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0:31

The Bugle, audio newspaper

0:34

for a visual

0:36

world. Hello Buglers

0:38

and welcome to

0:40

a special Bugle

0:43

sub-episodes. Let's call

0:45

it Bugle 4,326 sub-episodes

0:48

C for Christmas. Since

0:51

this will be going

0:53

out between Christmas and

0:56

New Year. Chris, is

0:58

that right? Yes, yeah,

1:00

let's go with that. And well,

1:03

field allocation. That was a very,

1:05

very unsure, yes. That was a,

1:07

the kind of clipped yes of

1:09

a guy who made a decision

1:11

in the moment and now has

1:13

to kind of reverse. We now

1:16

have a schedule. That's it.

1:18

Well, joining me, as you've

1:20

just heard, back. just literally weeks

1:22

after his appearance on Bugle 4000,

1:24

325 which he pledged not to

1:26

appear in another Bugle for 45

1:28

years. He's come crawling back for

1:31

more. Less than two, I mean we've

1:33

recorded it straight afterwards, but I

1:35

ignore that, he's come begging for

1:37

forgiveness and acknowledging that he was

1:39

wrong about the football world cup

1:41

when he caps in his pun

1:44

run, which was admittedly. More contrived

1:46

even than the average pun run.

1:48

Anyway, welcome back John. Happy. How

1:50

was it? How was your Christmas?

1:52

Can you just guess? Yeah, I'm

1:55

guessing it was an 8.2 out

1:57

of 10. All right. Sorry. And

1:59

I'm guessing I was given a

2:01

horse. that I don't know what

2:03

to do with and that's become

2:06

a problem. That's my guess. How

2:08

do I look after a horse

2:10

in the city and that's going

2:12

to be very difficult. I don't

2:14

have a field. I don't know

2:16

how to care for horses. I

2:19

don't know what to do. I'm

2:21

so close to playing that black

2:23

beauty music again. It's so close.

2:25

You live on about the 43rd

2:27

floor of a block don't you

2:30

as well? Yes. That's not ideal

2:32

for the horse. Diffical to get

2:34

a horse up. Yeah. in an

2:36

elevator and down as well. Yeah,

2:38

that's... I actually got advice on

2:41

it and I am, because we

2:43

tried to get a donkey in

2:45

a lift at work once and

2:47

you've got to make sure there's

2:49

no mirrors. Right. Are you going

2:52

to show you're working on that

2:54

Chris? I'm just going to like,

2:56

just say that and then just

2:58

leave. It freaks them out. isn't

3:00

a problem. It's the idea that

3:03

some, a reflective surface would prompt

3:05

introspection on the donkeys part. That's,

3:07

that's what psychologicality happened to them.

3:09

I could only quote the advice

3:11

I was given. Why the fuck

3:14

were you trying to get a

3:16

donkey in a lift? That question

3:18

took a long time to come

3:20

John. I thought you might have

3:22

done it with force because I

3:24

realized we've got distracted by details

3:27

that didn't matter. Chris, context for

3:29

that. Breakfast Radio. Oh right, well

3:31

that explains everything. That's, that, that

3:33

feels like issuing a statement that

3:35

you think is an answer but

3:38

really is just provoking more questions.

3:40

Like breakfast, you gotta have a

3:42

dog. So, okay, okay, okay, okay,

3:44

okay, we don't need to go

3:46

into the, Christian O'Connell's breakfast show

3:49

back in the day. Yeah. We

3:51

wanted to do a real live,

3:53

Nativity scene. Right. A birth? animals.

4:00

Did you get, did you get,

4:02

didn't happen? We were in the

4:04

end, Health and Safety ruled it

4:07

out. Right. Yeah, I think, you

4:09

know, health and safety aren't always

4:11

right, but I do think that

4:13

might have been a decision that

4:16

you came to regret long term.

4:18

I don't know, breakfast radio is

4:20

all about getting people ready for

4:22

the day. And I don't know,

4:25

hearing a donkey's death live on

4:27

air is, that feels like a

4:29

day ender, not a day starter.

4:31

Because someone idiotically brought in like

4:34

a mirrored plate or something and

4:36

has always been itself. Right. But

4:38

I mean, the donkey didn't die

4:40

in the original Nativity scene. I

4:43

don't know. I don't remember that

4:45

moment. I'm not that up with

4:47

the New Testament, obviously. But I

4:49

don't remember Joseph beating a donkey

4:52

to death in the background out

4:54

of pure furious jealousy. Oh, we

4:56

must have. This episode, a sub-episode

4:58

of the Bugle, is a special

5:01

Q&A. We've had some cues sent

5:03

in by our voluntary subscribers, if

5:05

you want to join the Bugle

5:07

Voluntary Subscription Scheme, to help keep

5:10

the Bugle free, flourishing and independent

5:12

goes to the Bugle podcast.com. And

5:14

this comes from EAD, who, John?

5:16

I'll be amazed if any of

5:19

these questions. are as good as

5:21

hate Chris, why the fuck were

5:23

you trying to get a donkey

5:25

in the elevator? I'm not sure

5:28

any answer will be less satisfying

5:30

than breakfast radio, leave it at

5:32

that. This is from Ian, who

5:34

you may remember John, many years

5:37

ago, we had an email in

5:39

from someone who said they were

5:41

listening to the bugle whilst having

5:43

a vesectomy. I do remember, I

5:46

absolutely remember that. This is this

5:48

guy. Thanks for emailing in. Yeah,

5:50

thanks for your support over the

5:52

years. He came to a show

5:55

I did in Philadelphia many years

5:57

ago as well. He writes, I

5:59

absolutely... I can't wait to hear

6:01

you give Asad his due on

6:04

the next episode, which we did

6:06

two weeks ago as you listen

6:08

to this. I know a fuhulogy

6:10

as coo-u-u-p, so he's chucked upon

6:13

you, C-O-U-P, so he's chucked upon

6:15

at you there, John. Yeah, I

6:17

mean, you know, when someone chucks

6:19

upon me, you know what I

6:22

step aside, I let that one

6:24

drop on the floor and I

6:26

ask someone else to pick it

6:28

up. So, uh...

6:31

Did you think about that? But

6:33

yeah, fckulogy feels premature unless you're

6:35

kind of casting an amber for

6:38

the dailyly eventually passes away. But,

6:40

yeah, fckulogies aren't for just, you

6:42

know, geographical by-byes. Yeah. There for,

6:45

um, there for really someone going

6:47

underground. Yes, someone being compromised to

6:49

a permanent end. That's right. As

6:52

John Sina, so... Memrifur said. This

6:54

is from Mark. who writes vanity

6:56

smurf returning to the bugle every

6:59

few years is like when the

7:01

rock returned to WrestleMania after years

7:03

away I don't know is that

7:06

a compliment or not John you're

7:08

a bit more up on wrestling

7:10

than me Mark doesn't make that

7:13

clear yeah I would that the

7:15

argue that the rock still has

7:17

it right we still got the

7:19

upper body strength he's got more

7:22

charisma than he ever had before

7:24

yeah and I think both of

7:26

those things are arguably true of

7:29

me I've got the same upper

7:31

body strength that I had back

7:33

then we're starting admittedly from different

7:36

points the rock and I and

7:38

in terms of charisma has it

7:40

dipped I mean notice I don't

7:43

know I don't know I don't

7:45

know I'm not standing in a

7:47

stadium right now no I'm not

7:50

about to choke slam you or

7:52

give you the people's elbow which

7:54

also a move that was recently

7:57

pulled on bachelorette I think that

7:59

very much was the people's elbow

8:01

You're on this. on this show

8:04

and the rock has been mentioned.

8:06

It's given me extremely strong flashbacks

8:08

to a bit of your early

8:11

stand-up about... Really? Did I do

8:13

a... Did I smell what the

8:15

rock is cooking? Oh yeah, that's

8:18

right. Which is a believe his...

8:20

That's right. In fact, I don't

8:22

think I'd heard of the rock

8:25

until seeing Johnson. Anyway, Mark continues,

8:27

just wanted to ask John and

8:29

Andy how many times they'd listened

8:32

to LMFAO in the past, the

8:34

past week, so this was the

8:36

week in which Assad began his

8:39

non-voluntary staycation shave Vladimir. Personally, I'm

8:41

hoping we get a rage against

8:43

the machine-style Christmas number one in

8:46

honour of that absolute smek penguin

8:48

Bashir al-Alasad. Yes. I listened to

8:50

it in preparation for this week.

8:53

I listened to it for the

8:55

first time, probably since then, just

8:57

to get a sense of, is

9:00

this song as funny as I

9:02

remember it being? And the answer

9:04

was emphatically yes. I do think

9:07

that it's one of the most

9:09

innately hilarious combination of musicians that

9:11

the world has ever produced. Yeah.

9:14

And I had forgotten that their

9:16

album was called Sorry for Party

9:18

Rocking and any album that's an

9:21

apology is worth listening to. Yep.

9:23

As far as I'm concerned. And

9:25

I guess that shows the power

9:28

of music and particularly music at

9:30

that level that it can unify

9:32

seemingly disparate people such as you

9:35

and Bashir Alasad. Yeah. It's a

9:37

point of it's a point of

9:39

contact I think. Yeah in the

9:42

same way that we all look

9:44

at the same moon and the

9:46

same sun on earth right we

9:49

all fundamentally somewhere have... respect whether

9:51

acknowledged or not for the work

9:53

of red food. Erin Rice's greatest

9:56

living poet Andy. Go look at

9:58

that body. A workout! I've

10:05

got passion in my pants. And

10:07

I ain't afraid to show it.

10:09

Beat. I'm sexy and I know

10:11

it. I mean, I don't know

10:14

what else you want from poetry

10:16

than that. It rhymes, it sticks

10:18

in your head. Philip Larkin wishes

10:20

he had access to that. Yeah,

10:23

absolutely. Rather than thoughts comes the

10:25

word of high windows. Try saying

10:27

that over an electrifying European disco

10:29

beat Phil. Dear Andy, Splitter Smurf

10:32

and Fk you Chris, John, given

10:34

that you are now essentially both

10:36

the US ambassadors of the UK

10:38

and also the UK ambassador to

10:40

the US, and also noting the

10:43

much observed and reported John Oliver

10:45

effect, could I ask John if

10:47

he accepts any responsibility for the

10:49

utter shit show which is American

10:52

politics in the 21st century and

10:54

the tsunami of orange tinged insanity

10:56

which we are all uncomfortably racing

10:58

for, and if not... If you

11:01

don't accept responsibility, why not? Well,

11:03

I don't accept responsibility. Andy, I

11:05

believe that responsibility falls at the

11:07

feet of Donald Trump and the

11:10

people who voted for him. I

11:12

haven't done that. I haven't voted

11:14

for him. And I'll take that

11:16

to my grave. I thought there

11:19

were at least three or four

11:21

strong reasons not to do that.

11:23

Yeah. in both the lectures that

11:25

I voted in. So yeah, no,

11:28

I will not accept responsibility for

11:30

it. And I believe that history

11:32

will prove that I was right

11:34

about that. But you know, who

11:37

knows? That's the thing about history,

11:39

is it can recontextualize difficult times.

11:41

And if history points, it's stubby

11:43

finger at me in the future,

11:46

then I'll have no option but

11:48

to agree. I mean, has anything

11:50

else that you, you know, like

11:52

to preemptively take responsibility for? yeah

11:55

like I don't know the kind

11:57

of the polar bear population oh

11:59

Radakano winning the US Open all

12:01

right okay yeah that was that

12:04

was your you're doing I think

12:06

I was as responsible for Donald

12:08

Trump becoming president as I was

12:10

for Emma Radakano winning the US

12:13

Open you can't stick one on

12:15

me without giving me the other

12:17

one okay well I think that's

12:19

fair that's because I mean to

12:22

be fair until you went to

12:24

the USA no one had heard

12:26

of Emma Radakano who would have

12:28

been about four years old I

12:30

guess at that point. Yep that's

12:33

right. Well I guess I think

12:35

a parent's at that point but

12:37

you know I don't know I

12:39

don't know I don't know if

12:42

they were looking at her and

12:44

thinking you're going to win the

12:46

US Open one day and I

12:48

think the same thing is probably

12:51

true of Fred Trump. I don't

12:53

think he ever looked at his

12:55

son probably any age until he

12:57

died and thought your presidential material.

13:00

It seemed in fact that he

13:02

didn't particularly like his own son

13:04

and that that relationship is one

13:06

of the many reasons that's put

13:09

us in the fucking situation that

13:11

we're in right now. Well if

13:13

only Donald Trump had more cuddles.

13:15

Yeah it's that's right and then

13:18

he wouldn't be trying to fill

13:20

the aching chasm at the centre

13:22

of his soul with power. Yeah

13:24

it's quite simple when you put

13:27

it in those terms. Yeah it'd

13:29

be do what the rest of

13:31

us do to fill it with

13:33

spaghetti. This comes from Sarah who

13:36

asked, Andy, the ultimate SS. Well,

13:38

it's certainly one of my favourite

13:40

SS is a whole time. This

13:42

comes from Sarah, who asked, in

13:45

the early 2000s, Andy's Altzman and

13:47

John Oliver, were in an international

13:49

syndicate of comedians called the Chocolate

13:51

Milk Gang. What? This was news

13:54

to me, John. I had to

13:56

look this up. A chocolate milk

13:58

gang. That sounds like a collective

14:00

group that robs... banks and leaves

14:03

chocolate milk in the in the

14:05

in the in the vaults that

14:07

once held Gold Bullion. Yeah, the

14:09

only evidence I could find for

14:12

this was an interview with with

14:14

Russell Howard. Oh for fun. Say,

14:16

are a comedic contemporary but not

14:18

our age contemporary given that he's

14:21

still I think about 21 years

14:23

old in which he was describing

14:25

part of the chocolate milk gang

14:27

which he didn't mention me it

14:29

didn't mention you Daniel Kitson, David

14:32

O'Dokati and I think Alan Cochran

14:34

as comedians who have turned away

14:36

from the hard-living hard-drinking lifestyle often

14:38

associated with stand-up comedy and were

14:41

apparently known as the chocolate milk

14:43

gang now I don't remember this

14:45

phrase no from you know when

14:47

I mean this must have this

14:50

article must have been at least

14:52

from 20 years ago, the chocolate

14:54

milk gang. That feels like a

14:56

label that has been stuck on

14:59

us rather than a label that

15:01

we can cock to ourselves. Also,

15:03

one of the many reasons I

15:05

think that that is built on

15:08

nothing is that I'm not even

15:10

a fan of chocolate milk, Andy.

15:12

That would not be my drinking

15:14

choice at any time. I don't

15:17

know what the point of chocolate

15:19

milk is really. You could, I

15:21

mean a chocolate chocolate mozzarella, I'd

15:23

be up for that. I could

15:26

see that. Would you? If you

15:28

get a chocolate buffalo, yeah. It

15:30

depends on the text, it's all

15:32

about the texture. Anyway, and accounts

15:35

of the group's origins, Sarah continues,

15:37

tend to differ in specifics, such

15:39

as who coined its name, whether

15:41

they drank chocolate milk or milkshakes.

15:44

Yeah. Could you provide a definitive

15:46

explanation? This question has been keeping

15:48

me awake at night for a

15:50

number of years, right, Sarah. you

15:53

need to sleep. I will say

15:55

I'm not a fan of chocolate

15:57

milk, had not... heard of this

15:59

term I think like you Andy

16:02

until recently so we're both in

16:04

the clear as far as I'm

16:06

concerned right now you pointed the

16:08

finger pretty strongly at Russell Howard

16:11

there yeah I think he's incumbent

16:13

upon him to explain it would

16:15

be surprised if that guy guzzle

16:17

chocolate milk to a medically in

16:19

advisable extent yeah I mean when

16:22

when we all started comedy I

16:24

think he was probably too young

16:26

to buy alcohol so that might

16:28

have been a being part of

16:31

it in part of it This

16:33

question comes from Isaac in Columbus,

16:35

Ohio. John, will you return as

16:37

a permanent bugle co-host if Donald

16:40

Trump deports you from America? Yeah,

16:42

he would be, he'll find, that'll

16:44

be difficult. I'm an American citizen

16:46

now, so he's, that would not

16:49

be easy for him to do,

16:51

but I realize that even saying

16:53

that is, you know, waving a

16:55

red flag in front of a

16:58

pretty bigoted bull. He loves the

17:00

challenge. He does love it. Yeah,

17:02

and he's no respect for law.

17:04

Yeah, I mean, it's non, it's

17:07

non-zero, right? Yeah. I think you

17:09

can denationalize people. That's always a

17:11

great, it's not a great sign.

17:13

I literally found myself googling after

17:16

the election the next day. Can

17:18

you denationalize someone? Hoping that the

17:20

answer is no. And it seems

17:22

to be generally no, but in

17:25

certain extreme circumstance, I think that's

17:27

not the answer I was looking

17:29

for today. So when I can

17:31

I can definitely see a situation

17:34

in which Donald Trump builds a

17:36

special catapult and fires you over

17:38

a fence into Mexico I can

17:40

see that. Yeah and at that

17:43

point then yes I will absolutely

17:45

return to the people on a

17:47

weekly basis. I'll do it. I'll

17:49

do it from the border. This

17:52

came from Dan. Is there a

17:54

strict no puns allowed policy on

17:56

last week tonight? Oh,

17:58

I mean I've seen you chuck

18:00

in the old pun there. I

18:03

heart wants to say yes, I

18:05

may have thrown out a pun.

18:07

Yeah. I would say, if I did, it

18:10

was either completely accidental

18:13

or crucially was not part

18:15

of a pattern. I think

18:17

that's what I, that's where

18:20

I object to, it's the,

18:22

I don't love puns Andy,

18:24

I don't love them. What I

18:26

hate a pun runs, where they

18:28

cluster. Right. So there's

18:30

no... One pun? Shame on me.

18:32

Yes. Seeking the puns, shame

18:34

on you Andy. Shut the car.

18:36

I think that's the phrase.

18:38

Fair enough. Lynn Reardon asks,

18:41

how did you two meet?

18:43

It's an interesting story, Lynn.

18:46

Yes. I was working as

18:48

a cartographer with the French

18:50

Foreign Legion and John was

18:53

running a rhinoceros smuggling ring

18:55

out of Northern Bolivia. I've

18:57

crossed, I think a quiz night,

19:00

just on the Paraguayan border, wasn't

19:02

it? And I think during the

19:04

music round we both ended up

19:07

singing Harry Nielsen song into

19:09

the same microphone. Do you remember

19:11

that? Am I meeting you on

19:13

someone else? I can't, it was either

19:15

that or it was a new at

19:18

night at the Cosmic Comedy Club in

19:20

Hammersmith. It was one of those two

19:22

for sure. Because I definitely

19:25

remember. at round about the same

19:27

time i was training penguins to wrestle

19:29

and you were doing a dolly part

19:31

and tribute act and i can't remember

19:33

that if you did that at the cosmic

19:35

comedy club that night or not that

19:38

that does ring a fucking bell memory plays

19:40

tricks yeah also i mean i do i

19:42

do in terms of like showbies the first

19:44

time we met was due to an

19:46

administrative error where we were both hired

19:48

for the same gangland hit in series

19:50

one of junior assassin honestly i don't

19:52

know where to aim but um Yeah,

19:54

I think it was then without before

19:57

we did comedy I think I think even

19:59

before then Andy I think we were

20:01

part of, I think it was

20:03

called like a chocolate milk gang

20:05

that was. That's like Jonah Lomu,

20:07

ahead of the Rugby World Cup.

20:09

Now, now is actually, now it's

20:11

making sense, but I think we

20:13

were supposed to never talk about

20:15

it. So, you know, let's, let's

20:17

keep just brushing it off, because

20:19

of course it didn't work. Lomu,

20:22

I want to have an absolutely

20:24

massive world cup. And that's why

20:26

chocolate milk has always tasted sour

20:28

to me ever since, watching him

20:30

absolutely run all over. I believe

20:32

Rory Underwood, would that be right

20:34

at the time? Where have I

20:36

put this on? Tony Underwood, get

20:38

in the Underwood there. Yeah, and

20:40

also there's that time when we

20:42

both went over Niagara Falls in

20:45

a barrel at the same time,

20:47

but I won because gravity works

20:49

better on Jews than Gentiles. So,

20:51

I mean, it is quite a

20:53

dull story. Here is a video

20:55

of John dismantling a cow with

20:57

a bunch of other comedians in

20:59

2003 on stage in Edinburgh. Yes,

21:01

I do remember. So this is

21:03

from Late and Live. Yes. Lee

21:06

asks, quite reasonably, John, why the

21:08

fuck did you do this? That

21:10

is a good question. Yeah. I

21:12

believe, flight of the Concords, Brett

21:14

and Jamay, I believe, if I'm

21:16

remembering this right, Brett Jamay, we're

21:18

on stage. I think David Odokati

21:20

was there as well. I think

21:22

Kitson was there. Adam Hills was

21:24

on. Adam Hills was. Adam Hills

21:26

was on. Yeah, I think, I

21:29

think I'd been on that night

21:31

and I didn't like the fact

21:33

that fucking cow was on stage.

21:35

I don't think any of us

21:37

particularly enjoyed it. And so I

21:39

think the idea was, well, let's

21:41

break it like a piniana to

21:43

go back to your reference earlier,

21:45

Chris. And it turns out those,

21:47

very, very difficult a break. I

21:49

think I started hitting it with

21:52

an iron bar. Yeah, it's hot.

21:54

I could, in the iron bar

21:56

I remember snapping back faster than

21:58

I was possibly ready for, but

22:00

I think we did break it

22:02

and O'Dokadi crowd surfed with shards

22:04

of cow. Right, yeah, well, there

22:06

you go. That's what passed for

22:08

comedy in the early 2000s, simpler

22:10

times, happier times. And I mean,

22:12

honestly, to even imply that we

22:15

did not engage in comedic rock

22:17

and roll behaviour when I tried

22:19

my best to smash. a gigantic

22:21

cow. Yeah. What's the beverage of

22:23

choice? Why is it important there

22:25

Andy? Well, I guess, you know,

22:27

if you're smashing it, there's milk

22:29

involved in the smashing of the

22:31

cow. And, yeah, it's really fuel

22:33

to the chocolate milk gang fire

22:36

as far as I'm concerned. My,

22:38

I, I, I, um, crowd surfed

22:40

at Layton Live once when I

22:42

stood in for we are, we

22:44

are clang. Greg Davies, Greg Davies.

22:46

Yeah, who mentioned on the podcast

22:48

a couple of weeks ago, Steve

22:50

Hall and Merrick lowered and one

22:52

of them was ill and they

22:54

asked me if I could do

22:56

their dancing horse animals, something where

22:59

put on a horse mask. And

23:01

it's one of those rubber horse

23:03

masks that had a tiny little

23:05

eye hole to see out of.

23:07

So I couldn't really see what

23:09

I was doing. All I remember

23:11

and and... Pappies were on at

23:13

the same time and all I

23:15

remember is at one point turning

23:17

my head and seeing someone's testicles

23:19

and I saw him and then

23:22

then crowd surfing out I think

23:24

it was one of the things

23:26

I had to do whatever they

23:28

told me to do whilst as

23:30

a dancing horse and I ended

23:32

up stage diving with a horse's

23:34

head on and then and that

23:36

was the last time I played

23:38

the Late and Live gig John

23:40

and I think you know where'd

23:42

you go after that? That's the

23:45

thing with Late Live is that

23:47

it's a generator of memories even

23:49

if it isn't necessarily a generator

23:51

of reliable entertainment. When Dan did

23:53

a whip around in the audience?

23:55

Because one guy wanted to go

23:57

to Bilbao. Do you remember that?

23:59

But what a great city to

24:01

go to. Yeah, I think he

24:03

wanted to see a museum in

24:05

Bilbao. Well that might have been

24:08

the time the Guggenheim had just

24:10

opened. I think that's it. I

24:12

think that's it. I think the

24:14

guy wanted to go to the

24:16

Guggenheim. And so this would have

24:18

been like 2.30 in the morning.

24:20

I think there's a whip round

24:22

to the audience and it was

24:24

like I said, if we do

24:26

this you have to get on

24:29

a plan. And so I think

24:31

you went to Bill Bao and

24:33

then came back to describe what

24:35

the new Google home in Bill

24:37

Bao was like to an audience

24:39

of people who hadn't been there

24:41

for the before the moment that

24:43

he left. Therefore it didn't really

24:45

work. Oh well. The dance as

24:47

old as entertainment itself. Don't

24:54

forget to buy your tickets

24:56

to my show. I did

24:58

the Northern Farm Arts Enter

25:00

in Maine, which we did

25:02

together back in the old

25:04

times. Yeah. Would you say

25:06

that what we did there

25:08

entertained the people that turned

25:10

up? Well, I think it

25:12

entertained the people who didn't

25:14

turn up, of which there

25:16

were many, as I called.

25:18

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, define

25:20

entertainment, John, as we've discussed

25:22

on the show, you know,

25:24

you could interpret different things

25:26

in different ways. Yeah, I

25:28

guess I would define it

25:30

as, you know, an experience

25:32

that was in some way

25:34

enjoyed. Yeah. Do you feel

25:36

like, do you feel like

25:38

most of the people, again,

25:40

the people that didn't turn

25:42

up may have had really

25:44

pleasant evenings. Would you be

25:46

able to go into court?

25:48

put your hand on a

25:50

Bible or you know a

25:52

wisdom yeah well you know

25:54

whichever whichever you prefer an

25:56

almanac of your choice and

25:58

say that um that

26:00

we provided an evening that was

26:03

that had pleasurable elements other than

26:05

the relief of it being over

26:07

that doesn't count. Does it not

26:09

count? No. Nor does it count

26:11

that you can enjoy things more

26:13

in the future because you know

26:15

what pain feels like. Yes. Who

26:17

can truly love unless they've had

26:19

their heart shattered? Yes. Which probably

26:22

wasn't the best opening line to

26:24

a show. But, um... I don't

26:26

think it was the worst though.

26:28

I'm not a tell I wouldn't

26:30

say it was the worst. I

26:32

mean of course this this year

26:34

famously was the 20th anniversary of

26:36

our gig at the space in

26:38

Docklands where we had a 100%

26:41

walkout. 100. Yeah. I mean not

26:43

many is quite it's quite an

26:45

achievement to do that at any

26:47

point. I mean I think you

26:49

know with your audiences now John

26:51

that would be you don't really

26:53

have to go out. you'd have

26:55

to probably get me in to

26:58

do a full hour of puns

27:00

to fully tie the room. I

27:02

played Jones Beach once and that

27:04

was when I knew that I

27:06

still had it was like it

27:08

was a compilation gig and I

27:10

was very much not required at

27:12

the end of it and it

27:14

must have been I don't know

27:17

how many it's like maybe 4,000

27:19

people there I probably walked at

27:21

least half probably two-thirds of them

27:23

to the point that By the

27:25

end of my set, I could

27:27

see car, I could see their

27:29

cars driving away in the history.

27:31

The 100% walkout, I'm not sure

27:33

if we've probably talked about it

27:36

on a bugle in the past,

27:38

but it was the night England

27:40

lost to Portugal in Euro 2004,

27:42

which went to extra time and

27:44

penalties. And Richard Herring had done

27:46

the first half of the show

27:48

with about 15 people there. We

27:50

obviously were watching the football in

27:52

the bar. By the time we

27:55

started, literally a minute after England

27:57

had had their quest for glory

27:59

shattered upon the rocks of the

28:01

inevitable loss of a penalty shooter.

28:03

We walked on stage to four

28:05

people in a converted and I

28:07

sincerely hope deconsecrated church. Because if

28:09

it hadn't been deconsecrated, well frankly

28:11

we'd conclusively prove the non-existence of

28:14

God because he would have struck

28:16

us the fuck down for that

28:18

show. And I think we've got

28:20

about 20 minutes in for people

28:22

sitting there, quite a spacious room

28:24

with a high ceiling, stood up,

28:26

walked out and said, basically just

28:28

said I'm sorry. we are now

28:31

going to leave and that was

28:33

you know we were left alone

28:35

in an empty room if you

28:37

can be alone when there's two

28:39

of you on stage which well

28:41

that's felt like you could that's

28:43

the thing Andy see that's the

28:45

reason why that never hurt was

28:47

that that was the second time

28:50

it had happened to me I

28:52

happen in Edinburgh when I was

28:54

doing my own show and it

28:56

was just me and so you

28:58

know to have you standing next

29:00

to me honestly felt like a

29:02

more dignified situation at least we

29:04

could talk to each other Happy

29:06

days, happy the magic of Shelby's.

29:09

Well, that concludes our John Oliver

29:11

exclusive Q&A. Thank you for your

29:13

largely infantile questions. We'll be back

29:15

in in the new year. 2025

29:17

John, how the fuck is that.

29:19

We'll be back in in the

29:21

new year. 2025 John, how the

29:23

fuck is that happened. Yeah, well,

29:25

well, it hasn't yet and it

29:28

might not, so I wouldn't get

29:30

ahead of yourself. Don't get over

29:32

your speeds, Andy. That is a

29:34

very... A quarter of the way

29:36

through the century. Don't be surprised

29:38

if like Peshawar Asad, we're out

29:40

on 24. Thank you for listening,

29:42

Buglers. Thanks for listening all year.

29:45

Have truly phenomenal... New Year, and

29:47

let's hope the second half of

29:49

this decade, is less of a

29:51

£1 than the first half. Thanks,

29:53

John. See you in 2020. beautifully

29:55

put put, Andy.

29:57

Stitch that onto

29:59

a tea and hang

30:01

it on your

30:04

oven. hang it on your

30:06

oven what wait