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1:52

your life. And you have to

1:54

accept that. You're one new meeting,

1:56

one new relationship, one new contact,

1:58

one new action. one new decision

2:01

away from shifting your life from where

2:03

it is right now to a totally

2:05

different place. So what's the decision? You

2:07

already know I could go backstage now.

2:09

There's something you've been hesitating on. There's

2:12

a contact you need to make,

2:14

isn't there? There's a job you need

2:16

to quit. There's a relationship you need

2:18

to engage in. Maybe there's a relationship

2:20

you need to leave. I don't know what

2:22

it is, but I know there's a decision

2:24

that you need to make to take you

2:27

to take you to the next level. Because

2:29

decisions shape our destiny when they're backed up

2:31

by some massive ass action. Okay, but you

2:33

can't take the action if you don't decide.

2:36

Everyone say yes. People avoid being desperate. Think

2:38

of the fact they come here tonight and

2:40

they're down. They're not where they want to

2:42

be financially. The relationships aren't what they want.

2:44

Maybe they're in a desperate place and you

2:46

might think that's a negative thing. But when

2:48

you're in a desperate place, you take the

2:51

best actions. Desperation is a great place to

2:53

be. Those you that are achieving, one of

2:55

the reasons the achievement is slowed down is

2:57

you've allowed yourself to feel less desperate. When

2:59

you were broke and starting your business, or

3:01

when you were brand new in your relationship,

3:03

and you were desperate to get her to

3:05

love you, or desperate to get him to

3:07

love you, you took massive big action. How

3:10

many of you are moms in the room?

3:12

Raise your hand. You moms, if you woke

3:14

up tomorrow morning and your baby wasn't in

3:16

their bed, would you be desperate right away? Yes

3:18

or no? Big time desperation, you wouldn't be

3:20

thinking about what you need to do, you'd

3:22

be acting, wouldn't you? You'd immediately make the

3:24

decision, you'd take massive action, you'd search the

3:26

house, you'd go into the street. Would you

3:28

worry if your makeup was on, right? How

3:30

you looked, what people thought about you. You wouldn't,

3:33

would you? Have to have the perfect plan to

3:35

go find your baby that's missing. You wouldn't need

3:37

any of that, because you were desperate. So

3:39

when you remove desperation all this bullshit creeps

3:41

into your life where you think you have

3:43

to have the perfect plan and look the

3:45

perfect way and have the perfect thoughts and

3:48

be all zen and perfect, what you need

3:50

is to be desperate. What you need is

3:52

to get after it. And I want you to

3:54

get desperate to make that decision. Why?

3:56

Because our obsessions become our possessions.

3:58

What you obsess about most... you will eventually

4:00

possess in your life. The challenge for

4:02

most people, sisters and brothers, is that

4:04

we obsess on the things we're fearful

4:06

of. What we don't have, what we're

4:08

worried about. And then we end up

4:11

possessing those things over and over again,

4:13

rather than programming ourselves to become obsessed

4:15

with what we want, what our dreams

4:17

are, what we believe we deserve, when

4:19

we become obsessed about those things, long

4:21

term, we end up possessing those things.

4:23

Can I get an amen for that?

4:25

Yet most of us don't replace the

4:27

external parts of our lives. Because those

4:29

things happen naturally without thought. The external

4:31

results of our life in order to

4:33

replace ourselves with the next best version

4:35

requires intention, requires obsession, requires desperation. Everyone

4:37

with me on that say yes. So

4:39

it's not unnatural to change. Your friends

4:41

that think you're crazy to have started

4:43

your business or come to a seminar,

4:45

spend money you don't have. They're the

4:48

crazy ones. It's unnatural to be the

4:50

same person you are right now next

4:52

year. For all of you in here,

4:54

the 35-year-old you should be gone next

4:56

year forever and there should be a

4:58

brand new better 36-year-old. You 20 year

5:00

olds, it should be a better 21

5:02

year old next year. You should constantly

5:04

be replacing yourself just like your bones

5:06

do, just like your cells do. It's

5:08

natural to be replacing ourselves, but we're

5:10

around people who aren't, so we think

5:12

it's natural not to. So the way

5:14

that I changed my life first is

5:16

I worked on my identity. Your identity

5:18

is the thoughts, concepts, and beliefs that

5:20

you hold to be most true about

5:22

yourself. Stay with me. Here's how it

5:24

works. This is how life works. I

5:27

can teach you all of the mechanics

5:29

of winning. But winning is about 75%

5:31

psychology, about 25% mechanics. And if you

5:33

can't get the psychology part right, you

5:35

can do all the actions perfectly. And

5:37

you've proven this to yourself several times

5:39

and still not produce the results you

5:41

want. Here's why. Your identity is like

5:43

a thermostat setting for your entire life.

5:45

So there's a thermostat in this room.

5:47

Let's just say it's 75 degrees. Guess

5:49

what? Sets the temperature for the entire

5:51

room. The thermostat. This is how life

5:53

works too. It's not the external things

5:55

that enter our lives that dictate what

5:57

our life is like. In this room,

5:59

if we open the door and hot

6:01

air blew in here, 90 degrees of

6:03

air blew in, right? What would the

6:06

thermostat do? It would regulate the room,

6:08

turn the air conditioner on, and cool

6:10

the room back to 75 degrees. Am

6:12

I right or am I right? That's

6:14

what happens in your life. You have

6:16

a thermostat setting for your relationships, for

6:18

your faith, for your money, for your

6:20

wellness, for your body, for your spirituality,

6:22

for your business. And what's happened to

6:24

you over and over again is you

6:26

start to get you, you're a 75

6:28

degree or let's say in business, and

6:30

you start to get it going, don't

6:32

you? It's going better than it's ever

6:34

gone before. The results are incredible. And

6:36

then all of a sudden, 90 days

6:38

later, you've cooled your life back down

6:40

to 75 degrees again. You've had great

6:43

relationships in your life, but you're a

6:45

75 degree or inside. The relationship's beautiful.

6:47

It's wonderful. Everything's incredible. 90 days later,

6:49

you've cooled it back down to 75

6:51

degrees. In your body, you've got a

6:53

75 degree identity physically. And you got

6:55

in shape, you started heating good, you

6:57

were working out, you're a 90, 95

6:59

degree body. 90 days later, you cooled

7:01

it back down to 75 again. This

7:03

regulates everything in our life. So you

7:05

can't get out over your skis, you

7:07

can't exceed your identity long term, it'll

7:09

never happen. This is why people's lives

7:11

yo-yo up and down, because they always

7:13

work on the external mechanics and not

7:15

the internal identity of their lives, and

7:17

this governs your happiness, your peace, your

7:19

fitness, your money, all of it. I'm

7:22

standing up here because I'm great at

7:24

adjusting my thermostat setting. I believe in

7:26

something called blissful dissatisfaction dissatisfaction. There's a

7:28

misnomer in the world that man, a

7:30

lot of competitive people drivers are drivers

7:32

like, drivers like, drivers like, If I

7:34

enjoy myself right now, I'm going to

7:36

lose all my drive. I'm just going

7:38

to delay my happiness. Number one problem

7:40

in the world today is people saying

7:42

I'm going to delay my happiness until

7:44

a future time. Once I get that

7:46

relationship, then I'll let myself be happy.

7:48

Once I have the house... then I'll

7:50

be happy. Once I have the car,

7:52

then I'll be happy. Once I have

7:54

the promotion, I'll be happy. Once I

7:56

have a certain amount of money, then

7:58

I'll be happy. The problem is you

8:01

have to bring you to all those

8:03

places. And people think if I lose,

8:05

if I let myself enjoy my life

8:07

right now, I might lose my edge.

8:09

The athletes I coach think that all

8:11

the time. Nothing can be further from

8:13

the truth. In fact, if you don't

8:15

enjoy the victories as you go, your

8:17

brain doesn't produce any dopamine, and you

8:19

lose any dopamine, and you actually lose

8:21

the desire to continue to continue to

8:23

continue to continue to perform. There's a

8:25

direct correlation between celebrating your wins and wanting to

8:27

do more of them. See, when I was broke,

8:29

and I was broke longer than I've been rich,

8:31

you know what I'd always do when I walk

8:34

into a store, I'd never get what I wanted.

8:36

I'd always check the price tag. What's it cost?

8:38

What's it cost? What's it cost? What's it cost?

8:40

What's it cost? What's it cost? And when you're

8:42

always looking at what it cost? You never get

8:44

what you want. And a lot of us

8:46

do that in our lives every day

8:48

we're repeating ourselves. What's this costing me?

8:50

The sacrifice I'm going? I don't know

8:53

if I can go anymore. And you

8:55

lose what you want. You've got to

8:57

quit negotiating the price. right now make the

8:59

decision that any price is worth it as

9:01

long as it's legal ethical and moral for

9:03

you to make your family proud of you

9:05

for you to make your dream happen stop

9:08

negotiating the price this negotiation you keep doing

9:10

in your mind is this really where I'm

9:12

supposed to be is what I'm supposed to

9:14

be doing steals all your energy it steals

9:16

your focus but those you think it laser

9:18

focus become totally immersed in your dream that

9:20

know those babies of yours your parents

9:23

guess what There were the sacrifice. Probably when

9:25

you were a little one, I got three

9:27

minutes guys, probably when you were a little

9:29

boy or a little girl. Here's what I'll

9:31

bet. There was somebody in your life at

9:33

some point, I pray, that made you feel

9:35

special. Maybe one, maybe they've even

9:37

passed away. Maybe it was a grandma or

9:39

a grandpa or a parent, I just got chills

9:42

or a coach or... Somebody that just they

9:44

made you feel special mine was my pupa.

9:46

I'm named after him Edward the third we'd

9:48

ride in his van on Sundays to go

9:50

get donuts and I'd sit there and he

9:52

just look at me was Eddie you're the

9:54

special one and they look at him I

9:56

am pupa he goes you're my favorite grandson

9:58

he had 15 grandkids He'd always tell

10:00

me, you're my favorite. He probably told all

10:02

of them, but I get chills right now.

10:04

He made me feel special. Can you remember

10:06

that person and your life and how they

10:09

made you feel when you're a little boy or

10:11

a little girl? You just felt something with them,

10:13

didn't you? You just, man, I was born for

10:15

a reason, I'm special. I'm supposed to be somebody.

10:17

I'm supposed to make a difference in my life.

10:19

Whoever that person was, if you were blessed to

10:22

have them, if you were blessed to have them,

10:24

if you were blessed to have them, And

10:26

maybe over the time of your life

10:28

and your childhood and grade school and

10:30

you get into the world and business

10:32

doesn't work and a relationship and

10:34

you forget. But I'm here to remind

10:36

you tonight they were right. And what

10:38

you're really after is that feeling. What

10:41

you're really after is that feeling. What

10:43

you're really after is the way they made

10:45

you feel is living up to it. Because

10:47

at the end of our lives, I don't know

10:49

whether or not you're going to live, but

10:51

I know for sure you're going to die.

10:53

Or maybe what we don't feel about ourselves.

10:55

Let me say something to you real clear.

10:57

If you spend the rest of your life

10:59

worrying about everybody thinks about you, someday you'll

11:01

never have to worry about it again. Because

11:03

when you die, nobody will remember you were here.

11:06

Stop worrying about what these people think

11:08

about you. Live your dream. Worry about

11:10

the people you live. And by the

11:12

way I know, some of the very

11:14

people you're doing it for are the

11:16

ones not supporting you. They're the ones

11:18

telling you to quit. They're the ones

11:20

giving you heck. Just do it anyway.

11:23

I have this theory that someday when

11:25

I die, and as a Christian I believe,

11:27

I get to meet the Lord. I don't

11:29

care if you believe that when I die,

11:31

you'll say, well done, good and faithful and

11:33

faithful servant and faithful servant. the destiny

11:36

version of me. I think you get introduced

11:38

to that woman someday. This is who I

11:40

made you to be. This is who you

11:42

could have been, man. These are the experiences,

11:44

the people you could have helped, the contribution,

11:46

the moments, the memory, the magic, the way

11:49

you could feel about yourself. Meet him, meet

11:51

her. This is who you were born to

11:53

be. To me, heaven, heaven, heaven. I don't

11:55

know what it looks like. I don't know

11:57

what it's energy or a place you go.

12:00

But heaven to me is when I

12:02

meet that man were identical twins. I

12:04

did it all and he goes, man, I've

12:06

been watching you and I go, brother, I've been

12:08

chasing you all my life. He goes, you

12:10

caught me, I watched you, I'm so proud of

12:12

you. You did it all, right? Hell would

12:14

be meeting that person someday and

12:16

you're total strangers with them.

12:18

I don't want you to have that

12:21

happen at the end of your life,

12:23

where all these things you were capable

12:25

of, all the possibilities, all the moments,

12:27

all the travel, all the trips, all

12:29

the help, all the contribution. None of

12:31

it happens, because you won't fight for

12:33

your family. You won't get obsessed for

12:35

what you want. You won't transfer energy

12:38

to people. You won't stop negotiating the

12:40

price. You won't program your reticular activating

12:42

system. You won't work on your identity.

12:44

All that's on the line is your

12:46

dad gum life. That's all we're talking

12:48

about here is just you, your precious

12:50

soul, who's enough, who's got greatness in

12:52

them, who can do whatever he or

12:54

she ever dreamed of, if they'll just

12:57

start believing it, if they'll start taking

12:59

massive action. You were born to do

13:01

something great with your life. You were

13:03

born to do something magic in small

13:05

ways and big ways, in quiet ways.

13:07

Maybe it's not going to be millions

13:09

of dollars. Maybe it's going to be

13:11

one person you inspire with your story,

13:13

what you overcome. One kind word, one

13:15

message, one moment, with one person can

13:17

change the world. And I know you're

13:19

capable of it. And whoever made you

13:21

feel special. And if there was nobody

13:23

like that in your life, I apply

13:25

for the position. If you're with me

13:28

daily in my podcast and my media

13:30

and my social media, I apply for

13:32

the position to believe in you. Because

13:34

I know how great you are. I

13:36

know what you're capable of. I know

13:38

this. Your dream's going to be tattered

13:40

all the time. Sometimes you've just got

13:42

to hold it together with hope. Sometimes

13:45

you've got to hold it together with.

13:47

But here's what I know about you

13:49

last. Listen to me. You were born to do

13:51

something special with your life.

13:53

You're not invisible. You're loved.

13:55

You're cared for. You're cherished.

13:57

You're believed in. You came here with a

13:59

purpose. I don't say that to inspire you, I

14:01

try to give you some tools to help you.

14:03

I've got hundreds of other tools I can help

14:05

you with if you follow my stuff. I'm existing

14:07

in the world for the next 50 years just

14:09

to serve people, just to help you, just to

14:12

hopefully contribute to your life, to be a tough

14:14

guy and tell you to fight, but to be

14:16

your biggest advocate and your biggest believer as well.

14:18

So I'm over on my time, God bless you

14:20

and max out the rest of your life. Thank

14:22

you. My guest today. He's been a friend of

14:24

mine for almost 30 years. I was thinking about

14:26

as I was prepping for this. I've known him

14:29

for 30 years. Oh, yeah. So Tony Robbins, welcome

14:31

back to the show, brother. Good to see him,

14:33

man. How does someone condition change? So he used

14:35

the word patterns earlier, right? Yeah. And in both

14:37

of our work with different people, they've got where

14:39

they've got because they've developed these patterns.

14:41

And maybe they do read a book

14:44

or they do read a book or

14:46

they come to a one day event

14:48

or something like that or something like

14:50

that. And there's change, but how do

14:52

you condition change in somebody? Is that

14:54

what you would call immersion over a

14:56

three-day window? Or is it some habitual

14:58

change when they get back that's task

15:00

or routine oriented? Conditioning change is kind

15:03

of the rub. I think it's like

15:05

the next level of advice that's given to

15:07

somebody that, you know, I... don't see being discussed

15:09

very often. I think it's a hard question. So

15:11

I'm curious as to what your answer is about

15:13

conditioning a change. Well, I'll give you two quick

15:15

answers to it. One is how I did originally,

15:17

because I didn't know how, right? I started reading

15:20

all these books. The first book I read when

15:22

I was, you know, just, you know, 17 years

15:24

old, my mom kicked my dad out. She chased

15:26

me out with a knife. I knew she wouldn't

15:28

kill me, but I wasn't going back in that

15:30

house. But I wasn't going back in that house.

15:32

I'm walking in the rain trying to figure out

15:35

what to do. I stayed in the laundry

15:37

room on the second night, first night

15:39

on the hill in the rain, so

15:41

the next night in the laundry room

15:43

of a friend. And I had small

15:45

amount of money like, I don't, 1920

15:48

bucks. And I took the bus and

15:50

I went to this bookstore I'd seen

15:52

years before, and I got this book

15:54

called The Magic of Believing by Claude

15:56

and Bristol. And in the book it

15:58

talked about conditioning. is when you speak

16:01

it, you engage your body with such

16:03

intensity. Now, today I understand when you

16:05

want to change something, you change the

16:07

body, you change your focus, and you

16:09

change your language. When you change all

16:11

three of those things radically, somebody's

16:13

depressed, uses their body a

16:15

certain way. They talk with a certain tone

16:17

of voice. They focus on what they can't

16:19

control. They focus on things in the

16:21

past. They can't shift. They focus on

16:24

what's missing. It's not hard to figure

16:26

out what's going to happen. They use

16:28

words like, I tried, I can't, I

16:30

don't know. There's what I call a

16:33

triad. These three things are done a

16:35

certain way when you're depressed. If you

16:37

change that person's body radically, the tempo

16:39

they speak, their voice, you change their

16:41

focus to what they are in control

16:44

of, you change their language, everything shifts.

16:46

Well, when you do incantations, think of

16:48

like affirmations only speaking aloud with total

16:50

intensity over and over again with

16:52

repetition, it's like conditioning your mind,

16:55

your body, and your emotions

16:57

at once. So I was working in these

16:59

two banks. Mom kicked me out. Mom kicked

17:01

me out. Mom kicked me out. Mom kicked me

17:03

out. And I would take the buses there,

17:06

because they didn't have a car. My mom

17:08

kept my car. It was a 1960 Volkswagen

17:10

bug. And I got there, and I cleaned

17:12

the banks, because it wasn't by the hours,

17:14

by the result. So I cleaned two banks.

17:17

I was really good at it. I did

17:19

a really good at it. I did a

17:21

really good job. And I finished by two

17:23

in the morning. I finished by two in

17:25

the morning. I'm home. I'm four hours sleep

17:28

and go to school. It was pretty

17:30

brutal. It was pretty brutal.

17:32

45 minutes no bus. There's

17:34

nobody around. It's three in

17:36

the morning. I gotta get home. What

17:38

the hell am I going to do? I

17:40

know I can call and do this. I'm

17:43

a million miles away. So all

17:45

of a sudden a guy comes

17:47

creeping down the street and rolls

17:49

down his window and goes, hey buddy,

17:51

he's done with the bus stop. He

17:54

goes, didn't you see the paper?

17:56

There's a bus strike. There's no

17:58

way to get home. these contagious

18:00

every day and every way I'm getting

18:02

stronger and stronger every day and every

18:04

way I'm getting so every day and

18:07

every way I'm getting stronger and stronger

18:09

I did that for the first 20

18:11

minutes then happier and happier and healthier

18:13

healthier I ran 13 and half miles

18:15

I never run two miles in my

18:17

entire life it became the power that

18:19

I still tap into this day I

18:22

literally found a part of myself by

18:24

demand by conditioning by the end of

18:26

that like I was utterly certain what

18:28

I can do you know when you

18:30

see an athlete a kicker you know

18:32

on a football team a basketball player

18:34

about to a free throw and you

18:37

think they're gonna miss it you can

18:39

tell before they release the ball or

18:41

kick the ball they're going to you

18:43

see they're lacking certainty when you look

18:45

at somebody like step and he releases

18:47

that ball and he turns and doesn't

18:49

even look and it's already a switch

18:52

People go, oh my God, he's a

18:54

genius. No, he's being rewarded in public

18:56

for what he's practiced a billion times

18:58

in private. Steph told me he shoots,

19:00

I've seen him, 500 shots every single

19:02

day of his entire adult life from

19:04

the time he was a teenager, but

19:07

just take his 15-year career. 500 shots

19:09

a day. 14,000 shots a month, 168,000

19:11

shots a year, 15-year career is 2.52

19:13

million shots he's taken to make 3,300

19:15

to be the greatest three-point shooter in

19:17

history. That's conditioning, right? You do it.

19:19

You do it. You do it. You

19:22

do it. But there is a way

19:24

to speed it up. When Stanford came

19:26

to me and wanted to that study

19:28

on depression a couple years ago during

19:30

COVID, they wanted to see, they saw

19:32

the results, they couldn't believe it. No

19:34

more clinical depression whatsoever. So they want

19:37

to do the study. The most people,

19:39

40, 60% of people that get treated

19:41

with drugs or treat are psychological treatment

19:43

are still depressed. That's the meta studies.

19:45

40% improve, average improvement 50% there half

19:47

was depressed. They did it with us

19:49

100% of the people after five days

19:52

from date with destiny, not a single

19:54

person. A year later, 11 months later,

19:56

nobody done it. 17% of people had

19:58

suicide. ideation. None with suicidal ideation. How

20:00

did that work? Well, we changed the

20:02

perceptual filters, what people focused on, what

20:04

things meant to them, what they do,

20:07

but we did it for five or

20:09

six days and nights of total immersion.

20:11

And since they followed me for three

20:13

years biochemically, they were interested because they

20:15

discovered this biochemistry that Tom Brady experiences

20:17

that the Tampa Bay hockey team that's

20:19

once somebody Stanley Cups, you know, the

20:22

lightning has done. They go into a

20:24

state, if Tom Brady's down in the

20:26

fourth quarter by 10 points, and he's

20:28

got two minutes, there's no way you're

20:30

gonna win the game. Something happens to

20:32

him biochemically, that happens to me every

20:34

time I'm on stage, because they measure

20:37

me for three years. They call it

20:39

the championship biochemistry. My testosterone surges to

20:41

a level that's insane, but so does

20:43

my audience. They follow me. So at

20:45

that level, anything you think about, you

20:47

remember, that's why the retention is so

20:49

high. You remember where you were in

20:52

9-11, you don't remember where you were

20:54

in 8-11, you don't remember those moments,

20:56

because there's not enough emotion. There's so

20:58

much emotion. Secondly, normally there would be

21:00

a huge amount of cortisol. That's the

21:02

stress hormone that gets in the way

21:04

of your performance. For Tom, for Tampa,

21:07

for me. my cortisol drops through the

21:09

floor while my testosterone is rising. That

21:11

puts you in this state of absolute

21:13

push certainty and drive. It doesn't guarantee

21:15

you're going to win, but it increases

21:17

your chance is about a hundred fold.

21:20

My audience, not only my live audience,

21:22

my live audience when we went during

21:24

COVID to digital, where I had people

21:26

in 195 countries participating, like what we're

21:28

going to do, for example, for the

21:30

three days. They went around, sent people

21:32

to 15 different countries, took their blood

21:35

just like me, took their saliva, measured

21:37

them, every single one of them went

21:39

through this exact same pattern. And that's

21:41

why 11 months later, 72% decrease, and

21:43

I've never seen them again, 72% decrease

21:45

in negative motions, 52% increase in positive

21:47

emotions. In business, it's all engagement. They

21:50

measure engaged disengage. actively disengaged. Engage you

21:52

really into it, disengaged is like quiet

21:54

quitting, you do the minimum, actively disengage

21:56

your people that are angry and actually

21:58

trying to screw you over in your

22:00

own business. COVID's four years destroyed engagement

22:02

more than any time in the history

22:05

of the measurements. At levels, no one

22:07

could even dream of. The one that

22:09

grew the most was active disengagement people

22:11

actually angry trying to mess up the

22:13

company. We did in six days, they're

22:15

doing a one-year study. Most studies like

22:17

this are a month of three months

22:20

of three months. largest one they've ever

22:22

done, 750 people, at the end of

22:24

the six days of date with destiny,

22:26

five and a half days, every single

22:28

person was higher than they were before

22:30

COVID, meaning their engagement was through the

22:32

roof, but what's really cool is they're

22:35

measuring it. The year ends this month,

22:37

but I saw the six-month review. Every

22:39

month they increased their engagement and their

22:41

effectiveness, and I never spoke to them,

22:43

I never saw them again. Why? Because

22:45

it's in their biochemistry, why? Because they

22:47

have whole new filters in their brain.

22:50

So you can do it through incantations,

22:52

or you can do it through some

22:54

form of immersion. Well, they took the

22:56

best professor at Stanford won all these

22:58

awards, had to teach my exact content

23:00

as a contrast group. Word for word.

23:02

But without the things I do to

23:05

change biochemistry. and he still got 300%

23:07

increases in retention that he's never seen

23:09

before on the content. But mine was

23:11

3,000% right? And he's wore off after

23:13

I think it was eight weeks and

23:15

mine a year later was still producing

23:17

the results. So there is a science.

23:20

to changing your conditioning. So you can

23:22

do it the route by incantation, do

23:24

it route by having new rituals. There's

23:26

so many ways you can do it.

23:28

But the most powerful way I know

23:30

of is total emergent where we engage

23:32

your biochemistry and your emotion. And what's

23:35

so cool about it is time disappears.

23:37

You know, when you ask people, what's

23:39

a long time? Some people say two

23:41

minutes, right? A long time is anytime

23:43

you're not enjoying yourself. You know, I'm

23:45

really going to feel like eternity if

23:47

it's a horrible experience. But if you're

23:50

having a great time, time disappears. And

23:52

you know, even the events, we go...

23:54

12 hours a day literally around the

23:56

world when I'm doing my events here

23:58

like the last event I just to

24:00

hear a date with destiny we had

24:02

people in 195 countries so it's every

24:05

country in the world we had like

24:07

we'd start here at 10 a.m. It's

24:09

already midnight in Australia. They go from

24:11

midnight to about one in the afternoon

24:13

for six straight days in a row

24:15

and we lost 1% of the people

24:17

giving an idea. It's that engaging, right?

24:20

They're going to hold a whole different

24:22

time zone. It doesn't matter. They're in

24:24

the zone and are about chemistry's change.

24:26

And so that's why I love books,

24:28

but the reason I still do seminars

24:30

is because there's nothing like an immersion

24:32

experience like that. And now people can

24:35

do it from anywhere on earth, or

24:37

they can come in person to do

24:39

it too, because now that COVID's over,

24:41

we do both. Yeah, and that's by

24:43

the way this event at join Tony

24:45

100.com I want you to go It's

24:47

just that's because you have immersion over

24:50

three days Here's what I just want

24:52

you to do so I'll give you

24:54

a my simple language from that success

24:56

bliss achievement ecstasy is a biochemistry Yes,

24:58

it's a neurochemistry and a biochemistry and

25:00

so if you want to find those

25:02

states of being it's a biochemistry and

25:05

so just for a lot of you

25:07

something really simple to do When you're

25:09

training physically, if you work out, you

25:11

run, you walk, these are times where

25:13

you should be anchoring your goals and

25:15

your visions of your life when you're

25:17

in that elevated state of neuro and

25:20

biochemistry. It's just a much more powerful

25:22

anchoring and conditioning for you to create

25:24

a change in your life. And so

25:26

elevated emotional or physical states. and anchoring

25:28

the things that you want in your

25:30

life, your visions and your goals and

25:32

your ambitions, now you're anchoring the biochemistry

25:35

and the neurochemistry, the likelihood of those

25:37

things happening and repeating themselves becomes that

25:39

much higher. This is important stuff for

25:41

you guys. The man that my left

25:43

is literally one of the most interesting

25:45

men in the world. This is Rob

25:47

Deardik. Thank you for being here, brother.

25:50

Thanks for having me. I've seen it

25:52

in video and how to experience what

25:54

it's actually like to be here live.

25:56

It's so much more beautiful and remarkable

25:58

than I could ever imagine. My goal

26:00

is to be known for the life

26:03

that I created. the life that I

26:05

lived and the way that I systematized

26:07

it and built it, that ultimately people

26:09

could replicate in their own lives in

26:11

the future. The example is going to

26:13

be bananas. I actually admire the diversity

26:15

of your success. It's been a lot

26:18

of fun. I mean, it's like, brother,

26:20

come on. I mean, and I'll tell

26:22

you another moment too, man, when I,

26:24

after I got attacked by that short,

26:26

right? Because I'm like, this is so

26:28

dumb. Like, this isn't even, this isn't

26:30

even going to be good. Like, why

26:33

am I doing this? That's every stunt.

26:35

Every stunt. It's like, this isn't even

26:37

that, this is so dumb. And afterwards,

26:39

like. No one in the world. No

26:41

one in the world. I remember swimming

26:43

up off of the looking down on

26:45

the on that boat and stopping as

26:48

I was swimming up and there's like

26:50

50 sharks swimming around telling myself just

26:52

look and soap this into your mind

26:54

because you will never be back right

26:56

here. You know and and I have

26:58

that. to go along with a great

27:00

photo of that like shark on my

27:03

arm, you know what I mean? Like,

27:05

but that... For all the achievers though,

27:07

and for me, like, I just want

27:09

you to know something, you take, you

27:11

mention it, but I gotta be honest

27:13

with you, it's one of the things

27:15

you're supposed to say to me. I

27:18

don't think I personally, and I'm an

27:20

achiever, and I enjoy my life, and

27:22

you know, people come to me for

27:24

advice on how to live better, but

27:26

I think I could do a better

27:28

job of telling a better job of

27:30

telling myself of telling myself of telling

27:33

myself of telling myself of telling myself

27:35

of telling myself, telling myself, What you've

27:37

said the flight to Catalina the shark

27:39

thing like stop I think achievers have

27:41

to do that once a while stop

27:43

Appreciate this moment for a second man.

27:45

It's not coming back again. You know

27:48

and I you or I are talking

27:50

about your kids at their ages and

27:52

you know It made me think did

27:54

I appreciate all those moments when they

27:56

were two when they were three when

27:58

they were eight and ten and I

28:00

didn't you know and I wish I

28:03

could go back in those moments Think

28:05

about how optimized you are as a

28:07

man today versus when they were born.

28:09

True, right? And the lucky thing for

28:11

me is I... had evolved to a

28:13

place where being super efficient and using

28:15

my energy for what I'm only passionate

28:18

about and having clear goals and vision

28:20

for life is the foundation that I

28:22

started with for the family. So I've

28:24

never missed a pediatrician appointment. I've rarely,

28:26

I've never missed waking them up very

28:28

rarely when I'm gone or putting them

28:30

to bed, right? And that's by design.

28:33

That's by moving out of a fantasy

28:35

factory in downtown and living in. Hollywood

28:37

to a home in Beverly Hills and

28:39

an office in Beverly Hills and being

28:41

super close as you're developing this life

28:43

and creating a plan. from how I

28:45

use my time and my schedule. You

28:48

know what I mean? Everything is systematized

28:50

around full balance. I take my first

28:52

meeting at 11 a.m. My last one

28:54

at 5, it never changes. I don't

28:56

compromise my schedule and my time with

28:58

my family and wife in my pursuit,

29:00

right? I fit it inside it, you

29:03

know. Whoa. So say something about that.

29:05

So we're gonna, I want to get

29:07

into this life thing now because I

29:09

love the word about optimizing your life.

29:11

Since the second we talked, the first

29:13

time we talked, it was going to

29:15

be five minutes to turn into our

29:18

Lou Long phone call. We actually together

29:20

talked about these things. Like these very

29:22

topics are what you and I discussed

29:24

when we first connected. Of all those

29:26

stunts you had though, I'm just curious,

29:28

because it leads to life. We're going

29:30

to go into life stuff now. So

29:33

you had to deal with the tiger

29:35

chasing you down and mauling you. Not

29:37

to me, for me, I don't know

29:39

why. That's even scarier than the shark

29:41

thing. I don't give a crack. Shark's

29:43

in the ocean on it, but we

29:45

was biting my neck and they kept

29:48

saying, put it down, put it down.

29:50

Because I was the it. You know

29:52

what I mean? Like, I'm like, is

29:54

this guy supposed to be doing this?

29:56

Like, dude, they're a millimeter away from

29:58

some artery. Like, there's just, come on,

30:00

man, that's crazy. that was the scariest

30:03

of all them. Because the car stuff,

30:05

you're in a cage, like you're covered

30:07

in the mesh here, trained tiger. Like

30:09

when you're on the back of a

30:11

horse going 40 miles an hour, like

30:13

if you, when you can barely, if

30:15

you get shot off that thing, you're

30:18

basically in like a car wreck with

30:20

no car, right? Like that was the

30:22

scariest thing. Are you hearing what we're

30:24

saying to each other right now? It's

30:26

good to be able to say it.

30:28

I don't think about it so often,

30:30

but then just even talking about comparing

30:33

them and thinking about it and the

30:35

fact that I own that I own

30:37

that as a high light road forever,

30:39

it makes me happy. Yeah, and it's

30:41

also like, hey man, look, being on

30:43

TV all that long for some people

30:45

would be scary. Staying at the top

30:48

that long can be scary, you know,

30:50

not wanting to fall off the totem

30:52

pole you've climbed up, the flagpole you've

30:54

climbed up, the little reflection. So of

30:56

all of them you did, the one

30:58

that captured my heart the most, was

31:01

the one where Laird dragged you on

31:03

the, I think it's Laird on the

31:05

CEDU, into riding the wave. Okay. And

31:07

so you ride this wave and you

31:09

crash and you thought you were gonna

31:11

die. Of all of them, is that

31:13

the one that you were the most

31:16

sure you were gonna die in the

31:18

middle of? I'm curious. No, I mean,

31:20

it's the only time in my life

31:22

that I was dying. So tell me

31:24

about what happened there. You

31:26

know the trippiest thing about it too

31:28

is like it was pouring rain and

31:30

I swear the moment I stepped in

31:33

the water to do it It stopped

31:35

raining in a rainbow went right over

31:37

it, right? And I'm like what's what?

31:39

Like it was freaky enough. We're like

31:41

what is going on like it was

31:43

just this freaky? Sort of moment in

31:46

time. So it like already had this

31:48

like weird tone and if you can

31:50

imagine Like, and then like, some of

31:52

the local Hawaiian guys were like asked

31:54

where I was doing, getting towed in,

31:56

and they were like, oh, it's real

31:58

sharky out there, right? So. sharky yeah

32:01

so after the shark thing or before

32:03

like this is this is way after

32:05

it doesn't when you're doing like you

32:07

know go getting us Bahamas reef shark

32:09

with a metal thing like it's super

32:11

controlled when you're laying on your back

32:14

in the deep ocean and all you

32:16

can think of is like shark coming

32:18

up from underneath to get you I

32:20

didn't even I wasn't worried about what

32:22

was gonna happen in that wave I

32:24

just wanted to get up so that

32:26

I don't attack by a attack by

32:29

a shark right and if you can

32:31

imagine this You know, I've grinded a

32:33

20-star handrail and flipped a car ramp

32:35

to ramp and done all these crazy

32:37

stunts and you face them. You face

32:39

the danger on getting towed into a

32:41

giant wave. It's behind you. So like

32:44

you, like I'd never surf before. It's

32:46

literally the only time I'd ever surfed

32:48

in my life. You had never surfed

32:50

before. Never surf before. And it was

32:52

like the first wave I ever searched

32:54

was like 18 feet, right? Yeah. So

32:57

it's the most peaceful, amazing, like, you

32:59

know, because you can't see it. And

33:01

like, you're like, you know what I

33:03

mean? And then it's like a house

33:05

crashes on you. And you don't, like,

33:07

you can feel something coming, you can

33:09

start to hear it, and then just

33:12

wham. And now you're in, like, this

33:14

fight, everything in you to just get

33:16

to the surface, right? So. I was

33:18

like, you know, it's really weird management

33:20

of emotions and experiences as it's related

33:22

to when you get into kill mode

33:24

for its stunts, right? Because you have

33:27

to shift into a mindset of like

33:29

where you basically, you get to a

33:31

deeply calm place because you literally, nothing

33:33

else matters and you understand that that

33:35

for this moment in time. you have

33:37

to put everything you have into making

33:40

sure that you do everything for this

33:42

to work. It's a different level of

33:44

mindset, right? Because your life is on

33:46

the line for this moment. And it's

33:48

so much easier when you're facing it

33:50

and you go. You know, and in

33:52

this one, so as I did it

33:55

and fought back up and then I

33:57

want to get out of the water,

33:59

I want to get back up, you

34:01

know, all this, it wasn't as bad,

34:03

right? So it was like, it was

34:05

like, okay, it got up pretty good.

34:07

Like, that didn't, you know, it's still

34:10

water, you know, I got spun around,

34:12

but it wasn't too bad. I got

34:14

a bigger one and one right behind

34:16

it. So not only did I get

34:18

annihilated, but then as I was like

34:20

trying to find the surface, another one

34:23

came down and now I'm so deep

34:25

and have no idea where the surface

34:27

is. And, you know, believe it or

34:29

not, this is a viciously vivid memory.

34:31

Just out of death, right? Wasn't trying

34:33

to, you got to remember this, yeah.

34:35

You're not dying. You want to remember

34:38

this? You never go on to this

34:40

one. You know what I mean? No,

34:42

this is like, you've like, like, eyes

34:44

open, spinning it was just all white,

34:46

and I just, remember, kept trying to

34:48

find what I think was the... surface

34:50

and it all kept looking the same

34:53

regardless of where I went and I

34:55

was could not no more breath no

34:57

more breath no more breath like as

34:59

far as you can hold as far

35:01

as you can hold as far as

35:03

you can hold as far you can

35:06

if you can't you can't you can't

35:08

you can't you can't and right as

35:10

I like had to like pass out

35:12

to take the breath like I popped

35:14

right up And then he come flying

35:16

and he was so freaked out, right?

35:18

Because it's all fun and games. You're

35:21

layered Hamilton, you're gnarly, you literally don't

35:23

even have the gene, like, even be

35:25

scared of, like, literally, be scared of,

35:27

like, water, you're, like, literally, Aquaman. So

35:29

you're like, of course, you could do

35:31

a rob. Like, he just looks at

35:33

me as like, you're a stunt guy,

35:36

you can do this stuff easy. freaked

35:38

out, you know. And of course we

35:40

made that whole episode, we wrote that

35:42

episode around testing your man level. And

35:44

we had decided I had reached it.

35:46

Yeah, you reached it. Yeah, you reached

35:49

it. And the joke was like, man,

35:51

you don't want to get to the

35:53

edge, your man level, because you really,

35:55

you really lose some layers, your man

35:57

level, if layers got to give you

35:59

mouth to mouth. Right? Right. But yeah,

36:01

that was. I think people rewound that.

36:04

They can't get out of it, they

36:06

can't get out of it. Really what

36:08

you eventually is, you just kind of

36:10

surrendered, right? And then, thank God you

36:12

popped up. That's my favorite story, by

36:14

the way, of all the stunts is

36:16

to think that you, that was the

36:19

one where you thought you were dead.

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off. Very short intermission here folks. I'm

39:11

glad you're enjoying the show so far.

39:13

Be sure to follow the Ed Millett

39:15

show on Apple and Spotify. Links are

39:17

in the show notes. You'll never miss

39:19

an episode that way. This jacked up

39:21

dude right here to... my left is

39:24

a Super Bowl champion. And I have

39:26

a funny feeling that today will be

39:28

a life altering conversation for many of

39:30

you. So I'm so excited to hear

39:32

brother. This is Steve Weatherford, everyone. Thanks

39:34

for being here, man. That means a

39:36

lot to me, man. I really mean

39:39

that. Are you telling me that even

39:41

that day you make the Saints? You're

39:43

not feeling great about yourself. Oh my

39:45

God. So this is a good, that's

39:47

actually, we didn't talk about this, just

39:49

everybody listening and watching realizes, we didn't

39:52

talk about this off camera. And it's

39:54

funny that you said that because the

39:56

day that I realized that I realized

39:58

that I realized that I actually made

40:00

a pro football team, I walked into

40:02

the locker. And it's funny that you

40:04

said that because the day that I

40:07

realized that I actually made a pro

40:09

football team, I walked. used to be

40:11

and it's moved and now they moved

40:13

it to numerical and so I'm number

40:15

seven and so I look to the

40:17

right of my locker and it's number

40:19

five Reggie freaking Bush oh my gosh

40:22

I look to my left and it's

40:24

drew freaking breeze number now and I'm

40:26

like I'm thinking to myself and I'm

40:28

like I don't belong here oh my

40:30

god yeah like litter that's the first

40:32

thing I said to myself that like

40:35

I don't belong here I'm in between

40:37

the greatest one of the greatest college

40:39

football players of all time and drew

40:41

freaking breeze one of the greatest NFL

40:43

players right so it's and I'm in

40:45

between them man dude this is a

40:47

lot of pressure but it wasn't it

40:50

wasn't I don't belong like let's pack

40:52

the bags and go home I always

40:54

learned you know it's it's the imposter

40:56

syndrome it like Like right now, I

40:58

played in, I played 10 NFL year,

41:00

I played 10 years in the National

41:02

Football League, and we have 16 games

41:05

here, so let's say, you know, you

41:07

include some playoff games in there, I

41:09

played about 175 NFL games, and I

41:11

puked 170 to five times before the

41:13

game. You're not serious. percent serious and

41:15

I actually shared a vomit bucket with

41:18

Chris Nee who's in the ring of

41:20

honor for the New York Giants. We

41:22

shared a puke bucket before the game

41:24

and he was one of the greatest

41:26

at his position that's ever played the

41:28

NFL and especially for the Giants and

41:30

we shared a puke bucket. No way.

41:33

Like I want to have a conversation

41:35

with them now that I feel like

41:37

I have a higher level of consciousness

41:39

and I actually like really see myself

41:41

for who I am. You have no

41:43

idea how much like self-torment I've caused

41:46

myself and I've been able to take

41:48

that self-torment and turn it into achievement.

41:50

Yes. But every single achievement that you

41:52

get, you know, you're 108 pounds and

41:54

then you get to 200 pounds and

41:56

that doesn't make you feel any better

41:58

and you thought it would. So you

42:01

were talking about continually pushing the point

42:03

of happiness. the cognitive horizon because it's

42:05

just like once I get here I'll

42:07

be happy. And then you get there

42:09

and you're like, well you know what,

42:11

well then once I get here and

42:13

then for people like you and me

42:16

that are just like disgustingly ambitious and

42:18

motivated for life and for impact and

42:20

for income and for influence, you look

42:22

at all those things and be like.

42:24

How are you not happy? Right. Like

42:26

you set a goal, you achieve it,

42:29

you set another goal, you achieve it,

42:31

not to say like I haven't had

42:33

a ton of failure and a ton

42:35

of bad decisions and spend a couple

42:37

nights in jail during that process, but

42:39

I feel like it's really really pertinent

42:41

for me to share that on this

42:44

podcast because I know there's a lot

42:46

of people out there that want to

42:48

live the life that you're living, that

42:50

want to live the life that I'm

42:52

living, but I'm here to tell you

42:54

right now. I mean, $15 million kicking

42:56

a football for a living. I made

42:59

another couple million dollars as an entrepreneur.

43:01

When I walked away from that, money

43:03

doesn't make you happy. A marriage won't

43:05

make you happy. Having kids won't make

43:07

you happy. Winning kids won't make you

43:09

happy. Winning a Super Bowl, a pro-able

43:12

won't make you happy. A pro-able won't

43:14

make you happy. A pro-able won't make

43:16

you happy. A pro-able won't make you

43:18

happy. A ten-year career career won't. A

43:20

while I brushed my teeth. And some

43:22

days are a little bit easier than

43:24

others, because you have to think about

43:27

it. I'm finding 30 years of instincts

43:29

of hating myself. So I was just

43:31

like, if I look at a new

43:33

goal that I set within my business

43:35

or a new fitness goal that I

43:37

set for myself or a new family

43:39

goal that I set for myself, my

43:42

instinct is to go to a place

43:44

of self-hatred in order to motivate myself

43:46

to achieve that goal. And I'm almost

43:48

kind of like, I'm trying to like

43:50

reprogram the system to. to pursue those

43:52

things from a place of love of

43:55

myself and like you kind of alluded

43:57

to it earlier and this might be

43:59

the only time I ever disagree with

44:01

you that You know, we all need

44:03

that affirmation from other people, but I've

44:05

had so much affirmation in my life

44:07

and I'm not telling you this to,

44:10

you know, to seem any certain type

44:12

of way, but I've had so much

44:14

affirmation in my life, it's desensitized myself

44:16

to it, so much so that I

44:18

don't believe any compliment that anybody ever

44:20

gives, or at least I didn't use

44:22

to. Now when people give me a

44:25

compliment, I have to stop my instinct

44:27

of like schuffing it off to the

44:29

side or giving that acknowledgement to somebody

44:31

else from people. and believing it for

44:33

myself, but that's a scary place to

44:35

live because... You can't escape your own

44:38

mind. You got it. You know, so

44:40

whether it's it's the depression that sets

44:42

in after achievement Because it didn't make

44:44

you better and it didn't make you

44:46

feel better or maybe it gave you

44:48

a brief break from hating yourself And

44:50

as soon as you leave that ecosystem

44:53

of people telling you how wonderful you

44:55

are or people wearing your Super Bowl

44:57

ring or people You know you taking

44:59

a bunch of kids shoe shopping because

45:01

they can't afford it and you want

45:03

to go back Whatever, any of that

45:05

stuff, it might make, it might put

45:08

a band-aid on the gunshot wound for

45:10

the time being and make you feel

45:12

like you can cover your room and

45:14

feel a little bit better. But at

45:16

the end of the day, when you

45:18

go sit in your car by yourself

45:21

and you're driving home, the hate machine

45:23

turns back on because I'm like, now

45:25

I don't feel any better about myself.

45:27

So it's like, it's the difference in

45:29

between. two types of happiness. There's the

45:31

instantaneous happiness that we get from from

45:33

food, we get it from sex, we

45:36

get it from drugs, we get it

45:38

from alcohol, and you know or lifting

45:40

weights. And so my entire life up

45:42

until about three weeks ago was filled

45:44

with chasing the high. Chasing the high

45:46

of achievement, chasing the high of you

45:48

know when I work out I feel

45:51

better for a brief amount of time.

45:53

And then once those adorphins roll off

45:55

it's just like... God, I hate my

45:57

sister, you know what I mean? And

45:59

I didn't even really realize that I

46:01

was fueled by hate up until, you

46:04

know, going through this process called hardcore

46:06

leadership that Shanda Sumter put together, and

46:08

she's a friend of mine, and she

46:10

just, she saw the pain in me,

46:12

you know, but she also saw like

46:14

the beauty and the love and the

46:16

tenderness and the sensitivity that I have

46:19

that I give to people unconditionally. but

46:21

I don't ever accept that yourself. When

46:23

people love me back, I don't accept

46:25

it because I don't love myself. And

46:27

so I've given my wife, I've given

46:29

my five kids, I've given my friends,

46:32

like new friends that I'm making like

46:34

you, like I'm giving you, the greatest

46:36

gift ever, because I'm gonna be an

46:38

amazing friend to you. And the reason

46:40

that I can be an amazing friend

46:42

to you and love you and support

46:44

you and everything that you're doing is

46:47

A, because I believe in you're doing

46:49

as I believe in you, because I

46:51

believe in you, because I believe in

46:53

you, because I believe in you believe

46:55

in you, but I believe in you,

46:57

but I believe in you, but I

46:59

believe in you, but I believe in

47:02

you, but I believe in you, but

47:04

I believe in you, but I believe

47:06

in you, I believe in you, I

47:08

believe in you, I believe in you,

47:10

I believe in you, I believe in

47:12

you, I believe in you, I believe

47:15

in you, I believe in you, I

47:17

can truly love people unconditionally. I couldn't

47:19

fully see my friends or accept any

47:21

gifts from them until I could see

47:23

myself. It's harder work to put the

47:25

other face on, bro. It's harder work

47:27

to put the other face on, bro.

47:30

It's harder work to be Steve Weatherford

47:32

to be Steve. Because I can show

47:34

up here. And like, I've never ever

47:36

shared this with anybody ever before, but

47:38

I've ended up winning the Walter Peyton

47:40

Man of the Man of the Year

47:42

Filmthropic Award, the most philanthropicropic guy in

47:45

the N. you know Super Bowl quarterback

47:47

or quarterback I was like the the

47:49

least respected position in football but I

47:51

was able to earn respect because of

47:53

my work ethic I was able to

47:55

earn respect because of my philanthropy and

47:58

the way that I genuinely and authentically

48:00

showed up for people you know if

48:02

one of my teammates got hurt I

48:04

was the first person to go to

48:06

the training room after practice and be

48:08

like, hey, can I drive you home?

48:10

You know, like, hey, can I take

48:13

your kids to daycare the next day?

48:15

Because I knew how much physical pain

48:17

and emotional pain that they were in

48:19

because when you're in the NFL, man,

48:21

you're only as good as like your

48:23

last play. And if you can't play

48:25

another play, then they'll discard you. There's

48:28

no guaranteed. contracts, there's nothing's guaranteed. And

48:30

so that's why they call it the

48:32

Not for Long League, you know what

48:34

I mean? And I'm just super blessed

48:36

and super forced and so thankful that

48:38

I was able to play at the

48:41

most elite level long enough to achieve

48:43

every single goal that I had set

48:45

out for myself in addition to being

48:47

able to not walk away from the

48:49

game when I wanted to. I skipped

48:51

away from the game. Like I was

48:53

happy. I felt achieved and everything in

48:56

that industry, but I wasn't happy with

48:58

myself. It's amazing someone like you because

49:00

there's people watching this. There's a nurse

49:02

watching this right now, right? There's a

49:04

school teacher, there's an entrepreneur watching this.

49:06

And they are connecting. A lot of

49:08

military people watch this, man. I know,

49:11

because they always tell me, like, dude,

49:13

you need to go on Ed's show.

49:15

I love it. He's gonna love you.

49:17

Like, even people that don't know you

49:19

and kind of don't really know me.

49:21

They're like asking me to go do

49:24

your show. Because they know that you're

49:26

going to crack me over. And it's

49:28

not even something where you've even had

49:30

to try. No, because I love you

49:32

the way. I love the way you

49:34

are. Yeah, you see me, man. Yeah,

49:36

man. You, man. You, man. You, man.

49:39

You, man. You, man. You see me,

49:41

man. People the beautiful part of being

49:43

wired like you are and I'm wired

49:45

this way too is that we have

49:47

such great empathy for others We don't

49:49

give it to ourselves like like you

49:51

that doesn't hit me like right in

49:54

me right? It's it's it's it's like

49:56

so many of you are watching this

49:58

like I I always I am the

50:00

person who kind of cares for people

50:02

when someone's sick. I am the one

50:04

who bring him dinner I am the

50:07

one who visit him I'm the one

50:09

who look like it though and you

50:11

don't either we're tattooed I'm tough dudes

50:13

and you know I can hide on

50:15

my tattoos and by the way and

50:17

guys like many times everybody when you

50:19

see mega achievers we are high things.

50:22

And so, because what this shows really

50:24

about isn't you maxing out your wealth,

50:26

although I want you to have it

50:28

maxing out your current, you have it,

50:30

I want you to max out your

50:32

bliss, I want you to max out

50:34

your faith, I want you to max

50:37

out your giving, I want you to

50:39

max out your love for yourself. And

50:41

maybe, Steve, honestly, maybe you're going to

50:43

get through to people in a way

50:45

that nobody else can. There's no maybe,

50:47

you are, I speak it into existence,

50:50

I will have. such a massive influence

50:52

people forget that I ever touched the

50:54

football. You look at everything like all

50:56

the different things that we keep referencing

50:58

the different achievements that I make and

51:00

I like I want to make sure

51:02

that people know like we didn't come

51:05

on here to talk about the different

51:07

things that I achieved. We came on

51:09

here to talk on here to talk

51:11

about the different things that I achieved.

51:13

We came on here to talk about

51:15

different the different things that I've achieved

51:18

and the way I felt about myself

51:20

despite all of those things. I know

51:22

what I want to do. I'm pretty

51:24

damn focused. I got that obsession thing

51:26

you're talking about. And you did high

51:28

performance habits, which separates the really high

51:30

performers from the ones that perform pretty

51:33

well. Right? And so someone says, I

51:35

want to be the damn best at

51:37

whatever I'm doing. I'm opening a chain

51:39

of dry cleaners. I'm training horses. I'm

51:41

gonna be the greatest mother in the

51:43

history of the world. Whatever the thing

51:45

is. What separates, I know there's a

51:48

whole book that's been written on this,

51:50

but give us a few things that

51:52

people may not think about that separates

51:54

people. I am focused, I am on

51:56

my mission, what could separate me? What

51:58

are some of the things that I

52:01

must be doing to be the best?

52:03

Yeah, first, always frame that is habits.

52:05

It has to be habits. A lot

52:07

of people think it's just mindset. Like

52:09

mindset is a habit of thought. Right?

52:11

It's like, well, it's how you deal

52:13

with people. That's a habit of interaction.

52:16

Like, so always just like realize it's

52:18

a habitual pattern or practice that you're

52:20

doing. But what separates people is not

52:22

the habits that everyone wants to talk

52:24

about in the popular literature or books.

52:26

It's like, you know, these small habits

52:28

or atomic habits or automatic habits. habits

52:31

or unconscious habits. Those are valuable. Those

52:33

are very important. But high performance requires

52:35

deliberate habits. But deliberate habit means you

52:37

kind of have to force yourself to

52:39

do it. It's not easy. It's not

52:41

automatic. It's not tiny. It's not tiny.

52:44

It's like, you know, it's like going

52:46

the extra mile thing. It's never going

52:48

to be so you're never going to

52:50

condition it to be automatic. It's like,

52:52

no, it's the tough work of life

52:54

to go to another level. You want

52:56

to be at the top. It's really

52:59

friggin' friggin' friggin' friggin' friggin' friggin' friggin'

53:01

friggin' It's hard. You have to accept

53:03

that. And so what we did is

53:05

we studied. We said, what is that

53:07

difference maker? We spent a million dollars

53:09

on research. Gosh. Like the largest research

53:11

that's ever been done on high performers

53:14

worldwide, 90 countries, 90 different countries, that

53:16

we surveyed, 90 different countries that we

53:18

surveyed, the highest performers, these tend to

53:20

be the top five percent. And the

53:22

difference between the top 15 and the

53:24

top 15 and the top five percent

53:27

is this. It kind of falls in

53:29

the definition of high performance means succeeding

53:31

over the in any industry or endeavor

53:33

or whatever, while still maintaining positive well-being

53:35

and relationships. I want to hear about

53:37

this. How do you, what high performers

53:39

have answered is how do you succeed

53:42

over the long term without wrecking your

53:44

health, your mindset, your positivity, and your

53:46

relationships? We know lots of successful people,

53:48

but they ruined all their relationships. We

53:50

know successful people, they ruined their health.

53:52

They're not high performers, they wouldn't qualify.

53:54

So, what do they do? It's different

53:57

practices. We call them high-formist habits. So

53:59

you mentioned these people. They already have

54:01

clarity. Clarity, developing clarity, and constantly revisiting

54:03

to become clear every day. What is

54:05

my intention? What is my intention? What

54:07

is my intention? That revisit of clarity

54:10

is supremely important to them. Revising it.

54:12

It's literally consistency in intention like Every

54:14

day you hear about high performers, they

54:16

look at their goals. Every day you

54:18

set your intention. When I work with

54:20

Oprah, she taught me every meeting you

54:22

have with Oprah, she starts with, what's

54:25

our intention of this meeting? Every meeting,

54:27

because that's seeking clarity. So high performers

54:29

see clarity more often. The second habit

54:31

is generating energy. They generate the energy

54:33

they want experience in life and they

54:35

want other people to experience. They're not

54:37

waiting for. Joy, they're not waiting for

54:40

happiness, they're not waiting for positivity, they

54:42

generate it. They are so much more

54:44

conscientiously designing the energy around them, and

54:46

you feel it, right? By the way,

54:48

everyone should know this. It is, I

54:50

would say, in the very top keynote

54:53

speakers on earth today. Thank you. Like

54:55

what you can do on stage is

54:57

unbelievable. It's not even, I mean, you're

54:59

talking a handful of humans who can

55:01

do this. Thank you. And what you

55:03

do is you generate and move the

55:05

energy the room way more consciously than

55:08

the average speaker. The average speaker is

55:10

kind of insecure a little bit. Doesn't

55:12

mean you don't have insecure your doubts

55:14

up there. What it means is he's

55:16

moving in the room. Like he's taking

55:18

him on a wild ride. He's generating

55:21

the energy. That's the difference between an

55:23

underperforming speaker and a high performing speaker.

55:25

Another piece is the productivity piece, which

55:27

I know is so basic, but most

55:29

people are so unbelievably not productive. I

55:31

mean, it's stunning. You know, it is

55:33

stunning. The average person is losing an

55:36

hour a day to Facebook or Instagram,

55:38

and then watching four hours of television.

55:40

That's five hours a day of consumption.

55:42

If you can turn those five, let's

55:44

take one, let's say, no, no, we're

55:46

talking eye forms. If we can give

55:48

you one hour a day back, one

55:51

hour a day of focus back, that's

55:53

30 hours a month. Well that means

55:55

you got an extra day. Yeah. That's

55:57

an extra eight-hour work day that you

55:59

got. That's an unfair advantage.

56:01

Yes. So getting people their focus back

56:03

in a world that has you know

56:06

the highest paid engineers in the world

56:08

Paid to strip your attention away So

56:10

you consume versus create and be and

56:12

live That is a primary differentiator right

56:14

now. How about stay on that a

56:16

minute? I so agree with you and

56:19

the more I've started to coach people

56:21

and I actually get into their lives

56:23

how not only do they waste time

56:25

but how little time Brendan This is

56:27

huge for everyone that they do on

56:30

things every day that move the needle.

56:32

Like move the needle in your company,

56:34

move the needle in your relationship, move

56:36

the needle in your relationship, move the

56:38

needle in your body, it's like you're

56:40

just doing little things all. You gotta

56:43

sometimes do stuff that moves it, right?

56:45

Like I'll give you one small example.

56:47

My relationship with my children. They're both

56:49

away at college. I have great relationships

56:51

with my kids, but they're both away

56:53

at college and I'm busy and they're

56:56

busy and there are days where we

56:58

just text. their mom's on the phone

57:00

with them all the time. And I

57:02

thought, am I moving the needle in

57:04

this? It's okay, I did what I'm

57:06

supposed to do today. I'm communicating with

57:09

my kids. I know that sounds very,

57:11

you know, organized or methodical, but does

57:13

that move? Does Bella know I love

57:15

her a lot more when she gets

57:17

my text message? Does Max know I

57:19

believe in him a lot more? What

57:22

would move the needle? I gotta call

57:24

them. Now this may sound silly to

57:26

all of you, but I'm trying to,

57:28

the most high performing thing I could

57:30

do in my relationship with my children

57:32

is to call them. In a lot

57:35

of relationships, the text doesn't move the

57:37

needle, the call moves the needle. The

57:39

thing in your company that you're doing

57:41

all these, what's the thing that gets

57:43

the big account that moves the most

57:45

leverage, that get, move the needle more

57:48

often, right? Right? So in the research,

57:50

high performers, this is great for all

57:52

those who are like, oh my God,

57:54

Brennan, they gotta add you're right, but

57:56

this is overwhelming, there's a lot of

57:58

stuff to do, oh my God. Well,

58:01

there. Research showed in 90 countries around

58:03

the world that high performer spend 60%

58:05

of their week there. Efforts of impact.

58:07

Needle moving things. So when you look

58:09

at their calendar each day, it's not,

58:12

are they 100% high performing? Look, they

58:14

gotta answer emails? They gotta reply to

58:16

dumb dams? They gotta take that stupid

58:18

call once a while? We think they're

58:20

perfect. No, it's just 60% of their

58:22

effort is directed to activities to actually

58:25

make an impact. They got to do

58:27

40% of administration or household work too.

58:29

It's just that most of their effort,

58:31

60%, is geared towards what moves that

58:33

needle, gets that significant impact. What a

58:35

powerful question to ask yourself if you're

58:38

listening to this, in whatever area you

58:40

pick, pick your area, your relationship, your

58:42

company, your money, how much of your

58:44

time is efforts of impact, moving the

58:46

needle stuff, and if you just tweak

58:48

that by 11%? 16%? How much different

58:51

would your life be three years from

58:53

now? One year from now. This is

58:55

why you listen to the show, everybody.

58:57

It's like, I got something there. I'm

58:59

not moving the needle off enough. I

59:01

mean, your habits aren't efforts of impact.

59:04

Your habits are like, I checked the

59:06

box. I did the email. I made

59:08

the call. I made my contacts. I

59:10

drank my protein. I had the water.

59:12

You did the stuff. But how much

59:14

of it moved it moved it, right?

59:17

Right. I always tell people, if I

59:19

could get you three more months of

59:21

advancement this year, would that make a

59:23

difference? They go, oh my God, yeah,

59:25

three more months? I go, great, that's

59:27

an hour a day. One hour a

59:30

day, seven hours a week, right? Over

59:32

the course of the month, that's 30

59:34

hours, that's basically a whole work week,

59:36

really. and then apply that by 12

59:38

months. It's like we just got you

59:40

12 work weeks back for one hour

59:43

a day. So we're not asking for

59:45

a lot. And then the joy is

59:47

I thought it was the 80-20 Paredo

59:49

principle. It's like, oh like 80% of

59:51

the time I gotta be stuff. I

59:54

mean superman, any different. Now you're going

59:56

to be a superman, 80%? Try 60.

59:58

It's so good. It's nice. So the

1:00:00

data shows, you're saying. The data shows

1:00:02

is 64 days. I was like, oh,

1:00:04

that's a relief, you know, because I

1:00:07

was wondering at all these other people.

1:00:09

Because you think all these successful people,

1:00:11

they've got all these successful people. They've

1:00:13

got all these successful people. They've got

1:00:15

a million assistants running around doing all

1:00:17

the time. You're competing against that many

1:00:20

people. You're really only in life competing

1:00:22

against yourself, but you know what I

1:00:24

mean when I say it. And now

1:00:26

that they're there, they're like, dad, you're

1:00:28

right, like some kids don't even go

1:00:30

to class every day. Some kids don't

1:00:33

study at all someday. I'm like, you're

1:00:35

going to figure it out that it's

1:00:37

a very small group of people that

1:00:39

do things in their life that are

1:00:41

efforts of impact. on a very regular

1:00:43

basis. Life, if you want to change

1:00:46

your life right now, it is really

1:00:48

possible. You could really do it. You

1:00:50

really could do it. Is there anything

1:00:52

else you want to add to it?

1:00:54

Because I feel like I interrupted you

1:00:56

on that. Is there any other area

1:00:59

of high performance people? I know there's

1:01:01

a bunch, but give us one more.

1:01:03

Practices of self-awareness. This is why everyone

1:01:05

loves Growth Day. We want to make

1:01:07

the world's number one habit tracker. So

1:01:09

you can track your high performance habits

1:01:12

and other well-being and achievement habits in

1:01:14

the app, and then it gives you

1:01:16

recommendations. We built in the goal setting

1:01:18

tool with reminders, so you can remind

1:01:20

yourself and push notifications to yourself to

1:01:22

meditate, to work out, to flirt with

1:01:25

your wife, you know, all this stuff.

1:01:27

And those were just coming from the

1:01:29

research and also high performers just telling

1:01:31

us what they do. They journal, they

1:01:33

pray, they pray, they think. they're doing

1:01:36

more practices of self-awareness to figure out

1:01:38

themselves. You know, like a lot of

1:01:40

people go to the gym, but a

1:01:42

high performer go to the gym and

1:01:44

you say, what are you thinking about

1:01:46

the gym? Man, I'm thinking about my

1:01:49

goals. Man, I'm thinking about that deal.

1:01:51

Man, I'm thinking about that date night

1:01:53

with my wife this Friday. Yeah, right?

1:01:55

Right? They're in a different, like, they're,

1:01:57

they're using their time. You know, some

1:01:59

people hate driving, they hate a car

1:02:02

trip. Other people, they're like, oh man,

1:02:04

that's my lab. Put me in that

1:02:06

car, I'm going to drive, I'm going

1:02:08

to think about the next dream, the

1:02:10

next vision, the next sale. I do.

1:02:12

Right? time that they spend ruminating thinking

1:02:15

envisioning and brainstorming it's significantly bigger than

1:02:17

the average person and so in growth

1:02:19

they said we're gonna build the tools

1:02:21

to enable that and that became the

1:02:23

most popular thing there I thought the

1:02:25

most popular thing in there I thought

1:02:28

the most popular thing would be have

1:02:30

you know we've got the biggest motivational

1:02:32

speakers these guys search fifty thousand hundred

1:02:34

thousand dollars of speech you know Mel

1:02:36

Robbins and Jenna Kutcher lots of our

1:02:38

friends in their teaching and they're popular

1:02:41

and people love that because we're live

1:02:43

every week with them But it's the

1:02:45

tools. People love to think about their

1:02:47

life and they love to track it

1:02:49

and they love to look how to

1:02:51

improve it. And that's the high performance

1:02:54

edge. The ultimate performance edge isn't talent.

1:02:56

Right? It's how much does that person

1:02:58

think about improving that thing? It's the

1:03:00

practices of growth, right? The great Olympians

1:03:02

who you work with and I work

1:03:04

with and the people who are, you

1:03:07

know, the highest level CEOs. and they're

1:03:09

thinking you're right there they're thinking and

1:03:11

they're thinking about growth they're thinking about

1:03:13

success they're thinking about impact instead of

1:03:15

thinking about what she wear at that

1:03:18

dinner last night did you see her

1:03:20

on that internet did you see what

1:03:22

he does do you hear what they're

1:03:24

doing oh those people over there and

1:03:26

oh the left and the right there

1:03:28

there's a difference are you thinking growth

1:03:31

are you thinking gossip we just changed

1:03:33

your life My gosh, brother, this is

1:03:35

so good. You know, it's funny, it's

1:03:37

the absence of things in your life,

1:03:39

you're unaware, but like you just described

1:03:41

me, I don't ever spend any time

1:03:44

on that stuff. I mean, literally less

1:03:46

than one millionth of one percent of

1:03:48

the time. And I love, I'm addicted,

1:03:50

I have an addiction to thinking. about

1:03:52

growth. I have an addiction to thinking

1:03:54

about that next scene, that next emotion,

1:03:57

that next thing. I literally am addicted

1:03:59

to it. I actually love shutting the

1:04:01

car door alone. So I'm like, all

1:04:03

right, here we go brother. I love

1:04:05

that. I love that. I love that.

1:04:07

I love working out for theirs. I

1:04:10

love taking a walk on the beach

1:04:12

for that reason. I love it. I

1:04:14

actually love the end of my day.

1:04:16

I love getting into bed at the

1:04:18

end of the day and just reflecting

1:04:20

on the next day and dreaming. But

1:04:23

I love when I go to bed

1:04:25

at night and dreaming and you're right

1:04:27

on the money man with that stuff.

1:04:29

Okay. And you have practices that force

1:04:31

you to do that, right? Yes. You

1:04:33

go to the gym and you're thinking

1:04:36

about those things. Some people pray or

1:04:38

they meditate or they journal and that's

1:04:40

where they see you have to put

1:04:42

yourself in that place to open the

1:04:44

gate or to what I always say

1:04:46

to be able to receive. Yes. Like

1:04:49

if you're filling your brain. Right? You've

1:04:51

blocked the antenna with a bunch of

1:04:53

gossip and a bunch of garbage. You

1:04:55

got to stay in an open state.

1:04:57

Where are you in open state? You're

1:05:00

in open state in a seminar in

1:05:02

a conference. You're in open state when

1:05:04

you're driving. You're open state in the

1:05:06

shower. You're open state in bed. You're

1:05:08

open state at the gym. You got

1:05:10

to stay in that open state so

1:05:13

that you can receive guidance as much

1:05:15

as you also can envision it. And

1:05:17

that open reception all of a sudden,

1:05:19

they've got that new business idea. They're

1:05:21

like, where did that come from? You

1:05:23

were in a learning environment. You were

1:05:26

in a self-awareness practice. That's what podcast

1:05:28

listening really is when it's good. And

1:05:30

ideas come to. I listen to your

1:05:32

podcast almost every day that I work

1:05:34

out. And when I'm listening to it,

1:05:36

I get all these crazy ideas. It

1:05:39

didn't come from what you said or

1:05:41

the guest. It's uncorrelated. I was in

1:05:43

a place of openness of openness. of

1:05:45

self-awareness. And so if you want to

1:05:47

become a high performer, you have to

1:05:49

place yourself there, you have to do

1:05:52

the thinking, the rumination, the dreaming, the

1:05:54

visioning, and when you do that time

1:05:56

and time and time and time again,

1:05:58

again... It becomes who you are. You

1:06:00

don't have to force it anymore. It

1:06:02

just becomes who you are. That's brilliant,

1:06:05

by the way. One of my favorite

1:06:07

things at the end of the day,

1:06:09

actually my favorite thing, is my prayer

1:06:11

time. And I do it on my

1:06:13

knees. And I have just, people say

1:06:15

to me all the time, is it

1:06:18

a lot like when you're really tired

1:06:20

and I actually really look forward to

1:06:22

that time because sometimes my prayers are

1:06:24

four minutes and sometimes they're 45 minutes.

1:06:26

Depending on how open I am, what

1:06:28

I'm receiving, what I'm receiving, what I'm

1:06:31

receiving, what I'm receiving, what I'm receiving,

1:06:33

what I'm receiving, what I'm getting. I've

1:06:35

loved today, by the way everybody, make

1:06:37

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1:06:39

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pace. transfer credits and other factors, fees

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apply. That was a great conversation

1:08:04

and if you want to hear the full

1:08:06

interview be sure to follow the Ed My

1:08:08

Let show on Apple and Spotify. Links are

1:08:11

in the show notes. You'll never miss an

1:08:13

episode that way. I reached out to this

1:08:15

woman to be on my show after I

1:08:17

experienced her work. And I haven't done that

1:08:20

in probably two years. I was telling her.

1:08:22

I said, I want you to come on

1:08:24

my show. She has a special out on

1:08:26

Netflix right now called Mom Jeans, which I've

1:08:29

watched four times, including last night with my

1:08:31

kids. And we were literally belly laughing, falling

1:08:33

over. And I cannot wait for this hour

1:08:35

because I want to know you and I

1:08:37

want you to help a bunch of people.

1:08:39

So Christina P. Welcome to the show. Oh

1:08:42

my gosh. Thank you so much for having

1:08:44

me. This is everything, and I know

1:08:46

you know this, because we've read

1:08:48

the same books. Phyllis Stiller, I

1:08:50

read in one of her autobiography,

1:08:52

The Magic of Believing, The Magic

1:08:54

of Believing, read that book, and

1:08:57

I started to read that when I

1:08:59

was like 28. But before that

1:09:01

I had read existentialism in... philosophy

1:09:03

class and what is that about

1:09:05

self-determinism? You can choose your life.

1:09:08

This idea is radical, Sartra, choose

1:09:10

choices and I went, oh you're

1:09:12

right, life can push me around

1:09:15

or I can move the ball.

1:09:17

And to me this is the biggest

1:09:19

lesson that I try to teach my

1:09:21

boys. Hey man, if you don't take

1:09:23

charge of this whole thing, it's going

1:09:25

to take you away like a current.

1:09:27

Right? And they don't teach you this

1:09:29

in school really. And it makes me nutty,

1:09:32

like, you can choose, everything is a choice,

1:09:34

everything, and read it, read a book, and it

1:09:36

makes me sat, other than, of course, the

1:09:38

power of more, hello, that people, reading

1:09:40

is like, guess what? Humans have existed

1:09:42

for thousands of years, and we've had

1:09:45

this luxury of writing it down. If you've

1:09:47

got a question, it's in a book, not

1:09:49

Wikipedia, bro, not this Google, Google, the whole

1:09:51

thing, home, home, cover to cover, focus, use,

1:09:53

use your mind, use your mind, this, this

1:09:55

will save you, this will save you. This

1:09:58

will save you. This will save you. Why

1:10:00

don't you write a book? I know,

1:10:02

I've been, I've been, um, you know

1:10:04

why? It's a lot right now. I've

1:10:06

got two kids, I'm trying to

1:10:08

raise them, my husband's. It's

1:10:11

a lot right out. I'm gonna, I'm

1:10:13

gonna, I'm gonna like, I will.

1:10:15

I don't know about what, I

1:10:17

don't know about what, I don't

1:10:19

know what. I hope it's this

1:10:21

stuff. You think so? So here's

1:10:23

what I think. And I just feel like

1:10:25

you could write a book about how you're funny, or

1:10:28

you could write a book about all that, but the

1:10:30

truth of the matter is, is you're like really,

1:10:32

you're, the guy was on my show recently

1:10:34

said, you're uniquely qualified to help the person

1:10:36

that you used to be. Oh, man. And

1:10:38

in your case, there's a version of you

1:10:40

and me, and about 99% of the people

1:10:43

that are listening to this. in some version,

1:10:45

maybe not to the extreme of having a

1:10:47

parent who's schizophrenic like you had or an

1:10:49

alcoholic like I had, but there's something where

1:10:51

they just don't feel right about themselves or

1:10:53

they don't have direction or they just, like,

1:10:56

there's life have purpose, like what's going to

1:10:58

make me happy, why aren't I happier? And

1:11:00

I think that, like, that's why it's incumbent

1:11:02

upon us to always grow because then

1:11:04

there's another person you can go help,

1:11:06

the one that you were before you

1:11:08

were before you grew. And so for

1:11:10

you were before you grew. The one

1:11:12

that was me when I was 15,

1:11:14

the one that was me when I

1:11:16

was 18, the one that was me

1:11:18

when I was me when I was

1:11:20

30, the one that was me when

1:11:22

I was 40. I just had a

1:11:25

guy in here that very very successful

1:11:27

young man at 32. Well I had

1:11:29

that too and I also know that

1:11:31

doesn't fulfill you and I know when I'm

1:11:33

looking at him I know what he's

1:11:35

really wrestling with this. Is it

1:11:37

worth it like what will really

1:11:39

make me happy? I just knew because

1:11:42

let me say something about you.

1:11:44

People feel energy and like you

1:11:46

can make me really really laugh. But

1:11:48

what you really do is you

1:11:50

make people feel emotion. And you're

1:11:52

doing it today. There's a part at

1:11:55

the end of her special everybody

1:11:57

where she talks about this

1:11:59

ketamine. trip that she went on

1:12:01

and I want to go back and forth

1:12:04

here but it's one of the most

1:12:06

I don't know why I really when

1:12:08

I speak sorry I get emotional

1:12:10

on this when I speak what I

1:12:12

attempt to do when I'm speaking is

1:12:15

to give people who I really

1:12:17

am but also not just one

1:12:19

emotion yeah I want to give them

1:12:21

the gift of the multiple

1:12:23

emotions and also like the

1:12:25

contradiction in them so if at

1:12:27

some point I can have them

1:12:29

crying and really thinking about their

1:12:32

life and then wanting to run

1:12:34

through a wall and achieve or in

1:12:36

your case laughter or in all of them

1:12:38

I feel like I've done a service where

1:12:40

I've moved that human what is incredibly

1:12:42

rare to do is to do both

1:12:45

in like one moment like in

1:12:47

the same moment somebody's feeling

1:12:49

reflection and sadness or empathy

1:12:52

and also laughter and this

1:12:54

bit you do about the ketamine

1:12:56

trip I've watched We've talked about

1:12:58

different, I mean you have tons of

1:13:00

friends in comedy and I have some,

1:13:02

I've never seen that before. There's

1:13:05

this moment in the end of your

1:13:07

special where it's some of the most

1:13:09

amazing art I've ever seen before because

1:13:11

at the same time that people are

1:13:13

moved so emotionally by what you're

1:13:16

talking about and watching you be

1:13:18

emotional, the next second they're

1:13:20

laughing and then they're back to

1:13:22

this other moment. Just a little bit. Give

1:13:24

them the gift. I want them to see the special.

1:13:27

But now they have a pretty good sense of what

1:13:29

you went through as a child. I mean, they have

1:13:31

1% of it. You have a pretty good sense. You've

1:13:33

turned this around, which we'll talk about in a little

1:13:35

bit too, and where your life is now and

1:13:37

the lessons you've learned. But let's go there

1:13:40

just for a second. So that moment? Tell

1:13:42

them what happens. Oh my God. So. So

1:13:44

I fell down the stairs getting to my

1:13:46

kid at 2 in the morning. I just

1:13:48

come back off the road. I was so

1:13:50

tired. I was like sleepwalking. My baby's crying.

1:13:52

And as a mom, you know, you're just

1:13:54

like, I got a baby. Anyway, I fell

1:13:57

down the stairs, broke my ankle in

1:13:59

four places. And I didn't even know

1:14:01

it at the time. I thought I could

1:14:03

just get up, so I called my husband.

1:14:05

I was like, babe, go over your help

1:14:07

me. And he's like, oh, you can't get

1:14:09

up. You're broken homey. So I get into

1:14:11

the ambulance to put fentanyl, you

1:14:13

know all these drugs, they straighten me

1:14:16

out. But before they straighten my leg

1:14:18

out, they give me ketamine. I've never

1:14:20

done, have you ever done it? Yeah, have you

1:14:22

ever done it's pretty amazing. It's

1:14:24

pretty amazing. It's pretty amazing. did

1:14:26

is they give you enough to dissociate

1:14:29

you so that you don't remember it

1:14:31

and apparently it's a terrifying amount that

1:14:33

they gave me because that's what they're

1:14:35

like usually people are screaming when they

1:14:37

give this to you but Christina you

1:14:39

were sitting there smiling the whole time

1:14:41

so anyway so they give me this

1:14:43

kamine and I have this wild trip

1:14:45

basically and the crazy part is is that

1:14:47

happens in real life and I'm looking for

1:14:50

an end of my special and I'm looking

1:14:52

for an end of my special and I'm

1:14:54

looking for an end of the end of

1:14:56

the special That's the end of the

1:14:58

special because it was my realization that

1:15:00

everything that had happened to me. I

1:15:02

don't buy this shit that it happens

1:15:05

for a reason. I hate that. That's

1:15:07

Pollyanna nonsense. But I think

1:15:09

if you attribute meaning to

1:15:12

tragedy, attribute deliberately,

1:15:14

then it's redemptive. And like,

1:15:16

also this whole ride of just

1:15:18

trying to be a kind of

1:15:20

successful communion. And then I have

1:15:22

my children. And then you're like,

1:15:24

oh, it doesn't matter. I saw

1:15:26

my kid's faces literally, and you

1:15:29

know, you make me cry, I just

1:15:31

talk about it. You know, when you're

1:15:33

like, oh, this is it, this is

1:15:35

all that matters, like, all this

1:15:37

other stuff can go away tomorrow,

1:15:39

and my kids don't care

1:15:42

that I'm famous. They don't give

1:15:44

a shit. And like, they're the

1:15:46

only things that really matter,

1:15:48

my husband, you know, the unit.

1:15:51

Yeah, now you're getting me

1:15:53

crying, man. But

1:15:55

I often think back to that ketamine

1:15:57

trip when I'm getting hung up on...

1:16:00

Nonsense? Like show business. And I'll

1:16:02

be like, oh, but it doesn't matter. This

1:16:04

is what I learned. Like it matters.

1:16:06

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to

1:16:08

be broke tomorrow. I don't want it

1:16:10

to all go away tomorrow, but I'm

1:16:13

not going to stress out. Right. Right.

1:16:15

Been there, dude. Me too. Yeah. I'm not going

1:16:17

to try to cling. Like I did.

1:16:19

Because since you find there is a

1:16:21

time in your career where it's all you

1:16:23

cared about. Yeah. It's a really difficult. thing

1:16:25

to teach because you should have goals and

1:16:27

outcomes and it's what's made us successful when

1:16:30

we didn't have some. At the same time

1:16:32

it's kind of letting go of an outcome

1:16:34

and letting things come as they might that

1:16:36

actually brings us the most joy because

1:16:38

the things that are the greatest blessings

1:16:40

in life aren't things we have to force

1:16:42

through force like our families. They're the

1:16:45

things that you know they're the greatest blessings

1:16:47

are our children and our families and yet

1:16:49

you still want to be able to provide

1:16:52

for them and do significant things. But I

1:16:54

also think you said something, and I want

1:16:56

you to stay on that story, is that

1:16:58

it's not the events of our lives that

1:17:00

define us, it's the meaning we attach to

1:17:02

the event. And if you can attach the

1:17:05

right meaning to something, or a meaning that

1:17:07

serves you, or change the meaning, you can

1:17:09

change how you feel about it, and ultimately

1:17:11

change how your life works. And it feels

1:17:14

to me like almost in that trip you

1:17:16

were on, that the meanings shifted a

1:17:18

little for you. Yeah, because I saw my

1:17:20

parents and I was like, I can

1:17:22

see this person is a big bad

1:17:24

villain and I'm the little girl or

1:17:26

hey, what can I glean? What's the

1:17:28

lesson here? Because I'm the mom now

1:17:30

and you see your broken parents as

1:17:32

toddlers. I really see them as children

1:17:34

now who just didn't get enough love,

1:17:36

who didn't get what I, well what I

1:17:38

didn't get to, but what I'm able

1:17:40

to give my kids now. So I

1:17:42

just flood people and everybody walking around.

1:17:44

You know, I don't get mad at people

1:17:47

nearly as much as I used to because

1:17:49

you're like, oh, you just didn't get love.

1:17:51

Like, oh, you, your mommy, your daddy.

1:17:53

But you actually on that trip, like,

1:17:55

thanked your mom and your dad? I did.

1:17:58

Tell them that a little bit. Yeah. Yeah,

1:18:00

you have to see the bit for

1:18:02

it to make total sense, but

1:18:04

yeah, I end up thanking them

1:18:06

and forgiving them in the trip.

1:18:09

You know I think I think I

1:18:11

think for some reason I'm thinking about

1:18:13

my mom's fur coats because I She

1:18:15

she hoarded like jewelry and like fine

1:18:17

items I think she was convinced that

1:18:19

World War three was coming soon and

1:18:21

she had to I have to trade

1:18:23

these things to get across the border

1:18:25

You're going to need you know the

1:18:27

she she wouldn't put her money in

1:18:29

one bank. It was in several like

1:18:31

that kind of nutty stuff, but now

1:18:33

that I'm wealthy and I always would

1:18:36

like rejecting wealth I was always like

1:18:38

rich people are bad And it's nonsense,

1:18:40

because guess what? Poor people are bad

1:18:42

too. It's the same deal. And actually

1:18:44

rich people can do really good things

1:18:46

to help a lot of other people.

1:18:49

And your wealth is a blessing on

1:18:51

many, many people. So anyway, the fur

1:18:53

coat thing too. I was like, yeah, what's

1:18:55

so bad about owning a fur coat? It

1:18:57

doesn't make you a bad person. Right.

1:18:59

It doesn't. Unless it's

1:19:02

the only thing you care

1:19:04

about. Yeah, I'm watching you

1:19:06

right now. That's garbage. I

1:19:08

still think you're working through.

1:19:10

What? Thinking about what all

1:19:12

those events of your life

1:19:15

meant, just as I'm watching

1:19:17

you. Oh, yeah. I had a really huge

1:19:19

blessing happen that I was with

1:19:21

my dad when he died. I

1:19:23

was in the room. I got to see,

1:19:26

I got my version of the ketamine

1:19:28

trip. to some extent because when

1:19:30

I was with him I was

1:19:32

literally holding his hand just a

1:19:34

little while before he passed away but

1:19:36

because he wasn't able to talk and

1:19:39

he's just it was actually wonderful

1:19:41

to this extent I got to just

1:19:43

look at him like you don't even with your

1:19:45

parents you have a dynamic there's

1:19:47

like this thing you do with people in your

1:19:49

life you do with Tom I do with my

1:19:51

wife I do with our kids there's just like

1:19:54

this pattern of how we kind of just interact

1:19:56

with each interact with each other yeah I don't

1:19:58

know if you've ever done this with you. your

1:20:00

kids or with Tom might be

1:20:02

different with Tom, but you ever just

1:20:04

watch your kids sleeping? Oh my God,

1:20:06

like every night. Right? It's different. You

1:20:09

see them differently. Yeah. And even

1:20:11

your spouse, if you just see

1:20:13

them sleeping, it's just different. They're

1:20:16

not talking, they're not being

1:20:18

them, they're just them. Yeah. And my

1:20:20

dad, I had these hours with him. It

1:20:22

was just him. And I got to

1:20:24

thinking about him as a little boy.

1:20:26

This is a man whose life's about to

1:20:29

end. Kind of like what you've done

1:20:31

and I'm he's an old man now and

1:20:33

I remember him when he wasn't an

1:20:35

old man I remember him when he

1:20:37

was looked like my age right I

1:20:39

remember when he was even younger than

1:20:42

that and I could go back and think

1:20:44

of him I wonder my dad at 10

1:20:46

my dad at 5 my dad at 2

1:20:48

my dad at 2 and there's this love

1:20:50

you can have even for someone who didn't

1:20:52

treat you perfectly the whole time

1:20:54

that you have this sympathy or

1:20:57

this empathy for them and I best

1:20:59

way. And then I start thinking

1:21:01

about myself, I will be him.

1:21:03

Yeah. What do I want when I'm

1:21:05

him, when I'm there? Who do I

1:21:08

want to have achieved? Who do I

1:21:10

want to have helped? What do I

1:21:12

want to have felt? What emotions do

1:21:15

I want to have had? What memories

1:21:17

do I want to have had?

1:21:19

What memories do I want?

1:21:21

We're off air. You're talking about

1:21:23

taking your kids, a different

1:21:25

meaning. And that's just a real

1:21:28

powerful thing for everybody listening. This

1:21:30

is like all the events. Maybe

1:21:32

you should evaluate what they all the

1:21:34

things that don't serve you. What do they

1:21:36

mean? What did your divorce really mean?

1:21:39

Right. What did this experience with what

1:21:41

having your children really mean? What did

1:21:43

this person really mean? What did this

1:21:45

person who hurt you? What did it

1:21:48

really mean? If you can change the

1:21:50

meaning? You can really ultimately change how

1:21:52

you feel and then you'll take

1:21:54

different actions in your life. I'm going

1:21:56

to talk about it more. I'm going to talk about

1:21:58

what I learned from all talk about how

1:22:01

he hurt me, put it in my

1:22:03

book, it's in my book, all

1:22:05

my speeches lately involve my

1:22:07

dad, and in a very

1:22:10

beautiful way, you honored your mom

1:22:12

in that special and your

1:22:14

dad. You started out by

1:22:16

telling the truth, right? But

1:22:18

you honored him. Did it ever

1:22:20

gone on you that you were doing

1:22:23

that? No. It's unconscious.

1:22:25

No. No. I think now, no, no, because,

1:22:27

yeah, I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm like,

1:22:29

oh, yeah, I guess, no, because, when

1:22:31

you create something, it's all really unconscious.

1:22:34

You just kind of throw stuff out

1:22:36

and then you hope there's a

1:22:38

through line and like, what's that

1:22:40

going to be? And really, what

1:22:42

I really wanted to express as

1:22:45

well as honoring, I think, now that

1:22:47

you mention it. It's just that I'm

1:22:49

not, I don't hate you, man. I'm mad

1:22:51

at you, because the anger, I'm, I'm

1:22:53

like, I'm like, I'm like, Just be

1:22:56

happy. Look for the joy. It's

1:22:58

like, no. And no, sometimes the

1:23:00

suffering, and you did a great

1:23:03

podcast about this recently, yeah, about

1:23:05

the suffering that must come in

1:23:07

order to have the joy. Yes. The

1:23:10

suffering. I just didn't want to

1:23:12

leave people thinking like on this rageful

1:23:14

adolescent because I'm really I'm not mad

1:23:17

at them anymore because once you become

1:23:19

a parent you're like oh okay yeah

1:23:21

I got it me too I'm mad at

1:23:23

my dad sometimes yeah there's I'll think of

1:23:25

something I'm like I can't believe he did

1:23:27

that to me yeah some situation but my

1:23:30

overall view of him isn't that way this

1:23:32

gentleman to my left just to give you

1:23:34

a background this this guy parlay to 990

1:23:36

SAT score into a multi-billion dollar company that

1:23:38

he built. We're gonna get into your head

1:23:41

about how you did that, but I'm overwhelmingly

1:23:43

impressed with Impact Theory, which is an organization

1:23:45

that he and his wife Lisa started the

1:23:47

last few years that is really making a

1:23:50

difference in the world, just like his company

1:23:52

Quest Nutrition did. And so Tom Bill, you,

1:23:54

thank you for being here. Thank you for

1:23:56

having me, man. I'm so excited to be

1:23:58

here. We flipped the description. I've been on

1:24:00

his program and now finally I get

1:24:02

you here. Were you like this young?

1:24:05

So I know you didn't have the

1:24:07

best AT scores in the world, but

1:24:09

I've been around you enough now. I

1:24:11

consider you a freak which is a

1:24:13

which is a compliment coming from a

1:24:15

guy like me. No, no, I take

1:24:17

it as a thing. I think you

1:24:19

know what I mean. You're uniquely driven

1:24:21

and wired to pursue greatness. and to

1:24:23

make an impact, no upon intended, in

1:24:25

the world, at a level that most

1:24:27

people have not yet realized they're capable

1:24:29

of, even though they are. And so, did you

1:24:31

know this young? If we went back and looked at

1:24:34

this kid who grows up in Washington State, was there

1:24:36

already these obvious insights and clues that you were going

1:24:38

to turn into this guy? What were you like as

1:24:40

a young guy? No, there definitely were not clues. So

1:24:42

when I was a kid, I didn't show any signs

1:24:44

of promise to be really fair. And my own mother,

1:24:47

when I left for college, like she, I almost chickened

1:24:49

out and I was like, I don't want to go,

1:24:51

I want to just stay home. And she was like,

1:24:53

no, no, no, you need to go, you need to

1:24:55

go. Pushes me out of the nest. And then literally,

1:24:58

every day since, she's tried to claw me back on

1:25:00

me back. So, like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:25:02

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:25:04

like, like, like, like, I don't, like, like, like,

1:25:06

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

1:25:09

like, like, I said to her, Mom, like, you

1:25:11

were the one that kicked me out. Like, I

1:25:13

wouldn't have left if you hadn't pushed me. So

1:25:15

why did you push me? And she said, with

1:25:17

no malice whatsoever, I just always assumed you were

1:25:20

going to fail. Oh my gosh. And now that

1:25:22

was, she had never been like, always my biggest

1:25:24

cheerleader, always rooting for me, telling me I could

1:25:26

do it. But quietly, just inside. She was like,

1:25:28

you didn't show any drive. So the one thing

1:25:31

I will say is I was grandly ambitious. I

1:25:33

always said, I'm going to be rich, I'm going

1:25:35

to do this, I'm going to do that. Always,

1:25:37

always, since the time I was a little kid.

1:25:39

But I didn't have the drive to see it

1:25:41

through. So I really, really was an empty dreamer

1:25:44

when I was a kid. And it was learning

1:25:46

to hate that in myself, if I'm

1:25:48

completely honest, and to not allow myself to

1:25:50

be an empty dreamer, to force myself to

1:25:52

get the skills to actually execute against it,

1:25:55

to not be in any way, shape or

1:25:57

way, shape, shape, shape, shape, shape, shape, or

1:25:59

form, or dangerous. Most people just thinking about

1:26:02

the fantasy of what they're going to do

1:26:04

gives them some partial sense of, oh I've

1:26:06

done it. Whereas I stopped letting that be

1:26:08

okay for me, which largely came down to

1:26:11

embarrassment I felt around my wife working when

1:26:13

I had no job. And that was the

1:26:15

time she was my fiancé at the time.

1:26:18

But that was when I really started to

1:26:20

go, okay, you've made a lot of promises

1:26:22

to this woman and you're not on a

1:26:24

path to keep any of them. Wow.

1:26:26

Our stories are unbelievable. I did not

1:26:28

know that and our stories are unbelievably parallel.

1:26:31

I was in the same situation by the way

1:26:33

where I was sort of an entrepreneurial unemployed guy while

1:26:35

she was paying our rent, right? So I relate to

1:26:37

that too. How does, I'm just curious. I think you're

1:26:39

one of the great American business stories. Wow, and thank

1:26:41

you. And not only because of the wealth that you've

1:26:44

accumulated, but because of the words overused, but it's so

1:26:46

true with you, because of the impact you're making in

1:26:48

the world because of your success. That's what I admire.

1:26:50

As you know, that's what I'm trying to do with

1:26:53

the Maxout program too, and just with my life. So

1:26:55

what I don't get is this connection, so just help

1:26:57

me understand it, because you know that I know that

1:26:59

I know your story, your story, I know

1:27:01

your story, I'm fascinated, I'm fascinated, I'm fascinated,

1:27:04

I'm fascinated, I'm fascinated, I'm fascinated, I'm fascinated,

1:27:06

I'm fascinated, I'm fascinated, I'm fascinated, I'm fascinated,

1:27:08

I'm fascinated, I'm fascinated, I'm fascinated, I'm, I'm,

1:27:10

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,

1:27:12

I'm, I'm, I'm, How I got into USC

1:27:14

itself, this makes me a little sad. This

1:27:16

is one part of the story. I wish

1:27:18

we were a little different. I cheated all

1:27:20

through high school. So the one thing that,

1:27:23

so I graduated in the top 10 of

1:27:25

my class and the thing. You're a good

1:27:27

cheater. I was a good cheater. And this

1:27:29

is one thing I will say. People

1:27:31

talk about network and they talk about

1:27:33

charisma. It's just real. And so I

1:27:36

was nice. and that got me a

1:27:38

long way. I remember in seventh grade,

1:27:40

so one of the guys I would

1:27:43

later cheat off of in high school

1:27:45

becomes my absolute best friend in the

1:27:47

universe, but he's on the spectrum, right,

1:27:49

the autism spectrum, and in seventh grade

1:27:52

he wouldn't talk to anybody. And so

1:27:54

I turned around one day and I

1:27:56

was very outgoing at that time in

1:27:59

that time. in the family that I

1:28:01

played was the jokester. So I was

1:28:03

used to getting laughs and getting my

1:28:05

self-esteem from my ability to make people

1:28:07

laugh. So I turned around to him

1:28:09

and said, the great, I point at

1:28:11

him and I'm like, my mission in

1:28:13

this class is to get you to

1:28:15

talk. And so inside, he was thinking,

1:28:17

oh my God, somebody actually cares. And

1:28:19

so then it became like, like, we

1:28:22

just started attracting to each other and

1:28:24

he is still to this day, probably

1:28:26

the smartest person I've ever met. unlikely

1:28:28

pairing, but to give you an idea

1:28:30

of like how weird this kid was, and

1:28:32

we're still close to this day, so he

1:28:34

talks of himself like this, my mom said,

1:28:36

if he doesn't start acknowledging me when I

1:28:38

say hello to him, he's not allowed to

1:28:40

come over anymore. She would literally say straight

1:28:42

up to his face, hi, and he would

1:28:45

say nothing. It was super weird. And so

1:28:47

I was like, dude, you just got to

1:28:49

say hi back. And so he credits me

1:28:51

with teaching him like social skills and I

1:28:53

credit him with helping me graduate high school,

1:28:55

But I always believed it. It's

1:28:57

graduating. Literally. And I always believed

1:29:00

that I could do the work,

1:29:02

but that other things were more important

1:29:04

to me. So I told myself a

1:29:06

total bullshit story, which was that, hey,

1:29:08

I could be working and earning these

1:29:11

grades, but I'd rather learn how to

1:29:13

be, how to talk to girls and

1:29:15

how to like socially engage. It's

1:29:17

total B.S. I'm well aware of that

1:29:19

now. But at the time, it really felt

1:29:21

totally justified. And I was like, they're not

1:29:23

teaching us things that are going to help

1:29:26

anyway. Nobody can answer why algebra is going

1:29:28

to be useful to me. And so I

1:29:30

just felt like that was fine. But when

1:29:32

I went to college, day one, I said, okay,

1:29:34

I'm going to be taking on a massive amount

1:29:36

of debt, I'm learning the thing that I love.

1:29:38

This is what I want to do with my

1:29:41

career so I better actually know how to do

1:29:43

with my career so I better actually know how

1:29:45

to do. I will not cheat, not even one.

1:29:47

It doesn't matter. Either one of those is acceptable.

1:29:49

The only thing I care about is that I

1:29:51

do every bit of work myself. And so, and

1:29:53

I stuck to that. So my grades in college

1:29:55

are reflect, and I did better in college than

1:29:58

I did in high school. And you didn't. Is

1:30:00

this true that you want to be

1:30:02

a filmmaker? Yes, very much. But you

1:30:04

didn't know that there was a difference

1:30:06

between USC Film School and USC? Good,

1:30:08

welcome to growing up in Tacoma. So

1:30:11

first of all, nobody really knew how

1:30:13

this all worked. So I went to

1:30:15

USC because my dad. had a friend

1:30:17

who made almost an offhand of comment.

1:30:19

My dad was like, oh, my son

1:30:21

wants to go be a filmmaker. And

1:30:24

the guy was like, oh, USC is

1:30:26

the best film school in the world.

1:30:28

And so my dad comes home and

1:30:30

goes, I hear USC is the best film

1:30:32

school. So I was like, well, I guess

1:30:34

I guess I hear USC is the best

1:30:36

film school. So I was like, well, I

1:30:38

guess I'm going to USC is the best

1:30:40

film school. So I was like, well, I

1:30:42

guess I'm going to go. declare my major

1:30:45

and then in the prep so I've already

1:30:47

committed I've already said I'm going to USC

1:30:49

I've turned down the other offer that I

1:30:51

had at the state school it's done I'm

1:30:53

going to USC taking the financial aid package

1:30:55

all of it then they come to your

1:30:57

town and they they orient you to like

1:30:59

what it's gonna be like and they show you

1:31:01

pictures and all the stuff and I'm so excited

1:31:03

and then I don't know if I asked a

1:31:05

question or if it just came up and they

1:31:07

said something about how to get into the film

1:31:09

school, it's a separate application process. And I was

1:31:11

like, whoa, whoa, what do you mean? Literally, my

1:31:14

heart dropped through the floor. And I was like,

1:31:16

oh God. And so then I was like, what

1:31:18

are the requirements? And they said, well, we'd like

1:31:20

to see a $1,300 on your SAT. And I was

1:31:22

like, what do I do now? And that was

1:31:24

the beginning of like real panic. So what did

1:31:26

you do? So I go to USC and I'm

1:31:28

like, somehow I'm going to figure this out and