0:00

Hi, it's Trixie. I just want

0:02

to get on the pot to

0:04

let you all know that Katinai

0:06

are executive producers of a hot

0:08

and sexy new podcast, the Kelly

0:11

Mantle show, starring, you guessed it,

0:13

Kelly, Marie Mantle. You guys, we

0:15

love Kelly. We've toured the world

0:18

with Kelly. Kelly is the funniest,

0:20

the smartest. She really is just

0:22

been everywhere done, everything, knows everybody

0:24

and she is like completely humble

0:27

and loves to make fun of

0:29

herself and learn about the world.

0:31

But like I said, she is gorgeous

0:33

and stupid as well. So please enjoy

0:36

that. We got approached about being EPs

0:38

for her pod and it was an

0:40

obvious yes because we loved her and

0:42

to celebrate we thought we'd share in

0:44

the premiere episode of the Kelly Mantle

0:47

show featuring the highly functioning Tammy

0:49

Brown. Please enjoy. Hello,

0:52

I'm Kelly Mantle.

0:56

Hello, I'm

0:58

Kelly Mantle.

1:00

And this

1:02

is the

1:04

Kelly Mantle

1:07

Show. Won't

1:09

you come

1:12

inside the

1:14

Kelly Mantle

1:17

Studio? even

1:19

though I always end up where

1:22

I'm supposed to be. Isn't

1:24

that extraordinary?

1:27

To me, time is timeless.

1:29

Space is spaceless. And

1:32

age and numbers and

1:34

years are just fears

1:36

inching towards our death.

1:38

After all, that's the only

1:41

thing we all have in

1:43

common is death. You

1:45

know, we all get along

1:47

at stop signs and stop

1:49

lights allowing each other to

1:51

move according to law. Regardless

1:54

of our beliefs, why

1:56

can't we apply that to the

1:59

real world? Isn't

2:01

it wonderful? The world is

2:03

ending and here we are

2:05

pretending that everything's going to

2:07

be just fine in these

2:09

trumpultuous times. And I'm okay

2:11

with that, because I subscribe

2:13

to delusion. It's an app

2:15

on my phone connected to

2:17

my Vino, and I won't

2:19

mind if you tip me

2:21

at Kelly Mantle. I'll use

2:23

it for trips to Nice

2:25

and the Isle of Greece.

2:27

Charity. After

2:30

all, what can you get

2:33

a woman who has everything

2:35

she's ever dreamed of? A

2:37

gorgeous husband, an Oscar's consideration,

2:39

an episode of Rupal's drag

2:42

race. A podcast. Of course,

2:44

you get her a podcast.

2:46

What more could she ask

2:48

for? She was dreaming like

2:50

a Texan girl. A girl

2:53

who thinks she has the

2:55

right to everything. A girl

2:57

who thinks she should have

2:59

something extreme. So I have

3:02

a podcast. Won't you join

3:04

me? We are like totally

3:06

podcasting. Doesn't it look like

3:08

so profess? I feel like

3:10

we should be like on

3:13

the 10 o'clock news. 10

3:15

o'clock news. I'm your hostess,

3:17

or they don't call them

3:19

hostesses, do they? Why not?

3:21

News correspondent. You will call

3:24

them hostess if you feel

3:26

like it. And you would

3:28

be the weather girl. I

3:30

can totally see Tammy Brown

3:33

being the meteorologist. It's raining

3:35

men. It's sunny out there,

3:37

so you can walk children

3:39

in nature. Hashtag not grooming.

3:41

Don't you have a monologue

3:44

or something? Seriously, I think

3:46

we need to normalize. News

3:48

correspondence people like us on

3:50

like CNN honey because we're

3:53

like truth-tellers. I don't want

3:55

to be on CNN or

3:57

anything like that Well, you

3:59

know what I mean. We

4:01

should be news correspondence. Yes,

4:04

I have a monologue. I

4:06

have an introduction for our guest

4:08

today. She's a lady of travel

4:10

and leisure. Tammy Brown and I

4:13

have been BFFs for many,

4:15

many lifetimes. I don't know if

4:17

it's been too long or not

4:19

long enough. Well, she was working

4:21

as Marilyn Monroe back in

4:23

the day before she croaked and

4:26

then... I was working in New

4:28

York City, many of places, and

4:30

had a good time. She ended

4:32

up in Oklahoma. I went

4:34

through Mexico, Costa Rica, and

4:36

Texas. All the way down to

4:39

New Orleans. It's nice. People always

4:41

say, Kelly, what's it like being

4:43

BFFs with Tammy Brown? And I

4:46

always say, oh, she'll spin your

4:48

head round and round, but you'll

4:50

never find out what's in hers.

4:53

It's an anomaly. A mystery.

4:55

A mystery. Is that your monologue? No,

4:57

I'm just coming up with this. You're

4:59

so creative, I love it. Isn't she

5:02

creative? That's why we hang out.

5:04

It's like a crossword puzzle in

5:06

the National Geographic magazine. You're

5:08

like Amelia Earhart before the crash.

5:10

Oh, before the crash and then

5:12

the... What did they, those crabs, coconut crabs? Yes.

5:14

They were in the National Geographic speaking of, that's

5:16

how I found out about the coconut crabs. They

5:19

say that the theory is that perhaps they tore

5:21

her body apart and took her down in some

5:23

little holes because they're finding human remains in some

5:25

of those holes that the coconut crabs go in.

5:27

Who amel your ear, huh? You better believe it.

5:30

Now, was she lovers with Martina and Aberelova? I'm

5:32

thinking about the movie Air Force One. Oh. Or

5:34

Airport One. And then there's Airport 3, where they go

5:36

into the, where they go into the, where they go into the,

5:38

where they go into the, where they go into the ocean. And

5:41

Amelia your heart won an

5:43

Oscar for that, right? No,

5:45

you're thinking more like Jane

5:48

Goodall, played by Saguarney Weaver,

5:50

and the movie Grill is

5:52

in the mist. Oh, but not

5:54

alien. No, not alien, but

5:57

there's a new alien. Oh! Oh! Your

5:59

mind is... Probably the

6:01

most beautiful contradiction

6:03

since Jesus Christ.

6:05

Contradiction, how so? Beautiful

6:08

contradiction. Well, I

6:10

know about the beauty, but

6:12

contradiction, how so? Because you're

6:14

yin and yang. Well, I am

6:16

human. A jaded optimist I

6:19

am. I would think you were a

6:21

Gemini, but you're actually a Virgo. I

6:23

do like my lover Pisces. Ooh. And

6:25

I can ride. I can ride the

6:27

bull. So we're going to

6:29

take this time to climb

6:31

into the mind of Tammy

6:34

Brown and swim around and

6:36

unleash the ingredients that make

6:38

your head Tic-toc. Tic-toc,

6:40

I'm on Tic-toc, yes, planet

6:42

Tammy. How is your head?

6:44

It's good. I mean, I

6:46

smoke weed normally, I'm highly

6:49

functioning. I eat, um... But how's your

6:51

head? What do you mean? Oh,

6:53

you mean like performing oral copulation

6:55

or something like that? Well, of course

6:57

my head speaks, so they speak the

7:00

perfect words of love that get the

7:02

guys tingling in England, if you know

7:04

what I mean. Liberty and fashion, baby.

7:06

Well, not fascism, and a bumblebee covered

7:08

in an American flag. Honey, let's get

7:10

into it. I want to really deep

7:12

into your mind. I want to know

7:14

what a romantic evening for Tammy Brown

7:16

is like, because can I tell you

7:18

what I picture... Juice Newton just

7:21

called me Angel playing

7:23

on the record player

7:25

on vinyl. And I

7:27

picture lots of acrylic

7:29

nails tapping along green

7:31

glass ashtrays with half

7:33

roach hanging on the

7:35

side and lots of

7:37

mirrored surfaces and negliges,

7:39

which is very different

7:42

than lawn charade. That's

7:44

what I see. And I see lots

7:46

of nibbling and sniffing.

7:48

Things like is that what a romantic

7:50

human to keep me put families like well

7:52

remember that night We were going down Santa

7:55

Monica Boulevard And we pulled we rolled down

7:57

the window to that cute guy and what

7:59

did I say out? window. Hey Buster,

8:01

where are you going? I'm like, what

8:03

year are we in right now? And

8:05

he's all like, what? And he's like,

8:08

hey Buster, I say, hey Buster, where

8:10

are you going? More like, hey Buster,

8:12

where are you going? You know, like

8:15

that, right, because I'm always spunky

8:17

and fun. Oh my God,

8:19

it was hilarious girl. Spunkin'

8:21

and Duncan and Duncan

8:24

or something, right? So what

8:26

is a romantic evening with

8:28

Tammy Brown-like? Please walk us

8:30

through it. Like you have

8:32

a date with one of

8:35

your Bulgarian boys. He comes

8:37

over and you've chilled some

8:39

champagne. Well, as long as they

8:41

know they're exclusive

8:43

for the moment. For the

8:46

moment. And one of my

8:48

boys says, Tommy! I cannot say

8:50

no to you. Oh. I love that for

8:52

you. I love it for myself. Does

8:54

he like grab you by the

8:56

arms and like embrace you

8:59

when he says it all

9:01

passionately? To be honest with

9:03

you, he said, dummy, I'm cold

9:05

and he put my body on

9:07

his. But back to that question,

9:09

I feel happy for them,

9:12

not me. You know what I mean?

9:14

People wish they could kiss my

9:16

ass. And they literally are. I

9:18

say line them up, line them

9:20

up. So they're blessed.

9:22

for being having a

9:24

romantic evening with Tammy

9:27

Brown. Well, why not?

9:29

Absolutely. Why not? I

9:31

mean, I'm the boss. Oh, so

9:33

are you a little bit more

9:35

on the, like, like, the

9:37

strong side of things,

9:39

the dominant side? Well, I am

9:41

a woman in control of my life. A

9:44

she-we, a he-we, a ma'am, surashiness, and lovers.

9:46

Speaking of romantic evenings. American

9:48

lovers, I strictly go with

9:50

Europeans now. You strictly go with

9:52

European. I had to threaten to like, beat

9:55

up one of your American lovers one time.

9:57

Oh, the porta potty prostitute, member

9:59

here? Honey, Tammy like... Tinky Stocking,

10:01

they called him? What happened? Tinky

10:03

Stocking. I just remember calling him

10:06

and saying if you don't give

10:08

her her shit back, I'm gonna

10:10

like... His name was Tinky Stocking.

10:12

Tinky Stocking? Yes, Tinky Stockings, or

10:14

something like that. That was his

10:17

name? Tinky Stockings. Chicago to be

10:19

a matter of fact. An August

10:21

in Chicago. What happened? And I

10:23

met him and then I invited

10:25

him over to come and do

10:27

some stuff and then he started

10:30

playing some game, you know. What

10:32

did he play? The game that

10:34

you had to call him up

10:36

and he was at the Abbey

10:38

and he answered the phone fast

10:40

that trick. And guess what? Trick

10:43

baby. You told him what? I

10:45

said I was going to smash

10:47

his face into the gravel. Into

10:49

the gravel. You said you're going

10:51

to smash his face into the

10:54

gravel. That's Kelly. I can always

10:56

call Kelly and make sure she

10:58

takes action. The way I roll

11:00

baggy. You don't talk with my

11:02

friends. Am I scared of you?

11:04

No. Hell no. You shouldn't be.

11:07

But you will tear some asses

11:09

down. I will tear an ass

11:11

down bitch. I don't play honey.

11:13

I do not play. I am

11:15

from Oklahoma honey. We don't fuck

11:17

around. listener questions. We have some

11:20

very interesting questions. We have some

11:22

of our listeners. Do you have

11:24

any thriving questions from Miss Tammy

11:26

Brown? And they did not disappoint.

11:28

So Rose and Rosetta, Texas wants

11:31

to know. So you're known as

11:33

planet Tammy on your socials. What's

11:35

your favorite planet? Is it really

11:37

Mars? My favorite planet is planet

11:39

Earth. The only one we know.

11:41

Oh, that's a good answer. That's

11:44

a fact. If I had a

11:46

time machine, what would I do?

11:48

I'd just actually stay in this

11:50

point in place right here. And

11:52

fix it. You're doing a lot

11:55

to fix it. I do my

11:57

bet. I'm not competing though. No,

11:59

as we shouldn't be. We should

12:01

be joining arms and fixing it

12:03

together. You know, I used to

12:05

say my favorite planet was Pluto.

12:08

But then I heard recently that

12:10

Pluto no longer identifies as a

12:12

planet. Really? Yeah, satellite baby. Satellite

12:14

baby. And that was a number

12:16

one hit single in the Scandinavian

12:18

country. Do you really think that

12:21

they landed on the moon? What

12:23

was a number one hit single?

12:25

Huh? What was the number one

12:27

hit single in a Scandinavian country?

12:29

Satellite, baby. Ding! And you performed

12:32

that at, um, that show. What

12:34

was it called that we did

12:36

up on the Hollywood Hills? Oh,

12:38

what was that called? When queens

12:40

collide? When queens collide? That's the

12:42

name of it. And Mama's dead?

12:45

Mama's dead. Mama's dead. Mama died?

12:47

Mm-hmm. And they cut off her

12:49

toe? Mama's same. I'm a summer

12:51

makusah. Jules from Long Beach went

12:53

to the funeral. I know. I

12:55

wanted to go. Raya texted me

12:58

and asked me to do something

13:00

at it, but I was out

13:02

of town that weekend. And that

13:04

is Raya Latre. What did I

13:06

say? What did I say? But

13:09

you said Rea? Oh, did I

13:11

say it wrong? But I'm saying

13:13

Rea Latre. Do you know what

13:15

I told her? She needs to

13:17

come out with a brand of

13:19

sunglasses called Rea Bands. Rea Bands?

13:22

Hey, look at me. Marketing, marketing,

13:24

shing, shing, marketing, shing, marketing, ching,

13:26

ching, ching, marketing, ching, ching, marketing,

13:28

ching, ching, ching, ching, marketing, Hey,

13:30

winner, I'm the winner. Buy some

13:32

salami and go fuck yourself. Can

13:35

we get some more champagne flown

13:37

in from Miss Tamfield? Oh my

13:39

goodness, only from champagne France. We

13:41

can edit this part out. No,

13:43

we're gonna do it all. We're

13:46

gonna get some champagne sponsors, because

13:48

I want some. We're going to

13:50

get champagne sponsors, because I want

13:52

some. We're going to get champagne

13:54

sponsors. Where's the champagne sponsors? Well,

13:56

why not? People get sponsored by

13:59

all sorts of things, and why

14:01

am I'm not sponsored. sponsored by

14:03

a condom company. You should be

14:05

in the Olympics. I don't want

14:07

to be in the Olympics. Look,

14:09

you look like you're in the

14:12

Olympics representing Texas. I love this.

14:14

Well, you better believe it. The

14:16

Special Olympics. You could be a

14:18

gymnast. Well, Texas. I want to

14:20

see Tammy Brown breakdancing in the

14:23

Olympics. I want to tell you

14:25

what. I have a friend though

14:27

that she has an Olympic medal

14:29

for collecting stamps. You better believe

14:31

it. Shut. Mom, I call her.

14:33

Are you serious? Shashan's mom? Yes,

14:36

yes, yes. When did they start

14:38

an Olympic event for collecting stamps?

14:40

It's a thing. There's a medal.

14:42

She got a medal. Oh my

14:44

God, that's hilarious. Shashan's mom, yep.

14:46

Well, we love you Shashan, and

14:49

you keep on collecting. And they

14:51

have this wonderful little... place where

14:53

you can just get drinks and

14:55

appetizers as a sense coming down.

14:57

Isn't that remarkable? Well, that's what

15:00

your Discover card got you. That's

15:02

what my Discover card got me,

15:04

too. But do people still have

15:06

Discover? Why not? These are kind

15:08

of mix or Discover. That's hilarious

15:10

girl. Well, it's a fact. I

15:13

was thinking I'd prefer to go

15:15

stay, although... Trumpster owns the Plaza

15:17

Hotel. I'd rather stay at the

15:19

Plaza Hotel for a night. Yeah,

15:21

he's owned it for years. And

15:23

when 9-11 happened too, it could

15:26

have been one of the buildings

15:28

that would have collapsed as well,

15:30

you know. I don't know, we

15:32

own the plaza. It is healthy

15:34

to burp, though, that's a fact.

15:37

Well, honey, if we didn't burp,

15:39

we'd all blow up, I'm assuming.

15:41

Oh, God, like a firework. Magpipe,

15:43

Dylan, Fairchild, from San Francisco, wants

15:45

to know. Magpipe, Dylan, Fairchild. I

15:47

don't know, probably a drag king,

15:50

she says. From San Francisco, of

15:52

course, it's a drag king, wants

15:54

to know, what's your favorite color?

15:56

I feel like you could read

15:58

oras actually. I really do. Well

16:00

I'm seeing purple with you. I

16:03

wonder why. Purple rain. Purple rain.

16:05

May he rest in peace? Rest

16:07

in pieces perhaps now. What is

16:09

your favorite color? My favorite color.

16:11

If I had to guess I

16:14

would say Tammy Brown's favorite color

16:16

is red. Am I right? That's

16:18

red and Bulgarian. Oh. Mm-hmm. Chiltic

16:20

is red and now alt. Chiltic.

16:22

But my favorite color actually started

16:24

off green. Really? You better believe

16:27

it. Kelly green? Huh? Kelly green.

16:29

Emerald green. Not green with envy.

16:31

Just the heart shocker green. So

16:33

I just went to blue automatically,

16:35

and I remember at the time

16:37

I went to a deep sapphire

16:40

blue, which is my, you know,

16:42

birthstone, okay, but I don't really

16:44

like that color blue. Many of

16:46

us Burgos don't like that because

16:48

it's just too damn dark. And

16:51

I switched it to turquoise, and

16:53

guess what else? Fuchsia. So I

16:55

have two favorite colors and then

16:57

my lucky colors are green and

16:59

purple and purple is a healing

17:01

color like for healing light and

17:04

stuff like that So I'm always

17:06

thinking about you while watching you

17:08

during this beautiful podcast of yours

17:10

that You know you're the purple

17:12

light shining bright. I have never

17:14

heard a more detailed answer to

17:17

what is your favorite color in

17:19

my life? I thought this is

17:21

the most stupid basic question and

17:23

that was the most beautiful Wonderful

17:25

answer I've ever heard Well, I've

17:28

learned something in Hollywood. You have

17:30

to talk. And one of my

17:32

lovers, though, the problem we have

17:34

on our, where he's a tourist

17:36

and I'm a Virgo. And then...

17:38

And how many do you have?

17:41

Huh? How many lovers? How many

17:43

lovers? He's the captain lover. I

17:45

want a number. I just don't

17:47

want to sound like a common

17:49

tramp or phasing. Well, you're not.

17:51

You're more of a Hollywood madam,

17:54

if I... What to call you

17:56

anything? I'm going to tell you

17:58

what? Like a Hollywood madam that

18:00

runs a brothel of Bulgarian boys

18:02

in Petel. This is what she

18:05

does. Hold the horn. Hold the

18:07

horn. Hold the horn here. Look,

18:09

I'm not a bottom bitch. Oh

18:11

shit. And I know what a

18:13

bottom bitch is. You know what

18:15

a bottom bitch is? Tell me.

18:18

The bottom bitch is the head

18:20

whore and the stable of horse.

18:22

That's the bottom bitch. Okay. And

18:24

I learned that from the iceberg

18:26

slim. The book Pimp, which has

18:28

a great glossary, and then also

18:31

I like Black Widow Mama Spider,

18:33

which deals with the Drag Queen.

18:35

But please look out. Iceberg Slim.

18:37

Look for him. Look for him.

18:39

Look for him. Great stuff. But

18:42

you know. Iceberg Slim. But Slim

18:44

shading. You would be my bottom

18:46

bitch. I would? Uh-huh. Yes. How

18:48

am I gonna be your bottom

18:50

bitch? Because you would be my

18:52

bottom bitch. Like if I was

18:55

Batman, you would be Robin. Oh

18:57

my God. A lesbian, we would

18:59

be like desert moons, remember the

19:01

old lesbian movie? We would meet

19:03

in like a laundromat and we

19:05

would go like in our 57

19:08

Chevy out into the desert and

19:10

just like rip each other's clothes

19:12

off. Yes. And just like start

19:14

going down on each other and

19:16

just eating each other out and

19:19

just like going crazy and flipping

19:21

my hair in the wind. Be

19:23

like filming Louise. Gargoyles in the

19:25

mud. So you, I would be

19:27

your bottom bitch? Why not? I

19:29

mean listen, is that okay? Yes,

19:32

of course it is, because I'm

19:34

more of a pillow princess anyway.

19:36

I like to just lay there

19:38

and be like, oh, mm-hmm. And

19:40

make sure like I'm perfectly lit

19:42

and like nothing's touched. I got

19:45

you there. You're a bitch. Thanks.

19:47

Oh, this is such a Willy

19:49

Wonka set in the fucking. Where

19:51

did they have that at? Can

19:53

I have another question, please? Okay,

19:56

Vinny for. New York City wants

19:58

to know what's your favorite movie

20:00

and what is your dream role

20:02

as an actress? Oh this is

20:04

a good question I want to

20:06

know this too. Well first of

20:09

all as an actress my mini

20:11

series is going to be great.

20:13

And I can even play some

20:15

of the parts myself. And the

20:17

acting right now is the part

20:19

I'm playing. So here we go.

20:22

Inside the actor studio. Inside the

20:24

actor studio. I'm a must-join for

20:26

SAG. I always wanted us to

20:28

remake the movie, Who's Afraid of

20:30

Baby Jane. Oh, that'd be great.

20:33

Remember when I did the part

20:35

with you? Oh, wait, I totally

20:37

messed that up. Oh my God,

20:39

we should totally do a mash-up

20:41

of who's afraid of Virginia Woof

20:43

and whatever happened to baby Jane.

20:46

What's eating Gilbert Great? Oh, Gilbert

20:48

Great. Will you play The Mother

20:50

or will I? I would be

20:52

Joan Crawford. Of course, because you

20:54

like the beauty. Well. And you're

20:56

not afraid of my reckless abandon.

20:59

Exactly. I got my

21:01

little jingling hanging out just for

21:03

you. Look at this. This is

21:05

Junior and the Twins. I'm going

21:07

to say what? This is what

21:10

I'm going to say. You know

21:12

they're doing in the 2028 closing

21:14

Olympics ceremonies. I think they should

21:16

have Tammy Brown perform at the

21:18

closing ceremonies of the 2028 Olympics

21:20

in Long Beach because you are

21:23

a Long Beach Superstar native just

21:25

like Snoop Dog. I'm going to

21:27

say what? This is what I'm

21:29

going to say. I'm going to

21:31

say no to the Olympics. Why?

21:33

Because of all the controversy. The

21:35

Saatchi Olympics with the orchas, the

21:38

gay pride Olympics back in the,

21:40

what's the 38 and what not,

21:42

in Munich, or wherever that, I

21:44

believe, over there. And did you

21:46

see Nymphia Wind on the closing

21:48

ceremony last night? This is probably

21:51

going to come out much later,

21:53

so y'all are probably going to

21:55

be, like, when was this shot?

21:57

But did you see her last

21:59

night? night. An impure wind on

22:01

the Olympics. Tell me what happened.

22:03

I didn't see it. I saw

22:06

it in the Twitter but I

22:08

haven't watched it yet but she

22:10

performed at the closing ceremony. Good

22:12

for her. Of the thingies of

22:14

the Olympics. And what does she

22:16

do? I don't even know who

22:19

that is. You don't know who

22:21

Nymphia Wind is? I don't pay

22:23

attention to this modern day pop

22:25

culture bullshit. Oh my god. You

22:27

need to edit that? I don't

22:29

care. I went and do the

22:31

Olympics. There's the answer to that

22:34

question. Moving along. Tammy Brown would

22:36

not do the Olympics, but Nymphia

22:38

Wind did, and she did a

22:40

beautiful job portraying a gold. She

22:42

is the current reigning queen of

22:44

Ru Paul's drag race, season 39,

22:47

Tamra. Well, good for them. Fraculator,

22:49

Ru. She really did a beautiful

22:51

number on the finale. And it

22:53

was this, it was this beautiful

22:55

dance with these dancers and everything

22:57

was in pink and blue and

23:00

it was like trans rights. So

23:02

pink and blue, it's almost like

23:04

fuchsia and turquoise. I loved it.

23:06

Oh. Nymphia, love you, baby. Love

23:08

you, baby. That's for Joan Crawford.

23:10

What is your gender identity? Ma'am,

23:12

sir, sheeness, Queen Studs. And I

23:15

would be considered fluid with a

23:17

dominant heteronormative. And there's also parts

23:19

of me that are 2% bisexual.

23:21

We also have a lot of,

23:23

what is it, asexuality going on

23:25

a lot sometimes. Really? Asexuality. Explain

23:28

that. What is that? Because I'm

23:30

more to sometimes voyeurism. Then the

23:32

actual act of penetration. To be

23:34

honest with you, yeah, that gets

23:36

me going. And then with the

23:38

empathic lovers sometimes, that really just

23:40

gets me flying. Really? Yeah, which

23:43

is a problem sometimes. So you

23:45

have sex with ghosts? Oh my

23:47

God, in the movie Ghost, remember,

23:49

they took me as a three-year-old

23:51

to see them, not ghost, ghostbusters

23:53

to see that movie, and when

23:56

Dan Acroy's getting the blow job

23:58

by the ghost, do you remember

24:00

that? No! No! Oh, that movie's

24:02

great! Oh boy! And it's great

24:04

New York. And he's getting a

24:06

blow job? I thought it was

24:08

a job. By a ghost? And

24:11

you see the pants on wrap?

24:13

Really? Buckle-go on my parents to.

24:15

That's amazing. I love that. Took

24:17

me to see that. What is

24:19

that? When did that come out?

24:21

84? So tell him about sex

24:24

with ghosts! Well, I'll tell you

24:26

what, it's practically another dimension, but

24:28

right here on this planet. Now

24:30

you were supposed to be born

24:32

in Puerto Vallarta, but you ended

24:34

up being born in Corpus Christi

24:37

because you had an amoeba. Is

24:39

this true? And what was the

24:41

amoeba? The amoeba was actually... myself

24:43

that grew inside my mom's womb

24:45

and I was born in Corpus

24:47

Christi, Texas right there. But you

24:49

were the amoeba? You better believe

24:52

it. I ate the sperm. So

24:54

you've just been like a little

24:56

gutter sled since you were like

24:58

an embryo? No, the one you

25:00

met is Courtney Love in the

25:02

gutter. So wait a minute, you

25:05

ate the sperm, so there was

25:07

supposed to be a twin? Well,

25:09

why not? Would all this hit

25:11

rage of aliens in this and

25:13

that? Why not let me be

25:15

the one eating? You're Tammy Brown's

25:17

down there and her mama's belly

25:20

munching on her twins. And when

25:22

I was born, they laid me

25:24

flat on my head, so I

25:26

have a flack, a flat backside

25:28

of my head. That's why I'm

25:30

always teasing my hair back there

25:33

or sometimes we're a little piece,

25:35

you know. You do wear a

25:37

little piece. I love your little

25:39

piece. Thank you. So that's better.

25:41

When we stay in hotel rooms

25:43

together, I see the little piece

25:45

in the middle of the night

25:48

over on the dresser. It's just

25:50

back here. She really has a

25:52

little piece. But I thought it

25:54

was a trance for the ones.

25:56

Thank you. And I'm like, ah!

25:58

And I'm like, why didn't her

26:01

little hair be her two pay

26:03

off the counter? And I started

26:05

stomping on it. Like, Terry! And

26:07

she like looked up and was

26:09

like, what are you doing? Oh

26:11

my God. Yeah, because I, I,

26:14

well, this, I woke, well, I

26:16

woke up. And said what

26:18

were you doing but the next morning

26:20

when we woke up it was hanging

26:22

on the banana tree? Yeah! Hanging on

26:25

the banana tree! Oh my god, and

26:27

then the chimpanzee came and started playing

26:29

with it and then started wearing it

26:31

up against the window seal. I thought

26:33

it was like, I thought it put

26:36

it like down in his rectum areas.

26:38

Well, that was the other hey, hey,

26:40

hey, orang a tang swinging from a

26:42

tree. Did you like that? Of

26:45

course you did. If you want to hear

26:47

the rest of the premiere episode of the

26:49

Kelly Mantle show, head to the link in

26:51

the description and don't forget to follow the

26:53

show wherever you get your podcast. You don't

26:56

want to miss a single gloriously insane episode.

26:58

Also make sure you do all like the

27:00

likes the comment that was described. You know,

27:02

Kelly, she's a young Anjanou. She's about 20

27:05

years old. She's trying to make it in

27:07

the industry. We got to help Kelly. And

27:09

we got to make queer people. Maybe we

27:11

can get Kelly to read some of the

27:13

comments on the podcast. I mean, I'm not

27:16

sure she can read, but maybe somebody can

27:18

feed the lines. Oh, wait, I'm an EP.

27:20

I'm going to force Kelly to read the

27:22

reviews on the podcast. Okay, bye.