4:00

No, no, no, we're all sitting there. We're all sitting there.

4:02

We were, it was, who was it?

4:04

A conversation, I mean. No, no, yeah,

4:06

yeah, it was Jay. It was Alex

4:09

Edelman, Jamie Schumer. It

4:11

was another person. There was a couple people

4:13

that seemed like they had a lot of

4:16

money that I didn't know. Yeah, it was

4:18

a stressful environment with stars at the ritz.

4:20

It was like weird. We're all talking, we're

4:22

all talking. And Meg, you turn to Katya

4:25

and you go, so I noticed you haven't

4:27

talked to me in a little bit. We're

4:30

sitting at the table. It was so fucking

4:32

funny because I think we

4:34

had just engaged in a group conversation instead of just

4:37

with you. And that seemed to really upset you. I

4:39

didn't want it to be a big group thing. Right.

4:42

Yeah, she wanted some one on one. I think Amy Schumer

4:44

should have left. Even though she's the one who invited us

4:46

to brunch. But you know what though, you know what was

4:48

crazy about that? We played, considered the source and every single

4:51

person got it right. Do you remember that bitch? Strangers.

4:54

Wait, can you remind me again what

4:56

that one is? So consider the sources. When we

4:58

all take our quotes. Yeah, we take our pants

5:00

and panties off. Oh yeah, I do remember that.

5:05

No, you know what I'm talking about.

5:07

It's like you say, okay, choose

5:10

a number. Yes. 21 and 10. You

5:12

close your eyes. Yes, oh my God. Yeah, I

5:14

remember now. Okay, okay. But when

5:16

you're given a category by a stranger that

5:19

you don't know, they say supermodels from the

5:21

80s and the number is six. Yeah.

5:25

How do you like let

5:27

that person know that everybody got

5:29

it right? The first time, four,

5:32

seven, it was crazy. I can't believe that

5:34

I got, I know that I'm

5:36

smart but I am surprised I got it right. It

5:39

was, I was kind of nervous during that

5:41

breakfast because you guys remember that we went

5:43

to the wrong place at first when we

5:45

were in that cafeteria. We went

5:48

to a cafeteria that had closed

5:50

last year. No, because Meg

5:52

was our, you were our end to the

5:54

celebrity world. And so you were

5:56

like, girls, we're gonna brunch. And

5:59

we got all the celebrity. I was like, how

6:01

do you feel about going to brunch with

6:03

Amy Schumer? Well, I love, obviously her, but

6:05

I love Alex Edelman too. So I was like,

6:08

oh my gosh, love him. And I

6:10

was like, and Meg is, she's got us hooked

6:12

up. It felt amazing to do the invite. And

6:14

then it all fell apart when we got to

6:16

the first location. We're

6:18

going to go to a fruit truck in the

6:20

Bronx. And I think we waited for about 35

6:22

minutes. And then I pictured, I

6:25

can't picture her coming in here. And then

6:27

we called her and we're like, where are

6:29

you? Why aren't you here? And

6:31

she was like, I'm at the location where

6:33

the bunches. I started shaking. I was really

6:36

nervous. I'm at the nice place, you fucking

6:38

dirt bag. We were at like the hotel

6:40

closed cafeteria. It was like the lobby where

6:42

they had, it was the lobby where they

6:44

had. It was like the foyer where they

6:47

have the little fruit water. Right? We

6:50

just pulled up. Well, I figured I have to sing.

6:52

So I was getting ready. You guys felt distant from

6:54

me when we went in there. Cause I thought you

6:56

knew that something was off. And so you started pulling

6:59

away from me. But once we got to the real

7:01

place, I wish I was closer to you because I

7:03

was seated right next to Amy's Joomer. And I was

7:05

like, oh my God, this person's like a billionaire super

7:07

big star. And then she's like, so

7:09

what's, what's, what's your deal? I was like, well,

7:11

I'm gay. I'm a cross dresser. Yeah. That's

7:15

what I just said. I'm gay. Don't make

7:17

me explain it. I was at a wedding last weekend and I

7:19

was talking to an older gentleman who didn't know. And he was

7:21

like, what can I entertain? Entertainment do you do? And I said,

7:23

Oh drag. And I saw him look like explain.

7:26

It was like, all right. Now I have

7:28

to explain it. No version of explaining drag sounds

7:31

good. So I said, I'm a cross

7:33

dresser at the wedding function. That sounds

7:35

worse. I'm a little

7:37

crossy. I'm a little crossy girl. Like Tootsie.

7:39

Yeah. Well, I bend over. I push my

7:41

sack all the way back. And then I

7:43

put on a little maid outfit and I

7:45

go, ooh. You know, Don't

7:47

you think if you would have showed them a

7:49

picture of that you in

7:52

your, your big look, but the

7:54

look was big. You

7:57

feel like your big wig. Oh, right. Don't

8:00

you think that I would have rang a bell? You're

8:02

so famous. Well then I'm, but then you know what

8:04

it feels like? It feels like you're putting your wedding

8:06

ring out and you're going, see that? It's

8:08

worth 40 grand. How about, I don't know.

8:10

It's like, I know I'm hot and then he would have

8:13

been Jerking it. Jerking it. Yeah. So.

8:16

Stone hard as steel. Do you know what else happened?

8:18

I know we're supposed to ask you questions, but do

8:20

you know what else happened? Last weekend, I was in,

8:22

yeah, wait. This was

8:24

two days ago. I was coming back from a college

8:26

gig, Carnegie Malone. How many gigs have you done in

8:28

the last three days? That's the problem with going on

8:30

break. When you come back, they get you on the

8:33

tricycle. So Carnegie Mellon,

8:35

the little college gig, you guys have done college

8:37

gigs. It's always kind of early and weird.

8:40

People don't really come to mine. Oh good. But

8:42

you still get paid. Yes. Yeah.

8:44

Yeah. I think it's fun when they

8:46

don't come like an empty room. Oh shit. That gay

8:49

straight alliance pays out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

8:52

Three people, 300, doesn't matter. Well she's paid by the

8:54

straight gay alliance. I know

8:56

she's on the spectrum. You

8:58

thought I was straight. I knew you did. I

9:01

don't know. She clams. I guess I

9:03

assume that was wrong with me. My shirt says Tiva on

9:05

it. Oh, I've got

9:07

the big honking dyke shirt for you. Oh,

9:09

I'm so excited. Yeah. But I

9:11

have one for you too. Perfect. I

9:13

want a really big one with three head holes. We get

9:15

all going. Mary, it's funny because the one they gave me,

9:17

I was going to gift to her. And the one they

9:19

gave you was like a three X. And

9:22

I was like, damn. They always be doing this shit.

9:24

So dirty. I was coming back from the college gig

9:26

and my driver, the night of the election, a

9:28

driver goes to me. So

9:30

can I ask, what is it that you

9:32

do? I'm in

9:34

full drag in the backseat. Oh shit.

9:36

I'm a dental hygienist. Yeah. Medical billions

9:38

expert. Yeah. I'm a medical transcriptionist.

9:40

I get to make my own hours and work from home. I

9:44

sell leggings. Wait,

9:47

wait. So you do, I know what you do for

9:49

a living. And it is really like

9:51

my favorite thing. So I've watched every fucking episode

9:53

of Hex three times. What about you Trixie? How

9:55

many times? You know

9:57

what? I watched one. I watched the first one.

10:01

And she went, no, I don't watch one of my

10:03

television programs. Did you like when I popped in and

10:05

said something sassy? Yes. That's the only

10:08

person I like. I was like, no, her, you know,

10:10

and I watched television for that moment. You don't like

10:12

Jean. Well, she doesn't like me.

10:14

We have a long, well, you know, I'm obsessed with

10:16

her because of Watchmen. Do you

10:18

have a feud with Jean? No,

10:20

I'm obsessed with her because of Watchmen. Yeah.

10:23

She pulls that blue dildo out. Yeah. I

10:25

actually haven't seen Watchmen. Well, oh wow. I

10:27

wasn't that, so I wasn't. I

10:31

mean, I've been a fan of her since

10:33

Charlene designing women. I know. I

10:35

thought she was so hot. She is. She

10:37

smells so hot. She is. Yeah.

10:40

She smells really good. Charlene. What

10:42

does she smell like? Charlene. Not

10:44

Charlene. She smells like a beautiful perfume. Like

10:46

a, like, um, like a- Floral, fruity? Yeah.

10:50

Like a really strong, but not

10:52

too strong. But floral or fruity? It's like,

10:54

uh, both. It's kind of umami. It's like,

10:56

um, it smells like, uh, like I remember

10:59

the first time I smelled her, I

11:01

was like,

11:04

whoa, like. Did she

11:06

know you were smelling her?

11:08

She just came up behind you. She

11:11

likes to like, she'll like rub your, oh,

11:13

sorry. She'll rub your arm or, you know,

11:15

like she'll just be like, oh,

11:17

she's always hugging and, um, and

11:20

she just smells really good. Like

11:22

a fancy, fancy like woman, woman's

11:24

perfume. I love that. Yeah. Kayla

11:27

is my favorite character and Kayla and Jimmy's

11:29

relationship over the two. Me too. Yeah.

11:32

No, I'm telling you that whenever my mom came

11:34

into visit and we watched the whole series and

11:37

she was so obsessed with Kayla and Jimmy

11:39

by the last on the plane scene where

11:41

it looks like he's proposing, we were

11:44

like screaming. That

11:47

scene was so fucking funny. Where

11:49

like, um, where Jimmy's like, I'm, I'm

11:51

not a woman or something. Whatever, you know, she's screaming

11:53

woman. She's really good in that scene. It's hard to

11:55

get a little extras like that who have those moments

11:57

that are so good, knocked it out of the park.

11:59

I just couldn't believe she was the killer.

12:01

I thought that was like a weird

12:04

kind of like, whoa. How

12:06

did you get on this program? Well, first of all,

12:08

I want to say that means a lot to me that you watch

12:10

it and it means a lot to me that you'd have me on

12:12

the podcast even though you haven't seen it. But it's, first

12:15

of all, I haven't seen, I

12:18

haven't seen every inch of hacks. You

12:20

don't always see every inch of the show you're in, right? Right.

12:22

But you see most of it. I've

12:25

seen every centimeter of that. Well,

12:27

you offer us as purveyors of

12:29

your content many ways in which

12:31

to experience you. Instagram. Well, also,

12:33

live performances. I saw this video

12:36

of you recently doing an onstage meet and greet.

12:38

Oh, do you want to explain what that is? Pointing. Yeah.

12:41

I feel like some people were mad. What the f? Who

12:43

did the f does she think

12:45

she is fat bitch? I'm

12:47

like, okay, well, it's a stand up show. I

12:51

was seated and people were walking

12:53

across. Yeah. And you pointed at

12:55

them, but they couldn't across. And

12:58

also, they could also do no, right? Which

13:00

I love. It was like, you're going to slow. You're going

13:02

to actually word me a bad job. And

13:05

someone came up and you screamed like

13:07

they went up to like, say, I love you. They

13:09

got too close. They got

13:11

too close. Try to grab me. I did just a meet and

13:14

greet in my stand up show and I and I had my

13:17

two friends, Karen, Maddie,

13:20

who was a couple be twins. So sometimes they'd

13:22

kiss throughout the show and their twins, but they're

13:24

not in real life. And then I told them

13:26

to help me do sort

13:28

of a meet and greet and had the table set up and it

13:30

took a long time to set it up. And then but

13:33

I thought it was worth it. Oh, I

13:35

saw a dynasty typewriter. Okay, an ion binder.

13:38

Her set was so deranged. She comes out.

13:41

She is singing a song. The

13:44

first she starts like the first bar of

13:46

a song and then continues and

13:48

then continues and then says it over and

13:50

over. It was like it was so funny

13:53

me and the girl I was like, wedding

13:55

ourselves. It was so crazy.

13:58

I was like, wow, the normal. person was here? I

14:01

don't know that I don't know what they would think

14:03

of this person. I think that's fun though. I

14:05

like when people are there not understanding it.

14:08

It was and you like people like if anybody went

14:10

to the bathroom you would call them out. It was

14:12

so like aggressive but

14:14

also very playful and confrontational. But I feel

14:16

like I've seen so much of your stand-up

14:18

on the internet, the YouTube, so if people

14:20

are fans of you from that do they

14:22

really show up and get confused by the

14:25

media? Well

14:27

I think that some people just go to like

14:29

show like feel like in LA especially they'll just

14:31

like show up because they want to

14:34

see like stand-up and they won't know

14:36

or like someone will bring their friend

14:38

and the friend doesn't know. I think

14:40

people understand more now that I've performed a

14:42

lot and it's online but. The problem

14:44

is you put David Spade on the sign

14:47

and then they yeah whoopi Goldberg yeah they're

14:50

in the role of whoopi Goldberg tonight is

14:52

Meg Salter. If I went to the laugh

14:54

factory and saw you I'd be like this

14:56

deranged person. I don't really do clubs

14:58

anymore. I like to be in a

15:00

theater because I did

15:02

that for years where they wouldn't get it fully and

15:04

be like mad at me. I used to have this

15:06

bit where I'd have fake blood in my mouth and

15:08

I'd come out on stage and it was at the

15:10

laugh factory and I would open

15:12

my mouth and be like hi guys sorry

15:15

if my mouth bleeds tonight just because I'm

15:17

nervous but I'm not nervous tonight so it

15:19

probably won't happen and everyone was dead silent

15:22

and someone went is she okay like it was

15:24

like it was at the laugh factory in Chicago

15:26

so it was like the whole audience was like

15:28

straight like out of town people and but

15:30

I and then there's my community like my friend

15:33

in the back was laughing so hard he was

15:35

like crying. See there you go there

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brazen. You get up there and you're not afraid

18:32

of a response. That's like, what's going on? I

18:35

love that brass cajones on this. Something

18:37

really scary happened to me at a show recently at the logo.

18:40

So it was a Halloween show and I was dressed as Jamie

18:43

Lee Curtis, like, but Dom

18:45

version like or Dom. No,

18:47

no. Like BDSM.

18:50

Sorry. I was

18:52

going to say Dom, like, Dominate Tricks.

18:55

I was dressed as Dom Jamie Lee

18:57

Curtis. No,

19:00

it's like a like a BDSM woman. Like I had

19:02

a dog leash on me and this

19:05

guy in the back of the room stood

19:07

up by the door for like 40 minutes.

19:09

Like he was just standing there like he wanted to kill

19:11

me and I the whole time I was talking about

19:14

it, but the venue didn't know I was kidding because

19:16

I always do jokes like that. So

19:18

I was like, okay, he's still standing back there.

19:20

Okay, he's going to rush the stage. He's reaching

19:22

for his pocket. Hopefully he doesn't have a weapon.

19:24

But the whole venue thought I was kidding. Oh,

19:26

God. I understand. It's like I because

19:29

I'm always like sit down. Oh, come on. Piss

19:31

it off the pot. Don't go to the bathroom

19:33

during my set. But he wouldn't leave like he

19:35

was just standing in the back like

19:37

the whole show. I thought he was going to

19:39

kill me. And then my girlfriend went and got someone in.

19:43

I feel like you would have you could have deescalated that real

19:45

quick, though. You would have it would have

19:47

turned into a fierce bit. He would if he tried to kill me.

19:49

Yeah. Like you would have felt engaged or something. Oh,

19:52

yeah. I think you've got fully stabbed. When you're walking

19:54

on stage with blood coming out of your mouth to start.

19:57

It's a little bit crying wolf. Yeah, I know.

19:59

I know. Oh, I know. Faking

20:01

your own death would be really cunty. If

20:03

I got shot on stage, which I don't want to do,

20:06

by the way, do you

20:08

think people would think it was planned as a

20:10

joke? Depends on the firearm. I'm

20:14

so un-scared of, too. Shotgun, hard to fake.

20:16

If you were in front of the opera and I

20:18

dropped a chandelier on you, the audience would be like,

20:21

Yeah. Because they know that that's going to happen. That's

20:23

my dream. A piano dropped on me. So if you

20:25

do blood on the mouth and then you really start

20:28

bleeding on the mouth and then you're like, I'm

20:30

gonna die. No one's going to say anything. But

20:32

if a man's choking me, I bet eventually someone

20:34

will be like, wait a second. The body contact

20:36

is that's people won't, you're fucked

20:40

because they'll think it's a bit. Or maybe they'll think

20:42

it's coming. Yeah, it's like, oh, this is a bit,

20:44

oh, it's also sexy. This is a rabbit. Well, it

20:46

was crazy that no one left because people

20:48

did get really scared during the show because I

20:50

kept talking about it. What did he look like?

20:52

A big, big white guy, scary, standing,

20:57

not moving an inch. Did he have a gun? Did

21:00

he work at the venue? Cause you know,

21:02

sometimes they have ushers standing. You know that.

21:04

Oh, wait. Get

21:07

a credit card machine, but he's holding a really weird.

21:09

He was standing in the ticket booth and he kept

21:11

saying, show me your ticket. He was standing in the

21:13

back. I said, I was like, you come here, go

21:15

in. You come here, go in. You're standing back there.

21:17

You come in here, go in. And he was like,

21:19

I'm waiting for people to come back from the bathroom

21:21

so I could go sit down. I'm like, cool. That's

21:23

actually good. You want to see what's gonna

21:25

happen in the show. Awesome.

21:28

Amazing fan. And

21:30

then he just stayed there when

21:32

people came back from the bathroom and I

21:34

was like, okay, you're still there. That's not

21:36

scary at all. He's not scary at all.

21:39

But people were laughing cause I was making

21:41

it funny, I guess, but it

21:44

was scary and I couldn't really do anything. Probably

21:46

a lymphatic drainage thing. He didn't

21:48

want to get big. I was scared that something

21:50

medical was happening. Like I was like,

21:52

oh my God, what if he couldn't sit? And he

21:55

died. His legs were straight for forever. Oh, right,

21:57

right, right. You're shaming him for having no knees.

21:59

Yeah. But no damn

22:01

he eventually was asked to leave and he was yelling

22:06

Well, he just was like, I don't

22:09

know I

22:15

think he was saying like I'm allowed to stay I don't

22:17

know what he said But you

22:19

know what was embarrassing is that I was dressed

22:21

as Jamie Lee Curtis and then my friend Caitlin

22:23

Riley was coming out as Demi Moore and I

22:25

was gonna interview her about the substance So she

22:27

had to do the whole interview like right after

22:29

that happened and she didn't know that all that

22:31

happened So it like didn't go that well. She

22:33

was being so funny and she has like a

22:36

raspy voice to be Demi. She is amazing Who's

22:41

the Caitlin Riley well, I found her on tiktok and then

22:44

we saw her in we saw her

22:46

in some Netflix program I saw her in she's

22:48

so funny. She does like this wasp mom character.

22:50

That's amazing She does like that quirky

22:52

lady from a film or like that mom from

22:54

an indie film She does all these cares are

22:56

Netflix. What was the show? I forget what I

22:58

forget She played a little little tiny person shrunk

23:00

down. What do you know? No,

23:03

no, no, she was the character was like this big

23:05

in a glass jar. Oh, oh, you thought I didn't

23:07

know Oh, no,

23:09

she played a normal sized body person who

23:11

was little. Okay. What was it

23:13

in teeny tiny people? teeny

23:15

tiny people Netflix

23:18

presents really really small tiny people also, I feel bad

23:21

you asked me how I got hacks How

23:23

I would love to know and I think

23:25

I actually did a really bad audition

23:27

tape for it And it was really feeling bad and

23:29

I was wearing a bad outfit and it was like

23:32

my dogs My brother's dogs were

23:34

like barking the background, but I met Paul in a

23:36

stand-up show and we hit it off So I think

23:38

that helped. I'm sure love my

23:40

tape was really bad. I love

23:42

him. He's so funny. So hot He's

23:45

really maybe now watch his people Mary.

23:47

He's funny. He's smart and he has

23:50

incredible skin. Yeah, he does He's

23:52

really funny at improv too. God. He's so

23:55

sweet. You're gonna love hacks You

23:58

know, people have told me that they're jealous because

24:00

they wish they could watch it for the first time again. So

24:03

I'm very horny to watch this. Oh, mommy,

24:05

you're gonna fucking love it. You're gonna love it.

24:07

It's so country. This will be the only television program I

24:10

watch. This is gonna be huge. I actually think you

24:12

will really like it. No, it's the,

24:14

I don't watch a lot of television. It's no disrespect

24:16

to you or Jean or anybody. Or

24:19

anybody. Well, to

24:21

be fair, she got me to watch it. To be fair,

24:23

I don't enjoy comedies. No,

24:26

but to be fair, I don't enjoy comedies usually because I

24:28

don't find them funny. The

24:30

hacks is actually very funny. It's also

24:33

very poignant. Very well written.

24:35

That means a lot because I love you guys so much.

24:38

And how did you find us the internet?

24:41

I think. Back page. We found you on

24:43

the internet, I think. I just found you

24:46

on the internet. And I watched

24:48

your documentary. Oh, God. And it made me

24:50

cry. And I was really like, felt

24:53

close to you. And I think

24:55

I just saw like, I think like videos

24:57

of the podcast. And then I started listening.

25:00

Oh, was it when you had cancer? Yeah,

25:02

it all. That's usually how people find

25:04

us. I was gonna do a

25:06

joke about, yeah. And then I thought all of

25:08

a sudden deadline article, Megan had cancer. No,

25:11

no, no, I didn't have that. And then it's like, okay,

25:13

well, I just ruined your joke. Right. No,

25:16

go on sabbatical. You get the news

25:18

coverage of your life. Seriously, front page

25:21

news. Woman takes a break. Woman takes

25:23

so much into the world. Yeah, I wasn't there one about you

25:25

that was like, Trixie sees memes that she missed. ABC

25:28

reported. Struggling drag star takes a step

25:30

back. And the video's like me DJing.

25:32

DJing, DJing in a pink, in a

25:34

giant wig with pink, like tons of

25:36

pink blush. Oh my God. Well, I

25:38

definitely found you guys through the podcast.

25:40

I actually never watched really drag

25:42

race until I was gonna be one of

25:45

the guest judges. And then I watched some

25:47

of it. I'm just too, I

25:49

was always too far behind of like the rules of

25:51

the show. Right. So that it was hard

25:53

to catch up. Yeah, usually they just look

25:56

like a woman and do the, like do

25:58

that. That's the reason. Well, I love drag. but

26:00

I just never got into the rules of

26:02

the show. Which episode did you guest judge?

26:05

One of the ones, hmm. What were they doing?

26:08

Let's think about it. There's still a

26:10

lot, oh, there was an old lady dance. Okay.

26:13

The rock star crew. Okay.

26:15

Oh, yeah. An old lady dance. Was it

26:17

Rue or Michelle? It was Rue. I

26:20

think it's, was God make there, do

26:22

you remember a white face person? No.

26:24

Really? No, no, no. It

26:27

wasn't, it was- I think you should clarify what the white

26:29

face is. I mean like, white face. It

26:32

was Rue and then, but it was

26:35

also, Michelle was there too. So

26:38

old ladies, there was drag queens, there

26:40

was cameras, there

26:43

was drag, but there were also queens. Wait,

26:46

I thought you said it wasn't Rue or Michelle. I was

26:48

like, well, both of them were there. No,

26:50

you said old lady dancing and I was like, which one? Oh,

26:54

yeah. Well, guess what? I was really bad at

26:56

yelling up the catch phrases. So I had to

26:58

do a bunch at the end because I'm not

27:00

gonna, oh, honey, those shoes,

27:02

you gotta throw those out and give

27:04

her some slippers. So

27:07

I just made up one at the end,

27:09

but I'm not, how do you do that

27:12

while they're walking? Like, oh, yeah, cuntaholic. We've

27:15

never been asked to judge, so we don't know.

27:18

No, in puns on the fly. I'm not a

27:20

pun girl. But I love that. Oh, girl, you're

27:22

looking a little ugly. Maybe change that outfit, like

27:24

now. While they're walking? I know that it's probably

27:27

all puns and you're like, I don't

27:29

like it. Yeah. Ooh,

27:31

blue sky, turtleneck. Yeah, that looks

27:33

bad. Also, I was terrified that they were

27:35

gonna say one at the same time I was trying to say one.

27:38

And then I was like, oh, oh, you go. Like, that's so awkward.

27:40

Did you have somebody in your ear? No. We

27:42

just interrupt each other. We don't worry about who's

27:44

talking. No. Yeah. But Rue was, I would have

27:46

been scared to interrupt her. Well, she'll hit you.

27:49

Yeah. Yeah, I heard her yell about something. What's

27:51

she yell about? Well, I should, I don't know if

27:53

I should, I'm not saying anything bad about it. We'll

27:56

edit it out. Raise your voice. Okay. She said, she

27:58

said, come on, people. I'm in a corset. I thought

28:01

she must have said that. Very

28:03

fair. Valid. I think she wanted to

28:05

wrap it up or something. Or they wanted to redo

28:07

the dance and she was like, come on, I'm in

28:09

a corset. So it's actually not mean of her. She

28:11

just was telling everyone she was uncomfortable. 75 years old.

28:14

Sometimes it's all picked up like that. Get her a snack.

28:17

Sometimes I walk in and will say

28:19

like, this outfit's really uncomfortable. I

28:22

have about this much time. Yes. I

28:24

was gonna say I'm not talking bad about her because literally

28:26

I would be so uncomfortable. I can't wear a corset for

28:28

more than one second. I'll pass out. I

28:30

have a question about drag. When you did the

28:32

Elf hydration, Elf Holy hydration, I love that moisturizer.

28:34

I've been using it for like two years. Love

28:36

her. And I saw

28:38

you in the ad and you had those

28:41

hair horns on. Did that hurt? Cause that's

28:43

like clipped into your real hair. Oh, well

28:45

my hairstylist Clayton Hawkins is so incredible. And

28:47

he made it like a headband. So

28:50

he made the horns a headband, but also

28:52

all of the hair is fake, but it looks like

28:54

mine. Cause it's like, well, I mean, it

28:56

looks a little better than mine, but it's fake

28:58

hair, which did hurt. Cause like the clip

29:01

ins kind of hurt eventually. The

29:03

horns not too much cause it's like headband. Cause

29:05

that's what I did during Halloween. You

29:08

were clipping extensions. No, I wore headband of horns.

29:12

Oh, she was the devil. Yeah. You

29:14

were the devil. I showed my midriff. Scary.

29:17

I want to see a picture of that. I'll show it to you

29:19

later. Oh. Today's

29:24

episode of all in the beautiful sponsored by

29:27

Airbnb. Y'all the holidays are upon us. I

29:29

have to tell you guys, I had not

29:31

been to Wasaki, Wisconsin in so many years

29:33

since pre COVID and I went up there

29:35

last month. And of course my whole family

29:37

moved to Milwaukee. You guys know I bought

29:39

my mama house. And so everyone lives in

29:41

Milwaukee now. So I had nowhere to stay.

29:43

And there's not even like hotels in that

29:46

area. It's such a small area. So I

29:48

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29:51

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29:53

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29:55

it so easy. Her cabin was beautiful. So

29:59

exactly where it was. the wifi, the

30:01

heating, and it was like a family cabin. So

30:03

it had a bunch of like, you know, DVDs.

30:06

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with your family. It was perfect

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for staying a couple of days. It had

30:13

everything for cooking. It had knives, like because

30:15

it's a real family's cabin, I didn't have

30:17

to bring anything. In my suitcase, I packed

30:19

a pan. I packed like a spatula

30:21

because I thought it'd be cooking breakfast and they had all

30:23

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30:25

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30:28

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30:30

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30:32

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30:34

kids' beds being used and stuff, it was just like,

30:36

I had a full bedroom. It was like perfect, perfect

30:38

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31:47

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available for prescriptions. People

34:37

are mad at my costume. For the

34:39

commercial? No, for Halloween. I was Ariana

34:42

Grande and my girlfriend was the boyfriend,

34:44

the redhead guy. Ed Sheeran? The Spongebob

34:46

guy? No, yeah, the Spongebob guy. What

34:48

is his name? Ed Sheeran. Ethan. Ethan

34:51

Hawke. Well,

34:54

Ethan Slater. And so we were a

34:57

celebrity couple, but people were mad because

34:59

they thought we were... Did you

35:01

guys see Pettier since the Halloween

35:03

costume? What did she dress

35:06

up as? I

35:08

didn't see it. Oh, Michael

35:10

Jackson? With

35:13

the baby. With the contouring and

35:15

stuff, with the contouring, the plastic

35:17

surgery contouring and the baby. She

35:20

actually did a really good job. Did you

35:22

read her apology? She wrote an apology. I

35:24

hope she... Oh, but it's like jokes. It's so

35:26

funny. I go through hell apologizing. I hate apologizing

35:28

for my costume. That bitch is so funny. She

35:31

is deranged. Do you

35:33

guys think that people should apologize online when

35:35

someone's mad or do you think it almost

35:37

makes them even more mad at you? I

35:40

think the only way to

35:42

apologize is to do it on parchment with

35:44

calligraphy and a quilt. And if people have

35:46

the patience to wait for it, then it's

35:48

good. If not, don't bother. Seriously, what are

35:50

you gonna apologize about? Hitting somebody with your

35:52

car? Right. Well, then you should. But

35:55

online only. Yeah, never to the family.

35:57

Never to the family. Just hit somebody.

35:59

A story post. A story post. Sometimes

36:02

people get more mad at someone that

36:04

apologizes. They were mad at chapel for

36:07

saying there's problems on both sides politically.

36:09

And then they were mad that she

36:11

was trying to explain, no, I'm obviously

36:13

not voting for Trump. And

36:16

people are still mad at her. Hard to get nuance

36:18

across online. Yeah. That's why you just show my

36:20

tits. People will get mad at us for saying

36:22

we aren't voting. People will get mad at us

36:24

saying who we're voting for. They

36:27

got mad at you. You wouldn't believe the

36:29

vitriol hurled at this color. Right. And

36:32

people hate this. They hate this more

36:34

than. They hate this more

36:36

than like certain world wars. Why? I

36:38

saw on the pod. You were like, sorry, our

36:40

sets ugly. Well, guess what? We love it. And

36:43

I thought, well, I don't know why you're saying it's ugly

36:45

because I love it. Because we're ready for the, you know,

36:47

what is it? I love that color. They

36:50

go fans like you because

36:53

our fans are ready at any moment.

36:55

They've gone to the Netflix comments and

36:57

said, oh, love this red. Thank God

36:59

it's not blue. They've infiltrated

37:02

the other areas of our content. Are they

37:04

ever like, I hate moisturizer, bitch, or whatever

37:06

they say to you. They were really mad

37:08

at my Pantene commercial and I had to

37:10

silence the comments because they were going, oh,

37:14

that's it's bad for your hair. Well,

37:16

number one. Yeah, probably. Number

37:19

two, I still used it. So

37:21

I don't have a problem being a commercial for something I

37:23

actually use. So you look

37:25

so pretty. Your hair is kind

37:28

of your, I mean, your hair is so beautiful to always wear

37:30

it very long like this. Oh, well,

37:32

actually speaking of Pantene, they chopped my hair

37:34

off for the commercial. And so it took

37:36

me a long time to grow it back.

37:39

So they cut it like a lot like this much.

37:42

So up to my breasts. Right. And it's good to have

37:45

just enough to cover the nipple in case you want to

37:47

go topless. I know, but they didn't make that much. They

37:49

didn't make you go topless for Pantene. Interesting.

37:51

That would be so funny. That would be

37:53

great. That'd be like blurred out. Or like

37:55

a hair bra. That

37:58

would be a good hair commercial. I think I'm

38:00

allowed to talk about that now because I think it's

38:03

over the campaign, but also I'm

38:05

not saying anything bad. I still use Pantene. I

38:08

love Pantene. I would get paid for selling something

38:10

I didn't even know. Except on this

38:12

podcast, like you would never do that. Oh,

38:14

you're gonna love these grenades. You know what

38:16

I mean? I just, I don't know. Five

38:18

dollars. Would you sell like a hair product

38:20

that would make people's hair fall out? Yes,

38:23

I'm bald. There is something I said

38:25

no to. A couple years ago,

38:27

they asked me to do a campaign for Jenny Craig.

38:30

For who? Jenny Craig.

38:33

Oh, Jenny Craig? What

38:35

does that mean? I wanna know

38:37

what the- I forgot. The email is

38:40

probably like, hey girlie, hey you pig

38:42

plus size diva. Hey big ass bitch.

38:44

Hey. Your tits

38:46

are ass and wait. There's

38:49

no waste in sight. You love to sell

38:51

this. We fucking love you, you fat bitch.

38:54

Also they're kind of saying like, you'd

38:57

make a great before photo. Oh, I know. They're kind

38:59

of saying that right now. I know and so what

39:01

was saddest by me, I had to call and was

39:03

like, hey this one's weird. You

39:05

know what I mean? I've got that

39:07

call. I remember being like- This one's weird. Yeah,

39:09

you know what I said no. I

39:12

actually think now I would do it as a

39:14

joke. Sorry, I would. But I think then I

39:16

actually felt like, what if

39:18

I'm encouraging like bad diet culture?

39:21

Yeah. I mean, I've

39:23

got recently there's been interest

39:25

in me doing an anti-smoking thing. And I'm like,

39:28

well, do I have to quit smoking? Oh,

39:30

you're- I think I would think that's

39:32

the- Yeah, I think that's probably- That means they want

39:34

you to stop. And so they're saying we'll pay you

39:37

to stop. That could be horny. Mama, I'll

39:39

tell you the details later. It's extremely horny. You should

39:41

do it. You should quit. What if you really like

39:43

it? What if it really helps you? How are they

39:45

gonna know if I'm gonna- Just sneak a couple here

39:47

and there. You're smoking in secret? Wait, are they gonna

39:49

chase my blood? This is the Catherine

39:51

Heigl of the drag community. Yeah, mama, somebody's

39:53

got to smoke. I'm gonna do it. Wait,

39:56

that's interesting that you're getting offers for non-smoking

39:58

when you do- The first time was donor's

40:01

night. They want to use the program to

40:03

quit. The inspiration. They

40:05

want a success story. It's like, oh, see that

40:07

snuggle tooth orphan? And now she's a, you know.

40:09

They wanted you to quit. They wanted me to

40:11

lose a little bit of weight, but not that

40:13

much. Notice they didn't ask you to quit meth.

40:15

They were like, that's not gonna take. All the

40:17

hard drugs, that's fine. We just need that nicotine

40:19

out of there. So if you're losing weight for

40:21

money, you're quitting smoking for money, I

40:23

hope that I can perhaps grow hair or get boobs.

40:26

Oh my God, you got big,

40:28

big hair. Huge and curly, like

40:30

a perm, like Ryan. Yeah. You

40:33

need to be the face of the hair

40:35

club for men, but the toupee, like the

40:37

systems. Well, we've done that on

40:39

this channel. We've done hymns on this channel. No,

40:42

no, I'm talking like an installed unit on

40:44

her head. What do you think of the men with

40:46

the units? The toupees, the wigs, the units. Like,

40:48

are you talking about when they glue it down?

40:51

Absolutely. Or no? Oh, I

40:53

think that, first of all, I think it's hot

40:55

when people are bald. Okay. And

40:58

so I don't know, like if I was

41:00

dating someone that was gluing their hair, I'd just

41:02

be like, why don't you not do it? Right.

41:04

Why go through the trouble? Yeah. Because

41:06

like also imagine how uncomfortable glue on your head all

41:08

the time. But imagine the satisfaction of

41:10

having a beautiful hairstyle. Well,

41:13

yeah, I guess I think wigs

41:15

are fun though. So it's like, why not be bald and

41:17

like put on a wig and not just glue it down?

41:19

Yeah. Yeah. I think

41:21

it's the, they don't, they really want to keep it secret.

41:23

They don't want to be open about it. Well, when you

41:25

see a guy with the toupee to meet, remember that scene

41:27

in Austin Powers where he's like, moly, moly, moly. And he like,

41:29

can't I talk about them all? When I

41:31

noticed the hair is fake, the

41:34

guy, whoever, the he, the he, they is talking

41:36

to me, whoever, and they're nodding and

41:38

talking to me. And I'm like, whatever

41:40

they're saying, I can't hear and all I can think of

41:42

is grabbing it. Like pulling it. Or

41:45

just like pulling it down over their eyes. Yeah. Wait,

41:48

do you guys think I could go full blonde and want to

41:50

change everything for me? I think it would be a huge disaster.

41:53

Well, I think you're so gorgeous. Well, I

41:55

actually feel like I used to think like,

41:57

Oh, blonde would be everything, but I got.

41:59

I got a couple blonde highlights and I

42:02

actually look better darker. Mama, you're better.

42:04

I love your hair. Oh, thank you. That means a lot

42:06

to me. I think darker the better for me. Stunning brunettes.

42:08

That's what we need in this world. Yeah,

42:11

we need more brunettes. You always do your own

42:13

glam, the makeup. No, but

42:15

today I did. Does it look good? Yeah,

42:17

it looks great. I feel like your personal style

42:19

with the makeup, when did you start doing

42:21

the wing? When did you like start doing that? I will

42:23

say, looking at old videos,

42:26

people thought my makeup being bad was part

42:28

of the character. They'd

42:30

be like, oh my God, the makeup, the

42:33

makeup's not, I had this on today and it

42:35

was pretty bad. You should hear the shit drag

42:37

queens say to us about the things we wear and

42:39

do. I love how you just go out wearing anything,

42:41

girl. You're so courageous. You're

42:44

so funny. Are they kind of, I

42:46

was gonna ask, I'm not good at roast

42:48

jokes. Is that kind of what they're doing

42:51

there? It's an unintentional, it's a backhanded

42:53

compliment. Heavy on the backhand. You

42:55

come out in a gown, beat a gown, you're

42:57

like, I'm this thing. And somebody goes, you are

42:59

hilarious. And you go, oh, okay,

43:01

good. There was someone that did that to

43:03

me and Hannah. I won't say who,

43:05

but at a photo shoot, she kept being like, oh

43:08

my God, you two are so funny. We were

43:10

like trying to model and they were like, you

43:12

guys don't even have to do anything and you're

43:14

cracking my ass up. And we

43:17

literally looked gorgeous. I was

43:19

like, I don't even know what we're doing wrong. And

43:21

they shoot, at one point she was like, oh,

43:23

come on, don't do that, Meg. And

43:26

I was literally posing. You're

43:29

like, and they're like, girl,

43:31

stop. You're doing too much. I'm just doing

43:34

normal face for once. And I'm like, so

43:38

I get that. Do you like doing photo shoots? I

43:40

do, but I like it when it's-

43:43

It's really good. Because you're gonna

43:45

have to do it for a long time. So if you hate that-

43:47

I do like it. I like it, but I don't want

43:49

it to be funny photo shoot. I just want it to

43:51

be hot. You don't want a carry in your mouth. I'm

43:53

not trying to be like, pfft. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like

43:55

the cover of your comedy book.

44:00

Right. Yeah. Right. That's how we feel. We don't

44:02

ever in the picture are like, you know what

44:04

face I hate? Like in drag when it's always

44:06

like that. I can't describe it as anything but

44:08

like a brunch drag face like it's

44:11

like, it's like, like I hate that

44:13

shit. You never do that, though. You

44:15

always do. She does this. Yeah.

44:18

Or sometimes with the mouth open. I

44:20

struggle to find sexy every single time. I have

44:22

no one always looks sexy. It's

44:25

always a struggle out there. It's

44:27

so bad. This is my sister. I love

44:29

her. She walks out there. Doesn't

44:32

know what a camera is. She takes out her. They.

44:39

I start banging it against the table during a. Are you

44:41

trying to. No, but I just don't know what I'm doing.

44:44

And panic. She goes and go. I don't know what

44:46

to do. I literally I'm like, I did the drag.

44:49

I have the hair on. That's like I did it

44:51

now. What? Yeah. I don't know how to do it.

44:54

Do they do the fans for your long hair? Do you like I

44:57

do like when they do that? It makes me

44:59

feel I get like really into it. I really

45:01

do like a photo shoot. It's fun. Do you

45:03

ever get like a really gay photographer who's like,

45:05

yes, bitch, you fucking bitch. You're such a bitch.

45:08

I actually don't know if I've had that. Do you

45:10

get the gay? I wouldn't mind that. I like that.

45:12

It's great energy. Oh, if it's too much, then it

45:14

makes me like, wait, wait, he's kidding. He's like laughing

45:16

at me. Yeah. Do you get the gay guys yelling

45:18

crazy shit at you? Hi,

45:20

gay. Yeah. I think

45:22

hi, gay. Unavoidable. Though lately when people

45:24

ask for a picture, I'm a little

45:26

bit more distant because I think before

45:28

I would talk and it like, um,

45:31

it would be like, uh, I'd feel bad

45:33

for whoever I was with. Sure. Yeah. So

45:35

now I feel like I'm like, it's

45:39

because I don't want to be rude to the

45:41

person I'm with, not because I don't want to

45:43

say hi. If I was alone, I would be

45:45

saying hi, but I feel so awkward now because

45:47

I'll be like quiet and just take the picture

45:50

and I seem like a bitch, but I actually

45:52

feel bad for whoever I'm with. Yeah. Do people

45:54

get really specific? Like, can you do that? Yogurt

45:56

thing or like, you know, can you do that?

45:58

Like ask for a bit or something? People ask

46:00

like. Like if it's an interview, then they'll be

46:02

like, can you say hi guy into the camera?

46:05

Sometimes. They want you to start the video with like,

46:07

yeah. But people don't really come up to me that

46:09

much. Really? What I

46:11

really understand is when you're with someone, can I

46:13

explain it, but when the person who wants the

46:15

picture leaves, you feel like, sorry. You feel like

46:17

you were rude to your friend. I'm so embarrassed

46:19

too. I feel embarrassed. It's in public. Because

46:22

people don't know who I am at

46:24

the airport. They're like, who the fuck

46:26

is that old fag? Like why is that person famous? You know

46:29

what I mean? It feels like embarrassing.

46:31

Have you ever gotten this? Sometimes like an airplane, if someone

46:33

like, he was a flight attendant, you know, we'll come up

46:35

to the celebrities, whatever. And the

46:37

flight attendant will say hi whatever and take a

46:39

picture. And then the someone's uncle who's in

46:41

the seat next to you goes, all

46:43

right, who are you? And

46:47

they're kind of rude about it. And the guy

46:49

did that to me. He's like, so what do

46:51

you do? Because they

46:53

recognize you. Yeah, because the flight attendant is like, oh

46:55

my God, it's like they were freaking out. Are you

46:57

gonna fuck me? We're so happy

46:59

on this flight. You know, the crazy.

47:02

And then. It is embarrassing. I'm getting read just

47:04

thinking about it. It is embarrassing. I hate

47:06

it. I had a, I used to do these

47:09

Instagram lives during COVID where I'd like be dressed

47:11

as like a flight attendant for an hour and

47:14

like just be alone and like losing my mind. And

47:16

there was a flight attendant one and there was

47:18

a couple flight attendants once that came up to

47:20

me and was like, we were all watching your

47:22

video, which is embarrassing. Cause I was pretending to

47:24

be their job for like an hour.

47:27

It wasn't like smart. Like it wasn't

47:29

like. They're mad about the representation. They're like, we're

47:31

not really like that. Yeah, I was worried about

47:34

the representation. We don't serve hot nuts anymore, you

47:36

bitch. Do the massage or Cairo people love you

47:38

doing that? I've never met

47:40

a massager. Thank God. Oh, I

47:43

love when you massage these bitches. You know, I don't

47:45

meet massagers cause I don't really get massages cause they

47:47

kind of scare me. I'm worried that they're going to

47:50

crack my back and I'm going to be like not

47:52

able to walk. Don't go to

47:54

a chiropractor, baby. I never will. Not even

47:56

if someone was forcing me to. The drag

47:58

race queens love to exchange. for like a

48:00

skin treatment or a fake tooth or whatever

48:02

they're doing. They will do like a, I

48:05

love Dr. Meyer and he made me feel so

48:07

comfortable. And then it's a video of that drag

48:09

queen you love getting her face ripped off. It's

48:11

crazy. Or her ankles hobbled with a mallet. I

48:13

can't tell how many of these fucking, these cross

48:15

dressers, these crossies, I've seen laid on some table

48:17

getting their neck like. I hate that.

48:19

Did you do that? Get the neck cracked?

48:21

No, mama. And if I do, I'm gonna pay for it and

48:23

not put it on the internet. I just did it. Free

48:26

of charge. I don't ever want anyone to crack me.

48:28

I don't want it. You put the neck at

48:30

the speed and they're like, they're gonna twist your head right

48:32

off. Well, crack kills. Great. Didn't

48:34

you say, I mean, not to be a

48:36

super fan, but didn't you say on the

48:39

podcast that you said something about,

48:42

that you saw in the news that they

48:44

were gluing teeth into people's mouths? Conde,

48:47

I saw it on the news. I started watching the

48:49

news during my break. And you said chiropractors aren't real.

48:51

You said that. No, no, no, they're real. You

48:53

said that. You said that. No, they're

48:55

real. They're just not doctors. Certified? I'm a

48:57

doctor. An osteopath who she said is also fake.

49:00

No, no, no, no, no, not fake. It's just

49:02

not good. So

49:04

the osteopath told me chiropractors have like a third of the

49:06

training of an osteopath. It's like, that's so scary. He said,

49:08

listen, I'm not a doctor and they have like a third

49:10

of my training. So what do you think? It's like, damn.

49:12

The woman who sells leggings in Santee Alley could do a

49:14

better, just a sort of a job, like cracking your neck.

49:17

I got one of those wheel things. You lay

49:19

on the back of the rollers. That's like a,

49:21

that's free chiropractic, you know? Hell yeah. But I

49:23

saw on the news, this guy in his house

49:25

had a dentist chair and he was telling these

49:27

women like, hey, it's $2,800, whatever. You

49:30

fly down to Florida. I teach a few of you at

49:32

a time how to install veneers. He's

49:36

not a dentist, and neither are they. Do they know

49:38

how to carve the teeth down? You know, with the like

49:40

shark teeth? No, they would take

49:42

like a polymer stuff, whatever, and sculpt

49:44

it onto the tooth and then cure

49:46

it. And then because it's, they're

49:48

not dentists, it's illegal to do medical work

49:51

on people. And I know you do that.

49:54

I'm allowed to do medical work on people if I'm

49:56

pretending to be a doctor. It's on Instagram. But I'm

49:58

not saying I'm a real doctor. and they are,

50:00

right? But I show you

50:02

how to operate on my own friends. I

50:05

agree. How are people that stupid and also how

50:07

much, how does stupid people have that much initiative?

50:09

But why do people even wanna put veneers on

50:11

people unless you were a dentist? Because they're like,

50:13

oh, you pay this flat rate and then you

50:16

make money. It's like, make your own hours. There's

50:18

easier ways than there to make money. Yeah, selling

50:20

leggings. Just get rich or die.

50:22

Do you know my worst boyfriend worked

50:25

for the Lulu-Roo place? Lulu-Roo. Lulu-Roo,

50:27

sorry. That documentary of the really

50:29

bad leggings. That are like

50:31

moldy leggings. He used to do the designs and

50:33

they were so clean. Yes.

50:36

What other horrible traits did he have?

50:38

Oh, he wore fake eyeglasses so he'd

50:40

stand out more in an improv group.

50:42

Like to be the glasses guy. Love

50:44

that shit. Yeah, he was really, really

50:46

annoying. I wish we had here. You know,

50:48

improv shit, they have like a wig wall. Wig

50:51

wall. Like bad wigs. You just put them on

50:53

and now I'm this train conductor. They

50:55

do that in an improv factory. Yeah,

50:58

I remember at Comedy Sports Milwaukee there's

51:00

like a box of wigs. You just grab the wig, now

51:02

I'm the babysitter. Cause sometimes wigs make people feel like now

51:04

I'm a new character. But don't you have, you have a

51:06

bunch of wigs. Yeah, but they're all tricksy wigs. Yeah. Oh.

51:10

You have to have a box of random wigs that's

51:12

like right at the front door of your apartment. So

51:14

I want like homely wigs. You should get, you should

51:16

get some and wear them around. I

51:20

am bald. It is my nice thing about being bald. You

51:22

can put on a helmet or a hat or a wig

51:24

and then it's not a hat hair reveal. Yeah. Wait,

51:27

say that again. What do you have here? And you wear like

51:29

a bike helmet then you have a dent in your hair. Oh

51:31

yeah. I just have a dent in my skull. Well,

51:34

you know, I can't really wear hats. It gives

51:36

me a headache. Even a hat like how you're

51:38

wearing it. Even a soft plushie? Yes, I don't

51:40

know what it, I think it's more like, I

51:42

can't really wear sunglasses that give me a headache.

51:44

It must be like a pressure point thing. How

51:46

old are you? How old do you

51:48

think? Do you guess? I think you look,

51:51

you look extremely very young. Wow.

51:55

How old did you think? No,

51:58

come on. You could easily pass for 20. I think

52:00

so. You look like a teeny little girl.

52:02

Well, sometimes I will be like, can I still play like

52:04

a 21 year old? Cause I want to be able to

52:06

play that. I think so. Right. Absolutely. You're

52:08

34. Thank you. You can play a junior in high school.

52:10

Really? Yup. Okay.

52:13

Sophomore even. That makes me feel good. Cause I don't

52:15

want to give up those rules yet. Yeah. Fuck

52:18

those kids who are so hungry for them. Yeah. Do

52:21

you think you would have been a good Disney like child

52:23

actor? I wanted to so bad act when I was little

52:25

and I think it's really good. I didn't, I

52:27

was actually really about it in person. I

52:30

was like 22 and I would come out in the scenes and

52:34

like kill everyone or like, like Michael Scott. Yes. I was like

52:36

Michael Scott. Oh my God. He always has

52:38

a gun. You drag out your dog. I think I was always,

52:41

I always felt like I was funny, but I don't think

52:43

I like wanted to follow the rules. And

52:45

I wasn't like a experienced enough to not do it.

52:48

Have you ever seen the comeback? I

52:50

love it's my favorite show. So she does improv member

52:52

and her friend is like, I work in

52:55

a cave and she's like, I have cancer cancer cancer cancer

52:57

cancer cancer cancer. I

52:59

have cancer. Yeah. And

53:01

the instructors like there's some things that don't just

53:03

play as funny. Love that shit. I

53:05

always went for the joke. I didn't care how many times

53:07

the teacher told me not to. I

53:10

know I did it. The first three sessions

53:12

I did in private, like I had to

53:14

consciously not say AIDS. So

53:17

you wanted to be the Michael Scott. I just

53:19

wanted to scream AIDS. It's not funny though. And

53:21

it just took a while for

53:23

me to not to get that.

53:25

But y'all are like comedians. Don't you feel?

53:28

No. You feel

53:30

like you're your models, but also like, don't you

53:32

feel like you're comedians? And if you were a

53:34

comedian or improviser, you'd be a comedian. I would

53:36

never call myself a comedian. Well, we met you

53:38

at a comedy festival. A lot of times I

53:40

do feel like we are the funny. We're the

53:42

special interest hire. We're sort of the,

53:44

we get hired for our looks and sometimes we're

53:46

funny. And we get to meet

53:48

comedians. We like, like you like comics and Santa

53:50

people. And we feel like, oh

53:52

my God, we met them. Can't believe we're here.

53:55

Cause we only meet other comics, like how many

53:57

people at stuff like that? Really? Cause that's how

53:59

we feel about. You all are like the stars.

54:01

You're like the headliners. To

54:04

what? For that festival that I

54:06

went, I saw you at, you were

54:08

like the headliners. But that was, I think they

54:10

went bankrupt. They

54:12

did. You were like the stars, Stop

54:14

saying that, we're gonna get, so we're gonna start killing people. I

54:17

think like we could, we've each

54:19

done like one woman shows, like model arts and

54:22

stand up and stuff, it's not like, like on

54:24

a weeknight in LA, we're not like going to

54:26

do a set. And I can't do set up

54:28

punchline, I don't know how to do that. I

54:31

don't know how to do it. You're just so naturally funny. No, I'm

54:33

just gorgeous. And gorgeous. And sometimes it gets

54:35

funny. But that's the thing you all also,

54:37

you're of course gorgeous, both of you. But

54:39

also you're so naturally funny. And in improv,

54:41

I guess a lot of comedians do improv,

54:43

but when you're learning improv, they're telling

54:45

you not to go for the joke. Like

54:47

it's not about being funny. Like, it's about

54:49

like creating this, the group

54:52

mind meld scene work.

54:54

Sounds like a Star Trek convention. Are the

54:56

leaders of these groups ever funny? It's

54:59

sort of like how in theater, the worst dressed people are

55:01

in costuming. You're like that

55:03

bitch is getting my outfit. She gets more

55:05

than you're talking about. And like

55:08

the improv instructors are like, well, been doing

55:10

it 40 years. Career

55:12

hasn't quite taken off yet though. I'm like, well. Yeah,

55:15

labor may shift to done your numbers. I had a teacher kick

55:17

me out of a show because I was being too funny,

55:20

like going for the joke. Too funny. I

55:22

wasn't doing a good job, but I

55:25

was doing stand up and he was like, you

55:27

can't keep doing stand up and then taking these

55:29

short form improv classes. Like either take mine or

55:31

you have to leave the show. And

55:33

then it was like, it was a Shakespeare

55:36

improv show and I didn't know Shakespeare and

55:38

I just wanted to perform so bad. Shakespeare

55:40

improv. It was so bad. I was really

55:42

bad. And I didn't know how to talk

55:44

like the Shakespeare people. I would just like

55:46

poison everyone in the show and like

55:49

try to be funny. So, who doth from out of town?

55:52

He made me leave. And my mom messaged him

55:54

and was like, you got rid

55:56

of rising star Megan Salter and me and my friends

55:58

are not coming back to. And he was

56:01

like, is this your mom? And I was like, yeah.

56:03

And I was like 22. He

56:06

was like, you need to have your mom apologize

56:08

or you can't take classes here anymore. I love

56:10

it. Is your family love watching on the TV

56:12

and all that? Yeah. That's good. You

56:14

have a role that's so good. Like you're not

56:17

like, you know, imagine, you know, like Margaret Qualley

56:19

often is just totally butt naked. It's

56:21

tough for a family to watch. So if somebody hadn't seen

56:23

the show, like tell them about your character, the people are

56:25

listening if they don't know. Okay.

56:28

What's your favorite thing about Kayla? Well,

56:30

I like that. There's that part where you're

56:32

like at this desk and you're like, I

56:34

have a phone. Gotcha. Boom. That

56:36

does sound like something I'd say in the show. It does,

56:38

several times. I know you haven't seen it, but that does

56:40

sound like it. I hope I don't want to flatter you,

56:42

but my only recollection of seeing it was you. Well,

56:45

that means a lot to me. And I'm telling the

56:47

cast, you said shut up. No, I mean, can I,

56:49

I got asked to come to the premiere and I

56:51

didn't know how I got on the list. And I

56:53

didn't go because I was like, I haven't seen it.

56:55

You're going to like it. And I'm going to feel

56:57

Hannah and Jean are so incredible. Me and Paul are

57:00

so funny. I'm literally doing like fan fiction porn of

57:02

hacks online and I can't get an invite or even

57:04

a retweet. You listen to the,

57:06

if you listen to the pod, you know she talks about hacks all

57:08

the time. I know that you, it means a lot to us that

57:10

you love hacks. And also I

57:12

have Damien, you know, what's

57:15

his name? What's

57:18

his name? Damien. Yes.

57:20

We were together in the celebrity

57:22

drag thing. Oh my God. Yeah.

57:25

Yes. He looks so hot in the

57:28

drag. And he's so hot as a guy and such

57:30

a great actor. Yes. He's so funny.

57:32

Hannah Einminder is such a fucking good

57:34

dramatic actor too. She is. And

57:36

that was like her first like acting job. I've

57:38

known her in standup for a long time, but

57:41

she's so good. Her and Jean are absolutely. It's

57:43

like, can you imagine you're what? 30 years old,

57:46

35. And you're like having

57:48

your first gig with this legend. I

57:50

think Hannah's only like 27. I feel like when she

57:52

started, she was like 25 maybe. Wow.

57:55

And she, they're so good together. It's crazy that

57:57

she's aged two years in that.

57:59

for the 10 year period. Yeah,

58:02

wait, how old is she? Hannah? I

58:04

feel like it started when she was 24, so she's probably like 28. Yeah,

58:06

that makes sense. Like Jean's like in her late

58:08

60s? She's so

58:11

powerful and like so funny. She's so fucking

58:13

funny. She was so good on SNL. She

58:16

was, she was so good. She's so good in everything.

58:18

She's been in everything. She's one of those people who

58:20

are like, wow, she's in everything. Also, she

58:23

was in Watchmen, Mary V's Town

58:25

and Hacks at the same time.

58:27

Yeah, what were they calling it? Gina Sans or

58:29

something? What were they calling it? It

58:32

should be more than that. It should be

58:34

like the Gina Geddon. Yeah. It's like so

58:36

fierce. She has such a full, big career.

58:39

Like she's always been able to work and I thought

58:41

she was the most beautiful and designing women not to

58:43

confirm a woman, but I love the bottom one, which

58:45

was her. I always feel bad mentioning how beautiful someone

58:47

is on TV because I feel like I only, you

58:49

know, men or women on TV, if they're hot, we

58:51

just puke it out. We're like gorgeous. Yeah. I'd

58:54

fuck them. If it's guys, we're like, I'd fuck them. I'd fuck them.

58:56

We should say that though. It's okay.

58:58

Not everyone is hot. No. And

59:01

ugly people should know their place. You know how like

59:03

everyone's like, everyone's beautiful, but they're not. But

59:07

that's okay. Like it's not that important. You

59:09

know? And you gotta be hot. It's okay.

59:12

Yeah. It's like, let the hot people be hot. There's so many

59:14

people in the room who are hot. No,

59:17

they're hot. Oh, hot, right. Yeah. Oh, that's the

59:19

new ugly hot thing. The ugly hot thing. Yeah.

59:22

Well, it's like, You can't, you can't

59:24

mention it. You can't mention it. Well, it's not,

59:26

it's, it's like, we

59:28

should be positive about people. Like everyone has something

59:30

to offer to the world, but not everyone is

59:32

hot. Like no one, not everyone needs to be.

59:34

Yeah. Like some people are hot and

59:36

funny like us. Right. Like the Christina Aguilera

59:39

song, I felt like gave a lot of people a bad, bad

59:41

impression or wrong impression. I am beautiful. No

59:43

matter what they say. It's like, well, we

59:46

shouldn't call people ugly, but some people are. Exactly.

59:50

Yeah. I think that's a good place to end. I think

59:52

that's a, I think that's a strong message. I

59:54

mean, I really agree. Everyone's gonna be mad at us for

59:56

saying that. Well, guess what?

59:58

It's not that important to be hot. you're kind. And

1:00:01

also, if you're offended, you're ugly. Yeah, of course.

1:00:04

But you know what? You have great socks. People

1:00:06

that are hot will be going, of course. Body

1:00:09

positive, I'm positive that not everyone

1:00:11

is hot. Right. I

1:00:13

am positive that your body is disgusting. But

1:00:16

it's not that important. No. I

1:00:19

brought you this piece of soap. Did

1:00:21

you really? No, you just got this. I

1:00:23

think I gifted it to you last week. I brought you some gum. Oh.

1:00:27

Wait, this is just a random thing. I can't

1:00:29

really have it right. I bought

1:00:31

that. For me. Come on. You didn't.

1:00:34

You bought it for me, didn't you? I bought it for you two weeks ago.

1:00:36

You guys are giving me the soap, so I stopped telling people that they're ugly.

1:00:38

But I just don't want... I

1:00:40

don't want my point to not get across. It

1:00:43

is not important. To be hot. To be hot.

1:00:45

It's important to be kind. Yes. To

1:00:47

take care of each other. To

1:00:50

know the Lord. Yes, I talk about God on

1:00:52

every podcast. It's not important to everyone to be

1:00:54

hot. Everyone's beautiful in their own way, of course.

1:00:56

Everyone's good. You're on my page, but

1:00:59

you're kind of like, oh, I'm gonna wear my edits for

1:01:01

this out. No, no, no, no, no.

1:01:03

I think y'all are hot and funny. And a lot

1:01:05

of people are hot and funny. I don't think you

1:01:07

have to be like... You know how people are like,

1:01:10

oh, funny people aren't hot. That's not true. Most people

1:01:12

that are funny to me are hot. I

1:01:14

feel like that about drag. I feel like even if your

1:01:17

main thing is comedy, you still should try to look good.

1:01:19

Yeah. I agree. I agree. Just

1:01:22

because you can tell a joke doesn't mean you need to

1:01:24

look like the cat's ass. But don't you feel like back

1:01:26

in the day, a little bit, like drag queens, if they

1:01:28

were comedy, it was horrible. Like shitty body, shitty body ain't

1:01:30

got no shape. You know what? You bring up a good

1:01:32

point because like doing your makeup

1:01:35

and dressing well can change someone that's

1:01:37

not that hot to hotter. Absolutely. I

1:01:39

go from Mr. Burns to Julia Roberts.

1:01:42

Yeah. Well, I think you're

1:01:44

always Julia Roberts. Thank you. Especially right now. But

1:01:46

I don't think I've always felt hot, but I

1:01:48

always felt beautiful. Everyone's beautiful. Not

1:01:50

everyone's hot. Well, what's the difference between hot and

1:01:52

beautiful? I think how you feel about yourself and

1:01:54

the way you're doing your hair and makeup. I

1:01:56

think I'm backtracking. I think you're... No,

1:02:01

honestly, I think being

1:02:04

categorically classically not

1:02:06

hot, beautiful or

1:02:08

whatever, isn't going to actually

1:02:10

stop you from people thinking you're hot. People

1:02:12

thinking you're hot has really nothing to do with you.

1:02:15

Oh, you could be hot and not beautiful. Right.

1:02:18

Oh, yeah. You could be someone classically

1:02:20

beautiful by the books. There's not that

1:02:22

many people that are like, whoa,

1:02:24

so stunning, but a lot of people are hot

1:02:26

because of the way they feel about themselves, carry

1:02:28

themselves. And then they are more beautiful. And

1:02:32

then there are people that are ugly and it doesn't matter. I

1:02:35

mean, I have fucked so many hot, ugly people. Oh

1:02:37

my God, of course. Yeah. I'm

1:02:40

actually not that well,

1:02:42

my girlfriend now is very traditionally gorgeous,

1:02:44

but I'm not like, you know,

1:02:47

like when I was dating men, I

1:02:49

was never attracted to like really built

1:02:51

like traditionally beautiful men. Like Glenn Powell

1:02:54

looks don't super every time I've had a like a boyfriend

1:02:56

in my life, I will say like, well, it's not super

1:02:58

matter to me. And they're always like, yeah,

1:03:01

great. So I'll just go with that. But

1:03:04

they don't matter to me that much. They

1:03:06

really don't know. But you're lying because you're

1:03:08

all of your boyfriends you have found extremely

1:03:10

hot and sexy. I guess. Yes,

1:03:12

I guess. Yeah. I want to

1:03:15

be attracted to them. My girlfriend now is really hot,

1:03:17

but I think it, but she has an amazing

1:03:19

personality. She's so funny. So it happened that way.

1:03:21

But like when I first started dating,

1:03:23

I wasn't dating like I was so just interested

1:03:25

in people's personalities. I wasn't dating like not

1:03:27

to say anything mean about you when I dated besides the

1:03:29

Lulu Roo guy. Was he

1:03:32

a heterosexual person? He was straight but

1:03:34

he designed leggings for Lulu Roo. He did

1:03:36

like the like

1:03:38

graphics, a graphics

1:03:40

for a straight scammy graphic

1:03:43

legging guy. He was so

1:03:45

annoying. Yeah, he was really annoying. But

1:03:47

he wasn't to me. I

1:03:50

wasn't like attracted to his like

1:03:52

his looks really. It was like more of the vibe.

1:03:54

When I first started dating, he was very like, I'm

1:03:57

going to take you out gorgeous. And I was like

1:03:59

really. so I thought that was like cool, I

1:04:01

guess. Did he become on the pod? Yeah.

1:04:04

Is he an adult? Do you think he's still single? You're

1:04:06

gonna have all your exes right in a consecutive row after

1:04:08

this. I will say something I've never said is he used

1:04:10

to date people that looked like his sister. Oh,

1:04:13

wow. Well, I think that's a good place to stop.

1:04:16

Miss Stalter. We're huge fans of incest here, and so are

1:04:18

you. Thanks for coming on the pod. I love you guys.

1:04:20

Love you so much. Wait, do you have a middle name?

1:04:22

Marie. Marie. I

1:04:24

love what you do. A lot of people have

1:04:26

Marie as their middle name. Marie or Elizabeth. Or

1:04:29

Elizabeth. so

1:04:31

I can say that I love everything you do. It means

1:04:33

a lot to me. I think you'll like it. I'm the

1:04:35

last person who hasn't seen it, so I'm ready to go.

1:04:38

You'll especially love her and Jimmy, the chemistry's electric. I always

1:04:40

think it'd be funny if they hooked up on the show.

1:04:43

Yes, or like you said, if you get shot at

1:04:45

the beginning of each episode, that'd be funny. But that's

1:04:47

you going for the joke. That'd be funny if I

1:04:49

get shot in the episode, but I don't want my

1:04:51

character to die. I want it to be like, it's

1:04:53

funny that she gets shot. She ends up in the

1:04:55

hospital, she's fine. But you remember an American

1:04:57

Horror Story? It's surprising. Yeah. The Horror

1:04:59

Story coven, Miss Cibide has that thing

1:05:01

where when she gets hurt, have a

1:05:03

Cibide person. Oh yeah. Maybe

1:05:05

you can have that with your character. Yeah, we

1:05:08

should introduce some sort of magic. Yeah, you're dead.

1:05:10

Hacks needs some supernatural lore. I think that'd be

1:05:12

so fun to do in season four. Hacks, yeah,

1:05:15

exactly. Thanks

1:05:18

for having me. Do you have anything

1:05:20

to promote? Well, let's see. Well, my

1:05:22

movie Cora Bora is out on Amazon,

1:05:25

and that's really exciting.

1:05:27

Well, congratulations on all your like, you

1:05:30

have enormous success. It's a hard, you're such a

1:05:32

down to earth, wonderful. And you're so pretty. I

1:05:34

don't know if that, we just circle people not,

1:05:36

but you're so pretty too. I know people would

1:05:39

be mad at what I said, but I'm actually

1:05:41

trying to bring awareness to it. It's not that

1:05:43

important. Your looks are not important. It's not the

1:05:45

important thing about you. No, the important thing is

1:05:47

the blue in the background. That's what's really important.

1:05:49

Okay, bye. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:05:59

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