Episode Transcript
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to Comedy Central.
2:07
From the most trusted journalists
2:10
at Comedy Center. It's
2:12
America's only source for
2:14
news. This is the
2:17
Daily Show with your
2:19
host John! I
2:44
got a new tie with
2:46
the chart. I'll tell you
2:48
what, we got a great
2:51
one. Paul Rudd is going
2:53
to go on. Paul
2:55
Rudd finally had balls
2:57
to come on this
3:00
show after weeks of
3:02
calling me a propagandist.
3:04
Know this. Our interview
3:07
will be unedited.
3:09
Rudd's going down. It's
3:12
happening. I'm going to give
3:14
that dude an infection of
3:16
the parenine. I should explain. We
3:18
come out early, I do a
3:20
little warm-up with the audience,
3:23
and for some unknown reason.
3:25
And it really was not
3:27
prompted. I was trying to
3:29
discuss the relationship between asthma
3:31
medication and a side effect
3:34
of an infection of the
3:36
parenium. Unfortunately, I have no
3:38
one in the audience who
3:40
was able to... satisfy my
3:42
curiosity on that. Those you at home
3:44
who may be looking it up right
3:47
now, wait till the commercial break. But
3:49
first, a quick update on an administration
3:51
that is once again carrying out its
3:54
plans with competence and
3:56
professionalism. A reporter from
3:58
the Atlantic says he was...
4:00
mistakenly added to a group
4:02
chat with top members of
4:05
the Trump administration as they
4:07
were texting back and forth
4:09
about highly sensitive war plans.
4:12
Jeffrey Goldberg says he was
4:14
included in a group chat
4:16
full of our nation's top
4:19
security officials discussing what we
4:21
can only assume to be
4:24
top secret plans to bomb
4:26
Houthi targets across Yemen on
4:28
March 15th. Everything from the
4:31
weapons America would be deploying
4:33
to the timing and the
4:35
attack sequences. Oopsie, popsy! You
4:38
know, back in my day,
4:40
if you were a journalist,
4:42
who wanted leaked war documents,
4:45
he had to work the
4:47
sources, meet him in a
4:49
dark garage, earn the trust,
4:52
pound the pavement. Now, you
4:54
just wait for the National
4:56
Security Advisor to be distracted
4:59
by White Lotus while he's
5:01
setting up his bomb Yemen.
5:03
Group chat. Are those guys
5:06
jerked each other off? By
5:08
the way, I might be
5:11
in this group chat, I
5:13
don't know. I don't check
5:15
my group chats. Perhaps my
5:18
favorite text of the entire
5:20
group chain was the one
5:22
from our defense secretary saying,
5:25
quote, we are currently clean
5:27
on upset. For those who
5:29
don't know, Opsek means operational
5:32
security. He said that in
5:34
a group chat. A group
5:36
chat with a journalist. The
5:39
journalist said that he didn't
5:41
think that the story was
5:43
real until Yemen was bombed.
5:46
Oh, did I bring you
5:48
down? Let's move on. Because
5:51
as you know there there are certain
5:53
democracies and absurdities that we find in
5:55
our cultural moment that make for great
5:57
fodder for humorous dialogue a facial expression
6:00
a nod in a wink.
6:02
Then there are other pronouncements
6:04
by our elected officials, actions
6:06
by our government, that are
6:08
so boldly bullshit. Even though
6:10
you know it will have
6:12
no effect, and that these
6:14
powerful creatures have been genetically
6:16
modified to resist shame, self-reflection
6:18
of any kind. You just
6:21
can't help yourself but to
6:23
go old-school daily show. I'm
6:25
talking about the debate on
6:27
free speech. Now as we
6:29
know. Conservatives have been very
6:31
concerned about the loss of
6:33
free speech in our country
6:35
for a very long time.
6:37
Bullies on the left aiming
6:39
to silence conservatives. Free speech
6:41
is under siege in this
6:43
country. The leftist, they've become
6:45
the thought police. They basically
6:47
declare themselves God and judge
6:49
us for our thoughts. George
6:51
Orwell was right. The thought
6:53
police come next to punish
6:55
thought crime. Be very, very
6:57
scared. Not
7:13
for the reasons you. Are
7:15
the thought police with you
7:18
right now? Are they in
7:20
the bottle? But luckily our
7:23
national free speech nightmare recently
7:25
came to an end when
7:28
we entered the Golden Age
7:30
of Donald Joseph effort Trump.
7:33
We have saved free speech
7:35
in America, and we've saved
7:38
it strongly free speech in
7:40
America It's back. Thank God.
7:43
We have a president now
7:45
who believes in free speech.
7:47
Yes Thank God We have
7:50
a president now who believes
7:52
in free speech just go
7:55
ahead roll to 12. I
7:57
believe that CNN and MSDNC
8:00
they do is illegal. I
8:02
think CBI should lose its
8:05
license, but I think ABC
8:07
should lose its license also
8:10
because of what they've done.
8:12
I watched what happened live.
8:14
I think Bravo should also
8:17
lose their license. What they
8:19
did to Durinda on traders,
8:22
they should be sent to
8:24
a Salvadorian ally. This
8:30
is what I'm talking
8:32
about. Generally, you've got
8:34
to search the archives
8:37
for contradictions on one
8:39
stated principles. Dig through
8:42
policy papers to uncover
8:44
private actions that are
8:47
undermined by someone's public
8:49
stance. But this is
8:52
so blatant. I can't
8:54
wrap my head around
8:56
it. It's not even
8:59
the hypocrisy. It's that
9:01
they so fetishize free
9:04
speech, this thing that
9:06
they do not in
9:09
any way actually practice.
9:11
The freedom to speak
9:14
our minds and express
9:16
the truth that is
9:18
our heart. Really, that's
9:21
really a big chunk
9:23
of our heart. hearts
9:29
come in chunks. Blood comes into
9:31
the aorta to the right ventricle
9:34
passes through your speech chunk. But
9:36
since coming into office, Trump and
9:38
the Republicans have instituted policies that
9:40
are a dagger right through many
9:43
people's speech chunks. The White House
9:45
has barred the Associated Press from
9:47
presidential events because the AP has
9:50
refused to rename the Gulf of
9:52
Mexico, the Gulf of America in
9:54
its style book. And in a
9:56
dramatic escalation against the American legal
9:59
system, Trump this week. and directed
10:01
his government to target law
10:03
firms battling his actions.
10:05
Federal immigration officials arrested
10:08
a Palestinian activist who
10:10
helped lead last year's student
10:12
encampment protest at Columbia. I
10:14
think we ought to get
10:16
them all out of the country. They're
10:19
troublemakers. They're agitators. They
10:21
don't love our country. My
10:23
chunks. My chunks. My lovely lady
10:26
chunks. My chunks. My chunks. You're
10:35
making my perineum
10:37
tingla. Here's the
10:39
thing. These attacks
10:41
on free speech,
10:43
especially the one where
10:46
they deported that activist.
10:48
If there's one thing
10:51
that I know. about
10:53
the powerful principles at our higher
10:55
education institutions. They will not be
10:58
bullied by a role to 12.
11:00
Columbia University is bowing to President
11:02
Trump's demands, announcing it will change
11:04
a number of policies. Among them,
11:07
placing the schools Middle Eastern
11:09
South Asian and African Studies
11:11
Department under academic receivership for
11:13
at least five years. Some
11:15
students, protests, the war
11:17
on Gaza, suddenly a whole
11:19
academic department is on double
11:22
secret probation. with government oversight.
11:24
And by the way, okay,
11:26
Middle East part, African studies?
11:29
What the fuck did they
11:31
do? Through the African studies,
11:33
professors like, I teach intermediate
11:36
Swahili. See, these guys
11:38
don't give a fuck about free
11:41
speech. They care about their
11:43
speech. It's so blatant hypocrisy. It's
11:45
so old school daily show gotcha. You
11:47
know what, I'm just going to put
11:49
on the wig I used to wear
11:51
during those years. Because
12:02
the policy is just so,
12:04
here's Donald Trump on those
12:06
who would criticize judges that
12:08
he has appointed. A lot
12:10
of the judges that I
12:12
had, if you look at
12:14
them, they take tremendous abuse
12:16
and it's truly interference in
12:18
my opinion and it should
12:20
be illegal and it probably
12:22
is illegal in some form.
12:24
Yes, criticizing judges. It is
12:26
interference. It should be illegal.
12:28
Tremendous abuse. Four days later.
12:30
Not four. days later. Not
12:32
a full French work week
12:34
later. President Donald Trump just
12:36
took to true social and
12:38
deemed this judge responding to
12:41
this decision here calling him
12:43
a radical left lunatic of
12:45
a judge, a troublemaker, an
12:47
agitator who was sadly appointed
12:49
by Barack Hussein Obama. He
12:51
says this judge should be
12:53
impeached. And
12:59
are we really still
13:01
doing the Barack Hussein
13:03
Obama thing? Oh, free
13:05
Harambe. Come on, people!
13:07
See, what was the
13:09
whole thing that they
13:11
hated about the left
13:13
on free speech? No
13:15
one is safe from
13:17
the left's word police.
13:19
No one. What exactly
13:22
would it actual government-run
13:24
word-police organization look like?
13:26
The Trump administration is...
13:28
actively trying to purge
13:30
the federal government of
13:32
so-called woke initiatives. Government
13:34
agencies have flagged hundreds
13:36
of words to limit
13:38
or avoid words like
13:40
DEI, BIPOC, anti-racism, Latin
13:42
X, Native American, black,
13:44
women, seemingly random words
13:46
like expression, at risk,
13:48
political, and even mental
13:50
health and sex. By
14:00
pocket Latin X, I get
14:02
that. You're not allowed to
14:05
say sex. You can't say
14:07
words like women or sex
14:09
or hashtag me too? How
14:11
can a lot of your
14:14
cabinet members describe their weekends?
14:16
You know, you can't protest
14:18
in a way that. You
14:23
can't protest in a way that offends
14:25
the right. You can't teach things that
14:27
the right doesn't want you to teach.
14:30
You can't read things that they don't
14:32
want you to read. You can't use
14:34
words that they don't want you to
14:36
use, but they love free speech. I
14:38
guess fear not. At least we'll always
14:41
have art. President Trump demanding a painting
14:43
of him be removed because he finds
14:45
it unfiled. He's
15:09
demanding they take it down because
15:11
he believes this picture is unflattering.
15:13
Which really makes you think, do
15:16
you think other pictures of you
15:18
are flattering? At least in the
15:21
painting, they blended the foundation into
15:23
your hair. But painting is out.
15:25
Oddly enough, there is still one
15:28
area of free speech that the
15:30
right defends non-hypocritically. I think they've
15:32
come a long way, meta. Facebook
15:35
Mark Zuckerberg came to the White
15:37
House, who I like much better
15:39
now. You know, I have a
15:42
warm spot in my heart for
15:44
TikTok. Twitter, now they call it
15:46
X. And it's great that Elon
15:49
bought that. He's done us all
15:51
a big favor. He loves it.
15:54
Metal. X. The ticketie-tok. Why is
15:56
it that they're so enamored with
15:58
social media? Studies by the Wall
16:01
Street Journal, the Washington Post, and
16:03
academic organizations have found that the
16:05
site forced political content on users,
16:08
that content was almost invariably pro-
16:10
Trump, pro-Republican, and pro- Musk. Huh!
16:12
The one area of free speech
16:15
that they want to protect completely
16:17
is the area that supports them
16:19
and isn't actually free. Social media
16:22
is algorithmic. And it advances... with
16:24
key demographics or to put that
16:27
in the most hilarious way possible.
16:29
The president sat down without kicks
16:31
Clay Travis on Air Force One
16:34
to discuss the status of his
16:36
second term. President Trump getting to
16:38
talk to you here on Air
16:41
Force One. I wanted to start
16:43
with this. Why do you think
16:45
young men are so overwhelmingly coming
16:48
in your direction? My
17:04
work here is done.
17:06
Perhaps I can answer
17:09
that question. They are
17:11
overwhelmingly coming in his
17:13
direction because that is
17:16
the direction they're facing.
17:18
I don't know if
17:21
you know how that
17:23
works, but you really
17:25
can't come in a
17:28
direction you're not facing.
17:34
Although young men at
17:36
that age you could
17:38
bank a shot I
17:40
could I could see
17:42
one fly over the
17:44
shoulder Maybe a trick
17:46
shot where they landed
17:48
in a cup you
17:51
know where that would
17:53
go viral social media
17:55
unequivocally protect free speech
17:57
is the one place
17:59
where the speech isn't
18:01
actually free algorithms. It's
18:03
speech incentivized for engagement
18:05
and profit. It's manipulated.
18:07
It just so happens
18:09
that the same process
18:11
that forces you to
18:13
doom scroll somehow also
18:15
draws you into Republican
18:18
ideology. Social media is
18:20
a machine designed to
18:22
stimulate the reptilian parts
18:24
of your brain that
18:26
would otherwise beg you
18:28
to go outside. It's
18:30
like being impressed that
18:32
casinos give out free
18:34
food. It's not free!
18:36
Social media isn't the
18:38
town square open forum
18:40
of ideas. It's got
18:42
a plan. In the
18:45
summer of 2019, Facebook
18:47
created a fake account
18:49
for a 41-year-old mom.
18:51
They called her Carol
18:53
Smith. Carol started off
18:55
by liking a few
18:57
popular conservative Facebook pages,
18:59
but quickly, Facebook began
19:01
dragging her down a
19:03
rabbit hole of misinformation.
19:05
After only two days,
19:07
Facebook recommended Carol follow
19:09
a Q-N-on page, and
19:12
a few days later,
19:14
it suggested she follow
19:16
another. By week three,
19:18
Carol's feet had become,
19:20
quote, a constant flow
19:22
of misleading and polarizing
19:24
content. Now, Carol Smith
19:26
is a completely fictional
19:28
character, and yet her
19:30
children have stopped talking
19:32
to her. and
19:35
knows the details about
19:37
lender bombing. Guys, social
19:40
media isn't the same
19:42
as free speech. Social
19:44
media is free speech
19:47
in the way that
19:49
Doritos are food. It's
19:52
ultra-processed. It's designed in
19:54
laboratories. It's the same
19:56
mechanism that somehow convinced
19:59
you that you should
20:01
eat a 50. story
20:03
skyscraper of potato-ish. And
20:06
the most disappointing thing,
20:08
where are my conspiracy
20:11
theories at? Now that
20:13
it's on the right,
20:15
for God's sakes, billionaires
20:18
are designing machines to
20:20
manipulate our speech, to
20:22
control our behavior and
20:25
rewire our brains. They're
20:27
removing our regular speech
20:30
and doing a, I
20:32
don't know, great replacement
20:34
of it to solidify
20:37
their hold on power.
20:39
Are you awake yet?
20:41
Oh, you were with
20:44
me on the lably
20:46
thing? Remember what happened?
20:49
You've barely even touched
20:51
your Epstein binders? Doesn't
20:53
this bother you at
20:56
all? Elon Musk has
20:58
taken a very courageous
21:00
stand for the First
21:03
Amendment. He's tough as
21:05
a pine knight. And
21:08
the man's got guts.
21:10
He's got... He's got
21:12
oranges the size of
21:15
beach balls. Please stop
21:17
with this fog-horn, leg-horn
21:19
bullshit. Got oranges the
21:22
size of a baseball.
21:24
But let me guess.
21:27
How do you feel
21:29
about other billionaires owning
21:31
and manipulating our media?
21:34
Mr. Soros is now
21:36
the largest single shareholder
21:38
in auditing radio stations.
21:41
In America, you can't
21:43
just go do this.
21:46
Mr. Soros is a
21:48
billionaire. Pass me the
21:50
sick bucket. Shouldn't
21:53
write. Pass us off.
21:55
All the mother fucking
21:57
sick pocket. When we
22:00
come back, Paul Rodd
22:02
will be joining us.
22:04
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Rauch! I'm,
24:35
uh, I'm sorry, John,
24:37
I'm just, I'm on
24:40
this new medication and,
24:42
uh... My parineem is
24:45
on fire. to understand
24:48
that that was an
24:50
inflamed paranoia. At first,
24:53
if I may, the
24:55
physical crafting you do,
24:58
and obviously the stage
25:00
fighting classes you've taken,
25:03
and all the things,
25:05
the control you have
25:08
over your body, at
25:10
first I thought, sciatica?
25:13
It's clearly in the
25:15
nether region. Yeah. It
25:18
was the Boeing of
25:20
the legs. It's the
25:23
telltale giveaway of an
25:25
inflamed paranoia. I mean,
25:28
do we think it's,
25:30
can I, can I?
25:33
Do we think it's,
25:35
should I go for?
25:38
You, you go for.
25:41
Okay. We hear, we
25:43
hear perineum, and then
25:46
we, but we've also
25:48
heard perineum. I thought
25:51
you were gonna say
25:53
taint. The layman's term.
25:56
A perineum sounds like
25:58
a flower. In
26:02
many ways, isn't it?
26:04
A delicate, the bouquet,
26:06
the aroma. Did you
26:08
know in your life,
26:10
first of all, the
26:12
way you walk, it's
26:15
the difference between just
26:17
an actor and a
26:19
craftsman. You gotta play
26:21
yourself, you gotta throw
26:23
your whole body into
26:25
it. By the time
26:27
you were done, my
26:30
parentenium hurt. That's
26:32
how powerful it was. Transference,
26:34
you felt it, you felt
26:37
it. No question. That's good
26:39
acting. Or is it acting?
26:41
There is no way. Is
26:43
that the one part of
26:46
your body that is corroding?
26:48
I think, is that your
26:50
Achilles perineum? You know the
26:52
portrait of Dorian Gray? I
27:02
have a painting in
27:05
my attic. I call
27:07
it my attic. Myatica.
27:10
And that is just
27:12
a, just a, a
27:15
rotting old decrepit taint.
27:18
And, and I also
27:20
have a, where it
27:23
looks like a spaceship.
27:25
It's called the Perenium
27:28
Falcon. I
27:42
do hope you'll get that
27:44
checked out. It is, I
27:46
have wondered this. Do you
27:48
know about the, yeah, you
27:51
can't, every commercial is for
27:53
a medication. No question. Everyone
27:55
talks about the the The
27:58
thing they'd also mention, which
28:00
is in a way even
28:02
more disconcerting, because they do
28:05
it with kind of a
28:07
cheery voice. It's talking about
28:09
bloody or black stools. Is
28:11
there painting in your attic
28:14
about that? You want to
28:16
tell us about? The other
28:18
thing that drives me fish?
28:21
They always say, and don't
28:23
take it. Like, they've given
28:25
you five reasons not to
28:28
take this. I mean, you've
28:30
got to be thinking to
28:32
yourself, the exum is not
28:35
that bad, that I would
28:37
risk my entire family. Would
28:39
you rather have a little
28:41
like flaking on your arm
28:44
or say, yeah. One kid
28:46
at the beach and he's
28:48
like, on my elbow, and
28:51
they're literally like, get balls
28:53
will fall off. And don't
28:55
take it if you are
28:58
allergic to it. I didn't
29:00
even know you still did
29:02
movies. I think I might
29:04
be allergic to this. Yeah,
29:07
everything. How would you know
29:09
unless Paul? I'm gonna be
29:11
honest with you. Finally. I
29:14
didn't even know you still
29:16
did movies. I just thought...
29:18
I thought you were a
29:21
web MD doctor and I
29:23
just brought you out here
29:25
to talk strictly medicines. Medicines.
29:27
Do you have, I am
29:30
at the point now where
29:32
I like I'll read an
29:34
article on biohacking and like
29:37
and they'll be like it's
29:39
an injection of NAD and
29:41
ultraviolet rays and you can't
29:44
go outside for three months
29:46
and I'd be like I
29:48
would do that. There
29:52
is there is a
29:54
thing that like it's
29:56
so strange that there
29:58
we are so insists
30:00
on letting everyone believe they
30:02
are sick in this country.
30:04
Oh shit, you just got
30:06
real. Oh. No, but every
30:08
commercial is one of these
30:10
medicines. And my daughter, when she
30:13
was little, yeah, you just watched
30:15
TV, it was unavoidable. You
30:17
play games with your kids
30:19
of like, all right, we're gonna go
30:22
through, we'll go through A, for
30:24
like, uh, apple, banana, you know,
30:26
cherries, whatever. We used to do.
30:28
Oh, keep going. I want
30:30
to see how... I want to
30:32
see how far this is going
30:34
to go. But we used
30:36
to do it. My daughter
30:39
would be four years old
30:41
and we would do it
30:43
with medicines. She'd be like,
30:45
abilify. And I swear to
30:48
God, we could make it
30:50
through the entire alphabet. Four
30:52
years old. Normally you
30:54
skip X, but she's zel
30:57
jams. That's really true. How
30:59
many times are we going
31:01
to do Zoyverax and Zithra
31:03
Max? Yeah. Xanax didn't even
31:05
make the cuts. God, damn.
31:07
It is a very interesting, you
31:09
know, remember Annison? Good
31:11
old Annison. Right, and it
31:13
cured everything. I just remember as
31:16
a kid, I think all we
31:18
had was Annison, Buffering, Bear. They
31:20
had like aspirin commercials. Looks
31:22
like somebody lived in a
31:25
nice neighborhood. I
31:28
had St. Joseph's
31:31
Children's Asper, and
31:33
I was 17
31:36
and had Clemitia.
31:38
But, how was
31:40
your perinium? Gorgeous!
31:43
As Riana would
31:45
say, shine like a
31:48
diamond. You could eat
31:50
off of that thing.
31:52
And boy did I
31:54
try. We all tried.
31:58
Can I tell you something? I've
32:01
missed you. I've missed you too.
32:04
I haven't. I think the last
32:06
time I... I see you every
32:08
now and again at an event.
32:10
Once I moved out of the
32:12
city, once you move out of
32:14
the city, for those urban sophistication,
32:17
you are a dead man. I
32:19
live out in New Jersey and
32:21
I would say to Paul Wright.
32:23
Hold on one second. Hard disagree.
32:31
But I see you are living
32:33
now the dream that I sometimes
32:35
think of like your Kansas City
32:37
Chiefs they keep winning Super Bowls
32:39
you're out there with your son
32:41
on the field like celebrating that
32:44
thing. It's such a magic guitar.
32:46
Our kids are around the same
32:48
age. So we're all there they're
32:50
going through the thing. It's a
32:52
big transition like do you feel
32:54
the empty nest of it all
32:56
like that's that's slowly starting to
32:58
dawn on me. Yeah. Yeah, I
33:00
do. I mean, I certainly feel
33:03
older and my kids are older.
33:05
They have their own lives. I
33:07
mean, I'm sitting here, you know,
33:09
getting nostalgic about... the ability game
33:11
and so as I'm talking about
33:13
it and I see you know
33:15
people with little kids I remember
33:17
that and and I do feel
33:20
it's the whole the thing for
33:22
me when I see someone whose
33:24
kid is at that age where
33:26
you can still do like the
33:28
football hold right and you got
33:30
the coffee in one hand and
33:32
and the kid in the other
33:34
and then so the cigarette can
33:36
just dangle It's
33:40
a wild feeling when it washes
33:42
over you, but it's also nice
33:44
to, I guess, have them at
33:46
that other, like, the conversations you
33:49
can have with them so much.
33:51
Yeah. Oh, it's great. I mean,
33:53
it's, you know, you always hear
33:55
that, and that it's, oh, every
33:57
age is great, and it's true.
34:00
Right. And it's an amazing. It's
34:02
an amazing thing. I was just
34:04
in Australia, working in Australia, and
34:06
my son was on break from
34:09
school and he came to visit.
34:11
It was the first time ever
34:13
by himself. And it was- Came
34:15
to visit you in Australia? Yeah,
34:17
fantastic. It was great. Did you-
34:20
The one thing I didn't do,
34:22
and I probably should have done,
34:24
is make friends. They
34:28
have to be there. I own
34:30
them. But when they leave It's
34:33
just me eating a Jersey mics
34:35
by myself watching a game Well,
34:38
I don't know have you found
34:40
this to be the case because
34:42
I certainly have I think as
34:45
I just as I get older
34:47
my world gets smaller and as
34:49
far as friends I do have
34:52
friends, but I'm not nearly as
34:54
social as I used to be
34:56
I'm not on any actual social
34:59
media. I never have been. So
35:01
I do feel as if the
35:04
world operates in a way that
35:06
is, I'm, it's passing me by.
35:08
I, I, I, I, it's like
35:11
I sit alone with books. I
35:13
sound like a Simon and Garfunkel
35:15
song. I am a rock. This
35:18
is crazy. I'm gonna tell you,
35:20
look up for one second. I
35:22
do this every time we're together.
35:25
My life is fucking horrible. No.
35:27
Before I let you go, I
35:30
want to show the audience something.
35:32
I want everybody at home. Look
35:34
at this. Paul is older than
35:37
I am. And if I go
35:39
home right now, my guess is
35:41
somebody has ruined my taint painting.
35:44
You're tainting. You know. Talk
35:47
about an oil painting He's
35:49
got the movies death of
35:51
a unicorn. It's going to
35:53
be in theaters everywhere friendship
35:55
with Tim Robinson who may
35:58
be the funniest man. I
36:00
I laugh he's amazing amazing
36:02
Robinson. Tim Robinson and movie
36:04
friendship, which will deal with
36:06
the things that we're just
36:08
talking about. Yeah. And then
36:10
a movie about killing unicorns.
36:12
Yeah. Which we're not probably
36:14
going to talk about that
36:16
much. Fine. We didn't talk
36:18
about any of this. How
36:21
do you, when you get,
36:23
because the movie, it's wild.
36:25
And you'll love it. And
36:27
Jen Ortega's in it. And
36:29
she's great. And the cast
36:31
is insane. But I can't.
36:33
When they pitch to you,
36:35
they go, Paul, there's this
36:37
movie. We'd really love for
36:39
you to be in it.
36:41
You play a lawyer. Oh,
36:44
what does the lawyer do?
36:46
Well, he's around murderous unicorns.
36:48
And is that when you
36:50
go like, look, where? I
36:52
was in Marvel. I don't.
36:54
I get a thing that's
36:56
called Death of a unicorn.
36:58
I'm like, where do I
37:00
sign? That's the beauty of
37:02
the improv. That's it? Well,
37:05
it is always a pleasure,
37:07
and I hope. that i
37:09
host one day a week
37:11
for the next twenty years
37:13
and you come back to
37:15
see us again i would
37:17
love This is Lavar
37:19
Ayrington from Two Proes and
37:22
A Cup of Joe. The
37:24
Toyota tundra and Tacoma are
37:26
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37:28
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37:30
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39:13
the rest of the week, Mr.
39:15
Ronnie Chang, Ronnie! What do you
39:17
have for the rest of the
39:19
week, Ronnie? Well, John, we'll be
39:21
covering the bankruptcy of 23 and
39:23
me. It's a sad day for
39:25
all the people who want to
39:27
learn their family history, but a
39:30
great day for all the secret
39:32
fathers who wanted to keep that
39:34
history quiet. And of course, smart
39:36
people like myself don't just give
39:38
out our genetic information. I keep
39:40
mine safe and secure. Jesus,
39:43
I'm sorry. Oh, for
39:45
God's sakes. Ronnie, you
39:47
just group texted me
39:49
your entire DNA sequence.
39:52
Okay, that was a
39:54
small mistake, but, uh,
39:56
otherwise, my opposite is
39:58
totally clean here. I'm
40:01
going to shut my real phone
40:03
off. Oh, also, March 31st, next week,
40:05
one week from today, maybe, night
40:07
at too many stars at the Beacon
40:10
Theater here in New York City, live
40:12
comedy event benefiting autism programs nationwide.
40:14
If you are in town, please consider
40:16
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40:18
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40:21
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40:23
Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, or a bunch
40:25
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40:27
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40:29
taking aim at a portrait of himself
40:32
in the Colorado State Capitol. He's
40:34
calling it distorted and Ken and I
40:36
kind of agree. It was a
40:38
little funny. He attempted to social on
40:40
Sunday to disparage the painting that
40:42
was originally commissioned by the Colorado GOP
40:45
in his post. He says that
40:47
the painting was purposely distorted to a
40:49
level that even I perhaps have
40:51
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