0:02

Imagine, if you will,

0:04

that you are in

0:06

a place of great

0:08

beauty. Some teenage boys

0:11

walk past you, they

0:13

yell out, Hey, bitch

0:15

tits. The world, you

0:17

see, is a place

0:19

of paradox, of beauty

0:21

and cruelty. It will

0:24

cut you off at

0:26

the knees, then gift

0:28

you a bear of

0:30

easies. And

0:33

that

0:35

my

0:37

friends

0:40

is

0:42

why

0:44

you

0:46

always,

0:50

always,

0:54

need

0:56

a buck

0:59

up. Just

1:04

got a tit morning! A little

1:06

tit morning! 15 minutes before record!

1:09

Do you know it's because I

1:11

normally dance at the start of

1:13

the show, but we couldn't

1:16

dance. Do you know what that was?

1:18

Well last week your tit fell out.

1:20

And you were wearing a bra. You

1:23

don't remember? I don't think it

1:25

fell out. Oh well it was, I saw

1:27

a lot. Did you see a change of

1:29

color? Yeah. Did you see

1:31

that ariole? Ariole? Ariole. Ariole.

1:33

What did you say? I

1:36

didn't see, like, I didn't

1:38

see, like, I didn't see,

1:40

like, I didn't see, I

1:42

didn't see, pink, I didn't

1:44

see, but it just,

1:46

but it did flop

1:48

out mid-dance, it was

1:50

great. Okay, you're like,

1:52

you're like, the word

1:54

flop, I find, pejorative.

1:56

All of your language,

1:58

I don't. on board with.

2:00

So you don't like the word

2:03

flop? That's offensive. Who likes the

2:05

word flop about their breasts? It's

2:07

a good point. I'm sorry. You

2:09

bounced out? Yeah bounced out. That's

2:11

fine. Yeah, bounced out. Perky, you

2:13

need... Yeah. Yeah, perfect. And the

2:15

other thing you said first, I

2:17

didn't like either. Okay, failed. When

2:20

you first said that he collapsed.

2:22

Yeah, her breast dropped like two

2:24

hanged men. Oh, I didn't like

2:26

that either. Who did? Who did

2:29

any who? I know that's from

2:31

a film. So you're bralice? I'm

2:33

bralice because... Love it. It's a

2:36

very hot summer. It's a hot

2:38

day. It's a hot day. Which

2:41

is lovely. But also, I've

2:43

engaged in something that I

2:45

swore I never would again.

2:47

What? did some online shop. Uh-huh.

2:49

And this singlet arrived and it's so

2:52

great. The one you've got on. Yeah.

2:54

Yeah. It's so great. Well we're all

2:56

mad about an animal. Yeah, is that

2:59

real? Yeah, that's right. It's very warm.

3:01

Leopard print singlet. Leopard print pants.

3:03

Leopard print socks. Okay, I've gone

3:05

overboard. Yeah. And my daughter said,

3:07

because I just started with a

3:09

singlet and some floral pants and

3:11

she said, that's a nice top.

3:13

So two hours later I come

3:15

down to come here to do

3:17

the pod. No bra. A lot

3:19

of dogs. A lot of dogs.

3:21

socks and leopard pants and

3:24

she goes, you look insane.

3:26

You look like an insane

3:28

bralist woman, I can't. At

3:31

first I thought it actually

3:33

was a leopard driving. I'm

3:35

gonna dance. Anyway, you should,

3:38

you wiggle, this is not

3:40

for your people. Okay. But

3:42

if you have breasts, you

3:44

should jiggle them every day.

3:47

Oh. Because the lymphatic system

3:49

is designed for the breast

3:51

to jiggle. The breast jiggling

3:53

do a large part of

3:56

those underarm lymph nodes and

3:58

all of those. of jiggling

4:00

and wiggling and helping drain. And

4:02

because we wear generally underwire bras

4:05

and we're very restrictive, that process

4:07

doesn't happen. Not in this studio.

4:09

In this studio. There are tits

4:12

for days. And the lymph nodes.

4:14

A flying. You got Ariola's hanging

4:16

off. What? No, I'm trying to,

4:19

I can't, I can't say hang

4:21

on. Did you say Ariola's hanging

4:23

off? Yeah, okay, so now you've

4:26

heard yourself Luckily, there are people

4:28

in the world who not only

4:30

hear your reliable here to respect

4:33

I'm here to respect your breasts

4:35

I've always said that I don't

4:37

I don't think any of your

4:39

terms are respectful Hang on, but

4:42

I'll tell you what I have

4:44

been meeting hmm The buck Maninoff's

4:46

left right and seat. Oh really?

4:49

Oh my goodness. There aren't about.

4:51

So on the weekend Peter and

4:53

I were driving back. God you

4:56

drive a lot. We've been camping.

4:58

He loves driving and you know

5:00

side by side he always he

5:03

starts talking when we drive. Oh

5:05

yes. He loves it. And also

5:07

we always go mad we stopped

5:10

to pick Blackberries. Of course you

5:12

did. Actually from the field, from,

5:14

you're glamourising, it was from the

5:16

side of the highway, where there

5:19

was no saying, berries have been

5:21

sprayed with poison, so we thought

5:23

they'd be all right to collect.

5:26

So we got some blackberries. And

5:28

then we stopped at a market,

5:30

then market town, where someone had

5:33

insted me and said there's a

5:35

market on it, Myrtleford. We also

5:37

bought two doors, which we then

5:40

put in the back of the

5:42

car, I know we went mad.

5:44

Anyway. How did they

5:46

merge with it? Yeah, two doors

5:49

from a salvage shop. Doors to

5:51

what? Doors. House doors? Yeah, no

5:53

bathroom doors. But like doors that

5:56

are bigger, yeah, as big as

5:58

a door. Peter had to. How

6:00

did you get the doors on

6:03

the car? Peter did. on the

6:05

roof. No, because we've got the

6:07

nut bus. We've got the big

6:09

van. So Peter, you know what

6:12

he is? Hmm, he's a master

6:14

packer. He really... I've always thought

6:16

that about old Pete. He's packing

6:19

doors in that van. I'll tell

6:21

you about when he had

6:23

his summer at the fudge

6:26

factory. So I'm at the

6:28

market, he goes, you go

6:31

to the market and I'll

6:33

repack the car. What a

6:36

plan. Love it, right? Because

6:38

the doors had to go

6:41

here. I got it. And

6:43

his bicycle was already in

6:46

there. Someski's, some tense blacker

6:48

bar. Big job. Very quickly.

6:51

Yeah. Why these doors? Because

6:53

they were there. Okay. and they're

6:55

too hard to find. So we bought

6:58

some cheap doors. Apparently not. It just

7:00

happened to be there. It was actually

7:02

called a salvage centre, but it wasn't.

7:05

It was an antique shop run by

7:07

this lovely old couple. Love them. And

7:09

they just had two doors there. Well

7:11

they're there. Doors, you took them off.

7:14

I don't know where they came from,

7:16

but they were only a hundred dollars.

7:18

I said to Peter, if they're not

7:20

right. If they're not right. He said

7:23

to me this morning, I didn't ever

7:25

ask. I'm so invested in the doors

7:27

now. He didn't he didn't unpack everyone

7:29

else for two days because he went

7:31

out with some friends and he got

7:33

totally walk-eye. Yeah, while he's found indoors.

7:35

And he spent the whole of yesterday

7:38

in bed. The whole of yesterday. A

7:40

is supposed to be building Sunday's bed.

7:42

She's got a queen-sized base. Well

7:44

where she's sleeping now? On two doors.

7:46

Out. Anyway, there's so much stuff to do

7:48

do in our to do in our house

7:50

to do in our house. So I'm across

7:53

the road at the market, the Myrtleford market,

7:55

it's a little market, but doing some heavy

7:57

lifting. Sure. And this woman comes up to

7:59

me, Lou. Hello, Louisa. Oh, hello,

8:01

Louisa. Oh, full capital B.

8:04

Capital H. Anyway, and she

8:06

says hello, blah, blah, blah,

8:08

and then she gives me

8:10

the most beautiful gift. Love

8:12

this. Which is a bouquet

8:14

made of something unusual. Uh-oh.

8:16

And then she gives me

8:19

this bag. Would you like

8:21

me to read it to

8:23

you? Please do. for Nate

8:25

and Sasha. Love that. Because

8:27

she shouldn't miss out. Love

8:29

my, hmm, something famous, something,

8:32

Louise and someone. Maybe I

8:34

should read it. Maybe, have

8:36

you ever read anything before?

8:38

What a weird, what a

8:40

weird experience that just was.

8:42

Should I read it? Well,

8:44

yeah, would you like to

8:47

start at any point? Would

8:49

you read it? And then

8:51

you can open it because

8:53

there's something. Would you like

8:55

to read a single word?

8:57

Because she shouldn't. It's hard

8:59

to read, isn't it? Oh

9:02

my God, what is it?

9:04

She adopted. Thank you. I

9:06

think this is a prescription

9:08

for Ritalin. Thank you. Thank

9:10

you. Thank you. And an

9:12

asterisk, Tracy. Who traisies? Something

9:15

in garlic. Okay, open it.

9:17

Oh, it's garlic! So much!

9:19

You'll take one out because

9:21

then... That is the most

9:23

amount of garlic I've ever

9:25

seen in my life. This

9:27

is like 20 bucks worth

9:30

from allies. That is stunning,

9:32

stunning garlic. Thank you so

9:34

much. And you know what?

9:36

You can't get that at

9:38

the stupid market because that's

9:40

beautiful, lovingly grown. Boundary Creek

9:43

garlic, yes. In in Victoria.

9:45

How stunning, is that? Everyone,

9:47

if you're listening, go up

9:49

to boundary creek garlic. Gotta

9:51

have to make something with

9:53

garlic now. That is the

9:55

nice thing to say. What?

9:58

How is it? I'm gonna

10:00

have to make something with

10:02

garlic now. Like who are

10:04

you? It's almost impossible to

10:06

not make something with garlic.

10:08

Unless you're making pancakes with

10:10

maple syrup. Like what are

10:13

you living on in your

10:15

homosexual house? So what gives you

10:17

a bag of garlic? You can't

10:19

say, well I'll go and make

10:22

something with garlic now. You know,

10:24

who'd say that? Your mom. That's

10:26

such a lean thing to say,

10:28

isn't it? It's true. Anyway, that's

10:30

a lovely present, although I do

10:32

fear. Lind does not need any

10:34

more garlic in any of her

10:36

dishes. It is potent. She's

10:38

a generous garlic. And she makes

10:40

a stunning ragu. She really does.

10:43

Do you want me to put

10:45

it to one side for you?

10:47

Please do. I don't think you've

10:49

fondled the bunch, you know. I

10:51

did, I pulled the bunch out.

10:54

Fondle that. Okay, oh look at

10:56

that. It's just gorgeous, isn't it?

10:58

And having tried to grow garlic,

11:00

as you know, I'm so full of

11:03

respect for these full and feckened

11:05

bulbs. Love stuff! Love it! What shoes

11:07

were you wearing at the market by

11:09

the way? I was wearing my Birkenstock.

11:11

You were wearing your burkeys? I

11:13

was wearing a Birkenstock I don't

11:15

normally... Uh-huh. But this still sounds

11:17

strange and you know I'm a

11:19

conspiracy here. Oh, here we go.

11:21

I think someone stole my Birkenstocks.

11:24

When I was on the holidays.

11:26

At the Myrford Market. No, at

11:28

the beach, which you were... Oh!

11:30

Your family and friends? which also

11:32

would be so strange because they

11:34

were so old and really hacked

11:36

like no one would and you

11:38

know how Birkenstocks gets the imprint

11:40

of the person's foot in a creepy

11:42

manner on the insult so I never would

11:44

even want to put my foot when you

11:46

were a child and you put your feet

11:48

into like a dad's shoe like a dad's

11:50

bird and you could feel like this and

11:53

you could feel that yeah intense yeah yeah

11:55

so it's like that anyway yes true so

11:57

then I'm wearing a burken stock that I

11:59

I never really got into, which is

12:02

those separated toe ones of the brown

12:04

straps. They're real, like a Jesus sandal.

12:06

Not into them. No, me neither. Hence,

12:08

I hadn't worn them. But now guess

12:10

what? Well, they've grown on me. So

12:13

I was grown on me. So I

12:15

was wearing those. Well, I bring the

12:17

shoewear up because we need to discuss

12:19

this as a society, Kate, here on

12:21

the buck, right? We know they're everywhere.

12:24

Yes. Breathing, it's like breathing. Crocks for

12:26

days. Yep, doesn't differentiate. Got crocks aimed

12:28

the other night and I didn't know

12:30

that was a thing. The thing you

12:32

had Crocks, why did you get them?

12:35

You know why? You didn't know? Because

12:37

I thought Crocks were a private at

12:39

home shoe wear. I think they are

12:41

for you. For most people I thought

12:43

a crock is home wear only. Maybe

12:46

Kmart, maybe Wollies, oh yeah, duck out,

12:48

ducking in, ducking out, you're in and

12:50

out, in your crockies. Even though it's

12:52

not nice for the baker, but the

12:54

baker can't see your feet. That can't

12:57

see all the toes for days, behind

12:59

the buns. And also, all that jam.

13:01

But it's not toe jam, that's what

13:03

I meant. Okay. So, can I just

13:05

ask this? Yes. How do you feel

13:08

about the sweating of the foot? Well,

13:10

I've never, I don't really wear them.

13:12

normally for that long to experience that

13:14

right because it's as I said it's

13:17

an in and out popping in back

13:19

again off again the crocks are going

13:21

on knowing that they're going to be

13:23

slid off pretty soon I don't commit

13:25

to a crock but now people are

13:28

wearing them everywhere I know and I

13:30

was noticing there are crocks everywhere so

13:32

we had dinner the other night some

13:34

of my family Cody nice just a

13:36

regular Italian restaurant I thought oh yeah

13:39

it was hot let's crock it up

13:41

to a restaurant to a restaurant I've

13:43

walked socks no Bearfoot, a crock. Yeah,

13:45

but you can't see the foot because

13:47

it's a solid crock. No, no, I

13:50

know, I know, I know. Has got

13:52

holes in the top? Oh, yeah, they

13:54

all do, because of the sweetness of

13:56

the crock. I walk in, table of

13:58

four, I don't know who they are,

14:01

I saw... the eyes. You mean strangers?

14:03

They look down and I saw some

14:05

judgment from four strangers that

14:07

I had crocks on and

14:10

then Cody turns me and

14:12

goes, well I think you just

14:14

got crock shame. They clock the

14:17

crock and they didn't like it.

14:19

You know what? Were they Italian?

14:21

I think so. Yes. Yeah but

14:24

so away. No, you're not. No,

14:26

you know what? You know what?

14:29

You know what's a sign you're

14:31

not? What? That you're wearing the

14:33

crocks to a nice restaurant. Excuse

14:36

me. You know the Italians? Never

14:38

Italians love an effin sandal. Everywhere

14:41

I look, there are sandals. On

14:43

the uncles. But they don't, but they

14:45

would never wear, they would never wear

14:47

flip flops. That's true. And they would

14:49

never wear croks. And certainly not too.

14:52

crocks. They would have been so disturbed.

14:54

They looked down. I said that he,

14:56

Cody kicks off or he just got

14:58

crocks aimed. What was he wearing? Not

15:00

crocks. He was wearing like a runners.

15:02

Just a no like a like a

15:04

almost like a boat shoe almost but

15:06

not really but almost. He's still wearing a

15:09

proper shoe and not wearing runners every week.

15:11

He often does wear a good shoe. I

15:13

respect that. You know he's also often in

15:15

a collar. It loves Apollo. It looks

15:17

good in Apollo, a plane polo.

15:19

You know those guys that look hot

15:21

in Apollo. Yeah, I can imagine it.

15:24

So, how's he going with his job

15:26

at Big Harmer? Is it working

15:28

out well? Yeah, well he's, yeah,

15:30

he's getting to get pardoned like

15:32

Fauchy. Imagine if Biden pardoned

15:35

Cody. And then I turned to

15:37

Cody. And then Cody said, well

15:39

you shouldn't be wearing them anyway.

15:41

And then he kicked off on the

15:43

crop shaming. Also, that conversation can't happen

15:46

while you're mid-wear or rock. Well, sitting

15:48

down at the table, about to order

15:50

the shame, but at least for the

15:52

table. Your feet were hidden. And so

15:54

I said, okay, so yeah, I'm actually

15:57

really surprised that you were wearing them.

15:59

Oh my God. I clocked them in the

16:01

car and I thought, well, I

16:03

was actually really surprised you were

16:05

in those crot, then off he

16:07

pops! Oh, you're... And late now,

16:09

ma'am. What did the rest of

16:11

the table do? I didn't go,

16:13

we just kept bickering to ourselves,

16:15

like all mad couples do. Oh,

16:17

no, you can't do that mid.

16:20

That is not the point at

16:22

which you can... You can say

16:24

it afterwards, preferably you say it

16:26

before. So are we saying yes

16:28

or no to the Crocketer in

16:30

an eatery, in a public restaurant?

16:32

It depends what sort of eatery

16:34

it is. It was not a

16:36

shit food shop. It's not a

16:38

takeaway. It's not take away. No.

16:40

But it's not. It's nice. You

16:42

see a nice Italian restaurant. Yeah.

16:44

Definitely not. Oh man. It was

16:46

like 36 degrees though, even still

16:48

at 6 p.m. I know, and

16:51

you know, I'd wear all sorts

16:53

of, if you're traveling, if you're

16:55

in the middle of a trip,

16:57

do you know what I mean?

16:59

But you just left from your

17:01

home? Yeah. Specifically to go to

17:03

meet family and friends in a

17:05

celebratory and orgy of self-congratulation that

17:07

you've got through Christmas and you

17:09

all still like each other enough

17:11

to have dinner. And at that

17:13

point. Anyway, how did you come

17:15

back from the Crocks? Because you're

17:17

wearing them today. Is that an

17:19

act of defies? This is a

17:21

bit different. Not an Italian restaurant.

17:24

But I still was surprised. Bra

17:26

mate, so hang on. You know,

17:28

although we never like

17:30

to learn anything on

17:32

this podcast. No lessons.

17:35

Actually, it's just a

17:38

message. Never in this

17:40

life have hopes, dreams

17:43

or aspirations. They will

17:46

be crushed underfoot. 2025

17:48

going well. And let

17:51

me share it with

17:54

you how I learnt

17:56

this the hard way.

18:00

Don't worry, you'll enjoy it. Okay.

18:02

Yeah. You just told me to have

18:04

no dreams or any aspirations. Unless

18:07

you're prepared to have them crushed

18:09

under foot. Oh, okay, that's fine.

18:11

So as I said, my husband

18:14

and I were picking blueberries coming

18:16

back from them. What we also

18:18

did was we picked when we

18:20

left the caravan park. Hmm. There

18:22

was a wild apple tree. A

18:25

little one. Sometimes when you tell

18:27

a story. I feel like there's

18:29

a dart board with all these

18:31

key words and you just throw

18:33

a dart and it's just a

18:35

Kate Lanebrook story. Apple tree.

18:38

Picking. Okay. Camping. I would have

18:40

liked to say crab apple because

18:42

of the size but I think

18:44

a crab apple is a certain

18:46

type of apple. Okay. And this

18:48

was a it looked like a

18:51

granny smith. But are you sure

18:53

this was a wild tree? Or

18:55

he was like someone's property. Something

18:57

was up with that disagree. So

18:59

me and Pete, we jumped a

19:01

fence, killed a guard dog, and

19:03

found an apple tree. And guess

19:06

what? We found three beds, and

19:08

one was too big, one was

19:10

too small, but one was just

19:12

right. Anyway, so you were stealing

19:14

apples. It hangs over, and Peter's

19:16

mom normally packs a car under

19:19

there. And in the caravan

19:21

part. Okay, so I think

19:23

it meant on purpose to

19:25

wait for a falling apple.

19:27

For some reason I've been

19:29

obsessed when we were talking

19:32

about the tree. Mm. About

19:34

making apple jelly. Have you

19:36

ever had apple jelly? Sancho,

19:54

have you had apple jelly? It's

19:56

still a continuum. I have not.

19:58

No, I have. Not. Has anyone?

20:01

I think you just made

20:03

it up. Her girlfriend gave

20:05

me some last year and

20:07

a friend of her sister's

20:09

makes it. Yeah, it's sweet

20:11

and it's really clear. So

20:13

it's beautiful. It's like a

20:15

normally a browny color or

20:17

anyway. Sounds beautiful. So... And

20:19

you get... Why? How is

20:21

someone that brown jelly? Yummy.

20:23

Yummy. Well, it's a proper

20:25

jelly. A clear jelly. Anyway.

20:27

I picked so many apples.

20:29

I said to Peter this

20:32

will make dozens of jars

20:34

of tasty apple jelly. YUMO.

20:36

And when we got home,

20:38

we didn't have any jars.

20:40

We didn't have any jars.

20:42

We didn't have any jars.

20:44

Okay? I got some news

20:46

for you. Oh God. I

20:48

have 50 jars. I have

20:50

50 jars for you. Two

20:52

years ago, not this news

20:54

of the one before, were

20:56

you gonna make? Mine, I

20:58

was like, oh, off my

21:00

face. And I was like,

21:02

this year I'm gonna pickle

21:04

things. I was like, oh,

21:06

I'm gonna pickle things. I

21:09

was like, oh, I'm gonna

21:11

pickle. 2024, the year of

21:13

the pickle. Okay. I went

21:15

online and ordered like 50

21:17

jars. Apple jelly. which the

21:19

whole world is constantly asking

21:21

for. It's a delicious, you

21:23

know what, it's also a

21:25

forgotten art. So I had

21:27

to Google how to make

21:29

it. But first I had

21:31

a terrible trouble because I'd

21:33

made my Blackberry jam from

21:35

the picked Blackberry. So I'd

21:37

done that. Picked Stoll. By

21:39

the side of the road.

21:41

Anyway. But I had this

21:43

terrible trouble because I had

21:46

these like four and a

21:48

half kilos of apples. For

21:50

a lot. It was a

21:52

big plastic bag full of

21:54

them. Oh my goodness. I'm

21:56

showing you a photo of

21:58

my jars. My jars! They're

22:01

proper farmers. They're

22:03

all yours, mate.

22:05

They're all yours.

22:07

They're all yours. Oh,

22:09

that's too professed. Oh,

22:11

I love it. Isn't that,

22:13

and yet you mocked me

22:16

for my, for my wanting

22:18

to make a spread. Yeah,

22:20

but I bought those jars

22:23

to make things people would

22:25

like. I didn't get them

22:28

for apple jelly. Jazz situation.

22:30

I was racking my brains thinking who

22:32

would have jars and didn't think of

22:34

me and then I went Oh op

22:36

shops have always got a box of

22:38

jars right and then you know So

22:40

I went I drive I went to

22:42

yoga on Sunday then after they drove

22:44

out to this op shop I knew

22:47

would be open on a Sunday when

22:49

I went in there because you know

22:51

they were all They're all dodgy now

22:53

the op shop click click click click

22:55

what do you mean? Oh, you know,

22:57

they run by Yeah, yeah, yeah, I

22:59

think that the op shop operators

23:02

have sold their franchise now

23:04

Mm-hmm. So they've sold the

23:06

op shops to companies who

23:09

run them and they just

23:11

take the donations the charities

23:13

solicit for the donations but everyone

23:15

in there is paid handsomely they've

23:17

got vintage collectors that they pay

23:20

it's really you're not getting a

23:22

bargain in shop anymore and then

23:24

they only will occasionally let a

23:26

volunteer come in and it's always

23:28

some dear old sweetheart who doesn't

23:30

know that anco is full of

23:32

it's full of four dollar anco

23:35

t-shirt so she'll try to charge

23:37

you nine dollars for some peeling

23:39

piece of uh... anyway Yeah, it's

23:41

also becoming very hard

23:43

to donate. Yeah, to

23:45

me rules. That's why

23:47

they're so rules and

23:49

regulations. Because it's a

23:51

business. It's actually a

23:53

business. Yeah. And people who

23:55

like to say, but no, the nanny

23:57

gave you a good cause. Mm-hmm. Oh.

24:00

But I will say, I will say,

24:02

what's going to get me to an

24:04

opt shop, I feel, is now the

24:06

drop in quality of clothes that you

24:08

buy from shops. Top of labels now

24:11

are made so cheaply and crap. Two

24:13

washers, there goes the shape, right? Yep.

24:15

I would actually go and spend a

24:17

bit of money at an opt shop.

24:19

Yeah, on an opt shop. That I

24:22

know what's just classic. It's made. your

24:24

weight to it. And that stood up

24:26

to the ravages of time. Yes. I

24:28

agree. Sure, it was ripped off the

24:31

back of a dead old man in

24:33

his home, but hey, good quality. He's

24:35

like a voluntarily taking it off. Can

24:37

you put the ECG monitor on here?

24:39

Hang on. He might have donated this.

24:42

He has left it off. Anyway, so

24:44

I go to this op shop, there's

24:46

no jars. The woman goes, and most

24:48

of them come in in condition, they're

24:50

not donatable. I'm like, do not tell

24:53

me that. I know that they get

24:55

millions of jars. You just can't. bothered

24:57

anymore with jars because they're only 20

24:59

cents or 50 cents. Anyway. So then

25:01

I'm calling friends, most of them are

25:04

still away or they're not around. I'm

25:06

calling people. I called Carla to a

25:08

jars. She goes, I think I've got

25:10

three at home. I just finished a

25:13

jar of feta. I'm like, I can't

25:15

be bothered going on. But

25:17

she... And it would be quite

25:19

a little bit of work to

25:22

get the fatter taste out of

25:24

the jaw. I don't want an

25:26

oily jar and also Carla's nickname

25:28

is... What? Tell us sash, Carla's

25:30

nickname. Filthy. So maybe we does.

25:32

No, just generally because one time

25:35

we were helping her make empaniadas

25:37

for her cinco de Mayo party

25:39

which she does annually or semi-annually

25:41

and she was... smoking and while

25:43

she was mixing the dough some

25:45

of the ash. I love this.

25:47

Anyway, so then she gets her

25:50

mum involved Gay O'Brien, she's sending

25:52

me photos. from that night she's

25:54

going over there for dinner photos

25:56

of gay says do you want

25:58

this size jar or that size

26:00

jar anyway so then I've cut

26:02

up knowing that jars are coming

26:05

in the meantime I stopped at

26:07

the op shop oh near my

26:09

house they had a whole box

26:11

of jars I bought six beautiful

26:13

I'm like that won't be enough

26:15

six jars or six jars but

26:18

they were generous I went that

26:20

won't be enough anyway that won't

26:22

be enough anyway that won't be

26:24

enough anyway so I've cut up

26:26

my four and a half kilos of

26:28

apples of apples it You have to

26:31

strain it through muslin. Oh my

26:33

god. I didn't have any

26:35

more. Didn't have anything else.

26:37

You'd be an outspoken joke.

26:40

Like you can't tell the

26:42

camera dude. You're like, hang

26:44

on. You're on Master Chef.

26:46

Hang on and call him

26:48

my friend Carla for a

26:51

jar. But when I'm reading

26:53

the instructions on the recipe.

26:55

Mm-hmm. I decided to use what

26:57

I believe to be an open-ish-weave tea

27:00

towel. It's gone in the bin. You'll

27:02

be happy it's gone in the bin.

27:04

After it did it straining. Anyway, and

27:06

then I'm reading, the recipe and

27:08

it goes, then you collect all

27:10

the liquid, you've got to let

27:12

it drain for four hours or

27:15

overnight, you collect that liquid, whatever

27:17

you do, don't squeeze the bag

27:19

impatiently or it will make your

27:21

jelly cloudy. But

27:26

then it's like you take,

27:29

collect the liquid in 250

27:31

meals and then you add

27:33

200 of sugar and two

27:35

tablespoons of lemon juice. So

27:38

I'm like from four and

27:40

a half kilos of apples.

27:42

How much I'm going to

27:44

have? This is going to

27:47

be stunning. Heaps. Because, well,

27:49

four, that's, you're just collecting

27:52

the juice from boiling the

27:54

apples. So after. All of

27:56

that and me arranging to get the jars

27:58

from Kala the next day I drained

28:01

my apples I strained them

28:03

I put them in the

28:05

muslin like teetail over a

28:07

big saucepan I'm like I

28:09

hope this is big enough

28:12

this saucepan to collect all

28:14

the juice mmm and I

28:16

want to show you I

28:18

want to show you what

28:20

I got uh-huh I want

28:22

to show you well we'll

28:25

post this to the insta

28:27

my four and a half

28:29

kilos of stolen apples This

28:31

is what I got. That's

28:33

the cloudiest thing I've ever

28:35

seen. No, if you're holding

28:38

up, isn't it clear? No,

28:40

it's cloudy us. That is

28:42

what I got for, I'm

28:44

going to say, 12 hours

28:46

of effort. 12 hours of

28:48

effort. Hope's and dreams

28:51

don't have them. They'll just be

28:53

shattered like this jar. It's a

28:55

good jar though. It's a great

28:58

jar, isn't it? I'll just, I

29:00

will. I didn't have the heart

29:02

to tell Gay, it's delicious. No,

29:05

it doesn't smell, dip that pen,

29:07

leave in it. It doesn't smell

29:09

good. What? It doesn't, like, no,

29:12

I mean, it doesn't smell bad,

29:14

but you don't smell badly, but

29:16

when you taste it, I think

29:19

you'll be pleasantly surprised. Jelling juice

29:21

and sugar. No, surely there's like

29:23

an agent in there. No, I

29:26

promise you. That's the art of

29:28

the jelly maker. Sure. Oh, does

29:30

it taste happily? Yeah. Sarge tasted

29:33

and then yeah, you don't want

29:35

to taste my apple jelly. Was

29:37

it this draining through the teetail?

29:40

But it's been boiled after that

29:42

and the jaw much like your

29:44

boyfriend has been sterilized. You know,

29:47

the gym phobe. Yeah, you are,

29:49

but you've got to try. I

29:51

heard that jar came from. Well,

29:54

it's been washed. I just had

29:56

some off a pen we found

29:58

in the studio. Come on, you've

30:01

got to try. It's lovely.

30:03

All right. It would be nice with.

30:05

You just pretended to taste it.

30:07

Also, if you're going to eat

30:09

off a pen, you don't do

30:12

it off the ink end of

30:14

the pen. That's creepy. Oh, it's

30:16

nice. Yeah. There you go. See, it's

30:18

delicious. Hopes and dreams.

30:20

Don't know. Have them. Have

30:22

the hopes and dreams. I don't

30:25

have the heart to show, to

30:27

tell. Carla's beautiful mom, Gay, O'Brien,

30:29

who hated her name so much that

30:31

she is... Because it was gay. Yeah,

30:33

because she hated having to say to

30:36

people, hi, I'm gay. She hated it.

30:38

That she and now drew together a

30:40

family meeting one night. Now she was

30:42

changing her name to Gay Adele. That's

30:44

Gay O'Brien. Gay Adele. So then she'd

30:47

have to say, Home Gay Adele. Yeah.

30:49

Which she'd have to say, Home Gay

30:51

Adele. Yeah. Which is we'd is we'd

30:53

is we'd is weirder. Weirder. Weirder.

30:56

Yeah, because it sounds like

30:58

her names are Dell and

31:00

she's gay. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

31:02

Anyway, Hello Gay. Hello Gay.

31:04

I don't need his jars, but

31:06

I love you. Do you have

31:08

any news resolutions, by the way?

31:10

We forgot to cover them last

31:13

week. I know it before. Do you

31:15

know what? I have not had a

31:17

New Year's resolution since about the 13th

31:19

year of having the same New Year's

31:22

resolution. Which was? To learn to whistle

31:24

like that? Oh yeah, with your fingers.

31:26

With your tongue? You know, the New York

31:28

hella cab. I can't do that either. I

31:31

do every year for 12 years or 10

31:33

years or whatever. That was my New

31:35

Year's resolution. I never did it.

31:37

And then I went, was so

31:39

filled with self-loathing. Do you know

31:41

there's always? into a family, there's

31:43

always an auntie or an uncle who's

31:46

so good at that and it's always needed

31:48

for speeches. Oh, yes, to get the attention

31:50

of the room. And everyone's murmuring? Yes. No

31:52

one knows how to start it and then

31:54

that uncle that I only stand up and

31:56

they've got that whistle. Yeah, and they know

31:58

they've got it in... and it pockets. Just

32:01

shut the rumor. Yes. Like, oh! And

32:03

they know it, don't they? Oh, and

32:05

they're so proud. It's the greatest. Anyway,

32:08

I wanted to learn to do it.

32:10

I never have. Never have. And so

32:12

now I don't believe it. Year after

32:14

year. Mine year's resolution last year, the

32:17

year before. I can't remember. Sometimes I

32:19

try. It was to be mysterious. And

32:21

I remember one year, I was like,

32:24

this is the year you stop telling

32:26

people everything when you meet them. Stop

32:28

sharing everything like a tappers plate or

32:30

your stories or your traumas. Okay. That's

32:33

never worked. No, also. I tell you

32:35

why. Why? The sort of man who

32:37

wears crocks. Ice in your mouth. Swallow.

32:39

What? How they talk to me? I

32:42

can't even have just a little bit

32:44

of a house, but I'm so parched.

32:46

The sort of man who wears crocks

32:49

to an Italian restaurant. What about him?

32:51

Not mysterious. That just sums up that

32:53

you can't be. Okay, I get it.

32:55

But you know I had a friend,

32:58

subject for another time. Yeah. Who also

33:00

resolved to become more mysterious. Cool. The

33:02

word is like, yeah, mysterious. A roof

33:05

is the word I want it to

33:07

be a roof. I wanted people to

33:09

not know. If I liked them or

33:11

not, all the power, the power, okay.

33:14

Well, I think you've already got that.

33:16

I'm mean to them. What do you

33:18

mean? I'm nice, but I can't tell

33:20

if you like me because you pretend

33:23

that you do, but you say terrible

33:25

things to me. Largely about my breasts.

33:27

So my new resolution, and I actually

33:30

have been doing it so far. Oh.

33:32

It's the longest I've ever gone. And

33:34

I'm so proud of myself. This is

33:36

12th of the year. and I really

33:39

think you should do it too and

33:41

I think everyone should do it and

33:43

I think it will have a profound

33:46

effect and I know this podcast we're

33:48

not here to learn lessons and I

33:50

don't want to pedal things in the

33:52

well-being space oh no if it's about

33:55

your phone is about you I love

33:57

my phone oh okay what are you

33:59

talking about We're talking about my phone

34:01

in front of it like that. Well

34:04

being. You ready? What is that?

34:06

Any article, because I'm

34:08

always scrolling, that's telling

34:10

me what's going to give me

34:12

dementia, has the words

34:15

shocking truth in the title,

34:17

like the shocking truth about

34:19

bottled water, or the

34:21

shocking truth about your spatulas,

34:23

or the shocking truth about

34:25

your fryer. I'm not clicking

34:28

anymore. I am no longer

34:30

clicking on anything that has

34:32

shocking truth. The real reason.

34:34

Six signs. None of it.

34:37

Kate Lanebrook and my fellow

34:39

buckheads. It has changed my

34:41

life. Has it? I don't

34:43

want to hear about microplastics

34:47

in my sperm, microplastics. Yeah,

34:49

that was a last year.

34:52

Oh my goodness! I read one about

34:54

micro plastics in my sperm and

34:56

I was like, this is it!

34:58

This is enough. One over years

35:00

was about... Because if we know

35:02

one thing about your sperm, what

35:04

is it? It's going to be

35:06

macro plastics. How dare they diminish

35:08

you with talk of penis and

35:10

micro? No more shocking truth in

35:12

2025. I love it! I'm never

35:15

looking back. I'm going to be... Dumb

35:17

to the day I die apparently

35:19

at about 55 according to these

35:21

articles. Oh, I love it That's

35:23

actually so good get on board.

35:25

I understand people who don't read

35:27

newspapers or newspaper articles, right? I

35:30

understand. Because you know what else?

35:32

In the olden days when you

35:34

got a physical newspaper, they would

35:36

always balance at like the six

35:38

o'clock news or whatever with death,

35:40

despair, horror, terror and a cat

35:42

up a tree. But online, they

35:45

don't even give you the cat

35:47

up a tree. I want the

35:49

cat up a tree. Yeah, give

35:51

me the cat up a tree.

35:53

Give me Pussy. Pussy up a

35:55

tree! Give me Pussy! Pussy up

35:57

a tree! Give me!

35:59

Pussy, it's good for my mental

36:02

health. And Pussy up a tree

36:04

equates emotional wealth. Oh, that was

36:06

good. No microplastics and on Pussy.

36:08

That's so good. Hang on. Look

36:11

at you, he's so thrilled. I'm

36:13

so thrilled with that one. He's

36:15

so thrilled. What are you saying?

36:17

Is Cody on board with that,

36:20

but he's not such a scroller

36:22

as he has. He's got a

36:24

job. He's got a job. So,

36:26

yeah, he doesn't scroll and click.

36:28

Scroll too. At work. It's a

36:31

good office job. Yeah, he's very

36:33

good at concentrating. He's very focused.

36:35

Really? Very focused individual. Have I

36:37

told you he's gotten really, really...

36:40

really fit again. Like, he's, he

36:42

always goes up and down. Yeah,

36:44

mate, the last couple of months,

36:46

there has been triathlons, there has

36:48

been swims, there's been meets. He's

36:51

going, Sereno, he's got a race

36:53

gone here. I was driven. Every

36:55

Saturday and Sunday mornings, I didn't

36:57

even know Victoria had this many

37:00

ports, but he's always swimming. And

37:02

like, who the fuck are the

37:04

other two people? Well, a running

37:06

relay, or swimming. Someone else did

37:08

the bike, someone else did the

37:11

run. Oh didn't we do that

37:13

once, sash? Oh yeah, and they

37:15

won. Really? Do you go to

37:17

watch him cross the finish line?

37:20

No, he sent me that picture

37:22

that they won a relay an

37:24

hour before I woke up. So

37:26

he had finished a relay and

37:28

won an hour before I awoke.

37:31

Oh, love it. Anywho, so what

37:33

was I bringing that up? Oh,

37:35

it's really annoying when your partner

37:37

becomes really fit and healthy and

37:40

you just have to like watch

37:42

and then like reflect on yourself

37:44

and reflect on my own lifestyle

37:46

choices. See, Peter decided to get

37:48

fit because he had his 50th

37:51

birthday last year in December and

37:53

I noticed a few, so a

37:55

couple of months before he stopped

37:57

eating sugar. Hmm. Oh, God, I

38:00

hate. people who don't eat sugar.

38:02

I love sugar. I just don't

38:04

rule it out completely. My issue

38:06

with the people isn't that

38:08

they've quit sugar. You can

38:11

quit sugar. Just stop trying

38:13

to tell me that things

38:15

like cheese seeds and cocoa

38:17

powder in avocado is going

38:19

to taste like moose. It

38:21

doesn't. Correct. The people. Have

38:23

we discussed this on this

38:26

show? Well you'll swallow your

38:28

ice first. If there was a

38:30

Geneva Convention for crimes

38:32

against humanity, let's call them

38:35

smallish crimes against humanity, we're not

38:37

talking about the big ones. No,

38:39

not the big ones like depressing

38:42

that we'll no longer read about

38:44

in the news. Of course. We're

38:46

talking about proper crimes, but they

38:49

send a pass. People just let

38:51

them get away with it. The

38:54

people who started making chocolate moose

38:56

with avocados would be the first

38:58

ones lined up against the wall

39:01

and I would pull the trigger. Those

39:03

people. And next to them? Those. Who's

39:05

next to them? Homemade apple jam. It's

39:07

a jelly. Oh jelly. It's a jelly.

39:09

What's the difference? So I wouldn't pay

39:12

then. What's the difference? A jam is

39:14

cloudy and has the fruit in it.

39:16

Not as the cloud is the habit.

39:18

It's not. Look at when you hold

39:20

it up. Does that's clear? Did anybody

39:22

else know that? Jelly's got none of

39:24

the fruit bits in. I didn't know that. Now

39:27

you do. So there's something

39:29

else you've learned on this.

39:32

That's us! Oh, we're getting

39:34

wrapped up! Oh! A-a-bada-bada-bada-bada-a-dex from

39:37

mom! Do text from mom!

39:39

Do text from mom! Imagine

39:42

if you had... Oh! Oh,

39:44

she's a text from mom!

39:47

Oh, she's back! She's forgotten.

39:49

Well Giuseppe made his debut a

39:51

couple of weeks ago. Oh yeah Peppy we

39:53

love Peppy we love Peppy. We're back to

39:55

an O.G. But a classic from Lin. This

39:57

isn't a long one. What she's done is...

40:00

She's shot off a question

40:02

about a documentary she wants

40:04

to know about. Her words

40:06

got away from her a

40:08

bit too quick and had

40:11

to quickly correct what she

40:13

was trying to say. Here's

40:15

what my mother Lynn text

40:17

me the other day. What

40:19

was that dick you and

40:22

Cody liked? Sorry Doco! Sorry

40:24

Doco came in a couple

40:26

minutes later. What was that

40:28

Dick? You and Cody what?

40:30

Wow, Mom. Did you look

40:33

at your phone to see

40:35

if it's even the same

40:37

letters? Or was it a

40:39

Freudian sleep maybe? From your

40:41

mother. Yes, well then she

40:44

said, she called me fucking.

40:46

Oh, don't even think it.

40:48

I'm bucked. I'm totally bucked.

40:50

Love you! The

40:54

Buckup podcast is hosted

40:56

by me, Kate Langbrook

40:58

and him, Nathan Alvo.

41:00

It's produced by the

41:02

brilliant Sasha French audio

41:04

and sound by the

41:06

magnificent Yack Lawrence. You

41:08

might call him Jack

41:10

and Dom Evans. Oh,

41:12

we're lucky.