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out more. Toyota! Let's Go

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Places! We're going on tour and this

0:55

is it's been a while March 2025

0:57

is when our tour is happening First

0:59

of all, we're going to Tempe Arizona.

1:01

Maybe our favorite city of all time.

1:04

It's the best that is on March

1:06

16th and then we go to Albuquerque

1:08

New Mexico Maybe our favorite city ever

1:10

we've never gone to that's on March

1:12

17th and then we go to Oklahoma

1:15

City which is our favorite we often

1:17

say that it's our number one Yeah,

1:19

it's our number one, the best city

1:21

I've ever been to. That's on March

1:23

18th. On March 19th, we're going

1:25

to be in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Our

1:27

favorite city, without question. And

1:29

then we head to Dallas, Texas

1:32

on March 28th. Our favorite city.

1:34

There's never been a better city

1:36

than Dallas. If you don't like

1:38

it, you're a Dallas asshole. Thank

1:40

you. And then we go to

1:42

Houston, Texas on March 20th. by

1:44

far the best city and then

1:46

we end our tour in Austin

1:48

Texas on March 22nd at the

1:50

Cap City Comedy Club. It's the

1:52

best city. In the entire world.

1:54

Number one city in the world.

1:57

You can get tickets at dollar

1:59

podcast.com/ tour. Hi

2:05

everybody, welcome to the Pastime's podcast.

2:08

Each week we go through an

2:10

old newspaper from a random date

2:12

in history picked out by Dave

2:14

Anthony. I'm Garrett Reynolds and I've

2:16

never seen it before and neither

2:18

is our guest this week. And

2:20

normally I say the great and

2:22

I don't mean it. This week

2:24

I do mean the great. The

2:26

great David Keckner. Thank you for

2:28

joining us David. I'm humbled in

2:30

the presence of both of you.

2:32

I admire you both greatly and

2:34

I'm speaking that for the bottom

2:37

of my heart. I love what

2:39

you guys do. I love your

2:41

brilliance, which I can't even touch

2:44

the hem of your brilliance. It's

2:46

just remarkable and I really appreciate

2:49

what you're doing. Well, we love

2:51

you. We have independent loves of

2:53

you and a mutual love. And

2:56

that might sound like... You know we're

2:58

master, but we're not mad. We're

3:00

not masturbating about it. I don't

3:02

know if anyone's that sounds like

3:04

that sounds like goldilocks to me Yeah,

3:06

that's exactly what it is. We're poor.

3:08

Yeah And you're a Chiefs fan your

3:10

Chiefs are in the Super Bowl. This

3:12

will probably air after the Super Bowl,

3:14

but you're on the you're a road

3:16

dog People know you from a

3:19

tremendous amount of things. So many,

3:21

we can't even really mention, but

3:23

you're at David dash keckner.com for

3:26

your road dates. And people should

3:28

come and see you. You are

3:30

truly, not only. one of the

3:33

most hilarious guys one of the

3:35

nicest guys who's one of the

3:37

good guys yeah one of the

3:39

good guys people people meet David

3:42

in public to get a picture

3:44

they walk away and they're like

3:46

they're the biggest they're the biggest

3:48

David Kecker fans they're always

3:50

like guys unbelievable

3:52

yeah literally every person you know

3:54

my goal isn't that what don't leave

3:57

anyone with a story how was

3:59

yes nice guy End of story. How was

4:01

he? Ah, yeah. Kind of a dick. What? Yeah.

4:03

I honestly think people do have

4:05

stories, but they're all positive. They're,

4:07

David's a kind of famous guy,

4:09

who'll go, let's get a picture.

4:11

And people are like, I wouldn't

4:14

even, wow. I don't want a

4:16

picture. You're taking a picture. And

4:18

we're all going to be smiling.

4:20

They're always always going, why don't

4:22

want to bother you. You already have.

4:24

Yeah. See, this is behind

4:26

the smile. This is behind

4:29

the smile. Over time, it

4:31

is, I have learned to

4:33

dispatch this with a plum.

4:35

You know, I organize it,

4:37

I say, one person handles

4:39

the camera, will do all

4:42

the pictures, one at a

4:44

time, now you, now you,

4:46

because that way it's done.

4:48

You've got to have a...

4:50

a quarterback to run the camera

4:53

operate because you can be

4:55

sitting there for five minutes

4:57

hearing the same material you've

4:59

heard from a group of

5:01

people trying to take a

5:03

picture before and you go I'm not

5:05

laughing as hard as everybody else

5:08

here right yeah the only time

5:10

I'm a bit prickly is if I'm

5:12

sitting having a meal yeah you know

5:14

yeah and that's when they come up

5:17

to you or better sit down at your

5:19

table. Oh yeah I haven't had that.

5:21

I've had people I had a guy.

5:23

I remember one guy came and stood

5:25

next to me and I was just

5:27

eating and he just kept standing there

5:29

and I was like hey and he's

5:31

like I'm a big fan and then

5:33

he just kept standing there and I'm

5:35

like okay so this is now really

5:37

uncomfortable and I feel weird. Everybody feels

5:39

weird except you feel good. Yeah but

5:41

you know also when the levee breaks

5:43

all bets are off and now there's

5:45

a line and but he did it

5:47

oh good we're picture time yeah yeah

5:49

see we're lucky there's never a

5:51

line we never have a line

5:54

we don't we're not we're not

5:56

line famous well then they're not

5:58

paying attention I agree that's we

6:00

keep yelling. Yeah, we screen

6:02

that. Do we just go

6:04

out on the street and

6:06

screen that? Yeah, yeah, we've

6:08

been a lot in trouble.

6:10

All right, David, well listen,

6:12

you know, you know the

6:14

premise of the show. We're

6:16

going to go through a

6:18

newspaper. It's going to be

6:21

old. Dave, we'll have picked

6:23

it out. And we're going

6:25

to guess the year. I

6:27

have been drinking. What year this

6:29

could start from 1700. I think that

6:31

would be safe or it could potentially

6:33

go You know it could be 19.

6:36

Our latest was 2001. It's up to

6:38

you. So I'd to guess the exact

6:40

year do I have a right? If

6:42

you don't guess the year We don't

6:45

go on with this you have a

6:47

range that can be a range. The

6:49

good news is you're gonna win because

6:51

Dave will say you win no matter

6:54

what's not true. You want a couple

6:56

Garrett or gar Thank you.

6:58

Remember what happened

7:00

last year? Yes. At this

7:02

time of the year. Yes.

7:05

David, I don't know your

7:07

middle name. Sean. David

7:09

Sean Elliot will provide

7:12

me no quarter. Because

7:14

last year, at this

7:16

time, we beat the

7:18

San Francisco 49ers. You

7:20

did. For the second

7:22

time. in four years.

7:24

You're saying they cheated

7:26

Dave? Yeah, they cheated.

7:28

Interesting. I thought you're

7:30

addressing me gar. Never

7:32

sir. Do people commonly

7:34

know that your parents

7:36

call you gar? No,

7:38

I've been trying to keep

7:41

that under wrap for a

7:43

long time. Have you taken

7:45

that out of your routine?

7:47

That was recorded, therefore no

7:50

longer in the routine. I

7:52

can't believe you remember that.

7:54

Well, my favorite things in

7:56

the world. Well, can I

7:58

tell a story very... quickly,

8:00

very quickly. So David and

8:02

I were going on the road for a

8:05

very stupid show. and we were in New

8:07

York hanging out and I had some pot

8:09

I think I'm okay to say that I

8:11

had a little pot and David and I

8:13

smoked a little pot we went to an

8:15

open mic and we had been talking all

8:17

day about this show we were taking on

8:20

the road and how we should end it

8:22

with music David was like always end with

8:24

music always end with me and I'm going

8:26

yeah I totally I was kind of writing

8:28

it was like a corporate thing whatever

8:30

so so we go to this open mic

8:32

and David says he doesn't really want

8:34

to go up really want to go

8:36

up. I'm not very good. Yeah, I should

8:38

point out we were very high. And we

8:41

were very high and we go to the

8:43

show and I do my set and then

8:45

after I do my set David says, you

8:47

know, I think I will do a set.

8:49

I mean, you know, we're talking 15 people

8:51

in the room. And so David goes up.

8:53

And he's, he's, you know, you're doing well.

8:55

I mean, it's very warm because this is

8:58

an open mic and David Kecker's. So people

9:00

are like, Jesus Christ, this show is like

9:02

$2. And whatever. And then at the very

9:04

end, not knowing how to close out, David

9:06

just starts doing this like, I wish

9:08

we could all leave together. I love the

9:10

audience. And everyone's sort of looking like,

9:12

what the fuck is going on? And

9:14

he gets a laugh or whatever. And

9:17

then he sits next to me and

9:19

he sits next to me and he

9:21

goes. always close with

9:23

me. Oh dear gosh it

9:25

was so god damn funny.

9:27

Why I was making put

9:29

myself right? You were you

9:31

were I feel I look

9:34

back on it and I think

9:36

it was a joke just for

9:38

me and it was it made

9:40

me It worked for everyone, but

9:42

I was fucking dying. I was

9:45

like, he just riffed a song

9:47

just to close the music per

9:49

our conversation. So, all right, David,

9:51

guess the year. What year do

9:53

you think? Pick a year, any year.

9:56

You're going to win, no matter what.

9:58

That's the goodness. No. Wait,

10:00

am I guessing you're now for a

10:02

story? Just guess it. Guess the

10:04

year. No, and we're not giving

10:06

you anything. Guess the year of this

10:09

paper. Wait, guess a year of, I

10:11

thought I was going to hear a

10:13

story and guess a year. No? Do

10:15

you want a headline? I'll give you

10:18

a headline. Old paper. I'll give you

10:20

a headline. A lot like the dollop.

10:22

We're going to go through an old

10:24

newspaper. So this paper will probably be

10:27

you. Here's the headline,

10:29

a terrible array

10:31

of fatal sunstroke

10:33

in St. Louis and

10:35

elsewhere. It's 1995. All

10:37

of those. He's like, when

10:39

was it really hot? I'll

10:41

go 1922. It's 1828.

10:43

Oh shit. It was always hot.

10:46

Can I tell you the

10:48

reason I guess 1995? Yes.

10:50

That was the big. Because

10:53

you said it's you centric, now

10:55

I understand because it was St.

10:57

Louis, but you said you centric,

10:59

that was the year I was

11:01

hired onto S&L and there was

11:03

a heat wave in Chicago. Yeah.

11:05

They killed 500 people. Oh my

11:07

God. Yes. And in my interview

11:09

with Lauren Michaels, because that's the

11:11

third thing you do, you do

11:13

two auditions. You do a sit.

11:15

Then you're flown out for the

11:17

final. And we're talking. And I mentioned

11:20

that, because Lawrence would

11:22

talk baseball, I don't

11:25

really about baseball, and

11:27

I was talking about

11:29

the paper, this act,

11:32

blah, blah, blah. I said,

11:34

by the way, do you know that

11:36

500 people have died

11:39

this summer from heat

11:41

stroke? And Lauren said

11:43

this, we're done talking

11:45

about that now. Oh wow,

11:47

it's specifically about

11:49

that one. Yeah, I got

11:52

the book. Oh wow. So the

11:54

opposite of Lauren, we're not, we're

11:56

not, we're not, we're not, we're

11:58

not, oh no, weird. Okay,

12:00

yes, it's 1878, it's July 14th,

12:03

1878, it is the Kansas City

12:05

Journal from Kansas City, Missouri. I

12:07

had a feeling. Wow, where there

12:09

is a team called

12:11

the Chiefs. That's right.

12:13

Nothing, which I consider

12:15

to be a racist

12:18

name. A terrible array

12:20

of fatal sunstroke in

12:22

St. Louis and elsewhere.

12:24

This afternoon was the

12:26

hottest of the season.

12:28

The mercury ranging between

12:30

9 and 4 o'clock

12:32

from 90 to over

12:34

100 in the shade.

12:36

Wow. So a shady

12:38

100 is hot. And

12:40

also really what we're

12:42

dealing with now is

12:44

far worse. No, no,

12:46

we're not. No, we're

12:49

not big. No, no.

12:51

Oh, yeah. No. I

12:53

was just in, I

12:55

was just in Texas. I

12:57

have this bit in my set

12:59

about searching for a

13:01

replacement fuel, a clean

13:03

burning replacement fuel. And I

13:05

start by saying, you know,

13:07

we all know that climate

13:09

change is real. And you're

13:12

in Texas, in Austin, and

13:14

you think, well, they, and

13:16

then you get this grumbling

13:18

grumbling going on. And you're

13:20

like, this is just the

13:22

premise. Yeah, premise grumbles.

13:25

Nearly 30 cases of sunstroke

13:27

reported at the city

13:29

dispensary and hospital during

13:31

the day and fully

13:33

as many more have

13:35

probably occurred in which

13:37

the authorities have no record.

13:40

Hosts saying that, yeah, there's people

13:42

out there who are like in

13:44

a house somewhere in there. Yeah,

13:46

they just died or died

13:48

or whatever. Rotting. Yeah, right,

13:50

yeah, just bubbling. Nearly every

13:53

physician one meets can

13:55

report from one to three

13:57

cases in his private practice.

14:00

Okay, I mean it it really

14:02

does like we should on

14:04

this country a lot

14:07

obviously air conditioning

14:09

wise this country we

14:12

are killing unlike any

14:14

other. Yeah, we did

14:16

respond in some capacity.

14:19

I went to we

14:21

went on vacation to

14:23

Scotland and we got

14:26

to Glasgow and there

14:28

was a heat wave. There was

14:30

no air conditioning in the it's

14:32

a fancy hotel. No air conditioning

14:34

in the hotel. You can't even

14:36

open the windows It's just like

14:38

you're just gonna die in there.

14:40

So hot you take your own

14:42

life if you could Good swing

14:44

there my friend. I couldn't even

14:46

and do we know why David

14:49

you're gonna finish the story? Why

14:51

why there's no? Because it's not

14:53

not supposed to be hot there.

14:55

Here's out here to four because

14:57

it hasn't been for years and

15:00

years right for now it is since

15:02

they built that hotel yes yeah they

15:04

were never like yeah why would you

15:06

air conditioner why yeah no they really

15:08

do think that yeah they they they're

15:11

and they don't even like my

15:13

mother lives in England there's

15:15

not even the most they'll do

15:17

is one of those wall like

15:19

super glued wall units that's

15:22

like at most where if you stand

15:24

in front of it's nice For

15:26

a second, I thought you

15:28

were going to make the

15:31

sound of the air conditioner.

15:33

I'm going to Michael Winslow

15:35

my way through this. Well,

15:37

when you said, you said

15:40

those wall, those wall, wall,

15:42

wall, wall, wall. I was

15:44

going to say, David,

15:46

that's a, Garrett, that's

15:49

a fan. Oh, that's what

15:51

they call it. Okay. Yeah,

15:53

I mean, the amount of.

15:56

electricity. We consume in

15:58

this country. Oh, it's crazy.

16:01

It's just, you know, people

16:03

don't understand that a, your,

16:05

your, your charger, which is plugged

16:08

in all the time to

16:10

the, the wall, and when

16:12

you walk away from it,

16:14

it's leaching. Every, every single

16:16

one of our outlets is

16:18

leaching electricity all the

16:20

time. Have you guys been

16:22

in, you've been to New

16:24

Zealand. Yes. Yes. And each,

16:26

each wall outlet has. So they do

16:28

in a lot of European countries too.

16:31

Or they turn it off. Yeah. That

16:33

you have, you just, also when you

16:35

go to hotels, they'll give you a

16:37

key and your hotel room key, you

16:39

have to slip into a thing to

16:41

power you. I mean, the first time

16:43

you go in there is an American,

16:45

you're like, they gave me a shit

16:47

room. And you've got to put your

16:49

key in the thing to power your

16:51

room and then when you leave you

16:53

have to take your key to come

16:55

back in your room. So there's no

16:57

power while it being used. The entire

16:59

unit is shut down. Yes. Common

17:02

sense. Yes. And here we would

17:04

shoot people at the front desk

17:06

for this decision. Yeah. I need

17:08

new room. I'm checking out at

17:10

the hotel. Yeah. Yeah. The other

17:12

night I was speaking tool just

17:15

to give you the way America

17:17

thinks. My touring partner, Rob Bear,

17:19

and we were having, he was having

17:21

a whiskey at night and I

17:24

no longer drink, so I was

17:26

having a pint of ice cream.

17:28

Oh, I thought. And I told her with

17:30

them, I said, I don't drink

17:32

and this is my last vice

17:35

and I have to get rid

17:37

of this because I am pre-diabetic.

17:39

And the woman couldn't wrap her

17:41

head around it. She's like, what

17:43

do you mean? I said, my

17:46

doctor said, I can't do this

17:48

anymore. He says, what do you mean?

17:50

Your doctor said that. I said, well, my

17:52

doctor, my physician, who I've known 20 years,

17:54

she said, well, that's a doctor, I mean.

17:56

And then she followed up with this. I

17:58

mean, this is a. America!

18:01

It's tough

18:03

when you're

18:05

trying. You're

18:07

right. I'll just

18:10

listen to this

18:12

lady giving me

18:15

ice cream. It's

18:17

tough when you're

18:20

trying to have...

18:23

a conversation with adults

18:25

who are near your age

18:27

and just finding points of

18:29

interest or things to discuss.

18:31

And then after a couple

18:33

minutes, you're like, ah, I

18:35

just want to end this

18:37

because it's boring. Yeah. You

18:40

can just serve quickly like,

18:42

oh, there's no curiosity in

18:44

your mind. Yes, that's all

18:46

I am. And so I don't care to

18:48

talk to you more. That's why

18:50

an assistant can be good

18:52

for that. I would imagine

18:54

you, does your assistant travel

18:56

with you? She's my production

18:58

partner. No, she doesn't. Because

19:00

that would be helpful. If

19:03

you could just give the signal. Yeah,

19:05

and we have to go. No, she's,

19:07

I don't think she would still be

19:09

working with me if she traveled with

19:12

me. Would you agree? You don't know?

19:14

That'd be kind of fun though, if

19:16

half the job was just travel.

19:19

You should have had no. She's

19:21

very upset with you. She's very

19:23

upset with you. Not even like

19:25

a big no, just this. Yeah,

19:28

right. A dismissive, a dismissive

19:30

no. Not even worth a full head

19:32

shake. Just, yeah. Yeah. All right,

19:35

David, David, David, Anthony. 16

19:37

deaths have occurred today from

19:39

this cause alone and 22

19:41

burial permits have been granted

19:44

in three days. It is not

19:46

unusual to have the same degree

19:48

of heat here, but so many

19:50

cases of sunstroke and so many

19:52

deaths from that cause in the

19:54

same length of time have never

19:56

been known before. Well, buckle

19:58

up. Thomas Mann who a humorist,

20:01

humorist, humorist writer

20:03

on the Republican of this

20:05

city, over the signature of

20:07

IX Polk, fell dead in the

20:10

streets of Elston today from

20:12

a sunstroke. He had numerous

20:14

friends in New York. Well,

20:16

that last part's pretty weird.

20:19

They took it from anonymous deaths

20:21

and then they personalized it. Right.

20:23

The guy, you guys all know,

20:26

the funny writer. He's dead. He's

20:28

dead. He's dead. He had

20:30

friends in New York. The

20:32

son has taken him. Was

20:35

he a writer or

20:37

just a humorist? He

20:39

was a humorist writer. Were

20:41

you aware of him? No.

20:44

I, yeah, I'm one of

20:46

the people who didn't

20:48

care that he died. Wow.

20:50

This is from the same

20:52

paper, correct? Oh yeah. What

20:55

year was it? 1878. Oh,

20:58

that's uh, I'm not your guy. I

21:01

don't know. I don't know why we

21:03

got a I just want to

21:05

know if Twain felt actually

21:07

He's alive. He's he's he's

21:09

he's like 40 you're cute

21:11

Cus says he's still alive.

21:13

Oh, you mean back then

21:15

I thought you meant now the

21:17

reason I'm interested

21:20

was Was Twain secretly

21:22

happy? Yeah, well, he did yeah,

21:24

he had some issues with other

21:27

People he was a big

21:29

He liked to get into fights

21:31

with people. So maybe I'm sure

21:33

he didn't look I sure he

21:35

is the exact type personality that

21:38

would just be like God your

21:40

writing. It's just not funny. It's

21:42

shit He would very much be

21:44

that guy Twain's brilliance still resonates

21:47

and it does still just astounding.

21:49

I mean, yeah, it's it you

21:52

know as they say I think

21:54

I'm quoting gar rentals, rut rentals,

21:56

rut, rut, rut, ruttles, wit is

21:58

brevity of the soul. I think that

22:01

a lot of people give me

22:03

credit for that. Yeah, I'm sorry.

22:05

It may have been Oscar Wild,

22:07

but anyway. No, that was me.

22:10

It was you. He's still a

22:12

ton of my shit, dude. Yeah.

22:14

Though he predates you, he has

22:16

certainly been. I know. Still. Did

22:18

you, I know we were short

22:21

in time, but I just feel

22:23

like a buddy of mine read

22:25

several tomes on Twain. Twain had

22:27

a. a group of gentlemen and

22:30

I think they were called the

22:32

Sunshine Club. Huh. And were you

22:34

aware this? And they invited,

22:36

they would entertain 13 year

22:38

old girls at these. Oh dear.

22:40

Oh, I know it hurts. Never

22:43

feels right. Never felt right. This

22:45

is a different story, but the

22:47

hot wet, this is like a

22:49

cold. So the whole thing is

22:51

hot weather based. Yeah, the hot

22:54

weather drives both man and beast

22:56

to water. The cows stand in

22:58

ponds and rivers nearly all day

23:00

and bathers are numerous. Oh, so

23:03

man and beast are bathing together

23:05

in the same holes? Yeah, the

23:07

cows, yeah, the cows and horses

23:09

are getting in the river. That's

23:12

been a dream of mine. So

23:14

this isn't, this isn't India. Yes,

23:16

that's right. Yeah, right. And this

23:18

is the other. Okay. Okay, so

23:21

we're guessing another date. No, same

23:23

day. This is all one paper. All

23:25

we're just gonna do one paper

23:27

the whole thing. So this is

23:29

Becky's taking over. But I've

23:31

often wanted to be like, you

23:33

know, next to a gazelle drinking

23:36

while I'm kind of washing my

23:38

underballs. Just sort of like, we're

23:40

all, and we're all going like, hey,

23:42

I hope there's not a crocodile under

23:45

here. So I just want to.

23:47

Go ahead. You have always wanted

23:50

to be in a pond or

23:52

a river washing your underballs next

23:54

to a gazelle. Yeah, and like

23:57

the St. Louis Wildlife, like the

23:59

gazelle? Yeah, go ahead. The two

24:01

David's are really ganging up

24:03

on the one guard. No,

24:05

no, sir. I'm just, are

24:07

you at the zoo? I

24:09

don't know. I'm at the,

24:11

like, park. There's like, menagerie,

24:13

maybe, at best. Sir, sir.

24:16

Yeah, go ahead. David Keckner

24:18

with a follow-up? Gazzell, is

24:20

not, St. Louis. True. Well,

24:22

mine, I'm not supposed to

24:24

be in the, everything's kooky.

24:26

There's a heat wave. We're

24:28

all doing stuff that's a

24:30

little out of the ordinary.

24:32

Gazelles and I are, hold

24:34

on Dave, I mean, what?

24:36

I guess we're wondering why

24:38

there's a gazelle next to

24:40

you in. There's a bunch

24:42

of them. It's non-native habitat.

24:44

Why am I in St.

24:46

Louis? I'm from Milwaukee. I

24:48

live in LA. What am

24:50

I, what am I, you

24:52

know what I mean? Okay,

24:54

also, you're all doing crazy.

24:56

Let me finish for you

24:58

guys. We're all doing crazy

25:00

shit. Okay. Do you consider

25:02

the gazelle to be a

25:04

ball friendly animal? And you

25:06

know how the watering hole

25:08

is. It's the Vegas lake.

25:10

What happens in there's days?

25:12

We're all doing stuff. Go

25:14

ahead. I've seen water holes

25:16

like they actually you can

25:18

watch live YouTube streams of

25:20

water holes in Africa and

25:22

I've never seen anyone go

25:24

to one. and wash their

25:26

balls. Because it's not hot

25:28

there. This St. Louis heat

25:30

is almost 100 degrees. I'm

25:32

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not

25:34

gonna keep, I can't, I

25:36

can't keep doing it. I

25:38

can't keep. Anyone listening right

25:40

now is going, oh my

25:42

God, one guy is so

25:44

right and then the other

25:46

two guys are being awful

25:48

to him. I agree with

25:50

you, I agree with you,

25:52

but I just refer clarification.

25:54

Yeah, yeah. I think your

25:56

last statement was, it's not

25:58

hot there. Our friend David

26:00

Sean said that's in Africa

26:02

It's not in Africa Lewis

26:04

Heat Wave Hot, no. Oh,

26:06

yeah. So we're all, okay.

26:08

I don't know why, I

26:10

don't know why we're. You're

26:12

right. Thank you. Thank you.

26:14

What's your name? Patrick, but

26:16

I don't want you to

26:18

use that for any sort

26:20

of fraudulent purposes, but it's

26:22

Patrick. Well, my, my, my

26:24

son's coming back. Okay, good.

26:26

See, well, now we're all

26:28

starting to agree a little

26:30

bit more. 90 or so,

26:32

right. Right. We're in the

26:34

entire time. Yeah, okay, good.

26:36

It's only your your incredibly

26:38

thin skin that has provoked

26:41

you into some. By the

26:43

way, thin skin, that's the

26:45

underballs. Is that called a

26:47

bring back? I'm not in

26:49

comedy. Is that a bring

26:51

back? That's a force back.

26:53

Folks, just so you know,

26:55

folks, in the idiom in

26:57

which we work, which is

26:59

comedy, people try to sometimes,

27:01

attach themselves to some of

27:03

our language, there's a thing

27:05

we all call a callback

27:07

when there is an appropriate

27:09

reference that might fit in

27:11

comedy-wise into whatever piece of

27:13

comedy we're doing. It's not

27:15

a bring back. No, it's

27:17

not a bring back. And

27:19

let's also point out that

27:21

the callback is very helpful

27:23

to the weak joke, which

27:25

is why I felt very

27:27

important to Utilus. Okay, I

27:29

have one last thing to

27:31

say about you and the

27:33

gazelle and then we got

27:35

to move on because it's

27:37

just them whole media circus

27:39

around this gazelle me thing

27:41

has just been crazy last

27:43

thing okay if I may

27:45

yes you may of course

27:47

the thought that ran through

27:49

the gazelle's mind what you

27:51

parked yourself next to it

27:53

and it was polite enough

27:55

to not run was this.

28:00

Jesus, I hope nobody thinks

28:02

he's with me. So one

28:04

time I was praying for

28:07

a crocodile to bite its

28:09

head. That was the least

28:11

of its concern. Yeah, he

28:14

was also, the other thought

28:16

was, this guy's going to

28:18

tip his balls in the

28:21

water I'm drinking? Is this

28:23

real? I go balls first

28:25

drink second. I want to

28:28

taste myself. You're a gentleman.

28:30

Of course. I'm between. Yeah.

28:32

Yeah. I just have to

28:35

make note. I got two

28:37

bent over turtles from David

28:40

Sean. Oh yes. Yeah. Maybe

28:42

more than I've had my

28:44

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29:48

with an umbrella was overtaken

29:50

by a young whirlwind yesterday.

29:52

Oh no. And as he

29:54

didn't, he got popped. And

29:56

as he didn't feel like

29:58

making a. balloon ascension himself

30:01

he let go is happening

30:03

well he let go didn't

30:05

make a what a balloon a balloon like

30:07

fly up like a balloon he let

30:09

the old parasol go up alone

30:12

it sailed around over the trees

30:14

and houses for a few minutes

30:16

and then dropped and the boy

30:18

recovered it again this is in

30:20

the paper yeah it's such an almost

30:22

story like had he held on

30:25

then you got a story then

30:27

you got a story But this

30:29

is just an umbrella

30:31

went. Who, okay, what was the

30:33

name of the man who passed

30:36

whose last name was Man?

30:38

Uh, Gary? Was it Gary

30:41

Man? No, not Gary

30:43

Man, formerly of Comedy

30:45

Central. The humorist who

30:47

passed away in that

30:50

humor. Yeah, the guy. Humorous

30:52

guy. Oh, um... I can't

30:55

believe you just said Gary

30:57

Mann, who I believe is

30:59

very much a lot. Yeah,

31:01

he is. Mason, Thomas, Thomas,

31:03

Mason, Man? No, just

31:06

Thomas Mason. Oh, I heard wrong.

31:08

Okay, would you believe this?

31:11

The last article published

31:13

by Thomas Mason was

31:16

that report. It

31:19

would be very fitting for the

31:22

parasol boy. First of all,

31:24

who reports that story? It's

31:26

very strange to be this

31:28

early in the paper with

31:30

a story like that. I

31:33

agree. Oh, interesting, yeah. Yeah, the

31:35

reporter's just like walking around

31:37

like, nain't nothing happening in

31:39

this hot town. Whoa! Boy,

31:41

come there, boy, do you

31:43

have a... What the hell

31:45

just happened! How are things

31:47

with you in this heat

31:49

wave, son? That's so good,

31:52

mister. Yeah, well, sort of.

31:54

Let me lick the tip

31:56

of my lead pencil and

31:58

then write it down. It's

32:00

a juicy one. Wouldn't that become a

32:03

thing you lick the day of your

32:05

lead? Great question. It's great question. Yeah,

32:07

why did they do it? It must

32:09

have had an effect or else they

32:12

wouldn't do it. No, it didn't know

32:14

it couldn't have. But before the in

32:16

the in the in the time period when

32:18

they did that it was lead. Yes,

32:21

it was lead and I would imagine

32:23

like ink I could understand giving a

32:25

lick well over pencil. And lad, you're

32:28

right, David. There's probably a

32:30

lot like, boy, this tongue

32:32

cancer is just killing these

32:35

reporters. What is the connection? Gareth,

32:37

I know that you have stated

32:39

that you feel you have been

32:41

unfairly attacked, but I don't think

32:44

myself, nor the other David,

32:46

would understand. You saying oh I

32:48

can see licking no I'm out

32:50

of the two I'm saying out

32:53

of the two which one is

32:55

which one Rick leads on liquid

32:57

more I you can the ink he

32:59

loved you've never licked the

33:02

pen come on get out of

33:04

the ivory tower you two get

33:07

down to the trenches with the

33:09

guys I had to stop building

33:11

it they wouldn't let me

33:13

have any more ivory sure

33:16

So now it's just kind

33:18

of like a, like an

33:20

ivory garage. Well, no, the,

33:22

the, the, the, the, the,

33:24

the, the, the, the, the,

33:26

the, the shed. No, it's

33:28

not, I didn't use that

33:31

far. I mean, I, I

33:33

got the, the foundation was

33:35

made of, I read, and then,

33:37

you can't even see it, you know,

33:39

I guess, by the way, do.

33:41

The old material of solid graphite was

33:44

very dense and did not leave much

33:46

of a mark on paper. In order

33:48

to leave a clear mark on the

33:51

paper, people would wet or lick the

33:53

end of a pencil to make it

33:55

flow like a pen. Oh, so it

33:58

was like liquidity, the graphite. was

34:00

like so that liquid it was

34:02

graphite though they would make it

34:05

yes but then I get when

34:07

you when you made it wet

34:09

it would get a little liquidy

34:12

type all right Dave now you're

34:14

just kind of working blue and

34:17

I don't think a lot of

34:19

things when you touch the end

34:21

I got a little liquidity your

34:24

mind went blue mine didn't even

34:26

though the stuff was talking the

34:28

last thing I said I was

34:31

talking about a penis Jesus Christ

34:33

I wasn't even which was pencil-like

34:36

if it's correctly manipulated. That's right

34:38

correct the tip tip got liquid.

34:40

I heard I heard tip David

34:43

Sean is it S. E. A.

34:45

N. S. E. N. Yes the

34:47

Irish. Yes how old was the

34:50

boy? I think he was I

34:52

think it said he was eight.

34:55

Wait a minute. So somebody. An

34:57

eight-year-old. Yes. Yes. I mean, he

34:59

could have been younger. I mean,

35:02

I'm surprised they didn't put in

35:04

his address in. They used to

35:06

do that all the time. They'd

35:09

say where he lived. I'm surprised

35:11

the boy let go. If I'm

35:14

being honest. I used a boy,

35:16

there's no way. There's no way

35:18

would have had the where with

35:21

all the light it go. Well,

35:23

the report was probably standing there.

35:25

A whirlwind. You

35:28

get hot wind? Oh David,

35:30

you get hot wind. Stop!

35:32

What? Well, yes, yes Dar,

35:34

what? No, it's just, come

35:36

on. I know I'm the

35:38

guy who washed his balls

35:41

next to the gazelle and

35:43

just said lick the tip.

35:45

But I'm also saying, let's,

35:47

come on now, we don't

35:49

need to do hot wind

35:51

stuff. We're better than that.

35:54

Well, I'm just curious that

35:56

people are dying. And suddenly,

35:58

there's a convection. oven going

36:00

on too. Yeah, hot air.

36:02

Blowing hot air, it's around.

36:04

Maybe hot air does hot

36:07

air stuff. We don't know.

36:09

You are the one who

36:11

put an end to our

36:13

risqué. And now. And now

36:15

we're done. Now we're done.

36:17

From now on. From now

36:20

on. David's hat is now

36:22

moved to the style of

36:24

a youth. From the 30s.

36:26

If you'll excuse me for

36:28

just one moment. I can't

36:30

wait. I mean, what is

36:33

it going to be? He's

36:35

run to his hat collection

36:37

and that's what we both

36:39

know. He's definitely gone. It's

36:41

definitely, David has left the

36:43

frame of the podcast. Oh

36:46

no, there's no hat. Oh

36:48

we thought, oh! And now

36:50

he's got a bow of

36:52

hat on! Of course he

36:54

has a bow or hat

36:56

in his house. That looks

36:59

awesome. This is perfect. That's

37:01

a good look for you.

37:03

That is a great look.

37:05

Not everybody can wear a

37:07

hat. I do declare it

37:09

is in your head. Whether

37:12

or not you can wear

37:14

a hat. I agree. Truth.

37:16

A married couple in Kansas

37:18

City, Kansas. Where is that

37:20

in relation to Kansas City,

37:22

Missouri, Missouri? Don't ask David

37:24

where things are. Look at

37:27

what happened. I know it

37:29

is. It is right across

37:31

the border. There's the border

37:33

of Kansas City, Missouri, and

37:35

Kansas. It's called State Line

37:37

Road. Okay. And then there's

37:40

Kansas City is in Missouri.

37:42

Gotcha. The population of Kansas

37:44

City is nearly 600,000 and

37:46

the population of Kansas City,

37:48

Kansas is eat my ass.

37:50

That was terrible. I should

37:53

have come over with something

37:55

better. No, I don't, I

37:57

have no notes. No, there's

37:59

no reason to not have

38:01

a Missouri Kansas battle. I

38:03

would also say you sold

38:06

that pretty well. So, yeah.

38:08

No, it wasn't. That was,

38:10

no, that was not good.

38:12

No, I'm the guy who's

38:14

doing the blow-in-boys stuff. I'm

38:16

telling you, I liked it.

38:19

You want my approval on

38:21

this sort of stuff. But

38:23

you were doing, blowing boy

38:25

stuff. Just read the paper.

38:28

A married couple in Kansas

38:31

City, Kansas, adjourned to the

38:33

banks of the call? The

38:35

call? K-A-Y? Is that a

38:37

lake? See, a river? K-A-W,

38:39

sorry, K-A-W. There would be

38:42

many tributaries there, yeah. Okay.

38:44

To the banks of the

38:46

call late last Friday for

38:48

a bath. Oh. Oh. Oh!

38:51

Oh, a bath where they

38:53

having. Oh, oh, Friday night,

38:55

a night bath. Oh, well,

38:57

just, gosh, it's just, I

39:00

hate to be the one

39:02

who harkens. But I remember

39:04

someone on this show, talking

39:06

about a bit of a

39:08

bath and being treated like

39:11

some sort of lunatic heretic

39:13

by a gang of Davids.

39:15

And now a couple's doing

39:17

it and we're all fine

39:20

with it. Okay, are we

39:22

yet? I don't know. I

39:24

don't know. He's not done

39:26

up or fine with it.

39:29

I don't know. The story

39:31

has just begun. Well, I

39:33

agree. The story has just

39:35

begun. They were molested by

39:37

some boys and not. Okay,

39:40

all right, hey, okay. Okay,

39:42

let's all. Is this true?

39:44

Is this true? Yes. Oh

39:46

my gosh, okay. Hey, let's

39:49

refrain. Yes. They were molested

39:51

by some boys and men

39:53

which caused the swimming gentleman

39:55

to rush To his clothes

39:58

on the shore and draw

40:00

a six-shooter. Okay. Okay. Please

40:02

just be very clear with

40:04

what happened. A couple was

40:07

on a date and then

40:09

a group of men and boys

40:11

came over and... Wait, you say a

40:13

date. They're night swimming. I don't think

40:15

it means fondled. I think in this

40:18

term it means they were bothered. Okay,

40:20

I was trying to pull

40:23

back from molested as to

40:25

what it means today. I've

40:28

met physically bothered though, right?

40:30

Yes, they were, I don't know

40:32

if they were fiscally bothered. They

40:35

may have just been annoyed.

40:37

May I interject? Yes. Yes,

40:39

I'm a fan of REM

40:42

and one of my favorite

40:44

lines from the song Night

40:46

Swimming. They cannot see me

40:49

naked. Like why? I don't

40:51

know, yeah. Yeah, honestly. Mike.

40:53

Just. What's admissible, by the

40:55

way? Yes. Yeah. Right. Continue,

40:57

please, sir. Okay. So then

41:00

the guy goes to the

41:02

shore is to get his

41:04

gun. And he grabs his

41:06

gun. This scattered the

41:08

crowd. Crowd. Yeah, so there's

41:11

a few, apparently. A flock.

41:13

But one of them soon

41:15

returned with a butcher knife.

41:17

Yeah, guy from the crowd

41:19

gave back with a butcher.

41:21

We're ready to go. They

41:24

really want to point out

41:26

that this guy doesn't know

41:28

how to fight a gun. True. True.

41:30

That's fair. That's true.

41:33

And it was expected

41:35

blood would be shed,

41:37

but a peace meeting

41:39

was held and everybody

41:41

was satisfied. They had

41:43

a lake treaty during

41:45

the... Look at day! How

41:47

long? Why didn't the

41:50

couple leave? There's a lot

41:52

of good questions. He has

41:54

a lot of closure. Home

41:57

or to a nearby butchery.

42:00

Ask you to borrow the knife

42:02

or steal it. Yeah. Don't anybody

42:04

move. I'll be back in

42:07

10 minutes with a butcher

42:09

knife. Your shakes are on

42:11

hold. And they're just like,

42:13

we're just trying to swim.

42:15

Yeah, naked. Here's the weird

42:18

part. Men and boys. Hey

42:20

boys. Yeah. We have a couple

42:22

down there. Certain bath. Let's all

42:24

get down there and

42:26

have a little turn

42:29

of that woman. You

42:32

ever molested a couple

42:34

of nudies? We're just

42:37

gonna make the man

42:40

watch. Years from now,

42:42

they'll call that cuck-holding.

42:45

We're trying to invent

42:47

cuck-holding in the lake

42:50

tonight. But you gotta

42:53

make that man sit

42:55

in a chair and enjoy

42:58

it. Who reported this story?

43:00

That's a great question

43:02

too. That is a

43:04

good question. It was

43:06

the eight-year-old boy. Yeah, it

43:08

was the parasol kid. The parasol

43:10

kid. Oh my God. He was

43:13

flying over the ocean with his

43:15

umbrella. Oh my. Gareth, and we're

43:17

close. When we finish writing

43:20

our new Western parody, we

43:22

should include a character called

43:25

the parasol kid. Yeah, we are

43:27

close, but we're not so far

43:29

along where we can't work this

43:31

in, which I like. Correct. Yes.

43:33

Okay, I'm done. I don't know why

43:35

I keep adding like, okay, because I'm

43:37

done. I am done. It is a

43:40

thing where if there if there was

43:42

a guy who just happened to stumble

43:44

across a couple of naked people at

43:46

a pond, he would then go get

43:48

everybody new. Yeah. Pond doctor yeah I

43:51

would be like well you can't wait

43:53

you can't see them Gareth it is

43:55

a pond at night that's why I'm

43:57

getting closer with my boys and men

44:00

friends. Hey,

44:04

hey, let's remember I'm the guy

44:06

who was fucking washing my

44:08

balls next to a gazelle and

44:10

I was treated like I

44:12

should be taken out of the

44:15

country. Trust me. No, you

44:17

weren't. We found you endlessly fascinating.

44:19

Yes. And so they're like

44:21

the first the first time you

44:23

see a banana slug. Same

44:25

thing. You can't believe what you're

44:27

seeing. You poke at it. You're

44:29

like, this is weird. That's what

44:32

that's how we David's Pepp talk

44:34

way better than you. And then

44:36

you unzip your pants. Okay. Now

44:38

I'm like, I'm like in the

44:40

direction where I can't believe you're

44:42

seeing a banana slug. And what

44:44

is this? Okay. I'm hoping the

44:46

banana slug will mistake. No, no,

44:48

no, no, David. No, no, no.

44:50

This is what happens the first

44:53

time you see it. No, you

44:55

just look at it. You don't

44:57

take your Pete. You take your

44:59

Pete is not to see if

45:01

you see if they're friends. They

45:03

look the same. They seem like

45:05

they might be from the same.

45:07

Yes. The same family the same.

45:09

So you put them together and

45:11

see if they will. Yes. Now,

45:13

David, what you've introduced is that

45:16

is is is like a Louis

45:18

C K joke. Hmm. That was

45:20

very good. Yeah. Thank you. David

45:22

gets compared to him a lot.

45:25

The name one difference. That's

45:27

what I always say. David

45:30

has more hair. Thank

45:32

you. Yeah. Yeah. This is

45:35

from the Trenton Gazette,

45:37

which is Trenton in St.

45:39

Louis. So they made

45:41

sorry Trenton, Missouri. It's in

45:43

Missouri also headline overheating

45:45

in summer. Yeah. So they

45:47

are people are freaking

45:49

out. Yeah, people are freaking

45:51

out. All trustworthy hygienists

45:53

and medical authorities are unanimously

45:55

recommending fruits and vegetables

45:57

as the best and appropriate

46:00

food for this season and that the

46:02

eating of much meat, rich

46:04

gravies, etc. as carefully to

46:06

be abstained from. I say

46:08

that even now, you put

46:11

a pin in gravy when

46:13

you're in a heat wave.

46:15

Yeah, hot weather gravy, that's

46:17

the worst. You know what

46:20

to be eating hot gravy

46:22

during this time. It hit

46:24

100, let's get the gravy

46:27

out. Woman, you're not fixing

46:29

on making some gravy

46:31

this morning, are you?

46:33

Well, I was planning on

46:36

it. I've heard caution

46:38

against it. Put your

46:40

meats away. Look at

46:43

the thermometer, woman! Fruits

46:45

and vegetables! I do understand

46:47

that to some extent,

46:49

because I would feel

46:51

like those saltier meats

46:53

would probably be worse

46:55

for you. But summer

46:57

gravy in general seems

46:59

preposter, let alone heatwave

47:02

gravy. I do believe

47:04

there's a time where

47:06

every meal, gravy was

47:08

always served in every meal.

47:10

Yeah. Meals. Yeah. This is one

47:12

during the gout boom. You dip

47:14

your bread in it. Go ahead.

47:16

reprimanded and the

47:18

entire family was embarrassed. My father

47:21

is one of nine kids and

47:23

I'm one of the caters and

47:25

they were invited to the class

47:28

family which is also Klaus but

47:30

they were called class and my

47:32

father was young and they're all

47:34

there at the table and my

47:37

dad had prepared his plate and

47:39

said well would you please pass

47:41

the gravy? The embarrassment

47:44

was the shame he he

47:46

retold the story many times

47:48

the shame was That he'd

47:50

asked for gravy and

47:52

there wasn't any on the

47:55

table. Oh God. Oh, you

47:57

know what shame to the

47:59

entire family That is

48:01

quite a time. What? Also for him to

48:03

be like lamenting that for a lot of

48:05

his life. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he told that

48:08

story many times on his on his

48:10

deathbed. By the way, I didn't know

48:12

I'm bringing that back. I'm bringing that

48:14

back. I'm gonna as an homage to

48:16

your great father. I will be asking

48:18

at every meal for the gravy to

48:20

be passed. I love just to show

48:22

the shortcomings of every event that I'm

48:25

at. Yes. Oh, there isn't any. Oh

48:27

no big deal. It's like when you

48:29

flip the menu over. And you go

48:31

like, oh, it's an adequate menu

48:33

without the back. Oh, you're

48:35

not going to wait for the

48:38

answer? Well, no. Okay, go

48:40

ahead. You're going, you're going,

48:42

no big deal. But my

48:44

dad, in earnest, asked for

48:46

the gravy, and I don't, I

48:48

never heard the end of the

48:50

story. I think he was immediately

48:53

at the table. It was

48:55

an embarrassment to

48:57

his family, apparently.

48:59

Wow! I again, I am. And then after

49:01

that, the dinner was probably very awkward.

49:04

I don't know. There was probably a

49:06

lot of people who are like, no,

49:08

it's absolutely delicious. I guess some of

49:10

us would have liked some gravy, but

49:12

most of us find the fixins to

49:14

be adequate. Or maybe he just scoots

49:17

back from the table and puts on

49:19

his hat and says, excuse me, good

49:21

day and watch at the door. I

49:23

don't, I'm guessing he probably would

49:26

not be excused without permission without

49:28

permission. At that time. At

49:30

services on Sunday, the entire

49:32

service is about not asking

49:35

for gravy when there is

49:37

no gravy. I know when you

49:39

take an etiquette course, they

49:41

teach you the forks first

49:43

and then the gravy asks.

49:45

You want to make sure

49:48

there's gravy in the gravy

49:50

porter. So have a look

49:52

around before you ask for

49:54

things that aren't on the

49:56

table. But I do think

49:58

it's a great tactic. to

50:00

just that any event

50:02

just be like, will

50:04

you pass the sweet

50:07

potatoes? Just like there

50:09

aren't any like, oh, they'd

50:11

be great. You guys like

50:14

sweet potatoes, they're awesome.

50:16

You should have them

50:18

at most more meals.

50:20

Yes, I would just say,

50:23

oh, and then remain silent

50:25

for the rest of the

50:27

meal. Yeah. I like gravy, yeah. I like gravy.

50:29

Most meals I feel like could be wetter. I mean,

50:32

look, what, yeah, no, that's right. But one of my

50:34

favorite, yeah, wet it up. It's a big complaint of

50:36

mine. That's why I often take my food and just

50:38

dunk it in water. Oh, I'll pour, whatever I'm drinking,

50:40

I'll pour a little bit. Yeah, I do it like,

50:42

you know those food eaters, like the competitive food eaters,

50:44

how they dip their things and lay, and like, and

50:46

lay, I do, I do, and like, I do, I

50:48

do, and like, I do, and like, like, like, like,

50:50

like, I do, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

50:52

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

50:54

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

50:57

like, like, like, like, like, like, Just pouring it in

50:59

there. I think that should be outlawed

51:01

by the way. All right, fine.

51:03

All right, fine. All right, David.

51:05

And guess what? In Trump's America,

51:08

it will be. Sorry, even though

51:10

it's America, it will be.

51:12

There'll be no more dunking

51:14

your breads. They're gonna docks

51:17

me. Did you see an

51:19

anonymous docked, uh, whatever his

51:21

fucking name is, fuckhead, or his

51:23

fucking arrow, you got an arrow

51:26

down more. If they dox, I could

51:28

dox Trump, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. No,

51:30

they dox him. They gave out

51:32

his social security. Oh shit, no.

51:34

Shut up, really? Anonymous, put out

51:36

his name. As a revenge for Elon

51:39

being able to access everyone

51:41

else's social security. I think

51:43

this is just the beginning.

51:45

I think they're going to go

51:47

full out war as they should. Yeah, yeah.

51:49

That would be great. These are dark days

51:51

boys. I don't think it's going to last.

51:53

It's going to collapse on itself.

51:55

Yeah. Did you have a good

51:57

point that Elon Musk tried to?

52:00

hire someone who's not a

52:02

citizen of the United States

52:04

for his doge. Of course

52:06

he did. Yeah. Because he's

52:08

trying to find an older

52:10

person who understands the 1947

52:12

based code in the government

52:15

systems. How did you like

52:17

that? None of the guys

52:19

in America are gonna do

52:21

it so he's gonna have

52:23

to try to find guys

52:25

that are like from some

52:28

other country. Yeah. By

52:30

the way, one of my,

52:32

maybe my favorite thing in

52:34

the world. It's such a

52:36

simple thing to eat, but

52:38

mashed potatoes and gravy, it's

52:40

just, I can't ever get

52:42

in that, like it's the

52:45

best thing to me, ever,

52:47

ever. Yeah, my favorite is

52:49

sausage gravy. Oh. With a

52:51

lot of sausage. Now, Gareth

52:53

like strawberries and a nice

52:55

meat gravy. Oh, you got

52:57

it, stop it. Stop. It's

52:59

delicious. A lot of people

53:02

like cream with their strawberries.

53:04

Give me a mushroomy gravy.

53:06

Let's dance. You know what

53:08

I mean? Yes, let's dance.

53:10

The profile. God, the way

53:12

you talk makes you want

53:14

to find a local pawn

53:16

and get my balls. Yes,

53:18

yes, David! Yes! Just a

53:21

quick one. It feels so

53:23

empty and without purpose without

53:25

the gazelle next to me.

53:27

The gazelle boys. I still

53:29

don't understand and again to

53:31

your point Gareth that the

53:33

that she may have been

53:35

fully naked but you know

53:38

in that time women weren't

53:40

allowed they were they were

53:42

full you know full length

53:44

swimming suits so I'm wondering

53:46

if she would even have

53:48

been naked. True. There's no

53:50

excuse for a group of

53:52

learers ever. But even even

53:54

a closed wet woman is

53:57

going to be very tittled.

53:59

Geez. Agreed. Agreed. Agreed. I

54:01

say that. I say that

54:03

today. My wife will come

54:05

home and I'll go get

54:07

wet woman! Yeah. Yeah. Gravy

54:09

yourself. Dave and I have

54:11

similar tastes in boudoir. Mm-hmm.

54:13

We certainly do. Gareth, would

54:16

you leave us now? It's

54:18

this fucking zoom, basically. Okay.

54:20

Okay back to the, what

54:22

we should be eating. And

54:24

yet there is not one.

54:26

person in 10 who carefully

54:28

and intelligently follows this advice.

54:30

Right. In hotels and boarding,

54:33

no, yeah, in hotels and

54:35

boarding houses people goures themselves

54:37

with meats and gravies and

54:39

pastry and wonder how it

54:41

is possible after such a

54:43

strengthening meal that they feel

54:45

so weak and shaky and

54:47

nervous and out of sorts.

54:49

Nervous! What's wrong Jimmy? I'm

54:52

a meat nervous. I don't

54:54

know. I should probably go

54:56

upstairs. I don't know. I

54:58

am right. I got bigger

55:00

than I'm I breath. I'm

55:02

freaking out Jimmy. I'm freaking

55:04

out Jimmy. I'm freaking out

55:06

what happened. I had a

55:09

bunch of gravy and I

55:11

don't know. They know. Everybody

55:13

knows. I'm seeing faces just

55:15

like people. coming at

55:17

me oh the poor maids in

55:19

the hotels they're like good lord

55:22

this man went through gravy withdrawal

55:24

on these sheets look at that

55:26

he polished the wall with rose

55:28

beef but the reporter the reporter

55:31

checked several sources yeah to finish

55:33

this story yes mind if I'm

55:35

not tired about the eating habits

55:37

of the people stating at your

55:40

boarding house of course Where's regular

55:42

as regular as any other establishment?

55:44

People come here, they get weak

55:46

as can be, nervous, anxious after

55:49

going away and we phogo to

55:51

shout the shit out of them

55:53

for four to five hours. Then

55:56

they go to the room, have

55:58

hallucinations that they're walking on. walls

56:00

tripping their balls off and this

56:02

is what we call lamb O'Ding

56:05

and it happens quite regularly. So

56:07

then you would agree that it's

56:09

the cause of this excitement is

56:11

their intake of meats. It's obviously

56:14

meat-based. I've never seen a person

56:16

act strange unless they've been eating

56:18

meats. Thank you very much. You're

56:21

welcome. Very good. Thank you so

56:23

much. May I quote you in

56:25

my article, please? Absolutely, you may.

56:27

Might I recommend if you're having

56:29

trouble greasing the tip of that

56:31

lead pencil? Put a little gravy

56:33

on your tongue. There's no more lubricant

56:36

I found in every facet of

56:38

life. Thank you for your advice

56:40

about the tips there, but I

56:42

believe it's a bit too hot

56:44

for gravy, wouldn't use it? Well, I

56:46

don't know. Some people on

56:48

the fringe are saying it can

56:50

be too hot to for

56:52

gravy. Others of us recognize

56:55

that there is no better hydrator

56:58

than a sweet bubbling

57:00

oven gravy. May I quote you

57:02

on that one, sir? Absolutely. Okay.

57:05

I, oh, I'm sorry. I must

57:07

go. A friend had informed me

57:09

that I may want to

57:11

go to the... Kraya River,

57:14

Kraw-Kraw-Kraw River, the... Yes, Kaw,

57:16

yeah. It's a good place

57:19

for bathing, isn't it? Yeah,

57:21

absolutely. You're gonna want to

57:24

call your ball. I'm calling

57:26

it my... I'm bringing my

57:28

seven sons. As you should.

57:31

Careful off the gazelle man.

57:33

I think gazelle doesn't concern

57:36

me. I'm going to say

57:38

about the man standing next

57:40

to the gazelle. I guess

57:43

it's quite a run on

57:45

this episode. The ball dunker.

57:48

He's the guy that started

57:50

the crowd gathering by the...

57:52

Man, look at this!

57:54

He's ducking over and

57:57

over. It's called a

57:59

Baltism! Let's tell us!

58:01

Get back! Is it

58:04

the Crow River? Crawl?

58:06

Caw! Hey guys! Get

58:09

to the Craw-caw River

58:11

as soon as you

58:14

can! You'll know why!

58:17

If anyone needs

58:19

to freshen their

58:21

nuts, I gotta

58:23

spot next to me!

58:26

A very large proportion

58:28

of the physical ills

58:30

of life come from

58:32

too much eating. There

58:34

is but little danger

58:36

of not eating enough.

58:39

Okay, that is absolutely

58:41

not true. What is

58:43

starvation? The trouble with

58:46

nine-tenths of ailing and

58:48

chronicle complaining city people

58:50

is in judicious and

58:53

intemperate eating. Leave off

58:55

eating so much meat

58:57

and greasy compounds and

58:59

rich pastry and try

59:01

a simpler diet for

59:03

a time. And our

59:05

word for it, you

59:07

will soon experience a

59:09

great and marvelous

59:11

change. Come over the

59:14

spirit of your dream.

59:16

Of your dreams? That's

59:18

right. Now this guy was ahead

59:20

of his time. Yeah. I

59:22

agree. Something like that

59:24

back then would have been

59:26

thought of as totally insane.

59:29

And then now we really do

59:31

make such a connection to like,

59:33

well, yeah, if you eat like

59:35

shit, you feel like shit. Like

59:38

to the woman who was giving

59:40

you the pint of ice. It's

59:42

like, yeah, no, there is a

59:45

definite connection to put back

59:47

that people like, and what's

59:50

next, women jogging? Shut

59:52

up! Learing idiots!

59:55

Who so wanted

59:57

to stay! with

1:00:00

a six-shooter brother Bush and I

1:00:02

want another look. This is how

1:00:04

I want to go. David we

1:00:06

did an episode of the dollop

1:00:08

in which this it was I

1:00:10

want to say 72 or something

1:00:13

or yeah no maybe 60s maybe

1:00:15

the 60s still not that but

1:00:17

this woman worked on Wall Street

1:00:19

and she had big boobs and

1:00:21

so dudes started collecting themselves when

1:00:23

she came out of the subway

1:00:25

in the morning and there was

1:00:27

something watch and it grew and

1:00:30

grew and grew until they were

1:00:32

like I'm not kidding 10,000 men

1:00:34

every morning when she came out

1:00:36

of the subway hooting and hollering

1:00:38

at her as she walked to

1:00:40

swear to God it's it's the

1:00:42

most crazy story you cannot believe

1:00:44

and it went on for a

1:00:47

while. She was just like a

1:00:49

person. She was the secretary of

1:00:51

the books. Oh my God. It's

1:00:53

just mind boggling. Okay,

1:00:56

this is the last, this

1:00:58

is the last one. Okay.

1:01:00

Insufferably dull. It's, it's, it's

1:01:03

already good. Warm, the warm

1:01:05

weather has stagnated all social

1:01:08

gaiety. In fact, even church

1:01:10

festivals and benefit concerts have

1:01:13

died natural deaths killed by

1:01:15

the hot weather. There are

1:01:17

no parties, no amusements, no

1:01:20

If we were to believe

1:01:22

what some of the girls

1:01:25

say, there is but little

1:01:27

love making going on. Oh.

1:01:30

No, no, is that, that's

1:01:32

quoted? Yes. Plus some of

1:01:34

the girls are saying. Too

1:01:37

hot for fuck. It's too

1:01:39

hot for men to fuck.

1:01:42

Don't you come near me

1:01:44

with that hot pecker boy?

1:01:47

A banana slug. That's a

1:01:49

bring back. That we know

1:01:51

is one of the pleasant

1:01:54

things in life that does

1:01:56

not require any great effort,

1:01:59

but the weather is either

1:02:01

too warm or the bows

1:02:04

are too shy for the

1:02:06

fairest of the fair in

1:02:08

the cool of the evening

1:02:11

may be seen just come

1:02:13

becomingly in their light delicate

1:02:16

lawns or organies sitting on

1:02:18

the door steps alone. Or

1:02:21

game. I don't even know

1:02:23

what our game is but

1:02:25

I'm in. Yeah I'm in.

1:02:28

Sitting on the door steps

1:02:30

alone, sighing like so many

1:02:33

Marianas. He cometh not. And

1:02:35

Mariania is a person who

1:02:38

was considered weak of spirit,

1:02:40

a Marianne? I don't think

1:02:42

I've ever heard that before,

1:02:45

like stop being such a

1:02:47

Marianne about or something like

1:02:50

that, I think. But that

1:02:52

was that Marianne. And I

1:02:55

cannot imagine it being a

1:02:57

complaint of the women being

1:02:59

that it's too odd for

1:03:02

the men to fuck. I

1:03:04

know. The smell in 1870

1:03:07

off a hot man. Plus

1:03:09

that's near erotica. Yes. It

1:03:12

is like that's pretty scandalous

1:03:14

for. Yes. Yes, for the

1:03:16

time without question. That's too

1:03:19

much. Another thing that gives

1:03:21

me pause. What age are

1:03:24

we living? In which we

1:03:26

quote a woman. Well, now

1:03:29

again, David, as one of

1:03:31

your reps, I would say

1:03:33

you're in dangerous territory here.

1:03:36

So the bowler hat hasn't.

1:03:38

I think the bowler hat

1:03:41

changed his whole character. Yes,

1:03:43

it really did. I'm in

1:03:46

1876 now. His mouth changed.

1:03:48

His tongue's never been more

1:03:50

active. Well, I'm a professional

1:03:53

tip mutter. I'm a leader.

1:03:55

Oh shit. God. Wow. Well.

1:03:58

The other thing, they still

1:04:00

wore three piece wool suits

1:04:03

to work every day. Yes.

1:04:05

And a hat. Yes. And a

1:04:07

hat. They always had to have

1:04:09

a hat on. So you couldn't

1:04:11

for social reasons not have a

1:04:13

hat on, but you're fucking hot

1:04:15

as shit. Oh, the thing that

1:04:17

must have, what must, the cultures

1:04:19

growing under the hats must have

1:04:21

been unreal. Oh. You don't want

1:04:24

to, you don't want to, you

1:04:26

really didn't want to smell ahead.

1:04:28

Oh God. Oh, the smell. You

1:04:30

just be in the house being

1:04:32

like, something smells like rotting fit

1:04:34

and they'd be like, well, I

1:04:36

don't know. Oh, Dan, it's your

1:04:38

hat. It is? In my hat,

1:04:40

because when I got home, I

1:04:42

cleaned it with a gravy. Couldn't

1:04:45

be mine, I gave it the

1:04:47

gravy clean. It's not my balls,

1:04:49

I washed them by myself. Look,

1:04:52

I'll tell you one thing, it's

1:04:54

definitely not my hat, and it's

1:04:56

definitely not my balls. That

1:04:59

gazelle apparently offered, he

1:05:01

said to Gar, you

1:05:04

know, I know if

1:05:06

you're having trouble dipping

1:05:08

down doing the squach

1:05:10

to the water, you don't

1:05:13

have to squat down

1:05:15

there if you like, I could

1:05:17

do him. I can get in

1:05:19

there. Cleaning, are you

1:05:21

pitching a liminate in

1:05:24

the middle main gazelle?

1:05:26

David and Gareth, you

1:05:29

probably know this, having

1:05:31

long done your brilliant

1:05:34

series, The Dallop. Do you

1:05:36

know when hats fell out

1:05:38

of popularity

1:05:40

quickly? Fifties. After.

1:05:43

Oh, was after? It's 1963.

1:05:45

There was a certain person,

1:05:48

swore, he won, this

1:05:50

person won an election

1:05:52

in 1962. Yes,

1:05:56

then he was sworn in

1:05:58

in 1963. Well,

1:06:01

if he won an election,

1:06:03

could it be LBJ? 62,

1:06:05

sure, you're smart, David? 62.

1:06:07

Somebody died. Yeah, he would

1:06:09

have won in 60. 62

1:06:11

and sworn in 63. So

1:06:14

it's a silence note. Who?

1:06:16

It's a congressman or a

1:06:18

senator? That's a person whose

1:06:20

position is no longer, this,

1:06:22

this, this executive branch is

1:06:24

no longer, this, this, this

1:06:26

executive branch is no longer,

1:06:28

this, this, this, this executive

1:06:30

branch is no long, this,

1:06:33

this, This title is no

1:06:35

longer there. There's someone new

1:06:37

who has ruined the word

1:06:39

president, but whatever we have

1:06:41

now, a JFK supposedly was

1:06:43

a big reason that hats

1:06:45

fell out of favor. Wow.

1:06:47

Because his hair was so

1:06:49

beautiful. Oh, I thought you're

1:06:52

going to say it was

1:06:54

because he got shot. No,

1:06:56

but apparently that's what I

1:06:58

read. Really? Yeah, yeah. Fascinating.

1:07:00

Yeah, yeah. Well, David Keckner,

1:07:02

the great David Keckner, people

1:07:04

could go to David Dash,

1:07:06

Keckner, K-O-E-C-H-N-E-R, dot com. You're

1:07:08

going to be in Wyoming,

1:07:11

in Nevada, in Michigan, all

1:07:13

over, Honolulu. Oh, I've been

1:07:15

to the Blue Note. That's

1:07:17

an awesome place. It's fun.

1:07:19

Albany, but you get, you're

1:07:21

always adding tour dates. So

1:07:23

we thank you for joining

1:07:25

us and we encourage you

1:07:27

to come back because you

1:07:30

are probably our most beloved

1:07:32

guest. And let's all think

1:07:34

a little bit about washing

1:07:36

our balls going forward. Oh,

1:07:38

sure. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

1:07:40

No, no, you can, we

1:07:42

would love. Um, no, you're

1:07:44

part of the show forever

1:07:47

now. No, no, this is

1:07:49

not... No, um... No, um...

1:07:51

No, I don't know how

1:07:53

to... The first time I

1:07:55

guess this is part of

1:07:57

the show forever, I don't

1:07:59

know. You're part of the show, you

1:08:01

booked it. So we'll see you tomorrow.

1:08:03

Yeah. Do you not know the progress

1:08:06

end? I feel, you've done a

1:08:08

podcast before, right? They end, it's

1:08:10

something like there's an ending to

1:08:12

it. I'm sorry, I don't know

1:08:14

what? The podcast at some point they

1:08:16

end. We go to our lives for

1:08:18

a little while in the game. Yeah,

1:08:21

then we go, we go back into

1:08:23

the world. Podcast. Yeah. Oh, boy, that's.

1:08:25

I thought someone had pitched

1:08:27

this to you a little

1:08:29

bit. I thought, yeah, you

1:08:31

had a better understanding. You know,

1:08:33

this one has nowhere to

1:08:35

go. I started. Well, David,

1:08:38

thank you so much for

1:08:40

joining us for real. You

1:08:42

are the most. You know,

1:08:44

you know, I both, I

1:08:47

think we all have the

1:08:49

same regard for each other

1:08:51

and it's flattering to know

1:08:53

you and I love you

1:08:56

guys and. God bless and thank

1:08:58

you so much for having me. Truly,

1:09:00

indeed, you always make me laugh. You

1:09:02

always make me laugh so hard. You

1:09:04

are the best. You truly are the

1:09:06

best. So people should come see you

1:09:08

on the road, but also in person.

1:09:10

They should find you if you're swimming

1:09:12

anywhere and go join. If you see

1:09:14

David eating, he loves this. Sit down

1:09:16

and talk to him. Everyone says this

1:09:18

all the time of, it's been your

1:09:20

experience that you do a movie and

1:09:22

you're maybe on location, and so you're

1:09:24

hanging out every night out every night.

1:09:26

And you go, let's get together in

1:09:28

LA. And nobody. Poison. What

1:09:31

a lie. There's only one

1:09:33

experience that I've had that

1:09:35

is held true. I did

1:09:37

an episode. I did an

1:09:40

episode of Twin Peaks. And

1:09:42

Eric Edelstein and Larry Clark

1:09:44

played my brothers. And we

1:09:47

were the Fusco brothers. And

1:09:49

we still get together like

1:09:51

every two months. Edelstein is

1:09:53

one of the greats. I

1:09:56

love him. Edelstein is one

1:09:58

of the greats. I love

1:10:00

him. I love him. I love

1:10:02

him. It's so much fun. But

1:10:04

I would love to have lunch

1:10:06

with you guys. And I know

1:10:08

we're all busy. And who can

1:10:11

make it? God, you know what?

1:10:13

Now I'm thinking. Gravy. I want

1:10:16

to cook for your balls. Oh.

1:10:18

Let's go. And there will

1:10:20

be. Yeah. There will be

1:10:22

gravy. Well, we're in. Can't

1:10:24

thank you enough, David. Let's

1:10:26

do this. God bless, I

1:10:28

will. All right, thank you

1:10:30

buddy. Hey, Dallop fans, I

1:10:33

know you love the Dallop

1:10:35

fans. You love listening to

1:10:37

the Dallop. Do you want

1:10:40

to watch the Dallop?

1:10:42

You're like, Gareth, what

1:10:44

are you talking about? By

1:10:47

the way, it's not Gary,

1:10:49

it's Gareth. Well. We have partnered

1:10:51

with Lakeside Animation and we

1:10:53

are starting to animate some

1:10:55

of our episodes. So if you

1:10:57

want to go watch a five-parter

1:11:00

animation, which is actually like

1:11:02

a 22-minute episode or 30-minute

1:11:04

episode, I can't remember, of the

1:11:06

Rub, you can go to Lakeside

1:11:08

Animation on YouTube and watch a

1:11:11

really awesome animation of the Rub.

1:11:13

It really genuinely kicks ass.