0:02

Imagine, if you will,

0:04

that you are in

0:07

a place of great

0:09

beauty. Some teenage boys

0:11

walk past you, they

0:13

yell out, hey, bitch

0:15

tits. The world, you

0:17

see, is a place

0:19

of paradox, of beauty

0:22

and cruelty. It will

0:24

cut you off at

0:26

the knees, then gift

0:28

you a pair of

0:30

easies. And that my

0:32

friends is why you always,

0:34

always, need a buck up.

0:36

You know, it's going to,

0:39

it's going to, it's going

0:41

to sound very weird when

0:43

people don't know you just

0:46

got off a plane from

0:48

Japan. Literally this morning,

0:50

it's going to sound very

0:52

weird when people don't know you

0:55

just got off a plane from

0:57

Japan. Maybe they need to know

0:59

that before you carry on with

1:01

your little voice there. I think,

1:03

do you like that? That I'm

1:06

so demure. Oh my goodness. This

1:08

is like in high school when

1:10

someone came back from America for

1:12

two weeks and they had an

1:15

accent. Oh yeah, that's right. But

1:17

I can't do the accent because

1:19

although they don't care about cultural

1:21

appropriation, they'd never be happier

1:23

than if everyone was tripping

1:25

around in a kimono. Welcome,

1:27

Cape Labor! You know

1:29

who's very Japanese who? Sasha

1:31

free. Oh me how about

1:33

yeah, why so? I just

1:35

her size she could shop

1:37

there all good eyes polite

1:39

and just no no not

1:42

that part Say hello sash

1:44

hello, that's enough. That's

1:46

enough. Kenichi work Keep

1:49

that up anyway, I

1:51

brought presents people that

1:54

bring presents from holidays

1:59

shopping. You did! Even She Comes

2:01

with a Goochy handbag, folks! Yes!

2:03

How's that? Because, you know, there's

2:06

no copies in Japan. So they

2:08

say. Well, so they say. So they

2:10

say. So they say. So they say. So

2:12

they say. It was a legit boot

2:14

in the car. It was legit. Legit.

2:17

Legit ways. I went to the factory.

2:19

I saw the guy with his hot

2:21

glue gun. Handcrafted! Isn't

2:23

it stunning? It is, if

2:25

anyone was to say, what's

2:27

a Kate Lanebrook bag, there

2:30

it is, red and frilly

2:32

and big. Frilly, not frilly.

2:34

Not frilly. No, now you're,

2:36

okay, now see, what starts?

2:39

Tassels, no, frilly and big

2:41

is like, okay. When you

2:43

think of Kate Lanebrook. I'm

2:45

sorry, but if I didn't

2:47

think about women, they like

2:49

being called frilly and big.

2:52

What are you getting?

2:55

What is this? Oh

2:57

my God. Folks, Caitlanbrook

2:59

has given me kalua.

3:01

The greatest. All the

3:03

way from Japan. All

3:06

the way from Japan.

3:08

And it is much a

3:10

flavor. Now this is

3:12

insane because as we know,

3:15

kalua is a coffee lakua. A

3:17

matcha. I've done a very good,

3:19

and it's not a good tasting

3:21

one either, so this is a

3:23

fan. So I thought of you. And I

3:26

haven't tried it, we haven't tried

3:28

it. This is going to be

3:30

an experiment. And hang on, I'm

3:32

going to give, well I give

3:34

Sasha hers while you pour us

3:36

drinks. Of course, yes. Because, Sasha

3:38

French, I got you these. Just

3:40

for me. All right, what are

3:42

these? All the Japanese girls use

3:44

them. They're patches that you put

3:46

on when your legs or your

3:48

feet are tired and apparently they're

3:50

amazing. And you know you, you,

3:52

yes, you get hot feet. Yeah,

3:54

you get hot feet. Refresh sheet.

3:56

Very good and also some cherry

3:58

sauce and also. I'm just

4:00

laughing at the sentence,

4:03

I get hot feet!

4:05

Are they gorgeous? I

4:07

think your boyfriend will

4:09

like that. Chuck, those

4:11

socks on your stinking

4:14

hot feet. You're a

4:16

bit stinking. They don't

4:18

stink. So freely be

4:20

extinct. You're such a... It

4:22

reminds me of... I told

4:24

you what my mum once said

4:27

about gay men. Why do women

4:29

love gay men? You know

4:31

they're the enemy. You both

4:33

want the same thing, right? And

4:35

the more time I spend with

4:38

you... Oh my goodness! It's

4:40

green! The much, the much

4:42

clower looks absolutely awful. It looks

4:44

like fungus. You've got me

4:46

a bottle of... It's a

4:48

terrible dark green! Let's taste much

4:51

of flavor clower. Good luck! Good

4:53

luck! Good luck! Good luck! Good

4:55

luck! I could have ruined down.

4:58

Okay, hang on. I

5:01

can't taste the much at all. I

5:04

taste it at the start but not

5:06

at the end. So who cares? Thank

5:08

you so much for my presence. Cheers!

5:10

Cheers! But isn't that a great novelty?

5:12

You know what I saw at first

5:15

and then I said, why didn't I

5:17

just get it? Why didn't you know?

5:19

You know when you're traveling you

5:21

just don't think. You don't. And

5:24

then I went, we drink Kaloa

5:26

all the time. What better for our

5:28

Japanese episode? Love a much, I love

5:30

it. You can get much of kit

5:32

cats from Japan for those of you

5:35

playing at home? Oh yes, you can,

5:37

we brought some back. You got a

5:39

lot of things, much of favoured

5:41

considering you think it's a disgusting

5:43

thing. Well because you like the

5:45

novelty of it. It's green. She's

5:47

new. She's pushing me. It's so

5:49

amazing. I know it's annoying to

5:51

hear people say but let me,

5:53

this is a good tip for...

5:55

I've never been. Our listeners, well

5:57

I've been before but not... properly.

5:59

I went on a cruise, we

6:01

took my parents on a cruise

6:04

and the kids were little. So

6:06

we saw quite a lot of

6:08

it, yeah, we saw quite a

6:10

lot, but it was not, like

6:12

this time we had five days

6:14

in Tokyo and five days skiing

6:16

and then we were in Osaka.

6:18

And you hate skiing. I didn't

6:21

go skiing. You sent us a

6:23

pick, lying on the couch, like

6:25

comfortable, and I hope to admit

6:27

behind you. It was the most

6:29

beautiful looking scenery scenery I've ever

6:31

seen. It's so incredible. Not enough

6:33

for you to like go out

6:35

there. No, I did go out

6:38

there, but not skiing. Right. But

6:40

I did say, and you know,

6:42

I hate walking. I hate all

6:44

you know, people are like, I

6:46

love a good walk. I'm like,

6:48

get it. If God wanted to

6:50

make a walk, it's called a

6:52

walk, a car. Thank you. Thank

6:55

you. Ever heard of an e-scooter?

6:57

But I had rollerblades. Two of

6:59

the greatest walks. I can't convey

7:01

to you the magic of it.

7:03

It's proper magic. Well, I got

7:05

a glimpse of it in the

7:07

background of you lying on the

7:10

couch in the pick. Yeah, it

7:12

was just magical. And Sarge, of

7:14

course, had been the year before

7:16

with her boyfriend. Yeah. Anyway. Wow,

7:20

for someone who said they have

7:23

heaps to talk about. No, I've

7:25

got, okay, so you know how

7:27

I am. I hope you never

7:29

get a job on getaway. Your

7:31

episode of getaways, you're going, I

7:33

hate walking. No, you know how

7:35

I love the things about Japan.

7:38

Okay, it's as cheap as chips.

7:40

As in daily life there is

7:42

cheap, food cheap, so cheap. Is

7:44

the econ really expensive though? No,

7:46

no it's not. No, not really,

7:48

not compared to... going in Sydney,

7:50

that shit off. Sydney. Hey, Sydney

7:53

buckets. What's going on with your

7:55

hotels? Don't even. I get an

7:57

offer for a comedy room or

7:59

to do a show and you

8:01

go, yeah, and then you work

8:03

out the math of the hotel

8:05

room and you're like, I'm going

8:08

to lose money. Sydney? It's crazy.

8:10

Okay, so what's happened is, this

8:12

is bad for the Japanese people,

8:14

I imagine. Who knows? But their

8:16

economy has collapsed. Oh dear. Something

8:18

to do with the fact that

8:20

Honda and Nissan, or as the

8:23

Americans call it, Nissan, also get...

8:25

We're going to have a merger,

8:27

right? We're going to have a

8:29

merger. Because their car industry is

8:31

being destroyed by the Chinese. Are

8:33

they going electric or what? No,

8:36

they brought in the first hybrid.

8:38

They were a bit early with

8:40

it. Or the first electric called

8:42

Leave. Yeah, Toyota's not involved in

8:44

the merger. Anyway, the merger fell

8:46

over while we were there. And,

8:48

gee, our exchange rate just went

8:51

through the roof. So we were

8:53

getting like 99 yen. So it

8:55

was basically you won tenths everything.

8:57

So you go out for a

8:59

stunning tempera oodon. YUMmo. Ten bucks.

9:01

Love it. Love it. 10 bucks

9:03

at the airport! At the airport!

9:06

Unheard of! I mean, it had

9:08

much in it, but it was

9:10

cheap. Always much. Anyway, it was

9:12

stunning. And also, the other thing

9:14

about Japan that is amazing is

9:16

it's a high-trust society. Everyone always

9:18

says clean, I thought you were

9:21

about to see how clean the

9:23

streets are. I tell you what,

9:25

my bits have never been, never,

9:27

like whenever you, like the toilets,

9:29

just constantly, just constantly cleaning you.

9:31

Just constantly, constantly, constantly, constantly, you're

9:33

constantly being spray. Yeah, like, did

9:36

you ever see that movie, Silkwood?

9:38

No. With Merrill Street, she works

9:40

in a uranium factory. And if

9:42

you're ever exposed to the polonium,

9:44

at the end date, all the

9:46

alarms go off, they put you,

9:48

they put you in a put

9:51

you in a, and it's a

9:53

shower like you've never had before

9:55

like she's practically getting that's what

9:57

the toilets in Japan do to

9:59

your bot-bot bring it on your

10:01

front bit although you can and

10:04

you can press different bits oh

10:06

yeah you can press what was

10:08

your favorite No, I didn't have

10:10

a favorite. I'm not really that

10:12

into it to be honest. I

10:14

found it a bit much. I

10:16

can never decide on what I

10:19

want the hose when I have

10:21

to hose the garden out the

10:23

back and coat is away. Do

10:25

I go the hard long one?

10:27

The wide, the wide, the wide

10:29

spray. Okay, well this is, you

10:31

would really have trouble in Japan.

10:34

I'm not good at decisions. Japan's

10:36

not for me. It's all little

10:38

pictures and after while we knew

10:40

the pictures. What was on the

10:42

pictures? One's a little bottom and

10:44

the jet's like right in the

10:46

middle of the cheeks. Right. And

10:49

one is, what's the girl one,

10:51

Sasha? It just has a different

10:53

angle, I think. Yeah, it's intrusive.

10:55

Yeah, it's intrusive. Oh, yeah, it's

10:57

intrusive. Somewhere he chose the wrong

10:59

setting. Old hot feet over there.

11:01

Do your feet were hot after

11:04

she gave us of a good

11:06

hosing, a good silkwood hosing? Did

11:08

anyone in your family enjoy the

11:10

Japanese toilet? Are they all love?

11:12

Men love it. Do they? Yeah,

11:14

men love it. Men are mad

11:17

on that sort of stuff. So

11:19

aren't they? Men love it because

11:21

I think of your prostate. You

11:23

enjoy things we don't. Okay. Like

11:25

rod during each other up the

11:27

bot. What setting

11:29

was that? What was the image

11:31

for that one? But you know,

11:34

there's like, there's a whole world

11:36

of possibility. And also the toilets

11:38

do this thing that when you

11:40

sit on them, they make a

11:42

background noise, which is disconcerting because

11:44

it sounds like it's flushing, but

11:46

it's not, it's just water running.

11:48

So that outside, you're not... your

11:50

privacy. Do you think anyone listening

11:52

to our podcast runs toilets of

11:54

some sort? Can every single toilet

11:56

in the world have... Music playing

11:59

loudly. For the comfort of everybody,

12:01

please. Well, you can choose music

12:03

or you can have the water

12:05

sound. Anyway, my husband loved it

12:07

and he goes, I nearly put

12:09

one in our bathroom, but they're

12:11

$4,000 and I could buy a

12:13

normal one for 400. I mean,

12:15

just as a talk podcast. He

12:17

dreams so much for me. That's

12:19

good. He was his lady to

12:22

hear the sounds of a creek.

12:24

Why she's on the dunny? Yeah,

12:26

he wants that. Yeah, it's beautiful.

12:28

So high trust society is an

12:30

amazing experience. If you come from

12:32

a country like Australia once was

12:34

a high trust society, I'm not

12:36

going into the reasons why it's

12:38

no longer, you can probably work

12:40

that out for yourself. I think

12:42

that involved a bit of a

12:44

cook. But this is how... a

12:47

high-trust society manifests itself. Now, people

12:49

have done stuff like this online

12:51

and you can check it. Like

12:53

they've done things like they've left

12:55

a briefcase at the busiest train

12:57

station in Tokyo. Like Shinjuku or

12:59

whatever. They've left it there and

13:01

two hours later they come back

13:03

and pick it up and it's

13:05

there. Right? But this was just

13:07

so amazing. Once you start noticing

13:09

it, you're just like... Literally not

13:12

one person, when you're getting on

13:14

these trains, how many people live

13:16

in Japan, 30 million or something?

13:18

Millions, millions, millions, millions of people

13:20

on these trains. So busy, when

13:22

you're in New York, when you're

13:24

in Australia, there's always messages. Please

13:26

look after you're in Europe. Look

13:28

after your belongings. There are pickpockets

13:30

on the train. How many? 124

13:32

million. What in Tokyo? Well not

13:35

Tokyo. Japan. How many in Tokyo?

13:37

Whatever, whatever. You busy yourself doing

13:39

that. Do you want some ice

13:41

for your feet? 14.8 million. City

13:43

of 14.8 million. And it's tiny.

13:45

The city is very small. No,

13:47

it's spread out. It's actually... No,

13:49

it's like the actual city city

13:51

party. Small, isn't it? Small in

13:53

Melbourne. No, I don't think so.

13:55

I don't think so. I don't

13:57

think so. Is it? I think

14:00

it's spread out. Because it's not

14:02

particularly high rise. Not particularly high

14:04

rise. Anyway, so constantly once you're

14:06

aware of it, you're like, this

14:08

is just amazing. There's not a

14:10

rubbish bin anywhere, which drives you

14:12

crazy. So people carry their own

14:14

rubbish with them and dispose of

14:16

thoughtfully. There's not a cigarette, but

14:18

we were in train stations. Where

14:20

they all smoke? Where they all

14:22

smoke? Well now they have to

14:25

do it furtively. There's a lot

14:27

of signs in the street saying

14:29

no smoking now, which some people

14:31

would find annoying if they wanted

14:33

perhaps to have. They wanted to.

14:35

And they sell cigarettes everywhere. I

14:37

don't know what's happening with that.

14:39

But you can go into a

14:41

bar and smoke in a tiny

14:43

room the size of a closet.

14:45

Anyway. Did you see all the

14:48

drunk business men on a Friday

14:50

night? Okay, look that up on

14:52

the internet. It's a great thing.

14:54

They all go out and get

14:56

absolutely maggated after work and there's

14:58

all this footage of Japanese men

15:00

passed out at train stations and

15:02

everyone's nice to them. Everyone puts

15:04

bottles of water around them. And

15:06

in Osaka, it was Monday night.

15:08

Oh. And they were all leaving

15:10

the bars. Hospital night. And the

15:13

girls who work at the bars

15:15

would all come downstairs with the

15:17

bars would all come downstairs with

15:19

them. And Adekatogazema. Adekatogazema. And the

15:21

men would go lurching off down

15:23

the street. And then as soon

15:25

as they were out of ice

15:27

shop, the girls would start talking

15:29

to each other and giggling. Living

15:31

Adam. at them but my son

15:33

mocked me for my attempt at

15:36

Japanese. Well yeah I mean fair

15:38

enough did you hear how I

15:40

said that then? I mean it

15:42

was okay I don't know what

15:44

what were you saying? Aragato good

15:46

famous. Thank you you become a

15:48

fully formed character. Thank you. Thank

15:50

you. Thank you very much. No

15:52

no that's what I'm saying. traveling

15:54

with three sons yeah they'll humiliate

15:56

you of what I mean traveling

15:58

with their day They would say,

16:01

traveling with mom humiliated me. Okay,

16:03

they would. Fair enough. But Lewis

16:05

started doing this thing where he

16:07

would mock my accent every time

16:09

I tried to speak Japanese. And

16:11

then, you know, it starts off

16:13

funny. Well, is this like when

16:15

my mom used to order food

16:17

in an accent when she was

16:19

ordering for the family? If my

16:21

mom called in any of you

16:23

in a restaurant, yeah, what would

16:26

she say? Well, she'd order in

16:28

a bloody accent, which you're not

16:30

going to demonstrate. What a career?

16:32

I told you about my friend's

16:34

dad, who used at a Chinese

16:36

restaurant, go to crab crawl. And

16:38

we'd always be like, can you

16:40

not? Don't do the waiter, don't

16:42

say crab crawl. Anyway, what do

16:44

you mean? So Lewis, have you

16:46

got him there? Have you got

16:49

him there? Okay, call him. I'm

16:51

just going to say this is

16:53

what every time we spoke Japanese

16:55

Just Lewis Lewis is backup debut

16:57

I think it is So dramatic

16:59

when we call. I'm not sure

17:01

about the tea taste at the

17:03

start It's not good the color.

17:05

I love you. It's really terrible

17:07

It's not going to catch... Oh,

17:09

low, what? What would he answer?

17:11

It's his mom. Answer the phone.

17:14

Yeah. No, sir, she's calling. I

17:16

understand why it's not answering. Oh,

17:18

she's like a mother to him.

17:20

I'm getting a teenage boy to

17:22

answer a call. That's a huge

17:24

gap. Well, you know, but... A

17:26

moment for the stars. I know,

17:28

his girlfriend gets upset because he

17:30

doesn't answer the phone. Just text.

17:32

What on earth couldn't just be

17:34

a text. We always think that.

17:38

What on earth couldn't be

17:40

a text? Like when someone

17:42

calls you. Your mother's dead.

17:44

Text it. I'll get to

17:46

it when I care. No,

17:48

you know, there's some things

17:50

that require, and also sometimes

17:52

you need the warmth of

17:54

it. Your mother's? Anyway. Oh

18:00

my God, we just went to

18:03

100 so quick. Your mum has...

18:05

And the tone! You know what

18:07

I mean, you asked for

18:10

an example. Anyway, I

18:12

can't forget him. Oh, we're

18:14

moved on. Dead to us,

18:16

always. I'm just going to

18:18

say this one thing to you.

18:21

Yes. High-trust society. Oh, yes. So

18:23

I would say to the kids

18:25

all the time, high trust society,

18:27

you don't litter, you wait, you're

18:29

very respectful, you wait for other

18:31

people to get off the train

18:33

before you get on. They just

18:35

make you be better and it's

18:37

really exhausting. At one point I

18:39

said to Peter I'm done with

18:41

this country with carrying a bag

18:43

full of litter around until I

18:45

can dispose bowing to people of

18:47

constant fear bowing. I'm too big

18:49

for them. You're too better. Anyway,

18:51

a glower. They just leave

18:54

a taste in the mouth.

18:56

Unpleasant, unpleasant. Anyway, this summed

18:58

up just perfectly what it

19:00

means to live in a

19:02

high-trust society and we don't

19:04

have it. So we went

19:06

to Harajuku where the Harajuku

19:08

girls are of Wednesday Fani

19:10

fame, right? We'd been there before. the

19:12

kids were little then we took them back

19:15

now and it's a big scene on the

19:17

weekend it's fun you know there's some people

19:19

dressed up and there's lots of little lame

19:21

ways in kooky shops and lots of leliter

19:23

girls did your husband see some like cool

19:25

punk rock or they love like heavy metal

19:27

yeah yeah they love that they love that

19:29

they love that no didn't yeah we did

19:31

a lot of vintage shopping well I mean like

19:33

a gig oh no no we didn't know we didn't

19:35

go to a rock rock but there were a lot

19:37

of rock bars mmm mmm mmm anyway This girl,

19:39

so we were down in this train

19:42

station and there was a Starbucks and

19:44

Peter went, oh, I really feel like

19:46

a Frappuccino. That constant quest to just

19:48

get a coffee Frappuccino, whereas they've got

19:50

all these flavors in Starbucks, I don't

19:53

understand. Anyway, this is what happened in

19:55

the Starbucks and I couldn't believe it. It

19:57

was a tiny little shop. So it was

19:59

probably... the size of two bedrooms,

20:01

right? Crammed with people, everyone,

20:04

every table full. So Starbucks

20:06

pumps in Japan? There's no,

20:08

no, not particularly, but they've

20:10

got, everything's a chain, but

20:12

they're mostly Japanese chains, and

20:14

we're like, we're happy with

20:16

that. And a lot of

20:18

individual restaurants, anyway, this girl

20:21

comes in dressed really beautifully,

20:23

she's got a little Chanel

20:25

suit on and a handbag,

20:27

they're very well dressed, and

20:29

she's got shopping bags dangling

20:31

from every wrist. She heads

20:33

straight for the table. She

20:36

puts her shopping bag on

20:38

the chair. She puts her

20:40

handbag, her handbag on the

20:42

table. She leaves it and

20:44

comes to where we are

20:46

standing, like 20 feet away

20:48

from her. She orders and

20:51

waits for her drink while

20:53

her shopping. and her handbag

20:55

is unattended in a train

20:57

station with 20 million people.

20:59

Hang on! Wait, wait, wait!

21:01

I couldn't tell if that

21:03

was like celebrating high trust.

21:05

Or you're angry at her

21:08

for doing that and taking

21:10

up the space! I love...

21:12

of it. Like can you

21:14

imagine? Can you imagine? So

21:16

did you steal one of

21:18

the bags? You know that's

21:20

my first thought because I'm

21:23

not a high-trust society person.

21:25

Here it is. The story

21:27

of your googee bag. Konichiwa.

21:29

Arigato gazamas for the souvenir

21:31

bag. The tassels. Starbucks girl.

21:33

How's... That's crazy. That's just

21:35

a concept. And so Peter

21:37

and I were like, I

21:40

don't think they widely travel

21:42

abroad, but gee they must

21:44

get a shock. When they

21:46

come and they see how

21:48

fat and dirty we are.

21:50

With our dirty bottoms. Amazing.

21:52

Welcome home! It was just

21:55

a cold, wait till I

21:57

write my book. And I'm

21:59

so happy you survived economy

22:01

class on the way home.

22:03

Oh my. Goodness, that was

22:05

really something. You're a woman

22:07

of the people. That was

22:10

really something. One of the

22:12

flight attendants, Peter said to

22:14

me, she doesn't think you

22:16

belong here. This flight attendant

22:18

was so nice to me.

22:20

Yeah. She kept bringing me

22:22

extra little things. She could

22:24

tell it wasn't right. You

22:30

know how you just bang on

22:32

about high trust society? Bang on.

22:34

Bang on. Interesting. Isn't the language

22:36

interesting? Well you have to speak

22:38

up and bang on to, so

22:40

I can hear them over your

22:43

tussles. Okay, bang on, and now

22:45

it's time for him to wake

22:47

up. Go on. Where will he

22:49

look? Hang on big, freely. Bang

22:51

on. Bang on. Bang on. Very

22:53

popular podcast, rip. With our friends.

22:55

Bang on. Very popular podcast, rip.

22:58

With our friends. Okay, so Go

23:00

on. He's rattled. Now he's rattled.

23:02

No, I forgot what I was

23:04

going to say. Something's giving you

23:06

a buck up. Oh, you say

23:08

high trust society. I want cash

23:11

back, Kate. A few weeks ago.

23:13

Talking my language. A few weeks

23:15

ago. I did a gig. Yeah.

23:17

Old school. envelope in the hand

23:19

at the end of the gig,

23:21

right? But good paid gig, like

23:23

a pretty. So you got a

23:26

ward. I got a ward, right?

23:28

And I was shocked that it

23:30

was in an envelope. I was

23:32

like, was it fitty? I was

23:34

like, fitty anangies. Oh,

23:37

tell you. Oh, hang on. Hang on,

23:39

hang on, hang on, hang on. Right?

23:41

Let's just digest. This is what I

23:43

mean. Right. Yeah, right. I was like,

23:45

okay, I thought you were just going

23:47

to do the usual, I invoice. What's

23:49

your pay? I'll change to use the

23:51

money. Shadow loan. Yeah. Oh, no, no,

23:54

no. And hello, the money has been

23:56

around him, no, you can't yet. Yes.

23:58

Can't get the bank said it would

24:00

take him to clear. Do you want

24:02

to be my manager? That was really

24:04

good. That cash. So I was shocked

24:06

that they got the cash and I

24:09

was like, thank you. And I haven't

24:11

had cash in ages. I've got a

24:13

20 or a 10 here and there.

24:15

Well, no one has. And you know

24:17

what that has side note. Guess who's

24:19

been put out of business as a

24:21

result. Two. Drive dealers. Oh, who? Oh

24:23

yeah, you know you used to see

24:26

them all the time and always fancy.

24:28

Always, always in pairs. And fantasise about

24:30

how you'd hold up the trial. Absolutely,

24:32

you look at them and go, I

24:34

could take them on. Now you can

24:36

buy the whole company for 20 bucks.

24:38

So for the last few weeks of

24:41

my life, I have been using cash

24:43

and there is something, I know I've

24:45

earned it, it's real money, it doesn't

24:47

feel real, no, everything feels free. It's

24:49

like all just, that was cash. That

24:52

was cash. Hello to our hospital workers,

24:54

hello to our cafe bucket listening, the

24:56

looks, I am getting... Love looks, no!

24:58

No, you aren't getting love. I'm the... I'm

25:00

trying to pay with cash and they're

25:02

like, are you effing, store? Caffe, what?

25:05

No, cafes love cash. Not the ones

25:07

I've been going to, I've been getting

25:09

looks, because we've got a lot of...

25:11

But if you're into ones in Darvos,

25:13

where they're trying to start a one

25:15

world government, one world government, they've got

25:17

to give you've got to give you

25:19

change. They don't mind, they love

25:21

the cash. They don't want to get,

25:23

but you know, it's really shifted. What?

25:25

I've been buying my groceries with cash.

25:27

It has, I have not done that.

25:29

Yes. I don't think I've ever done

25:32

that in my entire life. And do

25:34

you know what? Using the machine. You

25:36

know, somewhere where you're in your social

25:38

credit score, there's going to be a

25:40

big glitch of two weeks where they're

25:42

like, what happened to him in that

25:44

time? Because they can track everything via

25:46

cards. I am paying cash. And let

25:48

me tell you, you think you're young

25:50

and your hip and you're cool

25:52

and you're with it, Kate Lanebrook,

25:54

nothing will aid you more than

25:56

putting in money into a self-serve

25:58

checkout at Woolley's. I didn't do it.

26:01

It takes you. I'm like, where does

26:03

the 50 go? I'm pushing it. That's

26:05

the wrong one. That's the one where

26:07

it comes out. But actually that makes

26:09

you seem young. No, it does. Because

26:11

the young ones wouldn't know how to

26:14

do it. The old ones would all

26:16

know how to do it. And then

26:18

I'm like, oh yeah, I'm putting it

26:20

in here and the ladies looking at

26:22

the money. What are you doing? Bring

26:24

cash back. I'm the richest person in

26:27

the world. The second buck. Two bucks

26:29

for you. Two bucks. Two bucks. You

26:31

know I have to be careful with

26:34

coffee in all stimulants, right? Oh yes,

26:36

we know. A few months ago, I

26:38

had my first Vietnamese

26:40

iced coffee, remember? Oh yeah,

26:43

the condensed milk. It's blosion,

26:45

the sugar explosion. The sugar

26:47

explosion. The coffee. The anxiety.

26:49

It was a wild rock. You

26:51

said you had two hours of

26:54

absolute peaking. I was running around

26:56

a room. Yeah, alone. Yeah. Duck

26:58

it after the toilet every five

27:00

minutes going. This is the best

27:03

thing I've ever had. Longley for

27:05

a Japanese flash. I have a

27:07

new coffee experience similar. Oh, God,

27:10

it was good. It's taken a

27:12

wanky, wanky Melbourne cafe by storm.

27:14

So not everyone has this. What

27:16

is it? It is called a

27:18

Mont Black. Is it how you

27:21

say a B-L-A-C? Is that

27:23

how you pronounce it? A

27:25

Mont-A-S-L-A-C? Is that how you

27:28

pronounce it? A Mont-A-L-A-S-L-A-S, is

27:30

it a famous mountain, called

27:32

Mont Blanc? Blanc, which is

27:34

a famous mountain called Mont

27:37

Blanc. Blanc as in

27:39

white, because it's got snow on

27:41

the top of it. Precise. Right, something

27:43

about cold drip. It's cold drip, more powerful.

27:45

But is cold drip, like what the Americans

27:48

do? No, with a percolator. No, me, I

27:50

don't know, because percol is hot. And it's

27:52

a lot weaker. Why is it cold drip?

27:54

I don't know, but it's cold. Does it

27:56

come out cold? It's cold. It's a cold.

27:58

It's a cold drink. like you're buying

28:01

a can. No, I've got

28:03

it from a cafe. What

28:05

are you asking me? Well

28:07

I proceed, I don't know.

28:09

Like filter-ish, I'm guessing some

28:11

sort of filter coffee, whatever.

28:13

Cream? Yum. Wept, wept, wept,

28:16

wept, no. Okay. Orange zest.

28:18

What? Nutmeg and sugar syrup.

28:20

And it was so good.

28:22

I'm Salinger and it's small.

28:24

Did you get that? Well

28:26

you had Gloria Jeans. No!

28:28

That's a Gloria Jeans coffee!

28:30

That is a... It was

28:32

wanky and overpriced! I'm cool!

28:35

Oh it was. It was

28:37

small too. It wasn't as

28:39

big as an eye. I

28:41

loved it. Small, when you

28:43

say smallish. Like yeah that,

28:45

but you know. Yeah, okay,

28:47

all right. I loved it

28:49

so much. Well that's a

28:51

delicious dream. And then I

28:54

pinged off my face for

28:56

three hours. Well basically, I

28:58

can't wait to tell the

29:00

buck. Aside from the orange

29:02

and the, what was the

29:04

spice? Nutmeg? Nutmeg. Aside from

29:06

that, you basically just made

29:08

a Vietnamese coffee, cream and

29:10

sugar syrup. Oh yeah. I

29:13

found my head made. But

29:15

it's like overpriced and wanky

29:17

and expensive. We've got to

29:19

get one together. We'll have

29:21

one at the next show.

29:23

No, I'm not shooting my

29:25

pants in front of 200

29:27

bucks. What? No, I mean,

29:30

I'm not shooting my pants

29:32

in front of 200 bucks.

29:34

What? No, I mean, a

29:36

show in here. What did

29:38

it make you put your

29:40

pants? No, I mean, I

29:42

was in control, but at

29:44

the same time, I was

29:46

a busy boy. I'm very

29:49

sensitive to stimulus. All right.

29:51

Your mom's dead. Your mom's

29:53

dead. Oh, oh. We're back,

29:55

we're back! We're back! I've

30:03

got a message for people. You

30:06

know, there's a saying. I think

30:08

it's from the Bible. Actually, it

30:10

must be because it's involving God.

30:12

I should remember this as a

30:15

Catholic boy. God makes it rain

30:17

on the righteous and the

30:19

unrighteous. Right, that's the gift.

30:21

You know, people go through life

30:23

and they go wide as bad

30:25

things. Why are these bad people

30:27

thriving or whatever? Because that is

30:29

this is... Life. Yeah, that's how

30:31

life works. But here's some good

30:33

news that I have learned firsthand.

30:35

That even if you're a bad

30:37

person, and I think we've established

30:40

on this podcast, I'm not the

30:42

worst. No, I know worst. Yeah,

30:44

I'm not the worst. But I'm

30:46

not a good person. You know,

30:48

and I don't, those people that

30:50

want to align themselves with constant

30:52

goodness. It's like when people

30:54

say to me, you're so nice,

30:56

I'm like, I'm actually not.

30:58

So don't, I just don't.

31:00

Anyway. Yes, you are. You're not

31:03

kind. To who? People. Yeah,

31:05

no, I'm not. I find

31:07

honesty very kind. Well, I

31:09

do. Cruel to be kind. You're

31:11

not cruel to be kind.

31:13

That's what honesty is. Yeah.

31:15

People that think being honest is

31:18

cruel. They've got issues. They've

31:20

got to deal with it. Well,

31:22

see, you're one of my people.

31:24

That's why we get on. You're

31:27

not nice either. And you're not

31:29

nice either. You

31:31

know what, it was? No, it

31:34

wasn't. You know what? It was

31:36

like a cat watching a laser.

31:38

She was just like so.

31:40

You could see she was

31:43

trying to make it, but

31:45

nothing would make sense of

31:47

it. I wouldn't work with

31:49

someone that's not nice. I

31:51

just wouldn't. No, no,

31:53

but it's not. When I

31:56

say not nice. How industry

31:58

is full of kids. correct

32:00

but we're not them but they

32:02

all cloak themselves in that fake

32:05

niceness it's like whenever I meet

32:07

Normies and they say what's so

32:09

and so like oh and I

32:12

was like yeah really nice like

32:14

and I have to lie on

32:17

behalf of them it's like when

32:19

my girlfriend was a mistress I

32:21

had to lie on behalf of

32:24

her keep the secret going anyway

32:26

whatever we're not the business of

32:28

the outing people for being assholes

32:31

or we'd be very busy Anyway,

32:33

my point is I'm not selling

32:35

myself as a good person. And

32:38

if you want to be, find

32:40

a good person, this is not

32:42

the podcast for you. If you

32:45

want some resilient, interesting, funny people,

32:47

then this is the podcast for

32:49

you. Welcome to the buck up.

32:52

Yeah, for sharing it with your

32:54

friends. Love that. Share it with

32:56

your friends. So God makes it

32:59

rain on the righteous and the

33:01

unrighteous. And sometimes if you're a

33:04

bad person, good things happen to

33:06

you. And that's what happened to

33:08

me. All right, so

33:10

when we were going to Japan, and

33:12

you know, there was a five-day skiing,

33:15

and there was a source of concern,

33:17

moderate lip service concern from my husband,

33:19

well, what are you going to do

33:21

for five days? I hope you're not

33:23

bored. Do you know me? Would I

33:25

be bored having five days on my

33:28

own? Was my dear of heaven? There

33:30

was Wi-Fi. Did you see them at

33:32

night? Oh, yeah, they came. Yeah, yeah.

33:34

Anyway, so I had it. It was

33:36

stunning until Lewis took two days off

33:38

skiing and then we hung out together.

33:41

Anyway, but the point was, you know

33:43

I'm writing a book this year and

33:45

it's one of my many extra jobs

33:47

I've got and it's a romance book.

33:49

There's a narrative. And when I was

33:51

going away, I'd say to my manager,

33:54

I've got this and my publisher, I've

33:56

got these five days when we're in

33:58

the snow, I'm not skiing. I'm

34:00

just going to write. And if

34:02

Stephen King movies have taught me

34:05

anything. Oh my goodness! That's where

34:07

writers write. You dirty bird. You

34:09

dirty bird's right in the snow.

34:11

We re-watch that the other week.

34:14

And it's incredible still. Unbelievable. Healthy

34:16

Bates is unbelievable. That movie is

34:18

so great. But do you, have

34:20

you read the book? Misery the

34:23

book. Yeah, I think I actually

34:25

did a very long time ago.

34:27

Okay, so you know in the

34:29

book, they change it to the

34:32

movie and the movie is actually

34:34

more effective, I think, they

34:36

hobble him in the, she

34:38

hobbles him in the, in

34:40

the, in the, in the,

34:42

um, movie, doesn't she,

34:44

she cripples? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

34:46

by bashing, she cuts his foot.

34:48

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well

34:50

that would probably kill him, they

34:52

had to change it. Well no,

34:54

because she was a nurse, wasn't she?

34:57

She used to be a nurse. And

34:59

then it's revealed that she's a naughty

35:01

nurse. A naughty nurse? Yes, it's

35:03

revealed in the movie that she's

35:05

a naughty nurse. She's a naughty

35:07

nurse. She's got history of like

35:09

being bad with people at hospitals.

35:11

Like killing them or tormenting them.

35:13

Yeah, spoiler. for the book and

35:16

imagined buckets. How dare you! I

35:18

was about to enjoy that 40

35:20

year old movie and they have

35:22

ruined the ending. Anyway, so the

35:24

whole time that we're in Tokyo

35:26

and going on the trip and even

35:28

beforehand I was like I'm gonna be

35:30

writing these five days it's gonna be

35:33

intense I have to break the back

35:35

of it I'm sort of like it

35:37

was on the back of my mind

35:39

all the time right in the back

35:41

of my mind and then So the

35:43

first day that everyone went up to

35:46

the thing I was setting myself up,

35:48

I was reading another book that I'm

35:50

like, oh this is interesting, just to

35:52

get the juice is flowing, Jesus. I

35:54

did think about asking sash, how would

35:57

I get AI to write? If I put

35:59

the characters... in anyway. So the next day

36:01

I'm like I get I as soon as

36:03

they leave they were leaving early to go

36:06

to the snow they were getting picked up

36:08

like at 840. I was like today's

36:10

my writing day. I get out my

36:12

iPad that I've been carrying my carry

36:15

on, I unpack it, I get

36:17

my Logitech keyboard, I start typing,

36:19

I put in the name of

36:22

the chapter and I'm like, that's

36:24

weird. I was trying to write

36:26

the, and it kept typing TE

36:29

and it wouldn't put the H

36:31

and I'm like banging on

36:33

the H, banging on the H. My

36:35

H was gone. My R was gone.

36:38

Can you say that? I think my

36:40

M was gone. I couldn't.

36:42

We're tight. Here we go. I

36:44

couldn't. Convenient. Todd, that's what, when

36:46

Peter came home. The first question

36:49

the boys all had, because it'd

36:51

been on, everyone knew that mum

36:53

was writing, I was writing. The

36:55

first thing they said was, how

36:58

did you writing? Go. And I

37:00

said, I couldn't do any than

37:02

iPad. And we were in the

37:04

middle of nowhere in the snow.

37:07

I couldn't just whip out. There

37:09

was no sympathy. Todd.

37:11

That's not. Todd. You

37:13

actually couldn't time. I

37:15

couldn't. I couldn't.

37:17

You know what they

37:19

say the worst part

37:21

about writing is? Writing.

37:24

Writing. Yeah. People say,

37:26

I hate writing, but

37:28

I love having written.

37:31

Oh. But then there

37:33

was one thing just

37:35

slightly I didn't like.

37:37

That Peter said to

37:39

me, did you stand

37:41

on it? I was scared

37:43

to tell my manager. Take

37:45

that publisher. I love, yeah.

37:48

Take that deadline. I'm sorry,

37:50

my arky didn't work. Before

37:52

we get to a text

37:54

from mum, which is a pearl

37:56

of this week, by the way.

37:58

Is it lean? Oh, it's a backwards.

38:00

We've got a couple. We'll choose one. And

38:03

the other one we love will do next

38:05

week. Bucket, send them over. Want us to

38:07

change names? We will. Texts from mom. No,

38:09

before that. Oh, good. I want you to...

38:12

Pick a side here in a fight

38:14

that Cody and I've been having for

38:16

10 years. Oh, I love this 10

38:18

years It does his head in. Oh,

38:20

I love it. Look at your eyes.

38:22

I love it because I stand by

38:24

it Of course you do and you

38:26

know what we've got? You know, I

38:28

think we understand why Cody spends so

38:30

much time running Don't we? Because

38:32

in coming home to you, you've

38:34

got cabin fever always by virtue

38:37

of the fact that you don't

38:39

leave. You've got pockets full of

38:41

cash. Your eyes are just, you're

38:44

always looking for trouble to be

38:46

starting shit up with Cody. I

38:48

love it. I've never approved of

38:50

equality in someone more. But that's

38:53

why he's always running. Little shit

38:55

there are. Yeah. You know what

38:57

he's going to do next year?

38:59

Run across Antarctica. And he gets

39:02

so frustrated. When I put

39:04

petrol in the car. Oh, you don't

39:06

fill it up. I don't feel it

39:08

up. Oh, no. Valvo meets Sasha French.

39:10

You're the same? Oh, you people. So

39:13

when I feel up, the car. Oh,

39:15

you people. Oh, you people. He says,

39:17

when do you know to stop? And

39:19

do you know what my answer is?

39:21

Because it's just a vibe check. So

39:23

I put the nozzle in, here comes

39:25

the petrol, and I might give it

39:28

20 bucks, 30 bucks, whatever I'm in

39:30

the mood for. What I've got on

39:32

for the day, what the weather is,

39:34

there's so many factors at play. If

39:36

there's a car behind me, I get...

39:38

Are you medicated? Sometimes I am. Sometimes

39:41

I'm not. When I am. If I'm

39:43

medicated, you can fill it up. Maybe,

39:45

but so what? Yeah, that's

39:47

not the argument. No, but

39:49

just interesting, but just interesting,

39:51

interesting. So he just, I

39:53

see his eye twitched. Yeah.

39:56

I put a quarter in,

39:58

half are in. Why? Do

40:00

you like going to put petrol in the

40:02

car? No, put like, it's gonna, yeah, yeah,

40:04

eventually put the same amount in. But do

40:06

you like, you like, you like putting petrol

40:08

in eventually. Yeah, but with a certain amount

40:10

of output from you. So you go absolute

40:13

full every single time you go to the

40:15

survey. C, put a chance. Every single time.

40:17

C. But you do not. No, but you

40:19

told me you've, because. I hear your voice

40:21

in my head in recent time. And there

40:23

are times I fill up now, but there

40:26

are also times when I'm like... And how's

40:28

your boyfriend said anything about it? Does he

40:30

fill your car? I know he never drives

40:32

your car. He drives. So he doesn't know

40:34

your dirty little secret. No. Did you have

40:36

a car accident such? What? No. Your car's

40:38

all banged up on my side when I

40:41

pulled out. That's from years ago. Oh. Anyway,

40:43

that's always the side I get in. I

40:45

get in. I get in. I get in.

40:47

I get in. The passenger side I get

40:49

in. The passenger side I get in. The

40:51

passenger side I get in. The passenger side.

40:54

The passenger side. I think I'm with Cody

40:56

on this. No, I thought you were going

40:58

to be with me. No, no, I'm not.

41:00

And you know why? Only because it's such

41:02

a false economy. This is where you draw

41:04

the line. You're sharing toothbrushes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

41:06

This is the hill. This is the hill.

41:09

No, you know why? Because I think for

41:11

so many years I was so povo that

41:13

I could only put $10 of petrol in

41:15

my car. And... You know you'd eke it

41:17

out, but then one of my great pleasures

41:19

in life is filling up the tech Not

41:22

a pleasure. I don't like it, but I

41:24

hate the job of it so much I'm

41:26

like I want to do this job as

41:28

little as possible So when you leave the

41:30

petrol station Yeah, it's like when I used

41:32

to leave Saturday night church with the family

41:34

I was in the best mood ever like

41:37

the Simpsons because he'd had it done because

41:39

it's the part of the week where the

41:41

next church is the furthest away it will

41:43

be. Yes, yes, right? That's exactly right. So

41:45

I don't have to, I just never want

41:47

to be pulling into service stations to fill

41:50

up my car. I'm bored. How often do

41:52

you end up doing it in a week?

41:54

Sometimes three tell them. I say if you've

41:56

got such an issue with it, you do

41:58

it. And then he goes... Does

42:00

he do it? Sometimes he

42:03

goes another. I love it.

42:05

I do love it. Nothing

42:07

more than when Peter tops

42:10

up me tank. And when

42:12

he puts petrol in my car.

42:14

You know. Does he go full

42:17

or like, oh, who, who, who,

42:19

who, who, who, who, who, who,

42:21

who, who, who, who, who, who,

42:23

who, who, who, who, who, who,

42:26

who, who, who, he's high octane.

42:28

No. match a flavoured petrol.

42:31

It's a text from mum.

42:33

It's a text from mum.

42:35

Can we just reflect on

42:37

this for a moment? Sure. One

42:39

of the ironies in life that

42:42

the dabbler has finally been...

42:44

He's been backed up in

42:46

an argument by me. Kalesi!

42:48

And he is one of my

42:51

dragons! You think she's like a

42:53

stalker? Because you write him little notes

42:55

for me to give him. Yes. Like

42:57

when we get little gifts and nice

43:00

stuff, you go give this to Cody

43:02

and you write to see what you're

43:04

missing out on Dabbler and then I

43:06

take it home to him. And then

43:08

what he's like. But look, he got

43:11

backed up in the argument. But because

43:13

he's only a dirty Dabbler, he'll

43:15

probably never have this moment

43:18

of vindication. He just got

43:20

back from South Africa. I'm like he

43:22

has a job that involves a lot

43:24

of travel or this guy has got

43:27

a secret family somewhere that some

43:29

man in Darwin there's no proof he

43:31

was on the flight how was I

43:34

don't know what about his points he

43:36

must be racking up points you're gonna

43:38

have the greatest does he fly bees

43:41

I'm gonna say the wankiest sentence that

43:43

anyone can ever say and I'm gonna

43:45

sound like a 13 year old girl

43:47

when I say this is everyone ready

43:50

yeah My husband's

43:52

platinum. Oh, he's a platty dog.

43:54

I don't even know what it

43:56

means, but I know it's good.

43:58

He's a platty dog. You can

44:00

go anywhere? Not me, but like... But

44:02

Connie, you're his husband. Yeah, but we

44:05

hardly travel together. We are together on

44:07

a plane like once or twice a

44:09

year if that. Yeah, well, yes, that's

44:12

normal, you idiot. Yeah, but how often

44:14

do you think? Pick up up on

44:16

planes together. We are both flying a

44:19

lot, but it's all just for work.

44:21

You're not Megan and Harry. As is,

44:23

what's what of, what is it? As...

44:26

As ever. As ever. As ever. Sorry,

44:28

my husband's a platinum. What does that

44:30

mean? And what does that mean? I

44:33

don't know what it actually, don't know

44:35

what it means. What does it mean?

44:37

Such, how many points is out? Oh,

44:40

it just, it's a lot of points,

44:42

but it means he gets like the

44:44

seat next to him, gets blocked, when

44:46

it's not sold out. Oh my goodness.

44:49

Well, sometimes. What is he me? I

44:51

mean he doesn't pay for his work

44:53

pays for it. He's the successful one

44:56

in the relationship of his fucking economy.

44:58

He's not in a fair, that's why.

45:00

This is his secret husband. Oh, it

45:03

sounded be terrible. Would it? Take him

45:05

for everything he's got. You know what?

45:07

He's met some man that fills the

45:10

petrol tank up all the way and

45:12

Cody fell for him. Where's the interest

45:14

in that? Exactly boring. Yep. Never go

45:17

out with anyone who's got the same

45:19

skill set as you. That's so true.

45:21

Never. That's why I married this guy.

45:24

Smart. Water's plants. Yep. Yeah. That's it.

45:26

Fills all your holes. We

45:28

have a text from mom from

45:30

Ariana. Ariana. That's a beautiful name.

45:33

Ariana. Italian? Yes, yes. In fact,

45:35

I'm going to tell you an

45:37

Anne Langbrook story. That's my mother.

45:39

I was waiting for the story.

45:41

So when I was at school,

45:43

and you know, you don't know

45:45

what you want to study, and

45:48

I especially didn't, my guidance teacher

45:50

or whatever, my English teacher or

45:52

whatever, said you're really good at

45:54

English, why don't you study journalism,

45:56

I didn't know anything about journalism.

45:58

So I go home and I

46:01

say to my mom, I think

46:03

I'm going to apply. for journalism

46:05

and mom goes, oh you're going

46:07

to be a real Ariana Fallachi.

46:09

And I go, who's Ariana Fallachi?

46:11

Mom goes, you want to be

46:13

a journalist or you don't even

46:16

know who Ariana Fallachi is? I'm

46:18

like, no, I don't know. That

46:20

is my mother. But who's the

46:22

who's the journalist? She's a... a

46:24

journalist. Some journalists probably from the

46:26

1960s, some Italian, but like she

46:29

screams, not screams, but bellows at

46:31

me in Queensland, I was 17.

46:33

I like your mum. I don't

46:35

know who, yeah, everyone loves my

46:37

mom. Oh, that's all really? Yeah,

46:39

everyone loves her. She'd fill her

46:42

car up, wouldn't she? She's got

46:44

a real feel the car up

46:46

to its full life? Not only

46:48

does she fill it up, but

46:50

she's got a supermarket docket. Yes.

46:52

And you know, okay, can we

46:54

just raise this? What's going on

46:57

with those supermarket? Well, I'm sorry,

46:59

but if inflation goes up, so

47:01

does my discount? And it doesn't.

47:03

I don't do it. I never

47:05

done it. I should. Me too.

47:07

I was annoyed the other day.

47:10

Literally I went. I've got the

47:12

back seat full of shopping. There's

47:14

a docket in there and I

47:16

couldn't be bothered to take it

47:18

out. I'm very, you can just...

47:20

You can attach your account to

47:22

a card or your phone. You're

47:25

a cash person now. You're a

47:27

cash person now. You're not attaching

47:29

shit. The amount of things I

47:31

don't do properly because I can't

47:33

be bothered with one extra tap.

47:35

I have no loyalty. You're a

47:38

cash person. Any loyalty. Now you're

47:40

a cash person. You don't like

47:42

that. You know what? You're not

47:44

a slave to the system. You're

47:46

a cash. Reward points. Yes. Wish

47:48

I'd got that 14. It's a

47:51

discount on my fuel. I want

47:53

the discount. It's a text. Oh!

47:55

No! I'm getting wrapped up! My

47:57

husband is Platinum. Oriana, text from

47:59

Mom. Oriana for Lachey. And

48:01

I love this. You want to

48:04

be a German? You don't know

48:06

who Oriana for Lachey! The

48:08

Kalua dad. Okay. The reason

48:10

I love this text from mom

48:12

so much is because my mom

48:14

did this. I would love to

48:17

know if you did this or

48:19

no Buckhead's moms have done this.

48:21

Sash, I reckon you've done it.

48:23

Here we go. All right.

48:25

Oriana's mom. Text that heard

48:28

this. Just letting you know that

48:30

this is a bag of your hair

48:32

from when it was long. You were

48:34

a kid, do you want it? And

48:36

attached is a bag of hair. Look

48:38

at that hair. Oh my goodness. Why

48:40

do mine? Keep shit. Okay, you're

48:43

all a hundred percent creepy.

48:45

You know I've got ring

48:47

boxes full of teeth and

48:49

I've got envelopes full of

48:51

hair. Oh, what happens to the

48:53

hair? Doesn't it... Do it? One,

48:55

okay, I really... Doesn't it have

48:58

to be attached to a human

49:00

to live? Okay, no, it's all

49:02

dead. Once it leaves the scalp,

49:04

hair is all dead. I get,

49:07

I'm not thinking it's growing in

49:09

the envelope, but like... Distintegrate eventually?

49:11

No! I don't think so. Actually

49:13

that's really interesting. It'll be even

49:16

weirder if you put it in some

49:18

sort of like jar and it's floating

49:20

in liquid. Oh it's so once hair

49:22

leads the body. Whose hair have you

49:24

got? I've got Lewis's and I've got

49:26

Sundays. I'm not going to tell you

49:28

why I've got Lewis's or a really

49:31

sharp shot. Okay well yeah, all right

49:33

off. Oh yeah. And then she'd totally

49:35

run the conversation with cancer. She just

49:37

brought up his cancer. I like, you're

49:39

an idiot. You're keeping your kids' hair.

49:42

But one day Sunday came in. Did that

49:44

start it for you for the for

49:46

Sunday? No, I think he'd already cut

49:48

Sunday's hair. She came in one morning.

49:50

You know, kids, if you don't get out

49:52

of bed with them, they get up to

49:54

all sorts. They're cutting air. And then she

49:57

came in one morning in the dark and

49:59

she said, look. cut my hair and

50:01

we've reached out and I reached out

50:03

and I could just feel like much

50:05

more face than I could normally feel

50:07

and as I stroke the side of

50:10

a head of a giant clump came

50:12

out we've got that in the envelope

50:14

you've got Milo's hair sash yes that's

50:16

enough how old was Milo when you

50:18

went snippin he would have been like two

50:21

did he cut it himself oh yeah because

50:23

he had long hair yeah and the teeth

50:25

the teeth the teeth I think that's even

50:27

more I don't know why. What would you

50:29

do with them? No, the question is what

50:31

do you do with them? Well, but no,

50:33

you can't get rid of them. What am

50:35

I going to do? Throw them in the

50:37

bin? Well, yes. I mean, what happens in the

50:40

teeth all out when you're a kid and

50:42

the tooth fairy comes? You would throw your

50:44

child's tooth in the bin. Do you know

50:46

what I think about? Why aren't dad's allowed

50:48

to do this? If someone went... to

50:51

a single dad's house and

50:53

found that he had school

50:55

uniforms, teeth and sandwich bags

50:57

of little girls hair. He'd

50:59

be arrested but a mom

51:01

does it. It's cute. Would

51:03

you like me to answer? Why?

51:05

Go on. I think you know

51:07

the answer. Please message us again

51:09

and tell us if you take

51:11

the hair. Collected the hair because

51:14

Kate wants it. Just going

51:16

to add it to her

51:18

bag. Don't carry, I'm not

51:20

a creep, I don't collect

51:22

strangers here. Have you ever

51:24

worn wigs? Yeah. Were they

51:27

human wigs? No, for, um...

51:29

TV and stuff. Yeah, yeah.

51:31

Never human? Not in life,

51:33

I've never worn a week.

51:35

What? Well, life. Are you

51:37

drunk? Yeah, I know. This

51:40

cool work is such a

51:42

match. Stop poking. I'm devastated

51:44

with a match of color.

51:46

The Buckup podcast is hosted

51:48

by me, Kate Langbrook,

51:50

and him, Nathan Alvo.

51:53

It's produced by the

51:55

brilliant Sasha French. Audio

51:57

and sound by the

51:59

magnificent yuck. Lawrence, you

52:01

might call him Jack

52:03

and Dom Evans. Oh,

52:05

we're lucky.