0:00

So we don't want to stop your

0:02

edge, we don't want to stop

0:04

you from the creative force that

0:06

you are. The goal would be

0:08

to help that part of you,

0:10

feel less extreme, feel softer and

0:12

safer, feel the presence of self

0:14

inside, so that you can continue

0:17

to work at the level that

0:19

you work, but with less extreme

0:21

energy, with more safety, with more

0:23

connection, with more courage, compassion, and

0:25

calmness. Hello

0:28

everyone, today's episode is made possible

0:30

by plunge.com. You all know that

0:32

I have been an advocate of

0:35

cold and heat therapy for a

0:37

decade or more. built coal plunges

0:39

in my yard before you could

0:41

get them on the internet and

0:43

boy was I over the moon

0:45

when plunge.com hit the market with

0:47

both their coal plunges and their

0:49

saunas revolutionary. You know I've been

0:51

an advocate for a long time.

0:53

These products from plunge.com are plug

0:56

and play. They are the best

0:58

in the industry by far that sweet

1:00

mix of price and quality. Coal plunges

1:02

starting at $150 and going of course

1:04

all the way up to the Mac

1:06

daddy all in one units for again

1:09

cold and hot therapy. But the punchline

1:11

here is that I'm an advocate for

1:13

this brand and for cold and hot

1:15

therapy. But the punchline here is that

1:17

I'm an advocate for this brand and

1:19

for cold and hot therapy because of

1:22

the effects that have on my life.

1:24

You know I'm not a doctor and

1:26

this is that medical advice, but the

1:28

science has emerged. alcoholism, increased quality

1:30

of mental health, elevated energy levels,

1:32

etc. SONAs, for example, relief from

1:34

sore muscles, reduction in overall stress,

1:37

better sleep, alleviation of chronic pain,

1:39

and Dr. Andrew Huberman from Stanford,

1:41

in a protocol for SONAs, that

1:43

just 20 minutes, three times per

1:45

week, and a SONA is game-changing

1:47

for cardiovascular health, reducing all-cost mortality

1:49

by 24% or something like that.

1:51

So again, I reached out to

1:54

plunge to see if they would

1:56

be interested in sponsoring to show

1:58

because I'm such a fan of their problems. to

2:00

plunge.com slash.com/chase to see some selections

2:02

of products that I've got there

2:05

and enter chase in the checkout

2:07

field to save $150. Again, that's

2:09

plunge.com/chase and enter the code chase

2:11

at checkout to get some savings.

2:13

Thank them again for sponsoring the

2:16

show. Hey everybody, what's up? It's

2:18

Chase. Welcome to another episode of

2:20

the show. I'm your host Chase

2:22

Jarvis and today's guest is renowned

2:24

spiritual leader and number one, Numero

2:27

Uno, New York Times best-selling author

2:29

Gabby Bernstein. She's been hailed as

2:31

a next-generation thought leader by Oprah.

2:33

She's the author of nine, maybe

2:35

even 10 now, best-selling books, including

2:38

the universe has your back super

2:40

tractor and happy days. She frequently

2:42

appears in addition to like maybe,

2:44

I think this is her third

2:47

time on our show. in addition

2:49

to a regular appearances on the

2:51

Chase Jarvis live show. She's also

2:53

regularly appeared on the Today's show

2:55

Good Morning America, among others, to

2:58

share her expertise around meditation, manifestation,

3:00

and cultivating inner peace. If this

3:02

sounds like something you might need,

3:04

then stick around today's show is

3:06

a whopper. We talk about her

3:09

new book, among other things. The

3:11

new book is called Self-Health. This

3:13

is your chance to change your

3:15

life and for real. She does

3:17

such a good job of getting

3:20

to the point. Now I'm telling

3:22

you the most important words in

3:24

the world are the ones we

3:26

say to ourselves. And if you'd

3:29

like some guidance on how to

3:31

say better, kinder, smarter, more heartfelt,

3:33

thoughtful, earnest. authentic things to yourself.

3:35

Today's episode is going to be

3:37

key for you. Again, she's done

3:40

so many cool things in addition

3:42

to the books he's written and,

3:44

you know, being a guest on

3:46

a lot of really high-powered shows.

3:48

She is absolutely heartfelt earnest and

3:51

just connected to this space in

3:53

a way where when she speaks,

3:55

you want to listen. She has

3:57

a lot of value and And

3:59

I'm going to get out of

4:02

the way and let you enjoy

4:04

my conversation that was recorded not

4:06

too long ago. Yours truly in

4:08

Gabby talking about her new book

4:11

and about self-help. Let's get into

4:13

it. Gabby, you're back on the

4:15

show. Welcome. It's so nice to

4:17

see you again. And I remember

4:19

the first time I left being

4:22

like, I'd like to be friends

4:24

with him. And then five years

4:26

went by, and here we are,

4:28

trying to do it again. Yeah,

4:30

I think by my calculus, that

4:33

was five years ago in New

4:35

York in person, recorded in the

4:37

basement of the Ace Hotel or

4:39

somewhere over there, and then we

4:42

did a remote thing somewhere in

4:44

the COVID universe, but you're back

4:46

and we're back because you keep

4:48

doing awesome stuff and you got

4:50

a new book out. It's a

4:53

very bold book. All of your

4:55

things are bold. So I don't

4:57

really want to make that as

4:59

a standout feature. But holy smokes.

5:01

Congratulations. Books called Self-Health, which is

5:04

a very big thing to put

5:06

your arms around. And yet it's

5:08

surprisingly digestible. So start us at

5:10

the start. What made you write

5:12

the book? Why are we here?

5:15

Well, Chase. I believe I write

5:17

my books for myself first. love

5:19

that as an artist and I think

5:21

that's the way to do it you

5:24

know and audience of one and if

5:26

the world picks up on it and

5:28

resonates it turns out that in the

5:31

particular lies the universal right and it's

5:33

funny actually this book while I wrote

5:35

it for myself first is actually of

5:38

all my books this is my tenth

5:40

book and of all of my books

5:42

my belief is actually that this one

5:45

is the one that's the least about

5:47

me And while I share some of

5:49

my own personal experiences in there, just

5:52

for the sake of the reader and

5:54

giving the lesson, this is a book

5:56

about democratizing a therapeutic practice that changed

5:59

my life and making itself help in

6:01

the devotional. service of my dear friend

6:03

and mentor Dr. Richard Schwartz and the

6:05

life-changing therapy that he created, which is

6:08

called Internal Family Systems Therapy. And the

6:10

reality is that not everybody's gonna get

6:12

that therapy, right? And so I needed

6:15

to do my magic, which is to

6:17

simplify and demystify. Well, I

6:19

feel like, you know, in the intro,

6:21

you talk about taking it out of...

6:23

out of therapy and into the hands

6:25

of the reader, which to me is

6:28

really valuable. And I think that's the

6:30

goal of any concept, right, is to

6:32

take what feels like messy. And as

6:34

you said, sort of simplify it and

6:36

then hand it to someone else for

6:38

them to do with it what they

6:40

can. Now, it'd be remiss for us

6:42

not to at least cover, you know,

6:44

what is this internal family system, like

6:47

what's the structure around it, why? Do

6:49

you feel like it was so valuable

6:51

to you? And then we'll get into

6:53

some of the practical movements and shakings

6:56

of it. But first, like, why, you

6:58

know, what, talk to us about it,

7:00

because you're very clear that I'm borrowing

7:02

this from this thing that was useful

7:04

for me. I'm going to simplify it

7:07

and hand it to you in a

7:09

tighter package. Why, what is it?

7:11

Yeah. Okay, so internal family systems

7:13

therapy was founded 43 years ago,

7:15

by my very dear friend and

7:17

mentor Dr. Richard Schwartz. And Dick

7:19

Schwartz, as he goes by, was

7:21

a family therapist. And he found

7:24

that he was able to intuitively

7:26

use his family systems training and

7:28

offer it to an internal experience.

7:30

And so I'm going to do

7:32

my part, which is to teach

7:34

it to you really simply. Okay?

7:36

We all have had in our

7:38

own lives, in our own ways,

7:40

extreme experiences as children, whether they

7:42

be big T trauma or small

7:44

T trauma. And we may or

7:47

may not have ever had the

7:49

service or the support to

7:51

process those experiences. Most likely

7:53

we did not. And when

7:55

we had those extreme experiences,

7:57

whether it be bullied on

7:59

the playground. from in my case

8:01

sexually abused as a child. When we

8:03

have those extreme experiences, our little child

8:05

brains and our inner world did not

8:07

have the capacity to process those experiences.

8:10

And as a result, we built up

8:12

a lot of protection mechanisms to protect

8:14

against ever having to feel those feelings

8:16

again. So for me, I built up

8:19

the protection mechanism. If I control everything

8:21

around me, I'll feel safe. Or somebody

8:23

who maybe felt inadequate built up the

8:25

perfectionism. Like if I'm perfect, I'll be

8:28

good enough. or somebody who felt like

8:30

they were bullied. They maybe built up

8:32

the protection. If I fight everybody, if

8:34

I fight back and bully others, I

8:36

won't have to feel that impermissible shame

8:39

of being bullied. And so we build

8:41

up these forms of protection. And as

8:43

adults, all the way into our adult,

8:45

adult, late, late life, we live in

8:48

those young protection mechanisms all day, every

8:50

day. And sometimes they get so extreme

8:52

that they become addiction. They become rage,

8:54

alcoholism, love addiction, food addiction, work alcoholism.

8:56

They become even suicidal ideation. And really

8:59

what these extreme patterns and behaviors in

9:01

our life are really just protection mechanisms

9:03

that have been around for as long

9:05

as we can remember, and they've been

9:08

there in place to protect against impermissible

9:10

feelings that we never could face as

9:12

children. Now, it doesn't just have to

9:14

be a childhood experience. It could be

9:17

a very traumatic event in your adult

9:19

life that you build up these protection

9:21

mechanisms around. But even as a child,

9:23

you have them. So these young child

9:25

extreme parts are called exiles. The protection

9:28

mechanisms, the extreme patterns and behaviors that

9:30

are with us on a day-to-day basis

9:32

are called protectors. That's how we live.

9:34

And I think everybody listening can probably

9:37

be like, raise their hand and maybe

9:39

think if I were to ask you,

9:41

do you have an extreme pattern or

9:43

behavior in your life? Or do you

9:46

ever say something like, a part of

9:48

me loses my shit when my husband

9:50

says X, Y, or a part of

9:52

me needs to control everything at work.

9:54

Or just speaking for myself and all

9:57

these parts. numbs out with YouTube or

9:59

a part of me, you know, needs

10:01

to just like binge to feel like

10:03

I can get over the day. Whatever

10:06

those those moments are when you notice

10:08

that these extreme patterns take over their

10:10

protection mechanisms. And the good news is

10:12

there's a way to heal those protection

10:14

mechanisms without having to go to those

10:17

extreme child parts right away. That can

10:19

be done in IFS therapy. That can

10:21

be done in any form of therapy.

10:23

That's trauma recovery therapy. But we can,

10:26

through the process that I've created, based

10:28

on the principles of IFS, we can

10:30

bring a sense of safety to these

10:32

protection mechanisms. And we can let a

10:35

part of us that's the truth of

10:37

who we are the energy and essence

10:39

within us and around us, which is

10:41

called self-self-energy. Help us

10:43

sue these protection mechanisms and feel

10:45

less extreme Before I get into

10:48

self, were you tracking with me?

10:50

Did that make sense to absolutely

10:52

100% and then there's one segment

10:54

of the listenership right now that

10:56

I want to address something with

10:58

you about and that is And

11:00

I know this only because my

11:03

wife is essentially a therapist and

11:05

she runs guided guided experiences, retreats,

11:07

and there is a section of

11:09

the listenership, and I think the

11:11

population at large, that if you

11:13

ask them like, well, no, my

11:15

childhood was great. And so there's

11:17

sort of this refusal or a

11:20

denial of some of the things,

11:22

even if they were as you

11:24

talk about in our conversation and

11:26

previous conversations that we've had, small

11:28

T trauma. Like maybe you weren't

11:30

sexually abused, but... there was an

11:32

underlying current, you know, of mommy

11:35

and daddy fighting, and so you

11:37

would go to your room and

11:39

throw the blanket over your head

11:41

and, you know, read fantasy stories

11:43

to escape. So there are some

11:45

listeners right now who are saying,

11:47

okay, well, this, I'm not sure

11:50

this episodes for me because I,

11:52

you know, don't have these major

11:54

traumas in my life. Can you

11:56

talk to those folks? Have you

11:58

ever thought, have you ever thought,

12:00

have you ever said, oh my

12:02

God, I don't know what came

12:04

over me? Have you ever thought,

12:07

coping mechanisms? Have you ever thought,

12:09

like, wow, I'd really love to

12:11

kick this habit? If the answer

12:13

is yes to any one of

12:15

those questions, then stick around for

12:17

the miracles of this episode. This

12:20

is not, there's no one is

12:22

immune to protection mechanisms. No one.

12:24

And you know, the irony also

12:26

is, is a lot of us

12:28

that are like, oh my childhood

12:31

was so great, those are often

12:33

the folks that are like, oh

12:35

my childhood was so great, those

12:37

are often the folks that are

12:40

the most dissociated, right? It's like

12:42

you just normalize these things

12:44

because that normalization is

12:46

another protector part. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

12:49

So the goal, we've got those people

12:51

hooked now. So there are the people

12:53

who are aware that they, that this

12:55

is a challenge that they went

12:57

through in their childhood. And as

12:59

you also articulated, this can be

13:01

adulthood as well. We just developed.

13:03

100%. Yes. And then there are

13:06

people. Right. Then we sort of

13:08

like, for the people that are

13:10

bearing it. Those are usually over

13:12

performers, high achievers, people who

13:14

have low-grade addictions. And I

13:16

think your question, like, have

13:19

you ever asked yourself, man,

13:21

I really like to, you know,

13:23

binge less or drink less or

13:25

whatever. those are coping mechanisms as is

13:27

like there's nothing wrong with my child

13:29

that it was great that's actually a

13:32

coping as a mechanism and we can't

13:34

escape this so now that we've

13:36

got everyone things like over

13:38

spiritualizing like spiritual bypassing is

13:40

another protection mechanism even things

13:42

like working out overly obsessing

13:44

over foods like anything that's

13:46

an extreme pattern behavior belief

13:49

system that's that's holding you back

13:51

from inner peace and freedom Everybody,

13:53

raise your hand. Everybody, raise your hand.

13:55

We got our arms around everybody now. Keep a

13:58

stick around, I lean in to the mic. and

14:00

stick around. Yes, welcome to the

14:02

party. You have a framework in

14:04

your new book, which is essentially

14:06

the check-in process. That's right. And

14:08

I'm wondering if you can, you

14:11

know, elevate that here in this

14:13

conversation because to me, you know,

14:15

again, the book, just for clarity's

14:17

sake, the book is called self-help.

14:19

This is your chance to change

14:21

your life. Bold title because we...

14:23

It's simultaneously an entire industry, the

14:26

self-help industry, and yet this is

14:28

the most powerful sort of help,

14:30

right? Our ability to, we're the

14:32

closest people to ourselves. And so

14:34

if we can strengthen the muscles

14:36

and work within your system of

14:39

being able to help yourself, man,

14:41

a lot of transformation. And I

14:43

do love the fact to me.

14:45

That's when people talk about talk

14:47

therapy, for example, or it just

14:49

sounds, and it is often a

14:51

very, very long road. But one

14:54

of the things that I love

14:56

most about this particular book and

14:58

this piece of work that you've

15:00

done is you start seeing benefits

15:02

essentially immediately. So to that, yeah,

15:04

to me that's powerful because if

15:06

that's part of the problem with

15:09

working out, right, you have to

15:11

go to the gym 25 times

15:13

before you actually start seeing benefits.

15:15

But in subscribing to this system

15:17

and internal friendly systems, you start

15:19

to see benefits immediately. So help

15:21

us understand with this very. this

15:24

lovely force to process that you've

15:26

got, give us a taste of

15:28

how we can start to experience

15:30

these benefits quickly. Great. So this

15:32

once again is a self-help practice

15:34

that's informed by Internal Family Systems

15:37

therapy. This is not IFS-inspired and

15:39

informed self-help practice. Okay, now the

15:41

thing that we haven't spoken about

15:43

yet is that we actually all

15:45

have access to this energy inside

15:47

of us that's called self with

15:49

a capital S. And sometimes you

15:52

might have called that Buddha nature

15:54

or the God within you or

15:56

the spiritual connection or universe. presence

15:58

of, you might have felt it

16:00

as a flow state. And self

16:02

is inside of all of us,

16:04

but we've built up these protection

16:07

mechanisms that are blocking that presence

16:09

of that connection and compassion and

16:11

courage and curiosity. It has these

16:13

sea qualities that Dick Schwartz speaks

16:15

of. Connection, curiosity, confidence, courage. This

16:17

essence of self is in us,

16:19

and that essence of self is

16:22

like an internal parent. It's always

16:24

there, ready to help us. So

16:26

the practice that I've created is

16:28

based on leaning on these qualities

16:30

of self to offer them to

16:32

the activated parts of us inside

16:34

the protection mechanisms. Okay. The coping

16:37

mechanisms, as you said. Let's say

16:39

you have a part of you

16:41

that you're aware of. So for

16:43

me, it's the controller for somebody,

16:45

it might be anxiety, or maybe

16:47

you don't even call it a

16:50

part of you, but you just

16:52

know that you have jaw tension,

16:54

or you have a pattern of

16:56

binging. Whatever your extreme pattern feeling

16:58

or behavior is, you just are

17:00

aware of it. Having enough awareness,

17:02

you can do this process. And

17:05

the first step is to choose

17:07

to check in with that protection

17:09

mechanism, with that extreme pattern behavior

17:11

or feeling. And identify, yeah. Okay,

17:13

Gabby saying this is a protection

17:15

mechanism. I'm curious. Let me look

17:17

into this. Step one. Let's do

17:20

me. Work a whole, oh, let's

17:22

work on it. Do you want

17:24

to do it in real time?

17:26

Let's do it in real time.

17:28

Sure. Okay, thank you. Sure. So

17:30

you saw I just chose to

17:32

check in with you and I

17:35

asked you. Do you want to

17:37

do it in real time? You

17:39

said sure. and making the commitment

17:41

to that part of you that

17:43

we're just gonna be very nice

17:45

and gentle and check in with

17:48

it. The second step is curiosity.

17:50

So I'm just gonna ask, and

17:52

really you ask the part, not

17:54

me, you ask the part of

17:56

you questions. So focusing your attention

17:58

inward, you could close your eyes

18:00

or. them open, whatever feels safer

18:03

for you. Where does that work

18:05

alcoholism live in your body? What

18:07

does it feel like? It feels very

18:09

body to me. It's like here to

18:12

here. Let's go. Let's go is

18:14

what it says. It feels like let's

18:16

go. It feels like Yeah, it

18:18

feels like it come that's the

18:20

to me. That's the incident and

18:23

I've done this with this actual

18:25

thing with your material So this

18:27

hopefully it'll be a breeze and

18:29

if I get stuck you can

18:32

help me. Yeah, to me this

18:34

feels very much like it masks

18:36

as Personal power and What it

18:39

really is is holy smokes. I

18:41

want to if I do all the stuff

18:43

Then no one can do a rocks So

18:45

it's saying if I do all this stuff

18:47

no one can throw rocks are there any

18:49

images or sensations that come up as you

18:51

start to talk about anything else you want

18:53

it to let us know about that it

18:55

wants us to know about that it wants us

18:57

to know about that there is a

19:00

rapid intellectualization of it all of

19:02

the justifications of why this

19:04

works and why it's actually that's actually

19:06

another part of you so we'll ask that

19:08

part to just sort of like step aside

19:10

for a moment if that's okay chill out

19:12

for a second in that part of

19:15

me Yeah, and so when you

19:17

tune into the part that's the

19:19

workaholic, you've had such clarity already,

19:21

it's gorgeous. Yeah. How long has

19:24

it been around? Oh man, let's call

19:26

it second grade. Second grade.

19:28

Okay. And are there any other

19:30

images or thoughts or sensations that

19:32

it wants us to see or

19:35

reveal? You've done a lot already.

19:37

Yeah, I feel like it's

19:39

probably any other sensations. I

19:47

guess it just it feels it

19:49

feels strong and again that

19:51

that's the part where I'm

19:53

already sort of

19:55

fast-forwarding to the

19:57

intellectualization on it.

20:00

It just feels powerful. It feels powerful

20:02

like I'm taking care of my, it

20:04

feels like self-help. Like this is what

20:06

you do. You pull yourself up by

20:08

your bootstraps. Okay. And you had really

20:10

great clarity. Do you feel like a

20:12

slight connection to that part of you

20:14

right now as we connect to it?

20:17

Oh yeah, of course, definitely. Nice, nice.

20:19

I can feel that too. And it's

20:21

a testament to how much work you've

20:23

done. Now let's offer that part of

20:25

you some compassionate connection right now. And

20:27

ask the part. What do you need.

20:31

Has that part of you

20:33

and don't think just just

20:35

speak up whatever comes through

20:37

sure A reassurance beautiful Sort

20:39

of to me the awareness

20:41

a reassurance maybe a plan

20:43

Okay, okay Yeah, those are

20:46

the three things that come

20:48

to mind. Reassurance, beautiful. Can

20:50

you just place your hand

20:52

on your heart and just

20:54

take a deep breath as

20:56

you give that part of

20:59

you just a little bit

21:01

of attention and notice where

21:03

it was in your body

21:05

again, just offer it some

21:07

breath right now? And just

21:09

let it know that you've

21:11

heard what it needs. It

21:14

needs some reassurance. And

21:19

as you breathe one more

21:21

time, just take another deep

21:23

breath, it's just letting that

21:26

part of you to the

21:28

best of your ability here

21:30

alive in this brave, courageous

21:32

moment, just let it know

21:35

that you hear that, that

21:37

you're here. And now, sense

21:39

into your body a little

21:41

bit now. How do you

21:43

feel now? There's like a

21:46

level of relaxation, just completely.

21:48

settled in. It's like, okay,

21:50

we're past the hard part.

21:52

Now let's see what's there.

21:55

I think there's that sort

21:57

of a curiosity, okay, what

21:59

next? Now I feel, I

22:01

said, my arm are down

22:03

just sort of you know

22:06

okay that's the fake stuff

22:08

now here we are you

22:10

said so it sounds like

22:12

calmness a little calmness yeah

22:15

for sure just like there's

22:17

a okay it's just doing

22:19

me here friend nice and

22:21

take we can take the

22:23

stuff off nice nice okay

22:26

of gorgeous so you said

22:28

curiosity and relaxation calmness yeah

22:30

Those are sea qualities of

22:32

self. I also as the

22:35

witness can see the connection,

22:37

right? I can see that

22:39

you connected to that part,

22:41

that second grader, I can

22:43

see that you connected to

22:46

the feelings inside. Connection is

22:48

another thing. I also, that

22:50

there was a desire to,

22:52

let's know more, that's courageous,

22:54

right? Yeah. Even just doing

22:57

it was courageous. These are

22:59

sea qualities of self. And

23:01

so the more you practice

23:03

the four steps of checking

23:06

in, the more self you

23:08

develop. And the more self-energy

23:10

that you develop, the more

23:12

you trust that energy, and

23:14

the more you know where

23:17

to go for help. That's

23:19

why it's called self-help. It's

23:21

simple. It's effective. You had

23:23

a... molecule of self here,

23:26

more than a molecule of

23:28

self here. So let me

23:30

ask you this question before

23:32

you ask me a question.

23:34

How different would your life

23:37

be if every time you

23:39

felt the need to check

23:41

out with work, you instead

23:43

chose to check in just

23:46

like we did for one

23:48

minute? Inside me?

23:50

Yeah, it feels like

23:53

a cohesion alignment. And

23:55

I think of a

23:58

story that when I

24:00

would share that I

24:03

was developing a meditation

24:05

practice 10 years ago

24:07

with a lot of my friends that

24:10

most of my friends who I was

24:12

sharing this with believed that

24:14

their edge or their success in life

24:16

came from the edge and what

24:18

I came to experience over

24:20

time with meditation is that the

24:23

very thing that I thought that was

24:25

my edge was the thing that was

24:27

holding me back. So that's how

24:29

I feel here when I sit with

24:31

this stuff. It's like, there's

24:34

sort of an awareness that

24:36

you run to that thing

24:38

as the thing that is

24:40

your differentiator as the thing that

24:42

is a great positive, but if

24:44

you could only let that thing

24:47

go boy, what would be possible

24:49

without it? It's like a lead

24:51

weight as opposed to a rocket.

24:53

The beauty of what you just

24:55

said is and the beauty of

24:57

this process is that you actually

24:59

don't have to lose your edge You

25:02

soften your edges And we don't

25:04

try to get rid of these parts

25:06

of us. Look your workaholic part

25:08

my friend has done gorgeous work

25:11

in this world and so we

25:13

don't want to stop your edge.

25:15

We don't want to stop you

25:17

from the creative force that you

25:19

are The goal would be to

25:21

help that part of you feel

25:24

less extreme, feel softer and

25:26

safer, feel the presence of

25:28

self inside, so that you

25:30

can continue to work at

25:32

the level that you work,

25:34

but with less extreme

25:36

energy, with more safety,

25:38

with more connection, with more

25:41

courage, compassion, calmness. So

25:43

I look at my

25:45

controller apart. My controller part

25:47

created a lot of chaos in my life,

25:50

but my controller part has also written 10

25:52

books in 14 years, and she's done a

25:54

great service to the world. And so I'm

25:56

not trying to stop her because she gets

25:58

a lot of shit done. Yeah. trying to help

26:01

her calm down. So let's, first

26:03

of all, A, thank you for,

26:05

I was kind of hoping we

26:07

could do some of this real-time

26:09

work because I feel like, especially

26:11

if I volunteer myself, A, you

26:13

don't have to volunteer you, but

26:15

you know, I have no problem

26:17

volunteering myself. I do it to

26:19

myself all day long, so this

26:21

is second nature for me. And

26:23

yet also the, you know, part

26:25

of as the host of the

26:27

show for since 2009. My hope

26:29

is that people have been listening

26:31

along are like, they know me

26:33

pretty well and they could say,

26:35

okay, well, wow, okay, sure, I

26:37

bet Chase thinks he worked hard

26:39

and, and so, you know, my

26:41

hope, that was part of the

26:43

hope there. But if we press

26:45

pause on that for a second,

26:47

let's zoom way out and say,

26:49

okay, and why do this work?

26:51

Like, what's the big why? Because

26:53

so many of us don't go

26:56

on this internal journey because we're

26:58

like, A, I can't see the

27:00

point. And it's so much work.

27:02

What if I do all this

27:04

excavating in the direction, you know,

27:06

in this stuff, isn't that energy

27:08

that I could be putting towards,

27:10

you know, my dreams in life?

27:12

Well, the first question I would

27:14

ask that person, it's an excellent

27:16

question. And the question I'd ask

27:18

that person is, how is that

27:20

working out working out for you?

27:22

That's always the dagger, isn't it?

27:24

It's like, and how's it going?

27:26

Yeah. How's that working out for

27:28

you? Yeah. The next thing I

27:30

would say is that this is

27:32

work for the willing, right? This

27:34

is for the definitely your listeners.

27:36

Your listeners are here for this.

27:38

Yeah. They're here for us. They've

27:40

decided to pay attention and show

27:42

up. And so the beauty of

27:44

this practice is it's completely non-pathologizing.

27:46

That's what IFS is non-pathologizing. And

27:48

you can meet it just with

27:51

whatever feeling or sensation you want.

27:53

So you could, I'm not asking.

27:55

through this book for you to

27:57

go to the traumatized people inside

27:59

of you. In fact, that's something

28:01

I would recommend you do in

28:03

therapy, particularly IFS therapy. What I'm

28:05

asking simply, in suggesting simply, is

28:07

that you just take a look

28:09

at some of the feelings and

28:11

sensations and beliefs that you just

28:13

would love when you say to

28:15

somebody, wish I could kick this

28:17

habit, or this belief is just

28:19

really holding me back, and I

28:21

want to manifest more, and I

28:23

know that I'm blocking myself with

28:25

these stories that I've been holding

28:27

on to. and just bring your

28:29

attention to those parts of you,

28:31

the parts of you that are

28:33

around all the time, that are

28:35

running the show, and know that

28:37

this is a practice that will

28:39

offer these extreme beliefs and patterns,

28:41

some real presence and a real

28:43

sense of calm, relaxed state, and

28:46

will change your life. Listen, I

28:48

put this book as self-help and

28:50

big bold letters, and then the

28:52

subtitle is, this is your chance

28:54

to change your life. That I

28:56

mean that. because I'm living that.

28:58

I am someone who is 19

29:00

years in sober recovery from cocaine

29:02

addiction. Cocaine is a protector part.

29:04

I am 19 years in sober

29:06

recovery from work alcoholism. Work is

29:08

a protector part. I am one

29:10

month into full blown recovery of

29:12

control freak. But I mean it,

29:14

I really mean it. Like I'm

29:16

actually living the miracle of that

29:18

part of me starting to come

29:20

and subside now and be able

29:22

to speak for that part rather

29:24

than as that part, right? So

29:26

there's instances right now. I have

29:28

so much in front of me

29:30

in this book launch, there's extreme

29:32

amounts of work, and I'm able

29:34

to look at my team and

29:36

people that are around me and

29:39

say, without shaming or blaming them,

29:41

with clarity and presence, say, I

29:43

need more help. That's very different

29:45

than being like, what the fuck

29:47

is going on here? So this

29:49

is the first month of me

29:51

being in my book launch of

29:53

work. This is the toughest question

29:55

I'm going to ask you today.

29:58

I find that for people who

30:00

have gone through and done this

30:02

work, or have been able to,

30:04

for example, work your ass off

30:07

for 19 years under the, you

30:09

know, the umbrella of addiction and

30:11

workaholism in order to get to

30:13

the summit of the mountain, then

30:15

to tell everybody else, hey, I've

30:17

been up here, you don't need

30:19

to. For example, don't work so

30:21

hard, don't be so rich. Most

30:23

people will say, Give me the

30:25

money, I'll figure it out after

30:28

I get there. So to the

30:30

people, and I know that because

30:32

I've been there. And I have,

30:34

I scrapped a book. We haven't

30:36

talked a little bit about this,

30:38

but my most recent book is

30:40

called Never Play It Safe, and

30:42

it's not about the safety that

30:44

you're talking about here, emotional and

30:47

physical safety. This is about us,

30:49

you know, choosing a lower version

30:51

of ourselves over and over again.

30:53

But I was writing a promise

30:55

land, and trust me, it's not

30:57

all. that it's cracked up to

30:59

be and I couldn't land the

31:01

plane. I wrote on it for

31:03

13 months, couldn't get the book

31:05

to where it needed to be,

31:08

so I scrapped it all. And

31:10

so this is why I'm asking

31:12

this question. You are a healed

31:14

person in many respects. You've listed

31:16

sort of three major traumas that

31:18

you've sort of overcome. It's fascinating

31:20

to me that you're one month

31:22

into your recovery on the other

31:24

side of control. as you, I

31:27

think that was the word that

31:29

you used. How do we reassure

31:31

people that, hey, look, don't keep

31:33

going until you hit rock bottom,

31:35

start today, or trust me, it's

31:37

really not all it's cracked up

31:39

to be being, you know, a

31:41

workaholic, but has the results of

31:43

10 best sellers, for example. What

31:45

do you tell that person? Because

31:48

I've been that person. Well, I

31:50

can say many things to that.

31:52

I can say that no amount

31:54

of success will make you happy.

31:56

And that just sounds cliche, but

31:58

it's true. So true. Yeah. It

32:00

just doesn't. It just won't. It

32:02

just won't. And I can

32:04

say that the greatest accomplishment

32:06

in my life, it's so funny,

32:09

I'm looking at this picture right

32:11

here. I have this on my

32:13

desk, right? It's just like me

32:16

with Oprah, right? And I'm like,

32:18

the greatest accomplishment of my life is

32:20

the inner piece I have inside right

32:22

now. Yeah, there's a part in

32:24

the book where someone asks you. How

32:27

are you, how are you so at

32:29

peace right now? I forget what your

32:31

answer was, but. Because I love

32:33

every part of who I am. That's

32:35

right. The message to that person

32:38

also is this. If you're watching

32:40

and listening right now several,

32:42

you know, 30 minutes and

32:45

however long we've been here,

32:47

there's a part of you that

32:49

wants inner freedom and safety.

32:51

And there's a desire and

32:54

a willingness. And so

32:56

my advice is to ride the wave

32:58

of that curiosity, and maybe crack open

33:00

this book or crack open one of

33:02

your books or keep listening, and open

33:04

your heart more to that curiosity. And

33:06

the more curious you stay, the more

33:09

self is there, and the more present

33:11

you'll be in the journey of recovery.

33:14

And listen, if you hit more bottoms, that's

33:16

okay too, because you never want

33:18

to deprive somebody of their bottom.

33:20

So if that's what your system needs,

33:23

that's what it will be. But ride

33:25

the wave of the curiosity

33:27

because the curiosity is

33:29

enough to create momentum

33:31

Very well said and

33:33

the book is self-help. This

33:35

is your chance to

33:38

change your life Freaking

33:40

congratulations Page Turner. It's hard

33:42

for me to say Page Turner

33:44

with these things because every it's

33:47

a it's a there's a dualism here every

33:49

part of you that wants to get

33:51

better, wants to turn the page and

33:53

every part of you that feels like

33:55

you're being called out like, oh shit,

33:57

they figured me out, wants to close

33:59

the... And I'll just say that

34:01

all you have to be is

34:04

51% curious. You can be 49%

34:06

afraid, but just be 51% curious

34:08

and keep going. I agree with

34:10

you and I think that's an

34:12

important message. It's like this is

34:15

the kind of book that, you

34:17

know, it says self-help on the

34:19

cover. So you have to be

34:21

willing and then you might pick

34:24

it up and put it down

34:26

a thousand times, but you leave

34:28

it on the shelf and in

34:30

three months or a year, you're

34:32

like, that's exactly what I'm ready

34:35

for. Or you dip in and

34:37

it's like that's exactly what I'm

34:39

ready for. other than you need

34:41

to be in this moment. Congratulations,

34:44

friend. Another masterwork. Is this number

34:46

10 or is this 11? This

34:48

is my 10th book, bro. Wow.

34:50

Yeah. And to

34:52

think that I've only been your friend

34:55

for three of these books, my gosh,

34:57

I got work to do. I'm exhausted.

34:59

I'm counting our friendship based on the

35:01

books. I want to just reflect to

35:04

you how beautiful you are and the

35:06

courage you had to talk to the

35:08

workaholic and that, you know, you're just,

35:11

you're really walking your talk and you're

35:13

just extraordinary and I'm so grateful that

35:15

we're friends. I can't wait to spend

35:17

time with you in real time and

35:20

just, it's beautiful. Thank you. doing during

35:22

the work and turning the work inside

35:24

out for the rest of us to

35:26

see a what it looks like on

35:29

the inside and it is truly your

35:31

your wisdom is in helping us understand

35:33

the complex in a very simple way.

35:36

That is that's your genius and it

35:38

is It's really helpful to read that

35:40

kind of stuff on the page because

35:42

most people, and most so many of

35:45

these practices, they actually do exactly the

35:47

opposite. They obfuscate this stuff through trying

35:49

to sound extra smart and, you know,

35:51

complicate the thing and your ability to

35:54

simplify and hand it to us on

35:56

a platter is very, very clearly, you're

35:58

genius. And I'm so grateful to experience

36:01

it and again, highly recommend self-help. It's

36:03

out. You know, we're gonna drop this

36:05

when. your book drops so it's out

36:07

now, grab it. Happy New Year everybody,

36:10

happy New Year. And we do get

36:12

to record this early, thanks for getting

36:14

me an early copy friend, good luck,

36:17

I'm in your corner, anywhere else you'd

36:19

steer us besides the book, self-help, this

36:21

is your chance to change your life.

36:23

I think if you read the book

36:26

and you really like the journey that

36:28

I took you on and you want

36:30

me to guide you through that, there

36:32

is... great practices inside my app so

36:35

I have a Gabby coaching app and

36:37

it's a membership and and in there

36:39

you've got hundreds of meditations and workshops

36:42

and lectures but you also have these

36:44

self-help guided practices where there's interactive tech

36:46

practices where you can like follow the

36:48

steps, tech practices where you can like

36:51

follow the steps and do the journaling

36:53

but also you'll be able to have

36:55

me guide you through multiple different versions

36:57

of those four steps so that if

37:00

you're like I really support. there. Awesome

37:02

and in the front matter of the

37:04

book there's a cure code. That's right.

37:07

Yeah it's just I thought it was

37:09

really savvy and it's an easy resource

37:11

when you get the book go there.

37:13

Thank you friend. Good luck with all

37:16

the rest of the book stuff. We're

37:18

in your corner pulling for you and

37:20

we're good at buying books so we'll

37:22

go out support you and until next

37:25

time signing off from Gabby myself to

37:27

everybody out there in the world. We

37:29

bid you an awesome day until next

37:32

time. Thank you. All right,

37:34

hey, before you go, thanks so much for

37:36

listening. And if you've got value from this

37:38

show, chances are your community will too, right?

37:40

In the particular, lies the universal. Please share

37:42

this link to the show with a friend

37:44

or mention the show on social. That is

37:46

a huge benefit for us in hopefully an

37:48

exchange for providing value to you. I want

37:50

you to know that I really appreciate your

37:52

time, the attention, anything that you give to

37:54

the show and the... questions that

37:56

you you ask our guests here on

37:58

on social media or

38:01

through my text community, all

38:03

that is pure gold.

38:05

This community, like any

38:07

community, is a is a

38:09

testament to that old

38:11

phrase, a rising tide

38:13

floats all boats. And

38:15

by elevating one another, by sharing

38:17

and resharing this show, show, the tidbits

38:19

that you you the experiences you take

38:21

away, all of that has a collective

38:23

collective massive impact on the world. So world.

38:25

So, quick thank you. I appreciate all

38:28

the effort you put into sharing into

38:30

show. for the All right, that's a

38:32

wrap. Let's put today's episode into practice

38:34

and get back to growing together. together.