0:00

any of us who are

0:02

not just listening to what

0:04

it is to be an

0:06

authentic vulnerable person, but

0:08

you're actually putting

0:10

in the work to do the work.

0:13

Better help is the better help

0:15

that's allowing you to be

0:17

the better person. So I'm

0:19

just encouraging everybody to

0:22

use the resources and the

0:25

tools. that are available

0:27

for you to be

0:29

your most authentic

0:31

self. Go to

0:34

better help.com better

0:36

help help.com

0:38

slash b-side better

0:40

help help.com.com

0:43

slash b-side use

0:45

that code get in there

0:48

and get to work. I

0:50

love you. Peace. Call

0:58

me back to dub C. Check

1:00

it. I'm fully seen, fully heard,

1:02

fully known, fully loved, but you

1:04

don't have to agree with me.

1:06

I'm fully mean, fully nerve, fully

1:08

grown, fully dubbed. That last one

1:10

brings peace to me. Yeah, we

1:13

out here. Vulnerability out there. I'm

1:15

only where it's tight if it's

1:17

cold. Homie, I'm not there. Homie,

1:19

I'm not scared. I'm prepared to

1:21

sit at a table with my

1:24

enemies in the handchair. I'm over

1:26

there like, ah, yeah. Probably an

1:28

odd pair. Hood tendencies and vulnerabilities.

1:31

Me in pushing tea got similarities,

1:33

because he'd be pushing keys and

1:36

I'd be pushing these. I grew

1:38

up on the seaside, founded the

1:40

B side, shining light so bright

1:43

in the dark. Look at these

1:45

guys and everybody's sea prize. Cancellations

1:48

denied. Calitex inflexing on my obsolete

1:50

with deep pride. So bump this

1:52

pie and think on God if

1:55

you were a Jewish and tile,

1:57

you reconciled. You reconciled that blood.

2:08

Welcome to the basement ladies

2:10

and gentlemen. I am your

2:12

host Tim Ross. I love

2:14

you guys so much. I'm

2:16

so grateful That you are

2:19

hanging out with us today.

2:21

Thank you for making vulnerability

2:23

normal, right? Like thank you

2:25

for not making it such

2:27

a crazy Idea that we

2:29

could be fully seen fully

2:32

hurt fully known fully loved

2:34

Even if we're not fully

2:36

agreed with. Thank you for

2:38

normalizing vulnerability. Thank you for

2:40

supporting the Bside app you

2:43

are helping us to normalize

2:45

vulnerability for every single person

2:47

on the planet. Listen, I'm

2:49

so excited because my friend

2:51

is here. You know, you

2:53

start the new year and

2:56

you're like, who you're gonna

2:58

bring on? Right? Well, we're

3:00

gonna be deep in these

3:02

Google forms in 2025. But

3:04

then also, I just got

3:07

my friends coming through. And

3:09

this is a covenant brother

3:11

of mine. We are wired

3:13

a lot alike in that

3:15

we're low maintenance. We don't

3:17

need a lot from each

3:20

other. But if you ever

3:22

try to run up on

3:24

either one of us, you're

3:26

gonna find out you gotta

3:28

deal with both of us.

3:31

Like that's just the way

3:33

we are. And this young

3:35

man is, if you do

3:37

not know him, you should

3:39

know him. One of the

3:41

smartest, most brilliant minds. Not

3:44

just in our community, but

3:46

I would just say like

3:48

in the world, and that's

3:50

not the hyperbole. I think

3:52

you are a very gifted

3:55

thinking smart man. And the

3:57

way he has chosen to

3:59

bless people with his genius.

4:01

to help people make sense

4:03

of their finances. Help people

4:05

make sense of their money.

4:08

Help people make sense of

4:10

their purpose and their destiny

4:12

and how that all works

4:14

together. And it's like, I

4:16

will say before I say

4:19

his name, I love you

4:21

because you have made what

4:23

has been complicated for many

4:25

people, not only palatable, but

4:27

common sense. That

4:29

takes a gift. That's just not like,

4:32

oh, he's good with money. A lot

4:34

of people are good with money, but

4:36

they can't tell you how good, how

4:38

you can be good with money. They

4:41

just know how to be good with

4:43

money. And they're just like, I don't

4:45

know, I just do it. He can

4:48

tell you how to do it. And

4:50

if you do it, then you reap

4:52

the same benefits. The young man that

4:54

I'm talking about is none other than

4:57

Anthony O'Neill, who I affectionately referred to.

4:59

is his network. He is a best-selling

5:01

author. We might talk about his book,

5:03

we might not, we just gonna vibe.

5:06

And so I'm introducing for some on

5:08

this platform, but reintroducing for others, the

5:10

one, the only. Man,

5:16

I love this. Yeah, buddy. I

5:19

need to bring y'all with me

5:21

with my staff. We need to

5:23

do that again. As a matter

5:26

of fact, go ahead and do

5:28

that again. Let me record that.

5:30

You need to, you need that

5:32

intro again? I'll do it. Nah,

5:35

da, da, da, da. But I

5:37

better not, I better not. My

5:39

team are like, really got. My

5:41

nigga for real. That's hilarious, bro.

5:44

I love it, man. I'm so

5:46

glad you're here, bro. So glad

5:48

you hear, man. Yeah, for show.

5:51

Thank you for coming through. Dallas,

5:53

Texas, is 12 o'clock. I mean,

5:55

it's 12 degrees. I don't know

5:57

what's going on here. Um, this

6:00

is why I have this jacket

6:02

on it. And listen, I have

6:04

a jacket like that. Yeah. That

6:06

I only probably am going to

6:09

wear. Maybe a. 22 days. And

6:11

then it's gonna be summer again.

6:13

Yeah, man. But when we get

6:16

that little Arctic blast, we get

6:18

it. Y'all get it. Yeah, yeah,

6:20

that hawk comes through. I wasn't

6:22

expecting this. Like, I wore this

6:25

because I left D.C. I didn't,

6:27

I thought when I get to

6:29

Dallas, I would, I would not

6:31

need this. You were shed it.

6:34

It's still on. I came out

6:36

the hotel. Went in my car.

6:38

I said. Oh heck no. Went

6:41

back up to my room, got

6:43

the jacket. It has not been

6:45

off of my body since then.

6:47

It is cold. It's cold here.

6:50

It's cold right now. This is

6:52

not the Lord. Yeah, no. And

6:54

y'all are the Lord Central. Yeah,

6:56

yeah. All the churches. God, I

6:59

believe he resides in Texas. He

7:01

does. But he's not here today.

7:03

He's, he's, he's, he's. He probably

7:06

just went to go peek and

7:08

see. Hawaii? No, Louisiana was okay.

7:10

He was in California. He was

7:12

in San Diego right now. He

7:15

had Dago. You know what I'm

7:17

saying? He and Dago. I'm like,

7:19

God, I mean, I came here

7:21

to the motherland of all churches

7:24

and. It's cold. It's cold. It's

7:26

hellheim right now. It is cold.

7:28

Yeah. It's given hellheim. You know.

7:31

But at the basement, I got

7:33

some stuff I need to say.

7:35

Okay. All right, bro, okay. I'm

7:37

just I'm just playing. Let me

7:40

let me stop playing don't let

7:42

me get no trouble. I want

7:44

to come back But I do

7:46

want to say something Say what

7:49

you want to say We got

7:51

listen Say what you want to

7:53

say what you want to say

7:56

what is on your mind? Let

7:58

me get some water. Yeah, get

8:00

some water. Say we take a

8:02

simple water and then just say

8:05

what you want to say Hey

8:07

bro, you are at door! Whoo!

8:09

I'm just saying, you know what,

8:11

Tim, you preach about how amazing

8:14

you and your wife have been

8:16

and everything y'all have gotten through

8:18

and you leave with vulnerability. Tim,

8:21

I woke up this morning and

8:23

I told God. that I'm not

8:25

going into 2026 single. I'm gonna

8:27

be intentional. But I also went

8:30

into 2025, said I'm gonna be

8:32

more vulnerable in my relationships. And

8:34

if I'm being transparent, Tim, in

8:36

my earlier days, I didn't lead

8:39

with intention and vulnerability. I led

8:41

with intention and vulnerability. Let's just

8:43

have a good time. Yeah, for

8:46

sure. Let's just get to know

8:48

each other. Yeah. What's your favorite

8:50

color? Yeah, surface surface. Yeah, surface.

8:52

Yeah, surface. Okay, this is good.

8:55

But what are you doing with

8:57

me? Yeah, where are we going?

8:59

Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, okay.

9:01

Now tell, when I come over

9:04

here to this side, I'm gonna

9:06

be vulnerable. I'm gonna be intentional.

9:08

Now it's you're rushing. Mmm. Now

9:11

it's just chill. Wow. Just, just

9:13

relax. Wow. Tim, I laid my,

9:15

I laid my head on a

9:17

young lady's shoulder. She said that

9:20

was weak. She said, I'm supposed

9:22

to be laying on your shoulder,

9:24

not you laying on my shoulder.

9:26

And it confused me Tim. This

9:29

gonna be like the basement counseling

9:31

session. Fine with me. Because I'm

9:33

like At 40, I'm ready. I'm

9:36

moving with intentions I'm trying to

9:38

live right But then now when

9:40

I open up the vulnerability side

9:42

It's you're soft. It's you're weak.

9:45

It's you're leading you're rushing things

9:47

But when I was leading with

9:49

all this is chill. Let's just

9:51

have a good time. It was

9:54

you're not intentional I'm confused as

9:56

hell on to what to do

9:58

in this season of my life

10:01

because when I go when I

10:03

lead with intentions, it's the wrong

10:05

thing. When I'm leading with, I'm

10:07

just chilling, it's the wrong thing.

10:10

I'm like, what's the right thing,

10:12

too? So it sounds like when

10:14

you were in your, let's just

10:16

have a good time phase. Facts.

10:19

You was dating the, what's your

10:21

intention, girl? Yes, okay, yeah, and

10:23

now it sounds like now that

10:26

you are in your I'm going

10:28

to be intentional phase You are

10:30

dating the Let's just have a

10:32

good time girl. How did how

10:35

do you hold up to him?

10:37

How do you go between the

10:39

two because both of them were

10:41

in the church? Yes, they can

10:44

both be in the church, but

10:46

that don't mean they're the same

10:48

person facts How do we know

10:51

that though by doing what you

10:53

did? Hey bro, let

10:55

me tell you something. So I

10:57

got a new Bible. Okay, let's

11:00

break it out. This is my

11:02

Tree of Life Bible. Okay, okay,

11:04

okay. This Bible was spearheaded by

11:07

Messianic Jewish believers. Okay, okay. So

11:09

the Bible is written from a

11:12

Hebrew lens. None of the names

11:14

have been changed. They haven't been

11:16

anglicanized. Okay, okay, so the Old

11:19

Testament ends with Second Chronicles the

11:21

way it does in the Hebrew

11:24

Old Testament. Okay. The New Testament

11:26

is in the same order, but

11:28

his name's Yeshua. Yeshua is written

11:31

there. Okay. Yekov, the book of

11:33

Yekov, Jacob, is not named James.

11:36

Got you. Right. It keeps the

11:38

original. It keeps the original. Okay.

11:40

So you learn about the name

11:43

Adonai. very early in in scripture

11:45

once Abraham is caught out from

11:48

the nations by God, right? So

11:50

it's a beautiful book, anyway. So

11:52

it's a new Bible, I gotta

11:55

I gotta bust it open, you

11:57

know what I'm saying? So, so...

12:00

So I'm about, I'm already in

12:02

the book of Genesis. I'm

12:04

sorry, I'm already in the

12:06

book of Exodus. And I

12:09

got this book last week. Okay.

12:11

This is fresh on my mind,

12:13

so I wanna bring it to

12:16

your attention. Yeah. Abraham tells

12:18

his servant, Isaac can't

12:21

marry a woman from

12:23

Canaan. Okay. Okay. So go back

12:25

to where I'm from and find

12:27

a wife for my son. Yeah.

12:29

When he comes back, when

12:32

the servant takes off, he

12:34

asks God, will you please

12:36

grant my master favor

12:39

by helping me find

12:41

him a wife? He says, whoever

12:43

will give me water

12:45

to drink and my camels,

12:48

that's how I'll know that

12:50

this is the one. It

12:52

was a test that was

12:54

put out. And once... Rebecca

12:59

brought water to the servant

13:01

and then went back and

13:03

got water for all his

13:05

camels. He's like, this gotta

13:07

be the one. He put

13:09

bracelets on her, a ring

13:12

on her, and was like, I

13:14

need you to come back with

13:16

me, my master needs you, right?

13:18

Your vulnerability is a

13:21

test right now to find

13:23

Rebecca. And

13:26

I'm gonna use the act

13:28

that you did. Not saying

13:30

you gotta do this with,

13:32

not saying you gotta have

13:34

a shoulder test. You know

13:36

what I mean? But the woman

13:39

who you put your head on

13:41

her shoulder and she

13:43

comforted you will be the one.

13:45

And you know what sucks to

13:47

him? A had her and I

13:49

lost her. I had her in

13:51

that season. of

13:55

me just going

13:57

with the flow.

13:59

And. Literally why you're,

14:01

I knew where you was going

14:04

and like literally my eyes are

14:06

getting red and I said I'm

14:08

not gonna cry on this man's

14:11

show. But it's like I had

14:13

her, she wanted it, I couldn't

14:16

give it because I've never seen

14:18

a vulnerable man before. I've never

14:20

seen a man lead with that

14:23

level of like I'm gonna trust

14:25

you with my weakness. I've always

14:27

seen the great men in my

14:30

life, my father's lead with strength.

14:32

But never lead with, I'm gonna

14:35

rest my head on your shoulder.

14:37

Because I did that one day

14:39

accidentally on her and she lifted

14:42

up her hand and rubbed my

14:44

head. And when she rubbed my

14:46

head, I immediately jumped up. Because

14:49

my manhood was like, no, no,

14:51

no, she supposed to be on

14:54

yours. I was like, I've never

14:56

done this, let me get up.

14:58

But then when I matured, when

15:01

I evolved, I was like, I'm

15:03

tired of always being strong. I'm

15:06

tired of always having to act

15:08

like I got it together and

15:10

I have every single answer. And

15:13

I broke down in therapy and

15:15

realized I'm not that strong. I

15:17

am strong, but I ain't that

15:20

shown to where I could do

15:22

it all by myself and this

15:25

is why God brought me a

15:27

help mate. Yeah. And I lost

15:29

him. Have you grieved that yet?

15:32

No. I think that's why I

15:34

get emotional because it's like I

15:36

just said, all right, let me

15:39

move on. You know, and I

15:41

was just like, nah, nah, man,

15:44

I can't. I'm cool. I'm good.

15:46

I've been to therapy, but I

15:48

haven't set down and said. Actually,

15:51

I just recently did it, but

15:54

it's like after that time. Nah,

15:56

man, I just moved on. Yeah.

15:58

Because I was like, okay. But

16:01

then as I evolved, matured,

16:03

matured, when the therapy healed

16:05

from me making that decision,

16:07

because it wasn't her. Like

16:09

she was on it. It

16:11

was not her, it was

16:13

me. And the man part

16:15

of me is like, I

16:17

just go date someone else

16:19

who looked better. But I

16:22

didn't get better. I didn't

16:24

get better at all. And

16:26

I believe that God will

16:28

reward me and bless me

16:30

with what he knows I

16:32

need now. But it's like

16:34

I have to be honest

16:36

and I've and I'm being

16:38

honest with myself especially here

16:40

with you Is that man

16:42

I checked that up Mm-hmm,

16:45

and then now that I

16:47

know that I jack that

16:49

up and I'm moving in

16:51

that way Tim I'm gonna

16:53

be real man. It's not

16:55

easy being vulnerable because not

16:57

everyone receives vulnerability is being

16:59

used more in our culture,

17:01

vulnerability. The word transparency has

17:03

been normalized in our culture.

17:05

We say mental health a

17:07

lot. We have the words,

17:10

but we don't have the

17:12

tools. It's a different between

17:14

saying it and doing it.

17:16

Yes, sir. It's a different

17:18

between doing it and living

17:20

it. Yeah. visiting a thing

17:22

and living there are two

17:24

different things. I was vulnerable

17:26

ones. Yeah. You know what

17:28

I mean? I got vulnerable

17:30

one time last year. Yeah,

17:32

with my parents. Yeah. Right

17:35

back behind the wall, you

17:37

know what I mean? Like

17:39

to live here is completely

17:41

different than visiting. Yeah. So,

17:43

so, so, um, if you're

17:45

not opposed, I'm, I, um,

17:47

I'm not trying to take

17:49

you through a full exercise

17:51

right now, but I, I,

17:53

I, I, If

17:55

you don't metabolize and

17:58

integrate that loss, You

18:01

won't, it will,

18:03

it will make

18:05

it harder for

18:07

you to recognize

18:10

what you're really

18:12

looking for. Because

18:15

you don't have

18:17

to say this

18:19

young lady's name,

18:22

whoever she is

18:24

deserves your

18:26

tears and your

18:28

lament. I messed

18:30

that up. Like I had it.

18:33

It's like having the

18:35

Lotto ticket to that

18:37

1.2. Yeah. And you memorize

18:39

the numbers, but then

18:42

you threw away the ticket.

18:44

Because you was like,

18:46

oh man, man, I

18:48

probably didn't hit. Yeah,

18:51

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And

18:53

then you went rummaging back

18:56

through the trash can and

18:58

it's gone. They already picked

19:00

up the trash. You can't

19:03

go to the landfill.

19:05

It's gone and it's,

19:07

it's, anything that I've

19:09

ever loved, I've, I've

19:11

made time to grieve

19:14

it. Because if I don't,

19:16

my body won't even

19:18

regulate. Moving

19:21

on and grieving are two

19:23

different things. When Moses

19:26

died, God said, y'all don't

19:28

have to do nothing for

19:30

30 days. Except cry.

19:33

He literally gave them 30

19:35

days to more. I will

19:37

not, he is God, right?

19:39

He will have no gods

19:41

above him, all right, before

19:43

him. And he's like, that

19:46

may have meant something to

19:48

you. I'm gonna give

19:50

you 30 days. Not a

19:52

day, not two weeks. You

19:54

have 30 days to mourn

19:56

for the loss of your

19:58

leader. And at

20:01

the end of those

20:03

30 days, I'll tell

20:05

you what we're doing

20:07

next. And I don't

20:10

think they can embrace

20:12

Joshua without those 30

20:14

days of mourning for

20:16

Moses. Mm. Mm. Mm.

20:19

And so if God

20:21

makes space for that,

20:23

for a whole nation,

20:25

why don't we? On

20:28

an individual level, it's

20:30

like, man, that dude

20:32

meant everything to me.

20:34

Right. the best Christmas

20:37

ever in his absence?

20:39

Yeah. No. Like, and

20:41

it's, I think it's,

20:43

it's, it's, it's even

20:46

more imperative because when

20:48

you've had the shoulder

20:50

that you put your

20:52

head on and it

20:54

was received with that

20:57

rub and then you

20:59

have another shoulder. that

21:01

calls you weak. That

21:03

exasperates the loss. When

21:06

you put it like

21:08

that, it really does.

21:10

And it brings back

21:12

up the pain of

21:15

me losing what I

21:17

had. Yep. And it

21:19

just makes me feel

21:21

like, damn, like, what

21:24

were you thinking? But

21:27

that's the thing I wasn't

21:29

thinking. Okay, so can Anthony

21:31

have grace for Anthony? That's

21:34

a good question. That is

21:36

a real good question. I

21:38

keep telling myself, like, bro,

21:41

you jacked that one up.

21:43

And then what I do

21:45

is I keep looking for

21:48

that in others. Yes. Yep.

21:50

And then I don't get

21:52

that in others. Correct. And

21:55

then I'd be like, yeah,

21:57

you ain't one. Because I'm

21:59

looking for. that and others.

22:02

I'm looking for that that

22:04

I messed up, that I

22:06

screwed up, that I pushed

22:08

away. And not everyone's the

22:11

same. Yeah, for sure. But

22:13

I don't think you're gonna

22:15

get over that cycle until

22:18

you give yourself grace for

22:20

not knowing what you messed

22:22

up. Because we don't know

22:25

what we don't know. Until

22:27

we know. That's facts. And

22:29

sometimes we luck up and

22:32

figure it out while we

22:34

still have the person or

22:36

the job or the money

22:39

or the house or the

22:41

business. And sometimes we lose

22:43

it before we're like, ah,

22:46

damn. I should not have

22:48

done that. Well, why did

22:50

you do it? I didn't

22:53

know no better. Okay, then

22:55

can you have grace for

22:57

yourself then? Can you forgive

23:00

you for what you did?

23:02

And to be honest, I

23:04

haven't forgiven myself, but I

23:07

have admitted that I messed

23:09

up. Mmm, dude, this is

23:11

so good. Because I, we,

23:14

I'm so, oh, bro, I

23:16

love you. I'm so glad

23:18

you made that distinction. Because

23:21

just like with the, with

23:23

the grief, moving on is

23:25

not grief. And admitting. It's

23:27

not forgiving. Damn. I haven't

23:30

met it. You've admitted it,

23:32

but we don't. We don't

23:34

teach us to forgive, bro.

23:37

Yeah. We teach. Well, you

23:39

gotta, you gotta hold yourself

23:41

accountable. So I'm holding myself

23:44

accountable, but I haven't set

23:46

back and say, you know

23:48

what, A, oh, you did

23:51

mess up. Yeah. And I

23:53

forgive you. Yes. I've left

23:55

that, I forgive you. I've

23:58

messed up. Yeah. And

24:01

people watching somebody,

24:04

yeah, he jacked up and

24:06

he crazy for it.

24:08

You know, that's the

24:11

truth though. Yeah. I gotta

24:13

forgive myself. You

24:15

gotta forgive you, A.O.

24:18

And then when you

24:20

forgive you, you can

24:22

properly grieve.

24:24

And now you're

24:26

not looking for

24:28

that shoulder. Ooh.

24:32

Because you

24:35

have

24:37

not

24:39

yet

24:41

grieved

24:45

the shoulder

24:48

you

24:51

lost

24:55

I'm not trying to elicit

24:57

an emotion. I just want

24:59

you to be aware of

25:01

crying right now, you know.

25:03

I'm like, Lord, Jesus. Okay,

25:06

but less, less, less, less,

25:08

less, less even, stay sensitive

25:10

to that right now. That

25:12

feeling that you have, and I'm

25:14

not trying to elicit an

25:17

emotion, I just want you

25:19

to be aware of your

25:21

body right now. If you feel...

25:23

like crying and you feel

25:25

tears. It's because your body's

25:28

telling you you haven't

25:30

given us the release. And

25:32

now this is the closest

25:35

you've gotten to it. And

25:37

if you would give us

25:39

permission, we get this out.

25:41

Right? And it could come

25:43

after you leave and get

25:45

in the car and fly

25:48

back or whatever. It doesn't

25:50

matter. But like that is

25:52

a, your body. will not work

25:54

with you until you

25:56

acknowledge what it's being

25:59

carrying. And it's been

26:01

carrying a lot. Mm-hmm.

26:03

It really has. It's

26:05

because I know I

26:08

jacked up. I'm fighting

26:10

to be better while

26:12

admitting that I did

26:14

wrong while still pressing

26:16

on. Still working, still

26:18

building, still ministering. But

26:21

the little boy in

26:23

the inside of me

26:25

is like, man, I

26:27

wish I wasn't by

26:29

myself right now. and

26:32

I could have been

26:34

with someone, but I

26:36

jacked that up. And

26:38

I keep reminding myself

26:40

that I jacked that

26:42

up. While working, while

26:45

smiling, while helping people

26:47

out with their money,

26:49

while delivering, you know,

26:51

money content, while writing

26:53

a book, while working

26:55

on another book, while

26:58

doing all the stuff

27:00

that inner boy in

27:02

me is like, I'm

27:04

tired of doing this

27:06

and life. by myself.

27:08

I'm tired of coming

27:11

home to a beautiful

27:13

black dog. Like I

27:15

want a black woman.

27:17

I ain't gonna say

27:19

that, but I want

27:21

a wife. Right, right,

27:24

right, right, right, for

27:26

show, for show. I'm

27:28

ready to come home

27:30

to some kids. Daddy,

27:32

you know, I'm ready

27:34

to, to, to wipe,

27:37

pee off of my

27:39

face, because they peed

27:41

on my face, I'm

27:43

changing diaper. I'm ready

27:45

for that life. Yeah.

27:47

Yeah, for sure. And

27:50

I'm like, okay. So

27:52

now I'm trying to

27:54

move right, but honestly

27:56

I have not forgiven

27:58

myself Yeah For that

28:00

yeah, so that way

28:03

I can move on

28:05

truly. Okay, so, um,

28:07

are you opposed to

28:09

us doing this right

28:11

now? What's that? Resolving

28:13

this? Oh, we can

28:16

resolve it, brother. If

28:18

I can get this

28:20

at the basement. So

28:22

I can go home.

28:24

We can resolve this.

28:26

We can resolve this.

28:29

We can resolve this.

28:31

All right. All right,

28:33

so I need you

28:35

to set up. I

28:37

need to go out

28:39

my jacket. He's somebody

28:42

get me. No, no,

28:44

no, you don't have

28:46

to take the jacket.

28:48

Just get comfortable. Both

28:50

feet, both feet on

28:53

the ground. I don't

28:55

want you to cross

28:57

your legs or nothing.

28:59

Okay. And if it's

29:01

not too uncomfortable, close

29:03

your eyes. And I

29:06

just want you to

29:08

locate what you are

29:10

feeling right now in

29:12

your body. Just locate

29:14

what you feel and

29:16

where you feel it

29:19

at. Any

29:31

place in your heart

29:33

in your heart? That's

29:35

a good that that's

29:37

a good location and

29:39

what do you if

29:41

you put your hand

29:43

on your heart and

29:45

If you could put

29:47

words To what you're

29:49

filling in your heart

29:51

right now, what would

29:53

they be? disappointment Lack

30:07

of

30:14

love

30:21

from

30:30

my partner, okay? I

30:33

also feel like I

30:35

let down my parents.

30:38

Hmm. Because it's like,

30:40

like how many you're

30:43

40, successful? There's no

30:46

reason why we don't

30:48

mean you're 40, successful.

30:51

There's no reason why

30:53

we don't have grandchildren

30:56

right now. And

31:00

I'm the topic of

31:02

discussion every holiday. Every,

31:04

why ain't this boy

31:06

married? What's going on?

31:08

That's one of the

31:10

main reasons why I

31:12

ain't do holiday with

31:15

parents this year. Because

31:17

I just didn't want

31:19

to be the topic

31:21

of discussion. It would

31:23

have been a painful

31:25

reminder. That you're still

31:27

alone. And

31:30

I'm still alone because

31:32

of me. Because of

31:35

the poor decisions that

31:37

I made. And I

31:40

just said, no, I

31:42

don't want to do

31:44

that. Okay. All right,

31:47

take a deep breath.

31:49

Let it out. All

31:51

you can relax your

31:54

hand again. You've gotten

31:56

so much out of

31:59

your heart. Yeah. and

32:01

you put some words

32:04

to it, so

32:06

that's good. So

32:09

let's talk to

32:11

A.L. right now.

32:13

What was A.O.'s

32:16

mindset when

32:19

he let this

32:21

great woman

32:23

get away?

32:27

Man, you know, the truth

32:30

is I've always wanted,

32:32

if I'm being honest,

32:34

I've always wanted

32:36

a spiritual father in

32:39

my life. It was

32:42

a spiritual father, a

32:44

unhealthy spiritual father that

32:47

told me to leave the

32:49

situation. And so I allowed

32:52

him to make a decision

32:54

in my life. for

32:57

me without me hearing

33:00

and then confirming.

33:03

And so I was

33:05

just trying to do

33:07

the right thing. And I

33:09

did the wrong thing

33:12

based upon the

33:14

wrong information that

33:17

I thought was the

33:19

right information to

33:22

make the right decision.

33:25

This particular person was

33:27

in an unhealthy place.

33:29

I Man, I can't even tell

33:31

you I cried and I even

33:34

wept with my mom and dad

33:36

in North Carolina That I

33:39

messed up But I was so

33:41

embarrassed to go back and by

33:43

the time I got the courage

33:45

to go back. She was

33:48

already in a relationship And

33:51

so that was the mindset that

33:54

I was in and when I

33:56

left. It was who I thought

33:58

was my spiritual. covering

34:00

from a mentor

34:03

perspective. He's been

34:05

married. He knows

34:07

better than me.

34:09

Let me make

34:12

that decision. And

34:14

man, I made

34:16

that decision. So

34:18

it sounds like

34:21

based on what

34:23

you just said,

34:25

this isn't all

34:28

on Anthony. I'm

34:30

trying to figure

34:32

out why would you

34:35

be taking full

34:37

blame for something that

34:39

doesn't totally involve

34:41

you? You submitted to

34:44

a mentor that

34:46

you trusted and

34:48

they gave you information

34:51

from an unhealthy

34:53

place that you found

34:55

out later. And

34:59

you made a decision

35:01

based on what

35:04

you thought was

35:06

right at the

35:08

time. Why are

35:10

you carrying your

35:12

mentors blame? I

35:14

think a part

35:17

of me is

35:19

because I ultimately

35:21

made the decision.

35:23

But that decision

35:25

was informed. by

35:29

the council he

35:31

gave you at

35:33

the time. So

35:36

you didn't make

35:38

that decision? Facts.

35:40

100% on your

35:43

own. Facts. It's

35:45

facts. No, it's

35:47

facts. So I

35:49

think part of

35:52

this exercise is

35:54

you. giving

35:58

back. a portion

36:00

of this blame that you've

36:03

put on yourself back to

36:05

his right for owner and

36:07

it's not you it's your

36:09

mentor I don't know

36:12

what percentage you would you

36:14

would put to that but if

36:16

40% was his and 60% was

36:19

yours he needs his 40

36:21

back yeah because that's a

36:23

burden you should not be

36:25

carrying right so good and

36:27

then you can Very

36:29

easily say, okay, yeah, I did I

36:32

did go through with it and I

36:34

am the one that said it whatever

36:36

but It was based on the information

36:38

I got and if and if

36:40

I would have known this person

36:42

was an unhealthy place I

36:45

wouldn't have taken that

36:47

information Now that's facts that's

36:49

facts I can forget myself

36:51

quicker when I know I

36:53

wasn't 100% the plan. I'll

36:55

take ownership for what I

36:57

did from beginning to end,

36:59

but when I know somebody

37:02

else, like I'm not going,

37:04

if both of us robbed

37:06

the bank, I'm only doing

37:08

40 of these 80 years.

37:10

I had a partner in

37:12

this. I'm not the only

37:14

one going to prison. Listen.

37:16

No, I've never thought of

37:18

that. I've never thought of

37:21

that. Because I've

37:23

always held the

37:26

responsibility for I

37:28

made the final decision.

37:31

And the truth of the

37:33

fact is I told her

37:35

and she still was

37:38

like, no. And I

37:40

forced it. And a part

37:42

of that is... That's

37:44

on me too. You know, but I mean,

37:47

hey, out of the honey, he gonna

37:49

get 50. Yeah, good. Out of the 100,

37:51

he gonna get 50, because I

37:53

got a, I got a, I got a,

37:55

I got a hold it to myself. I

37:57

didn't confirm it. Yep. I took it. Yeah.

38:00

And that's not what a man should

38:02

do. Yeah, for sure. I should always

38:04

go back to the word, pray for

38:06

myself, and get that confirmation. For sure.

38:09

But I didn't do it because he,

38:11

I thought he was just solid. Yeah,

38:13

for sure, absolutely. But now he

38:15

can get 50%. Yeah, absolutely, that's

38:17

fantastic. I want to cuss him

38:19

out there with that fit. He

38:21

ain't gonna lie. Yeah, hey, for

38:23

sure. And man, that that lifts

38:26

a burden a burden, a huge

38:28

burden. That lifts a

38:30

burden instantaneously to

38:32

know like this

38:34

I was not in this

38:36

wasn't on me No,

38:38

this wasn't on me really

38:41

does and when I

38:43

think about it too. I'm

38:45

getting a little upset

38:48

because he happy Hmm

38:50

He moved on from

38:52

his situation to

38:55

his new situation Oh

38:57

and I missed out on

38:59

my blessing. Yep. But

39:02

you're okay because

39:04

you gave ill advice

39:06

and then you moved

39:08

on to your new

39:10

situation that you happy.

39:13

He gonna get his

39:15

victims. Amen. And he

39:18

may get a phone

39:20

call. He may get

39:22

interest. He may get

39:25

interest. Yeah. How do you feel?

39:27

No, I feel relieved. Like I

39:29

feel like, yeah, yeah, I feel like,

39:31

okay, I feel 50% lighter and I

39:34

feel like while I want a

39:36

shoulder, I'm not looking for that

39:38

shoulder. Good. You know, okay. All

39:41

right, this is good. All right,

39:43

so let's lock in for a

39:45

little bit more because this

39:47

was, we all need, we need to

39:50

clear all that out so we could

39:52

get to the point where we could

39:54

forgive A. Okay, because we're not there

39:56

yet. We're about to get there right

39:59

now. Okay, all right, so so Alright,

40:01

let's reset again. Cross

40:03

your legs. Yep, and

40:05

just make sure you're

40:07

grounded, take a deep

40:09

breath in. Let it

40:11

out. Let's do one

40:13

more. Let it out.

40:16

Let's do one more.

40:18

Let it out. I

40:20

would like you to

40:22

comfortably just put your

40:24

hands on your head.

40:26

There's a specific reason

40:28

why I'm doing this,

40:30

because you are a

40:32

thinker. And you live

40:34

in your head. That's

40:37

why you've been able

40:39

to do all these

40:41

successful things, because you

40:43

go swim around your

40:45

head, you pull out

40:47

all these genius ideas,

40:49

and then you know

40:51

how to monetize them

40:53

at all, and you

40:56

make a lot of

40:58

money. Right, great. I

41:02

don't want your

41:04

head to be

41:06

in the way

41:09

of forgiving yourself.

41:11

I don't want

41:14

you to reason

41:16

yourself out of

41:18

grace for yourself.

41:21

A.O. You are

41:23

not perfect. You

41:26

do not bat

41:28

a thousand. You

41:30

do not always

41:33

get it right.

41:35

And it. It

41:37

is okay. I

41:40

do not want

41:42

you to penalize

41:45

yourself. For a

41:47

mistake you made

41:49

at a season

41:52

of your life,

41:54

or you didn't

41:57

know any better.

41:59

And where you

42:01

got bad entail.

42:04

submitted to authority

42:06

that wound up

42:09

to be wrong.

42:11

And the good

42:13

girl got away.

42:16

And she's in

42:18

another relationship. And

42:21

you can't go

42:23

back and get

42:25

her. And

42:30

I just

42:34

want you

42:38

to forgive

42:41

yourself. Would

42:45

that be

42:49

difficult? A

42:53

little. Good.

42:59

I think a part

43:02

of me just doesn't

43:05

want to do it

43:07

again. You don't want

43:10

to make the same

43:12

mistake again? No. I

43:15

understand. And I'm trying

43:18

not to do that

43:20

again now. That's why

43:23

I'm moving with intentions.

43:32

It's like I'm

43:34

trying to make

43:36

up for the

43:38

past by fixing

43:40

it in the

43:42

present. That sounds

43:44

hard. Based on

43:46

what you said,

43:49

it sounds like

43:51

you would have

43:53

to think a

43:55

lot. That you

43:57

would have to.

44:01

Be thinking through so

44:03

many variables as opposed

44:05

to just being in

44:08

the moment with this

44:10

in a new relationship

44:12

and It sounds like

44:14

you would have to

44:16

be trying like I

44:18

want to make sure

44:20

I don't do that

44:23

again. I don't say

44:25

that again. I make

44:27

sure do it this

44:29

way this time. No,

44:31

that's facts it seems

44:33

hard I got a

44:35

list of don'ts. Don't

44:38

say this don't do

44:40

this Don't bring this

44:42

up than the first

44:44

week. Say this, say

44:46

that, do this, do

44:48

that. And it still

44:50

ain't working. Yeah, it

44:53

sounds hard. That would

44:55

be hard to maintain.

44:57

Yeah. What

44:59

would need to change

45:02

about the way you

45:04

think in order to

45:06

for you to forgive

45:08

yourself? I don't know.

45:11

Since being here, I've

45:13

forgiven myself. I think

45:15

it's just difficult because

45:17

I don't want to

45:19

repeat it. Understood. You

45:22

know, I don't want

45:24

to repeat it. I

45:28

don't want to grow

45:30

old and be alone,

45:33

man. Yeah, for sure.

45:35

I don't want to

45:38

experience dying and going

45:40

to heaven alone. So

45:43

it's like I just

45:45

have this, stay in

45:48

this lane, and don't

45:50

make those mistakes. And

45:52

my head, I'll get

45:55

a wife. But

45:58

you're absolutely right It

46:01

is like I'm walking on

46:03

glass. And I'm fearful that

46:06

I'll say something or do

46:08

something. And then I,

46:10

she'll walk away or I'll

46:13

walk away. So that's just,

46:15

that's what I'm saying, the

46:18

little part of forgiving, since

46:20

being here, forgiving is

46:22

there. Okay, it's just not

46:25

as easy. Understood. You know.

46:27

And, uh, but no. I've

46:30

got it. I've got it.

46:32

I know I was

46:34

coming here to talk like

46:37

this though. Don't be a

46:39

notice. Happy New Year. I'm

46:42

like, hey, maybe we won't

46:44

have a good conversation.

46:46

This man got me over

46:49

here crying. Got me

46:51

over here forgiving myself. That

46:53

I didn't know that I

46:56

needed. Mm. Because all

46:58

we hear is accountability. Mm-hmm.

47:00

We don't hear accountability and

47:03

forgiveness. Yeah, absolutely. And I'm,

47:05

okay, I'm holding myself accountable.

47:08

I'm holding myself accountable.

47:10

I jacked up, I messed

47:12

up, I messed up, but

47:15

I've never fully sit down

47:17

and said, Anthony, you did.

47:20

And while it's not

47:22

okay, you gotta forgive yourself

47:24

so you can move on.

47:27

Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. Absolutely.

47:31

So yeah, it ain't

47:33

easy. No for sure, but

47:35

it's done. It's a big

47:38

deal, bro Yeah It's a

47:40

big deal that even like

47:43

goes into other things

47:45

you got me thinking

47:47

now. I'm like I

47:49

don't I need to forget

47:51

myself about this business decision

47:54

that I made that failed

47:56

Right, I need to forget

47:59

myself about this thing

48:01

that cost me a

48:03

lot of money that

48:05

I should not have spent

48:07

money on. Yeah, and that

48:10

failed. Yeah, it's like now.

48:12

I'm like wait a minute.

48:15

There's There's quite a

48:17

few things. I need

48:19

to forgive myself for

48:21

one. Yeah. Because I didn't

48:23

forgive myself for one. Now

48:26

I'm trying to make sure

48:28

it never happens again. Yeah.

48:31

And then it's stressing

48:33

me out. Yeah. Well,

48:35

do you know that

48:37

there are Hall of Fame

48:40

baseball players in Cooperstown immortalized

48:42

forever with a batting average

48:45

of like 23%? They

48:47

hit 23% of those

48:49

pitches thrown and they're

48:51

in Cooperstown for ever. Wow.

48:53

So they didn't even hit

48:56

half. They didn't even hit

48:58

half. They didn't even hit

49:01

if they were real

49:03

three fours. They didn't

49:05

hit three. They didn't

49:07

hit a literal quarter. They're

49:09

in the Hall of Fame.

49:12

Kobe Bryant, I don't know

49:14

if he's still the record

49:17

holder, but Cody, Kobe

49:19

Bryant had the most

49:21

missed field goals of

49:23

any basketball player in NBA

49:25

history. Nobody talks about those.

49:28

Don't mural in shrine to

49:30

the missus. Facts. Facts. But

49:33

you don't make if

49:35

you don't miss. Right.

49:37

That is so true.

49:39

You don't make if you

49:41

don't shoot and you don't

49:44

miss if you don't shoot.

49:46

Wow. We keep telling people

49:49

to shoot they shot

49:51

like there's some marksmen.

49:53

Wow. Like these niggles

49:55

went to sniper training. Right.

49:57

You know what I'm saying?

50:00

We got here judging people

50:02

for failures and the

50:04

only retort any failure

50:06

should have is nigga

50:08

Lisa I tried. Right. Where

50:11

was you? Right. Right. Not

50:13

as facts. You know what

50:16

I'm saying? Facts. Oh he

50:18

got booed off American

50:20

Idol. Nigga where was

50:22

you? Right. And audience

50:24

on TV. At the house?

50:27

Didn't even make it to

50:29

American Idol. Can't even get

50:32

past the semi... Right? So

50:34

it's this, it's this,

50:36

we are, and especially

50:38

as men, and then

50:40

double down as black men,

50:43

or triple down as black

50:45

men, this myth that we

50:48

must be mistake free. Wow.

50:50

I'm making moves. Five

50:53

of them were terrible

50:55

and two made it.

50:57

Praise them. We gonna make

50:59

budget this year. Right, right.

51:02

You know what I'm saying?

51:04

We just make it

51:06

moves. I don't know

51:08

which moves gonna work

51:10

sometimes and that. Yeah. Yeah.

51:13

I need some more to.

51:15

Yeah, for show, man. Take

51:18

your time. Take your time.

51:20

Take me off camera.

51:22

It's available at your

51:24

local retailers, Tree of

51:26

Life Bible. W-W-W-T-O-V Bible society.org.

51:29

It's a beautiful Bible. This

51:31

is some faux leather with

51:34

gilded pages and a nice

51:36

little tree on the

51:38

front. A little bit

51:40

wraps around the back.

51:42

It's a beautiful Bible and

51:45

I fully endorse it and

51:47

feel like that everyone should

51:50

give it a shot. It's

51:52

a translation that will...

51:54

Bring you back to

51:56

the roots of what

51:58

it is. be a bona

52:01

fide Gentile. What the heck

52:03

is going on there? I was

52:05

trying to have a commercial

52:08

break. I tried to

52:10

have legitimate commercial

52:12

break so you could get

52:14

rehydrated. I bet I got

52:16

music playing talking about a

52:18

tree of life in the

52:21

Bible. What's going on here

52:23

at the basement? This is

52:25

what we do? I just

52:27

made up an ad spot.

52:29

I'm coming back once a

52:32

quarter. You should. Oh my

52:34

goodness, boy, I needed that

52:36

break though. How do you

52:38

feel now? No, I feel

52:40

great, man. Yeah, I feel

52:43

great, man. Yeah, real talk.

52:45

Like, I didn't know I

52:47

needed that. Yep. Being vulnerable, thank

52:49

you. Yeah, for show. You know,

52:51

I'm ready to go home. No,

52:54

we can end it right now.

52:56

No, I'm just playing. Oh, bro,

52:58

like, hey, man. No, no, no.

53:01

I'm talking about like go home

53:03

and end. Yeah, I know what you're

53:05

saying. I know exactly what you're

53:07

saying. I know exactly what you're

53:10

saying. I know exactly what you're

53:12

saying. I know exactly what you're

53:14

saying. You're like, hey, I ain't

53:17

looking for that shoulder no more.

53:19

But I don't need shoulders. You

53:21

want to have peace. You know

53:24

somebody that's been in the car

53:26

accident? I just caught that like,

53:28

wait, you do need two shoulders.

53:31

Hold on, wait a minute, if

53:33

he's got one. We got a

53:35

problem. I mean, you can take

53:37

him? Oh, let's go. Huh? Boy, I'm

53:40

coming here often. If I got a

53:42

problem, you know what? I'll need no

53:44

therapist. I'm going to the basement. I'm

53:47

gonna pay you money for I'm gonna

53:50

catch a flight. That's hilarious, therapy is

53:52

important. It is, it is. It is.

53:54

Not like, therapy has helped me out

53:57

tremendously. Me too, me too. But I mean, that

53:59

part, right? I think that's more

54:01

God than it is therapy.

54:03

Yeah, for sure. You know

54:06

what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

54:08

Yeah. I needed that. For

54:10

sure. I feel good. Good,

54:12

man. Good. Yeah. Well, listen,

54:14

that's a, that's a, that's

54:16

a good pivot. Let's talk

54:19

about your book. Man. Let's

54:21

talk about the book. You

54:23

wrote a book. You got

54:25

me crying. Or

54:27

take your place. No, take

54:30

your seat. Take your seat

54:32

at the table. Yeah. What

54:34

made you write this book? Because

54:36

we are writing books now.

54:38

We all are. We are in

54:41

that age where we're writing books.

54:43

Yeah, no hands out. Yeah. You

54:45

know, man, I was in an interview

54:48

with the very, very,

54:50

very, very well-known magazine.

54:52

and they were interviewing all

54:55

of us because we

54:57

were helping someone else

54:59

build their legacy in their

55:01

future. And in the magazine,

55:03

I'll never forget the lady

55:05

said, hey, we've talked about

55:08

this particular person, right? Let's

55:10

talk about you. What legacy are

55:12

you building for yourself? She

55:14

said, you've done all this

55:17

great work on helping this

55:19

organization build, helping churches build,

55:22

helping these people build. build

55:24

for himself. Tim I love to talk.

55:26

I can come up with a answer. Yeah

55:29

for sure. I could not come up with

55:31

an answer that day. You were

55:33

stuck. I was stuck. Wow. Because

55:35

for almost 30 something years of

55:37

my life it's been about helping

55:39

and building someone else. Yeah. And

55:42

when I went home and I

55:44

got so emotional because all I could

55:46

write down was I got a

55:48

four one K. and a life

55:51

insurance check. And that's it. All

55:53

the gifts, all the tools that

55:55

God gave me, I use that

55:57

for someone else. Yep.

56:00

but not for my family. Yeah. And

56:02

I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait,

56:04

wait, wait. I've used it to help

56:06

this bank send their grandchildren to

56:08

college that free. I use it

56:10

to build this company to where

56:13

this particular company can do $500

56:15

million a year for an example.

56:17

I've used my gifts and my

56:20

talents for all this, but come

56:22

home. I get the leftovers of

56:24

the fruit of my labor. My

56:26

family, if I had a children,

56:28

they get the leftovers. of all

56:30

that. And I said, that looks

56:32

good. Is that a cake?

56:34

Cheesecake. Your mom made

56:37

that? I am so sorry.

56:39

And it's vegan. It's

56:41

vegan? Yeah, it's a

56:44

vegan cheesecake and it's

56:46

amazing. So there's

56:48

no sugar? There's, no

56:50

dairy. No dairy? It's vegan.

56:53

A vegan cheesecake. With all

56:55

them chains around your neck,

56:57

man, I really want to

57:00

try one, but I don't want

57:02

to get in no trouble. I

57:04

was hoping he was going to

57:06

ask me and I'm so sorry.

57:08

Bro, if you want the cheesecake.

57:11

I went half of a cheesecake.

57:13

Yeah, give him one of the

57:15

cheesecake. I mean, can we just

57:17

talk about these chains? I don't

57:19

know. I mean, $10. $3 for the chain?

57:21

Timu. I mean, I love this. This

57:24

is budget. Yeah, he's budgeted.

57:26

This cake looks so okay.

57:29

I'm sorry. Let's talk about

57:31

his book. I'm sorry. I

57:33

mean, this is your fault.

57:36

You got the basement used

57:38

to we just we just

57:41

do anything. I've been seeing

57:43

y'all use the bathroom in

57:45

the middle of the show. Yeah,

57:47

bro. Absolutely. Oh

57:50

my God. This is vegan That's

57:52

a vegan biscuit, uh,

57:54

Biskoff cheesecake. Like the

57:57

Biskoff cookie? Q

58:00

the music man. Not

58:02

kill the music! Ladies

58:05

and gentlemen, I'm sitting

58:07

here, I'm taking my

58:10

second bite of

58:12

this beautiful cheesecake. I

58:14

have never in my

58:16

life had vegan cheesecake. Yet

58:18

alone by the hands of

58:21

the one and only Miss

58:23

Ross. Ladies and gentlemen, I

58:25

don't know her fee. It

58:28

ain't cheap. If you like

58:30

to put your order in,

58:32

just email vegan at the

58:34

basement.com, vegan at the basement.com,

58:37

tell them that Anthony O'Neill

58:39

sent this, that she made

58:41

this from scratch, and it

58:43

don't taste like it was

58:46

made from scratch. So bad in

58:48

my book. This is hilarious. This

58:50

is my favorite episode of the

58:52

year so far. That's

58:57

about to say, what in

58:59

the world is going on?

59:01

That's instant seawalk, I know,

59:03

I was like, hold up,

59:05

bro, I'll be over the

59:07

book, like, oh, that's hilarious,

59:09

bro. I love the basement.

59:11

And so man, when I

59:13

went home, I felt convicted

59:15

that God fearfully and

59:18

wonderfully made me, he

59:20

gave me these gifts, he gave

59:22

me these talents. And I

59:24

said, man, it's time for me to

59:26

take a seat at the head of

59:29

my life. And that the whole time,

59:31

I'm thinking I'm at the head, but

59:33

the whole time I'm at the side

59:36

of my table, and I'm allowing my

59:38

bosses, I'm allowing banks, I'm allowing culture,

59:40

I'm allowing society, I'm allowing spiritual fathers

59:43

who are not healthy, I'm allowing

59:45

girlfriends to tell me how to live my

59:47

life. So the table is just an analogy

59:49

of my life. And I was sitting at

59:52

the side table. You got the head at

59:54

the table, you got side seats, and you

59:56

got the opposite head of the table. Yeah,

59:58

for sure. I'm sitting. on the side. And

1:00:01

whenever I wanted to take a vacation

1:00:03

or probably ever wanted to spend time

1:00:05

and just heal and just get away,

1:00:07

I had to ask for permission to

1:00:09

do that. If I wanted to grow

1:00:11

spiritually, I had to ask for permission

1:00:14

to do that and how to do

1:00:16

that. When if God made me, I realized

1:00:18

that if I'm going to reach my

1:00:20

full potential, I got to change seats. Yes,

1:00:22

good. So it's not that my pastor shouldn't

1:00:25

be at my table. It's not that my

1:00:27

job shouldn't not be at my table. Right,

1:00:29

right. They shouldn't be at the head at

1:00:31

the head. And oftentimes a lot of people

1:00:34

think we're at the head when really we're

1:00:36

at the side. Prime example, one of my

1:00:38

home girls, man, doing amazing right now, but

1:00:41

man, about five years ago, we met up

1:00:43

at Starbucks. She always came to me to

1:00:45

get some money advice, right? And at that

1:00:47

time, it would be her and her husband,

1:00:50

but her husband had to say on the

1:00:52

job. And so we met at the public

1:00:54

place to make sure nothing was crazy. Because

1:00:56

I was gonna go to their house and

1:00:58

I said, hey, your husband can't make it.

1:01:00

Let's meet that Starbucks. Just be on

1:01:02

the safe side. Get there. She's like,

1:01:04

hey. in a year, you can do

1:01:06

this. And then in two years, you'll

1:01:09

do that. And then by three years,

1:01:11

you'll be a director. But then now,

1:01:13

if you wanna be a VP of

1:01:16

the company, you gotta work three more

1:01:18

years and you'll be making like $150,000

1:01:20

a month. But wait, you cannot have

1:01:23

a baby anytime soon. Because if you

1:01:25

have a baby, then it stops the

1:01:27

process. And she was like, I

1:01:29

mean, that's amazing, right? I said, wait.

1:01:31

So your boss told you. how to

1:01:34

live the next seven years

1:01:36

of your life that benefits

1:01:38

him, but never asks

1:01:41

you what do you want to

1:01:43

do with your life. She leaned

1:01:45

back and she was like,

1:01:48

yeah, I said, and pause,

1:01:50

my brother said, y'all want

1:01:52

a baby. I know he wasn't

1:01:54

talking about in the next

1:01:56

10 years. Well, he

1:01:59

wanted that. next 24

1:02:01

months. So you really don't

1:02:03

go home and tell your

1:02:05

husband that your boss

1:02:07

said, you can't have a

1:02:09

baby for at least seven

1:02:11

to ten years. I said,

1:02:14

since that's not, that's not

1:02:16

God. It's your life and

1:02:18

your life. You should determine

1:02:21

when you want kids. And

1:02:23

your job should either be

1:02:25

like, okay or no. That's

1:02:27

fine. But your job doesn't tell you.

1:02:29

Yeah, buddy. What to do with your

1:02:32

life? Yeah, buddy. Man, she went home.

1:02:34

Her and her husband called me

1:02:36

on speaker phone. And it was like,

1:02:39

A.O. Thank you for telling my

1:02:41

wife that because, bro, that pissed

1:02:43

me off that her boss told

1:02:45

her what to do with the

1:02:47

next seven years of her life.

1:02:49

Wow. And my wife was excited

1:02:51

about that before talking about you

1:02:53

because you're like, yo, we need

1:02:55

$150,000 a year. I'm going to

1:02:57

get the promotion and the status

1:02:59

of what I want. And man,

1:03:01

they put together a plan. They say,

1:03:03

you know, for the next two years,

1:03:05

we're going to have a baby until

1:03:07

two years from now. Because they just

1:03:09

got married. It's like, year one, we

1:03:12

want to focus on us. Year two,

1:03:14

we going to put in the work

1:03:16

to have a baby by the year

1:03:18

three. She took back rain over her

1:03:20

life and she put herself into a

1:03:22

position to where when she had a

1:03:24

baby, she can leave the company and

1:03:26

she started her own business. Wow.

1:03:28

And consulting, doing the same thing

1:03:30

and now making more money from

1:03:33

home while also being a mother

1:03:35

and her husband is still thriving.

1:03:37

And I'm like, how many of us are

1:03:39

not taking the seat of the head of

1:03:42

our life? That's really good, bro. And I

1:03:44

was like, I'm gonna talk about it.

1:03:46

Because I had I had to step away

1:03:48

And I love where I was you know,

1:03:50

and I don't like mention the names because

1:03:52

I'm gonna be disrespectful But I love where

1:03:54

I was I was working my dream job,

1:03:56

but I also realized I was like I'm

1:03:58

not called to be this Yeah, yeah, for

1:04:01

sure. I'm called to be

1:04:03

something else. Yeah, yeah. And

1:04:05

I had to step out

1:04:07

and it was scary, it

1:04:09

was fearful, because no one

1:04:11

gave me the navigation system

1:04:13

on how to do that.

1:04:15

Yeah. And that's exactly

1:04:17

what this book is. Hey,

1:04:20

talk to me about, how, when

1:04:22

did you notice or discover

1:04:24

this is what I wasn't

1:04:27

supposed to do? anymore because

1:04:29

you were at your dream job.

1:04:31

You were doing what you wanted

1:04:33

to do. You were part of

1:04:35

a great team. Oh man. They

1:04:37

were empowering you to do everything

1:04:40

that you were doing. Yes sir.

1:04:42

What changes when I couldn't

1:04:44

do it for the people who

1:04:47

I really wanted to when I

1:04:49

wanted to? When I realized that

1:04:51

I know I'm supposed to be

1:04:53

talking to this particular group

1:04:56

of people. But when

1:04:58

you're attached to somebody

1:05:00

else's dream You got to submit

1:05:02

to that for sure a thousand

1:05:05

percent, which is 100% The right thing

1:05:07

to do at that time. Absolutely correct

1:05:09

for sure, but then when I would

1:05:12

go home. I will be crying I

1:05:14

would feel like I'm not fulfilling my

1:05:16

purpose Because I'm not doing what I

1:05:19

know I was created to do

1:05:21

And I think that's how you

1:05:23

know when you're not sitting at

1:05:25

the head of your table is

1:05:27

when you feel like you're, I'm

1:05:30

not, there's something that I'm not

1:05:32

doing. Yes. And when you have

1:05:34

that, you've got to step back

1:05:36

and be like, what is that?

1:05:39

Because here's the truth. Not

1:05:41

everyone is called to be

1:05:43

a Tim. Not everyone's called

1:05:45

to be a Michael Jordan.

1:05:47

Right. Because if there was

1:05:49

no Scotty Pippin. But I do

1:05:51

want to call this out. Derek

1:05:53

Rose Jersey, number one, just

1:05:56

got retired. Right for Lisa.

1:05:58

Right for Lisa. Yeah. Michael. So

1:06:00

Jordans was retired. Who was next

1:06:02

to Michael Jordan? Scotty Pippin.

1:06:04

He was the second man. Yeah. So

1:06:06

I think a lot of people get

1:06:08

confused that if I'm going to be

1:06:10

somebody I have to be the first

1:06:12

man. No. I got to be the

1:06:14

boss. I got to be the entrepreneur.

1:06:16

No, no, no, no. You have to

1:06:18

operate in your purpose well. Right. That's

1:06:20

right. And Scotty Pippin knew, I'm not

1:06:22

number one. I'm not Jordan, but I'm

1:06:25

going to play my position. My position.

1:06:27

Like a Jordan, if that makes sense.

1:06:29

Yeah, it makes perfect. I'm gonna be

1:06:31

the best second point man in the

1:06:33

league. And because he focused on

1:06:35

that, Istanbul got retired. And so

1:06:37

for me, what I tell everybody man

1:06:39

is step back, who are you,

1:06:41

who did God create you to

1:06:44

be? Right. And when you, when

1:06:46

you come up with that. you

1:06:48

got to fulfill that. That's right.

1:06:50

And so if God says, yo,

1:06:52

you're a great executive assistant, you

1:06:54

need to be the Michael Jordan

1:06:56

of executive assistance. Yeah, absolutely. And

1:06:58

you need to be sitting the

1:07:00

head of your life and leading that.

1:07:03

Yeah, for sure. Right. But then also,

1:07:05

and I'm going to say this, some

1:07:07

people, but it is what it is.

1:07:09

I'm with it. Just because you have

1:07:11

a job, everybody should be entrepreneurial.

1:07:14

Yes. Because. That job, I

1:07:16

told it to my team members, my

1:07:18

responsibility is not to pay your bills.

1:07:21

My responsibility is not to fulfill

1:07:23

your dreams. My responsibility is not even

1:07:25

to fulfill the assignment God gave on

1:07:27

you. My responsibility is to steward

1:07:29

you while you're here with me and

1:07:32

pay you the best that I

1:07:34

can pay you. What you do when

1:07:36

you go home is your responsibility.

1:07:38

I agree. And so take your skills

1:07:40

from here and go home and

1:07:42

build something that you own that I

1:07:45

can't touch. Because if something happens

1:07:47

to this company, A-O. Right.

1:07:49

It's taking care of. Right, right,

1:07:51

right. And before I fire anybody,

1:07:54

I'm not firing me. Right, right.

1:07:56

Exactly. I'm the last one off

1:07:58

the plane. I have a parachute

1:08:01

and I have a parachute. Right. A

1:08:03

good one at that. Exactly. I know

1:08:05

mine is going to work. The problem

1:08:08

is do you know yours is going

1:08:10

to work. And are you positioning yourself

1:08:12

for if that season comes, what are

1:08:14

you doing? Yeah. And so oftentimes what

1:08:17

we'll do is we'll allow the boss

1:08:19

to sit at the head of our

1:08:21

table and then the boss gets up

1:08:23

and says I'm done. And then now

1:08:25

our whole life is shattered. What do

1:08:28

we do? What do I do? What

1:08:30

happened? I thought my whole company, but

1:08:32

my whole life around this company, they

1:08:34

just fired me. But that's your

1:08:36

fault. Right. Yes, you were called to

1:08:38

serve, but you gave them the wrong

1:08:40

position. Hmm. That should be

1:08:42

inside. Right. One seat. Right. Right.

1:08:44

Right. Right. Not controlling the entire

1:08:47

table. Yeah, that's good. And

1:08:49

that happens to so many.

1:08:51

people. This is why they're

1:08:53

not starting jobs. This is

1:08:55

why black families are dying

1:08:57

left and right when it

1:08:59

comes to finances. It's because

1:09:01

we haven't taken the seat

1:09:03

to sit down and talk to

1:09:05

our spouses on the opposite side. So

1:09:08

you know what? What are we doing

1:09:10

and how are we building for

1:09:12

our families? You know, how

1:09:14

do we have this conversation?

1:09:16

That man, I had to

1:09:18

reposition people from from my

1:09:20

table. I had to let go

1:09:22

of certain family members. Yeah. You know,

1:09:24

I share in this book how I think

1:09:27

sometimes at our table in our lives,

1:09:29

we give our parents too much

1:09:31

authority. facts.com. And I was

1:09:33

like, man, my parents will always

1:09:35

have access to my life, but

1:09:37

in certain seasons, they don't sit at

1:09:40

my table. Yes. My dad can't teach

1:09:42

me how to build a multiple

1:09:44

seven figure business. Right. So he can't

1:09:46

sit at the table when I'm trying to

1:09:49

build a multiple seven-figure business. Yeah, for sure.

1:09:51

Because if I ask him, I'm going to

1:09:53

fail. Right. Because he's going to give me

1:09:55

the wrong advice. Right. And so we have

1:09:57

to learn how in seasons, seats will change.

1:10:00

And it's okay. I can love Mom

1:10:02

and Dad like crazy. But Mom and

1:10:04

Dad has never built a podcast

1:10:06

studio. They've never built, you know,

1:10:08

a multiple seven-figure business. They've never

1:10:11

gotten out of debt. I need

1:10:13

someone in that chair who can

1:10:15

help me get it even better.

1:10:17

And so in this book, I'm

1:10:20

teaching how do we, one, take an

1:10:22

assessment, step back, I'm like, who

1:10:24

needs to be at the table?

1:10:27

And who doesn't? Yes. And then

1:10:29

move them out. And how do

1:10:31

we get the right people in?

1:10:33

And we progress forward. But there

1:10:35

is one seat that would never

1:10:38

be filled by anybody other than

1:10:40

my wife. And that seat

1:10:42

will remain vacant. Yeah,

1:10:44

for sure. Because I know I'm

1:10:47

called to be married. Yep.

1:10:49

And I want to make sure

1:10:51

that seat is vacant. Yeah. But

1:10:53

that's why I wrote that book,

1:10:56

man. Yeah. While I'm eating his

1:10:58

ice cream. that you are

1:11:00

taking the time to

1:11:03

help people be

1:11:05

empowered to see their

1:11:07

role and their

1:11:10

own significance because,

1:11:12

bro, you are really

1:11:15

into that. What questions

1:11:17

do you have? You

1:11:19

seem to be, I

1:11:22

need to interview

1:11:24

your wife. Because

1:11:27

there's no way in the

1:11:29

world this is vegan. That's

1:11:32

vegan. Through and through. I

1:11:34

just feel the Lord in

1:11:36

this right here now. Bro, I

1:11:39

feel you. Yeah. Like Tim. I

1:11:41

see why you were happily

1:11:43

married. When I tell

1:11:45

you happily? Marily, merely,

1:11:47

merely life is but a

1:11:50

stream. Hey man, cue that

1:11:52

music canned out. Yeah, you

1:11:54

know. Now

1:11:57

we're getting Michael Jackson

1:12:00

Now, dear future wife

1:12:02

here, I need you to

1:12:04

come with this

1:12:06

annoying thing over your

1:12:09

hands. As a matter

1:12:11

of fact, I have

1:12:13

a great relationship

1:12:16

with the Rosses, and

1:12:18

if you need to

1:12:21

come here before

1:12:23

you even see me.

1:12:25

I can connect that.

1:12:28

I said he wasn't here

1:12:30

because it's 12 degrees outside,

1:12:32

but he's in his house.

1:12:35

He just came back. He

1:12:37

came there house. I'm eating

1:12:40

all of this? Yeah, for

1:12:42

sure. I've never had

1:12:44

anything vegan. Yeah, that's,

1:12:46

so, so I, um,

1:12:48

get this from me.

1:12:51

Get this from me.

1:12:53

Get this from me.

1:12:55

This from me is

1:12:57

hilarious. All

1:12:59

right, so I'm the only

1:13:01

person in the family who

1:13:03

has done it, but my

1:13:06

Diet is now a

1:13:08

mostly raw vegan diet

1:13:10

raw vegan Which means

1:13:12

you don't cook anything

1:13:14

over 140 degrees. What

1:13:16

so everything I eat

1:13:18

is alive. It's just

1:13:20

seeds and fruit and

1:13:22

that kind of stuff

1:13:25

like that's it leafy-greened

1:13:28

blah blah blah blah anyway

1:13:30

are you okay I'm good but

1:13:32

on the weekends I'll eat

1:13:34

something vegan which means it's

1:13:36

it's cooked it's usually cooked

1:13:39

yeah like I had a

1:13:41

big cali burrito yesterday wow

1:13:43

from my favorite vegan restaurant

1:13:46

shout out to a petitas dope

1:13:49

restaurant but my wife because

1:13:51

my boys have food allergies

1:13:53

okay she's always like Like,

1:13:55

let me, let me find something

1:13:58

that's, that's vegan, so she... This

1:14:00

is like her third cake in

1:14:02

like five days. She literally just

1:14:04

goes online like, oh, I'm

1:14:06

gonna try this one. So that

1:14:09

Biskoff cheesecake, she made a

1:14:11

chocolate cake the other day.

1:14:13

And you can eat that because

1:14:15

it's below 140. I mean,

1:14:17

well, no, it's baked and, you

1:14:19

know, but on the days that

1:14:22

I'm not, I'm mostly raw vegan.

1:14:24

On the days that I'm not

1:14:26

raw vegan, I'm vegan. Because

1:14:28

listen. No, I was about to tell

1:14:30

you. Tim, you're missing out. I

1:14:32

get down with that. I get down

1:14:35

with that right there. What? Yeah,

1:14:37

stuff is good. That's good. Yeah,

1:14:39

that's good. I'm sorry to throw

1:14:41

you off. No, you're not throwing

1:14:43

me off, bro. Jesus. You wrote

1:14:45

this book and it is like,

1:14:47

I'm just thankful that you wrote

1:14:49

a book that is helping people

1:14:51

find. their significance. I'm

1:14:54

all about helping

1:14:56

people find their

1:14:58

significance. Yeah.

1:15:01

And their purpose. Yeah. And

1:15:03

for them to be, you

1:15:05

know, my boys are, my

1:15:07

boys are heavy gamers. They

1:15:10

got it honest. I'm

1:15:12

a gamer. Okay. And

1:15:14

they'll always say, Bro

1:15:16

thinks he's the main

1:15:19

character. While some

1:15:21

people have taken that to the

1:15:23

extreme, if we don't see ourselves in

1:15:25

a positive light in our own narrative

1:15:28

and our own story, to your point,

1:15:30

we wind up at the side of the table.

1:15:32

I never thought I was worried that it

1:15:34

said they had in my table. Because I

1:15:37

was like, I'm young, I'm a little bit

1:15:39

immature, I don't know what I'm doing.

1:15:41

Yeah. And again, I'll just go back

1:15:43

to that scripture. It's a simple scripture,

1:15:45

but God fearfully and wonderfully may. Yes,

1:15:47

sir. I didn't believe I was fearfully

1:15:49

and wonderfully made. Yeah. And so I'm

1:15:51

thinking, oh, he's older, so he could

1:15:54

tell me what to do. Oh, he

1:15:56

says he's that, he's that. And it

1:15:58

wasn't until I realized that this. This

1:16:00

is my life. This is my

1:16:02

life that God has given

1:16:04

me. And so, Tim, you're

1:16:06

gonna sit decide. You're not

1:16:08

gonna tell me what to

1:16:10

do. Right. But you're at

1:16:13

the table. Yeah, for sure.

1:16:15

You know, mom, you're gonna

1:16:17

sit at the table. But

1:16:19

you know, mom, you're gonna

1:16:21

sit at the table. But

1:16:23

this is not your life.

1:16:25

And I think sometimes, and

1:16:27

I'll talk about this. I

1:16:29

have had this conversation with

1:16:31

my parents. Like I'm a grown man. And

1:16:34

Mommy, y'all gotta respect me where I'm

1:16:36

not 15 or more. And so you

1:16:38

gotta understand that, hey, what I'm doing

1:16:40

now is gonna be different from what

1:16:42

you may think I should do, but

1:16:44

this is my life and I'm gonna

1:16:46

make that decision. And what I need

1:16:48

you to do is my mom and

1:16:50

dad pray for me. But don't try

1:16:52

to come in here and dictate how

1:16:55

I do it. Yeah, I agree with

1:16:57

you, man. There's so many athletes. Yes.

1:16:59

There's so many entertainers.

1:17:01

There's so many people

1:17:04

that their parents don't

1:17:06

know how to make

1:17:08

that transition from coach

1:17:11

and their teens to

1:17:13

counselor and advisor

1:17:15

in their 20s. No.

1:17:17

Like you're grown now.

1:17:19

I have to. You got to.

1:17:22

You're going to have to take

1:17:24

some else. Yeah. Like, hey, if

1:17:26

you want my counsel, I'll give

1:17:28

it to you. But I learned

1:17:30

from my life coach a few

1:17:32

years ago, unsolicited advice

1:17:35

rarely is adhered to.

1:17:37

I was almost going, it's

1:17:39

never. I didn't ask you. Why

1:17:41

are you talking? I didn't ask

1:17:43

you. I did not ask you.

1:17:45

So you telling me. Yeah. Even

1:17:47

if you think you're helping.

1:17:50

You just guaranteed I'm not going to

1:17:52

hear you out. Because I can't hear

1:17:54

it in the right space. No. Like

1:17:56

I'm not, I'm not hearing you. Yeah.

1:17:59

Why are you even? talking right now.

1:18:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, yeah, especially

1:18:03

from from people who you've not

1:18:05

given that authority to. Correct. Like

1:18:07

my pastor, who's one of my

1:18:09

closest friends, Pastor Stephen, he said,

1:18:11

I would see you doing things,

1:18:14

but I wouldn't say nothing

1:18:16

because it was unsolicited advice.

1:18:18

Absolutely correct. So what I said,

1:18:20

okay, let's fix that. Yep. I

1:18:23

give you authority in my life. Yep. to

1:18:25

be that person, to talk to me.

1:18:27

So now when you come to

1:18:29

me with advice, with suggestion, with

1:18:31

wisdom, it's not unsolicited. Correct, because

1:18:33

I've given you that space in

1:18:35

my life. I've given you that

1:18:37

space in my life. Absolutely. Absolutely.

1:18:39

I've given you an hour circle,

1:18:41

you know, D Block, it's called

1:18:43

D Block. I've given y'all that

1:18:46

authority, it's like, oh, yeah, bad.

1:18:48

One person I was about to

1:18:50

say the name, one person in

1:18:52

that group has already done that.

1:18:54

Cool, cool, cool, cool. And I

1:18:56

love how, but that's solicited,

1:18:58

correct. But if I have not

1:19:00

given you the authority in my

1:19:03

life to do that, why in the world

1:19:05

are you even talking to me? Why

1:19:07

are you talking to me? And

1:19:09

I think for my parents sometimes,

1:19:11

and I love them, and they love

1:19:13

your show, so mom and let me say

1:19:15

this up front, I love y'all. But

1:19:18

they've had to realize that

1:19:20

my son has built something that

1:19:22

we have not. And one time

1:19:24

one of my parents said, hey

1:19:27

son, I think you should do this.

1:19:29

I said, mom, I can't make

1:19:31

a decision that impacts a

1:19:33

seven figure business off of a

1:19:35

thought. It's so true. No, no,

1:19:38

I need, did you do this

1:19:40

before? How did it go? Yeah,

1:19:42

what was the response? Yeah. I

1:19:45

can't say what my mom has

1:19:47

said that she thought. Right, right,

1:19:49

right. That ain't gonna do it.

1:19:51

I just can't do that. So

1:19:53

I've had to remove them from

1:19:55

certain parts of my table. And

1:19:57

even friends, man, you know, when

1:19:59

I. again being vulnerable

1:20:01

and honest and I talk about

1:20:03

in the book that I think sometimes

1:20:06

certain friends just don't make

1:20:08

it a certain seasons I

1:20:10

agree and well let me say

1:20:12

it a different way I think

1:20:14

certain friends were there for a

1:20:16

certain season absolutely absolutely

1:20:19

like I met you in winter and

1:20:21

we had we skied yes and we

1:20:23

had a snowball fight yes and

1:20:25

we drank hot apple cider cider

1:20:28

right and poured out a little

1:20:30

for the homies in the snow and

1:20:32

made a snowman yep and then spring

1:20:34

came and the snowman melted sure did

1:20:36

and I haven't seen them since the

1:20:38

facts do you hate him do you

1:20:40

not like him did y'all fall out

1:20:42

no he's a winter naked right that

1:20:44

I rock with him in the winter

1:20:47

facts and I think what we've

1:20:49

done is we've turned a temporary

1:20:51

season into a permanent state yes

1:20:53

and I was guilty of that yeah

1:20:55

I get it Because it's like, man,

1:20:58

I'm blowing up, let me, let me,

1:21:00

let me bring, let me bring, let

1:21:02

me bring, let me bring. Loyalty, loyalty,

1:21:05

yep. And then, you were day one,

1:21:07

day one, could have been summer. Let

1:21:09

me put you on a map, let me

1:21:11

put some money, your pocket, but

1:21:14

then one of my friends costed

1:21:16

me my character, my integrity.

1:21:18

Ain't that where we learn it?

1:21:21

That's the only time we learn

1:21:23

it. Bro. You and me both. Bro.

1:21:25

Yeah, one of my friends did it.

1:21:27

Yep. And I'm facing heat for

1:21:29

it today. Oh. Because I'm like,

1:21:31

wait, I did this with you, you

1:21:33

know, five years ago. And I'm like,

1:21:35

yo, I could do this with you and

1:21:38

I could bring on my people. Stuff

1:21:40

hit the fan because I'm being

1:21:42

loyal to a friend. Yeah. If I

1:21:44

said his name, you, you would, back

1:21:46

in the old days, you probably

1:21:49

would have cussed me out.

1:21:51

Yeah. Like, what? Cause me

1:21:54

a lot of money.

1:21:57

Yeah for sure.

1:22:00

I'm thinking, that's my friend.

1:22:02

He'll do the right thing. Yeah. And

1:22:04

didn't do the right thing. Yeah.

1:22:06

And it made me look bad. Yeah.

1:22:08

And I'm like, you gotta get

1:22:10

these people away from it. Got

1:22:13

to. Got to. Because your table,

1:22:15

your life is so important. Yeah.

1:22:17

And I think this is something

1:22:19

we don't really talk about a

1:22:22

lot. When we hear the word

1:22:24

stewardship, we only think about.

1:22:26

stewardship campaigns from the

1:22:28

church yes but stewardship

1:22:30

is about stewarding everything God

1:22:33

is giving you facts that's your

1:22:35

time that's your life that's your

1:22:37

thoughts that's your heart every single

1:22:39

thing mm-hmm And he's pulling out

1:22:41

the Bible, we gotta go to

1:22:43

the Bible. And I'm like, for

1:22:45

me, I wanna make sure that

1:22:47

I'm stording everything in my life,

1:22:49

and that also means my life,

1:22:51

my time, my decisions. And I'm

1:22:53

like, and if you're gonna impact

1:22:55

my life, I gotta steward it

1:22:58

well, you gotta go. That's a go. That's

1:23:00

right. And so for me, I've learned, and

1:23:02

I teach in this book, how do we

1:23:04

decide who goes, who goes, who stays, who's

1:23:06

here for a season, and how do

1:23:08

we have a conversation. Winter is coming

1:23:10

back around. It is coming. But right

1:23:12

now we're in spring and the summer.

1:23:14

Yeah, we're not going to be as

1:23:16

close. No, absolutely. But winter, I'm gonna

1:23:18

need you. Yeah, I rock with you

1:23:20

in the winter. And just because we

1:23:23

don't talk during the springtime, no, doesn't

1:23:25

mean we can't talk. We can't talk.

1:23:27

Right. Absolutely. It just means we're not

1:23:29

as close. Yeah, we're not as close.

1:23:31

But winter. keep the hot cider there.

1:23:33

Right right right exactly but in the

1:23:35

springtime is too hot for hot cider

1:23:37

right right exactly so let me go

1:23:39

ahead and get some ice cool aid

1:23:41

right exactly you know I'm saying but

1:23:43

it's it's and I think what we

1:23:45

we want to force the snowman over

1:23:47

and we're like what's happening he melted

1:23:49

we want to force the snowman

1:23:51

over he can't be productive because

1:23:54

he wasn't created for the summer

1:23:56

he was created for the winter

1:23:58

and he was like where It's

1:24:00

my friend, I go shoot basketball, because

1:24:02

he melted. He was in a winter.

1:24:04

That's his gift. That's his annoying thing.

1:24:06

Your snowman in the winter is a

1:24:09

puddle in summer. In the summer. Yeah.

1:24:11

And you're wondering, why am I in

1:24:13

the mess? You're in a mess because

1:24:15

you forced the puddle over here. When

1:24:17

a puddle was never designed to be

1:24:20

with you. And I had to get

1:24:22

that like, wait. This is my friend

1:24:24

I go shoot basketball with. I don't

1:24:26

bring him to no business meeting. So

1:24:29

I'm trying to bring my man

1:24:32

to a corporate meeting and he'll

1:24:34

over here and wearing basketball shorts.

1:24:36

That's where he belongs. Yes, we

1:24:38

play basketball together. Yes, we play

1:24:41

basketball together. And watch this. We

1:24:43

never say this about anyone else.

1:24:45

But I'm not designed to go

1:24:47

everywhere with my friends. I'm not.

1:24:50

I'm the, I'm this person. I

1:24:52

can't. I gotta be so comfortable

1:24:54

in this season of my life

1:24:56

that I can't go with you

1:24:59

over there. I don't go. I

1:25:01

know I'm not everybody's, every, I

1:25:03

am not the all season friend.

1:25:05

I'm not, you know, I'm not

1:25:08

happening. I'm too much of an

1:25:10

introvert. I'm not coming. Yes, and

1:25:12

I love you and I'm not.

1:25:14

And if I come, I'll be

1:25:17

there for 18 hours. So you

1:25:19

better me 18 hours, but I'll

1:25:21

be there for 18 minutes. I'm

1:25:23

such an introvert, everyone thinks I

1:25:26

am, I am an extrovert, no,

1:25:28

no, no, no, no, no, no,

1:25:30

I'm an introvert. Like, this is

1:25:32

energy for me. This is it.

1:25:35

This is energy. The moment I

1:25:37

get down with you, I'm happy

1:25:39

in that trial. Oh, for sure.

1:25:41

I'm happy in that trial. Oh,

1:25:44

for sure. I'm all the way

1:25:46

to there. You and me both.

1:25:48

You and me both. Done. Yes,

1:25:51

done. Thank you look. That was

1:25:53

two hours. I love you, love

1:25:55

you, love you, love you, love

1:25:57

you, I. I will. I will.

1:26:00

I will. Hey Anthony, no, no,

1:26:02

no, no, no, my ear my

1:26:04

ear my ear buzz is doing

1:26:06

this right, listen, but now they

1:26:09

be on airplane and they still

1:26:11

be talking they see you go

1:26:13

there I'm like what do you

1:26:15

say yeah no and it's like

1:26:18

I think a lot of people

1:26:20

don't understand it and I had

1:26:22

to be honest with myself like

1:26:24

hey oh you a cool dude

1:26:27

but you can't even help people

1:26:29

out in every season of them

1:26:31

lives not at all and sometimes

1:26:33

I was a distraction and I

1:26:36

had to tell myself it's time

1:26:38

for me to remove myself from

1:26:40

people's tables and that's hard it's

1:26:42

easy to be like get out

1:26:45

But it's hard to tell yourself

1:26:47

to get out. Yes. But what

1:26:49

I learned is when I can

1:26:51

tell myself to get out a

1:26:54

team table for this season. Wow.

1:26:56

It strengthens my table. Yeah, for

1:26:58

sure. Because now I have more

1:27:00

energy to do what I need

1:27:03

to do over here. That's right.

1:27:05

And I don't need to be

1:27:07

at every single function and every

1:27:09

single event and every single thing

1:27:12

with my friends. But that's just

1:27:14

God saying, I need you to

1:27:16

focus on something else. Yep. Yep.

1:27:18

They're good over there. Yes, good.

1:27:21

I'm feeling good right now. Bro.

1:27:23

I think it was that vegan.

1:27:25

It's a vegan cake. You want

1:27:27

to polish it off? No, I'm

1:27:30

good. Leave it over there. Don't

1:27:32

put it down. Do not bring

1:27:34

that back over here. Say that

1:27:36

right now. Okay. Yeah, that's so

1:27:39

funny. I can't do it. Bro

1:27:41

that that man that really blesses

1:27:43

me dog like I'm I'm very

1:27:46

I have a very philosophical approach

1:27:48

to seasons and lifetime relationships and

1:27:50

because the reason in the season

1:27:52

folks got got Negative press because

1:27:55

of the lifetime folks. Some folks

1:27:57

are with you for a reason.

1:27:59

Some folks are with you for

1:28:01

a season. But then some. people

1:28:04

are with you for a lifetime?

1:28:06

And we venerated the lifetime folks

1:28:08

as if the reason people in

1:28:10

the season people weren't significant. That

1:28:13

person was literally in my life

1:28:15

for a reason. They wasn't even

1:28:17

supposed to be there for a

1:28:19

season. They was just there at

1:28:22

that right moment and God partnered

1:28:24

with them to be a blessing

1:28:26

to me or vice versa. And

1:28:28

that was the reason we were

1:28:31

supposed to be. at that restaurant

1:28:33

at the same time, at that

1:28:35

city at the same time, at

1:28:37

the gas station at the same

1:28:40

time, there was a reason I

1:28:42

was supposed to be there, right?

1:28:44

The season people, bro, seasons are

1:28:46

dope. Yes, yes. Breaking Bad had

1:28:49

five seasons. That was dope. It

1:28:51

didn't need to be 13. Facts.

1:28:53

Ain't that much meth in the

1:28:55

world? No, I write, but Game

1:28:58

of Thrones needed more seasons. And

1:29:00

then they needed a better send-off,

1:29:02

too. Sure did. I haven't seen

1:29:04

one episode, I'm just going off

1:29:07

what I read. You haven't seen

1:29:09

one episode of Game of Thrones?

1:29:11

Not one. Is he black? Was

1:29:13

that a black show? No. No,

1:29:16

black preachers have preached from the

1:29:18

fire. Look at this. I don't,

1:29:20

I know nothing when I tell

1:29:22

you nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, I

1:29:25

don't know. Listen, seasons, seasons, seasons,

1:29:27

seasons, and then lifetime, you, you're

1:29:29

not gonna have lifetime, the average

1:29:31

person has what, 50 to 100

1:29:34

contacts in their phone, the average

1:29:36

person, yeah, in no covenant relationship

1:29:38

with those 72 people, facts. It's

1:29:40

unsustainable. And I can't even think

1:29:43

of one person in my life

1:29:45

that has been with me for

1:29:47

a lifetime. I'm talking my life

1:29:50

from lifetime. Forty years of living.

1:29:52

You know what I'm saying? Outside

1:29:54

of your parents. Right, I can't

1:29:56

think of one now. I have

1:29:59

friends who've been with me since

1:30:01

my adulthood life, yes. Of course,

1:30:03

absolutely, for sure. Do I have

1:30:05

friends who've been with me? Bro,

1:30:08

I'm not even rocking with one

1:30:10

friend from high school. Yeah, not

1:30:12

one. Yeah, for sure. You know

1:30:14

what I'm saying? But I'm like,

1:30:17

now I tell you, I'm blessed.

1:30:19

Lisecciones. Okay. Lisecciones is my oldest

1:30:21

friend. High school, middle school, elementary.

1:30:23

Elementary. Second grade. And that's my

1:30:26

oldest friend. We still, we got

1:30:28

a tech thread for a couple

1:30:30

of our other friends. So, like,

1:30:32

I love that. Yeah, yeah. But

1:30:35

there's no, I don't, that's easily

1:30:37

said. Yeah. It is Leti and

1:30:39

it is Cherry Badaos. But Cherry

1:30:41

Badaos Cruz, she's married. Yeah. Um,

1:30:44

like, those are my oldest friends.

1:30:46

Yeah, yeah. Marcus Edwards, Eddie Love,

1:30:48

that was junior high. But they

1:30:50

go back to elementary school. Wow.

1:30:53

Lisa, second grade, I think Letty

1:30:55

was fourth grade, and Cherry was

1:30:57

seventh. Yeah. There's three people, man.

1:30:59

Okay. Talk about some lifetime. That's

1:31:02

what I'm saying. I got a

1:31:04

lifetime friend. I don't. I don't

1:31:06

have lifetime friends. Yeah, exactly. I

1:31:08

have long-term friends. Long-term friends. But

1:31:11

I don't have time friends. Yes,

1:31:13

but yeah, but so I think

1:31:15

it's overrated. And I think we

1:31:17

diminished seasons where it was like,

1:31:20

man, that five years was a

1:31:22

blessing when I was rolling thick

1:31:24

with bro. Or man, it was

1:31:26

a bless when I had sis

1:31:29

in my life during that season.

1:31:31

I needed her facts. During that

1:31:33

time, it was beautiful. But man,

1:31:35

yeah, like, like, no, no, no.

1:31:38

Like my lifetime with Ramsey, amazing.

1:31:40

Like I spent a season with

1:31:42

them, things like five or six

1:31:45

years, amazing. Wouldn't change it. Yeah,

1:31:47

for sure. Wouldn't change it. Yeah.

1:31:49

But if I would have said

1:31:51

it longer, it would have heard

1:31:54

both of us. And that's facts.

1:31:56

But that's maturity though, bro. That's

1:31:58

facts. Yeah, for sure. Like me

1:32:00

saying I wouldn't fulfill and then

1:32:03

I would have not done my

1:32:05

job correctly there and it would

1:32:07

have hurt them. Well that that's

1:32:09

listen that's like me

1:32:11

saying equivalent right I love

1:32:14

my parents yeah but if I'm still

1:32:16

living there we would not be all

1:32:18

right no sir if I was 49

1:32:20

and a half still living with

1:32:22

my mom and daddy no no I

1:32:24

can't go home right now say long

1:32:26

within a week I'm

1:32:29

being honest like I'm gonna

1:32:32

I'm gonna hush I'm not

1:32:34

gonna save my situation I

1:32:36

mean after week I need

1:32:39

go back to my yeah

1:32:41

listen my house I my

1:32:44

rules I moved from my

1:32:46

parents house two days

1:32:49

before my 22nd birthday

1:32:51

two days On a Greyhound

1:32:53

bus. I left on

1:32:56

a Greyhound bus with

1:32:58

three suitcases and $400

1:33:01

to my name. A one-way

1:33:03

Greyhound ticket here.

1:33:06

And been here ever

1:33:08

since. Wow. They put me

1:33:10

on a bus June of

1:33:12

1997. Wow, bro. I put

1:33:14

them on first class

1:33:16

flights June. Can't make

1:33:19

this up. June of 2012.

1:33:21

Wow. Put wow sent

1:33:23

white glove movers to their

1:33:26

house and they didn't here.

1:33:28

They didn't lift nothing. They

1:33:30

didn't lift a finger. They

1:33:33

just pointed put that

1:33:35

in the box there in the

1:33:37

bus that in the box Got

1:33:39

him they house. They was in

1:33:41

an apartment at first

1:33:43

and I got then we got him

1:33:46

a house. Yeah, no, bro. I left

1:33:50

Yeah, May of 2025, never

1:33:52

went back on. Not

1:33:55

2025, we're in. I'm

1:33:57

sorry, 2005. 2005, yes

1:33:59

sir. 2005. May of 2005.

1:34:01

Never went back home. No. I couldn't

1:34:03

do it. We're not supposed to. No.

1:34:05

Like, like, I remember my house got

1:34:08

broken into, not my house, I was

1:34:10

living in an apartment. They broke in

1:34:12

the house. Yeah. So everything except my

1:34:14

church clothes. The fact that we

1:34:16

still say church clothes, though, it tells

1:34:19

our age. It does. Because I don't

1:34:21

know this generation even uses the word.

1:34:23

What are church clothes. Yeah, exactly. But

1:34:25

we... We know, we know what time

1:34:27

it is. They left them on the

1:34:29

hanger. They took everything else. And

1:34:32

I lived on the second floor, so

1:34:34

that was a hit. And I was living

1:34:36

a little raggedy at the time.

1:34:38

I think I know, I think

1:34:40

these two girls, I was fooling

1:34:42

with Lord Jesus. I think they

1:34:44

set me up. Thank God for

1:34:46

deliveries. But I remember being on

1:34:48

the balcony, I was pissed, I

1:34:50

was crying, I was fuming. I'm on

1:34:52

the balcony of the apartment. It's

1:34:55

the Glen Arbor Apartments. I'll never

1:34:57

forget it as long as I

1:34:59

live off the beltline and in

1:35:01

between Northgate and Walnut Hill. And

1:35:04

I'm looking at this tree that's

1:35:06

in the front of the property.

1:35:08

And my dad was like, look

1:35:10

son, you tried it, you've been

1:35:12

out there. It doesn't seem to

1:35:15

be working out. Just come back

1:35:17

home. Yeah. I said daddy would

1:35:19

all do respect. Wow. I

1:35:27

said, I'm gonna figure this out.

1:35:29

Yeah. Because that man, he raised

1:35:32

a man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm

1:35:34

gonna figure this, I ain't coming

1:35:36

on to you, sir. Right. I

1:35:38

love you and I ain't coming

1:35:40

home. Right. I'm glad I got,

1:35:43

I'm glad I got a plan

1:35:45

B and I ain't using it.

1:35:47

Man, listen. I'm gonna figure

1:35:49

this out. I did. With no lights,

1:35:51

no AC. Yes, sir? For

1:35:53

two weeks. Yes, absolutely.

1:35:56

Absolutely. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Even

1:35:58

if yo- table is

1:36:01

a fold out. Oh. Sit at it.

1:36:03

Sit at it. Even if your

1:36:05

chair is a folding chair.

1:36:07

Bro. Sit at your own

1:36:09

damn table. Sit at it.

1:36:11

Huh? Listen, if your chair

1:36:13

got three legs and not

1:36:16

four. Huh? You better use

1:36:18

it. Propp it up. Bro.

1:36:20

It's your table. This

1:36:22

is your table. This is

1:36:24

your table. This is your

1:36:27

table. Bro. This is your

1:36:29

table. Bro sit at your

1:36:31

table table Even if you feel

1:36:33

like that table is about to

1:36:35

die. Yes, sir Sit at your

1:36:38

table. That's your table sit

1:36:40

at it. Yeah, man I felt like

1:36:42

quitting oh, that's good And

1:36:44

I said I'm not I'm not leaving

1:36:47

my table Because this is

1:36:49

my table absolutely that's

1:36:51

how I feel about this season of

1:36:54

my life This is, when I

1:36:56

tell you, this season of my

1:36:58

life is exponentially harder than anything

1:37:01

I've ever done in ministry over

1:37:03

26 years? Seriously. So this is

1:37:05

harder than ministry. Ministry

1:37:08

was cake compared to this. For

1:37:10

real? Oh, absolutely. Break that

1:37:12

down. I have never experienced so

1:37:15