

1:11:35

thank you for having us here at

1:11:37

the pod pouring out for mega-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- So,

1:12:01

This podcast is brought to

1:12:03

you by aura. Imagine waking up

1:12:06

to find your bank account drained,

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bills for loans you never took

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out, a warrant for your arrest,

1:12:13

all because someone committed a crime

1:12:15

in your name. It sounds like

1:12:17

a nightmare, but for millions of

1:12:19

people each year, it's reality. And

1:12:22

here's the scariest part. By the

1:12:24

time companies tell you your data

1:12:26

was stolen, it's already been nearly

1:12:28

a year. 277 days. That's how

1:12:31

long on average hackers have

1:12:33

to use your social security

1:12:35

number, open accounts, take out

1:12:37

loans, and destroy your credit.

1:12:39

Before you even know, you've

1:12:41

been exposed. By the time you

1:12:43

get that breach notification email,

1:12:45

the damage is done. Your

1:12:47

identity stolen. Your financial future

1:12:50

at risk. And the company

1:12:52

that lost your data, they'll

1:12:54

just apologize and move on. Hackers

1:12:56

aren't waiting. Why are you? This can

1:12:58

all sound really scary, which is why

1:13:00

I'm so glad we're partnering with aura.

1:13:03

Hackers don't wait, so why should you?

1:13:05

aura monitors the dark web 24-7 for

1:13:07

your phone number, email, and social security

1:13:09

number, because the moment they show up

1:13:12

for sale, criminals are ready to use

1:13:14

them. If aura detects your info, you'll

1:13:16

get an instant alert, so you can

1:13:18

act before the damage is done. What

1:13:21

if your identity is already stolen?

1:13:23

Criminals can take out loans,

1:13:25

max out credit cards, and vanish.

1:13:27

That's why ORA provides up to

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$5 million in identity theft insurance

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and a US-based fraud resolution team

1:13:34

that works around the clock to

1:13:36

shut down fraud fast and get

1:13:38

your life back on track. Your

1:13:40

personal data is a goldmine for

1:13:42

hackers and ORA helps lock it down.

1:13:44

With a VPN for private browsing, data

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broker opt out to stop companies

1:13:48

from selling your info. and a

1:13:50

password manager to help secure your

1:13:52

accounts, ORA gives you the tools

1:13:55

to fight back. For a limited

1:13:57

time, ORA is offering our listeners

1:13:59

a for- day 14 -day trial

1:14:01

a a check of your

1:14:03

data to see if your

1:14:05

personal information has been leaked

1:14:07

online. All for leaked when you

1:14:09

visit free.com slash aura.com/ That's aura.com

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slash defense to sign up

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for a 14 day free trial

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and start protecting you and

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your loved ones. That's ones. -R

1:14:20

-A slash slash Certain Certain terms sure

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be sure to check the

1:14:24

site for details.