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you cha-ching. Hello

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listeners. Be advised that this show is

0:48

an immersive audio experience. It may seem

0:50

like sounds are coming from the sides

0:52

or behind you. Listener discretion

0:55

is advised as this content is

0:57

intended for adult audiences only. This

1:00

series is a dramatization of certain

1:03

facts and actual events. Dialogue,

1:05

scenes, characters, and some

1:07

events have been fictionalized,

1:09

modified, or created for

1:12

dramatic purposes. Q-Code

1:14

presents Dungeon Masters, created

1:17

by David Kushner. But

1:30

you gotta tell me mama, how to

1:33

make Texas my home. Wanna

1:38

be real Texas

1:41

Cowboy. Don't

1:44

need a horse, my silver horse

1:46

that's in on your tail.

1:52

Greetings new player, adventurer,

1:56

seeker of enlightenment, hero

1:59

of this campaign. campaign. I

2:02

am your dungeon master. Though

2:06

thou cannot see or hear me, I

2:09

am the master of your

2:11

game. And you? Your

2:14

name is William Charles

2:16

Deere. Your race,

2:19

human, Texan, class,

2:22

world famous private investigator.

2:25

Abilities? Let's roll 4d6

2:28

and find out, shall we? Okay,

2:31

we're going to take the total of

2:33

the highest three dice. So let's throw

2:35

to determine the old strength you got

2:38

there. Strength

2:42

12. Not bad. Not

2:45

great, but not bad. Okay,

2:47

dexterity. Okay,

2:50

that's a 14. Constitution

2:53

15. Intelligence

2:56

16. Well, you

2:59

are dashing and

3:01

smart. Charisma.

3:04

And 18. Let's find out what

3:06

your wisdom is. Oh,

3:10

five. You

3:12

got some learning to do there, but don't

3:14

we all? It

3:18

is August 22, 1979,

3:21

in the storied

3:23

hamlet of Fort Worth,

3:26

Texas. You have

3:28

traveled the world in

3:30

your private jet, solving

3:33

mysterious murders, cracking confounding

3:35

kidnappings, excising, elusive extortionists.

3:38

It's no wonder that Howard Cosell called you,

3:41

ladies and gentlemen, the real

3:43

life James Bond, William Deere.

3:45

That would be me. Or

3:49

that none other than Playboy

3:51

named you. Playboy magazine's outstanding

3:54

man of Dallas. Congratulations,

3:57

detective. Thanks, heff.

4:00

And I promise you right now, when they

4:02

finally do allow me to exhume the body

4:04

of Lee Harvey Oswald, you'll be watching me

4:06

live on TV. Promise

4:09

delivered, as you say. As

4:15

I stand here about to exhume Lee Harvey

4:17

Oswald's grave on national live television, I remind

4:19

my detractors this. A

4:21

William Deere promise is a promise that's

4:23

dear. Yes,

4:28

you are legend

4:31

with all the fortunes that such

4:33

conquests bring. Now,

4:36

you have returned home to

4:38

the warm embers of your

4:41

most devoted clan, your beloved

4:43

wife and your valiant

4:45

boy. Betts,

4:48

Bill Jr. break out the shoe-flop

4:50

pie. Daddy's home. Colombo,

4:55

how's my boy? Oh,

4:59

will you hear about this case? Soda

5:01

Pop Harris. Family thought she was gone

5:04

forever. Kidnapped. Cops were as

5:06

smart as mashed potatoes as per usual, so I come

5:08

in, tell them a dear promises a promise that's dear.

5:10

And guess what? Yes, sir. 27 hours

5:12

later, Detective Dear cracks the case. Miss Soda

5:14

Pop is fine and her mom's saying, gee,

5:16

you really are a real life,

5:19

James. Betts,

5:21

where's the shoe fly? Where's Junior at? Alas,

5:25

there is trouble in

5:27

your castle. It

5:30

seems not everyone thinks

5:33

you're such a hero after all. Bitch,

5:40

Junior, why are the glum face? Going

5:44

to practice with Marvin. What's

5:51

up his crawl? He wants you to come to

5:53

his chess tournament, but he's afraid

5:55

you'll be working. Betts,

5:58

detectives can't turn down big cases. This

6:00

is for games. Honey,

6:02

it may seem trivial to

6:04

you, but it's important to him. And

6:07

I will be there if work allows. Bill,

6:10

half the time you're going on Dinah Shore's show

6:12

or something. Going on television is part of my

6:14

job. And the Merv Griffin show? Press

6:17

wants to talk with me, I can't just say

6:19

no. And filming a cameo on BJ and the

6:21

Bear? They needed a real-life private eye

6:23

when the chimp goes missing. I can't say no to

6:25

that. Being the great

6:27

detective William Deere is a full-time job.

6:29

Being a father is your job too.

6:32

Well, you don't think I try? I

6:34

don't get these kids today, 1979. They won't go hunting. Won't

6:38

throw darn football. All they want to

6:40

do is stay indoors, read their comic books, smoke their reefer, loiter

6:43

at those electronic game arcades with all

6:45

the dropouts and druggies and Satanists and

6:47

freaks. Bill

6:50

Junior, I thought you went to Marvin's. Forgot

6:53

my chessboard. Look,

6:57

I'm very sorry, son. I've been so busy and

6:59

the stress of it all, I don't mean to...

7:02

Right. Whatever, Dad. Gotta

7:04

go loiter with the druggies, dropouts, Satanists and

7:06

freaks now. Have fun being

7:08

the great detective. But

7:11

Junior, you dropped one of your chess pieces. In

7:14

your hand, you hold

7:16

a pawn brought from

7:18

plastic as black as

7:20

the very night. You

7:23

slip the pawn into your pocket

7:25

and save it in

7:27

your inventory. William,

7:31

come to his next tournament, it's next Saturday.

7:34

Be here for it. Show

7:36

him you care, okay? Well, of

7:38

course I care. Then promise?

7:41

A real promise? What

7:44

are you afraid of? How

7:47

can I make a promise I can't well keep? These

7:49

cases are what they are, you know that. Bill?

7:56

Don't you answer your satellite phone.

7:59

That means another... and you don't need another job,

8:01

you need to be home and... And

8:04

so, player, you have come to your

8:06

first choice in this adventure.

8:10

Will you let the phone ring or

8:13

answer the clarion call to be

8:15

a hero again? Let's

8:17

roll a d20, our 20-sided die. A

8:21

20 is the highest attainment and a 1 is

8:23

the lowest. Oh. Your

8:28

resistance is a mere 2, I'm afraid. Alas,

8:32

the phone's power seduces you again.

8:35

Sorry, Betts. Duty calls. You

8:38

watch, bewildered, as your

8:41

wife storms away, just

8:44

as your son hath left before. Why

8:48

don't your beloved see

8:50

you the way you see yourself?

8:54

Role perception. Oh,

8:57

it is a lonely 3. You

9:00

fail to understand. Dear

9:03

Bill Deere, tell me how you need me. Dungeon

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so you find yourself in

11:41

the collegiate village of East

11:43

Lansing, Michigan. Your quest

11:45

begins with these two

11:47

elder humans. Eight

11:50

days ago, their 16 year

11:52

old son, James Dallas Egbert

11:54

III, a sophomore

11:56

here at Michigan State University, walked

11:58

out of his dormitory. and

12:01

hasn't been seen since. The

12:04

police, well, they have no limbs. And

12:06

the parents, they fear the

12:09

worst. Mr.

12:13

Deer, please help us. Our

12:15

sweet boy, Dallas, he could have drowned in

12:17

a lake, or been killed by some...

12:20

some junkie. Anna, now the

12:22

police told us that... The police! The

12:24

police haven't told us anything, Mr. Deer. That's why

12:27

I called you. I saw

12:29

you and felt on of you. Mr.

12:31

and Mrs. Egbert, I'm what we call in Fort Worth

12:33

a straight shooter, and I'm gonna

12:35

shoot straight with you. After someone's missing a

12:37

week, odds of finding them head further south

12:39

in Brownsville, Texas. Our boy, he... no. Now,

12:42

hang on. William Deer ain't never been

12:44

to Brownsville, Texas, and William Deer don't

12:46

plan on going. Yes, the

12:48

case is a puzzle, but odds don't mean a

12:50

damn thing. It's how you play the game. Now,

12:53

let's consider the quest here and who we're chasing. Did

12:56

Dallas have any reason to run away? Of

12:58

course not. He had

13:00

everything. Is there anywhere he might have driven to? He

13:03

doesn't have a car. What

13:06

if he was... Kidnapped. Well, that would seem

13:08

like a good possibility, given your resources. I

13:10

see your eye doctor practice is doing well.

13:13

You see a Submariner Date stainless

13:16

steel 40 millimeter Rolex,

13:19

shining on the wrist of

13:21

the elder human male. But have there

13:23

been any ransom calls, threats, even

13:25

though whistling the wind? Not one.

13:29

Not a detective if he didn't run away and wasn't kidnapped. What

13:31

if he was... I can't say it.

13:34

Now, now as for murder, from what I gather,

13:37

there's no indication that anyone would want him

13:39

dead. Of course not.

13:42

That leaves death by suicide. Dallas,

13:46

though, didn't have a car, which means the

13:48

police likely would have found his body by

13:50

now. Please, detective, you're

13:52

the only one who can help

13:54

us. Detective

13:57

Deer will help you, Mr. and Mrs. Egbert.

13:59

Rest assured. But there's one

14:01

thing I need in return. I need you

14:03

to tell me everything about Dallas, the good

14:05

and the bad. There is no bad with

14:08

our boy. Well, with all due respect, ma'am,

14:11

he's part of the sex, drugs, and rock

14:13

and roll generation, and there's all kinds of

14:15

trouble they're getting in. Mr. Deer, if I

14:18

may, our boy is very unusual.

14:22

He's a genius. Yeah,

14:24

every parent thinks their kid's brilliant, though. Ain't that

14:26

true? Not like Dallas detective. Reading

14:29

at three, graduated high school at 12, got

14:32

a full college scholarship at 13. He's

14:35

so shy, just a small, quiet boy.

14:38

But his mind, it is

14:40

extraordinary. What about vices,

14:43

compulsions? Our boy? He

14:46

spends his time and money on computers.

14:48

Can you believe he actually made his

14:50

own computer game? I told him with

14:52

those skills, he should be working for

14:54

our military, not Atari. Yes,

14:56

those video games I understand are contributing

14:58

to deviance and even Satanism. Detective, that's

15:01

what makes this such a mystery. Dallas

15:04

is an angel. Every

15:06

angel has his demons, though. Don't

15:09

they, Mr. Deer? You

15:11

sense that the elder

15:13

humans may be withholding something from you after

15:16

all. Would you like

15:18

to roll the d20 to cast your mind

15:20

reading spell on the elder female human? Very

15:23

well. Ah,

15:27

you rolled but an eight. And

15:29

the information you read in her

15:31

mind is that

15:33

she thinks her mustache resembles the man in

15:36

the oatmeal commercial. I'll deliver your son as

15:38

if he were my own. And

15:40

that's a promise that's dear. Thank

15:43

you. Thank you. You're

15:45

our hero. Happy to oblige, ma'am. Now if you'll

15:47

excuse me, time to starch my collar and put

15:49

on the cologne. It's time to give the people

15:51

what they want. Detective,

15:57

Detective. Mr. Deer, Mr. Deer,

15:59

please. Here, Mr.

16:01

Deere, we wanted to ask you. You

16:05

find yourself standing before a

16:07

venue of scribes. You

16:10

look dashing in

16:12

your tailored gray, double-breasted

16:14

suit with pinstripes and

16:17

three diamond rings. Two

16:19

more than James Bond, as you

16:21

like to say. Okay,

16:23

ladies and gentlemen of our great American press, I don't have

16:26

much time here to spare. The police have done what they

16:28

can, but we got a missing fellow who's missing more by

16:30

the minute. But I need to

16:32

get some basic information out to you good people

16:34

so that hopefully we can get some tips finding

16:36

this boy once and for all. Detective Deere! Detective

16:38

Deere! Whoa, whoa, whoa, one at a time. Detective

16:41

Deere may have two ears, but he's only got one mouth

16:43

for blabbing. Was the boy kidnapped or did you run away?

16:46

No comment at this time. Is Dallas alive?

16:48

That's ditto, no comment. Are you going to

16:50

solve the case? Well,

16:53

I smell what you're stepping in, but Detective Deere

16:55

is going to solve this case like he has

16:57

every other. Do all Texans wear cowboy boots

17:00

like that? Sure we do. Who's

17:02

your brother and son? Well, now, folks, I'm not here to tip my hand.

17:05

I'm here to do the job that Dallas' distraught

17:07

parents have hired me to do. How does Detective

17:09

Deere do it? You surely will ask.

17:11

Well, I'll tell you. The Deere Method.

17:14

It's always essential to think myself into the mind

17:16

of that person in the way a good actor

17:18

thinks himself into character.

17:21

When I am most successful, I begin to

17:23

reason like the person I'm looking for, anticipate

17:25

his moves, and condition

17:27

by his past experiences. I

17:30

begin to walk like him in some instances. You

17:33

become them? Indeed. A

17:35

prosecutor once told me that I'd taken on

17:37

a real physical resemblance to a suspect in

17:40

an extortion case. The top

17:42

flight investigator becomes the person he

17:44

hunts. Detective Thelma

17:46

James, Disruptor Magazine. You

17:49

see before you an unusual

17:51

being. The human

17:53

scribe wears a jacket made of leather, dark

17:57

black sunglasses, brandishing a

17:59

pair. as if it's the magic

18:01

sword of the Daikatama. You've said you're

18:03

the real-life James Bond. Well,

18:06

now, others have said that, but uh... And

18:08

you've said you've, quote, solved

18:10

more cases than Sherlock Holmes and made a

18:12

lot more money. Sweetheart, if you're looking to

18:14

be my new publicist, you've got the job.

18:17

A criminal lawyer I spoke with in Dallas

18:19

says you're more styled than substance, and, I

18:22

quote, the thing is

18:24

that Bill Deere is presented as some

18:26

kind of Mickey Spillane character, or something

18:28

out of a comic book. But

18:31

he just doesn't accomplish very much. Your

18:33

response? Well, ma'am, I

18:35

don't think them producers in Hollywood, California, would put

18:37

yours truly on a hit show like BJ and

18:40

the Bear if I hadn't risen to the heights

18:42

of the private investigative profession as a world-class dick.

18:45

Yeah, you can say that again. Well, well, we

18:47

got a regular Woodwood and Bernstein here, don't we?

18:50

Sir, you suggested many times to the media

18:52

that the father of one missing teen was

18:54

involved in a satanic cult and that his

18:56

daughter could be sacrificed if you didn't get

18:59

to her in time. Wasn't

19:01

that a bit sensational? Well, now listen

19:03

here, miss. I don't know what kind of

19:05

horse flop you intended right for that magazine

19:07

of yours. Unlike the police,

19:09

private eyes can say anything they want if

19:11

it helps keep them in the papers. Isn't

19:14

that correct, detective? Who

19:17

dares disrespect you? She

19:20

must be neutralized before she sullies

19:22

any impressionable minds. You

19:24

consult your spells and choose the

19:26

power word, stun. Casting

19:28

time, one action range, 60 feet.

19:32

Target, one creature you can

19:34

see within range. Duration, instantaneous.

19:37

Let's roll the die. Ah,

19:40

well done, 18. You

19:42

speak words of power. Man,

19:44

this case isn't about William Deere. It's

19:47

about a real boy. A smart boy.

19:49

A genius. Leaves his dorm and vanishes

19:51

seemingly in thin air. No signs of

19:53

struggle, no known enemies. And with

19:55

the future so bright, I mean, this kid built his

19:57

own computer technology machine. He had no right. reason to

20:00

run away so where is it? I beg

20:02

my pardon Miss James but if you're such

20:04

an ace reporter maybe you should be trying

20:06

to find the boy like I am instead

20:08

of impressing your editor with some recycled trash

20:10

about William Deere. Overwhelmed

20:13

with the mind of the

20:15

human scribe leaving her dumbfounded

20:19

and yet the human scribe sees

20:21

a glint in your eye. A

20:25

sign that perhaps even you,

20:28

the great detective, are

20:30

fallible after all. No more

20:32

questions. You

20:37

return to your hotel room and unlock your

20:39

briefcase. Before you begin

20:41

your quest let's check the

20:43

inventory shall we? For

20:46

snapping secret photos? Last sub minute your

20:48

camera smaller than a pack of cigarettes.

20:52

And for seeing in the dark? A waterproof

20:54

Soviet commissioned SRN night vision goggles.

20:58

Secret recorder pen? God

21:01

bless America one two three. God

21:04

bless America one two three. Now

21:07

the good stuff. Weapon! 380

21:11

automatic. Boot

21:14

knife. Umbrella

21:17

that can shoot poisoned darts

21:19

developed by the KGB. That's

21:24

a bit extra but okay.

21:27

Ammo! What

21:30

in the... You

21:33

hold in your hand a

21:37

chest piece. It

21:39

is small made

21:41

of plastic dull

21:44

from play. It's

21:47

Bell Jr's pawn. The

21:50

one he dropped at

21:52

home. It was

21:54

in your pocket to return to

21:57

the boy. You

21:59

unwittingly...