0:02

Welcome to the countdown podcast. We're going

0:04

to review red one for you. My

0:06

name is Wayne and my name is

0:08

Paul Straget then for this brand new.

0:10

In fact, at the time of recording

0:12

way, this has come out internationally, including

0:14

here in Australia, but not in the

0:16

North Americas, it's being held over till

0:18

next week. The hell, you say? Before

0:20

the rest of the world. I did

0:22

wonder why it was such an early

0:24

Christmas film. Yeah. Yeah. And weirdly enough

0:26

is the second Christmas film I've seen

0:28

by November 8th. This one is written,

0:30

sorry, directed by Jake Kazden, the guy

0:32

who directed Welcome to the Jungle Juman. Oh.

0:35

Is he related to? I believe he

0:37

is. Yeah, he might be

0:39

a son. And written by

0:41

Chris Morgan from an original

0:44

story by Hiram Garcia, the

0:46

film, stars, Duane, the Rock

0:48

Johnson, Chris Evans, Lucy, Lu,

0:51

Kiernan, Shipka, Bonny Hunt, Nick

0:53

Kroll, Christopher, Hivjou, Ie, Torman,

0:55

Giant, and JK Simmons. It

0:57

is 123 23 minutes long. Wayne.

0:59

What do you think the budget

1:02

was for this? new Christmas adventure

1:04

family film. Okay, let's have a

1:06

look here. It's heavy on the

1:09

CGI. We've got a few. We've

1:11

got the highest paid actor in

1:13

the world in there. Look, I

1:15

start to throw 200s around it.

1:17

It's not that, okay? It can't

1:20

be that. How about 120? Would

1:22

be absolutely ridiculous for it to

1:24

be 200, right? It's 250 million

1:27

dollars. More than a Marvel

1:29

film? Holy shit. Are you kidding?

1:31

Are you kidding? Bloody hell! Okay.

1:33

I had thought it was 200 million

1:35

when I wrote my review last night.

1:38

I was wrong. Shit. All right. Oh,

1:40

all right. What is red wine about?

1:42

All right, basically when a villain kidnaps

1:44

Sandy Claus from the North Pole and

1:47

Elf, E.L.F. Extremely large and

1:49

formidable operative, who is one

1:51

of Santa's... That's not this

1:53

technical name. I think that's the joke

1:55

he makes. Oh, okay. I think the idea

1:58

here is the rock, who his Santa's... like

2:00

personal bodyguard I guess or whatever who

2:02

happens to be something called an elf

2:04

which meets the answer something that's not

2:06

bad they joined forces with the world's

2:08

most accomplished tracker who is captain America

2:10

to find him and save Christmas it

2:12

is a kids film family film that's

2:14

a kids film yeah okay and it's

2:16

well what do you think Paul what

2:18

did you tell me about it tell

2:20

me about it before we get there

2:22

now very few reviews obviously at the

2:24

moment then because it hasn't come out

2:26

in fact this was embargoed from any

2:28

of you dropping until like the night

2:30

before its official release, which is generally

2:32

speaking, and not a good sign. And

2:34

rotten tomatoes thus far at least would

2:37

have you, would confirm that I should

2:39

say 33% of 30 critics have given

2:41

this one a positive score with an

2:43

average of 4.3 out of 10, and

2:45

a medicritic has given the film a

2:47

weighted score of 36 out of 100

2:49

based on 11 critics indicating un- favorable

2:51

reviews. Uh-huh. Yep. Okay. When I went

2:53

to this last night with my daughter,

2:55

it was a daddy-daughter night out to

2:57

the movies whilst her mother and my

2:59

wife was out with her friend. Uh-huh.

3:01

And I'll tell you straight off the

3:03

bat, the best thing about this maybe

3:05

was seeing it with my kid. All

3:07

right. So hang on. Did she like

3:09

it? She didn't mind it. She didn't

3:11

laugh a lot. She said she was

3:13

a bit confused at the stars to

3:15

how things were sort of working together

3:17

while the world building building happened. but

3:19

she said she kind of got into

3:21

it and yeah she didn't she didn't

3:23

dislike she liked it enough I don't

3:26

didn't she wasn't frothing in the mouth

3:28

or saying wow how good was that

3:30

and but yeah she certainly enjoyed it

3:32

maybe and I know you've said this

3:34

before maybe some of my score is

3:36

reflected in the fact that the person

3:38

I went with had a good time.

3:40

It is in tight, huge, huge effect.

3:42

You know, and she's turning 12 in

3:44

fairly short order, so these days are

3:46

rapidly running out where we can go

3:48

to the movies together and do these

3:50

things. So I'm trying to enjoy them

3:52

and treasure them whilst I can. And

3:54

I should say, I submit that in

3:56

fact that is the point of these

3:58

films. They are for you and your

4:00

kid, and I don't have one, I

4:02

brought a woman. Right. Which case, maybe

4:04

you probably fairly. the kid. Right. Exactly.

4:06

Look, I thought the film started pretty

4:08

well. I was actually happy with it.

4:10

I was like, okay, I like the

4:13

whole idea that all right, so with

4:15

the premise of the film is of

4:17

course Senacult is real, not only is

4:19

he real, he's, you know, has an

4:21

entire sort of operation. Government knows he's

4:23

real. Yes, government knows he's real. He's

4:25

obviously not human, neither is the rock,

4:27

and his whatever team is all there

4:29

and that's whatever team is all there

4:31

and that's all there and that's all

4:33

there. whatever she is, director of Mora

4:35

something. Yeah, all those things are nice

4:37

enough conceits and I'm like, that is

4:39

fine. I thought Chris Evans's, uh, you

4:41

know, his on purpose countyish character was

4:43

interesting to watch. Exactly the word they

4:45

used in the film. Yes, it was.

4:47

And I think the thing that I

4:49

enjoyed most about the entire film is

4:51

that they bothered to actually explain the

4:53

process of how Santa Claus delivers. billions

4:55

of gifts in a single night. All

4:57

right? That is actually the best thing

4:59

about the film. Now, the problem is

5:02

that it devolves after that first act

5:04

and a half into some quite boring

5:06

stretched out sequences where I'm like, I

5:08

was actually like, this is a lot

5:10

of time before anything's happened here and

5:12

there's a lot of fucking, you know,

5:14

exposition or whatever. And ultimately I found

5:16

that the film doesn't really feel heavy

5:18

enough. Or, and you know, it's a

5:20

kid's film, I get it, but like

5:22

I didn't care. about two-thirds in, I'm

5:24

like, I don't care now. Fair enough.

5:26

You know, and so even, yeah, like...

5:28

All right, so that's your non-spoilers. Yeah,

5:30

it's my non-spoilers. There you go. What

5:32

do you think? Back up, pretty much

5:34

everything you've said there. I won't bury

5:36

the lead, I won't try and fool

5:38

you into thinking anything else. No. There's

5:40

no concept. This is the feel nothing

5:42

film of the season. Yes, good. That's

5:44

a really good point. It's it's very

5:46

hollow this I couldn't believe what I

5:48

was watching the further it went the

5:51

worse it got. I will 100% agree

5:53

with that assessment by the end of

5:55

my oh my god. So I've seen

5:57

two films as just mentioned by November

5:59

8th, two Christmas films, at least two

6:01

films set at Christmas. This one obviously

6:03

is a straight Christmas film. Terrifier 3.

6:05

This gawtastic, horrendous horror movie, which is

6:07

the homemade people vomit and leave the

6:09

cinema and fall over and smack their

6:11

heads, was made for two million dollars.

6:13

It is an exponentially better film. than

6:15

this 250 million dollar behemoth, which they've

6:17

hidden from everybody until the very last

6:19

second. They've rolled it out internationally first

6:21

because I know it's going to get

6:23

slated when it gets released in the

6:25

North America. I believe. And this is

6:27

going to be an absolute box office

6:29

nuclear bomb in my opinion. I mean,

6:31

it's... Why are we releasing this so

6:33

early? Yeah, that's why. I know that

6:35

the shops want you to believe it's

6:38

fucking Christmas time. I know that the

6:40

second... Even here in Australia that Halloween

6:42

ends November 1st there are Christmas decorations

6:44

set up and around everywhere and it's

6:46

sickening and it's ridiculous that we're stretching

6:48

out what is a special day to

6:50

spend with your loved ones and give

6:52

gifts and receive gifts and have a

6:54

nice time and not fucking work. It

6:56

sickens me that it's now been extended

6:58

out to two months of the year.

7:00

I get a retail perspective. Yeah. I

7:02

conceptually understand it. but I think it

7:04

sucks. Yeah, it doesn't bother me the

7:06

commerce of it, but I do understand.

7:08

You're then like... I'm being subjected to

7:10

shit. Yeah. What's this fucking tincle? It's

7:12

November. Why are we seeing films released

7:14

this early? Well, the reason I believe

7:16

this one got a slate internationally this

7:18

early was for the reason you said,

7:20

which is I shit. Like, because when

7:22

is it released in the US like

7:24

next Friday? So another week. So that's

7:27

still mid-November, right? This film should be

7:29

being dropped in the first week in

7:31

December. Exactly, right? So, and the fact

7:33

that they're doing that means that A,

7:35

they either couldn't find a slot that

7:37

worked, or B, they're like, fuck it

7:39

close enough. Because, you know, like something

7:41

one of our listeners actually said, if

7:43

the whole point of a Christmas film

7:45

is that you're seeing it around Christmas,

7:47

right? Right. I'm not even. I'm close

7:49

to it. I've given zero thought other

7:51

than the gift for our daughter. Yeah,

7:53

exactly. And you know, that's the whole,

7:55

but again, it's for you and your

7:57

daughter. And even now, you're not seeing

7:59

it during Christmas. Know what I mean?

8:01

So that's why I believe they dropped

8:03

it like this. They just know what

8:05

I think. It was a bit of

8:07

a joke. Like it was a bit

8:09

of a joke. Like it said at

8:11

Christmas, but we're releasing it. Literally the

8:13

entire two hours. I'll tell you when

8:16

it spoils what that chauffeur was. My

8:18

daughter who appreciated her more, you know,

8:20

she was, she smiled a few times,

8:22

but I didn't hear her laughing. No.

8:24

There wasn't many people in our cinema,

8:26

there was about two or three different

8:28

families that were there. I heard a

8:30

few gafores from, you know, the dads,

8:32

the kids were more in line with

8:34

the noise that I won't mention, the

8:36

character, the character, has a vehicle which

8:38

makes a particular sound that. The really

8:40

young kids, like, you know, five or

8:42

seven years old. Okay, so, because there's

8:44

fuck all people in my, in my

8:46

screening. But that, that's it. There was

8:48

no, like, you can feel the vibe

8:50

of a good film. Were you in

8:52

a matinee? It was a evening. No,

8:54

this was 6 p.m.m. Okay, me too,

8:56

me too. You can feel people get

8:58

into it and, you know, or laughing.

9:00

Dragged a bit. This is a long

9:03

film. It's only two hours, but... Dude,

9:05

only two hours? Movie like this, 30,

9:07

90 minutes in and out. I checked

9:09

my watch. Well, my phone a couple

9:11

of times whilst I was reaching over

9:13

to popcorn. Thank God we had popcorn

9:15

and Maltese. I was like, because I'm,

9:17

you know, 6 p.m. 6.15 start, we're

9:19

walking out of there 8.15 and I

9:21

said to my girl, I'm like, oh,

9:23

you saw the same session the day

9:25

before. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, hey,

9:27

that was long, man. That was a

9:29

full two hours, right? And like more.

9:31

And so she's like, yeah, it was

9:33

17 minutes also of bullshit at the

9:35

start. but thankfully we missed most of

9:37

that because we were having something to

9:39

eat before we went in. But it

9:41

felt long Paul. So it actually, yeah,

9:43

spot on at 820, they get the

9:45

film actually finished. We got up and

9:47

walked out once. I think I managed

9:49

to ascertain there was no post credit

9:52

scene if there was. There was no

9:54

chance I was hanging around for whatever

9:56

we'd call it on. I guess that

9:58

gives you the overall vibe for what

10:00

we feel. Not a good film, perplexingly

10:02

a large amount of money spent spent

10:04

on this. And we'll get into it.

10:06

You can't handle the truth! Warner Brothers

10:08

and all the studios that put money

10:10

into this, I don't understand $250 million

10:12

on a film like this. It's not

10:14

an existing IP, okay, Santa Claus is

10:16

existing, but it's not like it's based

10:18

on a graphic novel or a novel

10:20

or something which has the huge legion

10:22

of fans to suggest that they are

10:24

banking everything on. Oh, Christmas movies always

10:26

make money. But more importantly, it's, 250

10:28

million sounds to me like something went

10:30

wrong and they had to fix it.

10:32

Maybe. It doesn't sound like that was

10:34

the budget to start with. Like who's

10:36

going to greenline? I don't know. It's

10:38

odd. Look, half of that would have

10:41

gone to the rock's pocket or something,

10:43

right? And Chris Evans hasn't done a

10:45

movie since. It's time for the rock

10:47

to be retired if he's the world's

10:49

highest paid actor. We've also, what he's

10:51

cooking, yeah. Because when's the last time

10:53

you had a hit? That's true. I'm

10:55

trying to think. What else did he

10:57

do lately? He is not the star

10:59

he once was. Probably the last big

11:01

hit he had was Fast X. Yeah.

11:03

Right? That's not all based on him.

11:05

I mean, arguably it's more based on

11:07

Vin' fucking diesel. Hard as that is

11:09

to be. Hard to believe. Exactly. Well,

11:11

I know he came in and reinvigorated

11:13

it and fast five and the like,

11:15

but those days are gone. The rock

11:17

is past it. By the way, is

11:19

that fast inferior is coming? I don't

11:21

know. 26 26 won't want to be

11:23

too old a fuck anyway. All right,

11:25

well enough with that. All right, so

11:28

here's what I think actually have towards

11:30

the end that made me go nah.

11:32

You've got sort of a big end

11:34

action sequence with them trying to take

11:36

off right? Shit action sequence. Yeah, it

11:38

was because I didn't even take off

11:40

right? So that was my emphasize here.

11:42

The action is few and far between

11:44

this. Yeah, the action is few and

11:46

far between this film. That is a

11:48

big and far between this. That is

11:50

a big and far between this. That

11:52

is a big, that is a big.

11:54

going, you know, making a sonic boom

11:56

as they passed the sound barrier. I'm

11:58

like, okay, yeah, okay. And also I'm

12:00

waiting, I was like, where's, where's fucking

12:02

Rudolph? One of these reindeers should have

12:04

a red nose. No, it wasn't there.

12:06

So I'm like, all right, well, maybe

12:08

he'll turn up at the end. He

12:10

never turned on. And then, like, so

12:12

that is all like, so that is

12:14

all like, like, so that is all

12:17

right, he'll turn up, he's supposed to,

12:19

he's supposed to, he's supposed to, he's

12:21

supposed to, he's supposed to, he's supposed

12:23

to, he's supposed to, he's supposed to,

12:25

he's supposed to, he's supposed to, he's

12:27

supposed to, he's supposed to, he, he's

12:29

supposed to, he's supposed to, he's supposed

12:31

to, he's supposed to, he's supposed to,

12:33

he's supposed to, he, he's supposed to,

12:35

he's supposed to, he's supposed Now, again,

12:37

like I said, the best thing about

12:39

it to me is that the end,

12:41

they show you how Santa Claus and

12:43

the elf has this technology which makes

12:45

him a shrink, which allows Santa Claus

12:47

to get down the fucking chimney. He

12:49

makes the presents small, so they bake,

12:51

they're big, and, okay. These are all

12:53

great, and he's very, and he's all

12:55

great, and he's very, and he's all

12:57

great, and he's very, and he's very,

12:59

and he's very, and he's very, and

13:01

they're very, and he's very, and they're,

13:03

and they're, and they're, and they're, and

13:06

they're, and they're, and they're, and they're,

13:08

and they're, and they're, and they're, and

13:10

they're, and they're, and they're, and they're,

13:12

and they're, and they're, and they're, and

13:14

they're, and they're, and, and they're, and

13:16

they're, and, and, and, and, and sort

13:18

of like yeah again your action sequence

13:20

and then for Krampas did you like

13:22

Krampas? Did you like him? That was

13:24

I thought you might like him. That

13:26

was him was it? Under a lot

13:28

of makeup obviously in prosthetics and the

13:30

like. Right got it and so that

13:32

was like I mean I thought it

13:34

was Black Peter that they were actually

13:36

going to go see because they're saying

13:38

that you know Santa Claus had this

13:40

brother who has been and now he

13:42

took but obviously that's the other little

13:44

I did like. For some reason one

13:46

of them is a demon. I don't

13:48

know. One of them is a monster.

13:50

Yeah, it's JK Simmons. Who knows how

13:53

this works? It's Santa Claus. I mean,

13:55

I'm willing to overlook that. What I

13:57

had a real problem with was at

13:59

the end, you've got like, okay, so

14:01

Chris Evans is sitting in the sled

14:03

and he's having this moment with his

14:05

son. And there's like some, you know,

14:07

commentary there about fatherhood or whatever. And

14:09

then you see the rock looking at

14:11

them and then he has this sort

14:13

of bemuse look on his face and

14:15

then you see Chris Evans as a

14:17

boy talking to his boy. And I'm

14:19

like, who gives a fuck? This is

14:21

what the whole thing. That's not enough

14:23

of a shift. It's just that he

14:25

was an assholish, you know, absentee dad,

14:27

and now he's having a conversation with

14:29

his son, and I don't even understand

14:31

why he's now a boy having conversation

14:33

with him. Oh, look, okay, so that

14:35

that harkens back to a very early

14:37

conversation, the film, when he's hand, he's

14:39

resignation in, and Santa says to him,

14:42

I don't see anymore, yeah, they're all

14:44

still kids. or the non-nordy list. And

14:46

because it's all filled with mostly with

14:48

adults. Okay. That's a bit better. Yes.

14:50

And he's saying you have to still

14:52

do it for the children, even the

14:54

one that aren't children anymore. Yeah. And

14:56

because the ones that aren't children are

14:58

more, I still see them as children.

15:00

But here's the thing. Okay, I get

15:02

that and that does make it better,

15:04

but I still found it hooky because

15:06

it was just, you know. Yeah. I'm

15:08

like, I got you more and more

15:10

and more than that more than that.

15:12

So. Crissilla, whatever the name of the

15:14

witch is, who's behind all this, you

15:16

know, played by Kin and Shipka doing

15:18

her best, I'm a much younger version

15:20

of Cape Blanchett. Where is she? She

15:22

was a madman and she's been lots

15:24

of bit parts. In fact, she was

15:26

early on in, okay, spoils for twisters

15:28

here. If you haven't seen twisters yet,

15:31

you wanna skip over this particular part?

15:33

She's one of the early research assistants.

15:35

Yeah, yeah, I see, okay, okay, okay,

15:37

okay. Yeah, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

15:39

but yeah, yeah, I, I, I, I,

15:41

I, I, yeah, I, I, I, I,

15:43

I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

15:45

I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

15:47

I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

15:49

I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

15:51

I, I, I, I, I, villain role

15:53

in a big budget film. Her plan

15:55

is I'm going to punish everyone who's

15:57

ever been bad. Like everyone I'm going

15:59

to take back because that That was

16:01

the only interesting part of this whole

16:03

film to me. On the one hand,

16:05

Santa is rewarding good behaviour with presents.

16:07

She has the stick, he has the

16:09

carrot. Correct. Whereas Krampus and Griller, they

16:11

are punishing the wicked to the same

16:13

end. We want to make people better.

16:15

We want to make the world a

16:18

better place. So it's punishment versus reward.

16:20

That, had we spent a bit more

16:22

time exploring, that would have been interesting

16:24

to me. But it's not okay in

16:26

a family film, so don't be a

16:28

dickhead Paul. Okay, got it. However, her

16:30

grand plan is take this globe thing,

16:32

send it out to everyone, mass produce

16:34

it, so you're going to mass produce

16:36

approximately 8 billion of these things, which

16:38

I don't know how they weren't fucking

16:40

fitting in that sleigh, that's one thing

16:42

they never explained, where all these presents

16:44

coming from. Even if they shrunk them

16:46

down to size, that sleigh does not

16:48

fit 8 billion things in there. Yeah,

16:50

that's, again, you had to get some

16:52

like small, maybe they're making two trips,

16:54

maybe he's got an an inflate. Exactly.

16:56

If you're going to go that's a

16:58

virus, explain the minutiae, then explain the

17:00

fucking minutiae. It's so broad stroke. Back

17:02

to Grilla. So her plan is send

17:04

this thing out, it captures anyone who's

17:07

been bad in the globe, which then

17:09

sits on her little rack of things

17:11

as we see happen to Jack and

17:13

his son. And then so they have

17:15

this bonding moment next to each other

17:17

and apparently Jack admitting I was a

17:19

shit dad and I'm sorry. I should

17:21

have done better than that for you,

17:23

son. Right. Because he's been a bit

17:25

of a bad boy slash someone's tires

17:27

and that's enough in in grillers world

17:29

to to put you in that globes

17:31

on fine with that and broke into

17:33

the mainframe blah blah blah of the

17:35

of the school. Jack simply say I'm

17:37

a shit dad is enough to crack

17:39

the globe and the sun's globe. Now

17:41

if your grand fucking plan. It seems

17:43

a pretty big flaw. All you have

17:45

to do is say, I'm very wrong.

17:47

Sorry. Yes. Oh, it was a bit

17:49

shit. Yes. I'm out. Yeah, it's hardly

17:51

like the harsh plan of a super

17:53

villain. No. Because it's pretty much just

17:56

forcing people to confess. Yeah. And eventually

17:58

everyone would figure that out. I'm saying,

18:00

just be sorry. First person says, I'm

18:02

so sorry, and of course, you know,

18:04

I put those people right next to

18:06

each other, I can't live living up

18:08

in here, I lament my life, I'm

18:10

sorry, I'm sorry, I'm out, oh, how'd

18:12

you get out? I was just saying

18:14

so. You did? Which means, if you

18:16

look at this broadly, it's almost as

18:18

though the villain's plan is more valid

18:20

than Santa Claus's plan because the villain

18:22

is forcing bad bad people to turn

18:24

a new leaf. Which is more effective than

18:27

just rewarding good people. Okay, now because Jack

18:29

O'Malley is the hero, whatever his name is,

18:31

Jack in this film, is a hero of

18:33

the movie. Yes, he is turning to the

18:35

other, he will be a better dad. But

18:38

the average punge is just gonna go, fuck,

18:40

I'm sorry, eh? And then get on with

18:42

it. Well, I don't think that would crack

18:44

the globe. I think you have to actually,

18:47

look, I'm just fucking. And even if you

18:49

are sorry for that, I'm sorry for everything

18:51

else, he's done. He's done. He's done. He's

18:53

done. in the first opening scene in the

18:56

film where he literally sets a thing on

18:58

fire and he steals a baby's candy?

19:00

Like he'd only apologize for one

19:02

fucking thing. Yeah, see, it's flimsy

19:04

as fuck. I'm always getting a

19:06

little bit deeper the way it's

19:08

more important than all that. It's

19:10

this simple fact. How does a

19:13

filmmaker put the rock and

19:15

Chris Evans together to very charismatic

19:17

actors and somehow when they meet,

19:19

it creates like this... Blackhole of

19:21

charisma that's so powerful has its own

19:24

fucking event horizon You said they had

19:26

no chemistry? None! Whatsoever! They were so

19:28

boring when there's a moment where they

19:30

bond after they've been in a cram, but

19:33

I'm like I don't believe this for a

19:35

second Yeah, that was I kept waiting for the

19:37

one of them to make a joke. Yeah, and

19:39

I never did because this film's not fucking

19:41

funny enough to do that. It's not written

19:43

well enough and who straight laced. Yes. And

19:45

I believe like If you made, oh look,

19:47

fuck. I was like, oh, if you made

19:49

it an alrated film or an immrated film

19:51

with someone, I probably wouldn't help either. So

19:53

it's like, you wouldn't do this. But just

19:55

a bit edgya. Like, Toy Story films are

19:57

funny. That's, Pixar films generally, not older, are

19:59

funny. Yes. there's something there for an adult

20:01

and for a kid. This is nothing for

20:03

an adult. The funniest joke in the whole

20:05

film, not the one I chalked out, which

20:07

I come to in a second, was spoiled

20:09

in the trailer when after seeing the off

20:11

guy, he goes, do you have a Wonder

20:14

Woman? Yeah, trying to make Wonder Woman doll

20:16

real. That was funny and it doesn't work

20:18

that way. But it was spoiled. Yes. The

20:20

funniest guy I thought the whole thing is

20:22

when the rock animates are little plastic chicken.

20:24

calls it by a name and this film

20:26

was so fucking new to it can't even

20:28

kill the chickens. I know because this is

20:30

his friend and the chicken runs past it

20:32

and then we get that whole extended sequence

20:34

again very slowly pays with crampers and what's

20:36

going to happen and then Chris Evans bailed

20:38

out the rock by saying well how about

20:40

you you play crampers crampers slop or what

20:42

it's called and then we get this long

20:44

shot cut to the chicken being chased by

20:46

the hell the hounds. I'm like that's funny

20:48

yeah. Again, should have been more stuff like

20:50

that? A lot more of that stuff. It's

20:52

actually just not a good film, is it?

20:54

Not a good film at all. And I

20:56

have to say this, for $250 million, no

20:59

matter how much it went into the rocks

21:01

hip pocket or Chris Evans hip pocket, this

21:03

looks like ass, this movie, it's badly shot.

21:05

There's so many sequence, like the three, I

21:07

think there's all this whole film, the chase

21:09

sequence where Santa gets kidnapped, there's the fight

21:11

with the snowman on the beach in Aruba

21:13

or whatever it is, and there's really the

21:15

end of the film, pretty shitty fight as

21:17

well. That's it. That is it for the

21:19

action in this movie. Yeah. And that was

21:21

three scenes in 120 minutes. And when those

21:23

things happen, it's confusingly shot, lots of close-ups,

21:25

not shaky. When films cut that hard, it's

21:27

cutting around shit-ass direction. Well, do you know,

21:29

see the bit where the rock was, like

21:31

he noticed that St. Nick was getting, or

21:33

whatever, so that was getting, something was wrong.

21:35

Yeah, and then he just jumps off a

21:37

tower and he gets on these like, I

21:39

guess, monorails or whatever, and he's sliding, and

21:41

he jumps, yeah, what are those? And I'm

21:44

like, that scene should have been really cool,

21:46

like it should have been really awesome, but.

21:48

It kind of just fell on its face.

21:50

And the CJ's shit for $250 million. It

21:52

looks like C.G. for sure. It's like, hang

21:54

on, this is PlayStation, maybe four, possibly three

21:56

level stuff. How's this making on the big

21:58

screen? It's so cartoony goofy and silly. Yeah,

22:00

when you say 120 million, I gotta say

22:02

last week we did Van and The Last

22:04

Dance. That looked way better than this movie.

22:06

Half the price. Who knows what that is?

22:08

Like, whether it's like, it can't be too

22:10

realistic because it's a kid's film, so put

22:12

something on it, put a lens on it,

22:14

put a thing, you know, it's, I don't

22:16

know, I don't know. Either way, I was,

22:18

I was itching to get out of this

22:20

fucking film. I was like, get me the

22:22

fuck out of here, this needs to end

22:24

now. So, I don't, look, we could pull

22:26

it apart even further than that. Paulus, Paulus,

22:29

Paulus, he has nothing to do, he has

22:31

nothing to do, he has nothing to do,

22:33

he has nothing to do, he has nothing

22:35

to do, he has nothing to do, he

22:37

has nothing to do, he has nothing to

22:39

do, he has nothing to do, he has,

22:41

he has, he has, he has, he has,

22:43

he has, he has, he has, he has,

22:45

he has, he has, he has, he has,

22:47

he has, he has, he has, he Underlings

22:49

to the side and that's it. Well, did

22:51

you notice that Chris Evans all of a

22:53

sudden became a bad-ass fighter? Like, because he's

22:55

like, he starts, and he actually starts, oh,

22:57

that was one other scene when he gets

22:59

captured. There's a bit of an action scene

23:01

where he's running away. Yeah, there's little action

23:03

scenes around the place, but not enough to

23:05

actually keep your attention, or Lee all the

23:07

way through, rather. Yeah, it's like a super

23:09

shit version of the fight, the born. the

23:11

first porn film, yes, born identity. But then

23:14

even like, Chris Evans is supposed to be

23:16

like just a tracker. Yeah. But then when

23:18

he needs to be, he can really fight

23:20

really well. Yeah, but he can fight really

23:22

well sometimes. Where does that come from? And

23:24

also he looks like Chris Evans. So yeah.

23:26

Yeah, but where does that come? You're the

23:28

wolf man, you're alleged. Where's that come from?

23:30

You're the wolf, man, you're alleged. Where's that

23:32

come from? When did he learn to play?

23:34

And he kicks all their asses, but then

23:36

eventually Lucy Lee just happens to be standing

23:38

on a door and stabs him with this

23:40

interesting gun that never mentioned again the entire

23:42

film, which puts you to sleep standing up.

23:44

Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, it's not great.

23:46

So what's your score, Polly? Look, it's probably

23:48

boyed a little bit by having my daughter

23:50

there and her. Not hating it, but it's

23:52

still a pretty terrible film. Has a good

23:54

chance of featuring my worst 10 of the

23:56

years, the 32. 32 out of 100. I

23:59

was gonna go with 38. So you get

24:01

up to two stars. Yeah, because it's like.

24:03

Yeah, you sound like you hated it more

24:05

than me. Yeah, maybe. I don't know how

24:07

like, our, um. Yeah, 38 years like it

24:09

is a very low score. Yeah, it's a

24:11

really low score. It's a dead, dead, dead

24:13

fail. Yeah, it fails for both fails for

24:15

both of us. It's for both of us.

24:17

Yeah, it fails for both of us. It's

24:19

for both of us. It's for both. It's

24:21

for both. It's for both. It's for both.

24:23

It's for both, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead,

24:25

dead, dead, dead, it fails for both. It's

24:27

for both. It's for both. It's for both.

24:29

It's for both. It's for both. It's for

24:31

both Unfortunately, red one is a great... Yeah,

24:33

by the way, I paid for this one.

24:35

We both did. I know, it's ridiculous. Also

24:37

paid for my daughter. Oh my god, Paul.

24:39

By the way, Saturday night, I saw the

24:41

hoits last week, $23. Oh, clean ticket. One

24:44

ticket. Wow. Normal screen. Yeah, Hoyts in greater

24:46

union. Fuck me. Or event cinema. Sorry, I've

24:48

just gone out of control. 23 bucks. Our

24:50

little local here is still doing like, you

24:52

know, $13. Yeah, fuck yeah. That's what I

24:54

was really pissed that it wasn't showing here.

24:56

So there you go. There we are. That's

24:58

our thoughts on red one. If you've seen

25:00

it or when you see it, and you'd

25:02

like to weigh in. So via email the

25:04

countdown podcast at gmail.com on. X, the

25:06

countdown PC, although that seems to

25:08

have completely shit the bed now,

25:10

that particular platform. And I imagine

25:12

why? And here's up on our

25:14

website, the countdown podcast.com, otherwise the

25:16

listener, Facebook, community links in the

25:18

show, and it's getting involved there.

25:20

While you still can, that's it

25:23

from us. My name is Paul.

25:25

My name's Wayne. This has been

25:27

the soundboard, barely used today because

25:29

we're pretty much in Locksa agreement

25:31

the whole way through. That

25:42

was far more entertaining than anything

25:44

in Red One. We'll catch you

25:46

next time. you