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Good day Loyalists . Thank

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you for joining us for episode 11

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of the Crossing Guard Tapes . We

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are coming to you from an undisclosed

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location . What you are about

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to hear is true . This

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is an unauthorized account taken

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from the diary of Mike Limbo during

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his enforced internship in

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a deep state organization known

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as the Guards of the Realm

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. Mike has been living

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in exile ever since . Without

0:31

your support , there is little hope . Time

0:34

is running out . Help us shine

0:36

a light . Join us

0:38

as we bring you episode 11

0:41

of the Crossing Guard Tapes .

0:50

With most of them preoccupied with Hanson

0:53

, I decided it was time to make my move . Keeping

0:56

my head down , I ran behind the row

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of cars that were in line waiting to pick

1:00

up the kids . I

1:03

glanced over my shoulder to see if they spotted

1:05

me yet it looked clear , so

1:07

I took off down Prince Street . At

1:10

the last second I ducked behind a

1:13

bus full of screaming school kids and almost

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got run down by a van speeding in

1:17

the other direction . It

1:19

was a close call . My

1:22

adrenaline wasn't pumping as hard as it was

1:24

. I wouldn't have been able to jump out

1:26

of its way in time . As it was

1:28

, I got nicked in the back of my ankle

1:31

. I figured it'd be hurting later

1:33

, but for the moment I couldn't feel

1:35

a thing and I just kept moving . As

1:39

I was waiting to cross the street at Glen and

1:41

Cherry , a newspaper delivery truck

1:43

slowed down almost to a standstill

1:45

right in front of me . The back was open

1:48

, so I climbed aboard and hid

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behind Stack's bundle newspapers . Fortunately

1:54

for me , the drivers seemed to be in a big

1:56

hurry , running red lights on their way

1:58

back to the city center . I

2:00

laid down making a pillow out of newspapers

2:03

and closed my eyes , resting

2:05

, trying to get my heart to

2:07

stop pumping so hard

2:09

. It was a

2:11

losing battle , though I couldn't stop

2:13

thinking about what had just happened . One moment

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I was on a training mission , no big deal

2:18

, just another day . But then

2:20

, suddenly , here I was running

2:22

for my life after seeing all of my friends

2:24

get shot down like dogs . Mr

2:27

Jakeman didn't seem like such a bad guy

2:29

now , not compared

2:32

to these people anyway . Whoever the hell they

2:34

are , the fruitcake , the

2:36

spazzing out and all the blood . And

2:39

why did they have to kill Hanson ? I

2:41

mean , for Christ's sakes , he was just a boy , practically

2:44

. He didn't do anything to these people

2:46

. I can't forget how scared

2:48

he looked when we were in the car back there . He

2:51

was practically crying , and then

2:53

they chased him down and blasted him to high

2:55

heaven . They

2:58

could have just let him go . He wasn't hurting

3:01

anybody . And why were they after

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me ? Well , maybe they

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weren't , but I was afraid

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to look . I just kept my head down

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for a long while Seemed

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like a good plan for the time being . Time

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will tell . The sky

3:16

was getting darker and it smelled like rain

3:18

. A slow drizzle began

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to fall . I heard some thunder rumbling

3:22

in the distance . I was getting

3:24

a little bit chillier and I started to wish

3:26

I'd brought a jacket with me . Gradually

3:30

I found the nerve to look outside and see if

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I was being followed . As far as I

3:34

could tell , no one was in pursuit . I

3:37

was safe for the moment . I

3:39

grabbed a loose newspaper and opened it up

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in front of me on the floor . It was time

3:44

to catch up with the news .

3:45

But first the funny pages .

3:48

Just then , a cop pulled up beside

3:50

us and the truck slowed down . So when

3:54

we stopped at the next traffic light , I

3:56

saw my opportunity . I folded up

3:58

the paper , stuck it under my arm and stepped

4:00

off the truck . Thanks for

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the ride , fellas , and the free paper

4:04

, and , lucky for me , we were right

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in front of Reed Park , which would be a great

4:09

place to hide and lay low

4:11

for a while . As

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soon as the truck pulled away , rain

4:16

started coming down in buckets

4:18

. Funnies would have to wait

4:20

. I unfolded

4:22

the newspaper and covered my head with it . It

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wasn't much of an umbrella , but it

4:27

was better than nothing . Even so

4:29

, I was still pretty much drenched by the time

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I reached the trees by the duck pond . This

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has turned out to be a real crap

4:38

day . I remembered

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waking up all excited about the prospect

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of being on the outside again . It started

4:45

out okay , but then all this crap happened

4:47

and now all I want to do is pretty

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much go back in , and as soon as possible

4:52

. I mean pretty

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much everyone I know and care about is

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dead . Life

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in the compound has not been a picnic

5:01

, that's for sure . There

5:03

have been times when I really hated it

5:05

and I wanted to actually kill some of

5:07

the people there . On the other

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hand , I always had a warm bed

5:11

and they fed me three squares a day

5:13

. Plus , I

5:16

was getting a free education . Now

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that it seemed clear that people on the outside

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might try to kill me , should

5:23

they find me , the compound

5:26

seemed like a pretty cool place to be

5:28

. All I could do now

5:30

is wait until after dark , under

5:32

the cover of night , to move around safely . Again

5:34

. I found

5:36

a vacated picnic area and sat

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alone shivering my ass off

5:41

in the cold , miserable dampness

5:43

. All in all , this

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has been a real crap , fucking

5:48

day . That's

5:52

grade Z day . After

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all the time that I spent inside the compound

6:24

, I was never sure where it

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was actually located . It

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could have been in a different country . For all I knew

6:30

, I had been cooped up inside

6:32

training , learning , but

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in all that time no one would

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tell me where we were . The

6:39

compound had no windows and

6:41

I was so busy training that I almost forgot

6:43

what it was like on the outside . Now

6:46

that I was on the outside , it

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felt fucking weird Nobody

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to tell me what to do , where to go

6:53

, no rules , no

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schedules and

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no fucking meals . When

7:02

we drove out of the compound yesterday . I

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was so happy to be out that I barely noticed

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my surroundings . I figured

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that we'd be back safe and sound

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in a few hours . Anyway , I

7:13

have spent the morning trying to piece

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together what I remembered . This

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is what I've got so far . We

7:22

were in an underground parking garage

7:24

. I remember that we had

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to go through a security check with armed

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guards and one of those barrier gates

7:30

that they raise after they've checked your papers

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. I tell you , it

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was like we were in Nazi Germany or something

7:38

. I felt like a POW

7:40

, except that prisoners

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don't get three square meals a day like

7:44

I do , and they don't get an education

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either . Yeah , I

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wasn't a prisoner , but I

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wasn't exactly a free man either . So

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the security guard

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raised the gate and we drove up a steep

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driveway as a garage door opened up

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for it . The

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sunlight practically blinded me and I shielded

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my eyes . It had been so long

8:15

since I had seen sunlight that my eyes

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froze up and went blank . By

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the time my eyes got used to the light , we

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had already driven a ways down the block . The

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compound , as I turned back to look

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, was an immense building and

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there were many garage doors maybe

8:32

15 or 20 lined up every

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20 feet or so . By the time

8:36

I looked back , the garage door had already

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closed behind us . I'll

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never figure out which one we came out of

8:43

. They all looked the same , all

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painted the same color Dark

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brown . The

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building itself was an older brick building

8:52

, just like the hundreds of other ones you see

8:55

in older parts of the city . I

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do remember passing a small two-story

9:00

red brick building on the corner with a neon

9:02

sign hanging in the window advertising

9:05

palm readings . It

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looked out of place next to all these huge buildings

9:09

around it . Might have

9:11

been someone's house at one time . I

9:15

also knew that we were somewhere near

9:17

the downtown area because of all those

9:19

hippie shops that sell beads

9:22

and crapped out old clothes that look

9:24

like they found them in the garbage . I

9:26

can never figure out what kind of people would buy

9:28

clothes like that . Plus

9:30

, there were a few hippies hanging around on the

9:32

sidewalks playing their guitars or

9:34

tossing Frisbees . One

9:37

of them had a dog with a neckerchief that was

9:39

actually really good at catching the Frisbee in

9:41

its mouth . Really , I

9:44

bet I could have taught my dog to catch a Frisbee

9:46

too if all I did was sit around all day

9:48

with nothing better to do . Get a fucking

9:50

job , hippie . You would

9:52

have never thought that a compound like this could even

9:55

exist in such a place and right

9:57

in front of everyone's noses . The

10:00

fact is , it was practically

10:02

invisible if you didn't know what you were

10:04

looking for , and right in the heart

10:06

of the city , I'll bet

10:08

I passed it tons of times without even

10:10

giving it a second thought . I

10:14

gradually made my way back to the downtown

10:16

area , walking on back streets

10:18

, constantly checking behind me to make

10:20

sure I wasn't being followed . I

10:23

kept thinking that I was being watched , but every

10:25

time I turned around I would just see some old fart

10:28

walking his dog . I

10:30

was getting very hungry

10:32

and thirsty . I was totally shit

10:34

out of luck , though , since they hadn't given me any money

10:37

. I didn't have any ID either

10:39

, so I didn't have a way to contact them . Gradually

10:43

, the shops started getting smaller

10:45

and kind of weird , so I knew

10:47

I must be in the right place . Luckily

10:53

, I found the red brick building

10:55

with the neon palm reading sign hanging

10:57

in the window . I knew I was on the

10:59

right block . I

11:02

walked down the street banging on the garage

11:04

doors , but nobody answered Not

11:08

a peep . I

11:11

kept seeing some weird gypsy lady scowling

11:13

at me from inside the palm reader's house . What

11:16

was she so angry about ? I

11:19

don't think I was scaring away any of her customers

11:21

. I mean , the street was completely

11:23

deserted . How does she even

11:25

stay in business ? It's like a

11:27

ghost town around here . It kind

11:29

of gives me the creeps . Since

11:49

she was the only living breathing

11:51

human being I'd seen on the entire

11:53

block , I decided to find out if

11:55

she knew anything . The

11:58

closer I got to the house , the more

12:00

run down it looked . Paint

12:02

was peeling off the window sills , the

12:05

porch looked like it was missing a few floorboards

12:07

. An old rotting couch

12:09

with one of its feet missing was pushed up

12:11

underneath the window . As

12:14

I walked up to the front door , a few

12:16

cats suddenly sprang up from the

12:18

couch and snarled at me . They

12:21

slinked off and left me standing alone

12:23

wondering whether I was making

12:25

the right choice . It felt kind of sketchy

12:27

. The house was dark

12:30

and silent , like they were

12:32

closed . Funny thing

12:34

is the sign on the door read come

12:36

in , we're open . Weird

12:38

and kind of spooky Little

12:41

tinkly bells chimed . When I opened

12:43

the door . I stood halfway

12:46

inside and called out Hello

12:48

. I

12:50

waited , hello

12:52

, anybody home

12:54

? I

12:57

heard an old , creaky lady's voice

12:59

tell me to come in . I

13:02

stepped in and let the door close behind

13:04

me with all the tinkly bells

13:06

. Right

13:08

away I noticed the smell of incense Lots

13:12

of incense , worse than a church

13:14

. I heard

13:16

a voice in the next room say come

13:19

in here . I

13:21

followed the sound to a doorway with beads

13:23

hanging across it . The

13:25

room behind it was dark . Though

13:28

I was hesitant , I walked

13:30

to the doorway and stuck my head through the

13:32

beads to take a look . An

13:35

older , dark-haired lady was

13:37

sitting at a round wooden table . She

13:40

was dressed like a gypsy fortune teller

13:42

, in silk robes , beaded

13:44

necklaces and lots of bracelets

13:47

. On her head she

13:49

wore a turban with a big jewel

13:51

of some kind on it , like a third

13:54

eye staring back at me . The

13:56

room was dark , except for a few

13:58

candles . On the table in front of her . The

14:01

air was choked with smoke and it was

14:03

hard to breathe . It

14:06

was stifling . God , I

14:08

hate these kinds of places . Remind

14:10

me to never come here again . Come

14:13

in here , she said . I

14:16

wasn't sure if I even wanted to go in , but

14:19

she goes . Would you like to

14:21

have your tea leaves Red . No

14:23

thanks , I said , but

14:26

I'd like to ask you some questions , she

14:29

says . Come closer .

14:31

Let me get a look at you .

14:34

I walked over to the table Sit

14:36

Please , I

14:38

go . No , Look , I

14:40

just want Sit down . She sounded

14:43

angry . I was not

14:45

in the mood to fight , so I just sat

14:47

down to get it over with . I'd

14:50

been in this place for less than a minute , but I was

14:52

already starting to get kind of annoyed . She

14:55

smiles and goes . So you want to

14:57

know your future ?

14:59

You have questions about a certain

15:01

woman in your life . Let

15:04

me see your palm .

15:06

She takes my hand and starts looking at

15:08

it , running her finger up and down

15:11

, touching me here and there . Very

15:15

interesting . She'd better not try to touch me anywhere

15:17

else I'll seriously hit

15:19

her . I've never hit an old lady

15:21

before , but if she knows what's good

15:23

for her , she'll keep her hands where I can see

15:25

them . She goes . I

15:28

see , I see many

15:30

things in your palm

15:33

. I go . Yeah , really

15:35

she goes .

15:37

Your future is as plain to

15:39

see as the nose on your

15:41

face .

15:42

I felt like saying If you can read

15:45

the future , then you should already know why

15:47

I even came to this dump in the first

15:49

place . These places

15:51

are all alike they're nothing

15:53

but scams . Maybe you would have

15:55

gave her a palm reading to remember . Tell

15:58

you that . I

16:00

looked around the room now that my eyes were

16:02

starting to adjust to the light . There

16:05

were many strange knickknacks and little statues

16:08

all over the place , on tables

16:10

, on shelves , windowsills . She

16:12

had creepy pictures of weird looking people

16:15

dressed in robes and turbans and

16:17

with tattoos and metal rings stuck

16:19

in their eyes and their ears and pretty much anywhere

16:22

else you could put one . There

16:24

was a bookcase filled with rows of fancy

16:27

looking old books like magic

16:30

books about astrology and stars

16:32

and yin-yangs and crap

16:34

like that . The

16:36

incense was suffocating . It

16:39

was like trying to inhale a Ford . I

16:42

always wondered why anyone would burn this crap

16:44

. My mom always said that it was because

16:46

these people never took baths and to cover

16:48

up the cat litter stench . She

16:51

was right . Sure enough

16:54

, a cat wandered into the room

16:56

, plopped down on the table like it owned

16:58

the place and then it just stared at me

17:00

like it wished I was dead . Then

17:03

it began licking itself in all

17:05

kinds of disgusting places . There

17:10

should be some kind of reform school for cats

17:12

like this , or else it should be

17:14

drowned .

17:20

You have just heard episode 11 of

17:22

the Crossing Guard tapes . We

17:25

are shutting down our transmitter now to

17:27

prevent the DOJ from tracing

17:29

our signal and , dear

17:31

listeners , due to the FBI's

17:33

unrelenting effort to recover the

17:35

tapes , there is a risk

17:37

that they could be monitoring our site . So

17:40

be sure to keep a low profile when

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sharing , subscribing and liking

17:44

. Until next time . Co-conspirators

17:47

, stay alive and

17:49

spread the word . The

17:52

Crossing Guard tapes was written and produced

17:55

by Jim Waters , featuring the

17:57

voice talent of Tommy Nicolai

17:59

, pat Waters , yui

18:01

Garawal , lily Garawal , wes

18:03

Garawal , jazz Garawal and

18:05

Julia Waters , with original

18:07

music from Pendulum Incorporated

18:10

technical support and marketing

18:12

courtesy of Jazz Garawal . The

18:26

number you have dialed has been

18:28

changed . The new number

18:30

is Deep

18:40

State Chronicles .