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That's growthday.com, forward slash ed. This episode

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1:41

everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I

1:43

hope you enjoy the show be sure

1:45

to follow the Ed My Let show

1:47

on Apple and Spotify Links are in

1:50

the show notes. You'll never miss an

1:52

episode that way. What are your fears

1:54

costing you? I think it's time to

1:56

evaluate that like you and I right

1:58

now What are your fears costing? You know,

2:00

we have these weights that weigh us down

2:02

in our lives, these burdens, these fears

2:04

that we have. Have you ever stopped

2:07

to think about what it's actually

2:09

costing you to have these anchors

2:11

and these weights wearing you down,

2:13

these fears? You know, people ask me

2:15

all the time, Ed, is making your dreams

2:18

come true, the work you put in,

2:20

the sacrifices you made, the people that

2:22

let you down all the dark times

2:24

in your life, all the times you

2:26

went broke, both... financially and

2:29

emotionally, is it worth it? It's a

2:31

very interesting question because they

2:33

always phrase it that way. Is it

2:35

worth it? Yet in our lives, we spend

2:37

most of our times evaluating and contemplating

2:39

what it's going to cost us. So

2:42

let me say something to you up

2:44

from the price you will pay to become

2:46

the real you, the price you will pay to

2:48

become the real you, the price you will pay

2:51

to make your dreams come true and

2:53

your vision a reality. and the

2:55

people around you blissful and happy

2:57

that price and there's a severe

3:00

price is infinitely smaller

3:02

than the price you're gonna pay

3:04

if you don't and that others around

3:06

you will pay you know I don't think

3:08

God gave you another day in your

3:10

life because you needed it I think

3:12

he added another day to your life

3:15

because somebody needed you but

3:17

here's the thing they need the real

3:19

you the authentic you the one who's

3:21

playing all out in their life and pursuing

3:23

their dreams. I can tell you the answer

3:25

to that question is, as good as you

3:28

think it'll be to make your dreams

3:30

come true, and dreams that you can't

3:32

even imagine right now, visions of your

3:34

life, but maybe even more importantly, as

3:36

good as you think it would feel

3:38

to meet the real you, the one

3:40

you were born to be, and remember

3:42

this, you were born to do something

3:44

great with your life, but to finally

3:46

get introduced or re-acquainted, to that person.

3:48

But things have happened, these anchors, these

3:50

fears, these toxic relationships, whatever they might

3:52

be, these disappointments in our life, we've

3:54

moved so far away from that person that

3:56

we're capable of becoming that we don't

3:58

even recognize them anymore. as good as you

4:00

think it'll be to meet that person

4:03

for the first time or once again.

4:05

It's a million times better. Now

4:07

here's the hook. You have to start

4:09

thinking like a rich person. And I

4:11

don't mean just financially. I

4:13

mean rich in spirit, rich in spirit,

4:15

rich in emotions, rich in emotions, and for

4:18

many of you, including me, we want

4:20

to be rich financially. People ask me

4:22

all the time, Ed, why do you

4:24

put out all this free content? I

4:26

mean, why do you put out all

4:28

this free? And you don't really charge for

4:30

it. This is free. I do that because I

4:32

believe in the law of reciprocity. I

4:34

also want to make the world better. And

4:36

I believe I put out enough good stuff. If

4:38

someday I ask you to come to an event

4:41

or participate in something, you

4:43

probably want to come. If I want to come,

4:45

you probably want to come, if I want to

4:47

come, if I want to come, if I want

4:49

to come, if I want to come. If I

4:51

want to pour into you to something, I want

4:53

to something, you to do something, I want to

4:55

do something, I want to do something. But

4:58

I think it's time to evaluate

5:00

what are my fears, my patterns,

5:02

a toxic person in a relationship

5:04

that I'm in with right now

5:06

that's weighing me down. What's it

5:08

ultimately costing me? Because it's just

5:11

your life. That's all we're talking

5:13

about. Just you, just your life.

5:15

And by the way, you're not getting

5:17

out of it alive. So all these

5:19

things that are weighing you down are

5:22

truly silly. Because at the end, we

5:24

all end up in the same situation. where

5:26

our body eventually ceases to

5:28

exist, but hopefully our soul goes

5:31

to heaven. But in your case, you gotta

5:33

stop thinking like a poor person, and I'm

5:35

talking to me as much as I am

5:37

you. Let me tell you what I mean

5:39

by poor, poor in spirit, poor in emotion,

5:41

and poor financially. See, when

5:44

I was broke financially, when I would

5:46

go into a store and I wanted, I

5:48

wouldn't get what I could afford. Sound

5:51

familiar? So I was a guy who

5:53

had flipped price tags over. Oh, it's

5:55

this, it's this. And I would evaluate

5:57

what it would cost me, not what

5:59

it was worth. And so oftentimes in

6:01

life, people ask me, Ed, was it

6:03

worth it? But in their life, they spend

6:05

most of the time contemplating

6:08

the cost. It's going to cost me

6:10

this. It's going to cost me that.

6:12

Maybe I want to become the person.

6:14

I'll be able to cost me losing

6:16

this person in my life. It'll cost

6:19

me time. It'll cost me my hobby

6:21

that I like spending so much time

6:23

in. It'll cost me pain and

6:25

emotion and whatever it'll cost me.

6:27

I'd have to let go of my fears.

6:29

And so there's a lot of walking

6:31

dead in the world. There's this old saying

6:34

that, they say it about men, but it's people.

6:36

Most people die 75 or 80 years old,

6:38

but they really stopped living at 21 or 22

6:40

or 23 years old. We just don't put

6:42

them into the ground until they're older.

6:45

Too many people are walking around like

6:47

this and maybe you relate to it. Maybe

6:49

you relate to a percentage of it. These

6:51

fears, these relationships, these relationships, we

6:53

worry about these invisible boogie men, what

6:55

are people gonna be thinking about me.

6:58

Do you want to get to the

7:00

end of your life? And if someone asked

7:02

you honestly, how did you live your

7:04

life? Do you want to answer, truthfully,

7:07

scared? I lived afraid I wasn't good

7:09

enough, afraid I wasn't worth it,

7:11

afraid of what other people would think

7:13

about me, afraid to lose people around

7:15

me that didn't even love me or

7:17

care about me or want me to be

7:19

my best? I lived my life afraid. Or

7:21

at the end, you want to say, man,

7:23

I maxed out my life. I got all

7:25

the emotions, all the memories. all the achievements

7:28

all the richness in every area out

7:30

of my life I maxed out my life I

7:32

could tell you this if you hold on to

7:34

these anchors much longer it's gonna keep costing

7:37

you and the longer you do it

7:39

see even these things sometimes what holds

7:41

us back is our feeling bad about

7:43

things we've done in the past that

7:45

we're not proud of and we use

7:47

these memories as weapons against ourselves we

7:49

stab ourselves we stab ourselves with it

7:52

over and over or someone who's cheated

7:54

on us or made a mistake That's

7:56

what you need to be asking yourself whether it's worth

7:58

it. Is it worth it to make your... dreams come

8:00

true? Is it worth it to change?

8:02

Is it worth it to grow? You

8:05

bet it is, a million times better.

8:07

Because when you make your original dreams

8:09

come true, you don't understand the ripple

8:11

effects of all these other things you

8:13

can't even think about right now that

8:15

happen. When you meet the real you,

8:17

it's spectacular. You have to remember this.

8:19

You can't love yourself. If you don't

8:22

even know yourself. And you can't know

8:24

yourself if you're not truly being yourself.

8:26

And these anchors cause us not to

8:28

be us. I'm personally haunted with the

8:30

thought of getting to the end of

8:32

my life and never meeting me. Never

8:34

getting introduced to me. I want to

8:36

meet that man. I'm interested in who

8:39

he is. And I want to do

8:41

the things every single day. Because once

8:43

I got wealthy and I was rich

8:45

and I went into a store, I

8:47

didn't look at price tags anymore. I

8:49

looked at whether it was worth it,

8:51

and I got what I wanted. And

8:53

our lives are a perfect metaphor of

8:56

that. We're constantly evaluating the cost instead

8:58

of whether or not it's worth it.

9:00

Cost versus worth is worth is a

9:02

subtle difference. Is it worth it? Is

9:04

it worth it to change? Is it

9:06

worth it to let go of these

9:08

memories? Is it worth it to drop

9:10

your fears? You will never meet you

9:13

otherwise. Some of us are held back

9:15

by crappy programming our parents installed in

9:17

us when we were young. Most things

9:19

in life are caught not taught. We

9:21

catch a way of thinking, we catch

9:23

a way of having emotions. And we

9:25

have to ungo, we have to unleash

9:27

ourselves and let go of those things

9:30

in our life. So what's the thing

9:32

for you? What's the thing? Is it

9:34

a person you need to let go

9:36

of? Is it a fear you need

9:38

to let go of? Is it a

9:40

fear you need to let go of?

9:42

Is it an operating pattern? Is it

9:44

a memory as a weapon you're using

9:46

against yourself? You're just not sure you're

9:49

just not sure? You got to remember

9:51

who the hell you are. and you

9:53

need to get acquainted because I can

9:55

tell you of all the jets and

9:57

islands and cool stuff I've accumulated in

9:59

my life. All the accumulations are wonderful

10:01

and I want you to accumulate the

10:03

things you want that will provide memories

10:06

for your family if they matter. the

10:08

donations you can make the people you

10:10

can be there for all the different

10:12

things you can do when you get

10:14

financially secure all those things are incredible

10:16

but they don't bring us fulfillment they

10:18

can bring us temporary happiness and there's

10:20

nothing wrong with temporary happiness but fulfillment

10:23

all of that stuff doesn't add up

10:25

to meeting you finally meeting you at

10:27

some point in your life don't you

10:29

want to meet you or get reacquainted

10:31

because you once knew her there was

10:33

a time in your life where you

10:35

knew her or him You'll never meet

10:37

them otherwise. And so I have to

10:40

tell you something. You have to start,

10:42

you have to start to make a

10:44

bold move in your life. Because you're

10:46

worth it. Your family's worth it. And

10:48

the world needs you. You were born

10:50

for a reason. You were born to

10:52

do something great in small ways and

10:54

in big ways in your life. And

10:57

oftentimes in our lives would hold us

10:59

back sometimes is the stories we tell

11:01

ourselves. See it's not the events of

11:03

our lives. circumstances that define us. It's

11:05

the meaning we take away from those

11:07

events. And those meanings create an emotion.

11:09

And that emotion drives our behavior, that

11:11

emotion of fear, that emotion of anxiety,

11:14

that emotion of sadness, or it could

11:16

be an emotion of bliss, of confidence,

11:18

of increase, of belief, of being guided,

11:20

of being protected. But you have to

11:22

ask yourself that question. See, it's not

11:24

the event, it's the stories we tell

11:26

ourselves. And listen to me. An emotion

11:28

cannot exist long term without a story

11:31

attached to it. You've had a lot

11:33

of things happen in your life that

11:35

were emotional, but the story didn't stick,

11:37

or you didn't take away the wrong

11:39

meaning. It's so that emotion doesn't stay.

11:41

If you're feeling one of those emotions,

11:43

it's attached to a story. It's a

11:45

story you're telling yourself. The emotion can't

11:48

stay without the story. And the meaning

11:50

you took from the event. It's just

11:52

a meaning you took from an event.

11:54

So sometimes the story you're told. yourself

11:56

is I don't want to be alone

11:58

so I'm hanging on to this person

12:00

that still weighs me down or where

12:02

I'm at is good enough because I

12:05

don't want to risk what I've got

12:07

and that's a story or I've made

12:09

this mistake before or someone hurt me

12:11

and what it meant was XYZ and

12:13

you have a feeling about it. These

12:15

anchors are actually lies we tell ourselves

12:17

that are anchored in a story that

12:19

doesn't serve us that causes an emotion

12:21

that sticks. So if we change the

12:24

story... Either we take a different meaning

12:26

from an event and say, could it

12:28

have meant this? See, when I was

12:30

a young man with my dad's drinking,

12:32

I thought, this means our families less

12:34

than and were dysfunctional and all these

12:36

things I attached to the meaning I

12:38

attached to that story that was happening.

12:41

And then at one point I realized,

12:43

no, what was actually happening was God

12:45

was using that to teach me how

12:47

to learn to be present with people

12:49

and read people and be empathetic with

12:51

people and believe in people. and that

12:53

God was using that story for me.

12:55

When my baseball career ended, I was

12:58

injured. It probably ended a career that

13:00

would have ended anyway, quite frankly, but

13:02

I was a pretty good player. And

13:04

when I got injured, I remember thinking,

13:06

man, this is my only dream in

13:08

my entire life, right? God doesn't answer

13:10

prayers, right? This was my prayer to

13:12

do this, right? The meaning of this

13:15

is I just was never good enough.

13:17

The meaning from it was... It just

13:19

wasn't meant to be. I wasn't meant

13:21

to be somebody. I wasn't meant to

13:23

do something great with my life. And

13:25

I attached all these meanings to what

13:27

was a pretty traumatic event. But I

13:29

could have attached the meaning of that

13:32

time, that God's got something bigger in

13:34

store for me, that there's something bigger

13:36

and store for me, that there's something

13:38

bigger and bolder for me, and that

13:40

there's something bigger and bolder for me,

13:42

and that there's something bigger and bolder

13:44

for me, and then been released, and

13:46

then been in my mid to late

13:49

20s, and maybe I wouldn't have taken

13:51

advantage of a lot of the opportunities

13:53

that came along. So that career ended

13:55

right when it was supposed to, so

13:57

that I could start to... direct my

13:59

life in a direction and from there

14:01

I got a job at an orphanage

14:03

and that orphanage changed my life because

14:06

of that orphanage I met these young

14:08

boys that looked just like me these

14:10

boys were all wards of the court

14:12

they were taken from their families or

14:14

their families were incarcerated or dead and

14:16

had molested them at some point in

14:18

their life and so baseball ended I'm

14:20

finding myself making six dollars an hour

14:23

at an orphanage and I'm thinking God

14:25

you took multi million dollars playing in

14:27

front of hundreds of people a night

14:29

from me To be with

14:31

eight children in a cottage making six

14:33

bucks an hour And that's exactly what

14:35

he was doing because what I needed

14:37

to be was I needed to be

14:39

connected with people I needed to love

14:42

people and what's even crazier about it

14:44

is the way I connected with those

14:46

boys is they had grown up with

14:48

all this pain and suffering and dysfunction

14:50

in their homes And that's what I

14:52

grew up with in a different way

14:54

with my father being an alcoholic when

14:57

I was young My career had to

14:59

end that exact day it ended so

15:01

that I would end up in that

15:03

exact house with those exact boys and

15:05

they could have someone who understood them

15:07

who could see them and knew who

15:09

they really were because I was just

15:11

like them. I recently said to Jesse

15:14

Lee on my podcast, I said all

15:16

people that go through any pain in

15:18

their life, especially when they're young, we

15:20

have different eyes. We just have different

15:22

eyes. Our eyes just say, please love

15:24

me, please protect me, please be good

15:26

to me. Please be kind, please be

15:29

gentle, please believe in me. We have

15:31

these different eyes, and I remember when

15:33

I walked in there they had my

15:35

eyes, not the same color eyes. My

15:37

boys were of every ethnicity, every background.

15:39

We had those eyes. And when I

15:41

meet someone who's gone through pain in

15:43

their life, I see those eyes. But

15:46

I found out something. We don't just

15:48

have the same eyes. We actually have

15:50

the same heart. We have the same

15:52

heart. and every single human being has

15:54

that heart. It's whether or not they'll

15:56

unleash it, unleash the real them, release

15:58

the real them, or will they continue

16:01

in their life to suppress the real

16:03

them and settle. for this less than

16:05

version of them, because they've created a

16:07

bunch of stories and a bunch of

16:09

fears and a bunch of relationships in

16:11

their life, that they hide in these

16:13

stories, they hide in these emotions and

16:15

they never unleash the real them. I

16:18

figured this out. All I've ever wanted

16:20

to do is change how I felt.

16:22

I wanted to change how I feel

16:24

so I would accumulate and achieve and

16:26

do things to change how I feel

16:28

in my life. And as I've gotten

16:30

older. I've realized if I can change

16:33

how I feel, I can get all

16:35

those things the easy way. And that's

16:37

what I've started to do in my

16:39

life, maybe from 40 to right now,

16:41

52 years old. So I want to

16:43

challenge you today. Evaluate this thought. What

16:45

are your fears costing you? What are

16:47

these anchors costing you? I want you

16:50

to really pray about it. Really think

16:52

about if you're on a walk right

16:54

now, you're driving in your car, just

16:56

what's it costing me? And what would

16:58

my life look like, potentially? And by

17:00

the way, you don't even really know,

17:02

just so you know, it's going to

17:05

be so much bigger, so much more

17:07

beautiful, so many small things that are

17:09

going to happen along the way of

17:11

you meeting you. And by the way,

17:13

what's great is you'll continue to meet

17:15

new versions of you. See, when you

17:17

start to live your life without all

17:19

these fears, without all these people anchoring

17:22

you down with all these patterns and

17:24

stories, what's great about it is, there's

17:26

a new you that shows up every

17:28

couple years. And there's this new version

17:30

of you, this new version of you,

17:32

an improved version of you, an improved

17:34

version of you, an improved version of

17:37

you. Every year one of the things

17:39

I'm excited about is to meet the

17:41

55 year old me Because I didn't

17:43

die at 21 or 22 like most

17:45

people Getting around to Barry me at

17:47

85 or 90. No, no, no. I'm

17:49

reborn all the time I can't wait

17:51

to make the 55 year old me

17:54

I'm chasing that guy when I get

17:56

there I can't wait to meet the

17:58

60 year old me You know the

18:00

25 year old me was nothing like

18:02

the 30 year old me I mean

18:04

a similar character but different life different

18:06

contribution different thoughts Too many people are

18:09

exactly the same person they were two

18:11

or three years ago. And that's what

18:13

it's really costing you, isn't it? And

18:15

the reason you're not happy. Or as

18:17

happy as you could be, is you

18:19

know this isn't you. You know this

18:21

isn't you. You know there's more in

18:23

you. Deep down in your heart and

18:26

your soul and your spirit, the reason

18:28

you're not happy isn't these other people,

18:30

isn't your boss, isn't your job, isn't

18:32

your body, isn't your lack of money,

18:34

isn't any of it. It's that you

18:36

know this really isn't you. You know

18:38

this really isn't you. And it's time

18:41

you meet him. It's time you meet

18:43

her. It's time at least you get

18:45

reacquainted if you once knew them. I

18:47

want to challenge you to do that

18:49

today. I want to challenge you to

18:51

step out and drop whatever that anchor

18:53

is or multiple anchors of these weapons

18:55

you're using, these mistakes you've made, these

18:58

choices that you regret, blah blah. Stop

19:00

it. That's not who you are. Your

19:02

destinies now. It's in the future. It's

19:04

moving forward. And there's something great waiting

19:06

for you. And is the price waiting

19:08

for you. a thousand percent because eventually

19:10

you start getting what you want not

19:13

just what you can afford in your

19:15

life and here's the truth you can't

19:17

afford to get to the end of

19:19

this life without meeting you because only

19:21

then will you love you when you're

19:23

being you you can meet you and

19:25

when you meet you can truly love

19:27

you it's time for you to step

19:30

up remember once again I'm gonna tell

19:32

you he didn't add another day for

19:34

you because you needed it another day

19:36

because some other person in the world

19:38

needs the real you. If you listen

19:40

to this show, you listen to this

19:42

show because you want to have a

19:45

happier, more fulfilling, more successful life, more

19:47

than likely. And I have as a

19:49

guest here today for the third time

19:51

on my show, I'm so honored. The

19:53

living of all the living people on

19:55

the planet the person who's helped the

19:57

most people do that and I'm honored

19:59

to call them a friend. So welcome

20:02

back. We're going to do that together

20:04

today. Mr. Tony Robbins, welcome back to

20:06

the show. Thanks. Good to see Ed.

20:08

One of the things that happens when

20:10

you lose perspective or don't quite have

20:12

it where you hear, oh my gosh,

20:14

there's winter or my skills may be

20:17

moved out of the marketplace here soon.

20:19

And by the way, COVID was even

20:21

an acceleratoron accelerator. is a big deal

20:23

for people. And you and I, you

20:25

could ask this all the time I

20:27

do as well. So someone's listening to

20:29

like, okay, I'm inspired, I've got some

20:31

perspective, but I'm afraid. I've got real

20:34

fear. What techniques or strategies would you

20:36

say to somebody, if they're being honest,

20:38

anybody hears this, winner's gonna be five

20:40

years, seven years, eight years? That's a

20:42

scary thing for anybody to hear. And

20:44

so what would you say to someone

20:46

with fear? Well, you don't have to

20:48

manage, you gotta stop thinking of yourself

20:51

as managing your circumstances and remind yourself

20:53

that you're a crater of your life

20:55

experience. And so when it's winter, first

20:57

of all, it doesn't mean every night's

20:59

a bad day, every day is a

21:01

bad day, every day is a dark

21:03

day, every day is a dark day,

21:06

every dark day, I live here in

21:08

Florida, it's 78 degrees and it's, you

21:10

know, winter, right? It's really nice. But

21:12

I think the other part for people

21:14

really is. You've got to understand there's

21:16

two choices. There's fear and there's faith.

21:18

And as simplistic as that sounds, I

21:20

ask people, what's the difference? And they

21:23

get confused. And I said, it's really

21:25

simple. They're both made up. No one

21:27

knows for sure what the future looks

21:29

like. When I say the seven or

21:31

eight years, it's not all this tough

21:33

economic times. There's going to be a

21:35

confrontation with China. Maybe there'll be a

21:38

cyber war. Maybe some will turn off

21:40

your electricity. There's zero question. We're on

21:42

target for that. If anybody wants to

21:44

get a better understanding, they can read

21:46

some of right values work on the

21:48

changing world order and understanding what's happened

21:50

over a thousand years of history. But

21:52

fear's imagination undirected. It's like weeds just

21:55

grows automatically. Faith is you decide to

21:57

be certain, you take action, you follow

21:59

through. There's no guarantee of anything. There's

22:01

no guarantee. I mean, people run around

22:03

with a mask and they walk outside

22:05

and get by a truck. Right. You

22:07

know, it's just like, we think somehow

22:10

that we have a way to bulletproof

22:12

ourselves. What we do is increase our

22:14

probability. including your emotional fitness. I don't

22:16

mean the intellectual fitness. I don't mean,

22:18

you know, when people talk emotional intelligence,

22:20

it's a nice thing. But the reason

22:22

I use fitness is you can be

22:24

a smart person and not be smart,

22:27

right? You can have great capacity and

22:29

not use it. So emotional intelligence is

22:31

a capacity. But fitness is a state

22:33

of readiness. You and I are both

22:35

fitness buffs, right? So it's like we

22:37

train ourselves. So when the challenge happens,

22:39

we've got to strengthen the power to

22:42

deal with that challenge, whether it be

22:44

psychological, physical, or anything else. So you

22:46

got to learn to direct yourself and

22:48

train yourself to have certainty. And that's

22:50

a huge part, as you know, that

22:52

I do with all my seminars, because

22:54

most people are living in uncertainty. What

22:56

makes somebody a leader? Because they find

22:59

somebody a world that's uncertain. Yes. Even

23:01

if they're not smart, some people follow

23:03

somebody just because they're certain. They're like,

23:05

they know what's going on. When people

23:07

are uncertain, they look for somebody is

23:09

certain. Well, if you can develop that

23:11

certainly not based on enthusiasm, but based

23:14

on a clear plan of how you

23:16

can take advantage of winter, where winter

23:18

becomes your best season, then the fear

23:20

will disappear. But you've got to train

23:22

your nervous system on a daily basis,

23:24

because here's the problem today. The media

23:26

are not bad people. They're good people.

23:28

catching eyeballs. Because like, you know, people

23:31

say we're an information society always tell

23:33

people that's such bullshit. The information society

23:35

died a decade ago. There's too much

23:37

information. We're drowning in information. We're starving

23:39

for wisdom. And we all know when

23:41

it comes to the media, they get

23:43

paid by getting your attention. And so

23:46

if there's a commercial comes on your

23:48

childmade diet drinking water film at 11,

23:50

you know, people tend to look in

23:52

because of the negative bias, the survival

23:54

bias of the human brain. Or click

23:56

bait. What is quick bait? You click

23:58

on it. You know, the article doesn't

24:00

even match it. But once you click,

24:03

they get paid. So today, the media

24:05

is not designed to inform or educate

24:07

you. It's designed to startle you. If

24:09

I startle you, you respond. Well, most

24:11

people that follows them. It's in their

24:13

pocket. It's around them all the time.

24:15

Now after COVID, where people thought they're

24:18

going to die by... breathing and now

24:20

we're finding out a lot of different

24:22

truths that we didn't know back then

24:24

and you know then you throw on

24:26

top of that an economy that looks

24:28

incredibly difficult. Most people live don't remember

24:30

or never experienced inflation. I started my

24:32

business when interest rates were 18% was

24:35

18% right now people marching on the

24:37

White House you know I mean they're

24:39

like freaking out because it's seven. So

24:41

we're in a place where people have

24:43

so much unknowns so we want to

24:45

do it's take chaos. and understand what's

24:47

really going on. You and I've talked

24:50

about this before. You know, I've got

24:52

five kids and five grandkids. I think

24:54

about these jobs disappearing the next 15

24:56

years and how do I prepare my

24:58

kids and grandkids? You do it by

25:00

understanding those three skills you and I've

25:02

talked about. One, anybody that's the best

25:04

in the world that something has pattern

25:07

recognition power. They see things other people

25:09

see as chaos and they go, no,

25:11

no, this has happened before, this is

25:13

how it works, and they're allowed to

25:15

anticipate where it's going instead of reacting.

25:17

It's like playing a video game against

25:19

the child. The child always wins. It's

25:22

not because they're younger or faster. It's

25:24

because they go boom, boom, boom, boom,

25:26

because they played this game so many

25:28

times. You're dead in 10 seconds. You're

25:30

next turns after 30 minutes of their

25:32

play, right? So if I can recognize

25:34

patterns, if I'm good in investment, I

25:36

recognize investment patterns. If I'm good in

25:39

business, I know business patterns. And I'm

25:41

good in my own life. I start

25:43

realizing, oh, there's patterns that get me

25:45

angry and patterns that get me excited.

25:47

And I learn to direct my own

25:49

patterns. And I learn to direct my

25:51

own patterns. The second step is learn

25:54

to use those patterns and the third

25:56

step of mastery is when you start

25:58

creating them. That's what a great musician,

26:00

that's what a great business person person

26:02

does. And those three skills, well, if

26:04

you get those three skills, it won't

26:06

matter what jobs change, you'll be a

26:08

dominant player, because you'll see what other

26:11

people don't see. It's the fear comes

26:13

from the unknown. So that's why I'm

26:15

a student of history. When you study

26:17

history, you can say what's happening right

26:19

now happens about every 80 years like.

26:21

clockwork. And it's the path, you can

26:23

read a thousand years of Roman history

26:26

and see about every century the same

26:28

cycle. And once you know that, it

26:30

gives you an unshakable feeling. You go,

26:32

okay, I know what this is, and

26:34

I know how to take advantage of

26:36

this, and I don't need to be

26:38

fearful of this. But then you still

26:40

have to manage your mind, and you

26:43

still have to make sure you cut

26:45

off the media's influence, because some people

26:47

are saturated in that. And, you know,

26:49

whatever you feed in your brain is

26:51

what you're going to experience. I want

26:53

to ask you about that too. By

26:55

the way, I just want to remind

26:58

everybody, because you could be at any

27:00

point in the podcast, if you go

27:02

to join tony100.com, you can get five

27:04

free days with Tony Rock. I came

27:06

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27:08

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27:10

you know, 25 years ago, I wish

27:12

you were doing that for me back

27:15

in those days. It's just unbelievable that

27:17

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27:19

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27:21

25 years ago, I wish you were

27:23

doing, 25, 25, 25, 25, 25, 25,

27:25

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27:27

did teach my kids about money and

27:30

it was one of the most difficult

27:32

things to teach them because it's not

27:34

taught in school at all. They learned

27:36

all of these things in school. They're

27:38

quite frankly they're not going to use

27:40

in their real life and things they

27:42

really need like learning about money and

27:44

budgeting and the value of a dollar.

27:47

Let's be honest. Most of us learned

27:49

about saving and budgeting way later than

27:51

we should have. But here's the good

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what makes a leader? It's a tough

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29:53

was a great conversation and if you

29:55

want to hear the full interview be

29:57

sure to follow the Ed My Let

29:59

show on Apple and Spotify Links are

30:01

in the show notes. You'll never miss

30:03

an episode that way. The reason you're

30:06

gonna learn a bunch is I have

30:08

a very uniquely qualified man to visit

30:10

with you. Rich Davenny was a Navy

30:12

SEAL, but he was also, and I

30:14

can't say what group he was a

30:16

part of, but let's just call it,

30:18

a very elite group of SEALs without

30:20

using the name. So Rich, welcome to

30:22

the show. Thanks for being here. Thank

30:24

you Ed. It's an honor to be

30:26

here, so thanks for having me. First

30:28

things first, I talk a lot about

30:31

peak performance. You make a distinction in

30:33

the book between optimal performance and peak

30:35

performance. So any of you listening to

30:37

this that are leaders of groups or

30:39

just, you know, want to perform at

30:41

a high level consistently, I think this

30:43

distinction is really powerful. So give us

30:45

the difference. Yeah, absolutely. And it really

30:47

came to me as I left the

30:49

military and people were asking me a

30:51

lot about peak performance. And what I

30:53

realized was I wasn't comfortable with a

30:56

term in defining what Navy SEALs or

30:58

spec operators do. And the reason is

31:00

because peak, at least to me, peak

31:02

is an apex. And it's an apex

31:04

from which you can only come down.

31:06

And it usually has to be planned

31:08

for and prepared for and scheduled. So

31:10

for example, the professional athlete for the

31:12

NFL player uses the entire week to

31:14

prepare and plan to peak for three

31:16

hours on Sunday, right? And so. It

31:18

really didn't apply to what we were

31:21

doing every day, because when I thought

31:23

about, for example, myself in some combat

31:25

situations, or even seal training when you're

31:27

freezing in the surf zone, there was

31:29

nothing peak about my performance, right? We

31:31

were just kind of moving through. And

31:33

so I really started thinking about it

31:35

in terms of optimal performance. optimal performance

31:37

is really, what's the very best I

31:39

can do in the moment, whatever that

31:41

best looks like looks like, right? everything's

31:43

clicking, right? Other times that's like, hey,

31:46

I am head down and I'm just

31:48

taking step by step and that's all

31:50

I got, right? And it's dirty and

31:52

it's gritty and it's muddy and it

31:54

sucks. And that's really in my opinion,

31:56

what's, it's not only spec off. I

31:58

try to take all the stuff I

32:00

learn in spec ops and apply it

32:02

to life, but that's really what life

32:04

is. I mean, life, it's unrealistic and

32:06

probably unhealthy to try to peek at

32:08

all times during life. It's just not

32:11

going to happen, right? So optimal performance

32:13

allows us to be comfortable with this

32:15

modulation and be comfortable with the fact

32:17

that sometimes. if you're just head down,

32:19

just taking step by step, just grinding

32:21

it out, that's okay. You're actually performing

32:23

the best you can, right? And I

32:25

would say the COVID, you know, 2020

32:27

for all of us, I would imagine

32:29

that most of us in 2020 didn't

32:31

say that we were performing at our

32:33

peak for all of us. I would

32:36

imagine that most of us in 2020

32:38

didn't say that we were at, we

32:40

were performing at a high level. really

32:42

the key is they do it more

32:44

consistently than other people. They do it

32:46

under pressure, which we're going to talk

32:48

about in a little while as well,

32:50

whether you're an athlete or a dad,

32:52

you know, it's under pressure. How do

32:54

you perform? How do you respond to

32:56

certain conditions? So you were in charge

32:58

of the selection process and you make

33:01

a distinction of the book. And by

33:03

the way, when you're listening to this,

33:05

everybody, these are these are attributes. you

33:07

wish to embody if you're going to

33:09

be happier and a higher performer. So

33:11

also attributes you want to find in

33:13

people you want to surround yourself with

33:15

his friends, his associations, colleagues, business partners,

33:17

etc. You make a distinction though that's

33:19

awesome between skills and attributes because this

33:21

is something I think most people discount

33:23

themselves. Well, I don't have the incredible

33:26

natural talents or skills, so I'm discounted

33:28

from performing at a high level. He

33:30

makes the case guys in the book.

33:32

Seals are regular guys. And I have

33:34

to say, I've got to know a

33:36

few. And I don't know that I

33:38

disagree with that necessarily. I think there

33:40

are extraordinary things about a few of

33:42

them. But I tend to agree with

33:44

you as an outside observer. So what's

33:46

the difference between skills and attributes? Yeah,

33:49

it's a distinction that I had to

33:51

make when I was running the assessment

33:53

selection because we were in our particular.

33:55

we were bringing in very experienced seals

33:57

and we were putting them through our

33:59

process and we were still getting about

34:01

a 50% attrition rate, which is natural

34:03

and okay, but the problem was we

34:05

weren't able to effectively articulate why. And

34:07

we weren't able to say why to

34:09

ourselves to be comfortable with that. We

34:11

weren't able to tell our senior leadership

34:14

why, but most importantly, we weren't able

34:16

to tell the candidates why they weren't.

34:18

making it. And these are guys who

34:20

are coming in. They really, they were

34:22

kind of all stars and rock stars

34:24

and to be able to not to

34:26

be able to tell them something like,

34:28

well, you couldn't shoot very well or

34:30

you couldn't do this very well. It

34:32

just didn't seem to fit right. So,

34:34

so I had to really break it

34:36

down and to, you know, in a

34:39

very general basic sense, skills are not

34:41

innate. They're not inherent to our nature,

34:43

right? None of us are born with

34:45

the ability to ride a bike or

34:47

throw a ball or shoot a gun

34:49

in the military sense. We can be

34:51

taught them. We can sometimes sit down

34:53

in a class and learn them. They

34:55

direct our behavior in known situations. So

34:57

here's how and when to write a

34:59

bike, throw a ball, shoot a gun.

35:01

And because they're visible and because they're

35:04

set up that way in kind of

35:06

steps that you can learn and teach,

35:08

they're very easy to assess, make the

35:10

mistake of focusing only on skills the

35:12

best salesperson best graphic designer best marketing

35:14

whatever it is what the problem with

35:16

skills is is that it doesn't skills

35:18

don't tell us how we're going to

35:20

operate when things go south and sideways

35:22

and the environment turns completely uncertain right

35:24

because you can't necessarily apply a known

35:26

skill to an unknown environment this is

35:29

where attributes come in attributes are innate

35:31

right all of us are born with

35:33

levels of adaptability of situational awareness, of

35:35

discipline, of resilience, right? They don't direct

35:37

behavior, they inform our behavior. They tell

35:39

us how we're going to show up

35:41

to a situation. So my level of

35:43

adaptability and resilience, for example, informed the

35:45

way I showed up when I was

35:47

learning how to ride a bike and

35:49

I was falling off a dozen times.

35:51

Okay, because they're hidden though, because in

35:54

their background, they're very difficult to assess,

35:56

measure, and test. And the most visible

35:58

and visceral environments that you can see

36:00

these things are in environments of challenge

36:02

uncertainty and stress, which is why the

36:04

laboratory I had, which was seal training,

36:06

and whether it's basic way to the

36:08

buds or the seal training I was

36:10

running, it's all about throwing guys into

36:12

challenge uncertainty and stress. It was just

36:14

showing these qualities. I always joke, you

36:16

know, the, when I take it back

36:19

to buds, you know, which is basic

36:21

underwater demolition seal train, the basic course

36:23

for a guy to become an 80

36:25

seal. You spend hundreds of hours running

36:27

with boats on your heads. You spend

36:29

hundreds of hours PTing with 300 pound

36:31

telephone poles and freezing in a surf

36:33

zone. And you know, over a 20-year

36:35

career, I've been on hundreds of combat

36:37

missions, and I've done thousands of training

36:39

evolutions, and never on any one of

36:41

them did I carry a boat on

36:44

my head or a telephone pole on

36:46

my shoulder, right? So what they were

36:48

doing to us, in my shoulder, right?

36:50

So what they were doing to us

36:52

in buds, wasn't training us to be

36:54

a Navy SEAL, what it was doing

36:56

was teasing out these attributes, seeing if

36:58

we could do the job, Our performance,

37:00

especially in challenge on certain stress, is

37:02

driven by these attributes, and that's really

37:04

important to know. Well, I think also

37:06

when I hear that, I think of

37:09

so many things, I think of even

37:11

with our own children, you know, we're

37:13

always evaluating their skill set, but if

37:15

they're really going to be flourishing their

37:17

life, why not help them identify what

37:19

their giftedness or attributes are from what

37:21

you call it? Then I'm thinking of

37:23

all the people I've recruited into different

37:25

businesses I've recruited into different businesses I've

37:27

had, and I've recruited in the different

37:29

businesses, people with these perfect skills perfect

37:31

background you're like they're gonna just crush

37:34

this there's such a great speaker they're

37:36

gonna be great in sales except you

37:38

don't know how they're gonna respond under

37:40

pressure that's right failure and it's these

37:42

attributes and I have seen people with

37:44

frankly far lower skill levels with exemplary

37:46

attributes long term have this optimal performance

37:48

I I always use Tom Bray because

37:50

people think of a whack job, but

37:52

like, I think of Brady. Not tremendous

37:54

skill set. But some of these attributes

37:56

that you write in the book, I

37:59

was actually thinking of him from an

38:01

athlete standpoint. Yeah. Give us a little

38:03

bit of a gift. There's 25 of

38:05

them in the book, guys. When you

38:07

were selecting, and I'm sure all 25

38:09

were important, were there two or three

38:11

that really were requisite or stood out

38:13

that were, you know. you really look

38:15

for in people, because I don't want

38:17

to give away the entire book. But

38:19

what are a few of them that

38:21

you could share with us that are

38:24

attributes that are just, they're almost mandatory

38:26

for optimal performance? Well, so first, so

38:28

I'll answer that question because I know

38:30

people are curious, but the first thing

38:32

I want to caveat is that the

38:34

list of attributes to be a Navy

38:36

SEAL is going to be different than

38:38

the list of attributes required to be

38:40

an athlete or a salesperson or a

38:42

teacher. whatever, right? So that list changes.

38:44

So it's incumbent on you as a

38:46

team leader or a leader if you

38:49

want to understand what attribute you need

38:51

for your team to figure out what

38:53

that list looks like. And this is

38:55

how we also position ourselves properly in

38:57

the environment, right? Sometimes some people have

38:59

a better makeup for being a nurse

39:01

than they have for being an 80

39:03

seal, right? And that's because the attributes

39:05

they come to the table with. If

39:07

we were to talk about buds, you

39:09

know, seal training, I would say the

39:11

most important attributes are the grit attributes.

39:14

So you're talking about courage, perseverance, adaptability,

39:16

and resilience, and then probably the drive

39:18

attributes, which, you know, there are five.

39:20

There's self-efficacy, there's discipline, there's open-mindedness, there's

39:22

cunning, there's narcissism, which we can get

39:24

into that we can get into that

39:26

later, which we can get into that

39:28

later if we can get into that

39:30

later if we want. Narcissism is an

39:32

attribute, yes. Okay, no, you're not doing

39:34

that later. I gotta know this. That's

39:36

fascinating to me. Yeah. Honey and narcissism.

39:39

Just give me a little flavor and

39:41

then you go right back into that.

39:43

Absolutely, yeah. So, and it's the most

39:45

asked about one anyway, which is good.

39:47

It was probably one of the most

39:49

fun to write. Well, let's start with

39:51

narcissism. Narcissism is obviously a pejorative word

39:53

and narcissistic personality disorder. Bible will state

39:55

nine criteria which will define up. I

39:57

think if you have five or more

39:59

than you have narcissistic personality disorder. However,

40:02

when you read those nine, what happens

40:04

is when I read, I was like,

40:06

wait a second, okay, I don't have

40:08

that, but sometimes I kind of have

40:10

a little of that, right? And it

40:12

really kind of made me think about

40:14

why I became a Navy SEAL in

40:16

the first place and think about when

40:18

my friends would talk about why they

40:20

became Navy SEAL. Certainly we were patriots,

40:22

certainly we loved our country, but we

40:24

really, we just kind of wanted to

40:27

be bad-asses and we wanted to see

40:29

if we could do something very few

40:31

people could do. There's nothing wrong with

40:33

that. And that's a little bit of

40:35

narcissist of talking. This is biological, right?

40:37

When we are, when we're paid attention

40:39

to by our parents as infants, we

40:41

are getting hits of dopamine, which is

40:43

a very powerful feel-good chemical, serotonin, which

40:45

is kind of a bonding trust, I'm

40:47

protecting you chemical, and then oxytocin, which

40:49

is another bonding chemical. So that combination

40:52

is powerful when we're getting paid attention

40:54

to. This translates to adulthood. All of

40:56

us, to some extent, want to at

40:58

some point feel special, feel loved, you

41:00

want to be paid attention to, okay?

41:02

That's a natural thing. And if you

41:04

have an audacious goal to be a

41:06

rock star, a navy seal, an entrepreneur,

41:08

very successful, to stand out to be

41:10

special, there's nothing wrong with that. That's

41:12

a little bit of narcissism speaking, and

41:14

it can drive you. And that's why

41:17

I put it in it. I love

41:19

it. So I got to be honest

41:21

with you, I'm thinking of all these

41:23

friends of mine that are what I

41:25

call peak performers, but to your point

41:27

optimal performers, because they don't just peak,

41:29

they do it consistently. And there is

41:31

a little bit of a quality of

41:33

that. And even a little bit of

41:35

self thinking, meaning, you know, I want

41:37

to get this attention, I want to

41:39

do something significant, I want to prove

41:42

something to myself that's special. And so

41:44

I. I really want to acknowledge that

41:46

I agree with you on that and

41:48

I kind of jumped in there I

41:50

think you were on a little bit

41:52

of a roll before I did that

41:54

but you all in the side that

41:56

answer you were giving you create this

41:58

mine. Jim, you also talk about resilience,

42:00

I'm surprised that wasn't what you went

42:02

to first, but obviously it's, you know,

42:04

it's, it's where you went, but resilience

42:07

is, was one of them across the

42:09

board, is it not? It is, although

42:11

we have to recognize resilience is just

42:13

the ability to bounce back, right? You

42:15

still have to get through it first.

42:17

Yeah, but you make a distinction, it's

42:19

not just, you make a distinction about

42:21

how you bounce back, when you bounce

42:23

back, I'd love for you to go

42:25

into that a little bit, because this.

42:27

When you get rejected in sales, if

42:29

you get knocked down, that's fine. Oftentimes

42:32

it's the length of time you're looking,

42:34

the length of time you look your

42:36

wounds. Right? Could you talk about that?

42:38

It's one of my favorite parts of

42:40

the things you teach. I just believe

42:42

it's so true and it's subtle. Almost

42:44

nobody would make this distinction other than

42:46

someone like yourself. So. speak to that

42:48

a little bit. Absolutely. So resilience again,

42:50

resilience is the ability to get knocked

42:52

off baseline, right, and then get back

42:54

to baseline, which is extraordinarily important in

42:57

any factor of human development, whether it's

42:59

weightlifting, whether it's physical, whether it's mental,

43:01

whether it's environmental, right? Then there's, and

43:03

then so just to give another distinction,

43:05

we're also really interested in what's called

43:07

anti-furgility, which is a great book by

43:09

Nassim Tali, right? That's the ability to

43:11

get knocked off baseline. When you come

43:13

back, you're stronger, right? You've moved, you've

43:15

shifted your baseline. To be able to

43:17

do either, all right, you need to

43:19

be, you need to have the ability

43:22

to reflect appropriately and for the right

43:24

amount of time. And so the example

43:26

I given the example I give in

43:28

the book, which I give in the

43:30

book, which I give in the book,

43:32

which I give in the book, tell

43:34

us what his grandfather told him, which

43:36

was the two-minute rule. And basically a

43:38

two-minute rule was this. Any time that

43:40

you have something bad happen, okay? Something

43:42

negative, bad, it's awful, it's horrible. You

43:44

have two minutes to wallow, to mourn,

43:47

to do whatever you need to do,

43:49

okay? After that two minutes, you know,

43:51

you stop and you get back on

43:53

track. You're back in it, okay? Same

43:55

thing happens when anything good happens, right?

43:57

Any big success or all that stuff.

43:59

promotion, whatever, two minutes to rest on

44:01

your laurels, pack yourself on the back,

44:03

feel like you're the big man or

44:05

woman. get back to normal and then get

44:08

back to baseline. So it's a mental

44:10

exercise to help get back on baseline.

44:12

Now obviously certain trauma, it's going to

44:14

take more than two minutes, but I

44:16

think the concept still remains to be

44:18

able to reflect enough about something that

44:20

happened and ask the right questions or

44:22

so frame it properly, allows us to

44:24

get back to that baseline and many

44:26

times grow from it and then move

44:28

on. And this is the this is

44:30

the crux of optimal performance and in

44:32

fact growth because we can't grow we

44:34

can't move on until we or we

44:36

can't can't take those steps unless we we

44:38

shed that that that trauma. I think this

44:40

should give people hope you know I think

44:43

some people think they're weaker than they are

44:45

sometimes like I get knocked down and guys

44:47

this is a guy who led and selected

44:50

the biggest group of bad asses that

44:52

walked the planet. We say and they

44:54

get knocked down. the question mark is can

44:56

you get back to baseline or an anti

44:58

fragility can you get even better than baseline

45:00

and there is a time factor so those

45:02

you that are knocked down or get knocked

45:04

down you need to begin to evaluate how

45:06

quickly this two minute rule and whatever however

45:08

that manifests itself for you because we all

45:11

do but I do feel like and I

45:13

would say I don't have a lot of

45:15

attributes but one of mine has been the

45:17

pace at which I get back up to

45:19

baseline or then eventually exceed it and end

45:21

Mind, Jim, what you created, I

45:23

guess, in the seals, are there,

45:25

it sounds to me like you

45:28

believe resilience can be developed and

45:30

built, that it's, even though it's

45:32

an attribute, it can be

45:34

expanded, true or false, and how

45:36

do we do that? Absolutely true. And

45:38

so, so the, the idea is,

45:40

is develop a working relationship with

45:43

our brain, which was really the,

45:45

the, the, kind of the goal of

45:47

the mind Jim was for to

45:49

help guys begin to figure out

45:51

this between their ears and try

45:54

to access that and more proactively

45:56

use that, you know, great matter

45:58

because again we're we're Just from a

46:00

basic standpoint, I mean, we, you know,

46:03

and our nervous system, which is all

46:05

connected, which we all know, but, you

46:07

know, the sympathetic response versus the parasympathetic

46:09

response, this is active doing something versus

46:11

recovery. Recovery is one of the key.

46:13

elements required. In fact, probably the key

46:15

element required in any type of resilience

46:18

or anti fragility. You have to take

46:20

time for recovery. We know this intuitively.

46:22

When you lift weights, you tear the

46:24

muscle. The only way you grow muscle

46:26

is to rest. If you lifted the

46:28

same weight every day, you just keep

46:30

on tearing. You go into entropy. So

46:33

you have to tear it and then

46:35

you have to allow it to grow

46:37

back, which is what recovery is. Accessing

46:39

our kind of understanding or neurologing our

46:41

neurologology a little bit. a little bit

46:43

better, allows us to more

46:46

actively and proactively shift into

46:48

parasympathetic and initiate some recovery

46:51

more effectively, more often, and

46:53

in some cases on demand.

46:56

And that was really the

46:58

key kind of goal of the

47:01

mind gym was to teach guys,

47:03

begin to teach guys how to

47:05

do that more effectively. More efficiently

47:07

and more quickly. So I used

47:09

to call, you know, sometimes, you

47:11

know, recover in between gunfights because

47:13

honestly Resilience we talk about the two-minute rule

47:15

and I you know this and I think

47:17

a lot of your audience knows this when

47:20

you're really when you're really kind of

47:22

performing at a high level, whether

47:24

it's optimally or peak, whatever that

47:26

looks like, sometimes the situation in

47:28

the environment doesn't allow for recovery

47:30

in the moment. Okay, and so this is

47:32

that you can watch every any war movie,

47:35

right where right where The guy who's the

47:37

guy's next to his buddy, his buddy, his

47:39

buddy gets shot and he, and you'd spend

47:41

the next two minutes while the guys, you

47:44

know, and the movie is crying over his

47:46

buddy and mourning all that, that doesn't happen

47:48

in the real world. You don't have time

47:50

to mourn. You have to win the gun

47:52

fight, right? Which means it's incumbent on us,

47:55

and if the recovery is not available in

47:57

the moment, you have to have to have

47:59

to. to make it a priority later. So if

48:01

you're in the moment and something bad

48:03

happens and you're just like, okay, I

48:05

gotta block that out and it's gonna

48:07

move forward and make this, I gotta

48:09

finish the mission, I gotta win the

48:12

fight, finish the mission. Once that's all

48:14

done, you need to go back and

48:16

you define time to recover. This is

48:18

very hard for top performers to do

48:20

because we're so kind of seduced by

48:22

the performance part of it. We love

48:24

breaking through, like getting through, but recovery

48:26

is huge. Just think of it in

48:28

the terms of if you don't recovery,

48:30

if you don't recover effectively, it's like

48:32

you're benching three times a day

48:34

every day, right? I've seen this take out

48:36

more people than most people realize. I've seen people

48:39

have really good careers and whatever it is they

48:41

do for a window of time and they don't

48:43

recover, they don't recover. Then what happens is they're

48:45

fatigued and they make huge mistakes or they just

48:48

fry out. And so this is a huge thing.

48:50

By the way, I don't know that we've done

48:52

an interview that in 20 minutes has had this

48:54

much stuff in it this quickly. I think everyone,

48:57

this is like crap like, like, you know, pulling

48:59

over the side of the side of the side

49:01

of the road in writing writing things and writing

49:03

things, but on recovery. Is there anything other

49:06

than sleep? Because sleep's the go-to. Any

49:08

other things you'd offer say, hey, this

49:10

is a recovery technique. Well, some of

49:12

the quicker ones can be breathing. I know

49:14

you've had Dr. Andrew Huberman on. I was

49:17

thinking of him when you've been talking. It's

49:19

like, and he and I have been, well,

49:21

and he's in the book, he and

49:23

I've been friends now for good. Gosh, four

49:26

years and we've we've been working on a

49:28

lot of this together. And so, so a

49:30

lot of my neuroscience comes from just thinking

49:32

out with him and his friends. But, but

49:35

you know, breathing techniques, so we can do

49:37

certain breathing techniques will help us shift into

49:39

parasympathetic. There's vision techniques, which which Huberman talks

49:42

about open gaze, for example, real fast

49:44

way for your audience, open gaze is

49:46

just, it's, it's, it's different than focusing

49:48

than focusing instead of focusing on something

49:50

in front of something in front of

49:52

you. Just Go soft and start noticing

49:54

your peripheries, right that open gaze

49:56

has been proven to start shifting

49:58

your nervous system into parasympathetic and

50:00

start going that way. So those

50:02

are some micro techniques. A little

50:04

bit more macro techniques is really

50:06

start to think about anything that

50:08

produces relaxation and joy. in your

50:10

life, think about doing more of,

50:13

okay? This doesn't have to be

50:15

meditation. Some people like meditation. I,

50:17

meditation, I find difficult personally, and

50:19

so, and so I had to

50:21

find different ways. For me, my

50:23

meditation is I go running. I

50:25

go running in the woods here

50:27

in Virginia. I don't wear headphones.

50:29

I don't time myself and I just

50:31

think and I just let my mind

50:34

wander, right? That is recovery for me.

50:36

visualizing is a hugely powerful

50:38

technique because the brain if

50:40

you visualize correctly and deeply

50:42

the brain doesn't recognize the

50:45

difference between real experience and

50:47

visualized experience so you can

50:49

create the same neurotransmitters

50:51

and hormones that you would in the

50:53

real experience just through visualization so

50:56

for example I you know I have

50:58

two boys there they're teenagers now, but

51:00

you know, when they're babies, I used to,

51:02

you know, they used to nap on my

51:04

chest, right? Such a wonderful feeling as a

51:06

parent just to have your kid sleeping on

51:08

you. And what I would do sometimes is

51:11

I would just visualize that. And as I

51:13

visualize that deeply, all those feelings would

51:15

come back. All those chemicals would be flooding

51:17

me. That's recovery as well. So. So think

51:19

about some breathing, think about vision, think about

51:22

visualization, and then you could do things like

51:24

I mean yoga, meditation, the float, I'm a

51:26

big fan of float tanks. I don't know

51:28

if you ever tried the, I love those

51:31

things. And so, and then of course sleep

51:33

is the, kind of the kudagra of recovery.

51:35

Yeah, I want to go back through that.

51:37

So guys, we've talked about float tanks on

51:40

the show before and I've recommended it to

51:42

friends of mine that even are struggling with

51:44

some depression and mental. even minor mental

51:46

illness. So float tanks are big.

51:48

For me, the things that you've

51:50

listed, rich, you know, for me

51:52

is float tanks, I do, open

51:55

gaze is something that I did

51:57

as a child rather naturally. And

51:59

so things. So it's something I go back

52:01

to. And the visualization stuff that he's talking about guys

52:03

can also, you can almost call it like a

52:05

wake dreaming. And it's something that I do. And

52:07

one of the things is I'll repeat the same

52:09

ones over and over again that had given me

52:12

a previous good feeling. So for me, it's a

52:14

very random moment in my life that when my

52:16

daughter was a little girl were on a boat

52:18

and she asked me, Daddy, can I drive the

52:20

boat? And she sits in my lap and just

52:22

the way her. just my little girl's felt, you

52:25

know, I had my arms around, it was a

52:27

little bit windy and cold, and it was like

52:29

one of my favorite moments of my life. Well,

52:31

I've played that video thousands and thousands

52:33

of times, guys. And so that when

52:35

I get into an anxiety or stress

52:37

state or fatigue state, I go right to

52:40

that video and it takes me

52:42

back to that moment. I do

52:44

it guys with silly things like

52:46

before I do my labs, my

52:48

blood draws with 10 vials of

52:51

blood, I'll look away and I

52:53

go back to the boat with

52:55

Bella and I because it's become

52:57

reflexive. Those neurotransmitters, those synapses have

52:59

been so connected, because it's very

53:02

rare. I'm listening to you, I'm

53:04

thinking, were you a little

53:06

bit pun intended? Fish out of the water

53:08

in the seals the way you talk and

53:11

think around the other guys? Not every dude

53:13

I know is like you. Gosh, I gotta

53:15

tell you something. I wish we've been recording

53:17

our pre-show conversation here because it's been so

53:20

good. And I kind of knew in having

53:22

this woman on the show that today would

53:24

be special, and I already have a sense

53:27

that it's going to be based on our

53:29

conversation before we started recording. Her new book

53:31

is called Be Seen. Find your voice, build

53:33

your brand, live your dream. We're going to

53:36

have a remarkable conversation

53:38

with Jen Gott, leave Jen. Welcome to the

53:40

show. Ed. I am so excited about this.

53:42

I don't think you have any idea. The

53:44

fear thing. Let's talk about that. Because this

53:46

is content of the content of the book.

53:48

There's a disease we all suffer from called

53:50

fear, but you illustrate what some of the

53:53

symptoms of that disease are, so you actually

53:55

know whether you're suffering from it. So what

53:57

are a few of those symptoms that you

53:59

have in here? So most of the time people

54:01

think about fear of like anxiety and like

54:03

you know their stomach does a backflip and

54:05

they they're scared right they're heart speeding they've

54:07

got a panic attack I've experienced it so

54:09

many times but there are other symptoms of

54:11

fear that show up and you don't necessarily

54:13

realize that they're fear things like perfectionism yeah

54:16

comparisonitis FOMO but I like to call FOMO

54:18

not FOMO like fear of missing out but

54:20

fear of missed opportunity. So you know when

54:22

you're scrolling we just talked about this you're

54:24

like that person's getting all the likes and

54:26

the follows and they're growing their business or

54:28

they were featured in the media and you're like,

54:30

oh, that should be me. And then this other voice comes in, I can't

54:32

do that, they've already done it. So then you spiral down comparisonitis and then

54:34

perfectionism and then analysis paralysis, which is another symptom of fear, where you're like,

54:36

oh, there's just so many options, so many people doing this, they're already doing

54:39

it, I'm not as good, and then you've got imposterous syndrome, and then you've

54:41

got imposter syndrome, and then you've got imposter syndrome, and then it, and then

54:43

it, and then it's like, and then you've got imposter syndrome, and then, and

54:45

then, and then you've got imposter syndrome, and then, and then, and then, you've

54:47

got imposter syndrome, and then, and then, and then, you've got imposter syndrome,

54:49

and then, and then, and then, and

54:51

then, and then, you I'm gonna wait

54:54

till next month. Maybe I'll have a

54:56

better idea next month. Maybe and the

54:58

next month comes around. You know what?

55:00

I'm gonna wait until maybe Friday. Maybe

55:02

I'll and fear's whole job is to

55:04

keep us exactly the same. So it's

55:06

gonna sneak in and it's gonna tell

55:08

us all of these lies and we

55:10

can either listen. and negotiate with fear.

55:12

You're right, you know what? I'm gonna

55:14

wait till Friday, because Friday seems like

55:16

a much better day for me to

55:18

do that first Instagram live, or for

55:20

me to start the podcast. It'll

55:23

be much better than, I'll feel

55:25

better, maybe, you know, I'll get

55:27

this great, brilliant idea. What I

55:29

have learned over a lot of

55:31

experience of being seen when I

55:33

was absolutely petrified to do so,

55:35

in every way, shape and form, and put

55:37

your arm around it and understand and

55:40

know that you're not going to be fearless, you're not

55:42

going to be able to kick it out of the

55:44

car, but if you can drive with it there in

55:46

the passenger seat of your car and do the thing

55:48

with it there anyway, you take away the power that it

55:50

has over you. Really good. So I'll tell you a story

55:52

yet. So this is really when I learned how to

55:54

talk to fear for the first time, and it's with

55:56

one of our friends Lewis. So that was the first

55:58

podcast at a podcast of podcast. first mastermind that

56:00

I ever did was with Lewis House

56:02

and I was in this mansion in

56:04

Malibu was like my very first experience

56:06

learning from somebody getting mentors I was

56:08

like this is amazing like I love

56:10

this I am vibing I am here

56:12

I am outside of my comfort zone

56:15

but I love it Lewis comes down

56:17

and he's like all right everybody we're

56:19

gonna go to the second floor because

56:21

I've got a surprise for you and

56:23

I'm like oh yes I love surprises

56:25

let's go I'm like down we walk

56:27

up and I see all of these

56:29

buckets of these buckets anybody was doing

56:31

cold plunges. Okay, so now everyone that's

56:33

listening, you scroll your Instagram, now you

56:35

will see 85,000 people doing cold plunges.

56:37

It's very trendy. At this point in

56:39

time, no one was doing this for

56:41

fun. And I see this lady pouring

56:43

these buckets of ice into these tubs

56:45

and I'm like, oh, that's a lot

56:47

of beverages for this party. I literally

56:49

did not understand what was happening. And

56:51

he's like, we're gonna do ice baths. Ed I

56:53

had a panic attack. Like I, like full

56:55

on, full body, I'm sure you've had, I

56:58

have anxiety sometimes, full on, crying, tears, I

57:00

just, I don't know what it was about

57:02

that, but I did not want to do

57:04

this. And so I sat on a bench

57:06

and I watched all of my friends get

57:08

in the ice bath very scared and get

57:10

out of the ice bath like they're

57:12

like a phoenix rising from the

57:14

ashes, like like a different person,

57:17

and I'm sitting there watching all

57:19

these transformations transformations happen. and I'm

57:21

still crying, and I'm still not

57:23

okay with this, and fear is

57:25

saying, you can just tell them

57:27

that you're allergic to cold, or

57:29

whatever, you know, I was negotiating

57:32

with myself why I didn't have to

57:34

do it. And then I had this thought, and

57:36

I was like, how do you want to

57:39

feel tonight when you get in your bed?

57:41

Because no matter what, you're going to get in

57:43

your bed tonight. Like, no matter how uncomfortable you

57:45

are today, whether you do it or not, You're

57:47

going to end up in your bed and it's

57:49

going to be two seconds later and are you

57:51

going to be proud of yourself for what you

57:53

did today and how you showed up? Or are

57:55

you going to feel like, man, I should have

57:57

just done that? I should have just been able

57:59

to withstand. and the uncomfortableness for 2.5 seconds.

58:01

So I was like, you know what? All

58:03

right, I'm gonna talk to fear. And at

58:06

that time, I was reading this book called

58:08

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. I know the

58:10

book. And in the book, she says, go

58:12

on a road trip with fear and talk

58:14

to it and put in the passenger seat.

58:16

So I'm sitting there in this robe and

58:19

my bathing suit, because I was gonna take

58:21

the photo, but I wasn't gonna get in

58:23

the ice bath. Okay. And you can yell

58:25

at me and you can tell me that

58:27

this is not okay, but I'm going to

58:30

tell you that you're not in charge here

58:32

I am And I drove me in fear

58:34

we drove together into the ice bath and

58:36

it sucked and it was painful And I

58:38

hated it, but I sat in there for

58:41

two minutes and I got out of the

58:43

ice bath and Ed you want to know

58:45

what I did right after I got out

58:47

I got back in again You did it

58:49

again Wow because this is where I learned

58:51

it when you do the thing you're afraid

58:54

to do the power that fear has over

58:56

you. It doesn't mean it goes away. You

58:58

just take away its power. I gotta tell

59:00

you I wish I knew you when I

59:02

was younger. This idea, here's the brilliance of

59:05

that. I want to say something, I want

59:07

to acknowledge when something's unbelievably. Like I got

59:09

goosebumps right there. Look at my hairless arms,

59:11

I got goosebumps. When you

59:13

actually put fear with you in the

59:16

passenger seat you actually separate you from

59:18

it And it actually you actually begin

59:20

to understand that that is not you

59:22

that it's an outside influence and you

59:24

begin to separate yourself from it I'm

59:26

gonna say something I've never said out

59:28

loud before right now since you were

59:31

that vulnerable When I was really young

59:33

Tony Robbins saw me speak and he

59:35

thought he actually said to me that

59:37

day goes I think you may be

59:39

the greatest speaker I've ever seen this

59:41

is when I was young and raw

59:44

and And then he goes let me

59:46

correct that He goes, you're the most

59:48

talented speaker I've ever seen, but there's

59:50

things you would need to do to

59:52

improve. Come to my event, and I

59:54

come to this event, and there's a

59:56

firewalk, so it's my version of the

59:59

ice bath for you. And we're in

1:00:01

the line, and I'm terrified. I'm terrified.

1:00:03

Now I'm watching. hundreds of people walk

1:00:05

down this firewalk you know the burning

1:00:07

coals thing yeah I'm watching all of

1:00:09

them do it I can't believe I'm

1:00:12

telling everybody this but I think it'll

1:00:14

give you hope and I'm getting more

1:00:16

scared and more scared but you got

1:00:18

your peer group there like you can

1:00:20

do it you can do it yeah

1:00:22

I felt like you know I'm an

1:00:24

Adam Sandler movie and I finally get

1:00:27

up there and I lost state fear

1:00:29

took over so I started to do

1:00:31

it and my feet start to burn

1:00:33

halfway through and I jump off and

1:00:35

I get off about a quarter of

1:00:37

the way down the hot coals I

1:00:39

get off and I was like, oh,

1:00:42

so like you can go back again.

1:00:44

And I go, okay. And I pretend

1:00:46

to go to the back of the

1:00:48

line and I left the event. You

1:00:50

did? I left the event. I was

1:00:52

gone. It was the first night of

1:00:55

a three day event and I left

1:00:57

it. Wow. and I let fear kick

1:00:59

my ass and that kicked my ass

1:01:01

for about three years because I didn't.

1:01:03

I got into bed that night because

1:01:05

you are going to get into bed

1:01:07

and I got into bed that night.

1:01:10

Here's what's crazy. The event was still

1:01:12

going on in the hotel when I

1:01:14

got into my bed defeated and let

1:01:16

fear kick my butt. That's right. I

1:01:18

tell everybody that story for two reasons

1:01:20

to illustrate how brilliant and right you

1:01:23

are. And two to give you hope.

1:01:25

If maybe then... one of the top

1:01:27

people in I think it was this

1:01:29

week that's brilliant. I want to ask

1:01:31

you because I think people, this is

1:01:33

a fair question. How do you distinguish

1:01:35

between when something is fear and your

1:01:38

intuition talking to you saying you should

1:01:40

not do this? So how do you

1:01:42

know it's not intuition instead of fear?

1:01:44

This is a tough one because fear

1:01:46

is really sneaky and it's really really

1:01:48

good liar. And it'll come in and

1:01:51

it'll convince you like, oh no no,

1:01:53

this is your intuition. You really shouldn't

1:01:55

do this. What has helped me, and

1:01:57

this has helped me every single time,

1:01:59

I heard this from somebody, and I

1:02:01

don't even remember who it was, I

1:02:03

wish I could quote them, I don't

1:02:06

remember who told me this, but I

1:02:08

was really battling through, is this in

1:02:10

my intuition, is this like my gut

1:02:12

telling me that I should do this

1:02:14

thing, or is this fear? And the

1:02:16

question is that I ask myself now,

1:02:19

is whose voice is that you should

1:02:21

or shouldn't do it? Is it your

1:02:23

voice, or? Is it your parents' voice?

1:02:25

Is it your husband's voice or your

1:02:27

wife's voice or your parents' voice or

1:02:29

the random people on the internet's voice

1:02:31

and you don't even know who they

1:02:34

are? A lot of the times it's

1:02:36

that for people. What they will think,

1:02:38

and we don't even know who they

1:02:40

are, right? It's like, what will they

1:02:42

think? It's Susie from college, right? Or,

1:02:44

you know, my cousin from ages ago,

1:02:47

what they were going to think of

1:02:49

me on the internet. And we care

1:02:51

so much about that. And it's a

1:02:53

normal human experience to care what other

1:02:55

people think. We want to be liked.

1:02:57

We want to be approved of. We

1:02:59

want people to say good job. We

1:03:02

do. And that's OK. And if you're

1:03:04

sitting here listening, like, oh, that's a

1:03:06

bad thing. I don't want to care

1:03:08

what people think. We're going to. I

1:03:10

do. Yeah. We all do. But here's

1:03:12

the thing. We don't want to wake

1:03:14

up. all the random people on the

1:03:17

internet or people that I didn't care

1:03:19

about dictate my actions and I let

1:03:21

the fear of what they would think

1:03:23

of me override my gut intuition of

1:03:25

what I knew I was meant to

1:03:27

do on this planet and so I

1:03:30

ask myself is it my voice or

1:03:32

is it the voice of somebody else

1:03:34

and when I hear my own voice

1:03:36

in there you know you know your

1:03:38

voice but when I hear like oh

1:03:40

That's my husband Chris's voice. You know,

1:03:42

and even though I love Chris, and

1:03:45

I care so much what he thinks,

1:03:47

and this is for everybody with a

1:03:49

partner out there, like I've done it

1:03:51

before where I have made lots of

1:03:53

decisions based on somebody that I was

1:03:55

in a relationship with and what they

1:03:58

would think of me. But now I

1:04:00

know better, and I'm like, that's Chris's

1:04:02

voice, Chris, that was your voice telling

1:04:04

me that I shouldn't put... My voice,

1:04:06

who I will be proud of myself

1:04:08

at the end of this night when

1:04:10

I get in my bed and I

1:04:13

look up at the ceiling, I'm like,

1:04:15

did I squeeze all the two sides

1:04:17

of the lemon today? Did I do

1:04:19

it all? Did I lay it out

1:04:21

all on the field? Or did I

1:04:23

phone it in today? Did I phone

1:04:26

it in today? Did I phone it

1:04:28

in today? As long as I listen

1:04:30

to my voice and I'm always on

1:04:32

the field or did I phone it

1:04:34

in today? And it's actually fading off,

1:04:36

which is crazy. I don't even know

1:04:38

how that happens. But I tattooed this

1:04:41

on my wrist to remind me that

1:04:43

no matter what, time never stops. Dis

1:04:45

comfort is only temporary all the time.

1:04:47

No matter what. No matter what. We're

1:04:49

both going to end up. Tonight in

1:04:51

our bed, this interview is going to

1:04:54

be done. No matter if it was

1:04:56

amazing or if it was bad or

1:04:58

if it was scary or if we

1:05:00

were uncomfortable or if we were uncomfortable.

1:05:02

No matter what happens today. the person

1:05:04

that you become through the uncomfortable moments

1:05:06

through the winds through the losses through

1:05:09

the hard times through the ice baths

1:05:11

through the firewalks through all the stuff

1:05:13

that the hard conversations you have to

1:05:15

have or maybe oh my god the

1:05:17

face plant that you made in front

1:05:19

of all those people no matter what

1:05:22

you being able to withstand all that

1:05:24

stuff and get into your bed at

1:05:26

night and understand wow I like I

1:05:28

can do this no matter what I'm

1:05:30

gonna end up here that's what powers

1:05:32

me through who you're that comes with

1:05:34

that that's permanent. Okay if you're driving

1:05:37

your car right now just check the

1:05:39

miles per hour because you're going too

1:05:41

fast. I can just tell you you

1:05:43

get that fired up listening to somebody

1:05:45

so just slow down a little bit

1:05:47

so that you don't run off the

1:05:49

road. That's so good. You're such wisdom

1:05:52

for such a young woman. It's like

1:05:54

I wish I had it when I

1:05:56

was your age because it's profound what

1:05:58

you're saying. Listen, I've made some mistakes

1:06:00

in my life. Heck, half the time

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how you buy. Very short intermission here

1:07:29

folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show

1:07:31

so far. Don't forget to follow the

1:07:33

show on Apple and Spotify. Links are

1:07:35

in the show notes. Now on to

1:07:37

our next guest. I'm so excited to

1:07:39

have this man here today. I've wanted

1:07:41

to do this with him for a

1:07:44

long time, but it was the universe's

1:07:46

timing that I think that we did

1:07:48

it now. He's incredible. He's constantly ranked

1:07:50

as one of the top three, four,

1:07:52

five leadership experts in the world. Robin

1:07:54

Sharmer, welcome to the show. Real blessing.

1:07:57

Nice to finally meet you. Yeah, pleasure.

1:07:59

You strike me. It's in... You have

1:08:01

the most, you have such modern information

1:08:03

you give, yet you are sort of

1:08:05

counterculture to the modern world in the

1:08:07

sense that you, you do live, I

1:08:09

do sense this about you, that you

1:08:12

do live a simple life, that you

1:08:14

do take time for yourself, that you

1:08:16

aren't chasing every shiny thing that comes

1:08:18

your way. I think that makes you

1:08:20

very, very unique. So you actually, you

1:08:22

actually hit on one of the questions

1:08:24

I had to ask you before we

1:08:27

leave because I think it holds so

1:08:29

many people back from becoming this hero.

1:08:31

from revealing their genius, which is fear.

1:08:33

And so just talk a little bit

1:08:35

about how you do lean into fear

1:08:37

every single day. So there's a chapter

1:08:40

in the everyday hero manifesto called Hug

1:08:42

the Monster. And it starts with a

1:08:44

story and there's a manifesto called Hug

1:08:46

the Monster. And it starts with the

1:08:48

story. And there's a grandmaster walking up

1:08:50

a Himalayan mountain leading a crowd of

1:08:52

people. And they're going to this great

1:08:55

temple looking for great answers. Once they

1:08:57

get to the temple, Ed, they notice

1:08:59

there's a courtyard. And before they can

1:09:01

get into the entryway to meet the

1:09:03

supermaster, they see there's three violent dogs

1:09:05

on leashes. So, the group starts to

1:09:08

move into the courtyard, but all of

1:09:10

a sudden, the dogs break free of

1:09:12

their leashes, and they start running towards

1:09:14

the group. They start to run faster,

1:09:16

and all the other people start running

1:09:18

down the mountain, terrified. And then he

1:09:20

yawns and then he starts running towards

1:09:23

dogs. And the dogs start running even

1:09:25

faster. Grandmaster picks up his space, his

1:09:27

pace, looks at them, starts running even

1:09:29

more quickly. Yawns again for good measure.

1:09:31

Dogs run even faster, he runs even

1:09:33

faster. Now he starts to dance a

1:09:36

little dance, a little tick-tock dance along

1:09:38

the way. Eventually these dogs get frightened

1:09:40

because they feel his power and they

1:09:42

run away. And I think as human

1:09:44

beings, we construct a reality. of the

1:09:46

straw monsters that have been taught to

1:09:48

us. If you love too deeply, you...

1:09:51

will be hurt. If you build a

1:09:53

great business, you will be attacked. If

1:09:55

you try to change the world, cynics

1:09:57

will laugh at you. I mean, our

1:09:59

job is to take the stones that

1:10:01

people throw at us and build monuments

1:10:04

to mastery that stand the test of

1:10:06

time. I mean, that's what the troll

1:10:08

deconstruction is about. I mean, you know

1:10:10

you're doing very well when you're being

1:10:12

laughed a lot. Every visionary was initially

1:10:14

ridiculed before they were revered. So the

1:10:16

point is... You know, someone said to

1:10:19

me the other day, but this all

1:10:21

sounds so hard. And you know what?

1:10:23

I went back to my hotel room.

1:10:25

You know what I thought about? Misery

1:10:27

and unfulfilled promise is a lot harder.

1:10:29

And I think the discomfort of growth

1:10:32

is always to be preferred to the

1:10:34

illusion of safety. So what I would

1:10:36

say is the things that all of

1:10:38

us are scared about. That's where your

1:10:40

growth lives and your freedom lies. Very

1:10:42

good. And I think, you know, it

1:10:44

starts with an awareness and then it

1:10:47

begins with daily bravery practice, let's call

1:10:49

it micro bravery practice, but consistently doing

1:10:51

difficult things. Getting good at consistently leaning

1:10:53

into the things that make our... palms

1:10:55

sweat and our hands shake and that

1:10:57

becomes a practice and if you practice

1:10:59

it long enough you get brilliant like

1:11:02

it just like being a chess master

1:11:04

so it's almost like every day you

1:11:06

go down the steps to the cellar

1:11:08

you turn on the light and you

1:11:10

hug the monster and if you hug

1:11:12

your monsters guaranteed you'll realize they were

1:11:15

much smaller than you thought they were

1:11:17

so damn good that is absolutely a

1:11:19

billion percent right oh my gosh the

1:11:21

price you'll pay for not becoming the

1:11:23

hero you're capable of becoming is far

1:11:25

smaller than what you will pay if

1:11:27

you never become that person. It's worth

1:11:30

hugging that monster every single day. How

1:11:32

do you do it? I lean into

1:11:34

it. I actually do what I call

1:11:36

feared things first, and it is a

1:11:38

habit that I do. I like to

1:11:40

get something done early in my day

1:11:43

habit of habit habitually, habitually, that I'm

1:11:45

a little bit afraid of, that I'm

1:11:47

a little bit uncomfortable with, that I

1:11:49

have some anxiety with. I find that

1:11:51

once I hug that monster, it was

1:11:53

usually smaller than I thought, and it

1:11:55

creates unbelievable momentum for the momentum for

1:11:58

the rest of momentum for the rest

1:12:00

of my day, oftentimes for the rest

1:12:02

of my month, And so I do

1:12:04

do that. I also have become familiar

1:12:06

with these monsters. And the more you're

1:12:08

familiar, I think you become with hugging

1:12:11

them on a regular basis, the more

1:12:13

they sort of lose their power over

1:12:15

you. I've seen this guy before. He's

1:12:17

not so bad. I've seen this guy

1:12:19

before. He's not so bad. I've seen

1:12:21

this one before. He's not so bad.

1:12:23

I've seen this one before. I've seen

1:12:26

this one before. I've seen this one

1:12:28

before. I've seen this one before. I've

1:12:30

seen this one before. One before. One

1:12:32

before. One before. One before. I've seen

1:12:34

this one before. One before. I've seen

1:12:36

this one before. One before. I've seen

1:12:39

this one before. One before. One before.

1:12:41

I've seen this one before. One before.

1:12:43

I've seen this one before. One before.

1:12:45

One before. One before. One before. I've

1:12:47

seen this one before. One before. One

1:12:49

before. One before. I've seen this one

1:12:51

before. One before. I've seen this And

1:12:54

I think the more you put yourself

1:12:56

under pressure or duress, you become comfortable

1:12:58

in it. And you find what I

1:13:00

call equanimity in those moments, which is

1:13:02

the ability to be calm and to

1:13:04

function at a high level in it.

1:13:07

So I love it. That's one of

1:13:09

my favorite conversations ever. I've loved it.

1:13:11

I was one of my favorite conversations

1:13:13

ever. I was going to be honest

1:13:15

with you. I've loved today and I

1:13:17

know everybody else has. I think you're

1:13:19

a real confidence and presence about themselves.

1:13:22

but yet combined with a huge dose

1:13:24

of humility at the same time. I

1:13:26

think people that have a ton of

1:13:28

confidence, one of that's humility, sometimes it's

1:13:30

off-putting, and they're not curious enough to

1:13:32

keep growing and learning because they think

1:13:34

they know everything. And then our friends

1:13:37

that have this tremendous humility, but they

1:13:39

just never step forward with some confidence

1:13:41

and build that hug the monster mentality

1:13:43

in their life, sometimes they're tough to

1:13:45

be around too. But that combination is

1:13:47

what you really, you nuanced that so

1:13:50

well. You know, and that really comes

1:13:52

through in the conversation. Thank you. And

1:13:54

that doesn't come easily. It's like hard,

1:13:56

hard one, hard one effort to get

1:13:58

to a place where you're living your

1:14:00

values the way it's, it feels like

1:14:02

you're living your values. I appreciate that

1:14:05

brother. And that's mutual. Thank you. Last

1:14:07

question. I mean, I really appreciate that

1:14:09

coming from you. So we've covered a

1:14:11

lot. What an honor. It is to.

1:14:13

Be with this gentleman here today and

1:14:15

to share him with all of you.

1:14:18

Most of you are probably familiar from

1:14:20

him for the first time from The

1:14:22

Secret. He's one of the stars, if

1:14:24

not the star of The Secret. So

1:14:26

I have John Asaraf here with me

1:14:28

today. John, thanks for being here, brother.

1:14:30

And it's so good to be here

1:14:33

and thank you for giving me the

1:14:35

honor to be here with you. Could

1:14:37

you talk about fear and some help

1:14:39

that you could provide people in that

1:14:41

regard? Sure. If everybody can imagine for

1:14:43

a moment you're driving a car and

1:14:46

everything's going great and all of a

1:14:48

sudden a light pops up on your

1:14:50

dash. Now, the average person won't take

1:14:52

a hammer and hit the light to

1:14:54

turn it off. An average person will

1:14:56

take a look at what is that

1:14:58

light, my low on windshield wife with

1:15:01

fluid, and my low on air, and

1:15:03

my tires is my back trunk open.

1:15:05

What's going on? So just like the

1:15:07

signal in a car is meant to

1:15:09

make you aware, fear is a trigger

1:15:11

in our subconscious mind that real or

1:15:14

imagined danger has percolated... in our brain.

1:15:16

And so fear, there's nothing wrong with

1:15:18

fear. We can actually use fear as

1:15:20

fuel. Now I like to, you know,

1:15:22

give people visual. So imagine if you

1:15:24

have, you know, two parts of your

1:15:26

brain. There's many more, but imagine these

1:15:29

two. We have the Einstein brain, and

1:15:31

we have the Frankenstein brain, and we

1:15:33

have the Frankenstein brain, going, what if?

1:15:35

you get hurt. What if you lose

1:15:37

money? What if you die? What if

1:15:39

you get embarrassed, ashamed, ridiculed, or judged?

1:15:42

And so why does Frankenstein even get

1:15:44

activated? Because we're not born with those

1:15:46

fears. And so if we're not born

1:15:48

with those fears, that means that something

1:15:50

in our brain is triggering this reaction

1:15:52

automatically without our thought, and that is

1:15:54

what we call as the fear response.

1:15:57

And we also know that that fear

1:15:59

response causes something called the sympathetic nervous

1:16:01

system to activate, which causes us to

1:16:03

want to fight. freeze or run away.

1:16:05

That's just the absolute reaction at a

1:16:07

biological level of what is happening. Now,

1:16:09

when we want to activate that sympathetic

1:16:12

nervous system. There's several what I call

1:16:14

our inner sizes that we can do

1:16:16

that actually gives us more control, more

1:16:18

power, and the ability to reactivate the

1:16:20

Einstein part of the brain. So inner

1:16:22

size number one is really, really simple.

1:16:25

It's called take six, calm the circuits.

1:16:27

So as soon as you catch yourself

1:16:29

in a state of doubt, fear, worry,

1:16:31

anxiety, stress. That means that Frankenstein's activated

1:16:33

if you just took six deep breaths

1:16:35

in through your nose as slowly as

1:16:37

you could And then you exhaled as

1:16:40

if you're exhaling through a straw in

1:16:42

your mouth If

1:16:45

you just did that six times,

1:16:47

that very simple exercise would deactivate

1:16:49

the Frankenstein brain and allow you

1:16:51

to reactivate your thinking, imagination, Einstein

1:16:53

part of your brain, and then

1:16:55

you can do the second inner

1:16:58

size, which puts you right back

1:17:00

in control, and that one I

1:17:02

call is AIA. which is now

1:17:04

a matter of awareness, awareness of

1:17:06

my thoughts, emotions, feelings, sensations, or

1:17:08

the behaviors that I've just taken

1:17:11

or the one I'm afraid to

1:17:13

take. And in a pure state

1:17:15

of awareness without judgment blame, shame,

1:17:17

guilt, or justification, of the feeling

1:17:19

or the thought of the behavior,

1:17:21

now I'm empowered again because now

1:17:24

I can observe. And now in

1:17:26

this observational mode, I could say,

1:17:28

okay, what's my intention? Let's say

1:17:30

for the next 10 minutes. Well,

1:17:32

my intention is to be happy.

1:17:34

Great. My intention is to, you

1:17:37

know, take action on this one

1:17:39

thing that's going to help me

1:17:41

towards my goal and dream. So

1:17:43

in the awareness and in the

1:17:45

intention, Then if I say, what's

1:17:48

one small action step I could

1:17:50

take towards what I want? instead

1:17:52

of what I don't want. So

1:17:54

all of a sudden, I've interrupted

1:17:56

a fear pattern, I've created this

1:17:58

state of awareness, I've set an

1:18:01

intention, and now I'm taking action

1:18:03

towards what I want versus being

1:18:05

paralyzed by what I don't want,

1:18:07

and a fear that may or

1:18:09

may not be real. So awareness

1:18:11

is what actually gives us freedom

1:18:14

if we make the right choices.

1:18:16

So good. So guys, the reason

1:18:18

I wanted John on was because

1:18:20

these are actionable steps that you

1:18:22

could take. You need to go

1:18:24

get intersized because these are actual

1:18:27

exercises that will change your life.

1:18:29

And I love how John arrived

1:18:31

at this space. I want to

1:18:33

go back. So we just got

1:18:35

pretty heavy there. And now I

1:18:37

want to go to a little

1:18:40

bit of a lighter space, but

1:18:42

both of you and I have

1:18:44

had mentors that have entered our

1:18:46

life. We didn't come from perfect

1:18:48

families, loving families, both of us.

1:18:50

but not perfect families. And by

1:18:53

the way, I don't know that

1:18:55

that exists. Yeah, I think that,

1:18:57

you know, a dysfunction is normal.

1:18:59

That's normal. If you had a

1:19:01

functional family, that's not normal. That's

1:19:03

not normal. That's not normal. That's

1:19:06

not normal. Right. And I guess

1:19:08

to the extent that the dysfunction

1:19:10

you experience is probably part of

1:19:12

these things we have to undo.

1:19:14

And we'll talk about beliefs in

1:19:16

that regard in a minute. But

1:19:19

you're this guy, Mr. Brown for

1:19:21

years. But it's hard to imagine

1:19:23

a man who's become a multi-million.

1:19:25

I mean, just so you know,

1:19:27

John's built five, six different multi-million

1:19:30

dollar companies. One of them is

1:19:32

four billion in revenue. He's taking

1:19:34

a company public on NASDAQ. Means

1:19:36

from a very accomplished man here.

1:19:38

Do you ever thought about like

1:19:40

running a marathon? Because you ever

1:19:43

thought about like running a marathon,

1:19:45

because I've thought about running a

1:19:47

marathon part of it. I was

1:19:49

like, that's a banana. Then I

1:19:51

want you to contemplate thinking about

1:19:53

doing it 30 freaking days in

1:19:56

a row. How about 50 days

1:19:58

in a row? How about 100

1:20:00

days? in a row. Guess what?

1:20:02

I got the dude here today

1:20:04

who did it. A hundred in

1:20:06

a row in a hundred days.

1:20:09

His name is Iron Cowboy. James

1:20:11

Lawrence, welcome to the program brother.

1:20:13

Hey Ed Man, I got to

1:20:15

tell you, huge, huge love, um,

1:20:17

adoration and respect for you. So

1:20:19

he's by the way. The reason

1:20:22

I started with 30 and 50

1:20:24

is he's done that. And then

1:20:26

when you did the 50 and

1:20:28

50 I'm like, like... you're out

1:20:30

of your damn mind, right? And

1:20:32

then to go do the Cocker

1:20:35

100, but I'm reading about both,

1:20:37

you know, both of those last

1:20:39

two, it's inspiring, right? But this

1:20:41

time, like day five, your shins

1:20:43

start exploding, right? Like you're on

1:20:45

day five. Talk, talk, talk us

1:20:48

through that. Did you think of

1:20:50

quitting then? So, so two really

1:20:52

cool things happened that took me

1:20:54

a little bit of time to

1:20:56

realize. I went into it knowing

1:20:58

that you can't train for 100

1:21:01

consecutive. You have to adapt and

1:21:03

evolve along the way. And I

1:21:05

knew, look, the first 15 and

1:21:07

20 of these are going to

1:21:09

be hell, because you've got to

1:21:11

get to the point where you're

1:21:14

broken physically mentally, mentally. and then

1:21:16

push through that. And that's where

1:21:18

everybody quits. And if I can

1:21:20

push through that, my body's going

1:21:22

to adapt and evolve and it's

1:21:25

going to become the new normal.

1:21:27

Everybody, I want you to write

1:21:29

this down, pull over, adapt and

1:21:31

evolve. That's in your business, that's

1:21:33

in your family, that's in your

1:21:35

fitness, that's in your fitness, that's

1:21:38

in your fitness, that's in your

1:21:40

fitness, that's in your fitness, and

1:21:42

it immediately exploded into my shin

1:21:44

to where we developed a stress

1:21:46

fracture in the bone. And super

1:21:48

long story, but a miracle happened,

1:21:51

we ended up getting a carbon-plated

1:21:53

shin brace that allowed us to

1:21:55

offload the shin and continue on

1:21:57

to heal that stress fracture by

1:21:59

doing the marathon portion every single

1:22:01

day. It was a, it was

1:22:04

a total miracle, but a complete.

1:22:06

testament to me that you give

1:22:08

your body the tools and assets

1:22:10

that it needs to recover, it

1:22:12

can still do so under stress.

1:22:14

And that was amazing to me,

1:22:17

the watch the body heal like

1:22:19

that. Now, the shin and the

1:22:21

imbalance that created a hit problem

1:22:23

became so painful. Some of my

1:22:25

worst days, I don't remember them,

1:22:27

but we have the video footage

1:22:30

where I would be trying to

1:22:32

move. and the pain would get

1:22:34

to a point that I could

1:22:36

no longer manage it and I

1:22:38

would black out. And my, my,

1:22:40

we called him the wingman, my

1:22:43

wingman would catch me, I'd come

1:22:45

back to, and he would do

1:22:47

a 10 second count down and

1:22:49

then say, here we go. And

1:22:51

we would repeat that until I

1:22:53

got to the, I'm gonna be

1:22:56

emotional, but until I got to

1:22:58

the finish line that night, and

1:23:00

again, it's just a testament to

1:23:02

how powerful the mind is. Now

1:23:04

I, I, I was angry because

1:23:06

because I wanted to showcase how

1:23:09

strong our team was mentally and

1:23:11

physically and I wanted to make

1:23:13

the hundred look easy. I believed

1:23:15

we could do that. And I

1:23:17

was angry that I couldn't run

1:23:20

and that I was forced to

1:23:22

walk. And

1:23:24

it turned out to be the

1:23:26

biggest blessing of the entire campaign.

1:23:29

Why? My pain and discomfort forced

1:23:31

me to walk. And every single

1:23:33

day we had people from around

1:23:36

the country fly in and locals

1:23:38

to support us. And without fail,

1:23:40

they said, I'm so grateful you're

1:23:43

walking. I wouldn't have been able

1:23:45

to join you. If you weren't

1:23:47

walking. And I was hard on

1:23:49

myself because I was like, look,

1:23:52

I'm an athlete. I want to

1:23:54

destroy this. And as I got

1:23:56

deeper into it, I was like,

1:23:59

I'm so grateful for this injury.

1:24:01

I'm so grateful I'm walking and

1:24:03

my. My pain has turned into

1:24:05

a blessing that other people can

1:24:08

join and have an experience in

1:24:10

every single day somebody did their

1:24:12

first 10K with me or their

1:24:15

first marathon or their first full

1:24:17

distance or their first hundred mile

1:24:19

bike ride and every single day

1:24:21

I got to experience somebody else's

1:24:24

first. Wow. And it was humbling.

1:24:26

And it was humbling. And it

1:24:28

was humbling. And it was humbling.

1:24:31

And it was humbling. Wow, I

1:24:33

mean, by the end of this,

1:24:35

you guys, a couple hundred people

1:24:37

riding the cyclists with them. And

1:24:40

you, I actually, for you, am

1:24:42

grateful that it didn't look easy

1:24:44

because I think you connected, at

1:24:47

least with me, watching you struggle.

1:24:49

I'm on Instagram every night watching

1:24:51

these videos when it was happening

1:24:53

and like, there were literally times

1:24:56

for me watching you, like I'm

1:24:58

in tears, like. not wondering the

1:25:00

next day just but it's one

1:25:03

of the most I don't even

1:25:05

like to say one of the

1:25:07

most because when I say that

1:25:10

then I have to think of

1:25:12

something that I think is more

1:25:14

it's just insanely inspiring and I

1:25:16

can't think of something mentally or

1:25:19

physically I've ever seen close to

1:25:21

this because of the adversity because

1:25:23

of all the people that got

1:25:26

caught up in it with you

1:25:28

also though there's an element of

1:25:30

this that you know this idea

1:25:32

of adapting I'm just so glad

1:25:35

that you said that for everybody's

1:25:37

sake but I'm curious of all

1:25:39

of them the one you time

1:25:42

you did the 50 or this

1:25:44

time was there a moment where

1:25:46

you're like I'm out I'm going

1:25:48

to tell like you're literally blacking

1:25:51

out right so that's insane to

1:25:53

me but was there a time

1:25:55

when you just consciously went, I'm

1:25:58

in too much pain, I'm in

1:26:00

too much, because guys, these are

1:26:02

icy roads, snowy sometimes, you imagine

1:26:04

shin issues on a snowy ice,

1:26:07

oh my gosh, like, was there

1:26:09

a point or are there lots

1:26:11

of points where you're like, I'm

1:26:14

out, where is there one particular

1:26:16

bro where you're like, no, like

1:26:18

this time I'm really out? So,

1:26:21

my team is world class. And

1:26:23

there's the core four of us,

1:26:25

it's my wife, Sunny Joe, and

1:26:27

then the two wingmen, Casey and

1:26:30

Aaron. And they were, the four

1:26:32

of us thick and thin through

1:26:34

the 50, and then I brought

1:26:37

those boys back on for the

1:26:39

100, and they played massive roles,

1:26:41

and Sunny is obviously the head

1:26:43

of this entire thing. And we

1:26:46

just know from experience that it's

1:26:48

okay to feel. And it's not

1:26:50

okay to quit. It's okay to

1:26:53

problem solve, it's not okay to

1:26:55

quit. And it's okay to process.

1:26:57

And I think that's what a

1:26:59

lot of people don't do, especially

1:27:02

men, is they don't allow themselves

1:27:04

to feel in process before they

1:27:06

hunker down and keep going. At

1:27:09

no point in time was ever

1:27:11

any of us saying, you know,

1:27:13

we're quit and we gotta be

1:27:15

talked back into it. But every

1:27:18

single one of us had moments

1:27:20

where we just needed to cry

1:27:22

to feel, be... supported to where

1:27:25

we said, okay, I've had my

1:27:27

two minutes, I'm not gonna dwell

1:27:29

on it, we're gonna quickly turn

1:27:32

this around and we're gonna get

1:27:34

back to work. And that's the

1:27:36

reason the four of us are

1:27:38

so strong together because all four

1:27:41

of us have that mindset. And

1:27:43

I will tell you this, the

1:27:45

closest that I ever came to

1:27:48

even considering it was somewhere between.

1:27:50

15 and 20 where we were

1:27:52

at the peak of that pain

1:27:54

where I had a couple days

1:27:57

where I was blacking out. I

1:27:59

don't remember. portions of it. And

1:28:01

I remember standing in the shower,

1:28:04

and I kind of just shrugged

1:28:06

my shoulders at sunny, and I

1:28:08

said, I don't know how many

1:28:10

more days I can manage the

1:28:13

pain at that level. Because when

1:28:15

you've got 85 more days to

1:28:17

go, that is so, it's so

1:28:20

daunting. And when you're broken, it's

1:28:22

hard to conceptualize what it's like.

1:28:24

And I'll never forget what she

1:28:26

said. She said, you're done today.

1:28:29

and you don't have to do anything

1:28:31

else. And all you have to do

1:28:33

is now trust in the team. Get

1:28:35

out of the shower, go lay on

1:28:37

the table and let them take care

1:28:39

of you. And then we will face

1:28:41

whatever comes tomorrow together. Gosh. And I

1:28:43

think that's what a lot of people

1:28:45

don't do is you've got this today's

1:28:47

mentality of the people that do decide

1:28:49

to show up that it's like, I

1:28:51

gotta go in all the time. I

1:28:54

got to go all in all the

1:28:56

time. I got to hurt more than

1:28:58

he does. And they don't take two

1:29:00

seconds to reset mentally. And I can't

1:29:02

tell you how important that was and

1:29:04

the valuable lesson that I learned was

1:29:06

you've done enough today to take two

1:29:08

seconds and reset. And as soon as

1:29:10

I got into that rhythm knowing, and

1:29:12

again, it takes. It takes putting the

1:29:14

right team together and then it takes

1:29:16

letting go and trusting the team that

1:29:18

you have put together to do their

1:29:20

job to do their part. And that's

1:29:22

hard too as a man to let

1:29:24

go of like control of every piece

1:29:26

of that puzzle and to go, I

1:29:28

surrender and I trust you to do

1:29:30

your part. And it's hard to find

1:29:32

good people nowadays that are willing to

1:29:34

do their part. Yeah. And I have

1:29:36

that team. And so when Sunny said.

1:29:38

You've done enough today beautiful and I

1:29:40

think that's so important because we go

1:29:42

through life and I think we're so

1:29:44

hard on ourselves. We see ourselves differently.

1:29:46

And how many times in our lives

1:29:48

on our journeys, do we take a

1:29:50

minute and say, you're enough? You've done

1:29:52

enough. And I think it's so important,

1:29:54

especially as men, to be vulnerable and

1:29:56

just say, I've done enough today. I'm

1:29:58

gonna take on tomorrow when tomorrow comes.

1:30:00

I have someone on the show this

1:30:02

week that is, I've never had anybody

1:30:04

like him on my show. in the

1:30:06

400, 500 shows I've done. And I

1:30:08

think the reason for is there's nobody

1:30:10

like him actually on the planet Earth.

1:30:12

And so to get this one dude

1:30:14

on the show today, it's just an

1:30:16

honor for me. Let me give you

1:30:18

a little bit of background on this

1:30:20

guy. It's pretty incredible. Number one, May

1:30:22

27th, 2016, he ends up setting a

1:30:24

world record. He conquered the call the

1:30:26

Explorers Grand Slam Challenge, which means this,

1:30:28

listen to this you guys. He summited

1:30:30

the tallest peak in each of the

1:30:32

seven of the seven continents peak in

1:30:34

each of the seven continents, Skyed the

1:30:36

last degree of the North and South

1:30:38

Pole. Less than 50 people have ever

1:30:40

done this in the history of the

1:30:42

planet Earth, only like a handful of

1:30:44

ever done it in less than a

1:30:46

year. This dude does it in 139

1:30:48

days. And he's like, yeah, the other

1:30:50

thing, then he decides he's gonna go

1:30:52

all the way across Antarctica unmanned, like

1:30:54

with no assistance does that in a

1:30:56

record time. And this is after, by

1:30:58

the way, years before burning his feet

1:31:01

and legs to the point where he

1:31:03

was told he may never... Walk again.

1:31:05