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now, the bonfire with Big J Ocarson

1:14

and Robert Kelly. We're

1:19

back. Jay's back. Thank

1:22

God. Sarah Talamash is here. She's

1:25

got a new special. But Whole Money

1:27

is out now on her YouTube page

1:29

at Sarah Talamash Comedy. Very

1:31

funny. Yeah, yeah. I watched

1:34

it. Thank you. I appreciate that. And

1:36

I mean that. We were talking. Say that a lot and

1:38

I don't. I really do. I'm like,

1:40

dude, great special. Thank you. I watched

1:42

your special. Hilarious. Thank you. Very

1:45

fun. We were talking when we just came in

1:47

the studio about this band Starship being Jefferson Starship,

1:49

also being Jefferson Airplane, and

1:52

then we were talking about the whole

1:54

shift from like, you know, don't you want somebody to love

1:56

White Rabbit to they just tried the complete 80s thing. And

1:58

you said I talked about this a lot. A few

2:01

bands did that. What are ones you can remember? A

2:03

lot of bands gave it a shot. KISS did

2:05

a disco album, which is hilarious. Yeah, it's

2:07

like they find the synthesizer. I

2:09

don't know. It happens. But

2:11

now I can't recall it now. I feel like I'm

2:14

just talking out my ass. The Stones? The Stones?

2:16

Yeah, I mean, they did a definitely shift in

2:18

musical style. Well, like, even

2:20

Led Zeppelin, All of My Time, that

2:23

has a synthesizer sound. All of My Love.

2:25

All of My Love, yeah. That was Robert Plant, right?

2:27

No, that's Zeppelin. Zeppelin, yeah. Yeah, that's a

2:29

pretty, yeah, the synthesizer did bring a note,

2:31

but everyone wanted to try it. I

2:33

mean, it's pretty cool. I can't let go of

2:35

the 80s musically. I love

2:38

it. It's my favorite genre.

2:40

And then I always find like subgenres in

2:42

it. My most hated

2:45

musical shift. And just because it

2:48

was a complete sellout, and it's like available to

2:50

watch is Sugar Ray. Sugar Ray

2:52

was like, they were like a speed metal band that

2:54

I, they were terrible. But there's, and then

2:57

someone was just like, just let somebody

2:59

else write songs and you just go be

3:01

handsome. And then just say

3:03

the words to the song. I felt

3:05

like Metallica, I remember when they kind of

3:07

were like, let's try to be grunt, like

3:10

eyeliner. Where

3:12

I was like, they were like working class

3:14

heavy metal. And then they went kind of

3:16

glam. They cut their hair. And they all

3:18

became handsome guys. I like that they

3:20

did that though. I hate when they, I hate

3:23

when artists stay, try

3:26

to stay young. Yeah, you should have a

3:28

little growth. Yeah, I like when they act

3:30

their age on stage. Well,

3:32

Dave Mustaine from Megadeth, I

3:35

think is currently living with or maybe

3:37

dying from cancer. He's always

3:40

had that kind of long, like reddish, like

3:42

kind of shitty stringy hair. Yeah. And he

3:44

still has it. And I

3:46

do weirdly think though, if he cut it,

3:48

it would be strange. He's just

3:50

supposed to kind of have it. Always have

3:52

that look. Like when Kiss dropped in makeup,

3:55

that was uncomfortable. Right. That was weird

3:57

to see. Well, they dropped on makeup. What was that

3:59

meeting like? They drop while they drop

4:01

their makeup and went to complete like

4:03

a nice like like rip like

4:05

ripped shirts and animal Which

4:09

is exactly the man Paul Stanley should be

4:11

in by the way lick it up lick

4:13

it up no makeup and those clothes Oh,

4:15

yeah is what he I

4:17

bet that was his idea. It's hard being a closeted

4:19

Jewish gay guy Back

4:22

then it was really easy It

4:25

was easy to be it cuz there was a quietly gay No,

4:27

you ever see in a rock band like Judas

4:30

priests the worst video I said that the other

4:32

day You know Chris Angel the

4:34

magician. Yeah, he was in

4:36

a band and he has a video

4:38

and In the video. Did

4:41

you see this buddy? It's

4:43

when I mean when you can Mitch mix

4:45

magic and glam rock the two

4:48

gayest things ever it is

4:50

magical He goes he's doing Magic

4:53

tricks in the video in

4:55

the song Look, he'll throw the mic stand

4:57

up and then it comes back down a bigger

4:59

might stand Your

5:02

fucking car you have that drink

5:04

water sweet surprise. What is this

5:07

behind your ear? He's

5:09

doing all the tricks of glam band You

5:11

know Jovi where the cameras over here and

5:13

he just looks over and points to it

5:16

With that smile like you're over there

5:18

now and then he's doing David Lee

5:20

Roth Kung-fu moves the

5:22

point go you're thinking of

5:24

a six and then they were like, how

5:27

about just the magic? This

5:30

is so Sarah it's

5:32

uh, I know we don't know each other very

5:34

well, but not the critique you also

5:36

the pigeonhole people in the one thing Is

5:39

this your thing? You just put a guy in a

5:42

corner. Just do the magic. What if he needs to

5:44

sing that magic? Let's just watch

5:46

the video before we so okay, you know what maybe

5:48

you're right now You

5:51

know sucky would have to tour with him the

5:53

bus smells like bird shit the whole time. Oh

5:55

my god And then

5:57

working on his new tricks Oh,

6:00

look at that. He opens up with the old bird in

6:02

the balloon trick. It's

6:04

not bad. It's not like it's not

6:07

compared to others. Well, it gets worse.

6:09

OK. Just

6:12

a. You've been

6:14

coming down. Oh,

6:18

he's got bongi over here.

6:20

He is infinitely unlikable.

6:34

I love this music. You just have to emphasize watching

6:37

you. Who's

6:42

the plan? Like

6:45

he's doing a magic trick. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But

6:47

the girl is in the box. You can see

6:49

these tricks all suck. Why

6:52

did he make the girl disappear? Well, she

6:54

she had she reappeared. Her twin sister is

6:56

in the other box across the stage. You

6:58

say, where'd your clit ring go? It's in my nose. But

7:03

he's he's in a straitjacket upside down.

7:05

And I hate that.

7:11

Don't you want my love? Tonight.

7:14

No one's ever said this. Do

7:17

you know I met with today is actually pretty awesome. Chris

7:19

Angel. Oh,

7:22

this band hates him. Do you know what? I

7:25

bumped into this guy at a diner as Chris

7:27

Angel. Actually, really interesting. Good dude. No

7:30

one ever says that. They just played the balloon

7:32

in reverse. This is like he just called it

7:34

to him. Lewis is doing this now, which is

7:36

always the annoying thing. Oh, God. You're like, hey,

7:39

man. Yeah. But just like in the

7:41

sense where you're like, hey, dude, you have like a

7:43

dollar need a dollar to give like this tip or

7:45

whatever. You know, and he's just like, before you get

7:47

it, he has to be like, do I have a

7:49

dollar? He's got to do some rub

7:51

thing. He goes, maybe if I if

7:54

the you get to his house,

7:56

I forgot my key. Wait a minute.

7:58

Wait a minute. What's what's behind you? There it is

8:00

right there. Yeah, can you stop being my it's like

8:02

if you're gonna do this Lewis You have to molest

8:04

me if you're gonna do magic for

8:06

me like I'm your nephew molest me

8:08

and get me ice cream That's why Danny Braff

8:11

got out of magic because too much molestation. It's

8:13

it's like a high percentage of pedophiles Is it

8:15

really it makes sense? Oh, you think it was

8:17

gonna put a real light bulb on him So

8:19

he figured to stay in the shadows he felt

8:22

bad cuz in in magic camp

8:24

that he went to okay He didn't

8:26

get molested. Yes, he did. No, he didn't of course he

8:28

did Huh, you're not

8:30

gonna molest him. No, he's the one you do molest. I

8:32

was afraid to tell cuz he's excited. He got some attention

8:37

Yesterday we had a incident here. Yeah,

8:39

and maybe we can get your yeah

8:42

I got a brief a brief overview on this

8:45

so I check in yesterday up front Much you had

8:47

to check in right and you had to give me

8:49

your ID. Yeah, so I forgot

8:51

my serious past I lost it also that

8:53

I wasn't here yesterday is important Jim

8:55

Norton sitting in for me Jim Norton sitting in and

8:58

I walked up there was a woman there Talking

9:02

he looked at me game and they give me your ID cuz

9:04

he knows me I gave it to him so he's dealing with

9:06

her and dealing with me and he

9:08

hands her my ID And I

9:10

see him I see him pick and I was like my

9:12

ID and he's like no I got you so I'm like,

9:14

all right Don't say nothing cuz

9:17

I I don't want to be that guy cuz

9:19

I'm always that guy. I'm on

9:21

the plane Can I get can I get

9:23

some chips? I read excuse me. Can I

9:25

get chips? Will we're doing the snack

9:27

service in a minute, sir.

9:29

It's sexy though. It's sexy we sat at

9:31

a restaurant with our ladies

9:34

in Montreal and your son and

9:37

we sat at a table for 20

9:39

minutes with not a glass of water or bread

9:42

ready and Bobby came over and

9:44

really gave like this You know, it's such a

9:46

I hate it the awkwardness of it Bobby

9:48

called over really gave him like a almost holding

9:50

his wrist and going to man a little bit

9:53

He goes maybe some bread for the table,

9:55

you know, we've been here for a long time

9:57

Something we haven't even got a drink order and

9:59

it was really him smooth. Yeah when somebody

10:01

takes action I didn't take action. No, I didn't

10:03

I just took it and he wound up giving

10:06

her my ID and then she left and

10:08

then they were like we'll get it and I'm

10:10

like when we say left she went upstairs she

10:12

went upstairs to whatever office I go when she

10:14

go get her we're going to take care of

10:17

it and I'm like okay. Can

10:19

you go. Mister

10:21

Kelly we know she is we know you just

10:23

go to your stupid show we're going to get

10:25

it we're going to get if you I'm

10:28

not going to let her leave I know her I'm not

10:30

letting her leave the building. I was like what if she

10:33

goes the other way for cats are you for yet. Just

10:35

also by the way is true a 5050 shot

10:38

they can walk either way you want

10:40

to 5048 for you to the huge building you

10:42

have to stand at the elevators waiting for her.

10:45

It doesn't it's not I'm not stupid, but

10:47

I'm not dumb right walk out in piles

10:50

of people. Now the lines backing

10:52

up this 15 people so they look

10:54

look we get a we're going to go back

10:56

to what we do we're going to get it.

10:58

I promise you I come upstairs.

11:01

I'm flipping out it's my ID I got to go

11:03

to scan fest I don't have my passport. As

11:06

of I have nowhere to they

11:08

stole that yeah, you're off 2

11:10

weeks ago, they did yeah, no,

11:12

Bobby's I was getting I was

11:14

getting my passport expedite expedited no.

11:20

It doesn't learn. If you

11:22

just answer for I was getting my life

11:25

my passport. Expressed

11:28

I was getting my passport work

11:30

it you got this I was

11:32

getting my passport expedited. You

11:37

know she was trying to give it to me and

11:39

I would went I would learn and that's why she

11:41

just fed it to you fed it to me and

11:44

now I know expedited expedited but it's not here right,

11:46

I don't know what is supposed to come in today,

11:48

but it might not you never know never know so

11:50

I come up here with my my

11:53

friends, I would say now it's been a year and over a

11:56

year and a half my producers,

11:58

yeah, Lou. Jay-Lou,

12:00

Black Lou. Personal

12:02

phone calls with everybody in here. Jacob,

12:04

Jacob who I talk to, who, I

12:07

mean. They share things. I mean, we

12:09

have the same likes, knives,

12:12

bow ties. Camping

12:15

with Yamanika. You're right. He's in.

12:18

Wait. Right? And

12:20

I came up here and they were like, all

12:22

right, we'll go down, we'll check it out. We'll

12:25

check it out. Comes, so

12:27

I'm sitting, okay, at least my boys are

12:29

on it. My boys. Yeah. My

12:32

boys. Even Entourage. And what boys are going? The

12:34

bonfire boys, Black Lou and

12:36

Jacob. White Jacob. White Jacob, who's

12:39

a cowboy? The A-Team. Who's

12:41

a man? A man, man. A

12:43

man's man. A cowboy. Everything

12:46

he shows me goes, I'm thinking about

12:48

buying this very naturey color clothing and

12:50

I go, yeah, you're rugged

12:52

enough. He's a man. I mean, self-proclaimed

12:55

man. Never spent a dollar on

12:57

clothing, all Marlboro Miles. Even at stores that

12:59

doesn't accept them. When you

13:01

lay down two garbage bags full of Marlboro

13:03

Miles, they're gonna let you take that shirt.

13:05

I actually worked for Philip Morris. Did

13:07

you really? So I just got

13:10

stuff. But I had family members.

13:12

Or camel cash. And people, never that,

13:14

but always Marlboro Miles. And maybe a

13:18

menthol, a Newport, maybe

13:21

some Newport stuff, I never personally got

13:23

it. Most of Rich Voss's house is

13:26

full of Marlboro Miles. Is, yeah, Marlboro

13:28

Miles stuff. Yeah. Yeah, I've been to

13:30

his house, he's like, you want a tent? And it said

13:32

Marlboro Miles. I was like,

13:34

you want three canteens? I got a tennis

13:36

rack that's a pair of them. Says

13:39

Marlboro on them. But anyways,

13:41

Jacob comes back up. A

13:43

few minutes later, what's up? And

13:47

this is what he said to me. Bobby, I

13:50

know that this woman took

13:52

it. I understand that. But

13:54

can you please just

13:57

check your pockets again and

13:59

check maybe. where you wouldn't normally put something, which

14:01

I don't even know what the fuck that

14:04

means. So I was like,

14:06

you don't believe me. He's like, I do believe you. Then

14:08

why would I have to check? Why

14:10

would I have to pat

14:12

myself down again? I've done it already

14:14

twice downstairs. Now, Jacob wants

14:16

me to do it again because he doesn't believe me.

14:19

You goddamn son of a bitch. He walked over to

14:21

me as I took my, like a cop, walked

14:24

over as I took my stuff out of

14:26

my bag, my pockets. This is, we're talking

14:28

about your boy Jacob, who you guys

14:30

talk sometimes just to shoot the shit.

14:34

He came up in here and

14:36

was like accusing, subtly accusing

14:38

you of not fully checking, doing your

14:40

due diligence. Wasn't doing that.

14:42

Had his little oomph before he went

14:45

downstairs. I'll get to the bottom

14:47

of this is how he left. He,

14:49

I got it. I got you. I got you.

14:51

He literally looked at me. I got you. Came

14:53

back up, didn't have me. Actually

14:56

accused me. And told you to start going through

14:58

your pockets again. Yep, because it's me. It's not

15:00

the guy downstairs who gave the, not

15:03

the lady who took my ID. I

15:06

put it in somewhere I usually don't put

15:08

things. That's what he

15:10

said. Because before you lay it all off for your boy, you

15:13

make sure the company's okay. Can you do me a

15:15

favor? Yeah, can you do me a favor while you

15:17

talk? Can you put your corporate tie on? That's right,

15:19

Jacob. Company boy Jacob strikes

15:21

again. Put it on, Jacob. Put

15:23

it on. Take the hood off. I'm on team

15:26

Bobby. You're not on team, right now, you're corporate.

15:28

Team Bobby wouldn't have come up here and been

15:30

like, hey, check your pockets again. Since this has

15:32

already been a big, big thing. I will not

15:34

hear you until you. I

15:38

will put my tie on. You're corporate, serious tie. You know what, I

15:40

look good in a tie. Go ahead. It's fine.

15:42

Of course you do. You sure do. Yeah, take

15:45

your cool hood off. The comeback king hood

15:47

off. I'm just realizing that I walked out

15:50

and got Sarah with the Corey Feldman hood

15:52

on, and didn't, I forgot.

15:54

That's hilarious. I forgot also. And

15:57

Sarah didn't, is it sadder that she

15:59

didn't. She didn't think it was that strange. She goes, it

16:01

looks like a guy would wear a goblin helmet. It

16:05

makes me very uncomfortable that she said nothing.

16:08

Well, let her know now that you're a Thai man. Yeah, let

16:11

her know. You did a good job. Can I

16:13

just say, most of my conversation with

16:15

Jacob is through email. So it's always

16:17

like a corporate. You're an entity. Yeah,

16:19

you're corporate. Corporate, corporate Jacob. Damn.

16:21

Are you getting to know the real me? Yeah, I

16:23

am. Jay. Well, this is

16:25

who it is. A guy who turns on his

16:27

buddy for the company. Christine's late because of UN

16:30

stuff or whatever. And she knows you're not here to

16:32

yell at her. So she's taking

16:34

it easy. I mean, she's just coming in. She might

16:36

even care. Yeah, once you're late, you're like, I might

16:38

as well just be late. She's coming in. Now, Black Lou

16:40

mind you, up,

16:42

down, up, down, not giving up

16:45

one second. Jacob went down

16:47

with my friend, came back up. I didn't

16:49

even know who I was talking to, dude. I

16:52

mean, I don't even know what. It was weird. He

16:54

made me uncomfortable. Look, I started going

16:56

through a shock. Black Lou didn't make you uncomfortable. Black

16:58

Lou had my back. Black

17:00

Lou had my back. And I'm sad. He has an

17:02

extra bone in his ankle that makes him good at

17:04

being a friend. That's crazy. I

17:08

took all the stuff out of my pockets after

17:10

I emptied my pockets and my bag, my crossbody.

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20:40

He said, did you put it

20:42

maybe somewhere you don't usually put things? You

20:45

know the guy knows where he puts his things, Corporate Jacob.

20:47

I have a son. That's not what I meant, though. I

20:49

have a son and two homes. One small, but I have

20:51

two homes. I'm a goddamn man, Jay.

20:53

At one point he had three. Now, sure, he

20:56

was freaking out and almost underwater financially, but he

20:58

did end up selling that third one. I did

21:00

sell it. And everything's fine now, Jacob. Thanks for

21:02

asking. Bobby, I'm sorry. It's

21:04

okay. Thank you. I was scared at

21:06

that time. Buddy. I

21:09

just had to X something out. But what happened between X what?

21:12

X everything off the list. Our friendship? No.

21:15

Our bond? I certainly hope not. Well, Jacob, it

21:17

really threw me for a loop and I had

21:19

to think about it. I wasn't supposed to. Because

21:21

I left yesterday. You know what I left yesterday without? Your

21:23

license. Your trust. No

21:26

license. My trust. I left yesterday without

21:28

a license. Trust and no license. And no license. I left

21:30

yesterday. So what ends up happening here? Where is it? So

21:32

if you could explain, because you said you gave it to

21:35

the guy, he gave it to the lady, she went up

21:37

there. So what's the thing that people said they're going to

21:39

solve anything. Did you get any information? I don't know. Did

21:42

anybody see her again? Ask Corporate Jake. Did

21:44

she even work there? What happened? I went

21:46

down and I enacted, it was because

21:48

of me they did a whole search party. Whoa,

21:51

whoa, whoa, whoa. Lou just made a face.

21:53

Lou, Lou, what is he? By the way, Mr. ...

21:55

He said the same thing. Whoa, whoa, easy. I'm

21:58

going to get a kick out of it. What the fuck

22:00

were you about to say? Mr.

22:02

Bojangles over here. Mr.

22:05

Innocent. Mr. Softshoe over

22:07

here. Mr. Innocent wanted me to

22:10

have you check also. What? No,

22:13

security was hounding you, asking

22:16

you to check Bobby again. Wow. No,

22:18

I said I would've. That's why we came back up. Wow. And

22:21

you sure. That was a, that

22:23

was an order. You got an order from corporate.

22:26

My thought is you walk around the corner, count

22:28

the 30, come back around the corner

22:31

and be like, we did everything. Now get back

22:33

to doing what you're doing. Exactly. Bobby,

22:35

your question? Exactly, Jay. You would've walked over,

22:37

we did, it's not there. I trust my

22:39

boy. But if they wouldn't keep going, if

22:41

they wouldn't stop until you made

22:43

some thinly veiled

22:46

bullshit attempt to do it, I go, I would've turned the

22:48

corner. By the way, in an

22:51

amount of time that's so short that it's obvious

22:53

I didn't do it, just to be like, okay, I

22:55

did. I checked him again in

22:57

his pocket, now you do the thing you have

22:59

to do. I would've added an extra

23:02

element of like, you did a

23:04

cavity search. Yeah. Strip

23:07

search? Yeah, you strip search. You made me get naked?

23:09

Good call, Sarah. Where they're like, that's enough.

23:11

I had to do five, I made him do

23:13

five jumping jacks and bend over in front of

23:15

me, and then I opened his asshole. Cough, Jacob.

23:18

I actually put something in his asshole, a license,

23:20

and it did fit. But there was nothing in

23:22

there. Right, because it made sense. We put

23:24

five credit cards in Bobby's asshole. There

23:27

is room, he could've put it there, and I think he

23:29

has put stuff up there. They're like, thank you. Thank

23:31

you for doing your due diligence. So

23:34

you're saying you left without

23:36

your license yesterday. So the lady, they found

23:38

her again, because

23:41

Jacob came up, clearly he did the full

23:43

pat down over you. He

23:46

succumbed to the pressure of security, not

23:49

doing their job and saying, Jacob, you

23:51

go do our job. Go bully your

23:53

friend into running through

23:55

his pockets, unnecessarily, he's not

23:57

gonna make a scene like this until he, unless he...

24:00

knows the thing is going. Can I say

24:02

something else too? Yes Bobby. The building isn't

24:05

his doesn't pay him. It's

24:07

a different entity. Right. You know it's

24:09

a property manager. We're serious. Now

24:11

if Jim, Big Jim was like make sure you go check him

24:13

again. I would probably, it would

24:16

still hurt but I would understand Big

24:19

Jim going go check Bobby

24:21

again. He's a little stupid. And

24:23

you go well he's the boss I guess you can call

24:25

me stupid. Right. But this is

24:28

the building. This isn't even us. This has nothing

24:30

to do with us. But Jim is that kind

24:32

of boss. I sent him dick pics and he

24:34

sends me back insulting texts. It's

24:36

our relationship. We're

24:39

into cop humiliations called. I don't

24:41

know if you guys are industry people but.

24:45

So I go downstairs yesterday I'm leaving

24:47

and there's everybody the head of securities

24:50

down there waiting for me because

24:52

I would assume Black Lou was

24:54

down there the whole show.

24:57

Black Lou was downstairs the whole show. So

24:59

all the cops came because he was harassing

25:01

a white woman. No that's not. I

25:04

don't think that was the case. I mean that

25:06

maybe they did get nervous that

25:08

I sent down the real muscle of the

25:10

show. The real muscle. Christine.

25:13

No no she was up here just sipping

25:15

lattes. Having fun. I think she was buying

25:17

stuff on Amazon during the show. And

25:20

she bought me a Chanel

25:22

bag. He was down there

25:25

went down there head of security.

25:27

We're very sorry. We went over

25:29

the footage. We saw him

25:31

give her her

25:33

ID back and then you

25:36

give your ID to him and him give your ID

25:38

to her with her pass.

25:40

She has your pass.

25:44

And I say well where is it?

25:48

She left the building. I

25:51

go how did she leave the building? Like how? You

25:53

said she wouldn't leave. I go and

25:55

then I go well

25:57

what is she doing? She goes she was it

25:59

she went to the UN. I'm like, well,

26:01

where's she from? South

26:04

America. Sarah,

26:06

I know you're South American. I

26:09

know that, but it is a scary, it's

26:11

a scary country to hear that somebody...

26:14

I'm actually African American.

26:17

You're from South Africa. Oh, South Africa. Sorry,

26:19

South Africa. That's all right. I made the

26:21

wrong country. South Americans,

26:23

real, scarier. Yeah.

26:26

Was it South American? South African. South

26:29

African. She's a white lady. She's a

26:31

white South African. White. Don't trust

26:33

them. Well, they're conniving pieces of shit.

26:35

I don't know if I was saying

26:37

that. Charlize Theron, Sarah Tolomach. Right. That's

26:40

two hotties. Well, there's three now. This

26:45

broad. Was she pretty, this lady? She

26:47

was not pretty. She was furious at

26:50

you, though. She

26:52

asked for a diplomatic immunity.

26:54

The long order sound for

26:57

locations. Whenever Bobby changed locations,

26:59

we'd go, Sirius XM lobby.

27:01

Gung, gung. I'm into this. So

27:04

I'm down there. I'm like, she's

27:06

from South... Wait, you're down where? I'm down in the lobby.

27:09

I go, she's from South Africa. Bobby is Sirius XM. Damn.

27:13

Thank you. Go ahead, Bobby. And I say,

27:16

where is she from? South Africa? I

27:18

said, she's here from South

27:21

Africa, went to the UN

27:23

tonight. She's only here for a couple days.

27:27

And they were like, yes, sir. And so

27:29

then probably Jacob looks at Black

27:31

Moon and he goes, looks like we're

27:33

going to South Africa. Now, I

27:38

think Jacob gave the shoulder

27:40

shrug. Okay. Hey, I don't have

27:42

time to go to South Africa. I'm

27:47

like, well, what do we do? They said, again,

27:49

we're going to get it for you. We're

27:53

going to call her hotel. But first, Jacob, hold

27:55

Bobby upside down by his ankles and make sure

27:57

all of his pockets empty. Shake it. I'm

28:00

like a piggybanker trying to get a dollar out of I mean

28:03

I Mean, I can't

28:05

even understand that he came up and he came

28:08

up When

28:11

he came up back into the studio came back

28:13

up it he can't serious XM Studios first of

28:15

all he went down first Mm-hmm. I

28:17

got you came back up walked

28:20

in slowly looking at me almost

28:23

suspiciously but before he said anything it

28:25

said Studio 3

28:28

serious XM Studios Thank

28:31

you, and he walks in and he's slow worlds Almost

28:34

like what's going on like I felt it

28:37

and he walks over there and he goes Bobby.

28:39

I know

28:42

that this woman has your ID,

28:44

but I Need

28:47

you to just check your pockets one more time And

28:51

I said to him almost sad

28:54

But Jacob I did I did check

28:56

down there. I checked twice. I emptied everything. There's

28:58

nothing You don't think I know and he's

29:00

like I know Bobby. He gave me the

29:03

I know Bobby I understand what

29:05

you're saying. This is company business company business

29:10

Corporate Jake Jacob

29:12

And then Jacob

29:24

works for any corporation that will have them apparently

29:26

because he doesn't work for this building and

29:29

then they were like we'll call We're gonna give me

29:31

your number and we'll if when

29:34

we get it, we're gonna get in touch with this woman I

29:36

will send somebody over to a hotel I will get that for

29:38

you tonight and I had to

29:40

leave yesterday Cuz a security guy like riding

29:43

a zebra to South Africa like trying to

29:45

find it. Has anyone seen a lady? Well,

29:48

I called my Italian friend Paulie G Who's

29:51

you know has a little criminal in them? I

29:53

was like listen, I like I dig a stone

29:56

tonight some woman took it and I

29:58

go should be dead by morning No,

30:00

no, no. I go, can somebody,

30:02

can you do something with my ID? He goes, look,

30:05

you give me your ID, I'll have you seven credit

30:07

cards in a half hour. Oh, nice. And I'm like,

30:09

what? He's gonna

30:11

steal someone's identity for you and then you can

30:13

use the legal credit cards. You use that identity.

30:15

So now I'm panicking that this woman from South

30:17

Africa. Oh, she's gonna do that with you? No

30:20

offense. That she's gonna, yeah. What

30:23

if she went to assassinate somebody

30:25

and just drops my ID? Brilliant.

30:28

I couldn't say for sure it wasn't you.

30:31

And Jacob doesn't have your back. No, of

30:33

course not. He'd be like, listen. Jacob goes,

30:35

Bobby is unaccounted for between the hours of

30:37

this crime. I

30:40

can say wholeheartedly, he's completely unaccounted

30:42

for. Bobby,

30:44

I let you, I guess in the courtroom just

30:46

go, sorry. Bobby, I tried, they were putting

30:49

the screws to me. They

30:51

just asked you, you told them everything. I

30:53

just can't believe, like, Black

30:55

Lou was down there the whole show. Never

30:58

asked me anything. Even when he first came down,

31:00

he was like, where's his ID? He

31:02

was like, where is it? Look, and he actually

31:04

said, go get it. Go get it. Please

31:07

go get it. And they were like,

31:09

we will. They wouldn't

31:11

go get it. She's on the 25th floor. She

31:14

just left. Right, Black Lou?

31:16

Just left. Go get her now. Apparently

31:19

when they went up to her,

31:21

she was offended. She's like,

31:23

I don't have it and this is embarrassing. You

31:25

got a little too far. That's

31:28

what she said. Yeah, I feel like. That's what she said. Well,

31:30

they made her in front of security. It's just a license. How

31:32

can you tell what she said? Wasn't it all clicks and noises?

31:34

No, she's white. South

31:36

Africa. Oh. She's Sarah.

31:39

Oh, but it's still Africa. Yeah,

31:41

I know, but it's not. I lost my accent. Oh, yeah. What

31:44

was your accent? She used to click back at open

31:46

mics. Oh, Bobby, you didn't have your finger on the

31:48

poles of the younger comics when they were coming up.

31:50

And yeah, it was all clicks. I gave

31:52

her a little advice. I was like, do some

31:54

English. Right? I was

31:56

like, my top was off. I just have

31:58

National Geographic tips. I said, you

32:00

might be able to get these words. I was like, take

32:02

that plate out of your lip. She had 75 rings around

32:05

her neck. Her

32:07

neck was way longer when she started. She's been a

32:09

real work in progress, Brian. She looks fantastic. She

32:14

had a tiger pelt on her shoulder with a diamond in

32:16

it. I

32:21

had to leave last night without my ID, and I had to

32:23

just take it. I

32:25

had to just suck it up and just, it's

32:27

gone. Some lady has my

32:29

ID, and I don't know what she's going to do with it.

32:32

I had to set up last night

32:34

a thing for tomorrow,

32:38

Wednesday to go to the DMV. I

32:40

had to call the passport people and be like, is

32:42

my thing there? Because I can't get an ID without

32:44

an ID. And

32:47

I mean, it sucked. It really threw a wrench

32:49

in the day. What was the next thing? Because

32:51

I remember after work, I text you something, and

32:53

you're like, what the fuck have I done today?

32:55

What was the thing? Oh. As I'm driving home

32:57

last night. This is crazy. Don, call.

33:00

As I just went through this. You're driving home illegally with no

33:02

license, by the way. I have no license. No

33:04

license because of this woman and other

33:06

people involved. Right. All's it

33:08

takes is- Jacoby means. Yeah.

33:11

All's you have to do is- I'm sorry. All's you

33:13

have to do is- Oh, sorry. I didn't know if

33:15

the room. Jay, you know Bobby, if that happened, I

33:17

would have a six-gear summer. I would have went up

33:19

to the 25th floor, and I would have been like,

33:21

hey, miss, check it. You have it.

33:23

You have to go through it. You have it. You

33:25

have it. We have you on camera. They literally said

33:28

to her, we have you on camera. Even you do

33:30

the play of like, I'm not saying you took this,

33:32

but I think they handed you my license. You just

33:34

put it away. Just check. It's not your fault. Check

33:36

everything. Where would she put it though? I don't know.

33:38

Jacob thought I put it somewhere. Yeah. Under her beret.

33:41

Yeah, I stuck it in my ear. I told you everything

33:43

I did yesterday. You think I'm Chris Angel? By

33:46

the way, the amount of

33:48

times Lewis has been exactly

33:52

the same thinking, the exact same

33:54

thing, and then he walks through

33:56

the studio, and then a transformation

33:58

happens, and all of a sudden

34:00

he never thought anything I thought,

34:02

mind-boggling. I mean, I lost

34:04

track. But I will

34:06

say what I first said was to defend you

34:09

because they were hounding us to ask Bob again

34:11

and again and again and again. And I just

34:13

said sure, but I want you to go check

34:15

this woman. Right. And

34:17

now Bobby's fucking ID

34:19

has AIDS because of

34:22

you. Yeah. You know

34:24

who didn't ask me to check again, even though

34:26

he might have thought it, even though they

34:28

told him to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Black Lou.

34:30

Yeah. I'm here to take the bullet.

34:34

You want there. You

34:36

should have chased down that white woman from

34:38

the Congo and fucking fixed her ass. You

34:41

should have learned some type of- But you're

34:43

a germaphobe and you know she's patient zero.

34:45

You should have learned some type of animal

34:47

call. Row! Row! Yeah, dude.

34:49

I said- You want to go to Madagascar?

34:51

I said she left. I said, and then

34:55

they said, oh, she'll be back Wednesday. I

34:58

said, that's not acceptable. Send

35:00

somebody to get this license from

35:02

her. Yeah, it's important. That's a

35:04

government document. Yes. She

35:06

could have made- She could have talked to Poly G

35:08

and made all the ideas. She could have figured out

35:11

all your passwords. Yeah. Since they're all the same thing,

35:13

Max 100. That's

35:16

very close. I mean, that's

35:18

weird how close you are. That makes me- They're

35:20

all exactly the same Max 1 exclamation

35:23

point. Yeah, I mean, you forget in a couple of- But

35:25

you are really close. And

35:28

it's terrifying me. I will never talk

35:30

in my house again. Yeah.

35:32

You've got into my ring cam, haven't you?

35:35

Okay, I have. Dawn's

35:37

seeing a lot of local athletes up there in

35:39

Katona. That's fine. I'm gonna let her

35:41

do whatever she wants. She's got one tip bigger than the

35:43

other, whatever they're into. Yeah,

35:46

I left last night. As I'm going home,

35:49

Dawn calls me, you got to get batteries.

35:51

I'm like, for what? We have

35:53

no power. I vibrate her. That

35:56

doesn't run on batteries. That's gasoline. It's

35:58

like a weed whacker. No,

36:01

the power went out. We have

36:03

no power. So she made meatballs.

36:05

Literally. No power. She made

36:08

meatballs yesterday and cauliflower and gnocchis

36:10

for me so I could have it. And

36:12

that's the only thing I had that I

36:14

was getting homey meatballs and the gnocchi that

36:16

I can eat. And she can't.

36:19

You don't need ID for that. Just a simple

36:21

pleasure of life with your family. But we didn't

36:23

go, when we redid the kitchen, we didn't do

36:25

gas. She's like, I'm gonna stick with electric because

36:29

electric stoves are much

36:31

better now and I got a Bosch one

36:34

that's really good. So there's no way to

36:36

heat up the meatballs. So

36:39

I don't, she goes, so pick something up on

36:41

the way home and get

36:44

batteries because the flashlights all

36:46

don't have batteries. So

36:48

I'm going home to darkness. I have darkness in

36:50

my soul. I have darkness in

36:53

my heart because my friend accused

36:55

me, took the side of corporate America.

36:58

It's a damn shame. And I'm going home

37:00

with no meatballs, no dinner. Cold meatballs, worse.

37:03

I'm not gonna eat it. I'm not gonna

37:05

eat it. I'm gonna get botulism. Don't you have

37:07

a fire pit in the backyard? The

37:10

grill? I'm gonna cook

37:12

a meatball, warm a meatball up on a fire. Yeah.

37:15

You know what? Okay, you know what? Yeah.

37:18

She has good. She gets one in the wind

37:20

column for that. That's definitely, there was other solutions.

37:22

That's why you buy that. There is fire. Yeah,

37:24

that's because back in her tribe, that's

37:26

how they cook. That's how I cook still. No,

37:29

no, no, for sure. Yeah.

37:32

Absolutely. Hey, hey, hey. Well, you must drink

37:34

the blood ceremoniously of any animal that you

37:37

kill. I

37:39

think. Sarah's new special, butthole

37:41

money, which is right now. Yeah,

37:45

I was so sad last night. I got home. I

37:47

was just sad, dude. It went

37:49

from. No AC, hot. No AC.

37:51

Sitting there wallowing in the distrust

37:53

of your own friend, Jacob. Yeah.

37:56

I mean, not my distrust. I

37:58

trust Jacob. I did. He interests

38:00

you. Did you read from the Bible? I

38:06

couldn't read there was no lights. I Could

38:08

I could have used the moon I could have just

38:10

prayed prayers I know right God grim in the surrender

38:12

to accept the things I cannot change The

38:15

courage to change the things I can

38:17

and wisdom to know the difference I

38:20

will I Don't know the

38:22

rest. Oh or this version God grim

38:24

in the serenity to accept the things I

38:27

cannot change Jacob The courage

38:29

to change the things I can his number in

38:31

my phone and the wisdom to know

38:33

the difference between black Lou and Jacob I've

38:36

never had a substance issue That's

38:39

great. You do now it does

38:45

You're actually active you you will be with

38:47

us someday Jay, it's my substance problem. I

38:49

don't know they Cigarettes

38:53

you food weed doesn't impact

38:55

my life though really I

38:58

mean I got a day-to-day basis, but you do do

39:00

a lot of weed. Yeah, you're what

39:02

they call functioning Yeah, you're you haven't done weed

39:05

in so long you call it doing weed What

39:08

do you do weed? No,

39:11

but I'm I've cocaine no

39:13

ever Never

39:16

I've done two two lines of

39:18

cocaine ever was one Yeah, one one one

39:20

one different time when did he sign him

39:22

on the white party when he was his

39:24

manager When did he was my

39:26

manager? You'll

39:29

play boys. You'll play boy suck

39:32

this for me. Yeah, take that take that shirt

39:34

off put this shirt on Let

39:37

me play with your titties before you do a set And

39:40

do this on my dick. Oh, yeah

39:42

two times I tried one line each and

39:45

I was just like I

39:47

know I know myself to know that if I Loved

39:49

it. I would eventually have having a problem with it,

39:51

right? Never Math

39:53

have tried. I mean I've taken no,

39:56

but I guess there is meth. No, but those things

39:58

are in like Molly I've done like that shit

40:00

before. I've taken Molly, but all those

40:02

things again too, like under 20

40:05

times in my life. You could take, you could do

40:07

anything. Mushrooms, like five or six times. You could do

40:09

any drug. Because you're kind of, you're functioning. Well it's

40:11

not that I'm functioning, it's just that I don't feel

40:13

like the. I need to do it again. No,

40:16

it doesn't strike me like that. To get it. Do you

40:18

drink? Yes. You don't feel like a

40:21

drinker. No, I'm not a big drinker, but what's funny

40:23

is, I do think about that

40:25

sometimes, because like, although I don't drink, I never drink

40:27

at home. I never have a beer

40:29

and watch a game. Always iced tea or whatever. But,

40:34

just because of schedule wise, we

40:36

do skanks on Monday, Tuesday

40:39

I'm home, I never drink, but Wednesday is

40:41

another performance show. And then Thursday

40:44

maybe not, but if I go on the road, Thursday,

40:46

Friday, Saturday, all three of those days, just circumstantially,

40:50

two, three shots and like a white claw or two.

40:53

I'm never drunk, I never stumble home. I

40:55

just don't drink like that. But, I

40:57

don't think it's probably good to have alcohol

40:59

four days a week, consistently, even on a

41:02

small level. Probably not good for you. I

41:04

don't know, I don't know. I mean, when

41:06

I drank, I became a fucking violent asshole. When

41:09

I did drugs, I broke up in spots. Boston,

41:12

New York. California,

41:14

hey, hey, humor, how you

41:17

doing? I

41:19

just giggle and watch like TV stuff.

41:22

Yeah, you're a sweet little drug user. You're

41:25

a sweet, you're a sweet. But I mean, I've

41:27

seen obviously Christine was like that. Obviously, Bartlett-Bargazzi was

41:29

like that. It's funny, I don't know if I

41:32

saw Joe much in his drinking days, like

41:34

go for it like that. But I mean,

41:37

the people, I think

41:39

Joe, they said, and Sodor had the

41:41

same almost issue. They weren't necessarily problematic.

41:43

They could just keep going, but they weren't like, you're

41:46

ruining your life because you're behaving this way.

41:48

Like Sodor's thing was more like, your

41:51

stomach's fucked up from this. Yeah,

41:53

like, they're like, I haven't

41:55

taken a solid shit in 10

41:57

years. Yeah, stuff like that. like

42:00

oh you see soda all started a fight and

42:02

blah blah there's no it was just kind of

42:05

like he's like yeah I think I have light

42:07

diarrhea yeah yeah yeah my insides feel like fire

42:10

I'm just kind of tired

42:12

yeah why my burps hurt jiggy don't

42:14

even take that tie off leave

42:16

it on company jig just to wrap it up mm-hmm

42:25

you got it got it back no

42:27

thanks so where no thanks had it no it

42:29

wasn't actually it was in Bobby's pocket it was

42:31

in my back pocket you were right I had

42:33

it the whole time you're fucking with

42:36

yeah we are fucking yeah we are 100%

42:38

this broad the lady had it back this

42:40

no no she didn't bring it back she

42:42

went back to a

42:44

hotel after like her oh she's a

42:46

bad person you're if you're out there

42:48

you're a bad person you're a bet

42:51

it would have took you three seconds

42:53

if you didn't get offended because people

42:55

were asking you hey can you just

42:57

check right I did it I did

42:59

three strip searches in the studio and

43:01

I'm one of the hosts of the show

43:03

I still got I still got Bobby hates

43:05

Africans no all of them just this bitch

43:12

what a lack of consideration I said this to everyone's

43:14

like who goes who has no consideration

43:17

just walks out with it went back to a

43:19

hotel and it found it in her

43:21

bag and that the security

43:23

here who I do give credit to really

43:26

stayed on top of it sent someone to a

43:28

hotel they went and got it they she didn't

43:30

even bring it back Jacob tried to call them

43:33

off and be like it's on him yeah he's

43:36

got it on it's got to be in his car he's

43:38

an idiot he's dumb he does this all the time just

43:41

on his back on the bear master

43:43

enough the barefoot the bonfire fan page

43:45

of Facebook someone put a ID

43:47

on a rock Bobby

43:50

Bobby's ID found it I think it was Ohio it

43:54

was very fucked up because it looked like but I have

43:56

it back

43:59

I'm happy glad you're happy. You

44:01

happy? Next time maybe you'll just be

44:03

on my side and know that I didn't put

44:05

it somewhere. I cracked heads downstairs. You didn't see

44:08

it. You cracked heads up here too. You made

44:10

me feel... You cracked hearts. Yeah you cracked hearts.

44:12

You did. You broke my heart yesterday. You heard

44:14

a friend. We have to work on our friendship.

44:16

Yeah we're gonna have to work on it in

44:19

Skankfest. You heard a friend everybody. Sarah Tolomosh's new

44:21

special butthole money available right now on

44:24

her YouTube at

44:26

Sarah Tolomosh Comedy.

44:28

S-A-R-A-H-T-O-L-L-E-M-A-C-H-E-E. It's so much

44:30

I know. I know. Well I have a name

44:32

too that it's always like if you don't spell

44:34

it. Yeah. Everyone's like I can't find Jay Lakerson

44:36

anywhere. You're like I said

44:38

oh. She's

44:40

absolutely hilarious you know. She's been on the

44:42

show a bunch of times at this point

44:44

and make sure you check that out. And

44:46

we... we'll be right back to say goodbye

44:48

I think. Yes Skankfest is this week. Everybody's

44:51

crazy. It's the bonfire. You

44:55

got five on it? With the

44:58

five dollar meal deal at McDonald's? You

45:00

about to eat. Your

45:02

choice of a tender, juicy McChicken

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or a hot cheesy McDouble sandwich

45:07

and a crispy four piece McNuggets

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and a small fries and a

45:11

small drink for just five dollars.

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