0:09

the The Bugle, audio

0:11

newspaper for a visual world. hello

0:13

buglers and welcome to issue

0:15

4 ,324 of the world's leading

0:17

and only audio newspaper for a

0:19

visual world. The Bugle, with

0:21

me, and these shortlisted for the

0:23

Nobel Prize for Unfounded Statements,

0:25

and that is just an example

0:27

of why. I'm here in

0:29

the shed of incontrovertibly -arguable truthlessness.

0:31

It is the 5th of December,

0:33

2024, and I'm joined by

0:35

two people who, unusually in this

0:37

day and age never declared

0:39

martial law. as far as I'm aware.

0:42

Firstly, in Edinburgh, it's James Nakise.

0:44

How are you, James? Good. Andy, I

0:46

have terrible news for you. All

0:48

once got drunk in 2008 and declared

0:50

martial law in Wellington. Oh, right,

0:52

Okay. How did that pan out? I

0:54

was hanging upside down in a

0:57

tree in the centre of the town,

0:59

drunk, dressed in a Halloween costume

1:01

as the crow, but declaring myself the

1:03

pigeon to avoid copyright issues. Also

1:08

joining us in in London,

1:10

Rhea Lena. Hello Rhea, how are you? Hi.

1:12

I'm afraid I actually just declared

1:15

martial law on Tuesday as well, but

1:17

I think that given the

1:19

news, my, my, exploration was

1:21

overshadowed by something else's. That's a

1:23

thought about timing isn't it so

1:25

far for the case and where

1:27

does the patriarchy end? Well

1:32

apparently at At

1:34

the pub I tried to take It

1:38

didn't work, you know, because I had my militia

1:40

surround the place but then they just declared a lock

1:42

-in, made the bar free, my militia got pissed off

1:44

and went home. Ha, ha, ha. They

1:47

danced dance as old as military coups

1:49

themselves. On

1:52

the subject of the patriarchy, are recording on

1:54

the 5th of December on this day In

1:56

1921, the English Football

1:58

Association banned women's

2:01

football from taking place in

2:03

league grounds. One of the

2:05

more strikingly shameless pieces of

2:07

institutionalized misogyny in sports. proud

2:09

history of institutionalized misogyny and

2:11

prejudice. And the ban stood

2:13

for 50 years until the

2:15

woke got involved in 1971

2:17

and woke activists made the

2:19

rather startling and at the

2:21

time not scientifically verified claim

2:23

that women were at least

2:25

theoretically people. and might I emphasize might

2:27

want to waste their time kicking a

2:29

ball around just as much as men

2:31

So that was 103 years ago today,

2:33

and But is it is one of

2:35

the most bizarre and

2:37

shameful stories in

2:40

in in sport. But

2:42

it's because they were getting too good

2:44

as well. Yes, Yes and too popular, and,

2:46

um... Too good and too popular. were

2:48

making too much money I I mean

2:50

and who would think it today that

2:52

a bunch of people want Would want

2:54

to stand around watching women exert themselves.

2:56

I don't know where the idea came

2:58

from On

3:00

the 6th of December, 1897, London

3:02

became the first city in the world

3:04

to host licensed taxi cabs. The

3:06

7th of December, 1897 brought the first

3:09

recorded use of the phrase, the

3:11

way I see it, mate. And

3:14

in 1956, 6th of December,

3:16

1956, the blood in the

3:18

water, water polo match between

3:20

Hungary and the Soviet Union

3:23

took place at the Olympics.

3:26

in Melbourne. against

3:28

the backdrop of the Hungarian Revolution

3:30

of 1956. I mean, unquestionably, the

3:32

most famous water polo match.

3:34

ever played ended up with, well,

3:36

some some fairly exotic violence in

3:38

the pool as Hungary beat

3:40

the Soviet Union 4 -0 to

3:42

mark the occasion this historic anniversary

3:44

in the traditional modern sporting

3:46

manner. I thought you said

3:48

they were just beating them with the mallets and the

3:50

water. And

3:53

the corpses of the

3:55

drowned horses to mark

3:57

the mark the in

3:59

the traditional sporting manner. Celebrity bitsy

4:01

drivel will wrestle Hungary's oldest

4:03

living living water polo international, in a

4:05

giant paddling pool full of

4:07

jelly pool full of can beat or

4:09

drown the 98 -year -old he'll

4:11

take home old he'll take home $50 million

4:13

in Bitcoin. Otherwise a check for be

4:16

given to an given to an owl

4:18

sanctuary in Budapest. touching a touching moment of

4:20

that famous I think variation of

4:22

that film when I was

4:24

single in in uni. On

4:27

the 7th of December, 1965, we have

4:30

the we had the Catholic Joint

4:32

Joint Declaration, one of the all

4:34

-time great declarations, certainly

4:36

better than Ben Stokes as Edge

4:38

Bastard in 2023. in 2023.

4:40

In the Catholic Orthodox Joint

4:42

Declaration of 1965, 1965, Catholicism superstar

4:45

Pope Paul VI. and Athanagoras

4:47

the Eastern Orthodox

4:49

Church's top patriarch at

4:51

the time, simultaneously

4:53

revoked their excommunications. And

4:56

and this gesture of unity

4:58

is a of unity is a beacon of

5:00

hope for the squabbly regions of the

5:02

world right now now that even organisations a seemingly

5:04

far apart as the Catholic Church

5:06

the Eastern Orthodox Orthodox Church, basically

5:09

two versions of Christianity that basically

5:11

that of the same stuff.

5:13

If they can set aside their

5:15

historic differences can only historic years

5:17

since the years of 1054 set

5:19

up set up mutual we've all

5:21

got hope. we've all got we

5:23

all have have hope. I just to

5:25

wait a few a few more

5:28

years. more believe the original the original

5:30

that declaration was was, um, Fk those

5:32

Anglicans. But

5:36

it's amazing you say it in

5:38

if you say just assume that it's

5:40

just peaceful, wise know peaceful great thing

5:42

about Latin thing about Latin. Yeah those

5:44

Calvinist things. As always a section

5:46

of this esteemed audio As

5:48

always, a section of this the bin and

5:50

week while is going straight in the

5:53

bin. And this week, it's our

5:55

next instalments of our calendar we calendar,

5:57

we gave you conspiracy theories for

5:59

the first the 7th of December last week.

6:01

We've got more for you this week. The

6:03

last conspiracy theory for the 8th of December

6:05

is that the Old Testament was a forgery

6:07

perpetrated by Sherlock Holmes writer and forgery specialist

6:09

Arthur Conan Doyle in 1924, a hundred years

6:11

ago to this minute. The evidence for this

6:14

conspiracy theory is that Conan Doyle never denied

6:16

this claim and an interesting Conan Doyle fact.

6:18

The band ACDC were such fans of Sherlock

6:20

Holmes that they took their band name from

6:22

the Arthur Conan Doyle Club, the fan club

6:24

that they'd set up, later acronyms to give

6:26

them their famous band name. In fact, your

6:28

conspiracy theory for the 9th of December, Bolivia

6:30

is not in fact landlocked. It has a

6:32

secret stretch of coastline between Greece and Albania.

6:35

Evidence, what on earth would a country be

6:37

landlocked these days? You're for the 10th of

6:39

December? The conspiracy theory for you to spread

6:41

is that tennis legend John McEnroe was on

6:43

the payroll of the global fancy dress industry.

6:45

His catchphrase, you cannot be serious, earned him

6:47

$1 million every time he said it. It

6:49

was part of a campaign to use subliminal

6:51

nudges to make the world a more frivolous

6:53

place, thus making people more likely to buy

6:56

or rent fancy dress costumes, evidence. There's way

6:58

more fancy dress now than in the pre

7:00

Mcenrow era, join the dots. Your theory for

7:02

the 11th, global warming is a hoax, very

7:04

popular theory. The evidence is, if the world

7:06

used to be so much colder than it

7:08

is now, how come all the pictures of

7:10

Jesus from 2,000 years ago, show him either

7:12

in just a pair of underpants or a

7:14

loose-fitting beach towel type thing? For the 12th

7:17

of December, the conspiracy theory is the royal

7:19

family are not lizards, as everyone says they

7:21

are, but they are in fact a secret

7:23

breed of alien tortus, and at night to

7:25

send data back to the mother ship. the

7:27

evidence, just look at their faces in the

7:29

morning, it just never looks right. For the

7:31

13th of December, your theory is that the

7:33

Roman Empire collapsed because they invented the Rubik's

7:35

Cube, and no one ever got anything done

7:38

after that was invented in the year 324,

7:40

originally named after the famous Rubik. Rubicon, of

7:42

course, of course, the and

7:44

the evidence if they could

7:46

if they could build

7:48

aqueducts that took water over 250,000 miles,

7:50

miles, they could invent

7:52

a 15th Rubik's Cube. And finally, for the

7:54

for the 14th of

7:56

December, Earhart did not

7:59

disappear over the Pacific. She

8:01

She made it all

8:03

the way across the

8:05

Pacific Ocean, landed in

8:07

in and started a

8:09

new life as a

8:11

novelist, taking the pen

8:13

name the pen Gabriel Garcia And

8:15

the evidence is that

8:17

Earhart disappeared in 1937, 1937.

8:20

and Garcia Marquez's first

8:22

novel did not come

8:24

out until after that,

8:26

in 1962. that in 1962. So

8:28

quite a lot. I think that's a that's

8:30

a pretty strong one myself. saying

8:32

that the royal family are not reptiles,

8:34

but they're actually reptiles. but they're actually

8:37

reptiles? Uh, different, different, different, different salt yeah

8:39

a friend A point that out

8:41

Lee point friend would not point

8:43

let them just let them slide them

8:45

just let them slide on I'm

8:47

saying saying they're not they're not

8:49

they're not not specifically specifically. Yeah. No

8:51

one no one would ever claim. that

8:54

they're not reptiles. I

8:56

don't know. I If they're actually tortoises,

8:58

then that would explain why they all live

9:00

so long. then that would

9:03

explain why they It makes

9:05

a lot of sense. long. Exactly. Prince

9:07

Andrews got to have a hard shell. a lot

9:10

of ha, ha, ha. And honestly,

9:12

Prince Andrew's got

9:14

does like an a hard

9:17

does an island. He does like

9:19

an island. Right, I

9:21

I think it's about time that section went

9:23

in the bin. went in the

9:25

bin. Top story this week,

9:27

chaos around the world. Well,

9:29

a this week. Chaos the the

9:31

world. been a few areas

9:34

of the world have the dominating

9:36

the global chaos news over

9:38

recent years, but we've had

9:40

some exciting new new entrance into chaos

9:42

news in the past week.

9:45

We're going to start in South

9:47

Korea since we lost bugled. Well,

9:49

well, pretty much what we all expected to

9:51

happen, Korean happened. The South Korean a attempted a

9:53

military coup against himself in an effort to in

9:55

power. in power. It was he's meaning in power, still

9:57

in power, but not in as much power

9:59

did. wanted. He's now facing impeachment.

10:02

This was after he declared

10:04

martial law on Tuesday and playing

10:06

the martial law card generally

10:08

an attempt to show authority by

10:10

someone who's failing to show

10:12

any authority. And he did it

10:14

so authoritatively that martial law

10:16

collapsed after six hours, which is

10:18

less than the length of

10:20

a day of test cricket. And

10:22

in terms of revolutions, you

10:24

want your revolution to last at

10:26

least the length of a

10:28

one day international. James, I would

10:30

say, it's always wonderful when

10:32

you remind the New Zealander about

10:34

one day internationals. I

10:37

think the lesson to be learned here

10:39

is, and I'll be honest, I learned

10:41

it myself on Tuesday when I myself

10:43

called martial law out on that pub,

10:45

is that don't call martial law until

10:47

you have the army in place. there's

10:50

actually, I know it sounds like it's

10:52

like just a reactionary thing to just

10:54

say in the moment like, oh, no,

10:56

oh, sorry, no, I have two cards,

10:58

but it is actually something you should

11:00

plan for. And so one of the

11:02

things I would say just as a

11:04

word of advice to anyone out there

11:07

thinking about declaring martial law in future

11:09

is make sure the army is in

11:11

place before you do it because one

11:13

of the reasons that his martial law

11:15

declaration collapsed is because the cabinet was

11:17

able to get into the building and

11:19

vote it down before the army was

11:22

able to secure the building against the

11:24

cabinet. And so it's just basics, basics

11:26

like this. They

11:30

always say that, you know, in military

11:32

strategy, a key element is surprise. But

11:34

I guess you don't want to surprise

11:36

your own military. That's that's one of

11:38

the fundamental parts of it, I guess.

11:40

Yeah, I mean, you know, it's a

11:42

shame, though, really, it's a shame because

11:44

it was quite a clever idea to

11:46

say I don't want us to become

11:48

more like North Korea, which is run

11:51

by a military dictatorship. So what I'm

11:53

going to do is essentially install myself

11:55

as a military dictator. like I saw

11:57

where he was going with that genius.

12:00

It just fell through on the strategy

12:02

of it. it. Yeah. I feel the Pacific

12:04

has to take the blame

12:06

here. here. It's very very unfortunate

12:08

because everything seemed to be

12:10

fine seemed to be South Korea until

12:12

we sent Bruno Mars to

12:14

hook up with to hook up

12:16

And I just feel like

12:18

a couple of weeks a ah,

12:20

of pa of pa -toe, ah,

12:22

pa -toe. ah, were just like,

12:24

shut it down, shut it

12:26

all down. shut it down, this down.

12:28

Hawaiian off. off. Actually, do know know

12:30

thing about Rosie about Rosie from Black Pink

12:32

that every bit of bit of

12:34

media find about her in biographies is New Zealand

12:36

and South Korean musician and

12:39

half of of Black actually got

12:41

strong New Zealand New Zealand ties, makes

12:43

sense because sense like a

12:45

New Zealand sports team New Zealand sports

12:47

team. The all blacks. just just sounds

12:50

like our gay rugby team

12:52

the black team. The Black Pink. And

12:54

with such such a strong K-pop force with

12:57

Tice, New Zealand, New Zealand, I can

12:59

honestly tell listeners, New Zealand

13:01

has no idea what to do

13:03

with that. with that. absolutely lost.

13:05

You've been to New been to New

13:07

I don't know if you've been

13:09

to New Zealand. know if you've is

13:11

the color de jure of

13:13

that country. know if you've been teams are

13:15

black, but Bayes is the vibe.

13:17

with Cape, can we just like, in can

13:19

we put them in or films

13:21

or something? They have no

13:23

idea what to do. And I

13:25

just just think it much too vibes

13:27

coming coming into Korea and

13:29

they just panicked and

13:31

called martial law. law. either

13:33

of you two hear of you the

13:36

South about the South Korean

13:38

Democratic Party leader who live streamed

13:40

himself, breaking into

13:42

parliament. That's

13:45

gotta be a first, isn't it?

13:47

The other thing is other thing

13:49

old. 60 years old is 60 years old,

13:51

old, the the fence, which was was difficult

13:53

because he's legally disabled from an injury

13:56

to injury to his arm from

13:58

when he was a child. laborer

14:00

in a rubber factory. Also,

14:02

back in January, he was

14:04

stabbed in the neck. And

14:06

if that sounds bad-ass, he's

14:08

also serving a suspended one-year

14:10

sentence for election crimes. And

14:12

he's the leader of their

14:14

democratic party. I mean, Americans

14:16

would kill for that kind

14:18

of backstory. I

14:21

still love that the vote took

14:23

him down, by the way. Yeah,

14:25

Marshall Law, actually taking the vote.

14:27

Yeah. Oh, democracy wins again. President

14:29

Newton had accused the opposition of

14:31

paralyzing the government with, quote, anti-state

14:33

activities, which is what a lot

14:36

of rulers and ruling parties now

14:38

use for. just being in opposition.

14:40

It's a kind of interchangeable term

14:42

in modern democracy. He announced a

14:44

six-point decree which banned political activities

14:46

and parties false propaganda. Surely that's

14:48

a whole point of propaganda is

14:50

to be false isn't it? So

14:53

but false propaganda so they were

14:55

they were hitting them with the

14:57

truth? Because that's all that false

14:59

propaganda is. Yeah, strikes about and

15:01

gatherings that incite social unrest, which

15:03

I think could pretty much include

15:05

all sporting events. So, yeah, it

15:07

collapsed, as we said, within hours.

15:10

I don't know if they had

15:12

a lunch and a tea break

15:14

in that six at the six

15:16

hours for martial law. And now

15:18

President Yun is being investigated by

15:20

South Green Police for alleged insurrection.

15:22

Which on current trends in the

15:24

democratic world should bake him in

15:27

for a successful re-election within four

15:29

years and he's facing possible impeachment.

15:31

So basically, I mean, this is

15:33

just a classic playbook now for

15:35

baking yourself into power. I mean,

15:37

I know it's a serious story,

15:39

but am I the only one

15:41

going, man, I cannot wait for

15:44

the TV adaptation of this, because

15:46

it's Corvean drama, you know it's

15:48

going to be good. Yeah, but

15:50

in the TV version. one

15:52

man will be

15:54

left standing and

15:56

it'll be that

15:58

guy with the

16:01

injury that got

16:03

stabbed in the

16:05

neck that got stabbed in the

16:07

still in the life's still in the

16:09

in the wind. in the one

16:11

rubber arm hanging down. hanging down. Well

16:18

I'd about the same time

16:20

same time was putting in

16:22

his bid for Eun and

16:24

confused military coup of all

16:26

time, France, also known

16:28

as FAS, coup of all also

16:30

in also known as France, .k .a. aka Donz

16:32

and Grand Stomdey The government has

16:34

resigned after a a vote.

16:36

The first time that has

16:38

happened since 1962, since 1962, which

16:40

put is way before the

16:42

bugle started. before the bugle Macron

16:44

has refused to step

16:46

down. down, this is after... Prime Minister

16:48

Michel Barnier Barnier to resign. Macron

16:50

could be facing an an motion,

16:52

I think. motion I think. set to

16:54

address the nation nation evening. We're

16:56

recording on Thursday, on and this

16:58

is according to is according to the Elize

17:00

currently one of the most is

17:02

buildings. one of in the world,

17:04

talkative there with 10 in the

17:07

world, right up there with White House.

17:09

Street and the White House. So it's always

17:11

hard to understand another another

17:13

country's... politics, I guess, is

17:15

you I to sort of dip in and out

17:17

of it when something in and out of it when happens big

17:19

happened in South Korea. happening in South Korea

17:21

and I mean, France, obviously, is, is,

17:23

you know, know, had a bit of an impressive

17:25

track record of of rid of

17:27

governments in a

17:29

range of degrees of

17:32

renowned for its also

17:34

renowned for its phenomenal range

17:36

of spectacular rugby. spectacular rugby. what was

17:38

was interesting about this was

17:40

that this was a very

17:42

rare example, politically, of the

17:44

left wing and the right

17:47

wing working together. the right wing working

17:49

together. a result, result, the as the

17:51

centrist government has collapsed. What did

17:53

it, what do you, what did you make of

17:55

her? you make of, make of this I

17:57

mean, I saw somebody else comment, you know. a

18:00

business leader just going, France needs

18:02

this. And I was like, I think

18:04

they do, they do need a

18:06

wake -up call because it's the equivalent

18:08

of Caroline Lucas and Nigel Farage agreeing

18:10

on things. And on if that were

18:12

to happen in this country, in

18:14

the UK at least, I think we'd

18:16

be like, okay, something's very, very

18:18

wrong when the Green Party and Reform

18:20

are saying, do you know what,

18:22

we need this to stop. And

18:25

so I'm worried about it. I mean, Marine Le Pen, you

18:28

know, she's been gunning for them no

18:30

matter what. And know, to be fair, just

18:32

to give the balance perspective of this, when

18:34

she kept crapping all over their budget,

18:36

she didn't like consistently go, your budget is

18:39

crap. She would literally take, let's say,

18:41

the 50 page document and hand it back,

18:43

crapped on page two, and then they'd

18:45

give it back to her and have adapted

18:47

page two, and then she'd crap on

18:49

page 12, and then they'd give it back

18:51

to her and she'd crap on page,

18:53

like she just kept crapping all over. Rather

18:55

than like a mammal who can control

18:57

their bowel movement, she was more like a

18:59

bird that just lets it loose whenever

19:02

because they have no sphincter. And so that

19:04

was part of the problem, to be

19:06

fair. Yeah, I'm sticking with that metaphor. because

19:08

with it. All

19:10

right, I'm sissy, and don't get me

19:12

wrong, the metaphor ends, it was not

19:14

lucky for the budget that she bird

19:16

pooed all over it. And so that

19:19

was part of the problem, is that

19:21

she just is looking to destabilize without

19:23

actually having a plan going forward. So

19:25

I don't know that it's gonna necessarily

19:27

work in her favor. I don't know

19:29

that she's gonna suddenly get that power

19:31

that she's looking for, especially since at

19:33

the moment, they're also deciding whether or

19:35

not she should even be allowed to

19:37

serve for a year because of things

19:40

that she's done wrong. So yeah, I

19:42

think the, you know what I think

19:44

the French could really do with right

19:46

now? If I'm totally honest, after all

19:48

of this, a royal family. I

19:52

really think they just need one unifying

19:54

force to come in at the top and

19:56

just, you know, they can have a

19:58

little party, they can hand out cupcakes. to

20:00

everybody and they can just be like, be

20:02

you tried it without us. Clearly it hasn't

20:05

worked. worked. Shall we just we just come back in

20:07

and sort stuff out? out? It's the French

20:09

version of the of the bakeoff called Let

20:11

The Meat Cake. I it is. is. It certainly

20:13

ought to be. ought to be. know, increasing

20:15

is an increasing trend for

20:17

countries that had a bit of

20:19

a revolution in the late 18th

20:21

century, realizing things aren't panning out

20:23

too well for them. well for them. So,

20:25

you know, France, the evidence is mounting up.

20:27

This is France. This is the country

20:29

that needed two elections to

20:31

figure out that Nazis were out that

20:33

Nazis were bad. having a

20:35

bit of a year. a bit of a year.

20:37

that the that has Minister has it's the

20:39

it's left and the far right

20:41

that've come together right that of

20:43

the possible replacements are being are

20:46

being they've also asked him

20:49

to stay asked right, to stay, very

20:51

feels They're like you must

20:53

resign. I you must good I resign. Very

20:55

wants this job. wants this job. Please

20:57

stay. Until we we find another

20:59

one? Yeah. It's very very European That's

21:01

That's very European Just to say to

21:04

say that that they are politicians

21:06

are always Metaphorically falling on

21:08

their swords and going I did something wrong.

21:10

I shall quit wrong, you go We accept

21:12

your resignation, but please stay on and continue

21:14

to do the job please stay on and continue

21:16

in you job. With the swords still in

21:18

you. Yes. You are a a criminal

21:20

I am am a criminal

21:22

you tell the truth the truth.

21:24

Halnoble. Please. Yeah, it's exactly that

21:27

lasted only 91 days days as

21:29

prime minister, in context is less put

21:31

in context, is less than

21:33

is an embarrassingly short is an time

21:36

short amount of time to

21:38

serve as prime minister, less

21:40

than two trusses. true, true, but they checked the

21:42

lettuce and the lettuce did wilt

21:44

before him. So him, so at least he can

21:46

can hold his head up. up. So

21:48

as as you say, difficulties in

21:50

a new prime minister, the

21:52

leading options options are are currently Braniier,

21:54

which is a version of which is

21:56

a version of Michel Barnier

21:58

from a computer a which they

22:00

didn't have the rights to use the the actual

22:02

names. actual of Liberty of Liberty, which

22:05

is is of course French and as

22:07

we announced last week is currently swimming is

22:09

way back across the Atlantic. its way back across

22:11

the Atlantic following trans-degree election, the

22:13

genius DuPont, the genius, a the one

22:15

figure that can unify a

22:17

divided nation. a divided nation. But ahead

22:19

of the vote of no Barnier

22:22

described it as a moment

22:24

of truth. of truth. of responsibility. And I

22:26

think what I think on there is

22:28

on there. is the that a moment

22:30

is the absolute upper limit of the

22:32

amount of truth and responsibility humanity can

22:34

take right now. mean moment moment is a

22:36

and mean politics and go these days go

22:38

together like the continents of Africa and

22:40

South America they that they drifted apart it's

22:42

long ago see hard to see them

22:44

ever getting back together if when you if when

22:46

you look at them you think well

22:48

that should fit but realistically it's just

22:50

not going to happen but sadly that

22:52

goose has baked itself on a ship

22:54

and that ship has bolted ship and that

22:56

ship has bolted the stable. So, um...

22:58

slightly concerning that Germany's government

23:01

collapsed like a month

23:03

ago. a month ago. Yeah. And in France, you

23:05

know, you know, Germany and That's

23:07

too big, like too Spain

23:10

Spain is ground right now. right

23:12

guessing though I'm guessing at they're

23:14

going to fall apart. going to

23:16

fall apart. little. a little... I can

23:18

understand. I can I can understand

23:21

the world at this this point in the 21st

23:23

century, and things aren't going great, having some

23:25

nostalgia for the 20th century, but not

23:27

those fucking bits of the 20th century. That's

23:29

the wrong bits to be nostalgic for.

23:31

Yeah, it's vibing a little to be right now.

23:33

Yeah, it's It's just vibing a little now. It's just

23:35

vibing a little 38. So eyes on all eyes on checklist

23:37

If that goes, we know what

23:39

to do, right? do, right? Well

23:42

I I they get back together, back

23:44

together and I think that that and then

23:46

know then go trouble know there's

23:48

for anyone listening from there, we

23:50

know it's just for know. That

23:53

was just for there we know it's Checha.

23:55

is it Is it Republic

23:57

of it Republic of Czech now? was

23:59

was Checha. we don't we don't know. all

24:01

All right. All right. For anyone listening for that

24:03

part of that we genuinely still don't know, but we're

24:05

pleased for you, whatever you decide. for you, Oh, it's

24:07

you decide. Oh, it's We are absolutely getting corrected

24:10

on this. getting corrected on this. Last

24:12

time I was there, it was

24:14

Chetcha, but I but I think it might

24:16

have changed Then then. Bonnie also described the

24:18

in a confidence motion as quotes

24:20

adding a genuine live childbirth

24:22

to a school nativity play. Yeah,

24:24

sorry, he didn't words, all you said

24:27

was words. make everything more serious

24:29

and more difficult. more serious and more difficult.

24:31

So basically this is the

24:33

most French theatrical answer he

24:35

could have, yeah. Can

24:39

I can I use that? I that

24:41

I think that that needs to

24:43

enter the general vernacular. It's like,

24:45

why are you adding a life

24:47

birth to the the nativity? It's just

24:49

a comment for difficult. I'm

24:51

going to going to use that all

24:53

the time. Well, ha, ha. seeking to

24:56

expand the we're always seeking to expand the

24:58

boundaries of language on this podcast. There's

25:00

definitely an artist listening

25:02

to this to this going see

25:04

it, I see it. I see

25:06

it. Man, imagine

25:08

giving birth, birth, days in a

25:10

row, with only 1 days off. What?

25:15

And paying 10,000 it's Oh, it's

25:17

than ours. ,000 pounds. Oh,

25:19

it's a different one every day. oh, oh, Edinburgh

25:21

has has never wanted for young

25:24

aspiring white actresses. They'll just

25:26

get them all in, put a

25:28

little smock on in, and then

25:30

you give birth, smok on them, and then

25:32

though, and that's the director.

25:34

A very, same father, though, and that's dear. director,

25:37

a very... Oh, dear. Oh, showbiz. He's

25:40

probably a former stand -up comic

25:42

comic. Masterbirth!

25:46

Right! Sorry, sorry,

25:49

sorry. In,

25:51

um... In

25:53

other revolutions

25:55

news, if other may move

25:58

we may move us I

26:00

unleashed that, I mean it's so often

26:02

the case where you know what starts

26:04

is just an innocent story of childbirth

26:07

in the Middle East, smiles out of

26:09

control and I mean that's really how

26:11

it all started to be honest coming

26:14

in it from a Jewish perspective, but

26:16

there we go. Moving now to Georgia

26:18

where huge protests there as well, street

26:21

demonstrations, a string of resignations from public

26:23

positions triggered by the ruling party's decision.

26:25

to suspend its efforts to join the

26:28

European Union, or at least start talks

26:30

on joining the European Union. Protestors want

26:32

Georgia to join, side with Europe rather

26:35

than Russia, it seems. And you can

26:37

sort of see that really at the

26:39

moment. I don't think Vladimir Putin, in

26:42

terms of PR and marketing, he's not

26:44

selling the Russian model as an attractive

26:46

option to countries that might want to.

26:49

you know, ally themselves to, uh, to

26:51

rush. I mean, you know, do you

26:53

want your children to be sent for

26:56

slaughter to satisfy the Arangeman Stalin cosplay

26:58

ego-addled fever dreams? Then sign up for

27:00

the all-exclusive premium Putin service now with

27:03

added media repression and extrajudicial slings. You

27:05

can see it's a tough sell. And

27:07

the people of Georgia don't seem to

27:10

be reacting particularly strongly to, uh... to

27:12

that Prime Minister Iraqly Kabakidser has said

27:14

that the protesters had fallen victim to

27:17

opposition lies. And again, this is typical

27:19

of someone in power. Why can't people

27:21

just believe the lies told to them

27:24

by their elected governments who've been democratically

27:26

put in place to tell the kind

27:28

of lies that people voted for? They

27:30

should believe those lies and not the

27:33

opposition lies. This isn't the root of

27:35

all these democratic problems. It just seemed

27:37

to be quite a trend at the

27:40

moment to have these kind of... It's

27:42

just democracy just falling apart, the world

27:44

over. Yes. Oh, that's disappointing answer to

27:47

James. But authorities didn't mean that. Sorry,

27:49

I thought that was the theme of

27:51

2024. Wasn't that the running gag? Yeah.

27:54

Does seem to be that way. I

27:56

love the fact that the leading...

27:58

is called Georgia Dream.

28:01

I mean, way to, you know, pop idol

28:03

up. your political process. Yeah,

28:07

I think I think isn't that

28:09

democracy is failing. It's that we're

28:11

not seeing democracy. working.

28:14

Yes. Well, the EU and America

28:16

have apparently accused Cobra Kidza in his

28:18

government. of, quote,

28:21

democratic backsliding. which

28:24

from what I remember, was a niche fetish

28:26

popular with a number of British MPs in

28:28

the 1990s, if I remember. I I

28:30

remember rightly. Um, Oh, that's not

28:32

what Michael Jackson used to do. I

28:34

thought it was a lot of

28:36

democratic about that. And last Saturday, America

28:38

suspended its strategic partnership. with

28:41

Georgia, which is probably good

28:43

practice because on January the America

28:45

will suspend its strategic partnership

28:47

with absolutely f**king everything and absolutely

28:49

f**king everyone. So just get

28:51

used get it. used Let's just

28:53

get used to the absence of strategic partnerships. Well,

28:57

I never thought I'd say this. I did.

28:59

I've said it once before. Like, like

29:01

Theresa May needs to come back. Do you

29:03

remember when Theresa May literally held his

29:05

hand and went, you will commit to NATO?

29:07

We need her back. We

29:09

need her back. She had, you know, the

29:11

only woman that could get through to

29:13

Trump because she's the only woman that he

29:15

doesn't want to you know, actually hears

29:17

what she says instead of looks at her

29:19

tits and goes. I think it's because

29:21

Donald Trump thinks Theresa May is the

29:23

pigeon lady from Home Alone 2

29:25

that he made friends with when he

29:27

was doing the cameo there. I

29:29

think that's why they have a connection.

29:31

George is such an abused child

29:33

though. Like you can just tell when

29:35

it's like we don't want Russian

29:37

democracy and everyone's like that's not democracy.

29:39

It's like we want Western democracy.

29:41

was like which one do you want

29:43

the one that's collapsing in Germany,

29:45

the one that's collapsing in France, the

29:48

UK one where it's somehow a

29:50

democracy but you've got a king

29:52

or the U .S. one,

29:54

where you can get a

29:56

dictator if you like. Um

30:00

Well, a a lot of Georgians want to to join

30:02

the European Union and you can see that

30:04

as an attractive option because we in Britain

30:06

We've shown Britain know, it's you know it's a risk a

30:08

trial scheme the European Union You can join

30:10

for you years and then if things are

30:12

going pretty pretty can decide it's not for you

30:14

and leave for you and know, that's know nice to

30:16

have that that option as as a as an

30:18

EU member state. There's been violence

30:20

journalists and and protesters. reporters

30:22

have been pepper sprayed

30:24

and beaten. beaten. Doesn't doesn't

30:27

entirely give off the sensible democratic

30:29

regime vibe, vibe from Prime uh, from, uh,

30:31

Prime Kidsoe, but I but I guess that's

30:33

becoming less and less trendy less the with

30:35

the leaders of the world. I

30:37

would advise anybody in a position of opposition

30:39

in Georgia shut maybe shut their windows and

30:41

don't go near any bridges. General advice. It's cold. It's

30:44

cold. It's winter. You don't need to open

30:46

the window. You don't need to stand near

30:48

the window and you certainly don't need to

30:50

fall out of the window. Okay? shut the

30:52

window. fall out of the window. Okay? Just on

30:54

the ground floor. Stay on the And if you're

30:56

going for a walk, avoid the river. a walk, avoid the

30:58

river. All sound advice anyone,

31:00

not just opposition just in Georgia. I don't know if Georgia.

31:02

I don't know if anyone's ever drunk

31:05

with Eastern European journalists before, but pepper but before,

31:07

spraying and beating is kind of a

31:09

kink, of a I don't know I it's know

31:11

if it's having the detrimental effect people think of it.

31:13

of it. I I think the people don't don't realise,

31:15

Georgia's actually one of the few European

31:17

rugby nations and they're a genuine powerhouse,

31:19

it's their national sport. And so what

31:21

I would say to the good people

31:23

of Georgia of Georgia is have you considered New

31:25

Zealand because the All Blacks have had

31:27

a bit of a rough patch of a

31:29

rough patch and they are rebuilding. And you know welcome

31:32

all people, all genders. We've got

31:34

a great we've rugby team, gay rugby team,

31:36

and you can come and join and

31:38

you can come well. as well. If you've got to

31:40

you've got to get out and

31:42

get as far away as possible,

31:45

that's the foundation of New Zealand immigration.

31:52

In other democracy

31:54

being undermine news now, Biden

31:56

has pardoned Biden,

31:58

departing President Joe. has issued

32:00

a presidential pardon for his son his had

32:03

repeatedly said he wouldn't pardon his had repeatedly said

32:05

he wouldn't pardon his son because,

32:07

as we assume he is, founder of random justice,

32:09

and we assume he is, a

32:11

random pardon and undermining the entire

32:13

concepts of justice, law, would judicial be obviously

32:16

and the law, would be obviously

32:18

f***ing ridiculous. stepping Particularly when stepping into

32:20

your still warm Oval Office slippers

32:22

in January is a great orange lunatic

32:24

who urinates on a voodoo doll

32:26

of the goddess Justicia every morning before breakfast.

32:28

But he's changed his mind because, well, understandably, he's a father with a

32:31

son and he father with a son and he

32:33

his the idea of his son spending a

32:35

long time in jail. abuse Donald Trump has

32:37

called it an abuse and miscarriage of

32:39

justice which I think is the biggest paid

32:41

he's ever paid to Joe Biden in all

32:43

the years that they've been sparring politically. Biden

32:45

had had reportedly wrestled over the

32:47

decision and when you're you're wrestling in

32:50

your 80s, I guess it's good to

32:52

keep active but we can't

32:54

really count on really count on the

32:56

right the right result. It's a, it is one of

32:58

one of the weirdest things I find

33:00

about policy and something we've talked

33:02

about about times over the years

33:04

on the idea of the bugle.

33:06

The idea of the presidential pardon

33:09

And yeah, you know, all countries have their, well,

33:11

you might describe them them as democratic We have,

33:13

you know, we of Lords and departing Prime

33:15

Ministers being able to put their friends

33:17

in it as MPs for the rest of

33:19

in it as but the for the rest of eternity, but to

33:21

be a particularly bizarre one,

33:24

but bizarre quite rare that it's

33:26

your own family. mean, Trump I

33:28

wanted to pardon himself. wanted to pardon himself.

33:30

So, I mean, this is just, I

33:32

guess, another symptom of the changing

33:34

politics of America. It's

33:36

definitely not a royal decree. I think

33:38

we just have to be very clear.

33:40

It's definitely clear. not a royal decree. not a

33:42

The prince is not being let off

33:44

the hook. I think we've learned a

33:46

think we've learned a lot of things from

33:48

this I think I think we understand now

33:50

why Kamala Harris was never going to be

33:52

president because she has no children to

33:54

pardon. no children So to the point of giving

33:56

her that power? of right? her that power? Right? Right. I

33:59

loved the fact. that he didn't just

34:01

pardon him for the things he

34:03

pled guilty to. He pardoned him for

34:05

anything he might have done for the

34:07

last he years, done in the last 11 years, unknown.

34:09

unknown, you know, know, being prosecuted, not

34:11

being prosecuted, being investigated. All of

34:13

it, all of it. Eleven

34:15

years of the slate it. clean,

34:17

which I think was really good

34:19

of was given that of Daddy, given that

34:21

remember a lot of it,

34:23

given how high he was of it,

34:25

the time. high he was at the time. You

34:27

know, know I understand it Stewart said

34:29

himself actually, on Show the other day

34:32

he said day, fair enough fair enough. Like,

34:34

he doesn't want to spend his

34:36

last few years visiting his son

34:38

in prison. few years get that you

34:40

know prison. I get good reasons all good

34:42

ultimately I feel like like it is

34:44

a a little bit of a a

34:46

It's like some kind of 3D chess

34:48

that that now playing with Trump, just

34:50

going, just I'll see your crazy pardons

34:52

and I'll raise you. raise you. And it

34:54

And it does actually nullify a lot

34:56

you know, Hunter did commit those crimes. crimes.

34:58

He has He has done things, but

35:01

it wasn't the fact that he was

35:03

being prosecuted and convicted of the

35:05

crimes. It was the fact that the

35:07

punishments weren't. equal to equal

35:10

that crime normally gets gets what made

35:12

made Joe go, do you know what?

35:14

The The gone to hell in a

35:16

handbag. a handbag. I I have one power I'm going

35:18

to, I'm know, I mean, know, I mean, it's not

35:20

like he gave him a job in the

35:22

cabinet, which is is what all of his

35:24

kids. all of his kids. You know, he You

35:26

know guilty. pled guilty. He's already

35:28

done some repentance he's just

35:31

gone okay, and the slate clean clean.

35:33

be interested to know if

35:35

whether behind know he said behind

35:37

the scenes he said, but Hunter, you do one snort.

35:39

You do one injection, you do one thing, and

35:41

it's all back on the table. on the what

35:43

I would have done as a mom. I would

35:45

have said, look, I'm gonna pardon you for

35:48

this, but if I find one vape in your

35:50

room. you for this, but all

35:52

back again. It's good parenting. That's good

35:54

parenting. back again. them scared. parenting.

35:57

That's good has been the American

35:59

foreign policy. for several decades now. now.

36:01

Right. And now that they And now that

36:03

they feel they've scared everyone enough, they're gonna

36:05

completely 100 % retreat and just go, right

36:08

guys, you're all screwed, you're on your own. go,

36:10

right guys, you're all screwed, you're

36:12

on your own. for the oil, see

36:14

see ya. Well, we will have

36:16

exclusive coverage of the of

36:18

of global democracy over the next, let's

36:20

say, 15 to 20 years before. all It's

36:23

all done and we're just living under

36:25

the global dictatorship of Elon Musk. But

36:27

we'll have exclusive coverage of the journey

36:29

to that journey to that utopian goal here on the for

36:31

the rest of of time. time. What

36:37

that, that Wednesday? What's the rest

36:39

of meaningful time the rest of this rate?

36:41

time? At amazed we made it to

36:44

four o 'clock to even do

36:46

this. four o'clock to even do

36:48

this record. Pacific

36:52

news now. James, you're

36:54

of course the correspondent for

36:56

the world's largest ocean and

36:58

all the and all the islands

37:00

and people within it. Bring

37:02

us up to date it.

37:04

Bring us that vast with of

37:07

the part of the globe. Thank

37:09

you, you. Andy, and of And

37:11

of course, biggest the the biggest

37:13

and most pressing news

37:15

coming out of the Pacific

37:17

right now is right now is,

37:19

is Moana too good? That's generally the

37:21

question dividing the entire Pacific

37:23

region, because we all

37:26

know it's not, but we

37:28

are all related to

37:30

people in the in the And

37:32

this is the dilemma, The

37:34

the dilemma facing many

37:36

of us, particularly the the

37:38

and and talk allowance. In mean,

37:40

less less important news, has

37:42

has urged the International

37:44

Court of Justice to

37:46

find polluting nations, the

37:49

big ones, know, know, Australia,

37:51

India, India, China, them

37:53

guilty of guilty of

37:55

acting unlawfully by

37:58

contributing to climate.

38:00

change, which would be, of would be,

38:02

of course, as a landmark

38:04

ruling any other ruling that the any other

38:06

ruling Court of Court of Justice

38:08

has made in recent What has

38:11

made What has made the

38:13

news this week is that

38:15

Australia, who have spent most

38:17

of the year flying around Pacific,

38:19

courting Pacific behalf of the of the

38:22

Orcus military pact, has gone to

38:24

the they've They've gone to the Hague,

38:26

gone to the Netherlands, and

38:28

they've gone all... Do you know

38:30

what, mate? you know what, mate? We reckon

38:32

it's good. good. To which the Pacific

38:35

to which the Pacific Island

38:37

standing in probably standing in

38:39

water, have gone, are you talking

38:41

the hell? I suppose, like, you it's

38:43

about? it's pretty it's pretty, it's

38:45

pretty good. New Zealand actually

38:48

an ongoing bushfire now. thankfully not

38:50

not near any cricket grounds,

38:52

Andy. So they're safe. so they're safe.

38:54

But it's been quite a been quite

38:56

a have pulled on the

38:58

Australians have pulled on the rest

39:00

of the Pacific and it's infuriated

39:02

I don't know if you've ever And I don't

39:04

know if you've ever met angry

39:07

people from Vanuatu, haven't actually tried for that.

39:09

The Vanuatu Special Enlaw and Climate Change,

39:11

Ralph Reganvarnu, I've I hope I've

39:14

pronounced that correctly, said is

39:16

an need for a collective

39:18

response to climate change not

39:20

not in political convenience. but

39:22

in international law. at this from

39:25

at this from the perspective of

39:27

someone from one of the Western powers,

39:29

don't make us give up make us give up

39:31

political convenience. It's all It's all we've got left.

39:33

It is literally all we've got left. Well,

39:36

an Australian government spokesperson said that

39:38

Australia is committed to working

39:40

together with the Pacific to strengthen

39:42

global climate action. I think

39:44

that's really where things have broken

39:46

down in the communication the the

39:48

Pacific because the that as Australia

39:50

will support us in places like

39:52

the International Court of Justice. Court

39:54

of Justice. And read that that as we

39:56

will help your best rugby players

39:58

come to our our to play

40:01

in our sports play in our

40:03

sports teams. with language is just so many

40:05

different thing with of there's just so many different

40:07

ways of far it. be it for someone who's

40:09

it for someone in up in New

40:11

Zealand make fun of a fun of a

40:13

country for taking Pacific Island rugby

40:15

players players. Well

40:20

that brings me to the end of

40:22

this week's bugle. Don't forget Don't forget the Christmas

40:24

present is available, which is tickets to my

40:26

tour show, is tickets to my you can which you

40:28

you live in the world, even if they

40:30

can't come. It'd be a lovely gesture. world

40:32

even if they of would be dates on my website,

40:34

andesoltsome .co .uk, or just ask someone in

40:36

the street nicely to look it up for

40:38

you. a lot James, anything to plug? to

40:41

plug? Yes, if you if you are

40:43

all interested in the Pacific and American

40:45

and French politics and and French politics a new

40:47

climate change, I've got a new

40:49

podcast series out called The Last

40:51

the of the Rainbow Warrior in the

40:53

nuclear tests in the and the French

40:55

the French bombing of the Rainbow

40:57

Warrior, is which is available anywhere you

40:59

can get the the bugle. Is

41:03

that for that for real? for real? Is

41:05

that for real? nickname my nickname in

41:07

high school was the Rainbow Warrior. need

41:09

to I need to get all of

41:11

your Because French agents agents kept on trying

41:13

to bomb you. you? I

41:15

grew up in the up in the

41:17

Netherlands, God for God for Belgium, is

41:19

all I'm gonna say, to say. But

41:21

no, that was, but Rainbow, I I was

41:23

called the rainbow warrior growing up,

41:25

but I, please join please join my

41:27

mailing list. go to you go

41:30

to my website, realeena.com, you can

41:32

either join my either join my WhatsApp. list,

41:34

WhatsApp group, or you can join my mailing

41:36

list, there there will be news coming

41:38

out in January, and there will

41:40

be cheaper options on you're on the will

41:42

will not be available to the general

41:45

public. So general sign up now for

41:47

that, and I will let you know and

41:49

I will let you know in on or on WhatsApp. Well

41:51

that's it for it for this bugle.

41:53

Next week, well up on the theme

41:55

of theme of Moana 2 being apparently a a

41:57

terrible film, have a we have a

41:59

special... We saw next week a week,

42:01

a blast from been in even shitter

42:03

films that. Yeah, we're going than

42:06

that. back going back in bugle

42:08

time in do tune in for

42:10

that one tune in for that be recording

42:12

it. Hopefully next Friday Friday. then

42:14

then, Bugler's, goodbye.