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Global. E-D-U.

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You're listening

1:33

to Comedy

1:35

Central. My

2:00

name is John Stewart.

2:02

We got us a

2:04

show for you tonight.

2:06

The great comedian Rami

2:09

Yusuf will be joining

2:11

me a little bit

2:13

later. And then afterwards,

2:15

we will head to

2:17

space on Blue Origin,

2:20

where I will sing

2:22

something delightful from the

2:24

Katie Perry Oovera. But

2:26

first quick update. As

2:29

you know, we've been

2:31

following the case of

2:33

Kilmar Abrago Garcia. undocumented

2:35

migrant from El Salvador,

2:37

married an American woman,

2:40

has a kid living

2:42

the American dream. Until

2:44

the Trump administration sent

2:46

him to an El

2:48

Salvadorian mega prison by,

2:51

and I'm quoting the

2:53

Justice Department here, if

2:55

I may, is an

2:57

administrative error. If only

3:00

there was a convenient

3:02

and timely way that

3:04

the prisoner could be

3:06

brought back to the

3:08

United States, that wouldn't

3:11

really inconvenience either nation.

3:13

President Buchelli at the

3:15

moment flying from El

3:17

Salvador to Washington DC.

3:19

What? have to give

3:22

Garcia the middle seat. I'm sure Garcia

3:24

would just grab the wing and Tom

3:26

cruise it over here if he had

3:28

to. But sadly, McCally arrived at the

3:30

White House with just the Miami club

3:33

promoter clothes on his back and a

3:35

pocket full of excuses. Can President Buchaley

3:37

weigh in on this? Do you plan

3:39

to return him? How can I, this

3:41

model of terroristic today in the United

3:44

States? I don't have the power to

3:46

return him to the United States. Can

3:53

I honestly tell you like this

3:55

isn't even really... The thing that's...

3:57

Like they're fucking enjoying this. Like

3:59

the... Two of them, our president,

4:02

their president, well, good, I guess

4:04

we'll just have to let him

4:06

rot in a f-hmm prison, even

4:09

though he didn't deserve to be

4:11

there. I don't, you guys don't

4:13

care about this guy, I'm talking

4:15

about these two, but somebody else

4:18

cares about this person. And you

4:20

just randomly with no evidence that

4:22

you'll show anybody, called him a

4:25

terrorist. And one of the weirder

4:27

parts about this is the thing,

4:29

the only thing that seems to

4:32

upset Trump about the entire situation,

4:34

about it. You said that if

4:36

the Supreme Court said someone needed

4:38

to be returned, that you would

4:41

abide by that. You said that

4:43

on Air Force One just a

4:45

few days ago. And they said

4:48

that it must be facilitated. Why

4:50

don't you just say, isn't it

4:52

wonderful that we're keeping criminals out

4:54

of our country? Why can't you

4:57

just say that? Why do you

4:59

go over and over? And that's

5:01

why nobody watches you anymore. time

5:04

a lame stream media journalist gets

5:06

shunned and Ask Kissy One gets

5:08

its wings. Do you have a

5:11

question? Please. Thank you so much.

5:13

Can you score another major investment

5:15

win this morning when India pledged

5:17

to build its AI supercomputer? The

5:20

first time ever right here in

5:22

the United States. That's a question

5:24

I like. That's true. Yeah, that's

5:27

not a question. But

5:29

rest of these, the Americans,

5:31

if there's one thing we

5:33

all know, it's that first

5:35

they come for the undocumented

5:37

migrants. And as long as

5:39

nobody speaks out, they stop.

5:41

You mentioned that you're open

5:43

to deporting individuals that aren't

5:45

foreign aliens, brought criminals to

5:47

El Salvador? Does that include

5:49

potentially US citizens, fully naturalizing?

5:51

If it's a home-grown criminal,

5:53

I have no problem. I'm

5:55

talking about really bad people.

5:57

He's going to do that

5:59

to US citizens. I think

6:01

the hosts of the view

6:03

are about to get administratively

6:05

erred. I gotta tell you,

6:07

I did not think he

6:09

would get this authoritarian this fast.

6:11

I really didn't. I'm sorry. Who

6:14

could have known? Maybe if somebody

6:16

out there had yelled at me

6:18

on Blue Sky about this, I

6:20

would have known. But no one

6:22

did. Except every day. In all

6:25

caps. So I guess the question

6:27

is, how authoritarian is we?

6:46

I don't accept your pity

6:49

applause. Now luckily for

6:51

us, the world is full

6:53

of authoritarian leaders that we

6:56

can measure Trump against. Your

6:58

putons, your geez, your and

7:00

a wind torch. So, so

7:02

if Trump can put up

7:05

a monster authoritarian score, you

7:07

know what, let's do this Dave

7:09

Portnor, Salah. One clip, everybody knows

7:11

the rules, by the way. the

7:13

greatest pizza reviews in the history

7:15

of pizza. If you guys like

7:17

pizza, for me, it's like watching

7:19

porn. We already know. Trump's done

7:21

a lot of the standard fair.

7:23

He's attacked the free press, pulled

7:25

random people off the streets, made

7:27

law firms in universities, bent the

7:30

knee, announced Department of Justice investigations

7:32

into an individual whose sole crime

7:34

was suggesting that the 2020 election

7:36

had been safe and well administered.

7:38

You know, the bad, bad people. But

7:40

authoritarianism isn't just policies. It's

7:42

an aesthetic. the opulence of

7:45

medieval kings, the excesses of

7:47

Middle Eastern autocrats. It's a

7:49

Pinterest vibe that speaks to the

7:51

power of one's position, the riches

7:53

that are the privilege of the

7:55

office. Does Trump measure up? Does he

7:57

have the lack of available walls?

7:59

You have the mantle

8:02

and you have the

8:04

cherubs. Is that from

8:06

Marlaga? Yeah, that's actually

8:09

their gold, all gold.

8:11

Look, and you know,

8:14

it's angels. They're angels.

8:16

They visited me in

8:18

the night and asked me

8:20

to change my ways. So I

8:22

held them down and dipped

8:25

them in gold. I

8:29

drowned them in gold, liquid

8:32

gold. Have you ever heard

8:34

an angel scream? It is

8:36

just... It is erotic. By

8:39

the way, if any of you

8:41

are wondering if the

8:43

cherubs that are now in

8:45

the Oval Office are real

8:47

gold, and I know many

8:50

of you are wondering that.

8:52

It is real gold. And

8:54

there's a very good reason

8:57

for that. Throughout the

8:59

years people have tried to

9:01

come up with a gold

9:03

paint that would look like

9:05

gold and they've never been

9:07

able to do it You've

9:09

never been able to look

9:11

you've never been able to

9:13

match gold with gold paint.

9:15

That's why it's gold That's

9:18

why it's gold That dude

9:20

is so blue collar going

9:23

down at the factory with the boys,

9:25

why can't they make a gold paint

9:27

that looks like gold that's not illegal?

9:29

I don't mind them canceling pediatric cancer

9:32

research, but I hope by the end

9:34

of the term, we can come up

9:36

with a good gold paint substitute because...

9:38

But you know, rooms filled with real

9:40

gold cherubs are nothing. If those rooms

9:42

aren't also filled with the echoes of

9:45

the most embarrassingly, sycophantic

9:47

hosanas. One clip, everybody

9:49

knows the rules. Thank you for your leadership

9:51

and thank you for everything you're doing. I

9:53

want to thank you for standing up to

9:55

the Chinese Communist Party. I want to think

9:57

as well for the shipbuilding. Your vision is a...

10:00

turning point in an inflection point

10:02

in American history. Your leadership at

10:04

the border is absolutely remarkable.

10:07

What you're doing now, I

10:09

think, is a great service to our country,

10:11

but ultimately to the world. You are overwhelmingly

10:14

elected by the biggest majority. You know

10:16

what? I swear to God. Guys, what

10:18

does she know? She's the attorney general.

10:20

She doesn't have the fucking. When

10:22

I watch those cabinet meetings, I

10:24

actually think, are they making fun

10:27

of him? It's so over the

10:29

time, Mr. President, oh, thank you

10:31

so much, your dick is so

10:34

big. So, your dick is

10:36

so big, we can barely

10:38

lift it because it's covered

10:41

in real gold, not the

10:43

paint, real gold. But you

10:45

know, any... run-of-the-mill

10:52

authoritarian can

10:54

get the

10:56

praises from

10:59

those that fear him.

11:01

The OGs, the real

11:03

autocrats, extract

11:06

something much,

11:08

much weirder and

11:11

humiliating. The

11:13

forced, uncomfortable

11:16

laughter. But

11:20

still That's on the

11:22

North Korean website funny

11:24

or you die And as

11:27

America's dear leader Donald

11:29

Trump also has a

11:31

tight five We're pulling

11:34

all that out and

11:37

putting the money toward

11:39

the infrastructure not the

11:42

the social movement from

11:45

the last administration Green

11:47

paper

11:50

mache

12:00

That made no fucking sense, right? Right,

12:03

right, yeah. Nothing, right? Did that make

12:05

any sense to me? Did that make

12:07

any sense to me? Are you going to laugh

12:09

though, right? Oh, oh, put a hat on. It's

12:11

just so fucking weird. But the key

12:13

to the authoritarian regime is

12:16

the suspension of the normal

12:18

processes by which you understand

12:20

the world. The matter by which

12:22

data and your experiences paint

12:24

a cohesive grounded picture of

12:26

reality, the calling card of

12:28

an authoritarian regime, is that

12:30

you must suspend that reality,

12:32

that rationality. And then you test people

12:35

by pushing the limits of that

12:37

absurdity. The White House released the

12:39

results of President Trump's

12:41

physical exam. His doctors

12:44

say President Trump exhibits

12:46

excellent physical health. The report says

12:48

he's six foot three, 224 pounds.

12:58

No. I'm going to say

13:00

no to either of those

13:03

numbers. I don't want

13:05

to be that guy,

13:07

but he has a

13:09

front butt. I mean,

13:12

we all get there.

13:14

It's fine. You can

13:16

have it. But what's

13:18

what? He is forged

13:20

by Hepestus. No. And by

13:22

the way, that medical exam

13:25

did not only confirm that

13:27

Trump is physically perfect, his

13:29

brain is also totally jacked. I

13:31

took a cognitive test, and I don't

13:34

know. One to tell you one and then

13:36

I got every answer, right? Can you tell

13:38

us about the talking of test? Is that

13:40

bad? You need a person, camera, TV. It's

13:43

a, uh... I think it's a pretty well-known

13:45

test. Whatever it is, I got everyone, I

13:47

got it all right. I

13:51

think we all know what cognitive

13:53

tests we're talking about. But I

13:56

would like to know, do you

13:58

know what cognitive tests? I took

14:00

a cognitive test about my

14:03

memory. What was it? He's

14:05

testing. Trump is such

14:07

a medical marvel. What's

14:09

the secret to his

14:12

good health and youthful

14:14

appearance? Sense of humor

14:16

decreases stress that he

14:18

has. Everyone that knows

14:21

the president knows how

14:23

funny he is. That decreases

14:25

stress. Keeps you young looking.

14:28

Is that what I hear?

14:30

you say? May I, if

14:32

I may, just for Shnicks,

14:34

offer the counter argument? Do

14:36

I look less stress? No, don't

14:38

look, I'm hideous. But you

14:40

know what? He's got a good

14:43

sense of humor and he's

14:45

in pretty good shape. May

14:47

work for your run-of-the-mill

14:50

authoritarians, your

14:52

Lukashenko's, your

14:54

Maduro's. Surely Trump

14:56

is above that C-tier. Donald

14:59

Trump is a genius. Very

15:01

different in the best possible

15:03

way. The president has an

15:06

athlete's mindset. Accessible. Free-wheeling. Refreshing.

15:08

It is like Christmas every

15:10

day with President Trump. He's

15:12

like that Marvel superhero. A

15:15

mythic figure almost like the

15:17

various Scandinavian Bayou Wolfs. I'm

15:28

obviously not a scholar in Viking

15:30

lore. I don't remember there being

15:33

Bea wolves. One Bea, wouldn't it

15:35

also then be Bea wolves? But

15:37

those are still just reaching for

15:40

superlatives. Is there anyone else who

15:42

wants to place him not on

15:44

Mount Rushmore, but maybe Mount Sinai?

15:47

Can Trump be the biblical Moses?

15:49

No! I'm not the most observant

15:51

Jew. I mean this weekend I

15:53

think I celebrated for him. Isn't

16:00

Moses the biblical Moses? And by

16:02

the way, if you were Moses,

16:04

I do think there were some thou

16:07

shalt knots that he might want to

16:09

take a look at. By the way,

16:11

Moses, 64218, 48-inch article. But you

16:13

know what? Even a superhero or

16:16

a Viking or a mythic

16:18

figure or a biblical prophet

16:20

pales in comparison to the

16:22

genius that we are witnessing.

16:24

He's a Lenski's playing

16:27

checkers and Trump is

16:29

playing chess. Trump's 3D

16:31

chess move. He's actually

16:33

playing 4D chess. President

16:35

Trump's 5D chess.

16:38

That's not a dimension.

16:40

The length with depth,

16:42

depth, 4 is time. There's no

16:44

fucking 5. There's no 5.

16:47

He is a God who

16:49

has created a whole other

16:51

dimension. Through which

16:54

he plays board

16:56

games, let me

16:58

even see how

17:00

do you play

17:02

five-dimensional Trump chess?

17:04

Let me see

17:06

how we do this.

17:08

So here's how he

17:11

would probably do it

17:13

We lose them for DEI,

17:16

okay? You know, for an authoritarian

17:18

that awesome, I guess words are

17:20

not enough. Tributes to a great

17:22

leader must show, not tell. A new

17:24

proposal by House Republicans to

17:26

rename Washington Dulles International Airport

17:28

after Donald Trump. Brendan Carr,

17:30

the FCC chairman, was seeing

17:32

throwing a gold pin of

17:34

Trump's face. A congresswoman introduced

17:36

a bill to add President

17:38

Trump to Mount Rushmore. That

17:40

would make President Trump's birthday

17:42

a national holiday. Put President

17:45

Trump's likeness. on the $100

17:47

bill, a brand new

17:49

$250 bill featuring Donald

17:51

Trump's face. He's gonna

17:53

be on all our money and

17:55

all our fucking mountains? So

17:58

Trump's got it all. authoritarian-wise,

18:01

the looks, the attitude, the relentless

18:04

dissent crushing, all the ingredients to

18:06

be a top-tier authoritarian. All he

18:08

needs now is to bring it home with

18:10

his ruthless competence. Chaos and

18:12

confusion from Wall Street. The

18:14

markets lost more than six and a half

18:17

trillion dollars. They've wiped out 11

18:19

trillion dollars. Turning now to yet

18:21

another plane crash. The worst measles

18:23

outbreak of this century. 100,000 federal

18:25

workers have been fired. The

18:27

Trump administration unfiring some of

18:30

the federal workers. President Trump's

18:32

tariff train escalates the global

18:34

trade war. The president hits pause

18:36

on his global trade war. The

18:39

president made it clear yesterday. This

18:41

is not a negotiation. Exempted smartphones,

18:43

computers, and other devices from his

18:46

new reciprocal tariffs. The president later

18:48

posting, there was no tariff exception

18:50

announced on Friday. So close. So

18:53

frustrating to see someone just on

18:55

the precipice of illiberal leadership. But

18:57

he just can't put it all

18:59

together. Is Trump, or gee? Not yet.

19:02

But there's no question that he's a

19:04

young upstart. It was a lot of

19:06

potential. But if he

19:09

can't bump his

19:11

numbers in the getting-shit-done

19:16

category, he's

19:19

going to hit

19:21

the ceiling pretty

19:23

quick. You know what?

19:26

Let me, let me

19:28

have a word. Great

19:35

Moses. I don't know

19:37

what your advisors have

19:39

told you about the

19:41

authoritarian bargain. The basic

19:43

deal is this. The

19:46

American people look the

19:48

other way while you

19:50

disappear, undesirables, knuckle under

19:53

the elites, ban all

19:55

seven trans athletes from

19:57

our nation's beloved NCD.

20:00

double A fencing tournament. You

20:02

know, all the people that are

20:04

holding us back. And then you

20:06

in turn make shit work. You want

20:08

to ignore the Supreme Court and

20:11

all the other courts and

20:13

take away people's licenses

20:15

to broadcast? Fine. But when

20:17

the planes go up, I'm going

20:19

to go. I'm not on fire.

20:22

You don't even have to have

20:24

them be on time. You can

20:26

take over Greenland, demonize Canada,

20:28

dominate the golfing pro-circuit,

20:31

but in return, our

20:33

children should be somewhat

20:36

safe from most Victorian-era

20:39

diseases. We love our

20:41

children. We love them.

20:43

We love our children,

20:46

especially the Rizzler.

20:54

You want to destroy NPR and PBS,

20:56

the Voice of America, sell the naming

20:58

rights of the Washington Monument, to hymns.com,

21:00

use the R word, the P word,

21:02

make up your own slurs, have the

21:04

United States Naval Academy, remove Maya Angelou

21:06

from its bookshelves, but for some reason

21:08

keep mine comf, which is a real

21:11

fucking thing that they did. We'll be

21:13

fine. We weren't that crazy about this

21:15

system of government in the first place.

21:17

But you keep fucking this up. And some

21:19

of these lawyers and universities and

21:21

universities. And corporate leaders are

21:23

gonna start. to think about,

21:26

about, suggesting respectfully to each

21:28

other in a very tightly

21:30

controlled text chat, that someone

21:33

should reach out to someone

21:35

who knows someone in

21:37

your administration to express

21:39

mild dissatisfaction. Because injustice

21:41

anywhere is not something

21:44

we mostly think about.

21:46

And remember, you don't have

21:48

that much time to get it right.

21:50

Because it's not like your vice

21:52

authoritarian butter fingers is inspiring any

21:55

confidence Look at the size of

21:57

that trophy next to JD Vance.

21:59

I know those are some Some big young

22:01

gentleman and a big trophy

22:03

is one. Big dudes, yeah. Oh,

22:05

and it looks like a trophy

22:07

fell. That's unfortunate. Oopsie!

22:10

Administrative error. When we

22:12

come back, Romney Youssef will be

22:14

joining us. Don't go around. Bring

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23:46

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pool. award-winning

24:06

after a comedian co-created the new

24:08

animated series number one happy family

24:10

USA Hey Dad, I think this jersey

24:12

might be too big. Yes Roomey, it

24:14

would fit you forever. We didn't come

24:17

to this country to buy new clothes

24:19

every year. You guys see Roomey's

24:21

boobs? You gotta get his hormones

24:23

checked. No, no money for

24:25

hormone checks. Everybody checks. Everybody

24:27

checks their own hormones. Maybe

24:29

we could return it for

24:31

something smaller. Uncle Jamal doesn't

24:34

do returns, he's very under

24:36

the table. And no more

24:38

new stuff. Bossayawed, here, terrible,

24:40

terrible, Energy usage isn't. Look

24:42

where you are on the

24:44

cousin leaderboard. Your cousins are

24:46

beating you in every category.

24:49

Be more like karem. I'm

25:11

so happy to be here with

25:13

you. I'm so happy to have

25:15

you here with me. I'm so

25:17

happy You know the show they

25:19

send me the screeners. Yeah, I

25:21

get them in advance Yeah, of

25:23

course, you've got that kind of

25:25

connection. Yeah, I get I don't

25:27

even have to log in I just

25:29

I touch my computer I

25:31

didn't know what it animated

25:34

series. I'm watching it I'm trying

25:36

to think here. Wait what's happening?

25:39

What's happening? And

25:41

it did and you made it hilarious.

25:44

The show's hilarious. Thank you. No, I

25:46

you know it was something that we

25:48

felt was only possible to do in

25:50

animation. It's actually it's really wild too

25:53

because we've been making the show for

25:55

so many years and I don't think

25:57

there's ever been a week in a

26:00

America's history where immigrants feel the

26:02

need to say hey we are

26:04

number one happy family USA right

26:06

and that is what this family

26:08

feels compelled to do in 2001

26:10

and we kind of have this

26:12

show coming out in this moment

26:14

where it's all colliding in this

26:16

wild weather oh is there something

26:18

going on in the in the

26:20

government yeah how many years you

26:22

said you've been making this for

26:24

many years before 9-11 were you

26:26

making it? What

26:28

did you know Romney?

26:30

We started making

26:33

it during we pitched

26:35

it during Trump

26:37

won And then it's

26:39

coming out now in the sequel.

26:41

Yeah. Isn't it wild that we're

26:44

in errors now? Yeah. Trump won.

26:46

I remember Trump won. Yeah. It's

26:48

so, it was so quaint and

26:51

simple back then. You know, this

26:53

is going to sound crazy. He

26:55

seemed happier back then, yeah? He

26:58

did. He did. He was like

27:00

smiling more. Like he seems really

27:02

stressed now. Like all the clips

27:05

you were showing. I've ever heard.

27:08

I mean

27:11

do you

27:13

think

27:17

when

27:20

you're

27:23

surrounded

27:26

by that

27:30

like

27:32

With comp like imagine being in

27:34

a room with all your cabinet

27:36

secretaries and they're kissing your ass

27:38

so hard That it does seem

27:40

sarcastic Like do you think he goes back

27:43

into like the bathroom afterwards and

27:45

be like do they really think I'm bringing

27:47

the new error? I think he might

27:49

I mean they're kissing his ass and he

27:51

obviously has like body image issues. He's

27:53

lying about the way and not like

28:00

You know, John Stewart's over here talking about

28:02

a front button stuff. I mean, the guy,

28:04

the guy is, the guy is, no, I

28:06

don't think he did, and he's going through,

28:08

I believe he's going through something physical, and

28:10

he happens to be the president of the

28:12

United States, and I think we gotta just

28:14

kind of look at it from, every angle.

28:16

Can I ask you a question? Do you

28:19

think Instagram is with this self-image,

28:21

with this self-image, and that's why?

28:23

Like, because he looks at all

28:25

these Instagram shots of all these

28:27

other leaders, he's like, they look

28:29

ripped. Dude, I think, I mean,

28:31

that Putin shot, it's got to

28:33

hurt. I think there's a reason

28:36

he got off X and created

28:38

his own social media platform. Right.

28:40

Where he could, you know, control

28:43

how people are seeing. Just say, are

28:45

you, are you on? Truth? Yeah,

28:47

yeah, I got at Romney from

28:49

the beginning. And you actually any

28:51

Arab name you can just get

28:54

on truth. It's really easy. It's

28:56

available. Like you can. Oh, cheap.

28:58

They get them cheap. You could

29:00

get at Mohammed right now. 100%.

29:03

Every spelling is available on

29:05

truth. Yeah. It's pretty. It's

29:07

a very limited audience base

29:09

that's on there. Yeah. I

29:11

am hoping that our audience

29:13

at home right now. is rushing

29:15

out. You can sign up today to

29:17

register those domain names. Do you do

29:19

any of that? Do you do you

29:21

social media? Do you? Very sparingly. Yeah,

29:23

I mean it's really hard. I mean

29:25

you know like being creative and we've

29:27

talked about this with like stand up

29:29

and stuff. It's like I love being

29:31

in rooms with people and so being

29:33

online can feel yeah really crazy and

29:35

so no I like I go on

29:37

to look at like sports stuff like

29:39

LeBron stuff but that's pretty much

29:41

it. That's where I'm used to. Like we've

29:43

all this experience as stand-ups, you'll like you'll

29:45

do a room and like they'll always be like

29:47

a table or like a couple of tables

29:49

who like aren't digging it. Yeah. And you're like,

29:52

okay. And sometimes you'll register it and like maybe

29:54

don't get on your nerves a little bit or

29:56

whatever, but then you go home. Yeah. Social media

29:58

is like those people that thought you. sucked, you

30:00

have to ride in the cab with them

30:02

home. And like the whole time, they're just

30:05

like, you suck? Yeah. And you're a Jew?

30:07

You know what's crazy is that I get

30:09

called the Jew? Do you really? Yeah. Like

30:12

I put, I had this like New York

30:14

Times thing and like, it was like the

30:16

thing and there's stuff where people like, oh,

30:18

why do you have them? And then someone

30:21

just writes, another Jew. And I was like,

30:23

whoa. That's

30:27

how much Jews control

30:29

showbiz. Yeah, he's like

30:31

an undercut. Yeah, yeah,

30:34

yeah, yeah, and now

30:36

I'm here with you. But

30:38

if that isn't a

30:40

sign that I'm a

30:42

CIA agent, it is

30:44

so wild though, you

30:46

know, there's all these

30:49

things and Islamophobia

30:51

and anti-Semitism are such brethren

30:53

in like different moments, you know? Yeah,

30:55

but we got like a really bad

30:58

end with our like Islamophobia is so

31:00

weak. Like it just sounds like... Well

31:02

yeah, because it's like arachnophobia, like

31:04

it just sounds like, oh yeah,

31:06

you had a weird Islamic experience

31:08

as a kid, huh? You

31:10

got a little Islamophobia. Oh man. Oh, no,

31:13

no, but no, you can get over it.

31:15

Just like try some halalmi. And then like

31:17

you'll get over, like, you know, Islamophobia. It's

31:19

like a shellfish allergy. He's like, oh, yeah.

31:22

No, he doesn't want any. He has Islamophobia.

31:24

Like it sounds so benign. Antisemitism is like,

31:26

whoa, like, what, what do you want about?

31:28

You know, so I think even from just

31:31

on a, on a, on a, on

31:33

a real word language level language

31:35

level, language level, we're, we're at

31:37

an incredible disadvantage. I never thought

31:39

of it that way. Yeah. And

31:41

that's because you're Islamophobic.

31:44

And that's, and that's like wild.

31:46

That's wild. It's wild because it's

31:49

just wild because we know each

31:51

other. Yeah, I know we're both

31:53

from Jersey. He is. I'm going

31:55

to have to go through our text

31:57

chains and find out how subtle. my

32:00

Islamophobia has been here. It's there. Yeah.

32:02

But they'll hit me. I generally, no

32:04

matter what I'll put on the web,

32:07

and I try not to do it

32:09

much. Third comment, as always, you changed

32:11

your name, Jew. And you're always like,

32:13

really, I'm fooling people, is that? Look

32:16

at this fate. Like, you see this

32:18

maybe on a yental poster. That's you

32:20

know? Who am I kidding? For all

32:23

these things. Now, are you still, you

32:25

still, the clubs are still your favorite.

32:27

Yeah, I mean, go ahead and the

32:29

clock. Yeah, yeah, going out to, I

32:32

mean, it's the best. It's so fun.

32:34

And then it becomes, you know, we

32:36

made this animated show that's like filled

32:39

with, you know, those like thoughts you

32:41

have in a notebook when you're going

32:43

to do stand up and you're like,

32:45

maybe this will work, maybe it won't.

32:48

And then we get to make this

32:50

incredible show with so many characters that

32:52

get to say all this stuff that,

32:55

you know, like, like the rate is

32:57

so fast. Can I tell you my

32:59

favorite? This is going to sound like

33:01

a crazy thing. Yeah. So the show's

33:04

great, and it's just layered with so

33:06

many jokes, and yet, and the subject

33:08

matter can get dark, but it's really

33:11

clever, it's not clowing, like it's really

33:13

good. Yeah. But there's a pool scene

33:15

where you go, I don't want to

33:17

say you, it's roomy, but it's like

33:20

a kid your age in 2001 dealing

33:22

with his, you know, you know, friends

33:24

in a town in New Jersey, after

33:27

9-9-11-11-11. and there's a pool party. Yeah.

33:29

And my favorite part of it is,

33:31

it's like a peanuts thing as they're

33:33

doing a pan across the pool and

33:36

there's one blonde dude in the pool

33:38

with floaty's on and he's just doing

33:40

this. And it's the every peanuts character

33:43

dance to music that it's just anime

33:45

dancing. How about? It's such a great

33:47

detail. It's like loaded with so many

33:49

little details and music and kind of

33:52

the ability to like, you know, do

33:54

things that, you know, when I grew

33:56

up, my grandmother was always watching TV.

33:59

Like you try to talk to her

34:01

and she's just at the TV watching

34:03

her shows and then you go to.

34:06

an animated show and it's like okay

34:08

so the grandmother is always going to

34:10

have her TV with her everywhere yeah

34:12

and and we build this show where

34:15

everywhere she goes she's dragging this cart

34:17

that has her television like she's out

34:19

of funeral she's she and she's watching

34:22

her shows yeah and that's the kind

34:24

of stuff you can't do in live

34:26

action I love that the Halal cart

34:28

turned into a piano oh yeah I

34:31

mean like I always had this fascination

34:33

my dad grew up in the city

34:35

It was so funny to me when

34:38

you go through Midtown and you see

34:40

the news ticker on the Fox News

34:42

building and it's saying all these horrible

34:44

headlines about... Muslim countries and Muslim people

34:47

and then you kind of look right

34:49

down and there's the halal cart right

34:51

on the corner and you see all

34:54

the guys with the fox badges buying

34:56

food from the halal cart guy and

34:58

I was like man this guy's got

35:00

the best hustle because he knows like

35:03

they're in there and they're saying all

35:05

the stuff about Muslim people but then

35:07

there's that like guilty part of them

35:10

on their lunch break that's like let

35:12

me try a little halal you know

35:14

and he's right there to make the

35:16

buck. I'm fascinated by that guy there

35:19

and that becomes the dad in the

35:21

show. He is the guy who's selling

35:23

Halal. And you're the dad too. I

35:26

play the dad as well. Yeah, yeah.

35:28

And the music, do you, do you,

35:30

do you? Yeah, I write them, yeah,

35:32

I write these like songs. When did

35:35

the music, have you been, are you

35:37

music? I, I am music. Are you

35:39

music? Yeah. And I play drums, man.

35:42

Kiki, we would be crazy. We could

35:44

call it kosher halal. We could do

35:46

it. We could do that. Why don't

35:48

we do this? I'm open. We could

35:51

do it. Listen, I have a van.

35:53

Yeah. I'm a terrible drummer, but I

35:55

can bring our shit to wherever we

35:58

play. I do not sing. I've never.

36:00

and but the singing and the music

36:02

is great there's some really funny songs

36:04

in it it's really it was so

36:07

much fun yeah it is like one

36:09

of my favorite parts of the show

36:11

and what else is now what's coming

36:14

what's next we got the show coming

36:16

out this week I got to do

36:18

this crazy cool movie Mountainhead that's coming

36:20

out next month written by Jesse Armstrong

36:23

we did succession so fun yes very

36:25

very fun it's a very fun it's

36:27

a very fun it's a very fun

36:30

it's a very Yeah, our friend Steve

36:32

Karel is in it and he's like

36:34

honestly such a joy. Yeah, he really

36:36

he told me like so many stories

36:39

about you that. Oh, yeah. Did any

36:41

of the mention Mountain Head? Terrible. I

36:43

don't know. No, that was really good.

36:46

No, thank you very much. I appreciate

36:48

that. Yeah, I went immediately to that.

36:50

No, I loved it. How much fun

36:52

that was working with Karel, like he

36:55

is and the dead pan. Yeah. is

36:57

what'll get you. No, and it's like

36:59

he's just yeah, he's so inspiring and

37:02

he's he's like the way he kind

37:04

of picks up a character and he's

37:06

like such a true film actor too

37:08

like right so you get to bounce

37:11

off him and it's just unbelievable. I

37:13

miss all those guys. Yeah, it's so

37:15

good to see. Thanks for having you.

37:18

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39:49

What do you have for the

39:51

people next week? Well, big news

39:54

for me personally, John. I'm going

39:56

to I'm going to space. Oh,

39:58

wow. Yeah, the all-women mission went

40:01

so well today that Jeff Bezels

40:03

asked me to be part of

40:05

the all-agent one. No offense, Ryan,

40:08

but like your top five? I

40:10

mean, I just, I was just,

40:12

Ali Wong, Lisa from White Lotus,

40:15

Bo and Yang, I just, yeah,

40:17

okay, but that's the point, John,

40:19

okay, I'm the perfect mix of

40:22

famous and disposable. It's known in

40:24

the aerospace industry as the Katie

40:26

Perry curve. Enough fame for news

40:29

coverage, but you know, worst case

40:31

scenario, the world can move on.

40:33

Also, I have no problems peeing

40:36

in a bottle. Peating a bottle?

40:38

It's an 11-minute ride. Yeah, I

40:40

got a thing. I got a

40:43

thing with my... All right. Well,

40:45

I hope we get back to

40:47

it. Ronnie Chang, everybody, here it

40:50

is a moment of that. This

40:52

is the first. We've had women.

40:55

But we've never had three of

40:57

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40:59

of them. Look at what you

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41:04

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