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Places! We're going on tour and

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this is it's been a while March

0:57

2025 is when our tour is happening

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First of all, we're going to Tempe

1:02

Arizona. Maybe our favorite city of all

1:04

time. It's the best that is on

1:06

March 16th and then we go to

1:09

Albuquerque New Mexico Maybe our favorite city

1:11

ever we've never gone to that's on

1:13

March 17th and then we go to

1:16

Oklahoma City which is our favorite we

1:18

often say that it's our number one

1:20

Yeah, it's our number one, the best

1:23

city I've ever been to. That's on

1:25

March 18th. On March 19th, we're going

1:27

to be in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Our favorite

1:30

city, without question. And then we head

1:32

to Dallas, Texas on March 28th. Our

1:34

favorite city. There's never been a better

1:37

city than Dallas. If you don't like

1:39

it, you're a Dallas asshole. Thank you.

1:41

And then we go to Houston, Texas

1:44

on March 20th. by far the best

1:46

city and then we end our tour

1:48

in Austin Texas on March 22nd at

1:51

the Cap City Comedy Club. It's the

1:53

best city. In the entire world. Number

1:55

one city in the world. You can

1:58

get tickets at dollar podcast.com/tour. Hi

2:05

everybody, welcome to the Pastimes podcast. Each

2:08

week we go through an old newspaper

2:10

from a random date in history picked

2:12

out by Dave Anthony. I'm Garrett Reynolds

2:15

and I've never seen it before and

2:17

neither is our guest this week. The

2:19

great, Dorian DeBos, what's up Dorian, welcome

2:22

back to the show. Hello, it's good

2:24

to be here. Thank you all so

2:26

much for having me. It's good to

2:29

see your beautiful faces, good painting behind

2:31

you. It's audio medium, but I think

2:33

that it really... Establish the aesthetic.

2:36

There's a patron. There's a

2:38

patron and very good opening

2:40

from you very Very good ego wise

2:42

for us. That was right. Thank you.

2:44

I've been working on I'm trying to

2:46

get on sports radio. Oh, so

2:48

oh boy you really blew that now

2:50

because that feels like you're just practicing

2:52

on us So we're just the

2:55

hand you're kissing on before the

2:57

date? Listen everybody needs to get

2:59

them reps up Garris Don't you

3:01

raise your voice of us? No,

3:03

I like it. Don't you raise

3:05

your voice? Um, Dorian, you're hilarious.

3:07

I met you in Kansas City.

3:10

You now live in New York.

3:12

Um, and you were telling, what

3:14

is the show you have now? It sounds

3:16

awesome. It sounds so right

3:19

up the dollop people's alley, even

3:21

though this is the pastimes. What

3:23

is it? It's called Evil Shark Tank

3:26

and it's exactly what it sounds

3:28

like. We have some fledgling evil

3:30

businessmen who are going to come

3:33

on the show. It's a live

3:35

show. They're going to pitch their

3:37

truly, truly despicable ideas to a

3:39

group of dastardly business professionals in

3:42

hopes of receiving funding that will

3:44

be game changing for them and

3:46

worse for the world. Oh great.

3:48

Who are you? Are you one of the

3:51

sharks? I am one of the sharks. I'm

3:53

not going to be one of the people

3:55

who are judging the pitches, but I have

3:57

my own evil business that I will be

3:59

plugging a lot. during the show. Okay, great,

4:01

okay. Well great, where could people find

4:03

out info on that? What's the best

4:06

thing to do? So you can follow

4:08

me on Instagram at verbose-de-bos

4:10

or you can follow the

4:12

show's Instagram at Evil Shark Tank.

4:14

Yeah, great. All right, great. Well,

4:17

that's great. We love that. Because

4:19

we're huge shark tank fans. There's

4:21

nothing we like more here at

4:24

this show than watching the dreams

4:26

of a Midwestern couple get ripped

4:28

apart and shit on Bizocian billionaire

4:31

who has no clue about actual

4:33

working or workers. He was on

4:35

something I saw this week talking,

4:37

I just love watching rich people talk

4:39

about the CEO shooting. Oh, it's so

4:42

great, dude. Yeah. It's like, it's so.

4:44

It's so. It's like, it's so. to

4:46

just be like, why are people happy?

4:48

They see themselves as like an oppressed

4:51

class. They're like, you believe they're

4:53

coming after the most vulnerable amongst

4:55

us? Yeah. We're helping you. I

4:57

spend so much on private security

5:00

and this is how you treat

5:02

me. Man, it is how do

5:04

you do this to someone who

5:06

gives you all your jobs and

5:08

happiness? I mean, you still are

5:11

able to breathe through the boot

5:13

upon your throat a touch. We don't

5:15

let most of you die. Yeah. Man,

5:17

it's so fucking good. I can't help

5:20

and then we'll start. I can't help

5:22

but think, man, if one more got

5:24

taken out right now, what would that

5:27

even look? Like the, the, the,

5:29

the steroids that this moment would

5:31

go on. Be crazy. It'd be so

5:33

good. As we say here at the

5:36

podcast, just do two. Just do two.

5:38

We've been saying just, we saw merch

5:40

that is like the Nike logo and

5:42

it says just do one in its

5:45

little pictures of billionaires. So we've been

5:47

saying just do one for a while

5:49

and now they did one. And now we're

5:51

like, just rash it up a little

5:53

bit. Just do six. All right, you're

5:55

going to buy by the rule of

5:57

threes. I agree. It's funny. So much.

6:00

funnier. You know we're going to go

6:02

through this old newspaper. You get to

6:04

guess first what year you think this

6:06

paper is going to be from. This

6:08

is what separates this podcast from the

6:10

dollop, which is a very large success.

6:12

This is not that. But the way

6:14

we make this more fun Winner gets

6:16

my SAG after membership. Nobody wants that.

6:18

Okay. Oh, Dorian's in. So

6:20

guess a year, it could

6:22

be 1600s, unlikely, could be up

6:24

to 2000. I doubt it.

6:26

But please, it's your guess. Let's

6:30

go with 1891. It's

6:32

very good. It's a very good guess, Dorian. Not going

6:34

to lie to you. It's a very good guess. It's

6:36

a very good guess. But unfortunately, I don't believe it's 1891,

6:39

as I look at Dave's weak -ass poker

6:41

face. Shut up. I'm talking. I

6:45

think this paper

6:47

is from the year... It's 1828.

6:49

You were right. You were

6:51

the closest, Dorian. Stop

6:53

already. Well done. I love...

6:56

Yep. Yep. He was the

6:58

closest. I don't even understand why

7:00

he's... For the people

7:02

who are not watching on the Patreon, I'm doing

7:04

a little dance. They're watching on the Patreon. Welcome

7:07

to SAG Africa. If you're watching on

7:09

the Patreon, you saw me win. in

7:11

SAG. This is crazy. It's crazy. You're

7:13

in SAG now. All

7:16

right. 1824, you said, David?

7:18

That's correct. All right. Let's

7:20

see what was happening in

7:22

the greatest country of all

7:24

time in 1824. So this

7:27

is Burbank, California. Wow. We

7:29

were out there? I was going

7:31

to say. Crazy.

7:34

Was Flappers there? Flappers was just

7:37

regularly there? Flappers,

7:39

everyone was just dressed the same like

7:41

normal. What's the hook of this establishment?

7:45

The Burbank Daily Evening

7:48

Review, January 3rd,

7:50

1928. Daily

7:52

Evening Review. Daily Evening. Get them

7:54

all in. Meaning it's a double edition. Covering...

8:00

the evening. Yep. Okay. So what time does

8:02

a paper like this go out? Midnight? Well,

8:04

it goes out at 12

8:06

noon and 12 midnight. I

8:08

don't think you have any

8:10

idea what you're talking about. I've

8:13

just learned that they had enough people out

8:15

there to have a newspaper, and now they

8:17

have enough people to have two newspapers a

8:19

day. Yeah, I guarantee you one

8:21

of two things. This information

8:23

is gonna be trash and or

8:25

very little is gonna be

8:27

from Burbank. They're gonna be

8:29

like, here it is, the Burbank news. The

8:31

first story is out of Chicago. Well,

8:34

I can tell you that's not true

8:36

about the first story. Sorry, that was

8:38

the second story, yeah, the next time. Cantaloupe

8:42

that resembles pumpkin

8:45

is Burbank's seal. Plea goes

8:47

out for a new one. Now

8:49

I did say that the news is either gonna

8:51

be dog shit or it's not gonna be from

8:53

there. And this

8:56

is from there, and this is

8:58

not dog shit. This is

9:00

serious business. A cantaloupe. A cantaloupe

9:02

that resembles the animal? Cantaloupe

9:04

is on the Burbank seal. No, the city

9:06

seal, the little round. That's what I thought

9:08

first when I read it. It brings

9:10

up the point that every city should have

9:12

a seal, and that's a great pun. Absolutely,

9:15

every city should have a Jose.

9:19

And pumpkin, it

9:21

says the cantaloupe resembles a pumpkin on

9:23

the seal, and pumpkin is spelled

9:25

P -U -N -K -I -N. Pumpkin. Let's

9:27

get into the story. That's kind of what the seal is,

9:29

it's a pumpkin. In the

9:31

opinion of city clerk Webster, as

9:33

expressed at the meeting of the change

9:35

of commerce board last week, Burbank

9:38

is sadly in need of a new

9:40

design as an official seal for the

9:42

city. The present seal

9:44

is supposed to represent a

9:46

large cantaloupe on a field

9:48

of cantalopes, but in reality, looks

9:51

more like a pumpkin than a

9:53

melon, according to Mr.

9:55

Webster. They just became a city, dude.

9:57

Why are they so particular? Oh,

10:00

it looks too much like a

10:02

pumpkin! Nobody in this country! There

10:04

wasn't even pictures back then. You

10:06

don't know what a pumpkin is!

10:08

It's very true that nobody was

10:11

like, nobody gave a shit. Also,

10:13

I, as someone who's lived in

10:15

Burbank, never ever in my time

10:17

there was like, this is Canelope

10:19

town. Do you think this is pumpkin

10:21

city? What do you think we are?

10:24

Get out of it! That's Glendale,

10:26

you idiot! It was Canada. It was

10:28

all about people. When you think of

10:30

Burbank, you think kennelups. No. That's not

10:32

even like a top 10 thing, I

10:34

think, when I think of Burbank. Not

10:36

even top 50. I don't think I've ever

10:38

thought of the two together. I don't think

10:41

there's 50 things that come to mind

10:43

when you say Burbank to me. I think

10:45

that's a really fair point. I think that's

10:47

a very fair point. Is it on that,

10:49

like, no. If you, I probably have seven

10:51

things that come to mind when I think

10:53

of Burbank and not one on this candle.

10:55

If my life depended on it and I

10:57

needed to say 50 things synonymous with Burbank

10:59

in five minutes, I think I'd die. Oh, I

11:01

know I'd die. I'm not making it.

11:04

I'm spending three minutes trying the two

11:06

minutes calling my momo. I'm going, I

11:08

said that quiz nose, right? Yeah, he

11:11

said that twice, twice. Okay. I'm banking

11:13

under being multiple McDonald's being multiple McDonald's,

11:15

McDonald's, I've never been. Yeah, he never,

11:18

oh buddy, he got hit the big

11:20

city. He gotta go to put the

11:22

whole... You're sad now, baby. There is

11:24

a still a cantaloupe. It looks like

11:27

a watermelon. They weren't even incorporated until

11:29

a century later. Yeah, they were

11:31

not even incorporated, until

11:33

a century later. Yeah, they were not

11:36

even incorporated, and looking

11:38

at it, and looking like

11:40

a cantaloupe. It doesn't look

11:42

like a watermelon. Kennelop has

11:44

like a pattern to it. It's got a little,

11:47

it's yeah, it's a little, it's got bumpy. It's

11:49

a little bralie. Yes. Oh, that's garbage. Yeah,

11:51

whoever, I mean, they're right. But Dorian's also

11:53

right that what are they doing? You're not

11:55

even a place yet. And they're like, this

11:58

is century before they were in corporate. Yeah,

12:00

it's like you've just laid

12:02

the foundation of your house

12:04

and you're like what throw pillows

12:06

are we gonna have? I

12:08

mean, Burbeck's had some really

12:10

bad city seals just so,

12:12

just history-wise, they did not

12:14

improve. Anyway, back to the story.

12:17

Mr. Webster says that the seal

12:19

was adopted at a time

12:21

when the chief industry of

12:23

the city was the raising

12:25

of cantalopes. We all, that's

12:27

what we remember Burbank ass. Yeah,

12:29

that's fair. That's got to be

12:32

a top like 105 thing

12:34

about Burbank. It is a

12:36

weird way to put it

12:38

too, though. Raising it is

12:40

weird. Well, that's how you do.

12:42

That's how you do it. You

12:45

grow pumpkin. You raise. Canelobes

12:47

are raised. He's a good

12:49

boy. He's a good boy.

12:51

He's following in with the

12:53

honeydews. And, uh... I'm not a

12:55

step cantaloupe farmer, I'm the cantaloupe

12:58

farmer that stepped up. Hey

13:00

buddy, you want to get

13:02

high? I don't know, I'm

13:04

supposed to go back to

13:06

the farm, mister. All right. Stay

13:08

away from old Johnny Honeydoo down

13:10

by the tracks, son. You

13:12

want to make a little

13:14

money? Let me scoop you.

13:16

You haven't been scooped by

13:18

an old man? You know, it's

13:21

really important these cantaloupe farmers has

13:23

warned their cantaloupe children about

13:25

the dangers of men with

13:27

melon ballers on the street.

13:29

Yeah, absolutely. Oh yeah, no,

13:31

yeah, it's a big problem. Yeah,

13:34

super dangerous. It was pointed out

13:36

that the new city charter

13:38

provides for the adoption of

13:40

a new city seal. And

13:42

according to Mr. Webster, occasional

13:44

attempts have been made in the

13:47

past to select a new design

13:49

for seal, but... those upon

13:51

whom the duty devolved have

13:53

been unable to reach an

13:55

agreement as the nature of

13:57

the design. The matter was referred

13:59

to. public affairs committee. Do you

14:02

ever think about how we could probably

14:04

have high-speed rail in this country if

14:06

these are the people in charge for

14:08

the last 200 years? The high-speed rail

14:11

we talk about a lot. It's really

14:13

it's really the barometer for like do

14:15

we care at this point and yeah

14:18

when you watch what's happening you're just

14:20

like I remember we were driving back

14:22

from shows once and we just saw

14:24

in order to Pretend and

14:26

fabricate the image of lush

14:28

green around the freeway. We

14:31

just saw these guys spray

14:33

painting concrete green and it

14:35

like filled us with such

14:37

dystopian misery that we were

14:39

like, fuck me. It was

14:41

like 98 degrees in September.

14:43

A guy's like, hey, let's

14:46

spray green. That'll be night.

14:48

And you're like, just save

14:50

that money. But we can't afford

14:52

the water, but we already got

14:55

the paints. Yeah, we got the

14:57

paint. There's no water in paint.

14:59

Search for gas with lighted match.

15:02

I've been to this party.

15:04

What do you think happens? You

15:06

think it goes fine? Well, first

15:08

of all, it's a story in

15:11

the paper, so it probably didn't

15:13

end well. Great point. Yep. I'm

15:16

taking a swing. I think you

15:18

went great. I think it would

15:20

be great this time. I think

15:22

this is the one time we

15:24

went. We searched for gas with

15:26

a lighted match and we found

15:28

gas. That's the end of the

15:30

story. Imagine that plan. We'll go

15:32

find some gas for you. It's

15:35

sort of be so funny that

15:37

somebody probably got blown

15:39

up and it was only second

15:41

to the cantalom story. Yep.

15:43

And that somebody was probably also

15:45

like, did he find it? Yeah.

15:48

and you're looking for gas that

15:50

means you think that you could see

15:52

it well that it's no that it's gonna catch

15:54

it fire a little bit so you just know

15:56

that it's there oh okay I thought I well

15:59

probably and my I think I was picturing

16:01

like a dark room and they're like,

16:03

yeah, supposed to be some near there.

16:05

Yeah, that's what I thought at first

16:07

too, but no, I think that they

16:10

were thinking like, they're thinking like, they're

16:12

thinking like, it'll light, it'll light a

16:14

little bit. So they're aware, right, I

16:16

mean, they're aware of the properties

16:18

and petroleum, sure. Or maybe,

16:20

maybe they think they can't see it.

16:22

I think they can't see, like, like

16:25

if it's a gas that won't keep

16:27

the flame. Truth. Truth. Truth. Well, it'll

16:29

keep the flame and also it won't

16:31

keep the flame. It's kind of you

16:34

could you could describe it either way

16:36

Looking for a gas leak with a

16:38

match produced an explosion yesterday morning. All

16:40

right, we know which kind it was

16:42

Cool. I'm sorry for giving them too

16:45

much credit. Yeah way too much Which

16:47

said Pete Williams and James Campbell of

16:49

a one 59 South Olive Avenue and

16:51

they do the address thing all the

16:54

time. They're dead now We don't need

16:56

their home address No, no, no,

16:58

no, no, we do. Why wouldn't

17:00

we? Is it saying that they

17:03

blew, they like flew away with

17:05

the explosion? Um, oh

17:07

yeah. Okay. So it's up

17:09

to the hospital with some

17:11

bad burns and wrecked the

17:14

house in which they were

17:16

living. The explosion took place.

17:19

So they gave the address for

17:21

a house that no longer

17:23

exists. Yeah. I mean... You've

17:26

made a lot for sale. Yeah. Full

17:28

of gas. We know that now. Can

17:30

confirm. The explosion took

17:32

place at 8.30 o'clock. That's

17:34

a new way to put

17:37

it. Williams was in the

17:39

kitchen trying to repair a

17:41

leak in the gas stove and

17:43

Camel coming into the room while

17:46

the repairing was in progress.

17:48

Proceed to shed some light

17:50

on the subject by striking

17:53

on that. What's he doing? Oh, let

17:55

me help you out. I think that maybe...

17:57

It just takes one more on. Well, it

17:59

might have been... might have been like

18:01

the guys repairing something he

18:03

couldn't see I think it's actually

18:05

that the one guy was lighting

18:07

a match to help him see

18:09

yeah but the other guy was

18:11

probably like hey no that's gas

18:13

but he was like hey you need a

18:16

nurse I got you one of those guys

18:18

had to have known right I think

18:20

the guy looking was like what do

18:22

you tell that's crazy yeah yeah

18:24

That's no bonding man, like

18:27

you just read and repairing

18:29

some gas and you're just

18:31

like, I gotta help. A bro

18:33

needs a bro. Thank you for

18:35

letting me in your home. That

18:37

the room had become well filled

18:40

with escaping gas was

18:42

indicated by the terrific

18:44

explosion. Great use of

18:46

terrific. Great use of

18:48

terrific. This is good. Why you

18:51

just did a lot of noises

18:53

by the way. Your phone went

18:55

off, you hit your leg.

18:57

Here's Life in America. It

18:59

says health care. And

19:02

I'm like, what in the

19:04

fuck does that even mean?

19:06

They got another? Hello? Oh,

19:09

thank God. Aetna's down.

19:11

The roof and sides of

19:13

the house were blown out

19:16

and the windows shattered. Both

19:18

men were blown out. With the

19:20

walls Campbell being cared a distance

19:22

of 25 feet Wow, that's full

19:24

on like that's like that's real

19:26

Yeah, that's movie. That's movie. Yeah,

19:29

so I was gonna say it's

19:31

like Bruce Willis explosion A fire

19:33

alarm was sent in and the

19:35

company some stations one and two

19:37

responded the fire however had spent

19:39

itself with the explosion and did

19:41

no further damage. Yeah, I tried

19:43

itself out a little bit. Yeah

19:46

Both men were badly burned about the

19:48

face and head and the arms and

19:50

were carried, were hurried, to the hospital.

19:52

Yeah, better body, better upper body than

19:54

leg. Yeah, you think? I don't know.

19:56

I can't tell. I feel like if

19:59

you're gonna have. to Burmese here

20:01

to like. Yeah, I agree.

20:03

It's a torso activity. Yeah,

20:05

if you must. Yeah. The,

20:07

uh, the, uh, the Campbell

20:09

was the worst of the

20:11

two, but it was not

20:13

considered, but the Burns. Campbell

20:15

was the one who didn't

20:17

light the match, right? So

20:19

he got it worse. No,

20:21

he's the guy who lit

20:23

the match. That's good. I

20:25

mean we got that from

20:28

the walls being blown out.

20:30

So a fucking guy lit

20:32

a match and blew up

20:34

an entire house. Two guys

20:36

almost died and the lead

20:38

story was like, that cantaloupe

20:40

looks like a pumpkin. People

20:42

get blown up every single

20:44

day, Gareth. Every single day,

20:46

some guy has a match

20:48

and some room has some,

20:50

you know, some gas. We

20:52

don't even hear about it

20:54

anymore to happen so often.

20:56

Dude, that happened to my

20:58

neighbor the other day. We're

21:01

like, stop being so dramatic.

21:03

I did it today! Dude,

21:05

it's every day. It's every

21:07

day and it's everywhere. But

21:09

like, a cantaloupe that looks

21:11

like a pumpkin. That doesn't

21:13

even look like a pumpkin.

21:15

That's, that's preposterous. I don't

21:17

even think they knew what

21:19

a pumpkin looked like. If

21:21

you see that cantaloupe, then

21:23

nobody wanted to look stupid.

21:25

So they just started nodding.

21:27

Yeah. That's true. And Flappers

21:29

are still there. Uh, 50

21:32

cents gone. Oh shit. Not

21:34

50 cents. 50 cents. Curtis

21:36

Jackson? Oh, okay. The police

21:38

were called upon to investigate

21:40

the manipulations. I'm an alleged

21:42

bunko artist operating in the

21:44

city. I'm a bunko. I'm

21:46

a bunko guy. The first

21:48

report came from Miss George

21:50

de Simmons. 818 Edgelow Avenue

21:52

who told the officers that

21:54

she had given a young

21:56

man $3 in payment for

21:58

a $2.50 magazine and the

22:00

man had promised to bring

22:02

back the change but never

22:05

showed up again. A magazine

22:07

costs $2.50? It's

22:09

1928. Oh. We thought

22:11

this was $1828. No,

22:14

I said you were, I

22:16

said you won, but

22:18

not. That changes

22:21

everything. A Burbank

22:24

seal is totally

22:27

different now. We're cooking

22:29

with gas now. Unfortunately. We're

22:31

cooking with gas and things

22:33

are going poorly. They're bad.

22:36

Sorry, I confuse you guys.

22:38

Yeah, I mean, 250 for

22:40

a magazine is still seems

22:42

a little extreme for back

22:45

then, but the economy was

22:47

about to crash, so that's $55.

22:49

So it's airport prices. What

22:52

the five dollars? 55

22:54

dollars? She's $55. She's

22:57

$50. And she's upset

22:59

about like $10. That's

23:02

crazy. Oh pay $45

23:04

for a magazine. But

23:06

$55? No. I want

23:09

my suckers weekly. That's

23:11

LA prices. This is

23:13

Burbank. There's a bridge,

23:16

kind of. Wow. We got

23:18

a lot of money. That

23:20

is a lot of money.

23:22

That's exorbitant. I do, I'd be

23:24

mad at somebody scam me for $10.

23:26

Yeah. All right. I know, you know,

23:29

I've been scampering 10 bucks and

23:31

I've been like, whatever. Yeah, that's

23:33

how I feel like there's times

23:35

in my life where I've been

23:37

scammed. I got scammed for $20

23:39

once. This is fucking crazy. I was

23:41

out at Denny's with a group

23:44

of my buddies and this guy came

23:46

up to me and he came up

23:48

to our tour manager. And he goes,

23:50

and the bus broke down. I swear

23:52

to God. I swear to God. What?

23:54

I swear to God. And he goes,

23:57

the bus broke down. And we need

23:59

$20. What? And I, I mean,

24:01

it's almost so good, I'd be

24:03

like, okay, here you go. I

24:05

had, I had the money out

24:07

before any of my friends could

24:09

be like, are you brain damaged?

24:11

I was like, there you go.

24:13

And then as I was handing

24:15

it to him, I was like,

24:17

this story, I mean, I was

24:19

like 15. But as the money

24:21

was in his hand, I was

24:23

like, this story is not true.

24:25

I was like, well. It might

24:27

be. They were like, no, no,

24:29

no. You know, there's another podcast

24:31

going on where, like, Judasie's tour

24:33

manager is talking and like, yeah,

24:35

one day, we met, I'll tell

24:37

you what. I really needed $20

24:39

to get that bus fixed. That

24:41

1990 tour tour almost didn't happen.

24:43

But we went to a Denny's

24:45

on Port Washington Road in Milwaukee,

24:48

Wisconsin. This guy got us back

24:50

on track. I don't know that

24:52

kid's name, but if I could

24:54

I would shake his hand. Yeah,

24:56

but see I remember that $20

24:58

and I was like that hurt

25:00

that hurt a lot at that

25:02

age That's a lot of money

25:04

a lot of money. Yeah, at

25:06

my age is also a lot

25:08

of money. Yeah, well I worked

25:10

at Stable Center, you know, I

25:12

would come out after the games

25:14

when everything was, you know, the

25:16

parking lots of red stuff and

25:18

there was always a guy out

25:20

there who'd walk up with a

25:22

battery And he'd be like, hey,

25:24

our battery died. And it was

25:26

like, you know, it's like, it's

25:28

like 11 or 12 at night.

25:30

More battery died. We just need,

25:32

I just need some money. We

25:34

gotta get a new battery. And

25:36

I would just laugh. Because he'd

25:38

ask me, like I'd see him

25:40

like every three games. He'd come

25:42

up, you know, what I thought

25:44

you were going to say was

25:46

that he had like a jump

25:48

box. And he would walk around

25:50

and charge people like $200. This

25:52

is pre-jump box kid. I gotta

25:54

go. You walk around with a

25:56

battery. Yeah. I have been... I

25:58

haven't necessarily been scammed, but like...

26:00

somebody tried to scam me from

26:02

money or amount of money I

26:05

found so trivial that I was like

26:07

if you really need this yeah I

26:09

mean it's like I've done that

26:11

where I'm like yeah you really

26:13

needed a lot more than I

26:15

do at this point if you're

26:18

yeah like it was like one

26:20

grinder this guy was like I

26:22

need like five dollars for like

26:24

gas to come over and I

26:26

was like I'm gonna send you

26:29

five and don't come over Oh,

26:31

that is the greatest, the grinder

26:33

gas scam is... Hey man, you're

26:35

a little out of the

26:37

normal zone that I'll go

26:39

for D. You might give

26:42

me a fiber? Like, did

26:44

you ask me for 20?

26:46

I'm like, this might be

26:48

a scam. Yeah. When you

26:50

asked me for a file,

26:52

I'm like, five legit. This

26:54

is a scam? but you

26:56

need this. No, you're such

26:58

a bad scammer. Hey man,

27:01

can I get like $2.87?

27:03

I'll give you the tub

27:05

this week. Oh, that's awesome.

27:07

That's really great. 30

27:10

days sentence. Charles

27:12

Cummings was taken

27:14

before Judge Gray this

27:17

morning and given a

27:19

sentence of 30 days

27:21

in the county jail.

27:23

on a charge of peace

27:26

disturbance. The prosecuting

27:28

witness were Mr. and

27:30

Mrs. Fisher, the peace

27:32

disturbance is alleged to have

27:34

been in the nature of loud

27:36

defensive language. Oh wow. Oh, what

27:39

did you notice? Fine, no, but

27:41

30 days? Wow. That's pretty

27:43

bad. Talking shit? Yeah, for

27:46

swearing. That would, yeah, that would

27:48

be, there's a lot of people

27:50

I know would go down. Yeah, fuck

27:52

yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I would go to

27:55

jail several times a day. Yes.

27:57

Honestly. I really, I got

27:59

an what he said I would love to know

28:01

yeah I mean you got to get a

28:03

C word in there if you're gonna

28:06

go to jail for 30 don't think

28:08

you do if you're going to jail

28:10

for that it probably it probably I'm

28:12

not saying it was like an I could but

28:14

it's probably like fairly yeah it

28:16

probably was nothing yeah yeah but

28:18

gee mr you're no gentlemen I

28:20

ought to piss on your boot

28:22

shit that's it you're going to

28:25

jail kid if he just said cock

28:27

a lot but we're giving you the

28:29

life yeah What? You cocks? You cocks

28:31

don't know nothing. You want to know

28:33

a cock if it's left with a

28:36

cock and it's had a

28:38

cock attached to it, your

28:40

cockhead? The police have their

28:42

guns already drawn. Somebody stop

28:44

him! I saw this video

28:47

of this guy who outran

28:49

the cops and then stopped

28:51

out running the cops and

28:53

lay down and he completely

28:55

gave up and then they

28:57

tased him. Wow, they're out

28:59

of control. There's something like that.

29:01

And then like just saw before

29:03

we started this guy comment

29:06

or did he just goes, it's

29:08

so obviously fake crying emoji. And

29:10

I was like, people who think

29:12

that these people are staging this

29:14

shit. It's like we have plenty

29:16

of evidence. That's what I hate when

29:18

like somebody is like, that's not

29:20

real. And then like you can

29:23

find like the police report and

29:25

shit like that. Yeah. Yeah. Or

29:27

you're just like, all right,

29:29

I'll find another time when

29:31

they tase someone when they

29:34

shouldn't have. There you go,

29:36

on that one. Of course

29:38

cops are gonna tase you

29:41

if you made them run.

29:43

Of course. Well, this guy,

29:45

this guy showboated. This

29:47

guy completely. Yeah, then

29:50

they're gonna tase him.

29:52

Yes, yes. Yeah. Yeah.

29:54

We were running away from the cops after

29:56

a party and we got to this

29:58

woods like the woods. And we got

30:01

into the woods and we're completely

30:03

out running this female cop. And

30:05

she just goes, hold it right

30:08

there! As we were like losing

30:10

her and my buddy stopped, turned

30:12

around and he goes, what are

30:15

you going to do? And then

30:17

we took off. And then the

30:19

older I get, the more I'm

30:22

like, that was different. Why was

30:24

her being a female cop relevant

30:26

to the story? It's a fact.

30:29

Yeah, me and my friend were

30:31

out running this black cop. We

30:33

all ran this black cop. I

30:36

mean, I would never. I mean,

30:38

I would never. I know you

30:40

would never. I know you would

30:43

never. I'm staying out of this

30:45

conversation. It was a Chinese cop.

30:47

Late. Yeah, me and my friend

30:50

were out running this Chinese lady

30:52

cop and then never comes up

30:54

again. I'm out running this Italian

30:57

cop, right? Well, I said that,

30:59

I had a joke for a

31:01

minute where I would say on

31:04

stage, like, I'm not saying my

31:06

family in England was racist, but

31:08

there's a lot of times where

31:11

we'll get halfway through his story

31:13

and I'll go, does it matter

31:15

that this guy was Asian? It

31:17

just felt like a weird little

31:20

detail that's not gonna come back,

31:22

right? No, just a little Easter

31:24

egg. Yeah, just a little, yeah.

31:27

Just paying a little picture. Yep,

31:29

for some reason, that's, okay, there

31:31

you go, good. Boy, and gun,

31:34

badly injured eye. Oh, no, not

31:36

a gun. Boy and gun, and

31:38

badly injured eye. Okay, yeah, sorry.

31:41

Pierce Shibley, 13-year-old son of Mr.

31:43

and Mrs. A.P. Shibleyblee. 1051 North

31:45

Bullock guns into his eye and

31:48

his name's Pierce. Yeah, Pierce Shipley

31:50

shoots eye. Just leave it there.

31:52

Yeah, we're done. Yeah. came

31:55

near starting out

31:57

the new year

31:59

yesterday by losing

32:02

an eye. Wow,

32:04

cool. The attending physician says that

32:07

the saving of the sight

32:09

of the eye was a matter

32:11

of a hair's breath. Doesn't

32:14

make any sense. Well, I think he

32:16

was just... A hair away makes sense?

32:18

Or a hair. And he was not

32:20

a rich away from losing a sight.

32:22

Yes, bad. Have you never seen a

32:24

hair breathe? A hair breathing? Oh,

32:26

unless it's like a rabbit. It's

32:30

not a good choice, but it's a

32:32

great point. Go ahead. It wasn't, it's

32:35

not. Shush, go ahead. I wouldn't have

32:37

said it. Go ahead. And then... Go! Pearson's

32:41

friend Gordon Johnson had started out

32:43

with a .22 caliber rifle for

32:45

a little sport in the hills.

32:48

On reaching the new reservoir, they

32:50

picked up a small tin box

32:52

and put it up for a

32:54

target. Standing over the

32:56

box. So he's standing, standing

32:59

up over the box. So he's standing over it.

33:01

Stupid. So he's standing

33:03

over a box. He's standing at

33:05

it. Instead of putting it

33:08

like on a tree or whatever,

33:10

away the way, he's pointing

33:12

straight down. Yeah, straight down at it. He built

33:14

held. Himself. Yes,

33:16

he built held himself. And

33:19

he pulled the trigger. The

33:22

discharge of the gun was

33:24

immediately followed by a more terrific

33:26

explosion, which came from the

33:28

tin box. terrific proceeding explosion. This

33:30

often is great. Yeah. It

33:34

developed that the box contained

33:36

some dynamite caps. It, the way,

33:38

they're the words are just a

33:40

touch off. A terrific

33:42

explosion. It developed. It

33:45

didn't really. I love

33:47

how, that's such a good

33:49

reveal. But I feel

33:51

like news articles now are like so direct

33:53

that like you don't get like those little

33:55

details peppered throughout the destroy paint the scene.

33:57

It's like how a video now they'll show.

34:00

the good part, so desperate for

34:02

you to stick around, it's so

34:04

much better to unfurl. The fact

34:06

that the box was dynamiting

34:08

is dynamite. Yeah, he was like

34:10

now we know his friend successfully

34:13

hit the box. Yes. I thought

34:15

his friend just like fucked up

34:17

and shot. I thought it was

34:19

a Dick Cheney situation. Yes. No,

34:21

he hit the box and in

34:23

the box went boom. I just

34:25

like that there's a box laying

34:27

around in a field that's full

34:29

of dynamite caps. That's fine. Well,

34:31

strange in America, countries where we

34:33

fought wars. Not strange. No, actually

34:35

quite common. Quite regular for a

34:37

child to be kicking a

34:39

missile. Garrett, do you mean

34:42

everywhere else? I'll get back

34:44

to you because I don't

34:46

have a pushback as of

34:48

yes. We have fought Canada

34:51

unfortunately. We've invaded Canada, yeah.

34:53

Not since we became so

34:55

good at weapons. Oh yeah,

34:57

we gotta run it back.

34:59

Yeah, I'm ready. I tell

35:02

you what. They burned down

35:04

Washington at 1812. I think

35:06

they don't know what you

35:08

got now. Let's go. It's

35:11

time. They're like, what's this

35:13

all about? 1812, motherfucker. Just

35:15

when you get all comfortable.

35:17

That'd be a great word

35:20

to set the South on.

35:22

Listen. Go, go do that.

35:24

You think? By the way,

35:27

the South does remember and

35:29

they need to fucking let

35:31

it go. Nah, I don't

35:33

know. The cap or caps

35:36

exploded. A small portion of

35:38

the copper from the

35:40

exploded cap struck the

35:43

lad's left eyeball. Boink!

35:45

Well, let's handle a

35:47

story. What's that? Is

35:50

that the point in the

35:52

article? Yeah. No. Point.

35:54

Point. Point. Be the

35:57

best. I'll subscribe. Sure.

36:00

I'd subscribe to that paper

36:02

now if it points as

36:04

big as I He's

36:09

been boy Talking

36:13

to Pierce's parents just say I'm

36:15

sorry, but his eyes been boy medically

36:18

speaking your boys suffered a Catastrophic

36:20

blink but a from a terrific

36:22

explosion. Well, that's how we made

36:24

him in the first place We

36:30

have fun. So what does that

36:32

mean? Well, we need $20 to get

36:34

the surgery back That's

36:37

a whole that's a whole

36:39

year salary. I understand. Well, listen,

36:41

it's pretty much the

36:43

price of four

36:45

magazines This is just

36:48

a little Still

36:50

sentence. These are my

36:52

favorite a banquet at

36:54

the zoological Society of

36:56

Ireland eggs set

36:58

from China 250 years

37:00

ago were served and pronounced

37:02

delicious God

37:05

every word of that

37:07

that happen

37:10

that didn't happen Bro,

37:12

stop that did not happen.

37:14

Do we know what kind

37:16

of egg? Yes. That's a

37:19

tea. Well Is how Gareth

37:21

would say Just tell

37:23

you, it's just important to me.

37:25

Yeah, egg was Chinese. Yeah, what

37:27

kind of egg would it be? Was

37:29

it relevant was Chinese was it does

37:31

it relevant? What

37:34

did the egg look like How'd

37:38

you know the egg was Chinese we know was I

37:44

don't think we're allowed to do this for

37:46

part any further I Don't

37:50

know I just know that

37:52

I've seen footage of like that

37:54

Sometimes you'll get a fish

37:56

that they've buried that's 150 years

37:58

old so and like pan or

38:00

something. That's like a delicacy. So

38:02

maybe this egg is a, you

38:04

know, maybe they figured out a

38:06

super old eggs. I mean, I've

38:09

been to bars in England and

38:11

I've seen eggs in some sort

38:13

of, uh, from all the hide

38:15

that people are still eating. Could

38:17

be pickled. Yeah. But England is

38:19

a terrible disturbing place. Come on.

38:21

Yeah, they wouldn't pronounce it delicious

38:23

if they would declare it. Yeah,

38:26

they would, they would have somebody declare it and nobody

38:28

would be allowed to disagree. It's

38:31

not true. You guys are really

38:34

shitting on another. Listen, I'm made

38:36

of two countries and they're both

38:38

legacy wise. Real good. Real

38:41

good spot. I'm

38:43

lucky. If

38:45

not, man wanted to get

38:47

free return. If not wanted,

38:50

wait. If not, man wanted.

38:52

Oh boy. If not, man

38:54

wanted. Oh, okay. If not,

38:56

man wanted to get free

38:58

return. Okay. So if he's

39:00

not a wanted man, I

39:02

think is what they're saying.

39:04

Oh, okay. New York. A

39:06

man describing himself as James

39:08

Thomas of Hollywood, California, ex

39:11

bootlegger and now a grocery

39:13

clerk has been brought here

39:15

under an agreement which provides

39:17

that he will receive apologies

39:19

and is trained fair home

39:21

if he has been falsely

39:23

arrested. I have

39:25

to jump in. I'm really sorry.

39:27

I know what's up with the

39:29

century 100 year old eggs. What?

39:33

You guys want to know? Did

39:35

you look it up? Yeah. So

39:38

it's just a term. 50

39:40

years old. No. It's a

39:42

duck egg. It's not actually

39:44

100 years old, but it

39:47

takes several weeks or months

39:49

to prepare through special preservation.

39:51

And it's a mixture of

39:53

clay, salt, ash, quick lime,

39:55

and it looks fucking like

39:57

if Beetlejuice were an egg.

39:59

Oh yeah, it's like a

40:01

black... one right yes what

40:03

what what yeah so it's

40:05

also the egg was black

40:07

okay what my mother has

40:09

just handed me my

40:12

mother my mother listening

40:14

from her quarters

40:16

no just handed me

40:18

a note English just so

40:20

you know Dorian English handed me

40:23

a note that

40:25

reads eggs are pickled

40:27

not in quote formaldehyde

40:29

defending the honor

40:31

of like you said

40:33

can't be wrong

40:35

who so annoying which

40:38

people cannot be wrong about

40:40

the despicable food I know

40:42

this is this no it's

40:44

true and the food that

40:46

they have there that's good

40:48

not from other countries they're

40:50

like we Indian food where

40:52

you think it came from

40:54

India I will say I have a friend

40:56

who just like spent like the last

40:58

like half a year traveling around

41:00

Asia and he did say

41:02

that having tried a bunch

41:04

of traditional Chinese food it's way

41:07

better here I

41:09

don't know why it

41:11

being Chinese food

41:13

really matters to that

41:15

story that's my apologies he

41:17

was traveling and he said that

41:19

the traditional food of the place

41:21

that he was in seems a

41:24

little unnecessary to be quite honest

41:26

my my apologies for bringing that

41:28

detail now did this same guy

41:30

ask you for five

41:32

dollars he only asked me

41:34

for two and ninety nine

41:36

actually just only one

41:39

gallon but he didn't show

41:41

up I send him my

41:43

address and everything happened to me

41:45

with Jodesy I gotta

41:47

say I think I would

41:49

rather die than eat one of

41:51

these eggs on that duck egg is

41:53

like zombie egg it is the

41:55

white part is black and then the

41:57

yolk is grayish yes yellow it's looks

42:00

it looks like it's like an egg

42:02

we're in like filmed in negative I've

42:08

heard they're great have you yeah wow

42:10

I just can't imagine I've heard to have

42:12

a very strong has your mom has

42:14

your mom had one gareth of those no

42:16

she was talking about like you go

42:18

into a pub in england and like they've

42:20

got those pickled eggs behind the bar

42:22

oh right yeah I've

42:24

had pickled eggs pickled eggs just

42:26

sound gross to me also no

42:28

they're not good this is where

42:30

we're gonna fight actually I'm okay

42:32

with it it's just like back

42:34

to the boiled peanuts conversation I

42:36

mean yeah they're no bangers in mash

42:39

mate yeah moment you've had pickled

42:41

eggs in the pub mom mainly

42:43

in the fish and chips fish

42:45

and chips shops yeah and you've

42:47

had one and it's good it's

42:49

nice yeah it throw in a

42:51

couple of eggs yeah she said she

42:53

would only eat one if she

42:55

was drunk so that's pretty much

42:57

all english food honestly what wouldn't

42:59

I eat if I was drunk

43:01

true fair fair well I can

43:03

tell you right now century old

43:05

eggs not drunk enough to slap them

43:07

up oh god oh give give

43:09

me any of the motherfuckers with

43:11

like some sausage give me some

43:13

blood sausage and some century old

43:16

eggs well it's one of those

43:18

things it's like if someone tells

43:20

you a delicacy okay you're in if

43:22

a deli gave it to you

43:24

you'd be like I can't eat

43:26

here this needs to be shut

43:28

down okay

43:30

uh okay so this this I'll

43:32

just start again a man describing

43:35

himself as James Thomas of Hollywood

43:37

Hollywood ex bootlegger and now grossly

43:39

clerk has been brought here under

43:41

an agreement which provides that he

43:43

will receive apologies at his train

43:45

fare home if he had been

43:47

falsely arrested okay right so he's

43:49

going all the way to New

43:51

York to see if he's been

43:53

falsely arrested which is yep weird

43:56

yep I

44:00

think the deal was I will go

44:02

with you if you pay for my

44:04

trip back. That's what it sounds like.

44:06

That's kind of, that kind of rips.

44:08

Yeah, but, but are they just paying

44:10

for a train ticket or does he

44:13

like get hotel rooms? Like is it

44:15

a journey back? Like is it a

44:17

nice vacation back? He takes it. I'm

44:19

too tired to travel any further today.

44:21

So here's my, I've got

44:23

my, I've got my route.

44:26

A couple days in Chicago.

44:28

38. Gotta get some of

44:30

that deep dish. That's how

44:32

they talk about. Authorities

44:35

believe Thomas is James

44:37

Thomas Rush, a forger who

44:40

embezzled 130,000 from a

44:42

bank here in 1924.

44:44

Where they would be

44:46

a grocery clerk. He's

44:48

from forger? Who is

44:50

a forger? So he wouldn't be

44:53

a grocery clerk now if he a

44:55

hundred thirty thousand is fucking

44:57

ch- that's millions then. It's

44:59

like eight magazines back then.

45:01

See I believe he's innocent just

45:04

because like why would you I

45:06

would make the deal that you would

45:08

send me back that's such confidence but

45:11

also he's a fraud. There are people

45:13

who do that though where you're

45:15

just like there's people are like

45:17

I can show them. I've watched that

45:19

one time say if I'm lying strike

45:21

me dead after he had just lied

45:24

and he was driving a car and

45:26

I was like, I'm in here with

45:28

you. Don't, you know, sometimes, yeah, like,

45:30

and there are people sometimes like, like

45:32

the guy who, do you ever see

45:34

the video, the guy who was like

45:36

pleading not guilty and then the judge

45:38

read like for murder and the judge

45:41

read back the things he'd Google the

45:43

night of the murder. and they just

45:45

get so bad. It's just like, can

45:47

you chop a body up and put

45:49

it in the recycle bin? And the

45:51

guys just sit in there like... A guy

45:53

can't be curious? A guy can't

45:56

have a curious mind? Yeah. Will

45:58

Bleach disintegrate a body? He's like,

46:00

hmm. I can't like science. Yeah,

46:02

what's wrong with, I like chemistry,

46:04

it's my side thing. Yeah, yeah.

46:06

I also like seeing if things

46:08

fit in other things. Here's a

46:10

picture of an egg I like. I mean,

46:13

the old dying thing. I'm a bit of,

46:15

yeah. Oh, that would be so smart.

46:17

Like, just Google and a

46:19

bunch of weird shit alongside

46:21

that. For you that's what we

46:23

should do just to prep in

46:25

case you ever want to murder

46:27

someone get rid of it start

46:29

now just with random weird Googles

46:31

for now just crazy stuff like

46:33

can eat dynamite? Just stuff

46:36

where like I'm a curious weirdo

46:38

judge and then like playing this

46:40

podcast in court and I'm like

46:42

fuck It's like we can now

46:44

never kill anybody because of this

46:47

podcast I know right I mean it's

46:49

too incriminating. Yeah, we'll see Thomas

46:51

waved extradition with the stipulation

46:53

that if New York witnesses

46:56

could not identify him as

46:58

rush, he would be released

47:00

with honors and given a

47:02

free trip back to California.

47:04

Okay. So having been, having

47:06

been held up when I was back

47:08

when I was a bank teller a

47:10

long time ago. Is that true? What

47:12

are you talking about? Yeah. I got

47:14

robbed held up? I got robbed twice

47:16

as a bank teller. Gun? I gave

47:18

way the most money in

47:21

the history of California from

47:23

a bank teller. What? What? I

47:25

did not know that. You didn't know

47:27

that? Shut up! So, um... Wasn't

47:29

that true? Why did you give

47:31

away the most? The guy was

47:33

like, that's enough, is to take

47:36

the fives. Yeah, but you guys

47:38

know me, right? I found my

47:40

money. I don't go get the

47:42

fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At some

47:44

point you just hate the job.

47:47

Just some random guy. You got

47:49

robbed twice, but the second time

47:51

you was like, was you getting

47:53

robbed? You hand a guy a

47:55

note? Like, take everything. This

47:58

guy tips you, dude.

48:00

This dude rolls in

48:02

and he is looking

48:04

not the best. So

48:06

he's probably on drugs

48:09

a black guy, Gareth.

48:11

That's not, Dave, that's

48:13

not relevant. It will

48:16

become relevant at the

48:18

end. So, uh, I

48:20

don't like that. It's

48:23

like summer and he's

48:25

got a big jacket

48:27

on and he's sweating

48:30

and it's just it's just not a

48:32

good Never good. It's not it's not

48:34

a good look. So he comes up and

48:36

he hands me a note and it says

48:39

I have a gun and I am going

48:41

I want money and so When you're a

48:43

bank teller you have like the drawer with

48:45

some money is in and below that you have

48:47

a little a little safe underneath a little

48:49

like locker thing Uh-huh and you're only supposed to

48:52

keep a certain amount of money in the drawer

48:54

and anytime you go over in the drawer

48:56

you put it down below and if between your

48:58

two areas you have $10,000 then you're supposed

49:00

to go to the main teller and say

49:02

hey, I need to put some of the

49:04

money in the safe so you never

49:06

over a certain amount Uh-huh. So I

49:08

was just being lazy and I had

49:10

like $14,000 and I didn't give shit.

49:12

So the guy rolls up and he

49:14

hands me a note and it says

49:17

give me all your money and I

49:19

take all the money out of the

49:21

drawer and I hand it to him and

49:23

then I go, you want the stuff down

49:25

below? And he goes, what? I have

49:27

more down here. And I reach that

49:29

and I unlock it and I take

49:31

all the money and I give him

49:34

the $14,000 dollars. And he takes

49:36

off. And then I'm just like, and

49:38

I turn around and I go, hey,

49:40

I just got robbed. And they're like,

49:42

what? I go, yeah, they took all

49:44

my money. They goes, did you hit

49:46

the alarm? And I was like, no,

49:49

I didn't hit the alarm. And then,

49:51

and then they're like, how much did

49:53

you have? And I was like, I

49:55

added a lot more than I'm saying. And

49:57

they were like, did he asked to

49:59

go? And then the Richmond bridge

50:01

takes you over to Oakland. So

50:03

for some reason, the cops and

50:05

Marin are like, this guy's done

50:07

his safe too. And so now

50:10

I'm in, I'm in Santa Feil,

50:12

which is, which is in Marin

50:14

County, and then there's the Richmond

50:16

Bridge, and then the Richmond Bridge

50:18

takes you over to Oakland. So

50:20

for some reason, the cops and

50:23

Marin are like, black guy, oh,

50:25

let's start pulling people over in

50:27

Richmond across the bridge. So they're

50:29

like, we think we have him.

50:32

And they drive me and this teller

50:34

over. Now she is a 19 year

50:36

old who is a Mormon who

50:38

is here on her mission or

50:41

something like she's straight from fucking

50:43

Utah. And they drive us both

50:45

over and they show her a

50:47

black guy. They show her a

50:49

black. Exactly. So yes. So they

50:52

so they. Oh my God. We

50:54

found him. Yes. Yes. He's black.

50:56

Arrest him. So. They've just got

50:58

this dude. They've got this dude

51:00

pulled over on the side of the

51:03

road. He's like, now the guy robbed

51:05

me, like a scraggly beard. This

51:07

guy's got like a decent beard and

51:09

he's kind of around the same age,

51:12

but there's like nothing similar at all.

51:14

It's just a black dude. And I

51:16

look at him, I go, nope, I

51:19

think, and I go, shut the fuck

51:21

up, that's not the guy, shut the

51:23

fuck up. And then she goes, oh,

51:26

I don't know why you're doing so

51:28

mean. I'm like, because that dude's life's

51:30

on the fucking line, that's why. And

51:33

then they had to let him go

51:35

and they were very disappointed that

51:37

they had to let him go.

51:39

And then like a month later,

51:41

the bank manager went to a

51:43

conference for the whole bank and

51:45

they gave her a standing ovation

51:47

when she walked in because I had

51:49

given away the most money in.

51:52

bank teller history. Like

51:54

it's fantastic. Without

51:56

going, yes, without going

51:58

to the fault. Wow, good for you.

52:01

Did the guy get away with it?

52:03

They ever catch the guy? They did

52:05

catch the guy because he kept, he

52:07

kept doing it. Because he was probably

52:10

like, man, it's crazy. 14 grand. I've

52:12

only got 10. I'll walk away from

52:14

10. 14. 14. 14. They, I never,

52:16

I never had a testify or anything

52:19

because I guess the guy just pleaded

52:21

guilty and so they didn't have to

52:23

do anything. But yeah. I hope it's

52:25

on the record that you're very nice.

52:28

I was just like, dude, let's go,

52:30

take it. What are we doing here?

52:32

Can I come with you? Take me

52:34

with you. Take the money and buy

52:37

me a beer. Let's go to BJ's.

52:39

He must have been so fucking shocked

52:41

to get that much money. Oh, so

52:43

happy. What a great month that guy

52:46

probably had. Right? Yeah. That feeling of

52:48

14 grand and you got away with

52:50

it. And again, look, if you work

52:52

at a place, it's not your money.

52:55

Do they treat you? Do they treat

52:57

you well? Probably not. Do they pay

52:59

you good? No, probably not. So, who

53:01

gives a fuck? Give them all the

53:03

fucking money. No one gets hurt. The

53:06

insurance covers it. Nobody gets hurt. Let

53:08

me say one more, and then we'll

53:10

get back. My buddy and I went

53:12

to the second hand store once, and

53:15

we bought, they had this ventralicus dummy

53:17

up on the top shelf shelf, and

53:19

the top shelf. And the price tag

53:21

was $250. $250 dollars. $250 dollars. $250

53:24

dollars. And so this woman's about to

53:26

bring us up and my buddy goes,

53:28

that's handwritten, right? And she was like,

53:30

yeah. And he goes, so you can

53:33

charge us like $5, right? And she

53:35

was like, okay. Thank you very much.

53:37

We're like, awesome. That's fun, great. You

53:39

just couldn't give less of a shit

53:42

for a day. And I had a

53:44

venture look at this topic. All right,

53:46

let's finish it out with some news,

53:48

Dave. Uh, yeah. Uncle Rescue's girl who

53:51

offered to sell herself in marriage for

53:53

$9,000. Let's go back to some personal

53:55

stuff. Let's keep off the paper. I

53:57

think that was a good momentum there.

54:00

We had some, we had some nice

54:02

riffs go and we just get back

54:04

to the riffs and stuff. Yeah, we

54:06

were there prior. Anyway, yeah, I have

54:09

a family, I love them. Yeah, well,

54:11

it's like my dad walked there, he's

54:13

one of them. Yeah, my mother, she's

54:15

a good lady. So wait, what's that

54:18

headlight again? Uncle Rescue's girl

54:20

who offered to sell herself

54:22

in marriage for $9,000. Sell

54:25

herself in marriage, meaning she

54:27

was going to do sex work

54:29

while they were married. Well, she

54:31

was just saying, I'll get married.

54:33

Her hand. Yeah, she is, okay.

54:35

She's $9. Wow, which yeah, which now

54:38

there's a version of that, which

54:40

is all over online, which is

54:42

you can have my virginity for,

54:44

you know, X amount. Yeah,

54:46

like I've sold my for like

54:48

15. Say. Three grinder

54:50

gas texts. Exactly,

54:53

dude. How do you

54:55

think I'm afforded my

54:57

lifestyle? That's how I

55:00

fed my evil shark

55:02

tank show. Wow. Okay,

55:04

so this story. Selling

55:07

your virginity is

55:09

so fucked up. It's

55:11

all about. It's really crazy.

55:13

Um, so alarm bells of

55:16

our society are yeah, yeah,

55:18

there's some signs of things

55:20

aren't going great. What you could

55:22

do it with someone that you like

55:24

or you could do with the

55:26

dude is going to give you

55:28

fucking $50,000 like take the cash

55:30

put a down payment down.

55:33

Okay, so this is out

55:35

of Pennsylvania and it's from

55:37

Frackville, Pennsylvania. This is not

55:40

as much money as I thought.

55:42

9,000. 9,000 back then was like only

55:44

that's like It's like what a hundred?

55:46

That's like a hundred and sixty

55:48

thousand That's a lot dude. I guess

55:50

well That's a hundred thousand R money

55:53

like that that's not an inconsiderable amount

55:55

of money, but like Yeah, I'll sell

55:57

my body for cheap, but I won't

55:59

sell my love Honestly, there's absolutely

56:01

zero down in my mind if

56:03

you made me that offer when

56:06

I lost mine that I would

56:08

without question taken. And by the

56:11

way, have no issue. For my

56:13

virginity, easy. Easy. Easy. Yeah. What

56:15

are we talking about? I'm not

56:18

even negotiating. Yeah. As long as

56:20

I'm doing the, I'm good. You

56:22

don't even need to pay me

56:25

the gas money to come over.

56:27

Yeah. I mean, I'll take that

56:30

out of mine. Don't negotiate yourself

56:32

down, but. Yeah, there are people

56:34

that are like, I want to

56:37

be in love, but there's also

56:39

a lot of people like, let's

56:41

just get this over with, like

56:44

I want to just do it

56:46

once, see what it's like, like

56:49

that's, yeah. Okay, so the curtain

56:51

has rung down on the romance

56:53

of Mary Luzuski, daughter of a

56:56

Frackville minor, the golden haired, and

56:58

then there's a picture of her

57:01

and she's got completely black hair,

57:03

blue-eyed 19-year-old skirt shirt, shirt, shirt-maker,

57:05

everyone talking in her native town

57:08

when she offered herself in marriage

57:10

in an effort to save her

57:12

father from debt. Oh, well, that's

57:15

cute. It all started like this.

57:17

Mary was in despair. All her

57:20

youth has been passed in the

57:22

smoky mining town near Pottsville, Pennsylvania.

57:24

She had been working in a

57:27

shirt factory ever since she was

57:29

15. She had seven younger brothers

57:31

and sisters whom she was helping

57:34

to support. And her father, the

57:36

father William, a Lithuanian, well, there

57:39

you go! There you go! It's

57:41

a fucking lit the way! I

57:43

told you this would be Lithuanian

57:46

shit! I love how pro-black you

57:48

are an anti-Lithuanian! We know the

57:50

reality! That is my brand. He

57:53

had been a minor for many

57:55

years, but his earnings were insufficient

57:58

for his large family. And Mary...

58:00

was growing more and more worried.

58:02

Her father owed $7,000 on the

58:05

mortgage and 2,000 other debts.

58:07

So they tried various

58:09

ways to give money, but with

58:11

no success. I like this. You

58:13

don't want to have any left

58:16

over. I know, right? No. Go

58:18

on $11 grand. Yeah. This is

58:20

also Dickensian. Yes. Yeah. It is

58:23

just, it's real bad. Yeah, every

58:25

day he's coming home from the

58:27

mind just like once again. We

58:29

don't probably not have enough money

58:32

to make it if only one of

58:34

us had the skills That's not

58:36

how Lithuanian people sound like how

58:39

what do they sound like? What

58:41

do they sound like? Let me

58:43

hear it Every day I come

58:45

home from C mine might be

58:48

better Yeah, that guy, that guy,

58:50

that guy, right there, that guy,

58:52

he watched some golden state basketball

58:55

in the late 90s and he

58:57

remembers. Surrinus Mosolonis, whatever

58:59

he was. Arvidos

59:01

Obonis? No, he's Russian.

59:04

Surinus Marsolonis? Swinus

59:07

Marsolonis? Where's

59:09

Lucca daunted from? Prussian?

59:12

That's, that makes sense

59:14

to me. No, I think

59:16

my accent was just like

59:18

gay Italian. My apologies. It's

59:20

Serritus Marcellus. It's a

59:23

good one. Serritus Marcellus was,

59:25

he was one of like

59:27

the first European basketball players in

59:29

the NBA. We let the dam,

59:32

we left it, we let him

59:34

come in and now they won't

59:36

leave our game alone. Oh, a million

59:39

percent. The shot clock

59:41

and the Eastern Europeans. Yeah!

59:44

I do have a theory that

59:46

you need like oppression to make

59:48

like basketball good and so like

59:50

as things get better in the country

59:53

we're gonna have less

59:55

great basketball plays. I wonder.

59:57

It'll be interesting. I wonder.

1:00:00

Like Janus was like black in

1:00:02

a racist ass country and he's

1:00:04

so good at basketball. Well that

1:00:06

guy is like the idea that

1:00:08

the Janus story is so it's

1:00:11

like a sliver through time where

1:00:13

you're like how in the fuck did

1:00:15

this happen? No what a

1:00:17

Horatio Al Jazeera type B

1:00:19

man like you're telling me

1:00:21

this guy is like there's

1:00:23

a there's a six ten

1:00:25

teenager selling sunglasses on the street.

1:00:28

I've done that. What the fuck

1:00:30

are you talking about? I

1:00:32

don't know that in college.

1:00:35

I was a 610 black

1:00:37

guy in Greece. It's not

1:00:39

real. Well, is it relevant

1:00:41

to the story that

1:00:43

you were black? I

1:00:45

think it is actually

1:00:47

for the first time.

1:00:50

It didn't happen. So

1:00:52

Mary had an inspiration.

1:00:54

Secretly she wrote to a

1:00:56

New York newspaper and offered herself to

1:00:58

any man who would pay $9,000 that

1:01:00

would save her family from ruin.

1:01:02

So the letter's long but she writes

1:01:04

it out and then then followed the

1:01:07

girl's name and address and the New

1:01:09

York paper published the letter.

1:01:11

That's also fucking wild. That's

1:01:13

crazy right there. Yeah, they're

1:01:15

publishing anything back then. Yeah, all

1:01:18

right, does anyone bang her for the

1:01:20

first time for money? That was

1:01:22

front page the New York

1:01:24

Post back then. Yeah, that's

1:01:26

front page back then. And

1:01:28

in Burbank, they're just

1:01:30

like, this is a pumpkin. That's

1:01:33

way more important that they

1:01:35

know this cantaloupe looks like

1:01:37

shit. Yeah, yeah. Local girls,

1:01:40

save from selling herself. Yeah.

1:01:42

Family save from girl giving

1:01:44

it up for the first

1:01:46

time. This is not a

1:01:48

cantalope. Letters Letters came pouring in. Mary

1:01:50

was bewilder. Oh my god. Oh yeah, but

1:01:53

this is a time when guys would read

1:01:55

about a woman in the paper and be

1:01:57

like, I'm ready to marry you now! Like it

1:01:59

was very... So of course dudes

1:02:01

are like, I'll buy that

1:02:03

one, she's only 15. That

1:02:05

makes sense. I heard that

1:02:07

the gross point. Let me

1:02:09

make a gross point before

1:02:11

you get it. The first

1:02:14

time, not what, not a good

1:02:16

time. What do you, oh, the

1:02:18

sex? Well, it's like, nobody,

1:02:20

nobody's good at it. It's

1:02:22

not a good, it's the.

1:02:24

It's not that I'm saying there's

1:02:26

a good arrangement for this.

1:02:29

No, no, it's not good.

1:02:31

No. But you're not going

1:02:33

to be like, that was

1:02:35

awesome. Like, well, you're investing

1:02:37

in potential here. You're investing

1:02:39

in potential here. This is

1:02:41

a shark tank one you

1:02:43

can do. I'll actually write this

1:02:45

idea. That is actually perfect. My

1:02:47

father does not have enough money

1:02:50

to pay for our mortgage. Therefore.

1:02:52

All right. Go ahead Dave, finish

1:02:54

this nightmare. Uh, letters came pouring

1:02:56

in. Mary was bewildered by the

1:02:58

power of the press and the

1:03:01

sudden notoriety. She had become a

1:03:03

heroine, a person of discussion outside

1:03:05

Freckville, as well as on its

1:03:07

streets. She talked to it. She

1:03:09

was the hot duet. She hot

1:03:11

duet. Oh man, totally there was

1:03:14

a podcast back then. If there

1:03:16

was a podcast industry, this will

1:03:18

be a household name now. It's

1:03:20

called Maddie Coyne. Then an offer

1:03:22

came as if from a fairy godfather.

1:03:25

An uncle in Boston had read

1:03:27

her letter in the paper. You

1:03:29

know, fuck my niece. No. No,

1:03:32

I'm kidding. He had not known

1:03:34

of the Pennsylvania family's distressing plight

1:03:36

before. And as soon as he

1:03:39

learned of it, he wrote to

1:03:41

them and offered them the 9,000

1:03:43

with no obligation on Mary's part.

1:03:46

Can we do it? Let's just

1:03:48

say, that's bullshit. I know, he

1:03:50

knew. Maybe it just got way

1:03:53

sad, but also I'm gonna do

1:03:55

an impression of all the sick

1:03:57

fucks who rode in. Oh, come

1:03:59

on! What is not

1:04:01

even a bidding process?

1:04:04

And he's not even

1:04:06

going to get

1:04:08

anything out of it?

1:04:11

What's the point? We

1:04:13

had a contract in

1:04:15

principle. That guy, at

1:04:17

the paper, I am

1:04:19

owed her. I want

1:04:21

what I was promised.

1:04:23

I had the right

1:04:25

to match the bid.

1:04:28

I mean, you can save

1:04:30

your money. That's two newspapers.

1:04:32

This ending is crazy. Today

1:04:34

Mary is happy in the

1:04:36

Luzuski home. The neighbors all

1:04:38

came to congratulate

1:04:41

her. Letters arrive from 43

1:04:43

more bidders, but Mary burned

1:04:45

them all. Fucking eggs. How

1:04:47

many dudes? I mean, what

1:04:49

in the fuck? It's gross.

1:04:51

And these are your grandfathers.

1:04:53

Yeah, what is your problem

1:04:56

out there? This is your

1:04:58

grandfather there. Yeah, here's might

1:05:00

have been there. This was

1:05:02

it. Don't, these are, these

1:05:04

are Garris people. Don't, look,

1:05:06

I'm just, yeah, shit. I

1:05:09

frankly do not think that

1:05:11

they were allowing my grandfather

1:05:13

to make a bid. He

1:05:15

probably wrote a letter. I

1:05:17

will say that there was

1:05:20

this video recently of this

1:05:22

woman who. Banged a hundred

1:05:24

guys for I don't even

1:05:26

know so sad and Two things

1:05:29

about it were it's just

1:05:31

her after the first

1:05:33

is that a hundred

1:05:35

guys are into that

1:05:37

I that still boggles

1:05:39

the mind that that

1:05:41

is a situation No,

1:05:43

everybody hates the male

1:05:46

loneliness epidemic, but as

1:05:48

soon as I start

1:05:50

putting forward solutions Oh my god.

1:05:52

Not to close it out. Oh my

1:05:54

god. That guy negotiating. I'll do it,

1:05:56

but I want to be 98 or

1:05:59

later. But then the

1:06:01

video, which you're talking about,

1:06:03

Dave, was her interview about

1:06:05

it, and clearly it was

1:06:07

fucking traumatic. She's like, she's

1:06:09

crying, she's talking about it.

1:06:11

She clearly has like trauma blocked

1:06:13

some of the event out. And

1:06:16

then again, but she's like, she's

1:06:18

basically saying, no, it was much

1:06:20

harder and worse than I thought

1:06:22

it would be. In the comments, the

1:06:24

amount of men who are like, why

1:06:26

the fuck she crying now. Yeah. And I'm

1:06:29

like, eh. What the actual fuck also

1:06:31

I feel like so I I feel

1:06:33

like if you're gonna you can't start

1:06:35

at a hundred That feels like

1:06:37

one of those things you work your

1:06:39

way up right I don't know she

1:06:41

certainly didn't feel like she'd done

1:06:43

50 before it feels like she went

1:06:45

up to like to the deep end

1:06:48

it's like no you can't start surfing

1:06:50

in the ocean dude you gotta stay

1:06:52

in the pond I think maybe that

1:06:54

is fair fair but either way at

1:06:56

she's like This is the word. I

1:06:58

mean the energy at that event.

1:07:01

It's horrific. Unreal. I was

1:07:03

more thinking of the smell.

1:07:05

All right everybody that's for

1:07:07

sure. There's no question that

1:07:09

this episode is over. This

1:07:11

episode has been over for

1:07:13

a minute. Dorian, thank you for

1:07:16

joining us. Please go see

1:07:18

your show. How often are

1:07:20

you doing the show? So

1:07:22

our premiere is in January. I'm

1:07:24

hoping to do a bi-monthly. Okay,

1:07:27

so we will, this episode

1:07:29

will probably be out right

1:07:31

around then. And it is

1:07:33

Verbos de Boes on Instagram. Yep,

1:07:35

Verbos de Boes or Evil Shark

1:07:37

Tank. Evil Shark Tank. Thank you

1:07:40

for joining us Dorian. Look forward

1:07:42

to having you back. And honestly,

1:07:44

the fact that you gave a

1:07:46

guy $5 instead of having him

1:07:48

come over on grinder is a...

1:07:50

Dare I say a legacy on

1:07:53

the show like this. I'm not

1:07:55

a business man. I'm a business

1:07:57

man. I don't think that's right.

1:07:59

Yeah, I do business. I

1:08:02

have a business. Five

1:08:04

dollars for driver gas.

1:08:06

I'm a small business

1:08:08

owner. I think you're

1:08:10

going in the wrong direction.

1:08:12

I'm a tiny business owner.

1:08:15

I'm not a business loan.

1:08:17

I need a business loan.

1:08:20

I need a business loan.

1:08:35

Oh, you like this podcast, do you?

1:08:37

Then you're going to love me

1:08:39

on the road doing stand-up. Go

1:08:42

to Gareth reynolds.com, if you are

1:08:44

in Richmond Heights, Missouri, St. Louis,

1:08:46

let's be honest, January 7th, January

1:08:48

8th, Indianapolis, Batavia, someone said online,

1:08:51

Illinois, January 9th through the 11th.

1:08:53

Cedar Rapids, Iowa, January 12th,

1:08:55

Minneapolis, Minnesota, January 15th

1:08:57

through the 18th. Then

1:08:59

I'll be in Buffalo, New York

1:09:02

on January 30th, Rutherford,

1:09:04

New Jersey, January 31st

1:09:06

through February 1st, Brea,

1:09:08

California, February 7th, Eureka, California,

1:09:11

February 11th, San Francisco, February

1:09:13

12th, Sacramento, February 13th, Naples,

1:09:15

March 24th. Charlotte, North Carolina,

1:09:18

North Carolina, April 13th. I

1:09:20

will be in Raleigh, North

1:09:23

Carolina, Virginia Beach, April 15th,

1:09:25

Richmond, Virginia, April 16th, Lutherville,

1:09:27

basically Baltimore, I think, April

1:09:30

17th, 18th, 19th, 19th, 19th,

1:09:32

and when a peg, this

1:09:35

summer in May. Go to

1:09:37

Gareth reynolds.com for tickets and

1:09:39

information, you're the Air Force. We need

1:09:42

you, Air Force, hashtag Air Force, Air

1:09:44

Force.