0:03

What role does trauma play, like early childhood

0:05

trauma play in how we respond in situations?

0:08

Wow, now we're really getting deep.

0:11

It depends on, again,

0:14

I'm being black and white, if someone has a really bad trauma

0:16

at childhood, it can have repercussions throughout life,

0:19

because now the circuits in your brain

0:21

are developing.

0:22

So if you have a really traumatic event,

0:25

and not necessarily what

0:27

we would define as traumatic, it's what the child

0:30

defines. So I'm being a

0:32

bit facetious here. For example, if it's

0:34

got its favourite sweets and somebody steals them,

0:37

that could be a traumatic childhood event. At

0:39

that moment in time, the impact was so significant

0:42

that it has repercussions. It's damaging

0:44

the circuits. It might, for example,

0:46

perceive that as nothing in life is

0:49

safe. Anything I have can be removed.

0:52

However, most children get over it in seconds.

0:55

But it depends on the child and what stage they're

0:57

at and what the circumstances are at

0:59

that point. Somebody else might have

1:01

child abuse, for example,

1:03

which is much more likely to have repercussions

1:05

throughout life. But we still

1:07

get children who get child abuse and have no repercussions.

1:10

So it isn't a definite black and white, it's

1:13

probabilities.

1:14

Is it the way that I've come to understand it

1:16

is almost like we're wearing our own sunglasses,

1:19

which is a metaphor

1:22

for like interpretation. So me and my brother, we

1:24

could be identical twins, we go through the same experience, but

1:26

we're wearing different sunglasses. We interpret that

1:28

experience differently. We deposit evidence about what

1:30

that experience means into our computer.

1:32

Yeah,

1:34

you're absolutely right. And it all

1:37

hangs on, for example, somebody like

1:39

your parent might suddenly say, oh, you're just an idiot,

1:41

you know, but something might have happened just before

1:44

that where you've gone to school and you got one out

1:46

of 10 and you were bottom of the spelling test and

1:48

you've come home and then your father, you've done something

1:51

at home and made a mistake and he says you're an idiot. And

1:53

the two together get emotionally tangled

1:56

and that then damages the circuits.

1:59

Whereas normally if you come home, you just got

2:02

nine out of 10 for the spelling, come top of the class,

2:04

and he says you need, he just bat it off and think, well,

2:06

I got nine out of 10. So therefore the brain doesn't

2:08

pick it up. So again, I'm trying to give examples

2:11

of it. So complicated. What

2:13

I would say is it's hard to find these because

2:15

they happen often very young in life. And

2:18

the emotional aspects and our memories emotionally

2:20

and how we formulate things have about a

2:22

three year start on the human circuit,

2:25

which doesn't come in for three years, approximately.

2:28

That's why we have no memories

2:29

of childhood. We can't remember before the age

2:31

of two because it's not working.

2:34

So our emotional memory begins in fetal

2:36

life. So before we even born,

2:38

the emotional memories starting to work out what trauma

2:41

is and react to that trauma.

2:44

So we act to the mother's heartbeat, for example.

2:47

And again, every fetus is different on

2:49

the spectrum. And then we follow

2:51

that through. And therefore the machine can be damaged

2:54

early in life. It can be damaged at any

2:56

point. And then we have something which I've

2:58

then tried to give a terminology

3:01

of a goblin to. So a

3:03

gremlin is a belief or an experience you

3:05

can process and actually get rid of. Whereas

3:07

a goblin is something which is really damaged the

3:09

circuits. So you get people often

3:12

who have very low self esteem. And

3:14

that's going to continue throughout life. Now I'm certainly

3:16

not saying we shouldn't try and get rid of that. Generally

3:19

we can. But it could be they always

3:21

have moments of low self esteem. And

3:23

what they need to do is accept that they're always going to appear,

3:26

but I'm going to have a way of dealing with them

3:28

and then getting back onto a much more positive

3:30

footing. So sometimes we have

3:33

beliefs within us that are just too

3:35

hard to remove. And they may have come from

3:37

traumatic experiences. What I'm saying

3:39

is I'm not rolling over and saying, oh, well, this is

3:41

damaged goods. I'm saying, let's learn

3:43

if they do raise their heads, let's

3:45

learn how to put them in a box, stop

3:47

them from having impact in my life today,

3:50

and then work forward from that. And

3:52

again, that's a skill to do. And it just needs people

3:55

to learn how to do that. So

3:57

we can take down Gremlins, but

3:59

we can't.

3:59

Goblins you have to accept. The reason

4:02

I brought that terminology in is, sadly

4:04

I've seen over the years when I've been in an educational

4:07

role as a doctor, I've trained doctors

4:10

and clinical psychologists, nursing

4:12

staff, how we deal with emotions.

4:14

And what I've seen distressed is when you get

4:17

well-meaning therapists of any kind and

4:20

they're trying to change something that can't be changed

4:24

and you have to say, you know, the circuit's damaged.

4:26

And rather than try and change it, let's learn

4:28

to deal with it in a very constructive

4:31

way, but not put that pressure on the person

4:33

to do something which we're probably never going to achieve.

4:36

So I'd always say try. I'd always say let's

4:38

try and process an event and let's try moving

4:41

on so they remove it. So great if you

4:43

can get rid of low self-esteem. But if it keeps

4:45

raising its head, let's say stop

4:48

putting pressure on that person

4:49

and work with it. You

4:51

still try and remove it so, but there's

4:54

a point you say to them, look, let's accept it,

4:56

but let's not let it take over.

4:58

Let's learn how to put it in a box.

5:01

So it's a bit like a virus in a computer

5:03

system, exactly the same. We accept

5:05

it's damaged, but we can box it in.

5:08

And if it does raise its head, we mop it up again.

5:10

It's interesting because from doing this podcast,

5:13

I used to believe that your traumas, you know,

5:15

those early experiences that define you and the evidence

5:17

it creates could be, all of them could

5:20

be eradicated with like some form of

5:22

therapy

5:23

or treatment.

5:24

The more I've done this podcast and sat with exceptional

5:27

people who have, you know, have exceptional stories

5:30

and some in many cases have exceptional traumas,

5:32

I've gone the other way and realized that

5:35

even if they've had all the therapy, they've gone

5:37

in denioaska, they've had whatever they've had, it's

5:39

still the some traumas, some

5:42

of the deeper earlier traumas

5:44

never seem to disappear. And so my stance

5:46

has changed. And in recent podcasts, I've been saying that there

5:49

are instances where

5:50

some things just, it seems like people just can't overcome

5:52

certain things. Is there a age

5:58

group where goblins, the

6:00

traumas that we can't seem to overcome the evidence

6:03

or whatever it is, the damage to the circuitry,

6:05

is there... Does it tend to happen earlier?

6:08

Yeah. The younger we are when we're developing

6:10

the brain, the brain keeps developing up to the age

6:12

of around 30. So it's

6:15

young to me at my age, is anyone under 30? Okay,

6:17

so I'm 30 now. Right, you're just about

6:20

done. Some

6:22

people finish, we know that mature is the final

6:25

bits to the brain mature, which is actually

6:27

the rationality

6:29

of the brain. It matures around 25

6:31

to 30, but there are quite

6:33

a lot of, particularly more men, who

6:35

keep going to around 32. But by then you're out

6:38

of the oven. So wherever you go, you're finished.

6:42

I agree with what you're saying is then you accept

6:44

this is the way my system is. So let me

6:46

manage my system instead of trying to make my

6:48

system do something it can't do. So

6:50

I hope I'm not coming across saying, let's roll

6:52

over. I'm not saying that. But the reason

6:55

that I did it was it's they're also the therapists.

6:57

It's really hard for the doctor, the

6:59

nurse, the psychologist. It's

7:01

really hard to see them struggling to try and change

7:04

something or help someone and it's not working.

7:07

And that can damage them to think what's

7:09

wrong with me. I've seen it. Yeah.

7:11

All right. That's a therapist and I've seen her crying

7:14

because she couldn't change something. Right. And

7:16

that's why I brought this out and said to the therapist,

7:19

look, stop, you know, let's you review

7:21

what you're doing. There are other professionals,

7:24

but as someone who tries to teach

7:26

therapists and people are working this field

7:29

to say neuroscientifically, there are damages

7:32

to the circuit. So rather than say

7:34

we're going to change it, you've tried and you've

7:36

probably done a great job because again, most

7:38

people are really good. Most therapists I've

7:40

worked alongside have been excellent. You

7:43

know, whatever the profession is is but don't

7:45

beat yourself up if you're struggling with someone. It

7:47

may be you are hitting the nail on the head, but

7:49

exactly what you've just said, we're not going to move

7:52

this person.

7:53

So stop worrying about it and say, let's

7:55

try managing it first, whatever's raising

7:57

its head. And then if we manage

7:59

it, then

7:59

then we might still try processing,

8:02

but now we're not defeated. I have to say

8:04

that that's great advice for therapists, but

8:06

it's also just great advice for someone in

8:08

a family unit or in a relationship who

8:10

has a partner or a loved one who is

8:13

struggling with something where the circuitry

8:15

might be irreparably damaged and

8:17

they're

8:18

destroying the relationship with that person because they're trying

8:20

to change them. Exactly. And the devil

8:22

is in the detail again, because there are other elements

8:25

to this, because another factor is time.

8:27

We know that the brain will try and repair itself,

8:30

even if emotional scars, it will try and do that.

8:32

So there can sometimes just be time. So

8:35

we know like in grief reactions, you have

8:37

to allow the brain time and the brain

8:39

will process things in its own time. And

8:42

that's a piece of string generally in

8:44

a serious loss or change of job or relationship

8:47

gone or you've lost someone because they

8:49

passed on. Usually we say

8:51

around three months is intense. Then

8:53

the 12 months is still bad. But

8:55

some people it can be 10 years and there

8:57

is no normal grief. There's just

9:00

normal grief for you. And

9:02

then if it gets stuck, then again, this way,

9:04

the clinicians will come in if you have pathological

9:06

grief. And this can be due to anything.

9:09

It's often a belief system again in the computer

9:12

that's stopping you being able to process something.

9:15

My girlfriend came upstairs yesterday when I was

9:17

having a shower and she said to me that she tried

9:19

the heal protein shake, which lives on my fridge over there.

9:21

And she said, it's amazing. Low calories. You

9:23

get your 20 odd grams of protein. You

9:26

get your 26 vitamins and minerals and it's nutritionally

9:28

complete. If you haven't tried

9:30

the heal protein product, do give it a try. The

9:32

salted caramel one. If you put some

9:34

ice cubes in it and you put it in a blender

9:37

and you try it is as good as

9:40

pretty much any milkshake on the market.