0:01

You're listening to Comedy Central. The

0:11

Golden Globes. It's the Oscar's

0:13

weird foreign cousin, And last night

0:15

ceremony was less focused on the awards

0:17

than who was handing them out. The

0:20

Golden Gloves live from coast to

0:23

coast for the first time in Globe's

0:25

history, taking a place in two time zones,

0:27

with host Amy Poehler in l A and

0:29

Tina Fey in New York. It didn't

0:32

take long for the duo to address one of the biggest

0:34

controversies this year. That be

0:36

that of the seven voting members of the Hollywood

0:39

Foreign Press Association, which runs

0:41

the Globe, there are zero black

0:43

voters. I realized, hfp A, maybe

0:45

you guys didn't get the memo because your workplace

0:48

is the back booth of a French McDonald's.

0:50

But you got to change that. So

0:53

here's the change an the organization vowing

0:56

to do better. We recognize we have our

0:58

own work to do. Just like in

1:00

film and television, black representation

1:03

is vital. We must have black journalists

1:05

in our organization. Yeah,

1:08

no, ship, you know you've got representation

1:10

problems when the Proud Boys have more black

1:12

members than you. But basically the Hollywood

1:15

Foreign Press Association was being

1:17

roasted all night by

1:20

the hosts, by the presenters, even

1:22

by themselves. I mean, so the

1:24

good news is, you know they're going to fix the problem,

1:27

because can you imagine them coming back next

1:29

year and being like, we have still working on finding

1:31

a single black personally, if anybody out

1:33

there knows a single black person, please give

1:36

us their number. But aside from

1:38

the no Black people controversy, I'm

1:40

not gonna lie. I did enjoy getting

1:42

to see inside all of these celebrities

1:44

homes, and hands down, my favorite

1:46

house was Jeff Daniels because I

1:48

don't know if you noticed this, but they are like five

1:51

doors in that room. And

1:54

think about this, We're only seeing one

1:56

and a half walls. I mean, they could easily

1:58

be ten to twenty more doors.

2:00

You know, some celebrities spend their money on fansive

2:02

cars and jewelry. Jeff Daniels spends

2:05

his money on doors. I respect

2:07

the hell out of that. And look, we

2:09

could spend a lot more time talking about representation

2:12

at the Golden Globes or all the amazing

2:14

black actors and filmmakers who won this year

2:16

and how brave it was for Shawn Penson in a room

2:18

but cut his hair. But we don't have the time

2:21

for that, because we have to talk about

2:23

the political scandal that is rocking

2:25

the country. New York Governor Andrew

2:28

Cuomo increasingly under fire tonight,

2:30

a second woman reportedly coming forward

2:32

accusing him of sexual harassment. The

2:35

latest allegations come from twenty five year old

2:37

Charlotte Bennett, a former Cuomo executive

2:39

assistant and health policy adviser. She tells

2:41

The New York Times that the sixty three year old

2:43

governor asked her questions about her sex life,

2:46

but he asked me if I believed if age made

2:48

a difference in relationships, she says, and

2:50

if I had ever been with an older man. At

2:52

one point, she says, the governor said he's fine with anyone

2:55

above the age of twenty two. The Times

2:57

reports that the sixty three year old governor said

2:59

he had been lonely during the pandemic and

3:01

pressed her on who she last hugged,

3:03

saying he can't even hug anyone,

3:06

before turning to Bennett asking her

3:08

who I last hugged, asking

3:10

no, I mean, like really hugged

3:12

somebody. She interpreted these questions as

3:15

clear overtures for a sexual relationship.

3:17

The sixty three year olds governor, releasing

3:19

a statement Sunday that said, at work,

3:22

sometimes I think I am being playful

3:24

and make jokes that I think are funny. I

3:26

do, on occasion tease people in what

3:28

I think is a good natured way, Cuomo

3:31

adding, I now understand that

3:33

my interactions may have been insensitive

3:35

or too personal. I acknowledge some

3:37

of the things I have said have been misinterpreted

3:40

as an unwanted flirtation. Guys,

3:44

of course he was being playful.

3:48

I mean, imagine you're much

3:50

older, politically powerful

3:52

boss turns to you and says, when

3:54

was the last time you were really

3:56

hugged? That's super playful. Can't

3:59

you feel your skin crawling with delights? Here's

4:01

the thing, even if Cuomo did

4:04

think that he was just being playful,

4:06

it's still not okay. All right. This

4:08

is what bosses never seemed to understand.

4:10

If you're a boss, you should never

4:12

be flirtatious with your employees

4:15

because as a boss, you're basically a

4:17

dragon. All right. Nobody's ever trying

4:19

to hug a dragon. They're just trying to get out of the cave

4:22

in one piece. Seriously, Caitlin

4:25

maybe sometime we should go out for a coffee.

4:30

So right now, things are looking pretty bad

4:32

for Governor Cuomo. He's facing investigations

4:35

and even calls to resign.

4:38

And you know that it's not good when you're

4:40

the person in trouble and you're like, guys, please

4:42

remember all those old people in nursing homes

4:45

I got killed. Let's talk about that again.

4:47

Come on, ah and I'll tell you man,

4:49

all those people who praised Cuomo so

4:51

highly last year, who those

4:54

people really don't look so smart? Now delete

4:56

the tapes, delete tapes, delete

4:59

them all. I mean, it must be so

5:01

embarrassing. Can you imagine if you want of those

5:03

people ha ha ha, just brough them.

5:05

I don't give a ship burn them. Yeah,

5:07

and then you just cut this part out. Now. Look,

5:10

there's a lot more to say about what consequences

5:13

Cuomo should face. Oh

5:15

how creepy it is that he refers to sex

5:17

as rarely hugging. But

5:19

we can't get into one of that right now, because the

5:22

presidents of the United States is

5:24

dropping bombs. New details

5:26

tonight about the US air strikes in Syria

5:28

overnight, the first military action

5:30

taken by the Biden administration. President

5:33

Biden ordered strikes on an Iranian

5:35

back militia compound in eastern Syria

5:37

near the Iraqi border. Nine buildings

5:40

were destroyed, and Iraqi officials

5:42

said one militia member was killed.

5:44

The strikes were retaliation for a rocket

5:46

attack in Iraq earlier this month that killed

5:48

a civilian contractor and wounded

5:51

a U. S Service member and other coalition

5:53

troops. Some Democrats wish Biden would

5:55

have asked them for an okay. Senator Tim

5:57

Kane protests offensive military act

6:00

without congressional approval is not constitutional

6:03

absent extraordinary circumstances.

6:05

Congress must be fully briefed on

6:07

this matter expeditiously. Yes,

6:10

barely a month into Joe Biden's presidency

6:13

and he has already dropped his first

6:15

bombs on Syria. You

6:17

know, new American presidents bombed the Middle East

6:19

the way new inmates beat the hell out of somebody

6:21

on their first day in the prison yard. And I don't even

6:23

know why. I really don't get it. I

6:26

mean, America doesn't need to look tough.

6:28

It's not like Canada. So Biden bombing Syria

6:31

and all of a sudden they were like, all right, better canceled

6:33

invasion. Ah and what's crazy is all

6:35

the Senators can do after this is just

6:38

complain. It's actually ridiculous

6:40

just how little power Congress has

6:42

to actually stop the presidents from

6:45

bombing whoever he wants. Even

6:47

a drunk guy at a bar has at least two friends

6:49

to hold him back. And I don't think

6:51

it's too much to ask for the U. S. Government to have more checks

6:54

and balances than a mex Swiggins. I

6:56

will say this, though. What I do find

6:58

really interesting is that when it comes to

7:00

helping people, you know, like raising the

7:02

minimum wage or canceling student

7:04

debts, Biden says he respects

7:06

any tiny Senate rules that block him.

7:09

I can't do it because of the Senate. When

7:11

it comes to dropping bombs on people,

7:13

suddenly Biden is like, man, Congress,

7:16

let's do it and be legends.

7:18

I look, people. There's a lot to say about how America

7:21

can't seemed to stop fighting in the Middle East, and

7:23

about the hypocrisy of bombing Syria after

7:25

condemning Trump when he did it.

7:27

But we don't have the time to talk about that hypocrisy

7:30

because there wasn't even more blatant one just

7:32

this weekend for it on the grizzly

7:34

two thousand eighteen murder of Washington

7:37

Post columnist Jamala Shukchi, confirming

7:39

the u S assessment that's Saudi Arabia's

7:42

Crown Prince Mohammed been Salmon or

7:44

MBS personally approved

7:47

this audio operation to capture or kill Hashukki,

7:49

who was a critic of the Saudi royal family. The

7:52

President has decided to give Saudi Crown

7:54

Prince Mohammed been Salmon a pass,

7:56

no direct sanctions, basically no punishment.

7:59

The White House now arguing that they must maintain

8:02

the relationship with Saudi Arabia, but that they

8:04

are recalibrating it. The CNN

8:06

team at the White House is also being told that sanctions

8:08

against MBS were quote too complicated

8:11

and could jeopardize US military interests

8:14

in Saudi Arabia. Well, I

8:17

certainly hope Saudi Arabia

8:19

has learned its lesson killing

8:22

journalists. Will not be tolerated

8:24

for a few months while I'm running for president,

8:26

and then after that it will be tolerated.

8:29

I'm sorry for raising my voice. No,

8:31

but for real, the guys, I'm just choking. This is

8:33

actually really sweet to

8:35

see. You need to find you someone who forgives

8:37

you the way America forgives Saudi Arabia, because

8:40

every fight they have ends like

8:42

a romantic comedy, you know, just the

8:44

two of them standing in the rain. So you're

8:47

not mad, then I killed your journalists.

8:49

I am mad Saudi Arabia, and

8:52

I can't wait to spend the rest of my life

8:55

forgiving you.

9:01

Wow, you really hugging. Hey,

9:05

I understand where President Biden

9:08

is coming from. He needs Saudi

9:10

Arabia support or they won't

9:12

let American soldiers stay there.

9:14

And American needs those soldiers

9:16

there to protect America's other

9:19

soldiers who are there, and those

9:21

soldiers are there to support Saudi

9:23

Arabia who support American

9:25

needs to keep troops there to protect

9:27

the troops who are Wait, it

9:29

doesn't sound right. The

9:33

coronavirus vaccine the reason

9:35

your grandma just reactivated her tender.

9:39

Over the weekend, Johnson and Johnson became

9:41

the third company to get a vaccine approved

9:43

for use in the United States, and in

9:45

even more good news today, it was announced

9:48

that one of Johnson and Johnson's rivals,

9:50

the farmer company MERK, will help

9:53

produce the vaccine as a way to boost supply,

9:55

which is amazing two rival

9:58

companies teaming up. This are so rare,

10:00

especially in the pharmaceutical world.

10:03

I mean, we all watch TV. We've seen

10:05

those sea alis ads. They've never

10:07

once said, ask your doctor about

10:09

sea alice or viagra. All

10:11

that matters is we get your rusty old dick

10:14

working again. And it's because

10:16

vaccine production is ramping up that present.

10:18

Biden now says America will have a vaccine

10:20

for every adult by the end

10:23

of May, two months

10:25

earlier than he predicted just a few weeks ago,

10:28

which means you're gonna have to fit back

10:30

into your jeans a lot sooner than you thought. Yeah,

10:33

you better get working now. I

10:35

don't have that problem because I cut all

10:37

my jeans up for toilet paper last April. But

10:39

let's move on to Andrew Cuomo, governor

10:42

of New York and shaved Geico Caveman.

10:45

He's already spent this week fighting off

10:47

two accusations of sexual harassment,

10:50

and now we're finding out about a

10:52

third. This morning, New York

10:54

Governor Andrew Cuomo facing new calls

10:56

for resignation after a third woman

10:59

has come for word with accusations of sexual

11:01

harassment, and a rook telling

11:03

The New York Times the governor tried to

11:05

kiss her at a New York City wedding reception

11:08

in and then sharing

11:10

this photograph, she says was

11:12

captured on her cell phone that night by

11:14

a friend, Ruke saying that when Governor

11:17

Cuomo put his hand on her bare lower back,

11:19

she quote promptly removed

11:21

his hand with mind hand. According

11:23

to the paper, the governor remarked that

11:25

she seemed aggressive and placed his

11:27

hands on her cheeks. He asked if

11:29

he could kiss her. Sweet

11:32

Jesus man, what are you doing? I

11:34

mean, on the one hand, asking women

11:36

for consent before you kiss them is what you're

11:38

supposed to do. But the other

11:40

part of consent is waiting for

11:42

them to answer. You don't

11:45

just grab them by the face like a bay yankee

11:47

on a beehive. I

11:49

mean, look at this photo. How can you not

11:51

tell that you're making this person uncomfortable.

11:54

If you're doing something to someone that turns them

11:56

into the emoji, you have

11:58

done something wrong. And what's so brazen

12:00

about it is that he's doing it right in front

12:03

of everybody, in the middle of a wedding. So

12:06

now I want to know was he doing this the whole night? You

12:08

know, the bride and groom going to be looking at

12:10

their wedding photos like, honey,

12:13

here's the picture of you smearing the cake on

12:15

my face. Oh, and there's

12:17

the one of Governor Cuomo licking it off. And

12:19

by the way, it's not like this happened in like and

12:23

he could be like, well, it was a different

12:25

time. This was in twenty nine.

12:28

If you're a public official doing this

12:30

kind of thing after the Me Too

12:32

movement, either you just can't help

12:34

yourself or you're so dumb you shouldn't

12:36

be in office anyway. So in lights of these

12:39

allegations, Cuomo is now facing

12:41

even more calls to

12:43

resign. Although if these allegations

12:45

prove anything, it's that Cuomo doesn't

12:47

go away when you want him to. But let's

12:49

move on, because while Governor Cuomo clearly

12:51

hasn't adapted to the changing times, one

12:54

of your favorite authors from childhood is

12:56

trying to breaking news.

12:58

The organization that Preserve is the legacy

13:00

of author and illustrator Dr Seuss

13:03

says it will stop publishing six titles

13:05

because of racist imagery. Dr SEUs

13:07

Enterprises says the book's portray people in

13:09

ways that are hurtful and wrong. The six

13:11

books being a banned included and to think

13:14

that I saw it on Mulberry Street, if I ran

13:16

the Zoo, MC Galagat's Pool, on Beyond

13:18

Zebra, Scrambled Egg, Super and

13:21

the Cats Quizzer. There are some

13:23

examples of racist imagery in those books.

13:25

For example, there's a character that's described

13:27

as a Chinese man who eats with sticks,

13:30

and the depiction of that character

13:32

has a pointed hat slanted

13:35

slit eyes. In another book,

13:37

two men said to be from Africa are shown

13:39

shirtless, shoeless, wearing

13:41

grass skirts as they carry exotic

13:43

animals. Wow,

13:45

okay, so what we're

13:48

just gonna cancel Dr seuss books just

13:50

because they're racist? Uh? Then

13:53

what are the racist kids gonna read? Huh?

13:55

You can think of that, did you? You know the real

13:57

problem with Dr SEUs is that all

13:59

of his made up words sound like they

14:02

could be racial slurs. I

14:04

mean, as self on a shelf,

14:07

the nubboards in the cupboards. Shoot,

14:09

I don't know what that means. But if a white person calls

14:11

me a numb but we're throwing down and

14:13

look, I know that this thing was blowing

14:16

up and it was trending all over Twitter. But

14:18

there's always going to be people on Twitter telling

14:20

you that this is the end of civilization

14:23

because fanning the flames of culture wars is

14:25

how they get attention. But

14:28

let's be honest about what's happening here. An

14:31

organization is making a decision

14:33

on its own that they don't want to

14:35

be associated with their own outdated

14:37

and offensive imagery. That's not being

14:39

canceled. That's something that companies

14:41

and organizations do all the time.

14:44

Like at some point Coca Cola was like, hey,

14:46

maybe putting cocaine in our drink is harmful

14:49

to the public, Maybe we should stop doing that.

14:51

Nobody called that cancel culture. And

14:54

despite what everyone tells you, everyone

14:56

does this all the time,

14:59

including see pack. Yeah,

15:01

the Home of Freedom.

15:04

Just a couple of weeks ago, they canceled the speaker

15:07

for his anti Semitic views. Oh, but

15:09

I guess that was just them looking out for

15:11

the brand. Yeah, it only becomes canceled

15:13

culture when it's something you disagree with.

15:16

But still there may be room for compromise here,

15:18

Like maybe instead of getting rid of the books completely,

15:20

they can just update the imagery. For example,

15:22

take that offensive drawing of the two African

15:25

men and put it in a tuck of calson

15:27

thought bubble. That way we all understand,

15:30

Ah, this is racist. Off

15:34

the dropping for two weeks. New infections

15:37

are ticking up again, and it's a real

15:39

race to see whether the vaccines will take

15:41

hold before the new variants take us

15:43

out. Which is why even as

15:45

we enter the home stretch, it's important

15:48

people to mosque up and keep

15:50

out of crowds and not do

15:52

whatever this is. There is a

15:54

lot of concern this morning that some

15:57

states are rushing to open too soon.

15:59

Defy in the c d C, the governors

16:01

in Texas and Mississippi declaring

16:04

their back in business, eliminating

16:06

mask mandates and allowing all

16:08

retailers to open at a hundred

16:11

percent capacity. States like

16:13

Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, and Kentucky

16:16

also easing restrictions, allowing

16:18

larger crowds in smaller venues.

16:21

Restaurants, high school proms, even

16:23

Las Vegas pool parties are set

16:25

to reopen with fewer mandates.

16:28

Wedding receptions now they can return

16:30

in New York in just a few weeks, but there's gonna be

16:32

some rules as to how you hit

16:34

the dance for New York stay promising

16:36

to enforce dance zones when

16:38

wedding receptions resume on March fifteen.

16:41

Under the rules, each dance zone

16:43

is supposed to be a minimum of thirty six

16:45

square feet. Guests can share a dance

16:48

zone only with other people from their

16:50

table and members of their householder

16:52

family. Hold up, Hold up, hold

16:54

up. So if you go to a wedding in New

16:56

York you can only dance with your own

16:59

family in your own dance

17:01

zone. That is a terrible

17:03

idea, and I would hate

17:06

to be the wedding DJ who has to enforce

17:08

that rule and try and keep things

17:10

fun. All right, take it back

17:12

now, y'all. Ah yeah, slide

17:15

to the right. Yeah, yea, too far through

17:17

from right to the left. Night your asses

17:19

up, not to the left, sang your zone. Ah

17:23

yeah. So look, man, this is a weird

17:25

rule. But at least it looks like

17:27

Governor Cuomo has finally learned the importance

17:29

of social distancing at weddings. But

17:32

here's the real question for me, why

17:35

are things reopening all of a sudden. Corona

17:37

is not over yet. I mean, Texas is still

17:39

getting over seven thousand new cases a day.

17:41

But their governor got vaccinated and now he's

17:44

like, get those clubs back open. I'm gonna

17:46

get let Oh yeah, and

17:48

I can't even understand wanting to open businesses

17:50

back up because of the economy for people

17:53

lifting mosque mandates. That

17:55

makes no sense at all, no sense. Like

17:57

I'm sick of Corona too, But this is not

18:00

the time to ease up on Mosking was

18:02

so close to the end of the pandemic. We can

18:04

see it while these governors

18:07

letting their god down. I bet these

18:09

are the same people who retard us in their hand and they're

18:11

like, what a great story about a rabbit who

18:13

took a refreshing nap. But let's

18:15

move on to the President of the United

18:17

States Donald J. Trump.

18:21

Oh, I'm sorry you think Joe Biden was

18:23

inaugurated in January, sheeple, Well,

18:26

maybe you've been reading the wrong Internet message

18:28

boards and you're gonna find out the truth. Tomorrow.

18:32

The FBI is warning of extremist

18:34

chatter and specifically

18:36

that there could be another attack on the U. S.

18:38

Capital tomorrow. Q and on followers

18:41

are at it again. They have grasped

18:43

onto another impossible theory.

18:45

Trump will take office as

18:47

the nineteenth president of the

18:50

United States on March fourth, They

18:52

believe in an old inauguration date in

18:54

place before the passage of the twenty

18:56

Amendment, it changed from March

18:59

fourth to jin you were only

19:01

in ninety three. The Trump Hotel

19:03

has nearly tripled its raids, with rooms

19:06

now going for about thirteen

19:08

dollars a night in both today and for tomorrow.

19:12

Oh man, what a grift.

19:15

Honestly, I don't even blame Trump.

19:18

If I was him, I would milk the ship out

19:20

of this thing. I'd be charging my guests

19:22

for things that they didn't even buy. Wait

19:24

a minute, I never bought the

19:26

Tobleron. I guess the damn

19:29

stole that too. I feel

19:31

your pain, and these Q and

19:33

on people have no one to blame but themselves

19:35

at this point. I mean, they've been proven

19:37

wrong time and time and time

19:39

again, but they just keep moving Trump's

19:42

inauguration day a little further back

19:45

in a way, I understand. I mean, the deeper

19:47

you fall into something, the less you want to

19:49

admit that you were duped, you

19:51

know, which makes you even more desperate to

19:53

keep the fantasy going. I mean, that's why

19:55

I'm sure that the next Kanye

19:57

album is gonna be great again. Host

20:00

to be great. In the meantime, though, it looks

20:02

like Washington will have to prepare for more

20:04

riots. I mean, they might just end up

20:06

becoming part of the d C two A guide experience.

20:09

Al Right, guys, you just missed the two

20:11

o'clock insurrection at the Capitol,

20:14

but the four thirty pm will

20:16

be happening shortly, so stick around and

20:18

please remember do not feed the

20:20

Capital rioters. Okay,

20:22

and finally, Amazon the

20:25

only place you can get a monthly subscription

20:27

of refrigerators. We all

20:29

use Amazon every day, well, I mean

20:31

except me. I only shop

20:34

at my local independent bookstore. So

20:36

important. But people who do use

20:39

Amazon might have noticed something a little

20:41

difference the lost time they went to open the app

20:43

on their phone. Amazon has changed

20:45

its new app logo after critics claimed

20:47

it resembled Hitler's facial features.

20:49

At issue was the blue tape above the smiling

20:52

arrow. Critics said the icon looked like Hitler's

20:54

mustache. The company has now tweaked the image

20:56

so the tape is folded not rigid. Wow,

21:01

first Dr Seuss and now

21:03

Adolf Hitler. Cancel culture

21:06

is getting out of control. Come

21:08

on, people, this was obviously an

21:10

innocent mistake. You

21:12

should give Amazon's graphic designer

21:15

a break because he's probably not allowed

21:17

one on his shift. And to be fair

21:19

to Amazon, everything looks

21:21

like Hitler. I mean there are cats that look

21:24

like Hitler, fish that look like Hitler, houses that

21:26

look like Hitler. There was this super old

21:28

guy I met in Argentina last year who looked

21:30

a lot like Hitler. Like he oh

21:32

wait a second. I mean, if we're

21:34

going to go off the app logos that make you uncomfortable,

21:37

well then you know who we should be going after. Instagram.

21:39

Yeah, because every time I tap it,

21:42

I feel like I'm sticking my finger in a robots

21:44

butt hole. Oh you tell me you've never noticed

21:46

that. Tell me you've never noticed the same thing. Seepack

21:52

the Conservative Political Action Conference,

21:55

which is an annual gathering for hardcore

21:57

right wingers. You know, sort of like the Golden Globes

21:59

but you're on Facebook group. And it began over

22:01

the weekend with the organizers begging

22:04

the audience to wear their mosques.

22:07

And they did this by trying to appeal to

22:09

their conservative principles. I know

22:11

this might sound like a little bit of a downer, but

22:13

we also believe in property rights. And this is

22:15

a private hotel, but a private hotel, just like

22:17

your house, gets to set its own rules. Carly,

22:21

our seatpack director. So please

22:23

everyone, when you're in the ballroom, when you're

22:25

seated, you should still be wearing

22:28

a mask. So if everybody

22:30

can go ahead work on that, you

22:34

have the right. So

22:39

thank you all for putting on your masks.

22:41

I wear a mask when I'm in the halls, and

22:43

we're gonna comply with their rules. Boom,

22:48

boom. Let the free market decide

22:50

which one of us will survive this pandemic.

22:52

Boom. It is amazing just

22:55

how adamantly some conservatives refused

22:57

to ever wear a masque. The only thing that

22:59

fight this hard to get itself killed is when

23:01

the dogs trying to eat chocolates. I mean, these people are

23:03

so terrifying that the first guy

23:06

was scared to even make the announcement himself.

23:08

He was like, as conservatives, we respect

23:11

the rights of business, which means

23:14

Carly, I think he wanted to tell them

23:16

something. But eventually the

23:18

show got underway and all

23:20

the big right wing stars were there. South

23:22

Dakota Governor Christy nom attacked

23:25

Anthony Fauci, Representative

23:27

Matt Gates attacked Mr Potato

23:29

Head, and the CEO of Goya

23:31

Beans said that Donald Trump is

23:33

still quote the real, legitimate

23:36

and actual president of the United

23:38

States, and quote now he

23:41

can get away with saying that, because what

23:43

are you gonna do by generic black

23:45

beans. And then after all of that, it

23:48

was time for Ted Cruz, Texas

23:50

Senator and the warrior version of

23:52

Pee Wee Herman, and his whole

23:54

speech rarely came down to

23:56

one sentence in the immortal

23:58

words of William Wallace Fred

24:01

Up. Yeah,

24:06

a lot of people don't remember this, but at the end

24:08

of that scene, Braveheart rides his horse

24:11

straight to Cancun. But it makes sense for

24:13

crews to quote that movie. I mean, I'm sure

24:15

lots of people were quoting Mel Gibson at Sea

24:17

Pack, but as usual, nobody showed up

24:19

to see Ted Cruz because the star of

24:21

the weekend was none other than Donald

24:24

jobless Trump. And for anyone wondering

24:26

if Trump is still worshiped by his people,

24:29

well this might answer your question.

24:31

Take a look at this. This is in the Convention

24:33

Center hallways, and it is a

24:36

fairly large statue of Donald Trump,

24:38

make of gold. You can see there he's in a suit

24:40

as well as an American flag with shorts, and

24:43

it certainly has been getting a lot of attention on a lot of people

24:45

posing with the statue, but I think if anything,

24:47

he gives us a better idea of the kind of crowd that's

24:49

here at Sea Pack. Holy

24:53

sh it, guys, did you see that thing? I'm

24:57

sorry, I'm sorry, like like yeah, yeah,

24:59

yeah again. It's a olden idol and blasphemous

25:01

and all of that blah blah blah. But guys, why

25:03

is it wearing flip flops and holding

25:06

a magic Wand I

25:10

mean, do you know how hard it is to

25:12

make Donald Trump look

25:14

weirder than he already is? Like, it

25:17

doesn't even look like Trump. It looks like King

25:19

Midas dry hump to Bob's big Boy.

25:21

I mean, so yeah, that statue looks dumb.

25:24

But still everyone in the seepack

25:26

was excited to take pictures

25:28

with it, especially Eric. This

25:30

is the closest we've ever been in a long

25:33

time. God. Look, I know, I'm

25:35

just a gold statue, but get

25:37

doll away from me, you

25:39

creepy looking freak. Now

25:42

as exciting as gold plates at Hobbit Trump

25:44

is, the statue was no match

25:46

for the real thing, and everyone hoping

25:49

that Trump would come on stage and play his hits.

25:51

Well, they were definitely not disappointed.

25:54

We have a very sick and corrupt electoral

25:57

process that must be fixed,

25:59

and media lee. This election was rigged,

26:02

and the Supreme Court and other courts

26:04

didn't want to do anything about it. They

26:07

didn't have the courage the Supreme Court.

26:09

You take a look at the votes. When you have more

26:11

votes than you have people, that's a problem,

26:13

right, Is that a problem? In Pennsylvania? They

26:15

had hundreds of thousands of more

26:18

votes than they had people voting. What's

26:21

that all about? What's that all about?

26:27

Cheating? They say, yeah, I'd say so,

26:29

but it's one of those things. But

26:32

who knows. Who

26:34

knows. I may even

26:37

decide to beat them

26:39

for a third time. Okay for

26:41

foot Tea.

27:05

I've watched CEPAC and one

27:07

Division this weekend, and I'm not

27:10

sure which characters are living in a more warped

27:12

reality. And look, Trump is always going to insist

27:14

that he won. He's hopeless. I get that. But

27:16

for the rest of the conservatives in that

27:18

room, someone is going to need to step up

27:20

and have the balls to tell them that

27:22

their candidate lost and that they

27:24

need to grow up and accept that. And

27:27

I think Carly, you were gonna

27:30

tell them that, right Carly,

27:35

President Joseph Reprehensible

27:38

Biden, and yes, that

27:40

is his new middle name, reprehensible,

27:43

because Biden has been in office for just

27:46

six weeks and already,

27:48

people, he has had more scandals than

27:50

any president before him,

27:52

as we'll find out in another episode

27:54

of Joe Biden The Worst President

27:57

in History that we can remember.

28:03

You know,

28:07

it's hard to even keep track of all the scandalous

28:09

things that Joe Biden has done since the last time

28:11

we did the segment. But yesterday he

28:13

said one of the most outrageous things

28:16

anybody, or at least anybody on Fox

28:18

News has ever heard. Part

28:20

of the president's plea with the American

28:23

people when he took over was to stop talking

28:25

about political opponents like they are

28:28

enemies, because they are not. And

28:30

he's not calling these Republican leaders reopening

28:32

their states enemies, but he is

28:34

calling them Neanderthals. I think

28:37

it's a big mistake. The last thing we need

28:39

is neanderthal thinking that in the

28:41

meantime, everything's fine, take off your mask,

28:44

forget it. It still matters

28:46

what a uniter Joe Biden. You

28:48

know, this is Mr Unity. And

28:50

yet if you disagree with them, you're a Neanderthal.

28:53

It turns out that he's just another snob,

28:56

using dismissive, deplorable,

28:58

like demeaning language to describe

29:00

people who didn't vote for him. He called

29:03

them Neanderthals. Now you don't call one

29:05

of the largest states in the Union neanderthal.

29:08

According to Joe Biden, only a Neanderthal

29:11

would lift COVID restrictions on Americans.

29:13

I started the Neanderthal Caucus

29:16

because Neanderthals are hunter gatherers,

29:19

their protectors of their family. They

29:22

are resilient, they're resourceful,

29:25

they tend to their own I

29:27

can't believe that Joe Biden has

29:29

been nerve to call these great

29:31

Americans Neanderthals, but

29:33

also calling them Neanderthals is actually

29:36

a compliment. So apologize, Joe Biden,

29:38

but also thank you. But how dare

29:40

you? But also you're so sweet? Resigned,

29:43

my best friend. This is just

29:45

disgusting people. Not only

29:48

did Joe Biden call Republicans the

29:50

n would, but he forced

29:52

them to acknowledge evolution. That is the worst

29:55

thing you can do to a Republican. And by the way,

29:57

point me to a single Neanderthal that died

29:59

from COVID. Huh. I guess you're not

30:01

so smart now, buddy. And it's bad

30:03

enough that Joe Biden is insulting people who don't

30:06

want to wear masks, but what's even worse is

30:08

that Joe Biden is a monster who

30:10

wants to wear a masque himself.

30:13

Why is Joe Biden so wearing a mask? He's

30:15

been vaccinated? Like this virtue

30:17

signaling that continues on is

30:19

just really getting tiresome.

30:22

You tell him what kind of sick

30:24

person goes out of his way to set an example.

30:27

You never once saw Donald Trump care about public

30:29

health. No, he stood shoulder

30:32

to shoulder with ordinary people and contracted

30:34

COVID, because that's leadership,

30:37

Mr President, if that even is

30:39

your real name. What Joe Biden doesn't

30:42

understand is that wearing a masque is

30:44

a personal decision that everyone

30:46

should get to make for themselves, except

30:48

for Joe Biden, who isn't allowed to wear a

30:50

mask because it annoys me. But clearly

30:53

there's something else going on here. Joe

30:56

Biden is hiding something under

30:58

that masque. Could

31:00

it be a Hitler mustache?

31:03

Take off your mosque, Joe, or you

31:06

are the new Hitler. Meanwhile,

31:09

Joe Biden is not only failing on COVID,

31:11

He's a one man super spreader for an even

31:13

worse pandemic cancel culture.

31:16

President Biden didn't even mention

31:18

Dr SEUs and his Presidential proclamation

31:21

honoring Read Across America Day yesterday.

31:23

The Biden White House has erased,

31:26

literally erased Dr SEUs

31:28

from their Read Across America proclamation

31:31

this week. So it's Dr Seus's birthday, the

31:33

Biden administration is refusing to celebrate. Biden

31:35

administration canceled the entire It's

31:37

like Dr SEUs magic wand

31:39

doesn't exist. That's right, Joe

31:42

Biden has a magic wand and he

31:44

used it to erase Dr SEUs. He

31:46

could have been doing something that would actually benefit

31:49

the country with that wand, you know, like

31:51

making all the face masks disappear. And

31:53

how hypocritical is it to tell America

31:56

that they should be listening to doctors and then

31:58

literally murder an esteemed

32:00

medical expert like Dr Seuss. Look

32:03

Out, America. This is just the beginning of

32:05

Biden's crusade against all doctors,

32:08

but only the real ones, which I guess means

32:11

doctor Jill Biden has nothing to worry

32:13

about. And by the way, what a sad

32:16

departure from America's lost president

32:18

who respected Dr SEUs so much

32:21

that he constantly spoke in made

32:23

up words ano Amish

32:25

Anomomish United

32:28

Mate. There's no sugarcoating. It's this

32:30

administration is going to

32:33

the dogs. And what's even satah

32:36

is those dogs ugly as shit.

32:38

Bo I gotta show you some nonsense from the

32:40

White House. They put this out.

32:43

They've got this pofus

32:45

some sort of cute see account for the dogs. Did

32:48

you see the dog? Let's get I want to show you

32:50

something I noticed. Doesn't he look a little,

32:52

uh, a little rough? This dog looks

32:54

like from I'm sorry, from the junkyard and

32:57

I love that dog, but he looks like he's

32:59

not been wellcared for it. It looks very dirty

33:01

and shoveled and uh, very unlike

33:03

a presidential dog like Milly

33:06

or Victory or something else in

33:08

the past in the in the White House. Yeah,

33:11

dude, drag that dog.

33:13

Hey, Fido, why don't you go fetch

33:16

a new style is? I mean, what the hell

33:18

has that dog been doing? Huh? Running

33:21

around playing no wonder? He looks like

33:23

that. Everyone knows if you want your dog to remain

33:25

in mint condition you never take it out

33:27

of the packaging. Joe Biden has a lot to explain

33:29

about how he treats that pet. No dog

33:32

should ever look Mainia than Ted Cruz.

33:34

Well, I'll say it's I do not like

33:36

this dog. I do not like it here

33:39

or there, I do not like it anyway. And yeah,

33:41

that's right, I'm quoting Dr Seuss. Is

33:43

that illegal? Now? Well, then I'll stop

33:45

because I've got priors. So those

33:48

are the many Joe Biden scandals exposed

33:50

by the muck raaking journalists of conservative

33:52

media in just the last

33:54

three weeks. And who knows, by

33:57

this time tomorrow we could find out

33:59

that Biden doesn't empty the crumb trainees

34:01

toaster or even worse, he sits

34:03

when he peas, and

34:06

when he does, we'll be there to tell

34:08

you all about it in another episode of

34:10

Joe Biden the worst President

34:12

in history that we can remember

34:15

before we go. March is Women's

34:18

History Month, So please consider supporting

34:20

an organization called she Should Run.

34:22

It's a nonpartisan nonprofit working

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to increase the number of women who are considering

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supporting she Should Run, you're helping women

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